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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20151119
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
I just read, “Behind every successful person is a pack of haters.” So if you could all please start hating me now, I’d greatly appreciate it.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
“For wherever two or three are gathered in My name, I am there in the midst of them.” –Matthew 18:20
Know that the Lord is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. — John 17:17
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
They preached the good news in that city and won a large number of disciples. Then they returned to Lystra, Iconium and Antioch, strengthening the disciples and encouraging them to remain true to the faith. — Acts 14:21-22
Thought: Do you know a new Christian? Paul and Barnabas remind us that it is difficult becoming a Christian; there are hard times for new Christians! So let’s make sure we don’t just share the Gospel with them. Let’s also stand by them, check on them, strengthen them, and encourage them.
Prayer: Loving Father, please be with the new Christians in our church. Use me to be a source of encouragement to them and strength for them. May my life always be a positive influence on them and other new Christians as well. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
Deuteronomy 11:19 NIV = Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
TODAY IS THURSDAY – NOVEMBER 19, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 36 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
There are only 35 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS. ***MARLAR: And I haven’t had any requests from any of you asking for my Christmas wish list; do you just not care?
Today is NATIONAL ALLIGATOR WRESTLING DAY. ***MARLAR: Please, this is (CITY OF LICENSE) – we don’t even wrestle over alligator bags.
Today is NATIONAL CARBONATED BEVERAGE WITH CAFFEINE DAY. ***MARLAR: Still waiting for Pepsi to come out with a carbonated coffee.
Today is NATIONAL PENCIL APPRECIATION DAY. ***MARLAR: I don’t think I’ve used a pencil once since leaving college. What I appreciate more than anything is not having to constantly look for a sharpener.
Today is HAVE A BAD DAY DAY, a day for all the grouches who can’t stand being told constantly to have a nice day. ***MARLAR: So, from the bottom of our hearts, please, have rotten day.
Today is MOUTHWASH MIXING DAY, a day to mix portions of two or more brands of mouthwash just to see if they taste better. ***MARLAR: But then, it can’t taste much worse, can it?
Today is WORLD TOILET DAY. ***MARLAR: Talk about a community toilet! Can you imagine being the guy in charge of cleaning the “World Toilet”?
THAWING TIPS… DO NOT THAW YOUR TURKEY AT ROOM TEMPERATURE!!! That allows bacteria to grow, and you don’t want to make yourself or you family sick for Thanksgiving!
- Refrigerator Thawing: Thaw your turkey in unopened wrapper, breast-side up, on a tray in the refrigerator. For every four pounds of turkey, allow at least one day of thawing.
- Cold Water Thawing: Place turkey in unopened wrapper, breast down and cover completely with cold tap water. Change the water every 30 minutes to keep surface of the turkey cold. Estimate minimum thawing time to be 30 minutes per pound for a whole turkey.
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Have a Bad Day Day
Rocky and Bullwinkle Day
World Philosophy Day
COMING UP NEXT
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 20
African Industrialization Day
Name Your PC Day
Universal Children’s Day
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 21
Family Volunteer Day
National Day of Play
Playmobil’s National Day of Play
World Hello Day
World Television Day
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 22
Humane Society Anniversary Day
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 23
Doctor Who Day
International Image Consultant Day
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 24
Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day
D.B. Cooper Day
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 25
International Day For The Elimination of Violence Against women Day
Shopping Reminder Day
Tie One On Day
THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26
ON THIS DAY
1863: U.S. President Abraham Lincoln delivered the Gettysburg Address on a Civil War battlefield in Pennsylvania.
1887: Poet Emma Lazarus died of lung cancer in New York at age 38. In her poem “New Colossus” to help raise money for the Statue of Liberty pedestal, she wrote, “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses…” She never saw the statue.
1932: In West Virginia, Liberty State trounced Cedarville 127-0. According to college football records, halfback Joe Kershalla scored 71 points, though Liberty State had no record of Joe Kershalla ever being enrolled. ***MARLAR: What? A college football player not going to class?!? Boy, I’ll bet THAT never happened again!
1965: Kellogg introduced a new pastry called “Pop Tarts.”
1969: Apollo 12 astronauts Charles Conrad and Alan Bean made man’s second landing on the moon. ***MARLAR: Not the first men on the moon, but the second… which is why you’ve never heard of Charles Conrad and Alan Bean.
1955: Carl Perkins recorded “Blue Suede Shoes” at Sun Records in Memphis. The single hit #4 in the nation four months later.
1990: The National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences stripped the group Milli Vanilli of its 1989 Best New Artist Grammy because Rob Pilatus and Fabrice Morvan didn’t actually sing on their debut album, Girl You Know It’s True. It was the first time a Grammy Award was unawarded. ***MARLAR: Of course, this was many years ago when there was such a thing as artist integrity. Nowadays we have people outright copying other people’s music, looping it, and expecting to be awarded as a genius.
1992: Superman died. Or at least, the issue of DC Comics in which Superman died went on sale. The 54-year-old superhero lost to a gray, bony, really nasty villain named Doomsday.
1996: Boating magazine announced the winners of its boat-name contest: Luna-Sea, Fishcally Irresponsible, Lady Go Diver, Fishin Impossible, and Wake, Rattle, & Troll.
