May 26, 2018: Saturday ONAIRprep

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PRINT VERSIONS OF TODAY’S PREP:
ODT: 20180526
PDF: 20180526

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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Don’t let it throw you. It’s me. But today I’m wearing dark glasses and a mustache — just to see if people who tune in late will recognize me.

PRESIDENTIAL WIT & WISDOM (click here to buy the book)

(None on the weekends or holidays.)

(Skipping Monday due to the Memorial Day holiday.)

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. –Job 19:25

You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. — Psalm 139:13-14

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now.
Philippians 1:4-5

Thought: Paul prayed with joy because the Philippians were partners with him, not just supporters. Through their financial help, prayers, and interest in his work, they truly shared in his ministry. They were partners! Let’s get interested in our congregations’ missions. Let’s pray and contribute to missions and get to know our missionaries. Let’s get to know our missionary partners all over the world!

Prayer: Father in heaven, I pray that your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Please bless and empower the spread of your Kingdom. Protect and strengthen those with whom our church is partnered wherever they may be. Bless them with greater resources, maturity, and character. Help me to recognize and to do the things that I can do to support and encourage them. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Luke 5:26 NIV = Everyone was amazed and gave praise to God. They were filled with awe and said, “We have seen remarkable things today.”

TODAY IS SATURDAY – MAY 26, 2018

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
212 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL NEXT CHRISTMAS.

Today is GO BAREFOOT AROUND THE HOUSE DAY.  ***I used to walk around barefoot here at the station as well, but I keep getting (OTHER JOCK’S) Hot Pocket crumbs between my toes.

TODAY IS ALSO…

Amateur Radio Military Appreciation Day (ARMAD)
International Heritage Breeds Day
Julia Pierpont Day
National Chardonnay Day
National Paper Airplane Day
World Lindy Hop Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

SUNDAY, MAY 27

Cellophane Tape Day
Indianapolis 500

MONDAY, MAY 28

National Hamburger Day
Sierra Club Day
Slugs Return From Capistrano Day
Memorial Day
Prayer for Peace Memorial Day

TUESDAY, MAY 29

Learn About Composting Day
Put A Pillow On Your Fridge Day

WEDNESDAY, MAY 30

Loomis Day
Mint Julep Day
National Creativity Day
Shavout
Save Your Hearing Day
National Senior Health & Fitness Day

THURSDAY, MAY 31

Necrotizing Fasciitis Awareness Day
What You Think Upon Grows Day
World MS Day (Multiple Sclerosis)
World No-Tobacco Day

FRIDAY, JUNE 01

Doughnut Day or Donut Day

Global Day of Parents
Heimlich Maneuver Day
Horseradish Days
Hug Your Cat Day
Leave The Office Early Day
Mike, The Headless Chicken Day
National Dare Day
National Nailpolish Day
National Go Barefoot Day
National Olive Day
National Pen Pal Day
Oscar The Grouch Day
Say Something Nice Day
Stand For Children Day
Superman’s Birthday

SATURDAY, JUNE 02

Artichoke Day
Do-Dah Parade Day
Drawing Day or Pencil Day
National Black Bear Day
National Bubba Day
National Bubbly Day
National Gun Violence Awareness Day
National Prairie Day
National Rotisserie Chicken Day
National Trails Day
The Wicket World of Croquet Day
Turtle Races Day
Yell “Fudge” at the Cobras in North America Day

SUNDAY, JUNE 03

Children’s Awareness Memorial Day
Chimborazo Day
National Cancer Survivors Day
Wonder Woman Day

MONDAY, JUNE 04

Audacity To Hope Day
International Day of Innocent Children Victims of Aggression
National SAFE Day
National Thank God It’s Monday Day
Old Maid’s Day

ON THIS DAY

1923: The first Le Mans 24-hour was won in France by two French drivers at an average speed of 57.2 mph covering 1,373 miles in the 24 hours.

1954: Liberace played for three hours in a one-man show at New York’s Madison Square Garden. The audience was made up of 3,000 men and 13,000 women.

1959: The word “Frisbee” became a registered trademark of the Wham-O company. The name had come from New Haven, Connecticut’s, Frisbie Pie Company, whose drivers played catch with tin plates. Yale students reportedly yelled, “Frisbie!” to warn the catchers the tin was sailing in their direction. Historians can’t agree on whether the original tossed tins held pies or Frisbie sugar cookies.

1978: The first legal casino in the Eastern U.S. opened in Atlantic City, New Jersey.

