November 27, 2015: Thursday ONAIRprep (THANKSGIVING DAY)


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Welcome to another edition of The (JOCK) Show. And please — it’s not necessary to kiss your radio.


I’m thinking of creating a Facebook Group for Elvis fans… I’ll call it “Fellowship Of The King”.




“And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, ‘This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.'” — Luke 22:19


Hebrews 2:18 = Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.





Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. — Colossians 3:17


Thought: Everything! All! No matter what we say, no matter what we do, it is to be offered as a gift of thanks to God with Jesus’ name, power, and honor attached! This makes all of life our worship and thanksgiving to God. There’s no such thing as going to worship, if we live, if we talk, if we act it’s worship and should always involve thanksgiving. So how has your worship been lately?


Prayer: Almighty and Most Holy God, I want all of my life to be lived out to your glory, a living testament of thanks to you for the grace you have given me in Jesus. While I do not always do this as well as I would like, I lovingly offer you my words, my actions, my heart and my mind to bring you glory by doing your will. Please, use your Spirit to remove the areas of self-deception from my life so that weakness and hypocrisy will not rob my discipleship of its intended worship of your majesty. In the name of Jesus, my gracious Lord, I pray. Amen.


The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to




The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

John 11:26 NIV = “…and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?”




(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)


Today is NATIONAL CAKE DAY. ***MARLAR: So long as it isn’t fruitcake. You have to have some standards.


Today is CUT YOUR OWN CHRISTMAS TREE DAY. ***MARLAR: Every time I do so the cops show up. I probably look a little further out for a tree than just my block.


Today is NATIONAL DON’T UTTER A WORD DAY, a reminder to talkers that listeners usually get tired of listening long before talkers get tired of talking. ***MARLAR: In fact, you’re probably tired of listening to me talking about this right now… so I’ll shut up. (Ooh… if only we could somehow let our in-laws know about this at Thanksgiving before they showed up!)




International Day For The Elimination of Violence Against women Day

International Hat Day

Blasé Day

Shopping Reminder Day

Tie One On Day





National Day of Mourning

Thanksgiving Day

Turkey-Free Thanksgiving



Black Friday

Fur Free Friday

Buy Nothing Day

Flossing Day

Maize Day

National Day of Listening

National Native American Heritage Day

Sinkie Day (Eating Over the Sink)

You’re Welcomegiving Day



International Aura Awareness Day

World Day of Giving

Small Business Saturday



Electronic Greetings Day

International Day of Solidarity With The Palistinian People

Square Dancing Day



Cider Monday

Cyber Monday

Computer Security Day

National Meth Awareness Day

Stay Home Because You’re Well Day



Antarctica Day

Basketball Day

Bifocals at the Monitor Liberation Day

Civil Air Patrol Day

Day With(out) Art Day

Rosa Parks Day

World AIDS Day

Giving Tuesday



International Day for the Abolition of Slavery

National Mutt Day

Safety Razor Day

Special Education Day

Rockefeller Center Tree Lighting

Special Kids Day



National Christmas Tree Lighting (Washington D.C.)




1789: President Washington declared Nov. 26, 1789, to be Thanksgiving Day, the first U.S. holiday by presidential proclamation. In 1863 President Lincoln proclaimed Thanksgiving to be the last Thursday in November. In 1939 President Roosevelt moved Thanksgiving to the 4th Thursday in November.


1832: New York City’s public transit system was inaugurated when John Mason’s horse-drawn streetcars began operating between Spring and 14th Streets. The fare was 12 cents.


1864: Oxford University math instructor Charles Dodgson sent an early Christmas message to the daughter of a friend, 12-year-old Alice Liddell. It was a handwritten story entitled “Alices Adventures Underground.” We know the story as Alice In Wonderland and the author by his pen-name, Lewis Carroll.


1883: Sojourner Truth died at age 86. A freed slave, she devoted her life to preaching emancipation and women’s rights. The little robotic rover, now somewhere on Mars, is named for her.


1942: The movie “Casablanca,” starring Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman, premiered at the Hollywood Theater in New York.


1956: Bandleader Tommy Dorsey died at age 51. His records sold more than 110 million copies.


1961: In a game against Oakland, running back Abner Haynes of the AFL Dallas Texans scored five touchdowns. Abner also became famous for running into the goal posts.


1973: President Nixon’s personal secretary, Rose Mary Woods, told a federal court she had accidentally erased 18 minutes of a key Watergate tape.


1975: A Sacramento jury found Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme guilty of attempting to assassinate President Gerald Ford.


1983: Thieves stole $46 million worth of gold bullion from the Brinks-Mat security warehouse at London’s Heathrow Airport.


1989: American sumo wrestler Konishiki won the Emperor’s Cup in Tokyo. He weighed 490 pounds. ***MARLAR: Is it really a sport if you can spend as much time you want at the all-you-can-eat buffet?


1989: United Way workers in Prince George, British Columbia, assembled the world’s largest jigsaw puzzle. The 9,739-square-foot puzzle had 1,085 pieces.


1992: 14-month-old Tegan Banville of Huntington Beach, California, out-crawled 12 other babies to win the national Huggies/NFL Happy Baby Derby. The babies raced 12 feet before 61,000 screaming fans at halftime during a Dallas Cowboys game.


