May 25, 2018: Friday ONAIRprep

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PRINT VERSIONS OF TODAY’S PREP:
ODT: 20180525
PDF: 20180525

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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Here is today’s career tip for aspiring young radio DJs. Always start your show with a witty remark designed to make the audience laugh. A remark like the one I should have used here if I hadn’t wasted this time giving career tips to aspiring young DJs.

PRESIDENTIAL WIT & WISDOM (click here to buy the book)

(None on the weekends or holidays.)

“I learned that a great man is a man who has the ability to get other people to do what they don’t want to do and like it.” – Harry S. Truman

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.” –Ecclesiastes 11:5 New International Version

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. — Romans 15:5-6

The Lord’s message rang out from you not only in Macedonia and Achaia — your faith in God has become known everywhere. — 1 Thessalonians 1:8

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few. — Ecclesiastes 5:2

Thought: Even in our sound-byte world, far too many words are spoken in pledge to God that go unfulfilled. Let’s thank him, praise him, and petition him. But let’s also realize that, while our prayers need to be persistent, our words don’t need to be elaborate or refined, just few in number.

Prayer: Almighty God, thank you that the Holy Spirit intercedes for me while I pray. Thank you that I don’t have to have articulate prayers to be heard. Thank you for not expecting grandiose promises from me. I come to you as your child, your humble servant who longs to live for you and praise you with all of my life. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Galatians 5:25 NIV = Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.

TODAY IS FRIDAY – MAY 25, 2018

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
213 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL NEXT CHRISTMAS.

The GREAT AMERICAN GRUMP OUT is today. The idea is to try and go 24 hours without being grumpy or crabby.  ***Now this day is just plain stupid.  Only a loser would want to… oh… never mind.

Today is STAR WARS DAY. The original film opened in 32 theaters on this date in 1977.

Today is also TOWEL DAY.  ***Fans of the book “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” already know the answer to the question: “Do you know where your towel is?”  Mine is currently next my computer in my office.

To quote from “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”:

A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitch hiker can have. Partly it has great practical value – you can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a mini raft down the slow heavy river Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or to avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a mindboggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can’t see it, it can’t see you – daft as a bush, but very ravenous); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.  More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: non-hitch hiker) discovers that a hitch hiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, face flannel, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitch hiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitch hiker might accidentally have “lost”. What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is, is clearly a man to be reckoned with.

TODAY IS ALSO…

Cookie Monster’s Birthday
Don’t Fry Day
Heat Awareness Day
National and International Missing Children’s Day
National Polka Day
National Tap Dance Day
National Title Track Day
National Wig Out Day
National Wine Day
Nerd Pride Day or Geek Pride Day
Towel Day
World Thyroid Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

SATURDAY, MAY 26

Amateur Radio Military Appreciation Day (ARMAD)
International Heritage Breeds Day
Julia Pierpont Day
National Chardonnay Day
National Paper Airplane Day
World Lindy Hop Day

SUNDAY, MAY 27

Cellophane Tape Day
Indianapolis 500

MONDAY, MAY 28

National Hamburger Day
Sierra Club Day
Slugs Return From Capistrano Day
Memorial Day
Prayer for Peace Memorial Day

TUESDAY, MAY 29

Learn About Composting Day
Put A Pillow On Your Fridge Day

WEDNESDAY, MAY 30

Loomis Day
Mint Julep Day
National Creativity Day
Shavout
Save Your Hearing Day
National Senior Health & Fitness Day

THURSDAY, MAY 31

Necrotizing Fasciitis Awareness Day
What You Think Upon Grows Day
World MS Day (Multiple Sclerosis)
World No-Tobacco Day

FRIDAY, JUNE 01

Doughnut Day or Donut Day

Global Day of Parents
Heimlich Maneuver Day
Horseradish Days
Hug Your Cat Day
Leave The Office Early Day
Mike, The Headless Chicken Day
National Dare Day
National Nailpolish Day
National Go Barefoot Day
National Olive Day
National Pen Pal Day
Oscar The Grouch Day
Say Something Nice Day
Stand For Children Day
Superman’s Birthday

SATURDAY, JUNE 02

Artichoke Day
Do-Dah Parade Day
Drawing Day or Pencil Day
National Black Bear Day
National Bubba Day
National Bubbly Day
National Gun Violence Awareness Day
National Prairie Day
National Rotisserie Chicken Day
National Trails Day
The Wicket World of Croquet Day
Turtle Races Day
Yell “Fudge” at the Cobras in North America Day

SUNDAY, JUNE 03

Children’s Awareness Memorial Day
Chimborazo Day
National Cancer Survivors Day
Wonder Woman Day

MONDAY, JUNE 04

Audacity To Hope Day
International Day of Innocent Children Victims of Aggression
National SAFE Day
National Thank God It’s Monday Day
Old Maid’s Day

ON THIS DAY

1935: Babe Ruth, playing for the Boston Braves, hit home runs 713 and 714 at Forbes Field in Pittsburgh, his final home runs. Pitcher Guy Bush served up both homers, but won the game 11-7.

