***RADIO ISN’T DEAD – From RadioIsntDead.com
***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS – FREE TO AIR! (Contact me to sign up!)
***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE – FREE TO AIR! (Contact me to sign up!)
PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20151118
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
To make it big in this business, you have to be different. That’s why each day before coming to work I mousse my hair with Cheez Whiz.
Just read online that nearly 1 out of every 5 Americans is considered to be illiterate. Who exactly is that message for?
I feel sorry for the shows airing on the TV Guide Channel. The channel itself is constantly saying, “Hey look, here’s something you could be watching instead of watching us!”
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
Those who control their anger have great understanding; those with a hasty temper will make mistakes. –Proverbs 14:29
Relationship insecurity can actually lead to heart problems. ***MARLAR: So yes, a broken heart can lead to a broken heart.
Trouble and distress have come upon me, but your commands are my delight. — Psalm 119:143
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
I am suffering … Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day. — 2 Timothy 1:12
Thought: As Paul faced very difficult circumstances near the end of his life, many of those he had led to the Lord abandoned him. But he was confident that the Lord would not abandon him! He had committed his life to Jesus as Lord. That Lord would ensure that the investment Paul had made would not be wasted. His life, his future, and his eternal destiny were entrusted to the Lord. He was confident that they were also secure in the Lord. He believed with every fiber of his being that on a special day known only to God, Jesus will return and every knee will bow and Paul’s faith in the Lord will be joyously validated.
Prayer: Almighty God, I believe, but please strengthen my faith so that no matter what I may endure, my confidence in you will remain firm and my hope may remain vibrant. I entrust to you all that I am and all that I hope to be, believing fully that you will bring me through whatever lies ahead and bring me into your glorious presence with great joy. In Jesus’ glorious name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
Deuteronomy 11:18 NIV = Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.
TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – NOVEMBER 18, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 37 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is FRENCH VICHYSSOISE DAY. ***MARLAR: Cold potato soup with leeks. Uh, no thanks.
Today is TOTAL DISREGARD FOR TASTE DAY. ***MARLAR: Which might explain it being French Vichyssoise Day.
Today is MARRIED TO A SCORPIO SUPPORT DAY. ***MARLAR: And, as a Scorpio, I’m somewhat offended.
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
GIS Day (Geographic Information Systems)
Married To a Scorpio Support Day
Mickey Mouse Day
National Educational Support Professionals Day
Push-Button Phone Day
COMING UP NEXT
THURSDAY NOVEMBER 19
Have a Bad Day Day
Rocky and Bullwinkle Day
World Philosophy Day
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 20
African Industrialization Day
Name Your PC Day
Universal Children’s Day
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 21
Family Volunteer Day
National Day of Play
Playmobil’s National Day of Play
World Hello Day
World Television Day
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 22
Humane Society Anniversary Day
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 23
Doctor Who Day
International Image Consultant Day
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 24
Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day
D.B. Cooper Day
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 25
International Day For The Elimination of Violence Against women Day
Shopping Reminder Day
Tie One On Day
ON THIS DAY
1307: According to legend, using a bow and arrow, William Tell shot an apple off his son’s head.
1866: 32-year-old English devotional writer Katherine Hankey, wrote the verses that we sing today as the hymn, “I Love to Tell the Story.”
1961: In Regina, the Saskatchewan legislature passed a law giving residents of their province Canada’s first prepaid health care plan.
1963: Bell Telephone introduced the first phone with push buttons.
1980: “Barbara Mandrell & the Mandrell Sisters” debuted on NBC-TV. The show starred Barbara, Louise, and Irlene Mandrell, and a 5-piece band of life-size Kroft puppets named Truck Shackley & the Texas Critters. The Mandrell’s guests on their first show: Dolly Parton and John Schneider.
1985: Donald Trump announced plans to build a 150-story building in New York City.
1988: Tulsa singer Ronnie Dunn won the Marlboro Country Music National Talent Contest in Nashville, which led to a publishing contract, which led to a meeting with writer Kix Brooks, which led to the duo of Brooks & Dunn.
1990: Singer Mick Jagger and model Jerry Hall were married in Bali, Indonesia.
1991: Suzanne Ferrer of Loire Valley in France became a great-grandmother at age 49. She had her first child at age 16; the daughter gave birth at 17; the granddaughter at 15. ***MARLAR: The perfect example of what you should aspire NOT to do in your life.
1995: Prison officials in Douaihad, France, admitted they had to change the locks on 300 cell doors because someone lost the master key.
1996: Robo-Nurse debuted at a Middlesex, England, hospital. The medical robot could carry blood, bedpans, and a cup of tea. ***MARLAR: It took a while for them to work out the bugs though – it kept trying to serve tea in a bedpan.
2001: Britney Spears’ first TV concert, “Britney Spears: Live from Las Vegas,” aired on ABC.
2003: A 57-year-old Florida woman recovered from a stroke to find she had a British accent. Experts diagnosed Judi Roberts as suffering from “foreign accent syndrome,” one of less than 20 cases reported worldwide in 80 years. ***MARLAR: Along with Madonna and Gweneth Paltrow.
2003: Barry Bonds was named the National League’s Most Valuable Player for a record sixth time.
2004: Both President Bushes and President Carter were on hand to help President Clinton open his library in Little Rock, Arkansas.
2007: The Contemporary Music Festival in Hudderfield, England, announced it would feature The Vienna Vegetable Orchestra, whose dulcet tones came from instruments made of fresh vegetables. The edible ensemble performs using celeriac bongos, carrot recorders, crunching onion skins, squeaking lettuce leaves and a multi-vegetable “cucumberphone” to play everything from contemporary to jazz to classical.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1095: Pope Urban II opened the Council of Clermont. Summoned to plan the First Crusade, it was attended by over 200 bishops. Among its official policies, the Council decreed that a pilgrimage to Jerusalem made every other penance superfluous.
