November 02, 2015: Monday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20151102

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Wow – time for another show already? My how time flies when you spend all day trying to think of something witty and amusing to say at the beginning of your show.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.  –Romans 8:6-8

 

For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves. –Colossians 1:13

 

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. — 2 Timothy 3:16-17

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

I tell you the truth, anyone who gives you a cup of water in my name because you belong to Christ will certainly not lose his reward. — Mark 9:41

 

Thought: This simple and clear passage cuts two ways: First, we are blessed when we bless God’s children, even if the blessing is simple. Second, we can rejoice when others do the simplest things to bless us in Jesus’ name, because we receive the kindness and grace of others and because God blesses that kindness with his overwhelming grace. Bottom line — let’s live to be a blessing! When we do, God is blessed. We are blessed. We bless others. In addition, when others are gracious to us, God has also promised to bless them. God pours his blessings out on all of us. In God’s miraculous economy, the more we bless each other, the more blessings there are for everyone!

 

Prayer: Gracious and loving Father, please use me this week to be a blessing to everyone around me. But this week, dear Father, please lead me into the life of someone who desperately needs your grace. Please give me discernment to see them when you bring them across my path. Give me courage to reach out and bless them. Keep them on my heart and help me as I seek to be a long-term blessing to them. In Jesus’ name I ask for your help and grace to use this opportunity for your glory. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Isaiah 11:2 NIV = The Spirit of the Lord will rest on him… the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of might, the Spirit of the knowledge and fear of the Lord…

 

 

TODAY IS MONDAY – NOVEMBER 02, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 53 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today IS DEVILED EGG DAY.  ***MARLAR: Which begs the question, can you eat deviled eggs and still consider yourself a good Christian?

 

Today is PLAN YOUR EPITAPH DAY.  ***MARLAR: Because a forgettable gravestone is a fate worse than death.  Some quick examples from GoodQuotes.com:

  • She did it the hard way. – Bette Davis
  • …that nothing’s so sacred as honor and nothing’s so loyal as love. – Wyatt Earp
  • The passive master lent his hand, To the vast Soul which o’er him planned. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • “That’s All Folks!” – The Man of a Thousand Voices, Mel Blanc
  • The Body of B. Franklin, Printer, Like the Cover of an old Book, Its Contents turn out, And Stript of its Lettering & Guilding, Lies here. Food for Worms.  For, it will as he believed, appear once more in a new and more elegant Edition, corrected and improved by the Author. – Benjamin Franklin

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

All Souls Day

Cookie Monster Day

Fill Our Staplers Day

Job Action Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 03

Cliché Day

Election Day

Sandwich Day

SOS Day

Traffic Directors Day

 

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 04

National Chicken Lady Day

National Candy Day

Use Your Common Sense Day

 

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 05

National Love Your Red Hair Day

National Men Make Dinner Day (No BBQ allowed!)

 

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 06

National Nachos Day

Saxophone Day

Domino Day

 

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 07

Digital Scrapbooking Day

National Bittersweet Chocolate with Almonds Day

Pumpkin Destruction Day

Sadie Hawkins Day

Sausage and Kraut Day

 

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 08

Abet and Aid Punsters Day

Cook Something Bold and Pungent Day

Dunce Day

National Parents As Teachers Day

X-Ray Day

 

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 09

Kristallnacht

World Freedom Day

World Orphans Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1920: On November 2, KDKA Radio in Pittsburgh signed on the air with news of Warren Harding’s election as president of the United States — it was the birth of commercial broadcasting as Dr. Frank Conrad’s station started regular programming. ***MARLAR: And we’ve been inundated with political ads ever since.

 

1947: This was the day in that Howard Hughes flew his mammoth flying boat, the “Spruce Goose,” for the first and only time — the 200-ton wooden airplane gained an altitude of some 70 feet over a one mile distance above Long Beach Harbor. ***MARLAR: Very useful for scaring the neighbors, but that’s about it.

 

1959: In New York, Montreal Canadians goalie Jacques Plante became the first NHL goalie to wear a mask on a permanent basis after getting hit by a shot from Rangers’ Andy Bathgate. ***MARLAR: Have you seen what a hockey puck can do to your face? Even if you decided to quit hockey, after something like that you’d STILL want to wear a mask just so you wouldn’t frighten your children!

 

1959: Game show contestant Charles Van Doren admitted to a House subcommittee that he had been given questions and answers in advance when he appeared on the NBC-TV program “Twenty-One.” ***MARLAR: The answer, by the way, to the question of life, the universe, and everything is “42”.

 

1988: A Cornell University graduate student unleashed a computer “worm” that began reproducing and clogging thousands of computers around the country. ***MARLAR: It was called “Windows”.

 

1996: Louisville, Kentucky, police released two Chicago men of Palestinian descent from jail when the white powder found in their car turned out to be dried yogurt, which is common in Middle East countries. The men had told police for two days that’s what it was.

 

1997: Ashlyn and Lacey McCleve, 4-year-old and 7-year-old sisters from Gilbert, Arizona, were chosen as the newest Oscar Mayer wieners in a nationwide contest to find children to sing the bologna song. The girls also shared the top prize, a $20-thousand college scholarship. ***MARLAR: A wiener scholarship… I’ll bet that looked good on the ole’ college transcripts.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1164: Archbishop of Canterbury Thomas Becket, 45, began a six-year self-imposed exile in France. Once a close friend of England’s Henry II, Thomas had more recently become an outspoken opponent of the king’s royal policies.

 

1600: Staunch Anglican theologian Richard Hooker died at 46. His last words were: ‘God hath my daily petitions, for I am at peace with all men, and He is at peace with me… and this witness makes the thoughts of death joyful.’

