November 30, 2015: Monday ONAIRprep


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Warning! The following program contains no listener-serviceable parts. All repairs should be performed by a professional.


Went turkey hunting last night and shot my first turkey! Scared the crud out of everyone in the frozen foods section. I’m no longer welcome at Hy-Vee now.




“God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”  –2 Corinthians 5:21 (New International Version)


1 Corinthians 15:57 = But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.


Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. — Colossians 3:15





Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. — Psalm 90:14


Thought: What’s the secret of having a good day? How about waking up and recognizing that we begin each day just as we ended the previous one — we are in the grip of God’s unfailing love. That should make our hearts stir with love and our voices sing with joy. This song should stir God’s Spirit within us and lead us to a deep and profound thanksgiving that gladdens all of our days. So rather than waking up tired, cranky, and dreading another day, let’s begin this day with a reminder of God’s grace in our daily lives and a reminder of God’s promises in our hearts. Then, I don’t think we’re going to have any problem singing the rest of the day!


Prayer: Glorious Master and Eternal Father, thank you for pouring your love and joy into my heart through your Holy Spirit. Fill my heart and satisfy my life with a sense of your abiding and unfailing love. In the name of my loving Savior, Jesus. Amen.


The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to




The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Proverbs 11:30 NIV = The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, and he who wins souls is wise.




(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)



Today is STAY HOME BECAUSE YOU’RE WELL DAY. ***MARLAR: Call the boss, tell him you’re “too well to come in.”


1974: After six straight years of typing, using 2,473 sheets of paper, Marva Drew of Waterloo, Iowa finally achieved her lifelong goal of typing the numbers from one to one-million on a manual typewriter. ***MARLAR: When asked what she’d do to celebrate, she said, “I’m getting an electric typewriter and a manicure.”


Today is COMPUTER SECURITY DAY “an annual event to remind everyone who uses a computer to protect their computer and their data.”


Today is NATIONAL MOUSSELESS DAY. A day to just let your hair do its own thing. ***MARLAR: Either that, or Rocky the Squirrel is going to be really lonely today.


PERPETUAL YOUTH DAY (always on Dick Clark’s birthday).




Small changes in the way you live will improve your looks. Being beautiful isn’t all about makeup, hair dye, and the right clothes. It’s also about good health. The healthier you are, the better you will look. Change your lifestyle and you’ll be prettier. Here are some tried and true tips for looking your best:

  • Smoking ruins your skin and hair — The primary reason to not smoke — or stop if you do — is to prevent potentially fatal diseases, including cancer and stroke. But did you know smoking damages the microcirculation to the skin and hair, reports the BBC News Online. When this happens, both are dull, gray, and lifeless. Smoking also leads to early wrinkles, especially around the mouth.
  • Booze packs on the pounds — What you drink and how much you drink affect the size of your waistline. The type of alcohol that’s consumed seems to contribute differently to the accumulation of abdominal fat, HealthCentral says wine drinkers have the least abdominal fat, while liquor drinkers have the highest.
  • Vitamins make your skin glow — If you want a complexion that glows, take your vitamins. Sometimes that means popping a vitamin pill and other times it means eating the right food. A healthy diet can be a fountain of youth for the skin. Eat well and your skin will be moist, clear, and glowing. Eat poorly and it will be dry, pale, scaly, or oily.
  • Work up a sweat — Exercising regularly will not only keep you in shape, but also give you poise and make your skin glow. If you walk briskly for 30 minutes a day, you may never gain another pound, according to researchers from Duke University.
  • Be sun smart — Cover up with clothing or sun screen. The sun’s ultraviolet rays break down the skin’s collagen, which makes the skin thinner and allows wrinkles to form.
  • Get more shuteye — Sleep is not a luxury. It’s necessary for body repairs. So make sure you get enough, which is at least seven to eight hours a night. If you don’t get enough shut-eye, you could also have problems with memory and concentration, according to researchers at Stanford University.
  • Get over it — Stress can show on your face and in your posture. Learn how to deal with the big and little stresses you face in your life. But do know this: You are not alone. Stress is the most common health problem reported by women.
  • Smile and say cheese — Take care of your teeth. Brush, floss, and see the dentist every six months for a check-up. The American Academy of Cosmetic Dentistry offers this advice to keep your teeth white: Avoid drinking too much coffee or red wine and use toothpaste that has hydrogen peroxide or baking soda.




Cider Monday

Cyber Monday

Computer Security Day

National Meth Awareness Day

Stay Home Because You’re Well Day





Antarctica Day

Basketball Day

Bifocals at the Monitor Liberation Day

Civil Air Patrol Day

Day With(out) Art Day

Rosa Parks Day

World AIDS Day

Giving Tuesday



International Day for the Abolition of Slavery

National Mutt Day

Safety Razor Day

Special Education Day

Rockefeller Center Tree Lighting

Special Kids Day



National Christmas Tree Lighting (Washington D.C.)



Faux Fur Friday

National Cookie Day

National Dice Day

National Salesperson Day

World Wildlife Conservation Day




Bartender Appreciation Day

Bathtub Party Day

Columbian International Day of the Reef

Earmuff Day/Chester Greenwood Day

International Ninja Day

International Volunteer Day for Economic & Social Development

Sachertorte Day

Skywarn Recognition Day

World Soil Day



Miner’s Day

National Pawnbrokers Day

St Nicholas Day

XTERRA Trail Running Championship



National Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day

International Civil Aviation Day

National Cotton Candy Day




1887: George Hancock invented softball at the Farragut Boat Club in Chicago. At first, it was played indoors with a stick and a boxing glove.


1913: Charles Chaplin made his screen debut in Mack Sennett`s short film ‘Making A Living.’


1956: CBS replayed “Douglas Edward and the News” three hours after it was received on the West Coast. It was the world’s first broadcast by videotape.


1958: Coed Records released “16 Candles” by the Crests.