1961: President John Kennedy asked the U.S. to work toward putting a man on the moon by the end of the decade. (audio clip)

1965: The fastest knockout in heavyweight title history occurred in Lewiston, Maine, when Cassius Clay KO’d Sonny Liston in 1:56 of the first round.

1968: The Rolling Stones released “Jumping Jack Flash.”

1968: St. Louis dedicated its trademark Gateway Arch, part of the city’s Jefferson National Expansion Memorial.

1969: The Hollies recorded “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother” with Elton John at piano.

1977: The movie “Star Wars” opened in U.S. movie theaters. It set a new box office record that stood until “Titanic” in 1999. Also on this day, in 1983 “The Return of the Jedi” opened, breaking box office records all over again. (audio clip)

1981: Daredevil Daniel Goodwin, wearing a “Spiderman” costume, scaled the outside of Chicago’s Sears Tower in 7½ hours. (audio clip)

1986: An estimated 7-million people joined hands to form a line they called “Hands Across America” to raise money for the nation’s homeless and hungry.

1988: Debbie Gibson’s “Foolish Beat” hit #1, making her the youngest artist, at age 17, to write, sing, and produce a #1 hit.

1990: Gary Stewart of Los Angeles set a Guinness world record by jumping 177,737 times on his pogo stick.

1991: Singer Randy Travis and Lib Hatcher were married.

1992: In Manilla, Pepsi announced that 349 was the winning $37,000-number that day in its “Number Fever” contest. Unfortunately, due to what Pepsi called a computer software glitch, 800,000 people had bottle caps with the winning number. In the resulting public relations nightmare, violence erupted as irate consumers attacked bottling plants and delivery trucks.

1992: Jay Leno became the new host of “The Tonight Show,” replacing Johnny Carson, who had hosted the late-night talk show for 29 years.

1993: The U.S. issued a patent (#5,213,234) to Ioannis Stefanopoulos of Arlington, Virginia, for his Moo Cream Pitcher, a cow-shaped pitcher that moos when it pours cream or milk.

1999: Harry Seager found a half-cent piece dated 1723 in front of the town’s 200-year-old town library. Greenfield, Massachusetts, was rebuilding Main Street and ripping up sidewalk sections that dated back a couple hundred years. Other treasure hunters found 18th and 19th century coins, brass buttons and a dozen led musket balls.

2006: Kenneth Lay and Jeffrey Skilling, former officers of Enron Corporation, were convicted in Houston federal court of conspiracy and securities fraud.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

735: Bede (“The Venerable”), father of English history, dies. In addition to his Ecclesiastical History of the English People (731), biographies of abbots, and Scripture commentaries, he wrote our primary source for the story of how Celtic and Roman Christianity clashed at the Synod of Whitby in 664.

1535: After holding Munster under siege for over a year, the army of the city’s Roman Catholic bishop breaks in, capturing and killing the radical Anabaptists who had taken control. The Anabaptists had acted on the prophecy of Melchoir Hoffman (later modified by Jan Matthys) that Christ would soon return, and only Christians in Munster would survive. During the siege, Matthys and his followers became increasingly despotic and maniacal, enjoying excesses while the people starved and introducing wild innovations such as polygamy.

1824: The Sunday and Adult Sunday School Union in Philadelphia establishes the American Sunday School Union. It purposed to use Sunday schools as a means to instill Christian and democratic values “wherever there is a population.” In 1970 it changed its name to the American Missionary Society.