1302: Pope Boniface VIII published the bull “Unam Sanctam.” It was the first papal writing to decree that spiritual power took precedent over temporal power, and that subjection to the pope was necessary to salvation.
1626: In Rome, the newly completed St Peter’s Basilica was consecrated by Urban VIII. St. Peter’s is presently the largest church in Christendom, with a length of 619 feet.
1866: English devotional writer Katherine Hankey, 32, penned the verses that we sing today as the hymn, “I Love to Tell the Story.”
1966: This was the last required meatless Friday for American Roman Catholics, in accordance with a decree made by Pope Paul VI earlier this year.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- Actor (Starsky & Hutch, Shanghai Noon/Knights, The Royal Tenenbaums) Owen Wilson, 47
- Actress (Big, Wilma in the Flintstones movie) Elizabeth Perkins, 55
- Actor/comedian (“SNL,” Daddy Daycare, Anger Management) Kevin Nealon, 62
- Actor (Get Shorty, Random, The Heist) Delroy Lindo, 64
- Actor (“Saved by the Bell’s” Mr. Belding) Dennis Haskins, 65 (
- Actor (“Simon & Simon”) Jameson Parker, 68 (
- Actress (“Dynasty”) Linda Evans, 73 (
- Actress/voicist (Midnight Cowboy, The Critic) Brenda Vaccaro, 76
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1786 : Carl Maria von Weber
1909 : Johnny Mercer
1926 : Dorothy Collins
1927 : Hank Ballard
1936 : Don Cherry
1941 : Con Clusky (The Bachelors)
1946 : Jackie Ward
1949 : Herman Rarebell (The Scorpions)
1950 : Graham Parker
1953 : John McFee (The Doobie Brothers)
1954 : John Parr
1958 : Michael Ramos (The BoDeans)
1960 : Kim Wilde
1962 : Kirk Hammett (Metallica)
1969 : Duncan Sheik
1979 : Fabolous
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
WHAT IS THE ORIGIN OF THE TERM “EAVESDROPPING”?
“Eaves” are the edges of a roof that project past the exterior walls of a building, usually designed to carry rain water away from the foundations. The “eavesdrip” in Old English was a specific place–the outside area from the walls of a house to the edge of the roof–a space to shelter oneself from the rain or, if one were sneaky, where conversations within the house could be overheard rather clearly. “Eavesdrip” eventually became “eavesdrop,” and by the late 15th century the noun had become a verb, meaning to secretly listen to someone else’s conversation.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!
Jimmy Needham was wrapping up work on something new over the weekend. Jimmy tweeted: Excited to be back in studio today wrapping up a Christmas present for you guys. Uh oh. I’ve said too much.
Advice from Tenth Avenue North member Ruben Juarez: Don’t marry someone until you’ve built Ikea furniture together.
Citizenway member David Blascoe was walking through New York city taking pictures when he heard: “Hey you! Tough guy taking pictures of New York! I AM New York…selfie time.” David said: We laughed…snapped this photo and dude goes…”I approve this message, The Tall Black Guy”
You might be able to relate to Blanca: It took me an hour to get ready for church this morning and in less than 5 minutes, I’m in my pjs with no makeup on ready for a nap!
This week Plumb shared reason number 4,243 to, when possible, have your children close in age. She said: When Oliver was a newborn and Solomon was only one and a half I wondered if I was insane having them so close together but mornings like this remind me of what a blessing it has been. Every gift he gets for his birthday is equally exciting to his brother so you kind of get to have two birthdays a year.
Jodi says her unborn baby is giving new meaning to our band name. The member ofLove and the Outcome shared online: 6 1/2 months pregnant on the Winterjam tour and the outcome is getting real. Attached was a picture of Jodi showing off her baby bump.
Australian worship leader Darlene Zschech was appreciating the small things over the weekend. She tweeted: I am getting my hair done! So thankful to have enough to actually get it done! Regrowth is my new blessing. Darlene battled breast cancer in 2014.
Think you had a busy weekend? Dan Bremnes probably has you beat. He was in Mississippi, Alabama, Florida, Washington, and Texas all in one weekend.
ODD & STRANGE NEWS…
(THIS WILL BE CHANGING SOON DUE TO MYNEWS SHUTTING DOWN. I WILL LOOK TO FIND MATERIAL ELSEWHERE, BUT LETTING YOU KNOW THAT THIS WILL LOOK DIFFERENT SOON.)
|Wildlife workers free hungry bear’s head from milk can photo
THURMONT, Md. (AP) — In an episode reminiscent of “Winnie the Pooh,” Maryland state wildlife workers used an electric hand saw to remove a milk can that was stuck on the head of a bear. Department of Natural Resources spokeswoman Karis King says the wildlife response team was called early…
|Woman who stabbed boyfriend with pen pleads guilty
AKRON, Ohio (AP) — A northeast Ohio woman accused of stabbing her boyfriend after yelling at him for eating all of the salsa has pleaded guilty to reduced charges. Ronnie Buckner told officers 50-year-old Phyllis Jefferson yelled at him in March at his apartment for finishing off the salsa….
