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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20151106
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“In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in single-file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?” — Warren Hutcherson
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. –Ephesians 4:31-32
Woe to those who go to great depths to hide their plans from the LORD, who do their work in darkness and think, “Who sees us? Who will know?” –Isaiah 29:15
This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing. Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor. — Romans 13:6
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross. — Colossians 2:15
Thought: Crucifixion was so hideous, so inhumane and vile, that the word “crucify” was not considered appropriate in polite speech in Greek culture. Crucifixion was reserved for the scum of society who were considered a threat to the government. Jesus endured this hideous death. But what Satan had intended for the humiliation of God, Jesus turned into the humiliation of Satan and his evil angels. He made a public spectacle of them. He turned their torture stick of shame into an altar of glory. He transformed the gory fury of hell into a sacrifice of forgiveness. He redirected evil’s power to kill and made it a place to heal. While we deplore the unspeakable sacrifice and shame that Jesus bore on the cross for us, we also rejoice that the evil one and his hoards of hate are broken. Their apparent victory is turned into their defeat. What was supposed to be God’s greatest shame becomes his greatest grace, which ransoms us from Satan’s grasp.
Prayer: No words, holy and righteous Father, can ever express my appreciation for your plan, your sacrifice, and your salvation. No song of praise, no heartfelt poem, no letter of love can ever express the thanks I have, dear Jesus, for your loving and powerful sacrifice. Thank you for saving me from sin, death, and a life without meaning. To you, dear Father, and to you, Lord Jesus, I offer my life as my gift of thanks and praise. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
Hebrews 11:6 NIV = And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
TODAY IS FRIDAY – NOVEMBER 06, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 49 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
This is SHALLOW PERSONS AWARENESS WEEK. ***MARLAR: Can you be aware that you’re shallow and still BE shallow?
Today is INTERNATIONAL END GOSSIP DAY. ***MARLAR: At least, that’s what I hear.
Today is DO TATER TOTS EVER GROW UP DAY. ***MARLAR: Yes, they do – they grow up to be Couch Potatoes!
INTERNATIONAL DAY OF PREVENTING THE EXPLOITATION OF THE ENVIRONMENT IN WAR AND ARMED CONFLICT. ***MARLAR: Nothing against the idea of this day, but they couldn’t have found a shorter name for that?
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
COMING UP NEXT
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 07
Digital Scrapbooking Day
National Bittersweet Chocolate with Almonds Day
Pumpkin Destruction Day
Sausage and Kraut Day
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 08
Abet and Aid Punsters Day
Cook Something Bold and Pungent Day
National Parents As Teachers Day
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 09
World Orphans Day
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 10
Are Code Day
Marine Corps Birthday
Sesame Street Day
Windows Day (Microsoft)
World Science Day for Peace and Development
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 11
Red Lipstick Day
THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 12
World Pneumonia Day
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 13
ON THIS DAY
1904: Oklahoma halfback Ed Cook became the first football player to swim for a touchdown. O-U blocked a Kansas punt and the ball bounced across the Kansas end zone into a river. Cook dove into the river and recovered the ball, and it was ruled a touchdown. ***MARLAR: I’ll bet spiking the ball was a bit difficult though.
1986: Edy’s Ice Cream insured the taste buds of ice cream taster John Harrison for $250-thousand. ***MARLAR: The radio station has insured my voice for $25. Okay… so it’s not much. But it’s the thought that counts!
1993: Antonio Zappalla burst through the back door of the Turin, Italy, police station and yelled at the desk sergeant to hand over the money. It didn’t work. He thought he was robbing the post office next door. ***MARLAR: They didn’t hand him any money… but they did throw the book at him!
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1777: Anglican hymn writer John Newton wrote in a letter: ‘God often takes a course for accomplishing His purposes directly contrary to what our narrow views would prescribe. He brings a death upon our feelings, wishes and prospects when He is about to give us the desire of our hearts.’
1789: Following the American Revolution, Father John Carroll, 54, was appointed the first Roman Catholic bishop in the newly organized and independent United States of America.
1853: The first Chinese Presbyterian Church in the U.S. was organized in San Francisco, CA.
1953: English apologist C.S. Lewis wrote in a letter: ‘Our prayers are really His prayers; He speaks to himself through us.’