1865: Evangelist and ecumenist John R. Mott is born in New York. He served 40 years with the Y.M.C.A. (while that organization was still aggressively evangelistic), chaired the 1910 Edinburgh Missionary Conference, and was named honorary president of the World Council of Churches at its inaugural session.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress-singer (Ruby Mendel on “Even Stevens”) Lauren Frost 33 (audio clip)
  • Actor (Randy Meeks in the Scream movies, Son of the Mask) Jamie Kennedy, 48
  • Actress (Wag the Dog, Volcano, Six Days Seven Nights) Anne Heche, 49
  • Actor/writer (Shrek, Cat in the Hat, Wayne’s World, the Austin Powers movies) Mike Myers, 55
  • actress (Pam Davidson Hinkley on TV’s “The Greatest American Hero”) Connie Selleca is 63 (audio clip)
  • Muppeteer (voice of Yoda in Star Wars, Episodes 1-3, the Corrections Officer working the property desk in Blues Brothers – the warden in Blues Brothers 2000) Frank Oz 74
  • actor (Lord of the Rings movies, X-Men movies) Sir Ian McKellen, 79

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1915 : Johnny Bond

1921 : Nelson Riddle

1934 : Pat Boone

1945 : Linda Scott

1947 : Ron Wood (The Rolling Stones, The Faces)

1950 : Charlene

1950 : Tom Robinson (Cafe Society)

1950 : Graham Russell (Air Supply)

1952 : John Ellis (The Vibrators)

1953 : Ronnie Dunn (Brooks & Dunn)

1958 : Barry Adamson (Magazine)

1959 : Alan Wilder (Depeche Mode)

1960 : Simon Gallup (The Cure)

1963 : Mike Joyce (The Smiths)

1967 : Roger Sanchez

1968 : Jason Donovan

1974 : Alanis Morissette

1996 : Damon Minchella (Ocean Colour Scene)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

What keeps the ice on a skating rink frozen?

The answer is a very efficient system because the ice, as you may have noticed, stays frozen even when the sun shines and the temperature borders on the balmy. The method they use to achieve this often has something in common with the process of producing pickles: brine. When you lace up and balance yourself on a blade, you are literally skating on thin ice–about two inches worth. That sits on top of a concrete base. Within the concrete are thin pipes, about an inch thick, through which flows brine at temperatures as low as –15 degrees F. or a similarly cold glycol solution (yes, that’s antifreeze!). The cold concrete keeps the ice frozen. It’s that simple. Isn’t that cool?

NEWS KICKERS

(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

West Hollywood is presenting Stormy Daniels with a key to their city. ***If you were looking for a reason to avoid moving to Hollywood, there you go – they’re giving the key to the city to a PORN STAR.  That’ll definitely send the right message to the kids growing up there.

A zoo in New South Wales named a pair of koala bears in honor of the newly married royal couple.  ***But then, aren’t koala bears already HARRY (hairy)?

When they put in a new custom bike rack at the University of Kansas, it was in the shape of the letters PARC – which is an acronym for Prairie Acre Ribbon Classroom. ***It’s just too bad nobody looked at it from the opposite side of the bike rack, with the letters backwards spelling the word CRAP.

A federal judge has ruled that President Trump can’t block any of his Twitter followers based on their political views. ***Doesn’t that apply to everybody in America then? Am I going to be visited by federal law enforcement officers because I’ve blocked Lena Dunham, Michael Moore, and Rosie O’Donnell from my Twitter feed?

Meanwhile, actor / restaurateur Robert DeNiro says he is banning President Trump from every eatery he owns. ***So Trump can’t ban you for your political views – but you can ban him for his political views, because it’s a restaurant and not Twitter? Did DeNiro announce this on Twitter? What if DeNiro’s restaurant has a Twitter account? Or… can Trump ban Robert DeNiro from any Trump-owned property because of DeNiro’s political views, or is that only on Twitter? Is anyone else seeing the hypocrisy in this?

Aaron Hernandez’ fiancé has announced she’s pregnant, 13 months after his death. ***I might be wrong, but I don’t think the math adds up quite right with that.

NFL owners approved a new rule that requires all players and personnel to stand during the National Anthem.  ***You get canned if you don’t lift your can.

In Florida, the Broward Sheriff’s Office has arrested one of their own after a deputy was accused of shoplifting at a Walmart in Lauderdale Lakes – all while still in uniform. And he did it three times! Investigators arrested Deputy Henry Guzman, a 13-year veteran of the department. They say over the course of three days Guzman entered the Walmart and stole DVDs and “Star Wars” action figures, again- all while in full uniform. Guzman has been suspended.  ***Do they not require Broward County Sheriff’s Office applicants to take an IQ test before being hired?  How about a mandatory weekend course on morality and ethics?

McDonald’s shareholders will vote on whether to do away with plastic straws.  ***What other option is there?  I don’t think paper straws are going to work nearly as well.

They’re going to search for the Loch Ness monster’s DNA next month in Scotland.  ***Although Kloe Kardashian still insists that Tristan Thompson is the baby’s daddy.

