May 29, 2016: Sunday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160529

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Welcome to (THE JOCK SHOW) – the daily radio show made especially for the sort of person who likes this kind of stuff… more or less.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Since the creation of the world, God’s invisible qualities — his eternal power and divine nature — have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.  –Romans 1:20 New International Version

 

I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given to me — the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace. — Acts 20:24

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Boldly and without hindrance he preached the kingdom of God and taught about the Lord Jesus Christ. — Acts 28:31

 

Thought: So often, we give excuses why we can’t do evangelism. Throughout his life, Paul shows us how lame our excuses really are! He is under house arrest and having to support himself, yet he still manages to get the Gospel out to the lost!

 

Prayer: Loving and Almighty God, forgive my excuses and my fear. Please make me bold to share your saving truth in the Gospel. May all who know me also come to know more about Jesus through me! In his precious name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Deuteronomy 5:29 NIV = Oh, that their hearts would be inclined to fear me and keep all my commands always, so that it might go well with them and their children forever.

 

 

TODAY IS SUNDAY – MAY 29, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 209 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.   

 

Today is SQUOOSH AN ICE CREAM SANDWICH DAY.  ***MARLAR: No, not SQUISH, but SQUOOSH.  There’s a difference.  There’s more “Oos” in “squoosh.”  I’m not sure how that helps, but there ya go.  I will say that I’m a firm believer in the squooshing of just about anything.  I figure the smaller you can make it, the less the calories that’ll fit in it.

 

Today is NATIONAL LOVEY DOVEY DAY.  ***MARLAR: Maybe you can squoosh your lovey dovey.

 

Today is LAZY BONES DAY in Belgium.  ***MARLAR: Known here at (THE JOCK SHOW) as “Friday.”

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Indianapolis 500

Learn About Composting Day

Put a Pillow On Your Fridge Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

MONDAY, MAY 30

Loomis Day

Memorial Day

Mint Julep Day

Prayer for Peace Memorial Day

 

TUESDAY, MAY 31

What You Think Upon Grows Day

World No-Tobacco Day

 

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 01

Global Day of Parents

Heimlich Maneuver Day

National Go Barefoot Day

National Olive Day

Global Running Day

National Tailors Day

Oscar the Grouch Day

Say Something Nice Day

Stand For Children Day

 

THURSDAY, JUNE 02

Leave The Office Early Day

National Bubba Day

National Rotisserie Chicken Day

Yell “Fudge” at the Cobras in North America Day

 

FRIDAY, JUNE 03

Chimborazo Day

Doughnut Day

Horseradish Days begin

Mike, The Headless Chicken Day

Positive Power of Humor and Creativity Days begin

 

SATURDAY, JUNE 04

Amateur Radio Military Appreciation Day (ARMAD)

Audacity to Hope Day

Do-Dah Parade Day

Drawing Day (Pencil Day)

International Day of Innocent Children Victims of Aggression

Old Maid’s Day

National Prairie Day

National Trails Day

The Wicket World of Croquet Day

Turtle Races Day

 

SUNDAY, JUNE 05

Children’s Awareness Memorial Day

Festival of Popular Delusions Day

Hot Air Balloon Day

National Moonshine Day

World Environment Day

National Cancer Survivors Day

Apple II Day

 

MONDAY, JUNE 06

Atheists Pride Day

D-Day

Drive-in Movie Day

National Higher Education Day

National Leave the Office Early Day

National Thank God It’s Monday Day

Russian Language Day

YoYo Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1837: Musician Charles Fry was born in England. He and his three sons formed the first Salvation Army brass band. He composed, “Lily of the Valley.”

 

1848: Wisconsin became the 30th U.S. state. (audio clip)

 

1856: During a speech in Bloomington, Illinois, Abraham Lincoln said, “You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time.”  ***MARLAR: And you can’t fool Mom.

 

1912: The Ladies Home Journal fired 15 women employees for doing the “Turkey Trot” during their lunch hour.  ***MARLAR: Isn’t turkey trots what you get from eating bad turkey?

