May 17, 2015: Sunday ONAIRprep

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***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS

***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150517

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

The time is 6:05. And incredible as it may seem, this makes several days in a row at this exact same time that’s it’s been 6:05!

 

The following program is guaranteed to offend almost everybody in the audience at some point of the show. If, after the show is over, you feel offended because we did not offend you, please accept our apologies. (Toms Lake Humor Company)

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

It is written, “As surely as I live,” says the Lord, “every knee will bow before me; every tongue will confess to God.” — Romans 14:11

 

The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. — Zephaniah 3:17

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

A wicked man puts up a bold front, but an upright man gives thought to his ways. — Proverbs 21:29

 

Thought: When we harbor wickedness in our hearts, there are all sorts of “fronts” we have to keep up so people won’t know the truth about us. But if righteousness is our aim, we’ll try to live up to that goal with honesty. When we blow it, we’ll be honest and ask forgiveness, learning from our mistakes. We won’t put up a facade. We know that even though we’re flawed, God is not through working on us yet!

 

Prayer: Thank you, Almighty God, for the many times you have forgiven me. I’m sorry for the times I’ve tried to hide my sin from others and from you. I want to live an honest, upright life, bringing glory to you in what I do, what I say, and how I treat others. Please grant me this grace with increasing measure day by day. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV = Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

 

 

TODAY IS SUNDAY – MAY 17, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 223 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is WATCH A BABY FALL ASLEEP DAY. ***MARLAR: If you can’t find a baby, your boss will do.

 

Today is TELL AN UMPIRE, “I LOVE YOUR OUTFIT” DAY. ***MARLAR: Black and white stripes are definitely you! Did you learn to dress like that in prison?

 

This is INTERNATIONAL PICKLE WEEK. ***MARLAR: We know that if life gives you a lemon you’re supposed to make lemonade. But if life gives you a pickle you might as well give up, because really, who wants pickle-ade?

 

This is NATIONAL EGG WEEK.  According to Dr. Beryl West, how you like your eggs reveals a lot about your personality:

  • Sunny-side up: You are an optimist and easy going.
  • Hard-boiled: You’re a no-nonsense type. You’re quick to form opinions.
  • Soft-boiled: You’re gentle, sensitive, neat – but you’re not always easy to please.
  • Scrambled: You’re agreeable and very steady. You go with the flow.
  • Over easy: You are very precise. You know exactly what you want out of life.
  • Poached: You are very orderly – you don’t like to see anything out of its place.
  • Omelets: You enjoy taking risks.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Bay to Breakers Race (Oldest Footrace in America)

Morel Mushroom Day (Weekend after Mother’s Day)

Neighbor Day

World Hypertension Day

World Information Society Day

World Telecommunications Day

World Neurofibromatosis Day (NF Day)

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

MONDAY, MAY 18

HIV Vaccine Awareness Day

I Love Reeses Day

International Museum Day

Mother Whistler Day

Visit your Relatives Day

Accountant’s Day / Accounting Day

 

TUESDAY, MAY 19

Boys Club Day

May Ray Day

National Hepatitis Testing Day

National Museum Day

National Asian & Pacific Islander, HIV/AIDS Awareness Day

World Autoimmune Arthritis Day

 

WEDNESDAY, MAY 20

Eliza Doolittle Day

Emergency Medical Services for Children Day

National Employee Health and Fitness Day

Turn Beauty Inside Out Day

Weights & Measures Day

 

THURSDAY, MAY 21

American Red Cross Founder’s Day

End of the World / Rapture Party Day (prediction)

Hummus Day

I Need a Patch For That Day

National Wait Staff Day

One Day Without Shoes Day

Red Nose Day

Sister Maria Hummel Day

World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue and Development

 

FRIDAY, MAY 22

Canadian Immigrants Day

Don’t Fry Day

Harvey Milk Day

National Maritime Day

National Title Track Day

World Goth Day

Heat Awareness Safety Day

National Wig Out Day

 

SATURDAY, MAY 23

International Day to End Obstetric Fistula

International Jazz Day

Julia Pierpont Day

Declaration of the Bab Day

National Heritage Breeds Day

National Polka Day

National Taffy Day

World Crohn’s and Colitis Day

World Turtle Day

 

SUNDAY, MAY 24

Brother’s Day

Indianapolis 500

International Tiara Day

Morse Code Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1620: The first merry-go-round on record was set up at a fair in Philippolis, Turkey.

 

1836: Sir Norman Lockyer was born. Sir Norman discovered helium. ***MARLAR: Useful for balloons and creating munchkin voices.

 

1875: Aristides won the first Kentucky Derby.

 

1876: Gen. George Custer and the 7th Cavalry left Fort Abraham Lincoln in the Dakota Territory for the Little Big Horn. As they departed, the band played “The Girl I Left Behind Me.”

 

1939: There were only 400 television sets in America at the time, but with a single camera near the third-base line, WXBS-TV in New York became the first station to televise a sporting event, a baseball game between Columbia and Princeton. ***MARLAR: Proving that there wasn’t anything good on TV back then either.

 

1954: In “Brown vs. Board of Education of Topeka,” the U.S. Supreme Court ruled racially segregated public schools were inherently unequal.

 

1975: Elton John’s “Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy” became the first record album to sell a million copies the day it was released.

 

1978: U.S. President Jimmy Carter welcomed President Kenneth Kaunda of Zambia. It was the first time women appeared in the White House Honor Guard.

 

1985: Bobby Ewing died on the season finale of “Dallas” on CBS-TV. He returned the following season. It was all a dream. (audio clip)

 

1991: A woman evicted from a hotel room in Berkeley, California, set a record by leaving behind in the room 85 cats. ***MARLAR: How do you gracefully get out of this one? “Oh, I must’ve missed that when I was packing my suitcase!”

 

1992: Bandleader Lawrence Welk died of pneumonia at age 89. His syndicated TV show continues in reruns. (audio clip)

 

1993: The first computers using Intel’s new Pentium processor were introduced.

 

1999: Makah Indians in Washington state harpooned a gray whale for the first time in 70 years.