The White House has a sinkhole – and it’s getting bigger. It’s a headache for groundskeepers and presents the current occupant’s critics an irresistible metaphor. The sinkhole was first spotted last week on the North Lawn, yards away from the White House press briefing office and the office of deputy press secretary Hogan Gidley. Over the last few days, the sinkhole, which groundskeepers have surrounded with caution tape, has expanded and a second one is apparently opening up next to it. It’s possibly the result of a leaking old water line eroding underground, and of course it doesn’t help that much of Washington, DC, is built on swampland.  ***So this time next year, expect the nation’s capital to be relocated to Mar A Largo.

Some royal wedding guests are already selling their gift bags on eBay. ***Which the royals no doubt consider a royal slap in the face.

Two Singaporean women recently contacted police after being conned out of the equivalent of around $1,000 by a man peddling goods on the street who sold them nine small bottles of “holy water” which he claimed could cure their bad luck and solve all their problems.  It didn’t work.  ***Think it through – if the water really could cure back luck and solve your problems, don’t you think the guy would’ve used it on himself so he’d no longer be resigned to being a street peddler?

The projected cost of the new Rams football stadium in Los Angeles is more than $4-billion.  ***And now you know why a small Coke at a football game costs fifteen bucks.

Scientists have just created a 100% plant-based vegan steak that tastes and smells so good, consumers can barely tell it’s not the real thing! Made primarily of soy and wheat, the groundbreaking vegan steak is the result of one and a half years of trial and error from Dutch company Vivera.  ***To quote Jeff Goldblum, “Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.”

A semi-truck rolled over on the freeway just south of Seattle Wednesday and spilled 40,000 pounds of chicken feathers all over the road. Took hours to clean up.  ***I’ll let you create your own “why did the chicken cross the road” joke.

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

Few people in our world are optimists. According to Our World in Data, more than 18-thousand adults were asked “All things considered, do you think the world is getting better or worse? Results ranged from 41% who thought the world was getting better in China to only 3% in Australia and France. Only 6% of those in America felt the world was getting better. ***Then again, 6% of America also believes in Bigfoot… so…

Who Twitters more – men or women? A study by Rebtel finds that women are much more likely to use online social networks like Facebook or Twitter to communicate with friends, family, and co-workers. 68-percent of women use social media to stay in touch with friends, as opposed to 54-percent of men. ***Although it does even out a bit more when the cable TV goes out.

We keep hearing about the health benefits from wine, but did you know that almost 10% of women say wine makes them itch? It’s called wine intolerance, and the allergy-like symptoms come mostly from a glass of red wine. The most common reactions include having nasal congestion, fleeing flushed, or feeling itchy. ***Women also reported that too drinking wine also brought unwanted advances by men itching to buy them more.

There’s a new trend towards what’s sometimes known as “soap-dodging”. Among those who have cut down on daily showers, baths or hair-washing were a woman who swipes a sliced lemon under her armpits instead of deodorant, another who uses baby wipes to freshen up, and a salesman who shampoos only once a month. ***Is this an attempt to be more “green” – because I’m pretty sure not showering actually adds to air pollution.

Wildlife experts report that gorillas living in Rwanda have learned on their own how to dismantle traps set by poachers. ***Not only that, but they then teach other gorillas by posting videos of how to do it on YouTube.

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

When last we left the jungle, the badminton racquets made for Gruffy, Sully, and Nozzles all broke during their first use. When they went back to Racquet to complain, he convinced them to buy new racquets – but these will be even more flimsy than the first racquets, and he’s even got them to buy defective birdies too!

CLOSE: Well, it looks like Racquets bad badminton racquet racket might backfire on Racquet and the racquet of Racquet’s niece, Rita… all because Racquet tried to cheat his friends. But his solution isn’t to make it right – it’s just to make a new racquet for Rita. This is not looking good. Find out what happens next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

Today’s Moment of Duh focus on a mom that was concerned about her daughter swallowing ants…

Recently, a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at a poison control center received a call from a woman that was very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. The medical student quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN COMMANDMENTS FROM KIDS ABOUT THE SUBJECT OF LOVE

10. When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouths. –Billy – age 4

9. Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other. –Kari – age 5

8. Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your french fries without making them give you any of theirs. –Chrissy – age 6

7. Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired. –Terri – age 4

6. Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him to make sure the taste is OK. –Danny – age 7

5. Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and my daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss. –Emily – age 8

4. Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen. –Bobby – age 7

3. If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate. –Nikki – age 6

2. Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every day. –Noelle – age 7

1. Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well. –Tommy – age 6

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A robber’s love for alcohol, along with his dim wit, gets him caught by the police. That’s coming up in the files of Law and Disorder!