 

1789: During the chaos of the French Revolution, the property of the Church in France was taken over by the state.

 

1830: A general convention of Methodist reformers opposed to the episcopal (i.e., bishop-led) form of church government met in Baltimore, MD, to establish the Protestant Methodist Church.

 

1917: British foreign secretary Arthur J. Balfour, 69, issued the Balfour Declaration, calling for “establishment in Palestine of a national home for the Jewish people.” The document’s recognition of a Jewish nationalism planted the seed which in 1948 led to an establishment of the modern state of Israel.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Actress (The Forgotten, Radio) Alfre Woodard, 61
  • Announcer (“Let’s get ready to rumble!”) Michael Buffer, 70
  • Actress (“Hart to Hart”) Stephanie Powers, 72 (
    )
  • Political commentator Pat Buchanan, 76

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1926 : Charlie Walker

1937 : Earl “Speedoo” Carroll (The Cadillacs, The Coasters)

1938 : Jay Black (Jay and the Americans)

1941 : Bruce Welch (The Shadows)

1941 : Brian Poole (The Tremoloes)

1944 : Keith Emerson (The Nice, Emerson, Lake & Palmer)

1945 : J.D. Souther

1946 : Len “Chip” Hawkes (The Tremoloes)

1947 : Dave Pegg (Jethro Tull, Fairport Convention)

1952 : Maxine Nightengale

1957 : Carter Beauford (The Dave Matthews Band)

1961 : k.d. lang

1963 : Bobby Dall (Poison)

1969 : Reginald Arvizu (KoRn)

1971 : John Hampson (Nine Days)

1978 : Nelly

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Is “The Big Bang” the best theory?

The beliefs that humans have entertained about the universe for most of history are radically different from the views held by most scientists today. The epic discoveries of Newton on gravity, Galileo on the planets, Copernicus on the place of the earth in the solar system, Tycho Brahe on the planetary orbits, and others have revolutionized our view of cosmology. Even the knowledge discovered in the last century alone has drastically changed our worldview. Computers, improved telescopes, and new research techniques that allow us to view more of the universe in greater detail than ever before have revealed one surprise after another.

Currently, the most widely accepted hypothesis of the universe’s origin (and everything in it) is a theory called the Big Bang. This view hypothesizes that the Big Bang was an explosion of “space itself”—a concept difficult to understand partly because most people think of an explosion as the expansion of a material substance in space. Today, instead of “explosion” the preferred term is “expansion,” although many people, including many scientists who are not astronomers, think of it as an explosion of matter only. Terminology aside, the Big Bang is the “creation myth that has dominated cosmology since the 1960s.”

In popular-science journals and scholarly papers alike, the Big Bang is almost universally spoken of as established fact, even though much controversy still exists about the theory among scientists and others.

(From Answers in Genesis)

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

From Jamie Grace: If you or your family is considering adoption you should look into the foster care system. So many sweet kiddos who need homes!

 

Casting Crowns Juan Devevo says that, if he is ever elected president, he will have one mandate. Juan tweeted this week: “Any budget that comes across my desk that doesn’t guarantee the return of Big Stuff Oreos will get vetoed”.

 

Mercyme’s Mike Scheuchzer is enjoying Autumn. The guitarist for the bands says: Spent most of my life in Florida and Texas… Never really knew what Autumn was until Tennessee.

 

Matthew West was reaching out this week. He visited a military family for a living room concert. Matthew said the Dad in the family is soon to be deployed. He added: So thankful for people like him serving our Country. http://twitter.com/matthew_west/status/658687649398566912/video/1

 

 

Aaron Shust had some company over around lunch time this week. He shared a picture of a raccoon who was wondering around their back yard and added: at least we know what’s for dinner. After a number of concerned posts from his followers Aaron admitted that they didn’t really eat the coon. He posted: no… we had salmon.

 

Blanca was having one of those days this week. She tweeted: That one time I didn’t know London threw a blue crayon into his dirty laundry…lets just say the inside of our dryer looks like a smurf.

 

Christian artists are declaring their loyalties as the World Series shifts to New York and most are coming down on the side of the Royals. Third Day’s Mac Powell tweeted: Have I ever told y’all that I HATE the Mets?

Jason Gray added: Though we will be working during the opening game of the World Series, I will represent. Jason shared a picture of himself in a Royals cap.

Mercyme’s Bart Millard simply shared a picture of himself dressed in a Royals had and jersey.

 

 

ODD & WEIRD NEWS…

Zimbabwean university staffer suspended in Mugabe cap mishap    photo
HARARE, Zimbabwe (AP) — For Zimbabwean leader Robert Mugabe, one size does not fit all. A senior staffer at the University of Zimbabwe has been suspended for allegedly procuring academic caps for Mugabe that were too small for his head, according to court papers filed this week. The longtime…

 

