November 10, 2015: Tuesday ONAIRprep


***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS – FREE TO AIR! (Contact me to sign up!)

***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE – FREE TO AIR! (Contact me to sign up!)





Albert Einstein, was once asked to describe radio. Here’s the direct quote: “You see wire telegraph is a kind of a very very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.”




“If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” –James 1:26-27


Deuteronomy 31:6 = Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”


Live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. — 1 Peter 3:8




The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever. — 1 John 2:17


Thought: So much of what we pursue is fleeting. Once we acquire it, we have to try to preserve it because we know it will soon be gone. God has promised us that just as he is eternal and will live forever, so also are those who pursue a relationship with him and are committed to do his will. So let’s sit down and look at how we spend our time, our money, and our efforts and ask if what we are pursuing is really something that is worth having. Then let’s ask one more important question: “Even if it is worth having, is it going to last long enough to make a difference?”


Prayer: Eternal Father, please give me the courage to be honest about what I am pursuing with my life. I want it to count for your cause. I want to make a difference for good. Some of that desire, I confess, is self-serving. However, dear Father, I truly do want to have a life that impacts others for good and that brings you honor. I don’t want to waste my time chasing after things that won’t last and don’t matter. Please give me the spiritual wisdom to follow your will and find your life rather than chasing the shadow values of my culture. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.


The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to




The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Luke 11:10 NIV = For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.




(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)


Today is WINDOWS DAY. Microsoft released its Windows computer operating system on this date in 1983. ***MARLAR: Making the entire world a better place by sharing with everyone the joy of the blue screen of death.


Tonight is SLEEP DANGEROUSLY NIGHT, a night to switch sides of the bed with your spouse.  ***MARLAR: “Dangerous” is right… you’d likely forget at 2AM which side of the bed you were on and accidentally roll over your spouse in order to make it to the bathroom.


Today is FORGET ME NOT DAY.  ***MARLAR: Ironically, I’ve completely forgotten why they call it that.


Today is TOOTHPASTE APPRECIATION DAY.  ***MARLAR: And with me talking so close to your ears, I’m sure you appreciate my using toothpaste today.




Are Code Day

Marine Corps Birthday

Sesame Street Day

Windows Day (Microsoft)

World Science Day for Peace and Development

National Young Reader’s Day





Death/Duty Day

Origami Day

Red Lipstick Day

Veterans Day



Fancy Rat & Mouse Day

World Pneumonia Day



World Kindness Day



International Girls Day

Loosen Up, Lighten Up Day

National American Teddy Bear Day

National Spicy Guacamole Day

National Pickle Day

Operating Room Nurse Day

Spirit of NSA (National Speakers Association) Day

World Diabetes Day

International Selfie Day



America Recycles Day

George Spelvin Day or More Than One Role Day

I Love to Write Day

National Bundt Day

National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day

National Philanthropy Day

Rock Your Mocs Day



International Day for Tolerance

National Button Day



Homemade Bread Day

National Entrepreneurship Day

National Unfriend Day

World Prematurity Awareness Day




1908: The first Gideon Bible was placed in a room in the Superior Hotel in Iron Mountain, Montana.


1969: “Sesame Street,” starring a big yellow bird and a little green frog, debuted on PBS television.


1975: The ore-hauling ship Edmund Fitzgerald and its crew of 29 vanished during a storm on Lake Superior.


1980: A masked bandit wearing a motorcycle helmet pulled a toy pistol on a storekeeper in Scarborough, England, and escaped with $250. He was arrested quickly, however, because the storekeeper noticed the man’s helmet had been personalized with his name.


1983: Microsoft released Windows, an extension of MS-DOS, a personal computer operating system with a graphical user interface.


1991: In Columbus, Ohio, Tim Badayna ran a 26-mile marathon in 4 hours 15 seconds… backwards!


1991: Lightening the pet turtle of Hutchinson, Kansas, snapped onto an 8-year-old’s upper lip and wouldn’t turn loose. The parents called 911, but before help arrived they offered Lightening a carrot and he let go. The boy’s lip was swelled, but okay.


1995: A 12-year medical study of 2,443 babies at a Melbourne hospital concluded that Australian children are born more laid-back, easy-going, and happier than other children.


1997: A wet diaper alarm was among the newest inventions at the 46th annual Inventors Fair in Brussels. Though most babies have built-in wetness alarms, the Moroccan inventor felt his electronic beeping baby belt might find admirers in a gadget-loving world.


2003: A truck driver crashed his semi-trailer while trying to change clothes as he drove 60 mph on a northern Indiana highway near LaPorte. The 59-year-old driver said he set his cruise control, but he misjudged a curve and rolled the truck off the road. The driver was not hurt and was fully clothed when police arrived.


2004: Shell Hydrogen opened the first hydrogen outlet at a gas station in Washington to service fuel cell vehicles from General Motors.


