May 27, 2017: Saturday ONAIRprep

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ODT: 20170527
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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Welcome to the best radio show this side of the Mississippi. On the other side of the Mississippi there’s a DJ who steals all my material and somehow manages to do it even better than I do it.

Running on fumes, tank is empty. God is my gas station. “Could You fill er’ up, please? And check under the Hood? Thank you, Lord! ” Price already paid in full.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“He who gathers crops in summer is a wise son, but he who sleeps during harvest is a disgraceful son.” — Proverbs 10:5

If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. — Matthew 18:15

Help us, O God our Savior, for the glory of your name; deliver us and forgive our sins for your name’s sake. — Psalm 79:9

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. — Psalm 5:3

Thought: Prayer is more than asking. Prayer is more than praising. Prayer is more than thanking. Prayer is more than requesting or interceding or kneeling or humbling ourselves. Prayer is expecting that God wants us there, expecting that God hears us, and expecting that God will meet us in our prayer time and do what is best for us and those we love.

Prayer: Loving Father and Eternal God, thank you for meeting me in this prayer time. I know that you hear me and care about what I share with you. Thank you for paying attention to someone like me and accepting me as your precious child. Thank you, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

John 5:27 NIV = And he has given him authority to judge because he is the Son of Man.

TODAY IS SATURDAY – MAY 27, 2017

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
211 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is BLOOMER DAY, marking the birth of Amelia Bloomer on May 27, 1818. She crusaded for sensible clothes for women. The first athletic pants for women, “Bloomers,” were named for her. ***On a side note, in the year 1978 at a British Columbia auction, Jim Anderson paid $3,000 for a pair of “bloomers” once worn by Queen Victoria. They are history’s most expensive used bloomers.  Gee, I wouldn’t pay that much for NEW underwear!

Today is NATIONAL CLEAN SNEAKERS APPRECIATION DAY. ***Although moms are usually more concerned that we’re wearing clean bloomers.

TODAY IS ALSO…

Amateur Radio Military Appreciation Day (ARMAD)
Cellophane Tape Day
International Heritage Breeds Day
Julia Pierpont Day
Ramadan

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

SUNDAY, MAY 28

Menstrual Hygiene Day
National Hamburger Day
Sierra Club Day
Slugs Return From Capistrano Day
Indianapolis 500

MONDAY, MAY 29

Learn About Composting Day
Memorial Day
Prayer for Peace Memorial Day
International Day of United Nations Peacekeepers
Put A Pillow On Your Fridge Day

TUESDAY, MAY 30

Loomis Day
Mint Julep Day
Shavout

WEDNESDAY, MAY 31

National Senior Health & Fitness Day
What You Think Upon Grows Day
World MS Day (Multiple Sclerosis)
World No-Tobacco Day

THURSDAY, JUNE 01

Global Day of Parents
Heimlich Maneuver Day
National Dare Day
National Nailpolish Day
National Go Barefoot Day
National Olive Day
Oscar The Grouch Day
Say Something Nice Day
Stand For Children Day
Superman’s Birthday

FRIDAY, JUNE 02

Hug Your Cat Day
Leave The Office Early Day
National Bubba Day
National Rotisserie Chicken Day
National Gun Violence Awareness Day
Yell “Fudge” at the Cobras in North America Day
Doughnut Day or Donut Day
Horseradish Day
Mike, The Headless Chicken Day

SATURDAY, JUNE 03

Chimborazo Day
Do-Dah Parade Day
Drawing Day or Pencil Day
Loving Day
National Prairie Day
National Trails Day
The Wicket World of Croquet Day
Turtle Races Day

SUNDAY, JUNE 04

Audacity To Hope Day
International Day of Innocent Children Victims of Aggression
National Cancer Survivors Day
Old Maid’s Day
Children’s Awareness Memorial Day

MONDAY, JUNE 05

Baby Boomers Recognition Day
Festival of Popular Delusions Day
Hot Air Balloon Day
National Moonshine Day
National Thank God It’s Monday Day
National Veggie Burgers Day
World Environment Day
Apple II Day

ON THIS DAY

1679: The Habeas Corpus Act, which guarantees prisoners must be brought before a court and not unlawfully detained, was passed in Britain.