Family gets visit from orphaned bear cub, feeds him apples    photo
ASTORIA, Ore. (AP) — A family from southwest Washington had an unexpected visitor. A small black bear cub wandered along Erica and Bruce Hazen’s country road, peeking into their kitchen through a glass door. One evening, the cub stood alone in the rain, looking for a way into the couple’s…
Truck spills 22 tons of pizza dough, flour in Arizona crash
PAGE, Ariz. (AP) — A big rig loaded with more than 22 tons of pizza dough and flour has crashed in northern Arizona and spilled a large portion of its cargo. Arizona Department of Public Safety says the semi rolled on its side about 4 a.m. Thursday along a stretch of U.S. 89 near Page. The…
Already home to a ski hill, Emirates may get a snow park    photo
ABU DHABI, United Arab Emirates (AP) — Already home to a ski hill inside a mall, the sunbaked deserts of the United Arab Emirates soon may be home to a snow park too. Officials with Abu Dhabi’s Reem Mall, scheduled to open in 2018, say they plan to build a 125,000-square-foot…
Dead chipmunks portray Michigan State’s miracle football win    photo
LANSING, Mich. (AP) — Touchdown! Chipmunks? A Lansing taxidermist is honoring Michigan State’s stunning football victory over Michigan with dead, stuffed chipmunks portraying players on the final play. Jalen Watts-Jackson returned a fumble for a touchdown on Oct. 17. Nick Saade (SAAH’-day)…
Man gets a pretty penny – $5K – cashing in coin collection
RUSTON, La. (AP) — After more than 45 years of saving pennies, a Louisiana man decided it was time to cash them in. HASH(0x14568c0) Anders says that after his first coin, his penny pile began to grow, so he ultimately stopped spending pennies. He says he made sure that in any purchase, his…
Woman guilty of serving papers on behalf of sovereign Texas
KERRVILLE, Texas (AP) — A woman who claims she’s a representative of the sovereign nation of Texas was convicted of issuing fraudulent court papers ordering a judge and lawyer to appear before an “international common law court.” HASH(0x1450ff0) Cammack and other members of a group called the…
Show me your hands, or moves, dancing officer says to teens
WASHINGTON (AP) — Show me your hands, or your dance moves. A D.C. police officer helped defuse a fight between teenagers in a Washington park by challenging one of them to a dance-off. Seventeen-year-old Aaliyah Taylor says a woman officer arrived Monday and when she saw Taylor dancing to the…
Audit: NY enrolled dead in Medicaid, offered health coverage
ALBANY, N.Y. (AP) — Flaws in New York’s health exchange resulted in 21 dead people being enrolled in Medicaid and 333 getting continuing government-funded health coverage after they died, according to audit results released Thursday. The state comptroller’s office reported that its auditors…
State police use shotguns to deflate wayward military blimp    photo
MUNCY, Pa. (AP) — State police used shotguns Thursday to deflate a wayward military surveillance blimp that broke loose in Maryland and floated for hours before coming down into trees in the Pennsylvania countryside. Curious residents trickled into a staging area as the military began…
Witch wins protective order against warlock in Salem court    photo
BOSTON (AP) — A judge granted a protective order against a warlock on Wednesday, spelling relief for the Salem witch who accused him of harassment. The two squared off in court before a Salem District Court judge, who granted the protective order to witch priestess Lori Sforza. She had…

 

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS NEWS…

Russian to double spending on HIV care next year
MOSCOW (AP) — Russia will double its spending on HIV care and prevention next year in the face of a growing epidemic, the country’s health minister announced on Friday. Veronika Skvortsova earlier this week raised the alarm about the HIV epidemic in Russia, saying that it would spiral out of…

 

Study: Racial gap in breast cancer diagnoses has closed
NEW YORK (AP) — For decades, breast cancer has been less common in black women than white women, yet killed black women at a higher rate. One of those gaps has finally closed. Unfortunately for black women, it’s the first one. A new report suggests black and white women are now being…
Police, state investigate cryotherapy death at Vegas spa    photo
LAS VEGAS (AP) — Las Vegas police said they have reopened an investigation into the death of a spa worker who was found dead in a cryotherapy chamber. In addition, the state and the family of 24-year-old Chelsea Patricia Ake-Salvacion, the woman who died, announced their own investigations…
Nonprofits becoming more comfortable accepting pot donations    photo
DENVER (AP) — One marijuana business hosts an annual golf tournament in Denver to raise money for multiple sclerosis research. Another Colorado pot company donates to a gay-rights advocacy group and is a sponsor of an AIDS walk. As marijuana legalization matures, businesses are becoming more…
NY agency to protect the disabled rarely brings charges    photo
SCHENECTADY, N.Y. (AP) — In a video he made with his PlayStation, a 12-year-old developmentally disabled boy in a group home points to his swollen right eye and says, “Mom, this is what it looks like. … He slammed me.” His camera keeps rolling as his adult caretakers enter his room, where…
Doctor who helped launch modern paramedic system dies at 98    photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — As a cardiologist in Los Angeles during the 1960s, Dr. Walter S. Graf became alarmed by the number of heart attack sufferers who died while en route to hospitals. Inspired by an Irish physician who sent hospital doctors and nurses out into Belfast to treat cardiac patients,…
NY to require training for doctors who OK pot for patients
ALBANY, N.Y. (AP) — New York state will require physicians to complete an educational course before they can authorize medical marijuana for patients — an unusual mandate not applied to other new drugs or seen in other states with medical marijuana programs. State officials say the…
Big insurers remain upbeat on fledgling ACA exchanges
Slipping enrollment and struggling competitors have done little to shake the faith that the nation’s biggest health insurers have placed in the Affordable Care Act’s public insurance exchanges. Aetna executives said Thursday that the exchanges, a key element in the overhaul’s push to cover millions…
Prosthetic eye maker brings relief to wounded Gazans    photo
GAZA CITY, Gaza Strip (AP) — Imad Abu Wadi barely slept after losing his right eye during the summer 2014 war between Israel and Hamas in the Gaza Strip. The 26-year-old, then engaged, was waiting eagerly for his wedding. But with a red, hollow eyeless socket, he imprisoned himself at home….
Sanofi recalls all injectors used for allergic reactions    photo
BRIDGEWATER, N.J. (AP) — Sanofi is recalling hundreds of thousands of epinephrine injectors used to treat severe allergic reactions because they may not deliver the correct amount of the life-saving drug. The recall includes all Auvi-Q injections currently on the U.S. market, or roughly…
Family stunts disabled daughter’s growth to expand her world    photo
BALI, Indonesia (AP) — Whether Charley Hooper has any concept of the space she occupies in the world is an enigma. She is so disabled that her mother considers her “unabled.” At 10, her brain is believed to function at the level of a newborn’s. She cannot speak, cannot walk, cannot see…

 

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

A very expensive US military blimp broke away from its moorings this week and drifted from Maryland to central Pennsylvania.  Property owners with damage from the military blimp have been instructed to submit claims to the Army.  *** Good luck with that though – have you heard how great the government is at taking care of our veterans who actually SERVED in the Army?

