November 20, 2016: Sunday ONAIRprep

***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS – FREE TO AIR! (Need to receive this earlier than when it’s posted? Get FTP access and receive a fully-produced version FREE with a customized tag specifically for your station or show! Contact me with your ONAIRprep username for details!)

AND NOW… ON WITH THE SHOW!

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20161120

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

And now, here it is again, folks – it’s (THE JOCK SHOW): radio’s answer to absolutely nothing!

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Work shall be done for six days, but the seventh day shall be a holy day for you, a Sabbath of rest to the Lord.” –Exodus 35:2

1 John 3:24 = The one who keeps God’s commands lives in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us.

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. — Psalm 1:1-2

Thought: I get to choose which sources of information I feed my mind. But this privilege and freedom is also a responsibility. God longs to bless me, but that blessing remains dormant until my heart delights in knowing and doing his will.

Prayer: Wondrous Creator, just as you fashioned such a beautiful world and put me together in my mother’s womb, I also ask that you create in me a desire to know your truth and an insight in how to live that truth. I know your Holy Spirit is in me to help me in this journey, but I want so much to please you and bless you because of all the ways you have blessed me. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!)

Ezekiel 11:20 NIV = Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be my people, and I will be their God.

TODAY IS SUNDAY – NOVEMBER 20, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
34 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is NATIONAL CLEAN THE CAT HAIR OUT OF THE VACUUM CLEANER DAY. ***And if you’re cat has been missing for a while you might want to have a grief-counselor nearby before checking.

Today is NATIONAL CLEAN THE OVEN IF YOUR MOTHER IS COMING FOR THANKSGIVING DAY. *** Then again, she’ll likely say it’s a pigsty and clean it herself when she gets there anyway. (Why do you think I invite my mother over in the first place?)

Today is NAME YOUR PC DAY. ***For obvious reasons, my computer is named “Crash.”

TODAY IS ALSO…

African Industrialization Day

Crystal Skull World Day

Doo Dah Day

Globally Organized Hug a Runner Day (G.O.H.A.R.D.)

Name Your PC Day

National Peanut Butter Fudge Day

Universal Children’s Day

World Day of Remembrance for Road Traffic Victims

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below.)

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 21

Alascattalo Day

World Hello Day

World Television Day

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 22

None Today

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 23

Doctor Who Day

Fibonacci Day

International Day to End Impunity For Crimes Against Journalists

International Image Consultant Day

Tie One On Day

National Espresso Day

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 24

Brownielocks Day

Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day

D.B. Cooper Day

National Day of Mourning (Thanksgiving Day)

Thanksgiving Day (USA)

Turkey-Free Thanksgiving

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 25

Black Friday

Blase Day

Buy Nothing Day

Flossing Day

Fur Free Friday

International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women Day. (***How about we just call it “Be Nice To Her Day?” Wouldn’t that be easier?)

International Hat Day

Maize Day

National Day of Listening

National Native American Heritage Day

Shopping Reminder Day

Sinkie Day

You’re Welcomegiving Day

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 26

World Day of Giving

Small Business Saturday

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 27

NONE TODAY

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 28

Cider Monday

Cyber Monday

ON THIS DAY

1789: New Jersey became the first state to ratify the Bill of Rights.

1850: Blind 30-year-old teacher Fanny Crosby underwent a dramatic spiritual conversion. Fifteen years later, she began writing her first of over 8,000 hymn lyrics, including “Rescue the Perishing,” “Jesus, Keep Me Near the Cross,” “All the Way My Savior Leads Me” and “Tell Me the Story of Jesus.”

1947: Britain’s future Queen, Princess Elizabeth, married Philip Mountbatten, Duke of Edinburgh, at London’s Westminster Abbey. The world listened on radio.

1955: Bo Diddley sang and played “Bo Diddley” live on The Ed Sullivan Show, though he had rehearsed and promised Sullivan he would sing “16 Tons,” which Ed preferred.

1959: WABC Radio in New York City fired deejay Alan Freed after he was accused of accepting payola to play certain records.

1962: Newspapers reported that President John Kennedy had contributed every dollar earned in government salary since 1947 to charity, including his White House salary.

