November 09, 2015: Monday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20151109

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Studies show that 65% of Americans are confused, and the rest aren’t sure.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Death is swallowed up in victory. O Death, where is your sting?” –1 Corinthians 15:54-55

 

Proverbs 15:1: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

 

Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. — Ephesians 5:19-20

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

Woe to those who go to great depths to hide their plans from the LORD, who do their work in darkness and think, “Who sees us? Who will know?” — Isaiah 29:15

 

Thought: Aren’t we so very silly sometimes! We try to hide what we’ve done and what we’re planning from the Lord. Of course we’re only fooling ourselves. At first glance, God’s knowing our plans and seeing our actions is threatening. But after a little time to think it through, isn’t it nice that God does see everything, including our motives and thoughts? This insures justice will be done and our mess-ups will be evaluated in terms of our intentions, not just our failures! On top of that, it also means that those who plot to do us harm will have to answer to God, and we don’t have to worry about “settling the score” or “getting even.”

 

Prayer: Forgive me, Father, when I’ve tried to hide my plans and thoughts from you. Create in me a new and clean heart so that I am unafraid of your knowing anything going on in my heart. By the power of your Spirit, stir my spirit to desire your character and long for your presence in my life. I want to live dedicated to your glory and serving your Kingdom. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Luke 11:9 NIV = “So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

 

 

TODAY IS MONDAY – NOVEMBER 09, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 46 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is CHAOS NEVER DIES DAY.  ***MARLAR: Of course, listeners to this show already know that.

 

Today is WIZARD OF ID DAY. The comic strip debuted on November 9, 1964.

 

Today is FLUFFY TOWEL APPRECIATION DAY. ***MARLAR: And really, who doesn’t?

 

Today is NATIONAL GO TO AN ART MUSEUM DAY. ***MARLAR: Imagine that – an entire museum dedicated to guys named Art!

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Kristallnacht

World Freedom Day

World Orphans Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 10

Are Code Day

Marine Corps Birthday

Sesame Street Day

Windows Day (Microsoft)

World Science Day for Peace and Development

National Young Reader’s Day

 

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 11

Death/Duty Day

Origami Day

Red Lipstick Day

Veterans Day

 

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 12

Fancy Rat & Mouse Day

World Pneumonia Day

 

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 13

World Kindness Day

 

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 14

International Girls Day

Loosen Up, Lighten Up Day

National American Teddy Bear Day

National Spicy Guacamole Day

National Pickle Day

Operating Room Nurse Day

Spirit of NSA (National Speakers Association) Day

World Diabetes Day

International Selfie Day

 

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 15

America Recycles Day

George Spelvin Day or More Than One Role Day

I Love to Write Day

National Bundt Day

National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day

National Philanthropy Day

Rock Your Mocs Day

 

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 16

International Day for Tolerance

National Button Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1963: The Kingsmen entered the Billboard “Hot 100” with “Louie Louie,” the dirtiest song never written. The song, about a bartender named Louie, actually was squeaky clean, but the lyrics were hard to understand and rumors spread that they were dirty. No one bought Chuck Berry’s recording of the same song in 1956.

 

1974: To release his song “Goodnight Vienna,” Ringo Starr arrived at Captitol Records in Los Angeles in a flying saucer. ***MARLAR: Verifying he was out of this world to begin with.

 

1989: Germans danced atop the Berlin Wall as communist East Germany threw open its borders, allowing citizens to travel freely to the West for the first time in 28 years.

 

1993: Actress Angie Dickinson became the first person in 500 shows to walk off the TV set of This Is Your Life. Angie said, “Not on your life!” ***MARLAR: I feel the same way when restaurant staffers want to sing “Happy Birthday” to me.

 

2002: Thieves in the Lithuanian capital of Vilnius made off with 120 metal parking garages and the cars parked inside them. Apparently, it was a world record car theft.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1538: German reformer Martin Luther declared: ‘It would be a good thing if young people were wise and old people were strong, but God has arranged things better.’

 

1800: Birth of Asa Mahan, American educator and Congregational clergyman. President of Oberlin College in Ohio from 1835_1850, Mahan was instrumental in establishing interracial college enrollment and in the granting of college degrees to women.

 

1836: Birth of Christian business traveler Samuel Hill. In 1899 Hill, John Nicholson and W.J. Knights co_founded the Gideons, a Christian organization that ministers through distribution of the Scriptures. To date, the Gideons have placed over 12 million Bibles and 100 million New Testaments.

 

1837: British philanthropist Moses Montefiore, 52, became the first Jew to be knighted in England. Montefiore was a banking executive who devoted his life to the political and civil emancipation of English Jews.