1997: Bobbi McCaughey gave birth to four boys and three girls at Iowa Methodist Medical Center in Des Moines. Only the second set of septuplets known to be born alive, the babies were delivered two months early by C-section and weighed from 2-pounds 5-ounces to 3-pounds 4-ounces. ***MARLAR: In their honor, the Beach Boys rerecorded their hit song “Don’t Worry Baby” as “Don’t Worry Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby.”
2002: Singer Michael Jackson appeared outside his Berlin hotel and briefly held his youngest child, Prince Michael II, over a fourth-floor balcony as dozens of fans watched below.
2002: Dutch police arrested a 24-year-old man from Apeldoorn for stealing a car to drive to court where he was facing charges of stealing three other cars.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1742: English revivalist George Whitefield wrote in a letter: ‘Plead His promises, be much in secret prayer, and never give God rest, till your soul is filled with all His fulness.’
1862: Birth of William (Billy) Sunday, American revivalist. Orphaned during the Civil War, Sunday became a major league baseball player 1883-91, then turned to evangelism in 1893, speaking to an estimated total audience of 100 million before his death in 1935.
1885: Birth of Haldor Lillenas, American hymnwriter. He penned nearly 4,000 Gospel texts and hymn tunes during his lifetime, including “It Is Glory Just to Walk With Him,” Wonderful Grace of Jesus” and “Peace, Peace, Wonderful Peace.”
1910: Swedish Pentecostal missionaries Daniel Berg, 26, and Adolf Vingren, 31, arrived in Brazil. In 1918 they established the first Pentecostal church, from which grew Brazil’s largest Protestant body, the Assemblies of God.
1961: The Third Assembly of the World Council of Churches convened at New Delhi, India, during which the International Missionary Council and its work was integrated into the larger ecumenical group.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actress (Silence of the Lambs, Flightplan, Panic Room, Contact) Jodie Foster 53
- actress (Sleepless in Seattle, Kate & Leopold, You’ve Got Mail, Joe Versus the Volcano) Meg Ryan 54
- actress (Event Horizon, A Civil Action, Apollo 13, “Prison Break”, The Hills Have Eyes, “Family Law”) Kathleen Quinlan 61
- actor (“The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams”) Dan Haggarty 74
- TV host Dick Cavett 79
- TV talker Larry King 82
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1905 : Tommy Dorsey
1927 : The Singing Postman
1934 : Dave Guard (The Kingston trio)
1937 : Ray Collins (Mothers of Invention)
1938 : Hank Medress (The Tokens)
1939 : Pete Moore (SSmokey Robinson & The Miracles)
1943 : Fred Lipsius (Blood, Sweat & Tears)
1946 : Joe Correro (Paul Revere and the Raiders)
1954 : Annette Guest (First Choice)
1960 : Matt Sorum (Guns N’ Roses)
1969 : Travis McNabb (Better Than Ezra)
1971 : Tony Rich
1975 : Tamika Scott (Xscape)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
Why do our palms sweat when we’re nervous?
If your palms weren’t so exposed to the surrounding air you would probably have to rub them with deodorant every morning. That’s because you have more sweat glands there than anywhere else. (And a phrase such as “I’ve got to hand it to you” would take on a new and less friendly meaning.) Why do sweat glands proliferate on our palms? We can probably blame God for this one… then again, He always knows the answers to everything, doesn’t He? There was a time, say thousands of years ago, when our ancestors didn’t react to anxiety by reaching for a pill. Instead, they grabbed the limb of the nearest tree and started climbing for their lives. In those days stress meant a big, hungry animal, not car payments, corporate mergers, or choosing Coke or Pepsi at the supermarket. Tree climbing was a life-preserving skill enhanced by moist palms that helped one get a grip on things.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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Kutless member James Mead has drawn a line in the sand. He was recently asked to name his favorite Christmas song. James’ reply: I can’t answer this question until AFTER Thanksgiving.
Sanctus Real front man Matt Hammitt shared the words of a plaque he saw on the wall of a school in South Carolina. It told students: Follow Your Heart. Matt replied: great advice to get teens into some of the worst mistakes of their lives.
Casting Crowns Chris Huffman says he had some help celebrating his 35th birthday over the weekend. Chris tweeted: Got to meet former NFL LB Kenyatta Wright before the show tonight and it was a great day turning 35! Happy birthday to me in Oklahoma.
A special honor for Switchfoot over the weekend. Members of the band shared a picture of a world map and said: Honored to be playing our songs overseas for the troops this week-thanks to all the veterans out there.
Hawk Nelson front man Jon Steingard had some extra help during a stop in Kansas City over the weekend. Following the concert Jon tweeted: Kansas City was SO VERY good to us! Thanks for singing loud and supporting my voice that was hurting a bit tonight!
Casting Crowns was on Facebook for a live chat about their new album over the weekend. The main purpose was to introduce listeners to their new live project but word is that you can also watch Mark Hall’s debut as a ninja. Check out the Facebook video…
Colton Dixon spent 8 minutes late last week car-okeing with a friend. Watch Colton as he talks about singing and sings along with some of his music. Check out the car-okeing video…
Kari Jobe is out with a 14 day devotional on the You Version Bible App. The devotional is based on Kari’s latest CD Majestic Revisited.
