May 12, 2018: Saturday ONAIRprep

ONAIRprep is a paid subscription service from MarlarHouse.com. Visit ONAIRprep.com for information.

Looking for the customized tag for “Daily Dose of Weird News” for your show or station? Email me directly at darren@marlarhouse.com to get started – it’s free with your ONAIRprep subscription!

**********
PRINT VERSIONS OF TODAY’S PREP:
ODT: 20180512
PDF: 20180512

**********

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Before I start I’d like to thank everybody who made this show necessary. My bank manager, the electric company, my mortgage company, the folks at Master Card and Visa…

Woke up dizzy today. It’s either the stress I’ve been under, or the amount of spin I’m seeing about <insert current news story here>.

PRESIDENTIAL WIT & WISDOM (click here to buy the book)

(None on the weekends or holidays.)

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

If you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. — Romans 10:9-10

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. — 2 Corinthians 4:17

He [Jesus] is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only ours but also for the sins of the whole world. — 1 John 2:2

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

“But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you…” — Luke 6:27

Thought: Jesus was the perfect example of this command in his life and death. Love has such redemptive, life-changing power. While not everyone responds, many do. While being kind in our deeds and loving in our hearts to our enemies is not easy, God’s Spirit can fill us with Jesus’ love and help us live powerful lives of grace even in the presence of those who hate us.

Prayer: Dear God, I confess that I have trouble with a few people in my life. They seem determined to criticize, undermine, belittle, and defeat me. Please give me the character to resist their attacks and help me respond to their actions in a way that is redemptive and righteous. In the redeeming and mighty name of Jesus I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Matthew 5:12 NIV = Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

TODAY IS MONDAY – MAY 12, 2018

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
226 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL NEXT CHRISTMAS.

This is BE KIND TO ANIMALS WEEK. ***Here are a few things to do to help out our little friends.

  • Do something nice for your mice. After all, their ancestors did come over on the Mayflower.

  • Take time to stop and smell a skunk. Try not to hold your nose unless he holds his. While you’re at it, let him borrow your after shave.

  • Create a scholarship fund for porcupines to study acupuncture.

  • Help an aardvark start his own ant farm.

  • Donate your old contact lenses to a mole.

  • Let your rabbit keep all four feet.

  • Designate one trash barrel with an easy open lid for raccoons.

  • Spiff up your armadillo with Armor-All.

  • Give a rear-view mirror to a hummingbird. The hummingbird is the only living creature that can fly backwards, but it’s no fun because he can’t see where he’s going.

  • Give a robin an alarm clock. A robin needs about 70 worms a day to stay alive, so he has to be an early bird.

  • Take your Chihuahua to Taco Bell.

  •  Watch a Muppet movie with a frog.

TODAY IS ALSO…

American Indian Day
Baby Sitters Day
Bereaved Mother’s Day
Birthmother’s Day
Cornelia de Lange Syndrome Awareness Day
Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness Day
Hug Your Cat Day
International Awareness Day for Chronic Immunological and Neurological Diseases
International Nurses Day
International Migratory Bird Day
Letter Carrier’s  Stamp Out Hunger Food Drive Day
Limerick Day
Mother Ocean Day
National Archery Day
National Babysitters Day
National Dog Mom’s Day
National Miniature Golf Day
National Nutty Fudge Day
National Windmill Day
Native American Rights Day
Odometer Day
Stay Up All Night
World Belly Dance Day
World Fair Trade Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

SUNDAY, MAY 13

Armed Forces Day Crossband Military/Amateur Radio Communications Test
Children of Fallen Patriots Day
Crouton Day
Frog Jumping Day
Hummus Day
Mother’s Day
Mother’s At The Wall Day

MONDAY, MAY 14

Accountant’s Day or Accounting Day
National Chicken Dance Day
National Women’s Check-up Day
The Stars and Stripes Forever Day
Underground America Day

