May 18, 2015: Monday ONAIRprep

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***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS

***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150518

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

And for all of you on your way to work wondering how you’re ever going to cope with another workday, just remember it could be worse. Your boss could be a twin.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” –Colossians 4:5-6 New International Version

 

Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. — Proverbs 31:30

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

Pray for us that the message of the Lord may spread rapidly and be honored, just as it was with you. — 2 Thessalonians 3:1

 

Thought: What can you do to help the spread of the Gospel and help increase the number of those who are saved each day? Well, there are many things: put in a good word for Jesus, share your faith with a friend, go on a mission trip, send financial support to a missionary, and many others. But one of the most important things you can do is to pray! Pray for missionaries and preachers and those who minister and share the Word of God and the grace of Jesus through the Internet, radio, television, and print. Pray for the message to spread rapidly and pray for it to grow in power and influence.

 

Prayer: Loving Shepherd, I know you agonize over those who are lost. I pray that you will empower missionaries worldwide to speak the truth of the Gospel with boldness. I pray that you touch the hearts of those who hear so they will experience your salvation. Use me in whatever way you choose to be a part of the spreading of your salvation. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

1 Thessalonians 5:18 NIV = give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

 

 

TODAY IS MONDAY – MAY 18, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 222 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is INTERNATIONAL MUSEUM DAY. It’s also VISIT YOUR RELATIVES DAY. ***MARLAR: So you can kill two birds with one stone by going to a museum and visiting your mummy.

 

Whenever I go back home to visit relatives, I begin working on my exits a bit early in order to be prepared…

  • I can’t stay, I have secret government work to finish.  I could tell you about it, but then I’d have to kill you.
  • Time for us to leave – if I miss “24” I’m completely lost the rest of the season.
  • What was in that gravy?  I forgot to mention that I’ve developed an allergy to milk and flour and whatever else was in that gravy.  Gotta run to the hospital!
  • Gotta go – the cat has to be let out of the house every two hours, and she’s still back in Illinois.  It’s a hassle, but what can you do?
  • Oh look, I’ve spilled diet A&W on my brand new shirt.  I really should take this home and put Oxi-Clean on it immediately.
  • Honey, did we leave the oven on back in Illinois?  I thought so.
  • Well, we’re going to call it a night. We don’t want to overdo it; after all, we’re likely going to see you again on Christmas, anyway.

 

 

INTERNATIONAL MUSEUM DAY: UNUSUAL MUSEUMS WORTH CHECKING OUT THIS SUMMER…

  • The Lucy-Desi Museum (Jamestown, NY)
  • Museum of Bad Art (Boston, MA)
  • Kenneth W. Berger Hearing Aid Museum (Kent State University, OH)
  • National Museum of Roller Skating (Lincoln, NE)
  • Marvin’s Marvelous Mechanical Museum  (Farmington Hills, MI)
  • Dr. Samuel D. Harris National Museum of Dentistry (Baltimore, MD)
  • Mount Horeb Mustard Museum (Wisconsin)
  • Jell-O Museum (LeRoy, NY)
  • International Clown Hall of Fame and Research Center (Milwaukee, WI)
  • Triangle Tattoo and Museum (Fort Bragg, CA)
  • Museum of Dirt (Boston, MA)

 

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

HIV Vaccine Awareness Day

I Love Reeses Day

International Museum Day

Mother Whistler Day

Visit your Relatives Day

Accountant’s Day / Accounting Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

TUESDAY, MAY 19

Boys Club Day

May Ray Day

National Hepatitis Testing Day

National Museum Day

National Asian & Pacific Islander, HIV/AIDS Awareness Day

World Autoimmune Arthritis Day

 

WEDNESDAY, MAY 20

Eliza Doolittle Day

Emergency Medical Services for Children Day

National Employee Health and Fitness Day

Turn Beauty Inside Out Day

Weights & Measures Day

 

THURSDAY, MAY 21

American Red Cross Founder’s Day

End of the World / Rapture Party Day (prediction)

Hummus Day

I Need a Patch For That Day

National Wait Staff Day

One Day Without Shoes Day

Red Nose Day

Sister Maria Hummel Day

World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue and Development

 

FRIDAY, MAY 22

Canadian Immigrants Day

Don’t Fry Day

Harvey Milk Day

National Maritime Day

National Title Track Day

World Goth Day

Heat Awareness Safety Day

National Wig Out Day

 

SATURDAY, MAY 23

International Day to End Obstetric Fistula

International Jazz Day

Julia Pierpont Day

Declaration of the Bab Day

National Heritage Breeds Day

National Polka Day

National Taffy Day

World Crohn’s and Colitis Day

World Turtle Day

 

SUNDAY, MAY 24

Brother’s Day

Indianapolis 500

International Tiara Day

Morse Code Day

 

MONDAY, MAY 25

National Missing Children’s Day

National Tap Dance Day

Nerd Pride Day or Geek Pride Day

Towel Day

Memorial Day

Prayer for Peace Memorial Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1631: Massachusetts passed a state law decreeing that only church members could become citizens.

 

1804: Napoleon became emperor of France. At the coronation, Napoleon insisted on placing the crown on his own head. ***MARLAR: Which is not an easy task if you have one hand in your jacket at all times and can’t see if it’s straight because you’re too short to see the mirror.

 

1830: In Gloucestershire, England, Edwin Budding began manufacturing the world’s first lawn mowers. ***MARLAR: Saturdays no longer belong to us men… and it’s all this guy’s fault.

 

1936: Jasmine Bligh and Elizabeth Cowell became the British Broadcasting Corporation’s first women announcers.

 

1953: The first woman to fly faster than the speed of sound, Jacqueline Cochran, piloted an F-86 Sabrejet over California at an average speed of 652.3 miles-an-hour.

 

1955: England’s fast-food invasion began with the opening in London of the first Wimpy Bar.