 

1938: The worst Jewish pogrom in peacetime Germany took place as Nazi thugs led a “spontaneous” campaign of terror. During the night 267 synagogues were plundered, 7,500 shops were wrecked, 91 Jews were killed and 20,000 others were arrested and sent to concentration camps. It was afterward known as “Kristallnacht” because of the thousands of windows broken.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor (played “The Hulk” – the monster David Bruce Banner would turn into when he got mad in the old 70’s TV series “The Incredible Hulk”) Lou Ferrigno 62 (
    )
  • Actor (“Night Court” clerk Mac Robinson) Charles Robinson, 69 (
    )

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1905 : Tommy Dorsey

1937 : Roger McGough (The Scaffold)

1941 : Tom Fogerty (Creedence Clearwater Revival)

1943 : Lee Graziano (American Breed)

1944 : Phil May (Pretty Things)

1948 : Joe Bauchard (Blue Oyster Cult)

1948 : Alan Gratzer (REO Speedwagon)

1948 : Benny Mardones

1954 : Dennis Stratton (Iron Maiden)

1969 : Pepa aka Sandra Denton (Salt-N-Pepa)

1969 : Scarface

1973 : Nick Lachey (98 Degrees)

1977 : Sisqo

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Watch out for the “big cheese!”
“Big cheese” and “big wheel” are Medieval terms of envious respect for those who could afford to buy whole wheels of cheese at a time, an expense few could enjoy. Both these terms are often used sarcastically today.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

The members of the band Among the Thirsty were trying to convince themselves this week that they are not afraid of heights. They are on tour with Unspoken and Chris August and were up on the catwalk over that night’s venue setting up the bubble machine. They kept trying to convince themselves that they weren’t afraid of heights by repeating it over and over.

 

Last month Jon Foreman of the group Switchfoot performed at 25 stops throughout the San Diego area as part of a 24-hour musical marathon benefiting his nonprofit music studio Bro-Am. The concerts began midday Saturday and happen every hour on the hour with an extra one thrown in between two of the shows. Now a photo montage of the event is available online. Check out photos taken by the San Diego Union Tribune as they following Jon throughout the 24 hours stretch of concerts.

http://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/photos/galleries/2015/oct/24/jon-foremans-25-24-music-marathon/

 

Jodi, from Love and the Outcome, found a great way to kick off Winterjam west this week. She gathered some friends for a parking lot picnic in a mall parking lot in Oklahoma City.

 

The Newsboys are helping you express your thankfulness for your friends during November. This week simply tag a friend that you’re thankful for and both of you could win some Newsboys merchandize.

http://twitter.com/newsboys/status/662349925129191425/photo/1

 

Colton Dixon is celebrating the release of his two new EPs by giving away some of his favorite stuff. Included in the giveaway are a ping pong paddle, a batman t-shirt, a journal, espresso beans, and more. The enter simply share your favorite Colton Dixon video. Winners will be announced on November 12.

http://colton.cta.gs/03v

 

A new taste sensation for Aaron Shust’s boys. Aaron says his wife Sarah grabbed two Scorpion lollipops while in Arizona. That’s right, lollipops with scorpions in the middle. This week the boys tried them and Aaron says: Funny faces, gagging, running, spitting and laughter ensued. Proud of my brave boys though! I wouldn’t have done it.

https://instagram.com/p/9qrYv8vGZq/

 

The band Finding Favour this week announced a new series. This week they kicked off the Tiny Town Sessions. Every other Tuesday the band members say they will post a new live video of one of their favorite songs. They say that some will be hymns, some country songs, and they might even include some of their own songs that haven’t released yet.

https://instagram.com/p/9pV-wxOmHx/

 

 

ODD & WEIRD NEWS…

Police: Man dressed as priest sought for Halloween assault
DURANGO, Colo. (AP) — Durango police are investigating an assault that involved a priest, a pope and a Good Samaritan. HASH(0xd2de90) Shaline says a Good Samaritan who intervened in the attack prevented the injuries from being much worse. The victim, whose name has not been released, was…

 

