November 19, 2016: Saturday ONAIRprep

***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS – FREE TO AIR! (Need to receive this earlier than when it’s posted? Get FTP access and receive a fully-produced version FREE with a customized tag specifically for your station or show! Contact me with your ONAIRprep username for details!)

AND NOW… ON WITH THE SHOW!

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20161119

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I just read, “Behind every successful person is a pack of haters.” So if you could all please start hating me now, I’d greatly appreciate it.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“For wherever two or three are gathered in My name, I am there in the midst of them.” –Matthew 18:20

Psalm 100:3 

Know that the Lord is God.

It is he who made us, and we are his;

we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. — John 17:17

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

They preached the good news in that city and won a large number of disciples. Then they returned to Lystra, Iconium and Antioch, strengthening the disciples and encouraging them to remain true to the faith. — Acts 14:21-22

Thought: Do you know a new Christian? Paul and Barnabas remind us that it is difficult becoming a Christian; there are hard times for new Christians! So let’s make sure we don’t just share the Gospel with them. Let’s also stand by them, check on them, strengthen them, and encourage them.

Prayer: Loving Father, please be with the new Christians in our church. Use me to be a source of encouragement to them and strength for them. May my life always be a positive influence on them and other new Christians as well. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!)

Deuteronomy 11:19 NIV = Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

TODAY IS SATURDAY – NOVEMBER 19, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
35 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

There are only 35 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS. ***And I haven’t had any requests from any of you asking for my Christmas wish list; do you just not care?

Today is NATIONAL ALLIGATOR WRESTLING DAY.  ***Oh puh-leez. This is (CITY OF LICENSE) – we don’t even wrestle over alligator bags.

Today is NATIONAL CARBONATED BEVERAGE WITH CAFFEINE DAY.  ***I’m still waiting for Pepsi to come out with a carbonated coffee.

Today is NATIONAL PENCIL APPRECIATION DAY.  ***I don’t think I’ve used a pencil once since leaving college. What I appreciate more than anything is not having to constantly look for a sharpener.

Today is HAVE A BAD DAY DAY, a day for all the grouches who can’t stand being told constantly to have a nice day.  ***So, from the bottom of our hearts, please, have rotten day.

Today is MOUTHWASH MIXING DAY, a day to mix portions of two or more brands of mouthwash just to see if they taste better. ***But then, it can’t taste much worse, can it?

Today is WORLD TOILET DAY. ***MARLAR: Talk about a community toilet! Can you imagine being the guy in charge of cleaning the “World Toilet”?

Today is SHOULD I START THAWING THE TURKEY DAY. (USDA hotline 800-535-4555, www.fsis.usda.gov; Butterball Turkey Talk-Line 800-323-4848, butterball.com).

THAWING TIPS… DO NOT THAW YOUR TURKEY AT ROOM TEMPERATURE!!!  That allows bacteria to grow, and you don’t want to make yourself or you family sick for Thanksgiving!

  • Refrigerator Thawing: Thaw your turkey in unopened wrapper, breast-side up, on a tray in the refrigerator.  For every four pounds of turkey, allow at least one day of thawing.
  • Cold Water Thawing: Place turkey in unopened wrapper, breast down and cover completely with cold tap water.  Change the water every 30 minutes to keep surface of the turkey cold.  Estimate minimum thawing time to be 30 minutes per pound for a whole turkey.

TODAY IS ALSO…

American Made Matters Day

Equal Opportunity Day (aka Gettysburg Address Day)

Family Volunteer Day

Guinness World Record Day

Have a Bad Day Day

International Games Day

Mother Goose Day

National Adoption Day

National Day of Play

National Survivors of Suicide Day

Playmobil’s National Day of Play

Rocky and Bullwinkle Day

Use Less Stuff Day

World Philosophy Day

Women’s Entrepreneurship Day

World Toilet Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below.)

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 20

African Industrialization Day

Crystal Skull World Day

Doo Dah Day

Globally Organized Hug a Runner Day (G.O.H.A.R.D.)

