May 25, 2015: Monday ONAIRprep (Memorial Day)

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***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS

***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE

 

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150525

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Here is today’s career tip for aspiring young radio DJs. Always start your show with a witty remark designed to make the audience laugh. A remark like the one I should have used here if I hadn’t wasted this time giving career tips to aspiring young DJs.

 

MEMORIAL DAY PREP…

Memorial Day, originally called Decoration Day, is a day of remembrance for those who have died in service of the United States of America. Memorial Day was borne out of the Civil War and was officially proclaimed by General John Logan, national commander of the Grand Army of the Republic, in his General Order No. 11. “The 30th of May, 1868, is designated for the purpose of strewing with flowers, or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in defense of their country during the late rebellion, and whose bodies now lie in almost every city, village and hamlet churchyard in the land,” he proclaimed. The date of Decoration Day, as he called it, was chosen because it wasn’t the anniversary of any particular battle.

 

Red Poppies-In 1915, Moina Michael conceived of an idea to wear red poppies on Memorial day in honor of those who died serving the nation during war. She was the first to wear one, and sold poppies to her friends and co-workers with the money going to benefit servicemen in need. Shortly before Memorial Day in 1922 the VFW became the first veterans’ organization to nationally sell poppies. Two years later their “Buddy” Poppy program was selling artificial poppies made by disabled veterans.

 

It is traditional to fly the flag of the United States at half-mast from dawn until noon on Memorial Day & many people visit cemeteries and memorials, particularly to honor those who have died in military service. Memorial Day has become less of an occasion of remembrance. Many people choose to hold picnics, sports events and family gatherings on this weekend. This day is traditionally seen as the start of the summer season for cultural events.

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.” –Ecclesiastes 11:5 New International Version
May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. — Romans 15:5-6

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

The Lord’s message rang out from you not only in Macedonia and Achaia — your faith in God has become known everywhere. — 1 Thessalonians 1:8

 

Thought: What kind of reputation does your church have? What is your dream for the congregation you attend? So many of us have such short-sighted goals for our churches. The church at Thessalonica was only a few months old and its reputation for sharing their faith had become known all over the Roman Empire. Now that’s the kind of reputation I want the congregation I work with to have! How about you?

 

Prayer: O Lord God Almighty, please fill our congregation with the power of your Holy Spirit so that with sensitivity and courage we may share the good news of your grace in Jesus Christ. Please be with our missionaries, our ministers, and all of our members so that we may display and declare the Gospel of salvation to our friends, our neighbors, and people all over the world. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Galatians 5:25 NIV = Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.

 

 

TODAY IS MONDAY – MAY 25, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 215 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

The GREAT AMERICAN GRUMP OUT is today. The idea is to try and go 24 hours without being grumpy or crabby.  ***MARLAR: Now this day is just plain stupid.  Only a loser would want to… oh… never mind.

 

Today is STAR WARS DAY. The original film opened in 32 theaters on this date in 1977.

 

Today is also TOWEL DAY.  ***MARLAR: Fans of the book “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” already know the answer to the question: “Do you know where your towel is?”  Mine is currently next my computer in my office.

 

To quote from “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”:

A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitch hiker can have. Partly it has great practical value – you can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a mini raft down the slow heavy river Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or to avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a mindboggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can’t see it, it can’t see you – daft as a bush, but very ravenous); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.  More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: non-hitch hiker) discovers that a hitch hiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, face flannel, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitch hiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitch hiker might accidentally have “lost”. What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is, is clearly a man to be reckoned with.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

National Missing Children’s Day

National Tap Dance Day

Nerd Pride Day or Geek Pride Day

Towel Day

Memorial Day

Prayer for Peace Memorial Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

TUESDAY, MAY 26

World Lindy Hop Day

 

WEDNESDAY, MAY 27

National Senior Healthy and Fitness Day

World MS (Multiple Sclerosis) Day

Cellophane Tape Day

 

THURSDAY, MAY 28

Sierra Club Day

Slugs Return From Capistrano Day

 

FRIDAY, MAY 29

Bats Day

Hug Your Cat Day

Learn About Composting Day

International Day of United Nations Peacekeepers ***No wonder the UN can’t keep peace in the world, they’re only working one day out of the year!

Put a Pillow On Your Fridge Day

 

SATURDAY, MAY 30

Loomis Day

Mint Julep Day

The Wicket World of Croquet Day

 

SUNDAY, MAY 31

What You Think Upon Grows Day

World No-Tobacco Day

 

MONDAY, JUNE 01

Global Day of Parents

Heimlich Maneuver Day

National Go Barefoot Day

National Leave The Office Early Day

National Thank God It’s Monday Day

Oscar The Grouch Day

Say Something Nice Day

Stand For Children Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1935: Babe Ruth, playing for the Boston Braves, hit home runs 713 and 714 at Forbes Field in Pittsburgh, his final home runs. Pitcher Guy Bush served up both homers, but won the game 11-7.