1977: In Toccoa Falls, GA, the Barnes Lake Dam burst, following heavy rains, and the resulting flood destroyed the (Christian and Missionary Alliance) campus of Toccoa Falls Bible Institute. Thirty-eight students and instructors were also killed in the tragedy.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actor/writer (Lord of War, Assault on Precinct 13, Taking Lives, Training Day, Dead Poets Society) Ethan Hawke 45
- actress (Samantha “Sonny” Liston on “E-Ring”, Special Agent Frankie Ellroy-Kilmer on “Threat Matrix”, Deputy Mayor Melinda Lockhart on “The District”, Megan Lewis Mancini on “Melrose Place”) Kelly Rutherford 47 (
- actor (several cameos on “Stargate SG-1” and also directs and produces many of the episodes, Dagwood “SeaQuest DSV”, Officer Doug Penhall on “21 Jump Street”) Peter Deluise 49 (
- actress (Julie Miller on TV’s “Fame” Ariel Moore in “Footloose”) Lori Singer 53 (
- TV reporter (and ex-wife to former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger) Maria Shriver 61
- actress (Forrest Gump, Steel Magnolias, Punchline, Smokey & The Bandit, Sybil, Nora Walker on “Brothers and Sisters”, Maggie Wyczenski on “ER”, “The Flying Nun”) Sally Field is 69
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1916 : Ray Conniff
1932 : Stonewall Jackson
1937 : Eugene Pitt (The Jive Five)
1938 : Jim Pike (The Lettermen)
1938 : P.J. Proby
1941 : Guy Clark
1942 : Doug Sahm (Sir Douglas Quintet)
1943 : Mike Clifford
1947 : John Wilson (Them)
1947 : George Young (The Easybeats)
1948 : Glenn Frey (Eagles)
1950 : Chris Glen (TThe Sensational Alex Harvey Band)
1964 : Corey Glover (Living Colour)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
Where do we get the expression, “Taken Down A Peg?”
This expression comes from the practice of admirals and officers having their own flags aboard ship. Superior officers would have their flags positioned higher on the mast than subordinates and these flags would be attached to the mast by a peg. If a senior officer handed over his command to a junior then the flag would have to be flown in a subordinate position or be taken down a peg.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!
David Crowder is out with another deal of the day photo but this time it’s an offer you definitely want to refuse. Past deals have includes sales of just one cent off and free food yesterday. But the photo this time is of a sign that offers Rabies for just 99-cents.
Natalie Grant has a new motto for Mondays. She says it’s: messy hair don’t care.
Third Day’s Mac Powell just conducted his own, informal, taste test. He tried three new Lays Potato Chip flavors, including West Coast Truffle Fries, Southern Biscuits and Gravy and Kettle Cooked Greektown Gyro. Mac says surprisingly Gyro was his favorite flavor.
From Switchfoot’s Jon Foreman: Why do optometrists live longer than the rest of us? They dilate.
A suggestion from a fan of comedian Bob Smiley: We should throw Bob Smiley in a pool full of MacBooks and call it bobbing for apples.
ODD & WEIRD NEWS…
|San Francisco police search for hatchet-wielding shoplifter
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — San Francisco police are looking for a transgender woman who allegedly threatened a security guard with a hatchet after stealing a handbag from a department store. KCBS-Radio reports (http://cbsloc.al/1MATXqA ) the robbery happened around Monday afternoon at a…
|South African student steals bus to get to final year exam
JOHANNESBURG (AP) — South African media say a high school student stole a bus in a desperate effort to get to his final year mathematics exams. Broadcaster eNCA reported Thursday that Le-Aan Adonis got behind the wheel when the driver failed to show up. Adonis told eNCA he found the keys in…
|Election judge accused of taking off with voting equipment
PITTSBURGH (AP) — Authorities in western Pennsylvania say a local judge of elections was arrested after allegedly failing to show up to the polls Tuesday and instead deciding to work as a jitney driver for the day. The Allegheny County sheriff’s office says 55-year-old Darrin Farmer of North…
|Company launches Bernie Sanders-inspired underwear line photo
MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) — Employees of a Vermont company have launched a side business selling underwear featuring a black-and-white drawing of the face of Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders. HASH(0x1420790) The Vermont senator has said recently on late-night TV and talk shows that…
|Seattle garbageman returns $12,000 in lost checks to school
SEATTLE (AP) — A Seattle elementary school is thanking a garbageman for finding nearly $12,000 in checks in the trash. HASH(0x1426c00) Principal Dorian Manza says he met Speir on his route and gratefully took the checks back. The funds were from a fundraising drive and a Parent-Teacher…
|Boston pol says Bieber-graffiti tweet was sarcasm photo
BOSTON (AP) — A Boston City Councilor says he was being sarcastic when he tweeted that he would introduce an emergency ordinance prohibiting Justin Bieber-inspired graffiti. The pop singer asked artists around the world last week to paint murals inspired by tracks from his upcoming album,…
|Dog missing from Texas since May floods found in California
SAN MARCOS, Texas (AP) — The owners of a pit bull who disappeared during flooding in Texas in May are puzzled as to how the animal ended up more than 2,000 miles away in northern California. Eddie Hurtado says Thor ran away after his family evacuated their San Marcos home that was overwhelmed…
|Police: Man used rope ladder to burglarize supermarket
