May 30, 2015: Sunday ONAIRprep

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***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS

***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE

 

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150531

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Quick note of caution – you must be at least this tall to listen to (THE JOCK SHOW).

 

Whether it’s manna from heaven or the feeding of the 5000, we can see that God doesn’t like vegetables in His meals either.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. –Ephesians 4:15

 

But from everlasting to everlasting,

The Lord’s love is with those who fear him,

And his righteousness with their children’s children — with those who keep his covenant,

And remember to obey his precepts. — Psalm 103:17-18

 

 

HEARTLIGHT VERSE & THOUGHT

In faithfulness he will bring forth justice; he will not falter or be discouraged till he establishes justice on earth. In his law the islands will put their hope. — Isaiah 42:3-4

 

Thought: God will not falter! In a world where justice so seldom prevails, God is our only real assurance that justice will ultimately triumph. The hope for all lands and all peoples is for Jesus to return and bring with him God’s truth and justice. Maranatha, come O Lord!

 

Prayer: Righteous and merciful Father, I am sick of the corruption in our world and the injustice done to good, but powerless, people. Please send Jesus back soon and bring with him the righteous and just rule of your Kingdom. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTH VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Acts 5:31 NIV = God exalted him to his own right hand as Prince and Savior that he might give repentance and forgiveness of sins to Israel.

 

 

TODAY IS SUNDAY – MAY 31, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 209 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is WHAT YOU THINK UPON GROWS DAY, a day to remind people of the power of positive thinking. ***MARLAR: I don’t think this is meant literally though, because I think upon my paycheck constantly – and it hasn’t grown a lick.

 

Today is NATIONAL SPEAK IN COMPLETE SENTENCES DAY. ***MARLAR: Be careful though, because if you think too long upon National Speak In Complete Sentences Day the sentences you speak may grow longer due to today being What You Think Upon Grows Day, and that may make it a lot tougher to speak in complete sentences.

 

Today is NATIONAL MACAROON DAY. ***MARLAR: Macaroon is just a letter or two off of macaroni – but macaroons don’t taste near as good with cheese.

 

Today is WORLD NO-TOBACCO DAY, a day to discourage people from using tobacco. ***MARLAR: I think I figured out how to get kids not to smoke. Have parents tell them it’s cool. That should end it right then and there. (audio clip)

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

What You Think Upon Grows Day

World No-Tobacco Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

MONDAY, JUNE 01

Global Day of Parents

Heimlich Maneuver Day

National Go Barefoot Day

National Leave The Office Early Day

National Thank God It’s Monday Day

Oscar The Grouch Day

Say Something Nice Day

Stand For Children Day

 

TUESDAY, JUNE 02

National Bubba Day

Yell “Fudge” at The Cobras in North America Day

 

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 03

Chimborazo Day

National Running Day

National Tailors Day

 

THURSDAY, JUNE 04

Audacity to Hope Day

International Day of Innocent Children Victims of Aggression

Old Maid’s Day

 

FRIDAY, JUNE 05

Apple II Day

Doughnut Day

Festival of Popular Delusions Day

Horseradish Days

Hot Air Balloon Day

National Moonshine Day

Positive Power of Humor and Creativity Days

World Environment Day

 

SATURDAY, JUNE 06

Amateur Radio Military Appreciation Day (ARMAD)

Atheists Pride Day

D-Day

Drive-In Movie Day

Russian Language Day

YoYo Day

Belmont Stakes

Do-Dah Parade Day

Drawing Day / Pencil Day

National Trails ay

Turtle Races Day

 

SUNDAY, JUNE 07

Children’s Awareness Memorial Day

Daniel Boone Day

National Cancer Survivors Day

VCR Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1678: Lady Godiva rode naked on horseback through the city of Coventry, England. According to legend, she made the ride as part of a bargain to get her husband Leofric, Earl of Mercia, to ease taxes on the people of Conventry, England. (Another source says the ride took place on July 10th.)

 

1884: Dr. John Harvey Kellogg of Battle Creek, Michigan, patented “flaked cereal.” ***MARLAR: And if you’ve ever seen the movie about him, you’ll know that he too, was a flake.

 

1943: The comic strip “Archie Andrews” debuted on the Mutual radio network. Archie, Veronica, Betty, Jughead, and the gang lasted on radio about five years. (

)

 

1956: Buddy Holly was inspired to write “That’ll Be the Day” after he saw the John Wayne movie “The Searchers.”

 

1958: Sheb Wooley’s “Purple People Eater” became the #1 U.S. song and stayed there for six weeks. It was based on a popular children’s riddle: What has one eye, one horn, flies, and eats people? A one-eyed, one-horned, flying people eater. (

)

 

1969: Stevie Wonder released “My Cherie Amore.”

 

1989: Tracy and Michael J. Fox had a son and named him Sam Michael.

