November 27, 2015: Friday ONAIRprep (BLACK FRIDAY)


***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS – FREE TO AIR! (Contact me to sign up!)

***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE – FREE TO AIR! (Contact me to sign up!)





A Native American Indian waiter at the first Thanksgiving asked a Pilgrim for a tip and the Pilgrim said, “Never sign a peace treaty with the white man.”


And now, gang, The (Jock) Show, featuring a whole raft of good things — plus me.


Just read that Thanksgiving is the most dangerous day of the year to go driving. Who goes golfing on Thanksgiving?




“I must work the works of Him who sent Me while it is day; the night is coming when no one can work. As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.” –John 9:4,5


Psalm 146:2 = I will praise the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.





Since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe. — Hebrews 12:28


Thought: We are receiving the triumphant and glorious victory of God in his Kingdom. We will join with the angels and the saints of old and live with the Father forever in victorious and never ending joy. But this Kingdom doesn’t just begin when Jesus returns. This Kingdom has started now in his Church, his people, those in whom God’s will is cherished and obeyed. So our worship should be filled with awe that the holy God of Israel is also the lowly God in Jesus who has redeemed us and made us to be a holy people unto himself. What else can we do but worship with heartfelt thanksgiving and wonder struck awe.


Prayer: Holy and Righteous Father, all things are yours. Thank you for sharing your blessings, your promises, your hope, and your victory with us in Jesus. Please help me to live a more thankful, victorious life before my unbelieving friends and as an example to my children so they may come to share your glorious Kingdom and ultimate victory. In Jesus’ mighty name I pray. Amen.


The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to




The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

John 11:27 NIV = “Yes, Lord,” she told him, “I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world.”




(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)


Today is NATIONAL GET THE GIGGLES AND GIVE ONE AWAY DAY. ***MARLAR: To keep your work to a minimum, tell a friend about this show and I’ll do the rest of the work for you!


Today is PINS AND NEEDLES DAY. ***MARLAR: Usually an expression of excitement – but I see it as Christmas decorating. We have pine needles and metal pins all over the house now – and I won’t be able to walk around barefoot until probably February.




Today is PIE IN THE FACE DAY. ***MARLAR: Rather than Bavarian, can I opt for pumpkin instead? After all, it IS the holidays!


Today is FRECKLE PRICE DAY. ***MARLAR: I have NO idea what that means, but if there’s a price for freckles I’m either very very rich, or I owe someone lots and lots of money.


Today is NATIONAL FOUR HUGS DAY. Find four people who need a hug. ***MARLAR: Do it early – you may not be able to reach around them once they’ve packed on the holiday poundage.




Black Friday

Fur Free Friday

Buy Nothing Day

Flossing Day

Maize Day

National Day of Listening

National Native American Heritage Day

Sinkie Day (Eating Over the Sink)

You’re Welcomegiving Day





International Aura Awareness Day

World Day of Giving

Small Business Saturday



Electronic Greetings Day

International Day of Solidarity With The Palistinian People

Square Dancing Day



Cider Monday

Cyber Monday

Computer Security Day

National Meth Awareness Day

Stay Home Because You’re Well Day



Antarctica Day

Basketball Day

Bifocals at the Monitor Liberation Day

Civil Air Patrol Day

Day With(out) Art Day

Rosa Parks Day

World AIDS Day

Giving Tuesday



International Day for the Abolition of Slavery

National Mutt Day

Safety Razor Day

Special Education Day

Rockefeller Center Tree Lighting

Special Kids Day



National Christmas Tree Lighting (Washington D.C.)



Faux Fur Friday

National Cookie Day

National Dice Day

National Salesperson Day

World Wildlife Conservation Day




1582: William Shakespeare married Anne Hathaway. ***MARLAR: I thought she was in love with Jethro Clampett? (That was actually Jane Hathaway – but now you know how my mind works when I see stories like this.)


1926: Louis “Satchmo” Armstrong recorded “You Made Me Love You” for Okeh Records.


1951: “The Dinah Shore Show” premiered following the NBC network news. The 15-minute, twice weekly show featured pianist Ticker Freeman and The Vic Shoen Orchestra, and the vocal quintet The Notables. The Harry Zimmerman Orchestra took over in 1954 and The Skylarks replaced The Notables in 1955. In 1956 NBC added “The Dinah Shore Chevy Show” as an hour-long monthly variety special. A year later Dinah moved to Sunday nights, where she reigned until 1963.


1957: Brunswick Records released The Chirping Crickets, an album that contained the Crickets’ hits “That’ll Be the Day,” “Maybe Baby,” and “Not Fade Away.” It was the only Buddy Holly album released during his lifetime.


1964: Singer Mick Jagger was fined 16 pounds for drunk driving in Staffordshire, England.


1967: The pneumatic chicken gun was introduced. It fired dead chickens at speeds up to 600 miles an hour and was used by the Canadian National Research Council to test airplane parts likely to be struck by high-flying birds. ***MARLAR: Also useful during holiday dinners that need to be sped up.


1969: History’s most prolific daddy dog died in London. In eight years Mrs. Bruna Amhurst’s champion greyhound Low Pressure sired 2,414 registered puppies and at least 600 others. His nickname was Timmy.


