***RADIO ISN’T DEAD – From RadioIsntDead.com
***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS – FREE TO AIR! (Contact me to sign up!)
***CREATION MOMENTS MINUTE – FREE TO AIR! (Contact me to sign up!)
PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20151002
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
Even as a young kid I wanted to be an early morning deejay. When I was six I started getting up early so I could play records for Dad when he got up. When I was seven — I started telling Dad the time and the weather forecast. When I was eight –I started telling Dad jokes. When I was nine – Dad ran away from home.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” –1 Corinthians 13:4-8
An evil man is trapped by his sinful talk, but a righteous man escapes trouble. –Proverbs 12:13
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. — Matthew 5:11-12
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
Restore us to yourself, O LORD, that we may return; renew our days as of old. — Lamentations 5:21
Thought: When these words were first spoken, they focused on God’s restoration of Israel back to its place, its prominence, its life, and its Temple. Yet from our vantage point, this prayer can be ours as well. Restoration can mean Christ’s return which brings us home to God. On that day, every barrier standing between God and us will fall. Our mortality will be swallowed up in victory. We will see God face to face and get to walk with him in the cool of the day as his perfect children. May that day come soon!
Prayer: Holy and awesome God, I know a huge gulf stands between your perfection and my limitations. Yet, dear Father, I believe you have spanned that gulf with your grace. While I wait for that perfection to dawn in all its fullness, please empower me for my battles with the Evil One and deliver me from all spiritual harm and attack. Until the day I see you face to face, please accept my all-too-limited and human praise for all you have done to save me. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
Deuteronomy 10:2 NIV = I will write on the tablets the words that were on the first tablets, which you broke. Then you are to put them in the chest.”
TODAY IS FRIDAY – OCTOBER 02, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 84 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is Peanuts Day, celebrating this day in 1950 when Charles Schulz introduced us to his pals, Charlie Brown, Lucy, Linus, Sally, and Charlie’s dog, Snoopy. ***MARLAR: Either that or it’s a day to celebrate radio paychecks. (
This is Squirrel Awareness Week begins today. ***MARLAR: Aware?!?! I can’t get rid of the darned things!
Today is National Custodial Workers Day. ***MARLAR: And you can begin celebrating by cleaning up that mess on aisle five.
Today is Guardian Angels Day. ***MARLAR: Always on National Custodial Workers Day because they keep cleaning up our messes.
Today is Name Your Car Day. ***MARLAR: I’ve named mine “Crash.”
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Guardian Angels Day
International Day of Non-Violence
National Custodial Workers Day
Phileas Fogg’s Wager Day
World Farm Animals Day
Lee’s National Denim Day
National Diversity Day
COMING UP NEXT
(Note: Just because holiday is listed here it does not mean we are endorsing it.)
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 03
Cephalopod Awareness Day
Inter-American Water Day
World Card Making Day
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 04
Blessing of The Animals Day (Blessing of the Pets Day/World Pet Day)
Improve Your Office Day
National Shop in a Bottle Day
International Blessings of the Fishing Fleet Day
Country Inn Bed & Breakfast Day
International African Diaspora Day
World Communion Day
MONDAY, OCTOBER 05
Child Health Day
World Day of Bullying Prevention / Blue Shirt Day
World Habitat Day
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 06
Jackie Mayer Rehab Day
American Libraries Day
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 07
Balloons Around the World Day
Emergency Nurses Day
Pet Obesity Awareness Day ***Your cat insisting it only be fed lasagna is a pretty good indicator.
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 08
Alvin C. York Day
Fall Astronomy Day
National Pierogy Day
Universal Music Day
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 09
Clergy Appreciation Day
Leif Erikson Day
National Pro-Life Cupcake Day
World Post Day
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 10
Columbus Day (Observed on 2nd Monday)
International Day for Natural Disaster Reduction
International Newspaper Carrier Day
National Handbag Day
Native American Day
Naval Academy Day
World Mental Health Day
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 11
Ada Lovelace Day
National Face Your Fears Day
Southern Food Heritage Day
MONDAY, OCTOBER 12
Columbus Day (Observed)
Emergency Nurses Day
Free Thought Day
National Bring Your Teddy Bear To Work & School Day
International Top Spinning Day
National Take Your Parents To Lunch Day
Spanish Language Day
Stop Bullying Day
ON THIS DAY
1920: In the only triple header in baseball history, the Cincinnati Reds beat the Pittsburgh Pirates two games to one. Umpire Pete Harrison worked all three games and called game three after six innings because of darkness. Pirate third baseman Clyde Barnhart hit safely in all three games.
1950: The Charles Shultz comic strip “Peanuts” debuted in nine newspapers. The four original characters were Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Patty, and Sherman (see today’s QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE for a great trivia question regarding the “Peanuts” gang!) (
1958: Television’s Yogi Bear stole his first picnic basket in Jellystone National Park, assisted by his sidekick Boo Boo Bear. ***MARLAR: Smarter than the average bear – and a cleptomaniac! (
1959: The Twilight Zone debuted on television. They made 154 original episodes. (
1988: 45 people were trapped for about an hour in Bloomsburg, Pennsylvania, hanging upside-down at the top of the loop on a roller coaster. No one was injured.
1990: Singer Sinead O’Connor was greeted at a Beverly Hills store by a clerk singing The Star Spangled Banner. The clerk was fired.