TUESDAY, MAY 15

Hyperemisis Gravidarum Awareness Day
International Day of Families
International MPS Awareness Day
National Chocolate Chip Day
National Slider Day (the food)
National Tuberous Sclerosis Day
Nylon Stockings Day
Peace Officer Memorial Day
Straw Hat Day

WEDNESDAY, MAY 16

Biographer’s Day
International Day of Light
Mimosa Day
National Employee Health & Fitness Day
National Juice Slush Day
National Piercing Day
National Sea Monkey Day
Honor Our LGBT Elders’ Day
Ramadan begins
Turn Beauty Inside Out Day

THURSDAY, MAY 17
Syttende Mai
World Hypertension Day
World Telecommunications and Information Society Day
World Neurofibromatosis Day (NF Day)

FRIDAY, MAY 18

Buy A Musical Instrument Day
Endangered Species Day
HIV Vaccine Awareness Day
I Love Reeses Day
International Virtual Assistants Day
Mother Whistler Day
NASCAR Day
National Bike to Work Day
National Defense Transportation Day
National Museum Day
National Pizza Party Day
O. Henry Pun-off Day
Visit Your Relatives Day

SATURDAY, MAY 19

Armed Forces Day
Boys Club Day
Do Dah Day
May Ray Day: 19
Morel Mushroom Day
National Asian & Pacific Islander HIV/AIDS Awareness Day
National Learn To Swim Day
National Scooter Day
National Hepatitus Testing Day
Preakness

SUNDAY, MAY 20

World Autoimmune Arthritis Day
Bay to Breakers Race:
Eliza Doolittle Day
Everybody Draw Mohammed Day
National Rescue Dog Day
Neighbor Day
Ride A Unicycle Day
Soil Stewardship Day
Take Your Parents To The Playground Day
Weights & Measures Day
WhitSunday
World Autoimmune Arthritis Day

MONDAY, MAY 21

American Red Cross Founder’s Day
End of the World or Rapture Party Day
I Need A Patch For That Day
National Wait Staff Day
Sister Maria Hummel Day
World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue & Development

ON THIS DAY

1820: Florence Nightingale, the founder of modern nursing, was born. She carried a pet owl everywhere she went. ***I loved her on “The Brady Bunch”.

1870: The old District of Assiniboia entered the Confederation as Canada’s fifth province. It’s called Manitoba, which means “The Great Spirit Speaks.”

1932: A new character, Dippy Dawg, appeared in the cartoon “Mickey’s Revue” by Walt Disney. Later, Disney changed Dippy’s name to Goofy.

1959: Elizabeth Taylor married Eddie Fisher. Liz said, “We will be on our honeymoon for 30 or 40 years.”

1960: Frank Sinatra and Elvis Presley appeared on the same TV special and performed the other’s hit. Elvis sang “Witchcraft” and Sinatra sang “Love Me Tender.”

1963: Bob Dylan walked out of dress rehearsals for “The Ed Sullivan Show” when CBS censors told him he could not perform “Talking John Birch Society Blues.”

1965: At Chess Studios in Chicago, The Rolling Stones recorded the first tracks for “Satisfaction.”

1967: When Red Socks catcher Bob Tillman fired toward second to get a base-stealing Al Kaline, the ball hit pitcher John Wyatt in the head and bounced back to the on-deck circle. Kaline took third, the hard-headed Wyatt shook it off, and continued pitching.

1970: Chicago Cub Ernie Banks hit his 500th home run. He retired the following year with 512.

1978: The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration announced it would alternate using men’s and women’s names for hurricanes. Previously, only women’s names had been used, and some complained it wasn’t fair that women got all the attention for causing damage and destruction.

1985: With 13 top ten pop hits, Lionel Richie received an honorary Doctor of Music degree from his alma mater, Tuskegee Institute in Alabama.

1989: Joe Valdez Caballero died at age 81. He invented the hard taco shell.