1977: Former sweat hog Vinnie Barbarino changed his name to Tony Manero and set box office records as Saturday Night Fever opened in the U.S. Actor John Travolta was a superstar.


1983: The Associated Press reported U.S. stores nationwide were being besieged by shoppers searching for Cabbage Patch Kids, stuffed dolls with computer-generated faces.


1989: Paul McCartney hinted that there might eventually be a reunion of the three remaining Beatles. George Harrison immediately responded that, “There won’t be a Beatles reunion as long as John Lennon remains dead.”


1989: University of Chicago doctors implanted part of a woman`s liver in her 21-month-old daughter in the nation`s first living donor liver transplant.


1991: Undertaker defeated Hulk Hogan for the World Wrestling Federation’s World Championship.


1991: Both houses of Congress approved $70-billion in additional borrowing authority for the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation because of a record number of savings-and-loan failures.


1997: Hall of Fame first baseman Buck Leonard died in North Carolina at age 90. In the Negro Leagues he hit .340 lifetime and averaged 34 home runs during his 17-year career.


2003: A young boy was recovering in Warrington, England, after being hit by a car and trapped under it. Lisa Hodgkinson, a 126-pound passerby pushed a BMW off Jean-Luc Archer even with the driver still traumatized with his foot on the brake. The boy wasn’t breathing, so Lisa administered mouth-to-mouth resuscitation until paramedics arrived. Jean-Luc regained consciousness after four days and dubbed Lisa “Wonder Woman.”


2003: President Bush arrived in Iraq under the cover of darkness in a surprise visit to U.S. forces in Baghdad to help serve them their Thanksgiving dinner.




1095: In France, Pope Urban II solemnly proclaimed the First Crusade at the Council of Clermont. Urban’s twin-purpose was to relieve the pressure by the Seljuk Turks on the Eastern Roman Empire, and to secure free access to Jerusalem for Christian pilgrims.


1755: Land for the first Jewish settlement in America was purchased by Joseph Salvador, who bought 10,000 acres near Fort Ninety-Six, in the southern part of the Carolina Colony.


1862: Birth of Adelaide Pollard, Presbyterian hymnwriter. Plagued with frail health most of her life, she lived the life of a mystic. Of the several hymns she penned, “Have Thine Own Way, Lord” is still popular today.


1950: American missionary martyr Jim Elliot wrote in his journal: ‘What gets me into the Kingdom, from Christ’s own statement, is not saying “Lord, Lord,” but acting “Lord, Lord.”‘


1953: English Christian apologist C.S. Lewis wrote in a letter: ‘Anxiety is not only a pain which we must ask God to assuage but also a weakness we must ask Him to pardon — for He’s told us to take no care for the morrow.’




  • actor (Urkel on “Family Matters”) Jaleel White 39 (
  • actress (used to be married to boxer/ear-biter Mike Tyson) Robin Givens 51
  • actor (Ben Jahrvi in the Short Circuit movies, Chuck Fishman on “Early Edition”) Fisher Stevens 52
  • Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg 58
  • TV’s  Bill Nye the Science Guy 60 (




(Music Artist Birthdays From

1917 : “Buffalo” Bob Smith

1925 : Derroll Adams

1934 : Al Jackson (Booker T. & the MG’s)

1941 : Eddie Rabbitt

1942 : Jimi Hendrix

1944 : Dozy (Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tich)

1945 : Randy Brecker (Blood, Sweat & Tears)

1948 : Dave Winthrop (Supertramp)

1959 : Charlie Burchill (Simple Minds)

1962 : Charlie Benante (Anthrax)

1962 : Mike Bordin (Faith No More)

1965 : Fiachna O’Braonian (Hothouse Flowers)

1970 : Skoob (Das EFX)




Why do stores sell things for a penny under the dollar? Why sell something for $7.99 instead of just $8.00?

Melville Stone, who worked his way up from newspaper carrier to publisher of the Chicago Daily News, first started his newspaper in 1875, the price was a penny. Circulation rose rapidly at first, then leveled off. Then sales started lagging. When Stone investigated why fewer people were buying his paper, he discovered the problem had nothing to do with its quality. Pennies were in short supply. Stone decided he had to do something. First he traveled to the United States mint in Philadelphia and brought about the transfer of barrels of pennies to Chicago. The problem then became how to get the pennies into circulation. So Stone persuaded Chicago merchants to sponsor “odd-price sales,” during which they would sell their merchandise for a penny under the regular price. The odd prices did the trick. People had pennies again, and Stone’s paper flourished. And that is why store items today cost “$8.99,” or $12.99,” instead of even dollar amounts. ***MARLAR: Sure, it’s an odd story… but it pays off in the end, doesn’t it!




Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at!


A bit of insight into Kutless guitarist James Mead. He tweeted: All. Black. Everything. It’s such a “go to” color for me, because it looks classy, casual, rock…whatever. Black always works.


Josh Wilson learned something new about his baby boy this week. He tweeted: Turns out music settled him down. Must have been all the concerts he attended before he was born!


A thought from Switchfoot front man Jon Foreman: I’m alive today. I’m not sure what I’ll be tomorrow but I’m gonna sing before my time runs out.


