November 14, 2015: Saturday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20151114

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Now, today’s leaf raking tip: For best results and safer raking, never bother trying to rake your leaves until after they fall from the tree.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. –Romans 15:2

 

1 Peter 1:23 = For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God.

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

It is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men. Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God. — 1 Peter 2:15-16

 

Thought: What does the world most need to hear from me today? A life tuned to the melody of grace that I claim I believe. Doing good, being like Christ, is Peter’s answer to opposition, cynicism, and even persecution. We are free in Jesus, but being free means that we don’t have to pretentiously prove we are free. Instead, we can live for him who died to conquer death and renounced absolute heavenly freedom so we could find it. We are free to serve others, and most of all to serve God.

 

Prayer: Holy Father, my Great Emancipator, you have freed me from sin, law, and death at the cost of your precious Son. I open my heart to you today to say I love you. I and want to thank you for this gift of incredible redemption. Please accept the actions of my life and the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my mind and the emotions of my heart today as my offering of thanks. In the name of Jesus, my Sacrifice and your holy Son, I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Acts 11:14 NIV = He will bring you a message through which you and all your household will be saved.’

 

 

TODAY IS SATURDAY – NOVEMBER 14, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 41 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is NATIONAL YOUNG READERS DAY. ***MARLAR: I’m waiting for next in the series of the Dick and Jane books. I can hardly wait to see what happens next!

 

Today is NATIONAL TEDDY BEAR. ***MARLAR: To celebrate, I’m planning on handing over all of the controls for the rest of the show to my teddy bear. It should be entertaining!

 

Today is LOOSEN UP, LIGHTEN UP DAY, a time to remind everyone of the benefits of joy and laughter. ***MARLAR: A lesson already learned by those who aren’t ashamed to admit they have a teddy bear.

 

Today is LEFTOVERS TRADING DAY, a day to swap everything in your refrigerator to a friend for everything in their refrigerator. ***MARLAR: Then again, some of my leftovers are old enough to walk themselves over to my neighbor’s house and just take whatever they want! Actually, I think this day lands on the wrong place on the calendar. This should come about a week after Thanksgiving when everybody is sick of eating the same leftovers for eight days straight.  Trade leftovers with a friend, and that way you can be sick of THEIR leftovers instead!

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

International Girls Day

Loosen Up, Lighten Up Day

National American Teddy Bear Day

National Spicy Guacamole Day

National Pickle Day

Operating Room Nurse Day

Spirit of NSA (National Speakers Association) Day

World Diabetes Day

International Selfie Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 15

America Recycles Day

George Spelvin Day or More Than One Role Day

I Love to Write Day

National Bundt Day

National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day

National Philanthropy Day

Rock Your Mocs Day

 

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 16

International Day for Tolerance

National Button Day

 

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 17

Homemade Bread Day

National Entrepreneurship Day

National Unfriend Day

World Prematurity Awareness Day

 

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 18

European Antibiotic Awareness Day

GIS Day (Geographic Information Systems)

Married To a Scorpio Support Day

Mickey Mouse Day

National Apple Cider Day

National Educational Support Professionals Day

Push-Button Phone Day

 

THURSDAY NOVEMBER 19

American Made Matters Day

Equal Opportunity Day (Gettysburg Address Day)

Great American Smokeout

Have a Bad Day Day

International Men’s Day

Rocky and Bullwinkle Day

Use Less Stuff Day

World Philosophy Day

Women’s Entrepreneurship Day

World Toilet Day

 

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 20

African Industrialization Day

Globally Organized Hug a Runner Day (G.O.H.A.R.D.)

Name Your PC Day

National Peanut Butter Fudge Day

Universal Children’s Day

 

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 21

Alascattalo Day

Beaujolais Noveau Day

Family Volunteer Day

Guinness World Record Day

International Games Day

National Adoption Day

National Day of Play

National Survivors of Suicide Day

Playmobil’s National Day of Play

World Hello Day

World Television Day

 

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 22

Doo Dah Day

Humane Society Anniversary Day

Mother Goose Day

 

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 23

Doctor Who Day

Fibonacci Day

International Day to End Impunity

International Image Consultant Day

National Espresso Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1939: Les Hall of Rochester, Victoria, put his Australian cattle dog Bluey to sleep. Bluey was 29 years 5 months old, history’s oldest dog.

 

1990: Robert Mouawad paid $12.76-million for an 11-sided, 102-carat pear-shaped diamond in Geneva, Switzerland, highest price ever for a diamond (Guinness).

 

1992: Danville, Virgina, inventor David Bivens introduced his automatic people wash, a device with large spinning brushes similar to those he invented decades earlier to wash cars and trucks. ***MARLAR: It worked well, so long as you didn’t mind a couple of cracked ribs.

 

1995: A survey reported in George magazine indicated 75% of Americans believed the U.S. government was involved in conspiracies; 50% believed there was life on other planets; 70% believed in angels; and 10% believed Elvis was still alive. ***MARLAR: Boy – that last one sure puts it all in perspective, doesn’t it?

 

1995: Crayola announced it was replacing its food-scented crayons with new scents parents could be sure their children wouldn’t want to eat. Responding to parental complaints, Crayola replaced such scents as Chocolate, Bubble Gum, and Cherry with Dirt, Shampoo, and Cedar Chest. ***MARLAR: Bringing joy to an abrupt halt for my favorite part of the work day – lunch.