1982: Having a great year, the first-place Atlanta Braves decided to make room for more fans by kicking team mascot Chief Noc-A-Homa out of his teepee and building more seats. The Braves lost 19 of their next 21 games and decided to bring Chief Noc-A-Homa back. They got hot again and won their division.

1984: Mary Bradham Tucker died at age 81 in Edenton, North Carolina. She was the first “Pepsi Girl.” Her pharmacist father, Caleb Bradham, invented Pepsi-Cola.

1986: Newsweek magazine reported that a single, 40-year-old, college-educated woman was more likely to be killed by terrorists than to get married.

1990: Actor Robert Wagner and actress Jill St. John were married.

1993: Cleveland’s Carlos Martinez hit a long fly ball that bounced off Texas Ranger right fielder José Canseco’s head for a home run.

1994: Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley were married in a secret ceremony in the Dominican Republic. She filed for divorce in January 1996.

1995: The School of Visual Arts in Manhattan closed its Yugo art exhibit at New York’s Grand Central Terminal. Students had transformed 29 dead or dying Yugo automobiles into objects of art.

1999: A 37-year-old Australian truck driver won a $250-thousand lottery while he was demonstrating for TV news cameras how he had scratched off a winning car-lottery ticket two weeks earlier. A year earlier Bill Morgan, after being pronounced clinically dead, had recovered from a 12-day coma, and then married the girl of his dreams.

2002: Roman Polanski’s film “The Pianist” won the Palme d’Or at the Cannes Film Festival.

2004: Fantasia Barrino was named the latest “American Idol” in the Fox network’s talent contest.

2004: Terry Nichols was convicted in 161 cases of murder for helping carry out the Oklahoma City bombing. He received 161 consecutive life sentences.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1232: Pope Gregory IX sends the first Inquisition team to Aragon, Spain.

1521: The Edict of Worms formally condemns Martin Luther’s teachings , and he is put under the ban of the Holy Roman Emperor. Those who fear for his life then kidnap Luther and hide him in Fredericks Wartbury castle.

1647: Massachusetts enacts a law forbidding any Jesuit or Roman Catholic priest from entering Puritan jurisdictions. Second-time offenders could face execution.

1664: Increase Mather becomes minister of Boston’s Second Church, a position he held until his death 59 years later. He became one of the leading clergymen in the colonies

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actress (Planet of the Apes, Big Fish) Helena Bonham Carter, 52

  • Actress (“General Hospital,” “All My Children,” “Days of Our Lives”) Genie Francis 56 (audio clip)

  • comedian Bobcat Goldthwait 56

  • actress (Unfaithful, First Daughter, “Gossip Girl”) Margaret Colin 61 (audio clip)

  • Astronaut (first American woman in space) Dr. Sally Kristen Ride, 67

  • Actor (TV’s “Miami Vice”) Philip Michael Thomas 69 (audio clip)

  • actress (Jackie Brown) Pam Grier, 69

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1886 : Al Jolson

1904 : George Formby

1909 : “Papa Charlie” McCoy

1916 : Moondog

1920 : Peggy Lee

1926 : Miles Davis

1940 : Ray Ennis (Swinging Blue Jeans)

1940 : Levon Helm (The Band)

1941 : Art Sharp (Nashville Teens)

1944 : Verden Allen (Mott The Hoople)

1945 : Garry Peterson (The Guess Who)

1946 : Mick Ronson, (David Bowie‘s guitarist)

1948 : Stevie Nicks (Fleetwood Mac) born Stephanie Lynn Nicks

1949 : Hank Williams, Jr.

1949 : Vicki Lawrence

1967 : Kristen Pfaff (Hole)

1969 : Lenny Kravitz

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

Was there really a King Arthur–and how about that round table?

There’s so much debunking and myth-mashing these days that I’m pleased to tell you that this story may at least have had some roots in the exploits of a real person, although nothing like the one in the legend. Ancient documents refer to an Arthur in the middle of the first millennium who fought to keep the Anglo-Saxons from conquering Britain. He appears to have been not a king but rather a brave mercenary and fierce warrior. He is certainly far from the romantic ruler who began in Celtic legend and was then embellished through epic poems and ballads as the centuries passed. The round table, by the way, an early part of the myth, was a clever way of letting the knights feel that each was equally important: none sat near the head of the table.

NEWS KICKERS

(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

(Skipping Monday due to the Memorial Day holiday.)