Sidewalk Prophets front man Dave Frey took advantage of a weekend at home to decorate for Christmas. Dave tweeted that he’d had a productive day decorating the house for Christmas on Saturday. The Sidewalk Prophets will head back out on tour in early December and will spent the first half of the month on the road.


Love and the Outcome member Jodi is just few months away from the birth of their first child. She shared over the weekend: Just bought a crib!! This is getting real.


A reminder from Jamie Grace: sometimes I feel silly telling Jesus things because I know He knows everything. Then I get all emotional knowing that He’ll listen anyway.


The After’s Josh Havens celebrated his 16th anniversary by hiking Camelback mountain with his wife. Josh shared pictures as the climbed and said So thankful she’s still my best friend after all these years! Here’s to many many more!


The members of Tenth Avenue North want to know: What is your favorite Tenth Avenue North lyric? The band says: Share it and we’ll create a lyric image for the tweet that gets the most retweets!






Facing highest threat alert, Belgians bring out their cats    photo
What police force would start playing along with a practical joke when the capital is facing its highest state of alert and its most-wanted fugitive is still on the run? Right! This is surreal Belgium. Late Sunday, police asked people to stop commenting on ongoing raids in social media to avoid…


Fetty Wap throws wads of money over balcony to fans at mall    photo
PARAMUS, N.J. (AP) — Rapper Fetty Wap gave fans a run for his money this weekend, tossing wads of cash over a balcony at a New Jersey mall to the delight of screaming onlookers. Videos posted to social media show the Paterson native throwing money Saturday as he walked through the Garden…
Ex-student applies for probation over mac and cheese rant    photo
ROCKVILLE, Conn. (AP) — A former University of Connecticut student who went on a drunken, obscenity-laced tirade about jalapeno-bacon macaroni and cheese applied for probation Monday. HASH(0x142d240) The 19-year-old former freshman from Bayville, New York, was arrested over his Oct. 4…
Youngest US chess master, 10: I’ve got to work on my endgame    photo
GREENWICH, Conn. (AP) — At age 10, Maximillian Lu is the youngest-ever chess master in the U.S. Even so, he sees room for improvement. The distinction of being a national master belongs to less than 2 percent of U.S. Chess Federation members and is earned by racking up at least 2,200 points…
Weather device falls from sky, prompts bomb squad response
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — The National Weather Service says an instrument that fell from the sky, prompting a Philadelphia bomb squad response, weighed about a pound and had been launched with a weather balloon about 165 miles away. Mitchell Gaines, of the weather service in Mount Holly, New…
Cheating accusations mar Zimbabwe’s ‘Mister Ugly’ contest    photo
HARARE, Zimbabwe (AP) — Pageant judges have crowned a new winner of Zimbabwe’s 4th annual “Mister Ugly” contest, upsetting supporters of the crowd favorite who called the winner too handsome and prompting rioting at the event. Judges on Saturday chose 42-year-old Mison Sere, citing his…
Condo board wants pet DNA to track down poopers
DESTIN, Fla. (AP) — Some Florida condo owners are steaming after their homeowners association asked them to submit their dog’s DNA in order to fine owners who don’t pick up after their pets. Harbor Landing residents said they received a letter last week and some feel it’s an invasion of…
Albuquerque man held at gunpoint by victims back in jail
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) — An Albuquerque burglary suspect who was held at gunpoint by two of his victims is back in jail after allegedly committing another robbery. Police say 26-year-old Aaron Lujan was arrested Saturday night on several charges including aggravated assault with a deadly…
Front-runners, total dark horses to run in New Hampshire
CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — The near-record field for the upcoming New Hampshire primary includes favored front-runners and a dark horse touting a pony-heavy platform. The filing period for the 2016 primary ended Friday with 30 Republicans and 28 Democrats signing paperwork and paying the $1,000…
Costume for Vermont university’s mascot turns up unharmed
CASTLETON, Vt. (AP) — A university in Vermont says the costume for its green-caped Spartan mascot has been found unharmed in the football stadium after it was reported missing. A spokesman for Castleton University says Sparty’s costume was found Monday during an inspection of Spartan Stadium….
Castleton University’s mascot has been missing for a month
CASTLETON, Vt. (AP) — Castleton University’s green-caped Spartan mascot hasn’t been seen in a month and school officials say they want him back. The costume known as Sparty disappeared from the Student Government Association offices sometime between late September and the middle of October….






APNewsBreak: Emails reveal Coke’s role in anti-obesity group
NEW YORK (AP) — A nonprofit founded to combat obesity says the $1.5 million it received from Coke has no influence on its work. But emails obtained by The Associated Press show the world’s largest beverage maker was instrumental in shaping the Global Energy Balance Network, which is led by a…