 

1959: Johnny Hortons “The Battle of New Orleans” hit #1 on Billboards country chart and stayed there for 10 weeks. It would top the pop chart for six weeks.

 

1967: Singer Barbara Mandrell married Ken Dudney.

 

1971: The Utah Stars won the American Basketball Association championship 4 games to 3 over the Kentucky Colonels. The ball was red, white, and blue.

 

1974: “The Streak” by Ray Stevens became Americas top single, capitalizing on the streaking fad that year on college campuses.

 

1978: The movie “Buddy Holly Story” starring Gary Busey premiered in Dallas.

 

1980: In Washington State Mount St. Helens blew her top. ***MARLAR: Which is what happens when, instead of letting off steam, you keep things all bottled up inside. Of course, your other option is to blow up constantly – which seems to be working so well for my mother in law.

 

1984: Bobby Ewing was killed in the season-ending cliff-hanger on “Dallas.” The following season we found it was all a dream. (audio clip)

 

1992: The National Archivist quietly certified the 27th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution prohibiting Congress from voting itself instant pay raises. The measure was written by James Madison in 1789, but the ratification process took over two centuries.

 

1997: In a Canberra ceremony, Australia posthumously awarded the Purple Cross to Murphy, the bravest donkey in Australian history. Some 82 years earlier, Murphy had carried wounded Australian soldiers to safety in the World War One battle at Gallipoli. An Army mascot donkey named Simpson accepted the award in Murphy’s behalf.

 

2002: A 17-year-old drove a stolen car to a Savannah, Georgia, police station to visit his girlfriend. Police spotted the car in the parking lot and arrested the teenager. “Car thieves are never very smart,” said one officer, “but this guy may have set a new record.”

 

2004: At age 40, Randy Johnson became the oldest pitcher in major league history to throw a perfect game, retiring all 27 batters to lead the Arizona Diamondbacks over the Atlanta Braves 2-0.

 

2004: The “Hee Haw Collection” was released, featuring full shows on DVD and VHS. (audio clip)

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1291: The last Christian territory taken by the Crusaders, Acre, falls to the Sultan of Egypt.

 

1834: Sheldon Jackson, Presbyterian missionary to the frontier West and Alaska, is born in Minaville, New York. Jackson’s reputation for ministering to the spiritual, physical, and social needs of both natives and settlers earned him the nicknames “Bishop of All Beyond” and “Apostle to Alaska”.

 

1920: Karol Wojtyla (who would take the name John Paul II when elected pope) is born in Wadowice, Poland.

 

1926: Church of the Foursquare Gospel founder Sister Aimee Semple McPherson disappears from a California beach. Her mother announced that Aimee must have drowned, telling the Angelus Temple congregation, “Sister is gone.” However, three days after an elaborate memorial service on June 20, Sister reappeared in Arizona, saying she had been kidnapped. (Rumors circulated that she had eloped for a romantic tryst.) Her support base remained strong, but media coverage turned negative, and her image never fully recovered.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actress/writer (“SNL,” Mean Girls) Tina Fey, 45 (audio clip)
  • Actor (Anna and the King) Chow Yun-Fat, 60
  • Actor (“The Many Lives of Dobie Gillis”) Dwayne Hickman, 81 (audio clip)

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1911 : Big Joe Turner

1912 : Perry Como

1922 : Kai Winding

1942 : Albert Hammond

1949 : Rick Wakeman (Yes)

1949 : Bill Wallace (The Guess Who)

1950 : Mark Mothersbaugh (Devo)

1952 : George Strait

1957 : Michael Cretu (Enigma)

1969 : Martika

1975 : Jack Johnson

1982 : Eric West

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why is taking a nap “catching 40 winks?”

This business of napping by the numbers always seemed pretty curious. Why 40 rather than 9, 11, 17 or 30? There is a long tradition, starting with the Bible, of using 40 to stand for significant quantities. For example, when Noah took his boat ride, it rained 40 days and 40 nights. Moses had spent the same amount of time up on the mountain. In the Middle Ages an Englishman sure of something would bet 40 pence on it. And so on. But the phrase 40 winks has a specific rather than general origin. It comes from an 1872 issue of Punch, the British humor magazine. Punch referred to the Thirty-nine Articles of faith of the Church of England, joking that actually reading through them would induce 40 winks. Call it a yawning gap between conscience and consciousness.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Natalie Grant recently shared her favorite thing about marriage with the web site Southern Weddings. Natalie said: My favorite thing about being married is that I am married to someone who fully accepts me, imperfections and all. Knowing that you are completely safe with someone, even after that early romance has worn off and they see you for who you really are, but they love you completely anyway, is a blessing.

 

Paul Baloche has found his calling in life. He shared a picture holding his grandson and said: honestly, I want to retire and do this everyday.

 

Advice of the Day from James Mead of Kutless: Don’t fake perfection. If you make mistakes, God will forgive you and restore you. Be quick to seek Him!

 

Hawk Nelson frontman Jon Steingard found a bit of history at Club Nokia in downtown Los Angeles. On their bulletin board Jon found a set list from the show Hawk Nelson played with Skillet all the way back in 2009.

 

The Sidewalk Prophets van, nicknamed Vango, has reached a milestone. Group guitarist Ben McDonald shared a short video online as the van switched over to 200,000 miles. The van was semi retired several years ago after the Sidewalk Prophets graduated to a tour bus. But Ben says the van is still in the family.

 

Big Daddy Weave drummer Jeff Jones says he set a record this week. He shared on twitter: Spoke four times before 10 AM. That’s definitely a record.

 

A note from Rush of Fools front man Kevin Huguley: Dear stealer of my wallet, You can have the cash if I can just get my license and social security card back. Please? Kevin signed the note: This nice (but annoyed) guy

 

Jenny Simmons was a little distracted this week. She was working on her new book but said she could not write under those conditions. What had her so distracted? Jenny tweeted that, at that very moment, there was a manhunt going on in her neighborhood.