 

2003: A Beijing woman fed up with her husband’s body odor went to court and made him sign an agreement to take a bath every day. Breaching the agreement three times meant he would be forced to live somewhere else for a month.

 

2005: Private donations to victims of Hurricane Katrina were reported to be near the $2.7 billion mark in 11 weeks, close to the record $2.8 billion given to Sept. 11, 2001, charities.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1558: Dutch Anabaptist reformer Menno Simons wrote in a letter: ‘We ought not to dread death so. It is but to cease from sin and to enter into a better life.’

 

1739: English revivalist George Whitefield wrote in his journal: ‘We can preach the Gospel of Christ no further than we have experienced the power of it in our own hearts.’

 

1741: In Wales, English revivalist George Whitefield, 27, married widow Elizabeth Burnell, 36. (Whitefield apparently did not allow marriage to interrupt his evangelistic activities, since he was not home when their first child was born.)

 

1784: Samuel Seabury, 55, was consecrated Bishop of Connecticut and Rhode Island, the first bishop of the American Protestant Episcopal Church, and the first Anglican bishop in America.

 

1941: Inter-Varsity Christian Fellowship was incorporated in Chicago. An interdenominational organization with chapters at both colleges and schools of nursing, IVCF provides Christian fellowship, nurture and discipleship among Christian college-age students.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (Quigley Down Under, “Just Shoot Me”) Laura San Giacomo 54
  • actor (Michael Whitman on “Life As We Know It”, Mike Pinnochio on “Harsh Realm”, Fire in the Sky, Memphis Belle, Dish Boggett on “Lonesome Dove” the mini-series) D.B. Sweeney 54
  • Former U.S. Secretary of State (under George W. Bush) Condoleezza Rice 61
  • Prince Charles is 67

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1805 : Fanny Mendelssohn Hensel

1900 : Aaron Copland

1915 : Martha Tilton

1920 : Johnny Desmond

1938 : Cornelius Gunter (The Coasters)

1940 : Freddie Garrity (Freddie & the Dreamers)

1944 : Scherrie Payne (The Supremes)

1947 : Buckwheat Zydeco

1948 : James Young (Styx)

1951 : Steven Bishop

1953 : Frankie Banali (Quiet Riot)

1955 : Alec John Such (Bon Jovi)

1964 : Joseph Simmons (aka Run of Run-DMC)

1968 : Brian Yale (Matchbox Twenty)

1975 : Travis Barker (Blink-182)

1975 : Adina Howard

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

WHY NAME A SEARCH ENGINE “YAHOO?”
The name of the Internet directory “Yahoo” is an acronym. According to the company, the name “Yahoo” stands for “Yet Another Hierarchical Officious Oracle.”

Personally, I think I’ll stick with the name ‘Yahoo!’  I don’t know what a ‘hierarchical officious oracle’ is.  In fact, I don’t think I want to know!

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Another groaner from Citizen Way: Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.

 

Jodi, from Love and the Outcome, says bus mates share everything. She is on the Winterjam tour and headed out for coffee wearing one of Jamie Grace’s hoodies.

 

The members of the band Among The Thirsty shared a picture as they wrapped up another tour this week. Band members noted: We have been touring for 10 years now and the past 6 weeks have probably been the best of our career. Although, we are sad it’s over, we are looking forward to some time with our families and babies. Thanks for all your support and we’ll see you on the road soon!

 

Audio Adrenaline was preparing this week for the overseas portion of their tour. The band will be playing in Kenya and shared pictures as they got ready for the trip by bringing their shots up to date. It didn’t look like the guys in the band were enjoying the experience.

 

Comedian Bob Smiley tweeted this week: Today’s that day I dread every year as a dad…my kid’s Halloween bags only have Almond Joys left in them.

 

 

ODD & STRANGE NEWS…

(THIS WILL BE CHANGING SOON DUE TO MYNEWS SHUTTING DOWN. I WILL LOOK TO FIND MATERIAL ELSEWHERE, BUT LETTING YOU KNOW THAT THIS WILL LOOK DIFFERENT SOON.)

 

Official seeks $123,000 after university mascot jumps on him    photo
PHOENIX (AP) — A suburban Phoenix official filed a claim against Arizona State University, saying the school mascot seriously injured his back when the costumed character playfully leaped on him at a football game two months after surgery. But Tempe City Councilman David Schapira said…

 

