November 06, 2016: Sunday ONAIRprep

***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS – FREE TO AIR! (Need to receive this earlier than when it’s posted? Get FTP access and receive a fully-produced version FREE with a customized tag specifically for your station or show! Contact me with your ONAIRprep username for details!)




“In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in single-file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?” — Warren Hutcherson


Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32

Woe to those who go to great depths to hide their plans from the LORD, who do their work in darkness and think, “Who sees us? Who will know?” –Isaiah 29:15

This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing. Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor. — Romans 13:6



And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross. — Colossians 2:15

Thought: Crucifixion was so hideous, so inhumane and vile, that the word “crucify” was not considered appropriate in polite speech in Greek culture. Crucifixion was reserved for the scum of society who were considered a threat to the government. Jesus endured this hideous death. But what Satan had intended for the humiliation of God, Jesus turned into the humiliation of Satan and his evil angels. He made a public spectacle of them. He turned their torture stick of shame into an altar of glory. He transformed the gory fury of hell into a sacrifice of forgiveness. He redirected evil’s power to kill and made it a place to heal. While we deplore the unspeakable sacrifice and shame that Jesus bore on the cross for us, we also rejoice that the evil one and his hoards of hate are broken. Their apparent victory is turned into their defeat. What was supposed to be God’s greatest shame becomes his greatest grace, which ransoms us from Satan’s grasp.

Prayer: No words, holy and righteous Father, can ever express my appreciation for your plan, your sacrifice, and your salvation. No song of praise, no heartfelt poem, no letter of love can ever express the thanks I have, dear Jesus, for your loving and powerful sacrifice. Thank you for saving me from sin, death, and a life without meaning. To you, dear Father, and to you, Lord Jesus, I offer my life as my gift of thanks and praise. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!)

Hebrews 11:6 NIV = And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.


(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)

This is SHALLOW PERSONS AWARENESS WEEK. ***Can you be aware that you’re shallow and still BE shallow?

Today is INTERNATIONAL END GOSSIP DAY. ***At least, that’s what I hear.

Today is DO TATER TOTS EVER GROW UP DAY. ***Yes, they do – they grow up to be Couch Potatoes!

INTERNATIONAL DAY OF PREVENTING THE EXPLOITATION OF THE ENVIRONMENT IN WAR AND ARMED CONFLICT. ***Nothing against the idea of this day, but they couldn’t have found a shorter name for that? How about “Say No To War Day”… that’d work too, wouldn’t it?


Daylight Saving Time Ends @2:00am (turn clocks back 1 hour)

International Day for Preventing the Exploitation of the Environment in War and Armed Conflict

National Nachos Day

Saxophone Day

Zero Tasking Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below.)


Employee Brotherhood Day

Fill Our Staplers Day

International Merlot Day

Job Action Day

National Bittersweet Chocolate with Almonds Day

National Canine Lymphoma Awareness Day

Traffic Directors Day


Abet and Aid Punsters Day

Cook Something Bold and Pungent Day

Dunce Day

Election Day

National Parents as Teachers Day

National S.T.E.M./S.T.E.A.M. Day

National Young Readers’ Day

X-Ray Day



World Freedom Day


Area Code Day

International Tempranillo Day

Marine Corps Birthday

NET Cancer Awareness Day

Sesame Street Day

Windows Day (Microsoft)

World Science Day for Peace and Development


Death/Duty Day

Origami Day

Red Lipstick Day

Veterans Day


Fancy Rat & Mouse Day

World Pneumonia Day


International Day of Prayer for the Persecuted Church

World Kindness Day


International Girls Day

International Selfie Day

Loosen Up, Lighten Up Day

National American Teddy Bear Day

National Spicy Guacamole Day

National Pickle Day

Operating Room Nurse Day

Spirit of NSA (National Speakers Association) Day

World Diabetes Day

World Orphans Day


1904: Oklahoma halfback Ed Cook became the first football player to swim for a touchdown. O-U blocked a Kansas punt and the ball bounced across the Kansas end zone into a river. Cook dove into the river and recovered the ball, and it was ruled a touchdown. ***I’ll bet spiking the ball was a bit difficult though.

