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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20151004
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
I enjoy doing this show. And I’ll keep coming back until I’ve drunk my share of the coffee we bought on the first of last month. –Toms Lake
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
“Through wisdom a house is built; and by understanding it is established.” –Proverbs 24:3
Encourage one another daily, as long as it is called today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. –Hebrews 3:13
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. — 1 Peter 1:3
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
Help us, O God our Savior, for the glory of your name; deliver us and forgive our sins for your name’s sake. — Psalm 79:9
Thought: We don’t deserve the grace we need! We have no right to presume God’s forgiveness! We have no reason to expect divine deliverance! But in Jesus, God has shown us his incredible love and generosity. We can confidently call out for his mercy and receive his grace, forgiveness, and deliverance — not because we deserve it, but because of who he is and for the sake of his glorious name.
Prayer: Holy and awesome God, I need your grace and forgiveness. I need your deliverance from the tempter’s snare. Without your power and mercy, I will surely fail. May the grace you extend to me bring you praise. May the forgiveness you lavish on me bring others to honor you. May your deliverance of me from the tempter’s snare bring glory to your name. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
John 10:4 NIV = When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.
TODAY IS SUNDAY – OCTOBER 04, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 82 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is INTERNATIONAL TOOT YOUR FLUTE DAY, a day to promote yourself. ***MARLAR: Known here on the show as “Sunday.”
Today is NATIONAL TACO DAY. ***MARLAR: If you’re not careful, eating too many might cause you to toot your flute.
IMPROVE YOUR HOME OFFICE WEEK. ***MARLAR: For some, that would require dismantling it.
SPINNING AND WEAVING WEEK begins today. ***MARLAR: I don’t know about the weaving, but the spinning certainly takes place as we find things to toot our flutes about.
Today is PEANUT BUTTER & JELLY DAY, observed each year on Peppi the Peanut’s birthday. ***MARLAR: We celebrate the birthday of a nut with a name? Heck, I fit that description and no one celebrates my birthday.
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Blessing of The Animals Day (Blessing of the Pets Day/World Pet Day)
Improve Your Office Day
National Shop in a Bottle Day
International Blessings of the Fishing Fleet Day
Country Inn Bed & Breakfast Day
International African Diaspora Day
World Communion Day
COMING UP NEXT
(Note: Just because holiday is listed here it does not mean we are endorsing it.)
MONDAY, OCTOBER 05
Child Health Day
World Day of Bullying Prevention / Blue Shirt Day
World Habitat Day
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 06
Jackie Mayer Rehab Day
American Libraries Day
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 07
Balloons Around the World Day
Emergency Nurses Day
Pet Obesity Awareness Day ***Your cat insisting it only be fed lasagna is a pretty good indicator.
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 08
Alvin C. York Day
Fall Astronomy Day
National Pierogy Day
Universal Music Day
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 09
Clergy Appreciation Day
Leif Erikson Day
National Pro-Life Cupcake Day
World Post Day
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 10
Columbus Day (Observed on 2nd Monday)
International Day for Natural Disaster Reduction
International Newspaper Carrier Day
National Handbag Day
Native American Day
Naval Academy Day
World Mental Health Day
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 11
Ada Lovelace Day
National Face Your Fears Day
Southern Food Heritage Day
MONDAY, OCTOBER 12
Columbus Day (Observed)
Emergency Nurses Day
Free Thought Day
National Bring Your Teddy Bear To Work & School Day
International Top Spinning Day
National Take Your Parents To Lunch Day
Spanish Language Day
Stop Bullying Day
ON THIS DAY
1890: Catherine Booth died at the age of 61. The wife of Salvation Army founder William Booth, her last words were: “The waters are rising, but so am I. I am not going under but over. Do not be concerned about dying; go on living well, the dying will be alright.”
1931: Chester Gould’s comic strip “Plain Clothes Tracy,” debuted in The Detroit Mirror. Dick Tracy was a 34-year-old detective, whose sidekick was Sam Catchem. In 1949 he married Tess Trueheart and they adopted a son named Junior. ***MARLAR: Question… how can you be a successful private eye and tail someone unnoticed while wearing a bright yellow hat and trench coat?
1991: A New York City court ruled that a gay street-patrol group called “Pink Panther Patrol” had to change its name because it infringed on the MGM Pink Panther trademark. ***MARLAR: Not to mention infringing on good taste.
2000: Two Texas students snatched the keys from their school bus driver, suspecting she was drunk. The bus driver, who was weaving on the road, later failed a breath test and was fired by the Smithville School District. School officials praised the students’ actions.
2003: A woman was arrested for dangerous driving in Dubrovnik, Croatia, after she drove two miles to a police station with her intoxicated husband on her car hood. She told police her husband tried to stop her by jumping onto the car’s hood. Police also arrested the husband.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1535: London printer Miles Coverdale, 47, published his English version of the Bible. A good translator who later served on two other translation committees, Coverdale was also popular as a Lutheran preacher.