 

The Washington Post did some research and discovered that, including this week’s victim, since 2004 dogs have shot 10 people.  *** Coming soon: rallies with signs saying “human lives matter”.

 

Facebook notifications on your phone are about to look a lot different. According to Time, The social network is revamping the Notifications tab in its mobile apps to show users more information, including events happening nearby, movies playing at local theaters, nearby restaurants, weather updates and more. However, you won’t be required to make the change. Officials say the change is optional, meaning that you can continue only getting notifications from your friends if you prefer.  *** Although, let’s face it – 90% of those notices are only selfies and food pics, and we’d rather not see them either.

 

Ford has announced it will build trucks at a plant in Ohio. The decision marks the first time that Ford has returned manufacturing jobs to the US from places like Mexico, China and Japan. Ford’s decision comes after Donald Trump criticized the automaker for building a $2.5 billion plant in Mexico.  *** Say what you want about the guy, but he’s bringing jobs back to America and he’s not even been selected as the GOP’s candidate yet!

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

One of the most enduring mysteries in history may have finally been solved. It turns out that Neil Armstrong may have actually said “One small step for a man” after all. New research indicates that people raised in central Ohio tend to blend “between words” like “for” and “a”. They say that Armstrong would have pronounced it “frrr(uh),” which combined with the less than broadcast-quality nature of the radio feed would have made sense.  ***MARLAR: We’re also pretty sure he said, “one giant leap for a mannequin.”  He was always a bit odd.

 

If you’re stressed about possibly being diagnosed with breast cancer, keep it up! According to a new British study, women with high levels of stress in their everyday lives are at less risk than others of developing breast cancer for the first time.  However, they pointed out that this theory is only speculation and needs a more thorough investigation.  ***MARLAR: Which is really stressing them out – and they couldn’t be more excited about that.

 

If you’ve tried to learn a new language before you head out on a foreign vacation and find it more difficult as you get older, scientists now say they know why. Instead of language skills deteriorating with age, as was once thought, they say the brain becomes better at filtering out sounds that we don’t use in our native language. That means we don’t recognize sounds that may be common in other languages. They say it explains why children are better at picking up languages, since their brains have yet to learn how to tune out the unneeded sounds. They say the study could lead to new ways of teaching adults foreign languages that would make them easier to learn.  ***MARLAR: So the older we get, the less we listen to others?  Show of hands – how many marriages does THAT explain?

 

Chicago was recently named the top thrill-seeking city in the country. ***Makes sense. You get a big adrenaline rush when trying to avoid gunfire.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Angry, Colorblind People”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Rich Praytor, “Disneyland Burgers”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: When last we left the jungle, Cheetah Bonita decided to stop singing with her sisters – she wanted to go solo. Then Cheetah’s band decided to leave and go solo… together. But then they all broke up because they all wanted solos too. And now it’s so bad that even individual guitar strings and piano keys are refusing to play together – EVERYBODY wants a spotlight of their own!

 

CLOSE: How much worse can this solo thing get? Find out what happens next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF NOVEMBER 07/08

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Katie Snuffleson was still feeling no compassion for her brother Marvy’s head cold – but that’s the furthest thing from her mind, because she’s just learned that Razzleflabbin Island has a magical place in the clouds called Candyland – and the tram has arrived to take her there…

 

CLOSE: Candyland does sound wonderful – and we’ll see exactly HOW wonderful next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

May I have your attention please? If you plan on robbing a bank, please call in advance to make your reservation… thank you.

A Des Moines Iowa woman is suing a bank for not knowing that it was going to be robbed, resulting in her being put in danger during the armed heist. She says she is suffering ”mental and/or emotional distress” as well as injuries from an assault by one of the robbers. ***MARLAR: Let’s recap, shall we? She’s suing because the bank didn’t know it was going to be robbed. If you follow that logic, the bank should be able to counter-sue because the woman did not let them know that she was going to be assaulted! See – everyone can win!

 

 

TOP TEN

 

TOP TEN WAYS TO KNOW YOU ARE ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET

 

1) Have twitches of the hand when you walk by your computer terminal

 

2) Check e-mail more than five times a day

 

3) Spend more time chatting than eating or sleeping

 

4) Surf aimlessly with no direction, if only to be online

 

5) Leave your name and information at countless sites if only to hope you’ll receive a reply one day from a company you’ll never do business with  anyway

 

6) Log on before important personal habits, such as meal preparation, hygiene or bodily functions

 

7) Have red, swollen eyes that hang halfway out of your head

 

8) Spend hours online on a holiday from work, where you’d usually be griping about your carpal tunnel syndrome

 

9) See smoke arising from your computer

 

10) All of the above

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Yet another criminal forgets to run away after committing a crime! What kind of disease is this that’s spreading through the criminal element, and can we synthesize it?
FILE #1: While it’s not usually a good idea to return to the scene of the crime, it’s an even bigger mistake to never leave. Jason Street and Chad Gilmer broke into a business and stole about 40 bucks in cash, a flashlight and some soft drinks and then left. They just didn’t go far enough. They walked across the street to their car, got inside, counted their money, drank their sodas and promptly fell asleep. Police answering the burglary call rousted them from their little nap and took them to jail.