Excerpts from emails between Coke, anti-obesity group
A nonprofit founded to fight obesity says the $1.5 million it received from Coke doesn’t influence its work. But emails obtained by The Associated Press show the company was instrumental in shaping the group. Below are excerpts of emails between the group’s leaders and Coke executives starting in…
Using new gene drive to create malaria-resistant mosquitoes    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — California researchers hatched some malaria-resistant mosquitoes and then gave evolution a shove — using a groundbreaking technology to ensure the insects pass on that protective gene as they reproduce, with implications far beyond the promise of fighting malaria. The…
FDA approves Bristol-Myers drug for new use in kidney cancer
WASHINGTON (AP) — Federal health regulators have expanded approval of a cancer drug from Bristol-Myers Squibb to treat an advanced form of kidney cancer. The Food and Drug Administration says the injectable-drug, Opdivo, is approved for patients with renal cell carcinoma who have previously…
Older workers seeking options for reducing hours on the job    photo
Roberton Williams’ plan was to retire on his government pension and take a part-time job to make up the difference in salary. It didn’t quite work out that way. Williams, 68, did retire but then started another full-time job with the Tax Policy Center, a Washington think tank. “The plan was to work…
Born with no voice & low odds, boy talks with new voice box    photo
Grant Hasse was born with two very rare conditions — one that’s usually fatal, the other that should have left him unable to talk. But at almost 4 years old, he’s a healthy bundle of energy after three dozen surgeries, including an innovative operation to create a new voice box. Doctors…
Liberia seeks US help to determine cause of new Ebola cases
MONROVIA, Liberia (AP) — Two experts from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention are set to travel to Liberia to try to determine the cause of new Ebola cases confirmed last week, more than two months after the country had been declared free of Ebola transmission for a second…
Experts foresee big premium increases for Medicare drug plan    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — With time running out on open enrollment season, many seniors are facing sharply higher premiums for Medicare’s popular prescription drug program. The reason: rising drug costs have overtaken a long stretch of stable premiums. Beneficiaries have until Dec. 7 to see if…
New $710-a-day drug saves lives but strains state budgets
MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) — A newly approved drug is being hailed as a major advance in treatment of cystic fibrosis, a life-threatening genetic disease that clogs the lungs with mucus and forces patients to struggle to breathe. But it comes with a punishing price tag — about $710 per…
AP FACT CHECK: Most GOP candidates flunk climate science    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — When it comes to climate science, two of the three Democratic presidential candidates are A students, while most of the Republican contenders are flunking, according to a panel of scientists who reviewed candidates’ comments. At the request of The Associated Press, eight…
Scientists say feeding fish soy, not fish, more sustainable
SIOUX FALLS, S.D. (AP) — Research supported by the soybean industry is looking to convert some farm-raised fish into vegetarians. A South Dakota State University fisheries scientist is developing a soy protein feed that’s tasty and easily digestible to eventually reduce the industry’s need…




(No news on the weekends. Audio clips are only valid for a few days before being removed from our servers.)

















OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, we discovered that the Plaid Guy – who all of the Razzleflabbins were terrified of, was actually not a bad guy at all… he was just different! They’ve all made friends now, and he’s even been invited to the Razzleflabbin Barbecue!


CLOSE: Sounds like everyone is having a great time with their new friend, the Plaid Guy… but what about Marvy? He’s still stranded on Razzleflabbin Island! Will he ever get home? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!






OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!


CLOSE: Wow, hard to believe this entire time we’ve never had a lion – the king of the jungle – in As the Jungle Turns! Tune in next time to find out what happens!


***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.




A woman tries to boost pizza sales for her store… by delivering over 400 pizzas to herself!

Kim Hanson managed a pizza restaurant. To boost sales and to get herself written up in the company newsletter she cooked up a little scheme. She set up fake accounts for local schools and hospitals, called in orders for those businesses and then “delivered” the pizzas to them herself. Of course, since they never ordered the pizzas, she never delivered them. She even forged documents and fixed the company’s computers to cover her tracks. Things were going well for her until she asked the pizza shop’s owner to come over and help her move to her new home. And that’s when he discovered something suspicious. 400 boxes of moldy pizza in her garage. She’s under arrest.  Seems she forgot to pay for those pizzas. Oops.






  1. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.


  1. Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.


  1. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.


  1. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.


  1. All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread.


  1. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least a half-hour to escape.


  1. You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.


  1. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.


  1. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.


  1. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.




A one-armed driver gets his license suspended!


FILE #1: This one may sound like a joke, and you might be waiting for a punch line, but I assure you this is a true story. A one-armed drunk driver has been banned from driving for 18 months. Not only was this one-armed driver drunk, but he sped through a red light and, when he was pulled over, he was holding his mobile phone to his ear.


FILE #2: Nicole Gateau is a 38-year-old store clerk from Paris, France. Well she WAS a store clerk. She has since quit that job after being robbed at gunpoint six times in 24 hours. Police say each robbery was pulled off by a different man and none of them has yet been captured. The weirdest part? The store isn’t even in a bad part of town. ***MARLAR: Well it is now.


FILE #3: Carlos Herrera managed to elude police for awhile, but time clearly wasn’t on his side. Herrera robbed a Reno, Nevada, 7-Eleven convenience store and had managed to elude an extensive manhunt and even a helicopter spotlight search. But while hiding in a 40-foot spruce tree, his watch alarm went off. Police who were nearby tracked down the sound and found Herrera up in the tree. So he’ll be doing time as a result of his timepiece. I guess you could say his watch alarm left him out on a limb.


STRANGE LAW: Arizona requires its citizens to register with the state before going into the business of selling cocaine, marijuana, heroin or other illegal drugs.