 

1999: A Toronto judge dismissed a claim that Canadian Defense Minister Art Eggleton, Citibank, and several drug store chains were conspiring to kill a complainant because he was a Martian. The judge ruled that since the petitioner claimed not to be human, he had no status before the court. ***MARLAR: I may have to keep that in mind when I get my next jury duty notice. (audio clip)

 

2001: The U.S. Postal Service issued a stamp featuring the Charles M. Schulz “Peanuts” comic strip.

 

2003: A 77-year-old German driver on his way to collect an award for 25 years of accident free motoring was pulled up by police for driving without a license. The man told police his license had been taken away 25 years earlier, and he had continued driving safely without it.

 

2004: Actor Tony Randall died at age 84. (audio clip)

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

352: Liberius was elected 36th pope of the Early Church. During this time the dispute between Arius and Athanasius was at its height, and after vacillating earlier, Liberius vindicated himself as a champion of Nicene orthodoxy.

 

1291: Scottish medieval Franciscan philosopher John Duns Scotus, 25, was ordained. He believed in “divine will” rather than “divine intellect,” and founded a scholastic system called Scotism. In the Catholic Church he is known as “the Subtle Doctor.”

 

1559: John Knox reaches Edinburgh after imprisonment and a stint in the French galleys. He will lead Reformation in his native Scotland.

 

1844: Birth of Julius Wellhausen, the German biblical scholar who, in his 1878 History of Israel, first advanced the JEDP Hypothesis, claiming that the Pentateuch (i.e., the first five O.T. books) was a compilation of four earlier, literary sources.

 

1881: The Revised Version (EV or ERV) of the New Testament was first published in England. The Old Testament was completed in 1885. In 1905 the American Standard Version (ASV) À__À based on the textual foundation of the ERV À__À was published in the U.S.

 

1928: First flight of the Australian Aerial Medical service, with K. St. Vincent Welch as the flying doctor. This ministry was conceived and promoted by John Flynn, a Presbyterian minister.

 

1942: Conservative Baptist Association was formed due to doctrinal differences with American Baptists

 

1947: The Conservative Baptist Association of America (CBAA) was formally established at Atlantic City, NJ, as a breakaway movement from within the American Baptist Convention.

 

1972: A Hutu bishop, Father Michael Kayoya of Berundi, a small nation in eastern Africa, is executed. He was one of thousands executed in the genoicidal murder. About one half of all Catholic catechists in Berundi were killed by rival Tutsi tribesmen.

 

1982: The ailing pastor Lin Xiangao is arrested in Guangzhou, China, for holding house church services despite a government ban.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (“Damages”, “Big Shots”, “The Agency”) Paige Turco 50 (audio clip)
  • Former boxer Sugar Ray Leonard 59
  • actor/comedian (“Full House,” “America’s Funniest Home Videos,” “One Versus One Hundred”) Bob Saget, 59 (audio clip)
  • Actor (Aliens, Twister, True Lies) Bill Paxton, 60 (audio clip)

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1866 : Erik Satie

1921 : Bob Merrill

1925 : Red Smiley (Reno and Smiley)

1941 : Malcolm Hale (Spanky and Our Gang)

1942 : Taj Mahal

1944 : Jesse Winchester

1949 : Bill Bruford (Yes, King Crimson)

1952 : Roy Adams (The Climax Blues Band)

1953 : George Johnson (The Brothers Johnson)

1955 : Steve Earle

1959 : Paul Di’Anno (Iron Maiden)

1961 : Enya

1964 : Dave Abbruzzese (Pearl Jam)

1965 : O’Dell (Mint Condition)

1965 : Trent Reznor (Nine Inch Nails)

1970 : Darnell Van Rensalier (Shai)

1970 : Jordan Knight (New Kids on the Block)

1973 : Joshua Homme (Kyuss, Queens Of The Stone Age)

1976 : Kandi Burruss (Xscape)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

We’re used to seeing animals with one or two horns… but what about more than that?

How about an animal with FOUR horns?!? I didn’t think this was a reality until just now. There is an antelope in India that has four horns. It’s called… are you ready for this? It’s called the “Four Horned Antelope.” It’s name may not be very inventive, but God was sure inventive when putting it together. The antelope has two horns where you’d expect them to be, on top of his head – between his ears. And then the other two horns – a smaller pair – are just over his eyes. It’s only the males that have the four horns though… the females have no horns at all. As for using the horns… they have nothing on that trucker that followed me to the radio station today – he was leaning on his.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Mat Kearney says he’s been working on increasing his vocal range and it’s really paying off. Matt shared a short video on Instagram using electronic enhancement to give his voice a chipmunk sound.

 

A question from Kutless member James Mead.: Are giraffes really tall goats?

 

Casting Crowns Mark Hall says he learned a valuable lesson from his Bonsai tree. He shared on facebook that any tree can be a bonsai tree. You just plant it in a small pot and then prune it every time it tries to grow. Mark says the same applies to our lives. He says the enemy will use storms and hardships to convince you that you will never be stronger then you are right now. Mark says you can only grow strong when you stop listening to the wrong voices.

 

Jamie Grace enjoys a wide variety of foods. She tweeted: dear future husband. I LOVE kale. I LOVE salad. I LOVE fruit. but I love chili cheese fries and I ain’t close to ashamed about it.

 

Jodi and Chris, from the group Love and The Outcome, are back in the studio this week working on record number two. But they haven’t forgotten the important things in life. Jodi and Chris shared a picture this week while on a quick taco break between sessions.

 

Jamie Grace has gone 23 years without ever tasting cream cheese. She tweeted this week: I just had cream cheese for the first time. My mind is blown at how fantastic it is!

 

Kutless member James Mead is a fan of the cooking show Chopped on the Food Network. He tweeted this week: I just gave myself 30 minutes, with a pretty odd assortment of “basket ingredients,” and made delicious soup!

