November 21, 2015: Saturday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20151121

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite days of the year. I like a holiday you can smell. –HaLife

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.”  –1 Peter 2:2-3

 

Jeremiah 32:17 = Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you.

 

Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song. — Psalm 95:1-2

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. — 1 John 1:9

 

Thought: God is faithful! Scripture declares it. We’ve experienced it. In fact, we cherish this promise from God, especially when things don’t turn out as they “should.” So when Satan does trip us with temptation, or when we are weak or rebellious, isn’t it comforting that we can be forgiven and made clean again? God wants us to call our sin what he calls it. (To “confess” literally means to “say the same” thing about it as God does!) Incredibly, God does more than forgive us. He also cleanses us. We’re made new, fresh, pure, and holy once again! That is more than being faithful and just; that’s being downright gracious.

 

Prayer: I do not have the words, Father, to express my appreciation for your gracious forgiveness and cleansing of me. I am deeply sorry for my weakness, my stumbling, and my rebellion. I deeply regret disappointing you. Thank you for welcoming me back into your presence and reminding me that I am your beloved child. Please empower me to grow past my failures and to mature more fully into the holiness of your Son, Jesus, in whose name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Acts 11:21 NIV = The Lord’s hand was with them, and a great number of people believed and turned to the Lord.

 

 

TODAY IS SATURDAY – NOVEMBER 21, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 34 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is PUMPKIN PIE DAY. ***MARLAR: And if you find yourself with extra, well, you know where to find me!

 

Today is NATIONAL SEARCH FOR THE GIBLET GRAVY RECIPE DAY. ***MARLAR: If you find yourself with extra… keep it!

 

BETTER CONVERSATION WEEK begins today.  ***MARLAR: Practice up NOW – you’ll need the skills with the family coming during the holidays!

 

Today is NATIONAL TAKE A HIKE DAY.  ***MARLAR: Not to be confused with “National Tell Someone To Take A Hike Day” which usually comes the day after Thanksgiving.

 

Today is WORLD HELLO DAY, a day to promote peace by offering a friendly greeting to at least ten people. ***MARLAR: Well, since I have your attention already, “Hello!” (

)

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Alascattalo Day

Beaujolais Noveau Day

Family Volunteer Day

Guinness World Record Day

International Games Day

National Adoption Day

National Day of Play

National Survivors of Suicide Day

Playmobil’s National Day of Play

World Hello Day

World Television Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 22

Doo Dah Day

Humane Society Anniversary Day

Mother Goose Day

 

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 23

Doctor Who Day

Fibonacci Day

International Day to End Impunity

International Image Consultant Day

National Espresso Day

 

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 24

Brownielocks Day

Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day

D.B. Cooper Day

 

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 25

International Day For The Elimination of Violence Against women Day

International Hat Day

Blasé Day

Shopping Reminder Day

Tie One On Day

 

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 26

National Day of Mourning

Thanksgiving Day

Turkey-Free Thanksgiving

 

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 27

Black Friday

Fur Free Friday

Buy Nothing Day

Flossing Day

Maize Day

National Day of Listening

National Native American Heritage Day

Sinkie Day (Eating Over the Sink)

You’re Welcomegiving Day

 

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 28

International Aura Awareness Day

World Day of Giving

Small Business Saturday

 

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 29

Electronic Greetings Day

International Day of Solidarity With The Palistinian People

Square Dancing Day

 

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 30

Cider Monday

Cyber Monday

Computer Security Day

National Meth Awareness Day

Stay Home Because You’re Well Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1877: Thomas Edison announced he had invented the phonograph. ***MARLAR: But he announced it live instead of Memorex.

 

1934: A teenager, dressed in borrowed clothes and men’s shoes, won Amateur Night at New York’s Apollo Theater. After fumbling her first song, Ella Fitzgerald started again and wowed the audience with “Object of My Affection” and “Judy.”

 

1944: “The Roy Rogers Show” premiered on the Mutual Broadcasting System. The “King of the Cowboys” sang with the Whippoorwills and the Sons of the Pioneers.

 

1944: Harry James and his Orchestra recorded “I’m Beginning to See the Light,” which would become the band’s theme song. The vocalist was Kitty Kallen.

 

1974: The U.S. Congress passed the Freedom of Information Act, over-riding President Gerald Ford’s veto.

 

1976: Vernon Bass of Sarasota, Florida, ate 684 oysters in 20 minutes. It was a world record back then, but volume oyster eating is no longer a Guinness-sanctioned record event.

 

1977: Five Canadian ski patrolmen set a record in British Columbia by giving mouth-to-mouth resuscitation for 60 hours to a mannequin. ***MARLAR: The good news is the mannequin survived and now has a healthy, well-adjusted life modeling women’s springtime apparel.

 

1980: Having been cliff-hung for five months, an estimated 82-million Americans, 80% of all viewers, tuned in to see “Who Shot J.R.?” ***MARLAR: SPOILER ALERT – it was Sue Ellen’s sister, the jilted mistress Kristin Shepard!

 

1991: Congress authorized the purchase of $70-million worth of combat boots even though U.S. supply depots were over-stocked by two million pairs.

 

1993: Actor Bill Bixby died of cancer at age 59. His TV series were My Favorite Martian, The Courtship of Eddie’s Father, and The Incredible Hulk.

 

1995: British Airways Captain Rex Gravely received a Royal SPCA plaque for diverting a jumbo jet 1,000 miles to save a miniature Shitzu dog named Louise. When the jet’s cargo-hold over-heated, 200 passengers voted to divert the Houston-to-London flight to Boston to save the dog.

 

1996: Cathy Mullikin of Jackson, Tennessee, cooked her Thanksgiving turkey a week early, and she may not have been the only one. Cathy was one of 40-thousand people who got a free 1996 calendar from the county hospital that showed Thanksgiving on the wrong Thursday. ***MARLAR: Hard to be thankful about that.

 

2003: A British tourist accidentally ordered a $1,702 bottle of wine in a Prague restaurant. Andy Freegard was dining with girlfriend Helen Kelly when he picked a Chateau Margaux 1987 Premier Grand Cru Classe which in the dark restaurant he thought was $34. He got worried when waiters started flocking to his table to sniff the cork. Once opened, the wine couldn’t be sent back, so the couple “tried to enjoy it” — at $85 a sip.

