May 21, 2015: Thursday ONAIRprep

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***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS

***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE

 

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150521

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

This is (THE JOCK SHOW) – and, yes, I am every bit as wonderful as I know you think I am.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in Heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.” –Matthew 24:36

 

The wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness. — James 3:17-18

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost. — Luke 19:10

 

Thought: Jesus came so that the last could be first, the sick could be healed, the sinners could be saved, and the lost could be found. That was his purpose: to fix that which was broken — not just us, but our world, our humanity, and all that goes with it. So how can we wear the name of Jesus and not live with his passion and purpose toward what we see lost in our world?

 

Prayer: O loving Father and Almighty God, please stir a holy passion in your people, and especially in me, so that we may more nearly reflect Jesus’ purpose in our lives, our families, and our churches. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

2 Corinthians 5:21 NIV = God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

 

 

TODAY IS THURSDAY – MAY 21, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 219 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is I NEED A PATCH FOR THAT DAY. ***MARLAR: We’ve got patches for everything nowadays. Pregnancy, heart conditions, nicotine patches for people who want to quit smoking. Good uses, all… but that leaves out myriad of other medical or socially awkward conditions that could use a patch. Bad breath? Listerine patch. Stick it to the roof of your mouth and you’re good all day. We should have patches for everything. Dexetrim Patch for those who want to lose weight, Tinactin Patch for foot fungus, maybe even a Bean-O patch. Of course, the ultimate patch already exists for men losing their hair. It’s called a toupee.

 

Today is NATIONAL BACKYARD GAMES DAY. ***MARLAR: Ah, backyard games… like Hide-n-Seek, Tag, Capture the Flag, Run From Daddy’s Belt… ah, the memories.

 

Today is GREEK PHILOSOPHERS DAY. ***MARLAR: The most famous being Socrates. I used to think it was pronounced “soap crates” – which explains why I’m a radio personality and not a philosopher. One my favorites though is Plato. Any guy that can get colored clay for kids named after him is alright in my book.

 

This is AMERICAN JAPAN WEEK. As part of the celebrations, a ceremony took place today allowing investors in Tokyo to buy the Grand Canyon and move it to Japan. So if you’re planning a trip to the Canyon this summer, forget it. All that’s left is a great big hole. (HaLife)

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

American Red Cross Founder’s Day

End of the World / Rapture Party Day (prediction)

Hummus Day

I Need a Patch For That Day

National Wait Staff Day

One Day Without Shoes Day

Red Nose Day

Sister Maria Hummel Day

World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue and Development

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

FRIDAY, MAY 22

Canadian Immigrants Day

Don’t Fry Day

Harvey Milk Day

National Maritime Day

National Title Track Day

World Goth Day

Heat Awareness Safety Day

National Wig Out Day

 

SATURDAY, MAY 23

International Day to End Obstetric Fistula

International Jazz Day

Julia Pierpont Day

Declaration of the Bab Day

National Heritage Breeds Day

National Polka Day

National Taffy Day

World Crohn’s and Colitis Day

World Turtle Day

 

SUNDAY, MAY 24

Brother’s Day

Indianapolis 500

International Tiara Day

Morse Code Day

 

MONDAY, MAY 25

National Missing Children’s Day

National Tap Dance Day

Nerd Pride Day or Geek Pride Day

Towel Day

Memorial Day

Prayer for Peace Memorial Day

 

TUESDAY, MAY 26

World Lindy Hop Day

 

WEDNESDAY, MAY 27

National Senior Healthy and Fitness Day

World MS (Multiple Sclerosis) Day

Cellophane Tape Day

 

THURSDAY, MAY 28

Sierra Club Day

Slugs Return From Capistrano Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1819: The first bicycles, imported from England, appeared on the streets of New York City and were banned within a month as being hazardous to public safety. ***MARLAR: Later it was discovered it wasn’t the bicycles that were that dangerous, it was the New Yorkers.

 

1898: History’s first car with a bumper, the prototype of a Czech-built Präsident, rolled out of the Imperial Nesseldorf factory in Moravia. It had a front bumper. On the test run, the bumper fell off and was not replaced.

 

1934: Oskaloosa, Iowa, became the first U.S. city to fingerprint its residents.

 

1945: Hollywood’s Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall were married. Both cried during the 3-minute ceremony. Their movies together included To Have and Have Not, Key Largo, and The Big Sleep.

 

1990: In a classic final episode of the Newhart TV series, Bob Newhart woke up in bed with Suzanne Pleshette, his wife on a previous series, The Bob Newhart Show. He had been dreaming since 1978. (audio clip #1, audio clip #2)

 

1995: A Lakeland, Florida, man lost a thumb when his barber came to his home and bit it off, apparently upset at the man deciding not to get a haircut after walking into the barber’s shop. Doctors were unable to reattach the thumb. ***MARLAR: He now works at a local high school teaching shop class.

 

1996: Actor Lash LaRue died in Toluca Lake, California, at age 78. In the 1940s he was “King of the Bullwhip” in 18 feature western movies.

 

1997: Three British soldiers were fined $300 each for running through Ayia Napa, Cyprus, naked in the middle of the night singing “God Save the Queen.” The judge didn’t think it was funny.

 

1998: A Fullerton, California, man finally paid off his 1958 divorce with a check for $180 to his attorney. The 70-year-old client said he always intended to pay the bill, but with six kids and health problems, it took him 40 years to get caught up.