1997: In New Delhi, India, the worlds shortest man died at age 36 without achieving his dream of marrying a tall woman. Gul Mohammed was 22.1 inches tall. A heavy smoker, he died from lung disease.
2001: Some 15 South African robbers ambushed a security van and escaped with one of three cash boxes — the one that was empty. Police found the box open near Pretoria with an assortment of picks, hammers and crowbars nearby.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1782: The Baptist Missionary Society was founded in London, England. This first modern mission society was started by William Carey, then 21, who later became England’s first great Protestant missionary to India.
1808: Birth of Allen W. Chatfield, an Anglican vicar in Herefordshire (a west England county bordering on Wales). His best remembered writings include the English translation of the hymn, “Lord Jesus, Think on Me.”
1918: Birth of Don Hustad, organist for the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association. He accompanied Graham as organist for his worldwide crusades during 1961-67.
1970: A two-day convention opened at which the Baptist Convention of Pennsylvania-South Jersey was formed. It was comprised of 9,000 charter members from 52 Southern Baptist churches.
1984: Grace Ministries International was incorporated in Grand Rapids, MI. Originating as Bethesda Mission in 1951, GMI engages in church planting in nearly a dozen overseas countries.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actress-talker (“All My Children”, “Hope & Faith”, “Live With Regis & Kelly”) Kelly Ripa is 45 (
- Charlie Brown and Snoopy 65 (
- photographer Annie Leibovitz 66
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1933 : David Somerville (The Diamonds)
1939 : Lolly Vegas (Redbone)
1941 : Ron Meagher (The Beau Brummels)
1945 : Don McLean
1950 : Mike Rutherford (Genesis)
1951 : Sting
1955 : Phillip Oakey (The Human League)
1958 : Freddie Jackson
1960 : Robbie Nevil
1962 : Sigtryggur Baldursson (The Sugarcubes)
1967 : Bud Graugh (Sublime)
1970 : Dion Allen (Az Yet)
1971 : Tiffany
1973 : Lene Grawford Nystrom (Aqua)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
WHY DO WE CALL SCRIBBLING ON A PIECE OF PAPER, “DOODLING?”
I was looking over my notes from a course in Latvian literature, part of my cross-discipline major in Eastern European Esoterica. Talk about marginalia! I filled the edges of every page in the notebook with 20th century hieroglyphics. Doodles? Oodles. Why “doodles?” Why not just “scribblings,” “jottings,” or “ballpoint busyness?” Because such behavior reminds people of someone playing the bagpipes. Huh? If you’re “dudeln” in Germany, the source of our word, you’re playing the pipes — a waste of time according to many Germans. And scribbling, equally unproductive, might as well be “dudeln.” You start with bagpipes, graduate to doodling, who knows where you go from there. Hey, I’d better confiscate that pen before you use it as a weapon.
Source: DICTIONARY OF WORD AND PHRASE ORIGINS by William and Mary Morris
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!
How many guitars does one guitarist need on tour? Kutless member James Mead says he will have five on the bands upcoming tour. They include 2 Les Pauls, Elliott Guitars, and 1 Fender Jazz master.
Sandi Patty this week announced plans for her upcoming “Forever Grateful: The Farewell Tour”. The long time Christian artist is also working on new album to be titled Forever Grateful. Sandi’s final tour will commence in February 2016 and will reach 90+ cities across the globe, including 20 signature holiday tour dates, special events, surprise guests and major symphony shows.
Tobymac is gearing up for his This Is Not a Test tour and fellow DC Talk member Kevin Max will be part of the show, although not in person. TobyMac said Kevin recently stopped by the studio to shoot a special guest video for the tour.
Third Day’s Mac Powell was in enemy territory this week. The Atlanta resident was watching the Atlanta falcons take on the Dallas Cowboys at a Mexican Restaurant in Ft. Worth over the weekend. Mac tweeted: “Everybody’s wearing Cowboys gear. I ain’t saying a word.”
Tenth Avenue North’s Jeff Owens joined thousands of others around world in watching for the blood moon over the weekend. But Jeff’s picture of the moon fell a little short. He posted a completely black picture on Instagram with the words: Here’s my picture of the Super Blood Moon tonight!! Guess I’ll try again in 2033.
More Redneck Ingenuity from David Crowder. This time the Crowder front man is out with a redneck shower head. It’s a Mountain Dew bottle with holes poked in the bottom and screwed to the shower water pipe.
Jamie Grace was trying to make space on her phone by deleting photos this week and she noticed a trend: 80% of them selfies by her sister and her friends.
The moon eclipse wasn’t the only eclipse this week. There was also a partial Bart eclipse. Mercyme’s Bart Millard says it was glorious. Check out pictures of the Bart eclipse…
Danny Gokey may have to copywrite his hairdo. A follower of the Christian artist shared: Is it weird that I asked for “The Danny Gokey” for my latest haircut?