 

Former American Idol contestants Mandisa and Danny Gokey have a suggestion for the final season the program. Mandisa wrote to Danny: They should also bring back the top 12 from each season for the finale. Danny replied that he thought it was a great idea.

 

Kutless member James Mead tweeted this week: Words build people up, or tear people down. He said he knows because he was on the side of words that tore him down recently. James added on his twitter account: Be careful what you say on here.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

South African cyclist hits dead buffalo in city suburb
JOHANNESBURG (AP) — Cyclists in South Africa’s biggest city usually worry about getting hit by vehicles. But one cyclist rode into an unexpected obstacle in Johannesburg’s suburbs: a dead buffalo. Andrew McLean said Friday that he suffered a damaged ligament on his collarbone and a broken…

 

A nail in the eye, a lucky landscaper left without a scratch    photo
There must have been a four-leaf clover in those weeds. A 27-year-old landscaper escaped with barely a scratch after a nearly 3-inch nail hurtled into his eye when he accidentally hit it with a weed-whacker. Doctors who removed the nail at Boston’s Massachusetts General Hospital describe the case…
Lawmakers try to de-bat chamber as interloper halts debate
MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) — The Vermont Statehouse chamber was evacuated after a brown bat flew in to join the state’s lawmakers. HASH(0x1401910) The bat flew around in circles several times before House Speaker Shap Smith called a 10-minute recess. House leadership hoped the bat would eventually…
Michigan couple: Name for son No. 13 still up in air    photo
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. (AP) — A Michigan man whose 13th son was just born says he’s convinced that “medically, it’s just not possible” for him and his wife to produce a daughter. He also says it’s proving a challenge to agree on a name for their newborn. HASH(0x142f290) The baby and 40-year-old…
Skunk, groundhog blamed for vandalism at Maine cemetery
ROXBURY, Maine (AP) — A couple of varmint vandals are hitting a small western Maine town hard. A skunk and a groundhog have caused damage to three flat stone markers at a cemetery in Roxbury, a town with a population of fewer than 400 residents. HASH(0x140f7c0) The town hired a trapper to…
Police: Gun found in hollowed-out Bible at suspect’s home
SPRINGFIELD, Mass. (AP) — Massachusetts police executing a search warrant at a drug suspect’s home say they found a gun inside a hollowed-out Bible on his nightstand. Police say an officer involved in Wednesday night’s raid in Springfield opened the Bible and found the pages had been cut out…
Workers find part of 19th century gravestone in Ohio dorm
GRANVILLE, Ohio (AP) — Workers cleaning out a Dennison University dorm in central Ohio found a more than the usual assortment of notebooks and pencils left over from the semester. HASH(0x1396de0) Now, police are looking to find its original resting place. The stone has no name on it….
Pranksters plant tree at Ohio park – in baseball infield
FRANKLIN, Ohio (AP) — Suspected pranksters have caused a stir by planting a tree at a southwest Ohio park in a particularly inconvenient spot: in the baseball field, smack between home plate and the pitcher’s mound. HASH(0x140d320) Officials with Franklin City Schools are trying to determine…
Indiana woman receives diploma 82 years after leaving school    photo
ANDERSON, Ind. (AP) — An Indiana woman who will turn 100 years old later this month has received her high school diploma more than eight decades after she originally was supposed to graduate. Lora Lois LeMond White Hardy received the certificate Tuesday evening at the Anderson Community…
Police: Man enraged by lack of mac ‘n cheese at rest stop
NEWBURG, Pa. (AP) — State police say a New York man became angry when he couldn’t get macaroni and cheese at a Pennsylvania Turnpike rest stop, then furious when the same restaurant was out of potatoes. Forty-seven-year-old Kevin Nelson, of Amsterdam, was cited for disorderly conduct…
Don’t let the slobber fool you, your dog could be a brainiac    photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — When her muscles locked and left her unable to move or speak, Wallis Brozman was glad she had a genius for a service dog. Brozman, who has a movement disorder called dystonia, had taken her golden-Labrador retriever mix, Caspin, outside for a potty break without attaching…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Nigeria: 28 kids killed by lead poisoning from gold mining
LAGOS, Nigeria (AP) — Twenty-eight children have died from lead poisoning from illegal gold mining in a remote west-central village, Nigerian health officials said, while doctors still are treating thousands from an earlier outbreak. Dozens more children are sick in the Rafi area of Niger…

 