 

1990: “The Seinfeld Chronicles” premiered as a summer series on NBC starring Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Alexander, Michael Richards, and Julia Louis-Dreyfus. The pilot had aired in the previous July. Renamed just plain “Seinfeld,” the show lasted nine years. (

)

 

1991: Australian Dudley Reid married Minnie Munro in Point Claire, New South Wales. Dudley was 83; Minnie was 102. ***MARLAR: And why shouldn’t these two have been married; really, what did they have to lose? After all, it’s “till death do us part,” and that could be later that same afternoon!

 

1995: Senator Bob Dole accused Hollywood of promoting violence, rape and casual sex in music and movies and said “the mainstreaming of deviancy must come to an end.” Dole later admitted that he had not seen or heard much of what he had been criticizing.

 

1997: Lee Ann Womack debuted on the Grand Ole Opry.

 

1998: Ginger Spice (Geri Halliwell) rocked the British entertainment world when she announced she was leaving The Spice Girls.

 

1999: A huge mock cigarette stuffed with balloons accidentally exploded and caught fire while it was being chopped into during a No-Tobacco Day ceremony in Bangkok. No one was seriously hurt, but there were several singed eyebrows.

 

2003: Air France’s superjet, the Concorde, returned to Paris in a final commercial flight.

 

2005: In 2005, Mark Felt admitted that, while No. 2 man in the FBI, he was “Deep Throat,” the shadowy contact whose help to Washington Post reporters Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein on the 1972 Watergate break-in led to U.S. President Richard Nixon’s resignation.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1578: Italian archaeologist Antonio Bosio discovers the Christian catacombs in Rome. Some have mistaken them for places of refuge or worship, but Christians used them mainly as burial chambers.

 

1638: Puritan pastor Thomas Hooker arrives in what is now Connecticut, after leaving Massachusetts because of a rivalry with Roger Williams. The minister also helped organize America’s first federal government, the United Colonies of New England

 

1701: Alexander Cruden, whose biblical concordance is still the standard for the King James Version, is born in Aberdeen, Scotland. Prone to erratic behavior, he worked on the concordance between mental breakdowns.
1792: William Carey preaches his famed sermon on missions. Largely self-taught, this cobbler was converted by the dissenters, developed a heart for missions, went hungry to buy himself books, and convinced others of the need of missions. He took as his text Isaiah 54:1,2 with its call to enlarge ones tent. “Attempt great things for God! Expect great things from God,” he said.

 

1803: Presbyterians appoint Rev. Gideon Blackburn their first missionary to the American Indians–the Cherokee nation.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor (Daredevil, Minority Report, Alexander, Phone Booth, Saving Mr. Banks) Colin Farrell 39
  • actress (The Blue Lagoon, “The Lipstick Jungle”, “Suddenly Susan”) Brooke Shields 50 (
    )
  • actress (Red Dawn, Back to the Future, Howard the Duck) Lea Thompson 54 (
    )
  • comedian (“Get a Life”, Groundhog Day, Dogbert on “Dilbert”) Chris Elliott 55 (
    )
  • actor (“Homicide: Life on the Street”, “Commander-in-Chief”) Kyle Secor 55 (
    )
  • actor (The Substitute, Major League, “October Road”) Tom Berenger 65
  • actress (“Burn Notice”, “Queer as Folk”, “Cagney & Lacey”) Sharon Gless 72 (
    )
  • football’s Joe Namath 72
  • actor-director (Any Which Way But Loose, High Plains Drifter, Good Bad & The Ugly, Dirty Harry) Clint Eastwood 85 (
    )

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1930 : Clint Eastwood

1935 : Herb Alpert

1938 : Peter Yarrow (Peter, Paul and Mary)

1938 : Johnny Paycheck

1940 : Augie Meyers (Sir Douglas Quintet)

1944 : Mick Ralphs (Mott The Hoople, Bad Company)

1947 : Junior Campbell (Marmalade)

1948 : John Bonham (Led Zeppelin)

1952 : Karl Bartos (Kraftwerk)

1954 : Vicki Sue Robinson

1962 : Corey Hart

1964 : Darryl McDaniel (Run-DMC)

1965 : Steve White (Style Council)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why do we call a traitor or tattle-teller a “stool pigeon?”

To catch passenger pigeons (which are now extinct), hunters used to nail a pigeon to a stool (yeah, it hurt – and that was the point). It’s alarmed cries would attract other passenger pigeons, and the hunters would shoot them by the thousands. The poor creature that played the traitor was a “stool pigeon.” Too bad we can’t morally or ethically nail some terrorists to a stool to get buddies show up, huh?

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Do you agree or disagree with Francesca Battistelli? She tweeted: I submit to the world that there is not much cuter than a 2.5-year-old singing “My Favorite Things” and spinning around in a nightgown!

 

Think you have what it takes to write great worship songs. A recent blog from Third Day’s Mark Lee has some tips. He shared two tips as part of the blog Where do your ideas come from? Mark said (1) Write every morning, write fast and furious, and don’t worry about editing and (2) write on schedule, using two or three blocks of time each week.

 

On one recent concert trip Matt Maher found a stowaway in one of his boots. While unpacking at his first concert stop Matt found one of his daughters dolls in the boot, left there to keep him company while he travels. Matt says having a growing daughter is providing a new reality.