The Afters Josh Havens was in mourning this week. He shared a picture of the broken neck of his guitar with the text: My poor Gibson acoustic guitar…this is what American Air did to my baby. Sad sad day. http://twitter.com/joshhavens/status/648708230722535424/photo/1
WEIRD & WACKY
|Repent! Undercover New Hampshire cops nab cell ban violators photo
CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — Michelle Tetreault’s daughter didn’t know what “repent” meant when she spotted a man with a sign around his neck warning “Repent! The end is near!” But she’s plenty sorry now that her mom is facing a $124 traffic ticket for using her cellphone to snap a picture of the…
|Philly police say suspect got manicure, robbed nail salon
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — Police are seeking a robbery suspect with nice nails. They say a man got a manicure at a nail salon on West Rockland Street in Philadelphia on Sunday and then robbed the place at gunpoint. Surveillance video shows the suspect grabbing money from one worker and then taking…
|Chicago Botanic Garden’s 2nd corpse flower is blooming
GLENCOE, Ill. (AP) — A suburban Chicago garden with a disappointing rainforest plant that refused to bloom now has a new star attraction. The Chicago Botanic Garden announced Tuesday that a second corpse flower is not only on display in its semi-tropical greenhouse, but it is blooming. Garden…
|Cow goes rogue in central NY, eludes capture for months
NEW HARTFORD, N.Y. (AP) — Police hope a farm device used to feed cattle will help corral a cow that has been on the loose for months in a central New York town. Officers in New Hartford have put feed in a headlock feeder and placed the device along a road outside Utica where the rogue cow has…
|Florida couple invites strangers to crash their wedding
FORT MYERS, Fla. (AP) — Inspired by the popular movie “Wedding Crashers”, a Florida couple is actually asking strangers to crash their wedding next month. Lee County sheriff’s deputy Paul Johnson and Shelly Osterhout say the more the merrier. They’re hosting the Oct. 10 wedding at an outdoor…
|Groups hope to save tree grown from seeds taken on Apollo 14
BOISE, Idaho (AP) — Boise, Idaho, residents are trying to save a tree that was grown from seeds taken aboard the Apollo 14 mission to the moon. The Idaho Statesman reports (http://bit.ly/1JCwyDp) the loblolly pine planted in 1977 on Lowell Elementary School’s campus is dehydrated and infected…
|Mistaken text message leads to love for St. Louis couple
ST. LOUIS (AP) — A married St. Louis couple is sharing their unlikely love story about three years after the mistaken text message that forged their relationship. HASH(0x141db20) Upon their second meeting two days later, they each arrived at a Kirkwood coffee shop at different times and…
|Titanic’s last lunch menu, from Money Boat, goes for $88,000 photo
NEW YORK (AP) — The Titanic’s last lunch menu, saved by a first-class passenger who climbed aboard a lifeboat whose crew was said to have been bribed to row away instead of rescue more people, sold at auction for $88,000 on Wednesday. The online New York auctioneer Lion Heart Autographs…
|Woman to remove screen built to block view of neighbor
THETFORD, Vt. (AP) — A former Vermont gubernatorial candidate is taking down a 60-foot by 24-foot screen she built to block her view of her neighbor’s home. HASH(0x14106f0) Dwyer has said one of her horses was startled by a child on the neighbor’s driveway, prompting her to plant trees to…
|Rescued horses chow down on 22 tons of donated carrots
BEND, Ore. (AP) — Carrots might no longer tempt horses at one Oregon rescue ranch — because they’ve been munching on tons of them for days. HASH(0x13d4fb0) Equine Outreach operator Joan Steelhammer was offered the vegetables Friday after they were deemed unfit for human consumption. She…
|Dispensaries offer free marijuana to California fire victims
MIDDLETON, Calif. (AP) — Medical marijuana dispensaries in Northern California are offering up to $200 in free cannabis per patient affected by a hugely destructive wildfire. HASH(0x13fdce0) Patients eligible for the products must have a medical marijuana prescription and home addresses in…
HEALTH & FITNESS
|Low-nicotine cigarettes cut use, dependence, study finds photo
A new study might help the push for regulations to limit nicotine in cigarettes. Smokers who switched to special low-nicotine ones wound up smoking less and were more likely to try to quit, researchers found. The study only lasted six weeks, and researchers call the evidence preliminary. But they…
|England, Wales ban smoking in cars with children inside
LONDON (AP) — Smokers who light up in vehicles with children inside will face fines in England and Wales as anti-smoking measures are expanded to protect young people from the dangers of second-hand smoke. The ban went into effect Thursday but police are not expected to issue a rash of fines…
|Rare Q fever outbreak reported in American medical tourists photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Five Americans came down with an unusual illness after traveling to Germany for a controversial treatment involving injections with sheep cells, health officials reported Wednesday. The treatment is not permitted in the United States. The five New York residents received the…
|In New Hampshire, substance abuse at center of 2016 campaign photo
MANCHESTER, N.H. (AP) — Sitting among hospital leaders, law enforcement and recovering addicts in New Hampshire’s largest city Wednesday, Jeb Bush heard a sobering statistic: In the past 30 days, 102 people overdosed on drugs in Manchester alone. Ten died. “It is all over the place, it is…
|UN: HIV patients should start treatment immediately photo
LONDON (AP) — The World Health Organization has revised its HIV guidelines to recommend that anyone who tests positive for the virus that causes AIDS should be treated immediately. That guidance fits with what is already recommended in many developed nations, including the United States. The…
|New NYC Legionnaires’ disease outbreak kills 1, sickens 12
NEW YORK (AP) — A new Legionnaires’ disease cluster discovered in the Bronx has killed one person and sickened 12 others just a month after the largest outbreak of the disease in New York City history, health officials said Wednesday. The new cluster is centered in the Morris Park…
|House Republicans advance bill to undo health law photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — House Republicans advanced legislation Tuesday to dismantle President Barack Obama’s health law that could actually reach the president’s desk. The House GOP has voted more than 50 times to repeal all or parts of the health law. Almost all the bills died in the Senate. But…
