November 07, 2015: Saturday ONAIRprep


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If you receive an email from the Department of Health telling you not to eat canned pork because of swine flu, ignore it.  It’s just Spam.


#LastNightsWeirdDream: I was wiping my butt with my smartphone. Dream interpretation: I either really hate my phone, or I really love my toilet paper.


They say “time heals all wounds”, but that’s only true if the wound is clean. If it is dirty, the wound becomes septic and ravages the person. The same can be said for our soul.




No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, and I will raise him up at the last day. It is written in the Prophets: “They will all be taught by God”. Everyone who listens to the Father and learns from him comes to me. –John 6:44-45


“Ever since the time of your forefathers you have turned away from my decrees and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you,” says the LORD Almighty. –Malachi 3:7


He made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment – to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ. — Ephesians 1:9-10




“Ever since the time of your forefathers you have turned away from my decrees and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you,” says the LORD Almighty. — Malachi 3:7


Thought: In times of horror and disaster, people routinely ask, “Where is God in all of this?” Yet we so often leave God at the periphery of our lives and look for him only when we are desperate and have no other options. When things are going well, we seldom say, “Where is God in all of this? Why, he’s right here blessing us! Let’s praise him for his goodness!” God pleads with us to turn to him and seek after him, in good times and in bad. Not only will we find him; he will return to us and walk with us.


Prayer: O God, please forgive us for seeking our own way. We confess that we have wandered from your ways. Even while the Bible is so readily available to us, we often squander the opportunity to hear you speak from the Word. Even when we have so many opportunities to praise you and pray to you, you sometimes only hear from us when we have gotten ourselves into insurmountable problems. Father, I confess that I have let my relationship with you slip and that I have not pursued your presence in my life as much as I could. Please be with me and all your Church as we seek you and your presence daily in our lives! In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.


The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to




The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Psalm 11:7 NIV = For the LORD is righteous, he loves justice; upright men will see his face.




(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)


Today is HUG A BEAR DAY. ***MARLAR: Not that we’re recommending you do that.


Today is NATIONAL NOTARY PUBLIC DAY. ***MARLAR: Although so many people don’t know any – maybe they should be called Notary Privates.


Today is OCTOBER REVOLUTION DAY IN RUSSIA. ***MARLAR: Yet it’s November 7th. Talk about lagging behind as a world leader… they can’t even catch up to the calendar!




Digital Scrapbooking Day

National Bittersweet Chocolate with Almonds Day

Pumpkin Destruction Day

Sadie Hawkins Day

Sausage and Kraut Day





Abet and Aid Punsters Day

Cook Something Bold and Pungent Day

Dunce Day

National Parents As Teachers Day

X-Ray Day




World Freedom Day

World Orphans Day



Are Code Day

Marine Corps Birthday

Sesame Street Day

Windows Day (Microsoft)

World Science Day for Peace and Development

National Young Reader’s Day



Death/Duty Day

Origami Day

Red Lipstick Day

Veterans Day



Fancy Rat & Mouse Day

World Pneumonia Day



World Kindness Day



International Girls Day

Loosen Up, Lighten Up Day

National American Teddy Bear Day

National Spicy Guacamole Day

National Pickle Day

Operating Room Nurse Day

Spirit of NSA (National Speakers Association) Day

World Diabetes Day

International Selfie Day



America Recycles Day

George Spelvin Day or More Than One Role Day

I Love to Write Day

National Bundt Day

National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day

National Philanthropy Day

Rock Your Mocs Day



International Day for Tolerance

National Button Day




1867: Madame Marie Curie was born. She and her husband discovered radium. ***MARLAR: Of course, without it, we couldn’t drive around on radium tires.


1973: New Jersey became the first U.S. state in which girls were allowed to play on Little League baseball teams. ***MARLAR: It wasn’t a gender issue that was the problem though, it’s just that the boys couldn’t hit those cotton-pickin’ underhanded pitches.


1986: California’s Antelope Valley High School near Lancaster edged Canyon High 21-20, ending Canyon’s 46-game football streak.


1993: 21-year-old Carlos Costa of Toronto swam 282 miles from Catalina Island to San Pedro, California, to raise money for children’s charities. Carlos’ legs were amputated when he was two. ***MARLAR: And I get a cramp after walking up two flights of stairs.




1637: Controversial colonial religious leader Anne Hutchinson, 46, was convicted of spreading heresy and banished from the Massachusetts Bay Colony. Mrs. Hutchinson afterward relocated in Rhode Island with her family and friends.


