November 09, 2016: Wednesday ONAIRprep

***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS – FREE TO AIR! (Need to receive this earlier than when it’s posted? Get FTP access and receive a fully-produced version FREE with a customized tag specifically for your station or show! Contact me with your ONAIRprep username for details!)

AND NOW… ON WITH THE SHOW!

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20161109

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Studies show that 65% of Americans are confused, and the rest aren’t sure.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Death is swallowed up in victory. O Death, where is your sting?” –1 Corinthians 15:54-55

Proverbs 15:1: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. — Ephesians 5:19-20

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Woe to those who go to great depths to hide their plans from the LORD, who do their work in darkness and think, “Who sees us? Who will know?” — Isaiah 29:15

Thought: Aren’t we so very silly sometimes! We try to hide what we’ve done and what we’re planning from the Lord. Of course we’re only fooling ourselves. At first glance, God’s knowing our plans and seeing our actions is threatening. But after a little time to think it through, isn’t it nice that God does see everything, including our motives and thoughts? This insures justice will be done and our mess-ups will be evaluated in terms of our intentions, not just our failures! On top of that, it also means that those who plot to do us harm will have to answer to God, and we don’t have to worry about “settling the score” or “getting even.”

Prayer: Forgive me, Father, when I’ve tried to hide my plans and thoughts from you. Create in me a new and clean heart so that I am unafraid of your knowing anything going on in my heart. By the power of your Spirit, stir my spirit to desire your character and long for your presence in my life. I want to live dedicated to your glory and serving your Kingdom. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!)

Luke 11:9 NIV = “So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – NOVEMBER 09, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
45 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is CHAOS NEVER DIES DAY.  ***Of course, listeners to this show already know that.

Today is WIZARD OF ID DAY. The comic strip debuted on November 9, 1964.

Today is FLUFFY TOWEL APPRECIATION DAY. ***And really, who doesn’t?

Today is NATIONAL GO TO AN ART MUSEUM DAY. ***Imagine that – an entire museum dedicated to guys named Art!

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Kristallnacht

World Freedom Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below.)

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 10

Area Code Day

International Tempranillo Day

Marine Corps Birthday

NET Cancer Awareness Day

Sesame Street Day

Windows Day (Microsoft)

World Science Day for Peace and Development

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 11

Death/Duty Day

Origami Day

Red Lipstick Day

Veterans Day

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 12

Fancy Rat & Mouse Day

World Pneumonia Day

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 13

International Day of Prayer for the Persecuted Church

World Kindness Day

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 14

International Girls Day

International Selfie Day

Loosen Up, Lighten Up Day

National American Teddy Bear Day

National Spicy Guacamole Day

National Pickle Day

Operating Room Nurse Day

Spirit of NSA (National Speakers Association) Day

World Diabetes Day

World Orphans Day

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 15

America Recycles Day

George Spelvin Day (More Than One Role Day)

I Love to Write Day

National Bundt Pan Day

National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day

National Entrepreneurship Day

National Philanthropy Day

Rock Your Mocs Day

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 16

International Day for Tolerance

National Button Day

ON THIS DAY

1963: The Kingsmen entered the Billboard “Hot 100” with “Louie Louie,” the dirtiest song never written. The song, about a bartender named Louie, actually was squeaky clean, but the lyrics were hard to understand and rumors spread that they were dirty. No one bought Chuck Berry’s recording of the same song in 1956.

1974: To release his song “Goodnight Vienna,” Ringo Starr arrived at Captitol Records in Los Angeles in a flying saucer. ***Verifying he was out of this world to begin with.

1989: Germans danced atop the Berlin Wall as communist East Germany threw open its borders, allowing citizens to travel freely to the West for the first time in 28 years.

1993: Actress Angie Dickinson became the first person in 500 shows to walk off the TV set of This Is Your Life. Angie said, “Not on your life!” ***I feel the same way when restaurant staffers want to sing “Happy Birthday” to me.

2002: Thieves in the Lithuanian capital of Vilnius made off with 120 metal parking garages and the cars parked inside them. Apparently, it was a world record car theft.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1538: German reformer Martin Luther declared: ‘It would be a good thing if young people were wise and old people were strong, but God has arranged things better.’

1800: Birth of Asa Mahan, American educator and Congregational clergyman. President of Oberlin College in Ohio from 1835_1850, Mahan was instrumental in establishing interracial college enrollment and in the granting of college degrees to women.