|Gene test finds which breast cancer patients can skip chemo photo
Many women with early-stage breast cancer can skip chemotherapy without hurting their odds of beating the disease — good news from a major study that shows the value of a gene-activity test to gauge each patient’s risk. The test accurately identified a group of women whose cancers are so…
|Nonprofits seek Supreme Court review of contraceptives case photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Religion, birth control and President Barack Obama’s health care overhaul are about to collide at the Supreme Court yet again. Faith-affiliated charities, colleges and hospitals that oppose some or all contraception as immoral are battling the administration over rules that…
|Study: Breast cancer detection not better with computer aid
CHICAGO (AP) — Computer-assisted detection used in most U.S. mammograms adds no benefit to breast cancer screening while substantially increasing costs, a large study suggests. Some previous research said computer technology could serve almost as a second set of eyes for doctors. The…
|EPA sets limit for toxic pollutants released into waterways photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Environmental Protection Agency on Wednesday imposed new standards for mercury, lead and other toxic pollutants that are discharged into the nation’s rivers and streams from steam electric power plants. If exposed at high levels, the pollutants can cause neurological…
(None on the weekends)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
A Japanese engineer just invented a nifty new way to travel: A transporter called a “WalkCar” that’s small, light and apparently easy to use. The product is battery powered and is about the size of a laptop. VentureBeat reported that it can go up to 6.2 miles per hour for up to 7.4 miles. It needs three hours to charge. And although it looks like it can’t hold much weight and is made from aluminum, it can apparently have as much as 265 lbs on board. ***Which means it’s off-limits to two-thirds of America. http://ti.me/1J4VGZM
A burglar who broke into a Delaware middle school got stuck on an elevator and was forced to call 9-11 for help. ***Unfortunately, he was educated in a Delaware public school and was stuck in the elevator for a long time because he couldn’t find an “11” on his phone.
A new study shows that feeling grateful for the kind acts of others can cause you to eat more sweets. ***That’s right. I’m not a curmudgeon, I’m just on a diet.
Police departments around the world are reminding citizens that they should not call 911 when there’s a Facebook outage. Departments in Houston, Texas, Kingston, England and Queensland, Australia cops had to post messages on Facebook that, when outages occur, there is nothing local police can do. Facebook has experienced a couple of sizable outages over the last week or so. *** And let’s be honest – if you considering no access to virtual friends a “life and death emergency”, you have bigger problems than Facebook withdrawal.
The National Toy Hall of Fame has released a list of 12 toys up for induction this year. The list includes American Girl dolls, Battleship, the coloring book, and Jenga. The hall will announce which two toys will be a part of the Class of 2015 on November 5. *** Meanwhile, Jar Jar Binks action figures continue to collect dust on store shelves.
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
A new study shows that if you place germs on a office building’s door handle, the germs will spread to people scattered throughout a large scale structure in only hours. ***MARLAR: In fact, it moves so fast it actually overtakes the office rumor mill the day after the corporate Christmas party. Yeah. It’s that fast.
A recent survey shows 81% of Americans do more than drive when they’re behind the wheel. Eight out of 10 surveyed by Nationwide Mutual Insurance said they adjust the radio or music while they drive. ***MARLAR: As for the two out of ten – liar, liar pants on fire!
Next time you need directions, just ask a cow. Researchers say cattle seem to know how to find north and south. They studied satellite photos of thousands of cows around the world. And it seems that most cattle that are grazing or resting tend to align their bodies in a north-south direction. The findings held true no matter what continent the cattle were on. Writing in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, the scientists from Germany and the Czech Republic say the Earth’s magnetic field “has to be considered as a factor.” A German professor who led the research says scientists may now try to find out just how the animals align to the magnetic field, and why. And, they’re wondering if humans do the same thing. ***MARLAR: So instead of a TomTom, get a MooMoo!
Recently dumped? New research suggests retail therapy could actually improve your mood. Participants in one study (University of Michigan) watched a sad video clip and then were given money to buy a snack afterward. Those who got money were less sad later than those who didn’t get to buy a snack. ***MARLAR: Of course, this study is complete balderdash because these people were able to buy stuff with someone else’s money. So really, the only thing you can say about this is that spending other people’s money makes you happy – which explains all of the smiles in Congress.
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Weeks in a Light Year”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Gordon Douglas, “Weird Stuff”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the animals could not figure out what day it was… fort building day, badminton day, story-telling day, they just didn’t know! But fortunately, along came some help in the form of the king of the jungle… a small lion! What could be better…?
CLOSE: A royal taste tester for the king! If I ever decide to change careers… Anyway, tune in again next time for another episode of As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF OCTOBER 03/04, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear insisted on looking at picnic spot after picnic spot after picnic spot in order to find the perfect place to have an ultimate picnic. Unfortunately, he wasn’t listening to anybody else’s opinions, and everyone else is tired, hungry, and they’ve had enough…
CLOSE: All of this over finding a nice place for a picnic? Find out what happens next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
A student agenda distributed to 294 public schools in Toronto has a serious “grammer” error.