 

1961: President John Kennedy asked the U.S. to work toward putting a man on the moon by the end of the decade. (audio clip)

 

1965: The fastest knockout in heavyweight title history occurred in Lewiston, Maine, when Cassius Clay KO’d Sonny Liston in 1:56 of the first round.

 

1968: The Rolling Stones released “Jumping Jack Flash.”

 

1968: St. Louis dedicated its trademark Gateway Arch, part of the city’s Jefferson National Expansion Memorial.

 

1969: The Hollies recorded “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother” with Elton John at piano.

 

1977: The movie “Star Wars” opened in U.S. movie theaters. It set a new box office record that stood until “Titanic” in 1999. Also on this day, in 1983 “The Return of the Jedi” opened, breaking box office records all over again. (audio clip)

 

1981: Daredevil Daniel Goodwin, wearing a “Spiderman” costume, scaled the outside of Chicago’s Sears Tower in 7½ hours. (audio clip)

 

1986: An estimated 7-million people joined hands to form a line they called “Hands Across America” to raise money for the nation’s homeless and hungry.

 

1988: Debbie Gibson’s “Foolish Beat” hit #1, making her the youngest artist, at age 17, to write, sing, and produce a #1 hit.

 

1990: Gary Stewart of Los Angeles set a Guinness world record by jumping 177,737 times on his pogo stick.

 

1991: Singer Randy Travis and Lib Hatcher were married.

 

1992: In Manilla, Pepsi announced that 349 was the winning $37,000-number that day in its “Number Fever” contest. Unfortunately, due to what Pepsi called a computer software glitch, 800,000 people had bottle caps with the winning number. In the resulting public relations nightmare, violence erupted as irate consumers attacked bottling plants and delivery trucks.

 

1992: Jay Leno became the new host of “The Tonight Show,” replacing Johnny Carson, who had hosted the late-night talk show for 29 years.

 

1993: The U.S. issued a patent (#5,213,234) to Ioannis Stefanopoulos of Arlington, Virginia, for his Moo Cream Pitcher, a cow-shaped pitcher that moos when it pours cream or milk.

 

1999: Harry Seager found a half-cent piece dated 1723 in front of the town’s 200-year-old town library. Greenfield, Massachusetts, was rebuilding Main Street and ripping up sidewalk sections that dated back a couple hundred years. Other treasure hunters found 18th and 19th century coins, brass buttons and a dozen led musket balls.

 

2006: Kenneth Lay and Jeffrey Skilling, former officers of Enron Corporation, were convicted in Houston federal court of conspiracy and securities fraud.

 

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

735: Bede (“The Venerable”), father of English history, dies. In addition to his Ecclesiastical History of the English People (731), biographies of abbots, and Scripture commentaries, he wrote our primary source for the story of how Celtic and Roman Christianity clashed at the Synod of Whitby in 664.

 

1535: After holding Munster under siege for over a year, the army of the city’s Roman Catholic bishop breaks in, capturing and killing the radical Anabaptists who had taken control. The Anabaptists had acted on the prophecy of Melchoir Hoffman (later modified by Jan Matthys) that Christ would soon return, and only Christians in Munster would survive. During the siege, Matthys and his followers became increasingly despotic and maniacal, enjoying excesses while the people starved and introducing wild innovations such as polygamy.

 

1824: The Sunday and Adult Sunday School Union in Philadelphia establishes the American Sunday School Union. It purposed to use Sunday schools as a means to instill Christian and democratic values “wherever there is a population.” In 1970 it changed its name to the American Missionary Society.

 

1865: Evangelist and ecumenist John R. Mott is born in New York. He served 40 years with the Y.M.C.A. (while that organization was still aggressively evangelistic), chaired the 1910 Edinburgh Missionary Conference, and was named honorary president of the World Council of Churches at its inaugural session.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress-singer (Ruby Mendel on “Even Stevens”) Lauren Frost 30 (audio clip)
  • Actor (Randy Meeks in the Scream movies, Son of the Mask) Jamie Kennedy, 45
  • Actress (Wag the Dog, Volcano, Six Days Seven Nights) Anne Heche, 46
  • Actor/writer (Shrek, Cat in the Hat, Wayne’s World, the Austin Powers movies) Mike Myers, 52
  • actress (Pam Davidson Hinkley on TV’s “The Greatest American Hero”) Connie Selleca is 60 (audio clip)
  • Muppeteer (voice of Yoda in Star Wars, Episodes 1-3, the Corrections Officer working the property desk in Blues Brothers – the warden in Blues Brothers 2000) Frank Oz 71
  • actor (Lord of the Rings movies, X-Men movies) Sir Ian McKellen, 76

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1915 : Johnny Bond

1921 : Nelson Riddle

1934 : Pat Boone

1945 : Linda Scott

1947 : Ron Wood (The Rolling Stones, The Faces)

1950 : Charlene

1950 : Tom Robinson (Cafe Society)

1950 : Graham Russell (Air Supply)

1952 : John Ellis (The Vibrators)

1953 : Ronnie Dunn (Brooks & Dunn)

1958 : Barry Adamson (Magazine)

1959 : Alan Wilder (Depeche Mode)

1960 : Simon Gallup (The Cure)

1963 : Mike Joyce (The Smiths)

1967 : Roger Sanchez

1968 : Jason Donovan

1974 : Alanis Morissette

1996 : Damon Minchella (Ocean Colour Scene)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

What keeps the ice on a skating rink frozen?