1790: In England 19-year-old heir Jeremiah Carlton went to bed and stayed 70 years just because he wanted to. More than 40 servants fed and bathed him until he died in bed at age 89. ***And yet my wife calls me lazy when I sleep until noon on a Saturday?

1837: Wild Bill Hickok was born. His real name was James Butler Hickok, but he had a huge nose and, as a child, other kids nicknamed him “Duck Bill.” When he grew up, he changed it to Wild Bill.

1933: Walt Disney’s Oscar-winning animated short “The Three Little Pigs” was first released.

1945: History’s goofiest traffic jam occurred when 76 Allied ships were in convoy off the Newfoundland coast and one ship struck an iceberg. Within ten minutes 22 ships collided. No one hurt, no vessels sank, but damage was in the millions.

1957: Brunswick Records released “That’ll Be The Day” by The Crickets featuring Buddy Holly. Two earlier singles had bombed.

1968: George Halas retired after coaching the Chicago Bears for 48 years. The Bears won six NFL titles under Halas.

1981: When Kansas City’s Amos Otis sent a slow trickler down the third base line, Seattle’s comic infielder Lenny Randle dropped to all-fours and blew the ball foul. The plate umpire wouldn’t have it, and awarded Otis an infield hit.

1987: During a show in Rome’s Flaminio Stadium, U2’s sound system set off earthquake alarms in two neighborhoods.

1992: “Big Snow” of Deuchar, Queensland, Australia, weighed in as the world’s heaviest chicken at 23 pounds.

1994: “The Arsenio Hall Show” taped its final show, with guest Whoopi Goldberg. The show ran just under five years. (audio clip)

1994: Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley were married in the Dominican Republic. They were divorced in January of 1996.

1995: Actor Christopher Reeve was left paralyzed after he was thrown from his horse during a jumping event in Charlottesville, Virginia. A leading advocate for spinal cord research, Reeve died at age 52 on October 11, 2004.

1997: The first all-female team of 20 British explorers reached the North Pole.

2004: A federal appeals court in San Francisco upheld Oregon’s law authorizing doctors to help their terminally ill patients commit suicide.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1564: Death of John Calvin. Few theologians have been as influential. “The word hope I take for faith; and indeed hope is nothing else but the constancy of faith.”

1647: Achash Young is hanged as a witch, the first such execution in Massachussets.

1661: Archibald Campbell, Earl of Argyle is beheaded. He was accused of treason because of his association with the Scottish Covenanters.

HOLLYWOOD AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor (Willis on “Different Strokes”) Todd Bridges 52 (audio clip)

  • actress (Jenny Piccalo on “Happy Days,”) Cathy Silvers 56 (audio clip)

  • actor (Anthony Zacchara on “General Hospital”) Bruce Weitz 74 (audio clip)

  • actress (Ruth Martin on “All My Children,” Lily Munster on “The Munsters Today” from 1988-1991, Betty Jones on “Barnaby Jones,” Catwoman on two episodes of the “Batman” TV show in 1967) Lee Meriwether 82 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1932 : Junior Parker

1935 : Ramsey Lewis

1935 : Rudy Lewis (The Drifters)

1939 : Don Williams

1943 : Cilla Black

1944 : Lenny Davidson (The Dave Clark Five)

1945 : Bruce Cockburn

1947 : Peter Knight (Steeleye Span)

1947 : Marty Kristian (The New Seekers)

1948 : Pete Sears (Jefferson Airplane)

1957 : Eddie Harsch (The Black Crowes)

1957 : Siouxsie Sioux (Siouxsie and the Banshees)

1958 : Neil Finn (Crowded House)

1966 : Sean Kinney (Alice in Chains)

1975 : Andre 3000 (OutKast)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

How did “pipe down” come to mean, “be quiet?”

The tone of this expression puts it somewhere between “please lower your voice” and “shut your mouth!” But the words in it don’t place it anywhere that’s at all obvious. What pipe? Where? Why? Who’s smoking it? The reality is that pipe down is yet another expression that comes from the days of sailing ships. The “pipe” in question was a whistle used by the boatswain, a petty officer–sort of a sergeant–who supervised a work crew on deck. When he blew “pipe down” his men were free to go below. Once they went below, it was quiet on deck. And that’s the condition to which you aspire when you tell someone to pipe down. If they don’t respond, throw them overboard.