The heading atop page 136 in the junior edition of the agenda reads: “Grammer/Punctuation” – with the word “grammar” ending with an “er” rather than an “ar.” The school board learned of the mistake from Trustee Sheila Cary-Meagher, who had received an e-mail from an irate parent.
TOP TEN TIPS FOR SURVIVING THE MODERN WORLD
- If you’re bidding on a job for UPS, don’t send your bid by FedEx.
- If your computer says “Printer out of paper”, this problem cannot be solved by clicking the “OK” button.
- If you want your refrigerator’s ice maker to work, you need to hook it up to the water source. Air doesn’t make good ice unless it is mixed with water.
- No matter how much data you add to your laptop computer, it will not get any heavier.
- A bad place to store your emergency backup diskette is on the underside of your desk drawer, secured by a large magnet.
- It’s OK to use the Polaroid Land Camera on a boat.
- When the PC says “Insert Diskette #2” don’t do it immediately. Remove Diskette #1 first, even if you’re sure you can make them both fit in there.
- When your PC says “You have mail”, don’t go to the company mail room and look for a package.
- The French version of the Netscape Navigator doesn’t translate English web pages into French.
- If you’re in the armed services, and it’s April 1st, and you get a call from Col. Sanders for new orders….DON’T CALL BACK!
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
A man drives in reverse on a busy highway – and stops for prayer during the journey.
FILE #1: In Pekin, Ill., a man whose transmission wouldn’t work in “drive” tried to drive 3 miles home in reverse. Keith Talley drove his car backward in the correct lanes at around 20 mph until he was stopped by police. Witnesses said that at one point, Talley stopped in front of a church, got out and kneeled as if praying, then got back in his car to continue his journey. He was ticketed for reckless driving, and his car was towed away.
FILE #2: In Long Beach, Mississippi, a police officer shopping at a convenience store arrested a man who was wanted for trying to rob the store the night before. He’d apparently come back to finish the job, but was caught when the policeman recognized his large, distinctive tattoo, which bore the words “Not Guilty.” Which, of course, he was.
FILE #3: A St. Paul, Minnesota woman wanted the FBI to help her locate her boyfriend so she could get her car back. So she made up a story that he was a terrorist planning on planting bombs around the Mall of America. Her story was discovered as a fraud, and according to the FBI, it’s no longer relevant whether she has the car back or not considering she won’t be needing it for a while.
STRANGE LAW: Every man in Brainerd, Minnesota is required by law to grow a beard.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
A drunken man is run over… by a fire truck!
In St. Petersburg, Florida, someone called 911 to report there was a man bleeding from the face near the fire station. Two firefighters piled into Rescue 5 to go help him. They opened the garage bay door, turned on the emergency lights and pulled forward. Then they heard a thump. It would have been nice if someone would have told him the guy was right in front of the fire station garage door!! St. Petersburg Fire Rescue Lt. Joel Granata said they never even saw him. They guy they ran over was 41-year-old Ted Allen Lenox who is homeless. He suffered life-threatening injuries and was rushed to the hospital. Alcohol was a factor and Lenox was lying outside the garage bays at the time of the accident. The firefighters involved in the accident remain on duty.
Have you given your car a name? If so, what is it?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: Who bored a hole in the lid of a chest so that it could become a bank to hold money? /// ANSWER: Jehoiada the priest (2 Kings 12:9)
QUESTION: In what city and town are the Peanuts characters (Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Linus, etc.) supposed to reside?
ANSWER: Sebastopol, California
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- Only one person survived the seige at the Alamo. (True)
- Blue toothbrushes are used by people more than red toothbrushes. (True)
- The average human produces enough spit in a lifetime to fill a swimming pool. (False – enough to fill two swimming pools!)
- Apples are better than a cup of coffee to keep you awake in the morning. (True – not that I’m giving up my caffeine anytime soon!)
- Smelling bananas can help you lose weight. (True! Smelling green apples works too!)
- A can of SPAM is opened every 4 seconds. (True – just not the same can)
- Ants sleep only an hour a day. (False – ants do not sleep at all)
- More popcorn is sold in Hollywood, California than anywhere in the U.S. (False – it’s Dallas, Texas)
- Tornadoes are more likely to occur on May 16 than any other day of the year. (True – sometime after 1:00 pm, according to a review of 304 twisters that occurred in the US between 1950 and 1991)
- The USA bought Alaska from Russia for 2 dollars an acre. (False – it was 2-cents per acre!)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
“Man Gives ________ to Guy Who Saved His Life!” (KIDNEY)
In the heartwarming story of the year Remzo Pivic of Bosnia almost drowned when he fell into the River Bosna two decades ago. He was saved when passerby Ahmet Adulovic jumped in and pulled his lifeless body to safety. The pair stayed in contact despite the fact that rescuer Ahmet eventually immigrated to Canada. But when Remzo heard he was having kidney troubles he offered one of his own. When doctors confirmed they were compatible, he flew to Ottawa to donate the organ. Remzo said, “I’ve finally been able to pay him back for saving my life 20 years ago.”
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps dirt all over the carpet. He says, “Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don’t do wonders cleaning this up, I’ll eat every bit of that dirt!”
She turns to him with a smirk and says, “You want ketchup on that?”
The salesman says, “Why do you ask?”
She says, “We just moved in and we haven’t got the electricity turned on yet.”
