November 03, 2015: Tuesday ONAIRprep


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I’m not going to say today’s show will be exactly like yesterday’s show, but just in case, the bomb squad is standing by.




We know him who said, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” and again, “The Lord will judge his people.” It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. –Hebrews 10:30-31


Laziness brings on deep sleep, and the shiftless man goes hungry. –Proverbs 19:15


Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. — 1 Peter 2:9




This is what the LORD Almighty says: “Administer true justice; show mercy and compassion to one another. Do not oppress the widow or the fatherless, the alien or the poor. In your hearts do not think evil of each other.” — Zechariah 7:9-10


Thought: Do you want a clear, simple, straightforward word from the Lord today? That’s what Zechariah gives us. He reminds us that God wants us to be fair, compassionate, caring, without prejudice, and tenderhearted to those in need, and to give each other the benefit of the doubt. In other words, he wants us to treat each other like Christ treated people. Why? Because we can’t be right with God and be wrong with people!


Prayer: Loving Father, please forgive me for the times I’ve gotten bogged down with hard-to-understand verses in Scripture and ignored your clear teaching on how to live. Please give me the opportunity this week to live like you have commanded me. In the future, when my heart grows cold or my response to others is not what it should be, please use your Spirit to bring to my remembrance this passage so that I might live it to your glory. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.


The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to




The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Luke 11:3 NIV = Give us each day our daily bread.




(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)


Today is SEE IF YOU CAN STILL HOLD A GLASS TO YOUR MOUTH WITH SHEER LUNG POWER DAY.  ***MARLAR: I can, but it will require my taking the rest of the day off once I do it.


Today is CLICHÉ DAY.  Try to use as many clichés as possible today.  ***MARLAR: And why not? Give it a shot.  What do you have to lose?  I’ll toss my hat into the ring – it should be a piece of cake!  Easy as pie!


Today is GIVE SOMEONE A DOLLAR DAY.  ***MARLAR: I gave my wife a dollar – she gave it right back to me.  There… done.


This is KID’S GOAL SETTING WEEK, a time to teach children to set goals to make their dreams come true.  ***MARLAR: That’s right, kiddies!  You too can reach your dream of being a big time radio show DJ – all you have to do is flunk out of college like I did!  Whoo hoo!




Cliché Day

Election Day

Sandwich Day


Traffic Directors Day





National Chicken Lady Day

National Candy Day

Use Your Common Sense Day



National Love Your Red Hair Day

National Men Make Dinner Day (No BBQ allowed!)



National Nachos Day

Saxophone Day

Domino Day



Digital Scrapbooking Day

National Bittersweet Chocolate with Almonds Day

Pumpkin Destruction Day

Sadie Hawkins Day

Sausage and Kraut Day



Abet and Aid Punsters Day

Cook Something Bold and Pungent Day

Dunce Day

National Parents As Teachers Day

X-Ray Day




World Freedom Day

World Orphans Day



Are Code Day

Marine Corps Birthday

Sesame Street Day

Windows Day (Microsoft)

World Science Day for Peace and Development

National Young Reader’s Day




1917: The price of a first-class U.S. postage stamp was increased to three cents.


1952: A supermarket in Chester, New York, offered history’s first frozen bread for sale, using a Birdseye quick-freeze process. It didn’t catch on, but Clarence’s frozen peas, introduced the same day, are still selling.


1957: A Soviet dog named Laika was launched into orbit aboard Sputnik II, the second man-made satellite. Laika died during the experiment.


1980: The teenage “E” gang that had been stealing the letter “E” from signs all over Winnipeg, Manitoba, sent a lawyer to police with a car-trunk full of “E’s” and promised not to do it anymore.


1988: Talk host Geraldo Rivera suffered a broken nose as Roy Innes brawled with skinheads during a television show taping.


1992: 92-year-old Clarice Humphrey of Eutaw, Alabama, voted for Bill Clinton on the first ballot she ever cast. She said her husband did not believe women should vote, so she never registered until after he died.


1998: Minnesotans elected former pro wrestler Jesse “The Body” Ventura to be their governor.


2003: A German man who survived five days in the Alps in freezing temperatures by eating snow was fired because he missed work. He received written notification of his dismissal while doctors at the hospital were deciding whether to amputate six of his frost-bitten toes.




0753: Death of St. Pirminius, first abbot of the Benedictine monastery at Reichenau (located in modern Germany). His name endures today as author of a book entitled “Scarapsus,” which is the earliest known writing to contain the Apostles’ Creed as it is worded in its present form.


1631: English clergyman John Eliot, 27, first arrived in America, at Boston. He afterward became the first Protestant minister to devote himself to evangelization of the American Indian.


1784: English clergyman Thomas Coke, 37, first arrived in America, at New York City. He was the first Methodist bishop to come to the New World.


1818: Pliny Fisk, 26, set sail for Palestine. Ordained by the American Board of Commissioners for Foreign Missions, Fisk became the first American missionary to journey to the Near East.