1986: Edy’s Ice Cream insured the taste buds of ice cream taster John Harrison for $250-thousand. ***The radio station has insured my voice for $25. Okay… so it’s not much. But it’s the thought that counts!

1993: Antonio Zappalla burst through the back door of the Turin, Italy, police station and yelled at the desk sergeant to hand over the money. It didn’t work. He thought he was robbing the post office next door. ***They didn’t hand him any money… but they did throw the book at him!


1777: Anglican hymn writer John Newton wrote in a letter: ‘God often takes a course for accomplishing His purposes directly contrary to what our narrow views would prescribe. He brings a death upon our feelings, wishes and prospects when He is about to give us the desire of our hearts.’

1789: Following the American Revolution, Father John Carroll, 54, was appointed the first Roman Catholic bishop in the newly organized and independent United States of America.

1853: The first Chinese Presbyterian Church in the U.S. was organized in San Francisco, CA.

1953: English apologist C.S. Lewis wrote in a letter: ‘Our prayers are really His prayers; He speaks to himself through us.’

1977: In Toccoa Falls, GA, the Barnes Lake Dam burst, following heavy rains, and the resulting flood destroyed the (Christian and Missionary Alliance) campus of Toccoa Falls Bible Institute. Thirty-eight students and instructors were also killed in the tragedy.


  • actor/writer (Lord of War, Assault on Precinct 13, Taking Lives, Training Day, Dead Poets Society) Ethan Hawke 46

  • actress (Samantha “Sonny” Liston on “E-Ring”, Special Agent Frankie Ellroy-Kilmer on “Threat Matrix”, Deputy Mayor Melinda Lockhart on “The District”, Megan Lewis Mancini on “Melrose Place”) Kelly Rutherford 48 (audio clip)

  • actor (“SeaQuest DSV”, Officer Doug Penhall on TV’s “21 Jump Street”) Peter Deluise 50 (audio clip)

  • actress (Julie Miller on TV’s “Fame” Ariel Moore in “Footloose”) Lori Singer 54 (audio clip)

  • TV reporter (and ex-wife to former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger) Maria Shriver 62

  • actress (Forrest Gump, Steel Magnolias, Punchline, Smokey & The Bandit, Sybil, Nora Walker on “Brothers and Sisters”, Maggie Wyczenski on “ER”, “The Flying Nun”) Sally Field is 70


(Music Artist Birthdays From

1916 : Ray Conniff

1932 : Stonewall Jackson

1937 : Eugene Pitt (The Jive Five)

1938 : Jim Pike (The Lettermen)

1938 : P.J. Proby

1941 : Guy Clark

1942 : Doug Sahm (Sir Douglas Quintet)

1943 : Mike Clifford

1947 : John Wilson (Them)

1947 : George Young (The Easybeats)

1948 : Glenn Frey (Eagles)

1950 : Chris Glen (TThe Sensational Alex Harvey Band)

1964 : Corey Glover (Living Colour)


Where do we get the expression, “Taken Down A Peg?”

 This expression comes from the practice of admirals and officers having their own flags aboard ship. Superior officers would have their flags positioned higher on the mast than subordinates and these flags would be attached to the mast by a peg. If a senior officer handed over his command to a junior then the flag would have to be flown in a subordinate position or be taken down a peg.


This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving three days a week from!

Christian artist Jimmy Needham has recently been ministering in a little different format. Jimmy says he spent the past two months teaching 11 men at Stonegate Church how to study God’s Word. He added that he has traveled the world, but has never experienced a joy like this.

Kerrie Roberts may want to consider cutting back on her travel. She posted: unpacking my suitcase, into another suitcase.

Plumb says she and her kids have a new tradition before she leaves town. She said they always go out for Mexican popsicles. Plumb added: sugar them up for Daddy.

Casting Crowns Megan Garrett says it’s hard to eat healthy on the road but she has come up with a plan. She posted: I’m prepping all my meals for this weekend. Megan has a specific reason for making sure her meals are healthy. She added: I’m so close to my 100-pound goal.