1992: Thirty men and two women from nine nations reached the summit of Mount Everest, the most climbers to reach the peak in one day.

2003: Fifty-nine Democratic lawmakers brought the Texas House to a standstill by going into hiding in a dispute over a Republican congressional redistricting plan.

2003: Ten cows survived after falling down a 50-foot cliff in San Francisco. Witnesses saw the herd sliding over the cliff. Two cows had to be put down, but a vet said the others were not hurt.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1792: Father of Modern Missions William Carey publishes his highly influential (though deplorably titled) book on the importance of evangelism, An Enquiry into the Obligations of Christians, to use means for the Conversion of the Heathens in which the Religious State of the Different Nations of the World, the Success of Former Undertakings, and the practicability of Further Undertakings, are Considered.

1861: Julia Ward Howe’s “Battle Hymn of the Republic,” published in the Atlantic Monthly three months earlier, is first performed at Fort Warren, Massachusetts, during a flag-raising ceremony for new Union recruits.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actors Sullivan and Sawyer Sweeten (“Everybody Loves Raymond”) 22 (audio clip)

  • Actor (American Pie, Eight Below) Jason Biggs, 41

  • actress (American Psycho, The Punisher, Broken Arrow) Samatha Mathis 48

  • Actress (“Living Single,” Tootie on “The Facts of Life”) Kim Fields-Freeman, 49 (audio clip)

  • Actor (Born on the Fourth of July, The Usual Suspects, The Flintstones: Viva Rock Vegas) Stephen Baldwin, 52

  • Actor (Young Guns, Breakfast Club, St. Elmo’s Fire, Stakeout) Emilio Estevez, 56

  • Actor (Mission Impossible 1, 2, & 3, Dark Blue, “The District”) Ving Rhames, 59

  • Actor (“Babylon 5’s” Capt. John Sheridan, husband to Melissa Gilbert) Bruce Boxleitner 68

  • Actor (The Usual Suspects, Ghost Ship, Vanity Fair, End of Days) Gabriel Byrne, 68

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1929 : Burt Bacharach

1937 : George Carlin

1940 : Norman Whitfield

1942 : Billy Swan

1942 : Ian Dury (Kilburn and the High-Roads, The Blockheads)

1944 : James Purify (James & Bobby Purify)

1945 : Ian McLagan (The Small Faces, The Faces)

1948 : Steve Winwood (Traffic, Blind Faith and The Spencer Davis Group)

1950 : Billy Squier

1950 : John “Jocko” Marcellino (Sha Na Na)

1955 : Kix Brooks (Brooks & Dunn), (Leon Eric Brooks) in Shreveport, Louisiana.

1959 : Billy Duffy (The Cult)

1959 : Ray Gillen (Black Sabbath, Badlands)

1962 : Brett Gurewitz (Bad Religion)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

How can we tell what a dinosaur looked like from a few bones?

Maybe paleontologists are just making it up. Why do we believe their stories of huge prehistoric reptiles? What’s the latest? Humongosaurus? The whole thing might be a fraternity prank, and Jurassic Park, a good place for a Sunday picnic. We believe them — some of us do, at least — because their reasoning is perfectly plausible. Bones are like machine parts — their shape, size and structure tells us what part of a body they come from, and the kind of work that part could have accomplished. We know this from studying the skeletons of creatures for which we do have living examples. By analogy, the big bones that have been unearthed from creatures no longer with us suggest the size, shape and strength of the critters from which they came. Think big! Hey… imagine that we had no living chickens and someone found a wishbone. What would they surmise, that it came from a Wishosaurus?

NEWS KICKERS

(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Sully the Aardvark was extremely angry at Gruffy Bear for continually breaking promises to play checkers with him. And the bowling team in the tournament, which started this whole mess, doesn’t need Gruffy anymore now either…

CLOSE: It’s good that Sully isn’t holding a grudge in all of this – and finding Nozzles to play checkers with is a great idea. But now Gruffy is really depressed about how he acted. Will he be able to make everything right again? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

A man pleads guilty to drug possession –but commits a Moment of Duh in the process.

