November 22, 2015: Sunday ONAIRprep


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I need to start today with some important late-breaking news from the (COUNTY) Health Department. Today’s designated smoking area is (LOCAL CITY).




“He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted. –Job 9:9


Psalm 32:7 

You are my hiding place;

you will protect me from trouble

and surround me with songs of deliverance.


I always thank God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus. For in him you have been enriched in every way – in all your speaking and in all your knowledge. — 1 Corinthians 1:4-5





I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me. — Exodus 20:2-3


Thought: The order of obedience is always the same: God reveals himself, God blesses us, and then God asks us to respond. In other words, God blesses us first, and then asks us to obey. God is all-powerful and supreme. He could demand our obedience just because of who he is, but he doesn’t. He has chosen to reveal himself through Scripture, through nature, and through his acts of salvation. He wants us to know him and respond to him. Our obedience may be difficult. Our call to obey may sometimes be hard for us to understand. However, we know it comes from a Father who has paid an enormous price to redeem us and who has already proven himself faithful.


Prayer: Holy and Almighty God, you are worthy of all glory and honor. I realize that your demands that I should be holy, that I should obey your Word, and that I should seek your will are all based on your desire to love me and bless me. I want to serve you with an undivided heart. I want my obedience to be offered as joyously and graciously to you as your blessings have been shared with me. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.


The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to




The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Mark 11:22 NIV = “Have faith in God,” Jesus answered.




(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)


Today is NATIONAL STOP THE VIOLENCE DAY, when many radio and TV stations call for a one-day cease-fire on America’s streets. ***MARLAR: Ironically, this is Fall Sweeps, when the television networks will be airing more shocking and violent programming for ratings. Good timing, huh?


This is BETTER CONVERSATIONS WEEK. ***MARLAR: How are we supposed to do that if we won’t have violent TV programming to talk about?


Today is START YOUR OWN COUNTRY DAY. You just can’t pass up an opportunity like this, can you? My new country will be known as MARLARON.  I thought about calling it MARLARIA – but that obviously has some problems, so I’m going with MARLARON. Anyway, I (of course) will be King.  “Marlaron” will not be a Republic or a Democracy… because I want to change my mind about anything I want at any time, including the name of my country. Of course, if you’re going to start your own country you have to have a few rules, right? Feel free to send your own ideas for new laws if you’d like, but it’s my country and I get final say as to what gets drafted into laws. Here’s the current list of laws…



  1. We will borrow from the U.S. the First Amendment – freedom of speech and freedom of religion.  However, we will specify that “freedom of religion” does not mean “freedom FROM religion”.  So if you don’t like our money saying “In God We Trust,” if you’re offended by the Ten Commandments being displayed in government buildings, or if you don’t like prayers before a football game, before meetings of government leaders, or in the classroom – tough.  Go live somewhere else.
  2. License plate numbers on all vehicles will be the phone number to the cell phone of the person driving the vehicle.  That way you can call him and tell him to stop driving like a maniac. License plates will be required on front and back of all vehicles so you can also bawl-out the guy who’s tailgating you too. Due to this law, we will also have the law that all vehicles will be equipped with hands-free cell phone use. We don’t mind you cursing out the other guy on the road – but we want you to be a responsible driver while doing so.
  3. No personal property taxes… period.  Continuing to pay money to the government just so you have the right to continue ownership of something you’ve already paid for is immoral.
  4. The National Food will be Chocolate… and it must be available in some form at every evening meal.
  5. The Pledge of Allegiance to the flag of Marlaron (very similar to the American pledge) will not only be used in the classroom, but will be required at the beginning of each school day, including the words, “Under God” – and I’ll also be adding words to the pledge to enforce that we are a “sovereign” nation.
  6. Government buildings and schools are required to display the Ten Commandments and will also be required to live by them. Not only is this a moral decision, but also entertaining as we try to watch politicians survive while obeying commandments such as “Thou Shalt Not Lie” and “Thou Shalt Not Covet”.
  7. Except for rare parody instances, all Christmas songs recorded or played in MARLARON will be required to keep their original lyrics rather than replacing them with politically correct terms.  Songs such as “Oh Turkey Dear” (instead of “Oh Christmas Tree”) or “We Wish You a Happy Season” (rather than “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”) will be banned – and teachers attempting to introduce such songs into the classroom with the intention of replacing the originals will be suspended until after Christmas without pay and be required to act in a live nativity scene on school grounds for students, teachers, and passers-by to see — so all may reflect on the true meaning of the holiday.


Marlaron’s main exports will be:

  • Uneducated Teens to work at Fast Food restaurants.





Doo Dah Day

Humane Society Anniversary Day

Mother Goose Day





Doctor Who Day

Fibonacci Day

International Day to End Impunity

International Image Consultant Day

National Espresso Day



Brownielocks Day

Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day

D.B. Cooper Day



International Day For The Elimination of Violence Against women Day

International Hat Day

Blasé Day

Shopping Reminder Day

Tie One On Day



National Day of Mourning

Thanksgiving Day

Turkey-Free Thanksgiving



Black Friday

Fur Free Friday

Buy Nothing Day

Flossing Day

Maize Day

National Day of Listening

National Native American Heritage Day

Sinkie Day (Eating Over the Sink)

You’re Welcomegiving Day



International Aura Awareness Day

World Day of Giving

Small Business Saturday



Electronic Greetings Day

International Day of Solidarity With The Palistinian People

Square Dancing Day



Cider Monday

Cyber Monday

Computer Security Day

National Meth Awareness Day

Stay Home Because You’re Well Day




1873: American lawyer Horatio Spafford’s four daughters drowned when their passenger ship sank after it collided with another vessel in the Atlantic. The following month, as his own ship passed over the spot of the tragedy, Spafford wrote the words to the hymn, “It is Well With My Soul.”