1793: During the French Revolution, “Christianity” was abolished on this date. Reason was deified, and as many as 2,000 churches were afterward destroyed throughout France.


1828: Birth of American biblical lexicographer Joseph Henry Thayer. A Congregationalist pastor, Thayer’s main interest was New Testament language and in 1886 he published his definitive “Greek_English Lexicon of the New Testament.”


1837: American Presbyterian abolitionist and newspaper editor Elijah P. Lovejoy, 35, was murdered. Forced earlier to move his business from St. Louis to Alton, Illinois, Lovejoy was shot during the night by an anti_abolitionist mob while defending his presses.


1847: Birth of Will L. Thompson, American songwriter. With a major interest in sacred music, Thompson’s pen has left the Church two enduring hymns: “Jesus is All the World to Me” and “Softly and Tenderly Jesus is Calling.”




  • actors (God’s & Generals, “7th Heaven”) Jeremy and Jason London 43 (
  • actor (Peter on the old “Brady Bunch” TV series) Christopher Knight 58 (
  • evangelist Billy Graham is 97




(Music Artist Birthdays From

1922 : Al Hirt

1937 : Mary Travers (Peter, Paul and Mary)

1938 : Dee Clark

1942 : Johnny Rivers

1943 : Joni Mitchell

1951 : Nick Gilder

1957 : Jellybean (Benitez)

1964 : Liam O’Maonlai (Hothouse Flowers)




Why is the distance between the rails of real train track 4 feet, 8 1/2 inches? That’s a strange number!

It is the classic example of “We’ve always done it this way!”  American railroads were built by British expatriates, so they laid the rails the same gauge as those of British railroads.  The British decided that gauge because the wheels on the coaches were built on the same jigs as the wheels on horse drawn carriages. That gauge was decided so that carriage wheels would fit in the ruts of many of the dirt roads of Europe.  Those roads were originally built by the ancient Romans, who decided that width because it would be convenient for their chariots.  Yep…4 feet 8 and one half inches wide…




Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at!


David Crowder is out with another deal of the day photo but this time it’s an offer you definitely want to refuse. Past deals have includes sales of just one cent off and free food yesterday. But the photo this time is of a sign that offers Rabies for just 99-cents.


Natalie Grant has a new motto for Mondays. She says it’s: messy hair don’t care.


Third Day’s Mac Powell just conducted his own, informal, taste test. He tried three new Lays Potato Chip flavors, including West Coast Truffle Fries, Southern Biscuits and Gravy and Kettle Cooked Greektown Gyro. Mac says surprisingly Gyro was his favorite flavor.


From Switchfoot’s Jon Foreman: Why do optometrists live longer than the rest of us? They dilate.


A suggestion from a fan of comedian Bob Smiley: We should throw Bob Smiley in a pool full of MacBooks and call it bobbing for apples.




San Francisco police search for hatchet-wielding shoplifter
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — San Francisco police are looking for a transgender woman who allegedly threatened a security guard with a hatchet after stealing a handbag from a department store. KCBS-Radio reports ( ) the robbery happened around Monday afternoon at a…


