November 17, 2015: Tuesday ONAIRprep


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As we start the show, please keep in mind the following saying… “He who laughs last thinks slowest.”




“Riches do not profit in the day of wrath, but righteousness delivers from death.” – Proverbs 11:4


Isaiah 55:10-11 

As the rain and the snow

come down from heaven,

and do not return to it

without watering the earth

and making it bud and flourish,

so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

so is my word that goes out from my mouth:

It will not return to me empty,

but will accomplish what I desire

and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.


‘Come now, let us reason together,’ says the Lord. ‘Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.’ — Isaiah 1:18





I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. — Philippians 1:20


Thought: Do you have ultimate goals by which you live? Paul certainly had at least these two: “I don’t want to be ashamed but courageous” and “I want Christ to be exalted in my body, by life or by death.” What are yours? Could you join Paul in his ultimate goals? How are these ultimate goals good for all of us? What makes it hard to live with these ultimate goals?


Prayer: Sacrificial and all-powerful God, forgive me for my sins, especially the sin of living with improper priorities. I want your grace and your loving-kindness to be seen in the way I conduct my life. In addition, please give me the courage to say what needs to be said to exalt you and to bring you praise. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.


The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to




The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Revelation 11:17 NIV = “We give thanks to you, Lord God Almighty, the One who is and who was, because you have taken your great power and have begun to reign.




(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)


Today is HOMEMADE BREAD DAY, a day to make bread at home. ***MARLAR: Hence the name “Homemade Bread” right?  Sheesh.


Today is NATIONAL TAKE A HIKE DAY.  ***MARLAR: Not to be confused with “Tell Someone To Take A Hike Day” which might end up getting you into a bit of trouble.


Today is PUBLIC RESTROOM HAND DRYER APPRECIATION DAY. ***MARLAR: I absolutely appreciate the hand dryer. Remember those old never-ending cloth towel thingies? Stains all over it from 1952. And then you see the sign, “Employees Must Wash Hands Before Returning To Work.”  The same guys in the back room making your pizza used that Shroud of Charmin a few minutes earlier!


Today is NATIONAL FARM JOKE DAY, a day when farmers try not to take themselves seriously.  And here’s one to get you started…


One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, “…and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, “The sky is falling, the sky is falling!”

The teacher paused then asked the class, “And what do you think that farmer said?”

One little girl raised her hand and said, “I think he said, ‘Unbelievable! A talking chicken!'”




Homemade Bread Day

National Entrepreneurship Day

National Unfriend Day

World Prematurity Awareness Day





European Antibiotic Awareness Day

GIS Day (Geographic Information Systems)

Married To a Scorpio Support Day

Mickey Mouse Day

National Apple Cider Day

National Educational Support Professionals Day

Push-Button Phone Day



American Made Matters Day

Equal Opportunity Day (Gettysburg Address Day)

Great American Smokeout

Have a Bad Day Day

International Men’s Day

Rocky and Bullwinkle Day

Use Less Stuff Day

World Philosophy Day

Women’s Entrepreneurship Day

World Toilet Day



African Industrialization Day

Globally Organized Hug a Runner Day (G.O.H.A.R.D.)

Name Your PC Day

National Peanut Butter Fudge Day

Universal Children’s Day



Alascattalo Day

Beaujolais Noveau Day

Family Volunteer Day

Guinness World Record Day

International Games Day

National Adoption Day

National Day of Play

National Survivors of Suicide Day

Playmobil’s National Day of Play

World Hello Day

World Television Day



Doo Dah Day

Humane Society Anniversary Day

Mother Goose Day



Doctor Who Day

Fibonacci Day

International Day to End Impunity

International Image Consultant Day

National Espresso Day



Brownielocks Day

Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day

D.B. Cooper Day




3 BC: Jesus, the son of Mary and step-son of Joseph, was born in Bethlehem, Judea, according to the Greek Christian theologian Clement of Alexandria. Clement is believed to have lived from about 150 to 220 A.D. He founded the Alexandrian school of theology. ***MARLAR: How is it possible that Jesus was born three years before his own birth? I don’t really know – maybe because he’s God and can do anything he wants to do. Anyway, Merry Christmas!


1953: In the American League, the St. Louis Browns, not one of baseball’s better teams, officially became the Baltimore Orioles.


1954: Arnold Palmer became a professional golfer when he signed an endorsement contract with Wilson Sporting Goods.


1967: Monkee Davey Jones opened a boutique in New York’s Greenwich Village called “Zilch I.”


1973: U.S. President Richard Nixon told Associated Press managing editors in Orlando, Florida, “People have got to know whether or not their president is a crook. Well, I’m not a crook.”


1977: In the Miss World Pageant, Miss United Kingdom wore a $9,500 platinum bikini.


1981: Laura and Luke were married on General Hospital. It was television’s highest-rated daytime program until the O.J. Simpson verdict.


1990: David Crosby crashed his motorcycle in Los Angeles and broke a shoulder, left leg, and ankle. Police said the speeding singer wasn’t wearing a helmet, either.


1991: 59-year-old Jim Sneed of Springfield, Missouri, suffered a heart attack at the wheel of his Greyhound bus on I-44 near Claremore, Oklahoma. He had driven 2-million miles for Greyhound without an accident. He calmly pulled his 44 passengers safely into a rest area, stopped the bus, and died.


1991: 55-year-old Wanda Cagliari won the World All-Around Championship in the National Senior Pro Rodeo Finals at Reno, Nevada. She was the first woman ever to win an all-around rodeo championship.