‘Kid’-napping ends when baby goat reunited with its mother    photo
PHOENIX (AP) — Like a scene out of a Hollywood tearjerker, a baby pygmy goat that vanished from the Arizona State Fair came home to its mother surrounded by TV cameras and jubilant fairgoers. Dozens of employees and visitors burst into applause Thursday as GusGus was gently placed in the pen…
Arizona authorities capture 4 emus on the lam in Tucson    photo
TUCSON, Ariz. (AP) — Pima County authorities say four emus that got loose in a neighborhood on Tucson’s southwest side have been captured. The four large birds were contained Thursday in the area of West Drexel Boulevard and South Cardinal Avenue. County sheriff’s officials say two of the…
Seattle’s ‘gum wall’ to be cleaned after 20 years
SEATTLE (AP) — After 20 years of people sticking their gum to the walls of an alley by Seattle’s Pike Place Market, officials say it is time for a cleanup. Pike Place Market announced this week it will take down the estimated 1 million pieces of gum off the walls of Post Alley. Known as the…
Southwestern-themed cow statue missing from Houston museum
HOUSTON (AP) — A cow statue decorated with a Southwestern theme has been found after it was swiped from outside the Children’s Museum of Houston. Museum officials say a Facebook tip led them to the missing cow, hidden in a drainage pipe at a construction site near the University of Houston….
San Francisco police search for hatchet-wielding shoplifter
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — San Francisco police are looking for a transgender woman who allegedly threatened a security guard with a hatchet after stealing a handbag from a department store. KCBS-Radio reports (http://cbsloc.al/1MATXqA ) the robbery happened around Monday afternoon at a…
South African student steals bus to get to final year exam
JOHANNESBURG (AP) — South African media say a high school student stole a bus in a desperate effort to get to his final year mathematics exams. Broadcaster eNCA reported Thursday that Le-Aan Adonis got behind the wheel when the driver failed to show up. Adonis told eNCA he found the keys in…
Election judge accused of taking off with voting equipment
PITTSBURGH (AP) — Authorities in western Pennsylvania say a local judge of elections was arrested after allegedly failing to show up to the polls Tuesday and instead deciding to work as a jitney driver for the day. The Allegheny County sheriff’s office says 55-year-old Darrin Farmer of North…
Company launches Bernie Sanders-inspired underwear line    photo
MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) — Employees of a Vermont company have launched a side business selling underwear featuring a black-and-white drawing of the face of Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders. HASH(0x140b2c0) The Vermont senator has said recently on late-night TV and talk shows that…
Truck spills cranberries in accident on Cape Cod bridge    photo
SAGAMORE, Mass. (AP) — A truck carrying cranberries crashed head-on into another vehicle on a bridge into Cape Cod, spilling berries onto the roadway and snarling morning rush-hour traffic. Massachusetts State Police said Friday on its official Twitter account that the Sagamore Bridge was…
Wisconsin convent says prayer has gone on nonstop since 1878    photo
LA CROSSE, Wis. (AP) — Flooding, snowstorms, a flu outbreak, even a fire — any of those might have slowed a group of Wisconsin nuns who say none of it has kept their order from praying nonstop for hundreds of thousands of people over the last 137 years. The La Crosse-based Franciscan…

 

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS NEWS…

Germany passes law allowing some types of assisted suicide
BERLIN (AP) — German lawmakers passed a bill Friday allowing assisted suicide for “altruistic motives” but banning the practice in cases where it is being conducted on a “business” basis. The issue is a particularly sensitive topic in a country where the last time euthanasia was part of…

 

Study: Teen obesity surgery benefits last at least 3 years    photo
The largest, longest study of teen obesity surgery shows huge weight loss and health gains can last at least three years, and many say it’s worth the risks. “I feel awesome. It’s like a new life,” said Miranda Taylor, a Cincinnati nursing student in the study who had surgery when she was 16 and…
Study: Nearly half of US pregnant women gain too much weight
NEW YORK (AP) — Nearly half of U.S. moms gain too much weight during pregnancy, according to a government study released Thursday. Putting on too many extra pounds during pregnancy can harm the mom, and may cause a range of problems for the child, experts say. The study found only about a…
40 cases of E. coli in Northwest outbreak linked to Chipotle
SEATTLE (AP) — Health officials in Washington and Oregon say a total of 40 people are now on the list of people sickened by E. coli in an outbreak linked to Chipotle restaurants in the two states. Washington took one person off its list on Thursday after lab tests showed one case of E. coli…
Things to know about the investigation of E. coli outbreak    photo
SEATTLE (AP) — Thirty-seven people in the Pacific Northwest have fallen ill with E. coli in an outbreak connected to Chipotle Mexican restaurants. The popular chain of casual restaurants voluntarily closed 43 of its Washington and Oregon locations last week and health officials are scrambling…
Virtual doctor visits offer convenience, lower costs
WASHINGTON (AP) — When you’re coming down with a cold, there are a few items you typically reach for to start feeling better: cough drops, herbal tea, maybe an over-the-counter medication. For most of us, though, a smartphone wouldn’t top that list. But that may change as health care…
Pfizer doubling patient income limit for free drug program    photo
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — As the furor over soaring U.S. prescription drug prices escalates and outrageous price hikes by several smaller drugmakers give the entire industry a black eye, the biggest U.S.-based drugmaker is expanding financial assistance to patients. Pfizer Inc. says it’s doubling…
Heroin, prescription pain pills top drug threat in the US
WASHINGTON (AP) — Heroin and prescription pain pills are among the top drug threats in the U.S., according to the Drug Enforcement Administration’s latest drug threat assessment Wednesday. Chuck Rosenberg, the DEA’s acting administrator, said there were more than 46,000 drug overdoses in…
Study: New docs’ suicidal thoughts eased with online therapy
CHICAGO (AP) — Doctors-in-training face long, stressful hours, sleepless nights and a high risk of depression and suicidal thoughts, but often are too stoic and time-starved to seek help. A study suggests online self-help behavior therapy could be a solution. Suicidal thoughts were much less…
Senate panel summons price-hiking CEO of Turing Pharma    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — A Senate committee has launched an investigation into exorbitant drug price hikes by Turing Pharmaceuticals and three other companies, responding to public anxiety over rising prices for critical medicines. The Senate’s special committee on aging requested documents and…
Recovery after overdoses: Stopping heroin’s ‘revolving door’    photo
CAMDEN, N.J. (AP) — It’s a truth addicts and health providers know well: Naloxone can reverse heroin overdoses, but it can’t cure the addictions that cause them. In a small but growing number of places, people who land in hospitals after being revived by the drug are being guided toward…

 

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

A new study finds that drinking more beer could lower women’s’ risk of having a heart attack by 30%.  *** So you gotta ask – what’s more important.  Your heart… or your liver?