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

(Skipping Monday due to the Memorial Day holiday.)

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

(Not updated on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TUESDAY’S EPISODE (Skipping Monday due to the Memorial Day holiday.)

OPEN: Last time, Racquet the Skunk had been making defective badminton racquets for his friends so they’d have to keep buying new ones, but now he’s learned that Gruffy is planning on giving Racquet’s niece a present… a new badminton racquet, made by Racquet! So now he’s working feverishly to make a new badminton racquet that is NOT defective so his niece can play in the badminton tournament…

CLOSE: Oh boy – looks like Racquet’s underhandedness is now going to affect not only Sully, Nozzles and Gruffy, but now it will also affect his niece, Rita – and the cute boy skunk, Stinky! And that stinks. None of this would’ve been a problem if he’d just treated his friends right to begin with! Find out what happens next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

An Arizona high school student has been caught with a banned substance two days in a row.  That banned substance?  A bottle of ketchup. 

Basha High School’s principal says the school called the parents of several others found with other ketchup bottles. Seems the smuggling began after the school cafeteria limited students to three packets of ketchup per hamburger and started charging 25 cents each for extras. You apparently can bring your own packets from home but bottled ketchup has been banned because the school says it would be a health code violation.  Strange – as it doesn’t seem to be a health violation for 98% of the restaurants in America.  But to be fair– the kids may have brought this on themselves. The policy was really adopted because administrators were fed up with students stomping on ketchup packets and squirting it all over sidewalks and hallways.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN CHANGES THAT WOULD TAKE PLACE IF THE PRESIDENT WERE A DOG

10. Doggy door on oval office

9. At press conferences, instead of “Mr. President,” reporters would shout, “Here fella!”

8. Good-bye Whitewater scandal, hello toilet bowl water scandal

7. Washington Monument replaced with hundred-story fire hydrant

6. U.S. might have more coherent foreign policy

5. Public Enemy # 1 — Bob Barker

4. Secret service and CIA dispatched to catch that little chuck wagon

3. Country really run by dog’s smarter poodle wife

2. Here’s your new national anthem: (videotape of dog barking Christmas jingle)

1. One word: sausage-gate

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

In today’s post-9/11 world, you don’t mess with airplanes… period.

FILE #1: Today’s files of Law & Disorder take us to Lakewood, California, where a 25-year-old guy said he just wanted the pilots to say hello by flashing the lights on their airplanes or dipping their wings. So to get their attention, he shined his $208 green-light laser at several commercial airplanes flying over head. Acting on a tip from a neighbor, sheriff’s deputies arrested the inDUHvidual and say the guy’s actions were criminal, even though he apparently didn’t intend to cause harm. He’s now been booked on nine counts of — get this — first-degree unlawful discharge of a laser, which (if you didn’t know) is a felony. If convicted, he could face up to five years in prison.

FILE #2: When Montana’s Oliver Pearson contemplates his next career move, one option will not likely be that of getaway car driver. As deputies were about to arrest a man on a probation violation, Pearson’s vehicle raced out of the driveway, nearly knocking down the deputies, and then struck a patrol car and the chase was on. However, it turned out to be one of their easier pursuits as Pearson never exceeded 70 mph and signaled all of his turns. Pearson was arrested for probation violation, assaulting a police officer, eluding and having no insurance or driver’s license.

FILE #3: An unnamed 47-year-old man from Itzehoe, Germany, faced a parking fine of $98 or 10 days in prison. Police said they were stunned when he called and asked them to come take him to jail so he could get away from his constantly nagging wife. He told them he was looking forward to the peace and quiet.

STRANGE LAW: In Gary, Indiana it is illegal to attend the theater within four hours of eating garlic.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

Don’t you just hate it when you move into a new apartment and realize you forgot some of your stuff at the old place?

That’s what happened to Samuel Wood and Justin Bright, of Twin Falls, Idaho. Unfortunately for them, the item they left behind was 21 pounds of marijuana. The guys will be moving again, this time to jail.

PHONER PHUN

The economy is affecting everybody. Some people are getting creative in how they save money too. In Warren County Tennessee, one farmer and his sons hitched a tractor rake to a pair of mules to gather hay from their fields – to save on gas! How has the economy encouraged you to change YOUR life in some way?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who were Moses’ parents?

ANSWER: Amram and Jochebed (Exodus 6:20)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: According to MakeSafetyFun.com, a typical American driver will do this 15,250 times in their life. What?

