***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS – FREE TO AIR! (Need to receive this earlier than when it’s posted? Get FTP access and receive a fully-produced version FREE with a customized tag specifically for your station or show! Contact me with your ONAIRprep username for details!)
AND NOW… ON WITH THE SHOW!
PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20161004
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
I enjoy doing this show. And I’ll keep coming back until I’ve drunk my share of the coffee we bought on the first of last month. –Toms Lake
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
“Through wisdom a house is built; and by understanding it is established.” –Proverbs 24:3
Encourage one another daily, as long as it is called today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. –Hebrews 3:13
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. — 1 Peter 1:3
Help us, O God our Savior, for the glory of your name; deliver us and forgive our sins for your name’s sake. — Psalm 79:9
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
[In talking about others having the right to be supported in their ministry, the apostle Paul says,] But I have not used any of these rights. And I am not writing this in the hope that you will do such things for me. I would rather die than have anyone deprive me of this boast. — 1 Corinthians 9:15
Thought: Paul was careful not to take support from the Corinthians even though it was his right as a minister of the Gospel. Instead, he knew their problems with generosity and showed them a great example in living for Jesus without obvious and instant reward. Oftentimes we must show our values before others will share them. Paul was a master at reading the needs around him and living in a way that was an example. Let’s make a commitment to do the same!
Prayer: Father God and Almighty LORD, please give me the courage and integrity to live my principles in a way that is a blessing and example to others. Bless me, dear Father, with a life that makes a mark on others for your glory. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to email@example.com.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
John 10:4 NIV = When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.
TODAY IS TUESDAY – OCTOBER 04, 2016
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 81 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is INTERNATIONAL TOOT YOUR FLUTE DAY, a day to promote yourself. ***Known here on the show as “Tuesday.”
Today is NATIONAL TACO DAY. ***MARLAR: If you’re not careful, eating too many might cause you to toot your flute.
IMPROVE YOUR HOME OFFICE WEEK. ***MARLAR: For some, that would require dismantling it.
SPINNING AND WEAVING WEEK begins today. ***MARLAR: I don’t know about the weaving, but the spinning certainly takes place as we find things to toot our flutes about.
Today is PEANUT BUTTER & JELLY DAY, observed each year on Peppi the Peanut’s birthday. ***MARLAR: We celebrate the birthday of a nut with a name? Heck, I fit that description and no one celebrates my birthday.
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Blessing of the Animals Day (Blessing of the Pets Day / World Pet Day)
Improve Your Office Day
National Ship In a Bottle Day
COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below.)
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 05
Balloons Around The World Day
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 06
American Libraries Day
Jackie Mayer Rehab Day
National German-American Day
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 07
Lee’s National Denim Day
National Diversity Day
National Personal Safety Day
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 08
Alvin C. York Day
National Pierogy Day
Universal Music Day
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 09
Clergy Appreciation Day
Leif Erikson Day
National Pro-Life Cupcake Day
World Post Day
MONDAY, OCTOBER 10
International Day for Natural Disaster Reduction
International Newspaper Carrier Day
National Handbag Day
National Kick Butt Day
Native American Day
Naval Academy Day
World Mental Health Day
World Porridge Day
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 11
Ada Lovelace Day
National Face Your Fears Day
Southern Food Heritiage Day
ON THIS DAY
1890: Catherine Booth died at the age of 61. The wife of Salvation Army founder William Booth, her last words were: “The waters are rising, but so am I. I am not going under but over. Do not be concerned about dying; go on living well, the dying will be alright.”
1931: Chester Gould’s comic strip “Plain Clothes Tracy,” debuted in The Detroit Mirror. Dick Tracy was a 34-year-old detective, whose sidekick was Sam Catchem. In 1949 he married Tess Trueheart and they adopted a son named Junior. ***MARLAR: Question… how can you be a successful private eye and tail someone unnoticed while wearing a bright yellow hat and trench coat?
1991: A New York City court ruled that a gay street-patrol group called “Pink Panther Patrol” had to change its name because it infringed on the MGM Pink Panther trademark. ***MARLAR: Not to mention infringing on good taste.
2000: Two Texas students snatched the keys from their school bus driver, suspecting she was drunk. The bus driver, who was weaving on the road, later failed a breath test and was fired by the Smithville School District. School officials praised the students’ actions.
2003: A woman was arrested for dangerous driving in Dubrovnik, Croatia, after she drove two miles to a police station with her intoxicated husband on her car hood. She told police her husband tried to stop her by jumping onto the car’s hood. Police also arrested the husband.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1535: London printer Miles Coverdale, 47, published his English version of the Bible. A good translator who later served on two other translation committees, Coverdale was also popular as a Lutheran preacher.