1967: The U.S. population reached 200-million.

1969: Soccer legend Pele scored his 1,000th career goal in Rio de Janiero.

1975: Ronald Reagan announced he was a candidate for the 1976 Republican presidential nomination. He lost to incumbent Gerald Ford, who was defeated by Democrat Jimmy Carter.

1982: Norman Wilkie of Markinch, Scotland, killed history’s fattest wild rabbit. It weighed 8.25 pounds, about five pounds more than the average wild rabbit.

1982: Actress Drew Barrymore became the first 7-year-old to host Saturday Night Live.

1984: Singer Michael Jackson became star #1,793 on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

1984: Really cooking at the Grand Hyatt Hotel in New York City, company president Edward Rensi flipped McDonalds’ one-billionth hamburger. The first one had been made 35 years and 11 months earlier. ***And was still under the original warmer.

1992: Queen Elizabeth’s weekend home Windsor Castle was heavily damaged by fire, but no one was hurt. Neighbors helped the Queen and Prince Andrew save most of the royal treasures.

1997: A Ku Klux Klan group dropped its plans to join an anti-litter Adopt-A-Highway campaign in Fort Worth after the state of Texas filed a lawsuit claiming the white supremacist group was ineligible because it was not a civic organization.

2003: A woman in Murcia, Spain, turned down a $7,000 three-hour shopping spree at the local mall because she was too busy. She said she had schedule problems and was too busy to waste the morning. The runner-up gladly accepted the prize.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1541: In Switzerland, French reformer John Calvin, 32, established a theocratic government at Geneva, thereby creating a home base for emergent Protestantism throughout Europe.

1572: The first Presbyterian meeting house in England was established at Wandsworth, Surrey.

1850: Blind Fanny Crosby underwent a dramatic spiritual conversion at age 30. Fifteen years later, she began writing her first of over 8,000 hymns texts. Many of these remain popular today, including “Rescue the Perishing,” “Jesus, Keep Me Near the Cross,” “All the Way My Savior Leads Me” and “Tell Me the Story of Jesus.”

1872: The hymn penned by Annie Sherwood Hawks, 36 — “I Need Thee Every Hour” — was first sung at a National Baptist Sunday School Convention in Cincinnati, Ohio.

1961: The Russian Orthodox Church joined the World Council of Churches.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (Miranda Ellis on TV’s “The Dead Zone”, Daisy Adair on “Dead Like Me”, Marie Warner on Season 2 of “24”) Laura Harris 40

  • actress (Det. Nell Delaney on “New York Undercover”) Marisa Ryan 42 (audio clip)

  • actress (Agent Lin Mei on “Vanished”, Dr. Jing-Mei ‘Deb’ Chen on “ER”) Ming-Na Wen 47 (audio clip)

  • actress (Dr. Jeckyl and Ms. Hyde, No Way Out, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, Fatal Instinct, Cousins, Blade Runner) Sean Young 57

  • actress (Susan Bergen on “Two Guys, A Girl, And A Pizza Place”, Bolero, Tarzan the Ape Man, Orca, 10) Bo Derek 60

  • actress (Margo Shephard on “Lost” from 2004, Judge Marjorie Brennan on “Philly”, Joyce Davenport on “Hill Street Blues”) Veronica Hamel 73 (audio clip)

  • comedian (half of the legendary comedy team “The Smothers Brothers” with his brother Tom) Dick Smothers 75

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1827 : Edmond Dede

1925 : June Christy

1940 : Tony Butalo (The Lettermen)

1942 : Norman Greenbaum

1944 : Mike Vernon

1946 : Duane Allman (The Allman Brothers Band, Derek and the Dominos)

1946 : Roy Stiles (Mud)

1946 : Ray Stiles (The Hollies)

1947 : Joe Walsh

1947 : George Grantham (Poco)

1950 : Gary Green (Gentle Giant)

1954 : Frank Marino (Mahogany Rush)

1957 : Jim Brown (UB40)

1965 : Sen Dog (Cypress Hill)

1965 : Micheal Diamond / Mike D (Beastie Boys)

1970 : Q-Tip (A Tribe Called Quest)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Have you ever wondered why some people spell that ketchup C-A-T-S-U-P instead of K-E-T-C-H-U-P? Does it matter which way it’s spelled – is there, perhaps, a difference between catsup and ketchup? We’ll find out in today’s Secrets of the Universe!