1858: Birth of Dorothy Frances Gurney, English devotional writer. During her lifetime she published two volumes of verse, as well as a small devotional work entitled, ‘A Little Book of Quiet.’
1867: In Southwest Africa, the Rhenish Missionary Church constituted itself as the Evangelical Lutheran Church.
1890: Death of Catherine Booth, 61, wife of Salvation Army founder William Booth. Her last words were: ‘The waters are rising, but so am I. I am not going under but over. Do not be concerned about dying; go on living well, the dying will be right.’
1965: Paul VI arrived in New York City, making him the first pope in history to visit the United States. While speaking at the UN, Paul published a document exonerating the Jews of all blame in the death of Christ.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- Actress (“Las Vegas”, She’s All That) Rachael Leigh Cook, 36
- Actress (Clueless, Batman & Robin, Blast From The Past, “Miss Match”) Alicia Silverstone, 39
- Actor (Judge Dread, The Mambo Kings, Richard Elliot on “ER”) Armand Assante, 66 (
- Actress (Bull Durham, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Thelma & Louise, Oscar for Dead Man Walking) Susan Sarandon, 69
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1929 : Leroy Van Dyke
1937 : Perkle Lee Moses (The El Dorados)
1942 : Helen Reddy
1944 : Marlena Davis (The Orlons)
1958 : Barbara K. MacDonald (Timbuk 3)
1959 : Chris Lowe (Pet Shop Boys)
1961 : Jon Secada
1963 : Lena Zavaroni
1965 : Leo Barnes (Hothouse Flowers)
1984 : Lena Katina (t.A.T.u.)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
Why does the Mona Lisa have no eyebrows?
It was the fashion in Renaissance Florence to shave them off. Interestingly, X-rays of the Mona Lisa show that there are three completely different versions of the same subject, all painted by Leonardo, under the final portrait.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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How many guitars does one guitarist need on tour? Kutless member James Mead says he will have five on the bands upcoming tour. They include 2 Les Pauls, Elliott Guitars, and 1 Fender Jazz master.
Sandi Patty this week announced plans for her upcoming “Forever Grateful: The Farewell Tour”. The long time Christian artist is also working on new album to be titled Forever Grateful. Sandi’s final tour will commence in February 2016 and will reach 90+ cities across the globe, including 20 signature holiday tour dates, special events, surprise guests and major symphony shows.
Tobymac is gearing up for his This Is Not a Test tour and fellow DC Talk member Kevin Max will be part of the show, although not in person. TobyMac said Kevin recently stopped by the studio to shoot a special guest video for the tour.
Third Day’s Mac Powell was in enemy territory this week. The Atlanta resident was watching the Atlanta falcons take on the Dallas Cowboys at a Mexican Restaurant in Ft. Worth over the weekend. Mac tweeted: “Everybody’s wearing Cowboys gear. I ain’t saying a word.”
Tenth Avenue North’s Jeff Owens joined thousands of others around world in watching for the blood moon over the weekend. But Jeff’s picture of the moon fell a little short. He posted a completely black picture on Instagram with the words: Here’s my picture of the Super Blood Moon tonight!! Guess I’ll try again in 2033.
More Redneck Ingenuity from David Crowder. This time the Crowder front man is out with a redneck shower head. It’s a Mountain Dew bottle with holes poked in the bottom and screwed to the shower water pipe.
Jamie Grace was trying to make space on her phone by deleting photos this week and she noticed a trend: 80% of them selfies by her sister and her friends.
The moon eclipse wasn’t the only eclipse this week. There was also a partial Bart eclipse. Mercyme’s Bart Millard says it was glorious. Check out pictures of the Bart eclipse…
Danny Gokey may have to copywrite his hairdo. A follower of the Christian artist shared: Is it weird that I asked for “The Danny Gokey” for my latest haircut?