 

1917: The 35th U.S. president, John F. Kennedy, was born in Brookline, Massachusetts.

 

1919: Charles Strite patented the pop-up toaster.

 

1942: Bing Crosby, the Ken Darby Singers, and the John Scott Trotter Orchestra recorded Irving Berlin’s “White Christmas” in Los Angeles for Decca Records, one of history’s most successful recordings.

 

1952: Singer Hank Williams and his wife Audrey were divorced. Their son Randall, later known as Hank Jr., was three years old.

 

1959: Herndon Stadium in Atlanta hosted one of rock’s first outdoor festivals, featuring Ray Charles, B.B. King, Jimmy Reed, and others. Some 9,000 attended.

 

1971: The Rolling Stones’ single “Brown Sugar” his #1 in the U.S.

 

1980: Larry Bird edged out Magic Johnson to be named the NBA’s Rookie of the Year.

 

1987: Singer Michael Jackson bid $50,000 for the body of John Merrick, “The Elephant Man,” but it wasn’t enough.

 

2001: The U.S. Supreme Court ruled disabled golfer Casey Martin could use a cart to participate in tournaments.

 

2003: A father in Guangming, China, underwent successful marrow transplant surgery after his 12-year-old daughter gained 33 pounds in two months to be able to safely donate the marrow. Zhang Wanqing was the only suitable blood match for her father, who was suffering from leukemia.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1453: Constantinople, capital of Eastern Christianity since Constantine founded it in 324, falls to the Turks under Muhammad II, ending the Byzantine Empire. Muslims rename the city Istanbul and turn its lavish cathedral, Hagia Sophia, into a mosque.

 

1546: In retaliation for the execution of Reformation preacher George Wishart, Scottish Protestants murder Cardinal David Beaton in St. Andrews. John Knox, who was not part of the assassination plot, went on to lead the Scottish Reformation.

 

1660: England’s King Charles II triumphantly enters London, marking the full restoration of the monarchy. Though he promised religious liberty, he cracked down on Dissenters (including John Bunyan) following a 1661 attempt by religous fanatics to overthrow him.

 

1874: English essayist, poet, and writer G.K. Chesterton is born in London. The 400-pound man was occasionally absent-minded, but brilliant. He loved paradoxes, which he called “supreme assertions of truth,” and used them often in his writing. Poet T.S. Eliot credited him with doing “more than any man in his time . . . to maintain the existence of the [Christian] minority in the modern world.” Chesterton converted from Anglicanism to Roman Catholicism in 1922.

 

1954: Pope Pius X is canonized. Of simple peasant origins, he was marked by zeal and piety: “we have no other program in the Supreme Pontificate but that of restoring all things in Christ.”

 

1967: Pope Paul VI names 27 new cardinals, including then-archbishop of Krakow, Poland, Karol Wojtyla, later to be Pope John Paul II.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actress (Blair on “The Facts of Life”) Lisa Whelchel 53 (audio clip)
  • actor (My Best Friend’s Wedding, Inspector Gadget, Separate Lies,  the voice of Prince Charming in the Shrek movies) Rupert Everett 57
  • actress (Open Range, American Beauty, The American President, The Siege, Regarding Henry) Annette Bening 58
  • actor (Luke on “General Hospital”) Tony Geary 69 (audio clip)

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1860 : Isaac Albéniz

1903 : Bob Hope

1936 : Sylvia Vanderpool (Mickey & Sylvia)

1941 : Roy Crewsdon (Freddie and the Dreamers)

1942 : Sir Monti Rock III (Disco Tex & The Sex-O-Lettes)

1945 : Gary Brooker (Procol Harum)

1950 : Rebbie Jackson

1950 : Joey Levine (The Ohio Express, Third Rail, Reunion)

1955 : Danny Elfman (Oingo Boingo)

1955 : Mike Procaro (Toto)

1956 : Larry Blackmon (Cameo)

1958 : Marie Fredriksson (Roxette)

1959 : Mel Gaynor (Simple Minds)

1960 : Jesse Johnson (The Time)

1961 : Melissa Etheridge (Melissa Lou Etheridge)

1967 : Noel Gallagher (Oasis)

1969 : Chad Kinchla (Blues Traveler)

1975 : Melanie Brown (The Spice Girls)

1976 : Dave Buckner (Formerly of Papa Roach)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

What, exactly, is an itch?