1974: Marva Drew of Waterloo, Iowa, completed typing from one to 1-million on a manual typewriter. It took her six years and 2,473 sheets of paper. ***MARLAR: I guess we all need a hobby.


1983: Radio Shack introduced its Tandy Model 2000 computer using the Intel-186 processor.


1984: Japan’s #3 automaker, Toyo Kogyo, changed its name to Mazda and announced plans to build a $450-million plant in Flat Rock, Michigan.


1985: The world’s largest beer mug was unveiled by the Selangor Pewter Company of Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. The 6-foot tankard holds 615 gallons. ***MARLAR: Which is really a shame, because Malaysia doesn’t even celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.


1988: The Soviet Union stopped jamming broadcasts of Radio Free Europe for the first time in 30 years.


1990: A Los Angeles sanitation truck driver, protesting unsafe trucks and job stress, dumped 10 tons of garbage on the street in front of city hall.


1993: President Clinton signed into law the Brady bill, which required a five-day waiting period for handgun purchases and background checks of prospective buyers.


1995: Dallas Maverick Jim Jackson was rumored to have substituted himself for teammate Jason Kidd on a date with singer Toni Braxton in Atlanta, leaving Jason waiting for a limo that never came. A season-long feud between the two followed.


1997: A 34-year-old man walked into the Bielefeld, Germany, police station and confessed to an armed bank robbery in the town ten years earlier. The man told police he had found God after finding a Bible in the street and wanted to confess.


2002: A shoplifter who stuffed a frozen chicken drumstick down his underpants was caught because he couldn’t stop hopping around at a supermarket in Saronno, Italy. A cashier spotted the 25-year-old man “bouncing about and adjusting himself” repeatedly. A security guard held the man for police, with the evidence in his pants.


2005: The world’s first partial-face transplant was conducted in France where a woman was given a new nose, lips and chin following a brutal dog bite.




1215: The Fourth Lateran Council closed, under Innocent III. It was this council that made first official use of the term “transubstantiation,” with reference to the Eucharist (Lord’s Supper).


1530: German reformer Martin Luther remarked: ‘Whenever I happen to be prevented by the press of duties from observing my hour of prayer, the entire day is bad for me.’


1554: Roman Catholicism was (briefly) restored to England, under the reign of Mary Tudor, the daughter of Henry VIII and Catherine of Aragon. In the process, “Bloody Mary” had Thomas Cranmer, Hugh Latimer, Nicholas Ridley and nearly 300 other Protestant leaders burned at the stake.


1729: Birth of Samuel Seabury, first bishop of the American Protestant Episcopal Church. (Following the American Revolution, Seabury helped formulate the constitution which made the American Protestant Episcopal Church independent and autonomous from the Church of England.)


1894: In Naperville, Illinois, seven groups of the Evangelical Association withdrew from the organization to form the United Evangelical Church. (In 1922 the two denominations reunited.)




  • actor (Zoolander, Meet the Parents, Dodgeball) Ben Stiller 50
  • actor (Jeffrey Geiger on “Chicago Hope”, Rube Sofer on “Dead Like Me”, Jason Gideon on “Criminal Minds”, best known as Inigo Montoya in The Princess Bride) Mandy Patinkin 63
  • actor (“Benson”) Robert Guillaume 88 (




(Music Artist Birthdays From

1915 : Brownie McGhee

1924 : Allan Sherman

1929 : Dick Clark

1931 : Teddy Wilburn (The Wilburn Brothers)

1932 : Bob Moore (Moby Grape)

1935 : Jack Reno

1936 : Frank Ifield

1937 : Jimmy Bowen, Paul Stookey (Peter, Paul and Mary)

1943 : Leo Lyons (Ten Years After)

1944 : Rob Grill (The Grass Roots)

1944 : Luther Ingram

1945 : Roger Glover (Deep Purple)

1953 : Shuggie Otis

1954 : Jeannie Kendall (The Kendalls)

1954 : George McArdle (Little River Band)

1954 : June Pointer (The Pointer Sisters)

1955 : Billy Idol

1957 : John Ashton (The Psychedelic Furs)

1958 : Stacey Q

1963 : Jalil (Whodini)

1965 : Paul Wheeler (Icehouse)

1968 : Des’ree

1975 : Mindy McCready

1978 : Clay Aiken




Why do we associate Dalmatians with firemen?

I could imagine 101 different reasons. But lest anyone accuse me of dogging it, I’ve pawed through some reference sources to bring you a credible answer.  The answer is simple. The key facts are that there is a natural affinity between Dalmatians and horses, and Dalmatians make good watchdogs. People who owned valuable horses often kept Dalmatians around to guard them against horse thieves. Fire engines used to be drawn by fast and powerful horses, a tempting target for thieves. So, Dalmatians were kept in the firehouse as deterrence to theft. The horses have long since gone, but the Dalmatians, by tradition, have stayed.  Would you like an even simpler explanation? Firemen are often on the spot, while the spots are always on the Dalmatians.  (Edited from Tricky Trivia)




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Big Daddy Weave finally hit their first snow of the year on November 20. The band posted a picture of the snow outside their venue Friday night and posted: Just finished a show here in Chicago and it’s snowing. First snow of the year.


Jason Gray recently put on his professors hat. He spoke with a group of Ben Calhoun’s students at Judson University. Ben teaches when not touring with Citizenway and Jason says the students: indulged me for 2 1/2 hours and let me geek out over songwriting, share some thoughts and stories, and even let a stuttering guy read them some poems.


Casting Crowns Megan Garrett on the life of a touring Christian artist: Y’all can’t even begin to grasp the glamour of tour life until you’ve dried off with a stack of stiff paper towels after a sketchy shower. However, Megan also reported some encouraging news. She said: I just got off the bus for the last time this year! It sounds like she is pretty excited to be home for the holidays.


Retweeted by Mercyme’s Mike Scheuchzer: Before the invention of social media, it was possible to be wholly unaware of a high school acquaintance running in a marathon.