2007: Ayesha Khan’s father warned police in Sheffield, England, to make certain there was nothing on any records that might harm his daughter’s future. Mohamed and Sharna Khan had been notified their daughter had been driving 65 mph in a 40 mph zone. They explained Ayesha was only two years old. Police checked the ticketed car’s registration and apologized for the mistake.




1766: In New Brunswick, New Jersey, Queen’s College was chartered under the Dutch Reformed Church, to provide education “…especially in divinity, preparing [youth] for the ministry and other good offices.” The present name of the school, Rutgers University, was adopted in 1924.


1770: French philosopher Francois Voltaire, 75, uttered his famous remark: ‘If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.’


1871: Following seven months of searching, foreign correspondent to the “New York Herald” Henry M. Stanley succeeded at last in locating Scottish missionary David Livingstone in Ujiji, Central Africa. Stanley prefaced his encounter with these words: ‘Dr. Livingstone, I presume.’


1952: English apologist C.S. Lewis wrote in a letter: ‘I believe that, in the present divided state of Christendom, those who are at the heart of each division are all closer to one another than those who are at the fringes.’


1977: It was announced that Pope Paul VI had ended the automatic excommunication imposed on divorced American Catholics who remarried. (The excommunication was first imposed by the Plenary Council of American Bishops in 1884.)




  • Comedian/actor (“Saturday Night Live”) Tracy Morgan, 47
  • Actress (Julie on “One Day At A Time”) Mackenzie Phillips, 56 (
  • Comedian/actor (Jingle All The Way) Sinbad, 59




(Music Artist Birthdays From

1907 : Jane Froman

1916 : Billy May

1932 : Paul Bley

1939 : Tommy Facenda

1940 : Screaming Lord Sutch

1941 : Kyu Sakamoto

1944 : Tim Rice

1945 : Donna Fargo

1947 : Dave Loggins

1947 : Glenn Buxton (Alice Cooper Band)

1948 : Greg Lake (Emerson, Lake And Palmer)

1950 : Ronnie Hammond (Atlanta Rhythm Section)

1954 : Mario Cipollina (Huey Lewis and the News)

1959 : Frank Maudsley (A Flock Of Seagulls)

1970 : Warren G

1978 : Eve

1979 : Chris Joannou (Silverchair)




“WD-40 literally stands for “Water Displacement, 40th attempt”. That’s the name straight out of the lab book used by the chemist who developed WD-40 back in 1953.  The chemist, Norm Larsen, was attempting to concoct a formula to prevent corrosion–a task which is done by displacing water. Norm’s persistence paid off when he perfected the formula on his 40th try.




Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at!


What is Chris August favorite cereal? Double Stuffed Oreos with milk and a spoon!


Natalie Grant was being open and honest over the weekend. The long time Christian artist shared: So….I have control issues. I like to try and control outcomes. And most the time I make my plans and hope God will just go along with it. Furthermore – I have fear issues. And I’m pretty sure many of my control issues and my fear issues go hand in hand. But when did I forget HE has and will ALWAYS BE the King Of The World? He is still on the throne. When I look at what is happening in the world at large and in my own little world, none of it takes Him by surprise. Natalie said her new song Be One was written with these thoughts in mind. Let the truth that He has got you in the palm of His hand settle in your heart and bring you peace.


How early is to early for Christmas decorations? Rush of Fools Kevin Huguley shared a picture of his Christmas tree over the weekend with the caption: O Christmas tree.


Michael W. Smith is going country. It was announced over the weekend that Michael will part of the CMA Country Christmas special that will air on ABC on December 3.


Kerrie Roberts was celebrating National Nacho Day over the weekend. She said Chips are her favorite and she bakes her own chips a lot. Kerrie also shared her favorite chip dip recipe. Check it out:


Colton Dixon has invented a new drink that he is calling The Macintosh. Colton describes it as: chai latte meets apple cider and he adds that, for something extra, add caramel.


Jamie Grace has written a children’s book. Jamie recently announced that the book was written for her God Girls Club and features the adventures of Gracie Alexander, a spunky little 9 year old. Jamie says the new book will be available soon.


Congratulations to Josh Wilson. His wife gave birth to Asher David Wilson over the weekend. Josh said: Thanks for your prayers. Beyond grateful.




Angler catches digital camera lost in Lake Michigan in 2013
GRAND HAVEN, Mich. (AP) — Andre Monterio has a fishing story about one that got away and eventually was caught. But what he pulled from Lake Michigan near Grand Haven in September had no scales or gills. It was a small digital camera knocked overboard two years ago from another boat….


