November 25, 2015: Wednesday ONAIRprep


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Ah, the holiday season is here. I remember I used to force my parents to watch TV with me once the holidays came around – that way when the commercials came on I could show them exactly what I wanted for Christmas.




Rejoice in the Lord your God, for he has given you the autumn rains in righteousness. He sends you abundant showers, both autumn and spring rains. –Joel 2:23


1 John 4:11 = Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.


Enter [the Lord’s] gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. — Psalm 100:4-5





Be sure to fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you. — 1 Samuel 12:24


Thought: God is awesome and mighty. He can do anything he chooses to do. So isn’t it amazing of all the things he could do, he chooses to do one thing especially well: God blesses us! God blesses us with material blessing, he blesses us with spiritual blessings, he blesses us with big things, he blesses us with small things, he blesses us with hope, he blesses us beyond pain, he blesses us now, he blesses us in the future, he blesses us…


Prayer: Generous and gracious God, thank you for blessing me in so many ways. Please use my life to be a blessing to others and a glory to you. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.


The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to




The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

John 11:25 NIV = Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies.”




(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)


Today is STRANGE NAMES DAY, honoring Julia Roberts’ twins, Hazel and Finneas, and all others with “unique” names like Rumor, Apple, Scout… pretty much any kid who was born in Hollywood.




Today is PLAN YOUR DAGWOOD SANDWICH DAY, a day to admit you’ve always wanted to build a Dagwood sandwich and eat it and to devise a detailed plan of how to make it this weekend with Thanksgiving leftovers. ***MARLAR: I’m salivating already.


Today is SHOPPING REMINDER DAY, a reminder that Christmas is one month from today. ***MARLAR: Sadly, all the great bargains on the best gifts are already gone.




Brownielocks Day

Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day

D.B. Cooper Day





International Day For The Elimination of Violence Against women Day

International Hat Day

Blasé Day

Shopping Reminder Day

Tie One On Day



National Day of Mourning

Thanksgiving Day

Turkey-Free Thanksgiving



Black Friday

Fur Free Friday

Buy Nothing Day

Flossing Day

Maize Day

National Day of Listening

National Native American Heritage Day

Sinkie Day (Eating Over the Sink)

You’re Welcomegiving Day



International Aura Awareness Day

World Day of Giving

Small Business Saturday



Electronic Greetings Day

International Day of Solidarity With The Palistinian People

Square Dancing Day



Cider Monday

Cyber Monday

Computer Security Day

National Meth Awareness Day

Stay Home Because You’re Well Day



Antarctica Day

Basketball Day

Bifocals at the Monitor Liberation Day

Civil Air Patrol Day

Day With(out) Art Day

Rosa Parks Day

World AIDS Day

Giving Tuesday



International Day for the Abolition of Slavery

National Mutt Day

Safety Razor Day

Special Education Day

Rockefeller Center Tree Lighting

Special Kids Day




1920: The first play-by-play broadcast of a football game was aired in College Station, Texas. The game was between the University of Texas Longhorns and Texas A&M’s Aggies in Austin. Texas was undefeated and had outscored opponents 275-10. A&M was unbeaten and had not been scored on in two years. The largest crowd in state history (est. 20,000) was on hand to see the Longhorns win 7-3.


1957: Appearing on “The Ed Sullivan Show,” Gene Vincent & the Blue Caps rocked with “Lotta Lovin'” and “Dance to the Bop.”   “Lotta Lovin'” reached #14 on Billboard’s Hot 100, “Dance to the Bop hit #46.


1960: It was the Day the Soaps Died on Radio as CBS canceled its last five soap operas. Right to Happiness had been running 21 years and Ma Perkins for 27 years. In 1940 there had been as many as 45 soaps on radio, though each ran only 15 minutes a day. ***MARLAR: 15-minute soap operas? Can we force the TV versions to do that?


1965: Harrod’s department store in London stayed open two hours late so the Beatles could Christmas shop.


1966: Space scientists at the Plesetsk cosmodrome in Russia began training a team of monkeys as astronauts.


1978: Baylor Bears head-coach Grant Teaff climaxed a fiery pre-game “eat-em-up” locker room speech by eating a worm. It worked. The Bears ate up Texas 38-14.


1982: Jazz great Miles Davis married actress Cicely Tyson. Comic Bill Cosby was best man.


1983: Tracey Ullman’s recording “You Broke My Heart In 17 Places” was released in England.


1991: Texans dressed as conquistadors rode into Plymouth, Massachusetts, to battle local “Pilgrims” over bragging rights to Thanksgiving. Texans claim Spanish explorers held the first Thanksgiving along the Rio Grande in 1598, 33 years before the Plymouth Thanksgiving. The Pilgrims told the Texans to go home.


1992: The Arizona Cowboy, Rex Allen, married Virgina Hudson in Wilcox, Arizona. He was 71; she was 72.


1996: China Business Times reported there were more than 4,600 Zhang Yings in Beijing, and just as many people named Zhang Li. The Chinese government is now encouraging parents to choose more unusual, less common names for their children.


1996: Testifying at a civil trial, O.J. Simpson denied killing Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman, but could not explain how blood, believed to be the victims, got in his Bronco.


1998: Actor Michael J. Fox revealed he had been fighting Parkinson’s disease for seven years.