A thought from Casting Crown’s Mark Hall: Shouldn’t there be another word for Synonyms?


Kevin Max made this Christmas tune for website members only last year. Now his favorite Holiday Jam, a mixture of Peace on Earth and Little Drummer Boy, is available to everyone on YouTube.


One year ago Kari Jobe married her best friend Cody. On her one year anniversary Kari is sharing her wedding video. Check it out here:


Did you know the “In His Hands” music video from Dan Bremnes was filmed in British Columbia where Dan grew up? Hear Dan talk about the song and the filming of the video in his home country.


The members of Switchfoot say they were recently given a gift. The band shared a video of a cover of their song Vice Verses recorded in the mountains of northern Thailand.


Jeremy Camp’s daughters have released a new Christmas song. Bella and Aerie are out with the song called “Behold”. The girls even found room to include their dad and mom, Jeremy and Adie Camp. Check out the new Christmas song here:


Jaun Devevo shared a short video of their cat attacking the Christmas tree over the weekend. He said: Cats first Christmas. Hope he survives.






Alaska beach sculptures represent emotional vulnerabilities    photo
ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) — Dozens of sculptures made of straw, cement, plaster and burlap are spread across an Anchorage beach in a public art installation that is focusing on mental health. The display has been erected at Point Woronzof and will officially open Dec. 5. Lead project artist…


Man ejected from football game sends police 240 doughnuts
MADISON, Wis. (AP) — A California man sent 20 dozen coconut doughnuts to police officers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison as payback for getting kicked out of a Badger football game. The man traveled from Los Angeles to see the Badgers play Northwestern at Camp Randall Stadium on…
Pennsylvania teen misses turn, accidently runs full marathon
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — A Pennsylvania teenager’s family says he accidentally ran all 26.2 miles of the Philadelphia Marathon because he missed a turn on his half-marathon course. HASH(0x13f8da0) They say they gave police a photo of Evan, and officers tracked him down in the Manayunk section of…
Fetty Wap throws wads of money over balcony to fans at mall    photo
PARAMUS, N.J. (AP) — Rapper Fetty Wap gave fans a run for his money this weekend, tossing wads of cash over a balcony at a New Jersey mall to the delight of screaming onlookers. Videos posted to social media show the Paterson native throwing money Saturday as he walked through the Garden…
Youngest US chess master, 10: I’ve got to work on my endgame    photo
GREENWICH, Conn. (AP) — At age 10, Maximillian Lu is the youngest-ever chess master in the U.S. Even so, he sees room for improvement. The distinction of being a national master belongs to less than 2 percent of U.S. Chess Federation members and is earned by racking up at least 2,200 points…
Despite warnings about West, 007 finds his way into Iran ad
DUBAI, United Arab Emirates (AP) — Even amid warnings about Western infiltration, the famed fictional British spy James Bond still found a way to get into Iran. An ad hawking Omega watches appeared in the daily newspaper Shargh on Tuesday, featuring actor Daniel Craig wearing one of the…
Turkey visits church – not for holiday meal, just wants in
ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) — Days before Thanksgiving, a wild turkey chose an opportune time to show up on the doorstep of an Orlando church, appearing to seek shelter. The large fowl appeared early Friday and spent the day pacing outside of St. Luke’s United Methodist Church, gazing into its dark…
Facing highest threat alert, Belgians bring out their cats    photo
What police force would start playing along with a practical joke when the capital is facing its highest state of alert and its most-wanted fugitive is still on the run? Right! This is surreal Belgium. Late Sunday, police asked people to stop commenting on ongoing raids in social media to avoid…
Weather device falls from sky, prompts bomb squad response
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — The National Weather Service says an instrument that fell from the sky, prompting a Philadelphia bomb squad response, weighed about a pound and had been launched with a weather balloon about 165 miles away. Mitchell Gaines, of the weather service in Mount Holly, New…
Cheating accusations mar Zimbabwe’s ‘Mister Ugly’ contest    photo
HARARE, Zimbabwe (AP) — Pageant judges have crowned a new winner of Zimbabwe’s 4th annual “Mister Ugly” contest, upsetting supporters of the crowd favorite who called the winner too handsome and prompting rioting at the event. Judges on Saturday chose 42-year-old Mison Sere, citing his…
Condo board wants pet DNA to track down poopers
DESTIN, Fla. (AP) — Some Florida condo owners are steaming after their homeowners association asked them to submit their dog’s DNA in order to fine owners who don’t pick up after their pets. Harbor Landing residents said they received a letter last week and some feel it’s an invasion of…






Agency: 19 people ill in E. coli outbreak tied to Costco
SEATTLE (AP) — Nineteen people in seven states, including Montana, Utah and Colorado, have contracted E. coli in an outbreak linked to chicken salad bought at Costco, federal health officials said Tuesday. People who bought chicken salad at any U.S. Costco store on or before Friday were…