 

Mercyme’s Mike Scheuchzer says he may have just screamed like a girl. He was sitting alone in his kitchen eating some toast late at night while watching X-Files when a giant owl to fly right up to his window. He even shared a picture of the owl perched out side his window after his heart rate returned to normal.

 

A suggestion from the members of the Rhett Walker Band as they prepared to go frog gigging one night this week: Hey Underarmour. When will we see an Underarmer gigging line? Who knows, it might be the next big thing.

 

Switchfoot frontman Jon Foreman was recently asked: Do you ever feel like your songwriting is a weapon? Jon’s reply was: I feel like good songwriting has a strength and camouflage-like subtlety – certainly more powerful than law or ammo.

 

Brandon Bagby recently had one of his drawings come full circle. The Audio Adrenaline guitarist shared a picture of a stamp on an envelop he had just received, a stamp he designed and had made available on the web site zazzle.com. Brandon tweeted: Always fun when you receive a card in the mail with your artwork on the stamp.

 

Mercyme’s Barry Graul is riding in the 2015 Nashville Tour de Cure this weekend to help raise money to stop Diabetes. Barry shared online: I am committed to ride and raise money in this inspirational event not because 29 million people in the United States have diabetes, but because I personally know some of them, and I want to do something about it.

 

Natalie Grant has a deal with her daughters. She told them that, because it’s summer, they get to stay up a little later at night. But the deal is that it’s not for technology time, it’s for reading time.

 

++++++++++

 

Comedian Daren Streblow says he saw an infomercial about a pressure cooker and bought one. Now it sounds like he’s a little out of control. Daren tweeted: I can’t pressure cook enough now.. whole chickens… cereal… old flip phones…

 

Mark Schultz’s wife Kate is trying something new. Mark announced on his Facebook page that she is starting a writing career. Kate has already released an Action and Adventure book for teens and young adults called Snow in Sicily. And she is now working on three children’s picture books. Mark says proceeds from the books will go to Remember Me Mission, the non-profit started by Mark and Kate to benefit orphans.

 

Juan DeVevo’s definition of a selfie stick might be different than most others. The Casting Crowns guitarist tweeted: Selfie Stick: a stick I use to hit people taking selfies.

 

Mark Lee wants to know if you can spare some change. The Third Day guitarist is out with another blog. He wrote: Whenever we think about change, it’s go big or go home. This is a lovely thought, except for one thing. We almost never follow through with it. Because it’s just too big, too much, too different for us to be able to handle. But Mark says: what if change was like, well, change? All those small things add up to big things. And next thing you know, you’ve changed.

 

Jeremy Camp is putting it all in perspective. He tweeted: I want to remember to be like the leper who was healed & stopped to say THANK YOU, instead of carrying on and forget what Jesus has done.

 

Some dad advice from Casting Crowns Mark Hall in response to the question: when is it ok to make little jokes about your daughter’s weight? Mark says: Never, Ever, Ever…Words cut deep and are never forgotten.

 

Big Daddy Weave drummer Jeff Jones is wrapping up work on a drumming course. He says he is wrapping up work on the last few videos and links will be coming soon.

 

Citizenway member David Blascoe says it’s official…he is in the early stages of conjuring up his own beard oil.

 

Hawk Nelson front man Jon Steingard last week shared some advice given to him more than 10 years ago. He said: It’s silliness to be jealous of the story God is writing in someone else’s life when he is writing something unique for you in yours.’

 

The band Cloverton last week introduced their new guitarist. His name is Conner Giles and he hails from Nebraska. Conner actually studied the cello at the Glenn Korff School of Music, a division of the University of Nebraska in Lincoln. Band members say he enjoys classical music, reading, outer space, and vegetables.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Judge dismisses case from Ohio pair trying to keep pet bear
MEDINA, Ohio (AP) — A judge has dismissed a civil case by a northeast Ohio couple who want to keep their toothless, 41-year-old black bear despite not getting a required state permit. A Medina (meh-DY’-nuh) County judge ruled the court could have jurisdiction to consider an injunction if the…

 