 

A Tim Horton’s donut shop in Canada was reporting an unusual disturbance recently. Store authorities had to call in police after a goat refuse to leave the store. The employees would walk him outside, but he would just turn around and come back in through the automatic doors. Officials believe the goat was simply cold and decided to sleep in the space. Police eventually called animal control and they returned the goat to its owners.  ***Who immediately asked, “Billy – where are the donuts?!?!”

 

A recent survey conducted by The Knot revealed that 65 percent of couples are failing to factor the honeymoon into their wedding budgets.  ***No problem – skip the $20,000 wedding that only lasts 45-minutes, use half that money for a great honeymoon, pay off bills with the rest of it, and send everyone a postcard with an address to where the send the gifts.  Problem solved.  Hey – it worked for us.

 

Jeb Bush has reportedly hired a media coach who trains Fox News anchors.  *** So be looking for Jeb to show up soon wearing a short skirt and high heels with amazing makeup to highlight his fabulous cheekbones.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

A recent study says a simple email can significantly raise your stress levels. Researchers watched 30 government employees as they worked and measured their stress levels throughout the day. When email started coming in, 83% reported quicker pulse and higher blood pressure.  ***MARLAR: In other words, spam is literally killing you.

 

Want a good night’s sleep? It could be time to sleep apart from your spouse. There is a lot of evidence that sleeping apart is gathering popularity — at least in the U.S. The National Association of Home Builders says it’s expects 60% of new homes to have dual master bedrooms by next year.  ***MARLAR: She doesn’t have to listen to my snoring, I don’t have to deal with her ice-cold feet, and we can visit whenever we want – sounds perfect to me.

 

New research claims men don’t mature until they’re 43 — 11 years after women. But at least men know they take more time to grow up. In the same study, men were nearly twice as likely to describe themselves as immature than were women, with one in four men believing they are actively immature.  ***MARLAR: I guess it depends on what constitutes “immature”.  I don’t play video games, I don’t go out drinking with the guys, but I do use light beer in my Cocoa Puffs.

 

More states are requiring physical education for elementary, middle and high school students, though few require kids to exercise for a specific amount of time.  A report released by the American Heart Association and the National Association for Sport and Physical Education said exercise for schoolchildren is also threatened by a rising number of waivers and exemptions from PE in school districts around the country.  ***MARLAR: I was going to do a more in-depth look into this and go on-location, but I have a note from my mother saying I don’t have to.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Lighter Hair, Darker Skin”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Steve Geyer, “McDonald’s Drive-Thru”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, after learning that her solo singing career had actually destroyed all of the harmony and cooperation in the jungle, Cheetah Bonita met up with some alligators who were harmonizing very well. In fact, they were cooperating very well not just to make good music, but to stay alive and on the good side of the Swamp Thing!

 

CLOSE: Sounds like Cheetah Bonita has learned her lesson about cooperation – but what about the rest of the jungle? There’s still an awful mess out there! How will she make things right? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF NOVEMBER 14/15

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Katie Snuffleson has boarded the cloud tram and was off on her way to Candyland – despite the warnings from Olaf and Karl that it could be dangerous if she eats too much candy – as she might fall from the sky! But Katie doesn’t seem all that concerned… at least not yet.

 

CLOSE: Oh boy – too much candy has made Katie too heavy for the clouds to support her any longer! Karl and Olaf warned her this could happen – but did she listen? No. Will Katie survive? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

A school district in England came up with an idea how to conserve paper. Their solution is today’s Moment of Duh.

A school district in England wanted to come up with a proposal to cut down on the waste of paper. So what was their solution? You won’t believe this… their solution is two booklets, 126 pages each, of guidelines on how to cut back on the use of paper! One of the suggestions listed in the book was to “stop doing unnecessary things.”  They also used an extraordinary 91 pages on examples of how some schools have reduced paper usage.

 

 

TOP TEN

 

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU PICKED THE WRONG MOVING COMPANY

 

  1. 10. Most of your belongings arrive successfully in Los Angeles. Unfortunately, you are moving to Phoenix.

 

  1. 9. Mime Movers is a great concept, but those invisible boxes don’t seem to work very well.

 

  1. 8. The first load they took was your entertainment center, home computer, and jewelry. That was two weeks ago.

 

  1. 7. While emove.com’s stock might have doubled in value since it went public, mentioning a moving van causes some confusion.

 

  1. 6. The phone number on their business card connects you to the Crime Stoppers hotline.

 

  1. 5. They don’t use peanuts to pack your fine crystal — they use peanut butter.

 

  1. 4. They assure you that your stuff will get from NY to LA before you do — assuming there’s not much traffic in the Panama Canal.

 

  1. 3. They keep flicking ashes in Grandma’s urn.

