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***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS
***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE
PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150515
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
I just learned something pretty disturbing about the boss. I have to be really careful on the show now. Honestly, the boss has never actually fired anybody… but he has starved 10 or 12 people.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
Jesus said, “I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.” — John 10:28-30
Make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. — Colossians 4:5-6
HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT
You became imitators of us and of the Lord; in spite of severe suffering, you welcomed the message with the joy given by the Holy Spirit. And so you became a model to all the believers… — 1 Thessalonians 1:6-7
Thought: The cycle of faithfulness is illustrated in this passage. The Lord is our great example. People of faith model the Lord’s character and passion to us. We then live that life of faith as an example to others. In other words, the Gospel is more than words! The Gospel is the good news of Jesus taking root in the life of a person until the fruit it bears is enough of an example of the Lord that someone else sees it and begins to live it, too! The Gospel is both caught and taught!
Prayer: Holy God, thank you for making your character known both in Scripture and in human flesh through Jesus. Through your Holy Spirit, I ask that you form in me the character of Christ so that others may see Jesus in my example and live for him. In the precious name of the Savior Jesus I pray. Amen.
“BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
1 John 5:15 NIV = And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.
TODAY IS FRIDAY – MAY 15, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 225 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is FLIP YOUR MATTRESS DAY. ***MARLAR We already did it this morning… it would’ve been nice if my wife had waited until I’d woken up first though.
Today is INTERNATIONAL WALK DAY, a day to leave the car parked and walk. ***MARLAR: Also known as, “I Can No Longer Afford To Buy Gas Day.”
This is UNIVERSAL FAMILIES WEEK, yet today is INTERNATIONAL DAY OF FAMILIES. ***MARLAR: So right there we’ve gone from universal families to international families, automatically leaving out all families that don’t come from Earth.
Today is NEVER TURN YOUR BACK ON THE OCEAN DAY. ***MARLAR: Why? Because it might be waving at you! Get it? Ocean, waving? (Sigh.)
Today is RELIVE YOUR PAST BY LISTENING TO THE FIRST MUSIC YOU EVER BOUGHT NO MATTER WHAT IT WAS NO EXCUSES NOW DAY. ***MARLAR: So now I’ll have the song “Rubber Ducky” stuck by Ernie on Sesame Street stuck in my head all day long. (audio clip)
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
International Day of Families
National Chocolate Chip Cookie Day
Nylon Stocking Day
Peace Officer Memorial Day
International Virtual Assistants Day
- Henry Pun-off Day
National Defense Transportation Day
National Pizza Party Day
COMING UP NEXT
SATURDAY, MAY 16
National Piercing Day
Armed Forces Day
National Learn to Swim Day
SUNDAY, MAY 17
Bay to Breakers Race (Oldest Footrace in America)
Morel Mushroom Day (Weekend after Mother’s Day)
World Information Society Day
World Telecommunications Day
MONDAY, MAY 18
Mother Whistler Day
Visit your Relatives Day
TUESDAY, MAY 19
Boys Club Day
May Ray Day
National Hepatitis Testing Day
National Asian & Pacific Islander, HIV/AIDS Awareness Day
WEDNESDAY, MAY 20
Eliza Doolittle Day
Weights & Measures Day
THURSDAY, MAY 21
American Red Cross Founder’s Day
I Need a Patch For That Day
National Wait Staff Day
Sister Maria Hummel Day
World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue and Development
FRIDAY, MAY 22
Canadian Immigrants Day
Harvey Milk Day
National Maritime Day
National Wig Out Day
ON THIS DAY
1888: The swinging washing machine was patented. The machine was attached to a large swing, which children could swing in and power the machine. ***MARLAR: But then came child labor laws, so they invented electric washing machines instead.
1918: Eddie Arnold was born near Hendersonville, Tennessee. Over 140 of his records made the country charts, including the 1965 crossover hit “Make the World Go Away.”
1930: Ellen Church became the first airline stewardess. Ellen was also a registered nurse. ***MARLAR: Which came in handy when passengers had the in-flight meals.
1933: The first loudspeaker in the U.S. Senate was installed. ***MARLAR: And Nancy Pelosi continues the tradition!
1940: Nylon stockings appeared on sale for the first time in the U.S. ***MARLAR: Giving you one more reason to hate getting the runs.
1942: Gasoline rationing went into effect in 17 states, limiting sales to three gallons a week for non-essential vehicles.
1957: Elvis Presley inhaled a cap from one of his teeth. He was hospitalized in Los Angeles, where surgeons removed the cap from his lung.
1970: A&M Records released Close to You, the Carpenters second album. The title song became the first of six consecutive million sellers by Karen & Richard and led to a Best New Artist Grammy for the duo.
1970: U.S. President Richard Nixon appointed America’s first two female generals.
1972: 21-year-old Arthur Bremer shot Democratic presidential candidate George Wallace four times in Laurel, Maryland. The wounds left Wallace paralyzed for life. A month earlier, Bremer had planned to assassinate President Richard Nixon in Ottawa, but changed his mind at the last minute. He wrote in a diary he wanted “to do something bold and dramatic, forceful & dynamic, a statement of my manhood for the world to see.” Bremer was sentenced to 53 years in prison. with good behavior, he could be released in 2015.
1974: Mr. & Mrs. Frank Zappa announced the birth of their third child, Ahmet Rodan. He was named after a Japanese movie monster who lived on a diet of 707 jets.