Ann and Jean were eating at a Chinese restaurant. When an elderly waiter set chopsticks at their places, Ann made a point of reaching into her purse and pulling out her own pair.
“As an environmentalist,” she declared, “I do not approve of destroying bamboo forests for throwaway utensils.”
The waiter inspected her chopsticks. “Very beautiful,” he said politely. “Ivory.”
Lisa was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items. The lady behind Lisa put her things on the belt close by. So Lisa picked up one of those “dividers” that they keep by the cash register and placed it between the two purchases so the items they wouldn’t get mixed.
After the clerk had scanned all of Lisa’s items, he picked up the divider, looking it all over for the bar code so he could scan it. Not finding the bar code, he said “Do you know how much this is?”
Lisa said, “I’ve changed my mind, I don’t think I’ll buy that today.”
The cashier said “OK” and Lisa paid her for the things and left.
An Australian swimming coach says he’s improved his team’s performance by throwing a live crocodile in the pool with them. ***MARLAR: Hey, coach! Could you jump in and show me how that breaststroke is done again?
Police in Berkshire, England, are searching for a thief who is stealing bottles of milk from people’s doorsteps. ***MARLAR: He’s described as medium-height with black hair and a white mustache.
People see you as being about 20% more attractive than you think you are. ***MARLAR: Meaning I’m 20% less ugly than I thought!
TECH SUPPORT FOR TRUCKERS
Tech support people like me spend our days on the phone with customers. Many like to chat while waiting for their computers to reboot. One man told a support person he’d been a long-haul truck driver. “I’d love to drive a big rig,” the tech guy said, “but I’d worry about falling asleep at the wheel.”
“Here’s a tip to stay awake,” the trucker offered. “Put a $100 bill in your left hand and hold it out the window.”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
What do you do if a police officer gives you a ticket for not having a driver’s license – when your driver’s license is in the trunk and he won’t let you get it? One woman decided to sue… and won!
In Daytona Beach, Florida, 26-year-old Joy Millings had a bad run-in with the law last year when she was stopped by an overly aggressive police officer. While she had her registration and proof of insurance in the glove compartment, her driver’s license was in her purse in the trunk of the car. But Officer Justin Dunne refused to let her get it and gave her a ticket for not having a driver’s license. When she asked to speak to a supervisor he arrested her and she spent the night in jail. Well she sued the city and won a $50,000 settlement. But her troubles were far from over. The day after the Daytona Beach News-Journal published an article about her settlement, her home was burglarized and ransacked! Three days after that someone in another vehicle fired shots at her as she was driving down International Speedway Boulevard. The burglary and shooting are under investigation.
IN THE DARKNESS AND THE LIGHT (by Bob Perks)
In the darkness of the pain of loss…
Little things remind me of you. Like breathing, eating, smiling and laughing. Living in general.
There is not a moment that goes by that I don’t want to be there once again. I most likely am living everyday in the past for I long to have what I had back then.
Why is it that we do not realize the value of a certain time until we no longer have it?
I want to sing again the songs of happiness and joy felt only at that moment. I want to walk again the steps that took me to the places I now cherish so very much in my memory.
I want to breathe in the air that surrounded those moments and feel the warmth of the sun that brightened my days.
I want to drive down the highways that filled my senses with so much pleasure that my heart nearly burst with joy.
I want to see the people who made it so special and touch their hands and caress their faces.
I want to know what it’s like to love life that much again.
In the light of living on…
I may not see you standing there but I feel your presence in the breeze, your wit and wisdom in the sounds of life itself.
The greatest joy of living now is knowing that I would not see the beauty of this world if I had not loved you so. You opened my eyes, you moved into my soul and living there still, I go on.
The flowers remind me of the colors of the world and the colors remind me of every moment we had together changing blues into cloudless skies and shades of yellow into sunshine.
Would I not trade the rest of my life to have one more day with you?
Yes! Then imagine how happy I am for having spent all those days, all those years with you. It will take me the rest of my life to express to God how grateful I am for having had you at all.
How sad it would be for me to hide myself away in mourning. I will honor you by living the rest of my days to the fullest. In doing so I will inject your spirit into the world, the spirit of you that dwells within my heart. That way you live on with me always and in the world forever.
What a shame it would be to keep you from the rest of the world. I will give the world the “us” that came from loving you. I will be the “we,” that blend of you and me, that I became because we loved at all.
I cannot hide away. I am all that’s left of you. May I do justice to your memory by living on, not without you, but because of you.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
(modified from Campus Journal)
“But Lord,” Gideon asked, “how can I save Israel?” –Judges 6:15
Gideon was sneaking around, threshing grain in a winepress so the Midianite soldiers couldn’t spot him. Suddenly an angel showed up and said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior” (Judges 6:12).
This began a running conversation–because if anyone was not a warrior, it was Gideon. He was from a small clan. He was the “least” in his family. He registered protest after protest to the angel. By the time the dialogue was over, he had been appointed as Israel’s sixth judge.
Sometimes our prayers are focused, deep, and effective in a single setting. At other times our prayers need to be a running conversation with God in the midst of fast-moving action.
A young American believer in Russia was ordered to appear before the city council the next morning. He prayed hard that night, asking God to help him provide good answers. That morning he prayed again for the Lord’s help. Several times on the train ride he bowed his head. Just before he went in front of the council, he asked God for guidance once more.