In responding to Paris attacks, only 4 of 302 died    photo
BRUSSELS (AP) — When extremists began their bloody attack on Paris on Nov. 13, it triggered the activation of an emergency response plan to treat the injured — and while 302 people were rushed to hospitals, only four died, according to a report published Tuesday in the journal, Lancet….
APNewsBreak: Emails reveal Coke’s role in anti-obesity group    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — A nonprofit founded to combat obesity says the $1.5 million it received from Coke has no influence on its work. But emails obtained by The Associated Press show the world’s largest beverage maker was instrumental in shaping the Global Energy Balance Network, which is led by a…
Excerpts from emails between Coke, anti-obesity group
A nonprofit founded to fight obesity says the $1.5 million it received from Coke doesn’t influence its work. But emails obtained by The Associated Press show the company was instrumental in shaping the group. Below are excerpts of emails between the group’s leaders and Coke executives starting in…
GOP sets Senate push against health law, Planned Parenthood    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Congressional Republicans hope a post-Thanksgiving drive to obliterate President Barack Obama’s health care law and block Planned Parenthood’s federal funds will spotlight their fierce support for top-tier conservative causes. The certain veto waiting at the White House will…
Health co-op failure in NY leaves doctors owed millions    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — The sudden collapse of the largest nonprofit insurance cooperative created by President Barack Obama’s health care law is causing headaches in New York, especially for medical providers owed millions of dollars for treating the failed plan’s patients. More than 200,000 people…
Born with no voice & low odds, boy talks with new voice box    photo
Grant Hasse was born with two very rare conditions — one that’s usually fatal, the other that should have left him unable to talk. But at almost 4 years old, he’s a healthy bundle of energy after three dozen surgeries, including an innovative operation to create a new voice box. Doctors…
Experts foresee big premium increases for Medicare drug plan    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — With time running out on open enrollment season, many seniors are facing sharply higher premiums for Medicare’s popular prescription drug program. The reason: rising drug costs have overtaken a long stretch of stable premiums. Beneficiaries have until Dec. 7 to see if…
New $710-a-day drug saves lives but strains state budgets
MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) — A newly approved drug is being hailed as a major advance in treatment of cystic fibrosis, a life-threatening genetic disease that clogs the lungs with mucus and forces patients to struggle to breathe. But it comes with a punishing price tag — about $710 per…
AP FACT CHECK: Most GOP candidates flunk climate science    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — When it comes to climate science, two of the three Democratic presidential candidates are A students, while most of the Republican contenders are flunking, according to a panel of scientists who reviewed candidates’ comments. At the request of The Associated Press, eight…
Scientists say feeding fish soy, not fish, more sustainable
SIOUX FALLS, S.D. (AP) — Research supported by the soybean industry is looking to convert some farm-raised fish into vegetarians. A South Dakota State University fisheries scientist is developing a soy protein feed that’s tasty and easily digestible to eventually reduce the industry’s need…




(No news on the weekends. Audio clips are only valid for a few days before being removed from our servers.)



According to a new study (Harris Poll) 50 percent of employees will shop online for holiday gifts while at work. And of those employees, 42 percent will spend at least an hour per day doing so. ***That is, unless you work in radio – because we don’t have any money to go shopping with.


In North Charleston, South Carolina, a Waffle House was about to get robbed. A customer decided he was having none of that and fatally shot the suspect. The intervening customer had a permit to carry a pistol. Police are not pressing any charges against the customer at this time.  *** The Waffle House has offered the hero a lifetime of free food, but he declined, knowing that would be just as deadly as the bullets.  (You gotta wonder if this will convince Waffle House to change their “no weapons” policy.)


The latest trend in jewelry is smart rings. Ringly, a company that makes fashionable smart rings, recently launched it’s latest ring. The brand has integrated the ring with over 50 applications to allow customers to receive notifications from specific apps, ranging from eBay and Instagram to Uber.  *** The only thing it can’t do is keep you from looking like an idiot talking into your ring like a cartoon super-spy.  (AUDIO: YouTube product reviewer Stephanie Carls explains what Ringly is.)


A hunter in France was treated for gunshot wounds after his dog accidentally shot him in the hand and arm. The 61-year-old man was retrieving a woodcock he’d just shot down last week when his excited dog knocked the gun to the ground, jumped on the trigger and discharged one of its cartridges.  *** We seem to get one of these stories once or twice a year.  I’m beginning to wonder if the dog’s are doing this on purpose.




A new study shows that electric cars are actually no more environmentally friendly than gasoline-powered vehicles.  ***MARLAR: Plus they are less likely to survive a head-on collision with a squirrel.


A University of Michigan study found that lack of sleep may contribute to childhood obesity, with every additional hour of sleep per night that a third-grader gets reducing his chances of being obese in sixth grade by 40 percent. The “magic number” for third graders to prevent obesity was 9 hours, 45 minutes of sleep a day. ***MARLAR: That’s why we have an obesity epidemic in this country… we’re not spending enough time lying around in bed.


After receiving one of his wife’s kidneys, a man in England claims he’s turning into her, picking up her hobbies such as cooking, shopping and gardening.  ***MARLAR: The clincher though was when he made an appointment for himself with the gynecologist.


Scottish writer William McGonagall has long been proclaimed the worst poet ever and now a recently discovered play by him makes McGonagall a candidate for the worst playwright ever.  ***MARLAR: The play is so bad, it’s already being talked about as the next big movie role for Rob Schneider.












OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle island of Razzleflabbin, we discovered that the Plaid Guy – who all of the Razzleflabbins were terrified of, was actually not a bad guy at all… he was just different! They’ve all made friends now, and he’s even been invited to the Razzleflabbin Barbecue!


CLOSE: Sounds like everyone is having a great time with their new friend, the Plaid Guy… but what about Marvy? He’s still stranded on Razzleflabbin Island! Will he ever get home? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!






OPEN: And now,, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the animals could not figure out what day it was… fort building day, badminton day, story-telling day, they just didn’t know! But fortunately, along came some help in the form of the king of the jungle… a small lion! What could be better…?


CLOSE: A royal taste tester for the king! If I ever decide to change careers… Anyway, tune in again next time for another episode of As the Jungle Turns!


***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.




Gilbert and Sullivan and a big Moment of Duh!

Gilbert Salas of San Antonio Texas, and his neighbor, an unnamed inDUHvidual who we’ll name “Sullivan” just for fun, confronted, with a pistol, two teens they suspected of stealing tools.  Gilbert, a man who apparently watches a fair amount of police-type shows on television, fired a shot into the air to get their attention.  The teens, who apparently watch a fair amount of the same shows, persuaded Gilbert to put down his weapon and fight them with his fists.  This Gilbert and Sullivan did.  Then, one of the teens, who was apparently fibbing when he said he wanted Gilbert to put the gun down so they could duke it out, picked up the gun.  Gilbert, apparently realizing that the young man was not only a thief but a liar, then struggled with the kid and the gun accidentally went off, wounding Gilbert in the foot.  The other teen attacked Sullivan with a piece of two-by-four and a decorative brick.  Now Gilbert can’t walk, and Sullivan is in the hospital with head injuries.  The teens are on the lam.  Listen closely, friend… “conceal-and-carry” refers to your gun, not your brains.