 

1999: Soap opera star Susan Lucci won a Daytime Emmy Award for best actress on her 19th nomination. (audio clip)

 

2001: The Club of Idiots was founded in Saint-Gilles, France. Eighty members had to solemnly swear to be idiots and always carry their idiot I.D. card. ***MARLAR: But if you’re a self-proclaimed idiot, if you forget your idiot I.D. card wouldn’t that just lend credence to your proclamation?

 

2003: Ruben Studdard beat out Clay Aiken to win the second “American Idol” competition on the Fox network.

 

2006: The FBI accused Democratic U.S. Congressman William Jefferson of Louisiana of taking hundreds of thousands of dollars in bribes and claimed to have found $90,000 in cold cash at his home in a freezer.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1382: The “Earthquake Synod” in London (so named because a temblor interrupted the proceedings), led by Archbishop Courtenay, condemns as heretical 24 theses from the writings of John Wycliffe. Wycliffe later claimed that God sent the earthquake “because the friars had put heresy upon Christ. The earth trembled as it did when Christ was damned to bodily death”.

 

1471: Painter, engraver, and woodcut designer Albrecht Durer is born in Nuremberg, Germany. Durer, one of the greatest artists of his day, almost certainly converted to Protestantism in the 1520s.

 

1527: Anabaptist minister Michael Sattler, a former Benedictine monk who left the monastery and married after reading Paul’s letters, is tortured and killed in Rottenburg, Germany. His wife was drowned eight days later.

 

1536: The General Assembly of Geneva officially adopts the Reformation and separates from the Roman Catholic diocese. John Calvin, who became forever associated with the Swiss city, arrives two months later.

 

1690: Death of John Eliot, an early Puritan missionary to the American Indians.

 

1738: Charles Wesley, who would co-find Methodism with his brother, converts to Christianity while sick with pleurisy. “In the name of Jesus of Nazareth, arise and believe, and thou shalt be healed of thy infirmities,” a mysterious voice told him in his sickbed. “I believe, I believe,” he replied. One year later on this date, he wrote “O for a Thousand Tongues” to commemorate the event.

 

1832: Hudson Taylor, English missionary to China and founder of the China Inland Mission, is born in Barnsley, Yorkshire.

 

1874: Ira Sankey, who sang in Moody’s evangelistic services, first sings “the Lost Sheep.” It moves audiences with great effect.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (Kate Sanders on “Lizzie McGuire”) Ashlie Brillault 28 (audio clip)
  • actor (The Santa Clause, Beverly Hills Cop, Fast Times at Ridgemont High) Judge Reinhold 58
  • T. (Real name is Lawrence Tero, “The A Team,” DC Cab, Rocky III) 63 (audio clip)
  • Comedian/politician (Stuart Saves His Family, “Saturday Night Live”) Al Franken 64 (audio clip)

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1904 : Thomas “Fats” Waller

1941 : Ronald Isley (The Isley Brothers)

1943 : Hilton Valentine (The Animals)

1943 : Vincent Crane (Atomic Rooster, The Crazy World of Arthur Brown)

1944 : Marcie Blane

1947 : Bill Champlin (Chicago)

1948 : Leo Sayer

1955 : Stan Lynch (Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers)

1972 : The Notorious B.I.G.

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

What do those weird movie credits, “gaffer” and “best boy” mean?

At the movies I sit through the credits right through to the copyright notice, just before the house lights go on. You, too? But until now all I knew about a gaffer was that the word means an old man. Why, then, does every film employ one? To remind the rest of the cast that they won’t be young forever? Actually, the gaffer is the head electrician, who lights the sets for the director of photography. Why do they call him a gaffer? Beats me, but I suppose its better than “wirehead,” “bulbbunny,” or “filamentphil.” As for the best boy, he hasn’t won any popularity contest. Far from it. He’s the gaffer’s helper, a mere assistant, which makes him a not-quite-gaffer-grade kind of guy. If he’s a she, she’s called – I dunno, “Ms. best boy?” (Source: THE STRAIGHT DOPE by Cecil Adams)

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Jimmy Needham shared another Fun Fact Friday this past Friday but it doesn’t sound very fun. Jimmy tweeted: I had a nose-bleed almost everyday from ages 12-18.

 

Jonny Diaz shared a picture of his brand new daughter crying at the top of her lungs with one of the couples dogs sitting near by. He included the caption as the voice of the dog: “First off, this crying needs to stop. Second, when they start feeding you real food, I expect you to drop at least half….got it?

 

Jamie Grace says: love staying with my sis and her husband. They just woke me up and gave me my vitamins. They’re real grown ups.

 

Skillet front man John Cooper is speaking louder about bullying. John recorded a video for Jeremy Camp’s Speaking Louder Ministries. John says this generation is very vocal about what they believe. He says we, in turn, also can’t be silent. Instead, John says it’s time to speak louder about what we stand for. https://t.co/Xgeky3R0wM

 

Joel from For King and Country is speaking louder about respect in relationships. Joel recorded the video for Jeremy Camps Speaking Louder Ministries, calling men to speak louder by taking a stand and treating women as they should be treated.  https://t.co/chRFFhvt1a

 

Jamie Grace is hoping for your vote in an upcoming music awards show. In fact, she has even recorded a video asking for your vote, reworking the words to many of her songs to focus them on the fan voting in the competition. Jamie has been nominated for Female Artist of the year. https://t.co/5JOlUXAZzQ

 

Morgan Harper Nichols, sister of Jamie Grace, is celebrating the reaction to her debut CD. She shared a screen shot of the first time she had ever seen herself on an iTunes Chart. Morgan’s self titled project has already climbed into the top 30 on iTunes.