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving every Monday, Wednesday and Friday from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Question of the Day from Jonny Diaz: If you couldn’t do anything to change it… Would you rather your house always look clean but smell bad or look messy but smell nice??

Comedian Bob Smiley says his latest run wasn’t wind aided but it was dog aided. He posted: Huge thanks to the rabid looking stray dog in Flint, MI who helped me beat my record time in the mile today.

Francesca Battistelli say she got a little fired up in church over the weekend. She posted: God is more concerned with His eternal glory than our temporal comfort. If your pursuit of happiness is causing you to sin, turn away from it. This “God just wants me to be happy” mantra we throw around to justify our sin is a lie.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BUXPQpFFPRc/

Britt Nicole was going for a different look over the weekend. She was on her way to Alaska and posted a picture with very purple hair. She added: the color is temporary will wash right out, at least I hope.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BUSZElFD2nW/

Worship leader Merideth Andrews is struggling. She posted a picture of her son over the weekend and added: This kid finished kindergarten yesterday. If you need me I’ll be in the corner crying and thinking about first grade, long division, driver’s ed, girls, graduation and him moving out of the house soon.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BUVC2LBFtL0/

Moriah Peters says her mom is especially glad that Joel, from for King and Country, is now an American Citizen. Moriah is married to Joel and posted a note from her mom that said: Joel, I’m so proud of you becoming a citizen. I can be at peace now, knowing that you and Moriah won’t get deported. Joel announced his American citizenship last week

https://twitter.com/MoriahPeters/status/865980681373052928/photo/1

Rend Collective on the power of the gospel: We don’t have to live in the grip of sin. We don’t have to make excuses for it or pretend it doesn’t matter. The gospel is power to change

Hollyn (hall’-lynn), who has a heart to reach her generation with the message of hope in Jesus Christ, is proving that she can extend her reach. Her new album, One-Way Conversations, is also being embraced by the mainstream community. The 20-year-old released her debut album One-Way Conversations under TobyMac’s record label in February and it ranked at No. 2 on the iTunes Pop Albums chart. Blogger and TV personality Perez Hilton highlighted her radio single “Can’t Live Without.”

http://www.christianpost.com/news/christian-singer-hollyn-breaks-boundaries-into-mainstream-music-interview-183305/#.WR3a2pXHhGI.twitter

Tenth Avenue North front man Mike Donehey shared on thing he learned at church on Sunday: Less concerned with being right. More concerned with being His.

Mercyme front man Bart Millard say things have changed a little since he was a boy. He posted a picture of his son Charlie warming up with major leaguer Mike Matheny. He added: When I was 11, I watched paint dry.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BUQmWmaAv7f/

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. Want a customized audio version, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: Last time on As the Jungle Turns, Cheetah Bonita’s new song – which was nothing but a solo – had everyone in the jungle deciding not to cooperate with each other – and the only peaceful place, the land of milk and honey which is occupied by the squirrels is off-limits to Cheetah Bonita because she was the reason the jungle was so noisy everywhere else. Sad, she walked into the jungle – and met up with Racquet the Skunk.

CLOSE: What will Cheetah Bonita and Racquet the Skunk find in the swamp? Find out next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

Accidentally calling 911 is an error – hanging up without explaining that you made a mistake is a Moment of Duh.  But that’s not the end of this story!

In La Vista, Nebraska, a guy and his girlfriend were hungry. She tried to call for delivery but got the first three digits messed up and ended up calling 911. And instead of telling them of her error, she simply hung up. In cases like this, officers are always dispatched to investigate. Which would have been no problem, except that her boyfriend was wanted on seven felony charges.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN THINGS PEOPLE DON’T SAY WHEN THEY SEE A CHRISTIAN BUMPER STICKER OR SYMBOL ON YOUR CAR

10. “Look! Let’s stop that car and ask those folks how we can become Christians.”

9. “Don’t worry, Billy, those people are Christians — they must have a good reason for driving 90 miles an hour.”