Oh, brother: Twins charged with hurling bricks at each other
ORANGE CITY, Fla. (AP) — What are a few bricks between brothers? Well, they’re worth battery charges for twin 52-year-olds after officials say an argument ended with them hurling the projectiles at each other. HASH(0x1414620) According to a police report, Michael Remelius followed through,…
Wife, husband say they hit back-to-back holes-in-one
GRAND LEDGE, Mich. (AP) — A wife and husband from Michigan say they both got a hole-in-one in consecutive shots at the same hole. HASH(0x140bd80) The newspaper says two golfers who didn’t know the Blundys verified the back-to-back holes-in-one. According to contest prize insurer National…
Oops: Israeli Burning Man festival torches ancient remains
JERUSALEM (AP) — The Israeli Antiquities Authority says revelers at a Burning Man festival famous for its pyrotechnic spectacles have accidentally torched some remnants of prehistoric man. Archaeologist Yoram Haimi says organizers of Midburn, an Israeli affiliate of the Nevada carnival,…
Village cites resident for having beehives without a permit
MONTEBELLO, N.Y. (AP) — A New York man is battling his village after he was issued citations for having beehives on his property. Zev Oster says he keeps two beehives on his Rockland County property in Montebello to pollinate 50 blueberry bushes. The 39-year-old man says he was ticketed for…
Police: Steven Tyler not really doing a strawberry farm show
WEST WINDSOR, N.J. (AP) — Police have alerted residents of a New Jersey township that Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler will not be performing at a small pick-your-own strawberry farm. HASH(0x1410290) Farm owner Wayne Kalinowski says he was tipped to the problem when a woman wanted to know more…
Man acquitted of animal cruelty for blowing pot smoke
CHICAGO (AP) — A judge has acquitted a Chicago man of animal cruelty charges filed after the man posted a video of himself smoking marijuana with a chameleon. After viewing the video and hearing the arguments of prosecutors and defense attorneys, Cook County Circuit Judge Robert Kuzas ruled…
Polish police search for man who entered bear enclosure
WARSAW, Poland (AP) — Polish authorities are searching for a man who tangled with a bear at Warsaw’s zoo and escaped, leaving traces of his blood behind. Maria Krakowiak, head of the animals of prey section at the Warsaw zoo, said Thursday the man hasn’t been found after his dangerous stunt…
Illinois couple welcomes their 100th grandchild    photo
QUINCY, Ill. (AP) — A western Illinois couple recently celebrated the birth of their 100th grandchild. Leo and Ruth Zanger of Quincy have 53 grandchildren, 46 great-grandchildren and one great-great-grandchild. The birth of great-grandson Jaxton Leo on April 8 made the number 100….
Ohio man posts message on his SUV: ‘Got kidney? I need 1’    photo
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — A man in need of a kidney donor is taking his search on the road in unusual fashion, with bright yellow letters taped to the rear window of his SUV. The message on Neal Raisman’s silver-blue vehicle reads: “Got kidney? I need 1.” It includes a phone number for interested…
3 burglars share tips of trade in crime prevention video    photo
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — Police looking to educate the public about ways to prevent break-ins turned to the experts — a trio of convicted burglars. The Columbus Police Department recruited the inmates with the help of the state prisons agency and produced a YouTube video in which the…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

First hearing in House lawsuit over Obama health law
WASHINGTON (AP) — Obama administration attorneys are urging a federal judge to throw out an election-year lawsuit by House Republicans over the president’s health care law. Attorneys for the House counter that their unusual suit deals with critically important issues related to the separation…

 

NIH: Major study finds earlier HIV treatment improves health    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — A major international study sought to settle how soon is best to start HIV treatment — and the advice is don’t delay. People who started anti-AIDS drugs while their immune system was strong were far less likely to develop AIDS or other serious illnesses than if they…
Shocking ads ignite debate about abortion ban in Chile    photo
SANTIAGO, Chile (AP) — The video shows a woman climbing a stairwell, her belly visibly pregnant, as she offers suggestions: Make sure there are no security cameras. Be careful not to look down or you might regret it. She tumbles backward as the screen goes black. “When you reach the bottom…
Pentagon: Military mistakenly shipped live anthrax samples
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said Wednesday it is investigating what the Pentagon called an inadvertent shipment of live anthrax spores to government and commercial laboratories in as many as nine states, as well as one overseas, that expected to receive…
French, US biochemists win top Spanish prize for science
MADRID (AP) — Biochemists Emmanuelle Charpentier from France and Jennifer Doudna from the United States have been awarded Spain’s Princess of Asturias scientific research award for their work in biotechnology. The award foundation said in a statement Thursday that the “revolutionary” work of…
US high court: California county drug disposal law stands
OAKLAND, Calif. (AP) — The U.S. Supreme Court is letting a Northern California county’s drug disposal law stand, paving the way for similar ordinances elsewhere. The court refused to hear the pharmaceutical industry’s challenge to an Alameda County program that requires drug companies to pay…
Study reveals flaws in gene testing; results often conflict    photo
The first report from a big public-private project to improve genetic testing reveals it is not as rock solid as many people believe, with flaws that result in some people wrongly advised to worry about a disease risk and others wrongly told they can relax. Researchers say the study shows the need…
Health law court case winner could be political loser    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The party that wins the impending Supreme Court decision on President Barack Obama’s health care law could be the political loser. If the Republican-backed challenge to the law’s subsidies for lower-earning Americans prevails, the GOP would have achieved a paramount goal of…
UN: Fewer hungry people in the world despite wars, poverty
ROME (AP) — The number of hungry people around the world has dropped to 795 million from over a billion a quarter-century ago despite natural disasters, ongoing conflicts and poverty, the three U.N. food agencies said Wednesday. Countries in East Asia, Latin America and the Caribbean showed…
Man diagnosed with Lassa fever dies in US after Liberia trip
NEW YORK (AP) — A New Jersey man died Monday evening after been diagnosed with Lassa fever — a frightening infectious disease from West Africa that is rarely seen in the United States, a federal health official said. The man recently returned from Liberia, arriving at New York City’s…
Quadruplets born to 65-year-old mom still in critical phase    photo
BERLIN (AP) — Doctors say the week-old quadruplets born prematurely to 65-year-old Annegret Raunigk in Berlin are still in intensive care, but have been gaining a little weight and are being given their mother’s milk through feeding tubes. The babies were born during the 26th week of…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Wrong Numbers”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Ken Davis, “Rat Salad”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Millard the Monkey was flying around the world with Jean Claude the flying squirrel trying to find somewhere that didn’t know about Steve Mozart. But alas, that was impossible – so Millard, defeated, is now heading back home… where he always takes second place to Steve Mozart.