1917: The National Hockey League was founded with five teams: Montreal Canadiens, Montreal Maroons, Toronto Arenas, Quebec Bulldogs, and Ottawa Senators.


1922: At the height of Prohibition the ship City of Dresden foundered at Port Rowan, Ontario, and spilled 30,000 fifths of bottled whiskey into Lake Erie. As the bottles washed ashore, area farmers stashed away lifetime supplies.


1950: In the lowest-scoring game in NBA history, the Fort Wayne Pistons beat the Minneapolis Lakers 19 to 18. With no 24-second clock in those days, the Pistons stalled the entire game to keep the more talented Lakers from scoring. It worked.


1955: Elvis Presley received a $5,000 bonus for signing with RCA records and spent it all on a new Cadillac, a pink one, for his mother.


1963: U.S. President John F. Kennedy, only 46 and in the third year of his first term, was assassinated during a motorcade in Dallas. Aboard Air Force One on the tarmack at Dallas Love Field, Judge Sarah Hughs swore in Vice President Lyndon Johnson as the nation’s 36th president. Lee Harvey Oswald was arrested at the Texas Theater and charged with Kennedy’s murder. He was killed on a basement ramp of the Dallas policed station before he could go to trial.


1968: The Beatles released their 29-song double album entitled “The Beatles,” which became known as “The White Album.”


1986: At age 20, Mike Tyson became the youngest world heavyweight boxing champion with a second-round knockout of Trevor Berbick in Las Vegas.


1991: To deter Christmas tree thieves, the University of Illinois at Champaign announced it had sprayed campus evergreens with a chemical that smelled like rotten eggs when exposed to warm air inside a home.


1991: The farmhouse facade from the TV series “The Waltons” was destroyed in a fire at Warner Brothers studio.


1995: Walt Disney’s “Toy Story” opened throughout the U.S. It was the first computer-animated movie.


1998: “Titanic” star Kate Winslet married assistant film director Jim Threapleton.


2002: The Bush administration relaxed clean air rules to allow utilities, refineries and manufacturers to avoid installing new anti-pollution equipment when they modernized their plants.


2003: Three burglars were arrested in Brazil after they returned to a house and asked for the receipts for the goods they had stolen. The young thieves told the homeowner in Belo Horizonte they couldn’t sell the stereo, TV and cell phones without the original receipts. The victim called police while searching for the receipts.




1220: Pope Honorius III (pope from 1216) crowned Holy Roman Emperor Frederick in St. Peter’s, on the promise that Frederick would uphold the rights of the Church, and promote a crusade.


1633: Irish Catholic Cecil Calvert, 27, sent two ships (the Ark and the Dove) from Ireland to establish a colony in America as a refuge for fellow Catholics. His work later earned Lord Calvert the nickname, “Colonizer of Maryland.”


1849: Austin College was chartered in Texas at Huntsville under Presbyterian sponsorship. In 1876 the school campus was moved to Sherman, TX.


1873: American lawyer Horatio G. Spafford’s four daughters drowned when their passenger ship, while crossing the Atlantic, collided with another and sank. The following month, as his own ship passed over the spot of the earlier tragedy, Spafford penned the words to the enduring hymn, “It is Well With My Soul.”


1963: Death of C.S. Lewis, 65, Anglican scholar, novelist and Christian apologist. Well_known for his children’s classic, “The Chronicles of Narnia” (1950-56), Lewis also penned other Christian classics, including “The Screwtape Letters” (1943) and “The Great Divorce” (1946).




  • Actress (Lost in Translation, In Good Company, Iron Man 2, The Avengers) Scarlett Johansson, 31
  • Actress (Superman IV, The Contender) Mariel Hemingway, 54
  • Actress (Halloween, True Lies, Freaky Friday) Jamie Lee Curtis, 57
  • Actor (“Mad About You”, “Spin City”) Richard Kind, 58 (
  • Actor (Magnificent Seven, Superman III, and “The A-Team’s” Gen. Hunt Stockwell, “The Man From U.N.C.L.E.”) Robert Vaughn, 83 (




(Music Artist Birthdays From

1899 : Hoagy Carmichael

1940 : Davey Graham

1941 : Terry Stafford

1942 : Steve Caldwell (The Orlons)

1943 : Floyd Sneed (Three Dog Night)

1944 : Jesse Colin Young (The Youngbloods)

1946 : Aston “Family Man” Barrett (Bob Marley and the Wailers)

1947 : Rod Price (Foghat)

1947 : Sonny Geraci (The Outsiders, Climax)

1948 : Dennis Larden (Every Mother’s Son)

1950 : Little Steven Van Zandt (E Street Band)

1950 : Tina Weymouth (Talking Heads)

1954 : Craig Hundley

1968 : Rasa Don (Arrested Development)




Who built the first bathrooms, and where?

Bathrooms… you won’t find anything more important on the timeline of indoor human history. So who, and where were they invented?  No, it wasn’t King John. And they didn’t originate in Flushing, New York. Bathrooms actually come from a place famous for its pipes, but of another kind: Scotland, known more for bagpipes than plumbing.  The place was the Orkney Islands, off the Scottish coast, ten millennia ago, where some nameless individuals finally took a stand for comfort. (Actually, I assume they took a seat.) They left their mark in the annals of latrinery by throwing together a primitive drain system that carried wastes directly from their huts to the local stream – the first in- house outhouse. It would take another 10,000 years for folks to notice that this created as many problems as it solved, waste-wise. (Edited from Tricky Trivia)




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This past weekend Nancy Demoss married Robert Wolgemuth. Now Revive Our Hearts has announced that a video of the wedding is available online. You can watch the video at


Ellie Holcomb was joined by a special guest this week. She shared a picture as she held her daughter on stage. Ellie said: Her first time on stage with us and she nailed it! Sang “Here We Go” in Atlanta. Ellie is on tour with her husband, Drew Holcomb, this past weekend


Michael W. Smith was part of history this week. The long time Christian artist played at the same coliseum in Manila this week where the famous Ali Frazier fight took place exactly 40 years ago. No fights this time, just a lot of worship.