Lamb on the lam for hours after Nevada crash to be adopted    photo
LAS VEGAS (AP) — A lamb that was on the lam for hours after a tractor-trailer crash in Nevada killed 74 other sheep has been caught and will be adopted by a foster family. The female lamb nicknamed Dodger wandered off from the crash site and was missing in the desert overnight before being…
NYC police: Notorious subway joy-rider steals Greyhound bus
NEW YORK (AP) — Police say a man with a long history of pretending to be a transit worker and commandeering New York City subway trains for joy rides has been arrested after stealing a Greyhound bus. Police say Darius McCollum was arrested Wednesday by officers who spotted the bus in…
Deer makes surprise visit to Michigan collision repair shop    photo
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. (AP) — A collision repair shop in western Michigan that fixes cars after crashes involving deer got a surprise visitor from one of the animals. Star Collision CARSTAR general manager Terry VandenToorn tells The Grand Rapids Press that the buck was spotted running down the…
Indonesia uses trained elephants to control forest fires    photo
SIAK, Indonesia (AP) — Forest fires difficult to control? Call in the pachyderm patrol. Officials in Indonesia are using trained elephants outfitted with water pumps and hoses to help control fires that have claimed vast amounts of forest while sending thick haze into neighboring countries….
Woman admits she stole cop car, sped off while handcuffed
BEAVER, Pa. (AP) — A western Pennsylvania woman has admitted she stole a police cruiser and led police officers on an 80 mph chase — all while her hands were cuffed behind her. Twenty-eight-year-old Roxanne Rimer, of Chippewa Township, also pleaded guilty Tuesday in Beaver County Court…
Police find woman hiding, and now she’s really in doghouse
FRANKFORT, Ky. (AP) — A Kentucky woman faces charges after authorities say they found her hiding in an empty doghouse after a dangerous pursuit. Frankfort police tell local media that 28-year-old Myranda Skinner and 36-year-old Bryan Wells led officers on a chase Monday morning after an…
Bubble yuck: Crews unstick old gum from famed Seattle wall    photo
SEATTLE (AP) — A piece of Seattle history is coming down — or rather, 1 million little pieces. Crews are cleaning up the city’s famed “gum wall” near Pike Place Market, where tourists and locals have been sticking their used chewing gum for the past 20 years. The wall is plastered with…
AP PHOTOS: Seattle’s famed ‘gum wall’ gets a fresh start    photo
SEATTLE (AP) — Crews have begun cleaning up Seattle’s famed “gum wall” near Pike Place Market, where tourists and locals have been sticking their used chewing gum for the past 20 years. Here’s a snapshot of the attraction: WHAT’S THE STORY BEHIND IT? People first began sticking gum to the…
A big splash! New Hampshire waterpark owner chained to tower
CANDIA, N.H. (AP) — The owner of a New Hampshire waterpark facing foreclosure chained himself to the top of a slide tower and is hoping for a financial miracle. In postings on his Facebook page, Kevin Dumont said he’s not looking for a handout, just a person or group of people to work with…
Playboy settles model’s California golf-injury lawsuit
LOS ANGELES (AP) — Playboy Enterprises has settled a lawsuit by a model who claimed she was hurt when an employee whacked her in the buttocks with a golf club during a Southern California event. According to City News Service, Elizabeth Dickson’s attorney told a judge on Monday that the case…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS NEWS…

(THIS WILL BE CHANGING SOON DUE TO MYNEWS SHUTTING DOWN. I WILL LOOK TO FIND MATERIAL ELSEWHERE, BUT LETTING YOU KNOW THAT THIS WILL LOOK DIFFERENT SOON.)

 

Obesity still rising among US adults, women overtake men    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Obesity is still rising among American adults, despite more than a decade of public-awareness campaigns and other efforts to get people to watch their weight, and women have now overtaken men in the obese category, new government research shows. For the past several years,…

 

Drug might help breast cancer patients avoid heart damage    photo
ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) — Many cancer treatments have a dark side — they can damage the heart. New research suggests this risk might be lowered in women with breast tumors if they take a heart drug as a preventive measure during their cancer care. If confirmed in wider testing, this could…
China’s gray smog has a blue lining: Air improves this year    photo
BEIJING (AP) — Lawyer Wu Congsi has asthma and keeps air purifiers whirring away in his office, home and car to counter Beijing’s hazardous smog. He prefers to stay inside unless the sky is blue. But this year, he’s been able to regularly walk the 15 minutes or so to work. That’s because of…
Hospital releases nurse who suffered Ebola complication
LONDON (AP) — London’s Royal Free Hospital says it has discharged Scottish nurse Pauline Cafferkey, who was hospitalized last month after suffering from a rare relapse of Ebola. Cafferkey was treated for meningitis that developed as a result of lingering Ebola in her system. Now free from…
German transport agency is testing emissions on 23 brands    photo
BERLIN (AP) — Germany’s Federal Motor Transport Authority says it’s testing the emissions of vehicles made by 23 foreign and domestic brands following revelations that Volkswagen installed software on some 11 million vehicles allowing them to fake emissions results. The agency said Wednesday…
Express Scripts sues Horizon, fight over prescriptions grows    photo
The drugmaker Horizon Pharma is questioning its relationship with an Express Scripts business after the pharmacy benefits giant sued Horizon for about $140 million and dumped a pharmacy that dispenses its drugs. Shares of Horizon Pharma Plc plunged Wednesday after it said it will re-evaluate its…
India sees clean cooking as climate action that saves lives    photo
GANORA SHEIKH VILLAGE, India (AP) — Kamlesh feeds the flames of a crude clay cookstove with kindling, kerosene and sunbaked discs of cow dung. She breathes in the billowing smoke, as she does for hours every day. Her eyes water and sting. Her throat feels scratchy and sore. Kamlesh is one of…
Customers head to Chipotle as outlets reopen in Northwest    photo
SEATTLE (AP) — Customers returned to Pacific Northwest Chipotle restaurants on Wednesday as the chain reopened after an E. coli outbreak that sickened about 45 people in Washington state and Oregon. Matt Gilham, 34, said he wasn’t particularly concerned about the health scare connected to 11…
Vietnam veterans’ bond strengthened by kidney donation    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Serving together in Vietnam, John Middaugh and Henry “Bill” Warner forged an Army-brothers bond they knew was profound and lasting. A world and nearly a half a century away from the war zone where they’d counted on each other, Middaugh put himself on the line for Warner this…
Renzi plans to invest $1.6B for health research over decade    photo
MILAN (AP) — Italian Premier Matteo Renzi is proposing a research center focused on improving human health at the former site of Expo 2015. Renzi said Tuesday that the government is prepared to invest 150 million euros ($160 million) a year over the next decade to spark the creation of a…
FDA clears first new tobacco products under federal pathway
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Food and Drug Administration has cleared the first new tobacco products for the U.S. market, under a system authorized more than 5 years ago. The agency on Tuesday cleared the sale of eight varieties of snus, or teabag-like pouches of loose tobacco, from Swedish Match….