 

  1. 2. The box marked “TV” is barking.

 

  1. 1. An hour after the truck pulls away, all your stuff is listed on eBay.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A taxi cab probably isn’t the best getaway car for a bank robbery. 

 

FILE #1: Maurice Fields hailed a cab last week to take him to the South Carolina Community Bank in Columbia and then asked the driver to wait for him.  When he came out with a fistful of money, two customers followed him and told the cabbie not to take him anywhere because he had just robbed the bank.  Driver Michael Airs took his keys and got out of the cab. Officers quickly arrested Fields, who gave up without resisting.

 

FILE #2: From a farm in Ohio, comes a lesson from 52-year-old Frank Bearle: “How To Break Up A Fight Between Your Kids.” Frank’s two grown sons ages 25 and 27 were fighting in the front yard. One chased the other with a pitchfork, then the other brother punched him causing him to drop the pitchfork. They then both fell to the ground and started pummeling each other. That’s when Frank decided to intervene. He came over and struck one of his sons in the head with the shovel. Well that stopped the fight. When the ambulance arrived, they found the older son sitting in the front yard with blood pouring from his head. He was flown by helicopter to the hospital, where he was treated and released. Dad was arrested. When asked what they were fighting about, none of the three men had any idea.

 

FILE #3: Poor Kenneth Bishop of Gastonia, North Carolina.  You know it’s not your day when you get run over by a hit-and-run driver. You really know it’s going to be a bad day when the police officer responding to your accident also runs you over.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Alaska, the following laws apply to moose 1) it is illegal to give alcoholic beverages to a moose, 2) a moose may not be viewed from an airplane, and 3) it is an offence to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

When getting into the drug dealing business, it’s always a good idea to roll some of those profits back into buying you some transportation.

Two Romanian drug dealers failed to do that and were forced to hitch a ride back to town when it started to rain. As fate would have it, they got a ride from an unmarked police car. Naturally, the drug squad officer behind the wheel soon recognized the distinctive smell of marijuana and drove the pair straight to a nice, dry police station.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

If you could only have one cable channel, which one would you choose?

 

According to one study, many women don’t go to coffee shops because they’re shabbily treated when they get there. How about it ladies, are you treated differently than men when you walk into that Starbucks or other coffee shop?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who was the queen of Judah that ruled for 6 years?
ANSWER: Queen Athaliah (2 Kings 11:3)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Adults laugh between 15 and 100 times each day. On average, how many times each day do six-year-olds laugh?

ANSWER: 300. (By the way, laughing lowers levels of stress hormones and strengthens the immune system!)

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. Muscles account for 80% of the weight of a human body. (False – they are 40% of the average human’s weight.)

 

  1. The average human body contains enough: iron to make a 3 inch nail. (True)

 

  1. The average human body contains enough sulfur to kill all the fleas on an average dog. (True)

 

  1. The average human body contains enough carbon to make 900 pencils. (True)

 

  1. The average human body contains enough potassium to fire a cannon. (False – unless it’s a toy cannon.)

 

  1. The average human body contains enough fat to make 17 bars of soap (False – just seven bars.)

 

  1. The average human body contains enough phosphorous to make 2,200 match heads. (True)

 

  1. The average human body contains enough water to fill a four-gallon tank. (False – it can fill a ten gallon tank!)

 

  1. The feet account for 15% of all the human body’s bones. (False – they account for about a quarter of the bones.)

 

  1. The human body has over 1,000 muscles. (False – it has just over 600 of them.)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

YOGA CAUSES ______ ILLNESS (MENTAL)

CAMBRIDGE, U.K. – A large new study done by scientists at Cambridge University prove that yoga helps lower back pain but causes mental illness.

The largest study ever done about the benefits of yoga examined over 5,800 people who did yoga regularly over a two-year period.  It concluded that yoga is extremely effective at relieving lower back pain, but yoga caused mental deficiencies in 80% of those studied and some kind of mental illness in over 72% of participants.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

Because my mother had a habit of losing her cordless phone, I bought her a phone with a clip on it so she could attach it directly to her belt. A few days later, I walked into my mother’s home and found her standing in the middle of the living room, halfway dressed. That didn’t strike me as odd so much as the fact that she was holding her pants to the side of her head and speaking into them.

“Don’t look at me that way,” she yelled. “The phone started ringing and I couldn’t figure out how to undo this stupid clip!”

 

JOKE #2

My grandpa, known for his offbeat sense of humor, adopted a dog and named him Mr. Peeve.

I took the bait, asked why he named it and he said because when people ask the dog’s name, I can say “That’s my pet Peeve.”

 

JOKE #3

A girl went over to her friend and said, “I hear you broke off your engagement to Bob. Why?

It’s just that my feelings towards him aren’t the same any more.”

“Are you returning his diamond ring?”

“No way! My feelings towards the ring haven’t changed a bit!”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

Coconuts kill more people each year than sharks do – Approximately 150 people are killed by coconuts each year.  ***MARLAR: So the next time you see one in the wild, be sure to yell loudly and warn everyone.  “Coconut!  Coconut!  Everybody out from under the trees!  Coconut!”