ANSWER: Honk the horn.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. In “High School Musical 2,” we learn that Ryan Evans is a champ at soccer. (False, Ryan’s an ace baseball player – and a former Little League championship team member)

2. The name WALL-E stands for, “standing computer” in compu-speak. (False, the character’s name is actually an acronym, standing for Waste Allocation Load Lifter – Earth-Class)

3. In the movie, “The Little Mermaid,” King Triton wants Ariel to refrain from swimming to the surface because of the sunlight. (False, it was for fear of being seen by humans, whom he thinks are “barbarians”)

4. In 1910, the rules of basketball were changed regarding when you were allowed to pass. (False, dribble)

5. On TV, Kirstie Alley played Frasier Crane’s first wife. (False, it was Emma Thompson)

6. Thomas Edison directed “The Squaw Man,” the first full-length feature film filmed in Hollywood. (False, it was Cecil B. DeMille)

7. Bass comes in brook, brown, lake and rainbow varieties. (False, trout does)

8. Walt Disney, the “man of 1000 voices” is buried under a gravestone that reads, “That’s All Folks”. (False, that’s Mel Blanc)

9. The Tropic of Capricorn passes through all but one continent. (True, all but Asia)

10. Walt Disney was an avid volleyball player as an adult. (False, he was an avid Polo player)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

SUGAR WILL MAKE YOU ______ (STUPID)

Too much sugar will make you stupid, according to researchers.

The suggestion follows tests in the laboratory comparing high-fructose corn syrup, which is six times sweeter than cane sugar and a common ingredient in processed foods, with omega-3 fatty acids, known to aid memory and learning.

In an experiment on rats, one group had a sugary diet for six weeks and another was fed healthily.

At the start of the study, published in the Journal of Physiology, the  University of California team tested how well the rats navigated a maze – placing landmarks to help them learn the way.

Six weeks later, the researchers tested the rats’ ability to recall the route.

Study co-author Professor Fernando Gomez-Pinilla said the rats fed just a sugary diet were slower and their brains had declined.

He said: ‘Eating a high-fructose diet over the long term alters your brain’s ability to learn and remember information.

However, the good news is that eating nuts and fish such as salmon can counteract this disruption.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

A kid and his mom were walking on the sidewalk in Dallas. The kid, being 100% Texan, upon seeing some cowboys, said, “Hey Maw, look at them thar men with them thar bowed laigs.”

She said that if he didn’t start speaking correct English, she was going to send him to a Shakespearean English school.

A little further along, they saw some more cowboys. “Hey maw! Look at them thar men with them thar bowed legs!” he said.

So, true to her word, she sent him off to a Shakespearean English school to learn correct English.

He came home several months later on vacation. As they walked together down the sidewalk, they saw some cowboys.

“Hark!” he said, “What manner of men are these who wear their legs in parentheses?”

JOKE #2

Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way home they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in.

He addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?”

The pharmacist answers: “Yes.”

Jacob: “Do you sell heart medication?”

Pharmacist: “Of course we do.”

Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”

Pharmacist: “All kinds.”

Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism?”

Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

Jacob: “Medicine for memory?”

Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety.”

Jacob: “What about vitamins and sleeping pills?”

Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”

Jacob: “What about sugar diabetes. We both got bad cases.”

Pharmacist: “Oh, but of course. You name it with that condition and we have the works.”

Jacob: “You have loose bladder and gas pills?”

Pharmacist: “Yes, there are lots of those with plenty of generics.”

Jacob: “Perfect! We’d like to register here for our wedding gifts.”

JOKE #3

Two carrots were going down the street, and one of ’em got run over by a car.  So, the first carrot took the other to the hospital and waited outside.  After a while the doctor came out and said: ‘Well, I’ve got good news and bad news for you about your friend. The good news is, he’s gonna live. The bad news is, I’m afraid he’s gonna be a vegetable for the rest of his life.”

USELESS FACTS

The Bible is the number one shoplifted book in America.  ***Ironic, seeing as the 8th commandment is “Thou Shalt Not Steal.”

Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.  ***Which I can only interpret to mean, lawyers should read the fine print out loud.

FEATURED FUNNIES

WAKE UP

Noticing a man has fallen asleep, the preacher called the deacon aside and ordered him to wake up the man.

Replied the deacon, “You put him to sleep. You wake him up.”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Ladies, how would you react if your husband gave you a love letter – but then later you found out that it was an automated form letter?