1978: Country singer Willie Nelson released Stardust, an album of pop songs. The LP stayed on the music charts for 10 years and sold over 5-million copies.
1982: 27-year-old Ricky Skaggs joined the Grand Ole Opry. He had played mandolin and sung on the Flatt & Scruggs TV show at age 7. (In 1984, 24-year-old Lorrie Morgan became the youngest artist to join the Opry.)
1988: The #1 selling non-fiction book on the New York Times list was Michael Jackson’s autobiography, Moonwalker.
1990: A Pittsburgh man sued his insurance company for canceling his health insurance after confusing his medical history with that of his dog. ***MARLAR: You’d think getting a file with the patient’s name of “Fido” would be a clue.
1992: In New York, a portion of Cruger Avenue in the Bronx was renamed Regis Philbin Avenue.
1994: Actor Gilbert Roland died at age 88. His career stretched from silent movies to his final appearance in the 1982 Willie Nelson film Barbarosa. On television he was The Cisco Kid. ***MARLAR: The series was so popular that this fall a spin-off series starring Pauly Shore will hit the airwaves called The Crisco Kid.
1997: U.S. health officials approved the first nicotine-free anti-smoking drug, Zyban, which worked on chemicals in the brain that control addiction.
2003: Country musician-comic June Carter Cash died at age 73.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1265: Poet and politician Dante Alighieri, author of “The Divine Comedy,” is born in Florence, Italy. Dante finished the epic poem just before his death, and it was quickly recognized as brilliant. His epitaph begins: “Dante the theologian, skilled in every branch of knowledge that philosophy may cherish in her illustrious bosom”
1525: Radical reformer Thomas Munzer and his followers are killed in the Battle of Frankenhausen. Though many of his beliefs were rejected by later, nonviolent Anabaptists, his emphasis on suffering discipleship, his rejection of infant baptism, and his call for judgment of the church became key teachings in the movement.
1948: Father Edward Flanagan, founder of the U.S. Home for Homeless Boys (later called Boys Town) in Omaha, Nebraska, dies. “There is no such thing as a bad boy.”
1967: Tennessee throws out its “monkey law” against the teaching of evolution which had led to the Scopes trial.
1972: US Supreme court decision says the Amish can’t be forced to attend public schools against their religious conviction.
1984: American evangelical Francis A. Schaeffer dies in Rochester, Minnesota. Many of his books, which include The God Who is There (1968) and How Should We Then Live (1976), argue that moral relativity is responsible for social ills.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actress (Meadow on “The Sopranos”) Jamie-Lynn DiScala 34 (audio clip)
- actor (“Melrose Place,” “Baywatch”) David Charvet 43 (audio clip)
- actor-writer (The Usual Suspects, Faithful, Analyze That) Chazz Palminteri 64
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1918 : Eddy Arnold
1937 : Trini Lopez
1939 : Lenny Welch
1942 : K.T. Oslin
1947 : Graham Goble (Little River Band)
1948 : Gary Thain (Uriah Heep)
1951 : Dennis Fredericksen (Toto)
1953 : Mike Oldfield
1970 : Prince Be (PM Dawn)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
Is it true that you shouldn’t go swimming for at least an hour after eating?
According to my mother, when we were at the beach, if the interval between sandwich and salt water were anything less than 90 minutes, it would be cramps and a watery grave for me. Mom, are you listening? There’s no scientific backing for this belief! Cramps from swimming after eating are rare and are not statistically significant in drownings. You can go in right after eating. Of course you wouldn’t want to do anything strenuous in the water right after a meal, just as you wouldn’t on land. Otherwise, to your repertoire of Australian crawl, backstroke, and dog paddle, you will add the upchuck. There is no scientific evidence proving that swimming and eating produce cramps. Muscle cramps are caused by fatigue and chilling and have nothing to do with digestion or with the body focusing its energies on digestion and drawing blood away from the muscles. Long-distance swimmers will actually eat while in the water to avoid fatigue (and, thus, muscle cramps).
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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Mat Kearney says he’s been working on increasing his vocal range and it’s really paying off. Matt shared a short video on Instagram using electronic enhancement to give his voice a chipmunk sound.
A question from Kutless member James Mead.: Are giraffes really tall goats?
Casting Crowns Mark Hall says he learned a valuable lesson from his Bonsai tree. He shared on facebook that any tree can be a bonsai tree. You just plant it in a small pot and then prune it every time it tries to grow. Mark says the same applies to our lives. He says the enemy will use storms and hardships to convince you that you will never be stronger then you are right now. Mark says you can only grow strong when you stop listening to the wrong voices.
Jamie Grace enjoys a wide variety of foods. She tweeted: dear future husband. I LOVE kale. I LOVE salad. I LOVE fruit. but I love chili cheese fries and I ain’t close to ashamed about it.
Jodi and Chris, from the group Love and The Outcome, are back in the studio this week working on record number two. But they haven’t forgotten the important things in life. Jodi and Chris shared a picture this week while on a quick taco break between sessions.
Jamie Grace has gone 23 years without ever tasting cream cheese. She tweeted this week: I just had cream cheese for the first time. My mind is blown at how fantastic it is!
Kutless member James Mead is a fan of the cooking show Chopped on the Food Network. He tweeted this week: I just gave myself 30 minutes, with a pretty odd assortment of “basket ingredients,” and made delicious soup!