 

2004: The NBA suspended Indiana’s Ron Artest for the rest of the season following a brawl at the end of a game against the Detroit Pistons.

 

2007: York County, Pennsylvania police reported disrupting a slumber party after a store employee reported seven teenage girls purchasing large amounts of toilet paper. While the teens papered a school in the area. a security camera had grabbed a license plate number. Police showed up at the slumber party later that night and the mom and teens confessed. The mom, who had driven her daughter and six other girls, was cited for disorderly conduct, and said she had learned her lesson, that trying to be a friend instead of a parent was a mistake. The six teens were taken home and placed in the custody of their parents. No word on who cleaned up the school.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1638: A General Assembly at Glasgow abolished the episcopal form of church government, adopted the presbyterian form in its place, and gave final constitution to the Church of Scotland.

 

1852: Union Institute was chartered by the Methodists in Randolph County, NC. Renamed Trinity College in 1859, the campus moved to Durham in 1892. Tobacco magnate James B. Duke endowed the school with $40 million in 1924, upon which its name was changed to Duke University.

 

1907: Birth of Jim Bishop, American journalist. He gave new life to great historical moments through his “day” books, including his 1957 chronicle of “The Day Christ Died.”

 

1943: German theologian and Nazi martyr Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote in a letter: ‘A prison cell, in which one waits, hopes…and is completely dependent on the fact that the door of freedom has to be opened from the outside, is not a bad picture of Advent.’

 

1948: The Sunday morning religious program “Lamp Unto My Feet” first aired over CBS television. It became one of TV’s longest-running network shows, and aired through January 1979.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (Contact, Saved, American Girl, Pride & Prejudice) Jena Malone 31
  • actress (“Knots Landing”, The Spiral Staircase, “Desperate Housewives”) Nicollette Sheridan 52 (
    )
  • actress (“Laugh-In”, Private Benjamin, Death Becomes Her) Goldie Hawn 70
  • actress (“That Girl” 1966-1971) Marlo Thomas is 77 (
    )

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1904 : Coleman Hawkins

1907 : Buck Ram

1933 : Jean Shepard

1940 : Dr. John; Born Malcolm John Rebennack Jr. in New Orleans, Louisiana.

1941 : David Porter

1942 : Andrew Love (The Memphis Horns)

1948 : Lonnie Jordan (War)

1948 : “Rabbit” Bundrick (Free)

1949 : Randy Zehringer

1950 : Livingston Taylor

1950 : Gary Pihl (Boston)

1952 : Lorna Luft

1955 : Peter Koppes (The Church)

1962 : Stephen Curtis Chapman

1965 : Björk

1967 : Margret Ornolfsdottir (The Sugarcubes)

1968 : Alex James (Blur)

1974 : Kelsi Osborn (SheDaisy)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

How do they choose a new Pope?

You know, I was born and raised Catholic, and didn’t know any of this until just now! The Pope is chosen by the College of Cardinals, the members of which meet, pray, deliberate and vote in the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican. It’s all work and no play when it comes to the voting process. By tradition the Cardinals are isolated from the outside world and swear an oath of secrecy because in the Middle Ages secular rulers tried to influence their deliberations. Their living accommodations and even their food are kept plain because a conclave centuries ago turned boisterous. The winning candidate must receive one more than a two-thirds majority. When a vote does not produce a clear choice, the ballots are burned with a chemical that produces black smoke. The ballots that finally produce a Pope are burned to produce a white smoke. Isn’t that charming! In the age of the Internet, the results of the world’s most important election are conveyed to the outside world by smoke signals!

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

This past weekend Nancy Demoss married Robert Wolgemuth. Now Revive Our Hearts has announced that a video of the wedding is available online. You can watch the video at http://buff.ly/1Qr5xvk.

 

Ellie Holcomb was joined by a special guest this week. She shared a picture as she held her daughter on stage. Ellie said: Her first time on stage with us and she nailed it! Sang “Here We Go” in Atlanta. Ellie is on tour with her husband, Drew Holcomb, this past weekend

 

Michael W. Smith was part of history this week. The long time Christian artist played at the same coliseum in Manila this week where the famous Ali Frazier fight took place exactly 40 years ago. No fights this time, just a lot of worship. https://instagram.com/p/-LXnAUuu-M/

 

Hawk Nelson’s Jon Steingard sat down with Focus on the Family to share more about how his dating life influenced his marriage. Check out the video as the front man for the band opens up about past mistakes and the importance of honesty in marriage and seeing the way God redeems our past. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h04FUgGA74A

 

The new CD from Kutless it titled Surrender. This week member James Mead told a fan: My absolute favorite is ‘My Heart is a Ghost’. It’s one of the songs I wrote, and about a very personal issue.

 

Building 429’s Jason Roy was out for a run this week but the location might have slowed him down some. Jason commented: beautiful run in Boston. My wife and I stopped a lot to see the sights.

 

Randy Phillips received his dove award in the mail this week. Phillips, Craig and Dean won the award at the Doves earlier this fall. Randy said it was a nice way to start the morning and he has the perfect place to show it off. He said he plans to mount it on the hood of his car.

 

Chris Tomlin this week was sharing his “Favorite Things” for the Christmas Season. Chris told the Media Collective that his favorite Christmas gift was a Honda ATV three-wheeler, his favorite Christmas songs are O, Holy Night and O, Come All Ye Faithful. His favorite Christmas Story is Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, and his favorite Christmas movie is It’s A Wonderful Life.

 

Matthew West this week shared some thoughts on his song The Motions. He commented: Love singing this song every night. It’s a big part of my personal story. Good preacher’s kid who knows all too well how to look the part, but easy to fake it. God doesn’t call us to be luke warm. It’s either hot or cold. I want to be on fire for God. I want to reach the end of my 86,400 seconds with no regrets. I don’t want to go through the motions.

 

Third Day’s Mac Powell is officially on the disabled list. Mac said he won’t be running for awhile due to a strained calf muscle. He shared a picture of his badly bruised leg on instagram. https://instagram.com/p/-MKym0gmxY/

 

Kutless members James Mead had an interesting answer when asked to share his favorite story in the Bible. James said: The one about the redemption of the World through Jesus Christ…it starts in Genesis and ends in Revelation.