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

The organization SOS Mayday recently conducted a social experiment to gauge how people would react when they saw a freezing child sitting in the cold. And the result is good news. While some people were slow to react, the study found that nearly everyone eventually did step forward to help.  ***MARLAR: Until they got close enough to find out it was Honey Boo-Boo, at which point they went on their merry way.

 

A new survey reveals 35% of people watching TV yell at it.  ***MARLAR: But then, it’s hard not to yell at it during election season.

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Artificial Lemons”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Johnny Roberts, “Million Dollars”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffleson has been sent to his room for not playing with the new kid in the neighborhood – but then his bed was washed up on the sea and he’s now ashore a beautiful jungle island… and he’s already met the Beach Birds, and now he’s face to face with big 15ft hairy creatures – except for the shorter ones!

 

CLOSE: Well, at least we know who the creatures are now… they’re Razzleflabbins! But will Marvy be stuck on Razzleflabbin Island forever? Tune in again next time for more of our story – As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF NOVEMBER 14/15

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Katie Snuffleson has boarded the cloud tram and was off on her way to Candyland – despite the warnings from Olaf and Karl that it could be dangerous if she eats too much candy – as she might fall from the sky! But Katie doesn’t seem all that concerned… at least not yet.

 

CLOSE: Oh boy – too much candy has made Katie too heavy for the clouds to support her any longer! Karl and Olaf warned her this could happen – but did she listen? No. Will Katie survive? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

A letter from a hospital to a patient is actually a Moment of Duh!

University Hospitals Coventry recently sent Ronald Cooksey a letter, informing him that he is a “non-emergency patient” and comforting him with the news that his chances for surviving his surgery are good. “There is a difference between patients like you, who are on our waiting list for elective surgery, and emergency patients who need to have surgery in a hurry because their condition has become unstable or life-threatening,” the letter explained. Yes, it is undeniably true that there IS a difference between Ronald Cooksey and other patients. Ronald Cooksey is DEAD… having died from his “non-emergency” heart condition a year earlier. The family is very upset, to say the least.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN THINNEST BOOKS

 

  1. The Amish Phone Directory

 

  1. Mike Tyson’s “How To Speak Professionally”

 

  1. George Foreman’s Big Book Of Baby Names

 

  1. Everything Women Know About Men

 

  1. Everything Men Know About Women

 

  1. Different Ways To Spell Bob

 

  1. America’s Most Popular Lawyers

 

  1. Things I Would Not Do For Attention-By Paris Hilton

 

  1. The Engineer’s Guide To Fashion

 

  1. Career Opportunities For Liberal Arts Majors

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Wearing disguises backfires on two would-be robbers.

 

FILE #1: Two London teen-agers who robbed a store forgot to cut eyeholes in the wool hats they pulled down over their heads. They were recorded by the store’s surveillance camera as they repeatedly bumped into counters and displays, oblivious to the fact that the store’s owner was phoning the police. Then, when they decided to leave, they couldn’t find their way out, so they lifted their hats so they could see, exposing their faces to the camera.

 

FILE #2: Speaking of clever disguises, it’s usually a good idea to put on your disguise before entering the place you intend to rob. From Elkhorn, Wisconsin comes the story of Gail Fontayne who walked into a convenience store carrying a rifle and a ski mask. She headed for the back of the store where she tried to put the mask on. Needless to say her bumbling attracted some attention, causing her to make a quick change of plans. She claimed that she was carrying a gun because she had just come from skeet shooting and, as for the mask, she was just trying it on. Didn’t work. She’s been charged with attempted robbery.

 

FILE #3: Out of money and wanting to get home, two young ladies from India reverted to desperate measures to get some cash. The two ladies, aged 18 and 23, entered the manager’s office of the State Bank of India branch in Pune, and attempted to rob the bank with a unique weapon — a TV remote control! The two were quickly overpowered by security guards and were later arrested.

 

FILE #4: (My favorite Law & Disorder story of all time!) Emma Jensen is a welfare widow in Australia who returned from a doctor’s visit to find her home had been broken into. However, instead of finding stuff missing, she found 23 dollars and a note saying, “Lady, you are worse off than we are. There’s nothing here worth stealing. Here’s all the money we have. Buy yourself something to eat.” The note was signed, “The burglars.”

 

STRANGE LAW: In Chico, California detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a $500 fine.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Now, you can add a new use for duct tape to your list.