Name Your PC Day

National Peanut Butter Fudge Day

Universal Children’s Day

World Day of Remembrance for Road Traffic Victims

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 21

Alascattalo Day

World Hello Day

World Television Day

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 22

None Today

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 23

Doctor Who Day

Fibonacci Day

International Day to End Impunity For Crimes Against Journalists

International Image Consultant Day

Tie One On Day

National Espresso Day

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 24

Brownielocks Day

Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day

D.B. Cooper Day

National Day of Mourning (Thanksgiving Day)

Thanksgiving Day (USA)

Turkey-Free Thanksgiving

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 25

Black Friday

Blase Day

Buy Nothing Day

Flossing Day

Fur Free Friday

International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women Day. (***How about we just call it “Be Nice To Her Day?” Wouldn’t that be easier?)

International Hat Day

Maize Day

National Day of Listening

National Native American Heritage Day

Shopping Reminder Day

Sinkie Day

You’re Welcomegiving Day

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 26

World Day of Giving

Small Business Saturday

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 27

NONE TODAY

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 28

Cider Monday

Cyber Monday

ON THIS DAY

1863: U.S. President Abraham Lincoln delivered the Gettysburg Address on a Civil War battlefield in Pennsylvania.

1887: Poet Emma Lazarus died of lung cancer in New York at age 38. In her poem “New Colossus” to help raise money for the Statue of Liberty pedestal, she wrote, “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses…” She never saw the statue.

1932: In West Virginia, Liberty State trounced Cedarville 127-0. According to college football records, halfback Joe Kershalla scored 71 points, though Liberty State had no record of Joe Kershalla ever being enrolled. ***What? A college football player not going to class?!? Boy, I’ll bet THAT never happened again!

1965: Kellogg introduced a new pastry called “Pop Tarts.”

1969: Apollo 12 astronauts Charles Conrad and Alan Bean made man’s second landing on the moon. ***Not the first men on the moon, but the second… which is why you’ve never heard of Charles Conrad and Alan Bean.

1955: Carl Perkins recorded “Blue Suede Shoes” at Sun Records in Memphis. The single hit #4 in the nation four months later.

1990: The National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences stripped the group Milli Vanilli of its 1989 Best New Artist Grammy because Rob Pilatus and Fabrice Morvan didn’t actually sing on their debut album, Girl You Know It’s True. It was the first time a Grammy Award was unawarded. ***Of course, this was many years ago when there was such a thing as artist integrity. Nowadays we have people outright copying other people’s music, looping it, and expecting to be awarded as a genius.

1992: Superman died. Or at least, the issue of DC Comics in which Superman died went on sale. The 54-year-old superhero lost to a gray, bony, really nasty villain named Doomsday.

1996: Boating magazine announced the winners of its boat-name contest: Luna-Sea, Fishcally Irresponsible, Lady Go Diver, Fishin Impossible, and Wake, Rattle, & Troll.

1997: Bobbi McCaughey gave birth to four boys and three girls at Iowa Methodist Medical Center in Des Moines. Only the second set of septuplets known to be born alive, the babies were delivered two months early by C-section and weighed from 2-pounds 5-ounces to 3-pounds 4-ounces. ***In their honor, the Beach Boys rerecorded their hit song “Don’t Worry Baby” as “Don’t Worry Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby.”

2002: Singer Michael Jackson appeared outside his Berlin hotel and briefly held his youngest child, Prince Michael II, over a fourth-floor balcony as dozens of fans watched below.

2002: Dutch police arrested a 24-year-old man from Apeldoorn for stealing a car to drive to court where he was facing charges of stealing three other cars.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1742: English revivalist George Whitefield wrote in a letter: ‘Plead His promises, be much in secret prayer, and never give God rest, till your soul is filled with all His fulness.’

