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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20151120
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
And now, here it is again, folks – it’s (THE JOCK SHOW): radio’s answer to absolutely nothing!
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
“Work shall be done for six days, but the seventh day shall be a holy day for you, a Sabbath of rest to the Lord.” –Exodus 35:2
1 John 3:24 = The one who keeps God’s commands lives in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us.
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. — Psalm 1:1-2
Thought: I get to choose which sources of information I feed my mind. But this privilege and freedom is also a responsibility. God longs to bless me, but that blessing remains dormant until my heart delights in knowing and doing his will.
Prayer: Wondrous Creator, just as you fashioned such a beautiful world and put me together in my mother’s womb, I also ask that you create in me a desire to know your truth and an insight in how to live that truth. I know your Holy Spirit is in me to help me in this journey, but I want so much to please you and bless you because of all the ways you have blessed me. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
Ezekiel 11:20 NIV = Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be my people, and I will be their God.
TODAY IS FRIDAY – NOVEMBER 20, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 35 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is NATIONAL CLEAN THE CAT HAIR OUT OF THE VACUUM CLEANER DAY. ***MARLAR: And if you’re cat has been missing for a while you might want to have a grief-counselor nearby before checking.
Today is NATIONAL CLEAN THE OVEN IF YOUR MOTHER IS COMING FOR THANKSGIVING DAY. ***MARLAR: Then again, she’ll likely say it’s a pigsty and clean it herself when she gets there anyway. (Why do you think I invite my mother over in the first place?)
Today is NAME YOUR PC DAY. ***MARLAR: For obvious reasons, my computer is named “Crash.”
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
African Industrialization Day
Name Your PC Day
Universal Children’s Day
COMING UP NEXT
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 21
Family Volunteer Day
National Day of Play
Playmobil’s National Day of Play
World Hello Day
World Television Day
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 22
Humane Society Anniversary Day
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 23
Doctor Who Day
International Image Consultant Day
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 24
Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day
D.B. Cooper Day
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 25
International Day For The Elimination of Violence Against women Day
Shopping Reminder Day
Tie One On Day
THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 27
Fur Free Friday
Buy Nothing Day
Sinkie Day (Eating Over the Sink)
You’re Welcomegiving Day
ON THIS DAY
1789: New Jersey became the first state to ratify the Bill of Rights.
1850: Blind 30-year-old teacher Fanny Crosby underwent a dramatic spiritual conversion. Fifteen years later, she began writing her first of over 8,000 hymn lyrics, including “Rescue the Perishing,” “Jesus, Keep Me Near the Cross,” “All the Way My Savior Leads Me” and “Tell Me the Story of Jesus.”
1947: Britain’s future Queen, Princess Elizabeth, married Philip Mountbatten, Duke of Edinburgh, at London’s Westminster Abbey. The world listened on radio.
1955: Bo Diddley sang and played “Bo Diddley” live on The Ed Sullivan Show, though he had rehearsed and promised Sullivan he would sing “16 Tons,” which Ed preferred.
1959: WABC Radio in New York City fired deejay Alan Freed after he was accused of accepting payola to play certain records.
1962: Newspapers reported that President John Kennedy had contributed every dollar earned in government salary since 1947 to charity, including his White House salary.
1967: The U.S. population reached 200-million.
1969: Soccer legend Pele scored his 1,000th career goal in Rio de Janiero.
1975: Ronald Reagan announced he was a candidate for the 1976 Republican presidential nomination. He lost to incumbent Gerald Ford, who was defeated by Democrat Jimmy Carter.
1982: Norman Wilkie of Markinch, Scotland, killed history’s fattest wild rabbit. It weighed 8.25 pounds, about five pounds more than the average wild rabbit.
1982: Actress Drew Barrymore became the first 7-year-old to host Saturday Night Live.
1984: Singer Michael Jackson became star #1,793 on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
1984: Really cooking at the Grand Hyatt Hotel in New York City, company president Edward Rensi flipped McDonalds’ one-billionth hamburger. The first one had been made 35 years and 11 months earlier. ***MARLAR: And was still under the original warmer.
1992: Queen Elizabeth’s weekend home Windsor Castle was heavily damaged by fire, but no one was hurt. Neighbors helped the Queen and Prince Andrew save most of the royal treasures.
1997: A Ku Klux Klan group dropped its plans to join an anti-litter Adopt-A-Highway campaign in Fort Worth after the state of Texas filed a lawsuit claiming the white supremacist group was ineligible because it was not a civic organization.
2003: A woman in Murcia, Spain, turned down a $7,000 three-hour shopping spree at the local mall because she was too busy. She said she had schedule problems and was too busy to waste the morning. The runner-up gladly accepted the prize.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1541: In Switzerland, French reformer John Calvin, 32, established a theocratic government at Geneva, thereby creating a home base for emergent Protestantism throughout Europe.
1572: The first Presbyterian meeting house in England was established at Wandsworth, Surrey.
1850: Blind Fanny Crosby underwent a dramatic spiritual conversion at age 30. Fifteen years later, she began writing her first of over 8,000 hymns texts. Many of these remain popular today, including “Rescue the Perishing,” “Jesus, Keep Me Near the Cross,” “All the Way My Savior Leads Me” and “Tell Me the Story of Jesus.”