We don’t exactly know. We visit the planets, map the human genome, and split the atom. But an itch is still largely that which you scratch, one of medicine’s last frontiers.  It’s a stimulus affecting the nerve endings between the dermis and epidermis; scientists liken it to a form of pain. But that’s neither here nor there. It’s usually caused by histamine released in the epidermis. Scratching stops it, either by interfering with the nerve impulses or by temporarily damaging the nerves themselves. That’s it.  So if you would like to make your mark in medicine, investigate the itch. But you won’t get much help from research so far. You’ll just have to start from scratch.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE!  Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

(NONE TODAY)

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Buying Barbie’s Friends”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Rich Praytor, “Fat Dad Spankings”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE  
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  Last time, we learned that Marvy Snuffleson had a sore throat.  A really sore throat.  So sore, in fact, that his dad decided it would be best to take Marvy in to see the doctor.  Unfortunately, the doctor had some bad news for Marvy… his tonsils were infected and he’d have to have surgery!

 

CLOSE: Marvy was able to escape from the hospital – but what about his tonsils?  Tune in next time to find out – as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF MAY 28/29

 

OPEN: And now FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!  When last we left the jungle, Cheetah Bonita was sad because she learned that her solo singing career had caused disunity all throughout the jungle.  Nobody was cooperating.  Then she met up with Racquet the Skunk, and they heard something wonderful coming from the swamp…

 

CLOSE: If there was ever a good reason to cooperate, staying alive is certainly one of the best reasons!  Tune in for more of the story next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

One man gets wired… literally!

An unidentified Ohio man recently walked in to a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead! He calmly asked police to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. According to the officers, the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try to find his missing brain. ***MARLAR: Signs that he truly doesn’t have a brain = A) He drilled a hole in his head.  B) He walked into a police station instead of a hospital for an X-ray.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN FUTURE INVENTIONS TO LOOK FORWARD TO

 

  1. The Top Eleven List.

 

  1. The breakthrough new Fat Burner pill that really works!

 

  1. Always-lands-butter-side-up sliced bread.

 

  1. More convenient, easy to use, child-friendly pill bottles.

 

  1. The mind-reading automatic turn-signal

 

  1. The Monday to Wednesday work week

 

  1. X-ray Specs that really work!

 

  1. Lead Underwear- for when they invent X-ray Specs that really work

 

  1. Memory cloth clothing reverts to folded configuration after being exposed to “medium high” heat for 7-10 minutes.

 

  1. Those flying cars we were supposed to get back in the year 2000! (audio clip)

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A true gentleman mugger has been sentenced to jail despite his elderly victim’s pleas for him to be let off because he was so polite…

 

FILE #1: …The victim told the court in Salzburg, Austria, that she had not come across such a well mannered criminal in a long time. The man grabbed the old woman’s bag and ran off but returned when he noticed she had fallen to the ground. She actually said, “When he saw me fall, he came back. Criminals just don’t do that any more.”  (What?  You mean, at one time they DID stop to help their victims?!?!)  She went on to say, “He was very neat and well mannered and asked me not to report him. He said he was really sorry, but was just desperate for money.” Nevertheless, the 27-year-old polite punk got two-and-a-half years.

 

FILE #2: A man with an unusual name tried to cash a stolen check at a Dallas Western Union outlet. The name was so unusual it made the clerk suspicious. A thief presented a stolen check for almost $750 to clerk Mark Spain. The check was made out to “Roadway Express”. The man claimed that his first name was Roadway and his last name was Express. He even went so far as to having a fake I.D. card made saying his name was Roadway Express. The skeptical clerk told him to hold on and went back into the office and made a phone call. A quick check with Roadway Express trucking company revealed that they had a check stolen for that exact same amount. Police soon arrested the man — real name Anthony Jackson — who was a dock worker for, you guessed it – Roadway Express.