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

South African cyclist hits dead buffalo in city suburb
JOHANNESBURG (AP) — Cyclists in South Africa’s biggest city usually worry about getting hit by vehicles. But one cyclist rode into an unexpected obstacle in Johannesburg’s suburbs: a dead buffalo. Andrew McLean said Friday that he suffered a damaged ligament on his collarbone and a broken…

 

A nail in the eye, a lucky landscaper left without a scratch    photo
There must have been a four-leaf clover in those weeds. A 27-year-old landscaper escaped with barely a scratch after a nearly 3-inch nail hurtled into his eye when he accidentally hit it with a weed-whacker. Doctors who removed the nail at Boston’s Massachusetts General Hospital describe the case…
Lawmakers try to de-bat chamber as interloper halts debate
MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) — The Vermont Statehouse chamber was evacuated after a brown bat flew in to join the state’s lawmakers. HASH(0x1401910) The bat flew around in circles several times before House Speaker Shap Smith called a 10-minute recess. House leadership hoped the bat would eventually…
Michigan couple: Name for son No. 13 still up in air    photo
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. (AP) — A Michigan man whose 13th son was just born says he’s convinced that “medically, it’s just not possible” for him and his wife to produce a daughter. He also says it’s proving a challenge to agree on a name for their newborn. HASH(0x142f290) The baby and 40-year-old…
Skunk, groundhog blamed for vandalism at Maine cemetery
ROXBURY, Maine (AP) — A couple of varmint vandals are hitting a small western Maine town hard. A skunk and a groundhog have caused damage to three flat stone markers at a cemetery in Roxbury, a town with a population of fewer than 400 residents. HASH(0x140f7c0) The town hired a trapper to…
Police: Gun found in hollowed-out Bible at suspect’s home
SPRINGFIELD, Mass. (AP) — Massachusetts police executing a search warrant at a drug suspect’s home say they found a gun inside a hollowed-out Bible on his nightstand. Police say an officer involved in Wednesday night’s raid in Springfield opened the Bible and found the pages had been cut out…
Workers find part of 19th century gravestone in Ohio dorm
GRANVILLE, Ohio (AP) — Workers cleaning out a Dennison University dorm in central Ohio found a more than the usual assortment of notebooks and pencils left over from the semester. HASH(0x1396de0) Now, police are looking to find its original resting place. The stone has no name on it….
Pranksters plant tree at Ohio park – in baseball infield
FRANKLIN, Ohio (AP) — Suspected pranksters have caused a stir by planting a tree at a southwest Ohio park in a particularly inconvenient spot: in the baseball field, smack between home plate and the pitcher’s mound. HASH(0x140d320) Officials with Franklin City Schools are trying to determine…
Indiana woman receives diploma 82 years after leaving school    photo
ANDERSON, Ind. (AP) — An Indiana woman who will turn 100 years old later this month has received her high school diploma more than eight decades after she originally was supposed to graduate. Lora Lois LeMond White Hardy received the certificate Tuesday evening at the Anderson Community…
Police: Man enraged by lack of mac ‘n cheese at rest stop
NEWBURG, Pa. (AP) — State police say a New York man became angry when he couldn’t get macaroni and cheese at a Pennsylvania Turnpike rest stop, then furious when the same restaurant was out of potatoes. Forty-seven-year-old Kevin Nelson, of Amsterdam, was cited for disorderly conduct…
Don’t let the slobber fool you, your dog could be a brainiac    photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — When her muscles locked and left her unable to move or speak, Wallis Brozman was glad she had a genius for a service dog. Brozman, who has a movement disorder called dystonia, had taken her golden-Labrador retriever mix, Caspin, outside for a potty break without attaching…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Nigeria: 28 kids killed by lead poisoning from gold mining
LAGOS, Nigeria (AP) — Twenty-eight children have died from lead poisoning from illegal gold mining in a remote west-central village, Nigerian health officials said, while doctors still are treating thousands from an earlier outbreak. Dozens more children are sick in the Rafi area of Niger…

 

US court halts contentious law on contact lens price-fixing    photo
SALT LAKE CITY (AP) — A federal appeals court has halted a new Utah law banning price-fixing for contact lenses that could have wide-ranging implications for the industry amid a fight between manufacturers and discount retailers. Lens maker Alcon Laboratories cheered the order Thursday. Along…
A food poisoning report with good news: Fewer E. coli cases    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Fewer Americans are getting sick from a nasty germ sometimes found in undercooked hamburgers, the government reported Thursday. The latest report card on food poisoning shows illnesses from a dangerous form of E. coli bacteria have fallen 20 percent in the last few years. That…
USDA creates new government certification for GMO-free    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Agriculture Department has developed a new government certification and labeling for foods that are free of genetically modified ingredients. USDA’s move comes as some consumer groups push for mandatory labeling of the genetically modified organisms, or GMOs. The…
Smokers have better luck quitting when own money wagered    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — When it comes to offering cash to get smokers to quit, more people go for the carrots than the stick — but the stick gets better results. In a study released Wednesday, smokers with $150 of their own money at stake were far more likely to quit than smokers who didn’t…
A nail in the eye, a lucky landscaper left without a scratch    photo
There must have been a four-leaf clover in those weeds. A 27-year-old landscaper escaped with barely a scratch after a nearly 3-inch nail hurtled into his eye when he accidentally hit it with a weed-whacker. Doctors who removed the nail at Boston’s Massachusetts General Hospital describe the case…
Study: Vitamin B3 may help prevent certain skin cancers
For the first time, a large study suggests that a vitamin might modestly lower the risk of the most common types of skin cancer in people with a history of these relatively harmless yet troublesome growths. In a study in Australia, people who took a specific type of vitamin B3 for a year had a 23…
AP Interview: Pelosi predicts GOP ruin on health care case    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — House Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi predicted Wednesday that Republicans will “rue the day” if the Supreme Court buys their arguments and invalidates tax subsidies for millions of people under President Barack Obama’s health care law. Republicans have said they will try to…
Dutch court clears man who helped his 99-year-old mother die
THE HAGUE, Netherlands (AP) — A Dutch appeals court on Wednesday cleared a man of any criminal responsibility for helping his 99-year-old mother take her own life — a case that aimed to create precedents for assisting suicide in a country where euthanasia already is legal under certain…
INSIDE WASHINGTON: No fallout for congressional health plan    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — If the Supreme Court rules the way most Republicans want in the latest health overhaul case, GOP lawmakers who now have insurance coverage under President Barack Obama’s law might have some explaining to do. Members of Congress, staffers and dependents actually get their…
Report: Binge drinking by young people is increasing
PARIS (AP) — Alcohol consumption in wealthy, developed countries has declined over the past two decades but dangerous binge drinking has increased among the young, according to a new study released Tuesday. The 34-nation Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development says average…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Bank Rates, Conflict of Interest”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Rich Praytor, “Disneyland Burgers”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Millard the Monkey was frustrated at not being able to beat Steve Mozart at anything. So he decided that, no matter what it took, he’d find a way to beat Steve Mozart… at something. Anything. And it’s not going very well so far.