|Pennsylvania woman arrested for DUI crashes twice in 1 day
SOMERSET, Pa. (AP) — Pennsylvania State police say they’ve arrested a woman for two different drunken driving crashes in the same day. Troopers from Somerset say Michele Leonard, of Somerset, crashed her car about 5 p.m. Saturday. She was arrested, charged with drunken driving and then…
|New Jersey mall frees up Santa’s lap: No more $35 to $50 fee
CHERRY HILL, N.J. (AP) — Santa Claus is free again. A New Jersey mall on Monday eliminated a requirement that parents pay $35 to $50 for a photo or video package for their kids to get into a Santa exhibit. The decision to charge for an attraction that had been free last year sparked anger…
|Bangkok’s botched half-marathon offers T-shirt apology
BANGKOK (AP) — They ran an extra 4 miles on their half-marathon. And now all they’re getting is a lousy T-shirt. Organizers offered the T-shirts after runners vented anger on social media following Sunday’s Standard Chartered Bangkok Half-Marathon, which was mistakenly extended by almost 7…
|Penn State-Altoona student charged with stealing bike twice
ALTOONA, Pa. (AP) — A Penn State-Altoona student has been charged with stealing the bicycle of another student — twice. HASH(0x13e08c0) Police say Graham stole the $465 mountain bike on Sept. 14 after it was parked unlocked on campus. The owner spotted the bike the next day and took it…
|Pharmacy owner returns wallet months after man lost it
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) — A man has gotten back his wallet, which contained $1,200 in cash, two months after losing it thanks to an Albuquerque pharmacy owner. KRQE-TV in Albuquerque reports (http://bit.ly/1PuLFav) that the owner of Sam’s Regent Pharmacy discovered the wallet at a local…
|2 zebras flee circus, run through Philadelphia streets
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — When you hear hoofbeats, the saying goes, you should think horses, not zebras. In Philadelphia on Sunday, you would have been wrong. A pair of zebras escaped from a circus and went running through the streets of west Philadelphia before they were recaptured, police said….
|Pocket dial to 911 leads to arrests in Halloween vandalism
LEWISTON, Maine (AP) — Police in Maine say a teenager’s pocket dial to 911 led to three arrests for vandalism that included damage to a fleet of school buses on Halloween. HASH(0x13ec5b0) Two 18-year-olds, one from Old Orchard Beach and one from Sanford, along with a younger boy from Old…
|Restaurant fires patron who berated autistic delivery driver photo
ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) — An Alaska restaurant is being overwhelmed with goodwill after its owner defended an autistic delivery driver who was berated by a customer. The customer called Little Italy Restaurante in Anchorage to loudly complain after the delivery employee mixed up an order,…
|Police stop Google self-driving car for going too slowly photo
MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. (AP) — A car built by Google that drives itself around city streets had a brush with the law for driving too slowly. A police officer in the tech giant’s Silicon Valley hometown pulled over the prototype car Thursday because it was going a traffic-tying 24 mph in a 35…
HEALTH & FITNESS NEWS…
(THIS WILL BE CHANGING SOON DUE TO MYNEWS SHUTTING DOWN. I WILL LOOK TO FIND MATERIAL ELSEWHERE, BUT LETTING YOU KNOW THAT THIS WILL LOOK DIFFERENT SOON.)
|AMA: Pot use in pregnancy may pose risks, warnings needed photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Warning: Marijuana use during pregnancy and breast-feeding poses potential harms. That message would be written on medical and recreational marijuana products and posted wherever they’re sold if the nation’s most influential doctors group has its way. The American Medical…
|Guinea begins countdown to end of Ebola after nearly 2 years
CONAKRY, Guinea (AP) — Authorities have started the countdown to the end of Ebola in Guinea, the last country still reporting cases after nearly two years and more than 11,000 deaths worldwide, health officials said Tuesday. The patient’s recovery and the lack of new cases raise hopes that…
|Transplant gives new face, scalp to burned firefighter photo
NEW YORK (AP) — A volunteer firefighter badly burned in a 2001 blaze has received the most extensive face transplant ever, covering his skull and much of his neck, a New York hospital announced Monday. The surgery took place in August at the NYU Langone Medical Center. The patient,…
|Rare TB case shows difficulty diagnosing, treating children photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — When a 2-year-old returned sick from a visit to India, U.S. doctors suspected tuberculosis even though standard tests said no. It would take three months to confirm she had an extreme form of the disease — a saga that highlights the desperate need for better ways to…
|Medicare launches major payment shift for hip, knee surgery
WASHINGTON (AP) — Striving for better quality and more predictable costs, Medicare on Monday launched a major payment change for hip and knee replacements, the most common inpatient surgery for its 55 million beneficiaries. Starting April 1, hospitals in 67 metropolitan areas — from…
|Johnson & Johnson multiple myeloma drug wins accelerated OK
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — A Johnson & Johnson drug won Food and Drug Administration approval Monday for treating the incurable blood cancer multiple myeloma in patients who’ve failed prior therapies and have few options left. Darzalex is the first biologic drug and first monoclonal antibody…
|APNewsBreak: Medicare spending $9B on hepatitis C drugs photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Medicare spending on breakthrough medications for hepatitis C will nearly double this year, passing $9 billion, according to new government figures. That’s raising insurance costs for all beneficiaries, whether or not they have the liver-wasting viral disease. The price of…
|New produce safety rules aim to prevent illness outbreaks photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Obama administration wants you to eat your fruits and vegetables. They also want the produce to be safe. Long-awaited rules announced by the Food and Drug Administration Friday are designed to help prevent large-scale, deadly outbreaks of foodborne illness like those…
|FDA orders recall of machine used to clean medical scopes
WASHINGTON (AP) — Federal officials are ordering the recall of nearly 2,800 machines used to disinfect medical scopes. They blamed company violations that could lead to infections in patients. The Food and Drug Administration said Friday that Custom Ultrasonics must recall all of its…
|Proposed smoking ban heats up debate at LA housing complex photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — At William Mead Homes, where people live in 415 tidy if aging red-brick apartments on the edge of downtown Los Angeles, opinions on the federal government’s proposed ban on smoking both inside and outside of all public housing are about as plentiful as the scores of…
|Carson sometimes deviates from GOP health care thought photo
ATLANTA (AP) — Ben Carson lambastes “Obamacare” as much as the next Republican presidential candidate, but the neurosurgeon-turned-politician has a history of health care ideas that puts him outside mainstream conservative thought on the issue. Private insurance companies, he has said, should…
(None on the weekends)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
Black Friday is about to become six hours longer… at Walmart. Determined to top most other big retailers who are all opening at midnight on Black Friday — Walmart has announced it will be opening at 6pm Thanksgiving night. Walmart says its customers told them they would rather stay up late to shop than get up early. ***MARLAR: Not only does Walmart cut prices, it also has cuts the hours its employees get off for Thanksgiving. (“Walmart… working hard to bring you a Thanksgiving that means absolutely nothing!”)