  • Hey! It’s MY turn to sit on the front pew!
  • I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went over time 25 minutes.
  • Personally, I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf, don’t you?
  • I’ve decided to give our church the $500.00 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
  • I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.
  • Forget the denominational minimum salary: let’s pay our pastor so he can live like we do.
  • I love it when we sing hymns I’ve never heard before!
  • Since we’re all here, let’s start the worship service early!
  • Pastor, we’d like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
  • Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!




Imagine a prison delivering pizza to your door!


FILE #1: Brazil’s Dutra Ladeira prison has become famous for its pizza. Little Tutu pizzeria and bakery, run by the prison’s convicts including a former drug runner who is in charge of the pizzeria (Thenys Chagas Pereira), sells pizzas to prisoners and guards, and even delivers to local neighborhoods. ***MARLAR: Delivered to you in 3-5 years… or less, for good behavior!


FILE #2: An alleged embezzler in Detroit came up with a novel plan for avoiding charges, but he was foiled in the end. Police say the man parked in a General Motors lot and locked himself in the trunk. A passing GM worker heard the man’s cries for help and the cops were called to get him out. The man explained that he’d been robbed of $6000 at his convenience store job and was then locked in his own car trunk by thieves. He claimed to have been in the trunk five days, but the actual time was more like six minutes. Cops determined that the man spent the time and the money on a gambling spree.


FILE #3: From Belgium comes the story of an unidentified man who stole a sewing machine from a repair shop. A couple of days later, the robber returned to the shop, sewing machine in his arms, to ask for a manual and a needle for it. The staff recognized the machine and kept the man talking until the police arrived.


STRANGE LAW: In the rule books of a South Carolina hotel named The Fountain Inn, no horses are allowed in the inn unless they are wearing pants.




Drugs and art do NOT go together!

Japanese artist Tomoko Takahashi has a show in Cardiff, Wales, for which she won a $10,000 (US) grant to get drunk in public. Her “art” is that she chugs 48 bottles of lager for three hours, occasionally seeing how far she can walk across a balance beam in high heels before she falls off. She calls it a comment “on the availability and use of mass-produced products.” But critics call it stupid, a commercial for binge drinking and a waste of taxpayer money.




If you could, would you go back to being a kid again? What age would you back to – and why? What about puberty, would you want live through that again? Or… gasp… living through junior high again?




QUESTION: According to Proverbs, the fruit of the righteousness is a ________. (Three words)

ANSWER: Tree of life. (Proverbs 11:30 NIV, “The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, and he who wins souls is wise.”)


QUESTION: Who was quoted for saying, “Is there any taste in the white of an egg?”

ANSWER: Job (Job 6) ***MARLAR: Well, and me. I said it after trying an eggwhite omelet.




QUESTION: Who was quoted for saying, “Is there any taste in the white of an egg?”

ANSWER: Job (Job 6)




Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

  1. When traveling, is it safer to use luggage with combination locks instead of key locks. (True – many manufacturers use one key for similar bags, and many thieves know which bags.


  1. Kite flying is a professional sport in Mexico. (False – but it is in Thailand)


  1. A goat’s horn is made of compacted hair and keratin. (False. That’s the horn of a rhinoceros)


  1. The Boeing 707 is nicknamed the Fat Albert. (False – that’s the 737)


  1. A dime has 65 ridges around the edge. (False, it has 118)


  1. There was a time in Japan where a wife being left handed was a ground for divorce. (True)


  1. Franklin Pierce was the first U.S. President to have a Christmas tree in the White House. (True)


  1. 95 pairs of jeans can be made with one bale of cotton. (False, they can make 215 pairs)


  1. The oldest known disease in the world is leprosy. (True)


  1. Most snakes have three rows of teeth. (False – they have six)




You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!


FORT WILLIAM, SCOTLAND – An alien spaceship flew into the Angus Sea off Scotland yesterday

It appears the aliens from Gootan are beginning their attack on Earth.   Experts at the U.N. Panel on Extraterrestrials have confirmed that the alien spaceship seen diving into the Angus Sea is from Planet Gootan.

“We studied the satellite images carefully overnight and evaluated the trajectory of the dive with the spaceships we have been monitoring,” said Dr. Banesh Bannerjee of the U.N. Panel.  ”It is definitely a Gootan ship.”

Bannerjee was quick to add that this ship is much smaller than the three ships set to attack Earth in just under a week. He was not sure why this ship dove into the Angus Sea, but he felt that it was some kind of reconnaissance ship.





The patient is adamant. “Doc, I need a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a heart transplant, a cornea transplant, a spleen transplant, a pancreas trans. . .”

“What makes you think you need all these?”

Well, replied the patient, “My boss said if I wanted to keep my job I needed to get reorganized.”



A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with “IBA” or insufficient brain activity read their e-mail and the content of websites with their hand on the mouse.  Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.



A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”

The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”




Bern, Switzerland, is hoping to keep men from using parking spaces reserved for women by painting them pink and adding flowers. ***MARLAR: And if that doesn’t work, they’ll create special parking spaces just for men equipped with a toilet, big screen TV, and a mini fridge.


A perfectly planned wedding in Swaziland was horribly interrupted because a private investigator was looking for something his client wanted back: the wedding rings. It turns out that the groom bought the wedding rings with a check that bounced. So, mid-ceremony the P.I. went in and repossessed the wedding rings at the very point when they were to exchange vows.  ***MARLAR: Followed immediately by an exchange of words, and then an exchange of blows.


The average person can only remember about 60% of what happened to them yesterday.  ***MARLAR: Which really isn’t all that much of a loss, seeing as only two percent of yesterday was worth remembering.