1862: Birth of William (Billy) Sunday, American revivalist. Orphaned during the Civil War, Sunday became a major league baseball player 1883-91, then turned to evangelism in 1893, speaking to an estimated total audience of 100 million before his death in 1935.

1885: Birth of Haldor Lillenas, American hymnwriter. He penned nearly 4,000 Gospel texts and hymn tunes during his lifetime, including “It Is Glory Just to Walk With Him,” Wonderful Grace of Jesus” and “Peace, Peace, Wonderful Peace.”

1910: Swedish Pentecostal missionaries Daniel Berg, 26, and Adolf Vingren, 31, arrived in Brazil. In 1918 they established the first Pentecostal church, from which grew Brazil’s largest Protestant body, the Assemblies of God.

1961: The Third Assembly of the World Council of Churches convened at New Delhi, India, during which the International Missionary Council and its work was integrated into the larger ecumenical group.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (Silence of the Lambs, Flightplan, Panic Room, Contact) Jodie Foster 54

  • actress (Sleepless in Seattle, Kate & Leopold, You’ve Got Mail, Joe Versus the Volcano) Meg Ryan 55

  • actress (Event Horizon, A Civil Action, Apollo 13, “Prison Break”, The Hills Have Eyes, “Family Law”) Kathleen Quinlan 62

  • TV host Dick Cavett 80

    TV talker Larry King 83

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1905 : Tommy Dorsey

1927 : The Singing Postman

1934 : Dave Guard (The Kingston trio)

1937 : Ray Collins (Mothers of Invention)

1938 : Hank Medress (The Tokens)

1939 : Pete Moore (SSmokey Robinson & The Miracles)

1943 : Fred Lipsius (Blood, Sweat & Tears)

1946 : Joe Correro (Paul Revere and the Raiders)

1954 : Annette Guest (First Choice)

1960 : Matt Sorum (Guns N’ Roses)

1969 : Travis McNabb (Better Than Ezra)

1971 : Tony Rich

1975 : Tamika Scott (Xscape)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Why do our palms sweat when we’re nervous?

If your palms weren’t so exposed to the surrounding air you would probably have to rub them with deodorant every morning. That’s because you have more sweat glands there than anywhere else. (And a phrase such as “I’ve got to hand it to you” would take on a new and less friendly meaning.) Why do sweat glands proliferate on our palms? We can probably blame God for this one… then again, He always knows the answers to everything, doesn’t He? There was a time, say thousands of years ago, when our ancestors didn’t react to anxiety by reaching for a pill. Instead, they grabbed the limb of the nearest tree and started climbing for their lives. In those days stress meant a big, hungry animal, not car payments, corporate mergers, or choosing Coke or Pepsi at the supermarket. Tree climbing was a life-preserving skill enhanced by moist palms that helped one get a grip on things.

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving three days a week from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Hillsong United recorded their song Here Now (Madness) at a first century tomb that many believe is the tomb where Jesus was buried. They posted: It seemed perfect to record this on the doorstep of the Garden Tomb right below where many believe Golgotha was – The Madness of the whole story of Jesus came alive for us and hopefully you catch a glimpse of it also. The members of Hillsong United added: regardless if it was Jesus’ actual one or not – it was empty! Check out the video of their performance… https://youtu.be/ViRb_fyFZtY

Mark Schultz posted a picture of his two young sons nearly covered in leaves. He posted: when you are 4 and 2, leaves are as good as a trip to Disneyland. https://www.instagram.com/p/BMzxc8sjNzE/

Question of the day from Revive Our Hearts: Are we worshiping Him because of the sensation it gives us or just because He is worthy of worship?

Shane Bernard and Shane Everett announced the opening of Wandrin’ Star Farms over the weekend. The members of the worship duo Shane and Shane posted: It’s finally here! They held a grand opening for the new venue near Austin, Texas. The two Shane’s say the goal of the farm is to bless their community and increase the quality of life for all their neighbors. They say their dream is to have a venue which hosts weekly activities and events that are open to all, with a special focus on family fun. https://www.instagram.com/p/BMurvBrjkLF/

Zach Williams may need bypass surgery after the completion of his current tour. He posted a picture of his latest meal, at zombie burgers in Iowa. It featured a hamburger with layers of cheese in the bun along with a side order of fried cheese curds.