1995: The movie Goldeneye, starring Pierce Brosnan as Agent .007, premiered throughout the U.S.


1996: A Tampa packaging distributor introduced Biofoam, a new grain-based packing “peanut” more environmentally friendly than Styrofoam peanuts. Biofoam, which smells like popcorn, was originally developed as a snack food, but it didn’t sell.


1997: The wait at Baltimore-area Pizza Huts was up to three hours for their $1.69 bargain pizzas. The chain had promised a dollar off their large pizza for every sack the Baltimore Ravens got against the Philadelphia Eagles. The Ravens got nine sacks in a 10-10 overtime tie. ***MARLAR: Two more sacks and not only would the pizzas have been free, but mathematically they would’ve had to pay their customers to take them!


2002: An Indian man who became famous for smoking through his ears announced he would begin smoking through both his mouth and ears simultaneously. Dharmendra Singh of Bikaner also whistled through his nose, but he said that didn’t really impress anybody. ***MARLAR: You just know his parents are being with pride, don’t you?


2003: Two weeks before her 22nd birthday, Britney Spears became the youngest singer to ever get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.




0003: (BC) According to early Christian theologian Clement of Alexandria (ca.155-ca.220 AD), Jesus Christ was born on this date.


1758: English churchman Philip Embury, 30, married Margaret Switzer. Afterward immigrating to America, Embury was later encouraged by his cousin Barbara Heck to found a Methodist society in New York City in 1768. Embury thus became the first Methodist preacher in North America.


1775: Anglican hymn writer John Newton wrote in a letter: ‘Rational assent may be the act of our natural reason; faith is the effect of immediate almighty power.’


1876: English born Rodney (“Gipsy”) Smith, 16, was converted to a living faith. Smith later became an English Wesleyan singing evangelist whose preaching emphasized the love of God.


1906: In Toronto, Ellen Hebden experienced a Pentecostal baptism, followed soon after by her husband James. Their East End Mission afterward became a source and focal point for establishing Pentecostal holiness throughout Canada.




  • Actress/model Daisy Fuentes, 49
  • Actress (Robin Hood, The Abyss, The Perfect Storm, “Without a Trace”, ‘Law & Order: Criminal Intent”) Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, 57
  • Actor (Dodgeball, Office Space, Jimmy James the station owner on “News Radio”) Stephen Root, 64 (
  • Director/actor (Get Shorty, The Heist, Batman Returns, Louie on “Taxi”) Danny DeVito 71 (
  • TV Hall of Famer (producer of “Saturday Night Live”) Lorne Michaels, 71
  • Actress & screen legend (Linda Fairchild Rush on “Central Park West”, Liz McDowell on “Falcon Crest”, American Gigolo, Zorro the Gay Blade, Once Bitten) Lauren Hutton, 72




(Music Artist Birthdays From

1933 : The Singing Nun

1937 : Gerry McGee (The Ventures)

1937 : Geoff Goddard (The Tornados)

1938 : Gordon Lightfoot

1942 : Bob Gaudio (The Four Seasons)

1944 : Gene Clark (The Byrds)

1946 : Martin Barre (Jethro Tull)

1947 : Rod Clements (Lindisfarne)

1947 : Robert “Stewkey” Antoni (The Nazz)

1948 : Iain Sutherland (Sutherland Brothers And Quiver)

1952 : Dean Martin, Jr. (Dino, Desi and Billy)

1957 : Jim Babjak (The Smithereens)

1959 : Harry Rushakoff (Concrete Blonde)

1960 : RuPaul

1966 : Jeff Buckley

1967 : Ronny DeVoe (New Edition/Bell Biv Devoe)

1967 : Ben Wilson (Blues Traveler)

1980 : Isaac Hanson (Hanson)




When it comes to spinach, does Popeye really know best?

Everyone knows that spinach is loaded in iron and makes you stronger – just look what it has done for Popeye the Sailor’s career, right? Well, Popeye was wrong.  So were all of those parents that stuffed it down their kids’ throats.  In reality, spinach has no more iron in it than any other vegetable.  This spinach misconception dates back to the 1950’s when a food analyst made an error while calculating the iron in spinach.  His decimal place was off by one place, suggesting that spinach had ten times as much iron content than it really did.




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Tobymac’s team took to the hardwood again this week. Tobymac thanked the Temple Owls for letting he and his band use their practice facility. Tobymac said: Sickest court ever. (and yes, that is a compliment)


A suggestion from Casting Crowns Jaun Devevo: In a movie when people are locked in a life and death struggle over some object, no one resorts to tickling. It’d be my go to.


Josh Wilson recently sat down with Focus on the Family to talk about his struggle with anxiety and what helps him get through it. Listen to Josh share his story…


Sara Groves has launched a “Girl In The World” video series as a tie in to her new CD Floodplain. Groves told the Media Collective: “Historically, when Troy has tried to get me to make videos, I have been resistant. I guess I always think I have more urgent things to do.” “So instead of waiting for me to sit down with a camera crew, hair and make-up, the camera crew is just coming along with me in my regular life, running errands, talking in the car, having conversations with a ‘Girl in the World.’ Check out the first video in the series…


Remember the 90s group Out of the Grey? The husband and wife duo Scott and Christine Denté will be releasing their first album since 2001 in just a couple of weeks. The project was funded through Kick Starter and Scott and Christine say the new CD will be available to everyone as soon as the kickstarter commitments are completed.