The answer is a very efficient system because the ice, as you may have noticed, stays frozen even when the sun shines and the temperature borders on the balmy. The method they use to achieve this often has something in common with the process of producing pickles: brine. When you lace up and balance yourself on a blade, you are literally skating on thin ice–about two inches worth. That sits on top of a concrete base. Within the concrete are thin pipes, about an inch thick, through which flows brine at temperatures as low as –15 degrees F. or a similarly cold glycol solution (yes, that’s antifreeze!). The cold concrete keeps the ice frozen. It’s that simple. Isn’t that cool?

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Jenny Simmons sent her husband Ryan to Target to get just a few things for the back porch. However his trip didn’t turn out to be a jaunt to the promised land. Jenny shared a picture of Ryan’s 10th tweet from the store. The picture showed a very tired, very stressed looking individual with the caption: I’ve lost the will to live.

 

A little insight into the mind Tenth Avenue North guitarist Jeff Owen. He tweeted: I enjoy logic because it makes sense.

 

Jonny Diaz has a unique way of identifying letters when asked to spell something over the phone. He tweeted that he likes to use silent letters. P as in pneumonia, O as in opossum, and so on.

 

Blanca tried on for King and Country’s keytar for size and says she felt like the coolest person ever. However Blanca admits she still has no idea how to play the thing. Blanca says she wanted to join their band but they said no.

 

Kutless member James Mead shared a quote he attributed to Abraham Lincoln: “Never give up on your dreams…go back to sleep.”

 

Jimmy Needham says he and his wife have completed another step their adoption process. Jimmy shared: Paperwork is done. Everything is notarized. Now we wait for our referral for our India adoption. Could be any day now!

 

Big Daddy Weave drummer Jeff Jones is having troubles dealing with the fact that his daughter is growing up. He tweeted: Touring middle schools again today with my daughter. Can’t believe this is happening.

 

In his spare time Newsboys member Jody Davis builds custom guitars. In fact, he shared on YouTube last week that he is currently working on a custom guitar for Plumb guitarist Jeremy Giffard. The guitar design company Zane guitars has also taken Jody’s designs and are now producing an line of artist guitars under the Jody Davis guitars name.

 

Kerrie Roberts says waking up can be adventure. She tweeted: some days I wake up running like a freight train. Some days, (usually the next day) I wake up feeling like I was hit by a freight train.

 

Jamie Grace is giving you and your band the chance to open for their Big Summer Tour 2015. Jamie says she and her sister were blessed to have churches and church leaders support us and let us play for services because they saw our hearts. She says it was not because they thought we were gonna be “famous” or well known but simply because they believed in us. Jamie says that’s something we want to give back. To audition to open for Jamie and Morgan visit goodeyemangement.com.

 

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Suit: Competitor’s smiley face cookies ‘confusingly similar’    photo
PITTSBURGH (AP) — The cookies may be smiling, but the restaurants are not. A Pennsylvania chain says in a lawsuit that the smiley face cookies made by a Chicago-based baker are “confusingly similar” to its own trademarked treats. Homestead-based Eat’n Park seeks to block additional cookie…

 