Natalie Grant tried something new over the weekend. She held her first live concert on Facebook last last week. However, if you missed out, the hour long show is still available online.
Music from Selah was featured on this weeks edition of The Voice on NBC. Contestant Jordan Smith performed the Selah song Great is Thy Faithfulness.
ODD & STRANGE NEWS…
(THIS WILL BE CHANGING SOON DUE TO MYNEWS SHUTTING DOWN. I WILL LOOK TO FIND MATERIAL ELSEWHERE, BUT LETTING YOU KNOW THAT THIS WILL LOOK DIFFERENT SOON.)
|Lawsuit: Amusement park lets chimpanzee smoke cigarettes
NEW ORLEANS (AP) — An animal rights group is suing to get a chimpanzee named Candy out of an amusement park where, it says, she smokes cigarettes and is given soft drinks instead of water. Candy is isolated in an inadequate cage at the Baton Rouge park, and should be moved to a sanctuary,…
|Police say hoagie hurler hauled in on assault charge
FAIRFAX, Va. (AP) — Police have given a New Jersey man special recognition for sandwich throwing: They locked him up. The Fairfax City Police Department in Virginia says in a news release that 32-year-old Jonathan M. Magnes of Morristown was drunk when he threw a sandwich at a 50-year-old man…
|Man arrested in soap/cocaine mix-up sues in Pennsylvania
ALLENTOWN, Pa. (AP) — A New York man who spent 29 days in jail after Pennsylvania state police mistook homemade soap for cocaine has filed a lawsuit. HASH(0x1410ec0) Bernstein was a passenger in a Mercedes-Benz police pulled over for speeding near Allentown in November 2013. Troopers smelled…
|Arizona officer helps woman who gave birth on side of road photo
TUCSON, Ariz. (AP) — An Arizona highway trooper getting ready to cite a speeding driver instead wound up helping a woman in another car who delivered a baby boy on the side of the road. Trooper Miguel Rincon was conducting a traffic stop Saturday on a highway near the southern Arizona town of…
|Dead 4-foot-long alligator found in New Jersey park
NEWARK, N.J. (AP) — A dead 4-foot-long alligator has been found in a park in northern New Jersey. The county sheriff’s office says it removed the dead animal from Newark’s Weequahic Park after a jogger spotted the reptile around 7 a.m. Tuesday. HASH(0x1418880) The remains were turned over to…
|Police remove 3-foot-long snake from Texas bathtub
WACO, Texas (AP) — Police in Texas have safely removed a 3-foot-long snake that a woman discovered in her bathtub. Nobody was hurt in the incident before dawn Tuesday. Sgt. W. Patrick Swanton says a woman called police to say her adult daughter found a snake in her bathtub and needed help…
|Woman who stabbed boyfriend with pen pleads guilty
AKRON, Ohio (AP) — A northeast Ohio woman accused of stabbing her boyfriend after yelling at him for eating all of the salsa has pleaded guilty to reduced charges. Ronnie Buckner told officers 50-year-old Phyllis Jefferson yelled at him in March at his apartment for finishing off the salsa….
|Gum returns to famed Seattle wall days after cleaning
SEATTLE (AP) — Chewing gum once again adorns Seattle’s famed gum wall less than a week after it was steamed clean of 20 years’ worth of old chewing gum. HASH(0x13d04d0) Last Tuesday powerful steam cleaners melted off an estimated 1 million pieces of gum from the wall, which hadn’t been…
|Arizona officer helps woman who gave birth on side of road photo
TUCSON, Ariz. (AP) — An Arizona highway trooper getting ready to cite a speeding driver instead wound up helping a woman in another car who delivered a baby boy on the side of the road. Trooper Miguel Rincon was conducting a traffic stop Saturday on a highway near the southern Arizona town of…
|Wildlife workers free hungry bear’s head from milk can photo
THURMONT, Md. (AP) — In an episode reminiscent of “Winnie the Pooh,” Maryland state wildlife workers used an electric hand saw to remove a milk can that was stuck on the head of a bear. Department of Natural Resources spokeswoman Karis King says the wildlife response team was called early…
|Pennsylvania woman arrested for DUI crashes twice in 1 day
SOMERSET, Pa. (AP) — Pennsylvania State police say they’ve arrested a woman for two different drunken driving crashes in the same day. Troopers from Somerset say Michele Leonard, of Somerset, crashed her car about 5 p.m. Saturday. She was arrested, charged with drunken driving and then…
HEALTH & FITNESS NEWS…
(THIS WILL BE CHANGING SOON DUE TO MYNEWS SHUTTING DOWN. I WILL LOOK TO FIND MATERIAL ELSEWHERE, BUT LETTING YOU KNOW THAT THIS WILL LOOK DIFFERENT SOON.)