 

Hawk Nelson’s Jon Steingard needs your input. He tweeted this week: So for real, what do you do when a fax machine from a blocked ID calls you every 5 minutes all morning?

 

Leave it to David Crowder to put it all in focus. He tweeted: Reckon, guy who tried to cut in front of me to board plane was hoping to get to final destination one second faster than me.

 

A reminder from Mandisa: Having a bad hair day? Our beauty is never determined by our outward appearance. God’s word that tells us what beauty really is!

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Large stuffed tiger atop SUV generates 911 call    photo
CAMAS, Wash. (AP) — The sight of a stuffed tiger — a very large stuffed tiger — lashed to the top of an SUV cruising around a southwest Washington lake was enough to generate a 911 call from someone who apparently thought it was real. The Columbian newspaper of Vancouver reports…

 

New Jersey radio host misses show for 1st time in 56 years
ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. (AP) — A New Jersey radio host has missed his show for the first time in 56 years. Pinky Kravitz called out sick from WOND-AM in Atlantic City on May 15. He hadn’t felt right when he woke up, so his wife drove him to the hospital. HASH(0x13d1ed0) Coskey says the prognosis…
Police seek man who swiped nearly $3K bottle of cognac
LINDEN, N.J. (AP) — Police in central New Jersey are seeking a thief who apparently appreciates the finer things in life. Linden police say a shoplifter stole a bottle of Remy Martin Louis XIII cognac valued at $2,849 from Pied Piper Liquor Store on May 16th. Police say the store’s owner…
Squatters evicted: 40,000 bees removed from NYC home
NEW YORK (AP) — It wasn’t a monster making a ruckus under the floor of a New York City bedroom. But it was still a bit scary. An expert called to find the source of a loud, buzzing noise found about 40,000 bees in a Queens home. Retired NYPD Detective Anthony Planakis, known as Tony Bees, was…
Disney World tells riders to stop using selfie sticks
ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) — Disney World is looking to crack down on guests who use selfie sticks on rides at the park. HASH(0xd2ebb0) Disney policy forbids visitors from using the sticks, which can be used to extend cameras out up to 3 feet. One ride, Thunder Mountain, has had a number of incidents…
Iowa Capitol evacuated for burnt pizza crust
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — Weeks after burned macaroni and cheese emptied out the Iowa Capitol, a charred pizza crust has done it again. The crust burned Tuesday morning in the Capitol cafeteria, prompting a brief evacuation. Department of Administrative Services Spokesman Caleb Hunter says…
Dubuque worker rescues 10 ducklings from storm drain    photo
DUBUQUE, Iowa (AP) — A reunited family of ducks waddled away soon after a city sewer worker rescued 10 ducklings from a Dubuque storm drain. HASH(0x140b940) Bill Kelly and other city sewer workers arrived and removed the heavy drain grill so he could reach the ducklings and move them to…
If you can make it there: Acts try out for NY subway spots    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — It’s a rite of spring: performers auditioning for the privilege of doing their thing in grubby, noisy subway stations. Seventy showed up Tuesday at Grand Central Terminal, vying for permission to set up their underground acts for tips. They appeared before a jury of musicians…
Police: Burglar breaks into house, falls asleep on couch
SARASOTA, Fla. (AP) — Police in Sarasota, Florida, have arrested a man they say broke into a home, then fell asleep on the couch. HASH(0x14190a0) Police say the resident woke up and found Bontrager sleeping on her living room couch. When she asked Bontrager what he was doing in her house, he…
It’s not an ostrich: Emu causes highway traffic jam    photo
DOUGLASVILLE, Ga. (AP) — Drivers may have mistaken it for an ostrich, but an emu was at the heart of a highway traffic jam in metro Atlanta. HASH(0x1408f60) Douglas County sheriff’s Lt. Glenn Daniel says the emu had gotten loose from a private owner who lived nearby. Several deputies…
Professor marks 100th birthday at Brooklyn Law School
NEW YORK (AP) — When Brooklyn Law School professors and alumni refer to an “institution,” they might very well be talking about Professor Joseph Crea. He’s taught generations of students over more than six decades, instilling legal precepts along with some pithy tenets of his own, such as…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Expert panel criticizes medical care at Illinois prisons    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — A scathing new report by court-approved researchers paints a bleak picture of medical care in Illinois prisons, describing treatment delays, haphazard follow-up care, chaotic record keeping and a litany of other problems that may have cut short the lives of some inmates. The…

 