 

FILE #2: You would think that when 48 year old Noel Miller recently escaped from Cornell Correctional Institute in San Francisco, that he would “lay low” for some time. Instead the fugitive, who had been serving a 9-year sentence for bank robbery, went to New Orleans where he robbed the “Omni Bank” and 2 days later knocked off the “St. Rose Bank”! The sad part was that he would have gotten away with it had he not had to hail a cab as getaway vehicle in both instances.  The second time a witness followed his cab and notified police.

 

FILE #3: A Chinese restaurant is accusing a Florida man of taking advantage of their “all you can eat” buffet. An argument ensued at the China Dragon restaurant in Holiday, Florida, after Bob Middleton proceeded to take multiple trips (between 5 to 7, with more than one plate each time) to the $9.95 buffet. Other patrons began to complain when Bob kept eating all the snow crabs. The waitress dropped a big hint by giving him the bill. Not to be denied, Middleton went back for more. The waitress then came back with a new bill — charging him $10 more for eating so many snow crabs. Middleton refused to pay the extra $10 and a heated argument began that ended with a visit from the police. After hearing both sides of the story, the officer said the restaurant couldn’t charge Middleton extra for his eating habits. “I didn’t get this gut by being a vegetarian”, said the 265 pound Middleton.

 

STRANGE LAW: If you are a pedestrian trying to cross a highway at night in Indiana, you are required by law to wear a taillight.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

One group of trick-or-treaters got a lot more than they bargained for!

In Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada, a trio of young trick-or-treaters was left a little dumbfounded Halloween night when a neighborhood house began handing out cans of beer instead of candy. Dave Kozicki said his nine-year-old son and two friends were nearing the end of their route Halloween night when a man, apparently drunk, tossed the unwanted treats into their bags and told them not to come back. The cops were called and they charged the 53-year-old man with distributing alcohol to minors.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Today is “Plan Your Epitaph Day.” So do it – what would you want written on your headstone for the rest of eternity? Would it be inspirational? Humorous?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: By what other name is the Salt Sea (the Dead Sea) known in the Old Testament?
ANSWER: The Sea of Arabah (Deuteronomy 3:17)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Which of your ears is better at processing music?

ANSWER: The left ear. (Doctors have always assumed that both human ears were basically the same. But a UCLA study of babies may change a lot of assumptions about the way the brain works, because it found that the right ear is better at picking up speech-like sounds, while the left ear is better at processing music.)

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. The first American satellite in orbit was not the Explorer 1, but the Explorer 2. (False – it was Explorer 1, launched February 1, 1958.)

 

  1. The first man-made object to circle the earth was Sputnik 1. (True – launched in 1957.)

 

  1. The International Space Station is only about the size of a small house. (False – it weighs about 500 tons and is the same size as a football field.)

 

  1. A tiger’s paw prints are called pug marks. (True – a tiger’s forefeet have five toes and the hind feet have four toes. All toes have claws. The claws are 80 to 100 mm in length.)

 

  1. Texas has 154 counties. (False – it has 254 counties. Alaska, which is more than twice as large, hasn’t any counties.)

 

  1. A horseshoe for a full-grown Clydesdale measures more that 42 inches from end to end. (False – it measures about 22 inches from end to end and weighs about five pounds. It is more than two times as long and four times as heavy as a shoe worn by a riding horse.)

 

  1. In 1935, the police in Atlantic City, New Jersey, arrested 42 men on the beach for topless bathing. (True)

 

  1. Russian money used to be made of tea leaves. (False – it used to be made of leather until the 17th century., Tea money in China.)

 

  1. Canada is the largest country in the world. (False – it’s the second-largest country in the world after Russia. Nearly 90 percent of the Canada’s population is concentrated within 100 miles of the United States/Canada border.)

 

  1. The surface temperature of a neutron star is about 1.8 million degrees Fahrenheit. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

WILD ______ TAKE ATLANTA! (HOGS)

Wild hogs are roaming loose in Atlanta… and residents are running for their lives!

Wild hogs are scaring residents of Atlanta.

Some parents fear sending their children to a school bus stop, where up to four hundred of the hogs are roaming the streets and eating trash, attacking people.

Authorities hope the hogs can be trapped in cages by next week, but they may need to have help from the National Guard.

“They’re causing mayhem and terror,” said one Atlanta resident as she headed out to work in downtown Atlanta.

The Atlanta Police Department’s  animal control officers are working on a plan to capture the animals, but two of the officers were already hospitalized after trying to capture just one.

“My children are petrified,” said another Atlanta resident “I have little ones that get on the bus at 6:40 in the morning,” she added. “So, I’m sorry. I’m not built to fight off wildlife.”

The hogs are extremely dangerous if they are cornered, said Harry Forston, a deer and feral hog biologist with the Georgia Department of Natural Resources.

“If they feel threatened, they can bite and kill,” he said.

A sow protecting piglets can also be dangerous, much like a bear protecting her cubs.

Feral hogs live in just about every county in Georgia. The animals in Georgia are “a hodge-podge” of domestic pigs that escaped from their pens and hogs that have been living in the wild for years.

