May 19, 2015: Tuesday ONAIRprep

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***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS

***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE

 

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150519

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I had a terrible, nerve-shattering experience on the way to work this morning. I thought I was going to be early!

 

A cable study says you can indeed become more violent by watching violence on TV. So does that mean if you watch too many campaign commercials you become a pathological liar?

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. –John 15:4,5 NIV

 

God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. — Hebrews 6:10

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips. — Psalm 141:3

 

Thought: How important is our speech? Jesus said it revealed what was going on in our hearts. Proverbs repeatedly tells us that our words can wound or heal. The apostle Paul tells us to speak only what will benefit those who hear us. In light of these Scriptures, this prayer of David is very appropriate. Only God can help us tame the tongue and use its power to bless. Let’s invite him into our world of speech and ask him to take control of it as he does our hearts!

 

Prayer: Most holy and righteous Father, I don’t want my language to ever betray you or wound your children. Please help me redeem my speech and use it to glorify you, bless your children, and speak of salvation to those who do not know your Son. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Ephesians 5:19 NIV = Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord…

 

 

TODAY IS TUESDAY – MAY 19, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 221 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is NATIONAL DEVIL’S FOOD CAKE DAY.  ***MARLAR: Can you still consider yourself a good Christian if you crave devil’s food cake?

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Boys Club Day

May Ray Day

National Hepatitis Testing Day

National Museum Day

National Asian & Pacific Islander, HIV/AIDS Awareness Day

World Autoimmune Arthritis Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

WEDNESDAY, MAY 20

Eliza Doolittle Day

Emergency Medical Services for Children Day

National Employee Health and Fitness Day

Turn Beauty Inside Out Day

Weights & Measures Day

 

THURSDAY, MAY 21

American Red Cross Founder’s Day

End of the World / Rapture Party Day (prediction)

Hummus Day

I Need a Patch For That Day

National Wait Staff Day

One Day Without Shoes Day

Red Nose Day

Sister Maria Hummel Day

World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue and Development

 

FRIDAY, MAY 22

Canadian Immigrants Day

Don’t Fry Day

Harvey Milk Day

National Maritime Day

National Title Track Day

World Goth Day

Heat Awareness Safety Day

National Wig Out Day

 

SATURDAY, MAY 23

International Day to End Obstetric Fistula

International Jazz Day

Julia Pierpont Day

Declaration of the Bab Day

National Heritage Breeds Day

National Polka Day

National Taffy Day

World Crohn’s and Colitis Day

World Turtle Day

 

SUNDAY, MAY 24

Brother’s Day

Indianapolis 500

International Tiara Day

Morse Code Day

 

MONDAY, MAY 25

National Missing Children’s Day

National Tap Dance Day

Nerd Pride Day or Geek Pride Day

Towel Day

Memorial Day

Prayer for Peace Memorial Day

 

TUESDAY, MAY 26

World Lindy Hop Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1310: Shoes were designed specifically for the right and left foot for the first time since the fall of the Roman Empire.

 

1886: Eliza Donnithorne died in Sydney, Australia, 30 years after her fiancé left her waiting at the altar. In 30 years she never left her home and was still wearing her wedding dress when she died.

 

1896: The U.S. government issued patent #560,351 to Martin Goetz for the Dimple Maker. It was a standard brace-and-bit with a rounded tip on the bit to massage the spot round-and-round where you wanted to make the dimple.

 

1973: Singer Tanya Tucker got her first #1 country hit with “What’s Your Mama’s Name, Child?”

 

1977: Jean and Nicolette Besnard and their 3-year-old son left Montreal. They made the 2,800 miles to Vancouver in three months on a bicycle built for two.

 

1987: The movie “Ishtar,” starring Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty, premiered throughout the U.S. to quickly become a national joke as one of Hollywood’s least exciting epics.

 

1991: A 31-year-old Cleveland skydiver survived a two-mile fall after her parachute failed to open. Jill Shields suffered spine and pelvic injuries when she landed in a swamp.

 

1992: U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle criticized the CBS sitcom “Murphy Brown” for having its title character decide to bear a child out of wedlock. (audio clip)

 

1994: Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis died from cancer at age 64.

 

1995: Balamurali Ambati was graduated from Mount Sinai Medical School to become the world’s youngest doctor at age 17.

 

1996: CBS aired the final episode of “Murder, She Wrote,” starring Angela Lansbury. The show ran 12 seasons. (audio clip)

 

1997: In Rostock, Germany, Oskar the Stork took flight just one day after being fitted with an artificial leg. Five weeks earlier Oskar had landed in Rostock with one leg missing. The town adopted him, and the local prosthesis shop constructed a bright orange stork leg.

 

1997: Longtime couple Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker were married.

 

1999: Beckley, West Virginia, police arrested a 32-year-old man for stealing the same tools he had been convicted of stealing two years before. The tools had not been claimed, so the police planted them in a vehicle stake-out, and the suspect stole them again.

 

2004: Two men threw purple flour at British Prime Minister Tony Blair in the House of Commons.

 

2005: The film “Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith” grossed $50-million in opening day box office sales.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

804: Alcuin of York, an English scholar who became an adviser to Charlemagne and the most prominent figure in the Carolingian Renaissance (the rebirth of classical learning under Charlemagne), dies. He also devised a handwriting system using both small and capital letters for easier reading.

 

1805: Joshua V. Himes, best known for promoting William Miller’s Second Advent movement, is born. Miller predicted the Second Coming between 1843 and 1844. When this did not happen, many followers deserted; others reorganized themselves as Seventh-day Adventists

 

1971: The musical Godspell, based on Matthew’s gospel, opens at the Cherry Lane Theater in New York.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Singer/model/actress Grace Jones, 63
  • Former TV host (“Good Morning America”) David Hartman, 80
  • TV journalist (PBS) Jim Lehrer, 81

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1940 : Mickey Newbury

1945 : Pete Townshend (The Who)

1947 : Jerry Hyman (Blood, Sweat & Tears)

1947 : Steve Currie (T-Rex)

1949 : Dusty Hill (ZZ Top)

1951 : Joey Ramone (Ramones), (born Jeffrey Ross Hyman)

1952 : Grace Jones

1952 : Barbara Joyce Lomas (B.T. Express)

1954 : Phil Rudd (AC/DC), (born Phillip Hugh Norman Witschke Rudzevecuis). Drummer

1962 : Iain Harvie (Del Amitri)

1972 : Jenny Berggren (Ace Of Base)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why should anything fit “to a T?”