The Afters Josh Havens was in mourning this week. He shared a picture of the broken neck of his guitar with the text: My poor Gibson acoustic guitar…this is what American Air did to my baby. Sad sad day. http://twitter.com/joshhavens/status/648708230722535424/photo/1
WEIRD & WACKY
|Repent! Undercover New Hampshire cops nab cell ban violators photo
CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — Michelle Tetreault’s daughter didn’t know what “repent” meant when she spotted a man with a sign around his neck warning “Repent! The end is near!” But she’s plenty sorry now that her mom is facing a $124 traffic ticket for using her cellphone to snap a picture of the…
|Philly police say suspect got manicure, robbed nail salon
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — Police are seeking a robbery suspect with nice nails. They say a man got a manicure at a nail salon on West Rockland Street in Philadelphia on Sunday and then robbed the place at gunpoint. Surveillance video shows the suspect grabbing money from one worker and then taking…
|Chicago Botanic Garden’s 2nd corpse flower is blooming
GLENCOE, Ill. (AP) — A suburban Chicago garden with a disappointing rainforest plant that refused to bloom now has a new star attraction. The Chicago Botanic Garden announced Tuesday that a second corpse flower is not only on display in its semi-tropical greenhouse, but it is blooming. Garden…
|Cow goes rogue in central NY, eludes capture for months
NEW HARTFORD, N.Y. (AP) — Police hope a farm device used to feed cattle will help corral a cow that has been on the loose for months in a central New York town. Officers in New Hartford have put feed in a headlock feeder and placed the device along a road outside Utica where the rogue cow has…
|Florida couple invites strangers to crash their wedding
FORT MYERS, Fla. (AP) — Inspired by the popular movie “Wedding Crashers”, a Florida couple is actually asking strangers to crash their wedding next month. Lee County sheriff’s deputy Paul Johnson and Shelly Osterhout say the more the merrier. They’re hosting the Oct. 10 wedding at an outdoor…
|Groups hope to save tree grown from seeds taken on Apollo 14
BOISE, Idaho (AP) — Boise, Idaho, residents are trying to save a tree that was grown from seeds taken aboard the Apollo 14 mission to the moon. The Idaho Statesman reports (http://bit.ly/1JCwyDp) the loblolly pine planted in 1977 on Lowell Elementary School’s campus is dehydrated and infected…
|Mistaken text message leads to love for St. Louis couple
ST. LOUIS (AP) — A married St. Louis couple is sharing their unlikely love story about three years after the mistaken text message that forged their relationship. HASH(0x141db20) Upon their second meeting two days later, they each arrived at a Kirkwood coffee shop at different times and…
|Titanic’s last lunch menu, from Money Boat, goes for $88,000 photo
NEW YORK (AP) — The Titanic’s last lunch menu, saved by a first-class passenger who climbed aboard a lifeboat whose crew was said to have been bribed to row away instead of rescue more people, sold at auction for $88,000 on Wednesday. The online New York auctioneer Lion Heart Autographs…
|Woman to remove screen built to block view of neighbor
THETFORD, Vt. (AP) — A former Vermont gubernatorial candidate is taking down a 60-foot by 24-foot screen she built to block her view of her neighbor’s home. HASH(0x14106f0) Dwyer has said one of her horses was startled by a child on the neighbor’s driveway, prompting her to plant trees to…
|Rescued horses chow down on 22 tons of donated carrots
BEND, Ore. (AP) — Carrots might no longer tempt horses at one Oregon rescue ranch — because they’ve been munching on tons of them for days. HASH(0x13d4fb0) Equine Outreach operator Joan Steelhammer was offered the vegetables Friday after they were deemed unfit for human consumption. She…
|Dispensaries offer free marijuana to California fire victims
MIDDLETON, Calif. (AP) — Medical marijuana dispensaries in Northern California are offering up to $200 in free cannabis per patient affected by a hugely destructive wildfire. HASH(0x13fdce0) Patients eligible for the products must have a medical marijuana prescription and home addresses in…
HEALTH & FITNESS
|Low-nicotine cigarettes cut use, dependence, study finds photo
A new study might help the push for regulations to limit nicotine in cigarettes. Smokers who switched to special low-nicotine ones wound up smoking less and were more likely to try to quit, researchers found. The study only lasted six weeks, and researchers call the evidence preliminary. But they…
|England, Wales ban smoking in cars with children inside
LONDON (AP) — Smokers who light up in vehicles with children inside will face fines in England and Wales as anti-smoking measures are expanded to protect young people from the dangers of second-hand smoke. The ban went into effect Thursday but police are not expected to issue a rash of fines…
|Rare Q fever outbreak reported in American medical tourists photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Five Americans came down with an unusual illness after traveling to Germany for a controversial treatment involving injections with sheep cells, health officials reported Wednesday. The treatment is not permitted in the United States. The five New York residents received the…
|In New Hampshire, substance abuse at center of 2016 campaign photo
MANCHESTER, N.H. (AP) — Sitting among hospital leaders, law enforcement and recovering addicts in New Hampshire’s largest city Wednesday, Jeb Bush heard a sobering statistic: In the past 30 days, 102 people overdosed on drugs in Manchester alone. Ten died. “It is all over the place, it is…
|UN: HIV patients should start treatment immediately photo
LONDON (AP) — The World Health Organization has revised its HIV guidelines to recommend that anyone who tests positive for the virus that causes AIDS should be treated immediately. That guidance fits with what is already recommended in many developed nations, including the United States. The…
|New NYC Legionnaires’ disease outbreak kills 1, sickens 12
NEW YORK (AP) — A new Legionnaires’ disease cluster discovered in the Bronx has killed one person and sickened 12 others just a month after the largest outbreak of the disease in New York City history, health officials said Wednesday. The new cluster is centered in the Morris Park…
|House Republicans advance bill to undo health law photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — House Republicans advanced legislation Tuesday to dismantle President Barack Obama’s health law that could actually reach the president’s desk. The House GOP has voted more than 50 times to repeal all or parts of the health law. Almost all the bills died in the Senate. But…
|Gene test finds which breast cancer patients can skip chemo photo
Many women with early-stage breast cancer can skip chemotherapy without hurting their odds of beating the disease — good news from a major study that shows the value of a gene-activity test to gauge each patient’s risk. The test accurately identified a group of women whose cancers are so…
|Nonprofits seek Supreme Court review of contraceptives case photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Religion, birth control and President Barack Obama’s health care overhaul are about to collide at the Supreme Court yet again. Faith-affiliated charities, colleges and hospitals that oppose some or all contraception as immoral are battling the administration over rules that…
|Study: Breast cancer detection not better with computer aid
CHICAGO (AP) — Computer-assisted detection used in most U.S. mammograms adds no benefit to breast cancer screening while substantially increasing costs, a large study suggests. Some previous research said computer technology could serve almost as a second set of eyes for doctors. The…
|EPA sets limit for toxic pollutants released into waterways photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Environmental Protection Agency on Wednesday imposed new standards for mercury, lead and other toxic pollutants that are discharged into the nation’s rivers and streams from steam electric power plants. If exposed at high levels, the pollutants can cause neurological…
(None on the weekends)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Space Vacuum Bags”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Thor Ramsey, “Hair and Fitness”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, all of the jungle animals, not being able to figure out what to do with their day, decided to leave the decision up to a new animal… a small lion. And because lions are known as “the king of the jungle” they left the decision up to the little lion as to what to do… and he wanted lunch!