 

 

ODD & STRANGE NEWS…

(THIS WILL BE CHANGING SOON DUE TO MYNEWS SHUTTING DOWN. I WILL LOOK TO FIND MATERIAL ELSEWHERE, BUT LETTING YOU KNOW THAT THIS WILL LOOK DIFFERENT SOON.)

 

Tamale takedown: Traveler carried 450 illegal pork tamales    photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — The contraband was carefully wrapped in corn husks and concealed in the luggage of a traveler when authorities moved in for a tamale takedown at Los Angeles International Airport. The search by U.S. Customs and Border Protection agents turned up 450 pork tamales…

 

Massachusetts woman wins $1M on scratch ticket for 2nd time
BOSTON (AP) — Few people are lucky enough to win $1 million in the lottery. But one Massachusetts woman has now done it twice. Constance Carpenito, of Stoneham, recently won a $1 million prize on a scratch ticket in the $10,000,000 Diamond Millionaire instant game. A spokesman for the…
News photographer’s tripod mistaken for gun prompts 911 call
LANCASTER, Pa. (AP) — Police were called to a central Pennsylvania office building after someone mistakenly thought a photographer’s tripod was a gun. HASH(0x139bb10) The caller thought a machine gun was carried into the building, so police conducted a floor-by-floor search only to find the…
Colorado spirituality bookstore named Isis gets vandalized    photo
ENGLEWOOD, Colo. (AP) — A Denver-area store called Isis Books & Gifts wants the world to know its name comes from the Egyptian goddess of healing and motherhood and it isn’t run by terrorists. Co-owner Jeff Harrison said Wednesday that the suburban Denver shop has been vandalized five times…
Car thieves or chauffeurs? Police say men drop boy at school
NORFOLK, Va. (AP) — Police say two car thieves made an unexpected stop after stealing a vehicle Wednesday morning: They dropped an 8-year-old boy off at school after they discovered him in the backseat. Norfolk police spokesman Daniel Hudson says the boy was sitting in his mother’s car in her…
Lawsuit: Amusement park lets chimpanzee smoke cigarettes
NEW ORLEANS (AP) — An animal rights group is suing to get a chimpanzee named Candy out of an amusement park where, it says, she smokes cigarettes and is given soft drinks instead of water. Candy is isolated in an inadequate cage at the Baton Rouge park, and should be moved to a sanctuary,…
Police say hoagie hurler hauled in on assault charge
FAIRFAX, Va. (AP) — Police have given a New Jersey man special recognition for sandwich throwing: They locked him up. The Fairfax City Police Department in Virginia says in a news release that 32-year-old Jonathan M. Magnes of Morristown was drunk when he threw a sandwich at a 50-year-old man…
Man arrested in soap/cocaine mix-up sues in Pennsylvania
ALLENTOWN, Pa. (AP) — A New York man who spent 29 days in jail after Pennsylvania state police mistook homemade soap for cocaine has filed a lawsuit. HASH(0x1420a60) Bernstein was a passenger in a Mercedes-Benz police pulled over for speeding near Allentown in November 2013. Troopers smelled…
Arizona officer helps woman who gave birth on side of road    photo
TUCSON, Ariz. (AP) — An Arizona highway trooper getting ready to cite a speeding driver instead wound up helping a woman in another car who delivered a baby boy on the side of the road. Trooper Miguel Rincon was conducting a traffic stop Saturday on a highway near the southern Arizona town of…
Dead 4-foot-long alligator found in New Jersey park
NEWARK, N.J. (AP) — A dead 4-foot-long alligator has been found in a park in northern New Jersey. The county sheriff’s office says it removed the dead animal from Newark’s Weequahic Park after a jogger spotted the reptile around 7 a.m. Tuesday. HASH(0x13eb340) The remains were turned over to…
Police remove 3-foot-long snake from Texas bathtub
WACO, Texas (AP) — Police in Texas have safely removed a 3-foot-long snake that a woman discovered in her bathtub. Nobody was hurt in the incident before dawn Tuesday. Sgt. W. Patrick Swanton says a woman called police to say her adult daughter found a snake in her bathtub and needed help…

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS NEWS…

(THIS WILL BE CHANGING SOON DUE TO MYNEWS SHUTTING DOWN. I WILL LOOK TO FIND MATERIAL ELSEWHERE, BUT LETTING YOU KNOW THAT THIS WILL LOOK DIFFERENT SOON.)

 

Using sight and sound to trigger dementia patients’ memories    photo
EASTON, Pa. (AP) — From the antique cast-iron stove in the kitchen to the ancient wood-paneled radio in the living room, the decor in The Easton Home comes straight out of the 1930s, ’40s and ’50s. Which is by design. The old-fashioned rooms are in the dementia wing of the elder-care facility…

 

Lawyer: California woman weighing options after embryo loss
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — A California woman is evaluating her legal options after a judge ruled against her in her fight to keep five frozen embryos she created with her now ex-husband over his objections, her attorney said. Mimi Lee must abide by an agreement with her ex-husband to destroy the…
Lab-grown vocal cords offer hope of treating voice disorders    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — From mom’s comforting croon to a shout of warning, our voices are the main way we communicate and one we take for granted unless something goes wrong. Now researchers have grown human vocal cords in the laboratory that appear capable of producing sound — in hopes of…
NIH to retire the last of government-owned research chimps    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The National Institutes of Health is sending its last remaining research chimpanzees into retirement — as soon as a federal sanctuary has room for them. The government already had declared that the use of humans’ closest relative as a test subject was coming to an end….
Swaziland makes progress in quest to eliminate malaria
JOHANNESBURG (AP) — Swaziland could eliminate malaria by the end of 2016 or in early 2017, likely making it the first mainland country in sub-Saharan Africa to get rid of the deadly disease, according to an international health expert. Namibia, Botswana and South Africa are also making…
Study: To avoid higher health law premiums, switch plans    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Maybe an amiable gecko could help the Obama administration sell its health insurance overhaul. In the long-running auto insurance commercials, the talkative little mascot promises you can save 15 percent if you switch insurers. Now a study says the most popular health law…
House bill would limit some calorie labels
WASHINGTON (AP) — Supermarkets and pizza chains would get some relief from government calorie labeling rules under legislation approved by a House committee Wednesday. Many restaurants and other food retail outlets, such as grocery stores, will have to post the new calorie labels, starting a…
Correction: AMA-Ad Ban story
CHICAGO (AP) — In a story Nov. 17 about the American Medical Association calling for a ban on direct-to-consumer prescription drug ads, The Associated Press misidentified PhRMA spokeswoman Tina Stow as Trish Stow. A corrected version of the story is below. American Medical Association backs…
EPA intends tougher downwind air-pollution rule in 23 states    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Environmental Protection Agency proposed tougher new limits on Tuesday on smokestack emissions from nearly two dozen states that burden downwind areas with air pollution from power plants they can’t control. At the same time, the EPA moved to remove two states —…
CDC: US sexually transmitted disease epidemic worsening
CHICAGO (AP) — A U.S. sexually transmitted diseases epidemic is increasing and the most common infection, chlamydia, has risen to record levels, government officials say. Reported cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis all increased in 2014. Chlamydia cases had dipped in 2013, but last…
Courting business, Obama presses for climate action in Asia    photo
MANILA, Philippines (AP) — Aggressive action to fight climate change will be a boon for businesses in Asia and beyond, President Barack Obama is asserting as he reaches for a global climate change agreement he hopes will burnish his environmental legacy. World leaders are just weeks away from…