|Swaziland makes progress in quest to eliminate malaria
JOHANNESBURG (AP) — Swaziland could eliminate malaria by the end of 2016 or in early 2017, likely making it the first mainland country in sub-Saharan Africa to get rid of the deadly disease, according to an international health expert. Namibia, Botswana and South Africa are also making…
|American Medical Association backs prescription drug ad ban
CHICAGO (AP) — The American Medical Association on Tuesday called for a ban on direct-to-consumer ads for prescription drugs and implantable medical devices, saying they contribute to rising costs and patients’ demands for inappropriate treatment. Delegates at the influential group’s…
|EPA intends tougher downwind air-pollution rule in 23 states photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Environmental Protection Agency proposed tougher new limits on Tuesday on smokestack emissions from nearly two dozen states that burden downwind areas with air pollution from power plants they can’t control. At the same time, the EPA moved to remove two states —…
|CDC: US sexually transmitted disease epidemic worsening
CHICAGO (AP) — A U.S. sexually transmitted diseases epidemic is increasing and the most common infection, chlamydia, has risen to record levels, government officials say. Reported cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis all increased in 2014. Chlamydia cases had dipped in 2013, but last…
|Study: To avoid higher health law premiums, switch plans photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — In a well-known auto insurance commercial, a garrulous gecko promises you can save 15 percent if you switch insurers. It turns out something similar is happening with the Obama administration’s health insurance overhaul: A study out Wednesday finds that this year’s most…
|Courting business, Obama presses for climate action in Asia photo
MANILA, Philippines (AP) — Aggressive action to fight climate change will be a boon for businesses in Asia and beyond, President Barack Obama is asserting as he reaches for a global climate change agreement he hopes will burnish his environmental legacy. World leaders are just weeks away from…
|Less prostate cancer and screening seen after new guidance
CHICAGO (AP) — Far fewer U.S. men are being diagnosed with early-stage prostate cancer and getting blood tests to detect the disease since an influential government-appointed panel recommended against routine screening of all men, an American Cancer Society study found. A big question…
|Some facts about HIV in the United States
Some facts about HIV, from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: —About 1.2 million people in the United States, and 35 million people globally, are estimated to be living with HIV. —In the U.S., the CDC estimates nearly 13 percent of those people don’t know they’re infected….
|AMA: Pot use in pregnancy may pose risks, warnings needed photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Warning: Marijuana use during pregnancy and breast-feeding poses potential harms. That message would be written on medical and recreational marijuana products and posted wherever they’re sold if the nation’s most influential doctors group has its way. The American Medical…
|Senate panel questions FDA nominee on drug prices, approvals photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — President Barack Obama’s nominee to lead the Food and Drug Administration defended his record Tuesday as senators pressed him about rising drug prices, slow approval times for new drugs and his ties to the pharmaceutical industry. Dr. Robert Califf, 64, is currently the No….
|Guinea begins countdown to end of Ebola after nearly 2 years
CONAKRY, Guinea (AP) — Authorities have started the countdown to the end of Ebola in Guinea, the last country still reporting cases after nearly two years and more than 11,000 deaths worldwide, health officials said Tuesday. The patient’s recovery and the lack of new cases raise hopes that…
(No news on the weekends. Audio clips are only valid for a few days before being removed from our servers.)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
A standoff in California (Desert Hot Springs) that lasted more than 12 hours ended Tuesday morning when police realized the suspects they were looking for weren’t at the home they surrounded. ***Apparently the cops just though the guy was mad at them and was giving them the silent treatment. (AUDIO: Neighbor comments about the situation while it happens.)
In an interview that aired Tuesday with NBC’s Matt Lauer, Charlie Sheen admitted he’s living with the HIV virus. *** Which came as a surprise to absolutely nobody. (AUDIO: Charlie admits it.)
An intoxicated passenger had to be restrained after attempting to open an exit door on a flight this week from London to Boston. *** This is what happens when you tell people they have to go outside to smoke.
Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal has ended his campaign for the Republican nomination for president. ***Which is strange, because I had no idea he was even running. (AUDIO: Jindal drops out.)
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
No wonder we feel full after Thanksgiving dinner. A recent study estimates the typical Thanksgiving meal contains a whopping 7,100 calories. ***MARLAR: So, when you wake up the next morning feeling you’ve gained three pounds – it turns out you actually have.
Chicago is known as “the windy city,” but its reputation is exaggerated. Among the 68 windiest cities in the U.S., it ranks only 21st. Cheyenne, Wyoming and Great Falls, Montana top the list. ***MARLAR: When it comes to hot wind, top of the list is Washington, D.C.
A new study shows that young people are becoming so reliant on electronic devices that they can no longer remember everyday details like their phone numbers. ***Don’t worry, kids. The NSA’s got you covered.
A new study from the University of Buffalo in New York found that couples who smoke weed together have a significantly lower rate of fighting and domestic violence. And their main theory why is — drum roll, please — marijuana mellows you out and makes you happy. When people are happy, they don’t fight. ***MARLAR: Unless you’re having money problems and can’t afford weed… or you can’t afford bail money for the spouse that was just arrested for trying to buy weed… then maybe this whole marijuana thing could be an issue.
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Mouse-Flavored Cat Food”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Sally Boeke, “Three Boys”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THURSDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, Marvy Snuffleson was meeting all of the Razzleflabbins for the first time, and they were telling him how they accept everyone they meet… without exception. Everyone is welcome, everyone is considered a friend, well… except for that one Razzleflabbin…
CLOSE: What will happen to Marvy? Will the Plaid Guy put an end to Razzleflabbin Island forever? And does the Plaid Guy have a second cousin twice-removed named Paisley Guy? Tune in again to find out, As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF NOVEMBER 21/22
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Katie Snuffleson was eating all the candy she wanted in the cloud city of Candyland over Razzleflabbin Island. Unfortunately, she’s eaten a bit too much candy – and now the clouds are slowly losing their grip on her, she’s too heavy, and is beginning to fall from the sky to the ocean below!