 

CLOSE: What on earth could Millard be planning? What does a copy shop have to do with Steve Mozart’s concert? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF MAY 30/31, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the animals had really busy schedules – so busy in fact that not only did they not have time to get everything done, but they didn’t have time even to plan what they had to do! They didn’t even have time for campfire meetings – and now, no time to even talk to each other!

 

CLOSE: It’s no wonder they’re so exhausted – they’ve been working so hard and so long without sleep! But now how will they get everything done on their schedules? Tune in again next time for another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

How do you convince the DMV that you’re a man when they say you’re a woman?

A 16-year old boy from California was going to get his driver’s license when the Department of Motor Vehicles in Sacramento said that the hospital-issued birth certificate wasn’t an acceptable form of ID and that he had to get his “official” birth certificate from the county records. It was at this point that he discovered that when the State copied the information, they erroneously listed him as FEMALE.  So when he went to get his driver’s license, the DMV said — in spite of obvious physical evidence — that they had to list him as a female on his license. They said the only thing he could do to avoid that would be to fill out a form that said he had a sex-change operation!  But wait there’s more! His family thought the Department of Health Services, who made the error, could then just fix the problem on his birth certificate. Once again, despite the obvious physical evidence, they said they couldn’t change the birth certificate, but could attach an amendment to it that says he is now a male.  So his choices are A) to be listed as a female or B) to be listed as someone who’s had a sex change… all because a person made an obvious mistake 16 years ago on his birth certificate!

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN SAYINGS FROM WILL ROGERS

 

Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935, was probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known. Enjoy the following:

 

  1. Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.

 

  1. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day

 

  1. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman…neither works.

 

  1. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

 

  1. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

 

  1. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.

 

  1. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

 

  1. Letti’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back

 

  1. If you’re riding’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.

 

  1. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A convenience store robbery is foiled… by the robbers!

 

FILE #1: Two men robbed a convenience store in a small Michigan suburb. On their way out of the store they ran into each other. One man’s gun discharged and the bullet struck the other man in the leg. The uninjured robber though continued to make his escape… until, that is, the first robber, now on the ground bleeding from a gunshot wound to the leg, decided he wasn’t going to let his partner-in-crime leave him behind. He pulled his gun and shot his partner in the leg – leaving both men on the ground with gunshot wounds, given to each other by each other (following so far?). Both men survived, the take was less than $50, but because it was armed robbery and shots were actually fired causing injury to each man, they received very long prison terms.

 

FILE #2: A man in South Carolina robbed a restaurant by writing a note demanding the cashier give him all the money in her cash drawer. The cashier complied and the robber made his get-away. But our criminal mastermind made the mistake of writing his demand note on the back of a bank check for which he had a valid account. The police arrested him at his home approximately one hour after the crime had been committed. His name and address were easily traced through his banking account.

 

FILE #3: A German man has been fined $300 for driving a wheelchair under the influence of alcohol. The 50-year-old man was on his way home when he popped a wheelie in front of police. They pulled him over and smelled a strong odor of alcohol. Further testing revealed that the man had a blood alcohol level 3-times the legal limit for driving. Police say the man was driving his wheelchair in the road at about 5-miles an hour, weaving recklessly from one lane to another. He was booked and then given a ride home.

 

STRANGE LAW: It is not illegal for children in Australia to smoke cigarettes, but it is illegal for them to purchase them.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Here’s a new one… being charged with drunk driving, when you’re in the passenger seat!

Police near Carlisle, Pennsylvania, stopped a weaving car. When it pulled over, the man sitting in the driver’s seat, Lucas Enbacker, was eating a giant sandwich with both hands. The man sitting in the passenger’s seat, Derek R. Pittman, told the officer sorry, but the weaving was HIS fault since he was steering while his buddy was eating. The officer gave Pittman a field sobriety test: He failed, and later his blood alcohol was measured at .237 percent, nearly triple the legal limit.  So Pittman, who was in the passenger seat, was charged with driving under the influence – yet Enbacker, who passed his field sobriety test and was actually in the driver’s seat and responsible for the vehicle, was not charged.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

What’s the strangest thing you ever saw along the side of the road?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Which judge struck down 600 Philistines with an ox-goad?
ANSWER: Shamgar (Judges 3:31)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What famous general has two separate burial sites – one for his left arm, and the another for the rest of him?