South African student steals bus to get to final year exam
JOHANNESBURG (AP) — South African media say a high school student stole a bus in a desperate effort to get to his final year mathematics exams. Broadcaster eNCA reported Thursday that Le-Aan Adonis got behind the wheel when the driver failed to show up. Adonis told eNCA he found the keys in…
Election judge accused of taking off with voting equipment
PITTSBURGH (AP) — Authorities in western Pennsylvania say a local judge of elections was arrested after allegedly failing to show up to the polls Tuesday and instead deciding to work as a jitney driver for the day. The Allegheny County sheriff’s office says 55-year-old Darrin Farmer of North…
Company launches Bernie Sanders-inspired underwear line    photo
MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) — Employees of a Vermont company have launched a side business selling underwear featuring a black-and-white drawing of the face of Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders. HASH(0x1420790) The Vermont senator has said recently on late-night TV and talk shows that…
Seattle garbageman returns $12,000 in lost checks to school
SEATTLE (AP) — A Seattle elementary school is thanking a garbageman for finding nearly $12,000 in checks in the trash. HASH(0x1426c00) Principal Dorian Manza says he met Speir on his route and gratefully took the checks back. The funds were from a fundraising drive and a Parent-Teacher…
Boston pol says Bieber-graffiti tweet was sarcasm    photo
BOSTON (AP) — A Boston City Councilor says he was being sarcastic when he tweeted that he would introduce an emergency ordinance prohibiting Justin Bieber-inspired graffiti. The pop singer asked artists around the world last week to paint murals inspired by tracks from his upcoming album,…
Dog missing from Texas since May floods found in California
SAN MARCOS, Texas (AP) — The owners of a pit bull who disappeared during flooding in Texas in May are puzzled as to how the animal ended up more than 2,000 miles away in northern California. Eddie Hurtado says Thor ran away after his family evacuated their San Marcos home that was overwhelmed…
Police: Man used rope ladder to burglarize supermarket
CONNELLSVILLE, Pa. (AP) — State police have arrested a man on charges he broke into a Pennsylvania supermarket using a rope ladder — then claimed to merely be sleeping on the store’s roof when he was caught. Forty-eight-year-old Thomas Beal is in the Fayette County Booking Center…
2 degrees, flies planes, author, works at NASA. His age? 17    photo
BOSTON (AP) — Moshe Kai Cavalin has two college degrees, but he’s too young to vote. He flies airplanes, but he’s too young to drive a car alone. Life is filled with contrasts for Cavalin, a 17-year-old from San Gabriel, California, who has dashed by major milestones as his age seems to lag…
Breakfast with skulls: Halloween night in Paris Catacombs    photo
PARIS (AP) — This Halloween, two brave souls got the dubious honor of waking up among 6 million dead bodies in Paris’ creepy Catacombs. Brazilian Pedro Arruda, 27, said he wasn’t sure if he was lucky or unlucky when he found out he had won a contest sponsored by home-sharing company Airbnb to…
Albuquerque dentist offering to buy back Halloween candy
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) — An Albuquerque, New Mexico, dentist is hoping to get ahead in the fight against post-Halloween cavities with cash. KRQE-TV reports ( that Byron Wall, of Cosmetic Dentistry of New Mexico, said he is offering to buy candy back from…





Pfizer doubling patient income limit for free drug program    photo
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — Pfizer, the biggest U.S.-based drugmaker, is increasing its financial assistance to patients, doubling the allowable income level for people to receive dozens of Pfizer medicines for free. The move comes amid fierce criticism by patients and politicians, as well as…


Victim of E. coli outbreak will never go back to Chipotle    photo
SEATTLE (AP) — Chris Collins has always been selective about where he goes out for a meal. He said he respected Chipotle for its food integrity and animal welfare policies. But a week after being treated at a hospital for severe intestinal distress, Collins no longer considers the casual…
Things to know about the investigation of E. coli outbreak    photo
SEATTLE (AP) — Thirty-seven people in the Pacific Northwest have fallen ill with E. coli in an outbreak connected to Chipotle Mexican restaurants. The popular chain of casual restaurants voluntarily closed 43 of its Washington and Oregon locations last week and health officials are scrambling…
Virtual doctor visits offer convenience, lower costs
WASHINGTON (AP) — When you’re coming down with a cold, there are a few items you typically reach for to start feeling better: cough drops, herbal tea, maybe an over-the-counter medication. For most of us, though, a smartphone wouldn’t top that list. But that may change as health care…
Heroin, prescription pain pills top drug threat in the US
WASHINGTON (AP) — Heroin and prescription pain pills are among the top drug threats in the U.S., according to the Drug Enforcement Administration’s latest drug threat assessment Wednesday. Chuck Rosenberg, the DEA’s acting administrator, said there were more than 46,000 drug overdoses in…
Study: New docs’ suicidal thoughts eased with online therapy
CHICAGO (AP) — Doctors-in-training face long, stressful hours, sleepless nights and a high risk of depression and suicidal thoughts, but often are too stoic and time-starved to seek help. A study suggests online self-help behavior therapy could be a solution. Suicidal thoughts were much less…
Senate panel summons price-hiking CEO of Turing Pharma    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — A Senate committee has launched an investigation into exorbitant drug price hikes by Turing Pharmaceuticals and three other companies, responding to public anxiety over rising prices for critical medicines. The Senate’s special committee on aging requested documents and…
Recovery after overdoses: Stopping heroin’s ‘revolving door’    photo
CAMDEN, N.J. (AP) — It’s a truth addicts and health providers know well: Naloxone can reverse heroin overdoses, but it can’t cure the addictions that cause them. In a small but growing number of places, people who land in hospitals after being revived by the drug are being guided toward…
Getting treatment: Timing is key after a heroin overdose    photo
Using naloxone, often known by the brand name Narcan, to stop an overdose on heroin or related painkillers called opioids is the first step in a complex process that can include hospitalization, treatment and relapse. Here’s a step-by-step look at recovery, based on the accounts of first…
France ending ban on gay male blood donors
PARIS (AP) — France will end its ban on blood donations by gay men, its health minister said Wednesday, calling the move the end “of a taboo and discrimination.” Health Minister Marisol Touraine said beginning in the spring of 2016, no blood donors can be refused based on their sexual…
Cryotherapy use spreads, though it’s unproven, unregulated    photo
LAS VEGAS (AP) — From Japan to Europe and now in the U.S., a growing number of people are seeking cryotherapy — a treatment that subjects their bodies to cold temperatures far below those found anywhere on Earth. Backers claim it can ease pain and inflammation, aid blood flow and weight…