US court halts contentious law on contact lens price-fixing    photo
SALT LAKE CITY (AP) — A federal appeals court has halted a new Utah law banning price-fixing for contact lenses that could have wide-ranging implications for the industry amid a fight between manufacturers and discount retailers. Lens maker Alcon Laboratories cheered the order Thursday. Along…
A food poisoning report with good news: Fewer E. coli cases    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Fewer Americans are getting sick from a nasty germ sometimes found in undercooked hamburgers, the government reported Thursday. The latest report card on food poisoning shows illnesses from a dangerous form of E. coli bacteria have fallen 20 percent in the last few years. That…
USDA creates new government certification for GMO-free    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Agriculture Department has developed a new government certification and labeling for foods that are free of genetically modified ingredients. USDA’s move comes as some consumer groups push for mandatory labeling of the genetically modified organisms, or GMOs. The…
Smokers have better luck quitting when own money wagered    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — When it comes to offering cash to get smokers to quit, more people go for the carrots than the stick — but the stick gets better results. In a study released Wednesday, smokers with $150 of their own money at stake were far more likely to quit than smokers who didn’t…
A nail in the eye, a lucky landscaper left without a scratch    photo
There must have been a four-leaf clover in those weeds. A 27-year-old landscaper escaped with barely a scratch after a nearly 3-inch nail hurtled into his eye when he accidentally hit it with a weed-whacker. Doctors who removed the nail at Boston’s Massachusetts General Hospital describe the case…
Study: Vitamin B3 may help prevent certain skin cancers
For the first time, a large study suggests that a vitamin might modestly lower the risk of the most common types of skin cancer in people with a history of these relatively harmless yet troublesome growths. In a study in Australia, people who took a specific type of vitamin B3 for a year had a 23…
AP Interview: Pelosi predicts GOP ruin on health care case    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — House Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi predicted Wednesday that Republicans will “rue the day” if the Supreme Court buys their arguments and invalidates tax subsidies for millions of people under President Barack Obama’s health care law. Republicans have said they will try to…
Dutch court clears man who helped his 99-year-old mother die
THE HAGUE, Netherlands (AP) — A Dutch appeals court on Wednesday cleared a man of any criminal responsibility for helping his 99-year-old mother take her own life — a case that aimed to create precedents for assisting suicide in a country where euthanasia already is legal under certain…
INSIDE WASHINGTON: No fallout for congressional health plan    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — If the Supreme Court rules the way most Republicans want in the latest health overhaul case, GOP lawmakers who now have insurance coverage under President Barack Obama’s law might have some explaining to do. Members of Congress, staffers and dependents actually get their…
Report: Binge drinking by young people is increasing
PARIS (AP) — Alcohol consumption in wealthy, developed countries has declined over the past two decades but dangerous binge drinking has increased among the young, according to a new study released Tuesday. The 34-nation Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development says average…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

A policy by Florida educators sets student goals in math and reading based on their race.  By 2018, Florida’s Department of Education wants 90 percent of its Asian students to be reading at or above grade level, compared to 88 percent of white students, 81 percent of Hispanic pupils and 74 percent of African-American children.  ***MARLAR: Translation – Florida educators are racist.

 

Following a town-hall-style meeting this week, a young woman from the University of Nevada shouted at Jeb Bush: “Your brother created ISIS.”  *** To which Jeb replied, “Well, who doesn’t like Icees?  Cherry-flavored, cola-flavored… how can you NOT like Icees?”

 

Former Florida Governor and current GOP presidential candidate Jeb Bush said this week that he would have gone into Iraq had he been president in 2003, then retracted that answer on Fox News, saying he misheard the question and adding that he would NOT have gone into Iraq.  ***It’s not a good sign for your campaign when you have to change your story more often than the Clintons do.

 

North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un reportedly had a defense minister executed after he fell asleep during one of Kim’s speeches.  *** Like we need to give Obama any ideas.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

A study conducted at the University of Dusseldorf in Germany has concluded that young women are better able to cope with stress than young men. ***MARLAR: That shouldn’t be all that surprising seeing as the main cause of stress in young men IS young women.

 

Fish oil capsules won’t help boost weight loss if you’re already dieting and exercising, new research in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition shows.   Among a group of overweight and obese adults enrolled in a diet and exercise program, those who took omega-3 fatty acids didn’t lose any more weight than those given placebo capsules.  ***MARLAR: In other words, the secret to losing weight with fish oil capsules is to not diet or exercise.  Sign me up!

 

The Irish have begun burying people with their cell phones, so they know they’ll have a way to call for help if they’re not really dead.  ***MARLAR: Right.  I can’t get a signal in a tunnel, and these people think six-feet-under is going to work with a cell phone?  If that works, I’m buying an Irish cell phone.

 

A car washer in England claims to offer the best car wash in the world; and he should be the best, because he charges over $9,000 per car. The 61-stage wash uses purified water, towels imported from Australia, and Brazilian wax which costs 12 grand per tube. ***MARLAR: Actually, if it comes with a free tank of gas it’s not a bad deal.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Bank Rates, Conflict of Interest”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Rich Praytor, “Disneyland Burgers”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Millard the Monkey was frustrated at not being able to beat Steve Mozart at anything. So he decided that, no matter what it took, he’d find a way to beat Steve Mozart… at something. Anything. And it’s not going very well so far.

 

CLOSE: Poor Millard… will he ever find ANYTHING that he can do better than Mozart? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF MAY 23/24, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, all of the jungle animals were suffering from having so much to do in their daily schedules. So much, in fact, that they even stopped sleeping just to get everything done! Planners, DayTimers, lists, appointments, it was getting so bad they didn’t have time for anything else!
CLOSE: Sounds like the animals, in their rush to get things done, don’t even have time now for common courtesy and niceness! Tune in again next time for more of As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

A woman defends her home against… an alligator!

The alligator was only 3 feet long, but Candy Frey wasn’t taking any chances. When the reptile came into her home east of Bradenton, Florida, and attacked her golden retriever, Frey went and got her gun. After Frey and her daughter managed to push the gator out through the dog door, she blasted away at it four times. A neighbor called deputies and the state sent a wildlife officer to investigate. The alligator barely bled from gunshots to the neck and shoulder, Frey said, and wildlife officer put it back in the lake. The deputy gave Frey a warning citation for hunting without a license.  ***MARLAR: HUNTING?!?!  A dangerous animal comes into your home, attacks your dog, and if you retaliate by brandishing a weapon it’s considered HUNTING?!?!  If you accidentally drive your car off a pier into the lake and hit a couple of fish, do you get a ticket for FISHING without a license? And don’t even think about swatting a fly… you’re talking murder charges.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN THINGS YOU DON’T WANT YOUR EXTERMINATOR TO SAY

10) “EEEEEKKK!!!!!!”
9) “Exterminator down! Exterminator down! Send backup!!! Extermin…”
8) “The GOOD news is… you have termites.”
7) “Do you happen to have a large net?”
6) “You know, I’m also a taxidermist.”
5) “Ma’am, I’m afraid you need to let me take the oatmeal raisin cookies with me.”
4) “FIRE IN THE HOLE!”
3) “Hi, I’m Willie Nelson and I’ll be your exterminator today.”
2) “Duck!”
1) “Shazbot! I accidentally killed Mindy!” (audio clip)

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

28-year-old Derek Barringer is currently serving a prison sentence in Colorado for assault. Derek is going to be staying behind bars a little longer than he had planned.