Mississippi: Restaurant parking lot cave-in swallows 12 cars    photo
MERIDIAN, Miss. (AP) — A cave-in of a restaurant parking lot in Mississippi swallowed 12 cars and now experts are expected to begin work Monday to determine the cause of the weekend collapse, authorities said. No one was reported injured when the pavement gave way Saturday night, leaving a…
Police: Man dressed as priest sought for Halloween assault
DURANGO, Colo. (AP) — Durango police are investigating an assault that involved a priest, a pope and a Good Samaritan. HASH(0xd2e260) Shaline says a Good Samaritan who intervened in the attack prevented the injuries from being much worse. The victim, whose name has not been released, was…
‘Kid’-napping ends when baby goat reunited with its mother    photo
PHOENIX (AP) — A baby pygmy goat that vanished from the Arizona State Fair, prompting a Twitter campaign for his safe return, came home to its mother surrounded by TV cameras and jubilant fairgoers. Dozens of employees and visitors burst into applause Thursday as GusGus was gently placed in…
Arizona authorities capture 4 emus on the lam in Tucson    photo
TUCSON, Ariz. (AP) — Pima County authorities say four emus that got loose in a neighborhood on Tucson’s southwest side have been captured. The four large birds were contained Thursday in the area of West Drexel Boulevard and South Cardinal Avenue. County sheriff’s officials say two of the…
Seattle’s ‘gum wall’ to be cleaned after 20 years
SEATTLE (AP) — After 20 years of people sticking their gum to the walls of an alley by Seattle’s Pike Place Market, officials say it is time for a cleanup. Pike Place Market announced this week it will take down the estimated 1 million pieces of gum off the walls of Post Alley. Known as the…
Wisconsin convent says prayer has gone on nonstop since 1878
LA CROSSE, Wis. (AP) — Flooding, snowstorms, a flu outbreak, even a fire — any of those might have slowed a group of Wisconsin nuns who say none of it has kept their order from praying nonstop for hundreds of thousands of people over the last 137 years. The La Crosse-based Franciscan…
Southwestern-themed cow statue missing from Houston museum
HOUSTON (AP) — A cow statue decorated with a Southwestern theme has been found after it was swiped from outside the Children’s Museum of Houston. Museum officials say a Facebook tip led them to the missing cow, hidden in a drainage pipe at a construction site near the University of Houston….
Legally blind barber awarded $100k for wrongful termination
BOSTON (AP) — A legally blind barber was awarded $100,000 by a Massachusetts commission against discrimination after it says he was wrongly fired. The Boston Herald reported ( Saturday that Joel Nixon had been working for Tony’s Barber Shop in Norton for a year before…
San Francisco police search for hatchet-wielding shoplifter
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — San Francisco police are looking for a transgender woman who allegedly threatened a security guard with a hatchet after stealing a handbag from a department store. KCBS-Radio reports ( ) the robbery happened around Monday afternoon at a…
Truck spills cranberries in accident on Cape Cod bridge    photo
SAGAMORE, Mass. (AP) — A truck carrying cranberries crashed head-on into another vehicle on a bridge into Cape Cod, spilling berries onto the roadway and snarling morning rush-hour traffic. Massachusetts State Police said Friday on its official Twitter account that the Sagamore Bridge was…





Sierra Leone declared free of Ebola, as Guinea struggles    photo
FREETOWN, Sierra Leone (AP) — Cheers erupted and people danced in the streets Saturday as Sierra Leone marked the end of the Ebola outbreak within its borders, although neighboring Guinea still struggles to stamp out the deadly virus that has killed more than 11,000 mostly in West Africa….


Germany passes law allowing some types of assisted suicide
BERLIN (AP) — German lawmakers passed a bill Friday allowing assisted suicide for “altruistic motives” but banning the practice in cases where it is being conducted on a “business” basis. The issue is a particularly sensitive topic in a country where the last time euthanasia was part of…
Study: Teen obesity surgery benefits last at least 3 years
The largest, longest study of teen obesity surgery shows huge weight loss and health gains can last at least three years, and many say it’s worth the risks. “I feel awesome. It’s like a new life,” said Miranda Taylor, a Cincinnati nursing student in the study who had surgery when she was 16 and…
Study: Nearly half of US pregnant women gain too much weight
NEW YORK (AP) — Nearly half of U.S. moms gain too much weight during pregnancy, according to a government study released Thursday. Putting on too many extra pounds during pregnancy can harm the mom, and may cause a range of problems for the child, experts say. The study found only about a…
Patients’ needs addressed in ‘person-centered health care’    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Every time JoAnna James took her husband, Lawrence, to the doctor, she left the hospital without understanding what was wrong with him. “You ask (doctors) to break it down so you can understand what they are saying and they make you feel like there is something wrong with you,”…
Another lawsuit filed against Chipotle in E. coli outbreak
SEATTLE (AP) — A second Washington woman and an Oregon man who contracted E. coli after eating at a Chipotle franchise are suing the Mexican restaurant chain. Jessica Ellis of Mount Vernon, Washington and Chris Collins of Lake Oswego, Oregon, filed federal lawsuits on Friday. Health officials…
Pfizer doubling patient income limit for free drug program    photo
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — As the furor over soaring U.S. prescription drug prices escalates and outrageous price hikes by several smaller drugmakers give the entire industry a black eye, the biggest U.S.-based drugmaker is expanding financial assistance to patients. Pfizer Inc. says it’s doubling…
Person-centered health care focuses on patient as individual    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Every time JoAnna James took her husband, Lawrence, to the doctor, she left the hospital without understanding what was wrong with him. “You ask (doctors) to break it down so you can understand what they are saying and they make you feel like there is something wrong with you,”…
Things to know about the investigation of E. coli outbreak    photo
SEATTLE (AP) — Thirty-seven people in the Pacific Northwest have fallen ill with E. coli in an outbreak connected to Chipotle Mexican restaurants. The popular chain of casual restaurants voluntarily closed 43 of its Washington and Oregon locations last week and health officials are scrambling…
Virtual doctor visits offer convenience, lower costs
WASHINGTON (AP) — When you’re coming down with a cold, there are a few items you typically reach for to start feeling better: cough drops, herbal tea, maybe an over-the-counter medication. For most of us, though, a smartphone wouldn’t top that list. But that may change as health care…
Heroin, prescription pain pills top drug threat in the US
WASHINGTON (AP) — Heroin and prescription pain pills are among the top drug threats in the U.S., according to the Drug Enforcement Administration’s latest drug threat assessment Wednesday. Chuck Rosenberg, the DEA’s acting administrator, said there were more than 46,000 drug overdoses in…