2001: The wedding in Dunoon, England, was a little different. The bride wore black and arrived in a hearse. The wedding cake was shaped like a coffin. The bride, an undertaker, and the groom, a former undertaker, thought wedding with a funeral theme was appropriate. ***MARLAR: Plus, with both the groom and the bride looking dead, they’ll be prepared to see each others’ faces every morning of their marriage.




2348 BC: According to Archbishop James Ussher’s Old Testament chronology, the Great Deluge (“Noah’s Flood”) began on this date.


1742: In New York, David Brainerd, 24, was approved as a missionary to the New England Indians by the Scottish Society for the Propagating of Christian Knowledge (SPCK). Brainerd worked heroically from Apr 1743 to Nov 1746, before advancing tuberculosis forced him to relinquish his work. (He died in October 1747.)


1807: Anglican missionary Henry Martyn wrote in his journal: ‘With thee, O my God, there is no disappointment; I shall never have to regret that I loved thee too well.’


1820: English poet and Oxford Movement leader John Keble, 28, penned the words to the hymn, “Sun of My Soul” (“Sun of my soul, Thou Savior dear, It is not night if Thou be near….”).


1864: British Jewish statesman Benjamin Disraeli declared in a speech: ‘Man is a being born to believe, and if no church comes forward with all the title deeds of truth, he will find altars and idols in his own heart and his own imagination.’




  • actress (“Samantha Who?”, “Jesse”, “Married With Children”) Christina Applegate 44 (
  • actress (“Law & Order”, “Crossing Jordan”) Jill Hennessy 46
  • actor (“Boston Legal”, “Happy Family”, “Night Court”) John Larroquette is 68 (




(Music Artist Birthdays From

1931 : Nat Adderley

1941 : Percy Sledge

1943 : Roy Lines (Status Quo)

1944 : Bev Bevan (Electric Light Orchestra)

1944 : Bob Lind

1947 : Val Fuentes (It’s A Beautiful Day)

1960 : Amy Grant

1966 : Stacy Lattisaw

1967 : Rodney Sheppard (Sugar Ray)




What do hospitals mean when they say that someone’s condition is “stable,” “serious,” “critical” or some other melodramatic adjective?

I’ve often suspected that HMO’s reimburse the hospitals on a schedule that takes into account the weight of the words they use.  “Stable”, “serious”, “critical”… but conjecture aside, there are general, although not rigidly explicit rules for the use of these words to frighten patients’ friends and relatives.  On the low end of the scare scale are “good,” “fair,” “stable” and “satisfactory” (to whom, their creditors?). Put away the Valium, the greatest threat to these patients is hospital food.  “Serious” is a question mark. It means pretty doggoned sick, possibly not stable, but in no immediate threat of falling into a coma or dying.  “Critical” is the flashing red light. This patient is unstable, may not even be conscious, and his or her life is in danger. But at least they don’t have to eat the Jell-O.




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A bit of insight into Kutless guitarist James Mead. He tweeted: All. Black. Everything. It’s such a “go to” color for me, because it looks classy, casual, rock…whatever. Black always works.


Josh Wilson learned something new about his baby boy this week. He tweeted: Turns out music settled him down. Must have been all the concerts he attended before he was born!


A thought from Switchfoot front man Jon Foreman: I’m alive today. I’m not sure what I’ll be tomorrow but I’m gonna sing before my time runs out.


Sidewalk Prophets front man Dave Frey took advantage of a weekend at home to decorate for Christmas. Dave tweeted that he’d had a productive day decorating the house for Christmas on Saturday. The Sidewalk Prophets will head back out on tour in early December and will spent the first half of the month on the road.


Love and the Outcome member Jodi is just few months away from the birth of their first child. She shared over the weekend: Just bought a crib!! This is getting real.


A reminder from Jamie Grace: sometimes I feel silly telling Jesus things because I know He knows everything. Then I get all emotional knowing that He’ll listen anyway.


The After’s Josh Havens celebrated his 16th anniversary by hiking Camelback mountain with his wife. Josh shared pictures as the climbed and said So thankful she’s still my best friend after all these years! Here’s to many many more!


The members of Tenth Avenue North want to know: What is your favorite Tenth Avenue North lyric? The band says: Share it and we’ll create a lyric image for the tweet that gets the most retweets!






Facing highest threat alert, Belgians bring out their cats    photo
What police force would start playing along with a practical joke when the capital is facing its highest state of alert and its most-wanted fugitive is still on the run? Right! This is surreal Belgium. Late Sunday, police asked people to stop commenting on ongoing raids in social media to avoid…