CONNELLSVILLE, Pa. (AP) — State police have arrested a man on charges he broke into a Pennsylvania supermarket using a rope ladder — then claimed to merely be sleeping on the store’s roof when he was caught. Forty-eight-year-old Thomas Beal is in the Fayette County Booking Center…
|2 degrees, flies planes, author, works at NASA. His age? 17 photo
BOSTON (AP) — Moshe Kai Cavalin has two college degrees, but he’s too young to vote. He flies airplanes, but he’s too young to drive a car alone. Life is filled with contrasts for Cavalin, a 17-year-old from San Gabriel, California, who has dashed by major milestones as his age seems to lag…
|Breakfast with skulls: Halloween night in Paris Catacombs photo
PARIS (AP) — This Halloween, two brave souls got the dubious honor of waking up among 6 million dead bodies in Paris’ creepy Catacombs. Brazilian Pedro Arruda, 27, said he wasn’t sure if he was lucky or unlucky when he found out he had won a contest sponsored by home-sharing company Airbnb to…
|Albuquerque dentist offering to buy back Halloween candy
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) — An Albuquerque, New Mexico, dentist is hoping to get ahead in the fight against post-Halloween cavities with cash. KRQE-TV reports (http://bit.ly/1WpcnVS) that Byron Wall, of Cosmetic Dentistry of New Mexico, said he is offering to buy candy back from…
HEALTH & FITNESS NEWS…
|Pfizer doubling patient income limit for free drug program photo
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — Pfizer, the biggest U.S.-based drugmaker, is increasing its financial assistance to patients, doubling the allowable income level for people to receive dozens of Pfizer medicines for free. The move comes amid fierce criticism by patients and politicians, as well as…
|Victim of E. coli outbreak will never go back to Chipotle photo
SEATTLE (AP) — Chris Collins has always been selective about where he goes out for a meal. He said he respected Chipotle for its food integrity and animal welfare policies. But a week after being treated at a hospital for severe intestinal distress, Collins no longer considers the casual…
|Things to know about the investigation of E. coli outbreak photo
SEATTLE (AP) — Thirty-seven people in the Pacific Northwest have fallen ill with E. coli in an outbreak connected to Chipotle Mexican restaurants. The popular chain of casual restaurants voluntarily closed 43 of its Washington and Oregon locations last week and health officials are scrambling…
|Virtual doctor visits offer convenience, lower costs
WASHINGTON (AP) — When you’re coming down with a cold, there are a few items you typically reach for to start feeling better: cough drops, herbal tea, maybe an over-the-counter medication. For most of us, though, a smartphone wouldn’t top that list. But that may change as health care…
|Heroin, prescription pain pills top drug threat in the US
WASHINGTON (AP) — Heroin and prescription pain pills are among the top drug threats in the U.S., according to the Drug Enforcement Administration’s latest drug threat assessment Wednesday. Chuck Rosenberg, the DEA’s acting administrator, said there were more than 46,000 drug overdoses in…
|Study: New docs’ suicidal thoughts eased with online therapy
CHICAGO (AP) — Doctors-in-training face long, stressful hours, sleepless nights and a high risk of depression and suicidal thoughts, but often are too stoic and time-starved to seek help. A study suggests online self-help behavior therapy could be a solution. Suicidal thoughts were much less…
|Senate panel summons price-hiking CEO of Turing Pharma photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — A Senate committee has launched an investigation into exorbitant drug price hikes by Turing Pharmaceuticals and three other companies, responding to public anxiety over rising prices for critical medicines. The Senate’s special committee on aging requested documents and…
|Recovery after overdoses: Stopping heroin’s ‘revolving door’ photo
CAMDEN, N.J. (AP) — It’s a truth addicts and health providers know well: Naloxone can reverse heroin overdoses, but it can’t cure the addictions that cause them. In a small but growing number of places, people who land in hospitals after being revived by the drug are being guided toward…
|Getting treatment: Timing is key after a heroin overdose photo
Using naloxone, often known by the brand name Narcan, to stop an overdose on heroin or related painkillers called opioids is the first step in a complex process that can include hospitalization, treatment and relapse. Here’s a step-by-step look at recovery, based on the accounts of first…
|France ending ban on gay male blood donors
PARIS (AP) — France will end its ban on blood donations by gay men, its health minister said Wednesday, calling the move the end “of a taboo and discrimination.” Health Minister Marisol Touraine said beginning in the spring of 2016, no blood donors can be refused based on their sexual…
|Cryotherapy use spreads, though it’s unproven, unregulated photo
LAS VEGAS (AP) — From Japan to Europe and now in the U.S., a growing number of people are seeking cryotherapy — a treatment that subjects their bodies to cold temperatures far below those found anywhere on Earth. Backers claim it can ease pain and inflammation, aid blood flow and weight…
(None on the weekends)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
According to researchers at Rush University Medical Center, middle-aged people with high abdominal fat are 3.6 times as likely to suffer from memory loss and dementia later on in life. *** And in a related story, researchers at Rush University Medical Center have found that middle-aged people with high abdominal fat are 3.6 times as likely to suffer from memory loss and dementia later on in life.