 

FILE #1: It seems that Derek had filed a legal action in federal court, which was handled by U.S. Magistrate Judge O. Edward Schlatter. Schlatter dismissed the action, which angered Derek, who responded by writing the judge a letter that said, “…I wish to see you dead and as soon as I get out in 65 days I will see to it.” To emphasize his point, Derek added a stick figure of a person hanged by a rope and he signed the letter. Derek will now be getting out in 41 months and 65 days.

 

FILE #2: In Japan a 19-year-old was arrested for hijacking a bus to take him to the same place the bus was actually scheduled to go. ***MARLAR: It’s nice to know Japanese criminals are just as stupid as our criminals, isn’t it?

 

FILE #3: A man has been given a traffic ticket for speeding in Chicago… he was clocked riding his motorcycle at 160mph in a 40mph zone. Daemond Rogan may have broken a Chicago speeding record before being arrested. He was also given a ticket for jumping a red light and weaving. Although Rogan was riding at breakneck speed, he was at least dressed safely. He was wearing a helmet, leather jacket and riding gloves.

 

STRANGE LAW: No doubt you have seen bath tubs with the popular four legged design that looks like animal paws. Well, in Kansas City, Missouri, the installation of this bathtub design is against the law. Odd yes – but just as odd is the Minnesota law that REQUIRES all bathtubs to have those very same feet.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Inform Mothers Against Drunk Driving… they’re going to want to listen to today’s Brain on Drugs story!

Brains on drugs seem to be everywhere, in all organizations – even groups trying to do good things can actually be affected. The Swedish government’s anti-drinking committee decided to make an anti-drinking commercial. It’s important to remember that fact. They were in the process of creating an ANTI-drinking commercial! So what did they do? Well, for realism, they brought in some teenagers and got them drunk during the filming… they say it made the commercial more authentic.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

A survey says that if you accidentally flipped your spouse’s toothbrush in to the toilet, you might not tell her. 48% of men say they would rinse it off good and not tell her what happened. However only 21% of women would be so dastardly. The other 79% would fess-up to the calamity. How about it? Would you fess up?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: During Rehoboam’s reign, Judah was attacked by Shishak, king of what country?

ANSWER: Egypt (1 Kings 14:25)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: The maker doesn’t want it; the buyer doesn’t use it; and the user doesn’t see it. What is it?

ANSWER: A coffin.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Verizon was the first commercial online service provider available throughout the United States. (False, CompuServe)

 

  1. Five Major League Baseball teams are named after birds. (False, only three are – Toronto Blue Jays, St. Louis Cardinals, Baltimore Orioles)

 

  1. A new survey of high-paying jobs across America shows that you might want to consider being a computer IT professional because the career has the highest pay in the country. (False, it’s a surgeon)

 

  1. Layoffs in the U.S. in 2008 were the worst since 1940. (False, since 2003)

 

  1. Dizzy Gillespe served as the assistant musical director of “The Tonight Show” for 25 years. (False, it was Tommy Newsom)

 

  1. The first Olympics, held in ancient Greece, consisted of this one event, a foot race. (True)

 

  1. Mount St. Helen is the most visited mountain in the world. (False, Japan’s Mount Fuji)

 

  1. Benji was Dorthy’s pup in the classic flick “The Wizard of Oz. (False, it was Toto)

 

  1. The man who successfully piloted the first powered airplane in history was Thomas Jet. (False, it was Orville Wright)

 

  1. “Final Frontier” was the title of the theme song for the TV show “MacGuyver”. (False, “Mad About You”) (audio clip)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

EIFFEIL TOWER TALKS TO ______ (ALIENS)

The following was posted on Bugeyes’ popular blog.

You’ve seen the Eiffel Tower, right? I mean, I’ve never been there, but I hear it’s pretty cool. But if you’re still not impressed, listen to this.

I’ve done some digging and I think the tower is really an alien satellite transmitter, in disguise. I believe the tower can transmit messages into deep space to communicate with non-Earthlings!

Can I prove this for sure? Not yet. But I know I’m on to some- thing. Men In Black Suits have been spotted there, or at least that’s what I’m gonna prove.

For now, it’s just a theory I’m working on. But, stay tuned. I think I’m on the edge of a breakthrough.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Obama. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. President Obama thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read: “Dear GOD, Thank you very much for sending the money but, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those jerks deducted $95.00!”

 

JOKE #2

A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law.  One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs. awoke to find her mother gone.  Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.  The hunter picked up his rifle and started to look for her.  In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.
The wife cried, “What are we going to do?”
“Nothing,” said the hunter husband. “The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.”

 

JOKE #3

Jennifer had applied for a job and when she returned home, her mother asked how the interview went.
“Pretty good, I think,” replied Jennifer, “but if I go to work there I won’t get a vacation until I’m married.”
Her mother, of course, had never heard of such a thing. “Is that what they told you?”
“No,” replied Jennifer, “but right on the application it said ‘vacation time may not be taken until you’ve had your First Anniversary.'”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

Two West Virginia women unwittingly gave their PIN numbers to the women who stole their purses, thinking it was the bank that was calling.  ***MARLAR: A quick word of advice – never give out your PIN number to strangers right after your purse is stolen.

 

Environmental health officials in Wakefield, England, are investigating a fish and chips stand because of a report that it smells like fish.  ***MARLAR: And chips.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

BIGGER PIECE

One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, “When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don’t love me any more…”
“Nonsense, darling,” replied the husband, “you just cook better now.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Ever get lost in your own neighborhood?  How about getting lost in your own house? 