WEIRD & WACKY
|A nail in the eye, a lucky landscaper left without a scratch photo
There must have been a four-leaf clover in those weeds. A 27-year-old landscaper escaped with barely a scratch after a nearly 3-inch nail hurtled into his eye when he accidentally hit it with a weed-whacker. Doctors who removed the nail at Boston’s Massachusetts General Hospital describe the case…
|European officials sing “We Are the World” at NATO meeting photo
ANTALYA, Turkey (AP) — In a distinctly different note for a military alliance meeting, European officials ended a NATO meeting with a spirited rendition of “We Are The World.” Taking a break from issues such as the war in Ukraine and instability in the Middle East, NATO and other officials…
|Michigan couple with 12 sons already welcome boy No. 13 photo
ROCKFORD, Mich. (AP) — A Michigan couple who already had 12 sons have kept the all-male streak alive with the birth of boy No. 13 on Wednesday. Jay Schwandt told The Associated Press that his wife Kateri gave birth Wednesday morning, four days after her due date. The couple had said they were…
|Workers find part of 19th century gravestone in Ohio dorm
GRANVILLE, Ohio (AP) — Workers cleaning out a Dennison University dorm in central Ohio found a more than the usual assortment of notebooks and pencils left over from the semester. HASH(0x1432a20) Now, police are looking to find its original resting place. The stone has no name on it….
|Pranksters plant tree at Ohio park – in baseball infield
FRANKLIN, Ohio (AP) — Suspected pranksters have caused a stir by planting a tree at a southwest Ohio park in a particularly inconvenient spot: in the baseball field, smack between home plate and the pitcher’s mound. HASH(0x13d2bf0) Officials with Franklin City Schools are trying to determine…
|Indiana woman receives diploma 82 years after leaving school photo
ANDERSON, Ind. (AP) — An Indiana woman who will turn 100 years old later this month has received her high school diploma more than eight decades after she originally was supposed to graduate. Lora Lois LeMond White Hardy received the certificate Tuesday evening at the Anderson Community…
|Police: Man enraged by lack of mac ‘n cheese at rest stop
NEWBURG, Pa. (AP) — State police say a New York man became angry when he couldn’t get macaroni and cheese at a Pennsylvania Turnpike rest stop, then furious when the same restaurant was out of potatoes. Forty-seven-year-old Kevin Nelson, of Amsterdam, was cited for disorderly conduct…
|Don’t let the slobber fool you, your dog could be a brainiac photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — When her muscles locked and left her unable to move or speak, Wallis Brozman was glad she had a genius for a service dog. Brozman, who has a movement disorder called dystonia, had taken her golden-Labrador retriever mix, Caspin, outside for a potty break without attaching…
|It’s a girl! Zoo finds baby hippo’s gender after 7 weeks photo
SAN DIEGO (AP) — It’s a girl! Finally. The gender of a baby hippo was surprisingly hard to find for the San Diego Zoo, taking nearly two months to uncover. But the zoo said Tuesday that it has determined with 100 percent certainty that the calf born in March is female. Like most hippopotamus…
|Maine Build-A-Bear gift card thief pleads guilty
AUGUSTA, Maine (AP) — A Maine man has pleaded guilty to breaking into neighbors’ homes and stealing items, including eight Build-a-Bear gift cards intended to be Christmas presents for children. HASH(0x13d2890) Investigators say the 30-year-old Lebourdais of Winthrop gave the stolen gift…
|Driver fined after truck tipped, spilled millions of bees photo
LYNNWOOD, Wash. (AP) — The driver of a semitrailer carrying more than 13 million honeybees that overturned and scattered hives on a Washington highway last month has been fined $550. The wreck backed up traffic for miles on Interstate 5 north of Seattle. Beekeepers scrambled to save as many…
HEALTH & FITNESS
|Smokers have better luck quitting when own money wagered photo
NEW YORK (AP) — When it comes to offering cash to get smokers to quit, more people go for the carrots than the stick — but the stick gets better results. In a study released Wednesday, smokers with $150 of their own money at stake were far more likely to quit than smokers who didn’t…
|A nail in the eye, a lucky landscaper left without a scratch photo
There must have been a four-leaf clover in those weeds. A 27-year-old landscaper escaped with barely a scratch after a nearly 3-inch nail hurtled into his eye when he accidentally hit it with a weed-whacker. Doctors who removed the nail at Boston’s Massachusetts General Hospital describe the case…
|Study: Vitamin B3 may help prevent certain skin cancers
For the first time, a large study suggests that a vitamin might modestly lower the risk of the most common types of skin cancer in people with a history of these relatively harmless yet troublesome growths. In a study in Australia, people who took a specific type of vitamin B3 for a year had a 23…
|AP Interview: Pelosi predicts GOP ruin on health care case photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — House Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi predicted Wednesday that Republicans will “rue the day” if the Supreme Court buys their arguments and invalidates tax subsidies for millions of people under President Barack Obama’s health care law. Republicans have said they will try to…
|Dutch court clears man who helped his 99-year-old mother die
THE HAGUE, Netherlands (AP) — A Dutch appeals court on Wednesday cleared a man of any criminal responsibility for helping his 99-year-old mother take her own life — a case that aimed to create precedents for assisting suicide in a country where euthanasia already is legal under certain…
|INSIDE WASHINGTON: No fallout for congressional health plan photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — If the Supreme Court rules the way most Republicans want in the latest health overhaul case, GOP lawmakers who now have insurance coverage under President Barack Obama’s law might have some explaining to do. Members of Congress, staffers and dependents actually get their…
|Report: Binge drinking by young people is increasing
PARIS (AP) — Alcohol consumption in wealthy, developed countries has declined over the past two decades but dangerous binge drinking has increased among the young, according to a new study released Tuesday. The 34-nation Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development says average…
|FDA panel backs Vertex combination pill for cystic fibrosis
WASHINGTON (AP) — Federal health advisers on Tuesday recommended approval for an experimental combination drug to treat cystic fibrosis, despite unresolved questions about the benefit of one of the pill’s two ingredients. Vertex Pharmaceuticals has asked the Food and Drug Administration to…
|Nurse in Italy tests positive for Ebola; was in Sierra Leone
ROME (AP) — Italy’s health ministry says a nurse who came to Italy from Sierra Leone last week has tested positive for the Ebola virus. The ministry said a blood sample was sent to Rome for testing Tuesday from Sardinia, where the nurse had arrived on May 8. The nurse, who wasn’t identified…
|New blood tests, liquid biopsies, may transform cancer care photo
A new type of blood test is starting to transform cancer treatment, sparing some patients the surgical and needle biopsies long needed to guide their care. The tests, called liquid biopsies, capture cancer cells or DNA that tumors shed into the blood, instead of taking tissue from the tumor itself….
