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***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS
***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE
PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150513
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BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
“As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the person.” –Proverbs 27:19
There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life in Christ has set me free from the law of sin and death. — Romans 8:1-2
HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT
Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits — who forgives all our sins and heals all our diseases… — Psalm 103:2-3
Thought: Our God is an awesome God. He not only defines and defeats sin; he delivers us from the consequences of sin by forgiving our sins and purifying us. True healing means more than just curing a sick body — and we praise God for the times he has done that in our lives. No, true healing means to forgive and deliver us from what breaks our spirits and makes our souls and bodies unhealthy. Only God offers this “benefit” as part of his retirement package!
Prayer: How can I sufficiently praise you, Abba Father, for your mercy and grace that has forgiven, pardoned, and cleansed me of my sin. Help me never to forget the joy of being forgiven and included in your family. Thank you for your salvation. In Jesus’ name I praise you. Amen.
“BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
1 John 5:13 NIV = I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life.
TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – MAY 13, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 227 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is NATIONAL ASTRONOMY DAY. ***MARLAR: That’s astronomy, not astrology. There’s a big difference between the two. Astronomy studies the position of stars just for the sake of studying them, while astrology is full of space cases that think the rotation of Jupiter has something to do with why they aren’t married or rich. Personally, I think the reason they aren’t married or successful yet is that they spend too much time placing responsibility on the planets for their life’s successes rather than going out and working towards it.
Speaking of stars, planets, and the universe, this is UNIVERSAL FAMILY WEEK. ***MARLAR: I don’t remember seeing a pageant or anything claiming one family “Universal Family” over another… maybe that happened a couple of weeks ago during TV-Turn-Off week. Of course, it’s not really a Universal Family Week though, not literally at least. Otherwise they’d be including families from Mars and Ry-Gell 7.
NATIONAL POLICE WEEK. The following quotes were taken from actual police car videos around the country:
- “Relax. The handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them a while.”
- “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”
- “Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn’t know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun.”
- “Warning? You want a warning? Okay, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”
- “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”
- “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want.”
- “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”
- “You didn’t think we gave pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Now sign here.”
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Donate a Day’s Wages to Charity
National Night Shift Workers Day
National Third Shift Workers Day
COMING UP NEXT
THURSDAY, MAY 14
The Stars and Stripes Forever Day
Underground America Day
FRIDAY, MAY 15
International Day of Families
National Chocolate Chip Cookie Day
Nylon Stocking Day
Peace Officer Memorial Day
International Virtual Assistants Day
- Henry Pun-off Day
National Defense Transportation Day
National Pizza Party Day
SATURDAY, MAY 16
National Piercing Day
Armed Forces Day
National Learn to Swim Day
SUNDAY, MAY 17
Bay to Breakers Race (Oldest Footrace in America)
Morel Mushroom Day (Weekend after Mother’s Day)
World Information Society Day
World Telecommunications Day
MONDAY, MAY 18
Mother Whistler Day
Visit your Relatives Day
TUESDAY, MAY 19
Boys Club Day
May Ray Day
National Hepatitis Testing Day
National Asian & Pacific Islander, HIV/AIDS Awareness Day
WEDNESDAY, MAY 20
Eliza Doolittle Day
Weights & Measures Day
ON THIS DAY
1961: Ricky Nelson recorded “Travelin’ Man.” It became his second #1 song. “Poor Little Fool” reached #1 in 1958.
1964: 28-year-old Kitty Genovese was stabbed to death in Queens, New York. The murder occurred over several hours during which the killer left and returned, yet not one of 37 witnesses called police.
1975: Singers George Jones and Tammy Wynette were divorced after a stormy 6-year marriage.
1982: John Jaszowski of Milwaukee hit 12 consecutive strikes to become the youngest bowler ever to roll a perfect game. John was 11 years old.
1983: The Larry King Live show premiered on CNN.
1987: Bryan Adams’ “Heat of the Night” became the first commercially released cassette single in the U.S.
1988: Gallaudet University, a liberal arts college for the hearing-impaired since 1864 in Washington, D.C., chose I. King Jordan to become the school’s first deaf president.
1990: A blind man robbed a bank in Vallejo, California, then asked the teller to guide him out of the building. She refused, and he was still trying to find his way out when police arrived.
1991: Romanian peasant Calin Florea dug up his prize German-made Lanz tractor, which he had buried in his garden 35 years earlier to prevent a communist co-op from confiscating it. He cleaned the engine and it cranked right up.
1991: A study released by the University of Utah indicated that cigarette smoking may be hazardous to your face. Smoking, they said, triples your chances of premature facial wrinkling. ***MARLAR: Hey, does your face hurt? Well it’s KILLING ME! (Yeah, I know… it wasn’t funny in elementary school either.)
1996: The Nigerian news agency reported that a woman waiting in line three hours for gasoline gave birth to a baby girl. Others in line at the service station nicknamed the baby “Fuel Crisis.”
1997: A lock of British naval hero Lord Nelson’s hair sold at auction for $8,096.
2002: President Bush declared Iraqi President Saddam Hussein was a menace and had to be dealt with, and Osama bin Laden had been reduced to a marginal figure in the war on terrorism.
2002: On Fox’s “Celebrity Boxing.” Tonya Harding beat Paula Jones, Danny Banaduce whipped Barry Williams and Todd Bridges defeated Vanilla Ice.