Hawk Nelson’s Jon Steingard sat down with Focus on the Family to share more about how his dating life influenced his marriage. Check out the video as the front man for the band opens up about past mistakes and the importance of honesty in marriage and seeing the way God redeems our past.


The new CD from Kutless it titled Surrender. This week member James Mead told a fan: My absolute favorite is ‘My Heart is a Ghost’. It’s one of the songs I wrote, and about a very personal issue.


Building 429’s Jason Roy was out for a run this week but the location might have slowed him down some. Jason commented: beautiful run in Boston. My wife and I stopped a lot to see the sights.


Randy Phillips received his dove award in the mail this week. Phillips, Craig and Dean won the award at the Doves earlier this fall. Randy said it was a nice way to start the morning and he has the perfect place to show it off. He said he plans to mount it on the hood of his car.


Chris Tomlin this week was sharing his “Favorite Things” for the Christmas Season. Chris told the Media Collective that his favorite Christmas gift was a Honda ATV three-wheeler, his favorite Christmas songs are O, Holy Night and O, Come All Ye Faithful. His favorite Christmas Story is Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, and his favorite Christmas movie is It’s A Wonderful Life.


Matthew West this week shared some thoughts on his song The Motions. He commented: Love singing this song every night. It’s a big part of my personal story. Good preacher’s kid who knows all too well how to look the part, but easy to fake it. God doesn’t call us to be luke warm. It’s either hot or cold. I want to be on fire for God. I want to reach the end of my 86,400 seconds with no regrets. I don’t want to go through the motions.


Third Day’s Mac Powell is officially on the disabled list. Mac said he won’t be running for awhile due to a strained calf muscle. He shared a picture of his badly bruised leg on instagram.


Kutless members James Mead had an interesting answer when asked to share his favorite story in the Bible. James said: The one about the redemption of the World through Jesus Christ…it starts in Genesis and ends in Revelation.






Tamale takedown: Traveler carried 450 illegal pork tamales    photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — The contraband was carefully wrapped in corn husks and concealed in the luggage of a traveler when authorities moved in for a tamale takedown at Los Angeles International Airport. The search by U.S. Customs and Border Protection agents turned up 450 pork tamales…


Massachusetts woman wins $1M on scratch ticket for 2nd time
BOSTON (AP) — Few people are lucky enough to win $1 million in the lottery. But one Massachusetts woman has now done it twice. Constance Carpenito, of Stoneham, recently won a $1 million prize on a scratch ticket in the $10,000,000 Diamond Millionaire instant game. A spokesman for the…
News photographer’s tripod mistaken for gun prompts 911 call
LANCASTER, Pa. (AP) — Police were called to a central Pennsylvania office building after someone mistakenly thought a photographer’s tripod was a gun. HASH(0x139bb10) The caller thought a machine gun was carried into the building, so police conducted a floor-by-floor search only to find the…
Colorado spirituality bookstore named Isis gets vandalized    photo
ENGLEWOOD, Colo. (AP) — A Denver-area store called Isis Books & Gifts wants the world to know its name comes from the Egyptian goddess of healing and motherhood and it isn’t run by terrorists. Co-owner Jeff Harrison said Wednesday that the suburban Denver shop has been vandalized five times…
Car thieves or chauffeurs? Police say men drop boy at school
NORFOLK, Va. (AP) — Police say two car thieves made an unexpected stop after stealing a vehicle Wednesday morning: They dropped an 8-year-old boy off at school after they discovered him in the backseat. Norfolk police spokesman Daniel Hudson says the boy was sitting in his mother’s car in her…
Lawsuit: Amusement park lets chimpanzee smoke cigarettes
NEW ORLEANS (AP) — An animal rights group is suing to get a chimpanzee named Candy out of an amusement park where, it says, she smokes cigarettes and is given soft drinks instead of water. Candy is isolated in an inadequate cage at the Baton Rouge park, and should be moved to a sanctuary,…
Police say hoagie hurler hauled in on assault charge
FAIRFAX, Va. (AP) — Police have given a New Jersey man special recognition for sandwich throwing: They locked him up. The Fairfax City Police Department in Virginia says in a news release that 32-year-old Jonathan M. Magnes of Morristown was drunk when he threw a sandwich at a 50-year-old man…
Man arrested in soap/cocaine mix-up sues in Pennsylvania
ALLENTOWN, Pa. (AP) — A New York man who spent 29 days in jail after Pennsylvania state police mistook homemade soap for cocaine has filed a lawsuit. HASH(0x1420a60) Bernstein was a passenger in a Mercedes-Benz police pulled over for speeding near Allentown in November 2013. Troopers smelled…
Arizona officer helps woman who gave birth on side of road    photo
TUCSON, Ariz. (AP) — An Arizona highway trooper getting ready to cite a speeding driver instead wound up helping a woman in another car who delivered a baby boy on the side of the road. Trooper Miguel Rincon was conducting a traffic stop Saturday on a highway near the southern Arizona town of…
Dead 4-foot-long alligator found in New Jersey park
NEWARK, N.J. (AP) — A dead 4-foot-long alligator has been found in a park in northern New Jersey. The county sheriff’s office says it removed the dead animal from Newark’s Weequahic Park after a jogger spotted the reptile around 7 a.m. Tuesday. HASH(0x13eb340) The remains were turned over to…
Police remove 3-foot-long snake from Texas bathtub
WACO, Texas (AP) — Police in Texas have safely removed a 3-foot-long snake that a woman discovered in her bathtub. Nobody was hurt in the incident before dawn Tuesday. Sgt. W. Patrick Swanton says a woman called police to say her adult daughter found a snake in her bathtub and needed help…