If you are a music purist Tobymac has you covered. He has released his latest CD THIS IS NOT A TEST on vinyl. This week Tobymac also reported that, very soon, two dc Talk releases, JESUS FREAK and SUPERNATURAL, will also be available on vinyl for the first time ever.


Good news from Kutless member James Mead: Flannel is still alive in the Pacific Northwest.


Brandon Heath shared a picture this week as he worked under the sink in his house. He then asked his followers to guess what he was doing. Options included

  1. I’m fixing a clogged sink. B. I’m getting into my secret stash of Butterfingers. C. I’m avoiding watching BRAVO with my wife. D. All of the above.


Sanctus Real wrapped up their Farewell to a Friend Tour over the weekend. Earlier in 2015 front man Matt Hammitt announced plans to step down from the band. The band promised one final tour and one final CD with Matt. The best of Sanctus Real released in late October and the final show in the Farewell to a Friend Tour took place on Sunday in Conway, South Carolina.


Michael W. Smith is wrapping up his world tour this week. The long time Christian artist kicked things off in Seoul on Sunday. Stops this week will include Manila and Singapore before Michael wraps thing up in Tokyo on Saturday. Michael added: Thank you all so much for your prayers.






New Jersey mall requires payment if kids want to visit Santa
CHERRY HILL, N.J. (AP) — Children wanting to see Santa Claus at a southern New Jersey mall will now have to pay. The Philadelphia Inquirer reports ( ) admission to the Cherry Hill Mall’s Adventure to Santa costs between $35 and $50. The packages come with photos or video…


Pharmacy owner returns wallet months after man lost it
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) — A man has gotten back his wallet, which contained $1,200 in cash, two months after losing it thanks to an Albuquerque pharmacy owner. KRQE-TV in Albuquerque reports ( that the owner of Sam’s Regent Pharmacy discovered the wallet at a local…
2 zebras flee circus, run through Philadelphia streets
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — When you hear hoofbeats, the saying goes, you should think horses, not zebras. In Philadelphia on Sunday, you would have been wrong. A pair of zebras escaped from a circus and went running through the streets of west Philadelphia before they were recaptured, police said….
Pocket dial to 911 leads to arrests in Halloween vandalism
LEWISTON, Maine (AP) — Police in Maine say a teenager’s pocket dial to 911 led to three arrests for vandalism that included damage to a fleet of school buses on Halloween. HASH(0x140dc70) Two 18-year-olds, one from Old Orchard Beach and one from Sanford, along with a younger boy from Old…
Restaurant fires patron who berated autistic delivery driver    photo
ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) — An Alaska restaurant is being overwhelmed with goodwill after its owner defended an autistic delivery driver who was berated by a customer. The customer called Little Italy Restaurante in Anchorage to loudly complain after the delivery employee mixed up an order,…
Police stop Google self-driving car for going too slowly    photo
MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. (AP) — A car built by Google that drives itself around city streets had a brush with the law for driving too slowly. A police officer in the tech giant’s Silicon Valley hometown pulled over the prototype car Thursday because it was going a traffic-tying 24 mph in a 35…
Saudi Arabia cracks case of smuggled beer disguised as Pepsi
DUBAI, United Arab Emirates (AP) — Customs officials in Saudi Arabia say they’ve cracked a case — and then some — of smugglers trying to bring illicit cans of beer through the kingdom by disguising them as Pepsi. In a statement, customs officials say they intercepted 48,000 cans…
Deer crashes through car’s windshield, lands in backseat
PLANO, Texas (AP) — A Dallas-area driver found himself with an unexpected passenger when a deer smashed through his windshield and ended up in the backseat of his car. Christopher Coleman of Frisco was not hurt, but the deer died in the accident Wednesday on the Sam Rayburn Tollway in Plano….
Woman fighting potential $500 fine for posting pro-cop sign
CANONSBURG, Pa. (AP) — A Pennsylvania woman is fighting possible $500 daily fines for posting a handmade crime watch sign in her window warning drug dealers to stay away. Canonsburg Mayor Bob Kipp says Cindy Davis received the notice of having a “non-confirming sign in a residential area”…
Man grabs video, records burglars fleeing Las Vegas house
LAS VEGAS (AP) — A Las Vegas man who armed himself with a video camera and a gun to confront four burglars fleeing a break-in at a nearby home says the incident shows the value of knowing your neighbors and asking for help. Brett McCann said Thursday that he never hesitated to act when his…
Pastafarian gets to wear strainer on head in license photo    photo
BOSTON (AP) — A Massachusetts agency is letting a woman who belongs to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster wear a colander on her head in her driver’s license photo after she cited her religious beliefs. Lowell resident Lindsay Miller said Friday that she “absolutely loves the history…






Rare TB case shows difficulty diagnosing, treating children    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — When a 2-year-old returned sick from a visit to India, U.S. doctors suspected tuberculosis even though standard tests said no. It would take three months to confirm she had an extreme form of the disease — a saga that highlights the desperate need for better ways to…