1836: Birth of Christian business traveler Samuel Hill. In 1899 Hill, John Nicholson and W.J. Knights co_founded the Gideons, a Christian organization that ministers through distribution of the Scriptures. To date, the Gideons have placed over 12 million Bibles and 100 million New Testaments.

1837: British philanthropist Moses Montefiore, 52, became the first Jew to be knighted in England. Montefiore was a banking executive who devoted his life to the political and civil emancipation of English Jews.

1938: The worst Jewish pogrom in peacetime Germany took place as Nazi thugs led a “spontaneous” campaign of terror. During the night 267 synagogues were plundered, 7,500 shops were wrecked, 91 Jews were killed and 20,000 others were arrested and sent to concentration camps. It was afterward known as “Kristallnacht” because of the thousands of windows broken.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor (played “The Hulk” – the monster David Bruce Banner would turn into when he got mad in the old 70’s TV series “The Incredible Hulk”) Lou Ferrigno 63 (audio clip)

  • Actor (“Night Court” clerk Mac Robinson) Charles Robinson, 70 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1905 : Tommy Dorsey

1937 : Roger McGough (The Scaffold)

1941 : Tom Fogerty (Creedence Clearwater Revival)

1943 : Lee Graziano (American Breed)

1944 : Phil May (Pretty Things)

1948 : Joe Bauchard (Blue Oyster Cult)

1948 : Alan Gratzer (REO Speedwagon)

1948 : Benny Mardones

1954 : Dennis Stratton (Iron Maiden)

1969 : Pepa aka Sandra Denton (Salt-N-Pepa)

1969 : Scarface

1973 : Nick Lachey (98 Degrees)

1977 : Sisqo

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Watch out for the “big cheese!”
“Big cheese” and “big wheel” are Medieval terms of envious respect for those who could afford to buy whole wheels of cheese at a time, an expense few could enjoy. Both these terms are often used sarcastically today.

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving three days a week from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Ryan Stevenson on living life in the eye of the storm: Don’t worry about the future! Jesus will show you the next step, then the next, then the next. Relax and enjoy the journey, trusting the Lord to open up the way before you as you go!

A few years back the popular game on tour was corn hole. Jeremy Camp and Citizen Way might have introduced the next popular game. They posted a picture as two teams tried to score the most points by knocking a thrown frisbee into a bucket. See an example at https://www.instagram.com/p/BL8igL_jRA2/

A recommendation from TobyMac: talk about your blessings more than you talk about your problems.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BL_oKsKjPiI/

Casting Crowns Jaun DeVevo says he was told by a clerk this week: what you buy at the store tells a lot about you. However we’re not sure what Jaun’s purchases said about him. He purchased a unicorn onesie and an 8 pack of D cell batteries.

The Sidewalk Prophets on why they do what they do: Every night we get to see hundreds of people beckon the lost to come home. It is an incredible symbol of hope and faith.

Jamie Grace is 25 but it doesn’t seem to show. Over the weekend Jamie visited colleges with her cousin. She posted: spent half the day telling admission counselors I’m not a high schooler.

A good point from Casting Crowns Jaun Devevo. He said: People talk about the inherent goodness of humanity and then I remember that we weaponized pepper.

A little sarcastic humor from Casting Crowns Megan Garrett. She posted: Big thanks to the 100+ people I met before the concert last night who didn’t clue me in on the giant piece of pepper stuck in my teeth.

The latest campfire story comes from Rend Collective member Ali. She shares the story of she and Gareth’s wedding day and the importance of learning how to see the bigger picture when details don’t go our way. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfIQfd-Iboo&feature=youtu.be

Tenth Avenue North frontman Mike Donehey is out with a new video journal. Recorded on his front porch, Mike talks about wasting time with God. He shares the meaning behind the bands song Control (Somehow You Want Me) and provides insight on just being with our savior. http://youtu.be/wJ_bXp5BXwU

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. As on ONAIRprep subscriber, you can get a fully-produced, customized version of the Daily Dose of Weird News FREE with a station or show specific tag! Email darren@onairprep.com for details!)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

The University of Otago in New Zealand says women trying to lose weight should toss their diets and grueling exercise programs and just learn to relax, new research has discovered. In the two-year study, women who practiced the soothing art of yoga and meditation lost weight and kept it off while those who dieted and exercised did not.  ***Does this apply to men too?  I’d be happy to mediate on a large pepperoni pizza.