My grandpa, known for his offbeat sense of humor, adopted a dog and named him Mr. Peeve.
I took the bait, asked why he named it and he said because when people ask the dog’s name, I can say “That’s my pet Peeve.”





Another reason to treat yourself to a piece of chocolate: A new study (published in the journal Nutrition) found that European kids who ate more chocolate also had a lower body mass index. So, more chocolate doesn’t necessarily mean more fat. Scientists examined the chocolate intake of 1,458 kids age 12 ½ to 17 ½ and found those who had more chocolate (11.5 ounces a day versus less than a quarter of an ounce) actually had lower BMIs, regardless of sex, age, and other diet factors.





God made

Adam bit

Noah arked

Abraham split

Joseph ruled

Jacob fooled

Bush talked

Moses balked

Pharaoh plagued

People walked

Sea divided

Tablets guided

Promise landed

Saul freaked

David peeked

Prophets warned

Jesus born

God walked

Love talked

Anger crucified

Hope died

Love rose

Spirit flamed

Word spread

God remained.





Read: Philippians 2:5-11

Humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time. —1 Peter 5:6

A sportswriter described former major league baseball player and manager Don Baylor as a person who always remembered how it felt to be “sent down” to the minor leagues. When one of his players had to be demoted, he would always meet with him to explain the decision. A team owner said of Baylor, “He has been through a lot of life lessons he can share with the players.” It makes a big difference when the manager knows how a player feels.

It’s always humbling to be reduced in rank, privilege, or responsibility. But these things may come as part of God’s training in our lives. The apostle Peter wrote, “‘God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.’ Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time” (1 Peter 5:5-6).

The apostle Paul described Jesus as our example of humble submission to God. He was sent down from heaven to become a man—a “bondservant” who was obedient to the point of dying on the cross for our sins (Philippians 2:6-8).

Humility and submission to God are not signs of weakness but evidence of Christlike power and character. We can receive courage and strength from Jesus Himself, who knows how it feels to be “sent down.” —David McCasland


Teach me to do the humble task
The very best I can,
And not to look for greater calls,
Which may oppose Thy plan. —Bernheisel


The mighty Architect of the universe became the humble Carpenter of Nazareth.





A man in a wheelchair doesn’t have a problem with people abusing him because of his disability… he uses his disability to abuse other people!

In August, the Metropolitan Transit board of Santa Cruz, Calif., had to resort to obtaining a judicial order restricting the bus travel of one of its own members, Bruce Gabriel, because it feared he might continue to assault its transit drivers and others with his wheelchair. According to court documents, Gabriel has deliberately hit two drivers, knocked over a boy in a crosswalk, and verbally assaulted passengers. Gabriel called the collisions accidents and said he is merely an aggressive advocate for people with disabilities.





It’s the holiday season, traditionally a time of celebrations, joy and goodwill. Not all holiday traditions are pleasant ones, though. Holidays are also a time when fraudsters increase their efforts to give gifts to themselves – gifts of your credit card information, your social insurance/social security number, your money and your identity.

During this holiday season, consumers need to be mindful about widespread online scams. Ensure your computer protections are up-to-date, avoid shopping on public computers such as those in internet cafes and libraries and follow these easy steps to help protect yourself:

  • Spoofed Shopping or Auction Websites: Always be extremely wary of anything online that looks “too good to be true”.  It’s not only during the gift giving season that fraudsters will send emails or post websites promising “amazing” discounts on luxury or everyday gifts. By trusting these offers you could end up buying items that you never receive and putting your credit card information into the hands of fraudsters. Avoid those emails and website links. Instead, independently go to any reputable company’s website. If the deals are legitimate, you will find them on that site.
  • Social Networking Sites’ scams: Always ensure you limit the information that you put on social networking sites and don’t automatically trust all “new friend requests” you receive. Social networking sites give fraudsters a wide audience for their scams. Some of the current trends are bogus email requests from a “friend” who is travelling and needs money wired to them for a “medical emergency” and deceptive “new friend requests” that contain links which, if you click on them, will download malicious software that will steal your personal information. Independently verify any request for “emergency funds”, i.e. don’t use the email address or phone number that you received the request from.
  • Email Scams: Avoid unsolicited emails that request any action on your part which involves divulging financial or other personal information or your sending money in order to receive money or goods.
  • Phishing emails: NO legitimate financial institution will send you a website link or phone number in an unsolicited email, asking you to confirm or enter any of your account or login information.  NO legitimate credit card company will send you a “transaction warning” with a website link or phone number, in an unsolicited email, asking you to confirm your account information.  NO legitimate financial institution will request that you send money in order to facilitate an online transfer, i.e. supposedly to bring your transfer amount up to a “minimum transfer limit”.  Even if these look convincing, these are scams. If in doubt, contact your financial institution or your credit card company using contact information that you’ve independently obtained.
  • Password Stealing Scams: Password theft remains a popular online scam as the financial rewards to cybercriminals can be immense. Do not click on links or attachments from unsolicited emails, to help avoid downloading password stealing software. A safeguard to follow is to always use different passwords for online bank accounts and for anything that contains your credit card number or other personal information.
  • Charity emails: Many of us take pleasure in giving to charitable organizations at this time of year. Be cautious of emails that appear to be from legitimate charitable organizations, but take you to fraudulent websites that will steal whatever personal or financial information you enter onto the site. Ignore these emails and independently go to the valid website for your charity of choice.
  • Job-related emails: During the holidays, there is also unfortunately a rise job-related email scams. Be wary of job opportunities that require initial start-up fees. Be on your guard for phony recruiters and employers that request personal or financial information prior to your commencing “employment”. Instead of a job, you may find your personal information, and your money, stolen.
  • Phony “Delivery Charges to Release Package” emails: Delivery Service companies do not request, via unsolicited email, payment or personal information in return for goods that are in transit or being held for you. Do not respond to these emails or click on any links within them..
  • Holiday-Themed emails: holiday e-cards and websites with cute holiday-themed downloads are tempting “clicks” during this season. But malicious code may be lurking behind those links. Always be careful what sites you access and what email links you click on.
  • To help stay safe online during the holiday season, be careful what you access (see “Cyber Criminals”). Use a little caution in your online activity and when in doubt, take the time to verify email requests that you receive, before you act on them.