Lionsgate is planning to build “Hunger Games” theme parks in the US and China. *** It’s Planned Parenthood’s next step to get rid of unwanted children.
A senior Chinese official who was once a top anti-corruption official has been sentenced to 12 years in prison on charges of corruption. ***Those who can, do… those who can’t, teach.
Even Michael Jordan isn’t above sweetening the deal. After struggling to sell his 56,000-square-foot Chicago mansion for the past three years, the NBA legend has halved its price to a little under $15 million — and offered to outfit its buyer with every edition of Air Jordans ever made. The estate includes a regulation-size basketball court, a putting green and a full service hair salon. ***You know you have too much money when you have a full service hair salon in your house… and you’re bald.
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
Researchers at Northwestern University in Chicago discovered that the human nose can sniff out danger. Volunteers smelled two very similar grassy scents and couldn’t tell them apart. They were then given an electric shock when they were exposed to one of the scents. Afterward, they were able to tell them apart. Scientists said it shows that sense of smell has a survival mechanism. ***MARLAR: The test subjects now have a better sense of smell, but have developed an irrational fear of grass.
According to a recent study, 77% of workers who have a Facebook account use it during work. ***MARLAR: The remaining 23% are obviously lying about not using it.
Researchers have discovered that monkeys who experience increased hormonal reactions to stress while infants are more likely to consume large amounts of alcohol as they reach adulthood. They also found that male monkeys drank more than females, and those raised without adult contact drank more than those raised with their mothers. ***MARLAR: Wait a minute… since when are monkeys EVER prone to become alcoholics? Shouldn’t they also say in this study that monkeys are more prone to drink WHEN SCIENTISTS FORCE THEM TO DRINK ALCOHOL?!?!? Helloooo! Don’t you dare try to associate this study with what happens to humans – we don’t have men in white lab coats coming up to us and forcing tequila down our gullets! And what has this study got to do with ANYTHING relevant to the human existence?!?! Getting monkeys plastered – your tax dollars at work…
How much money would it take to get you to lose some serious weight? $100? $500? Many employers are betting they can find your price. At least a third of U.S. companies offer financial incentives, or are planning to introduce them, to get their employees to lose weight or get healthier in other ways. ***MARLAR: This would totally work for me – I love this idea. Do you have any idea how many Extra Value Meals a hundred bucks could buy?!?!
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Horizontally Gifted”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Kenn Kington, “Be Whatever You Want To Be”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Cheetah Bonita was sad because she learned that her solo singing career had caused disunity all throughout the jungle. Nobody was cooperating. Then she met up with Racquet the Skunk, and they heard something wonderful coming from the swamp…
CLOSE: If there was ever a good reason to cooperate, staying alive is certainly one of the best reasons! Tune in for more of the story next time, As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF NOVEMBER 07/08
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Katie Snuffleson was still feeling no compassion for her brother Marvy’s head cold – but that’s the furthest thing from her mind, because she’s just learned that Razzleflabbin Island has a magical place in the clouds called Candyland – and the tram has arrived to take her there…
CLOSE: Candyland does sound wonderful – and we’ll see exactly HOW wonderful next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
So what happens if you try to forge a one-dollar bill?
Two men who were charged with first-degree forgery of government issued money, first-degree possession of a forged instrument and possession of forgery devices, all felonies. Police were called to a Home Depot after a security guard alerted officers that someone had paid for a $7 six-pack of light bulbs with bills that appeared to be phony, and they were leaving in a red Chevrolet. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen counterfeit $1 bills,” Clarkstown Police Sgt. Alan Armstrong said. Yes, our inDUHviduals had counterfeited, among other things, one dollar bills. The penalty for passing a forged bill is the same, whether the face value is $1 or $1 million: up to 15 years in prison and a $15,000 fine for first-degree forgery.
TOP TEN OXYMORONS
- Act naturally
- Resident alien
- Almost exactly
- Good grief
- Passive aggression
- Exact estimate
- Sanitary landfill
- Clearly misunderstood
- Temporary tax increase
- Government organization
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
Unfortunately, Ali Aghil and Mamey Hurst had to cancel their honeymoon.
FILE #1: That’s because they had to cancel their wedding — well, at least delay it. That’s because police arrested them — for fighting with each other– before they had a chance to walk down the aisle! We’re talking about knock-down-drag-out-punch-throwing fighting! So the ceremony at the posh Little Nell Hotel in Aspen, Colorado was called off. It may be hard to reconcile right away because their $250 bond says they have to stay away from each other.