2006: U.S. Customs agents in California found 250 bogus billion dollar bills while investigating a man charged with currency smuggling. The investigation led agents to a West Hollywood apartment where they found the stash of yellowing and wrinkled one billion dollar bills with an issue date of 1934 and bearing a picture of President Grover Cleveland.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1917: Three shepherd children report that the Virgin Mary appeared to them in Fatima, Portugal.
1925: Florida’s House of Representatives passes a bill requiring schools to conduct daily Bible readings.
1963: Death of A. W. Tozer. Affiliated with the Christian and Missionary Alliance, he was known for his short devotional essays.
1981: Ali Agca, a Turkish gunman, seriously wounds Pope John Paul II in an assassination attempt. Agca later converts to Christ when John Paul visits him in prison.
1982: Pope John Paul II is approached at Fatima by a bayonet wielding priest.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actress (Fletch Lives, “Sisters”) Julienne Phillips 53 (audio clip)
- Actor (The Piano, Red Dragon) Harvey Keitel, 76
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1911 : Maxine Sullivan
1912 : Nervous Norvus
1912 : Gil Evans
1914 : Johnnie Wright (Johnnie and Jack)
1933 : Mike Stoller
1941 : Ritchie Valens
1941 : Joe Brown
1943 : Mary Wells
1945 : Magic Dick (The J. Geils Band)
1947 : Pete “Overend” Watts (Mott The Hoople)
1950 : Stevie Wonder, born Stevland Morris
1950 : Danny Kirwan (Fleetwood Mac)
1951 : Paul Thompson (Roxy Music)
1966 : Darius Rucker (Hootie & the Blowfish)
1967 : Melanie Thornton (La Bouche)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
Why do we say that something open to discussion is a “moot” point?
This is the kind of thing they deal with often in law school where, being apprentice lawyers, they discuss and argue about everything, preparatory to billing clients $500 an hour. In law school they even use moot as a verb, as in “to moot.” You know, I moot, you moot, she moots. Whole lotta’ mootin’ goin’ on. So why do they meet to moot? Because in the Middle Ages, when points were often made with battle axes rather than briefs, the word “mod,” pronounced like moot, meant a meeting. It came from a still older word, “metan,” meaning the same thing. Moot is really just a modernizing of “mod.” At a meeting, of course, one discusses things, so points raised there are moot. And you probably thought that someone using this word was just being a snoot.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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Advice from Casting Crown’s Melodee Devevo: If you have a hard time reading your Bible, purposely put yourself in situations where you are required to, like teaching. If you have a hard time sharing the gospel, put yourself in situations where you have to, like a church evangelism program.
Another groaner from Citizenway: If Vegetarians are arguing is it still called “a beef”?
Francesca Battistelli is trying something new. She has just started a blog called Honeycomb. Francesca says she will cover everything from faith and life to her kids to food. Several articles are already on the site. Check out the new blog by Francesca by clicking the link at https://instagram.com/p/0La9pal0MK/.
Did you know that Blanca was introduced to her husband by her hair dresser? The former member of Group 1 Crew shared in a video that the same lady who cuts her hair also cuts her husband’s brother’s hair. When she introduced the two they hit it off and started dating. But it wasn’t until her future husband attended a Group 1 Crew concert and saw that thousands of cheering fans that he realized just how popular Blanca really was. http://t.co/ziwQcdYjvL
Before their Michigan concert Sidewalk Prophets posted that group member Dan really likes peanut butter cups. In fact, that promised that Dan would bust out a big guitar solo for any that brought him peanut butter cups. Well Michigan responded in a big way. The Sidewalk Prophets this week shared a picture of Dan following the concert with both his hands in his mouth full of peanut butter cups.
Casting Crown’s Megan Garrett has found a new way to strengthen her prayer life. She shared online: Started a herbal colon cleanse just 3 days before having a big concert.
This summer marks 20 years since Brandon Heath went to a Young Life camp and started following Jesus. To celebrate, Brandon says he want to send 20 kids to camp so they can hear about Jesus too. His goal is to raise $5,000 that will then be passed along to Young Life leaders to help kids get to camp who can’t afford it, just like Brandon’s leaders did for him. To help click on the link – http://giving.younglife.org/Heaths20
Congratulations to the Newsboys on their first ever platinum certification. The designation was given for the song God’s Not Dead (Like a Lion), signifying individual sales of the song in excess of 1 million units. God’s Not Dead was the title cut from the group’s 2011 album. It received renewed attention when the Movie God’s Not Dead released, pushing it back to number one on several charts.
Jamie Grace and her sister Morgan celebrated their mothers birthday with a special concert kicking off their The Fighter Tour: The Storytellers Edition in Georgia last night. Jamie invited her fans to join her for the birthday party/tour kick off and she says the response was so overwhelming that they had to cut off RSVP’ing early. Jamie says that, in lieu of birthday gifts for her mom, you can donate to Mona’s medical fund. The web site for donations is available at https://posthope.org/monaharper
Matt Maher and Mercyme’s Mike Scheuchzer are both planning similar projects this summer. The two were both recently on twitter talking about plans for building tree houses. Both are currently in the planning stages right now but we will let you know when pictures are available.