So, what’s the difference between catsup and ketchup? Anything? Well, the only difference is what brand you buy of this slightly spiced tomato sauce concoction that turns french fries into a meal. The word originated as kecap, meaning, “taste,” on the Malay Peninsula. It migrated to China, where it became ke-tsiap, and was Anglicized when the Anglos got a hold of it. There are a number of variations on the name that arise when the thick variety is presented to one in a restaurant and one can’t get it to flow out of the jar despite smacking, shaking and pounding it. Unfortunately, my Program Director and the FCC will not permit me to repeat any of those names.

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving three days a week from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Hillsong United recorded their song Here Now (Madness) at a first century tomb that many believe is the tomb where Jesus was buried. They posted: It seemed perfect to record this on the doorstep of the Garden Tomb right below where many believe Golgotha was – The Madness of the whole story of Jesus came alive for us and hopefully you catch a glimpse of it also. The members of Hillsong United added: regardless if it was Jesus’ actual one or not – it was empty! Check out the video of their performance… https://youtu.be/ViRb_fyFZtY

Mark Schultz posted a picture of his two young sons nearly covered in leaves. He posted: when you are 4 and 2, leaves are as good as a trip to Disneyland. https://www.instagram.com/p/BMzxc8sjNzE/

Question of the day from Revive Our Hearts: Are we worshiping Him because of the sensation it gives us or just because He is worthy of worship?

Shane Bernard and Shane Everett announced the opening of Wandrin’ Star Farms over the weekend. The members of the worship duo Shane and Shane posted: It’s finally here! They held a grand opening for the new venue near Austin, Texas. The two Shane’s say the goal of the farm is to bless their community and increase the quality of life for all their neighbors. They say their dream is to have a venue which hosts weekly activities and events that are open to all, with a special focus on family fun. https://www.instagram.com/p/BMurvBrjkLF/

Zach Williams may need bypass surgery after the completion of his current tour. He posted a picture of his latest meal, at zombie burgers in Iowa. It featured a hamburger with layers of cheese in the bun along with a side order of fried cheese curds.

The Bible is full of Jacked Up people but Jesus never met a lost cause. — Mark Hall (Casting Crowns)

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. As on ONAIRprep subscriber, you can get a fully-produced, customized version of the Daily Dose of Weird News FREE with a station or show specific tag! Email darren@onairprep.com for details!)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

WONDER WOMAN (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Court Hearing”

DAILY COMEDY CLIP (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Kenn Kington, “Paid To Do Whatever You Want”

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Millard the Monkey was busy composing beautiful classical music in his tree house. He was working hard to come up with just the right tune, and he was about to share his new composition with Sully the Aardvark!

CLOSE: Boy, that Steve Mozart really must be a talented guy! Sounds like Millard may be a bit envious of Mozart’s skills and talents. C’mon, let’s face it… it’s not that easy to compose great classical music. Or find Waldo for that matter! Tune in next time to see what happens, As the Jungle Turns!

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF NOVEMBER 19/20

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the animals were determined to find out what kind of creature was making giant footprints in the jungle… but then they decided not to because they were scared. But then they got brave and moved forward… and then they got scared again. And now…

CLOSE: Finally… now we’re making some progress! What will the jungle animals find when they get back to the giant footprints? Will Millard become monster food, or will this all turn out to be a giant joke? Find out next time… As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

The story of a real turkey who bought 320 turkeys to help sell car parts!