|Feds close insurance loopholes on preventive care photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — From contraception to colonoscopies, the Obama administration Monday closed a series of insurance loopholes on coverage of preventive care. The department of Health and Human Services said insurers must cover at least one birth control option under each of 18 methods…
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NEW NEWS KICKERS…
The Bible can’t be the official Tennessee book. According to the attorney general, a bill seeking to make the Bible the state’s official book would violate separation of church and state provisions in the federal and state constitutions. The legal opinion was issued by Attorney General Herbert Slatery a day before the full House was scheduled to vote on the measure. ***So it appears “Green Eggs & Ham” still has a shot.
In a first for Americans, a new study says we’re spending more as a country eating away from home than we are on groceries. According to Commerce Department data, restaurants and bars raked in more in sales in March 2015 than grocery stores, which is a first. ***Well, how else are we supposed to check out all those great places from “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives?”
In this constantly connected digital world, the chirping of a mobile phone beside the bed is rarely a pleasant way to be woken in the morning. But the team behind a new app clearly feel that the tiny rendition of a rumba blaring from your mobile is not enough to drag you from beneath the covers. Instead they have developed an alarm that will only turn off if you physically get out of bed and scan a bar code in another part of your house. The I’m Up mobile app alarm clock is linked to a QR code that may be anywhere in your home, not in arms reach from bed, and the alarm does not go off until you scan the code. ***Although, if you’re one of those people who turn off their alarm by throwing the clock across the room and shattering it to pieces – that might still work for you.
Now there’s a museum specifically designed for social media snapshots. According to Time, a new attraction in the Philippines uses 3D replicas of paintings to put visitors in the center of art’s most famous masterpieces. It has thus been dubbed the planet’s first-ever selfie museum. It allows you to step into van Gogh’s swirly sky, pose for a pic in King Tut’s Tomb, or play a hand with C. M. Coolidge’s poker-loving dogs. ***Personally, I want to get in with Mona Lisa and bring an eyebrow pencil with me. http://ti.me/1Hja6lU
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
A band made $20,000 from Spotify by uploading nothing but 10 silent tracks. ***Unfortunately, the band wasn’t the Black Eyed Peas.
Indian cattle are getting individual identity cards to prevent cattle rustling. Authorities in West Bengal say cows and bulls are often stolen then smuggled into Bangladesh. ***MARLAR: Most of the cows fainted though when shown the ID’s leather carrying case.
A group of librarians wants the Dr. Seuss classic “Hop on Pop” to be banned. They claim that it encourages violence. Is there an epidemic of people jumping on their fathers that I’m not aware of? ***Also, we’re banning “Horton Hears a Who” because it’s discriminatory to hard-of-hearing elephants.
A design team in London has developed an edible water bottle to replace plastic ones. ***Which doesn’t sound very appetizing, unless you’re comparing it to other British cuisine.
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Handcuff a One-Armed Man”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Tim Hawkins, “Costco”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Millard the Monkey was angry because every time he tried to do something amazing, like compose music, for example, Steve Mozart always beat him to it. Millard felt haunted by the very presence of Mozart, and is now determined to find something he can do better than Mozart!
CLOSE: You have to give Millard credit, he truly is working hard to find a way to one-up that genius, Steve Mozart! Will he ever find a way to be better than him? Tune in again next time for As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF MAY 16/17, 2015
OPEN: When last we left the jungle, all of the animals were worried about not being able to get enough done in the day. They held seminars on time-management, made lists of things to do, tried to prioritize their chores in order of importance – they even got up an hour earlier each day just to have more time… but that wasn’t working either, because they just found more they had to do!
CLOSE: So now the animals are so busy that can’t even find a single day off to spend time together! How busy can animals get? We’ll find out how busy next time – As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
The saying goes, “you get what you pay for.” That is, unless you are Washington D.C., where you don’t.
From that hotbed of wisdom and financial responsibility that is Washington DC, comes word that the District of Columbia paid $10 million three years ago for several streetcars made in the Czech Republic. Three years later those streetcars are still in the Czech Republic. That’s because DC has yet to build tracks for the cars and there is no timetable for when a rail line will be built.
TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR DENTIST IS OUT TO HURT YOU
- How is he supposed to fill my cavity with all this duct-tape on my mouth?