1992: Queen Elizabeth of Britain, worth an estimated $8-billion, volunteered to pay income tax, and declared she would take her children off the public payroll.


1995: Miami Dolphin quarterback Dan Marino set an NFL record with his 343rd touchdown pass, breaking Fran Tarkenton’s record. But the Dolphins lost to the Indianapolis Colts 36-28.


2000: Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris certified Republican George W. Bush the winner over Democrat Al Gore in the state’s presidential balloting. The winning margin: 537 votes.




1539: In England, the monastery at the Fountains Abbey was surrendered to the crown. It was the richest of the Cistercian houses, prior to the time of the Dissolution of all monasteries in England, under the reign of Henry VIII.


1775: The American Navy began using chaplains within its regular service.


1789: President George Washington proclaimed this date (a Thursday) to be the first national Thanksgiving Day holiday. (National Thanksgiving days were periodically proclaimed by presidents, until in 1863 Abraham Lincoln inaugurated the practice of annually setting the fourth Thursday in November aside for Thanksgiving Day.)


1962: English apologist C.S. Lewis wrote in a letter: ‘No doubt [my body] has often led me astray: but not half so often, I suspect, as my soul has led IT astray. For the spiritual evils … arise more from the imagination than from the appetites.’


1970: During a 10-day visit to the Philippines, Pope Paul VI was attacked by a knife-wielding man in Manilla. The pontiff was unhurt and continued his journey.




  • actress (Colleen on “Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman”) Jessica Bowman 35
  • actress (“In The House”, Seventeen Again) Maia Campbell 39
  • Actor/impressionist Rich Little, 77




(Music Artist Birthdays From

1917 : Nesuhi Ertegun

1925 : Michael Holliday

1933 : Robert Goulet

1935 : Marian Mercer

1938 : Ray Brown (The Four Freshmen)

1938 : Tina Turner

1944 : Alan Henderson (Them)

1944 : Jean Terrell (The Supremes)

1945 : John McVie (Fleetwood Mac, John Mayall’s Bluesbreakers)

1946 : Burt Ruiter (Focus)

1949 : Gayle McCormick (Smith)

1963 : Adam Gaynor (Matchbox Twenty)

1981 : Natasha Bedingfield

1985 : Lil Fizz (B2K)




What makes something a “red letter day?”

Guessing won’t help on this one. For example, it has not the slightest connection to Communism or to Nathaniel Hawthorne’s novel, The Scarlet Letter. And it certainly has nothing to do with the ugly red letters that appeared at the top of your school papers after your teachers got through with them. In fact, its origins are in the Roman Catholic Church. In the Middle Ages, monks working as scribes marked Saint’s days and other religious observances in red on the calendar. Such dates needed to stand out because they were special and sometimes required preparation. Modern calendar makers have preserved that practice, marking holidays in red. By extension, any day that’s really special for you, because you did something great or had some good fortune, is a red letter day.




Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at!


A bit of insight into Kutless guitarist James Mead. He tweeted: All. Black. Everything. It’s such a “go to” color for me, because it looks classy, casual, rock…whatever. Black always works.


Josh Wilson learned something new about his baby boy this week. He tweeted: Turns out music settled him down. Must have been all the concerts he attended before he was born!


A thought from Switchfoot front man Jon Foreman: I’m alive today. I’m not sure what I’ll be tomorrow but I’m gonna sing before my time runs out.


Sidewalk Prophets front man Dave Frey took advantage of a weekend at home to decorate for Christmas. Dave tweeted that he’d had a productive day decorating the house for Christmas on Saturday. The Sidewalk Prophets will head back out on tour in early December and will spent the first half of the month on the road.


Love and the Outcome member Jodi is just few months away from the birth of their first child. She shared over the weekend: Just bought a crib!! This is getting real.


A reminder from Jamie Grace: sometimes I feel silly telling Jesus things because I know He knows everything. Then I get all emotional knowing that He’ll listen anyway.


The After’s Josh Havens celebrated his 16th anniversary by hiking Camelback mountain with his wife. Josh shared pictures as the climbed and said So thankful she’s still my best friend after all these years! Here’s to many many more!


The members of Tenth Avenue North want to know: What is your favorite Tenth Avenue North lyric? The band says: Share it and we’ll create a lyric image for the tweet that gets the most retweets!






Facing highest threat alert, Belgians bring out their cats    photo
What police force would start playing along with a practical joke when the capital is facing its highest state of alert and its most-wanted fugitive is still on the run? Right! This is surreal Belgium. Late Sunday, police asked people to stop commenting on ongoing raids in social media to avoid…