The cops said it was drugs, but James McClain said it was just debris from a sandwich. The Belleville, Illinois, man was arrested on drug charges after he was stopped on a routine traffic infraction. Police searched McClain’s car and found a suspicious looking plastic baggy with what they believed to be drugs. The suspect argued that it was just bread crumbs from a sandwich. Police didn’t go for his excuse and upon the advice from his lawyer McClain pleaded guilty and went to jail. But after 18 days, lab tests came back on the “drugs” in the baggy and guess what? They really were bread crumbs. A judge dismissed the charges and in the process blasted McClain’s lawyer for allowing an innocent man to plead guilty.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN NEW COURSES FOR WOMEN (Use this list at your own risk – you might require an escort out of the building afterwards!)

10. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: How to make deposits.

9. Learn how not to inflict your diets on other people.

8. Communication Skills I: Tears as the last resort and not the first.

7. Driving a Car Safely: A skill you can also acquire.

6. Telephones: How to Hang Up.

5. Learning To Cook I: Bran is not food.

4. Leisure Studies: An invitation to a party does not mean that you have to have a new outfit.

3. Parking: Beginners Course.

2. Parking (Advanced): Reversing into a parking space.

1. Silence, The Final Frontier: Where no woman has gone before.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Four years in prison… for trying to steal dog poop!

FILE #1: The Bristol, England, Crown Court has sentenced David Carlisle to four years in prison for attempting to steal doggie-doo.  He had stopped a woman who was walking her dog, threatened her with a knife, and demanded the bags she was carrying.  She told him the bags were full of dog droppings she’d just scooped up, and he fled empty-handed.  He pleaded for mercy in court because he only tried to steal dog excrement, but the judge said that was just “testament to his incompetence.

FILE #2: Dean Wilson is wondering what it takes to go to jail. The 20-year-old was released from a Liverpool jail on condition that he wears an electronic tagging device to monitor him. But Wilson only became frustrated wearing the device and said he would rather just spend the remaining time of his sentence behind bars. The problem was — the jail didn’t want him back! When he returned to the prison, they turned him away. When he went to the police station, they said they had no record that he was unlawfully at large and told him to go home. Finally, after almost 3 weeks, the police decided to take him back into custody. He’s now back in prison in Liverpool.

FILE #3: Authorities in Loudoun County, Virginia, are searching for a male would-be bank robber in women’s clothing. They say a 6-foot-3 man entered the Washington First Bank Tuesday in a dark wig, white gloves and flowery dress and carrying a purse. He handed the teller a note implying that he had a weapon. But she refused to give him any money, and he walked away empty-handed.

STRANGE LAW: In New York the penalty for jumping off a building is death. ***MARLAR: Then again, that’s also the law of gravity.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

A pizza delivery driver in Fargo, North Dakota, says he was assaulted after he refused to take illegal drugs as payment for the pizza he was delivering!

The driver, Atif Yasin, said he thought the suspect was asleep when he arrived. After knocking a few times and calling the man on his cell phone, he finally answered the door in his boxers. He then took the pizza and spent a few minutes looking for money until he gave up and offered to pay with marijuana. When Yasin said he either needed money or the pizza, the man began to yell. He then pushed him and punched him in the face. Officers who arrested the man said he was intoxicated.  Gosh… big surprise there.

PHONER PHUN

Which celebrity was your idol when you were a teenager? Who gave you goosebumps at the thought of meeting them?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: In which book of the Bible do we find the first use of the name “Satan?”

ANSWER: 1 Chronicles (1 Chronicles 21:1 = “And Satan stood up against Israel, and provoked David to number Israel.”)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What does the Morse code “S.O.S.” stand for?