1872: The hymn penned by Annie Sherwood Hawks, 36 — “I Need Thee Every Hour” — was first sung at a National Baptist Sunday School Convention in Cincinnati, Ohio.
1961: The Russian Orthodox Church joined the World Council of Churches.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actress (Miranda Ellis on TV’s “The Dead Zone”, Daisy Adair on “Dead Like Me”, Marie Warner on Season 2 of “24”) Laura Harris 39
- actress (Det. Nell Delaney on “New York Undercover”) Marisa Ryan 41 (
- actress (Agent Lin Mei on “Vanished”, Dr. Jing-Mei ‘Deb’ Chen on “ER”) Ming-Na Wen 46 (
- actress (Dr. Jeckyl and Ms. Hyde, No Way Out, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, Fatal Instinct, Cousins, Blade Runner) Sean Young 56
- actress (Susan Bergen on “Two Guys, A Girl, And A Pizza Place”, Bolero, Tarzan the Ape Man, Orca, 10) Bo Derek 59
- actress (Margo Shephard on “Lost” from 2004, Judge Marjorie Brennan on “Philly”, Joyce Davenport on “Hill Street Blues”) Veronica Hamel 72 (
- comedian (half of the legendary comedy team “The Smothers Brothers” with his brother Tom) Dick Smothers 74
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1827 : Edmond Dede
1925 : June Christy
1940 : Tony Butalo (The Lettermen)
1942 : Norman Greenbaum
1944 : Mike Vernon
1946 : Roy Stiles (Mud)
1946 : Ray Stiles (The Hollies)
1947 : Joe Walsh
1947 : George Grantham (Poco)
1950 : Gary Green (Gentle Giant)
1954 : Frank Marino (Mahogany Rush)
1957 : Jim Brown (UB40)
1965 : Sen Dog (Cypress Hill)
1965 : Micheal Diamond / Mike D (Beastie Boys)
1970 : Q-Tip (A Tribe Called Quest)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
Have you ever wondered why some people spell that ketchup C-A-T-S-U-P instead of K-E-T-C-H-U-P? Does it matter which way it’s spelled – is there, perhaps, a difference between catsup and ketchup? We’ll find out in today’s Secrets of the Universe!
So, what’s the difference between catsup and ketchup? Anything? Well, the only difference is what brand you buy of this slightly spiced tomato sauce concoction that turns french fries into a meal. The word originated as kecap, meaning, “taste,” on the Malay Peninsula. It migrated to China, where it became ke-tsiap, and was Anglicized when the Anglos got a hold of it. There are a number of variations on the name that arise when the thick variety is presented to one in a restaurant and one can’t get it to flow out of the jar despite smacking, shaking and pounding it. Unfortunately, my Program Director and the FCC will not permit me to repeat any of those names.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!
This past weekend Nancy Demoss married Robert Wolgemuth. Now Revive Our Hearts has announced that a video of the wedding is available online. You can watch the video at http://buff.ly/1Qr5xvk.
Ellie Holcomb was joined by a special guest this week. She shared a picture as she held her daughter on stage. Ellie said: Her first time on stage with us and she nailed it! Sang “Here We Go” in Atlanta. Ellie is on tour with her husband, Drew Holcomb, this past weekend
Michael W. Smith was part of history this week. The long time Christian artist played at the same coliseum in Manila this week where the famous Ali Frazier fight took place exactly 40 years ago. No fights this time, just a lot of worship. https://instagram.com/p/-LXnAUuu-M/
Hawk Nelson’s Jon Steingard sat down with Focus on the Family to share more about how his dating life influenced his marriage. Check out the video as the front man for the band opens up about past mistakes and the importance of honesty in marriage and seeing the way God redeems our past. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h04FUgGA74A
The new CD from Kutless it titled Surrender. This week member James Mead told a fan: My absolute favorite is ‘My Heart is a Ghost’. It’s one of the songs I wrote, and about a very personal issue.
Building 429’s Jason Roy was out for a run this week but the location might have slowed him down some. Jason commented: beautiful run in Boston. My wife and I stopped a lot to see the sights.
Randy Phillips received his dove award in the mail this week. Phillips, Craig and Dean won the award at the Doves earlier this fall. Randy said it was a nice way to start the morning and he has the perfect place to show it off. He said he plans to mount it on the hood of his car.
Chris Tomlin this week was sharing his “Favorite Things” for the Christmas Season. Chris told the Media Collective that his favorite Christmas gift was a Honda ATV three-wheeler, his favorite Christmas songs are O, Holy Night and O, Come All Ye Faithful. His favorite Christmas Story is Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, and his favorite Christmas movie is It’s A Wonderful Life.
Matthew West this week shared some thoughts on his song The Motions. He commented: Love singing this song every night. It’s a big part of my personal story. Good preacher’s kid who knows all too well how to look the part, but easy to fake it. God doesn’t call us to be luke warm. It’s either hot or cold. I want to be on fire for God. I want to reach the end of my 86,400 seconds with no regrets. I don’t want to go through the motions.
Third Day’s Mac Powell is officially on the disabled list. Mac said he won’t be running for awhile due to a strained calf muscle. He shared a picture of his badly bruised leg on instagram. https://instagram.com/p/-MKym0gmxY/
Kutless members James Mead had an interesting answer when asked to share his favorite story in the Bible. James said: The one about the redemption of the World through Jesus Christ…it starts in Genesis and ends in Revelation.