1925: The Pentecostal Ministerial Alliance was organized at St. Louis, MO. It became the forerunner of a new denomination, established in 1932 as the Pentecostal Church, Inc.




  • Actor (Rocky 4, Masters of the Universe, Universal Soldier, The Expendables) Dolph Lundgren, 56
  • comedian/actor (“Boston Public”, The Net, “Saturday Night Live”) Dennis Miller 60
  • Godzilla is 61
  • Actress (Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, No Dogs Allowed, Black Rain, The Quick And The Dead, Mrs. Steven Spielberg) Kate Capshaw 62
  • actress (Mimi on “The Drew Carey Show”) Kathy Kinney 62 (
  • Actress/comic (“Roseanne” Jennifer Smith #2 on “General Hospital”, She Devil) Roseanne 63 (
  • Actor (“F Troop’s” Capt. Wilton Parmenter, “Mayberry RFD’s” Sam Jones, “Mama’s Family’s” Vinton Harper, The Cat From Outer Space) Ken Berry 82 (




(Music Artist Birthdays From

1801 : Vincenzo Bellini

1930 : Mabel John

1933 : John Barry

1943 : Bert Jansch

1946 : Nick Simper (Johnny Kidd and the Pirates, Deep Purple)

1946 : Tommy Dee (John Fred and His Playboy Band)

1948 : Lulu

1954 : Adam Ant




What’s the difference between table salt, sea salt, kosher salt, and rock salt?

Table salt is made by driving water into a salt deposit (mine) and evaporating the brine that is formed, leaving dried crystals that look like granulated sugar. Sea salt is what remains after seawater is trapped and evaporated. If you substitute sea salt in cooking or to flavor food, you may need to use more than table salt because it is less dense.  Kosher salt is made much the same way as table salt but is raked continuously during the evaporation process. This gives it a lighter, flakier texture. Kosher salt also is denser and more flavorful than table salt, used in pickling and conforms to Jewish dietary laws. Rock salt is table salt that is not refined and is not used in or on food.




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Members of the Sidewalk Prophets might just have the makings of a good politician They were recently asked by one of their fans: Is it alright for me to skip class tomorrow to come to the concert? Members of the group replied: We would never condone skipping class…but DO IT.


Switchfoot’s Jon Foreman released four EPs and performed 25 concerts in 24 hours in 2015. So what’s next? Jon will be the featured speaker at a Ted Talk at the University of Nevada. The Ted Talk will be held in Reno, Nevada on January 23.


During a stop in Ohio, Tobymac and his crew had the chance to play basketball on the home court of Ohio State. The Coaching staff opened up the Buckeyes court prior to that evening’s Tobymac concert.


Taylor Swift is impressed with for King and County. She watched their cover of her song Out of the Woods and this week tweeted: This is one of my favorite covers I’ve heard–amazing job for King and Country.


Big Daddy Weave marked 17 years since the group first took the stage this week. Their full band name at that first concert: Big Daddy Weave and the Institution.


Switchfoot front man Jon Foreman says his next 25 in 24 will be a little less intense that the 25 concerts he did in 24 hours last week. He tweeted: Gone fishing. 25 in 24 hours.


Matt Maher says he was always late in high school and he adds: old habits die hard. Matt shared a picture as he sat in bumper to bumper traffic and added: sorry parent teacher conference.


The countdown is underway. The wedding of Revive our Hearts’ Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Robert Wolgemuth is less than two weeks away.


Their concert was rained out so Jason Gray staked out a spot at McDonalds in front of the only public TV in the tiny community of Citronelle, Alabama to watch the Kansas City Royals play in the World Series. Jason says he bought everybody a round of Oreo McFlurries after the Royals comeback win.


The baby watch continues. Josh Wilson shared a picture on Sunday as he and his wife continued waiting for their new baby. Josh said that, since they don’t know the baby’s gender, they are calling it Pat until it’s born. It was due on on October 30.




2 degrees, flies planes, author, works at NASA. His age? 17    photo
BOSTON (AP) — Moshe Kai Cavalin has two college degrees, but he’s too young to vote. He flies airplanes, but he’s too young to drive a car alone. Life is filled with contrasts for Cavalin, a 17-year-old from San Gabriel, California, who has dashed by major milestones as his age seems to lag…