Man evades police, then caught while returning for lost hat
EASTLAKE, Ohio (AP) — An 18-year-old had successfully eluded officers in northeast Ohio, but a search for his missing hat led him back into the hands of police. HASH(0x140a570) Authorities say Montgomery sped up when an officer pursued him, then pulled into a driveway and ran away on foot….
Man in scuba gear gets warning after causing restaurant stir
TRAVERSE CITY, Mich. (AP) — Police say a belligerent man dressed in scuba gear caused a stir at a northern Michigan fast food restaurant. The Traverse City Record-Eagle and MLive.com report the man, who had been drinking, showed up Tuesday morning at a downtown McDonald’s. Workers called…
Large stuffed tiger atop SUV generates 911 call    photo
CAMAS, Wash. (AP) — The sight of a stuffed tiger — a very large stuffed tiger — lashed to the top of an SUV cruising around a southwest Washington lake was enough to generate a 911 call from someone who apparently thought it was real. The Columbian newspaper of Vancouver reports…
Police seek man who swiped nearly $3K bottle of cognac
LINDEN, N.J. (AP) — Police in central New Jersey are seeking a thief who apparently appreciates the finer things in life. Linden police say a shoplifter stole a bottle of Remy Martin Louis XIII cognac valued at $2,849 from Pied Piper Liquor Store on May 16th. Police say the store’s owner…
Bone Thugs-n-Harmony rapper helps driver in diabetic shock    photo
CASPER, Wyo. (AP) — Rapper Layzie Bone of the Grammy Award-winning group Bone Thugs-n-Harmony helped a driver who went into diabetic shock and nearly ran into the performer’s vehicle in Wyoming. HASH(0x13dadc0) Layzie Bone told the station that he rushed to the man and offered him apples and…
Ohio man finds canister containing 21-year-old message
IONIA, Mich. (AP) — It isn’t quite a message in a bottle, but an Ohio man says he found a 21-year-old message secreted in a camera film case that had traveled some 40 miles down the Grand River in western Michigan. HASH(0x14177b0) “It’s in pretty good condition really. I mean, it was water…
Squatters evicted: 40,000 bees removed from NYC home
NEW YORK (AP) — It wasn’t a monster making a ruckus under the floor of a New York City bedroom. But it was still a bit scary. An expert called to find the source of a loud, buzzing noise found about 40,000 bees in a Queens home. Retired NYPD Detective Anthony Planakis, known as Tony Bees, was…
Disney World tells riders to stop using selfie sticks
ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) — Disney World is looking to crack down on guests who use selfie sticks on rides at the park. HASH(0x140a350) Disney policy forbids visitors from using the sticks, which can be used to extend cameras out up to 3 feet. One ride, Thunder Mountain, has had a number of…
Iowa Capitol evacuated for burnt pizza crust
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — Weeks after burned macaroni and cheese emptied out the Iowa Capitol, a charred pizza crust has done it again. The crust burned Tuesday morning in the Capitol cafeteria, prompting a brief evacuation. Department of Administrative Services Spokesman Caleb Hunter says…
Dubuque worker rescues 10 ducklings from storm drain    photo
DUBUQUE, Iowa (AP) — A reunited family of ducks waddled away soon after a city sewer worker rescued 10 ducklings from a Dubuque storm drain. HASH(0x14279f0) Bill Kelly and other city sewer workers arrived and removed the heavy drain grill so he could reach the ducklings and move them to…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Study: Severe vision loss is most common in the South
NEW YORK (AP) — Health officials say bad eyesight in the U.S. is most common in the South. A new report found the South was home to three-quarters of the U.S. counties with the highest prevalence of severe vision loss. The South also has higher rates of poverty, diabetes and chronic disease….

 

Study: Fewer kids have severe mental problems; more get help    photo
Contrary to public perception and horrific cases that make headlines, serious mental problems are declining among the nation’s youth, and there has been a big rise in how many are getting help, a new study finds. The study is mostly good news: More children and teens are taking mental health…
Listeria: FDA finds problems at Ohio ice cream plant    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — A government investigation of Ohio-based Jeni’s Splendid Ice Creams found inadequate testing and cleaning in its Columbus plant that had become contaminated with listeria. The company recalled all its products last month after listeria was discovered in some pints of Jeni’s…
Koch, Kravis donate total of $250M for hospitals, research
NEW YORK (AP) — Industrialist David H. Koch (kohk) and financier Henry R. Kravis have made separate donations totaling $250 million for hospitals and medical research in New York City. HASH(0x139be30) His donation will help build a $1.3 billion, 23-story outpatient cancer center in Manhattan….
Obama calls climate change an ‘indisputable’ security threat    photo
NEW LONDON, Conn. (AP) — President Barack Obama has argued for action on climate change as a matter of health, environmental protection and international obligation. On Wednesday, he added national security. Those who deny global warming are putting at risk the United States and the military…
FDA proposes to know more about antibiotic use in animals
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Food and Drug Administration is moving to collect more information on antibiotics used in animals that become meat. It’s an effort to stem antibiotic-resistant diseases. The agency proposed a rule Tuesday that would require drug companies to collect sales information…
Expert panel criticizes medical care at Illinois prisons    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — A scathing new report by court-approved researchers paints a bleak picture of medical care in Illinois prisons, describing extended treatment delays, haphazard follow-up care, chaotic record keeping and a litany of other problems. The 405-page report, based on prison visits…
ConAgra to pay $11.2M to settle salmonella criminal case
SAVANNAH, Ga. (AP) — ConAgra Foods agreed Wednesday to pay $11.2 million, a sum that includes the highest criminal fine ever in a U.S. food safety case, to settle a federal charge that the company shipped Peter Pan peanut butter tainted with salmonella from a plant in Georgia, sickening more…
Egg prices jump as impact of bird flu begins pinching supply
DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) — Egg prices have surged higher as the death of millions of hens from bird flu is beginning to tighten supplies. The Midwest price of a dozen large eggs rose to $1.88. That’s 58 percent higher than they were a month ago when the bird flu first hit Iowa chicken farms….
Health officials: New strain of rabies found in New Mexico
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) — A new strain of rabies has been discovered in southern New Mexico, federal and state health officials confirmed Tuesday. While it doesn’t present any more of a public health threat than the known strains of the potentially fatal disease, the discovery is generating…
Man who caught listeria-related meningitis sues Blue Bell
AUSTIN, Texas (AP) — A man is suing Blue Bell, saying he contracted listeria-related meningitis after eating ice cream produced by the company. David Philip Shockley seeks unspecified damages in the negligence lawsuit filed Tuesday in Austin. Texas-based Blue Bell recalled all its ice cream…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