8. “What a joy to be sharing the highway with another car of Spirit- filled brothers and sisters.”

7. “Isn’t it wonderful how God blessed that Christian couple with a brand-new BMW?”

6. “Dad, how come people who drive like that don’t get thrown in jail?”

5. “Stay clear of those folks, Martha. If they get raptured, that car’s gonna be all over the road!”

4. “Oh, look! That Christian woman is getting a chance to share Jesus with a police officer.”

3. “No, that’s not garbage coming out of their windows, Bert — it’s probably gospel tracts for the road workers.”

2. “Oh, boy, we’re in trouble now! We just rear-ended one of God’s cars.”

1. “Quick, Alice, honk the horn or they won’t know that we love Jesus!”

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Who’d of thought that jail could be good for a marriage? 

FILE #1: An unnamed 47-year-old man from Itzehoe, Germany, faced a parking fine of $98 or 10 days in prison. Police said they were stunned when he called and asked them to come take him to jail so he could get away from his constantly nagging wife. He told them he was looking forward to the peace and quiet.

FILE #2: In Britain, a sign was posted along the A14 motorway near Cambridge warning drivers that thieves were in the area. Unfortunately, after being up for only a few hours, the sign was stolen.

FILE #3: Police in Pawtucket, Rhode Island, were called to break up a fight between two six-year-old boys over a pacifier.  ***MARLAR: Of course, when word of this gets out on the playground, they’ll be involved in a lot more fights.

STRANGE LAW: In Natoma, Kansas it is illegal to throw a knife at anyone wearing a striped shirt.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Today’s Brain on Drugs proves that drugs really do kill off brain cells, because after hearing about this story I can’t think of any other explanation.

Duron Frank of Pennsylvania was brought into court recently on drug possession charges. While he was in the courthouse, Duron was approached by a couple of police officers who were there to serve him with a warrant in a completely different case. When he saw the officers, Duron became very nervous and blurted out that he had drugs on his person. Sure enough, the officers checked him and he indeed was carrying two grams of crack cocaine and some marijuana… right there in the middle of the courthouse… on the very same day he was scheduled to go before a judge on drug possession charges!  Whatever additional time he’s been given, probably still isn’t enough.

PHONER PHUN

“As Seen on TV Products”… do they really work? You know, the spray-on hair, the pocket fishing pole, that weight-loss patch, those “roll-n-grow’ flowers… have you ever bought one of those “As Seen on TV” products? How’d it work for you?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: How many angels rescued Lot and his family from the doomed city of Sodom?
ANSWER: Two (Genesis 19:1-22 = “The two angels arrived at Sodom in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gateway of the city… With the coming of dawn, the angels urged Lot, saying, ‘Hurry! Take your wife and your two daughters who are here, or you will be swept away when the city is punished.'”)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: On average, how many acres of pizza do Americans consume each day?

ANSWER: approximately 100 acres

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. On a baseball scorecard, an “E6” indicates an error made by the player in the Shortstop position. (True)

2. 1567 was the first year of the World Series of Poker. (False, it was started in 1970)

3. The first of the ten biblical plagues of Egypt occurred when the waters of the Nile were turned into lava. (False, not lava, but Blood)

4. A 110-meter high hurdler jumper must jump Ten hurdles. (True)

5. The largest US city in area is Juneau, Alaska. (True. It covers 3,108 square miles. Los Angeles covers only 458.2 square miles.)

6. The international telephone dialing code for Antarctica is 672. (True)

7. No matter where you are in Australia you are never more than 100 kilometers from the ocean. (False, 1000 kilometers)

8. It takes a week to make a jelly bean. (True)

9. People from Manchester, England are called Manchurians. (False – Mancunians)

10. In medieval times, thunderstorms were believed by some to be the work of Gods. (False – they believed it was demons. So when it stormed, bell ringers would go up into the bell towers to ring the consecrated bells in an effort to stop the storm.)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

SATURN IS A GIANT _____ (UFO)

Forget about the scientific “facts” drummed into your head by school teachers.  Saturn is not a planet – it’s a colossal UFO!

That’s the assertion of controversial astronomer Dr. Eduardo Marquez, who has come forward with puzzling photos that appear to bolster the seemingly outlandish claim.