The Bible is full of Jacked Up people but Jesus never met a lost cause. — Mark Hall (Casting Crowns)

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. As on ONAIRprep subscriber, you can get a fully-produced, customized version of the Daily Dose of Weird News FREE with a station or show specific tag! Email darren@onairprep.com for details!)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

No wonder we feel full after Thanksgiving dinner. A recent study estimates the typical Thanksgiving meal contains a whopping 7,100 calories.  ***So, when you wake up the next morning feeling you’ve gained three pounds – it turns out you actually have.

WONDER WOMAN (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Court Hearing”

DAILY COMEDY CLIP (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Kenn Kington, “Paid To Do Whatever You Want”

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Millard the Monkey was busy composing beautiful classical music in his tree house. He was working hard to come up with just the right tune, and he was about to share his new composition with Sully the Aardvark!

CLOSE: Boy, that Steve Mozart really must be a talented guy! Sounds like Millard may be a bit envious of Mozart’s skills and talents. C’mon, let’s face it… it’s not that easy to compose great classical music. Or find Waldo for that matter! Tune in next time to see what happens, As the Jungle Turns!

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF NOVEMBER 19/20

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the animals were determined to find out what kind of creature was making giant footprints in the jungle… but then they decided not to because they were scared. But then they got brave and moved forward… and then they got scared again. And now…

CLOSE: Finally… now we’re making some progress! What will the jungle animals find when they get back to the giant footprints? Will Millard become monster food, or will this all turn out to be a giant joke? Find out next time… As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

A text message ends up becoming a big Moment of Duh for one husband and wife!

Anthony Macnee became enraged when he discovered a text message on his wife’s cell phone that said, “I love you.” He was so angry that he forgot that he himself sent the message when he was on a trip out of town. A heated argument ensued that culminated with the wife conking him on the head with the cell phone and the cops being called to settle things down.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU’RE A HIGH-TECH REDNECK

10. You take your net-connected cell phone to the outhouse to read your email.

9. Your e-mail address ends in “.over.yonder.com”.

8. Your computer is worth more than all your cars combined.

7. You trim the kudzu back from your trailer so it won’t mess up your DSL.

6. Your screen saver is a bitmap image of your favorite tractor.

5. You keep inventory of your truck parts, fishin’ lures, and country music tapes in Excel.

4. You find yourself humming, “Well, the first thing you know, old Bill’s a billionaire…”!

3. You can fix a trolling motor with a set of PC tools.

2. You’ve ever used a CD-ROM as a coaster to set your coke can on.

1. Your baseball cap has an Intel logo instead of “CAT”.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A police officer uses his weapon – against himself!

FILE #1: A police officer in Madison, Wisconsin has been officially reprimanded after he accidentally discharged a Taser gun — which resulted in him tasing himself! Authorities wouldn’t release the officer’s name but said officers are required to make sure no air cartridges are loaded before testing the Taser gun at the start of each shift — which our friend did not do. That’s why he got the reprimand — for violating department policy. You would have thought the burning, stinging injury to his own hand would have been enough, but apparently not.

FILE #2: On November 16th, in Ashland, Kentucky, 32-year-old Gerald Roccchi was arrested after he robbed an ice cream store while wielding a stapler! Gerald walked into “The Ice Cream Shop” wearing a ski mask and flashing a chrome-plated stapler. Employees handed over $175 bucks but he was caught shortly after by police and charged with first-degree robbery. Ashland Police Capt. Don Petrella said he didn’t know if Gerald planned to use the stapler as a blunt instrument or had planned to literally shoot staples if the employees resisted.