CLOSE: I know it’s good to be the king, and the animals think that they need a king to make decisions, but it doesn’t look as if the little lion has much of an idea on what to do with his royal position! Find out what happens next time, As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF OCTOBER 03/04, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear insisted on looking at picnic spot after picnic spot after picnic spot in order to find the perfect place to have an ultimate picnic. Unfortunately, he wasn’t listening to anybody else’s opinions, and everyone else is tired, hungry, and they’ve had enough…
CLOSE: All of this over finding a nice place for a picnic? Find out what happens next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
Y’ever wake up and think, “I just don’t feel like going to work today”?
It happens to all of us, and most of us either suck it up and head off to work or, at worst, call in sick, right? Not in Sri Lanka, where an airline flight attendant wanted the day off so badly she decided her only course of action was to call her airline — and make a bomb threat. And how was she caught? Investigators traced the call and found that it was made from a mobile phone belonging to the flight attendant’s boyfriend. ***MARLAR: I hope she enjoys her time off, because she probably won’t be going back to work.
TOP TEN BUMPER STICKERS (OR SOME THAT SHOULD BE)
- I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.9. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
8. Always remember you are unique, just like everybody else.
7. “More hay, Trigger?” “No thanks, Roy, I’m stuffed!”
6. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
5. There’s too much blood in my caffeine system.
4. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
- Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.2. I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
1. I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
A convicted shoplifter gets a break when it comes to sentencing because it’s his birthday!
FILE #1: A shoplifter has had his jail sentence cut by an extra month as a birthday gift. Thapa Dhirendra Bir stole eight bars of chocolate and three bottles of moisturizer from a Hong Kong store. The Magistrate wished him a happy birthday and cut his sentence to three months. Thapa’s lawyer had urged the court to give his client the birthday present despite the fact he has 19 previous convictions. A senior judge, who asked not to be named, said the defendant had been lucky, as there were no legal grounds to reduce the sentence.
FILE #2: A Gulfport, Florida man recently attacked his own sister and stole her wallet and the car that she was driving. Keith Alan Harper then went and locked the keys in the car while at a grocery store parking lot and then called police to get help. The police immediately recognized the car from the description and solved his problem by arresting him on the spot.
FILE #3: A shoe thief got himself caught because he liked his old shoes. The 21-year-old student walked into a Minnesota shoe store and pretended to be a customer. He proceeded to walk out of the store wearing the new shoes he tried on, while leaving his old shoes in the new shoe’s box at the store. But after he got home, he realized he still wanted those old shoes too. So the next day he walked into the store wearing slippers and tried to steal back his old ones! This time he got caught and has been charged with misdemeanor theft.
STRANGE LAW: In Youngstown, Ohio it is illegal to run out of gas.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
The special deliveries one mailman was making didn’t need stamps.
Former letter carrier Ronald Berkan has been sentenced to 18 months in federal prison for selling pot on his mail route. Prosecutors say Berkan also resigned from the Postal Service as part of a plea deal. He was busted after police in Lake Oswego, Oregon, say a 19-year-old fingered Berkan as his pot connection.
The name of the first miniature golf course in the United States was, appropriately, “The Tom Thumb Golf Course.” (1929 – Chattanooga, TN) If you were building your own miniature golf course, what might you call it? Putt-Around? Short Swings? Par-None?
Today is TOOT YOUR FLUTE DAY – so call in and tell us what you’re good at, or why you deserve to get a little recognition today!
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: What city was home to Mary, Martha, and Lazarus?
ANSWER: Bethany (John 11)
QUESTION: How much money did Elvis Presley win during his first public appearance, and in what place did he finish?