Using sight and sound to trigger dementia patients’ memories    photo
EASTON, Pa. (AP) — From the antique cast-iron stove in the kitchen to the ancient wood-paneled radio in the living room, the decor in The Easton Home comes straight out of the 1930s, ’40s and ’50s. Which is by design. The old-fashioned rooms are in the dementia wing of the elder-care facility…


Lawyer: California woman weighing options after embryo loss
SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — A California woman is evaluating her legal options after a judge ruled against her in her fight to keep five frozen embryos she created with her now ex-husband over his objections, her attorney said. Mimi Lee must abide by an agreement with her ex-husband to destroy the…
Lab-grown vocal cords offer hope of treating voice disorders    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — From mom’s comforting croon to a shout of warning, our voices are the main way we communicate and one we take for granted unless something goes wrong. Now researchers have grown human vocal cords in the laboratory that appear capable of producing sound — in hopes of…
NIH to retire the last of government-owned research chimps    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The National Institutes of Health is sending its last remaining research chimpanzees into retirement — as soon as a federal sanctuary has room for them. The government already had declared that the use of humans’ closest relative as a test subject was coming to an end….
Swaziland makes progress in quest to eliminate malaria
JOHANNESBURG (AP) — Swaziland could eliminate malaria by the end of 2016 or in early 2017, likely making it the first mainland country in sub-Saharan Africa to get rid of the deadly disease, according to an international health expert. Namibia, Botswana and South Africa are also making…
Study: To avoid higher health law premiums, switch plans    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Maybe an amiable gecko could help the Obama administration sell its health insurance overhaul. In the long-running auto insurance commercials, the talkative little mascot promises you can save 15 percent if you switch insurers. Now a study says the most popular health law…
House bill would limit some calorie labels
WASHINGTON (AP) — Supermarkets and pizza chains would get some relief from government calorie labeling rules under legislation approved by a House committee Wednesday. Many restaurants and other food retail outlets, such as grocery stores, will have to post the new calorie labels, starting a…
Correction: AMA-Ad Ban story
CHICAGO (AP) — In a story Nov. 17 about the American Medical Association calling for a ban on direct-to-consumer prescription drug ads, The Associated Press misidentified PhRMA spokeswoman Tina Stow as Trish Stow. A corrected version of the story is below. American Medical Association backs…
EPA intends tougher downwind air-pollution rule in 23 states    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Environmental Protection Agency proposed tougher new limits on Tuesday on smokestack emissions from nearly two dozen states that burden downwind areas with air pollution from power plants they can’t control. At the same time, the EPA moved to remove two states —…
CDC: US sexually transmitted disease epidemic worsening
CHICAGO (AP) — A U.S. sexually transmitted diseases epidemic is increasing and the most common infection, chlamydia, has risen to record levels, government officials say. Reported cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis all increased in 2014. Chlamydia cases had dipped in 2013, but last…
Courting business, Obama presses for climate action in Asia    photo
MANILA, Philippines (AP) — Aggressive action to fight climate change will be a boon for businesses in Asia and beyond, President Barack Obama is asserting as he reaches for a global climate change agreement he hopes will burnish his environmental legacy. World leaders are just weeks away from…




(No news on the weekends. Audio clips are only valid for a few days before being removed from our servers.)

















OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffleson and all of the Razzleflabbins on Razzleflabbin Island were running for their lives to get away from someone they called, the Plaid Guy! They’re so scared they’ve built plaid shelters, run numerous emergency plaid drills, and hired a scout to do nothing but stay awake and look for the Plaid Guy!


CLOSE: Oh no! It looks like Marvy isn’t fast enough to stay away from the Plaid Guy! What’s going to happen? Will the plaid guy eat Marvy? Will he eat Marvy’s teddy bear? Will he make Marvy go shopping for plaid shirts? Oh, how gruesome! Tune in next time to find out what happens… As the Jungle Turns!






OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Katie Snuffleson was eating all the candy she wanted in the cloud city of Candyland over Razzleflabbin Island. Unfortunately, she’s eaten a bit too much candy – and now the clouds are slowly losing their grip on her, she’s too heavy, and is beginning to fall from the sky to the ocean below!


CLOSE: Tune in again next time, as, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!


***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.




The worst honeymoon ever.

San Jose newlyweds Arnaud and Maria Stehle thought they were just taking a scenic one-hour hike to look at a waterfall in Castle Rock State Park. Instead they got lost and spent five grueling days in the wilderness of the Santa Cruz Mountains until finally being rescued. The couple spent the night in a cave for two nights and spent another two nights in a hollowed-out tree. And they weren’t exactly prepared for the occasion. Both had left their coats in the car and, had no food, and Arnaud, a 29-year-old Silicon Valley engineer, was wearing shorts. They finally emerged from the back country relatively unscathed after a massive search. Santa Clara County sheriff’s Lt. Mark Eastus said, “They were cold, tired and hungry, but in pretty good spirits.” Both were able to walk at least partway out with the rescue team, but Maria was carried the last leg on a stretcher.  On the bright side, to have this be your honeymoon, you know there’s nowhere to go but up.





  1. Try not to be so vague about stuff.
  2. People who stoop to name calling are sick perverted bimbos.
  3. I hope to God my atheistic views are respected.
  4. I just ignore anything a closed minded person has to say.
  5. Someday, I’m going to confront his procrastination.
  6. I’d work out on the treadmill but it’s upstairs.
  7. People who limit our freedom of speech need to be silenced.
  8. Don’t participate in boycotts.
  9. I don’t think personal opinions are worth anything at all.
  10. Pretty soon everyone will be a cynic.