NEWS KICKERS RETURN ON TUESDAY AFTER THE U.S. MEMORIAL DAY HOLIDAY.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “911 Emergency”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Steve Geyer, “McDonald’s Drive-Thru”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Millard the Monkey had tried everything to be better than Steve Mozart. Unfortunately, that landed him in the hospital… with Steve Mozart. And now everyone is more concerned about Steve getting well in time for his concert than with their friend Millard the Monkey.

 

CLOSE: How much can one monkey take? To be honest, I’m getting a little annoyed that Millard’s friends aren’t paying him much attention at all. Sure, Steve Mozart is a great guy and all, and Millard has taken his competition against Mozart a bit too far, but they’re all still friends, right? Tune in again next time for As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF MAY 30/31, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the animals had really busy schedules – so busy in fact that not only did they not have time to get everything done, but they didn’t have time even to plan what they had to do! They didn’t even have time for campfire meetings – and now, no time to even talk to each other!

 

CLOSE: It’s no wonder they’re so exhausted – they’ve been working so hard and so long without sleep! But now how will they get everything done on their schedules? Tune in again next time for another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Today’s Moment of Duh focus on a mom that was concerned about her daughter swallowing ants…

Recently, a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at a poison control center received a call from a woman that was very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. The medical student quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN COMMANDMENTS FROM KIDS ABOUT THE SUBJECT OF LOVE

 

  1. When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouths. –Billy – age 49. Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other. –Kari – age 58. Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs. –Chrissy – age 6

    7. Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired. –Terri – age 4

    6. Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him to make sure the taste is OK.  –Danny – age 7

    5. Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and my daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss. –Emily – age 8

    4. Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen. –Bobby – age 7

    3. If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate. –Nikki – age 6

    2. Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every day. –Noelle – age 7

    1. Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well. –Tommy – age 6

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A robber’s love for alcohol, along with his dim wit, gets him caught by the police. That’s coming up in the files of Law and Disorder!

 

FILE #1: Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, “Because I don’t believe you are over 21.” The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn’t believe him. At this point the robber took his driver’s license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

 

FILE #2: Police report Christopher Hasty lost more than his pants while trying to run away. He also left his wallet behind. According to authorities in McMinnville, Tennessee, Hasty dropped his wallet while stealing stuff from cars. Officers say the wallet not only had his I-D, but his parole card, too. Residents of an apartment complex say Hasty’s baggy pants fell down while he tried to flee. Officers followed footprints and say they found him inside a nearby apartment. He now faces auto burglary and theft charges.

 

FILE #3: In Croatia an unidentified man handed the teller in a bank a holdup note. The quick thinking bank teller told the crook she couldn’t understand the note and could he please tell her what it said. When she kept asking him to repeat his demand he said it louder and louder until finally he lost his temper and shouted, “I have a bomb. Give me the money!” This attracted the attention of nearby security guards who wrestled him to the floor and held him until police arrived.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Stanfield, Oregon, animals can not reproduce within city limits.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Have to answer to police after being in a crash?  No problem – blame the whole thing on your 4-year-old’s lousy driving!

Police in Pennsylvania said a man accused of drunken driving told them his 4-year-old son was at the wheel of his sport utility vehicle when it crashed into a tree. They said Albert Monroe Boyce Jr. (of Hyndman) told them his son, who was sitting on his lap, had turned the wheel too far to one side, sending the SUV careening off the road. So is the little boy going to jail? Not likely. Police said Boyce had an open 30-pack of Budweiser and a cooler in the vehicle when the crash occurred.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Today is Star Wars Day – so which movie is your favorite? Which character? And should George Lucas be sentenced to a lifetime in prison for creating Jar-Jar Binx? (audio clip)

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What Prophetess was the wife of Lapidoth?

ANSWER: Deborah (Judges 4:4)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What’s so special about the year 1864 when it comes to U.S. currency?