An airline crew used duct tape to restrain a passenger they say was drunk and violent. Maria Esther Castillo of New York State is charged with resisting arrest and interfering with operations aboard a United Airlines plane. Authorities charge Castillo hit a member of the crew and pulled a blind passenger’s hair. Officials say when Castillo slipped out of ankle cuffs, crew members and passengers used duct tape to keep her in her seat. The disruption also forced the pilot to make an unscheduled landing in North Carolina, en route from Puerto Rico to Chicago.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

What was your favorite children’s book growing up? “Green Eggs & Ham” by Dr. Seuss? The “Nancy Drew” or “Hardy Boys” mysteries? “The Chronicles of Narnia?”

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who said, “Choose ye this day whom ye will serve … but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord”?
ANSWER: Joshua, in his farewell address to his people.

(But if you are unwilling to serve the Lord, then choose today whom you will serve. Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites in whose land you now live? But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.” –Joshua 24:15)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: In 1960, an estimated 4,000 people were over 100 years old in the U.S. What was the estimated number in 1995?

ANSWER: 55,000

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. There are approximately 45 billion fat cells in an average adult. (True. ***MARLAR: No wonder I feel bloated!)

 

  1. All the moons of the Solar System are named after Greek and Roman mythology. (False – the moons of Uranus are named after Shakespearean characters.)

 

  1. Bad hair days are a cause of low self-esteem. (True. According to a recent Yale University study, on those days when the hair just wouldn’t cooperate, people felt less smart, less capable, more embarrassed and less sociable. What was surprising to the researchers was that men, not women, were most likely to be affected by bad hair days.)

 

  1. Rockets were invented in Russia. (False, they were invented in China.)

 

  1. The largest reflecting telescope in the world is over 296 feet in diameter. (False – the Keck telescope has a diamter of 396 inches, that’s 33 feet.)

 

  1. There are 106 known elements. (False – there are 108.)

 

  1. The opossum is the only marsupial native to North America. (True.)

 

  1. In measurement terms, a gill equals 4 ounces. (True – 4 ounces or 1/2 cup)

 

  1. The world’s tallest waterfall is Niagra Falls. (False – it’s Angel Falls in Venezuela, at 3,212 feet high)

 

  1. Vanilla is a member of the orchid family. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

GEORGIA MOM TURNS _______ (BRITISH)

SNELLVILLE, GA. – A Geogia mom went to the hospital for a stroke and came home with a British accent and bad teeth.

Ryn Scarabin grew up in Metter, and could speak “Southern” all her life. That changed in February when Ryn started experiencing stroke-like symptoms. Suddenly she was sounding like Princess Di.

“Of course, people don’t believe me when I say, ‘I’m from Georgia,’ or, ‘I’m a Georgia girl, just like everybody else,’” said Scarabin.

Because the Snellville mother of two sure doesn’t sound like it.

“I hear people say Britain. I hear people say Australia. I hear people say South Africa,” she said, adding that she’s never visited any of those countries.

Her Georgia twang disappeared in February after Ryn was rushed to the ER with stroke symptoms.

“The first couple of days no matter how complex the word was, she could only get one syllable,” said Karl Scarabin, Ryn’s husband.

“By the end of the week, it was getting better, but my words were quite choppy and I was taking on what some told me was almost like an Asian accent,” Ryan said.

Then things got stranger after a week in the hospital. Karl said his wife suddenly had a British accent.

“Some sort of misfiring occurred in my brain, because, of course, my speech is totally altered. It’s suspected I had maybe a small stroke,” Ryn Scarbin said.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A man goes to a restaurant, orders some takeout, and sits down to wait for his food. While he waits, he grabs a handful of peanuts from the bowl on the counter, and as he starts to chew, he hears a voice say, “That’s a beautiful tie, is that silk? Very NICE choice!”

Wondering who made the comment, he looks around and doesn’t see anyone nearby who could be speaking to him. With a shrug, he pops a few more peanuts into his mouth.

Next he hears the voice say, “Those shoes are stylin’, my man. Are they Italian leather? They look GRRREAT!”

He whirls around to again but sees no one near him. He glances nervously around and then at his shoes, which he tucks self-consciously under the stool.

A little freaked out, he grabs another handful of peanuts. This time the voice continues with, “That suit looks FANTASTIC! Is it an Armani? Very nice!”

He immediately calls the waiter over and says, “Look. I keep hearing these voices telling me how great my tie, my shoes, and my suit look – what’s up with that? Am I GOING CRAZY??”

“Oh,” the waiter nonchalantly replies. “It’s just the peanuts.”

“The PEANUTS?!?” the astonished man asks, staring at the bowl beside him.

“Yes,” replies the waiter, “They’re complimentary.”

 

JOKE #2

A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner.

A call came over the car’s radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.  The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, “Let’s get off the corner.”

No one moved, so he barked again, “Let’s get off the corner!”

Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction.

Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, “Well, how did I do?”

“Pretty good,” replied the veteran, “especially since this was a bus stop.”

 

JOKE #3

A Hunter walking through the jungle found a huge dead elephant with a pigmy standing beside it. Amazed, he asked: “Did you kill that?”
The pigmy said, “Yes.”

The hunter asked, “How could a little bloke like you kill a huge beast like that?”

“I killed it with my club.”

The astonished hunter asked, “How big is your club?”