FILE #3: On November 15th Gregory Holley robbed a bank, but was easily located a while later riding a bike, still wearing the same clothes he wore during the robbery. Oh, and he was still in possession of the manila envelope and bait money.  And – one more thing – he was also still covered in red dye from the bank dye pack explosion.

STRANGE LAW: In Myrtle Creek OR, it is a law that you cannot box with a kangaroo.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A tip for would-be drug kingpins… you may want to consider a different profession if your father is the local sheriff.

Bobby Hopper, the sheriff in Fulton County, Kentucky, recently arrested Robert Hopper Jr. after allegedly finding him making methamphetamine. If the names sound similar, you’re right. They are father and son and it was Junior’s second arrest by his father on meth-related charges in a month.  This is your brain on drugs.

PHONER PHUN

People complain a lot about their jobs (see today’s “Life… Live It’), but what’s the BEST thing about your job (other than the paycheck)?

Do you have people in your life that enjoy the weirdest combinations of foods? I used to work with a guy that eats only mayo on his french fries. Turns out that’s a real European thing. Heard about a girl that eats things like a full plate of rice… that’s it, just rice… when she goes to a Mexican restaurant. What’s the weirdest thing you or someone you know enjoy eating?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: When Isaac passed away…Who buried him?

ANSWER: Jacob & Esau (Genesis 35:29)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: 60% of Americans admit they do this at work. What is it?

ANSWER: Taking a nap.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. In the Peanuts comic strip Lucy, Linus and Rerun were cousins. (False – they were all siblings. Rerun sometimes played left-field on Charlie Brown’s baseball team – when he could find it!)

2. The surface area of an average-sized brick is 79-centimeters squared. (True – even though a brick is more of a rectangle than a square… ha, ha.)

3. According to the Environmental Protection Agency, as much as 5% of all polluting exhaust in urban areas comes lawn mowers! (True)

4. Morris the Cat was once featured in “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.” (True)

5. Capers come from specially-grown rose bushes. (False – they come from caper bushes, an Evergreen shrub.)

6. Zebras are first born with bluish stripes. (False – but they do have brown stripes for their first six months of life.)

7. They used to cover baseballs with actual cowhide. (True – up until 1975)

8. TV marionette Howdy Doody supposedly lived in the town of Howdyville. (False – he lived in Doodyville, which is a much funnier name.)

9. Hiccups are caused by your spleen having convulsions. (False – hiccups are when your diaphragm goes into spasms.)

10. Thomas Edison averaged one patent for every week of his life. (False – but he wasn’t too far behind that. He averaged a patent for every three weeks of his life!)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Dead Fisherman’s Last Request Is To Be ____  _____!” (FISH FOOD)


When long time fishing enthusiast Peter Hodge learned he had a terminal disease, he made a dying wish for his ashes to be turned into fish food! That wish become a reality when Peter passed and his remains were mixed with thespecial ground bait he used to catch fish and then tossed into the local river where he loved to fish.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

A man died and his wife phoned the newspaper to place an obituary. She called the obituary department and said, “This is what I want to print: Bernie is dead.”
The man at the newspaper said, “But for $25 you are allowed to print six words.”
The woman answered, “OK. Then print: Bernie is dead. Toyota for sale.”

JOKE #2

A man went to the doctor because he was concerned about his lessening level of energy. He told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. 

When the examination was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”

“Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “you’re just lazy.”

“Okay,” said the man. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”

JOKE #3

I was in the backyard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when I walked into the house, he followed me, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour.

This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar:

“Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.”

The next day the dog arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: “He lives in a home with 10 children – he’s trying to catch up on his sleep.”

USELESS FACTS

According to research at the Centre for Health and Society in Copenhagen, Denmark, babies who weigh six pounds or less at birth or more than 9.4 pounds are far more likely to die earlier as an adult than babies of average weight.  ***And what exactly are we supposed to do with this information – tell the unborn babies at six pounds that they’d better bulk up?

The French have invented a cell phone that works underwater.  ***Apparently they’ve all but given up on figuring out how to get a decent signal on dry land.