A word of advice from Jamie Grace. She posted it cool and don’t let your iRobot Roomba run when you’re not at home. Jamie says it took her forever to find hers when she returned back from her latest concert swing.

Hawk Nelson’s Jon Steingard just confirmed it: coffee is medicine.

Switchfoot is throwing a Cold Turkey Party, because who doesn’t like leftovers. On the day after Thanksgiving they invite you to fix yourself a cold turkey and mashed potato sandwich and tune in while Live Nation TV broadcasts their Hollywood Palladium show LIVE across the world on November 25th.

Sidewalk Prophets frontman Dave Frey said you know you’re back home in Indiana when the local Mexican restaurant has a bottle of ketchup on the table with the Colts logo on the front. We’re not sure if he was referring to being so far north that they have ketchup at a Mexican restaurant rather than salsa or the fact that there was a Colts logo on the ketchup bottle.

Building 429’s Aaron Branch was showing off his latest purchase this week. It was a recycled firefighter Captains Bi-Fold wallet. Aaron says the wallets are made from recycled fire hoses, combat boot leather, and other materials.

Mercyme’s Mike Scheuchzer grew up in Florida and lived in Texas for the vast majority of his life. Now he lives in Tennessee and he posted: to live where the leaves change colors has been one of my favorite parts of living in Tennessee.


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OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

When last we left the jungle, Racquet the Skunk made new badminton racquets for Gruffy, Sully, and Nozzles – but he made them defective so they’d break easily and his friends would have to keep buying new racquets. Will his scheme work? Let’s find out, As the Jungle Turns…

CLOSE: Double notched racquets – wouldn’t those break twice as easily as the single notched racquets? We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)


OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the animals were selling all of their possessions and packing up to move out of the jungle as fast as possible because they were all terrified of a giant, disgusting, loud, smelly, awful giant-footed monster! But just before everyone moved, Sully the Aardvark thought about something…

CLOSE: Oh great… so maybe the monster IS real! Tune in again next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.


So what happens if you try to forge a one-dollar bill?

Two men who were charged with first-degree forgery of government issued money, first-degree possession of a forged instrument and possession of forgery devices, all felonies.  Police were called to a Home Depot after a security guard alerted officers that someone had paid for a $7 six-pack of light bulbs with bills that appeared to be phony, and they were leaving in a red Chevrolet.  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen counterfeit $1 bills,” Clarkstown Police Sgt. Alan Armstrong said.  Yes, our inDUHviduals had counterfeited, among other things, one dollar bills.  The penalty for passing a forged bill is the same, whether the face value is $1 or $1 million: up to 15 years in prison and a $15,000 fine for first-degree forgery.



10. Act naturally

9. Resident alien

8. Almost exactly

7. Good grief

6. Passive aggression

5. Exact estimate

4. Sanitary landfill

3. Clearly misunderstood

2. Temporary tax increase

1. Government organization


Unfortunately, Ali Aghil and Mamey Hurst had to cancel their honeymoon.

FILE #1: That’s because they had to cancel their wedding — well, at least delay it. That’s because police arrested them — for fighting with each other– before they had a chance to walk down the aisle! We’re talking about knock-down-drag-out-punch-throwing fighting! So the ceremony at the posh Little Nell Hotel in Aspen, Colorado was called off. It may be hard to reconcile right away because their $250 bond says they have to stay away from each other.

FILE #2: Antonio Zappalla burst through the back door of the Turin, Italy, police station and yelled at the desk sergeant to hand over the money. It didn’t work. He thought he was robbing the post office next door. ***MARLAR: They didn’t hand him any money… but they did throw the book at him!

FILE #3: A crook in Louisiana wanted to get the job done right — so he practiced. Outside of a suburban New Orleans sandwich shop, Cedrick Washington practiced pulling his shirt over his head to disguise himself just before he went in to rob the shop. It worked, temporarily anyway. Cedrick held up the store and fled with some money. Unfortunately for him, practice didn’t make perfect. When he was practicing outside, he unknowingly was doing so right in front of the store’s exterior surveillance camera. Using the surveillance film and eyewitness accounts police easily tracked him down.