Koch, Kravis donate total of $250M for hospitals, research
NEW YORK (AP) — Industrialist David H. Koch (kohk) and financier Henry R. Kravis have made separate donations totaling $250 million for hospitals and medical research in New York City. HASH(0x141ea60) His donation will help build a $1.3 billion, 23-story outpatient cancer center in Manhattan….
FDA proposes to know more about antibiotic use in animals
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Food and Drug Administration is moving to collect more information on antibiotics used in animals that become meat. It’s an effort to stem antibiotic-resistant diseases. The agency proposed a rule Tuesday that would require drug companies to collect sales information…
US investigation of 2007 peanut butter recall wraps up    photo
OMAHA, Neb. (AP) — ConAgra Foods is likely to face a criminal charge now that the U.S. government has completed its investigation of the company’s 2007 peanut butter recall. A spokeswoman for the U.S. attorney’s office in Georgia, Pam Lightsey, said Tuesday that prosecutors plan to reveal…
Egg prices jump as impact of bird flu begins pinching supply
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — Egg prices have surged higher as the death of millions of hens from bird flu is beginning to tighten supplies. The Midwest price of a dozen large eggs rose to $1.88. That’s 58 percent higher than they were a month ago when the bird flu first hit Iowa chicken farms….
Health officials: New strain of rabies found in New Mexico
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) — A new strain of rabies has been discovered in southern New Mexico, federal and state health officials confirmed Tuesday. While it doesn’t present any more of a public health threat than the known strains of the potentially fatal disease, the discovery is generating…
Suicides rare in young children; rate edged up in black boys
CHICAGO (AP) — Suicides by young children are rare and the low rate has held mostly stable except for a troubling increase among black boys, two decades of U.S. data show. From 1993 through 2012, there were 657 suicides among children aged 5 through 11. Most were 10 or 11. In the last decade,…
Dog food company recalls product over salmonella fears
RANCHO SANTA MARGARITA, Calif. (AP) — A specialty dog food company is voluntarily recalling a frozen product distributed in four states over fears of possible salmonella contamination. The Food & Drug Administration said last week that California-based OC Raw Dog has recalled its Turkey &…
Bird flu could cost nearly $1 billion in Minnesota and Iowa    photo
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — Bird flu could cost nearly $1 billion in the economies of the two states hardest hit, Minnesota and Iowa, agricultural economists said Monday, and the virus is still spreading. Iowa, the nation’s leading egg producer, has lost about 20 million chickens that lay eggs…
States help get heroin antidote into hands of regular folks    photo
BUFFALO, N.Y. (AP) — At the front of a classroom, health worker Cheryll Moore demonstrates “the nod” — a jerk of the head forward and then quickly back — a telltale sign of heroin use, though not necessarily of an overdose. “In that scenario, they can go either way,” she said. “I…
Morocco king eases restrictions on abortion for incest, rape
RABAT, Morocco (AP) — Moroccan King Mohammed VI has ordered that laws restricting abortion be loosened, allowing it in the case of rape, incest, danger to the mother’s health or fetal malformation. Debate erupted in this North African kingdom earlier this year over reforming the penal code,…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

While plenty of imitations are already available on mobile phones, Mattel has announced it will release an official Magic 8 Ball app for iPhone and Apple Watch devices. Once players have asked the Magic 8 Ball a question, they can shake their iPhone to shake the ball, or tap their Apple Watch to reveal the answer.  ***Finally – a legitimate reason to buy an Apple Watch!

 

A handcuffed man who stole a police car in Alabama has been arrested again. After Birmingham officers got a call of a burglary in progress, officers arrested the suspect and put him in handcuffs with his hands behind his back and placed him in the back of a police car. Officer Scott Thurmond says the suspect managed to get his handcuffs in front of him and drive away. Police say the unidentified suspect drove less than a mile before ditching the vehicle.  ***And even worse, he didn’t use his turn signal!

 

Oreos is making S’mores-flavored cookies just in time for campfire season. According to a press release, the flavor features the brand’s first-ever graham cracker cookie. The limited-edition Oreo, which is filled with a chocolate and marshmallow creme, hits stores May 22.  *** Because too many Americans saw an Oreo cookie and thought, “Nyah – it needs more sugar.”

 

President Obama just started on Twitter this week and already he’s over 2 million followers.  *** Kim Kardashian has already called him an amateur.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

A new survey says that 1 in 10 Americans don’t carry around cash anymore. ***MARLAR: In THIS economy? Who actually has cash?

 

According to a survey by the Pew Research Center’s Project for Excellence in Journalism, half of all adult Americans now own either a tablet computer or a smartphone, and one-third use their mobile devices to view news stories and video clips at least once a week.  ***MARLAR: Sadly, half of those viewers think videos from Vine and Buzz Feed are considered news.

 

A survey by the UK version of the Girl Scouts (Girlguiding) found that marriage is not on the priority list for teens as much as it used to be. The majority of girls 7- to 21-years-old defined “success” as “being confident and independent” rather than “being married.” Just three years ago the majority chose marriage as the #1 achievement before 30. ***MARLAR: I blame the media. Why would women want to get married nowadays when the “standard” is (KANYE WEST) or (JUSTIN BIEBER)?

 

You’ve heard the joke that there’s a Starbucks on every corner. Not true — that’s just silly. But there’s one within 20 miles of 80 percent of Americans, and the furthest you’d ever have to drive to get your coffee fix from a Starbucks-owned store is 140 miles.  ***MARLAR: Which is approximately the same price for the gas it’d take to get there.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Deaf Person Court Hearing”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Jeff Allen, “Flying on Delta”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THURSDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Millard the Monkey was fixated on one and only one thing… to do whatever he could to beat Steve Mozart at something. He’s tried everything, and his latest project was so frustrating that he pounded the table, a vase fell and broke on his head, and now Millard is in the hospital!
CLOSE: Now that’s gotta hurt! Not the shot, that is – but the idea that even Steve Mozart gets more attention in the hospital! Maybe Millard should just give this whole idea up. It’s getting way too dangerous now. Hopefully he’ll learn his lesson in our next episode of As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF MAY 23/24, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, all of the jungle animals were suffering from having so much to do in their daily schedules. So much, in fact, that they even stopped sleeping just to get everything done! Planners, DayTimers, lists, appointments, it was getting so bad they didn’t have time for anything else!
CLOSE: Sounds like the animals, in their rush to get things done, don’t even have time now for common courtesy and niceness! Tune in again next time for more of As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

The tongue can be a powerful weapon.