For the first time ever in the U.S., bees have been placed on the endangered species list. The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service on Friday determined that seven species of yellow-faced bees, all native to Hawaii, should be protected under the Endangered Species Act.  ***It’s so bad that the bee mascot for Honey Nut Cheerios has been replaced with a fruit fly.

Hasbro has launched a new line or robotic dogs and cats, aimed at being company for seniors. ***If grandma forgets to walk the dog she is reported directly to SkyNet for termination.

Tori Spelling is reportedly being sued by American Express for an $87,000 credit card debt. ***Isn’t that what inheritances from daddies are for?

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Dictionary.com announced that four out of five adults claim to be good spellers. Females are the most confident (87 percent) in their spelling abilities.  *** Meanwhile, only 8 percent of respondents used two L’s in the word “spelled.”

Burning the candle at both ends might impress your boss, but you could be sacrificing your health in the process. A study published in The Lancet finds a strong connection between people who work 55 or more hours per week and cardiovascular disease. Those who work such long hours were found to have a 33% increased risk of stroke and 13% greater chance of developing coronary heart disease compared to people who work the standard 35- to 40-hour work week.  *** Which is exactly why I do as little work as possible each day for my employer.  It’s for my health!

The Center for Science in the Public Interest is attacking restaurants for offering high-calorie combinations of food, such as ice cream with cookies and brownie chunks or pizza topped with potato skins.  ***MARLAR: You know what’s really good?  Ice cream with chucks of pizza and potato skins!

Giving up all chocolate in a bid to peel off pounds may have a boomerang effect and make you eat more of it causing your weight to go up and down like a yo-yo. Psychologists have discovered that people who try to stop thinking about chocolate eat nearly 50 percent more. ***MARLAR: Just in case it works with other stuff, I’m trying to stop thinking of money.

WONDER WOMAN (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Typed Up, Written Down”

DAILY COMEDY CLIP (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Michelle Krajecki, “Victoria’s Secret”

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE


OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

When last we left the jungle, the badminton racquets made for Gruffy, Sully, and Nozzles all broke during their first use. When they went back to Racquet to complain, he convinced them to buy new racquets – but these will be even more flimsy than the first racquets, and he’s even got them to buy defective birdies too!

CLOSE: Well, it looks like Racquets bad badminton racquet racket might backfire on Racquet and the racquet of Racquet’s niece, Rita… all because Racquet tried to cheat his friends. But his solution isn’t to make it right – it’s just to make a new racquet for Rita. This is not looking good. Find out what happens next time, As the Jungle Turns!

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF NOVEMBER 12/13

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, all of the animals were scared senseless – to the point of selling all of their possessions and wanting to move – all because of a mysterious giant-footed monster that’s been leaving footprints in the jungle! But Sully had an idea… maybe it’s all a big joke!

CLOSE: If this keeps up, we’re never going to find out where those giant footprints came from! I can’t believe all of the jungle animals are such cowards! But then, I don’t have to deal with mysterious, giant footprints suddenly appearing in my yard! Tune in for more of our story next time… As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

A man readily admits he created a Moment of Duh when trying to take a selfie!
Johnny Bonde, a 27-year-old Danish backpacker was bitten by a freshwater crocodile in Western Australia’s far north area – something Bonde said was, “the result of me being stupid.” He decided to try to get close enough to the eight-foot crocodile to take a selfie when he stupidly slipped and fell on top of the creature! Bonde says he holds no hard feelings against the croc and added, “If somebody body slammed me at night, I would be angry too.” He was walking back from the Kimberley town’s Speedway when he spotted the “freshie” — which rarely attack people — and couldn’t resist trying to get a souvenir photo. Despite the injuries, Mr Bonde walked back to the caravan park where he was staying with his girlfriend, Kirsty Jacobs. He was then taken to hospital, where he was treated for deep lacerations in his forearm. (Perth Now)

TOP TEN

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU PICKED THE WRONG MOVING COMPANY

10. Most of your belongings arrive successfully in Los Angeles. Unfortunately, you are moving to Phoenix.

9. Mime Movers is a great concept, but those invisible boxes don’t seem to work very well.

8. The first load they took was your entertainment center, home computer, and jewelry. That was two weeks ago.

7. While emove.com’s stock might have doubled in value since it went public, mentioning a moving van causes some confusion.