(None on the weekends)



At least 14 vehicles were swallowed by a sinkhole that opened up Saturday in the parking lot of a newly-opened International House of Pancakes in Meridian, Mississippi.  ***Yeah, those pancakes can sit kinda heavy.


Denver police discovered an urban version of cow tipping early Sunday after vandals turned over Smart Cars in five locations. Police are looking for four men after five Smart Cars were tipped over.  ***How smart are you if you allow people to turn you over like a cow?


An 85-year-old Austrian woman cut up around a million dollars into tiny pieces in an apparent attempt to spite her heirs. After the woman died in a retirement home, the money as well as savings accounts books were found shredded on her bed.  ***This story brought to you by Scotch Tape!


“Saturday Night Live” vet Joe Piscopo is considering a run for governor of New Jersey.  ***With SNL alumni running for political office, and then politicians hosting SNL… I’m wondering if maybe that’s where the next GOP presidential debate should take place.




A study at Columbia Business School shows that the bigger the desk someone has the more likely they are to steal. ***Makes sense. The bigger the desk the more places you have to hide the stuff you stole.


When it comes to making healthy food and beverage choices, a new study shows that people are better off knowing both the number of calories they’re consuming and the amount of exercise it would take to burn them off. In the study when a sign next to a soda read “250 calories, or five miles of walking,” consumers were more likely to leave the soft drink on the shelf than if only the calories were posted.  ***MARLAR: What they need to do is start selling cans full of “Five Miles of Walking” – I’d shell out the bucks for that.


A study in Britain says that money CAN buy happiness, but only if you have more than your friends and neighbors. ***MARLAR: Because, let’s face it, after looking at the way they dress, they obviously don’t know where to shop.


A New York Times story finds that the US is by far the world’s most expensive place to give birth. ***According to the article, the US is also by far the place where you find obstetricians with the biggest boats.








CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Charles Marshall, “Boyfriends”




OPEN: And now, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Cheetah Bonita met a group of alligators that sang wonderfully together – and they helped her realize that doing a solo is great once in a while, but not all of the time. And it looks like all the other animals heard the alligators singing too…


CLOSE: Now THAT is a harmonious ending! Tune in again next time, for another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!






OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Katie Snuffleson has boarded the cloud tram and was off on her way to Candyland – despite the warnings from Olaf and Karl that it could be dangerous if she eats too much candy – as she might fall from the sky! But Katie doesn’t seem all that concerned… at least not yet.


CLOSE: Oh boy – too much candy has made Katie too heavy for the clouds to support her any longer! Karl and Olaf warned her this could happen – but did she listen? No. Will Katie survive? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!


***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.




Williamstown, Vermont is a very small town with very few teachers… but they might fire one of their teachers anyway.

The teacher’s offense? Working for free. That’s right, he might get fired because he’s decided to work for free! Bill Corrow has been teaching a history course at the Williamstown Middle School, and the course attracts very bright students. But some teachers object because he’s not with a union and he’s violating the rules by not getting paid. Corrow has a few more enemies because he criticizes other teachers for allowing students to graduate without having proper reading skills. ***MARLAR: So he makes history interesting, and he wants kids to read well, and he’s willing to this sacrificially – without expectation of pay? Gee, no wonder they consider him a menace to society.






  1. “The ad says I have to get there by four o’clock in order to take advantage of their SUPER SAVINGS.


  1. “I don’t want to be here when the police come and investigate that body on the 5th floor.”


  1. Powering down your computer 15 minutes early, you can save company as much as $1.37 per annum.


  1. I came in early so I’m leaving early!


  1. You have to go to the Free Cell competition.


  1. You suddenly realized you have Dutch Elm Disease.


  1. “I lost my watch. I have to go home to look for it so that I can leave on time.”