Fetty Wap throws wads of money over balcony to fans at mall    photo
PARAMUS, N.J. (AP) — Rapper Fetty Wap gave fans a run for his money this weekend, tossing wads of cash over a balcony at a New Jersey mall to the delight of screaming onlookers. Videos posted to social media show the Paterson native throwing money Saturday as he walked through the Garden…
Ex-student applies for probation over mac and cheese rant    photo
ROCKVILLE, Conn. (AP) — A former University of Connecticut student who went on a drunken, obscenity-laced tirade about jalapeno-bacon macaroni and cheese applied for probation Monday. HASH(0x142d240) The 19-year-old former freshman from Bayville, New York, was arrested over his Oct. 4…
Youngest US chess master, 10: I’ve got to work on my endgame    photo
GREENWICH, Conn. (AP) — At age 10, Maximillian Lu is the youngest-ever chess master in the U.S. Even so, he sees room for improvement. The distinction of being a national master belongs to less than 2 percent of U.S. Chess Federation members and is earned by racking up at least 2,200 points…
Weather device falls from sky, prompts bomb squad response
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — The National Weather Service says an instrument that fell from the sky, prompting a Philadelphia bomb squad response, weighed about a pound and had been launched with a weather balloon about 165 miles away. Mitchell Gaines, of the weather service in Mount Holly, New…
Cheating accusations mar Zimbabwe’s ‘Mister Ugly’ contest    photo
HARARE, Zimbabwe (AP) — Pageant judges have crowned a new winner of Zimbabwe’s 4th annual “Mister Ugly” contest, upsetting supporters of the crowd favorite who called the winner too handsome and prompting rioting at the event. Judges on Saturday chose 42-year-old Mison Sere, citing his…
Condo board wants pet DNA to track down poopers
DESTIN, Fla. (AP) — Some Florida condo owners are steaming after their homeowners association asked them to submit their dog’s DNA in order to fine owners who don’t pick up after their pets. Harbor Landing residents said they received a letter last week and some feel it’s an invasion of…
Albuquerque man held at gunpoint by victims back in jail
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) — An Albuquerque burglary suspect who was held at gunpoint by two of his victims is back in jail after allegedly committing another robbery. Police say 26-year-old Aaron Lujan was arrested Saturday night on several charges including aggravated assault with a deadly…
Front-runners, total dark horses to run in New Hampshire
CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — The near-record field for the upcoming New Hampshire primary includes favored front-runners and a dark horse touting a pony-heavy platform. The filing period for the 2016 primary ended Friday with 30 Republicans and 28 Democrats signing paperwork and paying the $1,000…
Costume for Vermont university’s mascot turns up unharmed
CASTLETON, Vt. (AP) — A university in Vermont says the costume for its green-caped Spartan mascot has been found unharmed in the football stadium after it was reported missing. A spokesman for Castleton University says Sparty’s costume was found Monday during an inspection of Spartan Stadium….
Castleton University’s mascot has been missing for a month
CASTLETON, Vt. (AP) — Castleton University’s green-caped Spartan mascot hasn’t been seen in a month and school officials say they want him back. The costume known as Sparty disappeared from the Student Government Association offices sometime between late September and the middle of October….






APNewsBreak: Emails reveal Coke’s role in anti-obesity group
NEW YORK (AP) — A nonprofit founded to combat obesity says the $1.5 million it received from Coke has no influence on its work. But emails obtained by The Associated Press show the world’s largest beverage maker was instrumental in shaping the Global Energy Balance Network, which is led by a…


Excerpts from emails between Coke, anti-obesity group
A nonprofit founded to fight obesity says the $1.5 million it received from Coke doesn’t influence its work. But emails obtained by The Associated Press show the company was instrumental in shaping the group. Below are excerpts of emails between the group’s leaders and Coke executives starting in…
Using new gene drive to create malaria-resistant mosquitoes    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — California researchers hatched some malaria-resistant mosquitoes and then gave evolution a shove — using a groundbreaking technology to ensure the insects pass on that protective gene as they reproduce, with implications far beyond the promise of fighting malaria. The…
FDA approves Bristol-Myers drug for new use in kidney cancer
WASHINGTON (AP) — Federal health regulators have expanded approval of a cancer drug from Bristol-Myers Squibb to treat an advanced form of kidney cancer. The Food and Drug Administration says the injectable-drug, Opdivo, is approved for patients with renal cell carcinoma who have previously…
Older workers seeking options for reducing hours on the job    photo
Roberton Williams’ plan was to retire on his government pension and take a part-time job to make up the difference in salary. It didn’t quite work out that way. Williams, 68, did retire but then started another full-time job with the Tax Policy Center, a Washington think tank. “The plan was to work…
Born with no voice & low odds, boy talks with new voice box    photo
Grant Hasse was born with two very rare conditions — one that’s usually fatal, the other that should have left him unable to talk. But at almost 4 years old, he’s a healthy bundle of energy after three dozen surgeries, including an innovative operation to create a new voice box. Doctors…
Liberia seeks US help to determine cause of new Ebola cases
MONROVIA, Liberia (AP) — Two experts from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention are set to travel to Liberia to try to determine the cause of new Ebola cases confirmed last week, more than two months after the country had been declared free of Ebola transmission for a second…
Experts foresee big premium increases for Medicare drug plan    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — With time running out on open enrollment season, many seniors are facing sharply higher premiums for Medicare’s popular prescription drug program. The reason: rising drug costs have overtaken a long stretch of stable premiums. Beneficiaries have until Dec. 7 to see if…
New $710-a-day drug saves lives but strains state budgets
MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) — A newly approved drug is being hailed as a major advance in treatment of cystic fibrosis, a life-threatening genetic disease that clogs the lungs with mucus and forces patients to struggle to breathe. But it comes with a punishing price tag — about $710 per…
AP FACT CHECK: Most GOP candidates flunk climate science    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — When it comes to climate science, two of the three Democratic presidential candidates are A students, while most of the Republican contenders are flunking, according to a panel of scientists who reviewed candidates’ comments. At the request of The Associated Press, eight…
Scientists say feeding fish soy, not fish, more sustainable
SIOUX FALLS, S.D. (AP) — Research supported by the soybean industry is looking to convert some farm-raised fish into vegetarians. A South Dakota State University fisheries scientist is developing a soy protein feed that’s tasty and easily digestible to eventually reduce the industry’s need…




(No news on the weekends. Audio clips are only valid for a few days before being removed from our servers.)