The pigmy replied, “There’s about 60 of us.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

Déja Vu occurs when your brain applies a memory of a similar situation to your current situation, making you think it has happened already.  ***MARLAR: And then there’s the feeling of Vu jaDe’, which is the sensation of nothing every happening to you before.

 

According to Census figures, there’s over 50,000 Americans right now who are 100 years old. ***MARLAR: When asked the secret to a long life, 73% of them answered, “Breathing.”

 

An Austin, Minnesota, man returned from vacation to discover his home had been broken into and his collection of 800 rare comic books was gone.  ***MARLAR: Police are questioning his mother.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

WILD GAME

I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting and fishing, my family eats a considerable amount of wild game.

I guess they eat so much, in fact, that one evening as I set a platter of broiled venison steaks on the dinner table, my ten-year-old daughter looked up and said, “Boy, it sure would be nice if pizzas lived in the woods.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Could our pain at the pump soon come to an end?

A Canadian man named Joe Williams has invented a device he calls a Hydrogen Generating Module, or H2N-Gen for short. It’s smaller than a DVD player and he claims that it can increase your car’s gas mileage by 10 to 40 percent and cut pollutants by 100 percent. The H2N-Gen contains a small reservoir of distilled water and other chemicals such as potassium hydroxide. A current is run from the car battery through the liquid, which creates hydrogen and oxygen gases that are then fed into the engine’s intake manifold where they mix with the gasoline vapors. You may not know it, but your car’s engine only burns about 35 percent of the fuel. The rest eventually becomes air pollution. By adding hydrogen to the mix, more fuel is burned, meaning better mileage and cleaner air. Williams’ device increases burn efficiency to at least 97 percent. It also means less engine maintenance and oil changes. All you would have to do is refill the unit with distilled water once every 80 hours of engine use. If you think he’s just all talk, an independent lab has verified his results. Williams estimates the units will cost about $750 each and after a couple of last tweaks, they could be on the market in six to 12 months. While they can work with any car, he plans to begin selling them first to fleets, such as mass transit companies. ***MARLAR: At which point the price of distilled water will immediately quadruple.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL FLOWER
The park bench was deserted as I sat down to read Beneath the long, straggly branches of an old willow tree. Disillusioned by life with good reason to frown, For the world was intent on dragging me down.
And if that weren’t enough to ruin my day, A young boy out of breath approached me, all tired from play. He stood right before me with his head tilted down And said with great excitement, “Look what I found!”
In his hand was a flower, and what a pitiful sight, With its petals all worn – not enough rain, or too little light. Wanting him to take his dead flower and go off to play, I faked a small smile and then shifted away.
But instead of retreating he sat next to my side And placed the flower to his nose and declared with surprise, “It sure smells pretty and it’s beautiful, too. That’s why I picked it; here, it’s for you.”
The weed before me was dying or dead. Not vibrant of colors, orange, yellow or red. But I knew I must take it, or he might never leave. So I reached for the flower, and replied, “Just what I need.”
But instead of him placing the flower in my hand, He held it mid-air without reason or plan. It was then that I noticed for the very first time that weed-toting boy could not see: he was blind.
I heard my voice quiver, tears shone like the sun As I thanked him for picking the very best one. “You’re welcome,” he smiled, and then ran off to play, Unaware of the impact he’d had on my day.
I sat there and wondered how he managed to see A self-pitying woman beneath an old willow tree. How did he know of my self-indulged plight? Perhaps from his heart, he’d been blessed with true sight.
Through the eyes of a blind child, at last I could see the problem was not with the world; the problem was me. And for all of those times I myself had been blind, I vowed to see beauty, and appreciate every second that’s mine.
And then I held that wilted flower up to my nose and breathed in the fragrance of a beautiful rose And smiled as that young boy, another weed in his hand about to change the life of an unsuspecting old man.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

Jesus said, “I have come to call not the righteous but sinners to repentance.” (Luke 5.32)

One of the most revealing lines in literature appears in the opening paragraph of A. A. Milne’s WINNIE-THE-POOH: “Here is Edward Bear coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin. It is, as far as he knows, the only way of coming downstairs, but sometimes he feels that there really is another way…if only he could stop bumping for a moment and think of it!” If you keep bumping your head coming down the stairs, maybe it is time you stop for a moment and think if there is another way it might be done. Sometimes our so-called weaknesses are simply warning signs to us that we are on the wrong road. Elie Wiesel once noted that according to Jewish tradition, creation did not end with man. It began with him. When He created man, God gave him a secret–and that secret was not how to begin, but how to BEGIN AGAIN. In other words, “it is not given to man to begin; that privilege is God’s alone. But it is given to man to begin again….” Some of us need to begin again. That is what repentance is all about.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

NAME GAME

Drivers in Giles County, Tennessee, might start developing a complex about their weight thanks to new license plates.

…Over 300 were given new plates with the prefix “FAT” on them. Ronnie Rose, who was issued plate “FAT 058” for his white Lincoln says he wants a new one because some people think it’s his personalized plate and he is a bit overweight. The state also started using vowels in its license combinations, so in addition to “FAT” others are getting “DUM”, “DUH” and “DUD”.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

It is possible to enjoy the holiday feast without having to diet later on. Weight loss expert Dr. Donald Robertson offers the following advice to help keep the pounds off over the holidays.