6. The phone number on their business card connects you to the Crime Stoppers hotline.

5. They don’t use peanuts to pack your fine crystal — they use peanut butter.

4. They assure you that your stuff will get from NY to LA before you do — assuming there’s not much traffic in the Panama Canal.

3. They keep flicking ashes in Grandma’s urn.

2. The box marked “TV” is barking.

1. An hour after the truck pulls away, all your stuff is listed on eBay.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A taxi cab probably isn’t the best getaway car for a bank robbery. 

FILE #1: Maurice Fields hailed a cab last week to take him to the South Carolina Community Bank in Columbia and then asked the driver to wait for him.  When he came out with a fistful of money, two customers followed him and told the cabbie not to take him anywhere because he had just robbed the bank.  Driver Michael Airs took his keys and got out of the cab. Officers quickly arrested Fields, who gave up without resisting.

FILE #2: From a farm in Ohio, comes a lesson from 52-year-old Frank Bearle: “How To Break Up A Fight Between Your Kids.” Frank’s two grown sons ages 25 and 27 were fighting in the front yard. One chased the other with a pitchfork, then the other brother punched him causing him to drop the pitchfork. They then both fell to the ground and started pummeling each other. That’s when Frank decided to intervene. He came over and struck one of his sons in the head with the shovel. Well that stopped the fight. When the ambulance arrived, they found the older son sitting in the front yard with blood pouring from his head. He was flown by helicopter to the hospital, where he was treated and released. Dad was arrested. When asked what they were fighting about, none of the three men had any idea.

FILE #3: Poor Kenneth Bishop of Gastonia, North Carolina.  You know it’s not your day when you get run over by a hit-and-run driver. You really know it’s going to be a bad day when the police officer responding to your accident also runs you over.

STRANGE LAW: In Alaska, the following laws apply to moose 1) it is illegal to give alcoholic beverages to a moose, 2) a moose may not be viewed from an airplane, and 3) it is an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

When getting into the drug dealing business, it’s always a good idea to roll some of those profits back into buying you some transportation.

Two Romanian drug dealers failed to do that and were forced to hitch a ride back to town when it started to rain. As fate would have it, they got a ride from an unmarked police car. Naturally, the drug squad officer behind the wheel soon recognized the distinctive smell of marijuana and drove the pair straight to a nice, dry police station.

PHONER PHUN

If you could only have one cable channel, which one would you choose?

According to one study, many women don’t go to coffee shops because they’re shabbily treated when they get there. How about it ladies, are you treated differently than men when you walk into that Starbucks or other coffee shop?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who was the queen of Judah that ruled for 6 years?
ANSWER: Queen Athaliah (2 Kings 11:3)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Adults laugh between 15 and 100 times each day. On average, how many times each day do six-year-olds laugh?

ANSWER: 300. (By the way, laughing lowers levels of stress hormones and strengthens the immune system!)

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. Muscles account for 80% of the weight of a human body. (False – they are 40% of the average human’s weight.)

2. The average human body contains enough: iron to make a 3 inch nail. (True)

3. The average human body contains enough sulfur to kill all the fleas on an average dog. (True)

4. The average human body contains enough carbon to make 900 pencils. (True)

5. The average human body contains enough potassium to fire a cannon. (False – unless it’s a toy cannon.)

6. The average human body contains enough fat to make 17 bars of soap (False – just seven bars.)

7. The average human body contains enough phosphorous to make 2,200 match heads. (True)

8. The average human body contains enough water to fill a four-gallon tank. (False – it can fill a ten gallon tank!)

9. The feet account for 15% of all the human body’s bones. (False – they account for about a quarter of the bones.)

10. The human body has over 1,000 muscles. (False – it has just over 600 of them.)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

YOGA CAUSES ______ ILLNESS (MENTAL)

CAMBRIDGE, U.K. – A large new study done by scientists at Cambridge University prove that yoga helps lower back pain but causes mental illness.

The largest study ever done about the benefits of yoga examined over 5,800 people who did yoga regularly over a two-year period.  It concluded that yoga is extremely effective at relieving lower back pain, but yoga caused mental deficiencies in 80% of those studied and some kind of mental illness in over 72% of participants.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

Because my mother had a habit of losing her cordless phone, I bought her a phone with a clip on it so she could attach it directly to her belt. A few days later, I walked into my mother’s home and found her standing in the middle of the living room, halfway dressed. That didn’t strike me as odd so much as the fact that she was holding her pants to the side of her head and speaking into them.