Why bribe a police officer if there’s no need to? 

Malaysia’s Aw Cheng Fatt was recently pulled over by police. Fearing he had a little too much to drink, he tried to bribe the officer $15 not to do a breathalyzer test. The cop didn’t bite on it and arrested Fatt on corruption charges and he was later fined $300. Fatt also had to do the breathalyzer test, which showed that he WAS within the legal limit to drive!




It’s usually at the holiday dinner table that the same stories about family members are told year after year after year. Usually the stories are funny – and often embarrassing to the one the stories are about. What one story do you know will likely be told at the dinner table this holiday season?




QUESTION: In the book of Proverbs, who said, “Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.”

ANSWER: Solomon (Proverbs 1:8)


QUESTION: On the fifteenth day of the first month, Israel celebrated a 7-day feast called the Feast of what?

ANSWER: Unleavened Bread (Leviticus 23:6)




QUESTION: In February 1631, when the Massachusetts Bay Colony in Salem proclaimed the first official Thanksgiving, what meat did they feast upon?

ANSWER: None. It was a day of fasting.




Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!


  1. Turkeys can drown if they look up in the rain. (True)


  1. The following towns with “turkey” in their names, are really towns in the United States: Turkey, Texas, Turkey Creek, Louisianna, Turkey, North Carolina and Turkey Feather, New Mexico. (False – there is no Turkey Feather, New Mexico. The rest of the towns, however, do exist.)


  1. Historians have proven that the pilgrims didn’t really wear those funny hats and buckles on their shoes. (True)


  1. The longest balloon in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is Barney the Dinosaur. (False – it’s the Superman balloon at 100 feet long.)


  1. Back in the early 1600’s, the pilgrims didn’t have forks to eat their Thanksgiving meal with. (True – they hadn’t been invented yet.)


  1. The pilgrims really did dress in mostly black and white. (False – they actually dressed very colorfully. It was the Puritans that dressed mostly in black in order to show modesty and humility.)


  1. The Mayflower docked at Plymouth Rock. (False. The water was too shallow to dock there. However, the rock is where the first landing party first set foot in the New World.)


  1. Cranberries are native to North America. (True. So are blueberries and Concord grapes.)


  1. Cranberries can be harvested two ways: Wet and Dry. The cranberries that are harvested wet are the ones used to

make cranberry juice. (True – they are also used to make canned cranberry sauce.)


  1. The Mayflower was not built to be a transportation ship for people, but to ship spices from the Far East. (False – the ship’s original purpose was as a merchant ship to carry wine.)




You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Woman Sues __________ For Her Overspending!” (American Express / Credit Card Company)

The National Examiner reports a phony princess has reportedly filed suit against American Express, claiming the company should have know she was toocrazy for credit. Antoinette Millard of New York City allegedly charged more than $950,000, posing as a Saudi princess. She’s really just a creative 41-year-old divorcee who originally hails from Buffalo, NY. American Express reportedly sued the faux royal for the cash, only to have her counter-sue for $2 million, claiming auditors should have spotted her “irrational” spending.





Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good … mostly A’s and a couple of B’s. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: “Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault.  She talks too much in school.  I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit.”

Sally’s dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: “Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother.”



An astronaut in space was asked by a reporter, “How do you feel?”

“How would you feel,” the astronaut replied, “if you were stuck here, on top of 20,000 parts each one supplied by the lowest bidder?”



Jim’s seven-year-old daughter was thrilled when he took her to Disney World for the first time and headed straight for Space Mountain.  He worried that the roller coaster would be too scary for her, but she insisted. To her delight, they rode it twice.

The next year they returned to the Magic Kingdom and Jim’s daughter, now eight, again dragged him to Space Mountain. As they stood in line, though, he could see her soberly studying the signs that warn about the ride’s speed.

“Dad,” she said, “I don’t think I want to go.” Jim asked her why she would be nervous when she had enjoyed herself last time.

She replied, “This year, I can read.”




Californians may claim to hate SUVs, but they’re learning to hate hybrid cars even more. Hybrids give an exact readout of mileage; and many buyers are so obsessed with saving gas, they’re driving slower because it boosts mileage. For instance, dropping from 80 mph to 65 can increase mileage from 35 to 46 miles per gallon. One angry motorist said, “These idiot hybrids are clogging up the carpool lane,” going 65 mph when drivers behind them want to go 75. ***MARLAR: Doesn’t having the weight of extra passengers DECREASE gas mileage?


And the jokes write themselves!  Osama bin Laden’s niece has signed to star in a reality show about her quest for singing stardom.  ***MARLAR: The show is called “Buy My Records, Infidel Dogs!”


Mobile phones have 18 times more bacteria than toilet handles.  ***MARLAR: So the next time you want to clean your phone, wipe it on a toilet handle.





  • Did you know that a turkey will eat his own excrement?
  • And to think I was gonna throw all this stuff away last Thanksgiving.
  • I’m thankful that the authorities still haven’t caught me or found the evidence in the basement.
  • I call the head!





The following is from an actual 1950’s Home Economics textbook intended for High School girls, teaching them how to prepare for married life.