“new high-definition photos taken by the powerful 2.6-meter telescope at our observatory show windows, cargo bays and even shuttle-craft-size saucers going  to and from the mammoth vehicle,” says Dr. Marquez, who captured the images with the Nordic Optical Telescope in the Canary Islands.

“Clearly this is not a natural body, but the creation of intelligent beings – an almost inconceivably huge flying saucer 74,900 miles in diameter.”

Shockingly, Dr. Marquez claims that NASA has known the truth for decades and is deliberately concealing it from the world.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

Panting and sweating, two men on a tandem bicycle finally made it to the top of a steep hill. “That was a tough climb,” said the front rider.

“Sure was,” replied the second. “And if I hadn’t kept the brake on, we would have slid down backward.”

JOKE #2

A man came into a legal office for advice about a debt he owed. The lawyer told the client that technically he could get out of the obligation. “But morally,” the lawyer continued, “you have a responsibility. As legal counsel, my recommendation is that you satisfy the debt.”

The client rose and walked toward the door.

“Sir, there’s a $25 fee for my advice,” the lawyer reminded him.

With a shake of his head, the man replied, “I’m not taking your advice.”

JOKE #3

On reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks, “And get me a cracker you stupid cow.”

The stewardess, flustered, brings back a cracker for the parrot and forgets all about the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot finishes the cracker and squarks, “And get me another cracker you airhead.”

Quite upset, the poor girl comes back shaking with another cracker but still no coffee.

Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man tries the parrot’s approach, “I’ve asked you twice for a coffee. Go and get it now you stupid idiot.”

Next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards.

As they plunge downwards, the parrot turns to the man and says, “For someone who can’t fly, you’ve sure got an attitude.”

USELESS FACTS

A University of Washington study found that the price of low-calorie foods have increased 20% since 2005. At the same time, high-calorie food costs remained stable.  ***That’s right – it’s more expensive to eat healthy, meaning that eating candy bars and Cheetos is just simply good stewardship.

The longest Monopoly game in a bathtub was 99 hours long. ***Talk about money laundering!

FEATURED FUNNIES

DECISIONS

Johnny had just received his brand new drivers license. The family goes out to the driveway and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the new driver.
“I’ll bet you’re back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive,” says boy.
“Nope, I’m gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you’ve been doing to me all these years.”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

A 31-year-old woman has been charged after allegedly posing as a schoolgirl at a Canadian high school for three years.

According to police, Treva Throneberry posed as Brianna Stewart at Evergreen High School in Vancouver. She played tennis on the school team and attended the senior prom and now faces theft charges because the state paid $11,500 for her education.  ***MARLAR: She wanted to go BACK to high school?  Who wants to go back to high school?!?! If that’s not grounds for an insanity defense, I don’t know what is.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

God uses us when we desire
To see a change in people’s lives;
And when we love and follow Christ,
Our love for others grows and thrives.
– Sper

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

ANGELS

What do you think angels look like?

How about something like this…

  • The lady who returned your wallet yesterday.
  • The taxi driver who told you that your eyes light up the world when you smile.
  • The poor man who offered to share his lunch with you.
  • The stranger who just happened to come along, when you had lost your way.

Angels come in all sizes and shapes, and ages. Some have with freckles, or dimples, or even wrinkles!  They come disguised as friends, enemies, teachers, students, and fools. They travel light and leave no forwarding address, and they ask nothing in return. They are hard to find when your eyes are closed, but they are everywhere you look,

when you choose to see.
“Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.” –Hebrews 13:2
“For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.” – Psalm 91:11

LEFTOVERS

GREAT TIPS FOR BETTER LIVING BY (OTHER JOCK).

(OTHER JOCK) has been feeling kind of slighted since I get all of the jokes and fun stuff on my show – so I asked him if he wanted to contribute something to my show.  You know… to feel like he’s a part of it.  I asked him, since we’re now officially into Spring, if he could toss a few tips our way for us to have better lives.  Here’s what (OTHER JOCK) came up with…

  • Pencils.  According to (OTHER JOCK), pencils are a great way to write things down. Buy a whole box, but be sure to sharpen them or they won’t work.