 

CLOSE: Poor Millard… will he ever find ANYTHING that he can do better than Mozart? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF MAY 16/17, 2015
OPEN: When last we left the jungle, all of the animals were worried about not being able to get enough done in the day. They held seminars on time-management, made lists of things to do, tried to prioritize their chores in order of importance – they even got up an hour earlier each day just to have more time… but that wasn’t working either, because they just found more they had to do!

 

CLOSE: So now the animals are so busy that can’t even find a single day off to spend time together! How busy can animals get? We’ll find out how busy next time – As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

An expedition to the North Pole turns into a Moment of Duh!

Today’s Moment of Duh follows the story of two Australian explorers who decided to conquer the challenge of hiking to the North Pole. They’d conquer it, and then place their country’s flag there to commemorate and prove their accomplishment! They made off to the North Pole, unaided, for 58 days. During the expedition one of them almost lost his life when he fell through thin ice. They faced blizzards, developed frostbite, and they even had to ward off a polar bear. All of this to finally reach the North Pole and discover that they had forgotten to bring the flag.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN THINGS YOU’LL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY

  1. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
  2. Duct tape won’t fix that.
  3. We don’t keep firearms in this house.
  4. You can’t feed that to the dog.
  5. No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.
  6. Wrestling is fake.
  7. I’ll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
  8. Honey, we don’t need another dog.
  9. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
  10. I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

When you have car trouble, it’s always a good idea to ask for help from a police officer right? Wrong… it’s only a good idea if you’re not wanted by the police, as one man found out in today’s files of Law & Disorder!

 

FILE #1: When driving a stolen car, it’s not usually a good idea to ask police for help if it breaks down. That’s what happened to Renee Hughes of Billings, Montana who was cruising around in a stolen car when she had a flat. A police officer stopped to offer help and before changing the tire did a routine check of the license plate. When he discovered the car was stolen, he did the gentlemanly thing, he changed the tire while waiting for backup to arrive and then arrested Renee.

 

FILE #2: An Indian court has issued three summonses for a dead man. Virender Pant is wanted in Delhi for a 1992 murder. He was issued with summonses in March, April and May. However, the suspect was killed in a shoot-out with police in March… but police have failed to tell the courts. The latest summons issued orders Pant to appear on May 29.

 

FILE #3: Two Austrian policemen had their car stolen during a meeting that they were attending with other police officers. Fellow police officers ended up giving them a ride home once they got out of the meeting. If it wasn’t bad enough that two police officers had their car stolen, ironically the meeting they were attending was on cutting down on car theft!

 

STRANGE LAW: Oklahoma law declares that dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Here kitty, kitty… nice tiger…

Florida’s Jason Wayne Hardin was putting up fencing at a carnival when he happened upon a tiger’s cage and decided to attempt to “communicate” with the animal.  Hardin decided to communicate by putting his arm into the tiger’s cage.  The tiger decided to communicate with Hardin by biting him and severing a tendon in his arm.  In what will likely be no surprise, police say blood alcohol tests at the hospital confirmed that Hardin was drunk when he was bitten by the tiger.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

What was the first album you bought – and do you still have it? That’d be Ernie from Sesame Street with Rubber Ducky for me. Sad, I know… (audio clip)

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who made the Ark of the Covenant?
ANSWER: Bezaleel (Exodus 37:1)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Name one of the two U.S. entertainers who have had their legs insured for at least $1 million on each leg.

ANSWER: Mary Hart and Tina Turner

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. The Egyptian pyramids were originally covered with beautiful paintings and drawings which have weathered away over the years. (False, but they were originally covered in marble which has weathered away)

 

  1. In India, McDonald’s restaurants don’t serve hamburger meat. Instead the Big Mac comes with 2 all lamb patties. (True)

 

  1. During the early days of the Gold Rush in California, a glass of whiskey cost $7! (True)

 

  1. The largest cattle farm in America is in Hawaii. (True)

 

  1. In Puerto Rico, wiggling one’s nose means roughly the same thing as giving someone a nasty gesture. (False, it basically means about the same thing as saying, “What’s going on?”)

 

  1. When the comic strip Peanuts first debuted in 1958, Snoopy stood on two legs. (True)

 

  1. Back in the 1920s, the word “flipper” was slang for pocket watch. (False, but the word “turnip” was!)

 

  1. Texas produces more wool than any other state in the country. (True, west central Texas is the top sheep growing area in the country.)

 

  1. Exposure to sunlight helps our bodies generate the essential Vitamin M. (False, Vitamin D)

 

  1. South Carolina was the first state to secede from the United States in the months leading up to the Civil War. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

JUNIOR FUN _______ (TAN)

Beach Front Inc., a tanning bed company, has launched a line of child-friendly tanning beds called Junior Fun Tan.

The smaller-scale, slightly lower wattage beds will feature “dancing, fun-colored light bulbs synced up to popular children’s music,” according to the press release.

Shirley McInnis, public relations manager at Beach Front, believes the tanning bed market has been calling for kid-sized beds for some time. “You’d be surprised how many requests we’ve had for kids’ beds. They see mommy and daddy tan, and little Bobby and Susie want to be tan too. It’s their right as citizens to look nice and golden through the winter without having to go to Florida. Not everyone has a condo in Naples. This is an affordable option for families.”

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

“I have good news and bad news,” the defense attorney told his client. “First the bad news. The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with that found at the crime scene.”

“Oh, no!” cried the client. “What’s the good news?”

“Your cholesterol is only 180.”

 

JOKE #2

The new father was left with the baby all day while mom went shopping for some unmaternity clothes. When she returned she went to check on the baby. The smell was overpowering. She found the disposable diaper full and leaking. She was furious!

She confronted her husband, “Didn’t you bother to check the baby’s diaper all day?”