In the early 1900s, several animals escaped from their enclosures at a hunting preserve at a mountain known as Hooper Bald in North Carolina, and they mated with feral hogs in the surrounding area. That population then spread into other areas of the Southeast, including Georgia, according to research done by Dr. Jack Mayer of the Savannah River National Laboratory in Aiken, S.C.s.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A husband was just coming out of anesthesia after having surgery, and his faithful wife was sitting at his bedside.  His eyes started to open and he quietly uttered, “You’re beautiful.”

He soon drifted back to sleep, and after awhile he woke up and said, “You’re cute.”

“What happened to beautiful?” she asked him.

“The drugs are wearing off,” he replied.

 

JOKE #2

On Coast Guard cutters, low-ranking crewmembers take turns in the galley helping the cooks. One young seaman aboard was always dropping dishes and spilling food.

One day, alone in the galley, he noticed an unfrosted yellow sheet cake cooling on a counter. Determined to rectify past errors, the seaman made chocolate icing and carefully decorated the cake with it. The seaman stood proudly by the dessert as the head cook returned to the galley.

Frantically, the cook began to look around. “Where did my CORNBREAD go?” he shouted.

 

JOKE #3

A little boy was given a five-dollar bill to put in the collection plate. When the offering came around, he wouldn’t put it in.  But after the end of the service, when he went to shake the pastor’s hand, he pulled out the five dollar bill and gave it to the pastor.

The pastor asked him, “Why are you giving me this money? Why didn’t you put it in the offering plate?”

And the boy answered, “Because my mommy told me you’re the poorest pastor we’ve ever had!”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

The chances of dying by laughter are 15 billion to 1.  ***MARLAR: And if you’re watching “Two And a Half Men”, you’re not at any risk at all.

 

The Preventive Medicine Society of China reports that 60 percent of people in rural areas of the country have never brushed their teeth. ***MARLAR: Here’s the strange thing… I checked it out this morning; my toothbrush is stamped “Made in China.”

 

Astronomers say there is a chance that Earth will survive being swallowed by the Sun when it burns out and explodes in five billion years.  ***MARLAR: Which is good news, because I opted for the lifetime warranty on my new solar-powered calculator.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold’s violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, “For pity’s sake, can’t you play something the dog doesn’t know?”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

SIMPLY SHOCKING!

An electricity company has been sued in court because it LOWERED its rates!

A German electrical utility company has been forced by the courts to pay compensation just because it was nice to its customers! The bosses at BEWAG (the name of the electrical company) thought that it’d be a great idea to drop the prices for their electric services by one-third – figuring it’d make all of their customers very happy. And it did… all except one. An unnamed customer of the utility company decided to sue, figuring that, if the company could afford to drop prices, it meant that they had been overcharging for all of those years previous! And in Germany, that’s against the law for utility companies. The law says that state electricity must be sold as cheaply as possible. So he took BEWAG to court… and won. ***MARLAR: In order to pay the claimant, BEWAG said they’d be raising electricity rates.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

The power of sacrificial giving is revealed in 2 Corinthians 9:6-11.

First, God will measure back to you with the same measuring device you use when giving to Him (v. 6).

Second, God is looking for a heart attitude that is free, spontaneous, and cheerful in giving (v. 7).

Third, God has the power to resupply your resources to such a point that you will always have enough to give to any worthy project (v. 8).

Fourth, God will remember for eternity what you scatter abroad (v. 9).

Fifth, if you have a sower’s heart and are faithful, God will give you more and more seed to plant (v. 10).

Finally, God will prosper you financially so you can become a resource for building His kingdom in the earth (v. 11).

How many people fail to start down God’s road of blessing because they sow sparingly? Step through the gate of hilarious, generous, spontaneous giving and watch God supply you with more seed to sow than you ever dreamed possible. He is looking for channels through which He can bless the world!

–Larry Stockstill

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

“For they all saw Him and were troubled. But immediately He talked with them and said to them, “Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid.” –Mark 6:50

Ever thought of yourself as a cheerleader? How would you look in a short skirt! One guy in high school decided to run for the position and was elected by a landslide – all the guys voted for him as a novelty. He only lasted one year, but it was an exciting year!

Jesus was a cheerleader. Five or six times he tells us to “be of good cheer.” In the case of today’s verse, He is encouraging a frightened group of fishermen friends. They are fighting a fierce storm and see a figure walking on the water. What would you think if you saw someone walking on water in the middle of a very stormy, very deep lake? You would be frightened just like the twelve were. They needed a cheerleader.

Perhaps you need a good cheerleader today. “Be of good cheer!” Jesus is near and He will help you through the difficulty you are facing. Turn to Him and He will lift you up. Perhaps you know someone who needs a cheerleader. You can be that for them. Sometimes all it takes is a kind word and a quick hug. Other times require more time and effort. In either case, your Cheerleader, Jesus, will help you be the cheerleader for that individual. All you have to do is follow Him.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

Teachers’ high standards, not false praise, improve students’ grades.

According to new psychology research from the University of Texas at Austin, students who received notes expressing the teachers high expectations scored better on writing assignments. The report in Breaking Christian News says the latest studies contradict a common trend in education of praising students for mediocre work.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

SIGNS YOUR CHILD IS BEING BULLIED AT SCHOOL

(shine.yahoo.com) The National Youth Violence Prevention Network recently reported that 5.7 million students are involved in bullying— as the victim, perpetrator, or both. More often than not, kids hide being bullied out of shame, so it is important to watch for behavioral changes. Here are six key signs, outlined by the Department of Health and Human Services, your child may be the victim of harassment and intimidation.