Claiming that customers demand being able to get away from their families and shop earlier, Best Buy will open this year at 5 PM on Thanksgiving. A Best Buy spokeswoman says: “Last year customers clearly showed that they wanted to be out shopping much earlier on Thanksgiving.” ***MARLAR: Opening early on Friday is a GREAT. Opening up early on Thanksgiving Day is GREED.
If you ever gave a professor a sob story about why you couldn’t complete an exam, just know if Tommitrise Collins could complete her test, so could you. A few days ago, Tommitrise was sitting in a hospital bed about to have a baby — and about to take an exam. Her sister posted on Facebook that Tommitrise had contractions three minutes apart but was still taking her psychology test. She’s a student at the University of Texas at El Paso. ***Both her baby boy and her test were delivered as scheduled.
Facebook plans to launch an Internet beaming satellite into space next year that will bring online access to people in Sub-Saharan Africa. *** Which will come in really handy for the jungle natives with USB-powered bows, arrows, and spears.
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
According to a Swiss study, the chances are good that you can add a few years to your life if you take the stairs instead of the elevator. Doing this over a three-month period will dramatically increase your level of fitness. ***MARLAR: And probably increase your level of body odor.
New research suggests evidence of chocolate in what’s now New Mexico goes back as long as 1,000 years. A report in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences says the evidence was found in Chaco Canyon and dated between A.D. 1000 and1125. Drinking chocolate was associated with a variety of rituals in ancient Central America, including weddings, but Patricia Crown of the University of New Mexico says she’s not sure of its exact uses in her area. And getting chocolate was much harder than going to the mall or searching the Web. Crown says the nearest cacao plantation would have been more than 1,000 miles away, so importing the material would have been a major undertaking. She also says chocolate probably tasted bitter compared with what is available today. Central Americans didn’t sweeten their chocolate and sometimes mixed in hot peppers. Crown said honey might have been available in what’s now New Mexico. ***MARLAR: Sounds like people were cuckoo for cocoa before there were puffs! (
Only 14 percent of U.S. workers believe they have the perfect job and more than half want to change careers. A Harris survey showed that the most coveted jobs are in the arts and sciences, business management, technology and healthcare. ***MARLAR: It seems the saying is true – the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Unless you truly are in the arts, at which point that grass may be pink or plaid.
New research suggests too many people are getting extra sedation treatment during their colonoscopy exams, costing as much as $1 billion yearly in potentially needless services. Use of anesthesiologists to monitor sedation during colonoscopies and other digestive imaging tests has more than doubled in recent years, and they’re used most often for low-risk patients who typically don’t need the extra help, the study authors said. “These services are not harming patients,” says Dr. Soeren Mattke. “They’re basically giving them a luxury that is not strictly necessary.” ***MARLAR: Maybe so, but who wants to be awake while getting a colonoscopy?
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Rush Hour”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Gordon Douglas, “Philly”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffleson had met new friends – the Razzleflabbins, on Razzleflabbin Island. He told them why he’d been sent to his room – because he wouldn’t get to know the new kid in his neighborhood, and they told Marvy they understood, but that it’s important to get to know people – especially those who are different than you!
CLOSE: Uh oh… what’s so weird about this other Razzleflabbin that they have to have a scout spying at all times to keep an eye out on him? Well… he’s on his way, so we’ll likely find out why’s he so different (and why the Razzleflabbins are frightened of him) next time, As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF NOVEMBER 21/22
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Katie Snuffleson was eating all the candy she wanted in the cloud city of Candyland over Razzleflabbin Island. Unfortunately, she’s eaten a bit too much candy – and now the clouds are slowly losing their grip on her, she’s too heavy, and is beginning to fall from the sky to the ocean below!
CLOSE: Tune in again next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
What’s in a name? Ask a man by the name of Osamu, and he can tell you.
Some residents of Port Townsend, Washington just can’t get it through their thick skulls that the six letter name “Osamu” is not the same as “Osama”. They’ve been sending angry letters to Osamu Okamoto, a Japanese restaurant owner, demanding to know if he’s related to Osama bin Laden.
TOP TEN REASONS IT’S GREAT TO BE A GUY
- Your last name stays put.
- The garage is all yours.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- You don’t care if nobody notices your new haircut.
- Wrinkles add character.
- Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with “So, notice anything different?”
- You can go to a public restroom without a support group.
- You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
- You don’t have to shave below your neck.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
A man robs a bank, after making a withdrawal from his own account!
FILE #1: A Fresno bank robber, after making a legitimate withdrawal from his own account, went over to another teller and demanded that all the money in the bank vault be turned over to him in a bag. Accepting that it would take 15 minutes to empty the vault he went outside to wait patiently on the curb, according to police who arrived in less than 15 minutes.