  1. HAVE DINNER READY: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal – on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.
  2. PREPARE YOURSELF: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.
  3. CLEAR AWAY CLUTTER: Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too.
  4. PREPARE THE CHILDREN: Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
  5. MINIMIZE THE NOISE: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Greet him with a warm smile and kiss, letting him know you’re glad to see him.
  6. SOME DON’TS: Don’t greet him with problems or complaints. Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day.
  7. MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE: Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lay down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.
  8. LISTEN TO HIM: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.
  9. MAKE THE EVENING HIS: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his need to be home and relax.
  10. THE GOAL: try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax.

***MARLAR: Obviously my bride has NEVER seen this list… or she’s just ignoring it!





Many times God will allow a painful situation or a painful circumstance in our life to “swallow us up.” This season in our spiritual growth is a holding pattern. We can’t move to the left or the right. All we can do is sit, like Jonah sat in the belly of that great fish, so God can have our undivided attention and speak to us. God put Jonah in a holding pattern because He needed to speak to his heart. Jonah was all alone. There were no friends to call, no colleagues to drop by, no books to read, no food to eat, no interference’s, and no interruptions.

He had plenty of time to sit, think, meditate, and pray. When we’re deep down in the midst of a difficult situation, God can talk to us. When He has our undivided attention, He can show us things about ourselves that we might not otherwise have seen.

  1. Few Of God’s Holding Patterns:
  2. When you are sick in your physical body and you have prayed, but God has not healed you yet, you are in a holding pattern.
  3. When you are having problems with your children and you have put them on the altar, but God has not delivered them yet, you are in a holding pattern.
  4. When you have been praying for the salvation of a loved one and they have not been saved yet, you are in a holding pattern.
  5. When you are in a broken relationship and you have given it over to God, but it has not been restored yet, you are in a holding pattern.
  6. When the doors slam shut before you can knock on them, you are in a holding pattern.

When we are deep in the belly of a difficult situation, there are no interruptions. God has our undivided attention. All we can do is sit, think, meditate, and pray. We cannot run from God because there are no mountains that are high enough, valleys that are low enough, rivers that are wide enough, rooms that are dark enough, or places that are hidden enough from Him. We must remember to praise Him while we’re waiting and remember three things:

  1. The pattern has a purpose.
  2. The pattern has a plan.
  3. The pattern has a process.

So stop struggling and start listening, praying and trusting. He’ll keep you right where you are until you can clearly hear Him say, “I love you.”

Prayer: Father, forgive my unbelief. I know you love me and will turn anything around to benefit me. You have planned nothing for me but victories and I am ready to receive them regardless of how difficult the path. Amen

The shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor. The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything.





You have come to . . . an innumerable company of angels, to the general assembly. —Hebrews 12:22-23

One Sunday morning while traveling in West Virginia, we visited a small church in a tiny village. Only 15 people were present, yet they radiated joy as they sang. And the pastor preached from the Bible with enthusiasm. But I couldn’t shake a feeling of sympathy for him and his people. With little chance for growth, it looked like a discouraging ministry.

But the testimony of a young seminarian showed me how wrong I was! Assigned to minister in a small village chapel, he was dismayed when only two people stayed for the communion service. As he read from the liturgy, he came to the words: “Therefore, with angels and archangels and all the company of heaven, we worship and adore Thy glorious name.” That sentence changed everything for him. In his heart he said, “God forgive me. I did not know I was in that great company.”

When we came to Christ in faith, we joined an invisible host of companions, what the writer of Hebrews says is an “innumerable company of angels,” and “the general assembly and church of the firstborn” (12:22-23). Keep this amazing reality in mind as you worship God. It will give great meaning to every service, whether thousands of fellow worshipers are present, or just two or three. —Herb Vander Lugt


Glory to God, and praise and love
Be ever, ever given
By saints below and saints above,
The church in earth and heaven. —Wesley


When Christians worship here on earth, the hosts of heaven are worshipping with them.





When it comes to learning subtraction, is “anything goes” the best attitude to take?  What if children learn about subtraction by pretending people die?

Teachers having a difficult time reaching students often try to use different methods that they can relate to. For instance, researchers at Auckland University in New Zealand found that students who had difficulties with mathematics performed much better when teachers used vivid stories of battle. Struggling math students have been learning how to subtract – by imagining soldiers being killed in battle. Dr. Emmanuel Manalo, director of the university’s Student Learning Center, said what students could relate to helped their understanding of arithmetic.





(Woman’s Day) Each winter there are about 1 to 2 billion colds in the U.S., says Neil Schachter, M.D., professor of medicine and medical director of respiratory care at the Mount Sinai Medical Center and author of “The Good Doctor’s Guide to Colds and Flu.” To help you stay well, here are some reality checks on some common misconceptions:

  • Old thinking — Kissing spreads colds. Truth is you’re more likely to get a cold from a handshake than a kiss. Surprised? Think about it: How many germy surfaces have your hands touched today, and how many have your lips touched? To be on the safe side, try to avoid any direct contact with people who are sick.
  • Old thinking — A flu shot can give you the flu. Truth is the vaccine contains a dead virus, which can’t cause the flu. However, you may experience some pain or soreness at the site of the injection, or a low grade fever that lasts for a couple of days. This is a normal reaction that means your body is responding to the vaccine.
  • Old thinking — You should never work out with a cold. Truth is moderate activity is a good way to promote sinus drainage, which can prevent that cold from turning into sinusitis. But if you’re running a fever or feeling totally exhausted, then common sense tells you it’s better to rest.
  • Old thinking — You’re not contagious unless you have a fever. Truth is you could actually be contagious before obvious symptoms, including fever, ever begin. The best advice to be cautious during cold and flu season and wash your hands frequently to avoid spreading germs.