The new dad responded, “Well, the box says it’s good for up to eight pounds!”

 

JOKE #3

A college professor had the mysterious habit of walking into the lecture hall each morning, removing a tennis ball from his jacket pocket. He would set it on the corner of the podium. After giving the lecture for the day, he would once again pick up the tennis ball, place it into his jacket pocket, and leave the room. No one ever understood why he did this, until one day. . . .

A student fell asleep during the lecture. The professor never missed a word of his lecture while he walked over to the podium, picked up the tennis ball and threw it, hitting the sleeping student squarely on the top of the head.

The next day, the professor walked into the room, reached into his jacket, removed a baseball. . .

No one ever fell asleep in his class the rest of the semester!

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A Duke University study found that some people subconsciously avoid doing things that they are nagged to do as a form of passive rebellion. ***MARLAR: Scientists call it “husbandry.”

 

Matt Halfhill of Austin, Texas loves sneakers – so much so that he has about 500 pair. He says his sneaker obsession started when he was a teenager, working in a shoe store.  ***MARLAR: When his boss kept yelling at him to JUST DO IT!

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

BABY NAMES

When Diane found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen. Her 4-year-old son overheard some of her parents’ private conversations. One day, when Diane and her 4-year-old were shopping, a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby. “Yes!” the 4-year-old said, “and I know what we are going to name it, too. If it’s a girl we’re going to call her Christina, and if it’s another boy we’re going to call it quits!!”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

IT’S THE BEST POLICY

An apology is given… 51 years after the incident!

A Californian man has finally come clean by handing in a wallet he found 51 years ago with an apology note for taking so long about it. 79 year old Robert Kupbens found ex-policeman John Payne’s wallet in 1951. Luckily Payne’s grandson who shares his name still works at the same San Francisco police station where his grandfather used to work. Mr. Kupbens, wanting to put right his wrong, enclosed a $100 check and a note to say sorry it had taken him so long.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE

Jim Ginn, an assistant pastor of a church in Phoenix, was my confidant and guide, who made sure that my walk with Christ was closer everyday.

He always said these words to me before I stepped out of the house, he said: ‘Girl, Remember Who You are – You are

God’s child, You are very precious in His sight and His precious blood was shed for you, never let HIM down’.

He even bought me a cap with these words stitched on it: “Remember Who You are.”

These words got embedded in my heart so strongly that it always pulls me out of temptations that come by my way all the time. There were times when I had almost given in, but I could hear Jim’s rusty voice saying “Remember Who You Are”. At that moment the love of Christ flashes in my mind and makes me remember who I am, I just run back to Christ, who is my fort and shelter.

Jim Ginn is no more – but his profound words will always be with me. Jim’s love and dedication for Christ drew me even closer to Christ. I want to do the same, I want to make difference in everyone’s life who come in touch with me, by passing on the light that Christ has given me. I want to always remember who I am in Christ and make sure others do so too.

So, when Satan looks you in the face and woos you – don’t give in… Just “Remember Who You are” – You are God’s child, You are very precious in His sight and His precious blood was shed for you, never let HIM down’.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

Read: Nehemiah 6

Now therefore, O God, strengthen my hands. –Nehemiah 6:9

The newspaper has long been a trusted friend. It arrives with regularity and tells me about the people and events of the day. A few days without it and I feel out of touch. Without its up-to-date summary of government, business, sports, and international affairs, I feel handicapped in conversation.

In the past year, I’ve been consulting this “friend” more often than usual. The stunning events of 9-11-01, when four planes were hijacked and three were crashed into national landmarks, took me to the paper for news, photos, and information. The coverage of the “War on Terrorism” kept me posted on these significant events and their aftermath.

But one day this “trusted friend” brought news of an event I already knew about. But only the core facts of the account were correct. The report also included an analysis by an authority who said more than he knew. As a result, he misled his readers. It was a good reminder that we need to live by something more reliable than the daily newspaper.

Nehemiah also read information that he knew was wrong (Nehemiah 6:6-8). He knew that the letter from an enemy leader contained lies designed to scare him and his countrymen off the job of rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem. But Nehemiah was wise. He responded by continuing to do what he knew was right. He was sure his motives were correct. So he asked the Lord to strengthen his hands for the work that remained (v.9).

When falsely accused or disturbed by the powerful forces of evil, let’s not live on the basis of the ever-changing news. Instead, let’s listen to God and keep doing what He has called us to do.

–Mart DeHaan

 

 

LEFTOVERS

THE ONE DOLLAR BILL

There’s an email floating around now about the United States’ one-dollar bill. It talks about all the symbols on the bill and supposedly explains what they mean. I say “supposedly” because that email isn’t totally accurate. I have a copy of the email right here in front of me… let’s see what accurate about those symbols and what’s not.