1858: Birth of Dorothy Frances Gurney, English devotional writer. During her lifetime she published two volumes of verse, as well as a small devotional work entitled, ‘A Little Book of Quiet.’
1867: In Southwest Africa, the Rhenish Missionary Church constituted itself as the Evangelical Lutheran Church.
1890: Death of Catherine Booth, 61, wife of Salvation Army founder William Booth. Her last words were: ‘The waters are rising, but so am I. I am not going under but over. Do not be concerned about dying; go on living well, the dying will be right.’
1965: Paul VI arrived in New York City, making him the first pope in history to visit the United States. While speaking at the UN, Paul published a document exonerating the Jews of all blame in the death of Christ.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
Actress (“Las Vegas”, She’s All That) Rachael Leigh Cook, 37
Actress (Clueless, Batman & Robin, Blast From The Past, “Miss Match”) Alicia Silverstone, 40
Actor (Judge Dread, The Mambo Kings, Richard Elliot on “ER”) Armand Assante, 67 (audio clip)
Actress (Bull Durham, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Thelma & Louise, Oscar for Dead Man Walking) Susan Sarandon, 70
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1929 : Leroy Van Dyke
1937 : Perkle Lee Moses (The El Dorados)
1942 : Helen Reddy
1944 : Marlena Davis (The Orlons)
1958 : Barbara K. MacDonald (Timbuk 3)
1959 : Chris Lowe (Pet Shop Boys)
1961 : Jon Secada
1963 : Lena Zavaroni
1965 : Leo Barnes (Hothouse Flowers)
1984 : Lena Katina (t.A.T.u.)
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
Why does the Mona Lisa have no eyebrows?
It was the fashion in Renaissance Florence to shave them off. Interestingly, X-rays of the Mona Lisa show that there are three completely different versions of the same subject, all painted by Leonardo, under the final portrait.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving three days a week from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!
Casting Crowns Megan Garrett listed another thing that she is grateful for. She said it’s when band guitarist Josh Mix doesn’t eat any dairy before the concert. Megan added: he did tonight.
New music from Laura Story is coming soon. The latest song from Laura is titled “Open Hands”. It features Mac Powell of Third Day. The song is the title cut from Laura Story’s fifth album, scheduled for release in Spring 2017. Open Hands is described as a worship-focused song. Laura says “True worship is more than adoration; it’s coming before a faithful, trustworthy Father with open hands. It’s saying, ‘God, I want to surrender my life to You. I want You to take it all. Whatever comes, let me not respond with clenched fists as if I know best. With open hands, my life is Yours.
Casting Crowns guitarist Josh Mix had the last laugh. He posted a picture of his car parallel parked in a space with just inches between his bumpers and the cars in front and behind him. He said: take that Seattle parking and driving instructor who failed me on parallel parking.
TobyMac was cheering on his son Leo this week. Leo’s football team took the 6th grade state championship over the weekend but Leo had to miss most of the season with a broken arm. TobyMac said: so proud of you, Leo. You went hard for your team. When you can’t play, serve.
Selah member Todd Smith says it’s sometimes tough but he is staying on his diet. He posted over the weekend: It’s easy to binge on a big Michigan Football day! Todd shared a picture of his Nutrisystem snacks and said he’s staying healthy.
Last week was a good week for Jimmy Needham. He posted: I think I’ve eaten bacon at least once a day this whole week. In other words, I have had an AWESOME week.
Matthew West says it’s finally starting to feel like fall here in Nashville…and you know what that means! The Winterjam Tour West Coast is almost here. Matthew will be one of many artists featured on the tour.
The members of For King and Country might be coming to a theater near you. Joel and Luke announced this week that they will be showing up at random theaters to perform prior to the showing of their first movie. Priceless the Movie will be in Theaters on October 14.
Life is good for Sidewalk Prophets Ben McDonald. He posted this week: I am in my hometown, it’s fall, and there is pizza. No complaints.
Even a hundred and three degree fever couldn’t stop Matt Kearney. He posted this week: Charleston, no flu can stop me. Thank you for being amazing tonight. Matt is currently on the Tour de Compadres tour with Needtobreathe.