ANSWER: He only came in second place and won $5.00
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- In the book, “Curious George at the Laundromat,” the brand name of the laundry detergent he blatantly misuses is called “Monkey-Suds.” (False, it’s called “Sudso.”)
- According to Time magazine, Super Bowl Sunday is the largest avocado eating day of the year in the United States. (False – it comes in second. The first largest day is Cinco De Mayo.)
- Al “Grandpa Munster” Lewis used to be a college basketball recruiter. (True.)
- Man first drove a car 60 miles per hour as early as In 1903. (True – driving his famous “999” built by Henry Ford, Berner Eli “Barney” Oldfield became the first man to achieve 60 miles per hour, a speed many doctors of the day claimed would cause deafness.)
- If an orangutan belches at you, you’d better watch out. (True – he’s warning you to stay out of his territory.)
- Tipping a waiter at a restaurant in Iceland is considered an insult. (True.)
- The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year. (True – an average of four dreams each night.)
- A Boeing 747 airliner holds 5,285 gallons of fuel. (False – it’s much more than that! It’s 57,285 gallons!)
- Camels have three eyelids. (True- to protect themselves from blowing sand. God knew what he was doing!)
- Clinophobia is the fear of beds. (True.)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
ALIEN _____________ CAPTURED ON NIGHT-VISION CAMERA (ABDUCTION)
SANTE FE, NM – An alien was caught with a night vision camera – in the act of abducting a woman from her home.
New Mexico authorities were stunned when amateur photographer, Jeff Norris brought in a picture of an alien abducting his girlfriend, Jenna Hawser, from their apartment. Norris had just returned from Iraq and had a night vision camera.
Norris says he and Hawser were asleep in bed when the alien just appeared at the foot of the bed. Norris said he was frozen and couldn’t move. The alien then picked up Hawser and started to walk away. Norris got up and tried to run at the alien, but “it felt like there was a force field stopping me.”
He then fell to the ground right near his photography equipment. He picked up the night vision camera and caught the alien holding his girlfriend. “He seemed friendly, almost serene, but when I took the picture he got a little agitated and ran out of the apartment.”
Norris hasn’t seen his girlfriend in three days.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
Little Johnny went with his mom and dad to his grandmother’s house for dinner. When little Johnny received his plate he started eating right away.
“Johnny, wait until we say our prayer,” said his mother.
“I don’t have to,” the boy replied.
“Of course, you do,” his mother insisted. “We say a prayer before eating at our house.”
“That’s our house,” Johnny explained. “But this is Grandma’s house. She KNOWS how to cook!”
A teenager was always asking his father if he could borrow the family car.
Pushed to the limit, the father asked his son why he thought “The Almighty” had given him two feet.
Without hesitation, the son replied, “That’s easy, one for the brake and one for the accelerator.”
During dinner, the subject of how God created people came up. Karen’s husband explained to their three children how God created Adam from the dust of the earth and God created Eve from Adam’s rib.
Then their 7-year-old asked, “What happens when we die?”
Karen’s husband continued to explain that when we die, our bodies turn back to dust.
After a few seconds of silence, their 4-year-old daughter said, “Yeh, you guys turn back to dust, but us girls turn back to ribs.”
Acting was once considered evil, and actors in the first English play to be performed in America were arrested. ***MARLAR: Nowadays we’ll even let Pauly Shore call himself an actor without repercussions.
George Anthiel was a composer of film scores, but earlier in his life he had been an avant garde composer. In 1924 his “Ballet mecanique” was performed at Carnegie Hall. The work was scored for a fire siren, automobile horns, and an airplane propeller. After only a few minutes of this racket, an aging gentleman in the orchestra seats tied his handkerchief to his cane and began waving a white flag in surrender. (It’s true!)
Men lie an average of 6 times a day, twice as often as women. ***MARLAR: Then again, I’m a man reporting this to you – so how you do know I’m telling the truth?
I’M ALL CHOKED UP
A grandmother sent her grandson a sweater for his birthday. Unfortunately, he had a size 14 neck and she sent a size 12 sweater. His mother insisted that he send a thank you note.
So he wrote, “Dear Grandma, Thanks a lot for the beautiful sweater. I’d write more, but I’m all choked up.”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
As tips go, Chicago limo driver Abdul Faraj just got what has to be the biggest tip of all time. But it wasn’t cash.
Who can put a dollar amount on a new kidney? That’s what his customer, businessman Dave Baker, offered up after learning Abdul’s kidneys were failing due to diabetes despite a three-times-a-week dialysis regime. The transplant surgeries went down at Chicago’s Northwestern Memorial Hospital. Abdul said, “He gave me part of his body. He saved my life.” Baker has used Abdul as his driver on trips to Chicago for several years. A few months ago he learned of Abdul’s poor health and struggle to find a kidney donor with a matching blood type. Abdul said, “So he asked me, ‘What’s your blood type?’ I tell him O-positive. He said, ‘I’m O-positive. I’ll give you one.'”
DON’T WE ALL?