ANSWER: Civil War General Thomas Jonathan “Stonewall” Jackson. His left arm, which was amputated after the battle of Chancellorsville was buried on a nearby farm. A week later, Jackson died and was buried in Lexington, Virginia.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Buckingham Palace has over six hundred rooms. (True)

 

  1. In Czechoslovakia, there is a church that has a chandelier made out of cat bones. (False – human bones)

 

  1. There are mirrors on the moon. (True. They were left by astronauts so that laser beams could be bounced of them from Earth. These beams help give us the distance to the moon give or take a few meters.)

 

  1. When the volcano Krakatoa, near Java, exploded in 1883, it was so loud that people in North America heard it. (True)

 

  1. The first host of the TV game show “Jeopardy” was Pat Sajack. (False – Art Fleming way back in 1964 when the show first debuted)

 

  1. The gestation period (length of a pregnancy) of a hippo is almost three years. (False – usually 8 to 8 1/2 months)

 

  1. Australia’s national anthem is called “Advance Australia Fair.” (True)

 

  1. Sanskrit is considered as the mother of all higher languages. (True – this is because it is the most precise and therefore suitable language for computer software.)

 

  1. Popcorn has been served in movie theaters since 1964. (False – 1912)

 

  1. The Brady Bunch house was located at 4222 Clinton Way. (True) (
    )

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

_____ TO BECOME PART OF THE U.S. (SIBERIA)

Siberian separatists have agreed to allow the United States to annex their region of Russia.

Many, if not all Siberians, may think at times that the Siberian regions with their natural riches live poorly just because they have to give away a big part of their incomes to other territories of the Russian Federation.

Siberians have tried to put that idea into action for decades and established a political movement. The vain attempts did not lead to anything for years, but now the movement has reached critical mass and and, if all goes according to plan, Siberia will become an American territory (much like Puerto Rico), within six months.

It’s a win-win situation for Siberians.

Those living in Siberia will be now identified as Siberians.  Vladimir Kiselyov, a 37-year-old resident of the city of Mezhdurechensk, was a leader in the movement and believed that Siberia had to get rid of the Moscow yoke.

The only way for the territory to truly prosper was to become a part of the US.

Of course, Vladmir Putin and the new Russian leadership vow to do everything to block the annexing of Siberia, but they did open a door with President Obama hinted that he would make Russia “an offer they couldn’t refuse” in order to get Siberia.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A drummer got bored with his instrument and decided to take up the accordion instead. Walking into a music shop, he spotted one he liked and asked the shopkeeper, “how much is that accordion by the wall, dude?”

The shopkeeper looked at him and said, “Let me guess, you’re a drummer, aren’t you?”

“Whoa, dude… that’s amazing. How did you know that I’m a drummer?” he said.

“That accordion by the wall is our radiator.”

 

JOKE #2

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had the habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, He found his horse had been stolen.

He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

“Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?!” he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

“Alright, I’m gonna have another drink, and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don’t like to have to do what I dun in Texas!”

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another drink, walked outside, and his horse had been returned to the post.

He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, “Say pardner, before you go…what happened in Texas?”

The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”

 

JOKE #3

Two paramedics were dispatched to check on an elderly man who had become disoriented. They decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation. En route, with siren going, they questioned the man to determine his level of awareness. Leaning close, one asked, “Sir, do you know what we’re doing right now?”

The old man slowly looked out the ambulance window. “Oh,” he replied, “I’d say about 50, maybe 55.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

Did you know that the word “tip,” meaning a gratuity, was originally an acronym standing for “To Insure Promptness”?  ***MARLAR: So why then do we leave the “tip” after we have been served and not before?

 

Researchers in Italy say that heavy drinking may lead to liver disease. ***MARLAR: Thank heavens for stories like this, otherwise we might not ever know!

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

A LESSON IN FRACTIONS

A teacher put this question to little John in the arithmetic class. “John, suppose your mother made a peach pie and there were 10 of you at the table… your mother and father and eight children… how much of the pie would you get?”

“A ninth, Ma’am,” was the prompt answer.

“No John. Now pay attention,” said the teacher. “There are 10 of you. Ten, remember. Don’t you know your fractions?”

“Yes Ma’am,” was the swift replay of little John, “I know my fractions, but I know my mother, too. She’d say that she didn’t want any pie.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Do you remember what you did on New Year’s Eve? One man doesn’t… and he wants to apologize.

A Welsh accountant, who may have enjoyed himself too much on New Year’s Eve, has taken out a newspaper advertisement to apologize to whoever he may have offended with antics he can barely remember. Starting off with “To whom it may concern,” Howard Potter’s “contrite, abject and public apology” in the Western Mail begged the forgiveness of the staff of a Cardiff hotel, a man at a fish bar and two passing police officers. “All these people, and doubtless many more, were at some time during a long night castigated, vilified, embarrassed or, worst, bored, for which he most humbly and respectfully apologizes,” the ad read.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

A WEALTHY WOMAN

By: Joseph J. Mazzella

I got to meet a wonderful person the other day. I had stopped to buy a local newspaper from a machine when I saw a middle-aged lady already there. She had a handful of quarters and was slowly buying paper after paper gently closing the machine after each purchase. She smiled at me and explained that her daughter’s picture was in the paper. She was getting copies for all the members of her extended family.