(None on the weekends)






Movember is here – and that means facial hair! During November each year, the Movember campaign is responsible for the sprouting of mustaches on thousands of men’s faces. With their Mo’s, the men raise awareness and funds for men’s health issues, specifically prostate and testicular cancer initiatives. ***MARLAR: And it’s not just the men – I’m pretty sure that lady in the McDonald’s drive-thru this morning was celebrating Movember as well.


Thanksgiving dinner will cost a little more this year. Agricultural experts say the cost of a meal for ten adults will run $50.01 — about $3 more than last year. That price includes turkey, dressing, sweet potatoes, rolls, peas, cranberries, a carrot and celery tray, and pumpkin pie with whipped cream for dessert.  ***MARLAR: That’s for most of America.  In the White House Thanksgiving will consist of Tofu and carrot sticks – which will still cost fifty bucks because Washington D.C. doesn’t understand math.








CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Steve Geyer, “McDonald’s Drive-Thru”




OPEN: And now, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, after learning that her solo singing career had actually destroyed all of the harmony and cooperation in the jungle, Cheetah Bonita met up with some alligators who were harmonizing very well. In fact, they were cooperating very well not just to make good music, but to stay alive and on the good side of the Swamp Thing!


CLOSE: Sounds like Cheetah Bonita has learned her lesson about cooperation – but what about the rest of the jungle? There’s still an awful mess out there! How will she make things right? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!






OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Katie Snuffleson was still feeling no compassion for her brother Marvy’s head cold – but that’s the furthest thing from her mind, because she’s just learned that Razzleflabbin Island has a magical place in the clouds called Candyland – and the tram has arrived to take her there…


CLOSE: Candyland does sound wonderful – and we’ll see exactly HOW wonderful next time, As the Jungle Turns!


***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.




A man fires a rifle in a national airport… and is still allowed to get onto the plane!

With the heightened security at airports, along with the heightened fear of people with weapons that are in airports, what would make someone want to enter an airport with a rifle? Hunting season, that’s what. A man on his way out of town to go elk-hunting walked into the Dallas Forth Worth airport in Texas with his rifle. A clerk asked him if the gun was loaded, the man said “no” and then decided to prove to the clerk that he was telling the truth by pulling the trigger. You guessed it, it was still loaded and the rifle went off inside the airport.  Miraculously, no charges were filed, and the man was allowed to board a later flight.






  1. Become a hosting member of the WWFWE (World Wide Federation of Wrestling Elders)!


  1. Offer free air miles with every visit!


  1. Use “Big Gulp” communion cups!


  1. Issue “Get Out of Trouble” cards to each member!


  1. Two words–reclining pews!


  1. Play “Who Wants To Live Forever?!”–You only get one lifeline!


  1. Begin a new “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” format for the sermon time!


  1. Every fourth week raffle off the offering!


  1. Open a “Starbucks and/or Seattles Best” franchise in your church lobby!


  1. Forget the gimmicks and fads. Instead, focus on Christ; pray, pray, pray; and step out in faith!




A costume gets a convicted felon even more in trouble with the law!


FILE #1: Near Peekskill, New York, a jail went into lockdown and recounted its prisoners on October 31st after a former inmate was spotted getting goodies door-to-door in his old orange prisoner’s jumpsuit. The former inmate was taking his daughter out for candy when a county correction officer — also out doing the same with her child — spotted the familiar jumpsuit. When confronted, the former prisoner ran and then drove off. The officer took down the man’s license plate and called authorities. The jail went into lockdown until a prisoner count established that no one was missing. Meanwhile, police found the former inmate, confiscated the genuine jumpsuit and let him go.