If you were having clothes custom made for you, you might want them fit to a “U.” But what about a T? Could it be the way the letter looks, like a stick figure of a person standing with their arms hanging down, waiting to try on something? The origin of the expression *is* graphic, but the letter does not depict a person. The image evoked is that of a T-square, a piece of equipment that draftsmen (most were male) used to use with a drawing board, before computers, to make technical drawings. The T-square was simply two pieces of wood joined to form a right angle in the shape of the letter “T.” Placed against the edge of the drawing board and used to guide the pencil, it permitted one to draw exactly straight and perpendicular lines by hand. From which we get fitting to a T, or exactly.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Among the Thirsty was thanking God for his protection over the weekend. Members of the band tweeted: Thanking for God helping us avoid a pickup flipping in front of us after running into a parked semi.

 

Casting Crowns Mark Hall might want to work a little harder on his Daddy Daughter date ideas. Mark shared a short video clip on Instagram titled Daddy Date ideas #1. His first suggestion was heading to the gas station for some cola and some pork skins and then watch some football. Mark’s daughter seemed less than impressed with his suggestion. https://t.co/pmSMSGc9f0

 

The new Hawk Nelson CD Diamonds is now available, prompting one fan to post of twitter: I wanted to buy track 5 on Diamonds but it was Sold Out. (If you don’t get it check out the name of track 5 on the new CD.

 

Casting Crowns’ Mark Hall sent out group text Sunday morning announcing the need for an extra guitar player at their church and it seems the response was a little more than expected. Marks shared a picture later in the day of a room packed full of guitar players. https://t.co/GWtGJ2DZsc

 

Tenth Avenue North’s Mike Donehey says his weekend flight was an eventful one on several levels. He says they had a medical emergency when one of the travelers on the flight required an IV. Mike says his reaction to the situation showed him something about himself. He tweeted: guy on my flight was getting an IV and I was more worried about missing my show. I need more compassion. Mike went on to post: Been thinking how being a Christian means to let yourself be inconvenienced. People are not an obstacle. They are a chance to bless.

 

Jodi from Love & The Outcome is creating a new look. She tweeted over the weekend: just realized my shirt is inside out. Jodi actually admitted that she was still half asleep when dressing, which might have affected her edgy choice of outfits.

 

Jonny Diaz took to twitter to introduce his new daughter. Jonny says Charlie Grace Diaz came into the world a bit before midnight on Saturday, weighing in at 6lb 8oz.  http://t.co/3ocpnIicBo

 

Rush of Fools member Wes Willis has been enjoying a brief break from touring. He shared online: Grateful for the last few weeks at home to be able to do something as simple as tuck my kids in and enjoy the front porch with my bride. Wes added that It may be simple stuff for someone who doesn’t have to travel for a living he has never been able to really enjoy the simple things.

 

Audio Adrenaline’s Brandon Bagby was celebrating the birth of his son this weekend. Brandon says they named him Bazar Knox Bagby. He is named after Brandon’s father-in-law’s mother, Grace Fletcher. Her maiden name was Bazar (pronounced Bay•zer). Brandon says: after learning more about my father-in-law’s past, we chose this name to honor Grace for being strong and standing up for what she knew was right.  https://t.co/QQ1Pq5zZPi

 

Kerrie Roberts has some good news and some bad news over the weekend. Kerrie tweeted: The good news is I found and removed the spider from my hair before it was able to harm me. The bad news is I flung it to a place that cannot be located.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Scared bear spends week in central Louisiana neighborhood    photo
MARKSVILLE, La. (AP) — A young black bear has been a backyard spectacle in a central Louisiana neighborhood where he has spent the past week up one tree or another as he searches for a new home. The bear is among three to five that have wandered into populated parts of Louisiana in the past…

 

2 sisters adopted separately meet in NYC writing class
NEW YORK (AP) — Two women who took a writing class at Columbia University found that their own stories were better than fiction. They were sisters born to the same teenage mother in the early 1980s and adopted by different families. HASH(0xc30520) Valverde grew up in New Jersey while Olson…
Male cat nurtures kittens abandoned in southeast Alaska    photo
ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) — Six abandoned kittens named after the kids in “The Brady Bunch” TV series are getting a nurturing boost from an unlikely source — a male cat with a slight neurological disorder. The 3-week-old kittens — named Jan, Marcia, Cindy, Greg, Peter and Bobby…
‘Sting like a butterfly’: Holyfield jabs Romney for charity    photo
SALT LAKE CITY (AP) — Former Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney and five-time heavyweight boxing champion Evander Holyfield squared off in the ring at a charity fight night event in Salt Lake City. Romney, 68, and Holyfield, 52, sparred, if you could call it that, for just two…
Beaver takes shopping trip inside Alaska hardware store
FAIRBANKS, Alaska (AP) — A beaver walked into an Alaska hardware store on Friday, but couldn’t find anything for his lodge. The Fairbanks Daily News-Miner reports (http://is.gd/6oWIqo) the beaver triggered the automatic doors and walked into Lowe’s about 7 a.m. Friday. Employees trapped the…
Cardiologists, veterinarian work together to fix cat’s heart
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — A California cat named Vanilla Bean with a congenital heart defect got a rare chance at another life. A team of doctors who usually treat humans came together with a veterinarian to operate on the 1-year-old Burmese cat. Blood was pooling in Vanilla Bean’s heart,…
Sea weed? Packages of marijuana wash ashore in 2 states
ORANGE BEACH, Ala. (AP) — An Alabama man stumbled upon a 10-pound package of marijuana that washed up on the beach. Multiple news outlets report that Ron Smith was taking a morning walk near the Cotton Bayou Beach access in Orange Beach on Tuesday when he noticed what he thought was a seat…
Rock star defends cop who helped him use police helicopter
LAS VEGAS (AP) — A Guns N’ Roses guitarist said a former Las Vegas police captain who helped him use the department’s helicopter for an elaborate wedding proposal did nothing wrong and he’s glad he won his job back. Daren Jay “DJ” Ashba hailed Friday’s decision by a Nevada state board…
Exchange student injured by bison in Yellowstone Park
YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK, Wyo. (AP) — A 16-year-old girl has been gored by a bison in Yellowstone National Park while posing for a picture near the animal. The National Park Service says the unidentified girl’s injuries were serious but not life-threatening. The agency described her as an…
Forget pizza, students watch ’50 Shades’ as a reward
ROMNEY, W.Va. (AP) — Part of the erotic movie “Fifty Shades of Grey” was shown in a West Virginia high school classroom this week after students convinced their teacher to let them watch it as a reward for good work. The Charleston Daily Mail (http://bit.ly/1cDfDaT ) reports that the teacher…
Say yes to the dress? Not for 6 dresses at this high school
HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) — When students at a Connecticut high school arrive Saturday for their junior-senior prom, they will have to get past the watchful eye of officials there to make sure girls’ dresses don’t show too much skin. Shelton High School this week set up a prom dress review panel…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