ODD & STRANGE NEWS…
(THIS WILL BE CHANGING SOON DUE TO MYNEWS SHUTTING DOWN. I WILL LOOK TO FIND MATERIAL ELSEWHERE, BUT LETTING YOU KNOW THAT THIS WILL LOOK DIFFERENT SOON.)
|Tamale takedown: Traveler carried 450 illegal pork tamales photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — The contraband was carefully wrapped in corn husks and concealed in the luggage of a traveler when authorities moved in for a tamale takedown at Los Angeles International Airport. The search by U.S. Customs and Border Protection agents turned up 450 pork tamales…
|Massachusetts woman wins $1M on scratch ticket for 2nd time
BOSTON (AP) — Few people are lucky enough to win $1 million in the lottery. But one Massachusetts woman has now done it twice. Constance Carpenito, of Stoneham, recently won a $1 million prize on a scratch ticket in the $10,000,000 Diamond Millionaire instant game. A spokesman for the…
|News photographer’s tripod mistaken for gun prompts 911 call
LANCASTER, Pa. (AP) — Police were called to a central Pennsylvania office building after someone mistakenly thought a photographer’s tripod was a gun. HASH(0x139bb10) The caller thought a machine gun was carried into the building, so police conducted a floor-by-floor search only to find the…
|Colorado spirituality bookstore named Isis gets vandalized photo
ENGLEWOOD, Colo. (AP) — A Denver-area store called Isis Books & Gifts wants the world to know its name comes from the Egyptian goddess of healing and motherhood and it isn’t run by terrorists. Co-owner Jeff Harrison said Wednesday that the suburban Denver shop has been vandalized five times…
|Car thieves or chauffeurs? Police say men drop boy at school
NORFOLK, Va. (AP) — Police say two car thieves made an unexpected stop after stealing a vehicle Wednesday morning: They dropped an 8-year-old boy off at school after they discovered him in the backseat. Norfolk police spokesman Daniel Hudson says the boy was sitting in his mother’s car in her…
|Lawsuit: Amusement park lets chimpanzee smoke cigarettes
NEW ORLEANS (AP) — An animal rights group is suing to get a chimpanzee named Candy out of an amusement park where, it says, she smokes cigarettes and is given soft drinks instead of water. Candy is isolated in an inadequate cage at the Baton Rouge park, and should be moved to a sanctuary,…
|Police say hoagie hurler hauled in on assault charge
FAIRFAX, Va. (AP) — Police have given a New Jersey man special recognition for sandwich throwing: They locked him up. The Fairfax City Police Department in Virginia says in a news release that 32-year-old Jonathan M. Magnes of Morristown was drunk when he threw a sandwich at a 50-year-old man…
|Man arrested in soap/cocaine mix-up sues in Pennsylvania
ALLENTOWN, Pa. (AP) — A New York man who spent 29 days in jail after Pennsylvania state police mistook homemade soap for cocaine has filed a lawsuit. HASH(0x1420a60) Bernstein was a passenger in a Mercedes-Benz police pulled over for speeding near Allentown in November 2013. Troopers smelled…
|Arizona officer helps woman who gave birth on side of road photo
TUCSON, Ariz. (AP) — An Arizona highway trooper getting ready to cite a speeding driver instead wound up helping a woman in another car who delivered a baby boy on the side of the road. Trooper Miguel Rincon was conducting a traffic stop Saturday on a highway near the southern Arizona town of…
|Dead 4-foot-long alligator found in New Jersey park
NEWARK, N.J. (AP) — A dead 4-foot-long alligator has been found in a park in northern New Jersey. The county sheriff’s office says it removed the dead animal from Newark’s Weequahic Park after a jogger spotted the reptile around 7 a.m. Tuesday. HASH(0x13eb340) The remains were turned over to…
|Police remove 3-foot-long snake from Texas bathtub
WACO, Texas (AP) — Police in Texas have safely removed a 3-foot-long snake that a woman discovered in her bathtub. Nobody was hurt in the incident before dawn Tuesday. Sgt. W. Patrick Swanton says a woman called police to say her adult daughter found a snake in her bathtub and needed help…
HEALTH & FITNESS NEWS…
(THIS WILL BE CHANGING SOON DUE TO MYNEWS SHUTTING DOWN. I WILL LOOK TO FIND MATERIAL ELSEWHERE, BUT LETTING YOU KNOW THAT THIS WILL LOOK DIFFERENT SOON.)
|Using sight and sound to trigger dementia patients’ memories photo
EASTON, Pa. (AP) — From the antique cast-iron stove in the kitchen to the ancient wood-paneled radio in the living room, the decor in The Easton Home comes straight out of the 1930s, ’40s and ’50s. Which is by design. The old-fashioned rooms are in the dementia wing of the elder-care facility…
|Lawyer: California woman weighing options after embryo loss
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — A California woman is evaluating her legal options after a judge ruled against her in her fight to keep five frozen embryos she created with her now ex-husband over his objections, her attorney said. Mimi Lee must abide by an agreement with her ex-husband to destroy the…
|Lab-grown vocal cords offer hope of treating voice disorders photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — From mom’s comforting croon to a shout of warning, our voices are the main way we communicate and one we take for granted unless something goes wrong. Now researchers have grown human vocal cords in the laboratory that appear capable of producing sound — in hopes of…
|NIH to retire the last of government-owned research chimps photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The National Institutes of Health is sending its last remaining research chimpanzees into retirement — as soon as a federal sanctuary has room for them. The government already had declared that the use of humans’ closest relative as a test subject was coming to an end….