 

A joint French-U.S. study shows that pigeons have one of the best long-term memories in the animal kingdom. ***MARLAR: And there you go – undeniable proof that they truly ARE targeting your car on purpose.

 

The World Meteorological Organization is running out of assigned names for hurricanes.  ***MARLAR: How is that possible?  Do they not read the Hollywood baby announcements?  We could use the names Scout, Rumor, Dweezel, Moon Unit and Apple!

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

MERCEDES BENZ DRIVING QUIZ

 

  1. Before changing lanes you should: (A) signal. (B) check. (C) both a & b. (D) just swing into the lane without doing either a or b.

 

  1. The top light on a traffic signal is: (A) red. (B) yellow. (C) green. (D) Who cares, it doesn’t apply to me anyway.

 

  1. The speed limit in a residential area is: (A) 35 MPH. (B) 25 MPH. (C) 45 MPH. (D) I paid $65,000 for this car, I’ll drive as fast as I want.

 

  1. In California, when a pedestrian enters a cross walk, you should: (A) slow to a walking pace. (B) go around the block. (C) stop. (D) speed up and honk your horn.

 

  1. In the other 49 states, when a pedestrian enters a cross walk, you should: (A) maintain your speed. (B) slow a little. (C) slow a lot. (D) speed up and honk your horn.

 

  1. Your may make a left turn from the right lane: (A) never. (B) when there is a left turn arrow. (C) on Sunday (D) When ever you feel like it!

 

  1. When a school bus has flashing red lights, you: (A) must stop. (B) may pass on the left after checking. (C) may pass after slowing to 5 MPH. (D) use your car phone to order Chinese food while passing on the left.

 

  1. When you hear an emergency vehicle siren, you should: (A) pull to the right and stop. (B) pull into the nearest car wash. (C) roll down your windows. (D) turn up the radio and ignore it.

 

  1. You may make a U-turn in front of a fire station: (A) never. (B) when the doors are closed. (C) if there are no police around. (D) when you have missed your turn.

 

  1. When approaching a traffic light where cars are stopped, you should: (A) relax. (B) watch the signal. (C) stop a safe distance back from the car in front. (D) call your wife or secretary on your car phone so everyone can see that your have a car phone.

 

Scoring

If you answered ‘d’ on every question, you have a perfect score. You are certified to drive a Mercedes Benz Automobile. You may, at your discretion, proceed to your nearest Mercedes Benz authorized distributor and select the Mercedes Benz Automobile of your choice.

 

If you answered a, b, or c on two or fewer questions, you may request a retest in two weeks time. Please study the Mercedes Benz motor vehicle guide in preparation for your retest.

 

If you answered a, b, or c on more than two questions, we’re sorry, you just don’t have the proper attitude to be a Mercedes Benz Automobile driver. Perhaps you should consider a BMW.

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Most high school football players would be happy to score a touchdown for their team, but the moment was especially sweet for 16-year-old Tyler Brown of McComb, Ohio.

…Tyler has been legally blind since birth. Tyler usually acts as the team’s manager, but coach Kris Agle convinced the boy’s mother to let her son suit up with the team this season. Tyler hit the field for a few plays recently, but on Oct. 15, teammate Michael Keller urged Agle to put Tyler in the game at halftime. With the players behind him, Tyler, positioned as the team’s quarterback, made the play of his life. He took the snap and two other players pushed him over the goal line for the touchdown.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

RECIPE FOR A MIRACLE

  • 1 cup Tension
  • 2 cups Stress
  • 1 ½ teaspoons of Guilt
  • 2 heaping cups of Limited Time
  • 3/4 tablespoon of Urgency
  • A dash of “No Other Choice”
  • 3 heaping cups of Faith

Fold ingredients gently into a bowl. Mix vigorously and add a few tears. You’ll sweat a little as you knead the dough. Pack it firmly between your hopes and dreams and form into a perfect little ball. Sprinkle it with a little faith (I recommend Hebrews 11), rolling the ball in the flour until fully covered. Place it under a veil of belief and allow it to rise.

Put it in an oven that has been pre-set at the perfect temperature for the heat of trials and tribulations. Allow it to brown under the warmth of God’s love. Remove after due season and allow to cool in the confidence of His promise. Garnish with your praises. Arrange neatly on a platter of thankfulness and serve to friends, families and, oh yes, strangers… invite them too!

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

DESERT PREPARATION

Nor did I go up to Jerusalem to see those who were apostles before I was, but I went immediately into Arabia and later returned to Damascus. – (Galatians 1:17)

The apostle Paul tells us in the first chapter of Galatians some of the facts surrounding his own conversion. He tells us that he clearly understood the call Jesus placed on his life. He did not have to consult other men about this calling. But before he was released to begin his own mission, He went to Arabia for three years. Why did Paul have to go to Arabia for three years before he ever met another disciple of Jesus Christ?