WEIRD & WACKY
|San Diego sea lion pup bunks with sailor for Mother’s Day photo
SAN DIEGO (AP) — Mother’s Day may have been a bit of a bust for a baby sea lion in San Diego — and a bit of a surprise, too. Michael Duffy, 48, said he was on his 41-foot Kettenburg boat “Elixir” at the San Diego Yacht Club when he awoke at 2:30 a.m. Sunday to sneezing and snoring. He…
|Officers rescue owl that got injured on California highway photo
SANTA ROSA, Calif. (AP) — An injured owl that couldn’t fly or hop its way out of traffic has been rescued by two California Highway Patrol officers and is recovering. HASH(0x141be30) When the call about an injured owl came in around noon Friday, CHP Officer Justin Fetterly says he put on his…
|Elderly man with prostitute under bed loses housing subsidy
NORRISTOWN, Pa. (AP) — Authorities say a man living in a suburban Philadelphia assisted-living facility has lost his housing subsidy after officials found a prostitute underneath his bed. Uri Monson tells The Intelligencer in Doylestown (http://bit.ly/1cpH33U) the man, believed to be in his…
|Consumer culture gone wild: Boar visits Hong Kong mall photo
HONG KONG (AP) — Talk about a consumer culture gone wild. A Hong Kong shopping mall received a visit from a ham-fisted customer on Sunday when a wild boar wandered in and got trapped inside a children’s clothing store. Video aired by local TV stations showed the boar, which had apparently…
|‘Steady trail of macaroni salad’ leads to burglary arrests
MOUNT MORRIS, N.Y. (AP) — Authorities say a trail of macaroni salad leading away from a western New York restaurant helped police track down three burglary suspects. HASH(0x13fdf90) Deputies checked out a nearby hiking and biking path, where they found cash register parts, surveillance system…
|Bronze ‘Scary Lucy’ statue to be part of new comedy center photo
CELORON, N.Y. (AP) — A statue of Lucille Ball in her western New York hometown may not be very flattering, but it sure is funny. The “Scary Lucy” statue has made enough people laugh to earn a spot in the new National Comedy Center breaking ground soon. Chairman Tom Benson says the center will…
|Couple behind fake skeletons on chairs in Colorado River photo
PARKER, Ariz. (AP) — A Phoenix couple has claimed responsibility for putting two fake skeletons sitting in lawn chairs in the Colorado River in far west Arizona, authorities said Friday. The husband and wife approached the La Paz County Sheriff’s Office earlier this week and revealed how the…
|Arkansas veterinarian operates on dog that ate 23 bullets photo
MOUNTAIN HOME, Ark. (AP) — An Arkansas veterinarian has kept a dog from going out with a bang after the animal ate 23 live rifle rounds. HASH(0x13fd160) Owner Larry Brassfield said Benno has eaten socks, magnets and marbles, but he didn’t expect the animal would bother a bag of bullets by his…
|Woman selling bakery for $75, an essay, and a cupcake recipe
WAITSFIELD, Vt. (AP) — A Vermont bakery owner is selling her business — for $75 and an essay. Vermont Public Radio reports (http://bit.ly/1H9qqEq) that those interested in owning the Mix Cupcakerie and Kitchen in Waitsfield have to write about why they want it. They have to submit the…
|Indiana teen takes great-grandmother, 93, to junior prom photo
SEYMOUR, Ind. (AP) — An Indiana teenager who took his 93-year-old great-grandmother to his junior prom says he had a great time, even though her early bedtime nearly cut the night short. Drew Holm says his classmates thought it “was pretty cool” that he asked Kathryn Keith to last Friday’s…
|In Detroit, Jewish cemetery survives within GM auto plant photo
HAMTRAMCK, Mich. (AP) — Beth Olem Cemetery is like many aging, final resting places, with assorted tombstones in varying condition, sizes and styles, surrounded by a brick wall and iron gate. Yet surrounding it on all sides is an unusual neighbor: a massive automotive plant. The serene, green…
HEALTH & FITNESS
|New blood tests, liquid biopsies, may transform cancer care photo
A new type of blood test is starting to transform cancer treatment, sparing some patients the surgical and needle biopsies long needed to guide their care. The tests, called liquid biopsies, capture cancer cells or DNA that tumors shed into the blood, instead of taking tissue from the tumor itself….