  • Loss of Interest in School: A sharp decline in grades coupled with a sudden disinterest in school can be a tell-tale sign of your child suffering at the hands of a bully. Similarly, if your kid seems distracted and eager to change the subject when you bring up his or her school day, it could be an indication of something more serious. Try to get your child to open up by doing a fun one-on-one activity with him or her and ask questions in a gentle manner. In other words, don’t give the third degree.
  • Inconsistent Eating and Sleeping Patterns: Many victims of bullying exhibit loss of appetite or engage in binge eating to cope with the harassment. Anxiety over the torment can cause nightmares or insomnia. Excessive sleeping can also be a clue to underlying problems. Talk to your child, speak with school administrators, and if need be, meet with a physician before the problem manifests into something worse.
  • Fear or Anxiety of Going to School: If your child avoids riding the bus, is scared of walking to and from school, or takes a long, out-of-the-way route to class, find out what or who is behind it by talking to school officials, cross-walk guards, or the bus driver.
  • Unexplained Cuts and Bruises: Kids are notorious for getting into all sorts of mishaps. But when bruises or cuts are unaccounted for or are routinely brushed off as “accidents,” you should investigate the causes without hesitation.
  • Damaged or Missing Belongings: Again, children are prone to accidents. But if you notice a pattern of torn, damaged, or missing pieces of clothing, books, or other belongings, you should definitely look into the reason why. Also, if your child is constantly losing his or her lunch (or lunch money), there may be more to it than absent-mindedness. Get to the root of the matter, and consider labeling your child’s belongings to help prove the property is, in fact, your child’s.
  • Frequent Health Complaints and Requests to Stay Home: If your child frequently complains about headaches and stomachaches and asks to stay home, you should look into whether they’re phantom claims or legitimate illnesses. It’s not uncommon for anxiety and psychological anguish over the harassment and intimidation to lead to very real physical ailments. Speak to your child’s teacher, guidance counselor, or the family physician if the complaints persist.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

SOUP IS ON

A Utah resident had a great idea to hide their valuables — put them in a fake soup can and seal it. Turns out that wasn’t the best plan.

The problem was that they accidentally gave the soup can to a food drive. Now the Utah Food Bank is searching for the donor of the fake can so they can return its valuable contents. Worker Richard Bohmhold said he didn’t notice any difference in the can’s appearance or weight when he was sorting items for a senior citizens meal program, except in sound. He figured the can had been damaged and its contents leaked out, so he submitted the suspect item to his supervisor. When they opened the can they found $7,000 in gold chains, pearls and other gems. The food bank has no idea when the can came in and have turned over its contents to the police for safekeeping.  ***MARLAR: Maybe the person who dropped off $7,000 worth valuables was just confused because it’s called a food “BANK”?

 

 

FUN LIST

YOU THINK IT’S BAD AT WORK NOW? YOU AIN’T HEARD NOTHING YET!

Do you ever feel overworked, over-regulated, under-leisured and underbenefited? Take heart, this notice was found in the ruins of a London office building. It was dated 1852:

  • This firm has reduced the hours of work, and the clerical staff will now only have to be present between the hours of 6 a.m. and 7 p.m. weekdays.
  • Clothing must be of sober nature. The clerical staff will not disport themselves in raiment of bright colors, nor will they wear hose unless in good repair.
  • Overshoes and topcoats may not be worn in the office, but neck scarves and headwear may be worn in inclement weather.
  • A stove is provided for the benefit of the clerical staff. Coal and wood must be kept in the locker. It is recommended that each member of the clerical staff bring four pounds of coal each day during the cold weather.
  • No member of the clerical staff may leave the room without permission from the supervisor. (My last job actually HAD that memo distributed to the staff… not surprisingly, that was the same day that I left!)
  • No talking is allowed during business hours.
  • The craving for tobacco, wine, or spirits is a human weakness, and as such is forbidden to all members of the clerical staff.
  • Now that the hours of business have been drastically reduced, the partaking of food is allowed between 11:30 and noon, but work will not on any account cease!!!
  • Members of the clerical staff will provide their own pens. A new sharpener is available on application to the supervisor.
  • The supervisor will nominate a senior clerk to be responsible for the cleanliness of the main office and the supervisor’s private office. All boys and juniors will report to him 40 minutes before prayers and will remain after closing hours for similar work. Brushes, brooms, scrubbers, and soap are provided by the owners.
  • The owners recognize the generosity of the new labor laws, but will expect a great rise in output of work to compensate for these near Utopian conditions.

(***MARLAR: Wow… I guess I shouldn’t be complaining so much about not getting the “quilted” toilet paper in the restroom, huh?)

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

DEAD OR ALIVE

20 year old Steven Durocher has been refused a tax rebate because the government thinks he’s dead! The Canadian man recently wrote to the country’s revenue agency asking for a tax rebate and the response was addressed to his estate and declined the request because he was deceased. Mr. Durocher is now trying to convince the government that he’s actually alive. He was quoted as saying, “I want the government to make me alive again so I can get on with my life.” ***MARLAR: Actually, I’m hoping the government declares me dead so I never have to pay taxes again.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS! 

If you can believe this, Washington, D.C., firefighter Gerald Burton recently faced suspension for disobeying a direct order by his supervisor.

…Gerald was driving his fire truck to a training class when he came across a building on fire. His supervisor ordered him to continue on to the class and leave the fire for other crews that had been dispatched. But Gerald stopped anyway and he and his partner put out the fire, with help from the crew that arrived a little while later, thus limiting damage to just $150,000.