ANSWER: Nothing. It’s just a universal distress signal, but the letters are not representative of any actual words. S.O.S. was chosen as the universal distress signal by the International Radio Telegraph Convention of July 1908. This combination of letters, three dots followed by three dashes followed by three dots, was easy to send and easily recognized. The letters themselves, however, are meaningless… regardless of what you’ve been told. S.O.S. does not stand for Save Our Souls, Save Our Ship or any other phrase. The first mention of this false meaning is in reference to the Titanic sinking in 1912, which may account for the “Save Our Ship” story being so wide spread. But it’s totally false. ***MARLAR: However, with (OTHER JOCK) working here, “S.O.S.” could quite easily mean Save Our Station!

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. Spider Man’s secret identity is Bruce Banner. (False, Peter Parker. Bruce Banner is the Hulk)

2. Peter Falk, who played “Columbo” had a glass eye. (True)

3. Diet Coke was invented in 1975. (False, 1981)

4. It really takes 5 minutes to cook a 3-minute egg. (False, 3 minutes)

5. A U.S. dime is made of 25-percent nickel and 75-percent silver. (False, 75-percent copper)

6. In 1975, when just about everybody in America was wearing a Mood Ring, the ring showed the color green when the wearer was happy. (False, blue)

7. The first television broadcast of a major league baseball game was in August of 1955. (False, 1939)

8. The name of Pillsbury’s little dough girl is Fluff. (False, Poppy)

9. The first television broadcast of a major league baseball game was between the Cincinnati Reds and the Brooklyn Dodgers. (True, in 1939)

10. Most guys say it takes between 1 and 6 months to get over a break-up. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

GROLAR _______ (BEAR)

The northward migration of grizzlies has led to more sightings of “grolar” bears in the Arctic.

Hunters from the village of Ulukhaktok, N.W.T., knew there was something different about the polar bear they were stalking but couldn’t put their finger on it.

It was far more aggressive than anything they were used to. They even called off the dog for fear the large white mammal would kill it.

On closer inspection after it was shot and killed, it turned out not to be an ordinary polar bear but one that was a cross between a polar bear and a grizzly, unofficially known as a “grolar bear” and “pizzly.”

“The first hybrid we had ever seen around here a few years ago was pretty nasty. They (hunters) usually stalk the polar bear using a dog, but this bear was so aggressive they couldn’t use a dog on them. It was too dangerous,” Robert Kuptana, who lives in the western Arctic hamlet of about 400 people on Victoria Island, told the Toronto Star Friday.

Over the years, as grizzly bears wandered further north following the caribou herd, the hybrid variety became more common, said the 69-year-old Kuptana. He added that a hunter from the village, Pat Ekpakohak, and his two grandchildren killed three of them just 10 days ago.

“One is pure white, one is partly dark and the other is fairly dark brown and the top part is white,” said Kuptana, who took a picture of the skins.

Polar bear and grizzly habitats overlap in the western Canadian Arctic around the Beaufort Sea. Grizzlies are known to occasionally to go out on the ice in the spring to feed on seals killed by polar bears, according to the Canadian Wildlife Service.

A DNA test conducted by the Wildlife Genetics International in British Columbia on a bear shot and killed by an American hunter in 2006 confirmed it was a hybrid, making it the first documented case in the wild.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful. His grandmother remarked…”doesn’t it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this just for you?”
Bobby said, “Yes, God did it and he did it left handed.”
This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him “What makes you say God did this with his left hand?”
“Well,” said Bobby, “we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God’s right hand!”

JOKE #2

A little boy came home excitedly from kindergarten with a blue ribbon.  When his mommy asked him “What is the blue ribbon for?” he proudly announced, “I won!”

When pressed for details he simply said, “The teacher asked all of us to guess how many legs a cow has.  When my turn came, I guessed FIVE.”

“Five???” his mother gasped, “but a cow only has FOUR legs.  How do you get a blue ribbon for guessing five?”

“I won because my guess was the closest.”