|Swaziland makes progress in quest to eliminate malaria
JOHANNESBURG (AP) — Swaziland could eliminate malaria by the end of 2016 or in early 2017, likely making it the first mainland country in sub-Saharan Africa to get rid of the deadly disease, according to an international health expert. Namibia, Botswana and South Africa are also making…
|Study: To avoid higher health law premiums, switch plans photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Maybe an amiable gecko could help the Obama administration sell its health insurance overhaul. In the long-running auto insurance commercials, the talkative little mascot promises you can save 15 percent if you switch insurers. Now a study says the most popular health law…
|House bill would limit some calorie labels
WASHINGTON (AP) — Supermarkets and pizza chains would get some relief from government calorie labeling rules under legislation approved by a House committee Wednesday. Many restaurants and other food retail outlets, such as grocery stores, will have to post the new calorie labels, starting a…
|Correction: AMA-Ad Ban story
CHICAGO (AP) — In a story Nov. 17 about the American Medical Association calling for a ban on direct-to-consumer prescription drug ads, The Associated Press misidentified PhRMA spokeswoman Tina Stow as Trish Stow. A corrected version of the story is below. American Medical Association backs…
|EPA intends tougher downwind air-pollution rule in 23 states photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Environmental Protection Agency proposed tougher new limits on Tuesday on smokestack emissions from nearly two dozen states that burden downwind areas with air pollution from power plants they can’t control. At the same time, the EPA moved to remove two states —…
|CDC: US sexually transmitted disease epidemic worsening
CHICAGO (AP) — A U.S. sexually transmitted diseases epidemic is increasing and the most common infection, chlamydia, has risen to record levels, government officials say. Reported cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis all increased in 2014. Chlamydia cases had dipped in 2013, but last…
|Courting business, Obama presses for climate action in Asia photo
MANILA, Philippines (AP) — Aggressive action to fight climate change will be a boon for businesses in Asia and beyond, President Barack Obama is asserting as he reaches for a global climate change agreement he hopes will burnish his environmental legacy. World leaders are just weeks away from…
(No news on the weekends. Audio clips are only valid for a few days before being removed from our servers.)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
Scientist have discovered the first “glowing” sea turtle in the Solomon Islands. A marine biologist discovered and documented the first biofluorescent reptile — a hawksbill sea turtle. Marine biologist and biology professor at the City University of New York David Gruber was filming small biofluorescent sharks near Nugu Island on July 31 when the turtle swam directly into him. *** Wait – there are glow-in-the-dark sharks? I think we just found a premise for JAWS 5. (AUDIO: Diver Markus Reymann comments on what he saw.)
David Beckham has been named “People” magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive for 2015.” *** So I’ve been snubbed yet again. (AUDIO: David Beckham talks about being voted the Sexiest Man Alive and how his son reacted to it.)
A 5-year-old boy suffering from cancer had his dream fulfilled after becoming a police officer for a day. Shavez Forte was sworn in by the Pittsfield, Massachusetts Police Department and given the full tour of the station. *** He was immediately transferred to the 21 Jump Street program and took down a paste-eating ring at the local kindergarten later that afternoon. (AUDIO: Officer Darren Derby talks about being a role model to kids like Shavez.)
Yellowstone National Park is proposing to kill 1,000 of its bison this winter. ***We don’t even have room for the buffalo – so why are we bringing in 100,000 Syrian refugees? (AUDIO: Bison grunting)
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
Only about 6.5 percent of U.S. adults meet physical activity guidelines while working. That figure represents the proportion of people who meet activity guidelines only from work, and did not include those who would meet guidelines if leisure-time exercise was also counted. ***MARLAR: So if I get up from my chair to go to the bathroom and then to the refrigerator, is that physical activity considered at-work or leisure time?
A new study indicates that grapefruit can help dieters lose weight and it may also be a good way of controlling blood sugar levels. Researchers at the University of California, Berkeley, found that mice that drank grapefruit juice while eating a high-fat diet for three months gained 18 percent less weight than a control group that drank water. In addition, the mice in the grapefruit group had improved levels of glucose and insulin. ***MARLAR: I tried this – and it wasn’t bad once I covered it in sugar.
More than half of U.S. employees say they take business calls or check their work emails while on vacation. The convenience of laptops and mobile devices make vacation-time work easier than ever, but researchers say there is such a thing as too much work and it’s necessary that we simply unplug from the office. ***MARLAR: Unplug from the office? Heck, I’m always looking to plug IN to get my cell phone recharged.
According to new research, listening to music at work actually makes you better at your job. The study found that workers performed their tasks better if they were listening to music. More than 80% of those involved in the study had more accurate test results and worked faster if they had music going. However it should be noted, that the study was conducted on behalf of several music licensing companies so the people behind the research definitely had a stake in the results. ***MARLAR: Wait… a survey that has an agenda? Gee, you never hear of that happening!