The Scripture does not tell us plainly why Paul spent three years in Arabia. However, based upon many examples of God placing special calls on people’s lives, we know it often requires a time of separation between the old life and the new life. No doubt, Paul had plenty of time to consider what had taken place in his life and time to develop an intimate knowledge and relationship with the newfound Savior. His life was about to change dramatically.

So often, when God places a call on one of His children, it requires a separation between the old life and the new life. There is a time of being away from the old in order to prepare the heart for what is coming. It can be a painful and difficult separation. Joseph was separated from his family. Jacob was sent to live with his uncle Laban. Moses was sent to the desert.

Perhaps God has placed you in your own desert period. Perhaps you cannot make sense of the situation in which you find yourself. If you press into God during this time, He will reveal the purposes He has for you. The key is pressing into Him. Seek Him with a whole heart and He will be found. God may have a special calling and message He is building in your life right now. Trust in His love for you that He will fully complete the work He has started in you.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

TOO SMART?

Ever been told you’re too smart for a job?  Well, we haven’t (because we work in radio), but one man has been told that – so he can’t be a police officer!

There’s another way you can be discriminated against now — being too smart. You may have heard the story of Robert Jordan. He was the man who wanted to become a police officer in New London, Connecticut, but was rejected because he scored too high on the police exam. In 1996 he took the test and scored 33 points, the equivalent of an IQ of 125. But New London police interviewed only candidates who scored 20 to 27, on the theory that those who scored too high could get bored with police work and leave soon after undergoing costly training. Jordan launched a federal lawsuit against the city, but lost. Recently the 2nd US Circuit Court of Appeals in New York upheld a lower court’s decision that the city did not discriminate against Jordan because the same standards were applied to everyone who took the test. The average score nationally for police officers is 21 to 22, the equivalent of an IQ of 104, or just a little above average. Jordan says he’s given up trying to get on the force.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

SMOKING BANS KILL PEOPLE
University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee researchers made a surprising discovery: smoking bans in bars are killing people.

…They studied a number of locations around the U.S. and found that in areas where smoking was banned in bars, deaths from drunk driving went up. They aren’t sure why: it could be that people who aren’t allowed to smoke compensate by drinking more. But it’s more likely that smokers are willing to drive to bars in other jurisdictions that don’t ban smoking, so they end up driving after drinking.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

THIS SPUD’S FOR YOU

Next time you buy a mobile phone, you may be surprised what you find in the box!

A man who bought a mobile phone from a department store. He took it home, removed the plastic from around the box, opened the box and found not a Nokia phone – but four potatoes. Dave Bailey, the new owner of those four potatoes, thinks it could have been done as a scam, or by a worker as a joke on their last day. He said, “The culprit has obviously weighed it cleverly to make it feel like a phone package. Imagine if that had been sent to a kid as a Christmas present – they would have been devastated.” ***MARLAR: Either that, or the kid would think, “Alright!  Mr. Potato Head!”

 

 

FUN LIST

THE OLD NEVER DIE

  • Old bankers never die; they just lose their balance.
  • Old mailmen never die. They just lose their zip.
  • Old superintendents never die, they just lose their principles.
  • Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.
  • Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.
  • Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
  • Old speakers never die, they just go on and on and on and on.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

The weekend’s here and the weather’s still warm enough to spend the next 2 days in flip-flops and sandals, right guys? WRONG. In a survey of 6,000 women, it turns out most don’t want to see our furry feet and trashy toes. Flip-flops? Nope, not unless you’re going to the beach, the lake, hanging out by the pool, or sitting on a boat. Sandals? Sorry, still too much toe-action — unless you’re wearing the more rugged, hiker-style sandals that cover the toes. And those Adidas athletic slip-on things many guys wear with socks? They only place you should be wearing them is in a gym shower.  And while we’re on the subject… women in the survey also want guys to get some freaking pedicures. 78% of women surveyed said men need to take better care of their feet.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

How angry would you get if your family went on a picnic without you?  That’s this week’s TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

A Polish man blew up his own house when he realized his wife and children had gone on a picnic without him.  The 69-year-old-man (Czeslaw Kaminski) was so incensed when he woke to find a note from his wife to say that she had gone away for the day with the children that he decided to destroy the family home.  But after lighting a fire in the basement and throwing two gas cylinders on top of the property, he failed to leave in time and was caught in the blast when the house was blown to smithereens.  He was taken to the hospital by an air ambulance where his condition was described as critical.  ***MARLAR: Blow up the house – yeah, that’ll show them.  Maybe next time they won’t forget to invite you along.  After all, why would they want to go on a picnic without someone as personable and emotionally stable as you?!?!