Have you noticed that nowadays, child athletes behave with more sportsmanship than adults?

It was the final game of one of Brazil’s most important soccer championships… but the game would not begin. Why? Because one team refused to take the field! What’s worse is the REASON they refused to take the field. It turns out that the opposing team accidentally sat on the home team’s bench – and the home team REFUSED to come out if they couldn’t have their bench! The game started a half-hour late because of this. ***MARLAR: Doesn’t this remind you of those days in the backseat of the car during family vacations?  “Billy’s on MY side of the car! Stop touching me! Stop touching me!”





  • A queen size bed with a king size comforter
  • Two remote controls, with two separate televisions
  • Never driving anywhere together
  • A housekeeper
  • His and hers spa treatments
  • Knowing when to bite your tongue
  • Girls/guys’ nights out
  • A huge sense of humor





Looking for a job where you can be lazy?  Move to Britain!

If you’re lazy, have no ambition, and you’re looking for a job, head on over to England. Britain’s state job center has banned employers from using words like “hardworking” and “enthusiastic” from job advertisements. But wait — Jonathan Stevenson, manager of the center, said they’re not encouraging ads to be an invitation for lazy workers…he wouldn’t say something so ludicrous. Instead, he said something really, really, ludicrous. He worried that words “hardworking” and “enthusiastic” might discriminate against the disabled. Employment Minister Estelle Morris, among others, said, “They must be the only people left on this planet who don’t realize disabled people are as hardworking and energetic as anyone else.”  ***MARLAR: Keep it up Mr. Stevenson and you might be checking out those want ads yourself! Sure hope you’re enthusiastic and hardworking!




(Mondays Only)




U.S. Army veteran Allen Thomas has been searching for his twin children for nearly half a century, and finally, his search is over. According to ABC News, Thomas had been looking for his twins, a son and a daughter, ever since he had to leave them behind with their birth mother in South Korea more than 40 years ago. Thomas said their birth mother later put them up for adoption without his knowledge. Even though they were adopted by American parents, their records were sealed and Thomas couldn’t get any additional information. It wasn’t until the news program “20/20” offered to help Thomas find his twins that he was finally able to make progress. After months on the case Thomas was recently reunited with his son and daughter for the first time in more than 40 years.


A former cancer nurse is now making Disney wigs out of yarn for children battling cancer. Holly Christensen originally made one Disney princess wig out of yarn for a friend’s sick child. The idea took off from there. Christensen says they originally had individual families contacting her wanting wigs for their own little girls who had just been diagnosed. Since then four hospitals have ordered wigs. Now a GoFundMe page has been formed to help cover the costs of yarn and volunteers around the country are also helping to take on some of Christensen’s workload.


Ten years ago, Mark and Tori Baird got a knock on their door from a Marine who’d just returned from Iraq. The soldier was wondering if they had any jobs around the house that could help him earn $100 which he needed for an electricity bill. The encounter sparked the idea for the Bairds to start a job board called “Hire Marines”. The website took off and, since it’s inception, it has helped thousands of veterans get work. @HireAPatriot




Today’s program was obviously my Thanksgiving Special — ’cause it definitely was a turkey.




(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from in Chicago.)