FILE #2: Antonio Zappalla burst through the back door of the Turin, Italy, police station and yelled at the desk sergeant to hand over the money. It didn’t work. He thought he was robbing the post office next door. ***MARLAR: They didn’t hand him any money… but they did throw the book at him!
FILE #3: A crook in Louisiana wanted to get the job done right — so he practiced. Outside of a suburban New Orleans sandwich shop, Cedrick Washington practiced pulling his shirt over his head to disguise himself just before he went in to rob the shop. It worked, temporarily anyway. Cedrick held up the store and fled with some money. Unfortunately for him, practice didn’t make perfect. When he was practicing outside, he unknowingly was doing so right in front of the store’s exterior surveillance camera. Using the surveillance film and eyewitness accounts police easily tracked him down.
STRANGE LAW: In West Virginia it is illegal to snooze on a train.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
It’s not my fault I was driving erratically – it’s Jack Daniel’s fault!
In Sheboygan, Wisconsin, 23-year-old Ian A. Baker is facing his fourth drunken driving charge after failing a breathalyzer test-but he says this time it’s not his fault! His defense is that the failed test is not the result of him drinking alcohol, but rather eating a steak with Jack Daniels sauce. He swears he didn’t consume any alcohol, just a Jack Daniels steak! His .07 blood-alcohol level makes police think otherwise. And sadly for Ian, the Jack Daniels web site clearly states that their trademark Jack Daniels barbecue and steak sauces, which are made by Heinz, contain NO alcohol whatsoever.
On this day in 1986, Edy’s Ice Cream insured the taste buds of ice cream taster John Harrison for $250-thousand. What a great job that would be… taste-testing ice cream! If you could choose any job in the world, what would you do?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: King Solomon had how many steps to his throne?
ANSWER: Six (1 Kings 10:18-20)
QUESTION: The Holland and Lincoln Tunnels under the Hudson River connecting New Jersey and New York are an engineering feat. The air circulators in the tunnels circulate fresh air completely extremely fast. How many seconds does it take to completely circulate the air in the Holland and Lincoln Tunnels?
ANSWER: Ninety seconds.
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- The official soft drink of the state of Nebraska is Kool-Aid. (True.)
- The original IBM punch-card is the same size as a Civil War era dollar bill. (True.)
- The costume of Sesame Street’s Big Bird is made of real canary feathers. (False – it’s made of turkey feathers… dyed yellow, of course.)
- The underwater mating song of the toadfish is so loud that sometimes it can be heard by humans on the shore. (True.)
- Helen Hunt, award-winning co-star of the TV sitcom Mad About You, appeared on the Mary Tyler Moore Show. (True – she was 7 years old and played the daughter of Murray Slaughter, played by Gavin MacLeod.)
- To qualify as a hurricane, a storm must develop winds in excess of 50 miles per hour. (False, the winds must be at least 75 miles per hour. Wind speeds as high as 220 miles per hour have been recorded.)
- Bert Lahr’s unforgettable performance in The Wizard of Oz in 1939 as the cowardly lion destroyed his acting career. (True. Bert Lahr told friend George Burns that typecasting meant “that they call me every time a role comes up for a cowardly lion. Otherwise, they don’t call me.”)
- On average, fourteen people a day call Graceland and ask for Elvis. (False, it’s more like four people each day.)
- Collectors of dolls are called “plangonologists.” (True.)
- Wonder Woman’s bracelets were made of a substance called feminum. (True.)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
“Iran’s Youth Rejects __________” (THE MUSLIM RELIGION)
Multitudes of young Iranian adults are leaving Islam behind in favor of the best selling New Age self-help books and seminars of motivational guru Alireza Azmandian. One 25-year-old aerospace engineer said, “Religion doesn’t offer me answers anymore, but Azmandian’s seminar changed my life.”
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
Courtney was the substitute teacher for a second-grade math class that was learning about groups. In one exercise, pupils were asked to label a group of items according to their common characteristics. Pictured were onion rings, doughnuts, a Bundt cake and ring cookies. The correct answer would have been that all the items have holes in the center. But one boy’s response was just as valid, “All of those things contain too much cholesterol.”
Benny wanted a job as a signalman on the railways. At his interview, the inspector asked him this question: “What would you do if you saw 2 trains heading for each other on the SAME track?
Benny replied,” I would switch the points for one of the trains.”
“Good. But what if the lever broke?”, asked the inspector.
“Then I’d run down to the signal box”, said Benny, “and use the manual lever there.”
“What if lightning struck it?’ asked the inspector.
“Then…” Benny continued, “I’d run back in to phone the next signal box.”
“What if the phone was engaged?”
“Well…..in that case,” persevered Benny, ” I’d rush down out of the box & use the public emergency phone at the level of the crossing up there…”
“What would you do if THAT was vandalized?”
“Oh, well then I’d run into the village & get my Uncle Toby.”