(No news on the weekends. As on ONAIRprep subscriber, you can get a fully-produced, customized version of the Daily Dose of Weird News FREE with a station or show specific tag! Email firstname.lastname@example.org for details!)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
An effort to get a picture of Australian environmentalist Steve Irwin on Australia’s banknotes is gaining traction. A petition to get Irwin, who died in 2006 from a stingray attack, on the currency has surpassed its target of 25,000 signatures and the plan is to deliver it to Royal Australian Mint. Behind the petition is 16-year-old Kyle Ryan of Melbourne and several of his friends. Kyle says, “The new generation needs someone they can look up to and Steve is the perfect person”. ***And if this is successful you can expect to see a similar campaign in the U.S. for the two-dollar bill to feature Johnny Knoxville.
In New York a man named Denzel Washington took a plea deal for strangling his mom — whose name is… Aretha Franklin. True story! ***The only way to make this story better is if we found out the judge’s name was Joseph Wapner.
Trump has apparently been proven at least partially right in his claim that “50% of his debate problem was caused by his microphone.” ***The other 50% of his debate problem is the fact that he is Donald Trump.
More problems surfaced for Donald Trump over the weekend as a “New York Times” story suggested the Republican presidential nominee may have avoided paying federal taxes for years. ***Personally, I just want to know how he did it so I can give it a try.
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
A researcher at Ersta Skoendal University College in Stockholm had 20 women around 80 years old gather once a week for four months to look at various works of art and discuss them. She said their attitudes and creativity improved, their blood pressure went down, and oddly, they needed fewer laxatives and suffered less constipation. ***MARLAR: Yeah, modern art gives me loose bowels too.
“You have nice eyes.” That’s one compliment people are hearing on a busy street in the nation’s capital. Artist Tom Greaves has created what he calls “The Compliment Machine.” It’s a bright red-and-white-striped box that automatically says nice things about people as they walk past. ***MARLAR: Our radio station’s General Manager bought one last week – he had it modified so it would just agree with every idea he comes up with.
A poll by the University of South Australia reveals that one in three Australian executives admitted to falling asleep during meetings. ***MARLAR: Not only that, the drool swirls out of their mouths counter-clockwise.
Think back to your last car purchase… if you made it with your spouse, who really made the final decision? If you ask him, it was him. Unless you ask her, then it was her. A recent survey found 72% of men believing they were the ones with the most influence while 60% of women believe they had the most say. ***MARLAR: Which is complete balderdash on both sides, because we all KNOW it’s the used car salesman that did all of the convincing.
WONDER WOMAN (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Applying Mascara”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Paul Gustufson, “TV Preachers”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TUESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Gruffy was dead, Millard was dead, Racquet was dead… everyone was dead except Nozzles and Sully! Wait a minute… never mind, that’s the wrong script. Ah, here we go… last time the animals found the source of some giant footprints… a giant gorilla!
CLOSE: Alright – I’m with Millard on this one. Forget the whole friend thing, I’d stay in that cave… just to be safe. We’ll find out what the rest of the animals do, next time… As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF OCTOBER 08/09
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the animals were scared after finding what appeared to be five giant footprints from an unknown creature! They all began thinking it was a terrible, nasty, filthy, dangerous creature – maybe even a creature who’s favorite food is MONKEYS!
CLOSE: Wow… an “everything must go” sale! Brilliant! It’s going to be a lot easier to run away from a terrifying giant-footed monster if you don’t have to carry all your belongings with you while you’re running! Come to think of it… you can advertise here on the radio station. Just call 555/555-1212… ask for (local Sales Manager)… and we’ll get you started! Oh yeah… and tune in next time, for As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.
MOMENT OF DUH
Y’ever wake up and think, “I just don’t feel like going to work today”?
It happens to all of us, and most of us either suck it up and head off to work or, at worst, call in sick, right? Not in Sri Lanka, where an airline flight attendant wanted the day off so badly she decided her only course of action was to call her airline — and make a bomb threat. And how was she caught? Investigators traced the call and found that it was made from a mobile phone belonging to the flight attendant’s boyfriend. ***MARLAR: I hope she enjoys her time off, because she probably won’t be going back to work.
TOP TEN BUMPER STICKERS (OR SOME THAT SHOULD BE)
10. I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
9. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
8. Always remember you are unique, just like everybody else.
7. “More hay, Trigger?” “No thanks, Roy, I’m stuffed!”
6. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
5. There’s too much blood in my caffeine system.
4. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
3. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
2. I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
1. I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
A convicted shoplifter gets a break when it comes to sentencing because it’s his birthday!
FILE #1: A shoplifter has had his jail sentence cut by an extra month as a birthday gift. Thapa Dhirendra Bir stole eight bars of chocolate and three bottles of moisturizer from a Hong Kong store. The Magistrate wished him a happy birthday and cut his sentence to three months. Thapa’s lawyer had urged the court to give his client the birthday present despite the fact he has 19 previous convictions. A senior judge, who asked not to be named, said the defendant had been lucky, as there were no legal grounds to reduce the sentence.