|Feds close insurance loopholes on preventive care photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — From contraception to colonoscopies, the Obama administration Monday closed a series of insurance loopholes on coverage of preventive care. The department of Health and Human Services said insurers must cover at least one birth control option under each of 18 methods…
|Exoskeleton that helps paralyzed walk faces barrier in Japan photo
ATSUGI, Japan (AP) — Yuichi Imahata’s 9-year-old daughter is thrilled her dad stands tall above her head. It’s an experience that is new to her. Imahata, 31, has been using a wheelchair to get around for seven years after a serious spinal-cord injury suffered in an accidental fall while…
|AP-GfK Poll: Doubts on court’s fairness in health law case photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Many people in the United States doubt that the Supreme Court can rule fairly in the latest litigation jeopardizing President Barack Obama’s health care law. The Associated Press-GfK poll finds only 1 person in 10 is highly confident that the justices will rely on objective…
|Panel calls for change at WHO after slow response to Ebola photo
DAKAR, Senegal (AP) — An independent panel of experts said Monday that “deep and substantial” change is needed at the World Health Organization following its slow response to early warnings about West Africa’s Ebola outbreak. After studying what went wrong in the WHO’s response to the Ebola…
|House GOP abortion bill requires docs to help fetus survive
WASHINGTON (AP) — Doctors performing late-term abortions would be required to take steps to give the fetus the best chance of survival, according to a Republican bill the House plans to debate this week. The legislation requires that if the fetus seems capable of surviving outside the womb, a…
|Ohio asks neighboring states to help fight Lake Erie’s algae photo
TOLEDO, Ohio (AP) — Pollutants feeding the toxic algae blooms that have been turning parts of western Lake Erie green and contaminating drinking water in recent summers aren’t just coming from Ohio. They’re flowing into the lake from farm fields in Michigan and Indiana, leaky septic tanks in…
|Liberia’s government holds celebration to mark Ebola’s end photo
MONROVIA, Liberia (AP) — Liberians gathered in the streets of the capital on Monday to celebrate the end of the Ebola epidemic in this West African country. The festivities come after the World Health Organization declared over the weekend that Liberia was finally Ebola-free. More than 4,700…
|Synthetic pot leads to nationwide spike in hospitalizations photo
HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) — A huge nationwide spike in hospitalizations last month caused by a class of drugs often called “synthetic marijuana” illustrates the potency and dangers of the chemicals used to make them and the shifty tactics authorities believe manufacturers are using to evade…
|SF mayor signs law that bans chewing tobacco at ballparks
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — San Francisco has become the first city in the nation to outlaw chewing tobacco from its playing fields, including AT&T Park, home to the San Francisco Giants. Players and the manager of the team expressed support for the ordinance signed into law by Mayor Ed Lee on…
|2 babies die, 29 sickened from bad vaccines in south Mexico
MEXICO CITY (AP) — Mexico’s public health system has suspended infant vaccines and mounted an investigation after two babies died and 29 were sickened in an impoverished community in southern Mexico. Six of the 29 babies are in grave condition after receiving vaccinations for tuberculosis,…
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NEW NEWS KICKERS…
Sheriff’s deputies in Lee County, Georgia, say 54-year-old Larry McElroy accidentally shot his mother-in-law with a 9mm pistol when he was trying to shoot an armadillo. The armadillo died from the shot, but the bullet ricocheted off the animal, hit a fence and went into the back door of his mother-in-law’s mobile home — a distance of about 100 yards. Then it went through the recliner where the 74-year-old woman was sitting and into her back. Carol Johnson was taken to a nearby hospital and is expected to recover. ***Historians are pointing to the magic bullet theory.
A lawyer for George Zimmerman says his client wasn’t seriously injured after being involved in a shooting in Florida. Attorney Don West says a bullet missed Zimmerman’s head in Monday’s shooting in the Orlando suburb of Lake Mary. *** Although, it has been speculated that if it did hit him in the head, it still would’ve missed any of his vital organs.
A New Jersey man has been accused of stealing a friend’s car to avoid missing a court hearing on drug charges. Twenty-one-year-old Jorge Ramirez-Sierra has been charged with unlawful taking of a means of conveyance and driving while suspended. ***Huh? Unlawful taking of a means of conveyance? He stole a car – just say that. “He… stole… a… car.” Unlawful taking of a means of conveyance? That could be a kid’s Big Wheel.
The restaurant chain known for unlimited breadsticks now plans on using them for chicken Parmesan and meatball sandwiches starting June 1. The breadsticks used for the sandwiches will be a bit shorter and wider than the regular breadsticks. And as with all other dishes, the sandwiches will come with unlimited salad and breadsticks. *** In case you missed that – you get unlimited breadsticks if you buy a breadstick sandwich. Apparently, Olive Garden DOES believe you can live on bread alone.
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
Cursive is slowly being phased out in most schools. ***MARLAR: Which is a good thing – I mean really, school kids shouldn’t be cursing like that.
Drink more water – burn more fat?
Thirst can masquerade as hunger, which is one reason dieters should stay hydrated. Now German researchers have found another reason: Water fuels your body’s fat burners. For 90 minutes after drinking 16 ounces of chilled water, adults saw their metabolism rise by 24 percent over their average rates. According to the study author, Jens Jordan, M.D., the mechanism is partly due to the energy your body generates to warm the water during digestion. ***MARLAR: Sure, but who’s going to choose drinking water over microwaving a pizza?
According to a poll from Gallup, Illinoisans have the lowest opinion of their state of any Americans. 25-percent said that Illinois is “the worst possible state to live.” ***MARLAR: Unless you’re in Chicago – at which point you’re not expected to survive at all.
Did you know that chimpanzees use hammers?
An international research team says it has uncovered hammers possibly used by chimpanzees that go back as far as 43-hundred years in the West African country Ivory Coast. It would be the earliest known use of tools by chimps. The hammers are thought to have been used to crack nuts. The researchers say the stones were about the size of cantaloupes, which would have been too large for human hands. But that would be about right for the larger, stronger hands of chimpanzees. ***MARLAR: Scientists are still trying to explain their other finding of a black monolith.
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Uphill Battle Goes Downhill”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Darren Marlar, “At the Beach”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Millard the Monkey was busy composing beautiful classical music in his tree house. He was working hard to come up with just the right tune, and he was about to share his new composition with Sully the Aardvark!