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. Audio clips are only valid for a few days before being removed from our servers.)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

Women wearing her man’s clothing can often be sexy. Like the button-down dress shirt she wears instead of a nightgown. Oh yeah. And now, supposedly, women are wearing men’s underwear. At department store Marks & Spencer, the barometer of underwear in the UK, women are now buying more men’s underwear than men, and while it can’t be confirmed how many girls are buying for their guys, they do know that a particular line of boxers is walking out the door and ending up on women. ***MARLAR: Word of caution – this does not work the other way around, boys.  Do not fit yourself for a sexy teddy.

 

This year, Cyber Monday is projected to be the biggest shopping day in history for online retailers. FedEx is forecasting that the Monday after Thanksgiving will produce the “company’s highest volume in history.” The company predicts that on Cyber Monday, roughly 22 million packages will be processed and shipped through the cargo carrier’s network.  ***MARLAR: And because it takes place online, the NSA expects that to also be the largest day for them when it comes to collecting private information.  Happy holidays!

 

Employees are fighting back against Black Friday! As more retailers try to turn Thanksgiving Thursday into Black Friday — some employees are fighting back.   In recent years more than 80,000 people signed an online petition asking retail giant Target to reverse its decision to open its doors on Thanksgiving Day — and allow workers to spend the holiday with family and friends.  The campaign was launched by Anthony Hardwick, a part-time parking attendant at a Target store in Omaha, Nebraska. ***MARLAR: Target may not change their plans for holiday hours, but I’m pretty sure this stunt will ensure that Anthony Hardwick gets both Thanksgiving Day and Black Friday off.  As well as the rest of the month… and the next… and the next.  In fact, don’t bother coming back to work ever, Anthony.  And thanks for working at Target.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Airplane Black Box”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Joey ILO, “Chi-Town”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffleson and all of the Razzleflabbins on Razzleflabbin Island were running for their lives to get away from someone they called, the Plaid Guy! They’re so scared they’ve built plaid shelters, run numerous emergency plaid drills, and hired a scout to do nothing but stay awake and look for the Plaid Guy!

 

CLOSE: Oh no! It looks like Marvy isn’t fast enough to stay away from the Plaid Guy! What’s going to happen? Will the plaid guy eat Marvy? Will he eat Marvy’s teddy bear? Will he make Marvy go shopping for plaid shirts? Oh, how gruesome! Tune in next time to find out what happens… As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF NOVEMBER 21/22

 

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Katie Snuffleson was eating all the candy she wanted in the cloud city of Candyland over Razzleflabbin Island. Unfortunately, she’s eaten a bit too much candy – and now the clouds are slowly losing their grip on her, she’s too heavy, and is beginning to fall from the sky to the ocean below!

 

CLOSE: Tune in again next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

BUTTERBALL HOTLINE

Butterball is on the web: http://butterball.com. Here’s their famous turkey talk line, manned 9am-7pm EST: 800-288-8372 through December 23rd. Here are some of the more memorable calls that have come in:

  • There was the guy who called from the 14th tee to ask questions about how to cook his turkey.
  • The Virginia woman who asked how to thaw a fresh turkey. Fresh turkeys aren’t frozen, and therefore don’t have to be thawed.
  • Or the guy who asked, “I have had my turkey in the freezer for a year and a half, will it take longer to thaw?”
  • Or, how about the woman who called to ask how long it would take to roast her turkey, but when she was asked how much the bird weighed, she replied “I don’t know, it’s still running around the back yard.
  • Then there’s the best of the best. A Kentucky woman called to say while she was preparing her turkey, her pet chihuahua had jumped into the bird’s body cavity and couldn’t get out! She tried pulling the dog, shaking the bird, but nothing worked! After calming the woman down, the turkey line lady suggested carefully cutting the opening of the cavity wider. The dog escaped! No word on whether or not they ate the bird.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN WORST STUFFING INGREDIENTS

  • Asbestos
  • Healthy Feast Tofu Bluffin’ Stuffin’
  • Fluffers’ spittoon contents
  • Garbage from the state prison
  • Burned out-light bulbs
  • Krazy Glue
  • Losing lottery tickets
  • Feathers
  • Gasoline-soaked dynamite
  • Fromunda cheese

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A love of word games can sometimes pay off in your career… especially if you’re a prison guard!

 

FILE #1: While reviewing inmate mail at the St. Lucie County Jail, a deputy came across a letter written in a code made up completely of symbols, dashes and asterisks. A crossword junkie and hangman game lover, Debra Wesley couldn’t resist. About 90 minutes later, she had figured out that the letter was written and signed by inmate Robert A. Heike, and that he wanted an outside accomplice to toss a tote bag containing a pair of wire cutters, a change of clothes and a garbage bag into the jail’s recreation yard. When authorities confronted Heike with the letter, he was dumbfounded. He exclaimed, “It took me four years to create this code! You solved it in an hour and a half?” ***MARLAR: Hey… he’s in prison. He obviously wasn’t that bright to begin with!