This bizarre response puzzled the Inspector, so he asked, “And just why would you do that??”
“Because Uncle Toby… He’s never seen a train wreck!!”
“Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.”
“What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn’t go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking fancy meal!”
“I know all that.”
“Then why did you invite a friend for supper?”
“Because the poor guy is thinking about getting married.”
Chocolate was used as medicine in the 18th century. It was believed it could cure stomach aches. ***MARLAR: Can someone please explain why we don’t have chocolate flavored alka-seltzer?
Siemens Mobile, a German telecommunications company, is developing the first cell phone that will tell you if you stink. It has a microchip that scans nearby air for smells, including halitosis, alcohol and atmospheric gas, and alerts users if their breath is bad or they are giving off offensive odors. ***MARLAR: And if the smell is really bad, it automatically dials 911. (Maybe they’ll call it a “Smell Phone”… or worse yet, an “iSmell”!)
The word from researchers at Kaiser Permanente Northern California in Oakland is that calcium and vitamin D may slow down or even stop that weight gain. ***MARLAR: I hope my personal trainer is listening – he’s keeping me fat by saying I should drink Skim Milk!
The word from researchers at Kaiser Permanente Northern California in Oakland is that calcium and vitamin D may slow down or even stop that weight gain. ***MARLAR: I hope my personal trainer is listening – he’s keeping me fat by saying I should drink Skim Milk!
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
A man, on his way to get lunch, falls into a hole for three days!
The joke normally begins, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” But in this case, it was a man crossing the road in order to buy some chicken. So where does the punchline come in? Turns out he never made it across the street… he fell into an open manhole and was stuck there for three days! Kevin Funchess was finally rescued in good condition after he managed to call 911 on his cell phone. Kevin said he was walking to get some fried chicken three days earlier when he fell into the manhole in a grassy area beneath a freeway near his home. His body wedged in just 3 feet (1 meter) below the surface, but he could not get out or move enough to reach the cell phone that was stuck beneath him in his backpack. His shouts for help went unheard and he was unable to answer the phone, which rang repeatedly as family tried to find out why he hadn’t come home yet. Kevin spent his time sleeping and praying in the hole. On Saturday, after three days without food and water, he had lost enough body mass and weight that he was able to maneuver enough to reach his phone and call 911. Rescuers who pulled him out said he was dehydrated and sore, but in good condition. Kevin says he looks at things now in a completely different light, and has but one regret. “I never did get that chicken.”
DID ANYONE EVER TELL YOU?
Did Anyone ever tell you,
Just how special You are?
The light that You emit
Might even light a star?
Did Anyone ever tell You
How important You make Others feel?
Somebody out there is smiling
About Love that is so real?
Did Anyone ever tell You
Many times, when They were sad,
Your e-mail made Them smile a bit
In fact It made them glad?
For the time You spend sending things
And sharing whatever You find,
There are no words to thank You
But Somebody thinks You’re fine.
Did Anyone ever tell You
Just how much They love You?
Well, My Dearest “Online” Friend,
Today I am telling YOU!
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
THE SHEPHERD OF THE FLOCK
“Only to be what He wants me to be…” So sang the shepherd of the flock where YOU graze, as he or she surrendered to the Will of God. The call to the ministry is a sacred one and a hard one; only the ones whom the Good Shepherd calls will make it. It’s a rough world–for along with the joys of feeding the flocks are the pains of caring for them–carrying them, disciplining them, hurting with them and for them, loving them through thick and thin. A pastor’s job is not easy–he needs our love, our support and our fervent prayers. You and I are part of that flock–and you know how hard we are to get along with–what patience and grace God bestows upon us that we would even be called the sheep of His pasture! Multiply you and me by the millions of sheep all over the world–each with unique personalities, problems, perplexities–and quirks–and you and I both know it’s no easy job for any shepherd, anywhere in our world! God bless our faithful pastors–they dedicate us, baptize us, marry us, bury us–and hold a special place in our hearts. We honor them, the sheep-watchers of the flock of God, and ask God’s blessing and anointing on their lives and ministry. Won’t you think of some special way you can honor your pastor this coming October. Send him a card; invite him and his family to dinner; surprise him, love him, appreciate him, and thank God for him–the sheep-watcher of God’s flock–and your soul!
OH SAY YOU CAN’T SEE
Comfortable seats at a ball game are a good thing – but only if the seats are facing in the right direction! One of England’s baseball stadiums is having difficulties learning that important fact.
Contractors working on a stadium in England apparently aren’t into watching sports themselves. In an attempt to increase Bradford City’s stadium’s capacity from 7,000 to 25,000, nine new executive boxes were being added to the stadium. After the first six were installed, someone noticed that they were all facing the parking lot instead of the inner part of the stadium. The good news for them is that they discovered the problem before any teams were scheduled to play in the stadium. ***MARLAR: Fans of (local losing sports team) are actually requesting that their stadium’s seats be reconfigured this way. Watching the parking lot might be more exciting!