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Noah’s Mosquitos”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Cecile Kaiser, “Bathrooms”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! We’ve secretly replaced our normal episode of As the Jungle Turns with a story that takes place on Razzleflabbin Island, where Marvy Snuffelson and all of the Razzleflabbins are about to come face to face with another Razzleflabbin… a Razzleflabbin that is PLAID! Let’s see if our audience notices…
CLOSE: You might think it’s a bit silly to be afraid of the someone that’s different – but how would you feel if someone came running up to you that was covered in stripes and lines all over his body? Maybe this Plaid Guy really is dangerous! Find out more next time, As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF NOVEMBER 21/22
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Katie Snuffleson was eating all the candy she wanted in the cloud city of Candyland over Razzleflabbin Island. Unfortunately, she’s eaten a bit too much candy – and now the clouds are slowly losing their grip on her, she’s too heavy, and is beginning to fall from the sky to the ocean below!
CLOSE: Tune in again next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
The story of a real turkey who bought 320 turkeys to help sell car parts!
A Southern California car parts dealer recently bought 320 live turkeys, for $5,000, for a promotion whereby he would let the turkeys run loose in his yard and give those who buy a part for their car a chance to run around the yard with a shotgun and try to shoot one of the turkeys. The problem was that this car dealer never checked to see if the city would allow such a thing. He’s now stuck with 321 turkeys running around the yard.
TOP TEN SIGNS IT’S TIME FOR A NEW CAR
- Your tinted windows are also known as Hefty Garbage Bags.
- The car reaches its optimum speed when going downhill.
- The hi-tech stereo system often requires a new needle.
- The rear-view mirror says, “Objects in Mirror Are Better Than This Piece of Junk.”
- The odometer on the dashboard is not as sophisticated as the everyday abacus.
- Traffic Watch warns other drivers what highway you’re taking.
- The sticker on the windshield says, “Batteries Not Included.”
- You fill up the tank with Unleaded Coal.
- You can only go to restaurants that offer Valet Pushing.
- When you approach hitchhikers, they put their thumbs down.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
It’s the newest way to decide a case in the courtroom… rock, paper, scissors!
FILE #1: Completely frustrated over the inability of two opposing attorneys to agree on even the slightest details of a lawsuit, a federal judge in Tampa, Florida has ordered them to settle their latest dispute with a game of rock paper scissors. U.S. District Judge Gregory Presnell scolded lawyers for their inability to agree on a location where they can take the sworn statement of a witness in an insurance lawsuit. Presnell ordered both sides to meet at a neutral location to play a round of the hand-gesture game often used to settle childhood disputes. If they can’t agree on the neutral location, they’ll play on the steps of the federal courthouse. The winner gets to choose the location for the witness statement. David Pettinato, the lead attorney for the plaintiff said, “We’re going to have to do it. I guess I’d better bone up on rock paper scissors rules.” Of course in true American legal fashion, if the loser disputes the game’s outcome, that lawyer can appeal.
FILE #2: 70-year-old Donald Cesare is sitting in the Erie County, Pennsylvania Prison after he tried to solve his financial woes with an old school bank robbery that didn’t quite go so well. He marched into the First National Bank in Millcreek Township with a grocery bag, a bandanna and a 50-year-old handgun that doesn’t work. The poor old guy has no previous criminal record and immediately apologized for the robbery when police tracked him down based on his description. Donald says he also wants to apologize to the teller who turned over about $6,000 dollars to him, which police found in his home.
FILE #3: A father and son in southern Sweden have been fined for repeatedly throwing eggs at another family’s home. The 18-year-old high school senior told his dad that he was having trouble with another boy in school. The 42-year-old father, thinking back on his glory days of youth, suggested they drive over to the boy’s house and egg his car — which they did– several times — for several months — until finally being caught by police.
STRANGE LAW: In Rhode Island it’s a misdemeanor to keep more than 11 inoperable vehicles in front of a house.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
When traveling with drugs and weapons, it’s always a good idea to have a valid driver’s license and obey all traffic laws.
That was not the case for 43-year-old James M. Moran, of Massena, New York. When police pulled Moran over for a driving infraction and found he didn’t have a license, they towed his vehicle. It was during police inventory of the vehicle they discovered several packets of cocaine and a shotgun and he was towed off to jail.
Our cell phones do just about everything nowadays. They act as cameras, video projectors, MP3 players, email or text gadgets, appointment keepers and more. (It seems the only thing phones can’t do nowadays is give you a cell signal that won’t fade or drop.) Of course, there’s also an “app” for just about everything nowadays. So, what other cool things should a cell phone be able to do? Warn you of speed traps on the road? Tell you when it’s time to dump your significant other? Vibrate whenever you’re about to make a social faux pas?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: According to Job, what is hidden from the keen eyes of the birds of prey?
ANSWER: The whereabouts of jewels and precious metal (Job 28:7)
QUESTION: Name the Three Musketeers.
ANSWER: Porthos, Athos, and Aramis (D’Artagnan joins them later as the fourth)
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- Black-eyed peas are not peas. (True – they are beans.)
- Mexicans, not the chinese, were largely responsible for building most of the early railways in the U.S. West. (False – it really was the Chinese)
- An aquarium is for fish, and a Ranarium is for salamanders. (False – ranariums are for frogs.)