ANSWER: That’s the year the phrase “In God We Trust” first appeared on coins.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

  1. Starlet is TV-talk-show host Star Jones’s real first name. (True)

 

  1. The length of your vocal cords determines the pitch of your voice. (True)

 

  1. Pinto beans are used to prepare Boston Baked Beans. (False, Navy beans)

 

  1. Arnold Schwarzenegger was the first private citizen in the U.S. to own a Hummer. (True)

 

  1. Oscar Hammerstein II was the only person named Oscar to actually win an Oscar. (True)

 

  1. The last Oldsmobile model to roll off the assembly line in 2004 was the Streamliner. (False, it was the Alero)

 

  1. In fencing competition, a “barrage” is a tie-breaking bout – or fence-off. (True)

 

  1. Arizona’s state’s flag has a Union Jack – the flag of Great Britain – in its upper left corner. (False, it’s Hawaii’s state flag that has the Great Britain flag in the corner – in honor of its history of friendly relations with the British)

 

  1. Walt Disney sold his TV in order to purchase a one-way railroad ticket from Kansas City to California so he would begin his new career. (False, he sold his camera)

 

  1. Scrooge McDuck was first introduced in the 1947 comic book “Christmas on Bear Mountain”. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

_______ MONSTER FOUND! (LOCH NESS)

The mystery of the Loch Ness monster has been… solved!

It is one of the greatest mysteries of the deep, and its legend has outfoxed score of investigators over the generations.

Stories, pictures and rumors about a monster living below the surface of Scotland’s deepest loch go back for decades.

But it is now hoped this grainy image of a long ‘serpent-like creature’ may finally unlock the mystery of the Loch Ness Monster.

The sonar picture, that shows a large unidentified living object deep underwater, was recorded by Loch Ness boat skipper Marcus Atkinson.

The mysterious being was recorded at a depth of 75ft in the murky water and measured nearly 5ft wide.

Mr. Atkinson’s sonar fish-finder device records the width of objects in the depths directly below his tourist boat every quarter of a second.

Image produced when his vessel was in the Loch’s Urquhart Bay showed a long moving object that had followed the boat for more than two minutes.

The consistent marks on Mr Atkinson’s sonar create a horizontal mass, which is not an indicator of length.

But excited Loch Ness monster experts have ruled out the ‘sighting’ being any other fish, seal or wood debris and believe it is proof of an unknown creature in the Loch.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, “The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.”

 

JOKE #2

My brother wants me to find him a summer job. He asked me to check with my boss, my friends, my business associates.

Then he asked me to run off 100 copies of his resume, call up the employment agencies, and write an ad for the Positions Wanted section of the newspaper.

I asked him what he wanted to call himself in the ad.

He said, “A self-starter!”

 

JOKE #3

The minister’s little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during the week, that her mother decided to give her the worst kind of punishment.  She told her she couldn’t go to the Sunday School Picnic on Saturday.  When the day came, her mother felt she had been too harsh and changed her mind.  When she told the little girl she could go to the picnic, the child’s reaction was one of gloom and unhappiness.  “What’s the matter?  I thought you’d be glad to go to the picnic.” Her mother said.

“It’s too late!” the little girl said.  “I’ve already prayed for rain!”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

Coffee stand owner Troy Malchow hopes to turn the heat up on a robber — with some hot java. Malchow is offering free coffee for a year to anyone who can help catch the guy who robbed him. Malchow has owned Perfetto Espresso north of Seattle for a decade. He says in the span of two weeks his coffee stand was both vandalized and robbed. ***MARLAR: Make that a double-large gourmet coffee with triple cream and Splenda and I’ll cop to the crime myself! (audio clip)

 

A nasal spray made from Atlantic Ocean seawater seams to ease cold and flu symptoms faster for children.  In the twelve week test the noses of children given the seawater spray were less runny the second time they were checked.  ***MARLAR: Their noses were less runny because they were caked with salt.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

PRISON SENTENCE

Jimmy was sent to prison for his crimes but he told the warden he wasn’t worried at all about serving his full term.
The warden asked him why, since most prisoners immediately start planning how they can get out early. Jimmy replied, “Well, my wife has never let me finish a sentence the whole time I’ve been married!”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

If you had to hire one of the seven dwarves, which would it be?  If you were smart, you’d hire Grumpy!

It turns out that grumpy employees are the most creative problem-solvers, according to researchers from the Jesse H. Jones Graduate School of Management at Rice University in Houston. They say all those happy, cheerful employees that make the office an inviting and enjoyable place to work are so busy smiling that they often don’t see problems until there is a crisis. So why is a bad mood so productive? When someone is in a negative mood, he or she is usually quite motivated to get out of it. Solving a problem often does the trick.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

. . . He was a murderer from the beginning and has always hated the truth. There is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies. John 8:44