STRANGE LAW: In West Virginia it is illegal to snooze on a train.


It’s not my fault I was driving erratically – it’s Jack Daniel’s fault!

In Sheboygan, Wisconsin, 23-year-old Ian A. Baker is facing his fourth drunken driving charge after failing a breathalyzer test-but he says this time it’s not his fault! His defense is that the failed test is not the result of him drinking alcohol, but rather eating a steak with Jack Daniels sauce. He swears he didn’t consume any alcohol, just a Jack Daniels steak! His .07 blood-alcohol level makes police think otherwise. And sadly for Ian, the Jack Daniels web site clearly states that their trademark Jack Daniels barbecue and steak sauces, which are made by Heinz, contain NO alcohol whatsoever.


On this day in 1986, Edy’s Ice Cream insured the taste buds of ice cream taster John Harrison for $250-thousand. What a great job that would be… taste-testing ice cream! If you could choose any job in the world, what would you do?


QUESTION: King Solomon had how many steps to his throne?
ANSWER: Six (1 Kings 10:18-20)


QUESTION: The Holland and Lincoln Tunnels under the Hudson River connecting New Jersey and New York are an engineering feat. The air circulators in the tunnels circulate fresh air completely extremely fast. How many seconds does it take to completely circulate the air in the Holland and Lincoln Tunnels?

ANSWER: Ninety seconds.


Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. The official soft drink of the state of Nebraska is Kool-Aid. (True.)

2. The original IBM punch-card is the same size as a Civil War era dollar bill. (True.)

3. The costume of Sesame Street’s Big Bird is made of real canary feathers. (False – it’s made of turkey feathers… dyed yellow, of course.)

4. The underwater mating song of the toadfish is so loud that sometimes it can be heard by humans on the shore. (True.)

5. Helen Hunt, award-winning co-star of the TV sitcom Mad About You, appeared on the Mary Tyler Moore Show. (True – she was 7 years old and played the daughter of Murray Slaughter, played by Gavin MacLeod.)

6. To qualify as a hurricane, a storm must develop winds in excess of 50 miles per hour. (False, the winds must be at least 75 miles per hour. Wind speeds as high as 220 miles per hour have been recorded.)

7. Bert Lahr’s unforgettable performance in The Wizard of Oz in 1939 as the cowardly lion destroyed his acting career. (True. Bert Lahr told friend George Burns that typecasting meant “that they call me every time a role comes up for a cowardly lion. Otherwise, they don’t call me.”)

8. On average, fourteen people a day call Graceland and ask for Elvis. (False, it’s more like four people each day.)

9. Collectors of dolls are called “plangonologists.” (True.)

10. Wonder Woman’s bracelets were made of a substance called feminum. (True.)


You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Iran’s Youth Rejects __________” (THE MUSLIM RELIGION)

Multitudes of young Iranian adults are leaving Islam behind in favor of the best selling New Age self-help books and seminars of motivational guru Alireza Azmandian. One 25-year-old aerospace engineer said, “Religion doesn’t offer me answers anymore, but Azmandian’s seminar changed my life.”



Courtney was the substitute teacher for a second-grade math class that was learning about groups. In one exercise, pupils were asked to label a group of items according to their common characteristics. Pictured were onion rings, doughnuts, a Bundt cake and ring cookies. The correct answer would have been that all the items have holes in the center.  But one boy’s response was just as valid, “All of those things contain too much cholesterol.”


Benny wanted a job as a signalman on the railways. At his interview, the inspector asked him this question: “What would you do if you saw 2 trains heading for each other on the
SAME track?

Benny replied,” I would switch the points for one of the trains.”

“Good. But what if the lever broke?”, asked the inspector.

“Then I’d run down to the signal box”, said Benny, “and use the manual lever there.”

“What if lightning struck it?’ asked the inspector.

“Then…” Benny continued, “I’d run back in to phone the
next signal box.”

“What if the phone was engaged?”

“Well… that case,” persevered Benny, ” I’d rush down out of the box & use the public emergency phone at the level of the crossing up there…”

“What would you do if THAT was vandalized?”