The first question from the officials was, “Why are you here in cold Russia when you could be at your comfortable home in Illinois?” Wow! The door was open, so he presented the gospel as he explained the nature of his work. One interested council member asked him to tell them more about Jesus. After a quick silent prayer, he told them about the Savior. By the time he left he had been given permission to continue his work. Later, the inquiring council member trusted in Christ.
Are you sometimes in a situation where you could use a running conversation with God? It could be during a long, tough day at school or work. It might occur while you are with friends who need the Lord, or on a mission trip. It’s a good idea to pray “on the run” sometimes, especially when things around you are changing fast.
Frustrated on the job? Beat the tar out of someone that’s willing to get clobbered! Someone actually believes that this is a viable business!
A Belgian therapist is allowing his clients to beat and whip him to get rid of their work frustrations. Patrick Vermeir, whose Brussels company is called Frustration Reduce, believes it’s the only way for many stressed employees to calm down. During the half-hour sessions, he wears a protective suit while his clients take out their frustrations on him. Mr Vermeir’s technique involves him imitating a boss.
LIFE… LIVE IT
How do you keep your kids from having a full temper tantum? And why do they happen anyway (By Claire McCarthy, M.D., Harvard Health Publications)? They usually happen because a child:
- Gets frustrated. Children ages one to three are learning to use language and their bodies. They become frustrated as they struggle to express themselves and when they can’t do something they want to.
- Gets upset. Disappointment and anger can be very difficult feelings to deal with, especially for a small child.
- Is asserting his or her independence. This is the age when children begin to say no — sometimes purely for the sake of saying no.
The key to preventing or diffusing tantrums is to understand your child’s tantrum triggers, and understand what it feels like to be little and out of control. Here are some suggestions:
- Avoid tantrum-provoking situations. Use the candy-free check-out aisle at the supermarket.
- Toy shop when you can leave your child at home — and definitely don’t take your child to the store or any other possibly challenging place when they are tired or hungry. (Bring snacks whenever you go out if hunger is a trigger for your child).
- At home, keep things your child wants but can’t have out of sight.
When it comes to tantrums, a little advance planning goes a long way.
- Spend positive time together. Dedicate some time every day to snuggling and playing with your child. (Reading together is a great way to snuggle!) Even if it doesn’t totally prevent tantrums, it is good for your child — and for your relationship with her.
- Let your child feel in control. Obviously, you are in charge. But when you can, give your child choices. Instead of saying “Time to get dressed!” say “Do you want to wear the blue shirt or the green one?” Instead of “Time to go to bed!” try “Which book shall we read before bed this one, or that one?” (Limiting the choices to two is generally best.)
JUST FOR FUN
GRIN AND BEAR IT
A bear is being hunted in Colorado… because it stole some chocolate chip cookies!
A bear is being hunted for breaking into a car to steal chocolate biscuits. The seven-foot-tall thief is thought to be either a brown or grizzly bear. It smashed the car window near Denver to steal Chocolate Chip Cookies. The car’s owner said, “I came out this morning and found the car window smashed in, the seats clawed and the cookies gone.” She said she could tell by tracks in the snow the bear had at least one cub with her. “This is the most aggressive case I’ve seen in 50 years of living up here.” ***MARLAR: It’s the Yogi and Boo Boo Comeback Tour! (
COOL JAMES BOND GADGETS WE’VE NOT YET SEEN
- Sports Car with Poodle Launcher
- Rocket Powered Roller Blades
- Swiss Army Canoe
- Bulletproof Unicycle
- Wingtip Shoes With Cup Holders
- Air Bag Bow Tie
- Remote Control Shoe Horn
- Flame Retardant Cufflinks
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
SMASHED TO BYTES
I’m sure that at least once you’ve run across a news story about someone so angry at what they saw on TV that they kicked or shot their set. Given the widespread use of computers and the digitally challenged performance of software such as Windows, you should not be surprised that there have been similar assaults on computers. A number of people have drawn guns on their machines. Computers have even been stabbed with screwdrivers. But my favorite is the person who used the heel of a woman’s shoe rather than the “off” switch. ***MARLAR: Maybe she misunderstood when told she had to reboot.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
October is clergy appreciation month! Our pastors and their families work hard and sacrifice their time and energy. They need to know how much we appreciate them. Focus on the Family has made resources available to help us say thank you. To learn how you can recognize your church leaders, find a planning guide, or just to read the history of Clergy appreciation month go to christianartistnews.info for a complete list of resources to help encourage your pastor.
Want a simple way to be happier? Every morning send a friend, family member or co-worker an email to say thanks for something. There’s tons of research showing that over time, this alone — one silly email a day — can make you happier. (From Shawn Achor’s “The Happiness Advantage”)
Would you ever consider moving to a war-torn country hostile to Christianity to share the message of Jesus? According to Mission Network News, that’s what one Vision Beyond Borders-supported missionary has been doing for the last 17 or so years. While Burma’s civil war has externally displaced over 2 million people and killed another half million, the unnamed missionary is striving to bring hope. The missionary has started several children homes, and not just as a safe haven for young war victims. but also to help these children find a lasting hope through the message of the Bible.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
“When something good happens it’s a miracle and you should wonder what God is saving up for you later.”- Marshall Brickman
THE WAY WE WORK
(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)
Today is September 21st. Peace Day. More on that in a moment. But to answer the famous question, “Can’t we all just get along?” The answer is no.