Jesus described the devil as a murderer from the beginning of time, and this description also serves to illustrate the life of King Saul. When an evil spirit came upon Saul to possess him, he was overwhelmed with thoughts of envy and murder toward David. Time after time he tried to destroy David, even attempting to pin him to the wall with a spear (1 Samuel 18:10-11).
Satan is envious of believers because they have replaced him as worshipers and sons of God. His hatred for humankind knows no bounds. He always seeks “to steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10), and He wants to destroy you! Jesus said that the devil is a liar and the father of lies. Saul lied to David and told him he wanted to give his older daughter Merab in marriage to him. In fact, he wanted David killed by the Philistines (1 Samuel 18:17). David’s innocence, however, was his protection. The Lord sent the Holy Spirit to knock to the ground the soldiers who chased David. Even Saul himself was knocked to the ground (19:23-24).
Let us rejoice that even though Satan attacks with lies and murderous intents, the Holy Spirit can render our enemies harmless. We will fulfill our purposes in God!

–By Larry Stockstill

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

WORDS THAT DEFILE

Matthew 15:17-20

He who guards his mouth preserves his life, but he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction. —Proverbs 13:3

Recently I overheard an older woman speaking to a friend about the current obsession with dieting. “These days,” she mused, “I’m more concerned with what comes out of my mouth than what goes into it.” There’s a world of wisdom in those words.

Jesus put it this way: “Those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies. These are the things which defile a man” (Matthew 15:18-20).

What we say affects others. “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword,” says Proverbs 12:18. But what we may overlook is the effect our reckless words have on us. When we gossip, or when we malign others, our words begin to ruin us, for we gratify the evil that is in us and strengthen it until it overthrows us.

On the contrary, when we guard our lips we strike a blow at this malevolence. “The tongue of the wise promotes health,” continues Proverbs 12:18. We protect our souls, for we weaken the very thing that lies in wait to ruin us.

Ask God to “set a guard” over your mouth and “keep watch over the door” of your lips (Psalm 141:3). Let your words promote life, not destruction. —David H. Roper

 

Guard well your lips, for none can know
What evils from the tongue may flow;
What guilt, what grief may be incurred
By one uncautious, evil word. —Elliott

 

A word from your mouth speaks volumes about your heart.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

THE WALLS ARE CLOSING IN

Feeling a bit claustrophobic at work?  There’s good reason for that – it could be that your cubicle is shrinking!
According to a report in “Wired” magazine, the standard office cubicle has shrunk by as much as 50% in recent years, down to 30 square feet. The magazine also notes that by comparison, most coffins measure 15 square feet and the typical prison cell at San Quentin is a spacious 70 square feet. ***MARLAR: So working in a cubicle is worse than being in prison.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

A GUIDE FOR COLLEGE FRESHMEN

Going off to college for the first time this year?  Don’t take off yet… you’ll want to keep a few things in mind!

If this is your first year going off to college – away from your parents – here’s a few tips to make sure you don’t regret going to college.

  • You can never have enough toilet paper. Hoard extra rolls whenever you can, but don’t tell anybody about it, not even your roommate.
  • Leave the high school ring and the letterman’s jacket at home.
  • Call your mom twice as often as you really want to.
  • People who get treat packages from home and don’t share the goodies with their fellow dorm-dwellers are beneath contempt and fair game for serial pranksterism.
  • Tattoos of school mascots? If you have to do it, avoid all four cheeks.
  • Don’t bring your stereo with you unless you won’t be bothered when something gets spilled on it.  And then again… and then again.
  • Even if you’re not a sports fan, go to at least one big game your freshman year.
  • Don’t download term papers from the Internet. Sure, it’s easy to Google around and find complete term papers on a myriad subjects — but it’s just as easy for instructors to see if your work matches anything floating around in cyberspace.
  • Nobody cares if you cut class. This ain’t high school. If you don’t go to class, it just means that you (or your parents) are paying major dough for you to sleep in. Think about how stupid THAT is.
  • Something else that is stupid is not going to church.  Just because you’re away from Mom and Dad does not mean you should stop doing those things that are good for you.  College is going to be a very challenging part of your life – and having God there with you the entire time, leaning on His wisdom, seeking His guidance, and relying on His strength is going to make your experience that much more fulfilling.
  • Don’t kid yourself. That Monday-Wednesday-Friday class that starts at 8 a.m. is a bad idea.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

YOU SAY POTATO, I SAY MEDICINE

If given a choice, would you rather get a shot to take medication, or would you rather get the medication by eating a baked potato?  In the near future that might be a choice you’ll need to make!
What would you rather do: get a shot with a needle or eat a potato? Pretty simple choice, huh? Scientists at Cornell University have developed a potato that when eaten will ultimately convey immunity to the Norwalk virus, the most common form of food poisoning in the United States. The potatoes are genetically manipulated, producing protein fragments of the virus that the immune system will recognize and respond to when the real virus enters the body. There is no difference in taste or culinary characteristics between the modified potato and the common potato. Scientists say that in the future, vaccines may be delivered via plants instead of needles. Current work is underway to create potato-based vaccines for the human papilloma virus, which causes cervical cancer, hepatitis B bacteria, and a form of the E-Coli bacteria. The hepatitis B potato vaccine is already being tested.  ***MARLAR: So now even doctors might ask “Would you like fries with that?”  Pass the potato chips — I’m not feeling so well!