When she turned to leave I noticed a hole in her shoe and realized that the rest of her clothes had also seen better days. She climbed into her rusty, 20 year old pick-up truck and after 30 seconds of trying finally got it started. She smiled at me again and waved as she drove off. It occurred to me as she disappeared in the distance that she had never once thought of taking the extra papers she needed while only paying for one. It was then that I realized I had just met one of the richest people in the world.

I only wish that everyone in this world had this lady’s wisdom and wealth. She was rich beyond measure in all the important things in life. She was rich in honesty, integrity, goodness, kindness, cheerfulness, joy, and love. She was rich in family and in friends. She was rich most of all in oneness with God. It didn’t matter if her truck was old, her clothes were worn, and her dollars were few. She was rich in her heart and soul, and she possessed within her the wealth of an entire Kingdom: the Kingdom of Heaven.

The next time you find yourself thinking and worrying about money then remember that the real riches in this world can’t be bought. They must be chosen in your heart, created in your soul, and shared in your life. They are the love of God and the joy of living. And the more you give them away the more you receive them back in this life and in the next.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

HOLD HANDS AND JUMP

READ: Ecclesiastes 4:8-12

Two are better than one. —Ecclesiastes 4:9

When Leo and Amy opened a 300-seat, fine-dining restaurant, Leo admitted he was “scared of everything.” Amy equates their leap of faith in starting their business to holding hands while jumping off a mountain. But if you’re going to do something scary, “you want to do it with someone you know and trust,” Leo continued.

Chris and Karie, another couple who took a risk to own and run a restaurant together, say they have “a good working relationship, as well as mutual admiration for each other’s work.”

Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, knew how crucial it is to have companions in life. He wrote, “Two are better than one” (Ecclesiastes 4:9). When one falls during a difficult time, another provides comfort and support (vv.10-12). We need our spouses and friends to help us through the scary times and to provide emotional support. Loners make life harder for themselves (v.8). But those who recognize their need for others find help and encouragement.

If you need to take a leap of faith—something involving finances, a career change, a new ministry—invite someone trustworthy to hold your hand as you make that jump. Or give that same encouragement to someone close to you. Because two really are better than one. —Anne Cetas

 

We are dependent on the strength
We draw from one another;
Words spoken give encouragement,
Love practiced draws us closer.  —Sper

 

Those who trust God can help others to do the same.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

DANGER WILL ROBINSON!
Robots apparently are not vegetarians.

Scientists in Florida have developed a robot that is powered by eating meat! Dubbed “Chew Chew the Gastrobot”, a 12-wheeled train-like robot runs on a microbial fuel cell, which breaks down food with bacteria and converts it into electrical energy. The cell works by producing enzymes that break down carbohydrates, releasing energy. Inventor Stuart Wilkinson of the University of South Florida says the ideal fuel for his robot is meat. Chew Chew may be developed into a lawnmower that eats grass clippings. A similar type of robot is being made in England that is powered by eating slugs.  ***MARLAR: It’s the self-lubricating SlugBot!

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

Ibuprofen may be the best thing to treat your child’s fever.

A new clinical trial has found that the best method of treating a child’s fever is to start with ibuprofen alone and then using acetaminophen plus ibuprofen. Ibuprofen is the ingredient in brand-name products like Advil or Motrin, while acetaminophen is found in Tylenol. Researchers at the University of Bristol, in the United Kingdom, said, “Doctors, nurses, pharmacists, and parents wanting to use medicines to treat young, unwell children with fever should be advised to use ibuprofen first and to consider the relative benefits and risks of using acetaminophen plus ibuprofen over a 24-hour period.”

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

The secret to having a long marriage with no arguments whatsoever!

A middle-aged married couple in Leiqing, China, say they used to argue ferociously every day until they hit on the magic recipe for a successful marriage: Never speak to each other. For five years, they’ve shared the same house and the same bed, but haven’t shared a word. The husband told the East Day newspaper, “We haven’t had an argument in five years.”

 

 

FUN LIST

TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU’VE GOT A REAL BAD SUNBURN

  • When you get up from the beach blanket, your skin stays there
  • Someone holds up a tomato next to you, to see if it’s ripe
  • It hurts to stand
  • While standing at an intersection, people are waiting for you to turn green
  • A lobster was lying on your back and nobody noticed

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

Welcome to Summer… and SUNBURN.  What’s the best way to treat a sunburn?