APNewsBreak: Medicare spending $9B on hepatitis C drugs    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Medicare spending on breakthrough medications for hepatitis C will nearly double this year, passing $9 billion, according to new government figures. That’s raising insurance costs for all beneficiaries, whether or not they have the liver-wasting viral disease. The price of…
New produce safety rules aim to prevent illness outbreaks    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Obama administration wants you to eat your fruits and vegetables. They also want the produce to be safe. Long-awaited rules announced by the Food and Drug Administration Friday are designed to help prevent large-scale, deadly outbreaks of foodborne illness like those…
FDA orders recall of machine used to clean medical scopes
WASHINGTON (AP) — Federal officials are ordering the recall of nearly 2,800 machines used to disinfect medical scopes. They blamed company violations that could lead to infections in patients. The Food and Drug Administration said Friday that Custom Ultrasonics must recall all of its…
Proposed smoking ban heats up debate at LA housing complex    photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — At William Mead Homes, where people live in 415 tidy if aging red-brick apartments on the edge of downtown Los Angeles, opinions on the federal government’s proposed ban on smoking both inside and outside of all public housing are about as plentiful as the scores of…
Carson sometimes deviates from GOP health care thought    photo
ATLANTA (AP) — Ben Carson rips the Obama administration’s health care law as much as the next Republican presidential candidate. But the neurosurgeon-turned-politician’s own ideas put him outside mainstream conservative thought. Carson has said private insurers should be little more than…
Presidential politics complicates life in the Senate
WASHINGTON (AP) — In the presidential campaign, Sens. Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz are rising in the polls. Back in the Senate, their ambitions can sometimes cause a nuisance for fellow lawmakers, including vulnerable Republicans up for re-election next year. The latest example: Rubio and Cruz…
Boats sit idle as algae threatens Dungeness crab season    photo
San Francisco’s Fisherman’s Wharf typically bustles this time of year as workers prepare to haul millions of pounds of Dungeness crab that are a tradition at Thanksgiving and other holiday meals. But crab pots are sitting empty on docks, boats are idled and fishermen are anxiously waiting for…
Lawsuit: Birth control mix-up results in 113 pregnancies
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — More than 100 women who blame their pregnancies on errant birth control packaging have joined a negligence lawsuit filed in Philadelphia against several drug companies. The lawsuit follows a 2011 recall of more than 500,000 blister packs after an Iowa customer found the…
Drug might help breast cancer patients avoid heart damage    photo
ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) — Many cancer treatments have a dark side — they can damage the heart. New research suggests this risk might be lowered in women with breast tumors if they take a heart drug as a preventive measure during their cancer care. If confirmed in wider testing, this could…
Obesity still rising among US adults, women overtake men    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Obesity is still rising among American adults, despite more than a decade of public-awareness campaigns and other efforts to get people to watch their weight, and women have now overtaken men in the obese category, new government research shows. For the past several years,…




(None on the weekends)



Before you post your profile on, have someone check your grammar. According to the Wall Street Journal, many singles are picky about the grammar gaffes they’re seeing on dating sites.  *** You don’t want to be in a situation where you have to explain why you like “Lone moonlike walks on the breach.”


Richard Clem’s wife has filed a lawsuit against their former employer who allegedly fired him for passing too much gas. The 70-year-old man and his wife, Louann, both worked at Case Pork Roll Company of Trenton, New Jersey. He was fired in 2014, for his supposed flatulence. Louann Clem claims that her husband’s termination was a violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act.  ***It’s just a guess, but I think the company had sufficient reason to fire the guy.  I mean, he had terrible gas – and he was working at a pork rolls company.  Obviously someone was eating a sufficient amount of the inventory.


Hillary Clinton’s Campaign Is Powered By Pizza. According to NBC, Pizza accounted for 66.2 percent of the Clinton campaign’s fast food spending in the third quarter. The biggest fast food meal ticket during the quarter? A $1,251.26 bill at Need Pizza in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.  ***Now we know why she wears pantsuits… they have a slimming effect.


Hot Pockets can save lives. When a twin-engine charter jet slammed into an Akron, Ohio, apartment complex last Tuesday, Jason Bartley’s building took the brunt of the devastation. But Bartley wasn’t in the building thanks to a hunger for a hot pocket. Bartley says he stopped on the way home to make the purchase, arriving just six minutes after the fiery plane crash.  *** Save your life today… “Hot Pockets!”




A British charity is trying to make young people think more about God this coming Christmas, so they are putting Jesus in places where they are most likely to meet Him. One tactic was to give Jesus his own Facebook page, which was quickly rejected. ***MARLAR: First, because several people have already done that. Second, because like most people on Facebook, Jesus would have a lot of people who claim to be his friends but don’t really know Him.


New research shows that the reason people keep shoving money into slot machines is because slot machines are designed to make so much noise, in a sense begging for more money. ***Like teenagers!


While summer often means slamming your hand into an icy cooler and popping the top on a cold can or bottle, for peak pleasure consider drinking only bottled beer that’s been poured into a glass. The beer experts say much of the taste comes from the aroma and if you drink from the bottle, you won’t be able to take in the aroma as well.  ***MARLAR: For ultimate effect, drink your beer through the nose.


According to health officials, U.S. smoking rates continue to hold steady, at about one in five adults lighting up regularly.  About 21 percent of U.S. adults were smokers last year, about the same percentage as the year before. Teen smoking, at nearly 20 percent, has not been improving lately, either.  ***MARLAR: Gee… if only we had some type of statistics and maybe a warning label on cigarette packs to tell us how dangerous smoking is.












OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffelson had washed ashore after being sent to his room for not playing with a new kid in the neighborhood. He’s already met some strange birds – Beach Birds – on the island, and he’s just met some giant hairy creatures, called Razzleflabbins!


CLOSE: Okay – so we know why Marvy was sent to his room, and we know that the Razzleflabbins are friendly and want to make friend with everyone, but how does ANY of this help Marvy get back to his room? Tune in next time, As the Jungle Turns!






OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Katie Snuffleson was eating all the candy she wanted in the cloud city of Candyland over Razzleflabbin Island. Unfortunately, she’s eaten a bit too much candy – and now the clouds are slowly losing their grip on her, she’s too heavy, and is beginning to fall from the sky to the ocean below!


CLOSE: Tune in again next time, as, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!


***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.




Getting a new fire engine causes a Moment of Duh for one Alabama fire department!

The Livingston Fire Department in Alabama was pretty tickled when they ordered their brand new 75-foot ladder/pumper truck. Of course, that was until they discovered the new truck will not fit into the existing station. No problem, city officials just allocated funding for a new 30 by 50-foot building to house it. Still no explanation on how they’ll fit a 75-foot truck into a 50-foot building.






  1. You answer the door before people knock.


  1. You ski uphill.


  1. You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.


  1. You lick your coffeepot clean.


  1. You chew on other people’s fingernails.


  1. Your T-shirt says, “Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s blend.”


  1. You can type 60 words per minute … with your feet.


  1. You can jump-start your car without cables.


  1. All your kids are named “Joe.”


  1. Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low.”




Sometimes it’s not a great idea to believe what the police say… especially if you’re a criminal!


FILE #1: Clarence Thompson of Indianapolis, Indiana, learned the hard way that you shouldn’t always take police officers at their word. Clarence was already a known character around town and one time, while talking to officers patrolling the area, he told them to give him a call if they ever had any extra drugs to sell. Deciding to take him up on his offer, the cops made that call a couple of days later. Clarence set up a meeting and when the cops pulled up he hopped in the back of the black and white cruiser, and offered to buy 56 grams of cocaine. The officers made the arrest without ever leaving their car.


FILE #2: Their intentions were good, but obviously the Prichard, Alabama police department did not think their plan to curb student violence all the way through. Wanting to discourage even playing with fake weapons, officers devised a program to trade non-violent toys for school children’s fake guns and knives. The only problem was that the students were instructed to bring their toy weapons to school! Needless to say the sight of realistic toy guns and knives didn’t go over too well! Children are now instructed to bring their toys directly to the police station.


FILE #3: In Chattanooga, Tenn., a man was accused of going into his wife’s seventh-grade classroom and attacking her. He was mad at her, as he later told police, because she had not attended his church baptism the day before when, in a ceremony, he had repented of his sins.  Sounds like he has a new one to go to confession about.


STRANGE LAW: You must pay a property tax on your dog in Rocky Mount, North Carolina.




If you’re calling the police to report a crime, be sure you’re not committing a crime yourself!

A 28-year-old man reporting a burglary faces drug charges after responding officers say they found a marijuana pipe in his bedroom. A criminal complaint said officers saw the pipe in plain view in Justin Luecke’s bedroom and found marijuana stems and seeds in the living room. The complaint said officers later returned with a search warrant and found additional marijuana as well as a scale and marijuana packaging. Luecke faces charges of felony marijuana possession and several misdemeanor counts. He could face up to 26 months behind bars, if convicted on all counts.




Sleepwalking. Where’s the weirdest place you’ve woken up, or the weirdest thing you’ve done while sleepwalking? Do your kids sleepwalk? Anything funny or scary that’s happened during a sleepwalking experience?




QUESTION: Who was the father and mother of Samuel?

ANSWER: Elkanah and Hannah (1 Samuel 1:2)




QUESTION: What’s that trail left behind by jets in the sky called, and what’s it made of?

ANSWER: It is called a contrail, and is composed of condensed water vapor.




Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!


  1. The minimum age set in the U.S. Constitution for the President of the United States is 42. (False – it’s 35)


  1. In the 1900 Sears Roebuck company catalog, a piano cost $98.00. (True)


  1. According to sources, actress Meg Ryan’s full name given at birth is Margaret Mary Emily Ann Hyra Ryan. (True – like we could make that up!)


  1. The Chinese used to use lions as we do hunting dogs. (True! During the reign of Kublai Khan, used lions on hunting expeditions. They trained the big cats to pursue and drag down massive animals — from wild bulls to bears — and to stay with the kill until the hunter arrived.)


  1. The first liquid laundry detergent in the United States was CHEER. (False – it was WISK.)


  1. When Rip Van Winkle fell asleep for 20 years, he had a wolf with him. (False. He had a dog – but the dog’s name was “Wolf.”)


  1. The first black-and-white film to be coverted to color electronically was “It’s a Wonderful Life” starring Jimmy Stewart. (False – it was Yankee Doodle Dandy.)


  1. The first name of TV’s Grandpa Walton on the TV series, “The Waltons” was Zeb. (True – the character was played by Will Geer.)


  1. The first novel written on a typewriter was George Orwell’s “1984.” (False – it was “Tom Sawyer.”)


  1. Most dust particles in your house are actually dead skin cells. (True.)




You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!


ORONTO –  Pedro and Buddy – two gay penguins – were tossed out of the Toronto Zoo, let loose on the streets.

Zoologists at the Toronto Zoo first tried to separate the “gay” penguin couple at the Toronto Zoo but that  caused a commotion both among zoologists and the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community.

But in the middle of the night, several anti-gay-penguin fanatics (AGPeFs) snuck into the penguin exhibit – snagged Pedro and Buddy and threw them – separately – onto the street.

Luckily, Pedro and Buddy found each other behind an Italian restaurant and now… they are looking for a new home, a place that doesn’t discriminate against gays.





A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!” They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.