CLOSE: Tune in again next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
A text message ends up becoming a big Moment of Duh for one husband and wife!
Anthony Macnee became enraged when he discovered a text message on his wife’s cell phone that said, “I love you.” He was so angry that he forgot that he himself sent the message when he was on a trip out of town. A heated argument ensued that culminated with the wife conking him on the head with the cell phone and the cops being called to settle things down.
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU’RE A HIGH-TECH REDNECK
- You take your net-connected cell phone to the outhouse to read your email.
- Your e-mail address ends in “.over.yonder.com”.
- Your computer is worth more than all your cars combined.
- You trim the kudzu back from your trailer so it won’t mess up your DSL.
- Your screen saver is a bitmap image of your favorite tractor.
- You keep inventory of your truck parts, fishin’ lures, and country music tapes in Excel.
- You find yourself humming, “Well, the first thing you know, old Bill’s a billionaire…”!
- You can fix a trolling motor with a set of PC tools.
- You’ve ever used a CD-ROM as a coaster to set your coke can on.
- Your baseball cap has an Intel logo instead of “CAT”.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
A police officer uses his weapon – against himself!
FILE #1: A police officer in Madison, Wisconsin has been officially reprimanded after he accidentally discharged a Taser gun — which resulted in him tasing himself! Authorities wouldn’t release the officer’s name but said officers are required to make sure no air cartridges are loaded before testing the Taser gun at the start of each shift — which our friend did not do. That’s why he got the reprimand — for violating department policy. You would have thought the burning, stinging injury to his own hand would have been enough, but apparently not.
FILE #2: On November 16th, in Ashland, Kentucky, 32-year-old Gerald Roccchi was arrested after he robbed an ice cream store while wielding a stapler! Gerald walked into “The Ice Cream Shop” wearing a ski mask and flashing a chrome-plated stapler. Employees handed over $175 bucks but he was caught shortly after by police and charged with first-degree robbery. Ashland Police Capt. Don Petrella said he didn’t know if Gerald planned to use the stapler as a blunt instrument or had planned to literally shoot staples if the employees resisted.
FILE #3: On November 15th Gregory Holley robbed a bank, but was easily located a while later riding a bike, still wearing the same clothes he wore during the robbery. Oh, and he was still in possession of the manila envelope and bait money. And – one more thing – he was also still covered in red dye from the bank dye pack explosion.
STRANGE LAW: In Myrtle Creek OR, it is a law that you cannot box with a kangaroo.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
A tip for would-be drug kingpins… you may want to consider a different profession if your father is the local sheriff.
Bobby Hopper, the sheriff in Fulton County, Kentucky, recently arrested Robert Hopper Jr. after allegedly finding him making methamphetamine. If the names sound similar, you’re right. They are father and son and it was Junior’s second arrest by his father on meth-related charges in a month. This is your brain on drugs.
People complain a lot about their jobs (see today’s “Life… Live It’), but what’s the BEST thing about your job (other than the paycheck)?
Do you have people in your life that enjoy the weirdest combinations of foods? I used to work with a guy that eats only mayo on his french fries. Turns out that’s a real European thing. Heard about a girl that eats things like a full plate of rice… that’s it, just rice… when she goes to a Mexican restaurant. What’s the weirdest thing you or someone you know enjoy eating?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: When Isaac passed away…Who buried him?
ANSWER: Jacob & Esau (Genesis 35:29)
QUESTION: 60% of Americans admit they do this at work. What is it?
ANSWER: Taking a nap.
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- In the Peanuts comic strip Lucy, Linus and Rerun were cousins. (False – they were all siblings. Rerun sometimes played left-field on Charlie Brown’s baseball team – when he could find it!)
- The surface area of an average-sized brick is 79-centimters squared. (True – even though a brick is more of a rectangle than a square… ha, ha.)
- According to the Environmental Protection Agency, as much as 5% of all polluting exhaust in urban areas comes lawn mowers! (True)
- Morris the Cat was once featured in “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.” (True)
- Capers come from specially-grown rose bushes. (False – they come from caper bushes, an Evergreen shrub.)
- Zebras are first born with bluish stripes. (False – but they do have brown stripes for their first six months of life.)
- They used to cover baseballs with actual cowhide. (True – up until 1975)
- TV marionette Howdy Doody supposedly lived in the town of Howdyville. (False – he lived in Doodyville, which is a much funnier name.)
- Hiccups are caused by your spleen having convulsions. (False – hiccups are when your diaphragm goes into spasms.)
- Thomas Edison averaged one patent for every week of his life. (False – but he wasn’t too far behind that. He averaged a patent for every three weeks of his life!)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
“Dead Fisherman’s Last Request Is to Become ____ _____!” (FISH FOOD)
When long time fishing enthusiast Peter Hodge learned he had a terminal disease, he made a dying wish for his ashes to be turned into fish food! That wish become a reality when Peter passed and his remains were mixed with thespecial ground bait he used to catch fish and then tossed into the local river where he loved to fish.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
A man died and his wife phoned the newspaper to place an obituary. She called the obituary department and said, “This is what I want to print: Bernie is dead.”