I was parked in front of the mall wiping off my car. I had just come from the car wash and was waiting for my wife to get out of work. Coming my way from across the parking lot was what society would consider a bum. From the looks of him, he had no car, no home, no clean clothes, and no money. There are times when you feel generous but there are other times that you just don’t want to be bothered. This was one of those “don’t want to be bothered times.”
“I hope he doesn’t ask me for any money,” I thought.
He came and sat on the curb in front of the bus stop but he didn’t look like he could have enough money to even ride the bus. After a few minutes he spoke. “That’s a very pretty car,” he said.
He was ragged but he had an air of dignity around him. His scraggly blond beard keep more than his face warm.
I said, “Thanks,” and continued wiping off my car.
He sat there quietly as I worked. The expected plea for money never came. As the silence between us widened something inside said, “ask him if he needs any help.” I was sure that he would say “yes” but I held true to the inner voice.
“Do you need any help?” I asked.
He answered in three simple but profound words that I shall never forget. We often look for wisdom in great men and women. We expect it from those of higher learning and accomplishments. I expected nothing but an outstretched grimy hand. He spoke the three words that shook me.
“Don’t we all?” he said.
I was feeling high and mighty, successful and important, above a bum in the street, until those three words hit me like a twelve gauge shotgun.
Don’t we all?
I needed help. Maybe not for bus fare or a place to sleep, but I needed help. I reached in my wallet and gave him not only enough for bus fare, but enough to get a warm meal and shelter for the day. Those three little words still ring true. No matter how much you have, no matter how much you have accomplished, you need help too. No matter how little you have, no matter how loaded you are with problems, even without money or a place to sleep, you can give help. Even if it’s just a compliment, you can give that.
You never know when you may see someone that appears to have it all. They are waiting on you to give them what they don’t have. A different perspective on life, a glimpse at something beautiful, a respite from daily chaos, that only you through a torn world can
Maybe the man was just a homeless stranger wandering the streets. Maybe he was more than that. Maybe he was sent by a power that is great and wise, to minister to a soul too comfortable in themselves.
Maybe God looked down, called an Angel, dressed him like a bum, then said, “Go minister to that man cleaning the car, that man needs help.”
Don’t we all?
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
I’ve never been a big fan of lima beans.
It took me years to choke down my first bite of tomato. And those canned peas with the pale green tint have never made a big hit with my taste buds. Too many veggies would do me in.
On the other hand, I’ll take a good hamburger, a pepperoni pizza, or a pork chop any day.
Daniel didn’t choose his diet in quite the same way. He didn’t base his menu on his own likes and dislikes. Instead, he based his eating habits on his convictions. He decided to be a vegetarian while in the service of Nebuchadnezzar because it was the only way he could obey God.
The royal food and wine of Babylon were unacceptable for a faithful Jew like Daniel. Apparently, the palace food service had ties with idol worship, and the meat was either prohibited by Jewish law or not prepared as God had instructed the Israelites to prepare their food.
Daniel’s food decisions demanded him to show courage (more courage than it takes to tell your mother you’re not going to eat the broccoli she’s cooked for you). He could have been killed for not accepting what was offered to him by the king.
This was not a spur-of-the-moment decision for Daniel. He had dedicated his life to pleasing God–and he had already decided not to let anyone or anything get in his way.
You have to make tough decisions every day. If you want to be different from a world that does not serve God–even though everyone around you pressures you to go against your convictions–you have to hang tough. You have to choose not to defile yourself. You have to choose to follow the Lord.
I’ve asked the Lord to help me make choices that will please Him. Why don’t you do the same? Like Daniel, we’ll both be better off for it.
Here, kitty kitty kitty… that’s something you do NOT want to say to Mark Nernberg’s cat, because he has a cheetah… and the cat has escaped and is loose in the neighborhood!
I guess you could call it a kind of cat-astrophe! A woman called 911 in Pennsylvania and said that she saw a cheetah roaming the streets! A cheetah? Well… almost. What she really saw was Mark Nernberg’s rare 42-pound African servile cat, which escaped from his home and remained on the prowl. In case you’re looking to catch the cat for Mark, the description is a cheetah like cat with a tan coat, black spots, pointy ears, and answers to the name of Mr. Bigglesworth. He’s about the size of a German shepherd. Don’t worry though… Mark says he’s just a pussy cat. (Yeah right… try convincing yourself of THAT as the cat stares you down!) Servile cats can grow to be 20 inches high at the shoulder and 3 feet long. It can jump as high as 12 feet. Mark got the 2-year-old feline from a friend when it was a kitten. He said Mr. Bigglesworth is declawed. It turns out that Pennsylvania does not require a special license for the animal. Mark also says the residents should not be afraid that Mr. Bigglesworth will eat their cats or other household pets. The servile prefers rats, squirrels and other rodents. ***MARLAR: So you’re safe so long as you’re not a politician.
LIFE… LIVE IT
INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE
- Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
- Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
- When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
- Spend some time alone every day.
- Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
- A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
- Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
- Follow the three R’s: Respect for self, Respect for others and Responsibility for all your actions.