CLOSE: Boy, that Steve Mozart really must be a talented guy! Sounds like Millard may be a bit envious of Mozart’s skills and talents. C’mon, let’s face it… it’s not that easy to compose great classical music. Or find Waldo for that matter! Tune in next time to see what happens, As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF MAY 16/17, 2015
OPEN: When last we left the jungle, all of the animals were worried about not being able to get enough done in the day. They held seminars on time-management, made lists of things to do, tried to prioritize their chores in order of importance – they even got up an hour earlier each day just to have more time… but that wasn’t working either, because they just found more they had to do!
CLOSE: So now the animals are so busy that can’t even find a single day off to spend time together! How busy can animals get? We’ll find out how busy next time – As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
Do video games really influence those who play them? Apparently a bit TOO much!
A suspect who led police on a high-speed chase through several towns told investigators he was afraid to go back to jail and he had become convinced by his skill at video games that he could outrun the law. Two girls who were in his car said they were terrified and yelled at him to stop before he finally slowed and ordered them to jump out, then sped off. Tyrone D. McMillian told police, “I was crazy. I’ve been playing a lot of Grand Theft Auto and NASCAR (video games). I thought I could get away.” (audio clip)
TOP TEN STRANGE NEWSPAPER HEADLINES
- Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
9. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
8. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
7. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
6. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
5. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
4. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
3. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
2. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
1. War Dims Hope for Peace
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
A criminal is caught red-handed… well, red-legged…
FILE #1: In Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Dennis O’Leary held up a bank and made a clean getaway, stuffing the cash in his front pocket and fleeing on foot. He hadn’t gotten very far though when he started to attract quite a bit of attention, or at least his pants did. They were smoking… with red smoke. You guessed it, the dye packs in the money had exploded and there was enough red smoke billowing from his trousers that a couple of maintenance guys became suspicious and grabbed and detained him until the cops arrived.
FILE #2: A Mount Kisco, New York, parking meter attendant is accused of stealing more than $30,000 from the meters, one quarter at a time. He could be sentenced to spend up to seven years in prison. ***MARLAR: And if the judge is creative he’ll make him serve the sentence five minutes at a time.
FILE #3: How’s this for showing love and compassion – An English law firm had an employee of the firm commit suicide and instead of sending his wife flowers and a sympathy card, they sent her a bill for $10,000. The charges stem from “settling his affairs at the office, the cost of visiting his home in order to determine why he hadn’t shown up for work, and the cost of telling his mother that her son had died”. The English press “pressed” the law firm and they have since dropped the charges.
STRANGE LAW: Frightening a baby is in violation of Mole, MO, law.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
We used to ask “Where’s the Beef” – now we might have to ask, “Where’s the marijuana?”!
The food at the Los Lunas, New Mexico, Burger King has gone to pot. Two police officers were eating their burgers until realizing that something was wrong. When one officer noted his burger tasted like it had marijuana in it, they opened the burgers and discovered the green, leafy substance on top of the meat was not lettuce. Officials say that the officers began acting odd after eating the marijuana. Three Burger King employees were arrested and charged with possession of marijuana and aggravated battery on an officer, which is a felony.
The only thing harder than sticking with a diet is keeping quiet about it. The instant I let it slip that I was trying to lose weight, I was inundated with ideas from friends and family. Pills, patches, starvation diets. One person even suggested this weird diet where a doctor puts little pads on your ears. You rub these, “pads”, and supposedly that curbs your hunger. How dumb is that? Anyone try a diet in their past that sounded too good to be true and now just seems silly?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: Upon what smoke-covered mountain did the Lord descend to speak to Moses and give the Ten Commandments?
ANSWER: Mt. Sinai
QUESTION: How many combinations are there to make change for a dollar?
ANSWER: Depending on the combination of coins you have, there are 293 different ways to make change for a dollar.
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- The largest gland in the human body is the tongue. (False, the liver, which is also the largest organ)
- The shortest overtime in National Football League history was 14 seconds. (True, in a September 8, 2002, a game between the New York Jets and the Buffalo Bills. It was accomplished with a kickoff return by Chad Morton, giving the Jets a win)
- In the 1984 film Conan the Destroyer, Wilt Chamberlain portrayed the warrior Bombaata. (True)
- About 47% of humans are left-handed. (False, about 17%)
- The same is true of chimpanzees and gorillas. (True)
- The average person checks the time 90 times a day. (True)
- The signature “Xavier Roberts” is stamped on the bottom of every Bratz doll. (False, Cabbage Patch Kids)
- The American youths succeeding Generation X are collectively referred to as “Generation Next.” (False, “Generation Y”)
- In the early 1990s, a series of fitness videos promoted “Buns of Steel.” (True)
- Between 1931 and 1969, Walt Disney only received 1 oscar. (False, 35)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
ALIEN CHIP FOUND IN _________ SKULL (NAPOLEON’S)
Scientists examining the remains of Napoleon Bonaparte are “deeply puzzled” by the discovery of a half-inch long microchip embedded in his skull.
They say the mysterious object could be an alien implant – suggesting that the French emperor was once abducted by a UFO!
“The possible ramifications of this discovery are almost too enormous to comprehend,” declared Dr. Andre Dubois, who made the astonishing revelation in a French medical journal.
“Until now, every indication has been that victims of alien abduction are ordinary people who play no role in world events.
“Now we have compelling evidence that extraterrestrials acted in the past to influence human history – and may continue to do so!”