FILE #1: Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, “Because I don’t believe you are over 21.” The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn’t believe him. At this point the robber took his driver’s license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

FILE #2: Police report Christopher Hasty lost more than his pants while trying to run away. He also left his wallet behind. According to authorities in McMinnville, Tennessee, Hasty dropped his wallet while stealing stuff from cars. Officers say the wallet not only had his I-D, but his parole card, too. Residents of an apartment complex say Hasty’s baggy pants fell down while he tried to flee. Officers followed footprints and say they found him inside a nearby apartment. He now faces auto burglary and theft charges.

FILE #3: In Croatia an unidentified man handed the teller in a bank a holdup note. The quick thinking bank teller told the crook she couldn’t understand the note and could he please tell her what it said. When she kept asking him to repeat his demand he said it louder and louder until finally he lost his temper and shouted, “I have a bomb. Give me the money!” This attracted the attention of nearby security guards who wrestled him to the floor and held him until police arrived.

STRANGE LAW: In Stanfield, Oregon, animals can not reproduce within city limits.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

Have to answer to police after being in a crash?  No problem – blame the whole thing on your 4-year-old’s lousy driving!

Police in Pennsylvania said a man accused of drunken driving told them his 4-year-old son was at the wheel of his sport utility vehicle when it crashed into a tree. They said Albert Monroe Boyce Jr. (of Hyndman) told them his son, who was sitting on his lap, had turned the wheel too far to one side, sending the SUV careening off the road. So is the little boy going to jail? Not likely. Police said Boyce had an open 30-pack of Budweiser and a cooler in the vehicle when the crash occurred.

PHONER PHUN

Today is Star Wars Day – so which movie is your favorite? Which character? And should George Lucas be sentenced to a lifetime in prison for creating Jar-Jar Binx? (audio clip)

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What Prophetess was the wife of Lapidoth?

ANSWER: Deborah (Judges 4:4)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What’s so special about the year 1864 when it comes to U.S. currency?

ANSWER: That’s the year the phrase “In God We Trust” first appeared on coins.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. Starlet is TV-talk-show host Star Jones’s real first name. (True)

2. The length of your vocal cords determines the pitch of your voice. (True)

3. Pinto beans are used to prepare Boston Baked Beans. (False, Navy beans)

4. Arnold Schwarzenegger was the first private citizen in the U.S. to own a Hummer. (True)

5. Oscar Hammerstein II was the only person named Oscar to actually win an Oscar. (True)

6. The last Oldsmobile model to roll off the assembly line in 2004 was the Streamliner. (False, it was the Alero)

7. In fencing competition, a “barrage” is a tie-breaking bout – or fence-off. (True)

8. Arizona’s state’s flag has a Union Jack – the flag of Great Britain – in its upper left corner. (False, it’s Hawaii’s state flag that has the Great Britain flag in the corner – in honor of its history of friendly relations with the British)

9. Walt Disney sold his TV in order to purchase a one-way railroad ticket from Kansas City to California so he would begin his new career. (False, he sold his camera)

10. Scrooge McDuck was first introduced in the 1947 comic book “Christmas on Bear Mountain”. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

_______ MONSTER FOUND! (LOCH NESS)

The mystery of the Loch Ness monster has been… solved!

It is one of the greatest mysteries of the deep, and its legend has outfoxed score of investigators over the generations.

Stories, pictures and rumors about a monster living below the surface of Scotland’s deepest loch go back for decades.

But it is now hoped this grainy image of a long ‘serpent-like creature’ may finally unlock the mystery of the Loch Ness Monster.

The sonar picture, that shows a large unidentified living object deep underwater, was recorded by Loch Ness boat skipper Marcus Atkinson.

The mysterious being was recorded at a depth of 75ft in the murky water and measured nearly 5ft wide.

Mr. Atkinson’s sonar fish-finder device records the width of objects in the depths directly below his tourist boat every quarter of a second.

Image produced when his vessel was in the Loch’s Urquhart Bay showed a long moving object that had followed the boat for more than two minutes.

The consistent marks on Mr Atkinson’s sonar create a horizontal mass, which is not an indicator of length.

But excited Loch Ness monster experts have ruled out the ‘sighting’ being any other fish, seal or wood debris and believe it is proof of an unknown creature in the Loch.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, “The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.”

JOKE #2

My brother wants me to find him a summer job. He asked me to check with my boss, my friends, my business associates.

Then he asked me to run off 100 copies of his resume, call up the employment agencies, and write an ad for the Positions Wanted section of the newspaper.

I asked him what he wanted to call himself in the ad.

He said, “A self-starter!”