  1. I worked overtime yesterday. This is comp time.


  1. During lunch you consumed too much dihydrogen monoxide.


  1. “Look, outside! ICE-CREAM MAN! ICE-CREAM MAN!”




Everyone gets their fifteen minutes – and one robber got his time in the spotlight during the rehearsal of a school play.


FILE #1: Even burglars have bad days at the office. In Chile, a robber decided to knock over a school theater where a play rehearsal was in progress. When he busted in and said: “This is a robbery,” the place erupted in laughter. As fate would have it, the play they were rehearsing starts out with the same words. Needless to say, the robber had trouble convincing people he was serious. After finally making his point, he took the registration money and ran off. However, his bad day didn’t end there as his escape route took him towards the local police station and he was arrested by officers on their way to the scene of the crime.


FILE #2: In Durham, North Carolina, A four-year-old boy quickly changed into his Power Ranger costume and attacked when his family was held at gunpoint by an armed robber. Little Stevie Long sneaked out of the room while the robber was pointing a gun at his five-year-old sister Mary and mother Jennifer. Minutes later, he leapt back into the room dressed as a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger, waived a plastic sword and yelled, “Get away from my family.” Here’s the best part — IT WORKED! The robber and his accomplice, who was waiting outside the apartment, fled. They did take credit cards, jewelry, and cash but relatives said they abandoned plans to take Stevie’s mother to an ATM to withdraw money when they saw Stevie. Stevie said, “I scared the bad guys away.” On the other hand, Stevie’s aunt, Heather Evans, said a counselor had suggested Stevie needs to improve his distinction between fantasy and reality adding, “He fully believed he morphed.”


FILE #3: In Orlando, Florida, 18-year-old John DeWitt was fleeing from a security guard at the Orlando Ale House after the guard suspected he was about to burglarize the building.  John’s brief flight ended when he jumped into what he thought was a garbage can to hide in.  It wasn’t garbage at all. It was a huge drum of discarded restaurant grease.


STRANGE LAW: In England, those wishing to use a television must apply for a license.




Only a brain on drugs would sell illegal drugs to a police officer in uniform.

Police in Mount Sterling, Ohio, have charged William McCrary with selling drugs to a police officer… and the officer was NOT undercover.  He was wearing his full police uniform and even sitting in a marked patrol car at the time!  Officer Brian Botkin says he convinced the suspect that he smoked marijuana and wanted to buy some, so McCrary sold him some… and now faces three felonies.




Would you ever want to be a contestant on a reality TV show (past or present)? If so, which one would it be?


If you were in control, which products would you like to see banned from being advertised on TV? Or what TV commercials would you like to see go away?




QUESTION: What was the name of Isaiah’s father?

ANSWER: Amoz (Isaiah 1:1)




QUESTION: How many miles of nerves are in just the skin of the human body?

ANSWER: There are 45 miles of nerves in the skin of a human being.




Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!


  1. If you are locked in a completely sealed room, you will die of oxygen deprivation. (False – you’ll die of carbon dioxide poisoning first before you will die of oxygen deprivation.)


  1. The human brain is only 20% water. (False – it’s 85% water)


  1. The sound of a snore can be as loud as a pneumatic drill. (True – up to 69 decibels)


  1. Every single minute you have three hundred thousand cells die in your body. (False – it’s much more than that. You have three-hundred-million cells die every minute!)


  1. Women burn fat more slowly than men. (True – by a rate of about 50 calories a day)


  1. The only animals born with horns are sheep. (False – the only animal born wiht horns are giraffes.)


  1. The only milk that doesn’t curdle when boiled is seal milk. (False – it’s camel milk.)


  1. The only bird that provides us with leather is the ostrich. (True)


  1. The biggest crocodiles in the world are in Australia. (True – some are more than 20 feet long.)


  1. An average human drinks about 16,000 gallons of water in a lifetime. (True)




You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!


AUSTIN, TX —  The state of Texas celebrates donkeys, but their official policy on wild donkeys is – shoot to kill!

Texans are trying to wipe out thousands of free-roaming donkeys.  The State of Texas has authorized citizens to shoot any wild donkey they see.  So far 2,307 wild donkeys have been killed, most of them with  .308-caliber bolt-action rifles.

The state’s stance: wild donkeys wandering over from Mexico don’t belong. The Texas Parks and Wildlife Department considers an estimated 60,000 burros in Texas to be destructive intruders, hogging forage and lapping up precious water in the drought-starved mountains — thereby threatening the survival of hundreds of native species.

Outraged locals, however, claim there’s only one animal the state really cares about — bighorn sheep. Once extinct in Texas for decades, bighorns  are popular for hunters in Texas.  Coveted state permits to bag bighorns fetch upward of $100,000 at auction in Texas, and opponents like Ginny Wallabee of the Wild Donkey Protection League believe that’s why the state wants to eliminate any threat to the sheep’s survival so the bighorn hunters can have their fun.