“Oh, well then I’d run into the village & get my Uncle Toby.”

This bizarre response puzzled the Inspector, so he asked, “And just why would you do that??”

“Because Uncle Toby… He’s never seen a train wreck!!”


“Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.”

“What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn’t go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking fancy meal!”

“I know all that.”

“Then why did you invite a friend for supper?”

“Because the poor guy is thinking about getting married.”


Chocolate was used as medicine in the 18th century. It was believed it could cure stomach aches.  ***Can someone please explain why we don’t have chocolate flavored Alka-Seltzer?

Siemens Mobile, a German telecommunications company, is developing the first cell phone that will tell you if you stink. It has a microchip that scans nearby air for smells, including halitosis, alcohol and atmospheric gas, and alerts users if their breath is bad or they are giving off offensive odors. ***And if the smell is really bad, it automatically dials 911. (Maybe they’ll call it a “Smell Phone”… or worse yet, an “iSmell”!)

The word from researchers at Kaiser Permanente Northern California in Oakland is that calcium and vitamin D may slow down or even stop that weight gain.  ***I hope my personal trainer is listening – he’s keeping me fat by saying I should drink Skim Milk!



One day, at the dry-cleaning shop of a local Air Force Base, I overheard a young airman describe in great detail how he wanted his uniform cleaned and pressed. When he finished, the counter clerk asked, “Are you getting an award, or do you have an important military function to attend?”

“Nothing like that,” the airman said. “I’m going home on leave, and my little brother is taking me to his second-grade class for show-and-tell.”


A man, on his way to get lunch, falls into a hole for three days!

The joke normally begins, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” But in this case, it was a man crossing the road in order to buy some chicken. So where does the punchline come in? Turns out he never made it across the street… he fell into an open manhole and was stuck there for three days! Kevin Funchess was finally rescued in good condition after he managed to call 911 on his cell phone. Kevin said he was walking to get some fried chicken three days earlier when he fell into the manhole in a grassy area beneath a freeway near his home. His body wedged in just 3 feet (1 meter) below the surface, but he could not get out or move enough to reach the cell phone that was stuck beneath him in his backpack. His shouts for help went unheard and he was unable to answer the phone, which rang repeatedly as family tried to find out why he hadn’t come home yet. Kevin spent his time sleeping and praying in the hole. On Saturday, after three days without food and water, he had lost enough body mass and weight that he was able to maneuver enough to reach his phone and call 911. Rescuers who pulled him out said he was dehydrated and sore, but in good condition. Kevin says he looks at things now in a completely different light, and has but one regret. “I never did get that chicken.”



Did Anyone ever tell you,
Just how special You are?
The light that You emit
Might even light a star?

Did Anyone ever tell You
How important You make Others feel?
Somebody out there is smiling
About Love that is so real?

Did Anyone ever tell You
Many times, when They were sad,
Your e-mail made Them smile a bit
In fact It made them glad?

For the time You spend sending things
And sharing whatever You find,
There are no words to thank You
But Somebody thinks You’re fine.

Did Anyone ever tell You
Just how much They love You?
Well, My Dearest “Online” Friend,
Today I am telling YOU!



“Only to be what He wants me to be…” So sang the shepherd of the flock where YOU graze, as he or she surrendered to the Will of God. The call to the ministry is a sacred one and a hard one; only the ones whom the Good Shepherd calls will make it. It’s a rough world–for along with the joys of feeding the flocks are the pains of caring for them–carrying them, disciplining them, hurting with them and for them, loving them through thick and thin. A pastor’s job is not easy–he needs our love, our support and our fervent prayers. You and I are part of that flock–and you know how hard we are to get along with–what patience and grace God bestows upon us that we would even be called the sheep of His pasture! Multiply you and me by the millions of sheep all over the world–each with unique personalities, problems, perplexities–and quirks–and you and I both know it’s no easy job for any shepherd, anywhere in our world! God bless our faithful pastors–they dedicate us, baptize us, marry us, bury us–and hold a special place in our hearts. We honor them, the sheep-watchers of the flock of God, and ask God’s blessing and anointing on their lives and ministry. Won’t you think of some special way you can honor your pastor this coming October. Send him a card; invite him and his family to dinner; surprise him, love him, appreciate him, and thank God for him–the sheep-watcher of God’s flock–and your soul!