A Southern California car parts dealer recently bought 320 live turkeys, for $5,000, for a promotion whereby he would let the turkeys run loose in his yard and give those who buy a part for their car a chance to run around the yard with a shotgun and try to shoot one of the turkeys. The problem was that this car dealer never checked to see if the city would allow such a thing. He’s now stuck with 321 turkeys running around the yard.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN SIGNS IT’S TIME FOR A NEW CAR

10. Your tinted windows are also known as Hefty Garbage Bags.

9. The car reaches its optimum speed when going downhill.

8. The hi-tech stereo system often requires a new needle.

7. The rear-view mirror says, “Objects in Mirror Are Better Than This Piece of Junk.”

6. The odometer on the dashboard is not as sophisticated as the everyday abacus.

5. Traffic Watch warns other drivers what highway you’re taking.

4. The sticker on the windshield says, “Batteries Not Included.”

3. You fill up the tank with Unleaded Coal.

2. You can only go to restaurants that offer Valet Pushing.

1. When you approach hitchhikers, they put their thumbs down.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

It’s the newest way to decide a case in the courtroom… rock, paper, scissors!

FILE #1: Completely frustrated over the inability of two opposing attorneys to agree on even the slightest details of a lawsuit, a federal judge in Tampa, Florida has ordered them to settle their latest dispute with a game of rock paper scissors. U.S. District Judge Gregory Presnell scolded lawyers for their inability to agree on a location where they can take the sworn statement of a witness in an insurance lawsuit. Presnell ordered both sides to meet at a neutral location to play a round of the hand-gesture game often used to settle childhood disputes. If they can’t agree on the neutral location, they’ll play on the steps of the federal courthouse. The winner gets to choose the location for the witness statement. David Pettinato, the lead attorney for the plaintiff said, “We’re going to have to do it. I guess I’d better bone up on rock paper scissors rules.” Of course in true American legal fashion, if the loser disputes the game’s outcome, that lawyer can appeal.

FILE #2: 70-year-old Donald Cesare is sitting in the Erie County, Pennsylvania Prison after he tried to solve his financial woes with an old school bank robbery that didn’t quite go so well. He marched into the First National Bank in Millcreek Township with a grocery bag, a bandanna and a 50-year-old handgun that doesn’t work. The poor old guy has no previous criminal record and immediately apologized for the robbery when police tracked him down based on his description. Donald says he also wants to apologize to the teller who turned over about $6,000 dollars to him, which police found in his home.

FILE #3: A father and son in southern Sweden have been fined for repeatedly throwing eggs at another family’s home. The 18-year-old high school senior told his dad that he was having trouble with another boy in school. The 42-year-old father, thinking back on his glory days of youth, suggested they drive over to the boy’s house and egg his car — which they did– several times — for several months — until finally being caught by police.

STRANGE LAW: In Rhode Island it’s a misdemeanor to keep more than 11 inoperable vehicles in front of a house.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

When traveling with drugs and weapons, it’s always a good idea to have a valid driver’s license and obey all traffic laws.

That was not the case for 43-year-old James M. Moran, of Massena, New York. When police pulled Moran over for a driving infraction and found he didn’t have a license, they towed his vehicle. It was during police inventory of the vehicle they discovered several packets of cocaine and a shotgun and he was towed off to jail.

PHONER PHUN

Our cell phones do just about everything nowadays. They act as cameras, video projectors, MP3 players, email or text gadgets, appointment keepers and more. (It seems the only thing phones can’t do nowadays is give you a cell signal that won’t fade or drop.) Of course, there’s also an “app” for just about everything nowadays. So, what other cool things should a cell phone be able to do? Warn you of speed traps on the road? Tell you when it’s time to dump your significant other? Vibrate whenever you’re about to make a social faux pas?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: According to Job, what is hidden from the keen eyes of the birds of prey?
ANSWER: The whereabouts of jewels and precious metal (Job 28:7)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Name the Three Musketeers.

ANSWER: Porthos, Athos, and Aramis (D’Artagnan joins them later as the fourth)

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. Black-eyed peas are not peas. (True – they are beans.)