- Teri Hatcher was once a cheerleader for the Indianapolis Colts. (False – she was with the San Francisco 49ers.)
- The two cities with the oldest major league baseball stadiums are New York and Chicago. (False – Boston and Detroit)
- The country music group Alabama actually formed in the state of Arkansas. (False – they truly are from Alabama)
- The U.S. Air Force had only 50 soldiers at the beginning of World War I. (True)
- In England, margarine used to be called “Butterine.” (True)
- The Declaration of Independence begins with the words, “We the People…” (False – that’s the U.S. Constitution. The Declaration of Independence begins with the words, “When in the course of human events…”)
- Sterling silver is actually part copper. (True – 7.5% of it is copper)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
“Hospital Waits Five Days to Notify Family of _____!” (DEATH)
And an investigation is underway in Kelowna, British Columbia to find out why officials at Kelowna General Hospital waited five days to notify the family of Barry Bordeniuk that he had died. No one in Barry’s family had any idea until a nurse called and asked what they should do with his stuff.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
An elderly woman lived on a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for years. The widowed woman lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren.
One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. “I just got some news, Mom,” he said. “The government has come to an agreement with the people in North Dakota. They’ve decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?”
“What do I think?” his mother said. “Sign it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don’t think I can stand another Canadian winter!”
In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression. She posed this question to her students: “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?”
A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, “A basketball coach?”
While talking with my semi-deaf uncle one evening, I noticed that his “hearing aid” was actually an earphone from a transistor radio. The wire had been cut and was sticking out of his shirt. ”How does that help your hearing?” I asked.
“Don’t help my hearing none,” he replied. “Makes people talk louder.”
Newly-released documents show that Winston Churchill used to watch the movie “Bambi” late at night to inspire him during World War II. ***MARLAR: It’s also why he would never wander out into an open field with his mother.
The earth travels through space at 660,000 mph. ***MARLAR: 661,000 if there aren’t any cops around.
The word “bride” is derived from an old English word meaning “cook.” ***MARLAR: My mother-in-law was never a good bride.
The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.
“It was enough to make anybody faint,” he said. “My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower.”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
Tweety Bird gets a girl kicked out of school!
Not long ago a kid in Wisconsin got suspended from school for having a key chain that looked like a gun, now there’s a girl in Atlanta that has been suspended for having a Tweety Bird wallet! Ashley Smith, an 11-year-old girl at Garrett Middle School, was suspended for two weeks after school officials noticed her wallet, which bore an image of the yellow bird-like cartoon character, was attached to a 10-inch key chain. The school has banned chains as part a zero-tolerance weapons policy that places the items in the same category as pellet guns, ice picks and swords. ***MARLAR: What’s more dangerous – a keychain chain, or a sharpened pencil? And which ones do you see more of in a school classroom?
When I am tired, the Bible is my bed;
Or in the dark, the Bible is my light;
When I am hungry, it is vital bread;
Or fearful, it is armour for the fight;
When I am sick, ’tis healing medicine;
Or lonely, thronging friends I find therein.
If I would work, the Bible is my tool;
Or play, it is a harp of happy sound.
If I am ignorant, it is my school;
If I am sinking, it is solid ground.
If I am cold, the Bible is my fire;
And wings, if boldly I aspire.
Should I be lost, the Bible is my guide;
Or naked, it is raiment, rich and warm.
Am I imprisoned, it is ranges wide;
Or tempest-tossed, a shelter from the storm.
Would I adventure, ’tis a gallant sea;
Or would I rest, it is a flowery lea.
–Amos R. Wells
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. —John 14:3
Ray Kurzweil is a remarkable scientist and inventor. In a book he coauthored, titled Fantastic Voyage: Live Long Enough To Live Forever, he contends that science and technology hold the key to immortality. Kurzweil lives on a strict diet enhanced with a regimen of supplements, fully convinced that he will be alive when the immortality breakthrough happens. He is not a crackpot but a respected member of the business community.
In contrast to this optimism about what science can do stands the realism of Moses. “The days of our lives are seventy years; and if by reason of strength they are eighty years, yet their boast is only labor and sorrow” (Ps. 90:10). At best we live a few decades, and then we are gone like grass in the park.
Far better to trust ourselves to Jesus, who promises to join us to the timeless life of God. He told His disciples, “If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also” (John 14:3).
Christ’s followers live in the assurance that when the sun has burned its last and the stars have tumbled from the sky, we shall be alive. We anticipate a life greater than anything we could imagine in our wildest dreams. —Haddon W. Robinson
This life is but the childhood of our immortality.
THE TRUTH ABOUT THANKSGIVING
- Americans will consume more than 700 million pounds of turkey for Thanksgiving.
- In 1927, Felix the Cat was the first balloon character ever featured in Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. For a short time, there was a tradition of releasing the balloons when the parade was over. They’d float for days and the lucky finders could claim a prize.
- Thanksgiving is the second largest occasion for Americans to gather together and eat. Christmas is first and the Super Bowl is third.
- The very first American Thanksgiving celebration was held in 1621.
- “Jingle Bells,” the popular Christmas song, was actually written for Thanksgiving. The song was composed in 1857, by James Pierpont, and was originally called “One Horse Open Sleigh.”