Comfortable seats at a ball game are a good thing – but only if the seats are facing in the right direction! One of England’s baseball stadiums is having difficulties learning that important fact.

Contractors working on a stadium in England apparently aren’t into watching sports themselves. In an attempt to increase Bradford City’s stadium’s capacity from 7,000 to 25,000, nine new executive boxes were being added to the stadium. After the first six were installed, someone noticed that they were all facing the parking lot instead of the inner part of the stadium. The good news for them is that they discovered the problem before any teams were scheduled to play in the stadium. ***MARLAR: Fans of (local losing sports team) are actually requesting that their stadium’s seats be reconfigured this way. Watching the parking lot might be more exciting!


TOP TEN THINGS YOU CAN SAY TO YOUR SPOUSE (Eddy Brame & Marty Crouch – From the Marriage Coach)

  • I love you. – Timeless, no need for elaboration; say it in dozens of ways, ways that you have learned that your partner hears.

  • I’m sorry, I made a mistake. – Nobody gets it right all the time. It takes maturity to admit my mistakes. Admitting I made a mistake does not mean that I am a mistake.

  • I hear you saying … – Listening. If I’m not, then I can’t fill in the … When I listen well I become a mirror for my partner.

  • You make sense to me because … – Validation. Add this to listening and your partner will really feel heard and understood.

  • I imagine that you must feel … Is that how you feel? – Empathy. When I get how my partner is feeling, then we relate at a heart-level, not just at a head-level.

  • What I really appreciate about you is … – Acknowledge my partner for being, not just doing.

  • Thank you for … – Appreciation for doing, for giving, for understanding. So often we focus on what’s missing rather than what’s present. What we focus on expands.

  • Would you please …? – It’s my job to communicate my wants to my partner. Expecting my partner to mind read, or thinking “If he loved me, he would know what I want.” is a setup for experiencing frustration.

  • I’m feeling … – It’s still important to share my feelings. Noticing and reporting my body sensations is part of telling the truth.

  • I forgive you for … – Any partner will eventually disappoint me. Holding onto a resentment drains my energy, creates distance, hurts me worse than my partner. Incompletions (unforgiveness) in my life affects all my relationships adversely.



Soon you’ll be walking through video stores using your nose to find the movie that you want!

In Britain, Blockbuster video stores have begun using aromatherapy in their stores to help customers find their preferred films. The stores are using different scents to indicate the mood of specific movie sections. ***MARLAR: Roses for love stories, the smell of wood for the films on history, and body odor for the Sylvester Stallone films!



The Arlington Convention & Visitors Bureau offers these tips for maintaining your sense of humor on a family road trip:

  • Hold fake auditions for “American Idol” at all truck stops.

  • Hold conversations by only quoting movie lines, song titles and lyrics.

  • Implement the rule, “only one in-law per vacation”. Take it one step further and ban in-laws altogether.

  • Play Chinese Fire Drill every time you hit standstill traffic.

  • Try going the entire car ride without using your children’s middle names.

  • Beano, Gas X, Ziploc bags and duct tape are your best friends. Really.

  • Invest in foreign language tapes and learn to say, “Don’t make me stop this car!” in 12 languages.


Antonio has served his last Slurpee.

Antonio, don’t be a hero. That was the message Antonio Feliciano got from his employer 7-Eleven. The store assistant was working at a 7-Eleven store in Martinsburg, West Virginia, when a man walked in with a sawed-off shotgun and attempted to rob the place. Instead of handing over the cash, Antonio wrestled the gun away from the would-be robber and the crook left without getting any money. As for the reward Antonio got for saving the day? He was fired! 7-Eleven company guidelines state that he was to hand over the money and not risk his life confronting a criminal. Company bosses said they fired Antonio to emphasize its policy. He said he was acting on instinct, while a 7-11 spokesperson said, “No asset in a 7-Eleven store is worth defending with an employee’s life.”  ***MARLAR: I don’t know, those Slurpees are pretty good!