LIFE… LIVE IT
TOP TEN THINGS YOU CAN SAY TO YOUR SPOUSE (Eddy Brame & Marty Crouch – From the Marriage Coach)
- I love you. – Timeless, no need for elaboration; say it in dozens of ways, ways that you have learned that your partner hears.
- I’m sorry, I made a mistake. – Nobody gets it right all the time. It takes maturity to admit my mistakes. Admitting I made a mistake does not mean that I am a mistake.
- I hear you saying … – Listening. If I’m not, then I can’t fill in the … When I listen well I become a mirror for my partner.
- You make sense to me because … – Validation. Add this to listening and your partner will really feel heard and understood.
- I imagine that you must feel … Is that how you feel? – Empathy. When I get how my partner is feeling, then we relate at a heart-level, not just at a head-level.
- What I really appreciate about you is … – Acknowledge my partner for being, not just doing.
- Thank you for … – Appreciation for doing, for giving, for understanding. So often we focus on what’s missing rather than what’s present. What we focus on expands.
- Would you please …? – It’s my job to communicate my wants to my partner. Expecting my partner to mind read, or thinking “If he loved me, he would know what I want.” is a setup for experiencing frustration.
- I’m feeling … – It’s still important to share my feelings. Noticing and reporting my body sensations is part of telling the truth.
- I forgive you for … – Any partner will eventually disappoint me. Holding onto a resentment drains my energy, creates distance, hurts me worse than my partner. Incompletions (unforgiveness) in my life affects all my relationships adversely.
JUST FOR FUN
THIS FILM STINKS!
Soon you’ll be walking through video stores using your nose to find the movie that you want!
In Britain, Blockbuster video stores have begun using aromatherapy in their stores to help customers find their preferred films. The stores are using different scents to indicate the mood of specific movie sections. ***MARLAR: Roses for love stories, the smell of wood for the films on history, and body odor for the Sylvester Stallone films!
KEEPING THE FAMILY ROAD TRIP ENTERTAINING
The Arlington Convention & Visitors Bureau offers these tips for maintaining your sense of humor on a family road trip:
- Hold fake auditions for “American Idol” at all truck stops.
- Hold conversations by only quoting movie lines, song titles and lyrics.
- Implement the rule, “only one in-law per vacation”. Take it one step further and ban in-laws altogether.
- Play Chinese Fire Drill every time you hit standstill traffic.
- Try going the entire car ride without using your children’s middle names.
- Beano, Gas X, Ziploc bags and duct tape are your best friends. Really.
- Invest in foreign language tapes and learn to say, “Don’t make me stop this car!” in 12 languages.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
Antonio has served his last Slurpee.
Antonio, don’t be a hero. That was the message Antonio Feliciano got from his employer 7-Eleven. The store assistant was working at a 7-Eleven store in Martinsburg, West Virginia, when a man walked in with a sawed-off shotgun and attempted to rob the place. Instead of handing over the cash, Antonio wrestled the gun away from the would-be robber and the crook left without getting any money. As for the reward Antonio got for saving the day? He was fired! 7-Eleven company guidelines state that he was to hand over the money and not risk his life confronting a criminal. Company bosses said they fired Antonio to emphasize its policy. He said he was acting on instinct, while a 7-11 spokesperson said, “No asset in a 7-Eleven store is worth defending with an employee’s life.” ***MARLAR: I don’t know, those Slurpees are pretty good!
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
Looking for any easy way to improve your health? Go to church this weekend. A recent article by Yale educated Dr. Chauncey Crandall encourages attending church as a way to improve your health. In the recent article Dr. Crandall wrote: “As a cardiologist, I use every tool at my disposal to help my patients win their battles against heart disease. In addition to cholesterol-lowering drugs, cardiac medications, tests, and procedures, I also frequently recommend that my patients give their local church a try. In fact, I’ve found this to be one of my most effective therapies.”
Christianity continues its rapid spread in China. In fact, the number of Christians in Communist China is growing so steadily that, according to Pew Research, by 2030 it could have more church goers than America. Growth like that is exciting but begs a larger question: Who is teaching all of these new Christians about their faith, about what God’s Word says, about how to read it in context? That’s where China Partner, Inc. comes in. China Partner has been working in the country for more than a decade, coming alongside partners already on the ground to train the upcoming church leaders in evangelism, as well as theology.
Feel like you didn’t get much out of Sunday’s sermon? Here are 10 suggestions for listening to next weeks sermon. Print it out and be prepared:
1) Pray for the preacher and the sermon long before the service.
2) Deal with any known sin in your life before the service.
3) Have a copy of the Bible with you.
4) Sit where you can most pay attention.
5) Put your phone away.