JOKE #3

The minister’s little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during the week, that her mother decided to give her the worst kind of punishment.  She told her she couldn’t go to the Sunday School Picnic on Saturday.  When the day came, her mother felt she had been too harsh and changed her mind.  When she told the little girl she could go to the picnic, the child’s reaction was one of gloom and unhappiness.  “What’s the matter?  I thought you’d be glad to go to the picnic.” Her mother said.

“It’s too late!” the little girl said.  “I’ve already prayed for rain!”

USELESS FACTS

A nasal spray made from Atlantic Ocean seawater seams to ease cold and flu symptoms faster for children.  In the twelve week test the noses of children given the seawater spray were less runny the second time they were checked.  ***Their noses were less runny because they were caked with sea salt.

Wonder Woman creator William Moulton Marston was a psychologist and the inventor of the lie detector. ***It did not include a lasso though.

FEATURED FUNNIES

PRISON SENTENCE

Jimmy was sent to prison for his crimes but he told the warden he wasn’t worried at all about serving his full term.
The warden asked him why, since most prisoners immediately start planning how they can get out early. Jimmy replied, “Well, my wife has never let me finish a sentence the whole time I’ve been married!”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

If you had to hire one of the seven dwarves, which would it be?  If you were smart, you’d hire Grumpy!

It turns out that grumpy employees are the most creative problem-solvers, according to researchers from the Jesse H. Jones Graduate School of Management at Rice University in Houston. They say all those happy, cheerful employees that make the office an inviting and enjoyable place to work are so busy smiling that they often don’t see problems until there is a crisis. So why is a bad mood so productive? When someone is in a negative mood, he or she is usually quite motivated to get out of it. Solving a problem often does the trick.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

. . . He was a murderer from the beginning and has always hated the truth. There is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies. John 8:44

Jesus described the devil as a murderer from the beginning of time, and this description also serves to illustrate the life of King Saul. When an evil spirit came upon Saul to possess him, he was overwhelmed with thoughts of envy and murder toward David. Time after time he tried to destroy David, even attempting to pin him to the wall with a spear (1 Samuel 18:10-11).
Satan is envious of believers because they have replaced him as worshipers and sons of God. His hatred for humankind knows no bounds. He always seeks “to steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10), and He wants to destroy you! Jesus said that the devil is a liar and the father of lies. Saul lied to David and told him he wanted to give his older daughter Merab in marriage to him. In fact, he wanted David killed by the Philistines (1 Samuel 18:17). David’s innocence, however, was his protection. The Lord sent the Holy Spirit to knock to the ground the soldiers who chased David. Even Saul himself was knocked to the ground (19:23-24).
Let us rejoice that even though Satan attacks with lies and murderous intents, the Holy Spirit can render our enemies harmless. We will fulfill our purposes in God!

–By Larry Stockstill

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

WORDS THAT DEFILE

Matthew 15:17-20

He who guards his mouth preserves his life, but he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction. —Proverbs 13:3

Recently I overheard an older woman speaking to a friend about the current obsession with dieting. “These days,” she mused, “I’m more concerned with what comes out of my mouth than what goes into it.” There’s a world of wisdom in those words.

Jesus put it this way: “Those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies. These are the things which defile a man” (Matthew 15:18-20).

What we say affects others. “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword,” says Proverbs 12:18. But what we may overlook is the effect our reckless words have on us. When we gossip, or when we malign others, our words begin to ruin us, for we gratify the evil that is in us and strengthen it until it overthrows us.

On the contrary, when we guard our lips we strike a blow at this malevolence. “The tongue of the wise promotes health,” continues Proverbs 12:18. We protect our souls, for we weaken the very thing that lies in wait to ruin us.

Ask God to “set a guard” over your mouth and “keep watch over the door” of your lips (Psalm 141:3). Let your words promote life, not destruction. —David H. Roper

Guard well your lips, for none can know
What evils from the tongue may flow;
What guilt, what grief may be incurred
By one uncautious, evil word. —Elliott

A word from your mouth speaks volumes about your heart.

LEFTOVERS

THE WALLS ARE CLOSING IN

Feeling a bit claustrophobic at work?  There’s good reason for that – it could be that your cubicle is shrinking!
According to a report in “Wired” magazine, the standard office cubicle has shrunk by as much as 50% in recent years, down to 30 square feet. The magazine also notes that by comparison, most coffins measure 15 square feet and the typical prison cell at San Quentin is a spacious 70 square feet. ***MARLAR: So working in a cubicle is worse than being in prison.