INSIDE WASHINGTON: Health law tax passed along to states    photo
There’s more than a touch of absurdity in the way an industry fee in President Barack Obama’s health care law is being passed along to state taxpayers. As Alice in Wonderland might say, a curious tax just got curiouser. The burden to states could mount to $13 billion in less than a decade. The…

 

States help get heroin antidote into hands of regular folks    photo
BUFFALO, N.Y. (AP) — At the front of a classroom, health worker Cheryll Moore demonstrates “the nod” — a jerk of the head forward and then quickly back — a telltale sign of heroin use, though not necessarily of an overdose. “In that scenario, they can go either way,” she said. “I…
Morocco king eases restrictions on abortion for incest, rape
RABAT, Morocco (AP) — Moroccan King Mohammed VI has ordered that laws restricting abortion be loosened, allowing it in the case of rape, incest, danger to the mother’s health or fetal malformation. Debate erupted in this North African kingdom earlier this year over reforming the penal code,…
Nigeria: 28 kids killed by lead poisoning from gold mining    photo
LAGOS, Nigeria (AP) — Twenty-eight children have died from lead poisoning from illegal gold mining in a remote west-central village, Nigerian health officials said, while doctors still are treating thousands from an earlier outbreak. Dozens more children are sick in the Rafi area of Niger…
US court halts contentious law on contact lens price-fixing
SALT LAKE CITY (AP) — A federal appeals court has halted a new Utah law banning price-fixing for contact lenses that could have wide-ranging implications for the industry amid a fight between manufacturers and discount retailers. Lens maker Alcon Laboratories cheered the order Thursday. Along…
A food poisoning report with good news: Fewer E. coli cases    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Fewer Americans are getting sick from a nasty germ sometimes found in undercooked hamburgers, the government reported Thursday. The latest report card on food poisoning shows illnesses from a dangerous form of E. coli bacteria have fallen 20 percent in the last few years. That…
Cardiologists, veterinarian work together to fix cat’s heart
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — A California cat named Vanilla Bean with a congenital heart defect got a rare chance at another life. A team of doctors who usually treat humans came together with a veterinarian to operate on the 1-year-old Burmese cat. Blood was pooling in Vanilla Bean’s heart,…
USDA creates new government certification for GMO-free
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Agriculture Department has developed a new government certification and labeling for foods that are free of genetically modified ingredients. USDA’s move comes as some consumer groups push for mandatory labeling of the genetically modified organisms, or GMOs. The…
INSIDE WASHINGTON: Insurers pass tax along to the states    photo
There’s more than a touch of absurdity in the way an industry fee in President Barack Obama’s health care law is being passed along to state taxpayers. As Alice in Wonderland might say, a curious tax just got curiouser. The burden to states could mount to $13 billion in less than a decade. The…
Smokers have better luck quitting when own money wagered    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — When it comes to offering cash to get smokers to quit, more people go for the carrots than the stick — but the stick gets better results. In a study released Wednesday, smokers with $150 of their own money at stake were far more likely to quit than smokers who didn’t…
A nail in the eye, a lucky landscaper left without a scratch    photo
There must have been a four-leaf clover in those weeds. A 27-year-old landscaper escaped with barely a scratch after a nearly 3-inch nail hurtled into his eye when he accidentally hit it with a weed-whacker. Doctors who removed the nail at Boston’s Massachusetts General Hospital describe the case…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

A 19-year-old model says she bathes in pigs’ blood to keep her skin looking youthful. “Chanel, ” the freelance model and actress, is one of the stars of MTV’s “True Life: I’m Obsessed With Staying Young.” Chanel explains to her grandmother Lois that “I feel like thousands of years ago” people did that and “they preserved their youth.”  ***Uh, yeah… well… I would point out that you look young because you’re still only nineteen stinkin’ years old and everybody looks young at that age.  But, Chanel… I’ve seen your photo.  It ain’t working.

 

A Japanese woman faces attempted murder charges after she allegedly cut her husband’s face with a kitchen knife. Tokyo police say the attack happened because of an “intolerably bad smell” that the victim left in the bathroom at their home in Otaku.  ***It’s sad that the only thing the woman could find to cut through the smell was a knife. Does Japan not sell Febreeze?

 

From England comes news that medics in London rushed to help a collapsed woman who turned out to be a pigeon. The confusion happened after a person called emergency services and said that a “bird collapsed.” It turns out that the British sometimes refer to women as “birds.”  ***Which is kind of non-news, as women in the U.S. are often called “chicks”.