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
A lady lost her handbag at the mall. An honest young lad found it and returned it to her. Looking in her purse, she said, “Hmm, that’s funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills.” The boy replied, “That IS funny. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward.”
A man is at Grand Central Station waiting for his train that leaves at 6 p.m., but he has forgotten his watch. So he looks for someone to ask the time. He spots a guy carrying two suitcases and sporting this fabulous hi-tech watch, so he asks him for the time. The guy replies “Sure, which country?”
The fella asks, “How many countries have you got?”
To which the man replies, “All the countries in the world!”
“Wow! That’s a pretty cool watch you’ve got there.”
“That’s nothing,” the man says. “This watch also has a GPS, fax, e-mail and can even receive NTSC television channels and display them on its miniature active color pixel LCD screen!”
“Boy, that’s incredible. I wish I had a watch like that one. You wouldn’t consider selling it by any chance?”
“Well, actually the novelty has worn off for me, so for $900, if you want it, it’s yours.”
The watchless traveler can hardly whip out his checkbook fast enough to hand over a check for $900. The seller takes off the watch and gives it to him. “Congratulations, here is you new hi-tech watch.” Then, handing the two suitcases over as well, he says, “And here are the batteries.”
There were these two guys, walking their dogs; one guy had a Doberman, the other a Chihuahua. As they were walking, they passed a diner and wanted to get in for lunch. But there was a sign in the window that said: NO PETS ALLOWED! So the guy with the Doberman said, “Let’s go in as blind men with seeing-eye dogs!” They agreed that the guy with the Doberman would go in first. The first guy told the guy behind the counter that the Doberman was his seeing-eye dog, so he got in. When the second guy tried to get in, the diner’s owner said, “Excuse me sir but, Chihuahuas are not seeing-eye dogs!” And the second guy said,” WHAT? THEY GAVE ME A CHIHUAHUA?!!”
Make your boss a cup of coffee. A study showed that just by holding the hot liquid, she’ll see you as a warm person. ***MARLAR: Which also explains why my last boss fired me when I bought him a frozen Coke.
A Boston teenager is suing the Department of Education, claiming that the reason his grades are bad in everything except sports is that the school system is biased against males. ***MARLAR: Or maybe because he plays sports instead of doing his homework.
LUMBERJACK (audio clip)
A man comes up to the owner of a lumberjack business and says, “I need a job and I think I’m pretty good.”
The owner replied, “Okay, show me what you can do, chop down that redwood over there.” The man said okay and left. Five minutes later he came back and was done.
The owner was shocked and asked, “How did you chop that tree down so fast?”
The man said, “I got a lot of practice in the Sahara Forest.”
The owner replied, “You mean the Sahara Desert?”
“Yes” he said, “or at least that’s what they call it now.”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
A man with the last name “He” and his girlfriend had planned to wed in a lovely ceremony in China.
Things didn’t end up going as planned when He got into a spat with the bride’s family the night before the big wedding. Apparently, the argument was enough to scare He away and He was a no show at He’s own wedding. The bride’s family decided to get even with He and went to court. The runaway groom was ordered to pay ‘spiritual compensation’ to the family of his would-be bride and the court ordered He to pay $7,500 for damaging the bride’s reputation. ***MARLAR: Whatever happened to jilted brides just grabbing a pint of Haagen Das and settling down for six months of depression and self-loathing?
A smile costs nothing, but gives much. It enriches those who receive, without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he can get along without it, and none is so poor but he can be made rich by it.
A smile creates happiness in the home, fosters goodwill in business, and is the countersign of friendship. It brings rest to the weary, cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and it is natures’ best antidote for trouble. Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed or stolen, for it is something that it is of no value to anyone until it is given away.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
BEING A VESSEL TO BLESS OTHERS
One man gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty. A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed. – (Proverbs 11:24-25)
One of the reasons God entrusts money to us is to bless other Christians by meeting their needs. God uses the transfer of money within the Body of Christ to build unity among Christians. Sometimes we withhold money that God has designated for someone else. He wants to bless through us, but His will cannot be accomplished through us if we are disobedient.
This was the case for a business owner who tells of the time when God told him to forego a company bonus one year. God directed him to share his year-end bonus with an employee to show his appreciation for him. He wrestled with God for three full days before obeying the Lord on the matter. When he finally met with the employee to give him his check, the man said he had been praying about a financial need he had three days earlier. He had decided to borrow the money to meet his need. The amount of money he borrowed was the exact amount the business owner gave him.
God had already planned to provide for the employee through the business owner, but because he was hesitant, he almost missed the opportunity to be an instrument of God in this man’s life. Even so, he could have prevented the man from having to borrow money. It was an important lesson for the business owner. How many people do we let down because we feel the “harvest” God provides is all ours? In America the pressure is always on to move up the ladder of material accumulation. Jesus warned us about this. If our focus is on accumulation, we will not look for opportunities to be God’s vessels of financial blessing to others. Ask the Lord if you have an open hand when it comes to finances.
ARTIFICIAL SWEETENERS MAY NOT BE DOING YOU ANY FAVORS
If you’re trying to lose a few pounds, trading your regular soda for the diet version could be doing more harm than good.