JOKE #3

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. “Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”

USELESS FACTS

Asperger syndrome is named for Austrian pediatrician Hans Asperger, who described it in 1944. He called his patients “Little Professors.”

If you think you’re getting too much homework, don’t bother whining to your parents about it. A recent survey finds that most parents say their children get the right amount of homework, and most teachers agree. If anything, parents and teachers say the homework load is too light. There were some other interesting results in the poll. They found that less educated parents spend more time helping kids with take-home assignments and the most affluent parents spend the least time. Women spend an average 46 minutes a day helping with homework. Men spend 35 minutes. A majority of parents and teachers also agreed that the subject that students needed the most help with was math. ***A majority… that’s like almost 50%, right?

FEATURED FUNNIES

THE CRASH OF FLIGHT 50

Flight fifty has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom: “Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and assume crash positions. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this baby as gentle as possible down on the water”.

“Oh stewardess! Are there any sharks in the ocean below?” asks a little
old lady, terrified.

“Yes, I’m afraid there are some. But not to worry, we have a special gel
in the bottle next to your chair designed especially for emergencies like this. Just rub the gel onto your arms and legs”.

“And if I do this, the sharks won’t eat me any more?” asks the little
lady.

“Oh, they will eat you all right, only they won’t enjoy it so much”.

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

How far would you walk to see your son or daughter? One man walked over 600 miles because he didn’t have bus fare!

Here’s a case of true fatherly love. A 72-year-old Chinese man walked more than 600 miles over 71 days to visit his son in prison. The poor guy had planned to take the train but had his money stolen shortly after leaving home. He begged along the way and sometimes ate food from garbage cans during his two month journey. He said, “I didn’t see him for two years. I am here to visit him and tell him not to worry about me and transform himself for good, while in prison.” Prison wardens were so touched by his story that they even bent the rules to allow him to see his son. The son, Xie Fei, revealed that his father is actually is his adoptive father, as his real parents died when he was ten. Fei said, “He adopted me and loves me very much, but I have nothing to repay all this.” The return home was a little easier as prison guards all chipped in to buy him a train ticket.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

ALMIGHTY GOD

Isn’t it amazing how God works in our lives! On a Saturday night several weeks ago, this pastor was working late, and decided to call his wife before he left for home. It was about 10:00 PM, but his wife didn’t answer the phone. The pastor let it ring many times. He thought it was odd that she didn’t answer, but decided to wrap up a few things and try again in a few minutes. When he tried again she answered right away. He asked her why she hadn’t answered before, and she said that it hadn’t rung at their house. They brushed it off as a fluke and went on their merry ways.

The following Monday, the pastor received a call at the church office, which was the phone that he’d used that Saturday night. The man that he spoke with wanted to know why he’d called on Saturday night. The pastor couldn’t figure out what the man was talking about. Then the man said, “It rang and rang, but I didn’t answer.” The pastor remembered the mishap and apologized for disturbing him, explaining that he’d intended to call his wife. The man said, “That’s OK. Let me tell you my story. You see, I was planning to commit suicide on Saturday night, but before I did, I prayed, ‘God if you’re there, and you don’t want me to do this, give me a sign now.’ At that point my phone started to ring. I looked at the caller ID, and it said, ‘Almighty God’. I was afraid to answer!”

The reason why it showed on the man’s caller ID that the call came from “Almighty God” is because the church that the pastor attends is called Almighty God Tabernacle!!

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

RUNNING FOR OTHERS

Read: Philippians 2:1-11

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but . . . let each esteem others better than himself. —Philippians 2:3

Tom Knapp never won a race during his entire high school track career. Tom was a “pusher.” It was his task to set the pace for his fellow team members, who would then beat him to the finish line. When he ran a successful race, he was enabling a fellow teammate to win. Even though Tom never had enough reserve energy for the final sprint to victory, the coach considered him a valuable member of the team.