2. Mexicans, not the chinese, were largely responsible for building most of the early railways in the U.S. West. (False – it really was the Chinese)

3. An aquarium is for fish, and a Ranarium is for salamanders. (False – ranariums are for frogs.)

4. Teri Hatcher was once a cheerleader for the Indianapolis Colts. (False – she was with the San Francisco 49ers.)

5. The two cities with the oldest major league baseball stadiums are New York and Chicago. (False – Boston and Detroit)

6. The country music group Alabama actually formed in the state of Arkansas. (False – they truly are from Alabama)

7. The U.S. Air Force had only 50 soldiers at the beginning of World War I. (True)

8. In England, margarine used to be called “Butterine.” (True)

9. The Declaration of Independence begins with the words, “We the People…” (False – that’s the U.S. Constitution. The Declaration of Independence begins with the words, “When in the course of human events…”)

10. Sterling silver is actually part copper. (True – 7.5% of it is copper)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Hospital Waits Five Days to Notify Family of _____!” (DEATH)


And an investigation is underway in Kelowna, British Columbia to find out why officials at Kelowna General Hospital waited five days to notify the family of Barry Bordeniuk that he had died. No one in Barry’s family had any idea until a nurse called and asked what they should do with his stuff.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

An elderly woman lived on a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for years. The widowed woman lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren.

One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. “I just got some news, Mom,” he said. “The government has come to an agreement with the people in North Dakota. They’ve decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?”

“What do I think?” his mother said. “Sign it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don’t think I can stand another Canadian winter!”

JOKE #2

In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.
She posed this question to her students: “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?”

A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, “A basketball coach?”

JOKE #3

While talking with my semi-deaf uncle one evening, I noticed that his “hearing aid” was actually an earphone from a transistor radio.  The wire had been cut and was sticking out of his shirt.

”How does that help your hearing?” I asked.

“Don’t help my hearing none,” he replied.  “Makes people talk louder.”

USELESS FACTS

Recently released documents show that Winston Churchill used to watch the movie “Bambi” late at night to inspire him during World War II. ***It’s also why he would never wander out into an open field with his mother.

The earth travels through space at 660,000 mph.  ***661,000 if there aren’t any cops around.

The word “bride” is derived from an old English word meaning “cook.”  ***My mother-in-law was a terrible bride.

FEATURED FUNNIES

GARAGE KEYS
The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.
“It was enough to make anybody faint,” he said. “My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower.”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

BIRD BRAINS

Tweety Bird gets a girl kicked out of school!

Not long ago a kid in Wisconsin got suspended from school for having a key chain that looked like a gun, now there’s a girl in Atlanta that has been suspended for having a Tweety Bird wallet! Ashley Smith, an 11-year-old girl at Garrett Middle School, was suspended for two weeks after school officials noticed her wallet, which bore an image of the yellow bird-like cartoon character, was attached to a 10-inch key chain. The school has banned chains as part a zero-tolerance weapons policy that places the items in the same category as pellet guns, ice picks and swords.  ***MARLAR: What’s more dangerous – a keychain chain, or a sharpened pencil? And which ones do you see more of in a school classroom?

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

MY BIBLE

When I am tired, the Bible is my bed;
Or in the dark, the Bible is my light;
When I am hungry, it is vital bread;
Or fearful, it is armour for the fight;
When I am sick, ’tis healing medicine;
Or lonely, thronging friends I find therein.
If I would work, the Bible is my tool;
Or play, it is a harp of happy sound.
If I am ignorant, it is my school;
If I am sinking, it is solid ground.
If I am cold, the Bible is my fire;
And wings, if boldly I aspire.
Should I be lost, the Bible is my guide;
Or naked, it is raiment, rich and warm.
Am I imprisoned, it is ranges wide;
Or tempest-tossed, a shelter from the storm.
Would I adventure, ’tis a gallant sea;
Or would I rest, it is a flowery lea.
–Amos R. Wells

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

IMMORTALITY BREAKTHROUGH

I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. —John 14:3

Ray Kurzweil is a remarkable scientist and inventor. In a book he coauthored, titled Fantastic Voyage: Live Long Enough To Live Forever, he contends that science and technology hold the key to immortality. Kurzweil lives on a strict diet enhanced with a regimen of supplements, fully convinced that he will be alive when the immortality breakthrough happens. He is not a crackpot but a respected member of the business community.

In contrast to this optimism about what science can do stands the realism of Moses. “The days of our lives are seventy years; and if by reason of strength they are eighty years, yet their boast is only labor and sorrow” (Ps. 90:10). At best we live a few decades, and then we are gone like grass in the park.

Far better to trust ourselves to Jesus, who promises to join us to the timeless life of God. He told His disciples, “If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also” (John 14:3).