“Leave us alone, you religious nuts!” yelled the first driver as he sped by.

From around the curve they heard a big splash.

“Do you think,” said one clergy to the other, “we should just put up a sign that says ‘bridge out’ instead?”



A phone-order operator for a mail-order catalogue was having a very busy day. The switchboard was jammed with calls, and most people were having to be put on hold.

When she took one person off hold, she heard the person muttering mild curses into the phone. The operator laughed good-naturedly and said, “What may I help you with today?”

The sheepish voice on the other line said, “I’m sorry. I want to place an order.”

“Alright,” the operator said, “Now, I need your name first.

“Oh, dear,” she said, “how embarrassing. My name is Sister Patience.”



A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, “How was I born?”

“Well honey…” said the slightly prudish parent, “the stork brought you to us.”

“Oh,” said the boy.  “Well, how did you and daddy get born?” he asked.

“Oh, the stork brought us too.”

“Well how were grandpa and grandma born?” he persisted.

“Well darling, the stork brought them too!” said the parent, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner.

Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:

”This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn’t been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations.”




At the 1936 Berlin Summer Olympics, Haiti and Liechtenstein found out they had the same flag. Liechtenstein later added a crown.  ***MARLAR: It still caused less of a disruption than the two women arriving at the Olympics after-party in the same dress.


Nearly 70 percent questioned in an AP-Ipsos poll said people are ruder than they were 20 or 30 years ago. The trend was noticed in large and small places alike, although more urban people reported bad manners (74%) than people in rural areas (67%).  ***MARLAR: As if any of us give flying-flip about some jerks taking a stupid survey.


It is believed that people have been wearing shoes for more than 10,000 years.  ***MARLAR: Which means most likely the first thing Eve said to Adam was, “let’s go shopping.”




“I’d like the number for Jennifer Smith in Richmond, Virginia,” the young man said to the 411 operator.
“There are multiple listings for Jennifer Smith in Richmond, Virginia, “the operator said. “Do you have a street name?”
The young man hesitated a moment, “Well, uh, most people call me Snake.”




The good people of Bridgewater, South Dakota had a problem on their hands. A stinky problem.

…A 44-ton stinky problem! Ilan Parente closed down his Bridgewater Quality Meats company and moved the business to Dawson, Minnesota back in January. What he didn’t tell anybody was that he left behind 44 tons of bison meat in his warehouse. Now the cold South Dakota winter was enough to keep the meat intact for four months, but as spring hit, the meat started to rot — and the town began to stink. It stank at the bank. It smelled at the law office. It reeked at the cafe. Even the local jewelry store wasn’t immune. The cleanup crew that was originally hired to mop up the gooey mess of liquefied meat– topped by a blanket of swarming white maggots and buzzed by a legion of flies– gave up after two days. Finally, fed up with the smell, a brave crew of 18 city and county workers took matters into their own hands and stormed the plant to haul away the putrid meat and take back their town. Amazingly, three months after the cleanup, the owner still hasn’t paid the $11,151 cleanup bill, and owes about $14,085 in unpaid property taxes on top of it. Well, at least the smell is gone.





Occasionally God surprises us by letting us find out how He used some word we spoke or action that we took years ago and perhaps forgot all about.

About a century ago Stephen Grellat was led one day to go out to a heavily forested area of America to preach. It was a strong inward compulsion of the Holy Spirit. When he arrived at the loggers’ camp, he found they had moved to another location, and their shanties were deserted. However, he was so sure he was sent by God that he went into an empty shanty and preached to the bare walls the sermon God had placed upon his heart. He then returned to his home, He could never understand why God would send him to preach to an empty shanty.

Many years later, as he walked across a bridge, a man grasped his arm, “I found you at last,” the man said. “I think you are mistaken,” said Mr. Grellat. “No, Didn’t you preach in an empty shanty in the woods years ago?” “Yes,” Mr. Grellat admitted, “but no one was there.”

“I was the foreman in charge of the loggers,” the stranger explained. “We had moved to a new location, before long I realized I’d left one of my tools behind. I returned to get it and heard a voice in one of the shanties, I peered through a crack between the logs and saw you. You never saw me, but I listened to the rest of the sermon, God touched my heart that day and I became so convicted of my sins, that after some time I purchased a Bible, repented of my sins, and became a Christian, then I began to win my men to Christ. Your sermon has led over a thousand people to Christ, and three of them have gone on to become missionaries! ”





Read: Psalm 121

The Lord watches over you–the Lord is your shade at your right hand. –Psalm 121:5

For 3 years I spent my hot, humid summers babysitting a little guy named Trey.

Blonde-haired, blue-eyed Trey is your average little boy. He’s not happy unless he’s going somewhere or doing something. Above all else, he loves to be outside. I do my best to keep up with Trey, but after a few minutes in the bright Alabama sun I start to fade. The sun saps me of all my energy, leaving me tired and sticky and hot.

At times like this, the porch with its wide roof and big rocking chairs, seems to call my name. I let Trey entertain himself for a bit and stop to take shelter in the shade. It always amazes me how taking just a few minutes in the cool darkness leaves me feeling revived and ready to get back to my jumping and running.

In Psalm 121, God is described as our shade. What a wonderful image! Can’t you just see God, arms outstretched in front of Him, saying to us, “Whew, it must be hot out there! Why don’t you come sit for a spell in My shade? The sun won’t harm you here, and I’ll leave you feeling refreshed and ready to go.”