FILE #2: A Gulfport, Florida man recently attacked his own sister and stole her wallet and the car that she was driving. Keith Alan Harper then went and locked the keys in the car while at a grocery store parking lot and then called police to get help. The police immediately recognized the car from the description and solved his problem by arresting him on the spot.
FILE #3: A shoe thief got himself caught because he liked his old shoes. The 21-year-old student walked into a Minnesota shoe store and pretended to be a customer. He proceeded to walk out of the store wearing the new shoes he tried on, while leaving his old shoes in the new shoe’s box at the store. But after he got home, he realized he still wanted those old shoes too. So the next day he walked into the store wearing slippers and tried to steal back his old ones! This time he got caught and has been charged with misdemeanor theft.
STRANGE LAW: In Youngstown, Ohio it is illegal to run out of gas.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
The special deliveries one mailman was making didn’t need stamps.
Former letter carrier Ronald Berkan has been sentenced to 18 months in federal prison for selling pot on his mail route. Prosecutors say Berkan also resigned from the Postal Service as part of a plea deal. He was busted after police in Lake Oswego, Oregon, say a 19-year-old fingered Berkan as his pot connection.
The name of the first miniature golf course in the United States was, appropriately, “The Tom Thumb Golf Course.” (1929 – Chattanooga, TN) If you were building your own miniature golf course, what might you call it? Putt-Around? Short Swings? Par-None?
Today is TOOT YOUR FLUTE DAY – so call in and tell us what you’re good at, or why you deserve to get a little recognition today!
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: What city was home to Mary, Martha, and Lazarus?
ANSWER: Bethany (John 11)
QUESTION: How much money did Elvis Presley win during his first public appearance, and in what place did he finish?
ANSWER: He only came in second place and won $5.00
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
1. In the book, “Curious George at the Laundromat,” the brand name of the laundry detergent he blatantly misuses is called “Monkey-Suds.” (False, it’s called “Sudso.”)
2. According to Time magazine, Super Bowl Sunday is the largest avocado eating day of the year in the United States. (False – it comes in second. The first largest day is Cinco De Mayo.)
3. Al “Grandpa Munster” Lewis used to be a college basketball recruiter. (True.)
4. Man first drove a car 60 miles per hour as early as In 1903. (True – driving his famous “999” built by Henry Ford, Berner Eli “Barney” Oldfield became the first man to achieve 60 miles per hour, a speed many doctors of the day claimed would cause deafness.)
5. If an orangutan belches at you, you’d better watch out. (True – he’s warning you to stay out of his territory.)
6. Tipping a waiter at a restaurant in Iceland is considered an insult. (True.)
7. The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year. (True – an average of four dreams each night.)
8. A Boeing 747 airliner holds 5,285 gallons of fuel. (False – it’s much more than that! It’s 57,285 gallons!)
9. Camels have three eyelids. (True- to protect themselves from blowing sand. God knew what he was doing!)
10. Clinophobia is the fear of beds. (True.)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
ALIEN _____________ CAPTURED ON NIGHT-VISION CAMERA (ABDUCTION)
SANTE FE, NM – An alien was caught with a night vision camera – in the act of abducting a woman from her home.
New Mexico authorities were stunned when amateur photographer, Jeff Norris brought in a picture of an alien abducting his girlfriend, Jenna Hawser, from their apartment. Norris had just returned from Iraq and had a night vision camera.
Norris says he and Hawser were asleep in bed when the alien just appeared at the foot of the bed. Norris said he was frozen and couldn’t move. The alien then picked up Hawser and started to walk away. Norris got up and tried to run at the alien, but “it felt like there was a force field stopping me.”
He then fell to the ground right near his photography equipment. He picked up the night vision camera and caught the alien holding his girlfriend. “He seemed friendly, almost serene, but when I took the picture he got a little agitated and ran out of the apartment.”
Norris hasn’t seen his girlfriend in three days.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
Little Johnny went with his mom and dad to his grandmother’s house for dinner. When little Johnny received his plate he started eating right away.
“Johnny, wait until we say our prayer,” said his mother.
“I don’t have to,” the boy replied.
“Of course, you do,” his mother insisted. “We say a prayer before eating at our house.”
“That’s our house,” Johnny explained. “But this is Grandma’s house. She KNOWS how to cook!”
A teenager was always asking his father if he could borrow the family car.
Pushed to the limit, the father asked his son why he thought “The Almighty” had given him two feet.