The man at the newspaper said, “But for $25 you are allowed to print six words.”
The woman answered, “OK. Then print: Bernie is dead. Toyota for sale.”
A man went to the doctor because he was concerned about his lessening level of energy. He told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”
“Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “you’re just lazy.”
“Okay,” said the man. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”
I was in the backyard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when I walked into the house, he followed me, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour.
This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar:
“Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.”
The next day the dog arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: “He lives in a home with 10 children – he’s trying to catch up on his sleep.”
According to research at the Centre for Health and Society in Copenhagen, Denmark, babies who weigh six pounds or less at birth or more than 9.4 pounds are far more likely to die earlier as an adult than babies of average weight. ***MARLAR: And what exactly are we supposed to do with this information – tell the unborn babies at six pounds that they’d better bulk up?
The French have invented a cell phone that works underwater. ***MARLAR: Apparently they’ve all but given up on figuring out how to get a decent signal on dry land.
“Text neck” is the technical term for an injury commonly caused by hunching over cell phones. ***MARLAR: And there’s “Textas Neck” where you do the same thing, but get a sunburn on the back of your neck from doing it.
SIGNS YOUR TURKEY WAS USING STEROIDS
- Those aren’t bowling pins, those are his drumsticks
- Had a hairy upper beak
- Pop-up timer shot out, wounded seven
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
SHE SHOULD “MAKEUP” WITH HIM
A man almost dies – because he kissed his wife!
Giving his wife a good morning kiss almost proved fatal for one man recently. The man fell ill on his way to work shortly after kissing his wife on the cheek. According to reports, the man suffered breathing problems and had to be rushed to a hospital, where he was treated with cortisone injections. He was later released. The anaphylactic shock was caused by the man’s allergy to cereals, a basic ingredient in his wife’s make-up. ***MARLAR: Maybe she should wear a different makeup other than corn flakes.
THE MAYONNAISE JAR AND COFFEE
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar…and the coffee…
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “yes.”
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
“Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things – God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions. Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else-the small stuff.
“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.”
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
Crossing over. Jars of Clay did it. So did Sixpence None the Richer, Pillar, Amy Grant, Michael W. Smith, and one of my personal favorites… Switchfoot.
Crossover is a music industry term. It refers to acts that “cross over” from one music category to another. When Jars of Clay, for example, scored a major hit with their song “Flood,” they crossed over from the contemporary Christian music charts to the pop music charts. Sixpence did the same thing a couple of years later with their song, “Kiss Me” and now Switchfoot’s “Mean to Live” is a bit crossover hit.
When a contemporary Christian music act crosses over, the pop charts are like “uncharted” territory. The experience presents all sorts of challenges, not the least of which is contending for the faith within a more hostile environment.
But even there, the Word of God offers advice. The people of God have been “crossing over” into unfamiliar territory for many millennia.
When the nation of Israel was preparing to cross over the Jordan River into the Promised Land, the territory was unfamiliar. So God directed the Levites to carry the Ark of the Covenant first – to represent God’s presence with His people – and the Israelites were to follow them.
The same advice works for you. If you are crossing over into unfamiliar territory–from high school to college, for example, or to a new job or a new home–remember that God is with you. Christians don’t need the Ark of the Covenant anymore, because God has given His Holy Spirit.
When the Levites’ feet touched the edge of the Jordan, it caused a Red Sea encore: The river parted, allowing the Israelites to pass through as if they were walking on dry land. The miracle was the first of many that would mark Israel’s conquest of the Promised Land.
In the same way, you might experience miracles. It might be as simple as the absence of stress as you enter this new phase of life. God could even do something wild–an old friend popping up at your new church–to remind you that He is in control. Whatever He chooses to do, you don’t want to cross over to any new adventure without God’s presence.
AND YOU CAN SHAKE HANDS WITH YOUR MEAL
Cambodia has come up with a unique way to deal with the stray dog population.
Cambodia’s capital Phnom Penh is overrun with stray dogs, so city governor Kep Chuktema is taking action: he’s urging citizens to start eating them. Dog meat lovers in the city are so embarrassed about it, they call it “jogging cow” meat when they order it, but Kep says it’s time for them to throw off their citified snootiness and get back to eating dog meat, like their poor rural cousins do. He said the Vietnamese and Koreans also love dog meat, adding, “Come on, dog meat is so delicious!” ***MARLAR: And your meal will actually fetch you his own shish kabob stick!
LIFE… LIVE IT
TOP OFFICE COMPLAINTS
According to a study by the International Facility Management Association, the Top Ten Office Complaints are…
- “It’s too cold”
- “It’s too hot”
- Poor janitorial service
- Not enough conference rooms
- Not enough storage/filing space in workstation
- Poor indoor air quality
- No privacy in workstation/office
- Inadequate parking
- Computer problems
- Noise level/too noisy.
Along with complaints about standard workplace issues, a humorous list of write-ins emerged as well. Facility Managers say they’ve received the following real complaints from office workers:
- The green color of the carpet is making me sick, and if you don’t do something I will have to hire an exorcist to remove the evil spirits.