At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.  “The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company.  He must be musical.  Tell jokes.  Sing.  Entertain. And stay home at night!”

An old granny overheard and spoke up, “Girl, if that’s all you want, get a TV!”



A fly was buzzing along one morning when he saw a lawn mower someone had left out in their front yard. He flew over and sat on the handle, watching the children going down the sidewalk on their way to school.

One little boy tripped on a crack and fell, spilling his lunch on the sidewalk. He picked himself up, put his lunch back in the bag and went on. But he missed a piece of bologna. The fly had not eaten that morning and he sure was hungry. So he flew down and started eating the bologna. In fact he ate so much that he could not fly, so he waddled across the sidewalk, across the lawn, up the wheel of the lawn mower, up the handle, and sat there resting and watching the children.

There was still some bologna laying there on the sidewalk. He was really stuffed, but that baloney sure did look good.  Finally temptation got the best of him and he jumped off the handle of the lawn mower to fly over to the baloney. But alas he was too full to fly and he went splat!!, killing him instantly.

The moral of the story: Don’t fly off the handle when you are full of baloney.



During the last session of the teaching workshop, the participants were asked to state their personal goals for the immediate future. One teacher vowed to update photo albums, another to lose weight. The goal that got the most response, however, was given by a slightly out-of-shape kindergarten teacher. “I resolve to exercise until I can complete a 20-minute workout in less than an hour,” she said.




If you attempt to attack or startle a vulture, it will vomit on you.  ***MARLAR: Which, you gotta admit, is pretty startling.


An elderly couple in Lapland were treated at a hospital after they were attacked by a reindeer.  ***MARLAR: Well now, that “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” song doesn’t seem all that funny anymore, does it?


Calderdale Royal Hospital in England banned visitors from cooing over babies because it might insult the babies’ dignity.  ***MARLAR: How much dignity do you have to start with when you’re sucking your thumb wearing poopy diapers?





Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city. One asked the other, “Your son go back to college yet?”

“Two days ago.”

“Hm. Mine’s a senior this year, so it’s almost over. In May, he’ll be an engineer. What’s your boy going to be when he gets out of


“At the rate he’s going, I’d say he’ll be about thirty.”

“No, I mean what’s he taking in college?”

“He’s taking every penny I make.”

“Doesn’t he burn the midnight oil enough?”

“He doesn’t get in early enough to burn the midnight oil.”

“Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?”

“Sure has! It’s totally cured his mother of bragging about him!”




In Lanham, Maryland, a man was teaching his friend to drive when things took a horrible turn for the worst (no pun intended).

…The driver of the minivan ended up crashing into the apartment of Robert Scriber and landing on top of his bed — right where Robert had been lying just minutes earlier! Robert did receive injuries to his left side from the flying debris. To make things worse, neither the driver nor the “driving instructor” had a driver’s license and the driver turned out to be in the county illegally. And the icing on the cake — all this happened on Good Luck Road.





God gave us each our own music and the world to be our stage,

but most of us are living with our music still un-played.

This gift that we are given is ours to use if we dare,

it is our greatest tool to show how much we care.

“Martin” shared his music gave us all a dream,

his message was very simple “Let Freedom Ring”.

“John” stood up and played his music the song he shared was true,

“Don’t ask your country to make things right ask instead what YOU can do”.

A diminutive committed lady so fragile and so weak,

“Teresa” touched every nation each time that she would speak.

A simple comic and actor he shared his special song,

“Bob” lifted up our spirits from World War II to Vietnam.

One song was sung so long ago that’s been shared throughout the years,

a “Carpenter” gave his music that will save all those who hear.

Your music has the power our futures in our hands,

never doubt that words can change the world it’s the only thing that ever has.

-Jim Serviolo





Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. —Matthew 6:21

On a teaching trip to Togo, West Africa, I noticed hundreds of abandoned buildings that were only partially built. I asked my missionary host why so many structures were incomplete. His response was striking.

Apparently, Togolese law allows an injured party to demand payment from the available cash of family members of the person who injured them. Even distant relatives are not exempt. To prevent their cash savings from being attached to a legal action, people will purchase land instead. Slowly, sometimes over decades, they will build a house on it with any extra cash. The hundreds of unfinished buildings were testimony to how easy it is to lose one’s material possessions.

This was certainly part of the reason our Lord taught, “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal” (Matt. 6:19). Treasure that is of this world is vulnerable to being lost, stolen, destroyed, or devalued. If that is our focus, we will only experience frustration.

If our hearts are drawn instead to the value of the eternal—godly character, relationships, souls—we won’t be disappointed. We will become rich in the things of Christ. And treasure in heaven can never be taken away! —Bill Crowder


I do not ask for treasures here
To hoard, decay, and rust,
But for the better things of life—
Humility and trust.  —Meadows


Treasures in heaven are laid up as treasures on earth are laid down.





When most dogs run away, they literally run.  One dog in Connecticut would rather ride away… on the train.