 

Think flying is getting worse? A pair of university researchers who track the airline business say it’s a fact. According to Government Data, the ABC news report says more flights are late, more bags are getting lost, and customers are lodging more complaints about U.S. airlines. Researchers found that the percentage of flights that arrived on time fell to 76.2 percent last year from 78.4 percent in 2013. The rate of lost, stolen or delayed bags rose 13 percent in 2014. The rate of passengers getting bumped from flights rose 3 percent. And consumer complaints to the government jumped 22 percent in 2014.  ***But hey, we have in-flight Wi-fi, so shut up!

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

How important is your cell phone? According to recent study by the phone security company Lookout, nearly 70 percent of Americans would be willing to put themselves in actual, physical danger just to retrieve a lost or stolen phone. Nearly half said they would pay $500 to get their phone, with all of its data, back, and a third said they would fork over up to $1,000!  ***MARLAR: Except for Blackberries – people actually offered the person taking the survey twenty bucks to take it off their hands.

 

How do you keep people from using their phones while driving?  They think they’ve found a solution.

Researchers have discovered how to stop drivers using their phones when they are behind the wheel without affecting use for passengers.  A team at Stevens Institute of Technology and Rutgers in New Jersey have created a system which shuts down a driver’s phone without affecting other people in the vehicle.  It utilizes a phone’s Bluetooth connection and a vehicle’s speakers to detect if the driver is using their mobile phone while driving.  ***MARLAR: This sounds like a good idea – up to a point.  What if the person in the back seat needs to make a phone call to the driver?  Then what?

 

Texting while driving is only dangerous if someone ELSE does it?

About half of American drivers between 21 and 24 say they’ve thumbed messages or emailed from the driver’s seat. And what’s more, many drivers don’t think it’s dangerous when they do it – only when others do it.  At any given moment last year on America’s streets and highways, nearly one in every 100 car drivers was texting, emailing, surfing the Web or otherwise using a hand-held electronic device.  ***MARLAR: I was so angry about this that I almost dropped my Droid after reading about it on my way to work this morning.

 

Eating milk chocolate can improve your brain activity. Scientists now say you should eat some milk chocolate before your next exam or big work project. ***MARLAR: I use chocolate in my coffee every single morning… and if this is how I am when my brain activity is improved, imagine what kind of an idiot I am before my first cup of Joe!

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Round Pizza, Square Box”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Paul Gustufson, “TV Preachers”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TUESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Millard the Monkey was racking his brain and working his limbs to the bone trying to find a way to do something better than Steve Mozart. Mozart composed better music, built a better sandcastle than Millard, built a longer and stronger bridge than Millard, and now even Millard’s new boat has problems…

 

CLOSE: Why is it so important for Millard to beat Mozart at something? Has he never seen the movie, Amadeus? Apparently not. Tune in next time, for As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF MAY 23/24, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, all of the jungle animals were suffering from having so much to do in their daily schedules. So much, in fact, that they even stopped sleeping just to get everything done! Planners, DayTimers, lists, appointments, it was getting so bad they didn’t have time for anything else!
CLOSE: Sounds like the animals, in their rush to get things done, don’t even have time now for common courtesy and niceness! Tune in again next time for more of As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Climbing through your true love’s bedroom is only romantic in the movies. In real life it could be the start of a Moment of Duh!

18-year-old Jesse Laboiteaux, of Sycamore Township, Ohio, climbed through a window of his girlfriend’s bedroom. Bad news, the girl wasn’t there. Worse news, her dad was. The girl’s father heard the noise coming from his daughter’s room. When dad went to check it out, he found Jesse and delivered a smackdown. For his trouble, Jesse got two black eyes, along with burglary and assault charges.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN WAYS TO GET THROUGH A CROWDED HALLWAY

  1. Hop like a kangaroo – that will make a scene.
  2. Lick people.
  3. Blow on the back of their necks.
  4. Random Hugging.
  5. Sing the Barney theme song… twice… three times… keep going.
  6. Borrow sleeves in place of the tissues you forgot to bring with you.
  7. Fumble with blueprints, look lost and mumble a lot of directions and the words “air duct”.
  8. Show off your “sane” stamp that they gave you when you left the asylum.
  9. Ask, “Can I be your friend?” to everyone.
  10. Two words: Water gun.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Getting out of jury duty is not only a no-no… it can land you in the files of Law & Disorder!

 

FILE #1: It’s something that none of us look forward too, but are responsible for as citizens – jury duty. And many of us seem to look for ways to get out of it once we are summoned. Like Charles Vaughn, a Boston investment adviser. He was chosen to serve on a civil jury, but had business in New Jersey so he phoned the court claiming illness when he was actually calling from New Jersey on his cellular phone. When he returned to Massachusetts he was charged with contempt of court and fined $2000.

 

FILE #2: A carjacker in Boca Raton, Florida, got so lost, he called 911 to turn himself in so that the police could find him and rescue him.

 

FILE #3: Problems of Postmodern Policework: Flamboyant cross-dresser Donald Ray Johnson was arrested in Baton Rouge, La., in September on theft charges after police found him hiding in a closet. According to an Associated Press report, Johnson did not resist arrest, but he did ask police if they could wait a couple of minutes for him to fix his hair.

 

STRANGE LAW: If your house catches on fire in Connecticut, good luck. Fire trucks are restricted from exceeding 25 MPH… and that includes responding to a fire alarm.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

In Bloomfield Township, Michigan, 23-year-old Joshua Campbell was convicted of driving drunk.  But for some reason he has now filed  a lawsuit against the driver he hit – police officer Gary Davis! 

He’s actually asking the police department to pay him for the “humiliation,” “embarrassment” and physical injuries he received.  His argument is that Officer Davis unsafely turned around on Interstate 75 after making a routine traffic stop, and that it was this improper turnaround that caused the accident.  Couldn’t of course have anything to do with the fact that Joshua registered a 0.17 blood alcohol level and was going 90 miles per hour at the time.  Also, Officer Davis says the fact that there were patrol cars on the scene with flashing lights should have been a signal to Joshua to slow down just a bit.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

The Vatican now says you can be a Christian and believe in extra-terrestrials without conflict. What do you think – is there room within Christianity to believe in aliens from other planets?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who were Eliab, Abinadab, and Shammah?