Fetty Wap throws wads of money over balcony to fans at mall    photo
PARAMUS, N.J. (AP) — Rapper Fetty Wap gave fans a run for his money this weekend, tossing wads of cash over a balcony at a New Jersey mall to the delight of screaming onlookers. Videos posted to social media show the Paterson native throwing money Saturday as he walked through the Garden…
Ex-student applies for probation over mac and cheese rant    photo
ROCKVILLE, Conn. (AP) — A former University of Connecticut student who went on a drunken, obscenity-laced tirade about jalapeno-bacon macaroni and cheese applied for probation Monday. HASH(0x142d240) The 19-year-old former freshman from Bayville, New York, was arrested over his Oct. 4…
Youngest US chess master, 10: I’ve got to work on my endgame    photo
GREENWICH, Conn. (AP) — At age 10, Maximillian Lu is the youngest-ever chess master in the U.S. Even so, he sees room for improvement. The distinction of being a national master belongs to less than 2 percent of U.S. Chess Federation members and is earned by racking up at least 2,200 points…
Weather device falls from sky, prompts bomb squad response
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — The National Weather Service says an instrument that fell from the sky, prompting a Philadelphia bomb squad response, weighed about a pound and had been launched with a weather balloon about 165 miles away. Mitchell Gaines, of the weather service in Mount Holly, New…
Cheating accusations mar Zimbabwe’s ‘Mister Ugly’ contest    photo
HARARE, Zimbabwe (AP) — Pageant judges have crowned a new winner of Zimbabwe’s 4th annual “Mister Ugly” contest, upsetting supporters of the crowd favorite who called the winner too handsome and prompting rioting at the event. Judges on Saturday chose 42-year-old Mison Sere, citing his…
Condo board wants pet DNA to track down poopers
DESTIN, Fla. (AP) — Some Florida condo owners are steaming after their homeowners association asked them to submit their dog’s DNA in order to fine owners who don’t pick up after their pets. Harbor Landing residents said they received a letter last week and some feel it’s an invasion of…
Albuquerque man held at gunpoint by victims back in jail
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) — An Albuquerque burglary suspect who was held at gunpoint by two of his victims is back in jail after allegedly committing another robbery. Police say 26-year-old Aaron Lujan was arrested Saturday night on several charges including aggravated assault with a deadly…
Front-runners, total dark horses to run in New Hampshire
CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — The near-record field for the upcoming New Hampshire primary includes favored front-runners and a dark horse touting a pony-heavy platform. The filing period for the 2016 primary ended Friday with 30 Republicans and 28 Democrats signing paperwork and paying the $1,000…
Costume for Vermont university’s mascot turns up unharmed
CASTLETON, Vt. (AP) — A university in Vermont says the costume for its green-caped Spartan mascot has been found unharmed in the football stadium after it was reported missing. A spokesman for Castleton University says Sparty’s costume was found Monday during an inspection of Spartan Stadium….
Castleton University’s mascot has been missing for a month
CASTLETON, Vt. (AP) — Castleton University’s green-caped Spartan mascot hasn’t been seen in a month and school officials say they want him back. The costume known as Sparty disappeared from the Student Government Association offices sometime between late September and the middle of October….






APNewsBreak: Emails reveal Coke’s role in anti-obesity group
NEW YORK (AP) — A nonprofit founded to combat obesity says the $1.5 million it received from Coke has no influence on its work. But emails obtained by The Associated Press show the world’s largest beverage maker was instrumental in shaping the Global Energy Balance Network, which is led by a…


Excerpts from emails between Coke, anti-obesity group
A nonprofit founded to fight obesity says the $1.5 million it received from Coke doesn’t influence its work. But emails obtained by The Associated Press show the company was instrumental in shaping the group. Below are excerpts of emails between the group’s leaders and Coke executives starting in…
Using new gene drive to create malaria-resistant mosquitoes    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — California researchers hatched some malaria-resistant mosquitoes and then gave evolution a shove — using a groundbreaking technology to ensure the insects pass on that protective gene as they reproduce, with implications far beyond the promise of fighting malaria. The…
FDA approves Bristol-Myers drug for new use in kidney cancer
WASHINGTON (AP) — Federal health regulators have expanded approval of a cancer drug from Bristol-Myers Squibb to treat an advanced form of kidney cancer. The Food and Drug Administration says the injectable-drug, Opdivo, is approved for patients with renal cell carcinoma who have previously…
Older workers seeking options for reducing hours on the job    photo
Roberton Williams’ plan was to retire on his government pension and take a part-time job to make up the difference in salary. It didn’t quite work out that way. Williams, 68, did retire but then started another full-time job with the Tax Policy Center, a Washington think tank. “The plan was to work…
Born with no voice & low odds, boy talks with new voice box    photo
Grant Hasse was born with two very rare conditions — one that’s usually fatal, the other that should have left him unable to talk. But at almost 4 years old, he’s a healthy bundle of energy after three dozen surgeries, including an innovative operation to create a new voice box. Doctors…
Liberia seeks US help to determine cause of new Ebola cases
MONROVIA, Liberia (AP) — Two experts from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention are set to travel to Liberia to try to determine the cause of new Ebola cases confirmed last week, more than two months after the country had been declared free of Ebola transmission for a second…
Experts foresee big premium increases for Medicare drug plan    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — With time running out on open enrollment season, many seniors are facing sharply higher premiums for Medicare’s popular prescription drug program. The reason: rising drug costs have overtaken a long stretch of stable premiums. Beneficiaries have until Dec. 7 to see if…
New $710-a-day drug saves lives but strains state budgets
MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) — A newly approved drug is being hailed as a major advance in treatment of cystic fibrosis, a life-threatening genetic disease that clogs the lungs with mucus and forces patients to struggle to breathe. But it comes with a punishing price tag — about $710 per…
AP FACT CHECK: Most GOP candidates flunk climate science    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — When it comes to climate science, two of the three Democratic presidential candidates are A students, while most of the Republican contenders are flunking, according to a panel of scientists who reviewed candidates’ comments. At the request of The Associated Press, eight…
Scientists say feeding fish soy, not fish, more sustainable
SIOUX FALLS, S.D. (AP) — Research supported by the soybean industry is looking to convert some farm-raised fish into vegetarians. A South Dakota State University fisheries scientist is developing a soy protein feed that’s tasty and easily digestible to eventually reduce the industry’s need…




(No news on the weekends. Audio clips are only valid for a few days before being removed from our servers.)

















OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, we discovered that the Plaid Guy – who all of the Razzleflabbins were terrified of, was actually not a bad guy at all… he was just different! They’ve all made friends now, and he’s even been invited to the Razzleflabbin Barbecue!


CLOSE: Sounds like everyone is having a great time with their new friend, the Plaid Guy… but what about Marvy? He’s still stranded on Razzleflabbin Island! Will he ever get home? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!






OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!


CLOSE: Wow, hard to believe this entire time we’ve never had a lion – the king of the jungle – in As the Jungle Turns! Tune in next time to find out what happens!


***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.




The story of a robbery that turned into a friendly helping hand – that’s today’s Moment of Duh!

A gunman in St. Peters, Missouri robbed a 711 store, but returned the money minutes later because his car wouldn’t start. Amazingly, the store clerks came out to the parking lot and gave the robber’s car a jump start. Police Officer David Kuppler commented: “We have a very friendly town out here.”






  1. You’ll know that your turkey is a Butterball rather than a Grade E yet semi-edible fur ball.


  1. Your mother will not be serving your mashed potatoes and stuffing with an ice cream scooper.


  1. Pumpkin pie is a great alternative to green Jello.


  1. After your eighth glass of cider, your emergency dash to the bathroom will not be delayed by having to run down a long hallway, only to find you must wait in line.


  1. Clean underwear, comfortable bed, access to a car, bedroom larger than a 12×14 cell … okay, even if it is for only four days.


  1. To eat your meals, the only trek you’ll have to make is from the couch to the kitchen, rather than the dorm to the dining hall in below freezing weather.


  1. Instead of listening to “When I first started teaching here…” you can be entertained by “When your mother was your age…” and “During the Depression we weren’t lucky enough to have Brussels sprouts. Heck, all we could afford was the sprout!”


  1. You can eat your corn steamed with butter rather than popped in your microwave.


  1. You’ll know the hair in the shower drain is your own.


  1. You won’t be eating your Thanksgiving meal off a tray!




Chances are you’ve probably lost your car at a mall parking lot a time or too. But if you are a pack of thieves stealing items from the mall and then hiding them in said car, you probably want to ask for help finding the car from someone other than police.


FILE #1: … alas, that was not the case for three women and man from the Boston area. While police were at the Natick Collection mall to investigate a string of robberies, a Newton Police officer was approached by three ladies in the mall parking lot who couldn’t find their car. The officer realized that one of the ladies matched that description and took all three into custody. Police eventually found their car, the missing mall store items, and the wire cutters and utility knife that were used to cut off security tags.


FILE #2: Scott Schmitz of Fond du Lac, Wisconsin stole 5,619 quarters from a Buggy Bath Car Wash.   In the week following the burglary, Schmitz, who didn’t have a job, bought a car using only quarters. An easy tip off to police that they were not dealing with a genius.


FILE#3: Police in Clio, Michigan stopped to check on a truck that got stuck in the mud at a city park and were shocked to find a 13-year-old boy behind the wheel. The boy’s 41-year-old father, who was sitting in the passenger seat, told police he had had too much to drink and let his son drive. The problem there was the boy had been drinking too, and open containers of beer and liquor were found in the vehicle. Dad is now facing several misdemeanor counts, including child endangerment, allowing an intoxicated person to drive his vehicle and allowing an unlicensed minor to drive. The boy’s going to juvenile court on charges that include driving while intoxicated.


STRANGE LAW: In Maine, shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack.

35-year-old Brian Poulin of Hebron, Connecticut called 911. In fact, he called several times. It seems that the big emergency was that he was out of beer and he wanted them to pick up more for him. Police finally showed up, but what they picked up was Brian and they charged him with disorderly conduct.




Real Christmas trees, or plastic? This weekend many folks are going to decorate – but which way is the best way to go? What are the pros and cons of each?




QUESTION: According to Proverbs, the tongue of the wise brings what?

ANSWER: Health (Proverbs 12:18 = There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.)


QUESTION: What was used to join the tabernacle curtains together?

ANSWER: Fifty gold taches / clasps (Exodus 26)




QUESTION: How many passengers were aboard the Mayflower?





Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!


  1. Up until about the age of eight, Pilgrim boys and girls wore the same thing – dresses. (True.)


  1. Butterball says the best place to put the meat thermometer in the turkey is the breast. (False – it’s the thigh.)


  1. The reason the male turkey is often referred to as “Tom Turkey” is to make fun of Thomas Jefferson. (True. Benjamin Franklin wa so upset at Thomas Jefferson for rejecting the idea that the turkey be declared the national bird of the United States that he began referring to the male turkey as a “Tom Turkey” in order to mock him.)