China’s Chutian Daily reports that a new software program called “Magic Love Letters” has become a huge seller. Users just type in the sender’s and recipient’s names, and the software can generate more than 10,000 different love letters. It also has over 100 classic love letters, and users can just switch the names. One university professor said it’s not a bad thing because it can help some people express their inner feelings.  ***MARLAR: It expresses the feeling that you can’t be bothered to write your own love letters.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THE RAGAMUFFIN GOSPEL

A story is told about Fiorello LaGuardia, who was mayor of New York City during the worst days of the Great Depression and all of World War II. He was a colorful character who used to ride the New York City fire trucks, take entire orphanages to baseball games and, whenever the New York newspapers were on strike, go on the radio and read the Sunday funnies to the kids.

One bitterly cold night in January of 1935, the mayor turned up at a night court that served the poorest ward of the city. LaGuardia dismissed the judge for the evening and took over the bench himself. Within a few minutes, a tattered old woman was brought before him, charged with stealing a loaf of bread. She told LaGuardia that her daughter’s husband had deserted her, her daughter was sick and her two grandchildren were starving. But the shopkeeper, from whom the bread was stolen, refused to drop the charges. “It’s a bad neighborhood, your Honor,” the man told the mayor. “She’s got to be punished to teach other people around here a lesson.”

LaGuardia sighed. He turned to the woman and said, “I’ve got to punish you. The law makes no exceptions – $10 or 10 days in jail.” But even as he pronounced sentence, the mayor was already reaching into his pocket. He extracted a bill and tossed it into his famous sombrero saying: “Here is the $10 fine which I now remit; and furthermore I am going to fine everyone in this courtroom 50 cents for living in a town where a person has to steal bread so that her grandchildren can eat. Mr. Bailiff, collect the fines and give them to the defendant.”

So the following day the New York City newspapers reported that $47.50 was turned over to a bewildered old lady who had stolen a loaf of bread to feed her starving grandchildren, 50 cents of that amount being contributed by the red-faced grocery store owner, while some 70 petty criminals, people with traffic violations and New York City policemen, each of whom had just paid 50 cents for the privilege of doing so, gave the mayor a standing ovation.

The grace of God operates at a profound level in the life of a loving person. Oh, that we would recognize God’s grace when it comes to us!

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

GOD IS ALIVE!

Read: Psalm 30

O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever. —Psalm 30:12

The great 16th-century theologian Martin Luther once experienced a long period of worry and despondency. One day his wife dressed in black mourning clothes.

“Who has died?” asked Luther.

“God,” said his wife.

“God!” said Luther, horrified. “How can you say such a thing?”

She replied, “I’m only saying what you are living.”

Luther realized that he indeed was living as if God were no longer alive and watching over them in love. He changed his outlook from gloom to gratitude.

Occasionally we too live as if God were dead. When we are discouraged, we can turn to the Psalms. Some of the writers faced bleak and barren times, but they had one habit in common that kept them from being soured: giving thanks to God. For example, David wrote, “You have turned for me my mourning into dancing . . . . O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever” (Psalm 30:11-12).

Meeting every situation with thanksgiving isn’t a denial of trouble. It helps us see those situations from God’s perspective—as opportunities to discover His power and love.

Every time you express gratitude to God in a difficult situation, you’re declaring, “God is alive!” —Joanie Yoder

When things go wrong, I would not be a grumbler,
Complaining, seeing everything as grim;
For when I think of how the Lord has blessed me,
I cannot help but give my praise to Him. —Hess

Instead of complaining about the thorns on roses, be thankful for the roses among the thorns.

LEFTOVERS

HERE FISHY FISHY FISHY…

Did you hear the one about the fish caller? No, this isn’t a joke, but the story of Steven Hayes’ invention.

The York, Pennsylvania, electronic engineer has invented what he says is a fish caller. Hayes says research has shown that fish can hear. So, he and a partner have created and patented an electronic fish calling device. Hayes says it took about five years to go from brainstorm to patent. He says the fish caller works so well, he was surrounded by sharks while testing the device in Florida. But while the fish caller may attract fish, it hasn’t been a magnet for investors. ***MARLAR: So his fish caller is “floundering?”

LIFE… LIVE IT

Lexmark wants to help you print less and use less ink.

A printer manufacturer wants to help you print less junk. When you print an article off the Web, it sometimes includes several pages of logos, links, ads or other items. Lexmark’s latest toolbar gives users the ability to block those images from being printed, which saves paper and ink. It even strips the graphics off “printer-friendly” sites that still attach a logo. Most of the features work whether you have a Lexmark printer or one from another manufacturer. The toolbar is available for Internet Explorer and for Firefox. To get yours, search “toolbar” at www.lexmark.com.