  • Drink lots and lots of water. He says two or three quarts a day is not too much. It helps to kill hunger pains and keeps your body functioning properly.
  • Don’t go to holiday parties hungry. Always have a bite before going out.
  • Be careful at holiday buffets. Survey the buffet first to see what’s available. Pick the healthy items first, like fresh vegetables.
  • The best beverage is bottled water with lime, but if you must drink, he suggests a wine spritzer (half white wine, half club soda.)
  • Avoid eggnog.
  • White meat turkey is the healthiest meat.
  • Keep in mind that a lot of prepackaged holiday foods are packed with sugar even though they say non-fat on the label. Read packages carefully.
  • When you do indulge, keep moving. Exercise is essential for weight maintenance and it also boosts energy levels. A brisk 20 minute walk three to four times a week can make a real difference.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

TIPS FOR THE CLUELESS

Some Tips for the Clueless (learned the hard way)

  • If you’re bidding on a job for UPS, don’t send your bid by FedEx.
  • If your computer says, “Printer out of Paper,” this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the “OK” button.
  • If you want your refrigerator’s ice maker to work, you need to hook it to a water source. Air doesn’t make good ice unless it is mixed with water.
  • No matter how much data you add to your laptop, it will not get heavier.
  • A bad place to store your emergency backup diskette is on the underside of your desk drawer, secured by a large magnet.
  • When the PC says, “Insert diskette #2,” don’t do it immediately. Remove disk #1 first, even if you’re sure you can make them both fit in there.
  • When your PC says “You have mail,” don’t go to the company mailroom and look for a package.
  • The French version of Netscape Navigator doesn’t translate English language web pages into French.
  • If you’re in the armed services and it’s April 1st and you get an e-mail message to call Colonel Sanders for new orders, don’t.
  • If you go to the computer store to buy a mousepad, you don’t have to specify whether it’s for a Windows or a Macintosh.

 

 

FUN LIST

THINGS YOU WON’T READ ON HALLMARK CARDS

 

FRONT: As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am,

INSIDE: That you’re not here to ruin it for me.

 

FRONT: Congratulations on your promotion.

INSIDE: Before you go though, would you like to take this knife out of my back? You’ll probably need it again.

 

FRONT: Looking back over the years that we’ve been together, I can’t help but wonder:

INSIDE: What the heck was I thinking?

 

FRONT: I always wanted to be rich, powerful, and well respected.

INSIDE: And while I’m dreaming, I wish you weren’t so ugly.

 

FRONT: When we were together, you always said you’d die for me.

INSIDE: Now that we’ve broken up, I think it’s time you kept your promise.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

WAXING POETIC


The hottest new natural health craze is called “coning.”

What is “coning?”  Well, what you do, is put a hollow wax cone in your ear and set it on fire. (And this is supposed to be good for you?!?) “Ear candling” or “coning” supposedly gets rid of ear wax by creating a vacuum in the ear. Some people think it will be the next big thing in personal hygiene, helping to relieve everything from “itching ears, joint pain and headaches to depression and general tiredness.”  ***MARLAR Or you could bypass the hundreds-of-dollars-procedure and buy a box of QTips.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

An 8 year old boy recently did something unique with the $20 he found in a parking lot. Miles says he originally thought about spending the money on a video game. But then he saw a soldier, Lt. Colonial Frank Daily, in the restaurant. Miles own father had been killed while serving overseas. So he instead gave the 20-dollar bill to the Lt. Daily along with an note telling his story. Miles says he wanted to honor Frank for his service to our country. And Frank says he has already passed on the $20 along to others and is using the note to also encourage those he meets to pay it forward as well. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FCxuVSkT7k

 

While the United States is becoming more secularized, Americans who embrace religion are keeping their faith. A Pew Research Center Survey finds that the 77 percent of American adults who identify with a faith group are staying engaged with their faith. According to a CBN report, the study found that, “Among the roughly three-quarters of U.S. adults who do claim a religion, there has been no discernible drop in most measures of religious commitment. Indeed, by some conventional measures, religiously affiliated Americans are, on average, even more devout than they were a few years ago.”

http://go.cbn.com/4244

 

‘Tis the frantic season of gift-giving, parties, recitals and travel. In response, here are 3 ideas to streamline your holidays from Family Life Today.

  1. Pare down your gift-giving.
  2. Prioritize.
  3. Plan ahead.

http://bit.ly/1WzL3iw

 

Does your child love to be a helper? Here are 4 ways to encourage his desire to serve from In Touch Ministries.

Encourage.

Engage.

Expect.