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Scientists in Australia accidentally stumbled on a substance that can remove toxic mercury from the sea. It’s called limonene (limon-neen), and can be found in any orange peel. The team was working with sulfur and limonene to create a red, rubber-like polymer. When they began running tests to measure its potentially harmful impact on the environment, they discovered quite the opposite — the substance can suck mercury right out of water.

http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/accidental-discovery-orange-peels-could-suck-mercury-out-of-oceans/

 

Looking for a new home in Chicagoland?  Well, even Michael Jordan isn’t above sweetening the deal. After struggling to sell his 56,000-square-foot Chicago mansion for the past three years, the NBA legend has halved its price to a little under $15 million — and offered to outfit its buyer with every edition of Air Jordans ever made. The estate includes a regulation-size basketball court, a putting green and a full service hair salon.

http://on.mash.to/1jSGRyL

 

High school football coach Joe Kennedy has been put on paid administrative leave because he refused to stop praying in public at football games. According to CBN.com, The Bremerton School District in Washington state made that decision earlier this week, saying the move was necessary because “Kennedy’s conduct poses a genuine risk that the District will be liable for violating the federal and state constitutional rights of students or others.” But Kennedy says it’s actually his constitutional rights that are being violated. Kennedy’s attorneys at the Liberty Institute say the district has no right to ban the coach from personally praying, and they’re ready to sue the school district.

http://go.cbn.com/4050

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Seeing a murder on television… can help work off one’s antagonisms. And if you haven’t any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some. –Alfred Hitchcock

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

Security Checkup

(*I’m traveling this week, so this blog’s topic may look slightly familiar.)
In recent days, we’ve learned of another invasion of privacy with the hacking of two well known persons’ email accounts. Regrettably, these two people have a lot to do with our nation’s security! I’m speaking of the personal accounts of CIA Director John Brennan and Department of Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson.
The New York Post revealed it was a teenager who was the culprit. And what did he get? How about access to documents such as Social Security numbers for more than 12 US intelligence officials. This came from Brennan’s account. The hacker claims his tapping into Brennan’s AOL information contained the CIA director’s own application for top security clearance — a trove of nearly 50 pages of who knows what. Well, now the hacker does.
There appears to be a pro-Palestinian motivation behind the hacker. He claims to be non-Muslim but disapproved of US policy. He threatened more action if his views of needed change aren’t met. Even government is becoming a hacker’s paradise.
But it’s everywhere. It’s been reported that the “real problem is that so many breaches occur in the first place. Credit and debit card fraud has nearly quadrupled in past decade.” Staying a step ahead of thieves is hard work.
Security breaches in our modern age put our finances, medical history, and loads of personal information up for grabs. A news story several months back in the New York Times offered an eerie glimpse into new ways of enhancing personal security. A bank in Britain now provides voice analyzation for added security to high net worth individuals. In Japan, some ATMs scan vein patterns in a person’s palm before money is released. Fingerprint sensors on computers and smartphones are becoming more common.
As we know, pets are now commonly sold and adopted with microchips to reveal their identity in the event they are lost or stolen. Radio Frequency identification tags (RFID) are being encouraged in various parts of the globe for humans. Proponents say these devices embedded under people’s skin could help curb identity theft, improve medical care, and even help identify disaster victims.
It would seem obvious to most of us that more people are willing to sacrifice personal privacy for this sense of personal security. Cameras, for example, are everywhere. We are monitored at every turn.
So what is a person to do? Tough decisions may be ahead. How far will people go to give themselves these earthly personal protections?
Many also believe that all of this activity is connected to events leading to what are called “the end times.” One of the most difficult instructions Jesus gave his followers had to do with reading the signs of the times. Note these words of his … “But in those days, after that tribulation, the sun will be darkened, and the moon will not give its light, and the stars will be falling from heaven, and the powers in the heavens will be shaken. And then they will see the Son of Man coming in clouds with great power and glory.” (Mark 13:24-26) So … are you ready?
Oddly, it seems the vast majority of people on our planet are more concerned with personal security than eternal security. We’re more worried about a credit or email account breach than a spiritual breach in our own lives. The kind that could rob us of eternal reward.
I suggest you take the best precaution possible regarding your greatest asset: YOU! Protect yourself with a “living trust.” Make a day by day decision to abide in Him. Put your faith in Jesus.
There is no more sound investment strategy. And it never needs an upgrade.
That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

OCTOBER 30, 2015…

 

Our Brand Is Crisis—In a role originally written for a man, Sandra Bullock takes on politics in Bolivia. She is hired to be a campaign manager for a Bolivian presidential candidate. Shades of “whatever works.”  Her aides are Anthony Mackie and Ann Dowd. What kind of strategy can she come up with?  Also in the cast  Joaquin de Almeida and  Billy Bob Thornton as her rival.. Based on a true situation.  “Our Brand Is Crisis” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans of the cast.

 

Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse—Yup, almost Halloween and here comes another horror film. In years to come, will these young stars name this on a resume?  Just saying…Instead of a party, the three stars battle zombies.  Cast includes Tye Sheridan, Patrick Schwarzenegger (you read that right) and Logan Miller. “Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse” is rated R. No rating.

 

NOVEMBER 06, 2015…

 

Brooklyn with Saoirse Ronan as an Irish immigrant to New York in the 1950’s.

 

The Peanuts Movie in 3 D animation with your favorite characters. Enjoy.

 

Spectra and James Bond with Daniel Craig starring. What more need be said?

 

Spotlight stars Michael Keaton in a film of the Boston Globe coverage of the catholic church sex scandal.

 

Trumbo has Bryan Cranston playing screenwriter Dalton Trumbo.

 

Miss You Already has Toni Collette battling cancer.

 

# # # # #

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.