ANSWER: David’s brothers (1 Samuel 16:6-13)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: How fast, in miles per hour, does the fastest roller coaster in the U.S. go?

ANSWER: 128 mph, the “Kingda Ka” in Jackson, New Jersey.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. An undecagon has 30 sides to it. (False, only 11 sides)

 

  1. Almost $400 million of Lipstick is sold every year, and experts say it’s because people are addicted to it. (False, Chapstick)

 

  1. “Terminator 3” features the T-1000, a liquid metal, shape changing, killing machine. (False – that’d be Terminator 2)

 

  1. Marion Crane was on the run in the movie “Psycho” because of a drug charge. (False, Stolen Money)

 

  1. The World’s longest dogsled race is called the Zitrod. (False, the Iditarod)

 

  1. “Hat trick” is a term typically used in the sport of golf. (False, Hockey)

 

  1. Mars, Pennsylvania is the city they call Chocolate Town. (False, it’s Hershey)

 

  1. It takes more than an hour to completely soft-boil an ostrich egg. (False, about 40 minutes)

 

  1. There are only 10 countries world-wide in which people drive on the left-hand side of the road. (False, around 50)

 

  1. There are 24 ways to make change for a United States dollar. (False, 293)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

____-EATING CROCODILE (DOG)

A 20 foot crocodile that had eaten up to nine pet dogs has been hauled out of a river in Australia.

The rogue croc was trapped at Daly River community, some 225 kilometers south of Darwin, where it was terrorizing residents and animals, the Northern Territory News said.

Community police officer Mark Casey told the newspaper his office had nine reports of dogs being taken by a crocodile, believed to be the animal caught, in a month.

“Crocs are an ever-present danger but you don’t see them,” he said.

“They can sit for days on end on the other side of the river and watch you go fishing off the same log or rock — that’s how they hunt.

“Next thing you know, bang, the dog’s gone.”

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

The congregation liked their new clergyman, but were somewhat puzzled by his speaking style. His first sermon ran only 8 minutes; the second Sunday he spoke for 45 minutes; the third week he rattled on for an hour and a half. That was enough for the Board to summon him for a little chat. To their relief, Wilkerson had a ready explanation. “The Saturday before the first sermon, I had my teeth pulled and my mouth was still terribly sore. But, by the time a week had gone by, I’d gotten used to my new dentures.” Here the minister paused, and blushed deeply. “And as for last Sunday well, I’m afraid that I picked up my wife’s set of teeth by mistake!”

 

JOKE #2

A man walking along the beach one day finds a bottle. He rubs it and, sure enough, out popped a genie. “I will grant you three wishes,” said the genie. “But there is a catch.”

“What catch?” the man asked.

The genie replied, “Every time you make a wish, every lawyer in the world will receive double the wish you were granted.”

“Well, I suppose I can live with that,” replied the elated man.

“What is your first wish?” asked the genie.

“Well, I’ve always wanted a Ferrari!”

Wham! A Ferrari appeared in front of the man. “Now every lawyer in the world has two new Ferraris,” said the genie.

“Next wish?”

“I’d love a million dollars,” replied the man.

Wham! One million dollars appeared at his feet. “Now every lawyer in the world has two million dollars,” said the genie.

“Well, that’s okay, as long as I’ve got my million,” replied the man.

“What is your third and final wish?”

The man thought long and hard, and finally said, “Well, you know, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney.”

 

JOKE #3

A young man joins an order of monks and takes a vow of silence. However, he’s promised by the head monk that he can speak two words per year.  After the first year the head monk asks him his two words for the year. He replies, “More blankets.”

After his second year the head monk asks him again his two words for the year.  He replies, “More food.”

After the third year the head monk asks him his two words for the year.  He replies, “I’m leaving.”

The head monk says, “Thank goodness… you’ve done nothing but complain since you got here!”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A Wisconsin man was arrested for stealing 19 containers of deodorant! He said he had a good reason for it, too. And no it had nothing to do with body odor! He told the police that the next day was his birthday and he planned on selling the deodorant to buy stuff for his birthday party. ***MARLAR: Really?  And what’s the black market value of Ban Roll On?

 

A study sponsored by Travelodge found that 60% of workers sleep lousy on Sunday night.  ***MARLAR: Because they know they have to get up on Monday morning!

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

AGE IS A FUNNY THING

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. How old are you? “I’m four and a half!” You’re never 36 and a half – you’re four and a half going on five!

That’s the key. You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number. How old are you? “I’m gonna be 16.” You could be 12, but you’re gonna be 16.

And then the greatest day of your life happens, you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony, you BECOME 21 – YES!!!

But then you turn 30. Ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now. What’s wrong?? What changed??

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Stay over there, it’s all slipping away…

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you’re PUSHING 40, you REACH 50 – and your dreams are gone.

Then you MAKE IT to 60. You didn’t think you’d make it!!!!

So you BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you’re PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60, then you build up so much speed you HIT 70!

After that, it’s a day by day thing. After that, you HIT Wednesday. You get into your 80’s, you HIT lunch. My grandmother won’t even buy green bananas – it’s an investment you know, and maybe a bad one.

And it doesn’t end there. Into the 90’s you start going backwards. I was JUST 92…

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. “I’m 100 and a half!”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

What was prehistoric dentistry like?