  • The dollar bill you’re looking at first came off the presses in 1957. ***Okay, that’s true. And that “In God We Trust” motto started being used on paper money at that same time.
  • If you look on the front of the bill, you will see the United States Treasury Seal. On the top you will see the scales for the balance-a balanced budget. ***Well, that may be somebody’s interpretation of the scales, but the Treasury Department has little to do with whether the budget is balanced. That’s handled by congress. According to the U.S. Treasury Department, the balancing scales represent justice.
  • In the center of the bill you have a carpenter’s T-square, a tool used for an even cut. ***Actually, that’s not really a carpenter’s T-square. It is a chevron with 13 stars representing the 13 original colonies.
  • Underneath is the Key to the United States Treasury. ***Again, no. It is not the key to the United States Treasury. It is using the key as a symbol of authority.
  • Now we go to the back of the dollar bill. On the back you will see two circles. Both circles, together, comprise the Great Seal of the United States. ***This is true. The back of the dollar bill has become so familiar to Americans, that many may not have realized two things. One is that the symbols are from the official Great Seal of the United States. The other is that the Great Seal actually has two sides to it.
  • The First Continental Congress requested that Benjamin Franklin and a group of men come up with a Seal. ***Well, that’s sort of true. The committee was Benjamin Franklin, John Adams, and Thomas Jefferson, three of the five men who had drafted the Declaration of Independence. But they were merely the first committee, however. It took six years, the work of two additional committees and a total of 14 men before a final version of the Great Seal was approved.
  • If you look at the left hand circle, you will see a Pyramid. Notice the face is lit and the western side is dark. This country was just beginning. We had not begun to explore the West or decided what we could do for Western Civilization. ***First, the pyramid was not a part of the proposals for the Great Seal until the third committee. It was not suggested by Jefferson, Franklin, and Adams. As to the lighting on the East or West of the pyramid, there’s no real explanation that can be found.
  • The Pyramid is UN-capped, again signifying that we were not even close to being finished. ***This explanation appears to be accurate. The unfinished state of the pyramid was intentional. Also, Charles Thompson, in his remarks to congress about the symbolism on the Great Seal, said the pyramid represented “Strength and Duration.”
  • Inside the capstone you have the all-seeing eye, and ancient symbol for divinity. It was Franklin’s belief that one man couldn’t do it alone, but a group of men, with the help of God, could do anything. ***A lot of people have a huge problem with that eye on the dollar bill, thinking it’s some anti-Christian type of thing. The truth is that Ben Franklin’s committee did not suggest a pyramid, but it did originate the suggestion of the eye. The term “the all-seeing eye” is never used in describing it though. The Franklin committee wanted the seal to include a reflection of divine providence and discussed a variety of themes including the Children of Israel in the Wilderness. Some have suggested that the pyramid and the eye are the result of Masonic influence, but the only member of the original committee who was a Mason was Franklin and this committee’s design was rejected by congress. None of the final designers of the seal was a Mason. The eye as representing “the eye of providence” has a long history. It’s more likely that both the designers of the Great Seal and the Masons both drew from that history. The use of “the all seeing eye” as uniquely Masonic first appeared in 1797, nearly 15 years after the adoption of the symbolism by Congress.
  • The Latin above the pyramid, ANNUIT COEPTIS, means “God has favored our undertaking.” ***This is true.
  • The Latin below the pyramid, NOVUS ORDO SECLORUM, means “a new order has begun.” ***The government’s translation of this phrase is, “A new order for the ages.” No, it does not say “A new WORLD order.”
  • At the base of the pyramid is the Roman Numeral for 1776. ***This is true.
  • If you look at the right-hand circle, and check it carefully, you will learn that it is on every National Cemetery in the United States. Slightly modified, it is the seal of the President of the United States and it is always visible whenever he speaks. ***The Presidential Seal has the eagle facing to the eagle’s left toward the olive branch instead of toward the eagle’s right as on the Great Seal. This was a change ordered by President Harry Truman in 1945.
  • The Bald Eagle was selected as a symbol for victory for two reasons: first, he is not afraid of a storm; he is strong and he is smart enough to soar above it. Secondly, he wears no material crown. We had just broken from the King of England. ***Most references to the eagle indicate that it represents something of uniquely American origin. One of the original design proposals for the Great Seal featured a small crested white eagle, which is not uniquely American.
  • Also, notice the shield is unsupported. This country can now stand on its own. ***This is accurate. Charles Thompson said it denoted that the United State of America ought to rely on their own virtue.
  • At the top of that shield you have a white bar signifying congress, a unifying factor. We were coming together as one nation. In the Eagle’s beak you will read, “E PLURIBUS UNUM”, meaning “one nation from many people.” ***Actually, the shield consists of red and white stripes with a blue bar above and which does represent Congress. The colors are taken from the American flag and officially, the red represents hardiness and valor, the white represents purity and innocence, and the blue, vigilance, perseverance, and justice.
  • Above the Eagle you have thirteen stars representing the thirteen original colonies, and any clouds of misunderstanding rolling away. ***The thirteen stars do represent the Colonies. That whole “clouds of misunderstanding” thing can’t be substantiated though.
  • Notice what the Eagle holds in his talons. He holds an olive branch and arrows. This country wants peace, but we will never be afraid to fight to preserve peace. The Eagle always wants to face the olive branch, but in time of war, his gaze turns toward the arrows. ***The official meaning is that the olive branch and the arrows “denote the power of peace & war.” As noted above, the design has been with the eagle facing the arrows except for when President Harry Truman turned the face toward the olive branch on the Presidential Seal.
  • They say that the number 13 is an unlucky number. This is almost a worldwide belief. You will usually never see a room numbered 13, or any hotels or motels with a 13th floor But, think about this: 13 original colonies, 13 signers of the Declaration of Independence, 13 stripes on our flag, 13 steps on the Pyramid, 13 letters in the Latin above, 13 letters in “E Pluribus Unum”, 13 stars above the Eagle, 13 plumes of feathers on each span of the Eagle’s wing, 13 bars on that shield, 13 leaves on the olive branch, 13 fruits, and if you look closely, 13 arrows. And for minorities: the 13th Amendment. ***The significance of the number 13 in all the symbolism represents the beginning of the country, the 13 colonies.

 

THE ACTUAL EMAIL AS IT IS BEING CIRCULATED:

Take out a dollar bill and look at it. The one dollar bill you’re looking at first came off the presses in 1957 in its present design. This so-called paper money is in fact a cotton and linen blend, with red and blue minute silk fibers running through it. It is actually material. We’ve all washed it without it falling apart. A special blend of ink is used, the contents we will never know. It is overprinted with symbols and then it is starched to make it water resistant and pressed to give it that nice crisp look. If you look on the front of the bill, you will see the United States Treasury Seal. On the top you will see the scales for the balance-a balanced budget. In the center you have a carpenter’s T-square, a tool used for an even cut. Underneath is the Key to the United States Treasury. That’s all pretty easy to figure out, but what is on the back of that dollar bill is something we should all know. If you turn the bill over, you will see two circles. Both circles, together, comprise the Great Seal of the United States. The First Continental Congress requested that Benjamin Franklin and a group of men come up with a Seal. It took them four years to accomplish this task and another two years to get it approved. If you look at the left hand circle, you will see a Pyramid. Notice the face is lighted and the western side is dark. This country was just beginning. We had not begun to explore the West or decided what we could do for Western Civilization. The Pyramid is UN-capped, again signifying that we were not even close to being finished. Inside the capstone you have the all-seeing eye, and ancient symbol for divinity. It was Franklin’s belief that one man couldn’t do it alone, but a group of men, with the help of God, could do anything. “IN GOD WE TRUST” is on this currency. The Latin above the pyramid, ANNUIT COEPTIS, means “God has favored our undertaking.” The Latin below the pyramid, NOVUS ORDO SECLORUM, means “a new order has begun.” At the base of the pyramid is the Roman Numeral for 1776. If you look at the right-hand circle, and check it carefully, you will learn that it is on every National Cemetery in the United States. It is also on the Parade of Flags Walkway at the Bushnell, Florida National Cemetery and is the centerpiece of most hero’s monuments. Slightly modified, it is the seal of the President of the United States and it is always visible whenever he speaks, yet no one knows what the symbols mean. The Bald Eagle was selected as a symbol for victory for two reasons: first, he is not afraid of a storm; he is strong and he is smart enough to soar above it. Secondly, he wears no material crown. We had just broken from the King of England. Also, notice the shield is unsupported. This country can now stand on its own. At the top of that shield you have a white bar signifying congress, a unifying factor. We were coming together as one nation. In the Eagle’s beak you will read, “E PLURIBUS UNUM”, meaning “one nation from many people.” Above the Eagle you have thirteen stars representing the thirteen original colonies, and any clouds of misunderstanding rolling away. Again, we were coming together as one. Notice what the Eagle holds in his talons. He holds an olive branch and arrows. This country wants peace, but we will never be afraid to fight to preserve peace. The Eagle always wants to face the olive branch, but in time of war, his gaze turns toward the arrows. They say that the number 13 is an unlucky number. This is almost a worldwide belief. You will usually never see a room numbered 13, or any hotels or motels with a 13th floor But, think about this: 13 original colonies, 13 signers of the Declaration of Independence, 13 stripes on our flag, 13 steps on the Pyramid, 13 letters in the Latin above, 13 letters in “E Pluribus Unum”, 13 stars above the Eagle, 13 plumes of feathers on each span of the Eagle’s wing, 13 bars on that shield, 13 leaves on the olive branch, 13 fruits, and if you look closely, 13 arrows. And for minorities: the 13th Amendment. I always ask people, “Why don’t you know this?” Your children don’t know this and their history teachers don’t know this. Too may veterans have given up too much to ever let the meaning fade. Many veterans remember coming home to an America that didn’t care. Too many veterans never came home at all. Tell everyone what is on the back of the one dollar bill and what it stands for, because nobody else will.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

JOB HUNTING AFTER GRADUATION

For your listeners who are graduating from high school or college soon and are entering the workforce for the first time, learn from the experiences of your elders!  When you answer those “Job Openings” ads, you’ll have to do a little translating:

  • Entry-level position: You’ll be making minimum wage.
  • Entry-level position in an up-and-coming company: You’re paid minimum wage: we’ll be bankrupt in a year.
  • An up-and-coming software company: There’s no chance we’ll be the next Microsoft.
  • Competitive salary: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
  • Join our fast-paced company: We have no time to train you. Please introduce yourself to your co-workers.
  • Immediate opening: The person who had this job gave notice a month ago. We’re just now running the ad.
  • Sales position requiring motivated self-starter: We can’t supply you with leads, there’s no base salary to speak of, and you’ll wait 30 days for your first commission check.
  • Casual work atmosphere: We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up.
  • Competitive environment: Lots of intra-office back stabbing.
  • Must be deadline oriented: You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

DEAD MAN’S T-SHIRTS

Next time you’re at the coroner’s office in California, be sure to stop by the gift shop on the way out! That’s what one coroner wants you to do!

A California coroner’s office has opened its own gift shop selling T-shirts and baseball caps. Coroner Paul Smith says his Sacramento office is trying to generate publicity and funding for anti-drinking programs for teenagers. Mr Smith said the shop was not trying to gain publicity and the gifts would be ‘tasteful.’

 

 

FUN LIST

YOU KNOW YOU’RE NOT IN COLLEGE ANYMORE

  • You’re waking up at 6 am instead of going to bed. (oh those days cramming for an exam)
  • College sweatshirts are considered ‘casual’ instead of dress up.
  • Your parents begin to charge you rent.
  • The four food groups are no longer soda, pizza, chips, and cereal.
  • It’s ‘getting late’ when it’s 9:30 p.m.
  • Three words: Student Loan Payments.
  • Naps are no longer available between noon and 6 p.m.
  • Sneakers are now ‘weekend shoes’.
  • You find yourself reminiscing fondly of 2-hour Calculus exams.
  • Metabolism slowdown (if you don’t know what I mean by this, you soon will)
  • You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
  • Grocery lists actually contain relatively healthy food.
  • Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work, not video games.
  • Golf is beginning to seem a lot less silly.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.

Too Good to be True

There are some deals in life that are simply too good to be true. Unfortunately, I’ve been the victim of a few. Like…a timeshare. I’ll spare you the morbid details.
The “deals” I enjoy most are the TV pitches where the add ons keep getting better and better. If you actually get to the point of determining you can’t live without a cleaning device for between your car seats, the announcer chimes in with the legendary, “But wait!” As it turns out, if you buy now, they’ll give you a second item FREE. And as you reach for the phone…“there’s STILL more!” Oh my.
This week on my talk show, we will have two days devoted to asking for donations to help families in Guatemala and Haiti. The specific request is for $50 as a one-time gift to provide a child with food for a year and clean water for a lifetime. I know, it sounds too good to be true. The ministry is Food for the Poor. (FFTP)
Having traveled with a team of folks from FFTP to Guatemala a few months back, I was able to see the programs they have implemented. I observed a number of women who have devoted their lives to restoring the health of malnourished children. I witnessed school programs where lunch is provided and smiling grade schoolers run around with energy and hope.
The hardest part of the visit was being on site where multiple families live just a few miles from Guatemala City. Getting to their remote location was a challenge in itself. Hearing (through interpreters) how these families manage to survive will soften any hardened heart.
The water problem was too much to take in. That’s because there IS NO running water. Fifty gallon drums of non potable water are filled once a week IF a truck from the city can make it to these remote locations. This water must then be boiled to use for cooking and drinking. The food crisis is equally as challenging. And so along comes Food for the Poor.
Standing in the midst of these families who live in non-climate controlled shacks with corrugated metal roofs, it’s easy to say, “I can make a difference for these people.” We live in a place on this planet where we let clean water run just to get it warm. We water lawns. We often waste clean water in ways we don’t even consider. Thus, the idea of clean water for a child for a lifetime for $50 seems like an offer too good to be true. Oh…let’s not forget this also feeds the child for a year.
The men and women in these countries who aid these very poor do not live in comfort themselves. Their daily work is only to serve. As the director of a nutritional clinic told me through her tears, “Each face I see reminds me of Jesus.”
It makes sense. Jesus said it this way: “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what’s coming to you in this kingdom. It’s been ready for you since the world’s foundation. And here’s why: I was hungry and you fed me, I was thirsty and you gave me a drink, I was homeless and you gave me a room, I was shivering and you gave me clothes, I was sick and you stopped to visit, I was in prison and you came to me.’
“Then those ‘sheep’ are going to say, ‘Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?’ Then the King will say, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.’ (Matthew 25:34-40/ The Message)
This week my assignment is to to help raise support for 200 children. It’s not a big “ask.” Feed a child for a year. Provide that child clean water for a lifetime. Just a $50 one-time gift.
But wait! There’s more! Also included is a change from hopelessness to hope. From fear to encouragement. From sickness to health. If you’re interested in helping the cause, visit 1160hope.com. You’ll find a banner to click on that says “Give Life.” Pretty simple, huh?
The face of Jesus is waiting.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