The most geographically-challenged person in the world is Hank Briar. The 25-year-old Minneapolis resident has a rare medical condition: He was born without a sense of direction. “I can’t go around the block without getting completely lost,” said Briar. “I had to move out of my one-bedroom apartment into this small studio because I could never find the bathroom in time,” he said. “It got pretty gross.” Jeremy Streets, a neurologist who has treated Briar, said he’s never seen anything like Briar’s condition before. “We tend to think that people have five senses – taste, touch, smell, sight, hearing – but we also have a sense of direction. For some reason, Harry was born without one.” Streets said that Briar’s condition is due to the fact that his parents were Arctic explorers, and he happened to be born exactly on the North Pole. (Weekly World News)

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

“Samuel was very upset with their request and went to the Lord for advice. “Do as they say,” the Lord replied, “for it is me they are rejecting, not you. They don’t want me to be their king any longer.” 1 Samuel 8:6-7

God knows what rejection feels like because it happened to Him! An entire nation chose an earthly king over the privilege of having its government rest upon the shoulders of almighty God. Even in the New Testament, many who followed Jesus did so only for what He gave them to eat (John 6:34).

They rejected His identity but wanted whatever benefits they could receive from Him. How that must have hurt Him! To be generous, loving, and giving to people and then be passed over as they choose someone else hurts deeply. The more love and resources we have given, the more it hurts. Why would anyone embrace a human source and reject God? Jesus told those following Him, “I am the bread of life” (John 6:35).

He is our source of acceptance and satisfaction forever. He knows exactly how it feels to be rejected. After a lifetime of love and giving, He was “despised and rejected” (Isaiah 53:3 KJV).

When He was on the cross, the crowds mocked Him and turned their backs on Him. Have you been rejected? Jesus knows the feeling of your infirmities (Hebrews 4:15). Run to Him and let His nail-pierced hands embrace you in perfect acceptance.

–By Larry Stockstill

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

ARE YOU A COMPLAINER?

READ: Numbers 11:1-10

When the people complained, it displeased the Lord. —Numbers 11:1

There’s a story about a farmer who was known for his negative attitude. One day a neighbor stopped by and commented on the farmer’s wonderful crop. “You must be extremely happy with this year’s harvest,” he said. The farmer grudgingly replied, “Well, yes, it looks like a pretty good one, but a bumper crop is awfully hard on the soil.”

The people of Israel had the same kind of complaining attitude. God had miraculously taken care of them during their wilderness wanderings, yet they constantly complained. For example, they griped about the manna that God had so graciously provided.

Remembering the fish, cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions, and garlic of Egypt, they whined, “There is nothing at all except this manna before our eyes!” (Numbers 11:6). What ingratitude!

We too sometimes tend to focus on the negatives rather than the positives of life. We murmur against the Lord when we should be praising Him for His countless blessings.

We let ourselves be distracted by the disappointments and deprivations that God allows for our spiritual good.

Whenever we are tempted to grumble, let’s remember Numbers 11:1, “When the people complained, it displeased the Lord.” —Richard De Haan

 

Every time you want to grumble,
Think of others who have less;
Ask the Lord to keep you humble,
Grateful for each happiness. —Marye

 

Some people go through life standing at the complaint counter.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

TOILET TERROR

The new slogan for residents in Pineville, Louisiana is “Don’t Drink The Water”!

According to reports, 60 homes in Pineville drank water that was contaminated by sewage for almost 3 months because city workers accidentally connected a sewer line to an underground water pipe! City officials are saying that health risks were minimal however because enough chlorine is put into the water supply to kill most bacteria. But as you might guess, residents of those homes are livid! The problem has now been taken care of but just to let you know how bad it was: one resident’s washing machine, dishwasher, and refrigerator ice maker became clogged with toilet paper! ***MARLAR: And you thought that YOUR ice cubes looked dirty!

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

THE BEST TIME OF THE DAY (According to Real Simple magazine)

  • The Best Time of Day to Clean the House is 4 p.m. You’re more likely to whistle while you window wash (and not kick over the bucket) if you do it in the late afternoon. That’s when hand-eye coordination is at its peak and mood levels are high.
  • The Best Time of Day to Take a Nap is 1 p.m. to 2:30 p.m. Doctors used to think afternoon sleepiness was the result of a big lunch. But they’ve found that in the early afternoon there’s a dip in body temperature, which causes sleepiness.
  • The Best Time of Day to Take a Multivitamin is breakfast time. Taking your supplements with a meal is important because vitamins are components of food, and whether water soluble or fat soluble, they are absorbed better with food.
  • The Best Time of Day to Take the Dog for a Walk is 8 p.m. to 9 p.m. To you, walking the dog may be about exercise. To him, it’s all about the social life. Because owners have more time to stroll in the evening and to let their pets linger over exciting smells and sounds missed on the morning-rush walk, this is when Fido is happiest. And evening walks also let him avoid midday overheating, make himself comfortable before bedtime.
  • The Best Time of Day to Do Your Cardio Workout is 5 p.m. to 6 p.m. At these times, he says, your lungs use oxygen more efficiently, you’re more coordinated, and your muscles are warmed up, so you’re less likely to suffer a sprain or strain. Finish exercising at least three hours before bed so that when your head hits the pillow the extra adrenaline will no longer be pumping through your bloodstream.
  • The Best Time of Day to Go to the Post Office is 7:30 a.m. to 10 a.m. Find out when your post office opens (generally between 7 a.m. and 9 a.m.) and arrive a half hour or so later. You’ll hit a midmorning lull, missing the rush of early birds lined up at the door. Heavy traffic is more likely at lunch, at the end of the workday, and just before closing.
  • The Best Time of Day to Return Merchandise is 10 a.m. Workforces are leaner these days, but retailers still need enough staff to open up, so that may be when they have the best ratio of staff to customers. It may also be the only time all day when staff are at assigned posts. Also, the most experienced people get the best hours, so they will be working the day shift.
  • The Best Time of Day to Go to the Doctor is 8 a.m. to 9 a.m., or 1 p.m. to 2 p.m. You’ll spend less time in the waiting room if you book the first appointment of the morning or the first after lunch, says Patricia Carroll, R.N., author of What Nurses Know and Doctors Don’t Have Time to Tell You.
  • The Best Time of Day to Ask for a Raise is 5 p.m. The key is finding a moment when your boss is not rushed and has time to truly listen, and that’s most likely to be the end of the day.
  • The Best Time of Day to Get a Haircut is 8 a.m. to 9 a.m. Booking the first appointment of the day will help you ease into the shampoo bowl on time. That’s because no latecomers will have thrown off the schedule.
  • The Best Time of Day to Fly is around Noon. Although U.S. Department of Transportation statistics show that flights taking off between 6 a.m. and 7 a.m. have the best on-time record, those numbers are sometimes misleading, says Rally Caparas, an Atlanta-based air-traffic controller. “On time” refers to when the plane pushes back from the gate. You can wait on the tarmac for an hour because of weather problems, which cause the vast majority of air delays. Scheduling arrivals and departures between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m. local time, Caparas says, will help you avoid most delay-causing weather patterns.
  • The Best Time of Day to Read (and Retain) is 8 a.m. or 10 p.m. If you’re going over notes for today’s presentation or memorizing the names of your child’s classmates’ parents before the school open house tonight, do it early in the morning, when your immediate recall is highest. For longer retention, evening is better.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