 

FILE #2: The law is the law… whether you think that law is for the birds or not. And Helen Smith thinks that one particular law in her neighborhood really is for the birds… or AGAINST the birds… against her… whatever. Anyway, Mrs. Smith is scheduled to go before a judge because she has been cited for feeding the birds. She does it in her own yard… the same yard she’s done it in since she was a little girl… and now she’s 86 years old. But, no matter, it’s against city code to feed the birds so she’s going to court. If found guilty she could be fined up to $1,000. Of course, Mrs. Smith thinks the law is the most ridiculous thing she’s ever heard, but her neighbors are complaining that the feedings are also attracting rodents and causing unsanitary conditions.

 

FILE #3: Two Kansas City men should have heeded the words ‘Thou shalt not steal’ before they robbed Reverend Tony R. Caldwell. The two men asked to speak with the reverend after they had been kicked out of a church program that provides food and shelter to men who are homeless or recently released from jail. The conversation quickly turned into a holdup, but the reverend told them he was short of cash, so he offered to write each man a check for $150. The men agreed and the pastor told them he needed the correct spellings of their names in order to write the checks. Yes, those were the same names he passed on to the police and now they’ll have another chance at the reverend’s post-jail program in a few months.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Portland, Maine, it is illegal to tickle a girl under the chin with a feather duster.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A highly intoxicated Chicago man faces several charges after driving up to a nuclear power plant in search of gasoline. Police say it was the second time in two weeks that a drunken motorist mistakenly pulled up to a security checkpoint. The nuclear power plant is located about 60 miles southwest of Chicago. The man failed a Breathalyzer test and was later charged with DUI and entering a controlled-access area.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

What’s the worst food dish that has ever been brought to your Thanksgiving dinner?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: One of Joseph’s brothers said, “Let us not kill him.” Who was that brother?
ANSWER: Reuben (Genesis 37:21-23)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What’s the capitol of Turkey?

ANSWER: Ankara

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. The settlers at the first Thanksgiving called themselves “Pilgrims.” (False: they didn’t refer to themselves as Pilgrims, they called themselves “Saints”.)

 

  1. The first Thanksgiving was three days of games, drinking, gambling and target shooting with English muskets. (True. By the way, the shooting contest was a friendly warning to the Indians that the Pilgrims were prepared to defend themselves.)

 

  1. The first Thanksgiving actually wasn’t in November. (True: it was actually some time between late September and the middle of October, after the harvest had been brought in.)

 

  1. The Pilgrims wore large hats with buckles on them. (False: seems the 19th century artists who painted them that way did so because they associated black clothing and big buckles with being old-fashioned.)

 

  1. There was no turkey at the first Thanksgiving. (True! They ate deer. So why did we ever change that tradition? Do we have Bambi to blame for it?)

 

  1. The reason the turkey didn’t make it to the table on that first Thanksgiving was that the bird was considered sacred to Native Americans. (False: actually, turkey meat was a staple in the diet of many Indian tribes.)

 

  1. The second Thanksgiving a year later was even bigger than the first. (False: in fact, the Pilgrims skipped Thanksgiving the next year. The harvest was a flop in 1622, plus a whole bunch of new Pilgrims showed up, and had to be fed and housed through the winter.)

 

  1. Benjamin Franklin thought that the turkey should be our national bird. (True!)

 

  1. The heaviest turkey ever was 63-pounds. (False: the heaviest turkey ever raised may have been the 75-pound turkey raised by a turkey farming company in 1967.)

 

  1. The Apache had no respect for the turkey. (True: they thought the bird was so timid they wouldn’t even use the feathers on their arrows.)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

JOHN HAMM _______ (ROBBED)

Mad Men’s Jon Hamm was robbed during a recent trip to London – they took his purse and his talent!

Hamm was with his girlfriend,  Jennifer Westfeldt, in London.  They were promoting their new movie Friends With Kids and decided to take a break at a London cafe.  That’s when Hamm’s handbag was snatched from their table.  Authorities thought at first it was Westfeldt’s bag, but Hamm confirmed that it was his, “I always carry a purse wherever I go,” Hamm reportedly told Scotland Yard.

The couple later returned to their hotel room to find that it had  been ransacked.   Hamm’s make-up kit and his botox-kit were also stolen, along with a pair of diamond earrings.  Westfeldt lost two pair of Spanx and her iPad.

The next day, Hamm was at a shoot for a commercial and tragedy struck again – Hamm couldn’t act to save his life.  ”Apparently, the thieves got away with his talent as well,” said Ian Stams, a London police officer.

Kissing Jessica Stein actress Westfeldt later apparently confirmed the incident.  ”What a mess. Jon has absolutely no talent left at all.  He couldn’t even smile with a can of corn.  It was horrible.”

Scotland Yard is involved and is actively looking for his purse and talent.   Justin Bieber’s manager, Scooter Braun, told WWN that Bieber’s talent was stolen in London last month and “it doesn’t look like we’ll ever get it back.”

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

 

JOKE #2

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to senses, he motioned for her to come near him.

As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?”

“What dear?” she asks gently.

“I think you bring me bad luck.”

 

JOKE #3

A Texan died and ascended into Heaven.

St. Peter met him and welcomed him saying “You will certainly enjoy Paradise.”

The Texan shook his head sadly and said “I always thought that TEXAS was Paradise.”

St. Peter said “Well, let me show you what we have to offer.” He took the Texan to an area that had a beautiful river flowing through it with wildlife and flowers everywhere. “Isn’t this beautiful?” said St. Peter.

The Texan replied, “Yes, but not as pretty as the area around SAN ANTONIO.”

Somewhat ruffled, St. Peter took him to another area where there were rolling hills, whitetail deer and bluebonnets and Indian Paintbrush everywhere.  “Now” said St. Peter “Have you ever seen anything so wonderful?”

The Texan paused and said “Yes, it is beautiful but it does not hold a candle to the TEXAS HILL COUNTRY in  the springtime.”

Becoming more upset, St. Peter then took the Texan to a beautiful white beach, with gentle waves, and an azure sky.  “Now have you seen anything this beautiful in Texas” said St. Peter.

The Texan smiled and said “I guess you’ve never been to SOUTH PADRE ISLAND”.

At this point, St. Peter took the Texan to a large rock.  On the side of the rock was a huge iron door.  St.  Peter opened the door and they stepped into an elevator and started going down.