FEATURED FUNNIES

SIGNS YOUR TURKEY WAS USING STEROIDS

  • Those aren’t bowling pins, those are his drumsticks

  • Had a hairy upper beak

  • Pop-up timer shot out, wounded seven

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

SHE SHOULD “MAKEUP” WITH HIM

A man almost dies – because he kissed his wife!

Giving his wife a good morning kiss almost proved fatal for one man recently. The man fell ill on his way to work shortly after kissing his wife on the cheek. According to reports, the man suffered breathing problems and had to be rushed to a hospital, where he was treated with cortisone injections. He was later released. The anaphylactic shock was caused by the man’s allergy to cereals, a basic ingredient in his wife’s make-up. ***MARLAR: Maybe she should wear a different makeup other than corn flakes.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THE MAYONNAISE JAR AND COFFEE

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar…and the coffee…

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and  empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.  He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “yes.”

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things – God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions. Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else-the small stuff.

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s  always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a  friend.”

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

CROSSING OVER

Crossing over. Jars of Clay did it. So did Sixpence None the Richer, Pillar, Amy Grant, Michael W. Smith, and one of my personal favorites… Switchfoot.

Crossover is a music industry term. It refers to acts that “cross over” from one music category to another. When Jars of Clay, for example, scored a major hit with their song “Flood,” they crossed over from the contemporary Christian music charts to the pop music charts. Sixpence did the same thing a couple of years later with their song, “Kiss Me” and now Switchfoot’s “Mean to Live” is a bit crossover hit.

When a contemporary Christian music act crosses over, the pop charts are like “uncharted” territory. The experience presents all sorts of challenges, not the least of which is contending for the faith within a more hostile environment.

But even there, the Word of God offers advice. The people of God have been “crossing over” into unfamiliar territory for many millennia.

When the nation of Israel was preparing to cross over the Jordan River into the Promised Land, the territory was unfamiliar. So God directed the Levites to carry the Ark of the Covenant first – to represent God’s presence with His people – and the Israelites were to follow them.

The same advice works for you. If you are crossing over into unfamiliar territory–from high school to college, for example, or to a new job or a new home–remember that God is with you. Christians don’t need the Ark of the Covenant anymore, because God has given His Holy Spirit.

When the Levites’ feet touched the edge of the Jordan, it caused a Red Sea encore: The river parted, allowing the Israelites to pass through as if they were walking on dry land. The miracle was the first of many that would mark Israel’s conquest of the Promised Land.

In the same way, you might experience miracles. It might be as simple as the absence of stress as you enter this new phase of life. God could even do something wild–an old friend popping up at your new church–to remind you that He is in control. Whatever He chooses to do, you don’t want to cross over to any new adventure without God’s presence.

LEFTOVERS

AND YOU CAN SHAKE HANDS WITH YOUR MEAL

Cambodia has come up with a unique way to deal with the stray dog population.

Cambodia’s capital Phnom Penh is overrun with stray dogs, so city governor Kep Chuktema is taking action: he’s urging citizens to start eating them. Dog meat lovers in the city are so embarrassed about it, they call it “jogging cow” meat when they order it, but Kep says it’s time for them to throw off their citified snootiness and get back to eating dog meat, like their poor rural cousins do. He said the Vietnamese and Koreans also love dog meat, adding, “Come on, dog meat is so delicious!” ***MARLAR: And your meal will actually fetch you his own shish kabob stick!

LIFE… LIVE IT

TOP OFFICE COMPLAINTS

According to a study by the International Facility Management Association, the Top Ten Office Complaints are…

  • “It’s too cold”
  • “It’s too hot”
  • Poor janitorial service
  • Not enough conference rooms
  • Not enough storage/filing space in workstation
  • Poor indoor air quality
  • No privacy in workstation/office
  • Inadequate parking
  • Computer problems
  • Noise level/too noisy.