In a similar way, the New Testament tells us to run our race of faith with the success of others in mind. “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4). Our example of such living is Jesus Christ, who left the glory of heaven to share our humanity and die on the cross so that we can have eternal life (vv.5-8).

If the encouragement of our example helps another person to flourish and be successful, we should rejoice. When the eternal prizes are awarded for faithful service to God, a lot of “pushers” will be wearing blue ribbons. Until then, let’s keep running so that others can win. —David McCasland

Oh, to see the needs of others
More important than our own,
Following our Lord’s example
When He left His heavenly throne. —Sper

You can’t lose when you help others win.

LEFTOVERS

THERE WILL BE NO TEACHING OF WIZARDRY HERE, BUDDY!

In Land O’Lakes, Florida, substitute teacher Jim Piculas was fired because school officials accused of performing “wizardry.” The so-called “wizardry” in question was nothing more than a simple magic trick where he made a toothpick disappear before his students. The school district’s Pat Sinclair terminated Jim over the phone and said, “You’ve been accused of wizardry.” Jim says he’s both amused and frustrated and tried to explain to Sinclair that the trick was merely a magic act saying, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s not black magic. It’s a toothpick.” The trick was a simple a hand maneuver that made the toothpick seem to disappear, when it was merely hidden beneath Jim’s thumb. But assistant superintendent Renalia DuBose said that the accusation was merely one of many factors that led to Jim’s termination. Other incidents involved him diverting from the lesson plan, allowing students the use of computers despite the disapproval of the regular teacher, and putting a fifth-grader in charge of the classroom. ***MARLAR: Holy Cow! He kind of sounds like one of those fun, cool teachers that students love and remember all their lives. Good thing they fired him!

LIFE… LIVE IT

TREATS CAN POISON YOUR DOG
Most pet owners know that chocolate is a big no-no for dogs. But here’s something to chew on: a common ingredient in sugarless gum and snacks can cause a canine catastrophe. The culprit is a sweetener called xylitol. While you may never have heard of it, there’s a good chance you have it in your house.  Xylitol is common in sugarless gum and in sugar-free snacks. The chemical is completely safe for humans and most other animals, but in dogs, xylitol causes blood sugar levels to plummet. When blood sugar drops, the brain isn’t getting enough energy to do its job. After swallowing xylitol, dogs may get very sick and become lethargic and disoriented. Without treatment, dogs can die.

JUST FOR FUN

IF THE PRICE IS RIGHT!
Advertising is everywhere you look these days – and it’s about to get out of control! A California company has begun to pay drivers up to $400 a month to cover their cars with advertisements. “Autowraps” already cars covered all over West Coast and in Florida! Participants must be at least 18, drive a minimum of 1,000 miles per month, and meet a long list of requirements, including no moving violations during the past year. You have to sign up for a 5-year contract, but you can cancel after a year with 30 days’ notice. And if you’re wondering if drivers get to choose which ads are placed on their car – the answer is “no”. However, they can refuse an ad for alcoholic beverages and cigarettes. ***MARLAR: I gotta say I’d love for this to come to (TOWN). For $400 a month, would you place ads on your car? It’d be cool if you got an advertiser like PEPSI or McDONALDS… but what if you get an advertiser like Odor Eaters or Fruit of the Loom? Just TRY looking cool at a stoplight then!

FUN LIST

WAYS YOUR SPOUSE MAY BE TOO CONTROLLING

  • They’re reading this list to you.
  • They’ve said it’s only a top three list.
  • They’ve told you that you think this list is not funny.
  • They’re almost done reading to you and that you may leave soon.
  • But before you leave, where are you going?

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

Are you packing on the pounds because you’re overworked?  You’re not the only one.