Christ’s followers live in the assurance that when the sun has burned its last and the stars have tumbled from the sky, we shall be alive. We anticipate a life greater than anything we could imagine in our wildest dreams. —Haddon W. Robinson

This life is but the childhood of our immortality.

LEFTOVERS

THE TRUTH ABOUT THANKSGIVING

  • Americans will consume more than 700 million pounds of turkey for Thanksgiving.

  • In 1927, Felix the Cat was the first balloon character ever featured in Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. For a short time, there was a tradition of releasing the balloons when the parade was over. They’d float for days and the lucky finders could claim a prize.

  • Thanksgiving is the second largest occasion for Americans to gather together and eat. Christmas is first and the Super Bowl is third.

  • The very first American Thanksgiving celebration was held in 1621.

  • “Jingle Bells,” the popular Christmas song, was actually written for Thanksgiving. The song was composed in 1857, by James Pierpont, and was originally called “One Horse Open Sleigh.”

LIFE… LIVE IT

SPENDING LESS FOR CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR

Last year consumers spent an average of $786 on holiday gifts, but if the latest poll from Gallup is correct they’ll be sitting on the wallets this year. Americans say they plan to spend an average of $704 on holiday giving this year. At the same time last year American consumers planned to spend $770 and ended up spending a bit more. Retailers can only hope that the pattern repeats itself this year.

JUST FOR FUN

IT’S PARTY TIME – INEXPENSIVE AND FUN HOLIDAY PARTY IDEAS

  1. Appetizer parties are a great way to entertain a group, especially if you are short on seating space, time, or resources. Although you’ll want to allow about eight hors d’oeuvres per person, they needn’t be expensive or complicated to taste good. Grilled, bacon-wrapped chunks of vegetables and fruits are always popular. So are halved tiny baked potatoes filled with sour cream, bacon, and chives or chili and cheese. Another favorite offering is fried stuffed ravioli or tortellini served with marinara sauce.

  2. Rather than serve expensive whole shrimp, smoked salmon, or beef tenderloin, extend them by combining with spicy dressings, cream cheese, and vegetables for easy spreads. Accompany spreads with crackers and breads, or use them as fillings for puff pastry shells, wonton wrappers, or rolled tortillas.

  3. For interesting buffet tables, use an array of unmatched china and crystal collected inexpensively at garage sales.

  4. Taped background music sets a festive mood, but why not add extra excitement with live music? Engage a piano student to play, or invite carolers from your local church or club to drop by while the party is in full swing.

  5. Use snow in ice buckets to cool beverages. Snow chills better than ice, looks more festive, and saves you the cost of purchasing crushed ice.

  6. Candles provide soft lighting that creates a relaxed party atmosphere. Scatter inexpensive votive candles on mantels, windowsills, plate rails, and tables. Fill tiered cake stands with votive candles for stunning displays of light. Use candles of assorted shapes, sizes, and heights for table displays. Candles burn more slowly if they’ve been stored in a sealed box in the refrigerator and are lit while they’re cold.

  7. Decorate your tables with whatever is close at hand. You need not go to the expense of cut flowers. Use foliage cut from your outside shrubbery, nuts, small white birch logs, pinecones, bird nests or birdhouses, toys, fresh fruit (such as pears, apples, oranges, and persimmons), and small potted plants or herbs. Arrange them on cake stands, in wicker baskets, or in bowls interspersed with satin ribbons, sprinklings of dried flower petals, wrapped presents, and old holiday greeting cards.

  8. Purchase strands of tiny white Christmas lights during after-Christmas sales for next year’s party. String your house with them to create inexpensive, intimate, and elegant lighting.

  9. Clusters of beribboned helium balloons make festive decorations for any holiday party. Buy the ribbon in economical commercial-size rolls.

FUN LIST

YOU KNOW YOU’RE IN TROUBLE WHEN…

  • Your accountant’s letter of resignation is postmarked Zurich.
  • Your suggestion box starts ticking.
  • Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the DA is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3.
  • The simple instructions enclosed, aren’t.
  • People send your wife sympathy cards on your anniversary.
  • The plumber floats by on your kitchen table.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

PUNCTUALITY IS THE THING

How important is it to be on time? One bus driver thought it was REALLY important… and ended up hurting someone because of it!