“Don’t look at me that way,” she yelled. “The phone started ringing and I couldn’t figure out how to undo this stupid clip!”

JOKE #2

My grandpa, known for his offbeat sense of humor, adopted a dog and named him Mr. Peeve.

I took the bait, asked why he named it and he said because when people ask the dog’s name, I can say “That’s my pet Peeve.”

JOKE #3

A girl went over to her friend and said, “I hear you broke off your engagement to Bob. Why?

It’s just that my feelings towards him aren’t the same any more.”

“Are you returning his diamond ring?”

“No way! My feelings towards the ring haven’t changed a bit!”

USELESS FACTS

Coconuts kill more people each year than sharks do – Approximately 150 people are killed by coconuts each year.  ***MARLAR: So the next time you see one in the wild, be sure to yell loudly and warn everyone.  “Coconut!  Coconut!  Everybody out from under the trees!  Coconut!”

A joint French-U.S. study shows that pigeons have one of the best long-term memories in the animal kingdom. ***MARLAR: And there you go – undeniable proof that they truly ARE targeting your car on purpose.

The World Meteorological Organization is running out of assigned names for hurricanes.  ***MARLAR: How is that possible?  Do they not read the Hollywood baby announcements?  We could use the names Scout, Rumor, Dweezel, Moon Unit and Apple!

FEATURED FUNNIES

MERCEDES BENZ DRIVING QUIZ

1. Before changing lanes you should: (A) signal. (B) check. (C) both a & b. (D) just swing into the lane without doing either a or b.

2. The top light on a traffic signal is: (A) red. (B) yellow. (C) green. (D) Who cares, it doesn’t apply to me anyway.

3. The speed limit in a residential area is: (A) 35 MPH. (B) 25 MPH. (C) 45 MPH. (D) I paid $65,000 for this car, I’ll drive as fast as I want.

4. In California, when a pedestrian enters a cross walk, you should: (A) slow to a walking pace. (B) go around the block. (C) stop. (D) speed up and honk your horn.

5. In the other 49 states, when a pedestrian enters a cross walk, you should: (A) maintain your speed. (B) slow a little. (C) slow a lot. (D) speed up and honk your horn.

6. Your may make a left turn from the right lane: (A) never. (B) when there is a left turn arrow. (C) on Sunday (D) When ever you feel like it!

7. When a school bus has flashing red lights, you: (A) must stop. (B) may pass on the left after checking. (C) may pass after slowing to 5 MPH. (D) use your car phone to order Chinese food while passing on the left.

8. When you hear an emergency vehicle siren, you should: (A) pull to the right and stop. (B) pull into the nearest car wash. (C) roll down your windows. (D) turn up the radio and ignore it.

9. You may make a U-turn in front of a fire station: (A) never. (B) when the doors are closed. (C) if there are no police around. (D) when you have missed your turn.

10. When approaching a traffic light where cars are stopped, you should: (A) relax. (B) watch the signal. (C) stop a safe distance back from the car in front. (D) call your wife or secretary on your car phone so everyone can see that your have a car phone.

Scoring

If you answered ‘d’ on every question, you have a perfect score. You are certified to drive a Mercedes Benz Automobile. You may, at your discretion, proceed to your nearest Mercedes Benz authorized distributor and select the Mercedes Benz Automobile of your choice.

If you answered a, b, or c on two or fewer questions, you may request a retest in two weeks time. Please study the Mercedes Benz motor vehicle guide in preparation for your retest.

If you answered a, b, or c on more than two questions, we’re sorry, you just don’t have the proper attitude to be a Mercedes Benz Automobile driver. Perhaps you should consider a BMW.

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Most high school football players would be happy to score a touchdown for their team, but the moment was especially sweet for 16-year-old Tyler Brown of McComb, Ohio.

…Tyler has been legally blind since birth. Tyler usually acts as the team’s manager, but coach Kris Agle convinced the boy’s mother to let her son suit up with the team this season. Tyler hit the field for a few plays recently, but on Oct. 15, teammate Michael Keller urged Agle to put Tyler in the game at halftime. With the players behind him, Tyler, positioned as the team’s quarterback, made the play of his life. He took the snap and two other players pushed him over the goal line for the touchdown.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

RECIPE FOR A MIRACLE

  • 1 cup Tension
  • 2 cups Stress
  • 1 ½ teaspoons of Guilt
  • 2 heaping cups of Limited Time
  • 3/4 tablespoon of Urgency
  • A dash of “No Other Choice”
  • 3 heaping cups of Faith

Fold ingredients gently into a bowl. Mix vigorously and add a few tears. You’ll sweat a little as you knead the dough. Pack it firmly between your hopes and dreams and form into a perfect little ball. Sprinkle it with a little faith (I recommend Hebrews 11), rolling the ball in the flour until fully covered. Place it under a veil of belief and allow it to rise.