  1. Only five pilgrim women survived to celebrate the first Thanksgiving in 1621. (True, sadly.)


  1. By the 19th century, celebrating Thanksgiving is said to have been the origin of the “kiddie table.” (True.)


  1. On June 20, 1998, in Bellevue, Ohio Dale Gasteier built at 52 foot turkey to celebrate the American Thanksgiving holiday. (False – he built a 52 foot star… but it was still to celebrate Thanksgiving!)


  1. Every year the President of the United States pardons a turkey and it goes to a public farm called Frying Pan Park, Herndon, VA. Only one president ever decided not to pardon the turkey, and that was Harry S. Truman in 1947. (False – the turkey has always been pardoned. In fact, the tradition didn’t even begin until Harry S. Truman in 1947.)


  1. Before being harvested and sold, an individual cranberry must bounce at least four inches high to make sure they aren’t too ripe. (True.)


  1. The busiest travel day of the year is Thanksgiving Day. (False – it’s the day after Thanksgiving.)


  1. The very first balloon in the 1927 Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade was Betty Boop. (False – it was Felix the Cat.)




You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Cincinnati Billboard Advertises Drugs and _____ 24/7!” (SEX)

Apartment building owner John Wallen says he’s fed up with the all the blatant drug dealing and prostitution in his neighborhood so he paid to put up a large orange sign with big bold black letters that reads: “Drugs and Sex For Sale, 24/7.” The small print underneath says, “Please help us, call Cincinnati City Council.” He hopes the sign will embarrass authorities into cracking down on the criminal activity on the street where his building sits.





A few years ago, an American and a British journalist were discussing Thanksgiving on a British radio program. The American asked if Thanksgiving was celebrated in the UK.

“Yes,” the British journalist replied, “but we celebrate it on the 6th of September.”

“Why then?”

“That’s when you chaps left.”



One night recently, my phone rang several times throughout the evening. Each time, a woman’s voice asked for Ben. Each time I politely explained that I lived alone, my name wasn’t Ben, and she had a wrong number.

The fifth time she called, I had had enough. 

”Hello?” I said.

“Can I speak to Ben, please?”

I replied, “I’m sorry, he’s not in right now. Can I take a message?”

“Do you know what time he’ll be back?” she responded.

“I think he said he’d be home around 10:00.” 

Silence on the other end… a confused silence.

“Is this Steve?”

“Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?”

“Well… he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him,” she said in a slightly irritated voice.

I replied, “Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago and said that he would be back at 10:00.”

A shocked voice now: “Who’s Karen?!”

“The girl he went out with.”

“I know that! I mean… who is she?”

“I don’t know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?”

“Yes… please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home.”

She was sounding pretty irate at this point. “I sure will. Is this Jennifer?”

She exploded, “Who’s Jennifer?” Apparently she wasn’t.

“Well… he’s going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her. Sorry… it was an honest mistake.”

“Ben’s the one that’s made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him and the she’s very upset and that I would like him to call me as soon as he gets home.”

I smiled and said, “Okay, I will… but Becky isn’t going to like this…”



The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on

him and said, “Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?”

Little Johnny quickly replied, “NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!”




Some Australians are in a panic after purchasing pork which later is discovered to glow in the dark.  Food officials are saying the pork is perfectly safe and the glow is caused by a harmless bacteria that has a fluorescent glow.  ***MARLAR: And think of all the energy you’ll save, since you won’t need to keep a light bulb in your refrigerator anymore.


Food officials in Australia are telling people not to be alarmed by an outbreak of glow-in-the-dark pork because it’s just a harmless bacteria that has a fluorescent glow.  ***MARLAR: But we do not like green eggs and ham…


Laziness and inactivity kills just as many people as smoking.  ***MARLAR: Maybe so – but you never hear of anyone dying of second-hand couch surfing.





  • PLAYBOOK: Also known as my cookbook, to be kept in plain sight at all times. If the book gets moved, the game could get ugly.
  • OFFSIDES: Silverware is to be set next to the plates — off to the side, dear, not tossed in the middle of the table in a heap, for all to scramble for.
  • GAME TIME: This is when the food must all be on the table, at the same time, at the same temperature (preferably hot) so that the *teams* may meet at the arena (Table) for the coach to say the prayer.
  • TEAM SPIRIT: That which shall be upheld until the END of the game. When the coach (ME) has heard the fat lady sing (AUNT MARTHA saying that she’s had enough to eat).
  • COMMERCIAL BREAKS: There will be NONE for us, until I deem them totally necessary for my sanity, when you have made me crazy!
  • PENALTIES: Will be given if there is no team spirit showing and the game time is DELAYED or offsides have occurred due to a certain *televised* football game engaging your attention!
  • HOLDING: May be necessary of several large bowls, so that I may pour gravy without staining my new silk blouse. And keep in mind dear, I am HOLDING the clicker for the T.V. for ransom ;).
  • TOUCHDOWNS: Please make them gentle when bowls are being touched down on the table. Do not spike them, and do not dance when the mission is complete!
  • FLAG ON THE PLAY: When something is spilled, PLEASE by all means throw a towel down on it and mop it up!
  • RUSHING: What we will be doing a lot of!!
  • GROOMING THE FIELD: Dear husband, if you help me through this meal, as I know you will, I promise to RECRUIT new players for the clean up and YES… in plenty of time for you to enjoy the REAL GAME!!!