FILE #2: Kevin Morgan, of Petaluma, California, was slapped with a $351 citation for driving in a carpool lane with a kickboxing dummy propped up in the passenger seat. The dummy, wearing a seatbelt and dressed smartly in a baseball cap and a Miami Dolphins windbreaker, might even have passed for a real human. But one particular California Highway Patrol officer often parks his patrol car right next to the carpool lane then he stands up on his door rail so he can look down into the cars as they approach. The high vantage point allowed him to spot Kevin’s legless companion at a distance.


FILE #3: A robber in Milan Italy decided to rob a bank. He chose the bank where he had an account and regularly frequents… and walked in without wearing a mask. So first of all, he’s easily recognizable, but never the less he’s able to flee the bank with about $8,500. But while running from the bank, the robber himself is mugged and loses all the money. It gets worse for the guy. While continuing to run he gets injured when he’s hit by a car! It’s a good thing the police finally caught this guy – otherwise he might have killed himself!


STRANGE LAW: In New Britain, Connecticut the speed limit for fire trucks is 25 M.P.H., even when going to a fire.




A woman calls 911 to report a drunk driver…. and that drunk driver is HER!

The call came into the 911 dispatcher: “I don’t want to hurt anybody. I’m drunk.” And with that, Mary Strey, 49, of Granton Wisconsin, reported herself as a drunken driver. Sheriff Deputy Jim Backus said that Strey’s call on Oct. 24 led deputies to cite her for misdemeanor drunken driving with a blood-alcohol level double the legal limit to drive. She makes her first court appearance Dec. 10.




A recent survey conducted by NDS, a DVR manufacturer, has shown that digital video recorders (DVR’s) are becoming a significant part of U.S. households, being cited just behind mobile phones as the most essential, can’t-live-without household technology item. Only microwaves and washing machines beat it out in the non-technological category. PHONER: What is your can’t-live-without household technology item, and why?




QUESTION: What is the translation of the name Ebenezer?
ANSWER: Stone of Help (1 Samuel 7:12… “Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, Thus far has the Lord helped us.’”)


(INTERESTING STUFF: Charles Dickens chose the name Ebenezer for Scrooge in his book, “A Christmas Carol.” We read in 1 Samuel that when God gave Israel a victory over the Philistines, Samuel took a stone and set it up as a kind of monument to the victory, calling the stone Ebenezer – stone of help. The name also appears in the old hymn “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing” which has the line, Here I raise my Ebenezer.”)




QUESTION: According to a strange Kentucky law, you are considered sober until you can no longer what?

ANSWER: “Hold onto the ground.”




Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!


  1. Jupiter has the most moons of any planet in our solar system. (False – Saturn has the greatest number of known moons of any planet in the solar system. Its largest moon is named Titan.)


  1. A man in New Jersey owns the actual brain of Albert Einstein. (True – scientist John Harvey owns it. Harvey was a pathologist at a small hospital in Princeton, NJ, when Einstein died in 1955 at the age of 76. Harvey performed the autopsy, determined Einstein died of natural causes, and took the brain home with him.)


  1. Many parts of a tree can die without killing the whole tree. (True – in fact, much of a normal, healthy tree is dead — the wood in the center, for example.)


  1. Arkansas was once hit by locusts covering 198,600 square miles. (False – but it did happen to Nebraska. A swarm of Rocky Mountain locusts flew over Nebraska on July 20-30, 1874 covering an area estimated at 198,600 square miles. The swarm must have contained at least 12.5 trillion insects, weighing about 27.5 million tons.)


  1. The same little person who played Cousin Itt on the “Addams Family” TV show also played several Ewoks in the movie Return of the Jedi. (True – diminutive actor Felix Silla played the role of Cousin Itt on the bizarre 1960s sitcom The Addams Family. Years later, he was Twiki on television’s Buck Rogers in the 25th Century and also was one of the countless Ewoks in Return of the Jedi.)


  1. While American children deal with 26 characters in the alphabet, Japanese children deal with 2,000 characters. (True. Japanese children start out by memorizing 80 brush-stroke characters by second grade, going all the way to 2,000 characters to allow them to read a newspaper in high school. Still, only 16.3 percent of test takers pass a national kanji <writing Chinese characters> exam that requires mastering about 2,000 characters. These days, more Japanese children are choosing computers over calligraphy. Even teachers are losing the knack of writing Japanese characters.)


  1. By law, if you claim bankruptcy, you can even have your wedding rings taken from you. (False. In most American states, a wedding ring is exempt by law from inclusion among the assets in a bankruptcy estate. This means that a wedding ring cannot be seized by creditors, no matter how much the bankrupt person owes.)