LIFE… LIVE IT

A GUIDE FOR COLLEGE FRESHMEN

Going off to college for the first time this year?  Don’t take off yet… you’ll want to keep a few things in mind!

If this is your first year going off to college – away from your parents – here’s a few tips to make sure you don’t regret going to college.

  • You can never have enough toilet paper. Hoard extra rolls whenever you can, but don’t tell anybody about it, not even your roommate.
  • Leave the high school ring and the letterman’s jacket at home.
  • Call your mom twice as often as you really want to.
  • People who get treat packages from home and don’t share the goodies with their fellow dorm-dwellers are beneath contempt and fair game for serial pranksterism.
  • Tattoos of school mascots? If you have to do it, avoid all four cheeks.
  • Don’t bring your stereo with you unless you won’t be bothered when something gets spilled on it.  And then again… and then again.
  • Even if you’re not a sports fan, go to at least one big game your freshman year.
  • Don’t download term papers from the Internet. Sure, it’s easy to Google around and find complete term papers on a myriad subjects — but it’s just as easy for instructors to see if your work matches anything floating around in cyberspace.
  • Nobody cares if you cut class. This ain’t high school. If you don’t go to class, it just means that you (or your parents) are paying major dough for you to sleep in. Think about how stupid THAT is.
  • Something else that is stupid is not going to church.  Just because you’re away from Mom and Dad does not mean you should stop doing those things that are good for you.  College is going to be a very challenging part of your life – and having God there with you the entire time, leaning on His wisdom, seeking His guidance, and relying on His strength is going to make your experience that much more fulfilling.
  • Don’t kid yourself. That Monday-Wednesday-Friday class that starts at 8 a.m. is a bad idea.

JUST FOR FUN

YOU SAY POTATO, I SAY MEDICINE

If given a choice, would you rather get a shot to take medication, or would you rather get the medication by eating a baked potato?  In the near future that might be a choice you’ll need to make!
What would you rather do: get a shot with a needle or eat a potato? Pretty simple choice, huh? Scientists at Cornell University have developed a potato that when eaten will ultimately convey immunity to the Norwalk virus, the most common form of food poisoning in the United States. The potatoes are genetically manipulated, producing protein fragments of the virus that the immune system will recognize and respond to when the real virus enters the body. There is no difference in taste or culinary characteristics between the modified potato and the common potato. Scientists say that in the future, vaccines may be delivered via plants instead of needles. Current work is underway to create potato-based vaccines for the human papilloma virus, which causes cervical cancer, hepatitis B bacteria, and a form of the E-Coli bacteria. The hepatitis B potato vaccine is already being tested.  ***MARLAR: So now even doctors might ask “Would you like fries with that?”  Pass the potato chips — I’m not feeling so well!

FUN LIST

GRADUATION DOs AND DON’Ts…

  • DO wear your graduation gown proudly to graduation.  DON’T wear it the next day to your fast food job.

  • DO toss your graduation cap in the air at the end of the ceremony.  DON’T shoot it out of the air with that pistol you sneaked into school all year.

  • DO bring your diploma to your job interview the next day.  DON’T bring your nose ring.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

Daydreaming might mean you’re smarter than others around you!

A new study seems to think people that have wandering minds actually have sharper brains. The research found that those who appear to be constantly distracted have more “working memory” giving them the ability to do two things at the same time. So the next time your boss wakes you up from a good daydream during a meeting, tell him you’re sharpening your “working memory.”

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

Think twice before you hit pause on your workouts. Neglecting the gym every once in a while is nothing to worry about — after all, sometimes your body needs to rest and recover. But, when you hit pause on your workouts for more than a week, you might actually be throwing your fitness level into rewind. Officials say it will take more than seven days for your body to soften. But two weeks? You might not get away with that as easily. One Journal of Applied Physiology study suggests that easing up on your workouts for just 14 days can significantly reduce your cardiovascular fitness, lean muscle mass, and insulin sensitivity.  http://nbcnews.to/2kJBoMf

Parents, you have a secret weapon to keep your teenagers from having sex. It’s called being a good parent. Teens are far more likely to delay having sex until they are older if their parents keep an eye on what they are doing and with whom they are doing it, reports HealthDay News of research from New York University. Simply put, it means parents need to set (and enforce) clear rules and keep tabs on their teenagers’ activities and friends. “Parents really matter, and they’re influential,” said report co-author Vincent Guilamo-Ramos, co-director of the Center for Latino Adolescent and Family Health at NYU’s Silver School of Social Work. The study’s results found that the kids whose parents set rules and monitored them, including knowing what they were doing and with whom they were doing it, were less likely to have sex as teenagers.