When Travel Unravels

In case you are wondering, Thanksgiving may or may not be the busiest travel time of the year. There seems to be disagreement here. The Department of Transportation claims Thanksgiving is the busiest long-distance travel day overall. BUT…91 percent of that travel turns out to be by automobile. For air travelers and other commercial modes, Orbitz still crowned Thanksgiving Eve numero uno.
This provides a good opportunity to share the ongoing woes of today’s air travelers. This is kindled freshly in my mind as I recently had long distance flights to Israel and back. Also, my son and daughter-in-law just arrived from California with stories.
But let’s start with this recent headline from the Chicago Tribune: “5 Reasons United Might Finally Be Improving Its On-Time Rate.” After all, United is the world’s second-largest airline. And let’s admit … the friendly skies get less friendly if you keep showing up late!
To the good credit side, United is making some progress under their new CEO. October was one of their best months in their history. On the poor performance side, this rough assessment: “In 2012, United botched its combination of the merged airlines’ reservation systems, the technological backbone of an airline. For months, glitches and poor airport employee training led to rampant flight delays and cancellations. That damaged United’s profits as corporate customers fled to competitors.”
So the price of customer dissatisfaction supposedly means you lose business. But not so fast. There’s still a ways to go.
First, has anyone noticed the airline rows are narrower? Seats getting smaller? Legroom shorter? If you haven’t, you may not fly a lot.
These three scrunching techniques that bug paying customers drive improved profits for the airline. Forget the long lost meals on long domestic flights. Ignore those commercials showing comfy passengers on a plane. Get real…and get scrunched.
I’m an oversized customer to the airline. I’m around 6’2” tall and over 200 pounds. Fairly broad shoulders. On our recent Israel trip, I had an aisle seat, which helped me avoid crushing other passengers by climbing over them to get something overhead or use the washroom.
However, during the twelve hour flight, I mistakenly put my elbows on the arm rest. This resulted in cart bruising. Then there were the people bringing their luggage on board smashing my sides as they navigated to their seats. And the up-and-down-the-aisle bumps from passengers during the flight. Admittedly, I was in economy. But I was flying on the airline that used to brag they were something “special in the air”!
But among the worst passenger offenses these days is the boarding procedure. On these same flights, you are put into groups. Pity those in “Group 5.” You might have considered traveling with the bags.
Priority boarding now offers early access to about ten groups BEFORE they get to the Group 1 ticket holders. This includes any of the airlines’ favored status people. I was in the “Oh, are you actually flying with us?” group. It was my fellow passengers, however, who got the brunt of the problem.
These days, the airlines let you bring rollerboard suitcases on to cram in the overhead compartments. If you are in the highly favored groups, your super size bags usually get on — even if you take up all the space to the end of the plane. This leaves NO room for the bags of the later boarders. So the airline requires these poor folks to now check their bag before getting on the plane. Sayonara, needed travel items! Many tail end customers had to check bags.
One in our group had her medications in said bag. She was told there was “no room in the bin.” (Sounds like a modern day Christmas story.) This was on the short flight. BUT…since her bag was being automatically sent now to its “final destination,” she was without her travel bag until we arrived in Israel! Her pleas earned no sympathy.
This is, of course, a fixable problem in two ways. Keep your on board luggage privileges the same, and order planes with bigger capacity. OR…change those baggage size rules so that customers don’t take their wardrobe on the plane. I have been flying for years. This has become a more recent problem because business travelers don’t want to wait for luggage. And who can blame them? (That is an issue to be addressed next week.)
Regrettably, these issues of crammed in customers and oversized luggage in the bins is unlikely to get resolved without customer revolt. As long as people are willing to pay for being mistreated, the treatment won’t change.
The Bible, of course, says nothing about elbow and legroom. Or overhead bins. Or on-time flights. It does, however, encourage good treatment. Try this: “When a stranger sojourns with you in your land, you shall not do him wrong.” (Leviticus 19:33, ESV)
And for goodness sake, don’t lose his luggage!
That’s The Way WE Work.




Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


NOVEMBER 25, 2015…


Creed—Sylvester Stallone just can’t keep away from boxing.  In this film, he is coaching a young boxer, Creed (Michael B. Jordan), who is the son of Creed (Carl Weathers) from previous “Rocky” films.  Did the original have daughters for a boxing film? Just asking…”Creed” is rated PG 13. No rating.


The Good Dinosaur—An animated family movie with a different view of life. Here, the dinosaurs lived and are the dominant species, while humans are their pets. So the dinosaur, Arlo (voice of Raymond Ochoa) has the human, Spot (voice of Jack Bright) as his pet. There are life problems in this age, too.  “The Good Dinosaur” is rated PG. Rating of 2 for animation fans.


The Night Before—Childhood, sometimes it doesn’t end.  In this film, three guys (Seth Rogen, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Anthony Mackie) have spent Christmas Eve together since children.  Now, they are adults and responsibilities are pulling them in different directions.  What to do?  “The Night Before” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.


Victor Frankenstein—So, were the doctor Frankenstein and his assistant, Igor, friends or not?  This film explores the relationship between the two. Victor Frankenstein is played by James McAvoy and Igor is none other than Daniel Radcliffe from “Harry Potter.”  Interesting premise. “Victor Frankenstein” is rated R. No rating.


NOVEMBER 27, 2015…


The Danish Girl (opening in select cities)—Eddie Redmayne takes on the role of one of the first transgender persons to come into the public, Lili Elbe.  Also in the cast is Alicia Vikander who plays Gerda Wegener, once married to Redmayne’s character. This happened in the mid-1920’s.  “The Danish Girl” is rated R. No rating.


DECEMBER 04, 2015…


Macbeth (opening in select cities)—Michael Fassbender (“Steve Jobs”) now takes on Shakespeare to portray Macbeth with Marion Cotillard as Lady Macbeth. Here we are in Scotland of the 11th century and there is murder, intrigue and back-stabbing (excuse the pun) everywhere. “Macbeth” is rated R. No rating.


Krampus—a holiday horror film, dark comedy starring Toni Collette and Adam Scott about a horrible demon. His targets are people who don’t help people during the holidays. Your guess is as good as mine. “Krampus” is rated R. No rating.


DECEMBER 11, 2015…


*Note: Legend, starring Tom Hardy as two gangster brothers who rule London, is now due to open this week.  Here’s hoping.


In The Heart Of The Sea with Chris Hemsworth as part of the crew of a 1820 whaling ship decimated by a white whale, is opening this week.  Based on a true story.


The Big Short has Brad Pitt and Ryan Gosling as two guys who bet against banks. Shades of financial maneuvering.


The Lady In The Van (opening in select cities) and based on the true story of a woman who parked her van in a driveway and lived there for years. Stars Maggie Smith.


# # # # #



WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment,, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at