A Japanese man named Hiroshi Nohara has decided to take full advantage of his tourist’s visa in Mexico City and has moved into the airport. He’s been living there for two months. Nohara, who can’t explain why he decided to live in the city airport, has been getting by on free donations from local fast food stands and kind visitors. Apparently he was gaining so much notoriety with the local media that he’s even being sponsored by a few of the stands who give him free hats and shirts to wear. Now, as a tourist attraction in and of himself, people stop by the airport just to take their picture with him.




Then David’s throne will be established by love. From that throne a faithful king will reign, one who always does what is just and right. Isaiah 16:5…Just as Satan was cast like lightning out of heaven, he is being cast out of his earthly kingdom by the power of Jesus. As Isaiah says, “The oppressor will come to an end, and destruction will cease; the aggressor will vanish from the land” (Isaiah 16:4 NIV). Isaiah further prophesied that in love a throne would be established, that in faithfulness a man from the house of David would sit on that throne, judging with justice and righteousness (v. 5). Thank God for the power of love over hatred! “For God so loved the world that He gave his only Son…”(John 3:16). The love of God was manifested to this world the moment Jesus stepped into it. Everywhere He went, the oppressor’s kingdom came to an end. Jesus cast out devils from all those bound by them, “for God was with him” (Acts 10:38). Paul states that Jesus “died for our sins, just as God our Father planned, in order to rescue us from this evil world in which we live” (Galatians 1:4). In your darkest oppression, there is One whom God has sent to rescue you. He is the King on the throne of David. Let Him wrap His arms of love around you and protect, deliver, and rescue you from the oppressor.

By Larry Stockstill





“The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble.” —Nahum 1:7

Nineveh was in trouble with God. Big trouble! Despite the good work of the reluctant prophet Jonah, Nineveh had returned to its evil ways. The Ninevites had oppressed other countries, worshiped idols, and performed acts of cruelty.

God saw this evil, and through the words of Nahum He spoke of Nineveh’s coming destruction, using words such as wrath and vengeance. Nineveh was about to face judgment.

Why would God’s prophet tell the people of Judah about this? How could Nahum’s frightening words help those who lived in the Promised Land?

There is help for answering those questions in Nahum 1:7-8. His prophecy of the destruction of those who reject God stands in sharp contrast to God’s promise to those “who trust in Him.” The godly, rather than facing judgment, would be cared for. They would have a refuge in Him.

God is not one-sided. He provides refuge, help, and comfort for those who trust Him, and He also sends judgment against those who disobey His standards.

The message for us is the same as it was for Judah. Through trust and obedience, we can enjoy the comfort of God’s refuge—even in times of trouble.

—Dave Branon


How oft in the conflict, when pressed by the foe,
I have fled to my Refuge and breathed out my woe;
How often, when trials like sea billows roll,
Have I hidden in Thee, O Thou Rock of my soul. —Cushing


Everyone must face God as Savior or as Judge.





Nuclear war… it almost happened recently just because of a few fish!

A fish with gas may have caused a full-scale nuclear alert! A fleet of NATO ships headed for the Baltic Sea on full alert to try to track down the “enemy submarines”, but found nothing. Instead, analysis of the propeller-like noises detected underwater showed the sound could have come from a school of herring passing wind. ***MARLAR: Who knew fish could get gas?





Tired of holiday leftovers already? No problem – I have a very unique way of getting rid of those leftovers without wasting them!

Is there no end to turkey leftovers?!?!  Apparently not, but this should help you get rid of some of them.  Romanian skin care expert Elena Schnell says you can rub those leftovers on your face to look more beautiful!  For dry skin, she suggests pumpkin pie mixed with lemon, or a facial mask of turkey fat, oatmeal and egg yolks. For oily skin, coat your face with leftover cranberries mixed with mashed potatoes and an egg white. And if you want to look good before the holiday meal, moisturize your face with whipped cream. To firm up jowls and stretch out wrinkles, carry a drumstick in each cheek. ***MARLAR: Heck, on Thanksgiving I HAD a drumstick in each cheek!





  • My stigma’s acting up.
  • The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won’t bite things when I am startled.
  • The dog ate my car keys. We’re going to hitchhike to the vet.
  • I can’t come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.
  • My wife makes more money than I do, so I have to stay at home with our sick son.
  • I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.
  • I’m feeling a little disgruntled this morning. You sure I should come in?





  • Paramedics bring in the Jaws of Life to pry you out of the EZ-Boy.
  • The “Gravy Boat” your wife set out was a real 12′ boat!
  • You receive a Sumo Wrestler application in your e-mail.
  • Pricking your finger for cholesterol screening only yielded gravy.
  • A guest quotes a Biblical passage from “The Feeding of the 5000.”
  • That rash on your stomach turns out to be steering wheel burn.
  • Representatives from the Butterball Hall of Fame called twice.
  • Your arms are too short to reach the keyboard & delete this.





Can chain letters really be true?  Can you really experience bad luck for NOT forwarding a chain letter or chain-email to your friends? 

Let me tell you this first… I despise chain letters. I think they are not of God, and even if there were nothing wrong, spiritually, with them, I STILL wouldn’t send them out or read them because:

A: I don’t believe in luck… period.

B: They are a complete waste of time.

C: No one else in this world of any intelligence takes them seriously either.