Authorities in St. Petersburg, Florida, say an 18-year-old man drove a stolen car to police headquarters to pick up court papers about a previous auto theft he was involved in. Carnell Eugene Butler now faces charges in three stolen car cases.  ***He’s also being sued by the makers of Grand Theft Auto for copyright infringement.


Toyota plans to have a fleet of driver-less cars in operation by 2020.  *** Brought to you by the same company who had problems with brakes not working a couple of years ago!  So… no driver, and no brakes.  What could possibly go wrong?


President Obama is getting aboard the standing desk bandwagon. The Executive Office of the President estimates that they will spend up to $700,000 for “height adjustable standing desktops and accessories.”  ***So instead of saying politicians sit on their butts all day doing nothing, we’ll soon be saying they stand around all day doing nothing.


Pageant judges crowned the winner of Zimbabwe’s 4th annual “Mister Ugly” contest last weekend, but some in the crowd complained the winner was just too handsome, which prompted rioting after the event.  *** Finally, a beauty contest I might actually have a chance at winning!

(AUDIO: Judge Abigail Gwasira explains what the contest is looking for.)

(AUDIO: Winner Maison Sere thanks God for being ugly.)

(AUDIO: Dethroned winner William Masvinu complains of decision.)




If you eat a polar bear liver you will die, humans can’t handle that much vitamin A.  ***MARLAR: Nor can we handle that much damage from PETA members tearing out our own livers for daring to think of eating a polar bear.


A recent study finds that multitasking is not a good thing. According to research from Stanford University, multitasking hurts overall productivity and also affects your ability to recall information and slows you down. Additional research shows that it can even lower your IQ. According to the Relevant Magazine report, a team of researchers looked at MRI scans of people who spend a lot of time doing things like texting and watching television at the same time, and found that they had lower brain density.  ***MARLAR: Which pretty much explains teenagers.


The average claim paid out to people who catch their homes on fire while deep-frying turkeys is $29,000. ***Which is then spent on neck tattoos.


Teens are texting more than ever. A report from Pew Internet & American Life Project revealed that the amount of texts sent and receive each day among teenagers has jumped in the past few years. Teens on average are sending and receiving 60 texts each day.  ***MARLAR: If you’ve not done the math, here’s how that works out… assuming you have eight hours for sleep, that comes to between three and four texts per hour.  Really?  How many times can you type LOL without annoying the recipient?












OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffleson and all of the Razzleflabbins were running away, terrified of The Plaid Guy! Marvy was running so hard and was so scared that he even dropped his teddy-bear – but then he fell down, and before he could get up, the Plaid Guy was right on top of him!


CLOSE: Well… it’s good to know that The Plaid Guy is actually a friendly guy… but you have to wonder… living alone all these years, how good can his seven cup salad really be? We’ll find out next time… As the Jungle Turns!






OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!


CLOSE: Wow, hard to believe this entire time we’ve never had a lion – the king of the jungle – in As the Jungle Turns! Tune in next time to find out what happens!


***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.




Saving money on travel expenses ends up as a parental Moment of Duh!

A couple in Russia who tried to avoid buying a train ticket for their daughter by putting her in a suitcase were found out when the case was stolen. Luckily, the three-year-old girl was found on a Moscow street after the crooks let her out but kept the suitcase.  ***MARLAR: The couple agreed to be better parents and get therapy as soon as the railroad officials helped them find the steamer trunk with grandma in it.





  1. To Kill A Walking Bird
  2. My Best Friend’s Dressing
  3. The Texas Coleslaw Massacre
  4. Casserolablanca
  5. Silence of the Yams
  6. For Love of The Game Hen
  7. I Know What You Ate Last Winter
  8. When Harry Met Salad
  9. The Wing and I
  10. White Meat Can’t Jump




  1. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand
  2. A Clean House Is A Sign Of A Misspent Life
  3. A Husband Is Someone Who Takes Out The Trash And Gives The Impression

He Just Cleaned The Whole House

  1. A Messy Kitchen Is A Happy Kitchen… And This Kitchen Is Delirious
  2. Help keep the kitchen clean – Eat OUT
  3. Housework Done Properly Can Kill You
  4. If we are what we eat, then I’m easy, fast and cheap.
  5. My next house will have no kitchen — just vending machines.
  6. No Husband Has Ever Been Shot While Doing The Dishes
  7. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator




A robber gets busted for waiting in the drive thru for the money and a meal!


FILE #1: A young robber on a bicycle held up a Taco Bell through the drive-up window but had to wait so long for a chalupa that he ended up getting caught. The robber pedaled up to the fast food outlet’s window, waving what appeared to be a gun, and threatened the staff and demanded money and a chalupa. But a Taco Bell worker called police, who arrived while the thief was waiting for his food. The teen-ager took off, and kept bicycling even after an officer shot him in the arm and leg. He dismounted and surrendered once a second cruiser cut him off. The gun turned out to be a toy, and he never did get his chalupa.


FILE #2: If you ever wondered if those “Crime Stoppers” phone lines work, Kelly Don Doyle can attest that they do. Kelly called the local “Crime Stoppers” police tip line in Norman, Oklahoma, with information about a recent robbery. Kelly, looking to collect a reward, told police that a couple of teenagers did the crime, but when that tip didn’t pan out, authorities came after Kelly. It turns out that the guy did the crime himself and was not only looking to pin the robbery on a couple of innocent people, but pick up the reward money for their arrest too! Police found him in a hospital emergency room with a bag of stolen merchandise with him. A confused Kelly said, “Does this mean I don’t get the reward?” Yes, Kelly, that’s what it means.