- He routinely carves the date and time of your follow-up appointment into your left arm.
- He required thirty-seven x-rays of your teeth…and the lead apron he normally covers his patients with is “at the cleaners”.
- Your jaw doesn’t have room to accommodate your wisdom teeth, so he suggests making a few dozen apointments to remove all of the others so they’ll have room.
- Notches cut into the drill handle.
- After jamming the 6-inch needle into your jaw he responds, “No, that wasn’t the novocaine — I’m just warming up.”
- Insists on playing his “Soothing Sounds of the Rainforest” CD as an alternative to novacaine.
- It’s not the coke bottle glasses or the blood stained smock – it’s the necklace make from human teeth.
- He adjusts the chair so it’s comfortable, but the arm, leg, and head restraints are a little tight….
- Forget the drill, he uses a screwdriver
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
Two crooks are foiled by a fishbowl!
FILE #1: Two men attempting to rob a Winnipeg restaurant were forced to retreat when they were attacked by angry patrons. Police said the robbery went awry when one of the thieves got into a scuffle with a 74-year-old waiter. That’s when customers jumped in to help in any way they could, including a man who smashed a fish bowl over the head of one of the crooks. The robbers left without any cash, but are still on the run.
FILE #2: In Manchester, England, three armed gang members burst into a crowded gym, punched a rival gang member and threatened him with a sub-machinegun in front of shocked onlookers. It might have gone a lot more smoothly for the gang bangers if it weren’t for the uniformed police officers next room giving a talk on the dangers of gun crime. They called in an armed response unit, who caught the punks after a brief chase.
FILE #3: Airport security guards in Tampa busted illegal Peruvian immigrant Maria Riano after she had approached a Continental Airlines counter to buy a ticket to Newark, with eight bulging duffel bags behind her. Apparently new at the smuggling game, Riano froze on the standard airline-traveler question, “Did you pack your own bags?” When she snapped, “Why do you need to know that?” airport security was summoned and found about $25,000 worth of shoplifted upscale clothing in the duffel bags.
STRANGE LAW: In Texas it is illegal to milk another person’s cow.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
One 26-year-old Greenfield, Wisconsin, mom has taken herself out of the running for the Mother of the Year award.
This is probably one of the most disturbing stories we’ve ever had in the “Brain on Drugs” segment. I read this and about hit the ceiling I got so mad. This (lucky for her) unnamed mom was busted at a restaurant for smoking. Actually, mom wasn’t the one smoking – it was her 2-year-old son. The boy’s aunt was also there and she told police that the boy often says “smoke, smoke” and sometimes takes cigarettes out of the pack and puts them in his mouth. But even worse, the aunt said mom also keeps a rolled up dollar bill in the bedroom, which her son plays with. By playing with it, she meant that he holds it up to his nose and says, “fix, fix” over and over again. Some people just shouldn’t be parents.
If you could replay the greatest moment in your life, what would that moment be?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: Who was struck dumb by the Lord and was then only able to speak when the Lord gave him something to say?
ANSWER: Ezekiel (Ezekiel 3:25-27)
QUESTION: On average, how much longer do right-handed people live than left-handed people?
ANSWER: Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do. ***MARLAR: Left-handed people die sooner, possibly due to right-handed scissors accidents.
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- The average dinosaur lived to be over 100 years old. (True)
- Dale Evans’ horse was named Joey. (False, Buttermilk)
- The British title of nobility that is the “highest” is Duke. (True)
- If we refer to some as freestone and others as clingstone, we are talking about Grapes. (False, Peaches)
- Geico insurance company claims you’re in good hands with them. (False, Allstate does)
- If lovers are said to be “star-crossed,” their relationship is Doomed. (True)
- The group known as PETA is against the abuse of Alcohol. (False, Animals)
- The term “Impressionism” was prompted by an 1872 painting by Ben Franklin. (False, Claude Monet)
- Serotonin is a powerful vasoconstrictor found in blood serum. (True)
- The first fast-food chain was McDonalds. (False, White Castle)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
DWARF _______ (EMPIRE)
A Dwarf Empire has formed in China – and they are preparing a fight to secede and form their own country.
Dwarves from all over China have come to Kunming in the southwestern part of the country. Their mission: to form a Dwarf Empire and – conquer the world.
In the meantime, they have to make a living… SO, twice a day the dwarves perform a variety show, including acrobatics, sports, singing and dancing – all for tourists.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
A member of the U.S. Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout, “Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!”
All the other Senators demanded that the angry member withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session.
After a long pause, the angry member acquiesced. “OK,” he said, “I withdraw what I said. Half of this Senate is NOT made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!”
The school of agriculture’s dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective student, “Why have you chosen this career?” he asked.
“I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father,” the student replied.
“Wow! Your father made a million dollars in farming?” echoed the dean, much impressed.
“No,” replied the applicant. “But he always dreamed of it.”
A pediatrician in town always plays a game with some of his young patients to put them at ease and test their knowledge of body parts.
One day, while pointing to a little boy’s ear, the doctor asked him, “Is this your nose?”
Immediately the little boy turned to his mother and said, “Mom, I think we’d better find a new doctor!”
California leads all U.S. states in the number of turkeys raised. ***MARLAR: And some of them, it seems, may have participated in formulating the state’s energy policies.
There may be as many chickens in the world as there are people. ***MARLAR: We don’t know for sure though because chickens have a poor response rate when it comes to the census.