As they descended, it grew more and more hot.  When the elevator door opened, it revealed the fires of damnation-Hell.  St. Peter said, “Now, have you got anything in Texas that can top that?”

The Texan thought a moment and shook his head.  “No, but I know a couple of old boys from HOUSTON that can put that thing out for you.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

Stores are so worried about slumping sales, many are starting their post-Thanksgiving sales even earlier than usual. ***MARLAR: That’s why we invented Thanksgiving, so we could spend the whole day standing in line and giving thanks for $14 DVD players.

 

It’s estimated that last year over 300,000 people got sick from eating bad Thanksgiving leftovers. ***MARLAR: Which totally ruined their 4th of July picnics.

 

In a Disney comic called “Mickey Mouse and the Medicine Man”, Goofy and Mickey become drug dealers.  ***MARLAR: Which kind of explains why Goofy is so slow on the uptake.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

THINGS PEOPLE WISH FOR WITH THEIR THANKSGIVING WISHBONE

  • That I go an entire week without hearing the word, “Kardashian”
  • That my pants were two sizes bigger
  • That more than 10-minutes of Saturday Night Live was funny
  • That the green part of the turkey is food coloring

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

STRESSED OUT TURKEYS?

The National Farmers Union in London has determined that turkeys who are under less stress are less likely to carry diseases. To alleviate the stress of turkeys, they have started playing CDs for them with soothing sounds such as birds singing.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THE UNEXPECTED KINDNESS OF A STRANGER

As I approached the front door of our public library, a white-haired gentleman stepped back to hold the door for me. You see, I have to go everywhere these days with a walker, and folks are constantly holding or opening doors for me, so this was not unusual.
However, I told the gentleman that the door had an automatic opener, and he did not need to stay to hold it open. He said “Here I thought I would have an opportunity to be useful.”
At that, I backed up, let the door close, and allowed him to reopen the door, this time using the automatic control. His comment then was “Well, now I feel like I have accomplished something helpful and worthwhile today.”
We never know, do we, how someone else is feeling… we seniors seem to feel we can take care of ourselves at all times. That random act of Kindness brightened not only my day, but to my joy and delight, also the day of that kind, gentle, white-haired senior citizen. I felt a glow for the rest of the day, and, hopefully, so did he!
So, gentle readers, never hesitate to offer kindness… you may find to your amazement that there is more kindness in your community than you ever believe possible.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

TURNING PAIN INTO PRAISE

As you are partakers of the sufferings, so also you will partake of the consolation. —2 Corinthians 1:7

After years of a remarkable and  fruitful ministry in India, Amy Carmichael became a bedridden sufferer. As the courageous founder and dynamic heart of the Dohnavur Fellowship, she had been instrumental in rescuing hundreds of girls and boys from a terrible life of sexual servitude. While she carried on her rescue operation of bringing young people into spiritual freedom through faith in Jesus Christ, she wrote books and poems that are still blessing readers around the world. Then arthritis made Amy a pain-wracked invalid. Did she bemoan her affliction or question God? No. Amy was still the guiding inspiration of Dohnavur, and she still kept on writing. Her meditations, letters, and poems are filled with praise to God and encouragement to her fellow pilgrims. When affliction strikes us, how do we react? Are we embittered, or do we trustfully appropriate God’s sustaining grace? (2 Cor. 12:9). And do we prayerfully encourage those around us by our Spirit-enabled cheerfulness, our courage, and our confidence in God? When we rely on the Lord, He will help us turn pain into praise. —Vernon C Grounds

 

Can God trust you with sorrow,
With anguish, and with pain,
Or would your faith soon falter
And faint beneath the strain?  —Nicholson

 

Praise is the song of a soul set free.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

THE TWELVE DAYS OF THANKSGIVING (or what seems like years)

  • On the first day: We give thanks for the fresh turkey feast and its hot trimmings.
  • On the second day: We bless the cold turkey sandwiches, sloshy cranberry sauce, and hard rolls.
  • On the third day: We praise the turkey pie and vintage mixed veggies.
  • On the fourth day: We thank the pilgrims for not serving bison that first time, or we’d be celebrating Thanksgiving in April.
  • On the fifth day: We gobble up cubed bird casserole and pray for a glimpse of naked turkey carcass.
  • On the sixth day: We show gratitude (sort of) to the creative cook who slings cashews at the turkey and calls it Oriental.
  • On the seventh day: We forgive our forefathers and pass the turkey-nugget pizza.
  • On the eighth day: The word “vegetarian” keeps popping into our heads.
  • On the ninth day: We check our hair to make sure we’re not beginning to sprout feathers.
  • On the tenth day: We hope that the wing meat kabobs catch fire under the broiler.
  • On the eleventh day: We smile over the creamed gizzard because the thigh bones are in sight.
  • On the twelfth day: We apologize for running out of turkey leftovers. And everybody says Amen.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

HELPFUL HOLIDAY TRAVEL TIPS

  • Mark all of your luggage with bright stickers that say, “NO HAND LOTION” in bold letters so airport personnel will not waste valuable time searching it.
  • Plan out a quicker route to your destination using Google maps. Then, rush up to the cabin to present it to the Captain as soon as your plane is in the air (although you may need to bang loudly on the cockpit door to get his attention.)
  • In the event of severe turbulence, try to calm your fellow passengers with a joke, such as, “What’s white, shaky, and is about to crash?”
  • Passengers are not allowed to smoke on most airlines. There are no rules, however, about stepping outside to smoke once the plane is in the air, so feel free.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

CHARLIE BROWN THANKSGIVING TRIVIA

  • What does Snoopy serve for Thanksgiving? (Toast, pretzels, popcorn, jellybeans)
  • Who hollered at Charlie Brown for such a lousy Thanksgiving dinner? (Peppermint Patty)
  • What is Peppermint Patty’s real name? (Priscilla)
  • What time is Charlie Brown supposed to be at grandmother’s house? (4:30pm)
  • What kind of car do the kids ride in, to grandmother’s house? (a station wagon)
  • Where does Charlie Brown’s grandmother live? (in a condominium)
  • After everyone has gone, what dessert does Snoopy and Woodstock share? (pumpkin pie with whipped cream)

 

 