In Keansburg, New Jersey, 49-year-old Jeffrey Jacobitti was arrested by police after harassing and threatening two women and a 12-year-old girl. Here’s what makes this a Moment of Duh… he didn’t touch them, nor did he say anything to them. So how is it harassment? The arresting officer says Jeff saw the ladies standing on a corner, drove up beside them and stuck out his tongue. The officer says that constituted harassment.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN REASONS COLLEGE IS LIKE PRESCHOOL

 

  1. You cry for your mother.
  2. You cross the street without looking for cars.
  3. Snack time is a necessity.
  4. You bundle up for the outdoors without caring what you look like because everyone else looks as stupid as you do.
  5. You stay at home and play games with your friends.
  6. You wear your backpack on both shoulders.
  7. You wear big mittens.
  8. Playing in the snow is a legitimate activity.
  9. You take naps.
  10. You look forward to grilled cheese sandwiches.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Doggie droppings end up in a court of law!

 

FILE #1: We all have to have a hobby, and Patrick Murphy’s hobby is apparently complaining about doggie-doo. Mr. Murphy has finally won his case from a jury in Boulder, CO. Patrick has been acquitted of charges that he harassed a local dog owner whom he had videotaped at a school park failing to pick up his dog’s droppings. You wouldn’t think something like this would make the news, but Patrick is a self-proclaimed dog droppings activist and, in addition to video cameras, he has recently used global positioning satellite equipment to show that, at one time four months ago, there were 663 dog piles in the same park.

 

FILE #2: Think politicians are corrupt? Just wait until you hear this one. A political candidate has won an election (and thus a seat in Taiwan’s parliament) even though he had been convicted of corruption, illegal possession of a firearm, and attempted murder. In fact, he ran the entire political campaign from his prison cell. Yen Ching-piao took the election in a landslide, even though he faces spending the next 20 years behind bars. According to the media in Taiwan, the turning point in the race came when his family fell to their knees and tearfully pleaded to voters at a political rally on the eve of the election.

 

FILE #3: From the Czech Republic comes the story of a burglar who scares easily. He broke into a restaurant, and as he was making his way toward the cash register he was frightened out of his wits by loud music. And on a wall across the room, in the dark, he thought he could make out something moving. That was enough for him and he quickly bolted out the door. Just what was it that frightened our bumbling burglar so? Well, some places have a watch dog. Guess you could say this particular place had a watch fish. One of those sing ‘n’ swing fish that flops around and sings a song. That’s right. He was foiled by Big Mouth Billy Bass.

 

STRANGE LAW: It is against the law to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool in Baldwin Park, CA. ***MARLAR: Don’t the tires have inner-tubes?

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A 21-year-old man was arrested after calling a drug store to say he was on the way to rob it.

Police said Joshua Amell was arrested early Thursday in the parking lot of an Osco Drug store. The store called police to report a robbery, and officers who arrived were told the pharmacist was on the phone with a man he believed was responsible for robbing the store on Sept. 30. He said the man told him he had a gun and was on his way to the pharmacy to get more of the drug he’d stolen before. Amell was arrested when he pulled into the parking lot.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Today is I NEED A PATCH FOR THAT DAY. We’ve got patches for everything nowadays. Pregnancy, heart conditions, nicotine patches for people who want to quit smoking. But wouldn’t it be cool if we had a patch for Bad Breath? It could be a Listerine Patch! Or maybe someone could invent a Dexetrim Patch to help people lose weight, a Tinactin Patch for foot fungus, maybe even a Bean-O patch. If you could create a patch, what would it be for?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What two Old Testament books are name for women?

ANSWER: Esther and Ruth

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Annually, British people eat approximately how many pounds of beans?

ANSWER: Fifteen

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. In the U.S. the one month in any given year that does not have a major holiday is March. (False, August)

 

  1. The Philadelphia Stock Exchange (PHLX) is the oldest stock exchange in the United States. (True)

 

  1. The first star depicted on a postage stamp was Grace Kelly. (True)

 

  1. The only male creature to carry and hatch eggs is the seahorse. (False)

 

  1. The capital of Texas is Dallas, Texas. (False, Austin)

 

  1. Epiphany day is the 6th of January. (True)

 

  1. “Twilight Zone: The Movie” was rated R. (False, it was rated PG)

 

  1. Earth is the only planet that rotates clockwise. (False, it’s Venus)

 

  1. It is said that no piece of paper can be folded more than 4 times. (False, it’s 7 times)

 

  1. Famous Aviator Howard Hughes will forever be known as “The Lone Eagle”? (False, it was Charles Lindbergh)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

_____ KILLING PERU’S DOLPHINS (ALIENS)

LIMA – Peru’s government is blaming an alien infiltration for the unexplained killing of thousands of dolphins.

Dolphins have been washing ashore by the dozens since last year. Fishermen have reported scores of dead dolphins on beaches all along the coast.

While Peruvian government officials deny the claim, scientists at the Instituto Peruano de Contacto Extraterrestre (IPCE) confirm the rumor that aliens are attacking and killing the dolphins.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

The new minister arrived in a small Midwestern town to assume the duties of the church leader. Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was. When the boy told him, the minister thanked him and said, “If you’ll come to the Baptist church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to Heaven.”

“I don’t think I’ll be there,” the boy said. “You don’t even know your way to the post office.”