Put it in an oven that has been pre-set at the perfect temperature for the heat of trials and tribulations. Allow it to brown under the warmth of God’s love. Remove after due season and allow to cool in the confidence of His promise. Garnish with your praises. Arrange neatly on a platter of thankfulness and serve to friends, families and, oh yes, strangers… invite them too!

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

DESERT PREPARATION

Nor did I go up to Jerusalem to see those who were apostles before I was, but I went immediately into Arabia and later returned to Damascus. – (Galatians 1:17)

The apostle Paul tells us in the first chapter of Galatians some of the facts surrounding his own conversion. He tells us that he clearly understood the call Jesus placed on his life. He did not have to consult other men about this calling. But before he was released to begin his own mission, He went to Arabia for three years. Why did Paul have to go to Arabia for three years before he ever met another disciple of Jesus Christ?

The Scripture does not tell us plainly why Paul spent three years in Arabia. However, based upon many examples of God placing special calls on people’s lives, we know it often requires a time of separation between the old life and the new life. No doubt, Paul had plenty of time to consider what had taken place in his life and time to develop an intimate knowledge and relationship with the newfound Savior. His life was about to change dramatically.

So often, when God places a call on one of His children, it requires a separation between the old life and the new life. There is a time of being away from the old in order to prepare the heart for what is coming. It can be a painful and difficult separation. Joseph was separated from his family. Jacob was sent to live with his uncle Laban. Moses was sent to the desert.

Perhaps God has placed you in your own desert period. Perhaps you cannot make sense of the situation in which you find yourself. If you press into God during this time, He will reveal the purposes He has for you. The key is pressing into Him. Seek Him with a whole heart and He will be found. God may have a special calling and message He is building in your life right now. Trust in His love for you that He will fully complete the work He has started in you.

LEFTOVERS

TOO SMART?

Ever been told you’re too smart for a job?  Well, we haven’t (because we work in radio), but one man has been told that – so he can’t be a police officer!

There’s another way you can be discriminated against now — being too smart. You may have heard the story of Robert Jordan. He was the man who wanted to become a police officer in New London, Connecticut, but was rejected because he scored too high on the police exam. In 1996 he took the test and scored 33 points, the equivalent of an IQ of 125. But New London police interviewed only candidates who scored 20 to 27, on the theory that those who scored too high could get bored with police work and leave soon after undergoing costly training. Jordan launched a federal lawsuit against the city, but lost. Recently the 2nd US Circuit Court of Appeals in New York upheld a lower court’s decision that the city did not discriminate against Jordan because the same standards were applied to everyone who took the test. The average score nationally for police officers is 21 to 22, the equivalent of an IQ of 104, or just a little above average. Jordan says he’s given up trying to get on the force.

LIFE… LIVE IT

SMOKING BANS KILL PEOPLE
University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee researchers made a surprising discovery: smoking bans in bars are killing people.

…They studied a number of locations around the U.S. and found that in areas where smoking was banned in bars, deaths from drunk driving went up. They aren’t sure why: it could be that people who aren’t allowed to smoke compensate by drinking more. But it’s more likely that smokers are willing to drive to bars in other jurisdictions that don’t ban smoking, so they end up driving after drinking.

JUST FOR FUN

THIS SPUD’S FOR YOU

Next time you buy a mobile phone, you may be surprised what you find in the box!

A man who bought a mobile phone from a department store. He took it home, removed the plastic from around the box, opened the box and found not a Nokia phone – but four potatoes. Dave Bailey, the new owner of those four potatoes, thinks it could have been done as a scam, or by a worker as a joke on their last day. He said, “The culprit has obviously weighed it cleverly to make it feel like a phone package. Imagine if that had been sent to a kid as a Christmas present – they would have been devastated.” ***MARLAR: Either that, or the kid would think, “Alright!  Mr. Potato Head!”

FUN LIST

THE OLD NEVER DIE

  • Old bankers never die; they just lose their balance.

  • Old mailmen never die. They just lose their zip.