Even with all of the modern devices, equipment, and pain-killers today – going to the dentist is not something that anyone other than the dentist himself looks forward to (and I’m not even sure about the dentist). We think of dentistry as a fairly modern medicine, but now there’s evidence that it was happening in Asia 8,000 years ago! Back then, dentists (likely named Ogg) used stone-tipped drills to repair teeth. To prevent bacteria after drilling, the prehistoric dentist used plants to fill the cavities. ***MARLAR: The worst part was the wooly mammoth flavored fluoride treatments.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

Jesus soon saw a great crowd of people climbing the hill, looking for him. Turning to Philip, he asked, “Philip, where can we buy bread to feed all these people?” He was testing Philip, for he already knew what he was going to do. Philip replied, “It would take a small fortune to feed them!” Then Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up. “There’s a young boy here with five barley loaves and two fish. . . .” John 6:5-9

Are you a disciple of Philip or a disciple of Andrew? There were obvious differences in their answers when Jesus asked both of them what they should do about the hungry multitude. His question was merely a test of their faith. Philip saw the facts. His whole perspective was intellectual and negative, without any regard for spiritual vision. Anyone can rehearse the facts to God, but the facts aren’t important to Him—He made the facts! Like Philip, the Israelites tested God’s patience on their journey through the wilderness (Psalm 106:14). They could see only the facts: no food, no water, and no meat. But Jesus was there all the time, ready to provide for whatever needs they had. Andrew, on the other hand, saw the vision. He had a spiritual and positive perspective that allowed God to work miracles. Jesus is with you in the wilderness, and you, like Andrew, can believe in Him for miracles. He already knows what wonders He wants to perform on your behalf. Will you be a disciple of Philip or of Andrew?
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

DOING OUR PART

Read: 2 Kings 20:1-7

I have heard your prayer . . . ; surely I will heal you. On the third day you shall go up to the house of the Lord. —2 Kings 20:5

A runner at a school track meet crossed the finish line just ahead of his nearest rival. A bystander, noticing that the winner’s lips were moving during the last couple of laps, wondered what he was saying. So he asked him about it. “I was praying,” the runner answered. Pointing to his feet, he said, “I was saying, ‘You pick ’em up, Lord, and I’ll put ’em down.'” That athlete prayed for God’s help, but he also did what he could to answer his own prayer.

When we ask God for help, we must be willing to do whatever we can, using whatever means He gives. When Hezekiah heard that he was going to die, he prayed for a miracle, and God promised to extend his life 15 years. Then Isaiah gave instructions to place a lump of figs on the troublesome boil (2 Kings 20:5-7). God did the healing, but He used human effort and natural means.

A couple of children were walking to school one morning when it suddenly dawned on them that unless they really hurried they were going to be late. One of them suggested that they stop and pray that they wouldn’t be tardy. “No,” the other replied, “let’s pray while we run as fast as we can.”

 

When we ask the Lord to do something, we must also be ready to do our part. —Richard De Haan

 

Points To Ponder
How does the truth of today’s article apply to illness?
To receiving a job promotion? To social evils?
To final exams? To increasing faith?

 

Pray as if everything depends on God; work as if everything depends on you.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

Frog jumping is cancelled this year in one New Hampshire town… why?

The town of Rye, New Hampshire, will have one less activity at their annual Fourth of July celebration. Town officials voted to 2-1 to cancel this year’s frog jumping contest, because they think it’s cruel to frogs!? The contest, based on the 1865 Mark Twain short story, “The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County”, has been a town tradition since 1975. One of the people against the competition, Jane Holway, said, “This may go back to Mark Twain, but so did cockfighting. We teach children not to step on a caterpillar, not to touch a bird’s nest. This is no different.” ***MARLAR: Really? I seem to remember that frogs regularly (and naturally) jump! I understand that’s what they do. Oh well, since when did someone with a cause want to hear logic?

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

GOIN’ TO GET MARRIED

June, or “Weddings Month,” is only a couple of weeks away and the times are a changing for modern brides and grooms. “Although couples may think they’re bucking tradition, they’re actually collectively creating new wedding rules,” says Christa Vagnozzi, senior editor of WeddingChannel.com. “Asking their best guy friend to be a man of honor, deciding to keep their last name and registering for their honeymoon are becoming more mainstream as brides and grooms strive to incorporate their personal style.” Here are the four new wedding traditions for the 21st century:

  • Gender-Bending Rituals — Man of honor? Best woman? Brides and grooms are no longer dismissing their best friends of the opposite sex when it comes to their wedding. In fact, according to a WeddingChannel.com poll, 63% of brides said that if their best friend were a guy, they would definitely ask him to be a bridesman or man of honor.
  • A Friend as the Officiate — According to a WeddingChannel.com poll, 59% of couples would be interested in having a friend or family member officiate.
  • The Name Game — Don’t make any assumptions when it comes to the bride’s last name. According to the Real Weddings Survey 2007 by The Knot Wedding Network, 12% of brides don’t plan on taking their spouse’s name upon marriage.
  • Alternative Wedding Registries — China and crystal are so yesterday. Brides and grooms are ditching traditional registries or augmenting them with such unusual gifts as horseback riding lessons, the honeymoon, a hi-definition plasma-screen TV and even donations to their favorite charity.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

In 1963 a unique bag with a plastic zipper seal was introduced at a packaging trade show… the Ziplog Bag.  Most recently, the seal’s strength was demonstrated at a Riverton, Wyoming, school, where eighth-grade students discovered an uneaten sandwich in a Ziploc bag at the bottom of a locker. It had been there for months. Students were so impressed with the bag’s ability to seal in the odor (and mold growth) that they actually sent a thank-you letter (along with the sandwich) to the manufacturer, SC Johnson. In a letter back to the students, H. Fisk Johnson, the company chairman, called the locker “one of the toughest product test sites we’ve ever discovered.”

 

ALTERNATIVE USES FOR ZIPOC BAGS:

  • Knead dough. Place dough in a Ziploc bag so your fingers don’t get sticky. Or slip your hand into the bag and wear it like a glove.
  • Store panty hose. Nude, Tan, Nearly Naked — they look the same out of the package. Tear off the corner of the package listing the brand, size, and color, then slip it into a bag. Store each pair in its own bag to keep hose organized and prevent snags.
  • Remove chewing gum or candle wax from a tablecloth, a couch, or carpeting. Gently rub gum or wax with a Ziploc bag filled with ice cubes until the substance hardens. Shatter gum with a blunt object, then vacuum up the chips. Carefully peel off frozen wax with a plastic spatula.
  • Pipe frosting. Snip off a tiny corner to use a Ziploc as a pastry bag.
  • Store homemade soup. Fill up bags, then lay them flat in the freezer. When the bags of soup freeze flat, you’ll be able to pile them up like stacked books for easy, space-saving storage.
  • Protect precious cargo. No bubble wrap? Slip a straw into the top of a nearly closed Ziploc bag and inflate. Remove the straw and seal to make a cushion. (Heirlooms, however, should wait for that bubble wrap.)
  • Break up graham crackers or vanilla wafers to make a piecrust. Fill a bag with the cookies, then roll a rolling pin over it.
  • Prevent a handbag from turning into a snow globe. Store pressed powder and other compacts in Ziploc bags.
  • Gather herbs from the garden. Before winter frost sets in, wash, pat dry, and freeze the herbs in Ziploc bags.
  • Ice an injury. Fill a bag with ice cubes to create a cold compress.