You know your future in auto theft is severely limited when arresting officers refer to you and your cohorts as Dumb, Dumber and Dumbest.


FILE #1: …Police say the three teenagers stole a Ford Escort and raced past a speed camera. When the teenagers realized their mistake, they turned around and went back to the camera. Not to destroy the evidence, but to smile and pose for more photos. Police say they could not believe their luck when they found the photos, which were taken three hours before the kids torched the car.


FILE #2: In the middle of a blizzard, a New Jersey high school student decided it would be a good idea to rob the local 7-11. He walked into the store with a gun and stole $50. He then walked back to his home, which was less than a mile away leaving a trail of footprints in the snow. The police followed the footprints to the young man’s front door and arrested him.


FILE #3: A masked bandit recently went into a Pennsylvania gas station with intentions of robbing it. Not wanting to reveal his voice, he wrote a note to a cashier demanding all the money. As the man had a gun, the cashier had no choice but to comply with his request. When the suspect left, the cashier looked on the back of the paper and discovered that the criminal wrote his note on the back of his subpoena. On it, his name, address, and phone number. Now he’ll be asked to appear in court again – this time with handcuffs.


STRANGE LAW: In Thailand, no one may step on any of the nation’s currency.




She huffed and she puffed — and she got busted.

Officers in Forrest City, Arkansas, say they received a complaint about a woman “huffing” on a can of compressed air. According to authorities, Kathy K. Sweet was in a car at a Wal-Mart and was slow to respond to officers. When police took her can away, officers say she asked for it back — so she could finish getting high. Sweet didn’t get her can, but she did get a trip to the cooler. Sweet was booked for public intoxication and later released.




Today is “Start Your Own Country Day.” So let’s work together – help us create a few laws for our country! (See today’s Weird Holidays for a few ideas to get started!)




QUESTION: Who persuaded a woman of Tekoah to speak to David to allow Absalom to come back home?

ANSWER: Joab (2 Samuel 14:1-3)




QUESTION: In what year were people glued to their TV sets to find out who shot J.R.?

ANSWER: 1980. Having been cliff-hung for five months, an estimated 82-million Americans, 80% of all viewers, tuned in to see “Who Shot J.R.?” J.R. Ewing was shot by Sue Ellen’s sister, the jilted mistress Kristin Shepard.




Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!


  1. The spiny cheek, starsnout poacher, and monkeyface prickleback are all names of toads. (False – they are names of fish.)


  1. “Fortnight” is a contraction of “forty nights.” (False – it’s a contraction of “fourteen nights.” In the United States “two weeks” is more commonly used.)


  1. A typical lightning bolt is two to four feet wide. (False – it’s two to four inches wide and two miles long.)


  1. In an earthquake, a 6 on the Richter Scale is actually more than 30 times powerful than a 5 on the Richter Scale. (True. Each unit on the Richter Scale is equivalent to a power factor of about 32. So a 6 is 32 times more powerful than a 5!)


  1. The anemometer is an instrument which measures the force, velocity, or pressure of the wind. (True)


  1. The world’s first speed limit regulation was 80 mph. (False – it was 20 mph, in England in 1903.)


  1. It took more than a thousand years to build the Notre Dame Cathedral. (True. Although construction of the Notre Dame Cathedral in Strasbourg started in 1015, it was not until 1439 that the spire was completed.)


  1. Michelangelo began sculpting his monumental statue of David when he was only 12 years old. (False – he was 26 at the time. He finished it seventeen months later, in January, 1504.)


  1. Nobody is buried in Grant’s tomb. (True. President & Mrs. Grant are entombed there. A body is buried only when it is placed in the ground and covered with dirt.)


  1. Pablo Picasso’s career lasted only seven years. (False, it lasted seventy-eight years, from 1895 until his death in 1973.)




You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!


An international team of oceanic experts have found an alien ship from Planet Gootan on the bottom of the Baltic Sea.

The ship was abandoned, but experts from the U.N. Panel of Extraterrestrials told WWN that the Gootans were using the Baltic Sea as a base to spy on humans.

The U.N. dispatched a team of experts in Unidentified Submarine Objects (USOs) to the Baltic Sea accompanied by an elite Navy SEAL team.  The U.S. military has been conducting a vast underwater reconnaissance of Gootan activities, ever since the Gootans landed three large ships on Earth in November, 2011.

Some are saying the ship looks like the Millennium Falcon from Star Wars.





A mother was anxiously awaiting her daughter’s plane. She had just come back from a far away land trying to find adventure. As the daughter was exiting the plane, the mother noticed a man directly behind her daughter dressed in feathers with exotic markings all over his body and carrying a shrunken head. The daughter introduced this man as her new husband. The mother gasped in disbelief and disappointment and screamed, “I said for you to marry a Rich Doctor! A RICH Doctor!”



My 5-year-old nephew, Felix, wanted to caddy for my brother’s golf game. “You have to count my strokes,” my brother told him. “How much is six plus nine plus eight?”

“Five.” answered Felix.

“Okay,” my brother said, “let’s go.”



A pediatrician in town always plays a game with some of his young patients to put them at ease and test their knowledge of body parts.

One day, while pointing to a little boy’s ear, the doctor asked him, “Is this your nose?”

Immediately the little boy turned to his mother and said, “Mom, I think we’d better find a new doctor!”




Australian scientists have invented a t-shirt that turns air guitar strumming into music. This allows no talent rocker wannabees to entertain people.  ***MARLAR: Or you can do what other no-talent wannabee stars do and host a radio show.


Researchers in Paris discovered that lizards have personalities. ***MARLAR: French waiters jobs may soon be in jeopardy.





A girl went over to her friend and said, “I hear you broke off your engagement to Bob. Why?
“It’s just that my feelings towards him aren’t the same any more.”
“Are you returning his diamond ring?”
“No way! My feelings towards the ring haven’t changed a bit!”