 

FILE #3: Raymond Green was charged with breaking and entering even though he didn’t steal anything. Apparently, Raymond had a friend who wanted to have his head shaved. For some reason, he didn’t feel that his own living room was the right place to do the job, he decided that his friend’s head could be better shaved on the front porch of a nearby house. Only one problem–it was dark. So Raymond simply let himself into the house to turn on the porch light. Unfortunately for him the residents were home at the time and they called the cops. No word on whether the buddy ever got his head shaved.

 

STRANGE LAW: There’s a hot market in used bridges in the U. S. A 15-year- old federal law requires states to offer for sale any bridge with historical or architectural value before tearing it down. Pennsylvania has sold 300 of them.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A real life game of Hide & Seek goes wrong for the bad guy.

Mitchel Travis Welsh, being held on drug and grand theft auto charges, made a break for it at a courthouse and was able to elude bailiffs and jump into a waiting vehicle. For two days he was on the run. Sort of.  Anyone who has ever played hide and seek will tell you, it’s all about the hiding spot. That’s why deputies were stunned to find him hiding out at his own apartment.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Your boss walks in today at 9am and says, “Take the rest of the day off, with pay!”  What would you do with the rest of your day?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What two women brought about the execution of John the Baptist?

ANSWER: Herodias and her daughter. (Mark 6:25-27)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Most every other country in the world has one, but Iceland does not.  What do they not have?

ANSWER: An army.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention!  If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1!  First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Actor George Clooney once tried out for the Cleveland Indians professional baseball team when he was 21. (False – Cincinnati Reds. He didn’t make the team.)

 

  1. The shortest British monarch was Charles I, who was 4 feet 9 inches. (True)

 

  1. Elizabeth 1st suffered from a fear of grass. (False, she had a fear of roses – or anthophobia)

 

  1. Beethoven dipped his head in cold water before he composed. (True)

 

  1. All 17 children of Queen Anne died before her. (True)

 

  1. King Louis XIX ruled France for 15 minutes. (True)

 

  1. There is a church in Spain that allows worshippers to make donations via a credit card terminal. (True)

 

  1. The people of the United States eat more cheese than any other country in the world. (False, France is at the top)

 

  1. There’s a place called “Y” in France. (True. Why not!)

 

  1. One Neptune year equals 165 Earth years. (True. Neptune orbits the Sun every 164.79 years)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

_____ ON THE BRINK OF COLLAPSE! (FACEBOOK)

Rumors are once again circulating that Facebook is on the brink of… total collapse!

Some are speculating that the demise of Facebook will bring down the entire U.S. economy and all the world financial markets.  Some on Wall Street are saying it could be worse than the Great Depression.  “We may be heading back to 1850,” said one Wall Street trader.

Facebook’s in trouble, that’s what. Now in the crosshairs of public scrutiny, everybody’s taking potshots. And the warnings are just beginning. Everything from Facebook being “too big to fail or succeed” to a Chicago attorney warning that the stock could “crater” if Facebook can’t grow revenues 41% annually for five years to “sustain its value” to a warning that Facebook’s one of the “black swans” that could eventually bring down the global economy.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from each other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he told me he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my grandmother used to repeat, I recited, “You should never lend anything to your kids, because you will never get it back.”

With that, he responded, “Well, it’s not even my ladder.  It’s my dad’s.”

 

JOKE #2

“If you’ll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart,” said Mary, the newlywed bride, “breakfast will be ready.”

“I love the fact that you take really good care of me,” said Dave with a smile and added, “by the way, what are we having for breakfast?”

Mary replied, “I told you… toast and juice!”

 

JOKE #3

A single man wanted someone to help him with the household chores, so he decided to get a pet to help out. He went to the local pet shop and asked the owner for advice on a suitable animal. The owner suggested a dog, but the man said, “Nah, dogs can’t do dishes.” The owner then suggested a cat, but the man said, “Nah, cats can’t do the ironing.”

Finally the owner suggests a centipede, “This is the perfect pet for you. It can do anything!”