 

 

FUN LIST

WHAT’S IN A NAME?

Studies have shown that a person’s name can alter how they feel about themselves. It can have both positive and negative effects. So a name can be an important factor in one’s life. The next time you think you hate your name, just have a look at this list of real names from Oddee.com:

  • John Portsmouth Football Club Westwood
  • Thursday October Christian
  • Yahoo Serious
  • World B. Free
  • GoldenPalace.com
  • Ten Million
  • Adolf Lu Hitler Marak
  • Leone Sextus Denys Oswolf Fraudatifilius Tollemache-Tollemache de Orellana Plantagenet Tollemache-Tollemache
  • Byron Low Tax Looper
  • Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116
  • James Dr No From Russia with Love Goldfinger Thunderball You Only Live Twice On Her Majesty’s Secret Service Diamonds Are Forever Live and Let Die The Man with the Golden Gun The Spy Who Loved Me Moonraker For Your Eyes Only Octopussy A View to a Kill The Living Daylights License to Kill Golden Eye Tomorrow Never Dies The World Is Not Enough Die Another Day Casino Royale Bond

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.

Too Good to be True

There are some deals in life that are simply too good to be true. Unfortunately, I’ve been the victim of a few. Like…a timeshare. I’ll spare you the morbid details.
The “deals” I enjoy most are the TV pitches where the add ons keep getting better and better. If you actually get to the point of determining you can’t live without a cleaning device for between your car seats, the announcer chimes in with the legendary, “But wait!” As it turns out, if you buy now, they’ll give you a second item FREE. And as you reach for the phone…“there’s STILL more!” Oh my.
This week on my talk show, we will have two days devoted to asking for donations to help families in Guatemala and Haiti. The specific request is for $50 as a one-time gift to provide a child with food for a year and clean water for a lifetime. I know, it sounds too good to be true. The ministry is Food for the Poor. (FFTP)
Having traveled with a team of folks from FFTP to Guatemala a few months back, I was able to see the programs they have implemented. I observed a number of women who have devoted their lives to restoring the health of malnourished children. I witnessed school programs where lunch is provided and smiling grade schoolers run around with energy and hope.
The hardest part of the visit was being on site where multiple families live just a few miles from Guatemala City. Getting to their remote location was a challenge in itself. Hearing (through interpreters) how these families manage to survive will soften any hardened heart.
The water problem was too much to take in. That’s because there IS NO running water. Fifty gallon drums of non potable water are filled once a week IF a truck from the city can make it to these remote locations. This water must then be boiled to use for cooking and drinking. The food crisis is equally as challenging. And so along comes Food for the Poor.
Standing in the midst of these families who live in non-climate controlled shacks with corrugated metal roofs, it’s easy to say, “I can make a difference for these people.” We live in a place on this planet where we let clean water run just to get it warm. We water lawns. We often waste clean water in ways we don’t even consider. Thus, the idea of clean water for a child for a lifetime for $50 seems like an offer too good to be true. Oh…let’s not forget this also feeds the child for a year.
The men and women in these countries who aid these very poor do not live in comfort themselves. Their daily work is only to serve. As the director of a nutritional clinic told me through her tears, “Each face I see reminds me of Jesus.”
It makes sense. Jesus said it this way: “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what’s coming to you in this kingdom. It’s been ready for you since the world’s foundation. And here’s why: I was hungry and you fed me, I was thirsty and you gave me a drink, I was homeless and you gave me a room, I was shivering and you gave me clothes, I was sick and you stopped to visit, I was in prison and you came to me.’
“Then those ‘sheep’ are going to say, ‘Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?’ Then the King will say, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.’ (Matthew 25:34-40/ The Message)
This week my assignment is to to help raise support for 200 children. It’s not a big “ask.” Feed a child for a year. Provide that child clean water for a lifetime. Just a $50 one-time gift.
But wait! There’s more! Also included is a change from hopelessness to hope. From fear to encouragement. From sickness to health. If you’re interested in helping the cause, visit 1160hope.com. You’ll find a banner to click on that says “Give Life.” Pretty simple, huh?
The face of Jesus is waiting.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