 

JOKE #2

A lady on a commuter train was reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics. Fascinated, she turned to the man next to her and said, “Did you know that every time you breathe somebody dies?”

“Really!?” he said. “Well your breath ain’t roses either, lady.”

 

JOKE #3

A jeweler standing behind the counter of his shop after hours was astounded to see a suspicious looking man come hurling headfirst through the window.

“What on earth are you up to? What just happened?” he demanded.

“I’m terribly sorry,” said the man, “I forgot to let go of the brick.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

Humans aren’t the only species on earth with drug problems.  In Australia veterinarians are reporting a rise in the number of dogs getting high by licking the toxin from the backs of cane toads.  ***MARLAR: One pet owner suspected his dog might be on something last year when the dog hit 70 home runs.

 

Traces of a chemical used in rocket fuel were found in samples of powdered baby formula.  The chemical has turned up in several cities’ drinking water supplies. It can occur naturally, but most perchlorate contamination has been tied to defense and aerospace sites, and the levels found could exceed what’s considered a safe dose.  ***MARLAR: How many of us have seen a baby’s diaper and thought, “SOMETHING exploded in there!”

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

ONE GOLF BALL

Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that his partner Morris had only one golf ball.

“Don’t you have at least one other golf ball?” he asked.

Morris replied that he only needed one.

“Are you sure?” the friend persisted. “What happens if you lose that ball?”

Morris said with disdain, “This is a very special golf ball. I won’t lose it so I don’t need another one.”

“Well,” the friend asked, “what happens if you miss your shot and the ball goes in the lake?”

“That’s okay,” he replied, “this special golf ball floats. I’ll be able to retrieve it.”

“Well what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among the bushes and shrubs?

Morris, annoyed, replied , “That’s okay too. You see, this special golf ball has a homing beacon. I’ll be able to get it back — no problem.”

Exasperated, the friend asks, “Okay. Let’s say our game goes late, the sun goes down, and you hit your ball into a sand trap. What are you going to do then?”

“No problem,” says Morris, “You see, this ball is florescent. I’ll be able to see it in the dark.”

Finally satisfied that he needs only the one golf ball, the friend asks, “Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?”

Morris says, “I found it.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

YOU DA BOMB

The janitorial staff in a North Carolina health store called the bomb squad after finding a box with “tick, tick, tick” written on it in a pile of trash. The box wasn’t actually ticking… it just had “tick, tick, tick” written on the outside of it. Apparently, the box was left over from a bomb drill the day before, but the janitors didn’t know that. The bomb squad searched the entire office building and finally opened up the box to determine whether it was safe. Of course, it was just an empty box.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

BIBLICAL CARS?

Most people assume WWJD is for “What would Jesus do?” But the initials really stand for “What would Jesus drive?” One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because the Bible says “God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury.”

But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to “pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm.”

Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses’ followers are warned not to go up a mountain “until the Ram’s horn sounds a long blast.”

Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn’t like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John’s gospel where Christ tells the crowd, “For I did not speak of my own Accord…”

Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that “the roar of Moses’ Triumph is heard in the hills.”

Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: “Joshua’s Triumph was heard throughout the land.”

And, following the Master’s lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda: “The Apostles were in one Accord.”

–Author Unknown.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

NEW HOPE

Read: Romans 15:5-13

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. —Romans 15:13

Grant Murphy of Seattle was the active type, a man who ran at full throttle. Idling and coasting were not in his nature. “One might even call him hyperactive,” recalled a dear friend.

Then multiple sclerosis began to slow Grant down. First he needed crutches to get around. Then he was limited to sitting in a chair. Finally he was confined to a bed.

Near the end, he was hardly strong enough to talk. His friend recalls, however, that “he expressed only joy and thankfulness with a constant anticipation of being in the Lord’s presence.” Not long before he died, Grant whispered Romans 15:13 to a friend. He repeated the words “in believing,” then added, “I can’t do anything now.”

It’s when we can’t do anything that God does everything. And herein lies a profound paradox of the Christian’s experience. Faith is simultaneously an exercise of our will and the impartation of divine strength. And from that marvelous mixture spring joy and peace and an abundance of hope.

Are you in a totally helpless situation? Strength gone? All options exhausted? If you have trusted Jesus as your Savior, God will strengthen you to keep on believing. As you trust Him, He’ll give you not only joy and peace, but also hope when all hope is gone. —Dennis De Haan

 

When we are weak and in despair,
Our mighty God is near;
He’ll give us strength and joy and hope,
And calm our inner fear. —Sper

 

No one is hopeless whose hope is in God.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

TODAY IS NATIONAL BACKYARD GAMES DAY

National Backyard Games Day is today. Ah, backyard games… like Hide-n-Seek, Tag, Capture the Flag, Run From Daddy’s Belt… ah, the memories.
But you have to wonder what some people were thinking when it came to outdoor games. Remember croquet? Boy, the temptation to misuse those mallets was overwhelming, wasn’t it? Croquet was way too slow moving and disinteresting of a game for such a cool thing as a mallet. We used our mallets like golf clubs, sending those hard wooden balls towards the shins and groins of anyone brave enough to play in our yard. Or within ball shot of it. Mallets also made great temporary resting stools if you put the handle to the ground and the mallet head to your rear. In a pinch they made great hockey sticks, turtle stompers, bug splatters, and if you got really bored… applesauce makers.
Then there was horseshoes. Metal spikes and iron letter “U’s” that Mom and Dad ENCOURAGED you to throw. And not only were you allowed to throw them – but you were allowed to throw them toward the other team. And not once did your parents yell, “You might put an eye out!”
Of course, the ultimate backyard game was similar to horseshoes, but instead of those dangerous metal horseshoes to throw, they replaced them with the safer, more family-friendly javelins known as Lawn Darts. You could put an eye out, but only if you had great aim.
As I get older though, I lose interest in games that are so dangerous. I try to distance myself from games that may actually put an eye out. So now my wife and I have a new game we play outdoors.
It’s called Squirrel And Pellet Gun.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

Next time you catch a cold, forget about vitamin C and aspirin. 