JUST FOR FUN

SCREWY

Salesman Jim Stimpson was driving on the freeway through Thornton, Colorado, to deliver a load of special drywall screws to a customer when the strap holding them down broke, spewing about 5,000 them across the freeway. At rush hour. But rather than duck and slink away as dozens of tires were flattened, Stimpson stopped and began to hand out his business card to drivers. There was a tire store nearby, so he gave the store his company credit card and ran a tab, getting the tires fixed and the drivers back on the road quickly.  ***MARLAR: It’s great to hear that someone in this country still values others, isn’t it?  I’m just waiting for the follow-up story on this one, where the owners of the other vehicles can look at the guy’s business card and say, “Hey, this is the guy we can sue.  And here’s his name and number right on the card…”

FUN LIST

YOU KNOW YOU’RE A CHEAPSKATE WHEN

You line the inside of your purse with aluminum foil at an all-you-can-eat buffet.

You’ve ever eaten noodles and ketchup.

You unroll 2-ply toilet paper for the extra roll.

You re-use Q-tips.

You cross out names on Hallmark cards and send them to others.

You buy birthday presents at garage sales.

You still own a Yugo.

You’ve ever crashed a wedding reception.

You’ve ever used needle and thread to repair your underwear.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

ANNUAL TAX SURVEY

According to a survey by H&R Block, 24% of 8 to 11 year olds know that the IRS collects taxes. But what are there opinions about the IRS and paying taxes? Here’s what the kids said:

71%… “I think the IRS is smart and helpful”

88%… “Taxing my allowance would be a bad thing”

50%… “I’d rather pay taxes on my allowance than give up TV”

48%… “I’d rather go to school year-round than pay allowance taxes”

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

(Skipping Monday due to the Memorial Day holiday.)

SOUL-GLO

(Feel-good stories! Only posted as new stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

(Skipping Monday due to the Memorial Day holiday.)

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Stories to get your dander up! Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends and U.S. holidays.)

(Skipping Monday due to the Memorial Day holiday.)

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

And now, in an all-out effort to win friends and influence media watchdogs everywhere, (STATION) proudly concludes today’s (JOCK SHOW).

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


MAY 25, 2018…

Solo: A Star Wars Story—Here it comes, “Star Wars” fans, the background story of Han Solo (with regards to Harrison Ford). The prequel, ten years before Han meets Luke Skywalker, stars newcomer Aiden Ehrenreich as Han Solo, with Joonas Suotamo as Chewbacca and Donald Glover as Lando Calrissian. New are Han’s partner, Qi’ra (Emilia Clarke from “Game of Thrones”), and Lando’s partner, a droid L3-37 (Phoebe Waller-Bridge.) Woody Harrelson is also in the cast as Tobias, a mentor to Han. In this time period, Han washes out of the Academy and is headed for a life of crime, trying to prove himself to the other side. Things don’t always go as planned, and Han seems torn between making friends or making enemies. Oh, yes, the Falcon is there, too. “Solo” is directed by Ron Howard and has a sense of wanting to be free.  Don’t we all?  “Solo: A Star Wars Story” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans already lining up at the box office. Enjoy.

Mary Shelley (opening in select cities) —This romantic historical drama set in the early 19th century, stars Elle Fanning as Mary Shelley, who wrote the classic novel, considered a masterpiece,  “Frankenstein” when she was eighteen. It came about during a love affair at that time. Based on fact. Also, in the cast are Douglas Booth and Bel Powery. “Mary Shelley” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Future World—James Franco stars in this film about an Earth after a global disaster and how to live with no water or gasoline. Memories of “Road Warrior” here. Also, in the cast is Lucy Liu. “Future World” is rated R. No rating.

JUNE 01, 2018…

A Kid Like Jake is a story of a family who realizes their child is trans-gender. Stars Claire Danes.

Adrift has Shailene Woodley as part of a group who find themselves in dire straits after a massive hurricane.

Upgrade is a science fiction film about trying to escape a computer-generated life. Stars Logan Marshall-Green.

Action Point stars Johnny Knoxville as a man who owns a decrepit amusement park. Comedy and expect base humor.

American Animals is based on a true-life event about college students trying to steal rare books. Stars Evan Peters.

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