Ronnie Collins once again will be able to whistle while he works. The shepherd from West Yorkshire, England lost his ability to whistle after he was fitted with false teeth. For most of us, not being able to whistle wouldn’t be such a big deal, but it’s an integral part of the job of a shepherd trying to communicate with his dogs. His attempts to whistle failed and his border collies would sit and stare at him as he silently blew. He tried to use his fingers and even took the teeth out – all to no avail. The solution? Ronnie had his dentist drill a hole between the two incisors on his new false teeth and can once again whistle.




Boasting is verbalized pride. It is self-commendation, bragging to others of our accomplishments. However, all that actually matters is what God thinks of us, not what others think.
Boasting is the exact opposite of the meekness and gentleness of Christ. Paul refused to boast about his personal appearance, power, or accomplishments. Instead, he pointed out that his strength was a hidden force, unnoticed by the world but divinely powerful (2 Corinthians 10:3-4).
Paul used his God-given authority, not for destruction, but for building up (2 Corinthians 10:8). He gave reports about the mission work he had accomplished, not to brag about what he had done, but to show what had been done by the grace of God. Without a doubt, Paul knew that “the person who wishes to boast should boast only of what the Lord has done” (2 Corinthians 10:17).
Isaiah foresaw a day in which “pride will be brought low and the Lord alone will be exalted” (Isaiah 2:11). Satan’s proud, boasting spirit will one day be brought low, and no one will dare utter a boast against the Lord.
“Let him who boasts boast in the Lord” (2 Corinthians 10:17 NIV).

By Larry Stockstill





One of them, when he saw that he was healed, returned, and with a loud voice glorified God. —Luke 17:15

A few years ago, an unkempt, poorly adjusted youth named Tim (not his real name) was converted to Christ in an evangelistic crusade. Several days later, still unkempt but bathed in the love of Christ, he was sent to my home so that I could help him find a good church. And so it was that he began attending with me.

Though Tim needed and received much loving help in personal grooming and basic social graces, one characteristic has remained unchanged—his untamed love for his Savior.

One Sunday after church Tim rushed to my side, looking somewhat perplexed. He exclaimed, “Why me? I keep asking myself, why me?” Oh, no, I thought, he’s become another complaining Christian. Then with arms outstretched, he went on to say, “Out of all the people in the world who are greater and smarter than I am, why did God choose me?” With that he joyfully clapped his hands.

Over the years I’ve heard many Christians, including myself, ask “Why me?” during tough times. But Tim is the first one I’ve heard ask that question when talking about God’s blessings. Many were converted the same night as Tim, but I wonder how many among them have humbly asked, “Why me?” May we ask it often. —Joanie Yoder


I know not why God’s wondrous grace
To me He hath made known;
Nor why, unworthy, Christ in love
Redeemed me for His own. —Whittle


Gratitude should be a continuous attitude.





Would it matter to you if you found out now that, in reality, you were born eight minutes earlier than you thought?  One mother is making a pretty big stink about it.

A Polo, Missouri, woman believes her baby was born minutes before the end of Independence Day in the United States.  However, hospital officials say the girl was born the next day.  Big deal?  It is to the mother.  Sarah Jensen is convinced she birthed her daughter at 11:56pm on July 4. But the hospital says the girl was actually born 12:04am on July 5.  So now the mother is out gathering cell phone records, time-stamped photos and witness accounts and soliciting the help of Missouri State Representative Sam Graves… all because the hospital says her daughter was born eight minutes later!  (Some people just don’t have enough stuff in their lives to complain about.)  Mommy Jensen has digital photographs showing baby Rebekah in her mother’s arms at 11:57pm and being cleaned by a nurse at 11:59pm. Jensen claims the attending nurse told her there were problems with the hospital’s computer clock. Jensen says her fight is not to have her daughter’s birthday on a holiday but to correct what she sees as a fundamental error.   She said even if the situation is not resolved, she will celebrate Rebekah’s birthday as the country celebrates its independence.  ***MARLAR: We’re talking about a total of eight minutes here… is that really going to make a difference in this little girl’s life?  Unless you’re actually planning on celebrating her birth EXACTLY at the TIME of her birth… which is about midnight in this case… I can’t see that it would make that big of a difference.  This mother wants an Independence Day baby – and it looks like she’s willing to make a few fireworks of her own to get her way.





Flu season is almost here, and experts say now is the best time to get your shot. That’s because “it takes about two weeks to develop the antibody response,” says Dr. Michael Koller of Loyola University Stritch Chicago School of Medicine. Each year in the U.S. about 200,000 flu victims are hospitalized and about 36,000 die. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommend vaccinations for all children ages 6 months to 5 years, pregnant women, people age 50 and older, healthcare workers, and anyone with a chronic illness such as asthma, diabetes or heart disease. To find out where flu shots are available in your area, go to: (National Enquirer)




Don’t go out with wet hair.  Cover your mouth when you cough.  Was mom right when it comes to the cold and flu tips she taught us?

( Don’t go out with wet hair. Cover your mouth when you cough. These classic “mom” cold and flu tips were recently put to the scientific test. The verdict: Most won’t keep us safe from viruses, though a few do have merit, according to Rachel Vreeman, MD, an assistant professor of pediatrics at Indiana University School of Medicine. And Mom did get a couple of things right. Here, experts set the record straight on which motherly advice is worth taking.