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Planning to serve ham during the holidays? Yahoo Foods can help. They released an article this week on Glazing hams 101. The article also includes four ham glaze recipes.

http://yhoo.it/1HqSphA

 

The sole copy of a 1928 Walt Disney film thought to be lost forever has been rediscovered in the archives of the British Film Institute. According to Time, Walt Disney Animation Studios has restored the six-minute silent film, Sleigh Bells, which features Mickey Mouse precursor Oswald the Lucky Rabbit and will premiere next month at the BFI in London.

http://ti.me/1MzZJJ2

 

An Arizona high school football player ejected from a game after giving thanks to God will be allowed to play in his next game. According to CBN, Pedro Banda, a 17-year-old running back, was put on a one-game suspension after scoring a touchdown, touching his face mask and pointing his finger to the sky. The Arizona Interscholastic Association overturned the penalty against Banda after reviewing game footage. They said pointing his finger to sky and looking upward did not constitute “excessive celebration.” The decision to overturn the suspension means that Banda will be able to play in the school’s first playoff games in 25 years.

http://go.cbn.com/4245

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

True Believer

During the last several days, my wife and I have been traveling in Israel. In fact, I’m writing this blog in Tel Aviv. It’s a work assignment for me. Tough duty. Actually, it’s been work and pleasure for both of us.
This is my fifth trip. Our tour buses come equipped with Israeli tour guides, all Jewish. They have a unique and, from my perspective, a challenging assignment.
Each day these guides share insights on biblical sites. They know their Israel history to be sure. But they also know a remarkable amount of the New Testament and they treat it as if it is true. Please understand that I have no doubt these accounts of the Scriptures ARE true.
A few of the guides are what we refer to as Messianic Jews…followers of Jesus of Nazareth. Most are not. Yet many of the travelers conclude that these guides embrace the same beliefs the group members do. Ask them directly and they’ll tell you. But they speak as if they are convinced these events are real so as not to offend.
Is there a problem here? An interesting question. I say this because of a conviction that the best employees are ones who believe in their company, the mission, and the product or service. I realize that is a sliding scale.
Is it somewhat disingenuous to go out and pretend you believe while representing your company? Do you lack integrity or authenticity by becoming an actor for personal gain? And if you really don’t believe, so to speak, why not find a place to work where you love the business or non profit you represent?
An interesting variation of this issue happened with a senior member of our company. Years ago, he was selling advertising at a radio station whose effectiveness he did not question. But he was listening each day to our faith-based station in the market. One day, he decided he should consider a similar position at the radio station that fed his soul. The rest is history.
Now, it could be fairly argued that actors make a living by portraying characters whose personalities are not the same as theirs. Even Joe Namath can be seen in an infomercial pitching some lakeside real estate. Is he being authentic or making a desperate buck? Who knows.
All this is said to encourage you to consider this question about your own work. And if you find sufficient dissatisfaction in the role you are playing, perhaps you would find more happiness in a place you love. And one in which you truly believe.
Jesus confronted those who were not true believers. In Matthew 7, it’s recorded that Jesus said, “Not every one who says to me ‘Lord, Lord’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.” (NIV) Thus, actions speak more powerfully than words.
Living true to our calling is a wonderful thing. Living in Truth in all of life is even better.
I must go now. My camel is waiting.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

NOVEMBER 06, 2015…

 

Brooklyn—Saoirse Ronan plays a young woman in Ireland, who decides to go to New York City.  It is the 1950’s and not only does she find work, but some romance, too. Adapted from the book by Colm Toibin. Also in the cast is Jim Broadbent. “Brooklyn” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Miss You Already—Toni Collette discovers she has cancer and fights the disease with friend, Drew Barrymore.  What can they come up with as therapy?  Wild and wacky or sad? What do you think?  “Miss You Already” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

The Peanuts Movie—In 3D animation and what more could you ask for?  It is your favorite comic strip characters by Charles M. Schultz, and with Snoopy and the doghouse, too.  Voices include Hadley Belle Miller (Lucy), Noah Schnapp (Charlie Brown) and AJ Teeco (Pig Pen.) “The Peanuts Movie” is rated PG. Enjoy.

 

Spectre—Daniel Craig is back as James Bond in this thriller with Christoph Waltz as the evil one. Bond goes around the globe again, and with beautiful women including Lila Seydoux and Monica Bellucci.  Although some are already choosing the next James Bond, I don’t think Daniel Craig will give up that easy .Always great stunts. I always thought, though, that Pierce Brosnan had a few Bond films left in him.  “Spectra” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

Spotlight—This film is about uncovering the sex abuse scandal concerning the Catholic Church in Boston in the early part of the 21st century.  The Boston Globe got wind of what was happening and really dug into it. The Globe got the 2003 Pulitzer Prize for it’s reporting. Some of the stars are Mark Ruffalo, Rachel McAdams and Michael Keaton. “Spotlight” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans of the stars.

 

Trumbo—Bryan Cranston takes on the role of writer Dalton Trumbo, who was Hollywood blacklisted in the 1940’s when it was alleged he was a communist. Trumbo fought this, but the blacklist remained. “Trumbo” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans of the star.

 

NOVEMBER 13, 2015…

 

The 33 with Antonio Banderas as one of the Chilean miners trapped underground.

 

By The Sea with Angelina Jolie-Pitt and Brad Pitt is a commentary on married life with problems.

 

Love The Coopers stars Diane Keaton in a comedy about a family gathering at Christmas.

 

Shelter has Jennifer Connelly in a drama about being homeless. Directed by her husband, Paul Bettany.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.