97-year-old Michigan woman receives high school diploma
WALKER, Mich. (AP) — A 97-year-old woman has received an honorary diploma from a Michigan high school, eight decades after she was forced to drop out to help her family. Margaret Thome Bekema finally was able to don a mortarboard and fulfill her lifelong goal in front of her friends and…
Breakfast with skulls: Halloween night in Paris Catacombs    photo
PARIS (AP) — This Halloween, two brave souls got the dubious honor of waking up among 6 million dead bodies in Paris’ creepy Catacombs. Brazilian Pedro Arruda, 27, said he wasn’t sure if he was lucky or unlucky when he found out he had won a contest sponsored by home-sharing company Airbnb to…
Albuquerque dentist offering to buy back Halloween candy
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) — An Albuquerque, New Mexico, dentist is hoping to get ahead in the fight against post-Halloween cavities with cash. KRQE-TV reports ( that Byron Wall, of Cosmetic Dentistry of New Mexico, said he is offering to buy candy back from…
Minor league baseball team gets mascots: Chompers, Chew Chew    photo
HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) — A new minor league baseball team in Hartford, Connecticut, will have two mascots. The Colorado Rockies Double-A affiliate the Hartford Yard Goats introduced Chompers and Chew Chew to the public Friday. Chompers is a male green furry goat character with blue horns and a…
Russian women on space test unworried about absence of men    photo
MOSCOW (AP) — Before six Russian women began an eight-day simulation of a voyage to the moon, they had to answer a key question: How could they cope for such a long time without men or makeup? The six women climbed into a mock-up spaceship Wednesday to imitate a lunar flight — an…
Prosecutor suspended after pulling gun on fake spiders
LOGAN, W.Va. (AP) — An assistant prosecutor in West Virginia has been suspended after pulling a gun and threatening to shoot fake spiders scattered around the office as Halloween decorations. Logan County Prosecuting Attorney John Bennett tells media outlets that Chris White informed other…
Seattle parks official warns of seasonal owl attacks
SEATTLE (AP) — City officials say they’re not surprised that an owl recently went on the offensive at Seattle’s Discovery Park. Christopher Li says he was walking through the park on Wednesday evening when he suddenly felt sharp claws on the back of his head. Li says he “freaked out” and…
Cops: Man does $4K damage to parking meters for $30 in coins
GREENSBURG, Pa. (AP) — Police say a Pennsylvania man caused $4,000 in damage to parking meters he knocked down for the $30 in coins inside. Police say 51-year-old Allen Delgrosso was captured on surveillance video taking the four meters from a Greensburg parking lot Oct. 8. Authorities say…
Arizona drivers get a scare from giant inflatable pumpkin
PEORIA, Ariz. (AP) — Halloween tricks came early for some drivers and pedestrians in the Phoenix area when a giant, inflatable pumpkin bounded down the roadway in high winds. A 25-foot-tall pumpkin escaped from its display promoting the Peoria Monster Bash Thursday, sailing down the street…
Aquarium marks Halloween with underwater jack-o’-lanterns    photo
BOSTON (AP) — The New England Aquarium is putting some fright into its sea life by adding underwater jack-o’-lanterns to celebrate Halloween. Aquarium divers on Friday placed carved pumpkins among the coral reefs of the 225,000-gallon giant ocean tank. The big question: Will the…





More cases of E. coli in Washington, Oregon expected
SEATTLE (AP) — Health officials expect the number of people sickened by an E. coli outbreak linked to Chipotle restaurants in Washington state and Oregon to grow while they investigate the cause of the infection. As of Friday, three people in the Portland area and 19 people in western…


Many teen sex assault victims get subpar ER care, study says
CHICAGO (AP) — Many sexually assaulted teens seeking emergency room care don’t receive recommended tests and prevention treatments for pregnancy and venereal disease, according to a new study. Testing and treatment rates varied widely among 38 children’s hospitals studied, from zero teens…
New push for pint-sized medical devices to treat sick kids    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Improvise isn’t a word parents want to hear from their kid’s doctor. Yet pediatric specialists too often have to jury-rig care because many of the medical devices needed to treat sick children were built for adults. Part of the problem is size. Doctors fixed Alice de…
Health law’s 3rd sign-up season faces challenges from prices    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The government’s insurance website is faster and easier to use, but as a third sign-up season gets underway, President Barack Obama’s health care law is approaching limits. Enrollment on the federal and state exchanges began Sunday. While the law’s expanded coverage has…
California doctor convicted in overdose deaths of 3 patients    photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — The second-degree murder convictions this week of a Los Angeles-area physician were the first against a U.S. doctor for recklessly prescribing drugs, the Los Angeles district attorney’s office said. Dr. Hsiu-Ying “Lisa” Tseng was convicted of murder on Friday in a landmark…
Medicare to cover end-of-life counseling
WASHINGTON (AP) — Medicare said Friday it will pay doctors to help patients plan what kind of care they want at the end of life, an idea more broadly accepted than six years ago when it touched off a political uproar about “death panels.” The policy change was urged by numerous physician and…
Speaker Ryan on mission to clean house, from the ground up    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — When new Speaker Paul Ryan says he’s ready to clean house, he really means it. And a good place to start is the speaker’s office, just vacated by cigarette-smoker John Boehner. Just how bad is it? Here’s how Ryan puts it: “You know when you ever go to a hotel room or get a…
Russian to double spending on HIV care next year
MOSCOW (AP) — Russia will double its spending on HIV care and prevention next year in the face of a growing epidemic, the country’s health minister announced on Friday. Veronika Skvortsova earlier this week raised the alarm about the HIV epidemic in Russia, saying that it would spiral out of…
EPA may ban common pesticide used on fruits and vegetables    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — A common pesticide used on citrus fruits, almonds and other crops would be banned under a proposal announced Friday by the Environmental Protection Agency. The proposal would prohibit use of chlorpyrifos, a widely used insecticide that is sprayed on a variety of crops…
England, Wales have new law on female genital mutilation    photo
LONDON (AP) — A new law requiring professionals to report cases of female genital mutilation to police for those under 18 is being introduced in England and Wales, but some warn the law could make girls reluctant to seek medical care. The law taking effect Saturday makes it a crime not to…
Prices, politics challenge health law’s 3rd sign-up season    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The government’s insurance website is faster and easier to use, but as a third sign-up season gets underway, President Barack Obama’s health care law is approaching limits. Enrollment on the federal and state exchanges began Sunday. While the law’s expanded coverage has…