6) Just before the service, ask God to help you hear the Word as it applies to you.
7) Listen especially to the Word of God being read.
8) Take notes.
9) Listen especially for at least one nugget of truth and application for your life.
10) Write down one or more action steps you will take in your life after hearing the sermon.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
So long for now and remember the Amalo… the Alohma… the Omala? You know, that place in Texas we always remember.
THE WAY WE WORK
(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)
During the last several days, my wife and I have been traveling in Israel. In fact, I’m writing this blog in Tel Aviv. It’s a work assignment for me. Tough duty. Actually, it’s been work and pleasure for both of us.
This is my fifth trip. Our tour buses come equipped with Israeli tour guides, all Jewish. They have a unique and, from my perspective, a challenging assignment.
Each day these guides share insights on biblical sites. They know their Israel history to be sure. But they also know a remarkable amount of the New Testament and they treat it as if it is true. Please understand that I have no doubt these accounts of the Scriptures ARE true.
A few of the guides are what we refer to as Messianic Jews…followers of Jesus of Nazareth. Most are not. Yet many of the travelers conclude that these guides embrace the same beliefs the group members do. Ask them directly and they’ll tell you. But they speak as if they are convinced these events are real so as not to offend.
Is there a problem here? An interesting question. I say this because of a conviction that the best employees are ones who believe in their company, the mission, and the product or service. I realize that is a sliding scale.
Is it somewhat disingenuous to go out and pretend you believe while representing your company? Do you lack integrity or authenticity by becoming an actor for personal gain? And if you really don’t believe, so to speak, why not find a place to work where you love the business or non profit you represent?
An interesting variation of this issue happened with a senior member of our company. Years ago, he was selling advertising at a radio station whose effectiveness he did not question. But he was listening each day to our faith-based station in the market. One day, he decided he should consider a similar position at the radio station that fed his soul. The rest is history.
Now, it could be fairly argued that actors make a living by portraying characters whose personalities are not the same as theirs. Even Joe Namath can be seen in an infomercial pitching some lakeside real estate. Is he being authentic or making a desperate buck? Who knows.
All this is said to encourage you to consider this question about your own work. And if you find sufficient dissatisfaction in the role you are playing, perhaps you would find more happiness in a place you love. And one in which you truly believe.
Jesus confronted those who were not true believers. In Matthew 7, it’s recorded that Jesus said, “Not every one who says to me ‘Lord, Lord’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.” (NIV) Thus, actions speak more powerfully than words.
Living true to our calling is a wonderful thing. Living in Truth in all of life is even better.
I must go now. My camel is waiting.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
NOVEMBER 06, 2015…
Brooklyn—Saoirse Ronan plays a young woman in Ireland, who decides to go to New York City. It is the 1950’s and not only does she find work, but some romance, too. Adapted from the book by Colm Toibin. Also in the cast is Jim Broadbent. “Brooklyn” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Miss You Already—Toni Collette discovers she has cancer and fights the disease with friend, Drew Barrymore. What can they come up with as therapy? Wild and wacky or sad? What do you think? “Miss You Already” is rated PG 13. No rating.
The Peanuts Movie—In 3D animation and what more could you ask for? It is your favorite comic strip characters by Charles M. Schultz, and with Snoopy and the doghouse, too. Voices include Hadley Belle Miller (Lucy), Noah Schnapp (Charlie Brown) and AJ Teeco (Pig Pen.) “The Peanuts Movie” is rated PG. Enjoy.
Spectre—Daniel Craig is back as James Bond in this thriller with Christoph Waltz as the evil one. Bond goes around the globe again, and with beautiful women including Lila Seydoux and Monica Bellucci. Although some are already choosing the next James Bond, I don’t think Daniel Craig will give up that easy .Always great stunts. I always thought, though, that Pierce Brosnan had a few Bond films left in him. “Spectra” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.
Spotlight—This film is about uncovering the sex abuse scandal concerning the Catholic Church in Boston in the early part of the 21st century. The Boston Globe got wind of what was happening and really dug into it. The Globe got the 2003 Pulitzer Prize for it’s reporting. Some of the stars are Mark Ruffalo, Rachel McAdams and Michael Keaton. “Spotlight” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans of the stars.
Trumbo—Bryan Cranston takes on the role of writer Dalton Trumbo, who was Hollywood blacklisted in the 1940’s when it was alleged he was a communist. Trumbo fought this, but the blacklist remained. “Trumbo” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans of the star.
NOVEMBER 13, 2015…
The 33 with Antonio Banderas as one of the Chilean miners trapped underground.
By The Sea with Angelina Jolie-Pitt and Brad Pitt is a commentary on married life with problems.
Love The Coopers stars Diane Keaton in a comedy about a family gathering at Christmas.
Shelter has Jennifer Connelly in a drama about being homeless. Directed by her husband, Paul Bettany.
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