LIFE… LIVE IT
SPENDING LESS FOR CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR
Last year consumers spent an average of $786 on holiday gifts, but if the latest poll from Gallup is correct they’ll be sitting on the wallets this year. Americans say they plan to spend an average of $704 on holiday giving this year. At the same time last year American consumers planned to spend $770 and ended up spending a bit more. Retailers can only hope that the pattern repeats itself this year.
JUST FOR FUN
IT’S PARTY TIME – INEXPENSIVE AND FUN HOLIDAY PARTY IDEAS
- Appetizer parties are a great way to entertain a group, especially if you are short on seating space, time, or resources. Although you’ll want to allow about eight hors d’oeuvres per person, they needn’t be expensive or complicated to taste good. Grilled, bacon-wrapped chunks of vegetables and fruits are always popular. So are halved tiny baked potatoes filled with sour cream, bacon, and chives or chili and cheese. Another favorite offering is fried stuffed ravioli or tortellini served with marinara sauce.
- Rather than serve expensive whole shrimp, smoked salmon, or beef tenderloin, extend them by combining with spicy dressings, cream cheese, and vegetables for easy spreads. Accompany spreads with crackers and breads, or use them as fillings for puff pastry shells, wonton wrappers, or rolled tortillas.
- For interesting buffet tables, use an array of unmatched china and crystal collected inexpensively at garage sales.
- Taped background music sets a festive mood, but why not add extra excitement with live music? Engage a piano student to play, or invite carolers from your local church or club to drop by while the party is in full swing.
- Use snow in ice buckets to cool beverages. Snow chills better than ice, looks more festive, and saves you the cost of purchasing crushed ice.
- Candles provide soft lighting that creates a relaxed party atmosphere. Scatter inexpensive votive candles on mantels, windowsills, plate rails, and tables. Fill tiered cake stands with votive candles for stunning displays of light. Use candles of assorted shapes, sizes, and heights for table displays. Candles burn more slowly if they’ve been stored in a sealed box in the refrigerator and are lit while they’re cold.
- Decorate your tables with whatever is close at hand. You need not go to the expense of cut flowers. Use foliage cut from your outside shrubbery, nuts, small white birch logs, pinecones, bird nests or birdhouses, toys, fresh fruit (such as pears, apples, oranges, and persimmons), and small potted plants or herbs. Arrange them on cake stands, in wicker baskets, or in bowls interspersed with satin ribbons, sprinklings of dried flower petals, wrapped presents, and old holiday greeting cards.
- Purchase strands of tiny white Christmas lights during after-Christmas sales for next year’s party. String your house with them to create inexpensive, intimate, and elegant lighting.
- Clusters of beribboned helium balloons make festive decorations for any holiday party. Buy the ribbon in economical commercial-size rolls.
YOU KNOW YOU’RE IN TROUBLE WHEN…
- Your accountant’s letter of resignation is postmarked Zurich.
- Your suggestion box starts ticking.
- Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the DA is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3.
- The simple instructions enclosed, aren’t.
- People send your wife sympathy cards on your anniversary.
- The plumber floats by on your kitchen table.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
PUNCTUALITY IS THE THING
How important is it to be on time? One bus driver thought it was REALLY important… and ended up hurting someone because of it!
A 63-year-old woman riding a bus in Edinburgh smashed her head against a window, ultimately requiring that she get 14 stitches. How did this happen? The bus driver made a sudden acceleration because he was behind schedule. And to make sure he stayed on schedule, despite her injuries, he continued driving the bus, refusing to stop or even call an ambulance. She has filed a lawsuit. ***MARLAR: On the plus side, she made it to her stop with ten seconds to spare.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
United States Marine Corps veteran Sgt. Kirstie Ennis nearly died while serving in Afghanistan. Ennis was serving as an aerial gunner in Afghanistan when her helicopter went down. Doctors told her she would never walk again. But she did more than walk. Earlier this fall, Ennis trekked 1,000 miles across Great Britain with five other veterans as part of the Walking With the Wounded team. Now she is ranked fifth internationally for women’s Paralympic snowboarding and is on track to compete in the 2018 Paralympics.
A Michigan restaurant owner’s heartfelt offer for some Thanksgiving hospitality has struck a chord after a photo of a sign at the eatery went viral on the Internet. According to ABC News, George’s Senate Coney Island has offered lonely customers a free meal on Thanksgiving for the last 10 years. But on Thursday, a passerby noticed a sign in the window with the offer, snapped a quick shot and posted it to the social media website Reddit. Restaurateur George Dimopoulos told ABC News there is a very personal reason for his generosity. “The reason I do this is because I was alone one time,” he said. “I remember the good times and bad times.”
The holidays are here and Yahoo wants to help. They have compiled a list of 19 of their favorite pie recipes for your holiday celebrations. Options range from the standard pumpkin pie to a Black Pepper and Grapefruit Meringue Pie. Access all 19 recipes…
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. –Abraham Lincoln
THE WAY WE WORK
(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)
One of the disappointments over which I mildly grieve is to see a business go under. The majority of employees are unaware of the great challenges of keeping an enterprise profitable. Seeing enterprises fail means jobs are lost. Revenues for the community are diminished. And in many cases, the goodwill spread by these companies through donations or volunteer manpower vanishes.