An American journalist was stopped at a Russian Checkpoint in the bullet-pocked suburb of Chechnya. The Russian soldier said, “Get out of the car and open the trunk!”
The American replied, “I’m sorry, but the handbrake on the car is broken. I can’t take my foot off the brake or it’ll roll back down the hill.”
So the Russian says, “Do you take me for a FOOL?!” as he slides into the passenger seat, and stamps his big boot onto the brake pedal. “Now, go and open the trunk!”
So the journalist reluctantly complies with the soldiers request and goes and opens the trunk of the car. “Now”, shouts the Russian from inside the car, “Is there any contraband in there?”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
How bad was your worst day? Poor Justin Hill probably has you beat.
Justin Hill was turning into the driveway of his home in Rock Island, Tennessee. Unfortunately that turn took him into the path of an oncoming vehicle. When his wife heard the crash, she left the dinner cooking on the stove unattended and ran out of their trailer to see what happened. As Justin was being taken to the hospital, he watched as his dinner and home went up in flames. The day got even worse for Justin as he was ticketed in the accident for failure to yield.
Some may think spending the day with a child is doing ‘nothing much.’ Here’s why it’s the most important thing in the world. –By Tonna Canfield
After eating breakfast, my little girl says, “Mommy, will you watch this show with me?” I look at the breakfast dishes in the sink and then at her big brown eyes.
“Okay,” I say, and we snuggle together on the couch and watch her favorite show.
After the show, we put together a puzzle and I head for the kitchen to wash those dirty dishes when the phone rings. “Hi,” my friend says, “What have you been doing?”
“Well,” I say, “watching my little one’s favorite show with her and putting together a puzzle.”
“Oh,” she says, “so you’re not busy today.”
No, I think to myself, just busy making memories.
After lunch, Erica says, “Mommy, please play a game with me.” Now I am looking at not only the breakfast dishes but also the lunch dishes piled in the sink. But again, I look at those big brown eyes and I remember how special it felt when my mom played games with me when I was a little girl.
“Sounds like fun,” I answer, “but just one game.” We play her favorite game, and I can tell she is delighting in every moment.
When the game ends, she says, “Please read me a story.”
“Okay,” I say, “but just one.”
After reading her favorite story, I head for the kitchen to tackle those dishes. With the dishes now done, I start to fix supper. My willing little helper comes eagerly to the kitchen to help me with my task. I’m running behind and thinking about how much faster I could do this if my sweet little one would just go play or watch a video, but her willingness to help and her eagerness to learn how to do what her mommy is doing melts my heart, and I say, “Okay, you can help,” knowing it will probably take twice as long.
As supper is about ready, my husband comes home from work and asks, “What did you do today?”
I answer, “Let’s see, we watched her favorite show and we played a game and read a book. I did the dishes and vacuumed; then with my little helper, I fixed supper.”
“Great,” he says, “I’m glad you didn’t have a busy day today.”
But I was busy, I think to myself, busy making memories.
After supper, Erica says, “Let’s bake cookies.”
“Okay,” I say, “let’s bake cookies.”
After baking cookies, once again I am staring at a mountain of dishes from supper and cookie baking, but with the smell of warm cookies consuming the house, I pour us a glass of cold milk and fill a plate with warm cookies and take them to the table. We gather around the table eating cookies, drinking milk, talking and making memories.
No sooner have I tackled those dishes than my little sweetie comes tugging at my shirt, saying, “Could we take a walk?”
“Okay,” I say, “let’s take a walk.” The second time around the block I’m thinking about the mountain of laundry that I need to get started on and the dust encompassing our home; but I feel the warmth of her hand in mine and the sweetness of our conversation as she enjoys my undivided attention, and I decide at least once more around the block sounds like a good idea.
When we get home, my husband asks, “Where have you been?”
“We’ve been making memories,” I say.
A load in the wash and, my little girl all bathed and in her gown, the tiredness begins to creep in as she says, “Let’s fix each other’s hair.”
I’m so tired! my mind is saying, but I hear my mouth saying, “Okay, let’s brush each other’s hair.” With that task complete, she jumps up excitedly, “Let’s paint each other’s nails! Please!” So she paints my toenails, and I paint her fingernails, and we read a book while waiting for our nails to dry. I have to turn the pages, of course, because her fingernails are still drying.
We put away the book and say our prayers. My husband peeks his head in the door, “What are my girls doing?” he asks.
“Making memories,” I answer.
“Mommy,” she says, “will you lay with me until I fall asleep?”
“Yes,” I say, but inside I’m thinking, I hope she falls asleep quickly so I can get up; I have so much to do.
About that time, two precious little arms encircle my neck as she whispers, “Mommy, nobody but God loves you as much as I do.” I feel the tears roll down my cheeks as I thank God for the day we spent making memories.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
READ: Exodus 12:21-30
The Lord will . . . not allow the destroyer to come into your houses to strike you. —Exodus 12:23
My friends Deb and Bryce were invited by some Jewish friends to attend their seder dinner. This is a celebration held by Jewish families to commemorate the first Passover in Egypt (Exodus 12:24-27). The entire family becomes involved, including the little children.
Deb and Bryce expected a somber evening, but they discovered a joyous celebration. At the beginning of the meal, a piece of bread was halved. One half was shared by the guests; the other half was hidden by the youngest family member. All the adults searched for it, to the child’s delight. When the bread was not discovered, it was ransomed by the child amid great laughter. Then followed an evening of stories and songs, and the oft-repeated phrase: “L’Chayim! To life!”