  1. Julio Iglesias was a lawyer before he became a music star. (True.)


  1. “Tonsurphobia” is the fear of tongues. (False – it’s the fear of haircuts.)


  1. The expressions “pipe down,” “kick the bucket,” “over the top,” and “ticked off” came from World War I. (True – they were first coined by soldiers in the trenches during World War I.)




You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

74 YEAR OLD __________ (BODYBUILDER)!

TOKYO – Tsutomu Tosaka won the over-seventies “Masters Bodybuilding” competition in!

At 74 years old, Tosaka is not your typical bodybuilder. But he is well known in the Japanese bodybuilding circuit for his mastery at such an advanced age.

Unlike most competitors, he didn’t begin bulking up until age 40 when a friend introduced him to the sport. He hasn’t stopped since!





Upon entering a little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying, “DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!” posted on the door.  Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor near the cash register. He asked the store’s owner, “Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?”
“Yep,” the proprietor answered. “That’s him.”
The stranger couldn’t help being amused. “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me,” he chuckled. “Why in the world did you decide to post that sign?”
“Because,” the owner replied. “Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”



The agricultural inspector at the Arizona state line found that addressing people in an informal manner relieved their nervousness and minimized problems.

One day when a car with the vanity license plate “TVECL” stopped for inspection, the inspector approached the driver and said, “How are you, Mr. Tvecl?”

“Your pronunciation is fine,” he replied, “but that’s not my name. I’m an optometrist, and those are the letters on the bottom line of my eye chart.”



One of the world’s greatest scientists was also recognized as the original absent-minded professor. One day, on board a train, he was unable to find his ticket.

The conductor said, “Take it easy. You’ll find it.”

When the conductor returned, the professor still couldn’t find the ticket. The conductor, recognizing the famous scientist, said, “I’m sure you bought a ticket. Forget about it.”

You’re very kind,” the professor said, “But I must find it, otherwise I won’t know where to get off.”




There are hundreds of 1,000-year-old underground tunnel systems in Bavaria. Nobody really knows who built them or what they’re for.  ***MARLAR: Although I believe it has something to do with Hobbits.


If you take vitamins every day, you’re not alone. Two out of three adults take vitamin supplements. The most popular vitamin is C, followed by B-6 and E.  ***MARLAR: I used to take some B-6 and some B-12… but I quite after awhile, I couldn’t remember if I was taking vitamins or playing bingo.


A Travelocity survey says that smelly passengers, coughing passengers and “passengers of size” are amongst the worst people to be sitting next to in the air.  ***MARLAR: Directly after people sitting next to you asking you to take a poll.





Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $50,000 Question. The night before the big question, he told the host MC that he desired a question on American History.

The big night arrived. Bob made his way onstage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the best guest this show had ever seen. The MC stepped up to the mike.

“Bob, you have chosen American History as your final question. You know that if you correctly answer this question, you will walk away $50,000 dollars richer. Are you ready?”

Bob nodded with a cocky confidence — the crowd went nuts. He hadn’t missed a question all week.

“Bob, yours is a two-part question. As you know, you may answer either part first. As a rule, the second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like to take a stab at first?”

Bob was becoming more noticeably nervous. He couldn’t believe it, but he was not sure, but American History was his easiest subject, and he played it safe.

“I’ll try the easier part first.”

The MC nodded approvingly. “Here we go Bob. I will ask you the second half first, then the first half.”

The audience grew silent with gross anticipation…

“Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen?”




Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater!
Oh but there’s a major scandal with the Lakefront Marathon in Lakefront, Illinois. The woman who finished the 26-mile trek the fastest, 23-year-old Cassie Peller, was disqualified shortly after the race for — get this — accepting a water bottle from a friend outside of the official water stations. So the second place winner, 27-year-old Jennifer Goebel was named the new winner. But wait — she only retained the title for two days until race photos later showed her with an iPod tucked into the waistband of her shorts and she admitted using the device! This apparently is a major violation of a USA Track and Field rule that applies only to elite runners in the Lakefront Marathon. So now the third place finisher, Corina Canitz has now been named the official winner — well until we find out that she was wearing the wrong color socks or broke some other ridiculous rule.




Thomas Edison’s laboratory was virtually destroyed by fire in December, 1914. Although the damage exceeded $2 million, the buildings were only insured for $238,000 because they were made of concrete and thought to be fireproof. Much of Edison’s life’s work went up in spectacular flames that December night.

At the height of the fire, Edison’s 24-year old son, Charles, frantically searched for his father among the smoke and debris. He finally found him, calmly watching the scene, his face glowing in the reflection, his white hair blowing in the wind.