HOUSE DIVIDED
The Bliss family is trying to figure out what state there kids can go to school in — Rhode Island or Connecticut.

You see their house is situated right on the border of the two states. In fact, half of the family sleeps in Rhode Island, the other half sleeps in Connecticut. In February, the town of Voluntown, Connecticut sent the family a letter telling them that their children, who have been attending the Connecticut schools for 11 years may no longer do so because, they claim, the family is a resident of Rhode Island. Officials in West Greenwich, Rhode Island had also sent the family a letter claiming that they are not required to educate their children because they are residents of Connecticut. But denying children the right to public schooling is against federal law. The family’s lawyer says that under existing law, if a child lives in a house on the border of two towns within the same state, the child is entitled to attend school in either town. The kicker of it all is that the family pays property taxes to BOTH states who are gladly taking the family’s money.

 

 

FUN LIST

KIDS’ KITCHEN TERMS

  • BOIL: The point a parent reaches upon hearing the automatic “Yuck” before a food is even tasted.
  • CASSEROLE: Combination of favorite foods that go uneaten because they are mixed together.
  • DESSERT: The reason for eating a meal.
  • EVAPORATE: Magic trick performed by children when it comes time to clear the table or wash dishes.
  • FRUIT: A natural sweet not to be confused with dessert.
  • REFRIGERATOR: A very expensive and inefficient room air conditioner when not being used as an art gallery.
  • SODA POP: Shake ‘N Spray.
  • TABLE LEG: Percussion instrument.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.

Too Good to be True

There are some deals in life that are simply too good to be true. Unfortunately, I’ve been the victim of a few. Like…a timeshare. I’ll spare you the morbid details.
The “deals” I enjoy most are the TV pitches where the add ons keep getting better and better. If you actually get to the point of determining you can’t live without a cleaning device for between your car seats, the announcer chimes in with the legendary, “But wait!” As it turns out, if you buy now, they’ll give you a second item FREE. And as you reach for the phone…“there’s STILL more!” Oh my.
This week on my talk show, we will have two days devoted to asking for donations to help families in Guatemala and Haiti. The specific request is for $50 as a one-time gift to provide a child with food for a year and clean water for a lifetime. I know, it sounds too good to be true. The ministry is Food for the Poor. (FFTP)
Having traveled with a team of folks from FFTP to Guatemala a few months back, I was able to see the programs they have implemented. I observed a number of women who have devoted their lives to restoring the health of malnourished children. I witnessed school programs where lunch is provided and smiling grade schoolers run around with energy and hope.
The hardest part of the visit was being on site where multiple families live just a few miles from Guatemala City. Getting to their remote location was a challenge in itself. Hearing (through interpreters) how these families manage to survive will soften any hardened heart.
The water problem was too much to take in. That’s because there IS NO running water. Fifty gallon drums of non potable water are filled once a week IF a truck from the city can make it to these remote locations. This water must then be boiled to use for cooking and drinking. The food crisis is equally as challenging. And so along comes Food for the Poor.
Standing in the midst of these families who live in non-climate controlled shacks with corrugated metal roofs, it’s easy to say, “I can make a difference for these people.” We live in a place on this planet where we let clean water run just to get it warm. We water lawns. We often waste clean water in ways we don’t even consider. Thus, the idea of clean water for a child for a lifetime for $50 seems like an offer too good to be true. Oh…let’s not forget this also feeds the child for a year.
The men and women in these countries who aid these very poor do not live in comfort themselves. Their daily work is only to serve. As the director of a nutritional clinic told me through her tears, “Each face I see reminds me of Jesus.”
It makes sense. Jesus said it this way: “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what’s coming to you in this kingdom. It’s been ready for you since the world’s foundation. And here’s why: I was hungry and you fed me, I was thirsty and you gave me a drink, I was homeless and you gave me a room, I was shivering and you gave me clothes, I was sick and you stopped to visit, I was in prison and you came to me.’
“Then those ‘sheep’ are going to say, ‘Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?’ Then the King will say, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.’ (Matthew 25:34-40/ The Message)
This week my assignment is to to help raise support for 200 children. It’s not a big “ask.” Feed a child for a year. Provide that child clean water for a lifetime. Just a $50 one-time gift.
But wait! There’s more! Also included is a change from hopelessness to hope. From fear to encouragement. From sickness to health. If you’re interested in helping the cause, visit 1160hope.com. You’ll find a banner to click on that says “Give Life.” Pretty simple, huh?
The face of Jesus is waiting.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

BELLY ARMOR FOR LAPTOP LOVING MOMS-TO-BE

Did you know that your laptop is just as dangerous to your unborn baby as your microwave?  So what do you do if you use your laptop on your lap?  One company has come up with a solution! 