Looking for a new job?  Have you checked inside the bathroom stall recently?
Looking for a job? Have you looked for one in the bathroom lately? Swedish furniture chain Ikea is trying to attract young professionals with handwritten job advertisements on lavatory walls. Ikea says that in the bathroom, “people are more relaxed and receptive to our message.” They are seeking copywriters and project managers, and the ads cost one tenth the amount charged by newspapers. So far they seem to be working. After four days, Ikea received 60 applications. Four to five times more than what they normally get from a normal newspaper ad.  ***MARLAR: What kind of copy writers are you going to get by writing the copy for your job opening in the bathroom stalls?  Is restroom graffiti really the kind of copywriting experience this company is looking for?!? “For a good time, call Ikea…”





  • Well, how ’bout that? I’m lost! Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions.
  • You know Pumpkin, now that you’re thirteen, you’ll be ready for unchaperoned car dates soon. Won’t that be fun?
  • Here, son… take my credit card and the keys to my new car — go crazy.
  • I’ve noticed that a lot of your friends wear black and have body piercings… that is SO COOL!
  • What do you mean you wanna play football?  Figure skating not good enough for you, son?
  • Your mother and I are going away for the weekend. You might want to consider throwing a party while we’re gone.
  • Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies. You know, that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.
  • No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring — now quit your belly-aching, and let’s go to the mall.





Russia has decided that women will NOT be allowed on trips to Mars.

They don’t have any trips planned in the near future, but Russia has already decided that when the day finally does come, they will not let women go to Mars with their male counterparts. Thinks it’s discriminatory? Well… you’re right. In fact, the reason they’ve made this decision is because they think women will cause arguments. One of the directors of Russia’s space program says that a trip (which will likely take place sometime before 2020) would consist of a “serene” crew of four or five cosmonauts: a commander, a pilot, a doctor and a couple of scientists. ***MARLAR: Women drivers apparently are not needed.




(Mondays Only)

(From 2013) An 11 year old boy in Maryland has been suspended for saying the word “Gun” on the bus. And that’s this week’s TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

An 11-year-old boy and his friends were talking about the Sandy Hook shootings, and the kid commented that he wished he had a gun so that he could protect everyone from the bad guys.  Bruce Henkelman of Huntingtown says his son, a sixth grader at Northern Middle School in Owings, was talking with friends about the Sandy Hook Elementary School massacre when the bus driver hauled him back to school to be questioned by the principal.  “The principal told me that with what happened at Sandy Hook if you say the word ‘gun’ in school you are going to get suspended for 10 days,” Henkelman said in an interview.  So what did the boy say?  According to his father, he neither threatened nor bullied anyone.  “He said, I wish I had a gun to protect everyone. He wanted to defeat the bad guys. That’s the context of what he said,” Henkelman said. “He wanted to be the hero.”  The boy was questioned by the principal and a sheriff’s deputy, who also wanted to search the family home without a warrant, which did not happen.




The Nativity Story (audio version).


Begin the Christmas season by listening to a Christmas classic – “A Christmas Carol”, as recorded from the gang at KCNW-AM back in 1993!


Focus on the Family’s Thriving Family web site is out with a fun way to encourage other members of your family. They wrote: We write positive character qualities on slips of paper. Then we take turns drawing the slips from a basket and reading them aloud. Everyone suggests who that quality best describes and why. The person whose name is mentioned the most gets to keep the paper. Points are awarded to the person who, for the given quality, tells the best positive anecdote about another family member. At the end, the person with the most points wins!


It’s easy to forget that good things are happening in the world. In response, the Relevant magazine is out with 5 good news stories to remind you. Stories range from princess yarn wigs to a police officer who helped an injured runner finish a marathon. Read all five here:


Louie Giglio ‘s latest book is featured in a You Version Bible App seven day devotional reading plan. The reading plan includes seven daily devotions based on Louie Giglio’s book The Comeback: It’s Not Too Late and You’re Never Too Far. Each reading draws on examples of men and women in Scripture to show how God is in the business of giving fresh starts to people who need a comeback. Check out the free devotional here…


5 Things to Do When Your Kids Don’t Want to Be with You (from Mark Merrill)

  1. Don’t take it personally.
  2. Look at them in a new way.
  3. Don’t withdraw.
  4. Understand your child.
  5. Find common ground.


5 Things Every Mom Needs to Accept from iMom. 

  1. Your child won’t be good at everything.
  2. You can’t always pick your kids’ friends.
  3. You’re going to mess up sometimes and have to do damage control.
  4. Sometimes your kid is going to get a raw deal. And that’s OK.
  5. You are a better mom than you give yourself credit for.




The Christmas shopping season is now in full-throttle. Millions will crowd malls in search of that hard to find treasure: customer service.




(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from in Chicago.)