(None on the weekends)



Former Florida Governor Jeb Bush says his presidential campaign is not “on life support.”  *** Who the heck is Jeb Bush?


A video of a young boy dressed up for Halloween as Colombian drug kingpin Pablo Escobar is drawing criticism from some who say it was inappropriate to dress up a toddler as a man who was one of the world’s most violent criminals. ***But dressing up your toddler as Jason from Friday the 13th or Freddy Kruger is perfectly acceptable.


Video from late last week shows a giant inflatable jack-o’-lantern rolling through an Arizona intersection. Gusty winds caused the 350-pound pumpkin to break free from a display in the town of Peoria, Arizona.  *** And by the way, just because someone saw a 350lb pumpkin, it does not mea I was in Arizona at the time!


During the morning commute this week in Tacoma, Washington, a trooper pulled over a man who tried to use a Halloween doll to gain access to the (HOV / carpool) lane of I-5. The trooper found the male driver and the doll buckled up in the passenger seat in the car, violating the rule that requires two or more people in carpool lanes. *** Police ticketed both of them because they couldn’t figure out which one was the real dummy.




Add whale songs to the sounds of NYC. Cornell University researchers say they’ve captured the sounds of whales singing in the waters surrounding New York City. The scientists report it’s a first. They’ve recorded fin, humpback and North Atlantic right whales on mics placed about 13 miles from the entrance of New York Harbor and off the shores of Fire Island. The researchers hope to use the data to better protect the endangered animals.  ***MARLAR: They thought they’d caught whale song a couple of years ago in the area, but it turns out they just caught Michael Moore on vacation.


Tattoos seem to becoming more and more popular… with everyone except employers.  With the job market recovering but still shaky, people with tattoos are finding it even harder to get hired, prompting them to reconsider their body art.  According to The Patient’s Guide, a website comprised of 25 niche publications dedicated to skin care, laser tattoo removal has increased 32 percent over the past year, with many citing employment as a main reason for the treatment.  ***MARLAR: In fact, if you plan on getting a neck tattoo, you might as well just have it say “I’m not getting the job, am I?”


Decades of studies show the long-term cost benefits of dollar coins over paper money, but the U.S. still hasn’t switched. ***MARLAR: It’s mostly churchgoing folks that have an issue with this.  They want to look good by placing folding money into the offering plate when it passes in front of them to appear generous – and making dollar coins would ruin that.


For decades, health officials have battled malaria with insecticides, bed nets and drugs. Now, scientists say there might be a potent new tool to fight the deadly mosquito-borne disease: the stench of human feet.  In a laboratory study, researchers found that mosquitoes infected with the tropical disease were more attracted to human odors from a dirty sock than those that didn’t carry malaria. Insects carrying malaria parasites were three times more likely to be drawn to the stinky stockings.  ***MARLAR: That’s why people in those countries go barefoot.  They’re not necessarily poor – they’re just avoiding bug bites.












OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, not only were the Cheetah Sisters no longer singing three-part-harmony, but nobody was singing or playing in harmony! Ever since Cheetah Bonita decided to go solo, everyone decided to go solo… and now there’s no more music in the jungle – it’s all just… well… NOISE!
CLOSE: Will Cheetah Bonita be able to run away from the squirrels? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!






OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Katie Snuffleson was still feeling no compassion for her brother Marvy’s head cold – but that’s the furthest thing from her mind, because she’s just learned that Razzleflabbin Island has a magical place in the clouds called Candyland – and the tram has arrived to take her there…


CLOSE: Candyland does sound wonderful – and we’ll see exactly HOW wonderful next time, As the Jungle Turns!


***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.




Girl vs. locomotive… locomotive wins.

54-year-old Deborah Thompson, of Marysville CA tried to wave down a train to stop it.  As any normal person would expect, the train didn’t stop.  Instead it knocked Deborah about 20 to 30 yards.  From her hospital bed, she gave a perfectly reasonable explanation that she was just “being silly.”