If you want to sleep better at night, then change your diet. People who eat less fiber and more saturated fat and sugar are far more likely to experience lighter, less restorative and more disruptive sleep, according to researchers from Columbia University Medical Center in New York City. And the opposite is also true. Those whose diets have a greater amount of fiber, higher protein and less saturated fat and sugar, are able to fall asleep faster and spend more time in the stage of deep, slow wave sleep. Specifically, saturated fat is responsible for less slow wave sleep, while sugar is associated with more arousals from sleep. The study’s most astonishing finding: A single day of greater fat intake and lower fiber is enough to disrupt sleep that night.

There are plenty of great wedding proposals out there, but one by an Australian Qantas pilot is up there with one of the most unique. Captain Ellis began making one of those regular inflight announcements while he was flying from Melbourne to Los Angeles, in a video released on the airline’s Facebook page. But little did one “very special passenger” called Ana know, she was in for another shock altogether. The Captain wraps up the announcements by asking for her hand in marriage in not one, but two languages.

President Barack Obama likes to say the White House is the “people’s house.” Now, the people are getting a look at the rooms where he lives. Exclusive photos published by Architectural Digest are giving the public its first glimpse of private areas on the second floor of the White House that Obama, his wife, Michelle, and his family have called home for nearly eight years. Los Angeles-based interior designer Michael Smith decorated the rooms, as well as the Oval Office.

In the small town of Sunderland, Mass., is a 300-year-old, family-run plot of land that fuses fine art and farming. Mike Wissemann’s 8-acre cornfield maze is a feat of ingenuity, with carefully planned and executed stalk-formed replicas of notables such as the Mona Lisa, Albert Einstein and Salvador Dalí. For the past 17 years, Wissemann’s family and landscape artist Will Sillin have used arithmetic as well as the tools and technology available to them. In 2000, that was graph paper and an ATV equipped with a GPS that was not very accurate. Now, a GPS-equipped mower can zoom in on a single stalk within an inch. Add in a drone and you’ve got yourself an elaborate maze.


So long for now and remember the Amalo… the Alohma… the Omala? You know, that place in Texas we always remember.


Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

NOVEMBER 04, 2016…

Bleed For This—Miles Teller (“Whiplash”) takes on the role of boxer Vinny “The Pazamanian Devil” Pazienza in this story of the boxer who had a near-fatal accident and yet wants to go back into the boxing ring. Is this a death wish?  “Bleed For This” is rated R. Rating of 2 for boxing fans.

Doctor Strange—Benedict Cumberbatch (and does this busy actor ever sleep?)  goes for the role of a surgeon who has an accident to his hands, goes away to contemplate and meets Tilda Swinton (just about unrecognizable) who teaches him about time and dimensions. Great special effects. “Doctor Strange” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans. Another character from comic books.

Hacksaw Ridge– Mel Gibson has a directing role in this film based on the life of a WWII conscientious objector, who also wins a Medal Of Honor. The man is Desmond Doss and played by Andrew Garfield (formerly “Spider-Man”). “Hacksaw Ridge” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Trolls—Those little troll dolls of a few years ago, you must remember the fad. Well, they are back in their own film complete with rainbow-colored tall hair-do’s and a Technicolor life. Voices of Anna Kendrick, Justin Timberlake and James Corden. “Trolls” is rated PG. Rating of 2 for fans and you know who you are.

NOVEMBER 11, 2016…

Almost Christmas tells the story of a father who wants a peaceful Christmas instead of the usual family get-together. Good luck. Stars Danny Glover.

Arrival is a science fiction film starring Amy Adams as a linguist who tries to speak to aliens.

Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk is based on Ben Fountain’s book of a young Iraq war soldier. Stars Joe Alwyn.

Elle stars Elizabeth Huppert who plays a woman who has been assaulted.

Shut In concerns a child psychologist and a little boy who are snowed in. Stars Naomi Watts.

*Hopefully, this is the release date—USS Indianapolis: Men Of Courage is about the sinking of this ship during WWII and how men survived. Stars Nicholas Cage and Tom Sizemore.

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