Warning – your car’s glass cleaner could kill you!  Arizona State researchers who sampled washer fluid reservoirs found high levels of Legionella, bacteria that can cause a serious form of pneumonia. The vapor from tainted fluid could enter your car’s air vents and then your lungs. They suggest you use a solution with methanol which has antibacterial properties. (Men’s Health)

Anyone who’s ever tried getting some quality shut-eye on an economy-class flight knows it’s easier said than done. Between having barely any personal space (maybe a few inches, if you’re lucky) and navigating super-limited mobility, it’s hard enough to sit, let alone sleep. Surprisingly, there are some hacks to help you catch some zzz’s. According to aircraft seating and interiors designer Adam White, getting cozy during your flight just requires tapping into a few of your basic sleep needs: light, noise, and temperature. In an interview with Travel + Leisure, he suggested that when booking your flight, it’s best to stay away from areas where people congregate — like by the bathrooms, which can get super noisy. Also, grab the window seat (they’re best for leaning and wall-snuggling), but choose the side of the plane wisely. (wellandgood.com)

If you want to be happier and less stressed, just keep having birthdays. When it comes to happiness, the senior years may very well be the golden years — even though older adults suffer far more physical health issues and problems with memory and thinking than do younger adults, reports HealthDay News. The study: Led by Dr. Dilip Jeste, director of the Center for Healthy Aging at the University of California, San Diego, the team surveyed more than 1,500 San Diego-area adults, ages 21 to 99 about their mental well-being and levels of stress. The results:

  • On average, people become happier and less stressed as they grow older. Why? It’s called perspective — the wisdom that comes from life experience. As people gain a better sense of what matters, they are less likely to sweat the small things.

  • Those in their 20s and 30s reported the highest levels of stress, depression and anxiety. To a certain extent this is to be expected, as they build their careers, buy homes and start families. In addition, this is an age when people can feel intense peer pressure.

  • Facebook contributes to the unhappiness of young adults, who can be upset by not receiving what they perceive to be enough “likes” for their photos and posts. Why? The approval of others is vitally important at this age.

  • While genetics play a definite role–that is, some people are just naturally happier than others–there are factors you can change and attitudes you can cultivate for more happiness.

SOUL-GLO

(Feel-good stories! Only posted as new stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Stories to get your dander up! Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Can you believe how many award shows they have now? They have awards for commercials. The Clio Awards, a whole show full of commercials. I taped it and then I fast-forwarded through the whole thing.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


MAY 25, 2018…

Solo: A Star Wars Story—Here it comes, “Star Wars” fans, the background story of Han Solo (with regards to Harrison Ford). The prequel, ten years before Han meets Luke Skywalker, stars newcomer Aiden Ehrenreich as Han Solo, with Joonas Suotamo as Chewbacca and Donald Glover as Lando Calrissian. New are Han’s partner, Qi’ra (Emilia Clarke from “Game of Thrones”), and Lando’s partner, a droid L3-37 (Phoebe Waller-Bridge.) Woody Harrelson is also in the cast as Tobias, a mentor to Han. In this time period, Han washes out of the Academy and is headed for a life of crime, trying to prove himself to the other side. Things don’t always go as planned, and Han seems torn between making friends or making enemies. Oh, yes, the Falcon is there, too. “Solo” is directed by Ron Howard and has a sense of wanting to be free.  Don’t we all?  “Solo: A Star Wars Story” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans already lining up at the box office. Enjoy.

Mary Shelley (opening in select cities) —This romantic historical drama set in the early 19th century, stars Elle Fanning as Mary Shelley, who wrote the classic novel, considered a masterpiece,  “Frankenstein” when she was eighteen. It came about during a love affair at that time. Based on fact. Also, in the cast are Douglas Booth and Bel Powery. “Mary Shelley” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Future World—James Franco stars in this film about an Earth after a global disaster and how to live with no water or gasoline. Memories of “Road Warrior” here. Also, in the cast is Lucy Liu. “Future World” is rated R. No rating.

JUNE 01, 2018…

A Kid Like Jake is a story of a family who realizes their child is trans-gender. Stars Claire Danes.

Adrift has Shailene Woodley as part of a group who find themselves in dire straits after a massive hurricane.

Upgrade is a science fiction film about trying to escape a computer-generated life. Stars Logan Marshall-Green.

Action Point stars Johnny Knoxville as a man who owns a decrepit amusement park. Comedy and expect base humor.

American Animals is based on a true-life event about college students trying to steal rare books. Stars Evan Peters.

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WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Productions, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.