…true, swapping a can of Coke for Coke Zero slices 139 calories from your daily intake, but research from the University of Liverpool in England suggests that your body processes artificial, calorie-free sweeteners the same way it does regular sugar. So the jury is still out on artificial sweeteners, as a recent study found they may help prevent weight gain. So while science continues to debate, cut back on sugar and sweeteners all together — everything in moderation is the real key to weight loss.
LIFE… LIVE IT
Not getting the rest you need? Maybe you have sleep apnea.
…People with breathing problems that disrupt their sleep were less tired after three weeks of treatment with a breathing device compared to those treated with a placebo, U.S. researchers said. The findings show that regular use of treatment with continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP) masks reduces fatigue caused by obstructive sleep apnea, a chronic disorder that affects 12 million Americans. Sleep apnea raises the risk of high blood pressure, heart attack, stroke, irregular heartbeat and diabetes. It occurs when soft tissue in the back of the throat collapses during sleep, blocking the airway and causing the brain to rouse the sleeper, who gasps for air — a cycle that can occur as many as 30 times in an hour.
JUST FOR FUN
TO BE OR NOT TO BE
If it’s not time for you to be taken to heaven, you ain’t going!
If you’re looking for proof that God has an ultimate plan for your life, give a listen to this story. A Miami woman tried to commit suicide, her second attempt inside three days… this time plunging fourteen stories from a high-rise. She landed on her rear, got back on her feet, and walked away… a Honda CRV cushioned her fall. The impact shattered the car’s windows and crushed its roof, but the woman sustained only a broken arm. ***MARLAR: You know God is keeping her around for a reason. Maybe she’ll get a job working in auto crash test safety.
BE AFRAID… BE VERY AFRAID
You already know that people who fear closed-in places suffer from “claustrophobia,” but do you know what to call a fear of bald people? It’s “peladophobia.” Here’s a list of phobias, because the next time someone tells you their darkest fear, you may not be able to help him conquer it, but at least you’ll be able to tell them what it’s called.
- Arachibutyrophobia – Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth and soaking up saliva.
- Helminthophobia – Fear of getting worms.
- Logophobia – Fear of words. Victims quake at the sight of books or even at listening to another person talk.
- Eisoptrophobia – Fear of mirrors.
- Erythrophobia – Fear of blushing. Some people live in terror of others seeing them with a red face. It starts a vicious cycle because the more self-conscious they become about it, the more they blush.
- Pogonophobia – Fear of facial hair. Sufferers cringe at the sight of face stubble, and absolutely panic at seeing a full beard.
- Lachanophobia – Fear of vegetables. Don’t talk to sufferers about eating spinach, green beans or broccoli, these people are terrified by the mere sight of the stuff.
- Levophobia – Fear of objects to the left side of the body.
- Dextrophobia – Fear of objects to the right side of the body.
- Alektorophobia – Fear of fowl – in other words, being chicken of chickens.
- Caligynephobia – Fear of beautiful women. It affects both men and women!
- Clinophobia – Fear of going to bed. Sadly, folks with this fear often suffer from insomnia, which in turn promotes stress, making the condition worse.
THE WAY WE WORK
UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.
The current season of the popular television show Survivor developed a new team theme. Cast members were recruited and divided up into the categories to match their “fit” in the workplace. The so-called white collars were used to giving the orders, blue collars taking the orders, and “no collars” claimed to be carefree spirits not fitting in with either group.
As a television show, audience had the stereotypes reinforced in the earliest episodes. The blue collar team perceived themselves as hard workers and “grunts on the ground,” willing to do whatever was necessary in the wild. The white collar team couldn’t manage to get a fire going, an essential for cleaning, cooking, and so forth. The carefree group wasn’t worried about who was in charge or when things got done. With their fire started, they preferred to take it easy. You get the picture.
Just in as in real life, misconceptions abound. White collars proved quite capable in physical challenges. Blue collars had to make hard decisions and think ahead. And the carefree world of no collars found tension and emotional baggage in struggling to play the game.
Survivor is about winning a million dollars. Strategy, power, and politics play out everywhere. As people are voted off and teams merge, new social maneuvers must be developed and new alliances created.
So what are the real differences between white collar and blue collar and no collar types? I believe much of it is centered in the power to make decisions and live a lifestyle of your preference. Thus, the real color of your collar may have a green tint: money.
As it’s commonly known, when management wants you to perform, it comes down to two things: more money and/or more power. Remove those, and you diminish perceived “collar” value as well.
Two events in sports over the past weekend provide an interesting illustration.
The NFL Draft was held in Chicago. Our city became Draft Town. In a period of three days, a large group of hard working, dirt churning, sweat generating muscle men transitioned from “blue collar” life into millionaires. While they will remain “under the thumb” of coaches and management, control over their lives made a huge leap.
The second event was the highly promoted boxing match of welterweights on Saturday night. A 38-year-old fighter, Floyd Mayweather Jr, defeated the 36-year-old Manny Pacquiao. The decision was unanimous.
Boxing is hard work. I mean REALLY hard work. The training would kill most of us. The actual fight would kill the rest. So you have to have a LOT of blue collar work ethic to win. And you have to be really good…to make a living.
The fight brought in an estimated $300 million. The Mayweather contract required him to receive 60 percent, win or lose. Let’s just say he won’t have to worry about the price of Jelly Bellies in the days ahead.