Along with complaints about standard workplace issues, a humorous list of write-ins emerged as well. Facility Managers say they’ve received the following real complaints from office workers:

  • The green color of the carpet is making me sick, and if you don’t do something I will have to hire an exorcist to remove the evil spirits.
  • The smell from the potpourri at the reception desk is killing my tropical fish.  (The fish were one floor below!)
  • Please inform housekeeping that I am unable and unwilling to move my Star Wars action figure set in order for them to clean.  They will need to work around it.
  • The women’s restroom floor has too much shine and it reflects up into the neighboring stall like a mirror. Can the janitors dull it down?
  • Too much natural light.
  • I don’t like the color of the extension cord.
  • The bathrooms are boring.
  • The air in the building smells like bacon.
  • Come get the mushrooms out of my carpet.
  • My workstation isn’t located in a place that’s going to get me a promotion.

JUST FOR FUN

THE RIGHT TIME FOR THE WRONG NUMBER

A story that proves that God can use anything, even a wrong number, to help someone.

92-year-old Luella Chester of East Tampa, Florida owes her life to someone who dialed the wrong number. It all happened when Jill Kalish was attempting to call her housekeeper Mary Chestnut. Instead, she dialed the wrong number and got Luella by mistake. When the phone rang, Luella picked up the phone and blurted out, ”Lord have mercy, I’m so sick. I need help.” At first, Jill hung up when she hadn’t reached her housekeeper Mary. But after talking with Mary, the two frantically began dialing the phone trying until they could duplicate the original wrong number. When they finally got through an hour and a half later, they asked Luella for her address. They then called 911 to send over an ambulance. The emergency room doctor said Luella, who was suffering a heart attack, wouldn’t have survived the night. She is expected to recover.

FUN LIST

YOU AND YOUR BOSS: THE SUBTLE DIFFERENCES

  • If you take a long time, you’re slow. But if your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough.
  • If you don’t do it, you’re lazy. But if your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.
  • If you make a mistake, you’re a goober. But if your boss makes a mistake, he’s ‘only human’.
  • If you take a stand, you’re being bull-headed. But if your boss does it, he’s being firm.
  • If you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you’re being rude. But if your boss skips a few rules, he’s being original.
  • If you do something without being told, you’re overstepping your authority. But if your boss does the same thing, he’s taking initiative.
  • If you’re on a day off sick, you’re ‘always’ sick. But if your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
  • If you’re out of the office, you’re wandering around. But if your boss is out of the office, he’s on business.
  • If you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview. But if your boss applies for leave, it’s because he’s overworked.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

 THINGS TO DO AT THANKSGIVING

  • Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your “shake” back to the table. Announce that it’s the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake.

  • When everyone goes around to say what they are Thankful for, say, “I’m thankful I didn’t get caught” and refuse to say anything more.

  • During mid-meal turn to mom and say, “See mom, I told you they wouldn’t notice that the Turkey was past the expiration date. You were worried for nothing.”

  • Dress up as a turkey and go door to door, asking for mashed potatoes and cranberries.

  • Instead of leftovers. Have a food fight!

SOME OF THE CRAZIEST QUESTIONS THE BUTTERBALL TALK LINE HAS EVER BEEN ASKED (Yahoo Foods): 

Q: So I’m looking at a turkey from 1969 sitting here in my father’s freezer… any tips on the best way to cook a 30-year-old bird?

A: There is no saving such aged meat. Butterball suggested the man “throw out the old turkey and buy a new one.”

Q: How do I roast my turkey so it gets golden brown tan lines — in the shape of a turkey bikini?

A: Outline your turkey with aluminum foil in the shape of a bikini, before cooking.

Q: How do you carve a turkey when all of its bones have been broken?

A: A proud male caller called the Talk Line to boast of his genius method to get a large turkey to fit in a small pan: He wrapped his turkey in a towel and stomped on it several times, breaking the bones so it would fit in his pan. If your turkey won’t fit in your roasting pan, Butterball recommends a different cooking method, like deep frying the turkey. “Or, buy two smaller turkeys in place of a large one.”