- In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
- Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
JUST FOR FUN
SOUNDS OF SILENCE
There’s a new CD collection available – 24 CDs, and nothing will be able to prepare your for the emptiness you’ll feel if you buy them.
A British artist has recorded the sound of silence in radio broadcasts and is now selling the recording as a collector’s item. Honestly, I don’t think that’s what Simon & Garfunkel had in mind – but it’s not my position to judge. Matt Rogalsky says he spent 24 hours monitoring the BBC’s current affairs channel – collecting the gaps between the words with his custom-designed software. “The silences I am collecting,” he says, “are actually full of tiny sounds which normally go unobserved.” The finished piece will consist of 24 audio CDs housed in an archive box, with each CD holding the collected silences from one hour of the day’s broadcast. But those seeking 24 hours of carefully distilled peace and quiet are in for a shock when they see the price — the limited edition boxed set is $426 apiece. ***MARLAR: We’re planning on airing the entire set next week here on the show – the boss said it would be an improvement.
THE BACHELOR’S GUIDE TO FOOD
- BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable “spots” that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are good indications that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.
- CANNED GOODS: Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should be disposed of. Carefully.
- CARROTS: A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.
- CEREAL: It is generally a good rule of thumb that cereal should be discarded when it is two years or longer beyond the expiration date.
- CHIP DIP: If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad.
- DAIRY PRODUCTS: Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can’t get any more spoiled than it is already. Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is bleu cheese but you realize you’ve never purchased that kind.
- EGGS: When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.
- EMPTY CONTAINERS: Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is an old trick, but it only works if you live with someone or have a maid.
- EXPIRATION DATES: This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so that you’ll spend more on groceries. Perhaps you’d benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen.
- FLOUR: Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.
- FROZEN FOODS: Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.
- GAG TEST: Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night).
- LETTUCE: Iceberg lettuce is spoiled when you can’t get it off the bottom of the vegetable crisper without sandpaper. Romaine lettuce is spoiled when it turns liquid.
- MAYONNAISE: If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is spoiled.
- MEAT: If opening the refrigerator door causes all stray animals within a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.
- POTATOES: Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.
- RAISINS: Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.
- SALT: It never spoils.
- UNMARKED ITEMS: You know it is well beyond prime when you’re tempted to discard the Tupperware along with the food. Generally speaking, Tupperware containers should not burp when you open them.
- GENERAL RULE OF THUMB: Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in or near your refrigerator to gauge this.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
SMILE WHEN YOU SNEEZE THAT
Blame your cold on your personality.
…At least that’s the word from researchers at Carnegie-Mellon University in Pittsburgh who insist that happy, energetic people are more resistant to colds, while those who are depressed, nervous, or angry are three times more likely to get sick. Americans get about 1 billion colds every year. But it seems that people who are extroverted, handle stress well, have a positive, sunny outlook on life, and have a complex social network are more resistant to cold germs. And when they do get a cold, the symptoms are much milder. Here are some other results of the study:
- The more relaxed and content a person is, the less likely he or she is to get sick.
- Introverted people are more likely to catch a cold than extroverted people.
- Your chances of getting a cold are greatly increased if you have serious stress caused by work or personal issues. The longer you live with intense stress, the more likely you are to catch a cold.
- People who have a number of roles in their life–spouse, parent, employee, friend, volunteer, club member, and more–boost their resistance to infection.
- Those who had three or fewer roles in life were four times more likely to catch a cold than people who had six or more roles in life.
- People with negative personalities were also more likely to complain about their cold symptoms than people with happy dispositions.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
October is clergy appreciation month! Our pastors and their families work hard and sacrifice their time and energy. They need to know how much we appreciate them. Focus on the Family has made resources available to help us say thank you. To learn how you can recognize your church leaders, find a planning guide, or just to read the history of Clergy appreciation month go to christianartistnews.info for a complete list of resources to help encourage your pastor.
Want a simple way to be happier? Every morning send a friend, family member or co-worker an email to say thanks for something. There’s tons of research showing that over time, this alone — one silly email a day — can make you happier. (From Shawn Achor’s “The Happiness Advantage”)
Would you ever consider moving to a war-torn country hostile to Christianity to share the message of Jesus? According to Mission Network News, that’s what one Vision Beyond Borders-supported missionary has been doing for the last 17 or so years. While Burma’s civil war has externally displaced over 2 million people and killed another half million, the unnamed missionary is striving to bring hope. The missionary has started several children homes, and not just as a safe haven for young war victims. but also to help these children find a lasting hope through the message of the Bible.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
THE WAY WE WORK
(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)
Today is September 21st. Peace Day. More on that in a moment. But to answer the famous question, “Can’t we all just get along?” The answer is no.
Take this recent story headline from Associated Press: “Burger King to McDonalds: Let’s make a McWhopper.” Full page ads in various newspapers carried the message. A one day truce it was called. For the betterment of mankind, of course.
Burger King was attempting to get a cooperative effort with the “Golden Arches” folk to build a unique combination of a Whopper and a Big Mac. But only for a day. Peace Day.