25 THINGS EVERY DAD SHOULD DO WITH HIS DAUGHTER

 

  1. Go fishing or crabbing early in the morning. Wake up and leave before everyone else is awake. Return just in time for Saturday morning cartoons.

 

  1. Take her to a father-daughter dance. Buy her a corsage and make her feel like the most beautiful, special girl in the world.

 

  1. Bring her to work with you.

 

  1. Take a “sick day” together. Eat ice cream on the couch in your pajamas while you watch television shows and favorite movies.

 

  1. Let her paint your fingernails or toenails.

 

  1. Brush her hair. Learn to put it in a ponytail or even braid it.

 

  1. Attend at least one Girl Scout meeting with her.

 

  1. Chaperon a field trip.

 

  1. Take her to a birthday party.

 

  1. Coach a sports team that she’s on. Bonus: Learn infinite patience in the process.

 

  1. Take her shopping for a Homecoming or Prom dress.

 

  1. Meet her boyfriend. Be polite, but a little bit scary. Expect respect from him.

 

  1. Give her a hug and a kiss her when you get home from work every day.

 

  1. Walk her to school on her first day.

 

  1. Take her to a professional sports event. Cheer (loudly) for her favorite team.

 

  1. Tell her knock-knock jokes. Teach her a few, too.

 

  1. Help her with her homework-the English, as well as the math and science.

 

  1. Ask her about her day. Don’t cringe at the answers (even if they include boys).

 

  1. Go on a trip together, just the two of you. Head to the beach, the mountains, or anywhere you guys can spend time alone together.

 

  1. Read to her. Let her see you read, too. Go to the library or book store together.

 

  1. Try something new together. Don’t get too upset if you both fail at it.

 

  1. Go for a walk, hike, or run.

 

  1. Push the stroller.

 

  1. Don’t leave all the discipline to mom, even if (especially if) she’s the one who’s with the girls most of the time. Be firm but fair and consistent.

 

  1. Be there for her.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

Updated every Monday! Outlandishly irritating stories I’ve come across over the years. They may not be “new” but they certainly are entertaining – and totally outrageous!

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS

A high school student in Florida was suspended recently for passing around a petition complaining about Confederate symbols at her school.  

Krista Adams was angry about tee shirts and bumper stickers around campus with such slogans as “If I had known this, I would have picked my own cotton.”  Krista wrote a flier critical of the displays and handed it out around school. Then she passed around a petition urging that the rebel flag be banned from the campus. She got 94 people to sign it. For that, she was suspended for 10 days.  The school said it was for distributing unauthorized material on school grounds.  ***MARLAR: Yeah, you can’t be spreading free speech around – that could be dangerous!

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends – unless I feel like it.

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Accomplishing the impossible only means that the boss will add it to your regular duties.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

MAY 15, 2015…

 

Mad Max: Fury Road—Remember the intensity of the chases in the original “Mad Max” films? I think I remolded the arm rest in the theater during “The Road Warrior.” Here they come again (move over “Furious 7”) only on the desert of a decimated landscape. Max (Tom Hardy) is trying to help a fighting Furiosa (Charlize Theron) take women to safety across the desert while the bad guys are chasing after them, chains and all. It is a desperate chase and a desperate life. You want to brush the grit from your hands. Hugh Keays-Bryne is Importan Joe, the villain. “Mad Max: Fury Road” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans of the films. Most of the stunts are supposed to be real.

 

Pitch Perfect 2—The Bellas want to win and this time it is an international music competition. Now, three years later and Fat Amy (Rebel Wilson) has done something to disgrace the group. With newcomer Hailee Steinfeld in the group, Anna Kendrick, Brittany Snow and others try to work their way to the top again. The first film was a sleeper hit. ”Pitch Perfect 2″  is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for   singing fans

 

Far From The Madding Crowd (opening in select cities)—The latest adaptation of the Thomas Hardy novel about the landowner, Bathsheba (Carey Mulligan) and her three suitors, a wealthy farmer (Michael Sheen), a military man (Tom Sturridge) and a shepherd (Matthias Schoenert.) Decisions…decisions and set against the beautiful moors.  “Far From The Madding Crowd” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans of the novel.

 

Animals—(opening in select cities) This is a film about drug addiction and how it can creep upon you and destroy your life, relationships and anyone around it. Stars David Dastmalchian, Kim Shaw and John Heard. “Animals” is rated R. No rating.

 

MAY 22, 2015…

 

Poltergeist is a remake of the classic horror film about haunting a family. Stars Sam Rockwell.

 

Tomorrowland is a science fiction fantasy film starring George Clooney and Britt Robertson. There is a secret Utopia somewhere and how to find it?

 

Slow West is a western about trying to find people in the Old West when you are a tenderfoot. Stars Kodi Smit-McPhee and Michael Fassbender.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.