Don’t believe me? Let me prove my point then. Let’s assume that this is in the form of a chain-letter. If you really do what you’re supposed to do, and the people that you forward this to really do what THEY are supposed to do, and so on… this is what would happen…
If you send this to 20 people within the next 4 days, and each of them send it off to 20 other people within 4 days, in 40 days, approximately 10 trillion emails would cross the Internet.  From day 40 to day 44, an additional 200 trillion would cross the Internet, at an average of 50 trillion versions of this floating in cyberspace per day.
From day 44 to 48, an additional 4,000 trillion would cross the Internet, at an average of 1,000 trillion e-mails a day, 41.7 trillion sendings per hour, 694 billion messages per minute, or 11.6 billion messages per second.
Of course, the Internet will have ground to a complete halt way before then, and a good thing too, because by
day 44 (assuming each man, woman and child in the world is tied to the Internet) you would have to respond
to about 2 chain mails with this message per second, sending off 20 responses each second, giving you 5/100 of a second to send each message. If you drop the ball, you will break about 1,800,000 chain e-mails per day, bringing almost two million times the bad luck upon yourself than if you broke the first chain e-mail to begin with. THAT’S WHY I DON’T BELIEVE IN CHAIN-MAIL… INTERNET OR OTHERWISE!

The logical conclusion? Well, if you did believe in luck (which I don’t) it is better to break the initial chain letter and receive one dose of bad luck than to continue the chain letter, and by day 44, receive 1,800,000 doses of bad luck. Imagine one poor fellow… he could end up having 287,345 heart attacks, lose 5,137 wives, get fired from at least 100,000 jobs, and get run over by a truck. His Visa card would be revoked. Nobody would like him anymore. He finally would end up in 459 terrible car accidents, but not be lucky enough to die – and finally this poor guy would resign himself to the idea of not dying, and would immediately be hit by a meteorite and vaporized. But his cells would go on to experience even more bad luck.  THAT’S WHY I DON’T BELIEVE IN LUCK… AND I BELIEVE EVEN LESS IN CHAIN MAIL!  Of course, if you want to test this theory and pass out this message to 20 people every single day and ask them to do the same, please feel free to do so.




(Mondays Only)




U.S. Army veteran Allen Thomas has been searching for his twin children for nearly half a century, and finally, his search is over. According to ABC News, Thomas had been looking for his twins, a son and a daughter, ever since he had to leave them behind with their birth mother in South Korea more than 40 years ago. Thomas said their birth mother later put them up for adoption without his knowledge. Even though they were adopted by American parents, their records were sealed and Thomas couldn’t get any additional information. It wasn’t until the news program “20/20” offered to help Thomas find his twins that he was finally able to make progress. After months on the case Thomas was recently reunited with his son and daughter for the first time in more than 40 years.


A former cancer nurse is now making Disney wigs out of yarn for children battling cancer. Holly Christensen originally made one Disney princess wig out of yarn for a friend’s sick child. The idea took off from there. Christensen says they originally had individual families contacting her wanting wigs for their own little girls who had just been diagnosed. Since then four hospitals have ordered wigs. Now a GoFundMe page has been formed to help cover the costs of yarn and volunteers around the country are also helping to take on some of Christensen’s workload.


Ten years ago, Mark and Tori Baird got a knock on their door from a Marine who’d just returned from Iraq. The soldier was wondering if they had any jobs around the house that could help him earn $100 which he needed for an electricity bill. The encounter sparked the idea for the Bairds to start a job board called “Hire Marines”. The website took off and, since it’s inception, it has helped thousands of veterans get work. @HireAPatriot




The turkey is the dumbest domesticated creature on earth. Yet the turkey, as stupid as he is, has sense enough not to stuff himself on Thanksgiving.


The Pilgrims really had something to be thankful for on that first Thanksgiving. All their in-laws were still in England.




(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from in Chicago.)