As the AP story goes, “Burger King is tying the publicity stunt to a nonprofit called Peace One Day, which says it promotes Peace Day. The United Nations created the International Day of Peace in 1981 to coincide with its annual opening session in September. It then designated September 21 as the annual ‘day of non-violence and cease-fire’ in 2001.”
Call it a noble act. Call it promotional gimmickry. Ronald McDonald is not interested in such peace efforts. Ronald may smile at the kids, but not at the competition. Their CEO Steve Easterbrook in responding with a “no way” message, belittled the effort of burger war peace compared to “the real pain and suffering of war.” He then added, “P.S., simple phone call will do next time.” Put that in your Whopper and chew on it for a while. C’mon, man!
Well, I’m in a different kind of battle with the fast food giants. One that pleads for simple, friendly customer service and the basics in operating a restaurant. Allow me to share several examples.
At the McDonald’s I frequently stop at on my way home when my wife is out, most employees give me no welcome greeting. When I pick up my food, no “thank you.” At the Wendy’s near my office, the ketchup containers have been empty twice during the lunch hours I visited. And they were out of napkins. Hello…it’s lunch time. At Culver’s drive through, my last three meals came with no napkins. And the latest: on Friday night, my wife had a hankering for KFC grilled chicken. It was during the dinner hours but none was available. They were cooking it. Instead of serving it.
One of my favorites on this list happened a week or so ago taking our granddaughter to IKEA. They served up chicken fingers which yearned for barbecue sauce. Except…there wasn’t any. Inquiring at the counter I was told they’ve been out for a few days. My problem solving went into gear and I suggested that since a Meijer grocery story was two blocks away, maybe they could simply go and buy some until their shipment arrived so as not to disappoint customers. The young woman thought that was a good idea.
Aside from the expected reaction that “Mark, fast food isn’t very good for you anyway” I wish to affirm two companies who seem to get it right the majority of the time. One is Chick Fil A. Their folks go out of their way to make sure I have what I need. And the tireless service motto that they own is, “My pleasure.”
The second high energy, high service minded company is In-N-Out Burger. Mainly located in California, they are a fan favorite and outperform their competitors in serving up burgers and fries. They also are the ones who imprint Bible verse references on their cups and fry containers.
And so it begs the question…how can these two companies do it right so consistently? I believe it is based on a passion for the customer. Yes, you have to have food that people enjoy. All of the fast food companies lay claim to that. But not all can lay claim to placing such emphasis on customer care.
For the record, my father managed several different Perkins restaurants during my growing up years. I worked in all but one. At peak times, customer care can be a real challenge. If it’s your mission, however, you finesse it as needed.
I believe most people want to be treated well. They enjoy being respected when spending their hard earned money for a meal. They respond to people who care.
Jesus of Nazareth advised us this way, “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” (Luke 7:12 NASB)
Do this, Ronald McDonald, and everyone will enjoy a happy meal.
P.S.: My apologies to any franchise owners or managers who want their employees to serve better.
That’s The Way WE Work.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
SEPTEMBER 30, 2015…
The Walk—Be prepared for vertigo as Joseph Gordon-Levitt portrays tightrope walker, Philippe Petit, who in 1974 walked a tightrope between the Twin Trade Towers in New York City. This was not OK’d by anyone, he just did it. Nerves of steel doesn’t begin to say it all. Also in the cast are Ben Kingsley and Charlotte Le Bon. “The Walk” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3.
OCTOBER 02, 2015…
Freeheld—This film is based on a real situation in which two women partners face a health crisis. Julianne Moore is Laurel (a police officer) and Ellen Page is Stacie. Laurel is diagnosed with cancer and the legal battle begins as they discover just what health and other benefits they have. “Freeheld” is rated R. No rating.
The Martian–The movie is adapted from the novel by Andy Weir about an expedition to Mars, in which, in a crisis, one person is left behind, presumably dead. He (Matt Damon) is not dead and struggles to survive and tries to notify Earth he is there. Those on Earth who want to help include Jessica Chastain, Sebastian Stan, Kate Mara and Kristen Wiig. Try this for survival. “The Martian” is rated R. Rating of 3 for science fiction fans.
Sicario—Emily Blunt (“Edge of Tomorrow”) takes on another action role as one of the leaders of an elite anti-drug group who also works with a Mexican military (Benicio Del Toro) .It is a game of who do you trust and the stakes are high, especially where tunnels are concerned. It is especially difficult when you are a woman in this crime chase. Also in the cast is Josh Brolin. “Sicario” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.
OCTOBER 09, 2015…
Knock Knock is a thriller starring Keanu Reeves about a man involved with two women.
*Pan and this film is finally opening. It is a twist on the story of Peter Pan, Captain Hook and Tinkerbell. Stars Hugh Jackman.
Steve Jobs is about the man behind such electronics as Mackintosh and stars Michael Fassbinder as Jobs.
The Final Girls is a horror film about seeing a dead relative in a movie. Stars Taissa Farmiga.
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