  1. Toxic dump for Donald Trump’s used hair care products.


  1. Storing deleted emails


  1. That fellow had to dump all his Dyson Vacuum prototypes somewhere.


  1. Original set for “Field of Dreams”


  1. It is where the Wild Things are.


  1. Breeding ground for Jerry Springer guests


  1. Overflow parking for Area 50


  1. Training ground for the top-secret flying attack elephant brigade


  1. One-Eyed One-Horned Flying Purple People Eater Preserve


  1. It’s really just a buffer zone; the aliens in Area 50 can’t get along with those in Area 52.




Three Oklahoma City men were arrested after playing “chicken” with a police car.


FILE #1: Oklahoma City Police said a 23-year-old man drove his car at the oncoming patrol car driven by Capt. J.D. Reid and didn’t move until Reid swerved out of the way. Reid then chased the car until it crashed. The driver was found inside the car, another 22-year-old man was found lying outside the vehicle, and a third man was found hiding behind a traffic sign. Two of the men were hospitalized and the third was treated and taken to jail.


FILE #2: In Murfreesboro, Tennessee, three teenagers decided to make a little extra holiday spending money. That’s MAKE, as in counterfeit. You know your counterfeiting career isn’t going far when you get found out by a waitress at a Sonic restaurant, who takes down your car’s license plate number and calls police. You know you really don’t have a future in counterfeiting when the FBI lets local police handle the matter and they charge you with only a misdemeanor.


FILE #3: Sitka, Alaska’s David Mulligan was released from jail at 7 AM after serving 25 days for drunken driving. At 7:03, the 21-year-old Mulligan was a wanted man again. A man who lives a block from the jail made the mistake of leaving his van running to warm it up and going back inside his house. Two hours later, the owner called police on a cell phone, saying he was following the van in traffic and cops soon found Mulligan behind the wheel. Mulligan now faces up to five years in prison and a $50,000 fine if convicted of felony vehicle theft.


STRANGE LAW: In Maryland it’s illegal to play Randy Newman’s “Short People” on the radio.




Some bad days are worse than others.

It just hasn’t been a good year for Geoffrey Crook. First off, a tornado ripped through Crook’s Palm Bay, Florida neighborhood in February. If that weren’t bad enough, the twister ripped the roof off his mobile home. If that weren’t bad enough, with his roof gone and his home exposed, authorities in helicopters surveying the damage were able to clearly see his elaborate marijuana-growing operation. Equipment and marijuana plants with a street value of about $8,000 were confiscated and Crook, like many a namesake, has been busted.




The results of a newly released survey commissioned by SCA Tissue North America found that the cleanliness of restaurant bathrooms is a key factor in repeat business. According to the survey, 88% of those who visit restaurants believe that restroom cleanliness reflects the overall hygiene standards throughout the restaurant, including kitchen and food prep areas. Do you agree? If you find a restaurant’s restroom filthy and disarray, how likely are you to leave the restaurant or never return? What’s the worst bathroom you’ve ever seen? What would people say about your own cooking if they saw the state of your bathroom right now?




QUESTION: If a man was to be punished by beating, he could not be beaten with more than how many stripes?

ANSWER: 40 (Deuteronomy 25:3)




QUESTION: If offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write this. What is it?

ANSWER: Their own name.




Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!


  1. The Colgate Company started out making toothbrushes. (False – they began by making starch, soap, and candles.)


  1. Over 80% of professional boxers have suffered brain damage. (True)


  1. The average person walks the equivalent of once around the world in a lifetime. (False – it’s more like twice around the world!)


  1. Rod Serling invented the term “Twilight Zone.” (False – although Rob Serling thought he did. He’d not heard anyone use it before, so he assumed he’d created it. However, after the hit TV show debuted in 1959, Serling was informed that Air Force pilots used the phrase to describe “a moment when a plane is coming down on approach and it cannot see the horizon.”)


  1. Dark splotches on cooked chicken bones indicate where injuries happened when the bird was alive. (False. In cooked poultry, bones that have dark splotches merely indicate that the bird has been frozen. When poultry is frozen, the blood in the bone marrow ruptures. Upon thawing, the ruptured cells leak, which causes the discoloration. Cooking turns the red splotches dark brown.)


  1. The average computer virus writer is between 10 and 13 years old. (False – the average age is 14-24, talented, bright, and driven by a rebellious, adolescent need to call attention to himself.)


  1. It takes the human eyes an hour to adapt completely to seeing in the dark. (True – once adapted, however, the eyes are about 100,000 times more sensitive to light than they are in bright sunlight.)


  1. As a youngster, Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek won seven spelling-bee and four science fair championships. (True)


  1. The venom of a female black widow spider is more potent than that of a rattlesnake. (True)


  1. For the 66% of American’s who admit to reading in the bathroom, the preferred reading material is the Bible. (False – it’s “Reader’s Digest.”)




You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!


TASHTAGOL, Russia – The Wall Street Journal confirmed today that Bigfoot hunters had found the beast in Siberia.

The Wall Street Journal reported today that Russian Bigfoot Hunters found evidence of Bigfoot in  a cave in Siberia.

In a cave, Anatoly Fokin looked at hair samples and muddy footprints.  “I found some hair, some real hair,” he said, pulling the strands apart. “And here there are more—maybe it was a girl.”