PLANNING FOR MY RETIREMENT

As I was checking my 401(k) account and thinking about retirement, I saw an article about nursing and retirement homes are.  Then it hit me.  No nursing home for me!  Here is my plan: I’m checking into the Holiday Inn.  With the average cost for a nursing home reaching $188 per day, there is a better way when we get old and feeble.  I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn.  For a combined long-term stay discount and senior discount, it’s $49.23 per night.  That leaves $138.77 a day for breakfast, lunch, dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service.  It also will leave enough for laundry, gratuities, and special TV movies.  Plus, I’ll get a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, and washer and dryer.  I’ll also get free toothpaste, razors, shampoo and soap.  And I’ll be treated like a customer, not a patient.  Five dollars worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling.  There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free.  The handicap bus will also pick me up if I fake a decent limp.  Ride the church bus free on Sundays.  For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there.  While you’re at the airport, fly somewhere.  Meanwhile, the cash keeps building up.  It takes months to get into decent nursing homes.  On the other hand, Holiday Inn will take your reservation today.  And you are not stuck in one place forever — you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city.  Want to see Hawaii?  They have a Holiday Inn there, too.  TV broken?  Light bulbs need changing?  Need a mattress replaced?  No problem.  They fix everything and apologize for the inconvenience.  The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks if you are OK.  If not, they will call the undertaker or an ambulance.  If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.  And no worries about visits from family.  They will always be glad to visit you, and probably check in for a mini-vacation.  The grandkids can use the pool.  What more can you ask for?  When I discussed my plan with friends, they came up with even more benefits that Holiday Inn provides retirees.  Most standard rooms have coffee makers, reclining chairs, and satellite TV — all you need to enjoy a cozy afternoon.  After a movie and a good nap, you can check on your children (free local phone calls), then take a stroll to the lounge or restaurant where you meet new and exotic people every day.  Many Holiday Inns even feature live entertainment on the weekends.  Often they have special offers, too, like the Kids Eat Free program.  You can invite your grandkids over after school to have a free dinner with you.  Just tell them not to bring more than three friends.  Pick a Holiday Inn where they allow pets, and your best friend can keep you company as well.  If you want to travel, but are a bit skittish about unfamiliar surroundings, you’ll always feel at home because wherever you go, the rooms all look the same.  And if you’re getting a little absent-minded in your old days, you never have to worry about not finding your room — your electronic key fits only one door and the helpful bellman or desk clerk is on duty 24/7.  Being natural skeptics, we called a Holiday Inn to check out the feasibility of my plan.  I’m happy to report that they were positively giddy at the idea of us checking in for a year or more.  They even offered to negotiate the rate.  We could have easily knocked them down to $40 a night!  So, when I reach the golden age I’ll face it with a grin.  Just forward all your emails to the Holiday Inn!

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

Updated every Monday! Outlandishly irritating stories I’ve come across over the years. They may not be “new” but they certainly are entertaining – and totally outrageous!

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

Imagine not being allowed to park in your own driveway – because the neighbors think your brand new truck isn’t pretty enough!

A Texas homeowners association says a nearly new Ford truck isn’t good enough to be left out in a driveway overnight. Owner Jim Greenwood has gotten three notices telling him to get the truck out of the driveway or face a $50 per event fine. The homeowners association of Stonebriar Village in Frisco, Texas, does, however, allow more prestigious brand trucks – such as Lincolns – to be parked in driveways. Greenwood claims a board member told him that “Lincoln markets to a different class of people.” Greenwood said he paid nearly $30,000 for the Ford.

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends – unless I feel like it.

The National Police in Italy have reportedly created a digital image of what they believe Jesus Christ looked like as a young child. According to Yahoo news, Detectives used the Shroud of Turin — a famous relic believed by some to be the burial cloth of Jesus — to generate a photo of Jesus’ face. Police then put the generated image through a computer forensics reverse-aging process to see what Jesus may have looked like as a young boy, according to The Independent. 
https://gma.yahoo.com/police-create-image-jesus-child-using-shroud-turin-211057510–abc-news-travel.html

 

Country Singer Coffey was on stage recently when his 17 month old son decided to help his dad out. Coffey was in the middle of a song when Ethan decided to join is dad on stage for a hug. But it didn’t end there. According to the web site Faith Reel, Ethan stayed on stage and stole the show, dancing and clapping along to his dad’s singing. Check out the video…

http://faithreel.com/baby-runs-on-stage-and-steals-the-show-from-his-dad-in-the-sweetest-way/

An NFL player turned Prince Charming recently when he took a student battling cancer to her senior prom. According to ABC News, Jacksonville Jaguars player Sen’Derrick Marks accompanied Khameyea Jennings, an 18-year-old who has been battling cancer for two years. The local non-profit group Dreams Come True helped set up the dream date after finding out the girl didn’t have one.

http://abcn.ws/1DQEBcF

ABC News Videos | ABC Entertainment News
 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

People who do lots of work make lots of mistakes.  People who do less work make less mistakes.   People who do no work make no mistakes.  People who make no mistakes get promoted.  That’s why I spend most of my time sending e-mails & playing games at work.  I need a promotion.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

MAY 15, 2015…

 

Mad Max: Fury Road—Remember the intensity of the chases in the original “Mad Max” films? I think I remolded the arm rest in the theater during “The Road Warrior.” Here they come again (move over “Furious 7”) only on the desert of a decimated landscape. Max (Tom Hardy) is trying to help a fighting Furiosa (Charlize Theron) take women to safety across the desert while the bad guys are chasing after them, chains and all. It is a desperate chase and a desperate life. You want to brush the grit from your hands. Hugh Keays-Bryne is Importan Joe, the villain. “Mad Max: Fury Road” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans of the films. Most of the stunts are supposed to be real.

 

Pitch Perfect 2—The Bellas want to win and this time it is an international music competition. Now, three years later and Fat Amy (Rebel Wilson) has done something to disgrace the group. With newcomer Hailee Steinfeld in the group, Anna Kendrick, Brittany Snow and others try to work their way to the top again. The first film was a sleeper hit. ”Pitch Perfect 2″  is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for   singing fans

 

Far From The Madding Crowd (opening in select cities)—The latest adaptation of the Thomas Hardy novel about the landowner, Bathsheba (Carey Mulligan) and her three suitors, a wealthy farmer (Michael Sheen), a military man (Tom Sturridge) and a shepherd (Matthias Schoenert.) Decisions…decisions and set against the beautiful moors.  “Far From The Madding Crowd” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans of the novel.

 

Animals—(opening in select cities) This is a film about drug addiction and how it can creep upon you and destroy your life, relationships and anyone around it. Stars David Dastmalchian, Kim Shaw and John Heard. “Animals” is rated R. No rating.

 

MAY 22, 2015…

 

Poltergeist is a remake of the classic horror film about haunting a family. Stars Sam Rockwell.

 

Tomorrowland is a science fiction fantasy film starring George Clooney and Britt Robertson. There is a secret Utopia somewhere and how to find it?

 

Slow West is a western about trying to find people in the Old West when you are a tenderfoot. Stars Kodi Smit-McPhee and Michael Fassbender.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.