In our own neighborhood, we said farewell to several retail operations in the last few years. We lost our local Applebee’s restaurant. A Bob Evans not so long ago. And a big disappointment came when the Barnes and Noble closed its doors. Farther away, a unique restaurant, operated by a successful business group, locked up and tore down a place called Key Wester. It had a big aquarium, a waterfall, and doors that opened in summer to overlook black swans on a small body of water. Very refreshing. But…gone.
What we don’t usually see are the tears shed by people who’ve invested a part or all of their adult life trying to make a go of their dream. We don’t see the hours agonizing over ways to save the business and keep people they care about employed. We don’t see the creditors who may not get their money back from what they loaned in trust. Pain goes along with the closing of those doors.
So I read with interest a story that gave me a light chuckle — at first — about a man desperate to save his business in Candia, New Hampshire. Kevin Dumont is a principle owner of the Liquid Planet Water Park. If you’ll excuse the expression, his water park business is going under. And he’s making a life-saving effort by chaining himself to a 30-foot waterslide to keep it afloat. *groan*
Dumont has camped out. He needs a bailout. In his words, “We’re losing everything if we can’t find a partner. We just need to save it from going to the auction block. We need an infusion of cash to pay off the debt….We’re hoping this effort will give us some offers.”
It’s not like no one is showing up. The park had 35,000-plus visitors this past season. Since 2008 when Liquid Planet opened, Dumont admits it’s been an uphill challenge. But it’s only in the past year that he’s fallen behind in his payments.
He properly does not blame the bank for his woes. But Dumont was notified in September of the bank’s plans to auction off the 44-acre property (that includes his home) on December 2nd. A bank does what they must do for their own clients’ sake.
But Dumont’s story is more painful when you learn that both his father and mother died within the last four months. Losing your parents and your business within 140 days of each other plays havoc on the human spirit. Thus…the desperate act of a desperate man to chain himself to a water slide.
Kevin Dumont claims he started the business for families. A noble purpose offers no guarantees for success. Too many forces come to bear to make a business survive.
Size does not matter. Giant airlines get bought out or cease to exist. K-Mart has Sears behind them but keeps faltering. Sears itself is making what some think are desperate moves to stay alive. And, of course, Blockbuster became a failure equal to its name.
Times change. People’s tastes do as well. Innovation opens new markets. Staying competitive is a true art in business.
Some go the route of reinvention. I’ve been reading rumors of McDonald’s demise for a couple of years now. Recently, they have started serving breakfast all day. There has been an uptick in their customer count. Who said playing this investor driven game of “staying alive” was going to be fun?
People of faith are not immune in any way to business failings. More recently, Family Christian Stores fought tooth and nail to survive. Only after large concessions have they managed to do so after $127 million in debt was erased.
Years ago, the startup company I put together came to a point where it appeared things would collapse. I decided to “give my business to God” — which sounded very dramatic. My friend Chuck Gratner looked at me over breakfast after I shared this and replied, “Maybe God doesn’t want your business.” Yeah…hadn’t quite considered that. It tanked four months later.
Spiritual lesson: Not all things are meant to be. Not all things are meant to last. Not all dreams come true. As “The Preacher” wrote in Ecclesiastes, “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest….A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.” (Ecc 3:1-4, NLT)
Some sound advice. As a few wise Byrds once told me.
That’s The Way WE Work.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
NOVEMBER 20, 2015…
Hunger Games Mockingjay: Part Two—The end of the film series and the end of the book series. Fans will be mourning as with the “Harry Potter” film and book series. The rebels are after the wicked power in Panem and it is the final showdown between Katniss (Jennifer Lawrence) and President Snow (Donald Sutherland), so expect real snow in the film. The favorite stars are here including Liam Hemsworth, Josh Hutcherson, Elizabeth Banks and the last film of the late Philip Seymour Hoffman. “Hunger Games Mockingjay: Part Two” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.
Carol—Cate Blanchett is Carol, a wealthy woman in the 1950’s who shops at a favorite department store. Rooney Mara plays Therese, a lowly shop girl who has a crush on the wealthy Carol. The two go on a road trip and These sees how the wealthy live. “Carol” is rated R. No rating.
The Secret In Their Eyes—Julia Roberts takes on the role of an attorney whose daughter was one of the murder victims of a serial killer. Years later, the person is still loose, but Julia, along with Chiwetel Ejiofor, finds the person. Also in the cast is Nicole Kidman. “The Secret In Their Eyes” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.
Very Semi-Serious (documentary and opening in select cities)—Who doesn’t love cartoons, either in print or on the screen. This documentary gives us the creation and editorial process in the New Yorker magazine, with editor David Remnick and artist Roz Chast. “Very Semi-Serious” is rated PG 13. No rating.
NOVEMBER 25, 2015…
Creed is a boxing film, starring Michael B. Jordan as a young fighter and guess who is coaching him? That’s right and his initials are S.S.
The Good Dinosaur is an animated children’s film with a different viewpoint—the dinosaurs lived and have humans as pets.
The Night Before is the story of three guys who have spent Christmas Eve together since childhood. Stars Seth Rogen, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Anthony Mackie.
Victor Frankenstein is about the scientist and his assistant, Igor, Stars James McAvoy and Daniel Radcliffe.
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