Take a good, brisk walk. A new study reveals that exercise helps you fight the common cold. The study showed that men and women who walked 45 minutes a day recovered from colds twice as quickly as couch potatoes.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

ANOTHER REASON TO QUIT SMOKING

An unidentified 40-year-old man drove into a gasoline station on the Gold Coast of Queensland, Australia, and began to fill a jerry can with gas. The fumes rose up to the lit cigarette dangling from his mouth and exploded, throwing him 15 feet and landing him on an ant hill. “He suffered a few small burns and some ant bites,” a police spokesman says. “We took a vote and this is one of the stupidest things we’ve ever heard of.”  ***MARLAR: The police chief must not listen to my show then. (audio clip)

 

 

FUN LIST

IT’S ALL A MATTER OF PERSPECTIVE

A few differences between you and your boss:

  • If you take a long time, you’re slow. BUT if your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough.
  • If you don’t do it, you’re lazy. BUT if your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.
  • If you make a mistake, you’re an idiot. BUT if your boss makes a mistake, he’s ‘only human’.
  • If you’re on a day off sick, you’re ‘always’ sick. BUT if your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
  • If you take a stand, you’re being bull-headed. BUT if your boss does it, he’s being firm.
  • If you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you’re being rude. BUT if your boss skips a few rules, he’s being original.
  • If you please your boss, you’re a butt-kisser.  BUT if your boss please his boss, he’s being co-operative.
  • If you do something without being told, you’re overstepping your authority. BUT if your boss does the same thing, that’s initiative.
  • If you’re out of the office, you’re wandering around. BUT if your boss is out of the office, he’s on business.
  • If you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview. BUT if your boss applies for leave, it’s because he’s overworked.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

UPDATED EVERY WEDNESDAY (using Monday’s post). The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago. Posted as new entries become available.

Aretha Delivered the Message

Today’s blog is a sequel to my blog of two weeks ago. I find that traditional labels of “blue collar” and “white collar” in the workplace often create misperceptions. The current season of the popular television show Survivor helps prove this point. (See my earlier blog for details.)

In any working environment, relationship success is built on a true sense of respect. Blue collar types who resent management for perks or privileged conditions have a respect issue. White collars who see their blue collar counterparts as less educated, talented, or essential to an operation have a respect problem. When authentic respect is shown and rewarded, true teamwork is built and motivation moves up. That is a seminar in itself.
Few leaders have found a more effective way to overcome this than did Wayne Alderson. His story was widely known when I arrived in Pittsburgh in the fall of 1991. Through the middle of the twentieth century, Pittsburgh was truly a Steel City, as a significant majority of jobs in the region were all connected in some way to the manufacturing of steel.
The separation of blue collar and white collar came to heads in the labor/management fights over renewed contracts. Those battles were as intense as any on the Steeler football field. Bitterness often ruled. Shutting down a mill was costly to all parties.
And then comes Wayne Alderson and the Pittron Steel story. As he described it, “Working conditions were bad, productivity was at an all time low and employee morale was very bad.” Worse yet, the company was losing millions.
Wayne understood blue collar. He was a coal miner’s son. But now his white collar corporate executive role could easily put him at odds. Wayne applied what became known as Theory R Leadership principles, later to be incorporated into his Value of the Person training.
Theory R and Value of the Person workshops teach how to build relationships. Out of healthy relationships comes trust. To make the process work, it takes respect. Aretha Franklin to the rescue.
Wayne Alderson became a peacemaker. His Christian faith was the underpinning to treating others the way he would want to be treated. Lives were changed. Profits returned. He continued this legacy of work until his passing in 2013. Dr. R.C. Sproul wrote this story years ago in a book titled, Stronger than Steel.
Within all true achievers, there is a tendency to lose sight of the value of certain team members. Success has a spoil factor. The achiever wants the recognition but often fails to praise the team that made it possible.
One of the many ways that Jesus of Nazareth was so remarkable in his day, was his treatment of people. His disciples considered children an annoyance. Jesus saw them as prized creations willing to accept truth by faith.
In Jesus’s time, women were often considered second class. Jesus showed them respect. Lepers were to be avoided. Jesus reached out and touched them. Sinners were condemned and ridiculed. Jesus gave them time and attention.
When challenged on his associations with those of the “lesser class,” Jesus had this interesting exchange: “But when some of the Jewish religious leaders saw him eating with these men of ill repute, they said to his disciples, ‘How can he stand it, to eat with such scum?’ When Jesus heard what they were saying, he told them, ‘Sick people need the doctor, not healthy ones! I haven’t come to tell good people to repent, but the bad ones.’” (Mark 2:16-17 / TLB)
I have many friends today who are in the professional “peacemaking” business. Their work transcends the typical boundaries that keep people apart. They move into cultures and among political leaders who are often at odds. Sometimes bitter enemies. And these friends do this because of Jesus.
There is no professional religious “collar” needed to embrace the value of a person. Respect must be shown to all collars and all stripes if one hopes for a positive working relationship.
So one more time, Aretha, sing it loud and proud: R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
(For more information, read here http://www.christianity9to5.org/theory-r/)

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

Are your adult children still living at home?  Don’t think you’re alone – that seems to be a growing trend in this economy!