  • Gasoline.  Make sure you put gas in your car, or (OTHER JOCK) says it won’t run very far after you’ve bought it, and then you’ll have trouble getting to work.

  • Letter writing.  And I quote (OTHER JOCK) here, “When you get letters from people, you can send a response by using some paper and one of the pencils I told you about earlier.”

  • To-Do Lists.  (OTHER JOCK) suggests that if you have a long list of things to do, make sure to do some of them sometimes.

  • Greetings.  When people ask you how you’re doing, (OTHER JOCK) says that it’s okay to say “Great! How about you?” They’ll probably have some kind of response, though, so be ready.

  • Recipes.  (OTHER JOCK) apparently really got into making this list for us – so much so that he called him mom for research.  According to (OTHER JOCK), “When it comes to recipes, you can put them on your computer and look at them later to make food you like. Tip: You can also write down recipes using the pencils I mentioned earlier.”

  • Inspiration.  (OTHER JOCK) also submitted this one to us.  “If you’re having trouble getting inspired about something, it’s probably because you’re temporarily lacking inspiration. That’s what you need. You need inspiration.”

  • Forgetfulness.  If you keep forgetting your house keys when you go out, (OTHER JOCK) suggests that you shouldn’t do that any more, or you’ll eventually lock yourself out.

  • Hair.  According to (OTHER JOCK), he knows nothing about this topic, as he has no hair. But he did consult his mom again, and according to (OTHER JOCK’S MOM), you should cut your hair when it starts getting long. But then (OTHER JOCK) added, “Or you’ll eventually have trouble wearing the hats that you enjoy.”

  • Shoes.  Now here’s a piece of advice from (OTHER JOCK) that I have found helpful in my own life as well.  “Try putting your shoes on before you go to work in the morning. The ground is cold and sometimes there are sharp things on the sidewalk. Try taking the car if it has gas in it.” He then goes on, “If you forget to wear shoes to work and accidentally get a rusty nail in your foot, you should probably take it out eventually.”

  • Entertainment.  (OTHER JOCK) says that if you don’t like the song that’s playing on your stereo, you can wait a while and it will change automatically.  He then adds, “this goes for television too, but with pictures.”

  • Money.  (OTHER JOCK’S) final tip for better living: “When you get a check from the place you work, you can cash it to buy groceries, soda, and more of the pencils I mentioned earlier.”

LIFE… LIVE IT

Yet another study has shown that what you eat can reduce your risk of having a heart attack or stroke.

This one was a 25-year study of 88,000 healthy women and they found that those who followed the so-called DASH diet, which is heavy in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, low-fat milk and plant-based protein and light on the meat, were 24 percent less likely to have a heart attack and 18 percent less likely to have a stroke. While they only studied women, experts say the same diet would also likely be beneficial for men. ***MARLAR: With no meat?  What kind of life is that?

JUST FOR FUN

BATTLE OF THE REDHEADS

Ronald MacDonald has been arrested for robbing Wendy’s.

Seriously!  In Manchester, New Hampshire, a 22-year-old man, whose name is really Ronald MacDonald, has been charged with stealing money from a safe at a Wendy’s restaurant. The restaurant manager called police after he found MacDonald and another employee had taken money from the office safe. Ronald told the store manager he used his driver’s license to pick the lock to the office. After repeated requests, he finally returned the stolen money — all of $133 dollars– which incidentally will buy you about 26 extra value meals.

FUN LIST

SIGNS YOUR MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND STUNK

  • You stay in Swedish American Hospital Burn Center as part of the family cookout tradition.

  • Image of Grandpa in his Speedo is indelibly burned into your memory.

  • Your improbable kebob skewer mishap becomes the headline in the Rockford Register Star.

  • Regardless of what the marriage license says, you don’t remember going to Vegas.