Um — did you know that your laptop can be unsafe for your growing baby while you are pregnant? You obviously know not to stand in front of the microwave or have an x-ray or anything like that, but updating your Facebook status could be dangerous for your unborn baby?

It turns out that you may be unknowingly exposing your bun in the oven to radiation if you are doing your typing with your computer in your lap. And considering how many of us have laptops these days, well…

Luckily, there is this new product out that can help ensure that you can still safely use your laptop while pregnant. It’s called the Belly Armor Blanket (isn’t that a cute name?), and it’s basically a blanket that you drape over your baby bump while you are typing away on your laptop – think of it as that big lead-lined blanket you get when getting an x-ray taken.

The Belly Armor blankets retail from $69 to $109 at BellyArmor.com.  ***MARLAR: No need to exposure your baby to Twitter until after their born.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

Updated every Monday! Outlandishly irritating stories I’ve come across over the years. They may not be “new” but they certainly are entertaining – and totally outrageous!

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

Imagine not being allowed to park in your own driveway – because the neighbors think your brand new truck isn’t pretty enough!

A Texas homeowners association says a nearly new Ford truck isn’t good enough to be left out in a driveway overnight. Owner Jim Greenwood has gotten three notices telling him to get the truck out of the driveway or face a $50 per event fine. The homeowners association of Stonebriar Village in Frisco, Texas, does, however, allow more prestigious brand trucks – such as Lincolns – to be parked in driveways. Greenwood claims a board member told him that “Lincoln markets to a different class of people.” Greenwood said he paid nearly $30,000 for the Ford.

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends – unless I feel like it.

As you do your spring cleaning the Huffington post is out with a reminder about several germ havens that most people forget to clean. Their suggestions include your coffee maker, doorknobs and drawer pulls, the area behind your sink faucets, reusable storage containers and the top of your refrigerator door. http://huff.to/1McqOaN

 

We hear a lot about senior pranks this time of year. But according to Fox News, students at one high school in Arizona are taking things to a new level by “pranking it forward” — doing good deeds and helping others. After star baseball player Mason Cundick was diagnosed a month ago with stage four Hodgkin’s Lymphoma a month ago students began raising money to help with his medical expenses. Last week, as Mason made his return to campus, a special rally was held to present Mason with more than $2,000.

 

Imagine never having to worry about a coffee stain on your shirt, or dropping your Egg McMuffin on your shirt while on your way to work!  Clothing company Elizabeth & Clarke is trying to totally eliminate the fear of wearing white by making “The Unstainable White Shirt.” According to the Huffington Post, The company’s Kickstarter campaign went live April 21, and has already raised roughly four times its monetary goal of $30,000 to put the shirts into production. According to the company, the shirt, which comes in blouse and T-shirt styles, works by using nanotechnology that fights off water-based or oil-based liquid spills, and even sweat! Elizabeth & Clarke says the washable fabric uses a proprietary garment finish that repels the liquids the same way “a flower repels morning dew.”

http://huff.to/1JGPNAZ

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

They should make a pre-pre-pre-pre-prequel to “Star Wars” and have it take place in the 90’s. It would clear up a lot of the confusion, and it’d be cool to see Brian Skywalker, M.C. Yoda and Darth Jennifer. –Pete Thompson

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

MAY 15, 2015…

 

Mad Max: Fury Road—Remember the intensity of the chases in the original “Mad Max” films? I think I remolded the arm rest in the theater during “The Road Warrior.” Here they come again (move over “Furious 7”) only on the desert of a decimated landscape. Max (Tom Hardy) is trying to help a fighting Furiosa (Charlize Theron) take women to safety across the desert while the bad guys are chasing after them, chains and all. It is a desperate chase and a desperate life. You want to brush the grit from your hands. Hugh Keays-Bryne is Importan Joe, the villain. “Mad Max: Fury Road” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans of the films. Most of the stunts are supposed to be real.

 

Pitch Perfect 2—The Bellas want to win and this time it is an international music competition. Now, three years later and Fat Amy (Rebel Wilson) has done something to disgrace the group. With newcomer Hailee Steinfeld in the group, Anna Kendrick, Brittany Snow and others try to work their way to the top again. The first film was a sleeper hit. ”Pitch Perfect 2″  is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for   singing fans

 

Far From The Madding Crowd (opening in select cities)—The latest adaptation of the Thomas Hardy novel about the landowner, Bathsheba (Carey Mulligan) and her three suitors, a wealthy farmer (Michael Sheen), a military man (Tom Sturridge) and a shepherd (Matthias Schoenert.) Decisions…decisions and set against the beautiful moors.  “Far From The Madding Crowd” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans of the novel.

 

Animals—(opening in select cities) This is a film about drug addiction and how it can creep upon you and destroy your life, relationships and anyone around it. Stars David Dastmalchian, Kim Shaw and John Heard. “Animals” is rated R. No rating.

 

MAY 22, 2015…

 

Poltergeist is a remake of the classic horror film about haunting a family. Stars Sam Rockwell.

 

Tomorrowland is a science fiction fantasy film starring George Clooney and Britt Robertson. There is a secret Utopia somewhere and how to find it?

 

Slow West is a western about trying to find people in the Old West when you are a tenderfoot. Stars Kodi Smit-McPhee and Michael Fassbender.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.