Why not a joyous celebration? The Passover marks the deliverance of Israel from slavery and the “destroyer.”
The Passover meal Jesus and His disciples shared the night before His death was a celebration too, but with serious overtones. It signaled the beginning of the events that led to His sacrifice and our redemption from sin and Satan.
From spiritual slavery to spiritual freedom. From death to life. As we celebrate our deliverance, we too can say with joy to one another, “L’Chayim! To life!”
—David C. Egner
ISLAMIC DIVORCE NOT BINDING IN MARYLAND
He Hates Confrontation – The Maryland Court of Appeals ruled that saying, “I divorce thee” three times is not valid in Maryland. A World Bank economist who moved there from Pakistan in 1985 went to the Pakistan Embassy in D.C. and used the Islamic method to divorce his wife of over 20 years without telling her so he could keep her from getting any of his $2 million fortune. But the Court ruled that no matter where you’re from, in Maryland, saying, “I divorce thee” three times isn’t enough.
LIFE… LIVE IT
There is one small glimmer of good news with the high gas prices.
People who bought one of those hybrids are recouping the higher cost of the vehicle in less time. While projections for breaking even had been around five years, rising gas prices have driven that down to two or three years. On the downside, increased demand for the hybrids is driving up their prices. Of course, not all hybrids are created economically equal. At current fuel prices, the Toyota Highlander hybrid takes 12.7 years to break even and the Saturn Aura takes 24.3 years. But those don’t top the list. The $106,000 Lexus LS600h hybrid, compared with the gasoline version will take you 102.6 years.
JUST FOR FUN
Want to stop unauthorized people from parking in handicapped spaces? Embarrass them! In one English town, people who park without a permit in handicapped parking spaces will be asked to move their cars or face the consequences of getting a ticket. But it won’t be a person telling them to do it… it will be the parking meter! It’s a special parking meter that senses when a car has arrived in the space. Once you’ve parked in the handicapped space and open your door, you’ll hear: “Welcome to Stockport Town Hall. Please note that you are parked in a disabled parking space and must be able to display a relevant badge. If you do not display a relevant badge, you will receive a parking ticket. These conditions apply 24 hours a day, seven days a week.” The idea is to make the person parking there feel really uncomfortable if they’re not handicapped. ***MARLAR: We need one of these things at the grocery store in the “Ten Items or Less” line!
THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A COP WHEN YOU’RE PULLED OVER
- Back off Barney, I’ve got a piece.
- Want to race to the station, Sparky?
- I know I was weaving, but I can’t find the Honeycomb Hideout!
- Hey, wasn’t your daughter a pork queen?
- I’m surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!
- Hey, you must’ve been doing about 125mph to keep up with me! Good job!
- Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.
- I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer.
- Excuse me. Is “stick up” hyphenated?
- You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
- You’re not gonna check the trunk, are you?
- Gee, officer! That’s terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!
- Aren’t you one of the Village People?
THE WAY WE WORK
UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.
There are some deals in life that are simply too good to be true. Unfortunately, I’ve been the victim of a few. Like…a timeshare. I’ll spare you the morbid details.
The “deals” I enjoy most are the TV pitches where the add ons keep getting better and better. If you actually get to the point of determining you can’t live without a cleaning device for between your car seats, the announcer chimes in with the legendary, “But wait!” As it turns out, if you buy now, they’ll give you a second item FREE. And as you reach for the phone…“there’s STILL more!” Oh my.
This week on my talk show, we will have two days devoted to asking for donations to help families in Guatemala and Haiti. The specific request is for $50 as a one-time gift to provide a child with food for a year and clean water for a lifetime. I know, it sounds too good to be true. The ministry is Food for the Poor. (FFTP)
Having traveled with a team of folks from FFTP to Guatemala a few months back, I was able to see the programs they have implemented. I observed a number of women who have devoted their lives to restoring the health of malnourished children. I witnessed school programs where lunch is provided and smiling grade schoolers run around with energy and hope.
The hardest part of the visit was being on site where multiple families live just a few miles from Guatemala City. Getting to their remote location was a challenge in itself. Hearing (through interpreters) how these families manage to survive will soften any hardened heart.
The water problem was too much to take in. That’s because there IS NO running water. Fifty gallon drums of non potable water are filled once a week IF a truck from the city can make it to these remote locations. This water must then be boiled to use for cooking and drinking. The food crisis is equally as challenging. And so along comes Food for the Poor.
Standing in the midst of these families who live in non-climate controlled shacks with corrugated metal roofs, it’s easy to say, “I can make a difference for these people.” We live in a place on this planet where we let clean water run just to get it warm. We water lawns. We often waste clean water in ways we don’t even consider. Thus, the idea of clean water for a child for a lifetime for $50 seems like an offer too good to be true. Oh…let’s not forget this also feeds the child for a year.
The men and women in these countries who aid these very poor do not live in comfort themselves. Their daily work is only to serve. As the director of a nutritional clinic told me through her tears, “Each face I see reminds me of Jesus.”
It makes sense. Jesus said it this way: “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what’s coming to you in this kingdom. It’s been ready for you since the world’s foundation. And here’s why: I was hungry and you fed me, I was thirsty and you gave me a drink, I was homeless and you gave me a room, I was shivering and you gave me clothes, I was sick and you stopped to visit, I was in prison and you came to me.’