FILE #3: When running away from the cops, never run to a place you cannot escape from. From Twin Falls, Idaho comes the story of a couple of teen girls who were caught shoplifting. The girls ran out of the store and led the cops on a merry chase, finally climbing out to the edge of a 600 foot canyon where they got stuck with nowhere to go. Responding to their cries for help, the kindly officers were nice enough to rescue them before arresting them.


STRANGE LAW: In Israel, it is forbidden to bring bears to the beach.




After being arrested for drunk driving, one mother couldn’t find a sober family member to take her baby home so the cops could take her to jail!

Indiana state police said that after a mother was arrested for drunken driving, the three relatives who came to pick up her 1-year-old son also had all been drinking. A state trooper stopped a minivan for speeding early Saturday on U.S. 30 in Schererville in northwestern Indiana. He arrested the 24-year-old woman on a drunken driving charge. The boy’s father arrived later to pick him up, but officers determined he was intoxicated and also arrested him on a drunken driving charge. Police said the boy’s grandparents then arrived. Both of them also had been drinking, state police said, but the grandmother who was driving was not over the legal limit, so officers escorted them home with the child.




Today is STRANGE NAMES DAY, honoring Julia Roberts’ twins, Hazel and Finneas, and all others with “unique” names. What are the strangest names you’ve ever heard? Do YOU have a strange name? Ima Pig? Seymour Bottoms? Candy Cane?




QUESTION: What was the name of the eight-year-old boy who served as king of Jerusalem for 100 days?

ANSWER: Jehoiachin (2 Chronicles 36)




QUESTION: How long did the first Thanksgiving feat last?

ANSWER: Almost six hours.


QUESTION: In Texas, the entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned.  Why?

ANSWER: Because it contains a formula for making beer at home.




Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!


  1. “Cornucopia” means “tall corn.” (False – it means “Horn of Plenty.”)


  1. The group of people we typically think of as Pilgrims were not actually called Pilgrims. (True – they called themselves “Saints” or “Puritans.”)


  1. The word turkey is said to come from the Hebrew word “Tukki” which means “stupid bird.” (False – it means “Big Bird” or “Pheasant Bird” depending on the information source.)


  1. Thanksgiving used to be later in the month of November, but was moved up a week to help stimulate Christmas shopping. (True – thanks to Franklin D. Roosevelt.)


  1. Captain John Smith founded the colony of Jamestown in Virginia. (True)


  1. The pilgrims took beer with them on their voyage. (True)


  1. Butterball says that when making your turkey stuffing, you should have all the ingredients already cooked before you put it into the bird. (True)


  1. The real Plymouth rock is cracked. (True – it was cracked during the Revolutionary War while being pried from its location to placed on a pedestal.)


  1. Indian corn is for decoration purposes only and not for cooking. (True. It’s edible, but not recommended for that purpose.)


  1. Thanksgiving is a religious holiday. (False – it’s more of a harvest celebration, not associated with any particular religion.)




You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Man Dials 911 Because His _____ Order Was Wrong!” (SANDWICH)

In Jacksonville, Florida, 42-year-old Reginald Peterson ultimately got himself arrested after he called 911 twice after a Subway sandwich shop left the sauce off his sandwich. He initially called hoping police would come and have hissubs made correctly. The second call was to complain that they didn’t get there fast enough. Instead they came and arrested him for making false 911 calls.





It’s the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher shop is just about to lock up when an old man run up pounding on the door. “Please let me in,” says the man desperately. “I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don’t come home with one.”
“Okay,” says the butcher. “Let me see what I have left.” He goes into the freezer and discovers that there’s only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.
“That’s one is too skinny. What else you got?” says the man.
The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man.
“Oh, no,” says the man, “That one doesn’t look any better. You better give me both of them!”



I was told by payroll that they’re going to start garnishing my paycheck. It seems pretty silly, but I guess if they want to start tossing some parsley and currants into the envelope every week, it’s okay with me.



At Sea World, our grandson absolutely refused to see the show featuring Shamu the killer whale, but he wouldn’t tell us why. 

No amount of discussion could get him to change his mind. 

Later, when we got home, we discovered the reason for his reluctance. 

An aunt had told him how exciting the show would be because “They choose children from the audience to feed Shamu.”




The FDA ruled that tomatoes and tomato sauce may reduce the risk of prostate cancer and makers of foods containing them can say so in ads and on labels.  ***MARLAR: Finally – pizza is now a health food!


Deep-sea explorer Robert Sarmast thinks he’s found the lost continent of Atlantis a mile under the Mediterranean between Cyprus and Syria.  ***MARLAR: Wouldn’t you know: it’s always in the last place you look…


Triton (one of Neptune’s moons) and Pluto have such similar characteristics, astronomers believe Pluto was once a twin moon to Triton.  ***MARLAR: The evil twin though – with ice in its veins and the desire to leave the neighborhood.





The turkey shot out of the oven and rocketed into the air,

it knocked every plate off the table and partly demolished a chair.

It ricocheted into a corner and burst with a deafening boom,

Then splattered all over the kitchen, completely obscuring the room.

It stuck to the walls and the windows, it totally coated the floor,

There was turkey attached to the ceiling, where there’d never been turkey before.