- The smell from the potpourri at the reception desk is killing my tropical fish. (The fish were one floor below!)
- Please inform housekeeping that I am unable and unwilling to move my Star Wars action figure set in order for them to clean. They will need to work around it.
- The women’s restroom floor has too much shine and it reflects up into the neighboring stall like a mirror. Can the janitors dull it down?
- Too much natural light.
- I don’t like the color of the extension cord.
- The bathrooms are boring.
- The air in the building smells like bacon.
- Come get the mushrooms out of my carpet.
- My workstation isn’t located in a place that’s going to get me a promotion.
JUST FOR FUN
THE RIGHT TIME FOR THE WRONG NUMBER
A story that proves that God can use anything, even a wrong number, to help someone.
92-year-old Luella Chester of East Tampa, Florida owes her life to someone who dialed the wrong number. It all happened when Jill Kalish was attempting to call her housekeeper Mary Chestnut. Instead, she dialed the wrong number and got Luella by mistake. When the phone rang, Luella picked up the phone and blurted out, ”Lord have mercy, I’m so sick. I need help.” At first, Jill hung up when she hadn’t reached her housekeeper Mary. But after talking with Mary, the two frantically began dialing the phone trying until they could duplicate the original wrong number. When they finally got through an hour and a half later, they asked Luella for her address. They then called 911 to send over an ambulance. The emergency room doctor said Luella, who was suffering a heart attack, wouldn’t have survived the night. She is expected to recover.
YOU AND YOUR BOSS: THE SUBTLE DIFFERENCES
- If you take a long time, you’re slow. But if your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough.
- If you don’t do it, you’re lazy. But if your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.
- If you make a mistake, you’re an goober. But if your boss makes a mistake, he’s ‘only human’.
- If you take a stand, you’re being bull-headed. But if your boss does it, he’s being firm.
- If you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you’re being rude. But if your boss skips a few rules, he’s being original.
- If you do something without being told, you’re overstepping your authority. But if your boss does the same thing, he’s taking initiative.
- If you’re on a day off sick, you’re ‘always’ sick. But if your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
- If you’re out of the office, you’re wandering around. But if your boss is out of the office, he’s on business.
- If you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview. But if your boss applies for leave, it’s because he’s overworked.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
THINGS TO DO AT THANKSGIVING
- Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your “shake” back to the table. Announce that it’s the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake.
- When everyone goes around to say what they are Thankful for, say, “I’m thankful I didn’t get caught” and refuse to say anything more.
- During mid-meal turn to mom and say, “See mom, I told you they wouldn’t notice that the Turkey was past the expiration date. You were worried for nothing.”
- Dress up as a turkey and go door to door, asking for mashed potatoes and cranberries.
- Instead of leftovers. Have a food fight!
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
Prepare for Christmas with Thriving Family’s 2015 Advent Activity Calendar. The ministry of Focus on the Family is offering a free download of the 25 Inspiring true stories of the season. You can assemble the Advent poster to help your kids focus on Christ this Christmas. Then read Scripture passages and stories that relate to individual flaps on the poster. You can also create easy-to-fold booklets for each story. Get more information about this year’s free Advent calendar… http://bit.ly/1RRXNjx
Some of the craziest questions the @Butterball talk line has ever been asked (from Yahoo Foods):
Q: So I’m looking at a turkey from 1969 sitting here in my father’s freezer… any tips on the best way to cook a 30-year-old bird?
A: There is no saving such aged meat. Butterball suggested the man “throw out the old turkey and buy a new one.”
Q: How do I roast my turkey so it gets golden brown tan lines — in the shape of a turkey bikini?
A: Outline your turkey with aluminum foil in the shape of a bikini, before cooking.
Q: How do you carve a turkey when all of its bones have been broken?
A: A proud male caller called the Talk Line to boast of his genius method to get a large turkey to fit in a small pan: He wrapped his turkey in a towel and stomped on it several times, breaking the bones so it would fit in his pan. If your turkey won’t fit in your roasting pan, Butterball recommends a different cooking method, like deep frying the turkey. “Or, buy two smaller turkeys in place of a large one.”
Q: I carved my turkey with a chainsaw… is the chain grease going to adversely affect my turkey?
A: For so many reasons, don’t try this at home. “Instead, let your turkey rest at least 20 minutes after cooking to make carving easier,” the company suggests. “Then, use a carving knife you would find in your kitchen.”
After a successful launch in 2014, The Salvation Army will continue to encourage Americans to share their reasons for giving this holiday season with the hashtag, #RedKettleReason. New this year, The Salvation Army will award one lucky winner of The Salvation Army Giving Spree Contest with a paid trip to New York City to participate in a “Giving Spree,” to buy toys and necessities to benefit a Salvation Army program in their community. To enter, upload a video to Twitter sharing your reason for supporting The Salvation Army using the hashtags #RedKettleReason and #GivingSpreeSweeps. On Giving Tuesday, December 1, six finalists will be announced and the national voting period will begin at RedKettleReason.org. http://ow.ly/UHiPu
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Gotta go. I don’t want to miss that two-part special Martha Stewart’s doing on the many uses of Endust.