“My heart ached for him,” said Charles. “He was 67 – no longer a young man – and everything was going up in flames. When he saw me, he shouted, “Charles, where’s your mother?” When I told him I didn’t know, he said, “Find her. Bring her here. She will never see anything like this as long as she lives.”

The next morning, Edison looked at the ruins and said, “There is great value in disaster. All our mistakes are burned up. Thank God we can start anew.”

Three weeks after the fire, Edison managed to deliver his first phonograph.

– The Sower’s Seeds




John 12: 47. — I did not come to judge the world but to save the world.

Jesus Christ says that He did not come into this world to judge the world, for He Himself is the judgment. Some say they can’t wait to see Jesus, to look into His loving eyes. I don’t think that is way it will be, for in His presence, we will feel His love but we will also feel our shame. For it is His very presence that judges us, and though we long to meet Him, we also dread to do so.
If we judge ourselves in comparison to one another, we do not feel at all condemned. In fact, we often pat ourselves on the back, but with Jesus as the background-we instantly feel judged. “For judgment I have come into this world.” The judgment that Jesus Christ brings is the reality of our own tarnished soul. We feel a sense of shame, of missing the mark, but it is then that we determine to turn away and never regard that sin again.





Sometimes aging a food is a good thing… but one grocer is in trouble for selling food that is 14 years older than its expiration date!

In Belgium, a judge fined a grocer £950 and imposed a suspended prison sentence for selling food that was 14 years out of date. Health officials were notified about the store after customers complained of getting sick from the food, some of which should have been sold as far bas as fourteen years ago. Apparently, the “sell by” labels on the products were often scratched off, written over, or replaced with a more recent date. ***MARLAR: The first clue something was terribly wrong was when they began finding the original expiration date labels written in hieroglyphics.





Are you looking for a job with less stress? Here are 10 of the overall best low-stress jobs, according to a recent survey. However, the people I know in these jobs don’t think they are low stress!


  1. Computer software engineers applications Annual salary: $79,780


  1. Computer systems analysts Annual salary: $69,760


  1. Sales managers Annual salary: $91,560


  1. Civil engineers Annual salary: $68,600


  1. Environmental scientists and specialists, including health Annual salary: $56,100


  1. Construction and building inspectors Annual salary: $46,570


  1. Environmental engineers Annual salary: $69,940


  1. Carpenters Annual salary: $36,550


  1. Bus and truck mechanics  and diesel engine specialists Annual salary: $37,660


  1. Environmental science and protection technicians, including health Annual salary: $38,090





  • Martha Washington…She refused to attend George’s Inaugural Ball.
  • Lucretia Garfield…She banned wine at the White House
  • Rosilyn Carter…She banned liquor at White House functions
  • Anna Harrison…She refused to attend the Election Night parties.
  • Nellie Taft…She refused armed guards at the White House door (she also
  • refused to let William golf with J.D. Rockefeller)
  • Elinore Roosevelt…She refused the use of Secret Service Guards
  • Sarah Polk…She banned White House dancing
  • Eliza Johnson…She wanted no functions if she had to be the hostess.





  • Most people deserve each other.
  • All the good ones, no matter what it is, are taken.
  • The one who snores will fall asleep first.
  • The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount of money spent on the wedding.
  • If you help a relative in need, he/she will remember you the next time they are in need.
  • The probability of meeting someone you know increases greatly when you are out with someone you do not want to be seen with.
  • Toothaches always start on Friday night right before the weekend when the Dental Office will be closed.





Ha, ha, ha, ha… you’re fired! That’s what it seems happened at a school faculty party recently. David Cummings was just having fun. He jokingly smashed a piece a cake in the face of the principal at the party. Instead of good clean fun, it ended up being his ticket out of the school. Witnesses say Pomeroy Elementary School Principal Pat Kordelski seemed to enjoy the little prank at the time, but later wanted to fire Cummings for smashing the cake in her face. In the end, David Cummings, one of the school’s most popular teachers, was transferred to another school rather than being fired.  ***MARLAR: It was either that, or write on the blackboard a thousand times — “I will not smash cake in the principal’s face”.




(Mondays Only)




Do your words honor Christ, or do they serve the enemy instead? Paula Hendricks has a quiz that will help you find out. It includes questions like do you gossip, do you slander, do you meddle, brag, lie or respond in anger? While it may not be the most fun quiz you take this week, it could be the most important. Check it out at




How does Avon find so many women willing to take orders?




(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from in Chicago.)