It blanketed every appliance, it smeared every saucer and bowl,

There wasn’t a way I could stop it, that turkey was out of control.

I scraped & I scrubbed with displeasure, & thought with chagrin as I mopped,

That I’d never again stuff a turkey with popcorn that hadn’t been popped.




Caller: “Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?”.
Operator: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about”.
Caller: “On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?”.
Operator: “I think you mean the telephone point on the wall”.




A bird has been arrested for spying!

According to the BBC, a bird carrying a satellite tracking device has been arrested on suspicion of spying. The South African stork, called Saturn, was detained after crash landing in Burundi. The bird was part of a University of Cape Town study monitoring the migration patterns of birds. Villagers in the area where Saturn landed were suspicious of the strange device strapped to the bird’s back and handed him over to police. An e-mail was sent to Professor Les Underhill at the Cape Town University after his address was found on the device. It said the bird had been taken into custody.





One song can spark a moment,
One flower can wake the dream.
One tree can start a forest,
One bird can herald spring.
One smile begins a friendship,
One handclasp lifts a soul.
One star can guide a ship at sea,
One word can frame the goal.
One vote can change a nation,
One sunbeam lights a room.
One candle wipes out darkness,
One laugh will conquer gloom.
One step must start each journey,
One word must start each prayer.
One hope will raise our spirits,
One touch can show you care.
One voice can speak with wisdom,
One heart can know what’s true.
One life can make the difference,
You see it’s up to YOU!!!




What is a prophet? There seems to be a mistaken notion that a prophet is someone who comes from the “Twilight Zone,” or who predicts the future or someone who is able to read some spiritual crystal ball. These misconceptions have played havoc within Christian communities. A Prophet of God is simply someone–man or women — who is moved to speak or write under the direct influence of the Holy Spirit, and often a prophet is not welcome in his own church (Matt 13: 57).
If you study the “Old Testament” with an eye on the prophets, you will find that they were proclaiming to the people one of two things. When the people were in bondage, the prophet preached, “Hope;” and when the people prospered, and became rebellious against God, a prophet would preach “Repentance.”
Oswald Chambers explains, “From a biblical point of view, a prophet is one who teaches under the direct influence of God, with a predictive ability to aid in proclaiming the moral purposes of God. No prophet of God ever fully understood all the he was told to communicate to the people. But they were instructed to deliver their message without fear or favor.”




THE TWELVE DAYS OF THANKSGIVING (or what seems like years)

On the first day: We give thanks for the fresh turkey feast and its hot trimmings.

On the second day: We bless the cold turkey sandwiches, sloshy cranberry sauce, and hard rolls.

On the third day: We praise the turkey pie and vintage mixed veggies.

On the fourth day: We thank the pilgrims for not serving bison that first time, or we’d be celebrating Thanksgiving in April.

On the fifth day: We gobble up cubed bird casserole and pray for a glimpse of naked turkey carcass.

On the sixth day: We show gratitude (sort of) to the creative cook who slings cashews at the turkey and calls it Oriental.

On the seventh day: We forgive our forefathers and pass the turkey-nugget pizza.

On the eighth day: The word “vegetarian” keeps popping into our heads.

On the ninth day: We check our hair to make sure we’re not beginning to sprout feathers.

On the tenth day: We hope that the wing meat kabobs catch fire under the broiler.

On the eleventh day: We smile over the creamed gizzard because the thigh bones are in sight.

On the twelfth day: We apologize for running out of turkey leftovers. And everybody says Amen.





Guys, listen up! This is your one opportunity to convince the lady that she should go shopping by herself this weekend! A British researcher says that shopping is bad for a man’s health! Male stress levels skyrocket when faced with crowded stores, choosing gifts, and standing in check out lines. Psychologist David Lewis did the study and found that the heart rate and blood pressure of a man shopping resembled that which you would expect to find in a fighter pilot going into combat, or policeman going into a dangerous situation.   ***MARLAR: What kind of a choice is THAT?  I’ll die if I go shopping – or my wife will kill me if I don’t!





What will life be like forty years from now?  Your guess is as good as mine – but I can tell you what people back in the 1960’s thought life would be like today!  An old newspaper article from 1961 predicts what the beginning of the 21st Century will be like!


(July 22, 1961, Weekend Magazine)

What sort of life will you be living 39 years from now? Scientists have looked into the future and they can tell you.

It looks as if everything will be so easy that people will probably die from sheer boredom.