The latest government figures show that two-thirds of the country’s workforce is overweight. And a new report from the Families and Work Institute say that a big part of the problem is that workers are putting in longer hours, afraid of losing their jobs. With less time to exercise, more than a third of employees report that work drains them of energy, leaving nothing for their personal lives. At the same time, pay cuts and rising food prices, particularly for more nutritious foods, are making fast food and vending machines a quick and cheaper option during a lunch break. Ellen Galinsky, president of the Families and Work Institute says, “There’s a big relationship between our health and the kind of environment we work in.” And while some employers are addressing the issue by adding on site gyms and wellness programs at work, most still do not see employee obesity as something that is their responsibility and are too busy just trying to keep their businesses going. (Miami Herald)

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

Hey this Mother’s Day, don’t make loving your mom a crime. According to estimates from fraud detection and protection firm Forter, this Mother’s Day, criminals will sell an estimated $20 million of stolen merchandise to consumers, and millions more in the days leading up to the holiday. Forter CEO Michael Reitblatt said this is a popular time for fraudsters for a couple of reasons: First, it’s a busy time for retailers making it harder to combat fraud, and second, it’s easy for criminals to target the products they’re selling towards moms, which makes the criminal process more efficient. One of the most popular ways to sell consumers stolen goods is through legitimate-looking websites. Reitblatt says you may find these sites popping up on your social media feed or on ads on legit websites, and they look legit even to a discerning consumer. One tell-tale sign: A subtle difference in the spelling of the sites name. Some of the biggest sellers are luxury watches and jewelry, Disneyworld and Disneyland trips, and fashion sneakers. (New York Post)

SOUL-GLO

(Feel-good stories! Only posted as new stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Stories to get your dander up! Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

The world’s full of apathy, but I don’t care.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


MAY 11, 2018…

Life Of The Party—Melissa McCarthy is the star of this film which is about a woman who doesn’t know what to do when her husband leaves her. Her daughter is in college, so why not join her and earn a degree, too? Though it seems like a good plan, it doesn’t always work out with class schedules, daughter’s friends and just becoming adjusted to something new.  Also, in the cast are Maya Rudolph, Molly Gordon and Gillian Jacobs. “Life Of The Party” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

Breaking In—This is a thriller that involves trying to break into a top-secure building to rescue hostages, especially if they are family.  Gabrielle Union stars as the women determined to do the impossible. Also, in the cast are Billy Burke and Richard Cabral. “Breaking In” is rated R. No rating.

Terminal-–A story that weaves around several characters including a crook planning a robbery, a woman with various personas and revenge. The cast includes Max Irons, Margot Robbie (“I, Tonya,”) Dexter Fletcher, and Simon Pegg. Directed by Vaughn Stein.  “Terminal” is rated R. No rating.

Assassins Code—Another crime film and this one is about a detective who is trying to solve a murder, and suddenly there is someone to help him—a ghost. Stars Justin Chatwin and Peter Stormare. “Assassins Code” is rated R. No rating.

Tully (opening in select cities) —This film concerns a middle-age woman (Charlize Theron) who has just too many things to do in a day.  Sound familiar? Enter a young woman (Mackenzie Davis) who works nights and then the two women talk and begin to understand each other. “Tully” is rated PG 13. No rating.

The Seagull (opening in select cities) —Annette Bening again takes on an historical role, this time it is Irina Arkadina from Anton Chekhov’s play, “The Seagull.” The story centers on a mature actress (Bening) who is vacationing by a lake with her young boyfriend (Corey Stoll.) Here comes a younger actress (Saoirse Ronan) who is the girlfriend of Bening’s son (Billy Howle.) The son has written a play. Things start getting interesting and involve jealousy. Brian Dennehy is also in the cast. “The Seagull” is rated PG-13. Rating of 3 for fans. 

MAY 18, 2018…

Untitled Deadpool Sequel has no title, as such, and again stars Ryan Reynolds. Need I say more?

Show Dogs is a film about a police dog going undercover. You read that right. Stars Will Arnett.

Pope Francis–A Man Of His Word is a documentary on the Pope.

Book Club is about women who find interesting books and friends with similar interests. Stars Diane Keaton and Jane Fonda.

# # # # #

WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Productions, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.