It’s such a welcome invitation! But between school, work, dating, family, and friends, who has time to stop and sit in the shade? There’s so much to do, so many people to see, and so many places to go!

Are you running so hard that you’re left feeling sapped of all your energy and ready to drop? Why not take a few minutes to curl up in the cool comfort of God’s shade? Like Trey’s porch, God’s shade is there waiting just for you.

–Heather Henderson, Birmingham, Alabama





  • Too much makeup!
  • Please, please order more than just a salad.
  • They all look like cubic zirconia to me.
  • I heard a noise. Can you go check it out?
  • I think your mom is a babe.
  • Frankly, I’m scared of your dad.
  • Shoot, honey, don’t ask me! I can’t figure out the dumb iPod either.





According to a survey, 15% of workers say they arrive late to work at least once a week, while 24% admit to making up fake excuses to explain their tardiness. While 43% of managers say they don’t mind if their employees are late as long as their work is completed with good quality, others are much stricter and would consider terminating an employee if he or she arrives late several times a year. When asked to identify the primary cause for coming in late, more than 32% of workers blamed traffic. Falling back to sleep was cited by 17%, while 7% said a long commute was the main cause. Other popular reasons included getting kids ready for school, forgetting something at home and feeling sick. While most hiring managers believe their employees’ reasons for being late to work, almost a third said they are skeptical of the excuses. Hiring managers provided these top 10 examples of the most unusual excuses employees offered for arriving late to work:

  1. “While rowing across the river to work, I got lost in the fog.”
  2. “Someone stole all my daffodils.”
  3. “I had to go audition for ‘American Idol.’”
  4. “My ex-husband stole my car so I couldn’t drive to work.”
  5. “My route to work was shut down by a Presidential motorcade.”
  6. “I wasn’t thinking and accidentally went to my old job.”
  7. “I was indicted for securities fraud this morning.”
  8. “The line was too long at Starbucks.”
  9. “I was trying to get my gun back from the police.”
  10. “I didn’t have money for gas because all of the pawn shops were closed.”





Don’t expect to find a waiter or waitress at a new cafe in Germany…

…instead you’ll find 25 machines there to serve you. The cafe is the work of nine college students in the city of Cologne. In addition to serving you coffee or tea, the machines are programmed to even make comments and small talk from a memory bank of 200 different tales. ***MARLAR: The owners say they got the idea of having people interacting with robots after watching Al Gore speak.





Miranda teaches fourth grade. As a fun assignment, she gave the students the beginning of a list of famous sayings and asked them to provide original endings for each one. Here are some examples of what her students submitted:

  • The grass is always greener when you leave the sprinkler on.
  • A rolling stone plays the guitar.
  • The grass is always greener when you remember to water it.
  • No news is no newspaper.
  • It’s better to light one candle than to waste electricity.
  • It’s always darkest just before I open my eyes.
  • You have nothing to fear but homework.
  • If you can’t stand the heat, don’t start the fireplace.
  • If you can’t stand the heat, go swimming.
  • Never put off ’til tomorrow what you should have done yesterday.
  • A penny saved is nothing in the real world.
  • The squeaking wheel gets annoying.
  • We have nothing to fear but our principal.
  • I think, therefore I get a headache.
  • Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry, and someone yells, “Shut up!”
  • Better to light a candle than to light an explosive.
  • It’s always darkest before 9:30 p.m.
  • Early to bed and early to rise is first in the bathroom.
  • A journey of a thousand miles begins with a blister.
  • There is nothing new under the bed.
  • Don’t count your chickens — it takes too long.





Thanksgiving is here, and the results of an important new poll on Thanksgiving food are out. OK, it’s not that important, but let’s see where you match up on this: What is the one food or dish that you most look forward to eating on Thanksgiving Day?

  • Turkey – 46%
  • Stuffing/dressing – 17%
  • Pumpkin pie – 6%
  • Mashed potatoes – 6%
  • Sweet potatoes/yams – 4%
  • Ham – 3%
  • Other pies – 3%
  • Cranberries/cranberry sauce – 2%
  • Vegetables – 2%
  • Salad – 1%
  • Casseroles – 1%
  • Other desserts – 1%
  • Everything – 2%
  • Other – 6%




(Mondays Only)




Think that coupon clipping is beneath you? You’re throwing away real money. Coupon experts say if you spend 20 minutes a week clipping coupons, you’ll probably save $1,500 to $2,000 a year.


In September War Room became the #1 movie in the U.S. Now producers say the DVD copies of the movie by the Kendrick brothers will be available in time for Christmas. They say the DVD and Blu-Ray will be loaded with extra features and a timely message. It officially releases on December 22.


Greg Laurie sat down with Fox News last week. The speaker on A New Beginning talked with Lauren Green about the Starbucks red cup controversy, the “war on Christmas” and more.  Watch the short 6min interview here…




I gotta go take care of a problem in the front office now. The boss’s secretary typed a letter for me. Unfortunately, I forgot to tell her I wanted spaces between the words.




(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from in Chicago.)