Fokin says he found evidence that Bigfoot may have had a “girlfriend” with him.  Whether the girlfriend was human or beast – was not clear.  “But they clearly had ‘fun’ in the cave,” said Fokin.





Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my guilt?”

“Certainly not,” said the Priest. “As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it.”

“I tried,” Brian sobbed, “but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I do?”

“If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family.”

Thanking the Priest, Brian hurried off.

When confession was over, the Priest returned to his residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his turkey.



During an Army war game, a Commanding Officer’s (CO) jeep got stuck in the mud. The CO saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck.

“Sorry, sir,” said one of the loafers, “but we’ve been classified dead, and the umpire said we couldn’t contribute in any way.”

The CO turned to his driver and said, “Go drag a couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels to give us some traction.”



It was the first time that the eight-year-old had been away to camp and his parents were worried about him. They called the camp and were a little sad that the child hadn’t missed them yet.

“Haven’t any of the other kids gotten homesick?” they asked.

“Only the ones who have dogs,” replied the boy.




“Groaking” is the act of watching people eat food hoping they’ll offer you some.  ***MARLAR: Not that your dog cares what it’s called – he just wants some of that juicy bacon.


An incinerator caught fire at the University of Texas in Galveston.  Authorities are still looking into the cause of the blaze. ***MARLAR: Gee… I’m thinking it had something to do with it being an incinerator.


The DMV may soon be looking at you in their crime cases. The FBI has launched a project in North Carolina that uses state driver’s license photos and facial-recognition technology to track down crime suspects.  ***MARLAR: Gosh-awful driver’s license photos will now double as gosh-awful mug shots.






Q: How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one: Their hands are already in the air.


Q: How many Roman Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. They use candles.


Q: How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?

A: – Ten. One to change, nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.


Q: How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. God has predestined when the lights will be on and off.


Q: How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Ten. One to call the electrician, and nine to say how much they like the old one better.


Q: How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey, you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.


Q: How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Change?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?


Q: How many Jehovah’s Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb?

A: It doesn’t matter; you won’t let them in to change it anyway.





Have you ever lost your mobile phone, your handheld computer, or maybe even your daughter? Chances are you left them in the back of a London cab.

If you own a cell phone, you’ve likely misplaced it at least once or twice. This kind of thing seems to be a plague in Britain though. About 62,000 mobile phones or nearly three for each taxi were left behind just since January. Cabbies also found 2,900 laptops and 1,300 handheld computers in their back seats. But only half of the lost phones were claimed, with many owners betting their operating service would replace the lost phone with a new and better telephonic gadget. Why? Because many mobile phone operating companies would rather give out new handsets than see their clients defect to rival services, which often try to lure customers by offering the latest mobile phones free for switching services. Among other strange items found in London cabs were a goldfish in a water-filled bag, a suitcase full of diamonds, $2,900 in cash, and someone even left behind their daughter! ***MARLAR: Really, do they give upgrades on those too?





  • Toothpick
  • Rubber band
  • Band aid
  • Pencil
  • Eraser
  • Chewing gum
  • Mint
  • Candy Kiss
  • Tea Bag

Here’s why:

  • Toothpick – to remind you to pick out the good qualities in others. (Matt. 7:1)
  • Rubber band – to remind you to be flexible, things might not always go the way you want, but it will work out. (Romans 8:28)
  • Band Aid – to remind you to heal hurt feelings, yours or someone else’s. (Col. 3:12-14)
  • Pencil – To remind you to list your blessings every day. (Eph. 1:3)
  • Eraser – to remind you that everyone makes mistakes, and it’s okay. (Gen. 50:15-21)
  • Chewing gum – to remind you to stick with it and you can accomplish anything. (Phil. 4:13)
  • Mint – to remind you that you are worth a mint to your heavenly father. (John 3:16-17)
  • Candy Kiss – to remind you that everyone needs a kiss or a hug every day. (1 John 4:7)
  • Tea Bag – to remind you to relax daily and go over that list of Lord’s blessings. (1 Thess. 5:18)





If one member suffers, all the members suffer with it. —1 Corinthians 12:26

When my sons were young, one of them stubbed his toe and grimaced with pain. Seeing him trying bravely to bear the agony of those moments, I said, “Son, I’m truly sorry. My toe hurts for you.”

Lifting his head, he looked at me and responded, “Dad, your toe doesn’t really hurt, does it?”

No, I didn’t sense any physical pangs, yet I did share his suffering. I even wished his ache could somehow be transferred to my body.

The apostle Paul said that all believers in Christ are part of “one body” (1 Corinthians 12:13). And if one part suffers, “all the members suffer with it” (v.26).

Are you grieved when a brother or sister in Christ is in trouble? Does it bother you when a believer stumbles into sin and is brought under the chastening hand of the Lord? Do you experience sorrow of heart when a child of God is passing through the deep waters of affliction and trial? If not, ask the Lord right now to help you become the kind of person who can share the heartache of others and sympathize with them.