“OK,” the man thought, “I’ll give it a try,” so he bought it and took it home. Once home he told the centipede to wash the dishes. The centipede looks over and there are piles and piles of dirty dishes that look to be a month old. Five minutes later, all the pots are washed, dried, and put away.

“Great,” thought the man. Now he told the centipede to do the dusting and vacuuming. Fifteen minutes later the house is spotless.

“Wow,” thought the man, so he decided to try another idea. “Go down to the corner and get me the evening paper,” he told the centipede, and off it went.

Fifteen minutes later, the centipede hadn’t returned. 30 minutes later and still no centipede. Forty-five minutes and the man was sick of waiting, so he got up and went out to look for the centipede. As he opened the front door, there on the step was the centipede.

“Hey, whatcha’ doing there? I sent you out for the paper 45 minutes ago and now I find you out here without the paper! What gives?”

“Hold on a minute!” said the centipede, “I’m still putting on my boots!”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

Clarence Stucki recently called the local power company to report a power outage before he realized that he might as well have turned himself in. You see, Clarence wired up a bypass in order to get free electricity and his plan worked for some 60 years. The statute of limitations only allows him to be charged with 7 years of theft, but that still amounts to around $82,000. The Logan Light and Power company spotted Clarence’s handiwork when they came to fix the power outage at his home. The company said they did not want to “put him in jail” but wanted to recoup their costs. ***MARLAR: Because if they put him in jail, he’d still get free power!

 

The Wisconsin state Senate approved a measure that would allow grocery stores to serve free 6 oz. samples of beer to shoppers who are of legal age. ***MARLAR: Beginning next week – “Double Coupon Happy Hours.”

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

CADDY ADVICE

Standing on the tee of a relatively long par three, a confident golfer said to his caddy, “Looks like a four-wood and a putt to me.”
The caddy argued with him a bit and suggested that he instead play it safe and hit a four-iron then a wedge. The golfer was insulted and proceeded to scream and yell at the caddy on the tee telling him that he was a better golfer than that and how dare the caddy under estimate his game.
So, giving in, the caddy handed the gentleman the four-wood he had asked for. He proceeded to top the ball and watched as it rolled about fifteen yards off the front of the tee.
Immediately the caddy handed him his putter and said, “And now for one long putt…”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

YOU MIGHT SAY HE’S JUST A FRUIT, BUT…

When God calls you to something… you do it! Right? What if God called you to wear a silly little red pepper costume and jump up and down at a grocery store for a living? You guessed it… it’s a true story.

Kenny Carter is now known as Peppy the Pepper at the Super Fresh Stop. His job? Just greet people at the door. And Kenny claims that God actually told him to do it – TOLD him to be a vegetable!  Apparently, it was a very intense worship service that Kenny was in when God spoke to him. Kenny did not believe it at first, but God spoke to him again. “You will be a vegetable.” Before venturing forth in his new God-given career, Kenny used to be a drug-dealer and a pimp. He’d spent many years in jail and rehab as well. After the church service, Kenny asked a friend to make him a pepper costume, he made up a song, and then asked his store manager to let him try out his act on shoppers. The shoppers love it, and now Kenny travels around the entire grocery chain. ***MARLAR: You know, people are called to different things, I guess. And who am I to say that God couldn’t call a guy to be a vegetable? But, ironically, look at Kenny’s life… if he’d continued in the drug abuse, he may have ended up as a vegetable anyway. I think God appreciates that kind of irony, don’t you?

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

Several years ago William F. Merten of Mt. Clemens, Michigan, wrote to Reader’s Digest to tell about a memorable argument he had with his wife. The argument was well under way as they left a party one evening. Once they were in the car, words were flying.  The area they were driving through was not the best, so they stopped arguing just long

enough to lock the doors. Then they started again.
Merton’s wife had really worked up a storm, and after a few choice words from him, she shouted, “Stop the car and let me out!”
Merton pulled over to the curb. His wife unlocked the door and got out, but then looked around and got back in again. Looking a little sheepish she said, “Take me to a better neighborhood.”
That broke them both up — and the argument too.
Anger can cause us to do some dumb things.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

A BLESSED MEMORIAL

READ: Matthew 26:6-13

What this woman has done will also be told as a memorial to her. —Matthew 26:13

Certain names from the past can elicit a variety of responses. The mention of Hitler, for example, brings feelings of contempt. On the other hand, a great historical figure like Churchill brings a positive response. Even within the circle of our own acquaintances, we remember some individuals with thankfulness, while we think negatively of others whose lives were spent in selfish pursuits.