True Believer

During the last several days, my wife and I have been traveling in Israel. In fact, I’m writing this blog in Tel Aviv. It’s a work assignment for me. Tough duty. Actually, it’s been work and pleasure for both of us.
This is my fifth trip. Our tour buses come equipped with Israeli tour guides, all Jewish. They have a unique and, from my perspective, a challenging assignment.
Each day these guides share insights on biblical sites. They know their Israel history to be sure. But they also know a remarkable amount of the New Testament and they treat it as if it is true. Please understand that I have no doubt these accounts of the Scriptures ARE true.
A few of the guides are what we refer to as Messianic Jews…followers of Jesus of Nazareth. Most are not. Yet many of the travelers conclude that these guides embrace the same beliefs the group members do. Ask them directly and they’ll tell you. But they speak as if they are convinced these events are real so as not to offend.
Is there a problem here? An interesting question. I say this because of a conviction that the best employees are ones who believe in their company, the mission, and the product or service. I realize that is a sliding scale.
Is it somewhat disingenuous to go out and pretend you believe while representing your company? Do you lack integrity or authenticity by becoming an actor for personal gain? And if you really don’t believe, so to speak, why not find a place to work where you love the business or non profit you represent?
An interesting variation of this issue happened with a senior member of our company. Years ago, he was selling advertising at a radio station whose effectiveness he did not question. But he was listening each day to our faith-based station in the market. One day, he decided he should consider a similar position at the radio station that fed his soul. The rest is history.
Now, it could be fairly argued that actors make a living by portraying characters whose personalities are not the same as theirs. Even Joe Namath can be seen in an infomercial pitching some lakeside real estate. Is he being authentic or making a desperate buck? Who knows.
All this is said to encourage you to consider this question about your own work. And if you find sufficient dissatisfaction in the role you are playing, perhaps you would find more happiness in a place you love. And one in which you truly believe.
Jesus confronted those who were not true believers. In Matthew 7, it’s recorded that Jesus said, “Not every one who says to me ‘Lord, Lord’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.” (NIV) Thus, actions speak more powerfully than words.
Living true to our calling is a wonderful thing. Living in Truth in all of life is even better.
I must go now. My camel is waiting.




Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


NOVEMBER 06, 2015…


Brooklyn—Saoirse Ronan plays a young woman in Ireland, who decides to go to New York City.  It is the 1950’s and not only does she find work, but some romance, too. Adapted from the book by Colm Toibin. Also in the cast is Jim Broadbent. “Brooklyn” is rated PG 13. No rating.


Miss You Already—Toni Collette discovers she has cancer and fights the disease with friend, Drew Barrymore.  What can they come up with as therapy?  Wild and wacky or sad? What do you think?  “Miss You Already” is rated PG 13. No rating.


The Peanuts Movie—In 3D animation and what more could you ask for?  It is your favorite comic strip characters by Charles M. Schultz, and with Snoopy and the doghouse, too.  Voices include Hadley Belle Miller (Lucy), Noah Schnapp (Charlie Brown) and AJ Teeco (Pig Pen.) “The Peanuts Movie” is rated PG. Enjoy.


Spectre—Daniel Craig is back as James Bond in this thriller with Christoph Waltz as the evil one. Bond goes around the globe again, and with beautiful women including Lila Seydoux and Monica Bellucci.  Although some are already choosing the next James Bond, I don’t think Daniel Craig will give up that easy .Always great stunts. I always thought, though, that Pierce Brosnan had a few Bond films left in him.  “Spectra” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.


Spotlight—This film is about uncovering the sex abuse scandal concerning the Catholic Church in Boston in the early part of the 21st century.  The Boston Globe got wind of what was happening and really dug into it. The Globe got the 2003 Pulitzer Prize for it’s reporting. Some of the stars are Mark Ruffalo, Rachel McAdams and Michael Keaton. “Spotlight” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans of the stars.


Trumbo—Bryan Cranston takes on the role of writer Dalton Trumbo, who was Hollywood blacklisted in the 1940’s when it was alleged he was a communist. Trumbo fought this, but the blacklist remained. “Trumbo” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans of the star.


NOVEMBER 13, 2015…


The 33 with Antonio Banderas as one of the Chilean miners trapped underground.


By The Sea with Angelina Jolie-Pitt and Brad Pitt is a commentary on married life with problems.


Love The Coopers stars Diane Keaton in a comedy about a family gathering at Christmas.


Shelter has Jennifer Connelly in a drama about being homeless. Directed by her husband, Paul Bettany.


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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at