  • You’ll get sick if you go out in the cold with wet hair: Exposure to viruses—not skipping the blow-dryer—causes cold and flu.  “Scientists have studied this really well,” says Dr. Vreeman. “They’ve put cold viruses in the noses of two groups of people. One group was then exposed to cold/wet conditions, and people who were chilled were no more likely to get sick than those who weren’t.” Being outdoors can make your nose run (cold weather dilates blood vessels), but it doesn’t make you more susceptible to viruses.
  • Feed a cold, starve a fever: This is half right. When you’re congested, nutritious food will fortify your immune system. But when you’re feverish, your metabolism is revved up and you need more energy—not fewer calories—to fight off infection. Bottom line: Stay hydrated and eat well, no matter what your symptoms.
  • Avoid dairy when you have a cold:  There’s no medical basis to skip dairy when you’re sick. Many people, including some pediatricians, believe that dairy products increase mucus production. However, research shows this may be a placebo effect. In one study, people who knew they were drinking cow’s milk reported more nasal symptoms than those who had soy milk—but people who didn’t know which milk they were drinking reported the same (minimal) effects.
  • You lose most of your body heat through your head: It’s wise to keep your head covered with a cozy hat. Technically, you don’t lose more body heat through your head (about 10%, which is proportional to the body surface area), but it might feel that way, says Cleveland Clinic researcher Daniel Sessler, MD. That’s because your face is about 5 times more sensitive to temperature than other areas are. “It’s an early warning system that alerts you to put on a sweater or turn up the thermostat long before your core body temperature gets too cold,” says Dr. Sessler.
  • Have some chicken soup: There’s something to this age-old comfort food remedy. Researchers from the University of Nebraska Medical Center found that chicken soup prepared with lots of veggies mitigates some of the inflammation responsible for cold symptoms, such as a runny nose and congestion. To get rid of common cold symptoms, you have to get rid of the inflammation that’s causing them, says Jack Gwaltney Jr., MD, a professor emeritus of medicine at the Center for the Prevention of Disease and Injury at the University of Virginia School of Medicine.
  • Rest, don’t exercise, when you’re under the weather: You do need to rest, but a little exercise might help you feel better. In a study from Ball State University, volunteers with severe colds were divided into two groups, one of which exercised for 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week. The other group simply rested. In both groups, cold symptoms lasted about 8 1/2 days (8.36 for the exercisers; 8.45 for the resters) and peaked during the morning hours. But as a group, the exercisers felt better in the afternoon and evening than the resters did.  While some exercise is good for you, don’t overdo it when you’re sick. Intense workouts (lasting more than 90 minutes) can actually weaken immunity.
  • Cover your mouth with your hand when you cough: Although this might look polite and germ preventing, it’s anything but. When you capture a cough or sneeze in your hand, you’re likely to pass your cold on to someone else. Cold viruses exist in large quantities in the nasal fluid of sick people and are easily transferred from their hands after even the briefest contact. You also leave viruses on doorknobs, phones, countertops, and elevator buttons.  To sidestep such icky transmissions, be sure to wash your hands frequently, and use a tissue or, if one isn’t handy, cough and sneeze into your inner elbow.




A toddler falls seven floors but is perfectly fine thanks to a miracle catch!

An 18-month-old boy survived after falling seven floors and bouncing off a Paris cafe awning into the arms of a passer-by.  “My son saw a little boy on a balcony. He had gone right outside the railing… I said to myself I mustn’t miss him,” the toddler’s saviour, local doctor Philippe Bensignor, told reporters. “I had time to move from side to side to get in the right position,” he added. “The little boy was fine. He cried a little bit but calmed down straightaway.”  An official involved in investigating the incident said the boy had been left alone in the family apartment in northern Paris with his sister by their parents, who were taken into custody afterwards.  Turns out the café was closed for the day and the mechanical device for closing the awning wasn’t working.”  ***MARLAR: Tell me there is no God.





  • Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy
  • 20 Questions Shouted into your Good Ear
  • Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse Says Bend Over!
  • Doc, Doc, Goose
  • Simon Says Something Incoherent
  • Spin the Bottle of Mylanta
  • Musical Recliners





Twas the night of Thanksgiving, but I just couldn’t sleep

I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep.

The leftovers beckoned — the dark meat and white,

but I fought the temptation with all of my might.


Tossing and turning with anticipation,

the thought of a snack became infatuation.

So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door

and gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore.


I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,

pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.

I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,

till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground.


I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky

With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie

But, I managed to yell as I soared past the trees…

happy eating to all — pass the cranberries, please!



BAD Parrot

A  young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse  vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to ‘clean up’ the bird’s vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.

The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.

Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”

John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, “May I ask what the turkey did?”




(Mondays Only)




Butterball’s Turkey Talk Line is 1-800-288-8372, or you can find them online at  You can also call the USDA Meat and Poultry Hotline at 1-800-535-4555 or the Perdue Consumer Help Line at 1-800-473-7383.  If you need help with the turkey that won’t get up off the couch, well, you’re on your own.


United States Marine Corps veteran Sgt. Kirstie Ennis nearly died while serving in Afghanistan. Ennis was serving as

an aerial gunner in Afghanistan when her helicopter went down. Doctors told her she would never walk again. But she did more than walk. Earlier this fall, Ennis trekked 1,000 miles across Great Britain with five other veterans as part of the Walking With the Wounded team. Now she is ranked fifth internationally for women’s Paralympic snowboarding and is on track to compete in the 2018 Paralympics.


A Michigan restaurant owner’s heartfelt offer for some Thanksgiving hospitality has struck a chord after a photo of a sign at the eatery went viral on the Internet. According to ABC News, George’s Senate Coney Island has offered lonely customers a free meal on Thanksgiving for the last 10 years. But on Thursday, a passerby noticed a sign in the window with the offer, snapped a quick shot and posted it to the social media website Reddit. Restaurateur George Dimopoulos told ABC News there is a very personal reason for his generosity. “The reason I do this is because I was alone one time,” he said. “I remember the good times and bad times.”