 

 

FUN LIST

GRADUATION DOs AND DON’Ts…

  • DO wear your graduation gown proudly to graduation.  DON’T wear it the next day to your fast food job.
  • DO toss your graduation cap in the air at the end of the ceremony.  DON’T shoot it out of the air with that pistol you sneaked into school all year.
  • DO bring your diploma to your job interview the next day.  DON’T bring your nose ring.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

Daydreaming might mean you’re smarter than others around you!

A new study seems to think people that have wandering minds actually have sharper brains. The research found that those who appear to be constantly distracted have more “working memory” giving them the ability to do two things at the same time. So the next time your boss wakes you up from a good daydream during a meeting, tell him you’re sharpening your “working memory.”

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

(RETURNS NEXT WEEK – SKIPS THIS WEEK DUE TO THE U.S. MEMORIAL DAY HOLIDAY.)

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Wednesdays only; The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Weekdays Only)

Keeping food out of sight could be a way to keep it out of your mouth. According to NPR News, Charles Emery, a psychologist at Ohio State University, put together a team to “look at every aspect of the home environment related to food.” Starting in 2013, Emery and his colleagues went into the homes of 100 people, half of whom were medically obese. Researchers found that the people who were not obese were inclined to have less cold storage like refrigerator space and less food in the home. But they also found obese participants tended to keep more food visible in the places they spent the most time compared to non-obese people.  *** So apparently the old adage is true: Out of sight, out of mind.

http://n.pr/1B85lWt

 

Looking to travel this Summer. A travel web site has compiled a list of the 5 best national parks outside the USA. The top 5 include the Northumberland National Park in England, Pembrokeshire Coast National Park in Wales, Gran Paradiso National Park in Italy, Pirin National Park in Bulgaria, and the Olympus National Park in Greece.

http://huff.to/1GjGGnE

 

NASA’s New Horizons space probe sent its first color image of Pluto back to Earth after a nearly decade-long journey through space to reach the dwarf planet. According to ABC News, New Horizons is preparing for a July 14 rendezvous with Pluto. When it reaches its destination, NASA said it expects New Horizons will send back detailed color images showing surface features as close as a few miles across.

http://abcn.ws/1aVg2Vh

 

A 1-year-old toucan is getting a new beak thanks to a fund raising campaign. The birds upper beak got hacked off by a group of miscreants who left the bird for dead. For the past four months, the half-beaked bird has been nursed back to health at Costa Rica’s Animal Rescue Bird Zoo. Thanks to the collective ingenuity of Costa Rica’s tech sector, and $10,000 in funding from an Indiegogo campaign, the injured bird is about to get equipped with a new 3D-printed prosthetic beak. The plastic beak, scheduled to be attached to Grecia’s stub in June, will be the first procedure of its kind in Latin America, and one of the first 3D-printed beaks attempted anywhere the world.

http://fus.in/1PyEv5u

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Can you believe how many award shows they have now? They have awards for commercials. The Clio Awards, a whole show full of commercials. I taped it and then I fast-forwarded through the whole thing.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

MAY 22, 2015…

 

Poltergeist— Produced by Sam Raimi. It is a remake of the classic horror film about haunting a family. The cast includes Sam Rockwell, Jared Harris, Rosemary DeWitt and Jane Adams. Brings the story up-to-date and the disappearance of a daughter brings terror to the family. I remember the first film and the television set. “Poltergeist” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Tomorrow land (title in Great Britain is “Disney Tomorrowland: A World Beyond“)—Theme Park written all over it…..this movie stars George Clooney as a guy who once went there, and Britt Robertson as the girl who hopes to find it. What? A unique place where inventors live. Travel is with a special brooch. Also in the cast are Hugh Laurie, Thomas Robinson, Tim McGraw and Judy Greer.   “Tomorrowland” is rated PG. Rating of 2 for fans of the genre and George Clooney.

 

Slow West (opening in select cities)—Kodi Smit-McPhee comes to America from The British Isles hoping to find his runaway girlfriend.  The Old West is not kind to him and a friendly stranger (the worst kind and played by Michael Fassbender) helps him out.   Just what agenda’s are going on here, anyway?  Cast includes Ben Mendelson and Caron Pistorius.  “Slow West” is rated R. No rating.

 

MAY 29, 2015…

 

Aloha is a romantic comedy with Bradley Cooper and Emma Stone, plus written by Cameron Crowe. About love in the military.

 

San Andreas 3 D is the weekend action film starring Dwayne Johnson (“The Rock”) as a helicopter rescue pilot trying to find his lost daughter.

 

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.