Take this recent story headline from Associated Press: “Burger King to McDonalds: Let’s make a McWhopper.” Full page ads in various newspapers carried the message. A one day truce it was called. For the betterment of mankind, of course.
Burger King was attempting to get a cooperative effort with the “Golden Arches” folk to build a unique combination of a Whopper and a Big Mac. But only for a day. Peace Day.
As the AP story goes, “Burger King is tying the publicity stunt to a nonprofit called Peace One Day, which says it promotes Peace Day. The United Nations created the International Day of Peace in 1981 to coincide with its annual opening session in September. It then designated September 21 as the annual ‘day of non-violence and cease-fire’ in 2001.”
Call it a noble act. Call it promotional gimmickry. Ronald McDonald is not interested in such peace efforts. Ronald may smile at the kids, but not at the competition. Their CEO Steve Easterbrook in responding with a “no way” message, belittled the effort of burger war peace compared to “the real pain and suffering of war.” He then added, “P.S., simple phone call will do next time.” Put that in your Whopper and chew on it for a while. C’mon, man!
Well, I’m in a different kind of battle with the fast food giants. One that pleads for simple, friendly customer service and the basics in operating a restaurant. Allow me to share several examples.
At the McDonald’s I frequently stop at on my way home when my wife is out, most employees give me no welcome greeting. When I pick up my food, no “thank you.” At the Wendy’s near my office, the ketchup containers have been empty twice during the lunch hours I visited. And they were out of napkins. Hello…it’s lunch time. At Culver’s drive through, my last three meals came with no napkins. And the latest: on Friday night, my wife had a hankering for KFC grilled chicken. It was during the dinner hours but none was available. They were cooking it. Instead of serving it.
One of my favorites on this list happened a week or so ago taking our granddaughter to IKEA. They served up chicken fingers which yearned for barbecue sauce. Except…there wasn’t any. Inquiring at the counter I was told they’ve been out for a few days. My problem solving went into gear and I suggested that since a Meijer grocery story was two blocks away, maybe they could simply go and buy some until their shipment arrived so as not to disappoint customers. The young woman thought that was a good idea.
Aside from the expected reaction that “Mark, fast food isn’t very good for you anyway” I wish to affirm two companies who seem to get it right the majority of the time. One is Chick Fil A. Their folks go out of their way to make sure I have what I need. And the tireless service motto that they own is, “My pleasure.”
The second high energy, high service minded company is In-N-Out Burger. Mainly located in California, they are a fan favorite and outperform their competitors in serving up burgers and fries. They also are the ones who imprint Bible verse references on their cups and fry containers.
And so it begs the question…how can these two companies do it right so consistently? I believe it is based on a passion for the customer. Yes, you have to have food that people enjoy. All of the fast food companies lay claim to that. But not all can lay claim to placing such emphasis on customer care.
For the record, my father managed several different Perkins restaurants during my growing up years. I worked in all but one. At peak times, customer care can be a real challenge. If it’s your mission, however, you finesse it as needed.
I believe most people want to be treated well. They enjoy being respected when spending their hard earned money for a meal. They respond to people who care.
Jesus of Nazareth advised us this way, “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” (Luke 7:12 NASB)
Do this, Ronald McDonald, and everyone will enjoy a happy meal.
P.S.: My apologies to any franchise owners or managers who want their employees to serve better.
That’s The Way WE Work.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
SEPTEMBER 30, 2015…
The Walk—Be prepared for vertigo as Joseph Gordon-Levitt portrays tightrope walker, Philippe Petit, who in 1974 walked a tightrope between the Twin Trade Towers in New York City. This was not OK’d by anyone, he just did it. Nerves of steel doesn’t begin to say it all. Also in the cast are Ben Kingsley and Charlotte Le Bon. “The Walk” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3.
OCTOBER 02, 2015…
Freeheld—This film is based on a real situation in which two women partners face a health crisis. Julianne Moore is Laurel (a police officer) and Ellen Page is Stacie. Laurel is diagnosed with cancer and the legal battle begins as they discover just what health and other benefits they have. “Freeheld” is rated R. No rating.
The Martian–The movie is adapted from the novel by Andy Weir about an expedition to Mars, in which, in a crisis, one person is left behind, presumably dead. He (Matt Damon) is not dead and struggles to survive and tries to notify Earth he is there. Those on Earth who want to help include Jessica Chastain, Sebastian Stan, Kate Mara and Kristen Wiig. Try this for survival. “The Martian” is rated R. Rating of 3 for science fiction fans.
Sicario—Emily Blunt (“Edge of Tomorrow”) takes on another action role as one of the leaders of an elite anti-drug group who also works with a Mexican military (Benicio Del Toro) .It is a game of who do you trust and the stakes are high, especially where tunnels are concerned. It is especially difficult when you are a woman in this crime chase. Also in the cast is Josh Brolin. “Sicario” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.
OCTOBER 09, 2015…
Knock Knock is a thriller starring Keanu Reeves about a man involved with two women.
*Pan and this film is finally opening. It is a twist on the story of Peter Pan, Captain Hook and Tinkerbell. Stars Hugh Jackman.
Steve Jobs is about the man behind such electronics as Mackintosh and stars Michael Fassbinder as Jobs.
The Final Girls is a horror film about seeing a dead relative in a movie. Stars Taissa Farmiga.
# # # # #
WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)
Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.