FILE #2: Jessie Adams was released from the county jail after serving an eight month sentence for auto theft and drunken driving. Mr. Adams was still in the jail parking lot when he asked a man if he wanted to help him rob a bank. Bad idea. The guy he propositioned was an undercover cop. Jessie is back in his cell.
FILE #3: The clerk at a convenience store in Little Rock, Ark., was cool under pressure when two men, armed with a rifle, tried to rob him. The unnamed clerk simply asked the men why they would want to go to prison over $30. The duo apparently reconsidered, and left without completing their robbery.
STRANGE LAW: In Wisconsin, cheese making requires a cheese maker’s license; Limburger cheese making requires a master cheese maker’s license.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Sometimes God even works in the lives of criminals… to bring them to justice!
Jada Coover of Sioux City Iowa was scheduled to appear in court on charges of attempting to tamper with anhydrous ammonia, which is used to make methamphetamine. He was tooling around town on the day of his court appearance, apparently not intending to show up for court, in a truck suspected of being in a hit and run. Police spotted the truck and started to pursue him. So the brilliant mind of Jada thought, “I’ll run from police and then hide in a court house,” which he did. Coover hastily parked the truck and ran into the courthouse and tried to barricade himself in a courtroom. The exact same courtroom he was scheduled to appear in that day!
What do you do to wake up in the morning? Drink coffee first thing? Go for a jog? Jump into a cold/hot shower? Do jumping jacks? What’s the very first thing you do each morning to help yourself wake up. Trust me, I could use a few suggestions!
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: What did a man at Jesus’ crucifixion run to find for the dying Jesus?
ANSWER: A sponge (Matthew 27:46-48)
QUESTION: According to Men’s Health, what is the least caffeinated city in America? This is where the residents drink the least amount of coffee, soda and energy drinks – and sleep more than those in any other city.
ANSWER: Detroit, Michigan.
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- News journalist Diane Sawyer was once a beauty queen. (True – when Diane Sawyer competed in the America’s Junior Miss Pageant, several judges considered her too serious and sophisticated to serve as a teen titleholder. During rehearsals, nearsighted Diane walked headfirst into a metal post in front of the judges and dissolved into girlish giggles. Charmed by Sawyer’s silly side, several judges changed their votes in her favor and she was named 1963 America’s Junior Miss.)
- Humphrey Bogart’s ashes are in an urn that also contains a small gold whistle. (True – Lauren Bacall had the whistle inscribed “If you need anything, just whistle” – the words she spoke to him in their first film together, To Have and Have Not.)
- House dust is smaller than space dust. (False – space dust is extremely small – smaller than a particle of smoke – and widely separated, with more than 320 feet between particles.)
- By the eighteenth century, apple pie had become so popular a dessert in America that Yale College served it every night at supper. (True – and they did so for more than a century.)
- 60% of college students suffer hearing loss. (True – according to a study for the University of Tennessee’s Noise Laboratory, 60 percent of American college students suffer from some high-frequency hearing loss. The main cause of this premature deafness is noise. Hearing loss has long been linked to exposure to noise. Sustained loud noises — from vehicles, jet aircraft, stereos, food processors — destroys the ears’ tiny hair cells.)
- The Boeing 767 aircraft has over one-billion parts. (False – it is a collection of 3.1 million parts. And those parts come from 800 different suppliers around the world: fuselage parts from Japan, center wing section from Southern California, flaps from Italy.)
- On the new hundred dollar bill the time on the clock tower of Independence Hall is 9:11. (False – it’s 4:10.)
- Parker Brothers prints about 50 billion dollars worth of Monopoly money in one year. (True)
- Hobbes the tiger in the Calvin and Hobbes comic strip has no pads on his feet. (True. Hobbes originally had pads on his hands and feet but Bill Waterson, the creator, found them too distracting and removed them.)
- It took Leo Tolstoy only six months to write “War & Peace”. (False – it took him six years.)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
“Actual Spare Tire Found In __________!” (MAN’S STOMACH)
The Weekly World News reports it’s common to describe big-bellied guys as carrying a “spare tire.” But when Detroit auto worker Jim “Jimbo” Tarnip went to the doctor complaining of stomach pains, they were amazed to discover that his gut contained an actual automobile tire. “It was a perfectly good tire,” said Dr. Mel Carroll, who removed it. “In fact, it went directly from Tarnip’s stomach to the trunk of his car. “The amazing thing,” Dr. Carroll continued, “is that there’s no way that Tarnip could’ve eaten this tire. It was generated by his body overtime.”
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
During the summer when the power mower was broke, and wouldn’t run, the wife kept hinting to her husband that he ought to get it fixed, but somehow the message never sunk in. Finally, she thought of a clever way to make the point. When her husband arrived home that day, he found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. He watched silently for a short time, and then went into the house. He was gone only a few moments. When he came out again he handed his wife a toothbrush. “When you finish cutting the grass,” he said, “You might as well sweep the sidewalks.”
Using a new painting program on her computer, Sue managed to come up with a very credible still life of fruit. She made a color printout and sent it to her daughter, a graphic designer. She called when it arrived. “Isn’t it good?” Sue asked.
She chuckled, and replied, “Mom, it’s beautiful. We put it on the refrigerator.”
The owner of a priceless antiques collection allowed a museum to exhibit his treasures.
The movers packed the vases while the collector hovered over them. “Do be careful,” he cautioned one burly mover. “That vase is nearly two thousand years old.”
“Don’t worry,” the guy replied. “I’ll treat it like it was brand new.”