FUN LIST

SIGNS YOUR SUV IS TOO BIG…

  • The last time you took your kids to a Monster Truck pull the parking attendants directed you right onto the stadium racetrack.
  • When you replaced your tires, Goodyear stock went up five dollars a share for the quarter.
  • One of those “Oversize Load” escort trucks has to precede you down the interstate.
  • Your kids refer to riding the bus to school as “downsizing.”
  • It has its own gravitational field and has drawn a Geo Metro into orbit.
  • There are two successful Starbucks franchises located in the back.
  • It doubles as a carport for your Taurus.
  • Your buddy riding shotgun is in a different time zone.
  • You get a letter from Hans Blix demanding that it be dismantled immediately because it qualifies as a WMD.
  • The fuel gauge doubles as a fan.
  • Mortgage payment = $2200.  Texaco card minimum monthly payment = $2201.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

KIDS’ TURKEY RECIPES

Mrs. Dee Morrison took the 25 kindergarten students from Howells, Nebraska, Public School to the Burenheide Turkey Farm. After they returned, she asked the students how to prepare the turkeys for Thanksgiving Dinner.

  • Derek: Pet him. You have to hold him. Feed him. Cut their stuff up and get the meat. Then you have to throw the skin in the junk pile. Burn it up. Put the turkey in a pan. Get the bones out. Look at him. Just have fun with it. Cook it about 10 minutes. (Pet him and then cut him up… but have fun with it. Does anyone else see this kid behind bars someday?)
  • Jessica: I’d like to have a turkey party. We’ll have Chicken Turkey. You cut it all up. Then we get some Pizza Hut. Then I’ll play in the dark. Sometimes I ride my bike. (I’m guessing Jessica is on Ritalin for her Attention Deficit Disorder.)
  • Jacie: We butcher it. Take a knife and butcher it. Go down to my grandpa’s and butcher it. My mom cooks it 10 minutes. Then we eat it. Fix peas. Grandpa and Grandma will come to eat it. We wash up our hands. We watch TV. Moms and dads talk and then we go home. (Sounds like Jacie is more interested in the butchering than anything else. Maybe we should save a jail cell for her too.)
  • Carly: Pull off the feathers. Cut him up. Bake him. Cut all the guts out. Then cut the beak off and that red stuff and the feet. I’d say cook him 12 minutes. Set the oven on hot. Get his bones out. (Carly must like horror movies, you think?)
  • Cody: Butcher it. Take a sharp knife and butcher it. Cook it in the oven an hour. (Right?) You wash dishes. Eat him. Then you put the dishes away. We go to Grandma and Grandpa’s house. We go and play. The dads talk about tractors. The moms talk about baby Darin. Then we go home. Then dad takes a nap. (Only one comment… I am NOT a baby, and if Cody calls me one again I’m telling my mother.)
  • Kenny: Get it out of the field. Kill it with a gun. Cook him and then eat him. Put him in the stove. Put his wings on him. Cook him 5 minutes. Go get corn out of the field. Eat corn and turkey. (Kenny says to cook him and then eat him, and then put him in the stove. But if we follow his advice, that means we’ve eaten a raw bird, and must then throw ourselves into the oven to cook it. No thanks, Kenny.)
  • J.: Catch ‘um. Kill him. Shoot him or stab him with a knife. Cook him 30 minutes in the stove. We will know it is done by the smoke detector. Eat him. Fix a pheasant, cornbread and milk. Fix pumpkin pie. All of us set the table. (We will know it’s done by the smoke detector… hey, that sounds like my house growing up!)
  • Tela: Shoot it. Put it in the pickup. Drive it home. Take the feathers off. Put the feathers in a bag. Then we can put them in the ripped pillow at home. Cook it 45 seconds. Fix dip and vegetables. (I’m not clear here… are we cooking the turkey, or the ripped pillow? Regardless, how can it be done in 45 seconds? Are we using a microwave?)
  • Mitchell: Kill ‘um. Butcher ‘um. Catch ‘um. Cut him in half. Cook him. Put him in a big pan. Cook him in the house 10 minutes in the fry pan. Look at the clock to see if he is done. Cut him up. Fix roast. (According to Mitchell we kill him, butcher him and cut him in half… and then we cut him up again after he’s cooked. Apparently they eat Turkey nuggets at Thanksgiving.)
  • Sidney: Buy one at Bill’s. Bake it 30 minutes. When it buzzes, it is done. Eat it with corn, mashed potatoes, green beans, pumpkin pie and Kool Aid. After we eat, we play. The moms will do the dishes. The dads will watch the football game. (You know, I don’t remember ever hearing any of the turkey’s buzzing when they were done cooking at my house. Maybe we bought the cheap ones.)
  • Kourtney: First, catch a turkey. Tear the feathers off. Throw the feathers in the trash. Put sugar or something on it. Put it in the oven for 6 hours. Mom will know when it is done. Then we eat. Maybe we need more than 1 turkey. (Girl after my own heart.)
  • Chelsea: I pet the turkey. Shoot him with a gun. Cook him in a microwave. And take him out and eat him. Cut the turkey and chicken up. Drink water or milk. Eat it all. Watch TV. Then sleep. (I pet the turkey, shoot him with a gun. I’m seeing many sessions with a psychiatrist later in life for poor Chelsea here.)

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Butterball’s Turkey Talk Line is 1-800-288-8372, or you can find them online at Butterball.com.  You can also call the USDA Meat and Poultry Hotline at 1-800-535-4555 or the Perdue Consumer Help Line at 1-800-473-7383.  If you need help with the turkey that won’t get up off the couch, well, you’re on your own.

 

United States Marine Corps veteran Sgt. Kirstie Ennis nearly died while serving in Afghanistan. Ennis was serving as

an aerial gunner in Afghanistan when her helicopter went down. Doctors told her she would never walk again. But she did more than walk. Earlier this fall, Ennis trekked 1,000 miles across Great Britain with five other veterans as part of the Walking With the Wounded team. Now she is ranked fifth internationally for women’s Paralympic snowboarding and is on track to compete in the 2018 Paralympics.

http://abcn.ws/1HzYqxE

 

A Michigan restaurant owner’s heartfelt offer for some Thanksgiving hospitality has struck a chord after a photo of a sign at the eatery went viral on the Internet. According to ABC News, George’s Senate Coney Island has offered lonely customers a free meal on Thanksgiving for the last 10 years. But on Thursday, a passerby noticed a sign in the window with the offer, snapped a quick shot and posted it to the social media website Reddit. Restaurateur George Dimopoulos told ABC News there is a very personal reason for his generosity. “The reason I do this is because I was alone one time,” he said. “I remember the good times and bad times.”

http://abcn.ws/1N7xUyc http://twitter.com/ABC/status/666430528627847168/photo/1

 

The holidays are here and Yahoo wants to help. They have compiled a list of 19 of their favorite pie recipes for your holiday celebrations. Options range from the standard pumpkin pie to a Black Pepper and Grapefruit Meringue Pie. Access all 19 recipes…

http://yhoo.it/1j3uTkf

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

What do atheists do for Thanksgiving; join hands around the table and say, “Thank you, Paine-Webber?”