When most dogs run away, they literally run. Not Alex. The one-year-old Scottish terrier from Fairfield, Connecticut, took modern transportation. The young pup jumped on a train! The adventurous puppy ran from its owner’s backyard, went to the station and boarded the first train out of town. There he boarded the 9:14pm train to New Haven, 10 miles away. A railway employee noticed the dog and, after reading his tag, contacted police. His owner June Linsley said she was heartbroken when she noticed Alex had escaped through a hole in the fence. After 40 minutes’ of desperate searching, a police officer came to her home and said, “I think you better sit down. Your dog is in New Haven”. Another policeman later brought the dog back home.  ***MARLAR: And for a dog, it doesn’t get any better than sticking your head out of the window of a moving train!





While previous studies have shown that kids who breathe in second hand smoke are more likely to develop asthma and respiratory infections, a new study finds that those kids are also more likely to catch a whole range of severe infections and many of the children even have to be hospitalized. They say the most critical time to spare the kids from the smoke is in their first months, especially if the children were born underweight or premature. If you’re looking for numbers, a child exposed to secondhand smoke during its first six months of life increased the likelihood of a hospitalization by 45 percent by the time the child was 8 years old. Babies born prematurely were twice as likely to be hospitalized, while those born with a low birth weight were 75 percent more likely to be hospitalized.





In trying to help a friend, John Perez got himself in big trouble.

…Perez wanted to help his friend who worked for a psychic hot line in the Dominican Republic so he went ahead and made calls from his workplace — Bankers Trust in New Jersey. At $4.99 a call, Perez racked up $164,379 worth of calls, believing no one at the bank would notice. He would often call and leave the phone off the hook for 14 hours to boost bills. He was caught by his boss and ordered to repay the money.  ***MARLAR: If his friend was truly psychic he would’ve known this was going to go badly.





  • Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
  • His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like socks in a dryer without Cling Free.
  • He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
  • She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
  • She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
  • Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
  • He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
  • The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
  • From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
  • Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
  • The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
  • Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
  • John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
  • He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
  • Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
  • The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
  • The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
  • He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
  • The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
  • He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
  • She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
  • It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.





Is the atmosphere around your office on Friday more relaxed than it is the rest of the week? It’s become quite the problem for some firms so they have begun to take office email away from their workers on Fridays. Management officials believe that staff will be more productive and creative if they talk to each other instead of using email. ***MARLAR: Wait a minute… isn’t that why email was created in the first place, so we wouldn’t have to talk to people?!?




(Mondays Only)




Have you always wanted to create a family mission statement? Now you can help shape your family’s identity and begin to put to paper your dreams, goals, and prayers for your children with the FREE downloadable Strong and Kind: My Family Legacy Workbook from Korie Robertson of Duck Dynasty. The free download includes: printable worksheets and journaling pages and eight frameable art prints, including Scripture prints like Proverbs 22:6. Download your free copy at


Victor Marx is a former U.S. Marine and a trained martial arts seventh degree black belt with a unique ministry. According to, Marx takes teams of missionaries and aide workers on what he calls “high-risk missions” trips, going to places where no one else wants to go but where the need is great. Recently, he led a team to the Kurdistan region of Northern Iraq, where he and his fellow high-risk missionaries spoke with men, women, and children who were driven from their homes. Many of them were tortured and their families killed by ISIS.


As we’re in November – also known as “NO SHAVE NOVEMBER”, here are 7 science–backed reasons beards are good for you!


Your scruff can block 90 to 95 percent of UV rays, preventing wrinkles and decreasing the risk for skin cancer


Painful ingrown hairs, redness and skin irritation are common culprits of a shave.


The average beardless man will spend 3,350 hours shaving,


Just like the hair on your head, the beard protects the face from outdoor elements.





I’ve always been heavy. Some kids bug their parents for their own phone. I bugged my parents for my own refrigerator.




(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from in Chicago.)