You had so much fun frolicking in the waves that you forgot to reapply sunscreen, so your back and shoulders are untouchable.  Now what? Sunburn calls for a multistep treatment. “You have to deal with both the acute issue of discomfort and the potential long-term damage,” says Susan Weinkle, an assistant professor of dermatology at the University of South Florida, in Tampa.
* Apply damp compresses made from clean cloths soaked in a mixture of two teaspoons of baking soda and two cups of cool water. Or place chilled, used tea bags on the affected skin for about five minutes. “The tannins in the tea will relieve the sting.”  
* Prevent or lessen peeling with an emollient such as Aquaphor, which contains 41 percent petroleum jelly and holds in moisture. Or use aloe vera gel, which helps prevent peeling and takes away the sting. Apply it to damp skin.   
* If blisters form, try not to pop them. They serve as little tents that hold fluid against the skin and keep bacteria out. If a blister ruptures, cover the area with an antibiotic ointment like Polysporin.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Wednesdays only; The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Weekdays Only, None On The Weekends)

A 140-foot bulletproof cross is towering over skyscrapers in the most unlikely of places: Pakistan. According to Mission Network News, Pervez Henry Gill, the donor and man who had the dream of building the monument in the first place, told the Washington Post he wanted it to be a beacon of hope for Christians, letting them know they have a brighter future.

http://t.co/1aVOZdmw2O

 

It’s not uncommon for wealthy couples to sail the Mediterranean in a yacht, but Chris and Regina Catrambone are cruising in a 130-foot ship outfitted especially to rescue migrants at sea. The family was moved last summer by the loss of life among thousands of people fleeing North Africa to find a better life in Europe. In response, they decided to buy a search-and-rescue ship. In their first 60 days, the Catrambones and their crew saved 3,000 lives. The Phoenix redeployed just this month and has run the total up to 4,441.

http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/wealthy-couple-buy-rescue-ship-save-migrants/

 

When a medical emergency took place during a recent graduation, one student used the concern as a time to pray. Christian Crawford, the senior class president, approached the podium as he felt led to pray, not knowing what was taking place. He said “Everybody, can I have your attention real quick?” he said. “We don’t know what’s going on, but we will pray. We know that prayer is power, and that God is able.”  *** We get a lot of bad news about our youth in the news, so it’s good to know there are God-honoring teens out there as well who could become leaders in our country in the future!

http://christiannews.net/2015/05/22/fix-it-jesus-student-takes-podium-to-pray-as-medical-emergency-unfolds-during-graduation/

 

What’s the strangest thing your pastor has ever done? Pastor Lawrence Bishop II, in front of a fully-packed church, climbed up on the back of a snorting, anxious bull named Bonecrusher. The animal was let loose, and Bishop hung on tight as he was bucked around the ring he built inside his Ohio church. He lasted about three seconds before being thrown off and trampled. Battered and bruised, the 48-year-old preacher then picked himself up, climbed to safety and began his sermon. All this happened during one Wednesday night service at the Solid Rock Church in Monroe, Ohio. Bishop’s church is easy to spot. It’s the one with the 52-foot statue of Jesus facing I-75, nicknamed “Hug Me Jesus,” because of his open arms. Bishop says Embracing new believers is why the ministry decided to bring bull riding inside the church’s walls. He added: “the Bible said to compel them to come in, and so that’s what we’re doing,”

http://abcnews.go.com/US/ohio-pastor-rides-bulls-inside-church-attract-believers/story?id=31156025

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Moving soon? Quick tip: moving yourself is never a good idea. Professional movers will take only half the time to break the same amount of stuff.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

MAY 29, 2015…

 

San Andreas 3 D—There has been a giant earthquake in southern California. Dwayne Johnson (“The Rock”) is a helicopter rescue pilot who, with his former wife Carla Gugino) is trying to find their lost daughter, Alexandra Daddario. Paul Giamatti is also in the cast. They are heading for San Francisco and all this in 3 D, too. “San Andreas 3 D” is rated PG 13.. Rating of 3 for fans. (Note: for another Southern California earthquake movie, see “Earthquake {1974} with Charlton Heston and Ava Gardner.) With “Aloha” opening this weekend, people fleeing the earthquake can head for the South Pacific.

 

Aloha—Bradley Cooper is a  contractor who falls in love with a woman pilot (Emma Stone.) He is doing satellite work. All this set against the South Pacific and written by Cameron Crowe. The cast is a large one including Rachel McAdams, Alec Baldwin, Bill Murray, Danny McBride and John Krasinski. “Aloha” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans of the cast.

 

JUNE 05, 2015…

 

Entourage with the film continuing the television series, is finally here. Stars Adrian Grenier and Jeremy Piven (now “Mr. Selfridge” on PBS)

 

Insidious Chapter 3 had to happen, with Dermot Mulroney and Lin Shaye, the haunting continues.

 

Spy has Melissa McCarthy as the bottom of the FBI totem pole who decides to volunteer for a mission.

 

Testament of Youth stars Alicia Vikander (“Ex Machina”) and Kit Harington (“Game of Thrones”) in a movie about WWI.

 

Love & Mercy stars Elizabeth Banks (“Perfect Pitch 2”), John Cusack and Paul Dano

 

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WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.