  • You will be whisked around in monorail vehicles at 200 miles an hour and you will think nothing of taking a fortnight’s holiday in outer space.
  • Your house will probably have air walls, and a floating roof, adjustable to the angle of the sun.
  • Doors will open automatically, and clothing will be put away by remote control. The heating and cooling systems will be built into the furniture and rugs.
  • You’ll have a home control room – an electronics centre, where messages will be recorded when you’re away from home. This will play back when you return, and also give you up-to-the minute world news, and transcribe your latest mail.
  • You’ll have wall-to-wall global TV, an indoor swimming pool, TV-telephones and room-to-room TV. Press a button and you can change the décor of a room.
  • The status symbol of the year 2000 will be the home computer help, which will help mother tend the children, cook the meals and issue reminders of appointments.
  • Cooking will be in solar ovens with microwave controls. Garbage will be refrigerated, and pressed into fertiliser pellets.
  • Food won’t be very different from 1961, but there will be a few new dishes – instant bread, sugar made from sawdust, foodless foods (minus nutritional properties), juice powders and synthetic tea and cocoa. Energy will come in tablet form.
  • At work, Dad will operate on a 24 hour week. The office will be air-conditioned with stimulating scents and extra oxygen – to give a physical and psychological lift.
  • Mail and newspapers will be reproduced instantly anywhere in the world by facsimile.
  • There will be machines doing the work of clerks, shorthand writers and translators. Machines will “talk” to each other.
  • It will be the age of press-button transportation. Rocket belts will increase a man’s stride to 30 feet, and bus-type helicopters will travel along crowded air skyways. There will be moving plastic-covered pavements, individual hoppicopters, and 200 m.p.h. monorail trains operating in all large cities.
  • The family car will be soundless, vibrationless and self-propelled thermostatically. The engine will be smaller than a typewriter. Cars will travel overland on an 18 inch air cushion.
  • Railways will have one central dispatcher, who will control a whole nation’s traffic. Jet trains will be guided by electronic brains.
  • In commercial transportation, there will be travel at 1000 m.p.h. at a penny a mile. Hypersonic passenger planes, using solid fuels, will reach any part of the world in an hour.
  • By the year 2020, five per cent of the world’s population will have emigrated into space. Many will have visited the moon and beyond.
  • Our children will learn from TV, recorders and teaching machines. They will get pills to make them learn faster. We shall be healthier, too. There will be no common colds, cancer, tooth decay or mental illness.
  • Medically induced growth of amputated limbs will be possible. Rejuvenation will be in the middle stages of research, and people will live, healthily, to 85 or 100.
  • There’s a lot more besides to make H.G. Wells and George Orwell sound like they’re getting left behind.
  • And this isn’t science fiction. It’s science fact – futuristic ideas, conceived by imaginative young men, whose crazy-sounding schemes have got the nod from the scientists.
  • It’s the way they think the world will live in the next century – if there’s any world left!





  • The last time you took your kids to a Monster Truck pull the parking attendants directed you right onto the stadium racetrack.
  • When you replaced your tires, Goodyear stock went up five dollars a share for the quarter.
  • One of those “Oversize Load” escort trucks has to precede you down the interstate.
  • Your kids refer to riding the bus to school as “downsizing.”
  • It has its own gravitational field and has drawn a Geo Metro into orbit.
  • There are two successful Starbucks franchises located in the back.
  • It doubles as a carport for your Taurus.
  • Your buddy riding shotgun is in a different time zone.
  • You get a letter from Hans Blix demanding that it be dismantled immediately because it qualifies as a WMD.
  • The fuel gauge doubles as a fan.
  • Mortgage payment = $2200.  Texaco card minimum monthly payment = $2201.





What would it take to get the police to arrest you for wearing a t-shirt? One woman in Florida found out!

A woman could be jailed for a year in the US for wearing a T-shirt with the word Sheriff on the front. Police told Kimberly Sult she could be mistaken for a real sheriff and the offence carried a year in jail. Kimberly bought the item at a uniform shop when she worked as a civilian jail employee for the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office, in Florida. She was ordered to swap shirts, with the offending one taken away for evidence. The word “sheriff” is emblazoned across the front of the black shirt in five-inch yellow letters and a large badge is on the back with the words “Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office.” You’d think that the police would have better things to do than to go around and be fashion police, but apparently not… in 1998 they charged a civilian with wearing a cap with the initials LAPD on it.




(Mondays Only)




U.S. Army veteran Allen Thomas has been searching for his twin children for nearly half a century, and finally, his search is over. According to ABC News, Thomas had been looking for his twins, a son and a daughter, ever since he had to leave them behind with their birth mother in South Korea more than 40 years ago. Thomas said their birth mother later put them up for adoption without his knowledge. Even though they were adopted by American parents, their records were sealed and Thomas couldn’t get any additional information. It wasn’t until the news program “20/20” offered to help Thomas find his twins that he was finally able to make progress. After months on the case Thomas was recently reunited with his son and daughter for the first time in more than 40 years.


A former cancer nurse is now making Disney wigs out of yarn for children battling cancer. Holly Christensen originally made one Disney princess wig out of yarn for a friend’s sick child. The idea took off from there. Christensen says they originally had individual families contacting her wanting wigs for their own little girls who had just been diagnosed. Since then four hospitals have ordered wigs. Now a GoFundMe page has been formed to help cover the costs of yarn and volunteers around the country are also helping to take on some of Christensen’s workload.


Ten years ago, Mark and Tori Baird got a knock on their door from a Marine who’d just returned from Iraq. The soldier was wondering if they had any jobs around the house that could help him earn $100 which he needed for an electricity bill. The encounter sparked the idea for the Bairds to start a job board called “Hire Marines”. The website took off and, since it’s inception, it has helped thousands of veterans get work. @HireAPatriot




I’m ready for winter. I put the snow shovel where my wife could find it.




(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from in Chicago.)