  • Old superintendents never die, they just lose their principles.

  • Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.

  • Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.

  • Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.

  • Old speakers never die, they just go on and on and on and on.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

The weekend’s here and the weather’s still warm enough to spend the next 2 days in flip-flops and sandals, right guys? WRONG. In a survey of 6,000 women, it turns out most don’t want to see our furry feet and trashy toes. Flip-flops? Nope, not unless you’re going to the beach, the lake, hanging out by the pool, or sitting on a boat. Sandals? Sorry, still too much toe-action — unless you’re wearing the more rugged, hiker-style sandals that cover the toes. And those Adidas athletic slip-on things many guys wear with socks? They only place you should be wearing them is in a gym shower.  And while we’re on the subject… women in the survey also want guys to get some freaking pedicures. 78% of women surveyed said men need to take better care of their feet.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

New research now proves that the less you sleep, the more hungry you feel. According to Time, a new study published in the European Journal of Clinical Nutrition set out to put a number on those surplus calories consumed by the tired and weary. In all, the studies included 172 people ages 18 to 50, both male and female, who were either normal weight, overweight, or obese. The researchers found that the sleep deprived consumed an average of 385 calories extra per day, about the equivalent of four and a half slices of bread. They also found that sleep deprived people consumed more fat and less protein. http://ti.me/2f1ToOt

If you only see one astronomical event this year, make it the November super moon, when the Moon will be the closest to Earth it’s been since January 1948. According to Science Alert, During the event, which will happen on the eve of November 14, the Moon will appear up to 14 percent bigger and 30 percent brighter than an average full moon. This is the closest the Moon will get to Earth until November 25, 2034.

http://www.sciencealert.com/we-re-about-to-see-a-record-breaking-supermoon-the-biggest-and-brightest-in-nearly-70-years

Pete Leonard first developed a love for fresh-roasted coffee during a missions trip to Brazil. Around the same time, he noticed that a relative who had recently been released from prison was unable to find work. Leonard’s solution was to take advantage of America’s obsession with coffee by creating a premium coffee-roasting company—and employ former felons to run it. Since starting the company nine years ago in Wheaton, Illinois, Leonard has hired 35 people out of prison and says that today, all but two are the success stories he believed could happen.  Read the story and watch the video at http://go.cbn.com/14107

Planning to serve ham during the holidays? Yahoo Foods can help. They released an article this week on Glazing hams 101. The article also includes four ham glaze recipes.  http://yhoo.it/1HqSphA

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

NOVEMBER 04, 2016…

Bleed For This—Miles Teller (“Whiplash”) takes on the role of boxer Vinny “The Pazamanian Devil” Pazienza in this story of the boxer who had a near-fatal accident and yet wants to go back into the boxing ring. Is this a death wish?  “Bleed For This” is rated R. Rating of 2 for boxing fans.

Doctor Strange—Benedict Cumberbatch (and does this busy actor ever sleep?)  goes for the role of a surgeon who has an accident to his hands, goes away to contemplate and meets Tilda Swinton (just about unrecognizable) who teaches him about time and dimensions. Great special effects. “Doctor Strange” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans. Another character from comic books.

Hacksaw Ridge– Mel Gibson has a directing role in this film based on the life of a WWII conscientious objector, who also wins a Medal Of Honor. The man is Desmond Doss and played by Andrew Garfield (formerly “Spider-Man”). “Hacksaw Ridge” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

Trolls—Those little troll dolls of a few years ago, you must remember the fad. Well, they are back in their own film complete with rainbow-colored tall hair-do’s and a Technicolor life. Voices of Anna Kendrick, Justin Timberlake and James Corden. “Trolls” is rated PG. Rating of 2 for fans and you know who you are.

NOVEMBER 11, 2016…

Almost Christmas tells the story of a father who wants a peaceful Christmas instead of the usual family get-together. Good luck. Stars Danny Glover.

Arrival is a science fiction film starring Amy Adams as a linguist who tries to speak to aliens.

Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk is based on Ben Fountain’s book of a young Iraq war soldier. Stars Joe Alwyn.

Elle stars Elizabeth Huppert who plays a woman who has been assaulted.

Shut In concerns a child psychologist and a little boy who are snowed in. Stars Naomi Watts.

*Hopefully, this is the release date—USS Indianapolis: Men Of Courage is about the sinking of this ship during WWII and how men survived. Stars Nicholas Cage and Tom Sizemore.

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WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.