Cheering for the Down and Outer

One of the disappointments over which I mildly grieve is to see a business go under. The majority of employees are unaware of the great challenges of keeping an enterprise profitable. Seeing enterprises fail means jobs are lost. Revenues for the community are diminished. And in many cases, the goodwill spread by these companies through donations or volunteer manpower vanishes.
In our own neighborhood, we said farewell to several retail operations in the last few years. We lost our local Applebee’s restaurant. A Bob Evans not so long ago. And a big disappointment came when the Barnes and Noble closed its doors. Farther away, a unique restaurant, operated by a successful business group, locked up and tore down a place called Key Wester. It had a big aquarium, a waterfall, and doors that opened in summer to overlook black swans on a small body of water. Very refreshing. But…gone.
What we don’t usually see are the tears shed by people who’ve invested a part or all of their adult life trying to make a go of their dream. We don’t see the hours agonizing over ways to save the business and keep people they care about employed. We don’t see the creditors who may not get their money back from what they loaned in trust. Pain goes along with the closing of those doors.
So I read with interest a story that gave me a light chuckle — at first — about a man desperate to save his business in Candia, New Hampshire. Kevin Dumont is a principle owner of the Liquid Planet Water Park. If you’ll excuse the expression, his water park business is going under. And he’s making a life-saving effort by chaining himself to a 30-foot waterslide to keep it afloat. *groan*
Dumont has camped out. He needs a bailout. In his words, “We’re losing everything if we can’t find a partner. We just need to save it from going to the auction block. We need an infusion of cash to pay off the debt….We’re hoping this effort will give us some offers.”
It’s not like no one is showing up. The park had 35,000-plus visitors this past season. Since 2008 when Liquid Planet opened, Dumont admits it’s been an uphill challenge. But it’s only in the past year that he’s fallen behind in his payments.
He properly does not blame the bank for his woes. But Dumont was notified in September of the bank’s plans to auction off the 44-acre property (that includes his home) on December 2nd. A bank does what they must do for their own clients’ sake.
But Dumont’s story is more painful when you learn that both his father and mother died within the last four months. Losing your parents and your business within 140 days of each other plays havoc on the human spirit. Thus…the desperate act of a desperate man to chain himself to a water slide.
Kevin Dumont claims he started the business for families. A noble purpose offers no guarantees for success. Too many forces come to bear to make a business survive.
Size does not matter. Giant airlines get bought out or cease to exist. K-Mart has Sears behind them but keeps faltering. Sears itself is making what some think are desperate moves to stay alive. And, of course, Blockbuster became a failure equal to its name.
Times change. People’s tastes do as well. Innovation opens new markets. Staying competitive is a true art in business.
Some go the route of reinvention. I’ve been reading rumors of McDonald’s demise for a couple of years now. Recently, they have started serving breakfast all day. There has been an uptick in their customer count. Who said playing this investor driven game of “staying alive” was going to be fun?
People of faith are not immune in any way to business failings. More recently, Family Christian Stores fought tooth and nail to survive. Only after large concessions have they managed to do so after $127 million in debt was erased.
Years ago, the startup company I put together came to a point where it appeared things would collapse. I decided to “give my business to God” — which sounded very dramatic. My friend Chuck Gratner looked at me over breakfast after I shared this and replied, “Maybe God doesn’t want your business.” Yeah…hadn’t quite considered that. It tanked four months later.
Spiritual lesson: Not all things are meant to be. Not all things are meant to last. Not all dreams come true. As “The Preacher” wrote in Ecclesiastes, “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest….A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.” (Ecc 3:1-4, NLT)
Some sound advice. As a few wise Byrds once told me.
That’s The Way WE Work.




Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


NOVEMBER 06, 2015…


Brooklyn—Saoirse Ronan plays a young woman in Ireland, who decides to go to New York City.  It is the 1950’s and not only does she find work, but some romance, too. Adapted from the book by Colm Toibin. Also in the cast is Jim Broadbent. “Brooklyn” is rated PG 13. No rating.


Miss You Already—Toni Collette discovers she has cancer and fights the disease with friend, Drew Barrymore.  What can they come up with as therapy?  Wild and wacky or sad? What do you think?  “Miss You Already” is rated PG 13. No rating.


The Peanuts Movie—In 3D animation and what more could you ask for?  It is your favorite comic strip characters by Charles M. Schultz, and with Snoopy and the doghouse, too.  Voices include Hadley Belle Miller (Lucy), Noah Schnapp (Charlie Brown) and AJ Teeco (Pig Pen.) “The Peanuts Movie” is rated PG. Enjoy.


Spectre—Daniel Craig is back as James Bond in this thriller with Christoph Waltz as the evil one. Bond goes around the globe again, and with beautiful women including Lila Seydoux and Monica Bellucci.  Although some are already choosing the next James Bond, I don’t think Daniel Craig will give up that easy .Always great stunts. I always thought, though, that Pierce Brosnan had a few Bond films left in him.  “Spectra” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.


Spotlight—This film is about uncovering the sex abuse scandal concerning the Catholic Church in Boston in the early part of the 21st century.  The Boston Globe got wind of what was happening and really dug into it. The Globe got the 2003 Pulitzer Prize for it’s reporting. Some of the stars are Mark Ruffalo, Rachel McAdams and Michael Keaton. “Spotlight” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans of the stars.


Trumbo—Bryan Cranston takes on the role of writer Dalton Trumbo, who was Hollywood blacklisted in the 1940’s when it was alleged he was a communist. Trumbo fought this, but the blacklist remained. “Trumbo” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans of the star.


NOVEMBER 13, 2015…


The 33 with Antonio Banderas as one of the Chilean miners trapped underground.


By The Sea with Angelina Jolie-Pitt and Brad Pitt is a commentary on married life with problems.


Love The Coopers stars Diane Keaton in a comedy about a family gathering at Christmas.


Shelter has Jennifer Connelly in a drama about being homeless. Directed by her husband, Paul Bettany.


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