A 63-year-old woman riding a bus in Edinburgh smashed her head against a window, ultimately requiring that she get 14 stitches.  How did this happen?  The bus driver made a sudden acceleration because he was behind schedule. And to make sure he stayed on schedule, despite her injuries, he continued driving the bus, refusing to stop or even call an ambulance. She has filed a lawsuit. ***MARLAR: On the plus side, she made it to her stop with ten seconds to spare.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Living on the Edge is offering a free course on becoming a More Effective Group Leader led by Chip Ingram and Lance Witt. The free training is filled with actionable tools and resources. They say that, if you’re ready to impact the world by developing Christians who really live like Christians, this course might be for you. http://ow.ly/WBRw305ZQLU

A warning for morning zombies: If you need an alarm to wake up in the morning, you may be at risk of weight gain. In a study from Germany, 69 percent of people reported “social jet lag,” a situation in which your daily schedule is at least an hour off your internal body clock. Socially jet lagged folks were three times as likely to be overweight. Sleep times that do not regularly sync up with your body clock may alter metabolism, the researchers say. So give this a try… go to bed an hour early tonight and see if you wake up before the alarm sounds.

If you are on the hunt for a new job, here’s something to keep in mind.  To make a good impression, there is one thing you should never include on your resume: a cute, amusing, hip, witty or clever e-mail address. This type of address looks so unprofessional that it could actually be a career killer, according to Kevin Tamanini, a doctoral candidate in industrial and organizational psychology at Ohio University in Athens. It seems that job candidates with quirky e-mail addresses are rated lower by potential employers than those who have more professional sounding e-mail names.

It’s been scientifically proven that people who get eight hours of sleep each night tend to weigh less than those who don’t but did you ever think that catching your z’s could help you save money? It’s true. Getting enough sleep helps your body maintain a proper hormonal balance and keeps your appetite in check during the day. But shutting off your lights, computer, TV and lowering your thermostat in chilly weather for eight hours will also cut down your energy bills. And that means more money stays in your wallet.

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. –Abraham Lincoln

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

NOVEMBER 18, 2016…

The Edge Of Seventeen—Hailee Steinfeld (who now has a singing career, too) stars as a young girl who doesn’t know what to do when her brother begins to date her best friend. Oh, my, what to do? “The Edge of Seventeen” is rated PG 13. No rating.

Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them—J. K. Rowlings has done it again, and this time, takes her readers to before the events of  “Harry Potter.”  Eddie Redmayne is Newt Scamander who is a magizoologist studying “Nifflers” among other animals. His job is to keep them contained…not that easy.  Also in the cast are Colin Farrell, Dan Fogler and Katherine Waterston. “Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.

Nocturnal Animals—This movie is based on the book, “Tony and Susan” by Austin Wright.  It tells of a married businesswoman (Amy Adams) who gets a book manuscript from her ex-husband (Jake Gyllenhaal), after many years. Then we become interested in the characters of the novel, are they real? Why this length of time to contact Amy? “Nocturnal Animals” is rated R. Rating of 2 for book fans.

The Disappointments Room—Kate Beckinsale can do comedy, as we found in “Love & Friendship,” but here she tackes a haunted house in the Deep South. Her husband (Mel Raido) and Kate move to his home, but is it a mistake? “The Disappointments Room” is rated R. No rating.

NOVEMBER 23, 2016…

Loving stars Ruth Negga and  Joel Edgerton as a black-white couple who get married in the 1960’s.

Allied has Brad Pitt and Marion Cotillard as two spies during WWII.

Bad Santa 2 stars Billy Bob Thornton as a man trying to ruin Christmas. (Didn’t he already try??)

Moana is an animated film with the voice of Dwayne Johnson (“The Rock”) about an Island girl from 3000 years ago who wants to save her people.

Rules Don’t Apply is directed and stars, Warren Beatty, and about Howard Hughes.

Lion concerns a young Indian man who wants to trace his ancestry. Stars Dev Patel and Nicole Kidman.

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.