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

Cheering for the Down and Outer

One of the disappointments over which I mildly grieve is to see a business go under. The majority of employees are unaware of the great challenges of keeping an enterprise profitable. Seeing enterprises fail means jobs are lost. Revenues for the community are diminished. And in many cases, the goodwill spread by these companies through donations or volunteer manpower vanishes.
In our own neighborhood, we said farewell to several retail operations in the last few years. We lost our local Applebee’s restaurant. A Bob Evans not so long ago. And a big disappointment came when the Barnes and Noble closed its doors. Farther away, a unique restaurant, operated by a successful business group, locked up and tore down a place called Key Wester. It had a big aquarium, a waterfall, and doors that opened in summer to overlook black swans on a small body of water. Very refreshing. But…gone.
What we don’t usually see are the tears shed by people who’ve invested a part or all of their adult life trying to make a go of their dream. We don’t see the hours agonizing over ways to save the business and keep people they care about employed. We don’t see the creditors who may not get their money back from what they loaned in trust. Pain goes along with the closing of those doors.
So I read with interest a story that gave me a light chuckle — at first — about a man desperate to save his business in Candia, New Hampshire. Kevin Dumont is a principle owner of the Liquid Planet Water Park. If you’ll excuse the expression, his water park business is going under. And he’s making a life-saving effort by chaining himself to a 30-foot waterslide to keep it afloat. *groan*
Dumont has camped out. He needs a bailout. In his words, “We’re losing everything if we can’t find a partner. We just need to save it from going to the auction block. We need an infusion of cash to pay off the debt….We’re hoping this effort will give us some offers.”
It’s not like no one is showing up. The park had 35,000-plus visitors this past season. Since 2008 when Liquid Planet opened, Dumont admits it’s been an uphill challenge. But it’s only in the past year that he’s fallen behind in his payments.
He properly does not blame the bank for his woes. But Dumont was notified in September of the bank’s plans to auction off the 44-acre property (that includes his home) on December 2nd. A bank does what they must do for their own clients’ sake.
But Dumont’s story is more painful when you learn that both his father and mother died within the last four months. Losing your parents and your business within 140 days of each other plays havoc on the human spirit. Thus…the desperate act of a desperate man to chain himself to a water slide.
Kevin Dumont claims he started the business for families. A noble purpose offers no guarantees for success. Too many forces come to bear to make a business survive.
Size does not matter. Giant airlines get bought out or cease to exist. K-Mart has Sears behind them but keeps faltering. Sears itself is making what some think are desperate moves to stay alive. And, of course, Blockbuster became a failure equal to its name.
Times change. People’s tastes do as well. Innovation opens new markets. Staying competitive is a true art in business.
Some go the route of reinvention. I’ve been reading rumors of McDonald’s demise for a couple of years now. Recently, they have started serving breakfast all day. There has been an uptick in their customer count. Who said playing this investor driven game of “staying alive” was going to be fun?
People of faith are not immune in any way to business failings. More recently, Family Christian Stores fought tooth and nail to survive. Only after large concessions have they managed to do so after $127 million in debt was erased.
Years ago, the startup company I put together came to a point where it appeared things would collapse. I decided to “give my business to God” — which sounded very dramatic. My friend Chuck Gratner looked at me over breakfast after I shared this and replied, “Maybe God doesn’t want your business.” Yeah…hadn’t quite considered that. It tanked four months later.
Spiritual lesson: Not all things are meant to be. Not all things are meant to last. Not all dreams come true. As “The Preacher” wrote in Ecclesiastes, “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest….A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.” (Ecc 3:1-4, NLT)
Some sound advice. As a few wise Byrds once told me.
That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

NOVEMBER 20, 2015…

 

Hunger Games Mockingjay: Part Two—The end of the film series and the end of the book series. Fans will be mourning as with the “Harry Potter” film and book series. The rebels are after the wicked power in Panem and it is the final showdown between Katniss (Jennifer Lawrence) and President Snow (Donald Sutherland), so expect real snow in the film. The favorite stars are here including Liam Hemsworth, Josh Hutcherson, Elizabeth Banks and the last film of the late Philip Seymour Hoffman. “Hunger Games Mockingjay: Part Two” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

Carol—Cate Blanchett is Carol, a wealthy woman in the 1950’s who shops at a favorite department store. Rooney Mara plays Therese, a lowly shop girl who has a crush on the wealthy Carol. The two go on a road trip and These sees how the wealthy live. “Carol” is rated R. No rating.

 

The Secret In Their Eyes—Julia Roberts takes on the role of an attorney whose daughter was one of the murder victims of a serial killer. Years later, the person is still loose, but Julia, along with Chiwetel Ejiofor, finds the person. Also in the cast is Nicole Kidman. “The Secret In Their Eyes” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.

 

Very Semi-Serious (documentary and opening in select cities)—Who doesn’t love cartoons, either in print or on the screen. This documentary gives us the creation and editorial process in the New Yorker magazine, with editor David Remnick and artist Roz Chast. “Very Semi-Serious” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

NOVEMBER 25, 2015…

 

Creed is a boxing film, starring Michael B. Jordan as a young fighter and guess who is coaching him? That’s right and his initials are S.S.

 

The Good Dinosaur is an animated children’s film with a different viewpoint—the dinosaurs lived and have humans as pets.

 

The Night Before is the story of three guys who have spent Christmas Eve together since childhood. Stars Seth Rogen, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Anthony Mackie.

 

Victor Frankenstein is about the scientist and his assistant, Igor, Stars James McAvoy and Daniel Radcliffe.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.