  • Your 5-year-old took the phrase “wiener roast” literally and barbequed the dog. (audio clip)

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

TEN YEAR MISTAKE

It’s not just criminals who screw up.  Judges do too.  How horrible is this? In Tampa, Florida, 47-year-old Leonard Brown spent 10 years too many in prison because a judge screwed up! Poor Leonard spent more than half of his life behind bars after Circuit Judge Harry Lee Coe, known for dishing out tough sentences, wrongly sentenced him to 99 years on a robbery conviction that should have brought him a maximum 15-year term instead. A fellow inmate who once worked for a law firm discovered the error in Leo’s file last year and helped him get it into court. He was finally set free Friday and walked from the prison into the arms of his family. He said, “I thank my family for sticking by me all these years, especially my mom.”  ***MARLAR: He then added, “Now somebody get me a danged lawyer because I’m gonna sue the crud out of Judge Coe!”

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Nowadays, wearables are packed with tons of sensors that can track everything from skin temp and blood oxygen to steps taken and sleep quality. But what if they could actually tell us when we’re getting sick? Well, apparently they can or, at least, soon will. For a year, Stanford University scientists followed 43 subjects strapped with as many as eight tracking devices each and gathered more than 250,000 measurements even radiation exposure. They made some amazing finds, like what causes jet lag (falling blood-oxygen levels in flight) and how to detect inflammation and the risk of type-2 diabetes. They even diagnosed a case of Lyme disease before it became full-blown. It makes you wonder if they’ll be able to track the common cold soon! (Men’s Fitness)

A British company called Windhorse Aerospace thinks it’s figured out the key to solving humanitarian crises: edible drones. Its unmanned Pouncer prototype that’s currently in the works will have a wingspan of nine feet and be constructed of various “foodstuff” to drop supplies and then itself into territories in need of aid. Not only would you eat the food the drone delivers, you’d then eat the drone itself. http://bit.ly/2nUcvxq

An antioxidant compound called resveratrol that is found in red grapes and peanuts and is already known to improve heart health, might also help prevent memory loss as we age. At least, it works in rats. Led by Ashok Shetty of Texas A&M Health Science Center College of Medicine, the team found over a two-year period that aged rats who received resveratrol improved both spatial learning and memory, while rats that were not given the antioxidant experienced a marked decline in these functions. In addition, the resveratrol helped the rats grow and develop more neurons than the rats in the control group, as well as increase the blood flow in the brain and reduce inflammation in the hippocampus, a part of the brain that is responsible for memory and spatial navigation. Shetty said it’s possible that resveratrol treatment during middle-age will not only prevent or delay changes in memory and mood but could also be used to treat Alzheimer’s patients. ***Well then… guess who’s stocking up on the peanut butter!

This will put a smile on your face. Experts at Wayne State University, Michigan, found that people who grin a lot live seven years longer than stony faced folks. Researchers studied photos of 230 baseball players from 1952. Of the 184 players who’d died since, those who smiled most lived to an average 79.9 years compared with 72.9 years for non-smilers. Experts say being happy reduces the risk of heart disease. ***So smile – whether you feel like it or not!

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I’m outta here. Got places to go, people to annoy.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

MAY 26, 2017…

Baywatch—Oh, and the TV series had to be remade. Dwayne Johnson (“The Rock”) stars as the head bodyguard in this film of muscles and bathing suits. Zac Efron is the new life guard with an attitude, and there are girls galore. Crime? It’s there, somewhere on the beach, with sand, umbrellas. sun tan lotion and beach towels. “Baywatch” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans and you know who you are. Not all of us can afford the beach. (see below)

Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales–The usual cast of Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Geoffrey Rush, etc. Even though they may be 6 fathoms under, they still come back to the ship and then shore. Sure to appease fans who can’t afford the beach (see above) whereas “Baywatch” is about live people, “Pirates” concerns some deceased. Sigh. “Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales” is rated PG-13. Rating of 2 for fans and, as with above, you know who you are.

Drone—Sean Bean is a loner drone guy who does his work and quietly comes home. Someone is out to get him and thinks he caused the death of family (shades of Helen Mirren and ”Eye in the Sky“). “Drone” is rated R. No rating.

JUNE 02, 2017…

Wonder Woman has Gal Gadot in the title role and she can fight anyone.

Captain Underpants 1st Epic Movie is an animated film from the children’s books by Dav Pilkey. Voice of Ed Helms.

Churchill with Brian Cox in the role of Churchill during WWII.

Band Aid is about a young couple who quarrel and then write songs about their fights. Stars Brooklyn Decker.

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