“Then those ‘sheep’ are going to say, ‘Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?’ Then the King will say, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.’ (Matthew 25:34-40/ The Message)
This week my assignment is to to help raise support for 200 children. It’s not a big “ask.” Feed a child for a year. Provide that child clean water for a lifetime. Just a $50 one-time gift.
But wait! There’s more! Also included is a change from hopelessness to hope. From fear to encouragement. From sickness to health. If you’re interested in helping the cause, visit 1160hope.com. You’ll find a banner to click on that says “Give Life.” Pretty simple, huh?
The face of Jesus is waiting.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
THINGS EVERY MOM SHOULD HAVE IN THE CAR
Snacks: Yes, snacks – the culprit to the crumbs that never disappear. Which would you rather have though…crumbs or hungry, crying children?
Spray Bottle: One mother said she uses a spray bottle to squirt her kids when they are fighting. It shocks them and they hate it. That’s funny.
Water: It’s always nice to have water handy, especially when rushing off to soccer games or other activities. Not to mention how much you may consume just sitting in the car.
Emergency Kit: This is a great item that may be easily overlooked. But one that would be essential if stranded somewhere. Flashlights, batteries and extra clothes could really come in handy in a sticky situation.
Hand Sanitizer: One mother said that as soon as her kids get in the car from school, the first thing they do is de-germ. She has this sitting in her console to help fight the bugs.
Baby Wipes: Whether you have a baby or not, baby wipes can help out when you hear “Mom! I just spilled!” These are instant, handy seat-washers and sticky-finger-fixers.
Music: Kids love music and most moms agreed that music is a must. Bring music thatwon’t make you, as an adult, go crazy
Trash Bags: Wipes, tissues, half-eaten snacks and wrappers need a home, unless you want them shoved down the seat belt hole. A trash helps contain the mess. There are several that are tailored for cars.
Updated every Monday! Outlandishly irritating stories I’ve come across over the years. They may not be “new” but they certainly are entertaining – and totally outrageous!
A high school student in Florida was suspended recently for passing around a petition complaining about Confederate symbols at her school.
Krista Adams was angry about tee shirts and bumper stickers around campus with such slogans as “If I had known this, I would have picked my own cotton.” Krista wrote a flier critical of the displays and handed it out around school. Then she passed around a petition urging that the rebel flag be banned from the campus. She got 94 people to sign it. For that, she was suspended for 10 days. The school said it was for distributing unauthorized material on school grounds. ***MARLAR: Yeah, you can’t be spreading free speech around – that could be dangerous!
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends – unless I feel like it.
The Women on 20s campaign, which is seeking to put a female face on the $20 bill, has announced a winner. According to NPR News, Harriet Tubman, the escaped slave whose ingenuity and courage led other captives to freedom, narrowly edged out Eleanor Roosevelt. According to Women on 20s, Tubman finished with 118,328 votes out of more than 600,000 cast over 10 weeks. A petition has now been sent to President Obama asking him “to order the Secretary of the Treasury to change the current portrait portrayed on the American $20 bank note. http://n.pr/1cTL8OJ
PHONER: What do your listeners think of this? Good idea? Bad? It’s only been U.S. Presidents before now – so this is more than just a gender change.
A bit of trivia for numbers geeks and type A people who crave order. Every number from May 10 through May 19 is the same read forward and backwards. Starting with 5/10/15 and continuing through 5/19/15, each date is perfectly balanced. http://abcn.ws/1Ey5x1D
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
“My uncle had a rabbit’s foot for thirty years. His other foot was quite normal.” –Tom Griffin
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
MAY 15, 2015…
Mad Max: Fury Road—Remember the intensity of the chases in the original “Mad Max” films? I think I remolded the arm rest in the theater during “The Road Warrior.” Here they come again (move over “Furious 7”) only on the desert of a decimated landscape. Max (Tom Hardy) is trying to help a fighting Furiosa (Charlize Theron) take women to safety across the desert while the bad guys are chasing after them, chains and all. It is a desperate chase and a desperate life. You want to brush the grit from your hands. Hugh Keays-Bryne is Importan Joe, the villain. “Mad Max: Fury Road” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans of the films. Most of the stunts are supposed to be real.
Pitch Perfect 2—The Bellas want to win and this time it is an international music competition. Now, three years later and Fat Amy (Rebel Wilson) has done something to disgrace the group. With newcomer Hailee Steinfeld in the group, Anna Kendrick, Brittany Snow and others try to work their way to the top again. The first film was a sleeper hit. ”Pitch Perfect 2″ is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for singing fans
Far From The Madding Crowd (opening in select cities)—The latest adaptation of the Thomas Hardy novel about the landowner, Bathsheba (Carey Mulligan) and her three suitors, a wealthy farmer (Michael Sheen), a military man (Tom Sturridge) and a shepherd (Matthias Schoenert.) Decisions…decisions and set against the beautiful moors. “Far From The Madding Crowd” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans of the novel.
Animals—(opening in select cities) This is a film about drug addiction and how it can creep upon you and destroy your life, relationships and anyone around it. Stars David Dastmalchian, Kim Shaw and John Heard. “Animals” is rated R. No rating.
MAY 22, 2015…
Poltergeist is a remake of the classic horror film about haunting a family. Stars Sam Rockwell.
Tomorrowland is a science fiction fantasy film starring George Clooney and Britt Robertson. There is a secret Utopia somewhere and how to find it?
Slow West is a western about trying to find people in the Old West when you are a tenderfoot. Stars Kodi Smit-McPhee and Michael Fassbender.
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