When Travel Unravels

In case you are wondering, Thanksgiving may or may not be the busiest travel time of the year. There seems to be disagreement here. The Department of Transportation claims Thanksgiving is the busiest long-distance travel day overall. BUT…91 percent of that travel turns out to be by automobile. For air travelers and other commercial modes, Orbitz still crowned Thanksgiving Eve numero uno.
This provides a good opportunity to share the ongoing woes of today’s air travelers. This is kindled freshly in my mind as I recently had long distance flights to Israel and back. Also, my son and daughter-in-law just arrived from California with stories.
But let’s start with this recent headline from the Chicago Tribune: “5 Reasons United Might Finally Be Improving Its On-Time Rate.” After all, United is the world’s second-largest airline. And let’s admit … the friendly skies get less friendly if you keep showing up late!
To the good credit side, United is making some progress under their new CEO. October was one of their best months in their history. On the poor performance side, this rough assessment: “In 2012, United botched its combination of the merged airlines’ reservation systems, the technological backbone of an airline. For months, glitches and poor airport employee training led to rampant flight delays and cancellations. That damaged United’s profits as corporate customers fled to competitors.”
So the price of customer dissatisfaction supposedly means you lose business. But not so fast. There’s still a ways to go.
First, has anyone noticed the airline rows are narrower? Seats getting smaller? Legroom shorter? If you haven’t, you may not fly a lot.
These three scrunching techniques that bug paying customers drive improved profits for the airline. Forget the long lost meals on long domestic flights. Ignore those commercials showing comfy passengers on a plane. Get real…and get scrunched.
I’m an oversized customer to the airline. I’m around 6’2” tall and over 200 pounds. Fairly broad shoulders. On our recent Israel trip, I had an aisle seat, which helped me avoid crushing other passengers by climbing over them to get something overhead or use the washroom.
However, during the twelve hour flight, I mistakenly put my elbows on the arm rest. This resulted in cart bruising. Then there were the people bringing their luggage on board smashing my sides as they navigated to their seats. And the up-and-down-the-aisle bumps from passengers during the flight. Admittedly, I was in economy. But I was flying on the airline that used to brag they were something “special in the air”!
But among the worst passenger offenses these days is the boarding procedure. On these same flights, you are put into groups. Pity those in “Group 5.” You might have considered traveling with the bags.
Priority boarding now offers early access to about ten groups BEFORE they get to the Group 1 ticket holders. This includes any of the airlines’ favored status people. I was in the “Oh, are you actually flying with us?” group. It was my fellow passengers, however, who got the brunt of the problem.
These days, the airlines let you bring rollerboard suitcases on to cram in the overhead compartments. If you are in the highly favored groups, your super size bags usually get on — even if you take up all the space to the end of the plane. This leaves NO room for the bags of the later boarders. So the airline requires these poor folks to now check their bag before getting on the plane. Sayonara, needed travel items! Many tail end customers had to check bags.
One in our group had her medications in said bag. She was told there was “no room in the bin.” (Sounds like a modern day Christmas story.) This was on the short flight. BUT…since her bag was being automatically sent now to its “final destination,” she was without her travel bag until we arrived in Israel! Her pleas earned no sympathy.
This is, of course, a fixable problem in two ways. Keep your on board luggage privileges the same, and order planes with bigger capacity. OR…change those baggage size rules so that customers don’t take their wardrobe on the plane. I have been flying for years. This has become a more recent problem because business travelers don’t want to wait for luggage. And who can blame them? (That is an issue to be addressed next week.)
Regrettably, these issues of crammed in customers and oversized luggage in the bins is unlikely to get resolved without customer revolt. As long as people are willing to pay for being mistreated, the treatment won’t change.
The Bible, of course, says nothing about elbow and legroom. Or overhead bins. Or on-time flights. It does, however, encourage good treatment. Try this: “When a stranger sojourns with you in your land, you shall not do him wrong.” (Leviticus 19:33, ESV)
And for goodness sake, don’t lose his luggage!
That’s The Way WE Work.




Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


NOVEMBER 25, 2015…


Creed—Sylvester Stallone just can’t keep away from boxing.  In this film, he is coaching a young boxer, Creed (Michael B. Jordan), who is the son of Creed (Carl Weathers) from previous “Rocky” films.  Did the original have daughters for a boxing film? Just asking…”Creed” is rated PG 13. No rating.


The Good Dinosaur—An animated family movie with a different view of life. Here, the dinosaurs lived and are the dominant species, while humans are their pets. So the dinosaur, Arlo (voice of Raymond Ochoa) has the human, Spot (voice of Jack Bright) as his pet. There are life problems in this age, too.  “The Good Dinosaur” is rated PG. Rating of 2 for animation fans.


The Night Before—Childhood, sometimes it doesn’t end.  In this film, three guys (Seth Rogen, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Anthony Mackie) have spent Christmas Eve together since children.  Now, they are adults and responsibilities are pulling them in different directions.  What to do?  “The Night Before” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.


Victor Frankenstein—So, were the doctor Frankenstein and his assistant, Igor, friends or not?  This film explores the relationship between the two. Victor Frankenstein is played by James McAvoy and Igor is none other than Daniel Radcliffe from “Harry Potter.”  Interesting premise. “Victor Frankenstein” is rated R. No rating.


NOVEMBER 27, 2015…


The Danish Girl (opening in select cities)—Eddie Redmayne takes on the role of one of the first transgender persons to come into the public, Lili Elbe.  Also in the cast is Alicia Vikander who plays Gerda Wegener, once married to Redmayne’s character. This happened in the mid-1920’s.  “The Danish Girl” is rated R. No rating.


DECEMBER 04, 2015…


Macbeth (opening in select cities)—Michael Fassbender (“Steve Jobs”) now takes on Shakespeare to portray Macbeth with Marion Cotillard as Lady Macbeth. Here we are in Scotland of the 11th century and there is murder, intrigue and back-stabbing (excuse the pun) everywhere. “Macbeth” is rated R. No rating.


Krampus—a holiday horror film, dark comedy starring Toni Collette and Adam Scott about a horrible demon. His targets are people who don’t help people during the holidays. Your guess is as good as mine. “Krampus” is rated R. No rating.


DECEMBER 11, 2015…


*Note: Legend, starring Tom Hardy as two gangster brothers who rule London, is now due to open this week.  Here’s hoping.


In The Heart Of The Sea with Chris Hemsworth as part of the crew of a 1820 whaling ship decimated by a white whale, is opening this week.  Based on a true story.


The Big Short has Brad Pitt and Ryan Gosling as two guys who bet against banks. Shades of financial maneuvering.


The Lady In The Van (opening in select cities) and based on the true story of a woman who parked her van in a driveway and lived there for years. Stars Maggie Smith.


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WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment,, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at