TMI Can Kill You

The topic of this week’s blog is the essence of confidentiality. No. It’s not a new cologne. But there is a fresh fragrance when trust is kept and honored.
We in the media find getting a scoop to be a delicious morsel. News stations like to brag about being the first to bring a story to your attention. Writers treasure the opportunity to share insider information that only they have been privy to uncover. It’s all part of the larger game in business that we call competition.
Exclusivity is worth bucks as well. Over the weekend, my wife and I indulged in watching the movie Steve Jobs. In one sequence, a technology reporter is pursuing Steve for comments. He wants what we might call the prime sound bytes. Jobs and his marketing whiz refuse comment, but then go “off the record.” We know this to be the comments made that are not recorded, and intended to be kept private. Often they are not.
A different variation on this theme comes from sources who give out information that they are unauthorized to share. The tragic crash of the Russian jetliner had reporters scrambling to get answers on why it went down. Any source with some credibility will do.
In reading the Chicago Tribune story about the incident, I read this: “A U.S. satellite registered a ‘heat flash’ about the time that the plane crashed, a U.S. official said Tuesday, speaking on the condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to discuss the information publicly.”
This line about sources who wish to remain anonymous because they aren’t supposed to talk is quite common. But I don’t like it. I’ve been asked by a reporter to be quoted for a story he was writing. It was understood my name would carry attribution for what was said.
The disturbing element of the anonymous secret sharer is one of mislaid trust. People who are unauthorized to give out information can’t be trusted. They have violated an ethical code of silence. And when you do that, what other ethical transgressions might you be open to?
Mind you, I don’t consider it inappropriate to speak “off the record” if what you are sharing is to add context and is not damaging information. But one must be careful. If you are at all worried that this information can be traced to you, it’s best to avoid oversharing.
Whistleblowers are in a different category. Genuine concern over some form of illegal activity that results in harm to others may lead someone within an organization to report it. But consider, if the principle motivation is financial gain or delivered out of spite or payback, how noble is the whistleblower?
This issue comes home to roost in personal relationships as well. Many people delight in being privy to others’ situations that they, in turn, can share with friends or coworkers. This often leads to gossip — that “casual or unconstrained conversation about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.” Oh the joy of spreading others’ secrets!
Knowing this about the human condition leaves us untrusting. And it hurts our cause in building authentic relationships. Gaining someone’s trust is to be prized. Violating that trust can leave one crushed.
I’ve been involved in several small groups with men to build friendships. In those conversations, we share events from our personal lives. Being more private in nature, the spoken word came with a caveat: intended for this audience ONLY. We would jokingly refer to these sessions as being the “Pope’s Chambers.” Or applying the “cone of silence.”
People in leadership have a difficult time in being transparent with others. They know the damage that can be done from unguarded sharing. Without a very few friends who can be trusted, these same leaders risk isolation. That too is troublesome.
The Bible speaks to this in several ways. The book of Proverbs is a good place to start. Proverbs 11:13 reads, “A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence.” (NLT) Proverbs 16:28 adds, “A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.” (NLT) And then this warning from Proverbs 20:19: “Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.” (ESV)
One final word on this topic from Jesus. There are times when we must share what others would wish we keep to ourselves. It is a report of the Good News. In sending His disciples out, the Gospel of Matthew records these instructions: “So do not be afraid of people. Whatever is now covered up will be uncovered, and every secret will be made known. What I am telling you in the dark you must repeat in broad daylight, and what you have heard in private you must announce from the housetops.” (Matthew 10:26-27, GNT)
When it comes to sharing with others on any topic, know your boundaries.
TMI can kill you.
That’s The Way WE Work.




Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


NOVEMBER 06, 2015…


Brooklyn—Saoirse Ronan plays a young woman in Ireland, who decides to go to New York City.  It is the 1950’s and not only does she find work, but some romance, too. Adapted from the book by Colm Toibin. Also in the cast is Jim Broadbent. “Brooklyn” is rated PG 13. No rating.


Miss You Already—Toni Collette discovers she has cancer and fights the disease with friend, Drew Barrymore.  What can they come up with as therapy?  Wild and wacky or sad? What do you think?  “Miss You Already” is rated PG 13. No rating.


The Peanuts Movie—In 3D animation and what more could you ask for?  It is your favorite comic strip characters by Charles M. Schultz, and with Snoopy and the doghouse, too.  Voices include Hadley Belle Miller (Lucy), Noah Schnapp (Charlie Brown) and AJ Teeco (Pig Pen.) “The Peanuts Movie” is rated PG. Enjoy.


Spectre—Daniel Craig is back as James Bond in this thriller with Christoph Waltz as the evil one. Bond goes around the globe again, and with beautiful women including Lila Seydoux and Monica Bellucci.  Although some are already choosing the next James Bond, I don’t think Daniel Craig will give up that easy .Always great stunts. I always thought, though, that Pierce Brosnan had a few Bond films left in him.  “Spectra” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.


Spotlight—This film is about uncovering the sex abuse scandal concerning the Catholic Church in Boston in the early part of the 21st century.  The Boston Globe got wind of what was happening and really dug into it. The Globe got the 2003 Pulitzer Prize for it’s reporting. Some of the stars are Mark Ruffalo, Rachel McAdams and Michael Keaton. “Spotlight” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans of the stars.


Trumbo—Bryan Cranston takes on the role of writer Dalton Trumbo, who was Hollywood blacklisted in the 1940’s when it was alleged he was a communist. Trumbo fought this, but the blacklist remained. “Trumbo” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans of the star.


NOVEMBER 13, 2015…


The 33 with Antonio Banderas as one of the Chilean miners trapped underground.


By The Sea with Angelina Jolie-Pitt and Brad Pitt is a commentary on married life with problems.


Love The Coopers stars Diane Keaton in a comedy about a family gathering at Christmas.


Shelter has Jennifer Connelly in a drama about being homeless. Directed by her husband, Paul Bettany.


# # # # #



WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment,, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at