On Memorial Day in the US, we pause to honor those of past generations. While many stirring recollections flood our minds, we realize that the time will come when each of us will also be a memory. What will others recall of our words and deeds when they think of us?

I once read about James Lewis Pettigru. His life was so exemplary that after his death the community erected a tombstone in his honor inscribed with these words:

UNAWED BY OPINION, UNSEDUCED BY FLATTERY,
UNDISMAYED BY DISASTER, HE CONFRONTED LIFE
WITH COURAGE, AND DEATH WITH CHRISTIAN HOPE.

What will your memorial be? Determine by the grace of God to live for Him and give yourself to the needs of others. Then your testimony will become a blessing and inspiration to all who follow in your steps. —Richard De Haan

 

What have you written on memory’s page?
Deeds that were done in the Master’s name?
Words that were spoken to spread His fame?
What have you written today?  —Anon.

 

Will your memorial be a blessing or a blot?

 

 

LEFTOVERS

GO GRANNY GO GRANNY…

Poor little Lea Tucker. She’s 79 years old, and for some reason, she just can’t seem to cross the street like the rest of us. In fact, in order for her to get from one side of the street in New York to the other, it takes her 45 minutes! She lacks the speed needed to dash out between rushing cars, and the New York State Department of Transportation refuses to make a crosswalk for people like her. So, Mrs. Tucker has to hop on the bus, go to the end of the route, and then back again to where she started on the other side of the street. It’s a four mile trip that takes 45 minutes… and it’s the ONLY way she can make it across the street safely. Of course, she has to go through the entire routine all over again in order to get home.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

BIGGEST PET PEEVES IN THE WORKPLACE

A recent survey reveals that 36% of U.S. bosses have issued a formal warning for swearing, and 6% have fired an employee for it. The poll also found that 81.2% of senior execs find a foul mouthed colleague unacceptable to work alongside in the office. The poll also found that 98.7% believed that the idea of office etiquette does exist and the majority (69.7%) said that they would fire an employee for bad office manners. Of managers who have terminated employees for office etiquette offenses, the top 5 most common causes were:

  • Bad language, 38.4%
  • Excessive workplace gossip, 36.5%
  • Drinking on the job, 35.2%
  • Leaving the office without telling anyone, 33.6%
  • Too many personal calls, 28%

When it comes to dealing with bad behavior in the cubicle next-door, co-workers had a slightly higher threshold for bad language. While 81.2% said they deem swearing in the workplace unacceptable, the absolute most offensive thing an office worker can do to his or her colleagues is steal their food from the office refrigerator. What else?

  • Eating someone else’s food from the fridge, 97.8%
  • Bad hygiene, 95.6%
  • Bad habits, 88.2%
  • Drinking on the job, 85.7%
  • Wastefulness with paper, 82%

Other common office annoyances showing up in the survey were cooking smelly food in the office microwave (74.1%) and sneaking peaks at the BlackBerry in meetings (63.5%).

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

DON’T WINE TO ME

A bottle of wine causes a supermarket to be sued.

A United Kingdom man is demanding to be compensated by a supermarket and is taking them to court because he claims that a bottle of wine he purchased from the store has ruined his relationship with a would-be girlfriend. He says the woman did not like the wine so she left in the middle of the date. ***MARLAR: I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that the reason she left had nothing to do with the wine.

 

 

FUN LIST

HELPFUL HOUSEHOLD HINTS (Housecleaning made easy by a guy!)