Q: I carved my turkey with a chainsaw… is the chain grease going to adversely affect my turkey?

A: For so many reasons, don’t try this at home. “Instead, let your turkey rest at least 20 minutes after cooking to make carving easier,” the company suggests. “Then, use a carving knife you would find in your kitchen.”

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Living on the Edge is offering a free course on becoming a More Effective Group Leader led by Chip Ingram and Lance Witt. The free training is filled with actionable tools and resources. They say that, if you’re ready to impact the world by developing Christians who really live like Christians, this course might be for you. http://ow.ly/WBRw305ZQLU

A warning for morning zombies: If you need an alarm to wake up in the morning, you may be at risk of weight gain. In a study from Germany, 69 percent of people reported “social jet lag,” a situation in which your daily schedule is at least an hour off your internal body clock. Socially jet lagged folks were three times as likely to be overweight. Sleep times that do not regularly sync up with your body clock may alter metabolism, the researchers say. So give this a try… go to bed an hour early tonight and see if you wake up before the alarm sounds.

If you are on the hunt for a new job, here’s something to keep in mind.  To make a good impression, there is one thing you should never include on your resume: a cute, amusing, hip, witty or clever e-mail address. This type of address looks so unprofessional that it could actually be a career killer, according to Kevin Tamanini, a doctoral candidate in industrial and organizational psychology at Ohio University in Athens. It seems that job candidates with quirky e-mail addresses are rated lower by potential employers than those who have more professional sounding e-mail names.

It’s been scientifically proven that people who get eight hours of sleep each night tend to weigh less than those who don’t but did you ever think that catching your z’s could help you save money? It’s true. Getting enough sleep helps your body maintain a proper hormonal balance and keeps your appetite in check during the day. But shutting off your lights, computer, TV and lowering your thermostat in chilly weather for eight hours will also cut down your energy bills. And that means more money stays in your wallet.

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

NOVEMBER 18, 2016…

The Edge Of Seventeen—Hailee Steinfeld (who now has a singing career, too) stars as a young girl who doesn’t know what to do when her brother begins to date her best friend. Oh, my, what to do? “The Edge of Seventeen” is rated PG 13. No rating.

Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them—J. K. Rowlings has done it again, and this time, takes her readers to before the events of  “Harry Potter.”  Eddie Redmayne is Newt Scamander who is a magizoologist studying “Nifflers” among other animals. His job is to keep them contained…not that easy.  Also in the cast are Colin Farrell, Dan Fogler and Katherine Waterston. “Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.

Nocturnal Animals—This movie is based on the book, “Tony and Susan” by Austin Wright.  It tells of a married businesswoman (Amy Adams) who gets a book manuscript from her ex-husband (Jake Gyllenhaal), after many years. Then we become interested in the characters of the novel, are they real? Why this length of time to contact Amy? “Nocturnal Animals” is rated R. Rating of 2 for book fans.

The Disappointments Room—Kate Beckinsale can do comedy, as we found in “Love & Friendship,” but here she tackes a haunted house in the Deep South. Her husband (Mel Raido) and Kate move to his home, but is it a mistake? “The Disappointments Room” is rated R. No rating.

NOVEMBER 23, 2016…

Loving stars Ruth Negga and  Joel Edgerton as a black-white couple who get married in the 1960’s.

Allied has Brad Pitt and Marion Cotillard as two spies during WWII.

Bad Santa 2 stars Billy Bob Thornton as a man trying to ruin Christmas. (Didn’t he already try??)

Moana is an animated film with the voice of Dwayne Johnson (“The Rock”) about an Island girl from 3000 years ago who wants to save her people.

Rules Don’t Apply is directed and stars, Warren Beatty, and about Howard Hughes.

Lion concerns a young Indian man who wants to trace his ancestry. Stars Dev Patel and Nicole Kidman.

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.