Enable.

http://ow.ly/TZx3v

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Opinions expressed by (JOCK) are not necessarily those of this station, its management, or the boss’s bossy secretary who tells the boss what to think. –HaLife

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

TMI Can Kill You

The topic of this week’s blog is the essence of confidentiality. No. It’s not a new cologne. But there is a fresh fragrance when trust is kept and honored.
We in the media find getting a scoop to be a delicious morsel. News stations like to brag about being the first to bring a story to your attention. Writers treasure the opportunity to share insider information that only they have been privy to uncover. It’s all part of the larger game in business that we call competition.
Exclusivity is worth bucks as well. Over the weekend, my wife and I indulged in watching the movie Steve Jobs. In one sequence, a technology reporter is pursuing Steve for comments. He wants what we might call the prime sound bytes. Jobs and his marketing whiz refuse comment, but then go “off the record.” We know this to be the comments made that are not recorded, and intended to be kept private. Often they are not.
A different variation on this theme comes from sources who give out information that they are unauthorized to share. The tragic crash of the Russian jetliner had reporters scrambling to get answers on why it went down. Any source with some credibility will do.
In reading the Chicago Tribune story about the incident, I read this: “A U.S. satellite registered a ‘heat flash’ about the time that the plane crashed, a U.S. official said Tuesday, speaking on the condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to discuss the information publicly.”
This line about sources who wish to remain anonymous because they aren’t supposed to talk is quite common. But I don’t like it. I’ve been asked by a reporter to be quoted for a story he was writing. It was understood my name would carry attribution for what was said.
The disturbing element of the anonymous secret sharer is one of mislaid trust. People who are unauthorized to give out information can’t be trusted. They have violated an ethical code of silence. And when you do that, what other ethical transgressions might you be open to?
Mind you, I don’t consider it inappropriate to speak “off the record” if what you are sharing is to add context and is not damaging information. But one must be careful. If you are at all worried that this information can be traced to you, it’s best to avoid oversharing.
Whistleblowers are in a different category. Genuine concern over some form of illegal activity that results in harm to others may lead someone within an organization to report it. But consider, if the principle motivation is financial gain or delivered out of spite or payback, how noble is the whistleblower?
This issue comes home to roost in personal relationships as well. Many people delight in being privy to others’ situations that they, in turn, can share with friends or coworkers. This often leads to gossip — that “casual or unconstrained conversation about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.” Oh the joy of spreading others’ secrets!
Knowing this about the human condition leaves us untrusting. And it hurts our cause in building authentic relationships. Gaining someone’s trust is to be prized. Violating that trust can leave one crushed.
I’ve been involved in several small groups with men to build friendships. In those conversations, we share events from our personal lives. Being more private in nature, the spoken word came with a caveat: intended for this audience ONLY. We would jokingly refer to these sessions as being the “Pope’s Chambers.” Or applying the “cone of silence.”
People in leadership have a difficult time in being transparent with others. They know the damage that can be done from unguarded sharing. Without a very few friends who can be trusted, these same leaders risk isolation. That too is troublesome.
The Bible speaks to this in several ways. The book of Proverbs is a good place to start. Proverbs 11:13 reads, “A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence.” (NLT) Proverbs 16:28 adds, “A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.” (NLT) And then this warning from Proverbs 20:19: “Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.” (ESV)
One final word on this topic from Jesus. There are times when we must share what others would wish we keep to ourselves. It is a report of the Good News. In sending His disciples out, the Gospel of Matthew records these instructions: “So do not be afraid of people. Whatever is now covered up will be uncovered, and every secret will be made known. What I am telling you in the dark you must repeat in broad daylight, and what you have heard in private you must announce from the housetops.” (Matthew 10:26-27, GNT)
When it comes to sharing with others on any topic, know your boundaries.
TMI can kill you.
That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

NOVEMBER 06, 2015…

 

Brooklyn—Saoirse Ronan plays a young woman in Ireland, who decides to go to New York City.  It is the 1950’s and not only does she find work, but some romance, too. Adapted from the book by Colm Toibin. Also in the cast is Jim Broadbent. “Brooklyn” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Miss You Already—Toni Collette discovers she has cancer and fights the disease with friend, Drew Barrymore.  What can they come up with as therapy?  Wild and wacky or sad? What do you think?  “Miss You Already” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

The Peanuts Movie—In 3D animation and what more could you ask for?  It is your favorite comic strip characters by Charles M. Schultz, and with Snoopy and the doghouse, too.  Voices include Hadley Belle Miller (Lucy), Noah Schnapp (Charlie Brown) and AJ Teeco (Pig Pen.) “The Peanuts Movie” is rated PG. Enjoy.

 

Spectre—Daniel Craig is back as James Bond in this thriller with Christoph Waltz as the evil one. Bond goes around the globe again, and with beautiful women including Lila Seydoux and Monica Bellucci.  Although some are already choosing the next James Bond, I don’t think Daniel Craig will give up that easy .Always great stunts. I always thought, though, that Pierce Brosnan had a few Bond films left in him.  “Spectra” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

Spotlight—This film is about uncovering the sex abuse scandal concerning the Catholic Church in Boston in the early part of the 21st century.  The Boston Globe got wind of what was happening and really dug into it. The Globe got the 2003 Pulitzer Prize for it’s reporting. Some of the stars are Mark Ruffalo, Rachel McAdams and Michael Keaton. “Spotlight” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans of the stars.

 

Trumbo—Bryan Cranston takes on the role of writer Dalton Trumbo, who was Hollywood blacklisted in the 1940’s when it was alleged he was a communist. Trumbo fought this, but the blacklist remained. “Trumbo” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans of the star.

 

NOVEMBER 13, 2015…

 

The 33 with Antonio Banderas as one of the Chilean miners trapped underground.

 

By The Sea with Angelina Jolie-Pitt and Brad Pitt is a commentary on married life with problems.

 

Love The Coopers stars Diane Keaton in a comedy about a family gathering at Christmas.

 

Shelter has Jennifer Connelly in a drama about being homeless. Directed by her husband, Paul Bettany.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.