There’s a group of 10 men that have been playing tag for the past 23 years, and have gone as far as 300 miles just to tag someone. ***MARLAR: And yes, they all still live in their mothers’ basements.
A new study claims that recent children’s cartoons have become more violent. ***MARLAR: And researchers suggest that whoever is causing that should be thrown over a cliff and have an anvil dropped on their head.
A British company has developed a bacteria-retarding line of underwear that you can wear for days without having to wash. ***MARLAR: Bachelors around the world are reported to have tears of joy.
WINTER PREPAREDNESS QUIZ
** The first thing most people do to get their cars ready for winter is:
- a) replace the antifreeze
- b) put on snow tires
- c) insulate the cup holder to keep their coffee hot.
** If your house is heated by oil and you want to save money on winter heating bills, experts recommend:
- a) adding insulation to the walls and attic
- b) putting up storm windows
- c) moving to Florida.
** If you see squirrels burying more nuts than usual, it means:
- a) we’re in for a bitter winter
- b) there’s a shortage of nuts
- c) even squirrels have given up on the low-carb diet.
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
A man tries to get even with Uncle Sam at tax time.
A man irate about his income tax paid Uncle Sam (the U.S. government) with a plaster of Paris check that weighed several pounds. He wasn’t all that bright, because once the government cashed the check, it was returned to him and he had to keep it for five years for his records.
THE MONARCH BUTTERFLIES
Even though we die in this human life, we are reborn into a more beautiful state.
By Kathryn Woodard
My 29-year-old son Kevin passed away in August of 1996 from a brain tumor triggered by the AIDS virus.
I had known about his condition for more than three years, but his HIV status changed to full-blown AIDS in the summer of 1995. The brain tumor caused him to have a small stroke. He was living and working in Washington, D.C. at the time, and I immediately sought a leave of absence and flew there from my home in St. Louis.
When I got to see Kevin, he was distraught and wanted to know why he should go on living. I responded that only God knows when it is time for us to leave this earth, and that I would be there for him through his illness. His friends thought he should go into a nursing home, but I said no–he should come back to St. Louis with me.
I set about moving his things, going to the grocery store each day to get boxes, then packing them and sending them via UPS to my home. We both wondered when and how his furniture could be moved. But a good friend of his–a young lawyer named Donnell Smith–was living in D.C. at the same time and miraculously was getting ready to move to St. Louis. He offered to place Kevin’s furniture on his moving truck and send it to my apartment. God had heard our prayers.
Once Kevin was back home, we starting looking for doctors, and found a fantastic radiologist at Washington University. Between his doctor’s help and my belief in following a firm nutrition plan to maintain health, he was soon walking with the aid of a cane. His good spirits came back, and he was able to drive his beloved Jeep.
Kevin had always been a kind and happy child, and a committed Christian. At one time he even thought of becoming a preacher. Eventually he paid his own way through college (we were fairly poor when he was growing up) and became a pharmacist. As a pharmacist he worked for a program that helped pharmacies pay for prescriptions for those could not afford them. That’s just the kind of person he was.
Once he moved back to St. Louis, Kevin kept up with his friends in D.C. to make sure the pharmacy program continued. His good health lasted until July of 1996, but after his 29th birthday, it declined rapidly.
When Kevin died, I was devastated, and each day was a struggle for me, whether I was at work or at home. Two of my friends, Gloria Bratkowski and her husband, Tom, were working on a project to increase the world’s butterfly population. They had given me some Monarch butterfly caterpillars as part of this project. Gloria told me what to feed them, which I dutifully went about doing. It was a distraction from my grief.
The caterpillars eventually spun their cocoons, and I watched as they turned dark brown and shriveled. In my sorrow, I thought that I had not fed them enough and that the cocoons would never open.
One particular day in October of 1996, I was more distraught than usual, and I too had even considered suicide. Angry and depressed, I was sitting in my kitchen, crying, when I heard a small sound. I thought it was a mouse and turned to see where the sound was coming from.
There on the shelf, inside the glass bottle that held the caterpillars, I saw the cocoons begin to open. The beautiful Monarchs started unfolding before me.
My heart was filled with joy as I realized what God was showing me: that even though we die in this human life, we are reborn like butterflies to an infinitely more beautiful state. Our bodies simply encase this beauty. Our souls are set free upon death to the wonder of heaven–if we simply believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and his promise of life everlasting.
Although I was still sad after this event, I was at peace with God’s promise of everlasting life through the lesson of the Monarch butterflies.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
One of my pet peeves… people praying in King James English!
It happened one night when I was at church. A guest preacher was asked to say a prayer in front of the congregation. The preacher began, but his voice soon became a mumble, making his prayer unintelligible to the people who were listening.
Summoning his courage, one church member interrupted, “Excuse me, sir, but we can’t understand you.”
Without hesitation, the preacher looked up and said, “I’m not talking to you.”
Ouch. Now, I don’t think it’s appropriate to embarrass someone in public like that – and the mumbling preacher should have prayed louder. But he did have a point.
When we pray in public, we have to keep in mind that it’s not our job to impress people with what we say. When you pray, and suddenly your find yourself using words like “thee” and “thou”, “thine” and “hast” you hast to wonder who thine speakest too, and ask thineself what thou motives be. If you don’t talk like that to your friends and family, why do you talk that way when you’re praying to God in a public setting? Do you think God speaks only in King James’ English?
And while we’re on the subject… what’s with people in church services praying loudly in their pews? What’s the deal with that? If you praying loudly, and the person next to you is praying loudly, and you’re both not saying the same thing, then the person in front of you is going to hear nothing but gibberish – and could be distracted in his own prayers to God. Do we think God can’t hear us unless we speak out loud, even in the presence of others?!?!