When Travel Unravels

In case you are wondering, Thanksgiving may or may not be the busiest travel time of the year. There seems to be disagreement here. The Department of Transportation claims Thanksgiving is the busiest long-distance travel day overall. BUT…91 percent of that travel turns out to be by automobile. For air travelers and other commercial modes, Orbitz still crowned Thanksgiving Eve numero uno.
This provides a good opportunity to share the ongoing woes of today’s air travelers. This is kindled freshly in my mind as I recently had long distance flights to Israel and back. Also, my son and daughter-in-law just arrived from California with stories.
But let’s start with this recent headline from the Chicago Tribune: “5 Reasons United Might Finally Be Improving Its On-Time Rate.” After all, United is the world’s second-largest airline. And let’s admit … the friendly skies get less friendly if you keep showing up late!
To the good credit side, United is making some progress under their new CEO. October was one of their best months in their history. On the poor performance side, this rough assessment: “In 2012, United botched its combination of the merged airlines’ reservation systems, the technological backbone of an airline. For months, glitches and poor airport employee training led to rampant flight delays and cancellations. That damaged United’s profits as corporate customers fled to competitors.”
So the price of customer dissatisfaction supposedly means you lose business. But not so fast. There’s still a ways to go.
First, has anyone noticed the airline rows are narrower? Seats getting smaller? Legroom shorter? If you haven’t, you may not fly a lot.
These three scrunching techniques that bug paying customers drive improved profits for the airline. Forget the long lost meals on long domestic flights. Ignore those commercials showing comfy passengers on a plane. Get real…and get scrunched.
I’m an oversized customer to the airline. I’m around 6’2” tall and over 200 pounds. Fairly broad shoulders. On our recent Israel trip, I had an aisle seat, which helped me avoid crushing other passengers by climbing over them to get something overhead or use the washroom.
However, during the twelve hour flight, I mistakenly put my elbows on the arm rest. This resulted in cart bruising. Then there were the people bringing their luggage on board smashing my sides as they navigated to their seats. And the up-and-down-the-aisle bumps from passengers during the flight. Admittedly, I was in economy. But I was flying on the airline that used to brag they were something “special in the air”!
But among the worst passenger offenses these days is the boarding procedure. On these same flights, you are put into groups. Pity those in “Group 5.” You might have considered traveling with the bags.
Priority boarding now offers early access to about ten groups BEFORE they get to the Group 1 ticket holders. This includes any of the airlines’ favored status people. I was in the “Oh, are you actually flying with us?” group. It was my fellow passengers, however, who got the brunt of the problem.
These days, the airlines let you bring rollerboard suitcases on to cram in the overhead compartments. If you are in the highly favored groups, your super size bags usually get on — even if you take up all the space to the end of the plane. This leaves NO room for the bags of the later boarders. So the airline requires these poor folks to now check their bag before getting on the plane. Sayonara, needed travel items! Many tail end customers had to check bags.
One in our group had her medications in said bag. She was told there was “no room in the bin.” (Sounds like a modern day Christmas story.) This was on the short flight. BUT…since her bag was being automatically sent now to its “final destination,” she was without her travel bag until we arrived in Israel! Her pleas earned no sympathy.
This is, of course, a fixable problem in two ways. Keep your on board luggage privileges the same, and order planes with bigger capacity. OR…change those baggage size rules so that customers don’t take their wardrobe on the plane. I have been flying for years. This has become a more recent problem because business travelers don’t want to wait for luggage. And who can blame them? (That is an issue to be addressed next week.)
Regrettably, these issues of crammed in customers and oversized luggage in the bins is unlikely to get resolved without customer revolt. As long as people are willing to pay for being mistreated, the treatment won’t change.
The Bible, of course, says nothing about elbow and legroom. Or overhead bins. Or on-time flights. It does, however, encourage good treatment. Try this: “When a stranger sojourns with you in your land, you shall not do him wrong.” (Leviticus 19:33, ESV)
And for goodness sake, don’t lose his luggage!
That’s The Way WE Work.




Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


NOVEMBER 20, 2015…


Hunger Games Mockingjay: Part Two—The end of the film series and the end of the book series. Fans will be mourning as with the “Harry Potter” film and book series. The rebels are after the wicked power in Panem and it is the final showdown between Katniss (Jennifer Lawrence) and President Snow (Donald Sutherland), so expect real snow in the film. The favorite stars are here including Liam Hemsworth, Josh Hutcherson, Elizabeth Banks and the last film of the late Philip Seymour Hoffman. “Hunger Games Mockingjay: Part Two” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.


Carol—Cate Blanchett is Carol, a wealthy woman in the 1950’s who shops at a favorite department store. Rooney Mara plays Therese, a lowly shop girl who has a crush on the wealthy Carol. The two go on a road trip and These sees how the wealthy live. “Carol” is rated R. No rating.


The Secret In Their Eyes—Julia Roberts takes on the role of an attorney whose daughter was one of the murder victims of a serial killer. Years later, the person is still loose, but Julia, along with Chiwetel Ejiofor, finds the person. Also in the cast is Nicole Kidman. “The Secret In Their Eyes” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.


Very Semi-Serious (documentary and opening in select cities)—Who doesn’t love cartoons, either in print or on the screen. This documentary gives us the creation and editorial process in the New Yorker magazine, with editor David Remnick and artist Roz Chast. “Very Semi-Serious” is rated PG 13. No rating.


NOVEMBER 25, 2015…


Creed is a boxing film, starring Michael B. Jordan as a young fighter and guess who is coaching him? That’s right and his initials are S.S.


The Good Dinosaur is an animated children’s film with a different viewpoint—the dinosaurs lived and have humans as pets.


The Night Before is the story of three guys who have spent Christmas Eve together since childhood. Stars Seth Rogen, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Anthony Mackie.


Victor Frankenstein is about the scientist and his assistant, Igor, Stars James McAvoy and Daniel Radcliffe.


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