  • Putting Endust on the back of a small dog will help dust under the bed
  • Don’t have a dishwasher? How about just a rack in the shower.
  • Tired of looking at dirty windows? A can of white spray paint will mean you never have to look at dirty windows again.
  • Hate doing laundry? Make all your clothes smell Lysol fresh. And when the Lysol doesn’t work anymore, time for a new wardrobe.
  • And finally, if you’ve got gum stuck in your carpet. Cover with an area rug, sell the place and MOVE!!!

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

New research shows Googling can actually be bad for your health!

…Doctors say the danger comes when people who get sick look up their symptoms online.  A report in USA Today says many people do that, and they often stop first at message boards, rather than accredited medical web sites, to get their information.  And they definitely aren’t going to their doctor first for information.   Doctors say most people know that eventually they need to see a doctor if their symptoms continue to be a problem, but they say it’s important not to self-diagnose or use unreliable web sites.

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Almost a quarter of the 100 most popular Bible verses searched for in 2015 came from the Psalms. According to Bible Gateway, leading the way at No. 5 was Psalm 23:4 (“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me”).  In fact, Psalms was the most popular book of the Bible that readers chose last year.

http://bit.ly/1r2KOUu

 

9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage from Focus on the Family

Thought #1: My husband is my neighbor. I’m supposed to love my neighbor as myself

which includes my husband.

Thought #2: My husband can’t make me mad. We can choose how we think and respond

when our husband angers us.

Thought #3: My husband was not put on this earth to make me happy. I need to look

upward to God for joy

Thought #4: I can’t mold my husband into my image. We need to accept our husband and

who God created him to be.

Thought #5: I’m not in competition with my husband.

Thought #6: I’m called to be a peacekeeper; not a peacemaker.

Thought #7: Being one is more important than being right.

Thought #8: Having sex is not the same as making love.

Thought #9: If I’m not careful we’ll drift apart.

http://bit.ly/1W6OeTz

 

A bar in Los Angeles has found a new way to deal with drunk driving. Rather than seeing their own likeness when they looked into the bathroom mirror, the patrons see a man looking back at them in blue prison overalls. The man shares his tragic story and warns them not to make the same mistake he did by driving drunk. The pubic service announcement is aimed at building new momentum in the fight against drunken driving.  The message is… pun intended… sobering.

http://nbcnews.to/1TbtW4f

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I was nothing until I got this job. I’m still nothing, but now I get paid for it.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet.  For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org.  Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

MAY 27, 2016…

 

USS: Indianapolis: Men Of Courage—Based on a true incident in the sea off the Philippines Islands, the USS Indianapolis was sunk and the men were clinging to whatever they could to survive, and this in shark-infested waters (think of Robert Shaw in “Jaws” telling about this). Harrowing event. This ship was in this area delivering the weapons that would end WWII. Stars Nicholas Cage, Tom Sizemore, Thomas Jane, Matt Lanter, Emily Tennant and Emily Marie Palmer. “USS: Indianapolis: Men Of Courage” is rated R. Rating of 3.

 

Alice Through The Looking Glass—This time, Alice (Mia Wasikowska) falls into “Looking Glass Land” again and has to rescue the Mad Hatter (Johnny Depp). Special effects are good, and Helena Bonham Carter is back as the Red Queen, with the voice of the late Alan Rickman as the Blue Caterpillar. “Alice Through The Looking Glass” is rated PG. Rating of 2 for fans.

 

X-Men: Apocalypse—Here comes another comic book epic, with just about everyone in Hollywood in the script. “Apocalypse” is a mutant god, long asleep, who wakes up and doesn’t like the world he is in, so wants to destroy it. What else is new?  Here is a sampling of the stars: Jennifer Lawrence, Michael Fassbender, James McAvoy, Stan Lee, Nicholas Hoult, Rose Byrne, Olivia Nunn, Oscar Isaac and Sophie Turner. “X-Men: Apocalypse” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

JUNE 03, 2016…

 

Me Before You stars Emilia Clarke from “Game of Thrones” as a woman who cares for a man in a wheelchair.

 

Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping is an Andy Samberg comedy about an aging popstar (what else?)

 

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Two: Out Of The Shadow and they are back to take over the screen from X-Men and flying Iron Men.

 

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions.  Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.