Yes, to every Christian we meet who is in some kind of distress, we should be ready to say from our heart, “I hurt for you.” —Richard De Haan


The hurting ones need sympathy,
They need to know we’re there;
A quiet word, a tender touch
Assures them that we care. —D. De Haan


Empathy = your pain in my heart.





That’s one sure way to get the last word in an argument… speak at the other person’s funeral!

Pat Kobin and her husband Ken always joked about who would always get the last word in their playful arguments, so when Ken passed away from an ongoing illness, Pat finally did get the last word.  Pat decided to write an obituary that would be fun and typify their relationship.  She wrote that behind his “bullheaded” exterior, was a good man and listed all of things he enjoyed like football and watching TV, at one point listing “food” every other word.  Pat also said she plans to have Ken cremated with the TV remote control, too!





(From Charles B. Beckert, Ph.D.)

  • Really concentrate on mistakes that you’ve made, especially mistakes you can’t do anything about.
  • Always compare yourself to others. This works best when you compare your worst traits with their best traits.
  • When someone else has a problem, be sure to make it your problem too. For added misery, you can also find some way to blame yourself for their problems.
  • Spend as much time and energy as possible criticizing and judging yourself and everyone else. The longer the list of negatives about people, the better your misery.
  • Make sure you look at the bad side of everything. There’s always some bad to be found in every situation, but you may have to get creative in order to find it.
  • Be a perfectionist. Set goals for yourself and others that are way too high. This works best if you often remind yourself that you are not good enough. It also enhances the misery of others if you remind them that they’re not good enough either.
  • Hole-up in your room. Avoid friends and family, especially the ones who really love you.
  • Always strive to please everyone all the time. Make sure that you don’t waste any energy on making yourself happy.
  • Let your self-worth be decided by whether others like and accept you. A helpful hint is to do things you don’t be believe in and say things that you wouldn’t normally say in order to be accepted.
  • Base your worth as a person on how you look and what you have.
  • Don’t ever forgive yourself. Hold grudges against yourself when you don’t live up to your standards and the standards of others.
  • Avoid doing anything new or empowering. You definitely don’t want to risk success.
  • At all costs, avoid activities and people where you feel good about yourself. There are lots of people and places that support you in feeling worthless and miserable…spend as much time as possible there.
  • Make sure that your self-worth is based on whether or not you have a boyfriend. Settle for some loser that treats you really badly so that you won’t be without a boyfriend.
  • Some people find that they are miserable being miserable. If this is you, you might try doing the absolute opposite of all the strategies above and see what wonderful things happen!





If it looked like Glady’s Wyse was winking all day, it wasn’t because she wanted to.

…the 43-year-old woman from New Jersey accidentally super glued one of her eyelids shut! Unable to open her eye, Wyse called the police department. A rescue squad was sent to her home and took her to St. Clare’s Hospital in Dover, New Jersey, where she was treated and released. Doctors don’t expect permanent damage. Gladys said the accident happened when she reached for a bottle of eye drops, but grabbed a container of super glue instead! It wasn’t until she “applied” some of the contents did she realize her mistake! ***MARLAR: Who keeps the Super Glue next to the eye drops?





  • You’re getting old when you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.
  • You’re getting old is when work is a lot less fun – and fun is a lot more work.
  • Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn’t that a bad time for a guy to get those odds?
  • You’re getting old when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
  • Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.
  • A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.
  • You know you’re getting old when you stop buying green bananas.
  • When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.
  • You find yourself in the middle of the stairway, and you can’t remember if you were downstairs going up or upstairs going down.





While most people say how much they hate their in laws and can’t stand to be around them, Italy has decided to have a mother-in-law contest to reward the good ones!

Sure, it’s great to make jokes about the in-laws; I’m sure our in-laws find them funny as well because they have in-laws of their own. But actually CELEBRATE your mother-in-law? That’s just not natural, is it? But those Italians have gone and ruined it for the rest of us and have shown that not all mothers-in-law are worth the trouble that we give them. A 56-year-old Italian woman has been awarded the title of “Miss Mother in Law International”. Lucia Brugnone won the contest for her singing performance of “O sole mio”, which was described as “stunning”. Some 50 mothers in law showed off skills ranging from singing to sock-mending and cat-walking in the contest in Italy. (Because, a good mother-in-law does those kinds of things in Italy, I guess.) Mothers in law were judged by the lifeguards association of Rimini, which organized the contest. The second prize was won by Maria Cascinari, who is 87, for the “longest running activity in taking care of her sons’ family”. ***MARLAR: So FIRST prize goes to someone that can sing beautifully, but SECOND prize goes to someone that sacrifices her time and resources to take care of her son’s family? It’s more important for a mother in law to sing than to be a mother?




(Mondays Only)




Bethany Christian Services is working to “empty the orphanages” world wide. According to Mission Network News, Bethany has built a successful “foster to adoption” model that’s been replicated in Ethiopia, South Africa, and Zimbabwe. Officials say that the model is to, through partnerships with the local church, move children from orphanages into loving Christian homes. To help fund the program, first-world churches partnering with third-world churches to provide material support, including child and family sponsorship that is key to keeping families together.  How wonderful would it be if we no longer had any orphanages in the world because there would no longer be a need for them!