Our job when we’re praying isn’t to sound spiritual to God or others… our job is to worship the Lord as we talk with Him.
That’s difficult for some, because we want to be appreciated by others. We don’t want our friends to think we’re some spiritual moron. We don’t want them to go away with the idea that we don’t know how to pray. But then, what are we teaching them if we suddenly begin to use twenty-dollar words in our prayers, when a ten-cent word will do just fine?
I’ll bet the hypocrites in Matthew, Chapter six had the same problem. They were great at praying (in their own eyes and ears, at least). To them, a great prayer was one that was a bit boisterous and attracted attention.
But as good as their prayers may have sounded, they may as well have been praying to the god of the chandeliers, because their prayers didn’t get any higher than that. Jesus said, “They have received their reward in full” (v.5).
Instead of trying to pray in a way that we think will impress others, we need to pray to God, not to the people in our prayer group. That way, no one will ever wonder who it is we’re really talking to.
DREAMING OF CHEESY REWARDS
Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology say that they not only know that rats have dreams, but they say they know some of the things rats dream about.
They entered the dreams of rats and found them busily working their way through the same lab mazes they negotiate during the day. The scientists had the mice perform specific tasks in a maze that produced very distinctive patterns of brain activity. When they repeatedly saw almost exactly the same patterns reproduced during sleep, they concluded the rats were dreaming about running through the maze. It is evidence not just that animals dream, but that they have complex dreams, replaying events much the way humans do, researchers said. And they may use their dreams to learn or memorize.
LIFE… LIVE IT
GO ON VACATION AND LOSE WEIGHT
We all know that vacations are good for our mental health – but it looks like they could be good for weight-loss too… even if we don’t get all that active!
In the Washington Post a dietitian claims that you may be more likely to LOSE weight than gain weight on your vacations. He says that, because you are out of your environment, your behavior-related eating habits are gone, you don’t have ready access to the refrigerator, and you are just plain more active.
JUST FOR FUN
BOTCHED WEDDING PLANS
Sometimes it’s a good idea to look at the signs around you to be sure that you’re doing the right thing – including marriage.
It’s probably the shortest marriage of all time, a marriage that lasted just a few minutes! And if the couple had only taken heed of the numerous warnings that were being tossed their direction it all may have never taken place. The wedding took place in Kenya last week. A few days before the wedding ceremony was to even take place, the bride threatened to call the whole thing off because her groom (a milkman) had purchased a “cheap” wedding gown. That’s one hint that they weren’t going to work out. Then, on the day of the wedding, the bride refused to get into the vehicle that was supposed to take her to the church… calling it “junk”. Again, another sign that maybe this marriage thing wasn’t supposed to be.) Are you getting the picture that this woman is totally unpleasable and getting married for the wrong reasons?) Anyway, she finally did make it to the church, and the pastor was just about to marry the couple when, and I’m not joking here, a huge python slid into the chapel and scared everybody senseless. No one was hurt, the python was ejected, and the couple said “okay, that’s enough, we’re not getting married!” But; believe it or not, the priest insisted that they continue! (How many God-fearing reverends do you know that would do that when the couple is obviously in trouble before they ever exchange the rings?) And speaking of rings, once the ceremony continued at the insistence of the priest, the groom refused to hand over the two wedding rings (smart man)! So is that the end? Of course not… the congregation now is bound and determined to force these two kids to marry, so they hand the priest two rings from people who were in attendance of this wedding fiasco. Immediately after this whole thing was over, the unhappy couple removed their rings and threw them away, ending a marriage that lasted just a few minutes.
HYMNS FOR THOSE WHO LIVE IN THE FAST LANE
45 mph: God Will Take Care of You
55 mph: Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah
65 mph: Nearer My God to Thee
75 mph: Nearer Still Nearer
85 mph: This World Is Not My Home
95 mph: Lord, I’m Coming Home
Over 100 mph: Precious Memories
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
HOW THE MODELS STAY SKINNY
Overweight stars, gorgeous models and actresses often use bizarre methods to stay thin and “beautiful.” Patricia Marx, author of the best-selling book, “The Skinny: What Every Skinny Woman Know About Dieting (And Won’t Tell You),” reveals what some women do:
- Swallow cotton balls dipped in orange juice to make themselves feel full.
- Wear skimpy clothes in winter weather to make themselves shiver and burn extra calories.
- Go on intentional crying jags to burn extra calories.
- Deliberately get intestinal diseases. Some women vacation in underdeveloped countries and drink the local tap water to give themselves an intestinal bug so they can lose weight.
- Swallow tapeworms so the worms lodge in their intestines and consume calories.
- Convince doctors they have Attention Deficit Disorder, so they can get drugs like Ritalin and Dexedrine which have a side effect of suppressing hunger.
- Take Valium to numb the urge to eat.
- Take over-the-counter sinus medications and energy boosters that contain ephedrine. Many girls believe these drugs help burn calories faster, but side effects can range from nervousness to stroke, heart attacks and even death.
- Take strange concoctions like lemon juice, cayenne pepper, and maple syrup or vinegar and water. Girls think these mixtures help them burn calories fast, but they really just make them nauseous.
- If girls are really desperate to get thin, they can always give me a call… my mother-in-law’s cooking makes me lose my appetite in to time flat.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
Focus on the Family is offering a resource to help your children learn Bible verses. According to Thriving Family, one mom created an ABC book with short Bible verses for each letter. Before long, when her toddler saw letters, in soup or cereal he would say, “A — All have sinned,” “B — Be content” or “C — Cast all your care on Him.” Now Focus is making printable ABC Bible verse flashcards available.
Focus on the Family’s “How to Get Organized for Christmas”
First, distinguish between perfection and joy.