THE WAY WE WORK
(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)
One of the disappointments over which I mildly grieve is to see a business go under. The majority of employees are unaware of the great challenges of keeping an enterprise profitable. Seeing enterprises fail means jobs are lost. Revenues for the community are diminished. And in many cases, the goodwill spread by these companies through donations or volunteer manpower vanishes.
In our own neighborhood, we said farewell to several retail operations in the last few years. We lost our local Applebee’s restaurant. A Bob Evans not so long ago. And a big disappointment came when the Barnes and Noble closed its doors. Farther away, a unique restaurant, operated by a successful business group, locked up and tore down a place called Key Wester. It had a big aquarium, a waterfall, and doors that opened in summer to overlook black swans on a small body of water. Very refreshing. But…gone.
What we don’t usually see are the tears shed by people who’ve invested a part or all of their adult life trying to make a go of their dream. We don’t see the hours agonizing over ways to save the business and keep people they care about employed. We don’t see the creditors who may not get their money back from what they loaned in trust. Pain goes along with the closing of those doors.
So I read with interest a story that gave me a light chuckle — at first — about a man desperate to save his business in Candia, New Hampshire. Kevin Dumont is a principle owner of the Liquid Planet Water Park. If you’ll excuse the expression, his water park business is going under. And he’s making a life-saving effort by chaining himself to a 30-foot waterslide to keep it afloat. *groan*
Dumont has camped out. He needs a bailout. In his words, “We’re losing everything if we can’t find a partner. We just need to save it from going to the auction block. We need an infusion of cash to pay off the debt….We’re hoping this effort will give us some offers.”
It’s not like no one is showing up. The park had 35,000-plus visitors this past season. Since 2008 when Liquid Planet opened, Dumont admits it’s been an uphill challenge. But it’s only in the past year that he’s fallen behind in his payments.
He properly does not blame the bank for his woes. But Dumont was notified in September of the bank’s plans to auction off the 44-acre property (that includes his home) on December 2nd. A bank does what they must do for their own clients’ sake.
But Dumont’s story is more painful when you learn that both his father and mother died within the last four months. Losing your parents and your business within 140 days of each other plays havoc on the human spirit. Thus…the desperate act of a desperate man to chain himself to a water slide.
Kevin Dumont claims he started the business for families. A noble purpose offers no guarantees for success. Too many forces come to bear to make a business survive.
Size does not matter. Giant airlines get bought out or cease to exist. K-Mart has Sears behind them but keeps faltering. Sears itself is making what some think are desperate moves to stay alive. And, of course, Blockbuster became a failure equal to its name.
Times change. People’s tastes do as well. Innovation opens new markets. Staying competitive is a true art in business.
Some go the route of reinvention. I’ve been reading rumors of McDonald’s demise for a couple of years now. Recently, they have started serving breakfast all day. There has been an uptick in their customer count. Who said playing this investor driven game of “staying alive” was going to be fun?
People of faith are not immune in any way to business failings. More recently, Family Christian Stores fought tooth and nail to survive. Only after large concessions have they managed to do so after $127 million in debt was erased.
Years ago, the startup company I put together came to a point where it appeared things would collapse. I decided to “give my business to God” — which sounded very dramatic. My friend Chuck Gratner looked at me over breakfast after I shared this and replied, “Maybe God doesn’t want your business.” Yeah…hadn’t quite considered that. It tanked four months later.
Spiritual lesson: Not all things are meant to be. Not all things are meant to last. Not all dreams come true. As “The Preacher” wrote in Ecclesiastes, “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest….A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.” (Ecc 3:1-4, NLT)
Some sound advice. As a few wise Byrds once told me.
That’s The Way WE Work.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
NOVEMBER 13, 2015…
The 33—This is the film story of the 33 Chilean miners who were trapped underground, and that means over 2000 feet, in 2010. Remember the headlines then and who would have thought there would even be a rescue attempt? It took over two months while the men were rationing food and water. Stars include Antonio Banderas and Rodrigo Santorio. “The 33” is rated R and talk about claustrophobic.
By The Sea—Angelina (Jolie-Pitt) and Brad (Pitt) star in this marriage drama about a couple who encounter marital problems. Guess what…not only does Angelina star and direct, she also wrote the script. People will come just to see the two on screen together. “By The Sea” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Love The Coopers—What happens when the family gets together during the Christmas holidays? Just about anything and everything. Formerly titled, “Let It Snow,” the movie tells the story of one family with Diane Keaton, John Goodman and Marisa Tomei starring. “Love The Coopers” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Shelter—Paul Bettany makes his directing debut in this drama starring his wife, Jennifer Connelly, along with Anthony Mackie. They play two homeless people who meet and find they can help each other. “:Shelter” is rated PG 13. No rating.
NOVEMBER 20, 2015…
Carol stars Cate Blanchett as a wealthy woman in the 1950’s who likes to shop.
Hunger Games Mockingjay: Part Two and here it comes, everyone, the end of the last chapter. Stars Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson and Liam Hemsworth. enjoy.
The Secret In Their Eyes stars Julie Roberts as a lawyer, who, after many years of looking, finds the man who killed her daughter.
Very Semi Serious (documentary and opening in select cities) follows the cartoon creations in the “New Yorker” magazine.
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