Three in 10 young adults live with parents, highest level since 1950s.  A weak economy and high debt levels are prompting more young adults to return to the family nest, a new survey shows. Perhaps surprisingly, most are happy with their living arrangements.  In 1980, some 11 percent of young adults lived in multigenerational households, suggesting that a strong economy helped youngsters gain independence more quickly. Today, some 29 percent of 25- to34-year olds either never moved out of their parents’ home or say they returned home in recent years because of the economy, according to the Pew report. Among 18- to 24-year olds, that figure is even higher – 53 percent of young adults in that age group live at home.  ***MARLAR: And a quick word of advice from someone who had to move back in with his parents for a brief while, even after I got married… there is no room in a hive for two queen bees.  If you’re moving back in with your parents, Mom is in charge, deal with it.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Posted as stories become available. No stories posted on the weekends – unless I feel like it.

6-year-old Madison is being called a hero after saving her mother’s life. According to ABC News, Madison found her mother, Jovanna Nunez, unconscious Saturday morning in her Hemet, California, home. She called her grandparents for help and they told her to call 911. The Hemet Fire Department responded and found Nunez unresponsive but breathing. They say she apparently went into a diabetic coma. Nunez was hospitalized but was later released.

http://abcn.ws/1Fe1CO5

 

Emil Knodell bought a chest at an estate sale for $100 but inside he discover something much more valuable. According to ABC news, as he was moving the chest to his vehicle he discovered a hidden drawer in the bottom. Knodell says it was full of rings, diamonds, gold and all kinds of other items. That’s when Knodell says his sense of right and wrong kicked in. He said I didn’t buy those things. If I kept them, I would never feel right about it. Instead, Knodell returned the chest and all the items inside to the original owner.

http://abcn.ws/1zU64z8

 

Steven Johnson is out with a new book that he says finds “the more disorganized your brain is, the smarter you are”. According to Time Magazine, Johnson used the results of a neuroscience experiment by Robert Thatcher for his findings. Among his points, Johnson cites research showing that the volume of ideas bouncing about make large cities disproportionately more creative than smaller towns, having multiple hobbies allows your brain to subconsciously compare and contrast problems and solutions, forming new connections at the margins of each, and reading multiple books at the same time vs serially lets your brain combine new ideas and develop new connections.

http://ti.me/1EufQEN

 

The sounds emitted by cellphones carried by pregnant women may rattle the sleep-and-wake cycles of their unborn babies. The finding is based on a small study that tracked fetal reactions to repetitive cellphone and beeper use among more than two dozen resident physicians while they were pregnant. Researches say they found that, if you’re a baby in-utero, or in the womb, and someone wakes you up every hour, you will not be a happy camper. The sound, and perhaps even vibrations, cause a ‘startle reflex’, which disturbs the normal sleep cycle.” What isn’t clear from this study is whether or not being repeatedly startled has any effect on fetal health or pregnancy outcomes.

http://m.medicalxpress.com/news/2015-05-mom-cellphone-startle-fetus.html

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

What a great show, I had a lot of fun. After so many years in the radio business, I’m finally starting to get the hang of it. Let’s recap: Turn the microphone on–THEN start talking.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

MAY 15, 2015…

 

Mad Max: Fury Road—Remember the intensity of the chases in the original “Mad Max” films? I think I remolded the arm rest in the theater during “The Road Warrior.” Here they come again (move over “Furious 7”) only on the desert of a decimated landscape. Max (Tom Hardy) is trying to help a fighting Furiosa (Charlize Theron) take women to safety across the desert while the bad guys are chasing after them, chains and all. It is a desperate chase and a desperate life. You want to brush the grit from your hands. Hugh Keays-Bryne is Importan Joe, the villain. “Mad Max: Fury Road” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans of the films. Most of the stunts are supposed to be real.

 

Pitch Perfect 2—The Bellas want to win and this time it is an international music competition. Now, three years later and Fat Amy (Rebel Wilson) has done something to disgrace the group. With newcomer Hailee Steinfeld in the group, Anna Kendrick, Brittany Snow and others try to work their way to the top again. The first film was a sleeper hit. ”Pitch Perfect 2″  is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for   singing fans

 

Far From The Madding Crowd (opening in select cities)—The latest adaptation of the Thomas Hardy novel about the landowner, Bathsheba (Carey Mulligan) and her three suitors, a wealthy farmer (Michael Sheen), a military man (Tom Sturridge) and a shepherd (Matthias Schoenert.) Decisions…decisions and set against the beautiful moors.  “Far From The Madding Crowd” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans of the novel.

 

Animals—(opening in select cities) This is a film about drug addiction and how it can creep upon you and destroy your life, relationships and anyone around it. Stars David Dastmalchian, Kim Shaw and John Heard. “Animals” is rated R. No rating.

 

MAY 22, 2015…

 

Poltergeist is a remake of the classic horror film about haunting a family. Stars Sam Rockwell.

 

Tomorrowland is a science fiction fantasy film starring George Clooney and Britt Robertson. There is a secret Utopia somewhere and how to find it?

 

Slow West is a western about trying to find people in the Old West when you are a tenderfoot. Stars Kodi Smit-McPhee and Michael Fassbender.

 

# # # # #

 

 

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.