Second, figure out what’s important to you.
Third, gather your Christmas stash.
Fourth, make a list of how other people can help you.
Christian singer/songwriter Jenny Simmons recently shared what she called one of her most vulnerable posts. The post was on mental illness and was titled Three Things to remember when you’re walking toward healing.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you’ll be surprised at how little you have. –Ernest Haskins
THE WAY WE WORK
(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)
One of the disappointments over which I mildly grieve is to see a business go under. The majority of employees are unaware of the great challenges of keeping an enterprise profitable. Seeing enterprises fail means jobs are lost. Revenues for the community are diminished. And in many cases, the goodwill spread by these companies through donations or volunteer manpower vanishes.
In our own neighborhood, we said farewell to several retail operations in the last few years. We lost our local Applebee’s restaurant. A Bob Evans not so long ago. And a big disappointment came when the Barnes and Noble closed its doors. Farther away, a unique restaurant, operated by a successful business group, locked up and tore down a place called Key Wester. It had a big aquarium, a waterfall, and doors that opened in summer to overlook black swans on a small body of water. Very refreshing. But…gone.
What we don’t usually see are the tears shed by people who’ve invested a part or all of their adult life trying to make a go of their dream. We don’t see the hours agonizing over ways to save the business and keep people they care about employed. We don’t see the creditors who may not get their money back from what they loaned in trust. Pain goes along with the closing of those doors.
So I read with interest a story that gave me a light chuckle — at first — about a man desperate to save his business in Candia, New Hampshire. Kevin Dumont is a principle owner of the Liquid Planet Water Park. If you’ll excuse the expression, his water park business is going under. And he’s making a life-saving effort by chaining himself to a 30-foot waterslide to keep it afloat. *groan*
Dumont has camped out. He needs a bailout. In his words, “We’re losing everything if we can’t find a partner. We just need to save it from going to the auction block. We need an infusion of cash to pay off the debt….We’re hoping this effort will give us some offers.”
It’s not like no one is showing up. The park had 35,000-plus visitors this past season. Since 2008 when Liquid Planet opened, Dumont admits it’s been an uphill challenge. But it’s only in the past year that he’s fallen behind in his payments.
He properly does not blame the bank for his woes. But Dumont was notified in September of the bank’s plans to auction off the 44-acre property (that includes his home) on December 2nd. A bank does what they must do for their own clients’ sake.
But Dumont’s story is more painful when you learn that both his father and mother died within the last four months. Losing your parents and your business within 140 days of each other plays havoc on the human spirit. Thus…the desperate act of a desperate man to chain himself to a water slide.
Kevin Dumont claims he started the business for families. A noble purpose offers no guarantees for success. Too many forces come to bear to make a business survive.
Size does not matter. Giant airlines get bought out or cease to exist. K-Mart has Sears behind them but keeps faltering. Sears itself is making what some think are desperate moves to stay alive. And, of course, Blockbuster became a failure equal to its name.
Times change. People’s tastes do as well. Innovation opens new markets. Staying competitive is a true art in business.
Some go the route of reinvention. I’ve been reading rumors of McDonald’s demise for a couple of years now. Recently, they have started serving breakfast all day. There has been an uptick in their customer count. Who said playing this investor driven game of “staying alive” was going to be fun?
People of faith are not immune in any way to business failings. More recently, Family Christian Stores fought tooth and nail to survive. Only after large concessions have they managed to do so after $127 million in debt was erased.
Years ago, the startup company I put together came to a point where it appeared things would collapse. I decided to “give my business to God” — which sounded very dramatic. My friend Chuck Gratner looked at me over breakfast after I shared this and replied, “Maybe God doesn’t want your business.” Yeah…hadn’t quite considered that. It tanked four months later.
Spiritual lesson: Not all things are meant to be. Not all things are meant to last. Not all dreams come true. As “The Preacher” wrote in Ecclesiastes, “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest….A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.” (Ecc 3:1-4, NLT)
Some sound advice. As a few wise Byrds once told me.
That’s The Way WE Work.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
NOVEMBER 13, 2015…
The 33—This is the film story of the 33 Chilean miners who were trapped underground, and that means over 2000 feet, in 2010. Remember the headlines then and who would have thought there would even be a rescue attempt? It took over two months while the men were rationing food and water. Stars include Antonio Banderas and Rodrigo Santorio. “The 33” is rated R and talk about claustrophobic.
By The Sea—Angelina (Jolie-Pitt) and Brad (Pitt) star in this marriage drama about a couple who encounter marital problems. Guess what…not only does Angelina star and direct, she also wrote the script. People will come just to see the two on screen together. “By The Sea” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Love The Coopers—What happens when the family gets together during the Christmas holidays? Just about anything and everything. Formerly titled, “Let It Snow,” the movie tells the story of one family with Diane Keaton, John Goodman and Marisa Tomei starring. “Love The Coopers” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Shelter—Paul Bettany makes his directing debut in this drama starring his wife, Jennifer Connelly, along with Anthony Mackie. They play two homeless people who meet and find they can help each other. “:Shelter” is rated PG 13. No rating.
NOVEMBER 20, 2015…
Carol stars Cate Blanchett as a wealthy woman in the 1950’s who likes to shop.
Hunger Games Mockingjay: Part Two and here it comes, everyone, the end of the last chapter. Stars Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson and Liam Hemsworth. enjoy.
The Secret In Their Eyes stars Julie Roberts as a lawyer, who, after many years of looking, finds the man who killed her daughter.
Very Semi Serious (documentary and opening in select cities) follows the cartoon creations in the “New Yorker” magazine.
# # # # #
WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)
Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.