So as Mayweather takes the gloves off, do any labels come off? Is he a blue collar guy, or is he now white collar? Or no collar? He could buy his own franchise or start a thousand companies where he’s the boss. In the case of both fighters, money has given them leverage over life.
For these new NFL draftees and those boxing professionals, their success came after hard work and listening to tough taskmasters. All true athletes know success requires regimen and training, discipline and following orders. So do military men and women.
There is more to say on this topic, which I will address in my blog two weeks from now, Lord willing.
In the meantime, here is another tip from a “spiritual leadership consultant” known as Peter. He writes, “Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust.” (1 Peter 2:18, ESV)
Ruminate on that for a while. And then we’ll get back together for Round 2 in a couple of weeks.
Ding! There goes the bell.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
MAKE YOURSELF HEART ATTACK PROOF – BUT EAT TO YOUR HEART’S CONTENT!
- Oranges: Reduce blood pressure, cholesterol and heart failure
- Kale: Prevents atherosclerosis
- Garlic: Reduces blood pressure and plaque
- Red wine: Boosts HDL, reduces unwanted clotting
- Dark chocolate: Reduces blood pressure
- Sardines: Lower triglycerides, raise HDL
- Lentils: Reduce blood pressure
- Almonds: Reduce LDL and fatal arrhythmias
- Pomegranates: Reduce atherosclerosis
Updated every Monday! Outlandishly irritating stories I’ve come across over the years. They may not be “new” but they certainly are entertaining – and totally outrageous!
A high school student in Florida was suspended recently for passing around a petition complaining about Confederate symbols at her school.
Krista Adams was angry about tee shirts and bumper stickers around campus with such slogans as “If I had known this, I would have picked my own cotton.” Krista wrote a flier critical of the displays and handed it out around school. Then she passed around a petition urging that the rebel flag be banned from the campus. She got 94 people to sign it. For that, she was suspended for 10 days. The school said it was for distributing unauthorized material on school grounds. ***MARLAR: Yeah, you can’t be spreading free speech around – that could be dangerous!
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends – unless I feel like it.
Noah and Emma were the most popular baby names of 2014, followed by a few newcomers to the top 10 list, like James and Charlotte. According to Time Magazine, The Social Security Administration have released its annual list of the country’s ten most popular baby names for boys and girls. James, a popular choice in the 1940s and ’50s, returned to the top 10 after missing out for several years. And Charlotte, ranked #10, made it to the list of top names for the first time ever. However, the name is likely to stay there, thanks to the recent birth of Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana.
TOP TEN BOY NAMES FOR 2014:
TOP TEN GIRL NAMES FOR 2014:
NASA’s latest out-of-this-world feat happened on planet Earth. According to Fox News, the space agency’s technology was used to find four men trapped for days after the Nepal earthquake. The village of Chautara received two prototype FINDER devices four days after the disaster struck. The development of the handheld gadgets—whose name is an acronym for Finding Individuals for Disaster and Emergency Response—was actually spurred by technology intended for studying the possibility of alien life. They’ve been shown to work through 30 feet of rubble or 20 feet of solid concrete.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
You think the show was great today, just wait until tomorrow when I’m here in person!
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
MAY 08, 2015…
Hot Pursuit—Reese Witherspoon is a police officer and rather soft at heart. She is supposed to protect Sofia Vergara (former wife of a crook) from bad guys. Trouble is, everyone wants Sofia and the two go on the run (remember the team of Melissa McCarthy and Sandra Bullock who were both police officers), and this buddy-picture continues. The cast includes Richard I. Jones and Michael Mosley. “Hot Pursuit” is rated PG 13. No rating and go back and see “Wild” again.
Lambert & Stamp (opening in select cities)—Documentary directed by James D. Cooper. It is about early filmmakers Chris Stamp and Kit Lambert finding things for their rock movie, and in doing so, discovered and worked with the rock group, The Who. “Lambert & Stamp” is not rated. Of interest to rock fans.
The D Train—Jack Black decides to plan the 20th class reunion. How to get people to attend? He asks the guy (James Marsden) who was the most popular man in the class at that time, to attend and help. Things don’t always go as planned in this comedy Also in the cast is Jeffrey Tambor. “The D Train” is rated R. No rating.
Dior and I (opening in select cities)—A documentary about Raf Simons, who with eight weeks to go, took over the reins of the House of Dior and was expected to put on a Haute Couture fashion show. Talk about stress! Besides Simons, there is Anna Wintour, and movie stars Jennifer Lawrence and Sharon Stone. “Dior and I” is not rated. Rating of 2 for fashion fans.
I Am Big Bird (opening in select cities)—Documentary about the man (Caroll Spinney) who has played the popular Sesame Street character from the first day. Yes, he is over 80 years old and still going strong. What stories to tell. Guest appearances are by Bill Henson and Frank Oz, plus directed by Dave LaMattina and Chad Walker. “I Am Big Bird” is rated PG. Rating of 4 for fans.
MAY 15, 2015…
Pitch Perfect 2 follows the exploits of the Bellas as they try to win yet another music competition. Stars Anna Kendrick and Rebel Wilson
Mad Max: Fury Road takes us back to the “Mad Max” era and this time Tom Hardy has the Max role with Charlize Theron as a friend and Nicholas Hoult as the enemy.
Animals (opening in select cities) is a film about drug addiction and stars David Dastmalchian and Kim Shaw.
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