When Travel Unravels

In case you are wondering, Thanksgiving may or may not be the busiest travel time of the year. There seems to be disagreement here. The Department of Transportation claims Thanksgiving is the busiest long-distance travel day overall. BUT…91 percent of that travel turns out to be by automobile. For air travelers and other commercial modes, Orbitz still crowned Thanksgiving Eve numero uno.
This provides a good opportunity to share the ongoing woes of today’s air travelers. This is kindled freshly in my mind as I recently had long distance flights to Israel and back. Also, my son and daughter-in-law just arrived from California with stories.
But let’s start with this recent headline from the Chicago Tribune: “5 Reasons United Might Finally Be Improving Its On-Time Rate.” After all, United is the world’s second-largest airline. And let’s admit … the friendly skies get less friendly if you keep showing up late!
To the good credit side, United is making some progress under their new CEO. October was one of their best months in their history. On the poor performance side, this rough assessment: “In 2012, United botched its combination of the merged airlines’ reservation systems, the technological backbone of an airline. For months, glitches and poor airport employee training led to rampant flight delays and cancellations. That damaged United’s profits as corporate customers fled to competitors.”
So the price of customer dissatisfaction supposedly means you lose business. But not so fast. There’s still a ways to go.
First, has anyone noticed the airline rows are narrower? Seats getting smaller? Legroom shorter? If you haven’t, you may not fly a lot.
These three scrunching techniques that bug paying customers drive improved profits for the airline. Forget the long lost meals on long domestic flights. Ignore those commercials showing comfy passengers on a plane. Get real…and get scrunched.
I’m an oversized customer to the airline. I’m around 6’2” tall and over 200 pounds. Fairly broad shoulders. On our recent Israel trip, I had an aisle seat, which helped me avoid crushing other passengers by climbing over them to get something overhead or use the washroom.
However, during the twelve hour flight, I mistakenly put my elbows on the arm rest. This resulted in cart bruising. Then there were the people bringing their luggage on board smashing my sides as they navigated to their seats. And the up-and-down-the-aisle bumps from passengers during the flight. Admittedly, I was in economy. But I was flying on the airline that used to brag they were something “special in the air”!
But among the worst passenger offenses these days is the boarding procedure. On these same flights, you are put into groups. Pity those in “Group 5.” You might have considered traveling with the bags.
Priority boarding now offers early access to about ten groups BEFORE they get to the Group 1 ticket holders. This includes any of the airlines’ favored status people. I was in the “Oh, are you actually flying with us?” group. It was my fellow passengers, however, who got the brunt of the problem.
These days, the airlines let you bring rollerboard suitcases on to cram in the overhead compartments. If you are in the highly favored groups, your super size bags usually get on — even if you take up all the space to the end of the plane. This leaves NO room for the bags of the later boarders. So the airline requires these poor folks to now check their bag before getting on the plane. Sayonara, needed travel items! Many tail end customers had to check bags.
One in our group had her medications in said bag. She was told there was “no room in the bin.” (Sounds like a modern day Christmas story.) This was on the short flight. BUT…since her bag was being automatically sent now to its “final destination,” she was without her travel bag until we arrived in Israel! Her pleas earned no sympathy.
This is, of course, a fixable problem in two ways. Keep your on board luggage privileges the same, and order planes with bigger capacity. OR…change those baggage size rules so that customers don’t take their wardrobe on the plane. I have been flying for years. This has become a more recent problem because business travelers don’t want to wait for luggage. And who can blame them? (That is an issue to be addressed next week.)
Regrettably, these issues of crammed in customers and oversized luggage in the bins is unlikely to get resolved without customer revolt. As long as people are willing to pay for being mistreated, the treatment won’t change.
The Bible, of course, says nothing about elbow and legroom. Or overhead bins. Or on-time flights. It does, however, encourage good treatment. Try this: “When a stranger sojourns with you in your land, you shall not do him wrong.” (Leviticus 19:33, ESV)
And for goodness sake, don’t lose his luggage!
That’s The Way WE Work.




Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).


NOVEMBER 25, 2015…


Creed—Sylvester Stallone just can’t keep away from boxing.  In this film, he is coaching a young boxer, Creed (Michael B. Jordan), who is the son of Creed (Carl Weathers) from previous “Rocky” films.  Did the original have daughters for a boxing film? Just asking…”Creed” is rated PG 13. No rating.


The Good Dinosaur—An animated family movie with a different view of life. Here, the dinosaurs lived and are the dominant species, while humans are their pets. So the dinosaur, Arlo (voice of Raymond Ochoa) has the human, Spot (voice of Jack Bright) as his pet. There are life problems in this age, too.  “The Good Dinosaur” is rated PG. Rating of 2 for animation fans.


The Night Before—Childhood, sometimes it doesn’t end.  In this film, three guys (Seth Rogen, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Anthony Mackie) have spent Christmas Eve together since children.  Now, they are adults and responsibilities are pulling them in different directions.  What to do?  “The Night Before” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.


Victor Frankenstein—So, were the doctor Frankenstein and his assistant, Igor, friends or not?  This film explores the relationship between the two. Victor Frankenstein is played by James McAvoy and Igor is none other than Daniel Radcliffe from “Harry Potter.”  Interesting premise. “Victor Frankenstein” is rated R. No rating.


NOVEMBER 27, 2015…


The Danish Girl (opening in select cities)—Eddie Redmayne takes on the role of one of the first transgender persons to come into the public, Lili Elbe.  Also in the cast is Alicia Vikander who plays Gerda Wegener, once married to Redmayne’s character. This happened in the mid-1920’s.  “The Danish Girl” is rated R. No rating.


DECEMBER 04, 2015…


Macbeth (opening in select cities)—Michael Fassbender (“Steve Jobs”) now takes on Shakespeare to portray Macbeth with Marion Cotillard as Lady Macbeth. Here we are in Scotland of the 11th century and there is murder, intrigue and back-stabbing (excuse the pun) everywhere. “Macbeth” is rated R. No rating.


Krampus—a holiday horror film, dark comedy starring Toni Collette and Adam Scott about a horrible demon. His targets are people who don’t help people during the holidays. Your guess is as good as mine. “Krampus” is rated R. No rating.


DECEMBER 11, 2015…


*Note: Legend, starring Tom Hardy as two gangster brothers who rule London, is now due to open this week.  Here’s hoping.


In The Heart Of The Sea with Chris Hemsworth as part of the crew of a 1820 whaling ship decimated by a white whale, is opening this week.  Based on a true story.


The Big Short has Brad Pitt and Ryan Gosling as two guys who bet against banks. Shades of financial maneuvering.


The Lady In The Van (opening in select cities) and based on the true story of a woman who parked her van in a driveway and lived there for years. Stars Maggie Smith.


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