The holidays are here and Yahoo wants to help. They have compiled a list of 19 of their favorite pie recipes for your holiday celebrations. Options range from the standard pumpkin pie to a Black Pepper and Grapefruit Meringue Pie. Access all 19 recipes…




Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent. — Laurence J. Peter




(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from in Chicago.)

Cheering for the Down and Outer

One of the disappointments over which I mildly grieve is to see a business go under. The majority of employees are unaware of the great challenges of keeping an enterprise profitable. Seeing enterprises fail means jobs are lost. Revenues for the community are diminished. And in many cases, the goodwill spread by these companies through donations or volunteer manpower vanishes.
In our own neighborhood, we said farewell to several retail operations in the last few years. We lost our local Applebee’s restaurant. A Bob Evans not so long ago. And a big disappointment came when the Barnes and Noble closed its doors. Farther away, a unique restaurant, operated by a successful business group, locked up and tore down a place called Key Wester. It had a big aquarium, a waterfall, and doors that opened in summer to overlook black swans on a small body of water. Very refreshing. But…gone.
What we don’t usually see are the tears shed by people who’ve invested a part or all of their adult life trying to make a go of their dream. We don’t see the hours agonizing over ways to save the business and keep people they care about employed. We don’t see the creditors who may not get their money back from what they loaned in trust. Pain goes along with the closing of those doors.
So I read with interest a story that gave me a light chuckle — at first — about a man desperate to save his business in Candia, New Hampshire. Kevin Dumont is a principle owner of the Liquid Planet Water Park. If you’ll excuse the expression, his water park business is going under. And he’s making a life-saving effort by chaining himself to a 30-foot waterslide to keep it afloat. *groan*
Dumont has camped out. He needs a bailout. In his words, “We’re losing everything if we can’t find a partner. We just need to save it from going to the auction block. We need an infusion of cash to pay off the debt….We’re hoping this effort will give us some offers.”
It’s not like no one is showing up. The park had 35,000-plus visitors this past season. Since 2008 when Liquid Planet opened, Dumont admits it’s been an uphill challenge. But it’s only in the past year that he’s fallen behind in his payments.
He properly does not blame the bank for his woes. But Dumont was notified in September of the bank’s plans to auction off the 44-acre property (that includes his home) on December 2nd. A bank does what they must do for their own clients’ sake.
But Dumont’s story is more painful when you learn that both his father and mother died within the last four months. Losing your parents and your business within 140 days of each other plays havoc on the human spirit. Thus…the desperate act of a desperate man to chain himself to a water slide.
Kevin Dumont claims he started the business for families. A noble purpose offers no guarantees for success. Too many forces come to bear to make a business survive.
Size does not matter. Giant airlines get bought out or cease to exist. K-Mart has Sears behind them but keeps faltering. Sears itself is making what some think are desperate moves to stay alive. And, of course, Blockbuster became a failure equal to its name.
Times change. People’s tastes do as well. Innovation opens new markets. Staying competitive is a true art in business.
Some go the route of reinvention. I’ve been reading rumors of McDonald’s demise for a couple of years now. Recently, they have started serving breakfast all day. There has been an uptick in their customer count. Who said playing this investor driven game of “staying alive” was going to be fun?
People of faith are not immune in any way to business failings. More recently, Family Christian Stores fought tooth and nail to survive. Only after large concessions have they managed to do so after $127 million in debt was erased.
Years ago, the startup company I put together came to a point where it appeared things would collapse. I decided to “give my business to God” — which sounded very dramatic. My friend Chuck Gratner looked at me over breakfast after I shared this and replied, “Maybe God doesn’t want your business.” Yeah…hadn’t quite considered that. It tanked four months later.
Spiritual lesson: Not all things are meant to be. Not all things are meant to last. Not all dreams come true. As “The Preacher” wrote in Ecclesiastes, “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest….A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.” (Ecc 3:1-4, NLT)
Some sound advice. As a few wise Byrds once told me.
That’s The Way WE Work.




Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


NOVEMBER 20, 2015…


Hunger Games Mockingjay: Part Two—The end of the film series and the end of the book series. Fans will be mourning as with the “Harry Potter” film and book series. The rebels are after the wicked power in Panem and it is the final showdown between Katniss (Jennifer Lawrence) and President Snow (Donald Sutherland), so expect real snow in the film. The favorite stars are here including Liam Hemsworth, Josh Hutcherson, Elizabeth Banks and the last film of the late Philip Seymour Hoffman. “Hunger Games Mockingjay: Part Two” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.


Carol—Cate Blanchett is Carol, a wealthy woman in the 1950’s who shops at a favorite department store. Rooney Mara plays Therese, a lowly shop girl who has a crush on the wealthy Carol. The two go on a road trip and These sees how the wealthy live. “Carol” is rated R. No rating.


The Secret In Their Eyes—Julia Roberts takes on the role of an attorney whose daughter was one of the murder victims of a serial killer. Years later, the person is still loose, but Julia, along with Chiwetel Ejiofor, finds the person. Also in the cast is Nicole Kidman. “The Secret In Their Eyes” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.


Very Semi-Serious (documentary and opening in select cities)—Who doesn’t love cartoons, either in print or on the screen. This documentary gives us the creation and editorial process in the New Yorker magazine, with editor David Remnick and artist Roz Chast. “Very Semi-Serious” is rated PG 13. No rating.


NOVEMBER 25, 2015…


Creed is a boxing film, starring Michael B. Jordan as a young fighter and guess who is coaching him? That’s right and his initials are S.S.


The Good Dinosaur is an animated children’s film with a different viewpoint—the dinosaurs lived and have humans as pets.


The Night Before is the story of three guys who have spent Christmas Eve together since childhood. Stars Seth Rogen, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Anthony Mackie.


Victor Frankenstein is about the scientist and his assistant, Igor, Stars James McAvoy and Daniel Radcliffe.


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WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment,, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

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