A College student is getting noticed for inventing something to help people suffering from night terrors. His inspiration? His father, an Iraq War vet, struggles with the terrors. According to the Military Times, Senior Tyler Skluzacek wanted to help his dad and he got the chance this September when he entered a computer programming contest. In 36 hours, he and his team “The Cure” wrote code and created a smart watch app. The goal of the app is to predict night terrors and then use the watch or an android phone to disrupt that while still keeping them asleep. They hope to start clinical testing of the app next spring.



  1. They reflect.
  2. They take a moment to pause and be present.
  3. They get comfortable.
  4. They organize their workspace area.
  5. They stretch, stand, and walk.
  6. They review their to-do list and prioritize.
  7. They visualize success.
  8. They adjust and map out their day.
  9. They don’t multitask.
  10. They anticipate distractions.
  11. They say “no.”
  12. They block out negativity.
  13. They take time to greet their team.
  14. They take a temperature read of their staff/coworkers.
  15. They smile and laugh.
  16. They take a moment to be grateful.
  17. They think about how they can help others.
  18. They strategically check email.





If I ever won the lottery, I would lie around all day and do nothing. But since that’s pretty much what I do now, I guess I’m one lucky guy. –Tom Sims


Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. –Carl Bard




(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from in Chicago.)

True Believer

During the last several days, my wife and I have been traveling in Israel. In fact, I’m writing this blog in Tel Aviv. It’s a work assignment for me. Tough duty. Actually, it’s been work and pleasure for both of us.
This is my fifth trip. Our tour buses come equipped with Israeli tour guides, all Jewish. They have a unique and, from my perspective, a challenging assignment.
Each day these guides share insights on biblical sites. They know their Israel history to be sure. But they also know a remarkable amount of the New Testament and they treat it as if it is true. Please understand that I have no doubt these accounts of the Scriptures ARE true.
A few of the guides are what we refer to as Messianic Jews…followers of Jesus of Nazareth. Most are not. Yet many of the travelers conclude that these guides embrace the same beliefs the group members do. Ask them directly and they’ll tell you. But they speak as if they are convinced these events are real so as not to offend.
Is there a problem here? An interesting question. I say this because of a conviction that the best employees are ones who believe in their company, the mission, and the product or service. I realize that is a sliding scale.
Is it somewhat disingenuous to go out and pretend you believe while representing your company? Do you lack integrity or authenticity by becoming an actor for personal gain? And if you really don’t believe, so to speak, why not find a place to work where you love the business or non profit you represent?
An interesting variation of this issue happened with a senior member of our company. Years ago, he was selling advertising at a radio station whose effectiveness he did not question. But he was listening each day to our faith-based station in the market. One day, he decided he should consider a similar position at the radio station that fed his soul. The rest is history.
Now, it could be fairly argued that actors make a living by portraying characters whose personalities are not the same as theirs. Even Joe Namath can be seen in an infomercial pitching some lakeside real estate. Is he being authentic or making a desperate buck? Who knows.
All this is said to encourage you to consider this question about your own work. And if you find sufficient dissatisfaction in the role you are playing, perhaps you would find more happiness in a place you love. And one in which you truly believe.
Jesus confronted those who were not true believers. In Matthew 7, it’s recorded that Jesus said, “Not every one who says to me ‘Lord, Lord’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.” (NIV) Thus, actions speak more powerfully than words.
Living true to our calling is a wonderful thing. Living in Truth in all of life is even better.
I must go now. My camel is waiting.




Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


OCTOBER 30, 2015…


Our Brand Is Crisis—In a role originally written for a man, Sandra Bullock takes on politics in Bolivia. She is hired to be a campaign manager for a Bolivian presidential candidate. Shades of “whatever works.”  Her aides are Anthony Mackie and Ann Dowd. What kind of strategy can she come up with?  Also in the cast  Joaquin de Almeida and  Billy Bob Thornton as her rival.. Based on a true situation.  “Our Brand Is Crisis” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans of the cast.


Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse—Yup, almost Halloween and here comes another horror film. In years to come, will these young stars name this on a resume?  Just saying…Instead of a party, the three stars battle zombies.  Cast includes Tye Sheridan, Patrick Schwarzenegger (you read that right) and Logan Miller. “Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse” is rated R. No rating.


NOVEMBER 06, 2015…


Brooklyn with Saoirse Ronan as an Irish immigrant to New York in the 1950’s.


The Peanuts Movie in 3 D animation with your favorite characters. Enjoy.


Spectra and James Bond with Daniel Craig starring. What more need be said?


Spotlight stars Michael Keaton in a film of the Boston Globe coverage of the catholic church sex scandal.


Trumbo has Bryan Cranston playing screenwriter Dalton Trumbo.


Miss You Already has Toni Collette battling cancer.


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WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment,, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at