Without hesitation, the son replied, “That’s easy, one for the brake and one for the accelerator.”
During dinner, the subject of how God created people came up. Karen’s husband explained to their three children how God created Adam from the dust of the earth and God created Eve from Adam’s rib.
Then their 7-year-old asked, “What happens when we die?”
Karen’s husband continued to explain that when we die, our bodies turn back to dust.
After a few seconds of silence, their 4-year-old daughter said, “Yeh, you guys turn back to dust, but us girls turn back to ribs.”
Acting was once considered evil, and actors in the first English play to be performed in America were arrested. ***MARLAR: Nowadays we’ll even let Pauly Shore call himself an actor without repercussions.
George Anthiel was a composer of film scores, but earlier in his life he had been an avant garde composer. In 1924 his “Ballet mecanique” was performed at Carnegie Hall. The work was scored for a fire siren, automobile horns, and an airplane propeller. After only a few minutes of this racket, an aging gentleman in the orchestra seats tied his handkerchief to his cane and began waving a white flag in surrender. (It’s true!)
Men lie an average of 6 times a day, twice as often as women. ***MARLAR: Then again, I’m a man reporting this to you – so how you do know I’m telling the truth?
I’M ALL CHOKED UP
A grandmother sent her grandson a sweater for his birthday. Unfortunately, he had a size 14 neck and she sent a size 12 sweater. His mother insisted that he send a thank you note.
So he wrote, “Dear Grandma, Thanks a lot for the beautiful sweater. I’d write more, but I’m all choked up.”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
As tips go, Chicago limo driver Abdul Faraj just got what has to be the biggest tip of all time. But it wasn’t cash.
Who can put a dollar amount on a new kidney? That’s what his customer, businessman Dave Baker, offered up after learning Abdul’s kidneys were failing due to diabetes despite a three-times-a-week dialysis regime. The transplant surgeries went down at Chicago’s Northwestern Memorial Hospital. Abdul said, “He gave me part of his body. He saved my life.” Baker has used Abdul as his driver on trips to Chicago for several years. A few months ago he learned of Abdul’s poor health and struggle to find a kidney donor with a matching blood type. Abdul said, “So he asked me, ‘What’s your blood type?’ I tell him O-positive. He said, ‘I’m O-positive. I’ll give you one.'”
DON’T WE ALL?
I was parked in front of the mall wiping off my car. I had just come from the car wash and was waiting for my wife to get out of work. Coming my way from across the parking lot was what society would consider a bum. From the looks of him, he had no car, no home, no clean clothes, and no money. There are times when you feel generous but there are other times that you just don’t want to be bothered. This was one of those “don’t want to be bothered times.”
“I hope he doesn’t ask me for any money,” I thought.
He came and sat on the curb in front of the bus stop but he didn’t look like he could have enough money to even ride the bus. After a few minutes he spoke. “That’s a very pretty car,” he said.
He was ragged but he had an air of dignity around him. His scraggly blond beard keep more than his face warm.
I said, “Thanks,” and continued wiping off my car.
He sat there quietly as I worked. The expected plea for money never came. As the silence between us widened something inside said, “ask him if he needs any help.” I was sure that he would say “yes” but I held true to the inner voice.
“Do you need any help?” I asked.
He answered in three simple but profound words that I shall never forget. We often look for wisdom in great men and women. We expect it from those of higher learning and accomplishments. I expected nothing but an outstretched grimy hand. He spoke the three words that shook me.
“Don’t we all?” he said.
I was feeling high and mighty, successful and important, above a bum in the street, until those three words hit me like a twelve gauge shotgun.
Don’t we all?
I needed help. Maybe not for bus fare or a place to sleep, but I needed help. I reached in my wallet and gave him not only enough for bus fare, but enough to get a warm meal and shelter for the day. Those three little words still ring true. No matter how much you have, no matter how much you have accomplished, you need help too. No matter how little you have, no matter how loaded you are with problems, even without money or a place to sleep, you can give help. Even if it’s just a compliment, you can give that.
You never know when you may see someone that appears to have it all. They are waiting on you to give them what they don’t have. A different perspective on life, a glimpse at something beautiful, a respite from daily chaos, that only you through a torn world can
Maybe the man was just a homeless stranger wandering the streets. Maybe he was more than that. Maybe he was sent by a power that is great and wise, to minister to a soul too comfortable in themselves.
Maybe God looked down, called an Angel, dressed him like a bum, then said, “Go minister to that man cleaning the car, that man needs help.”
Don’t we all?
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
I’ve never been a big fan of lima beans.
It took me years to choke down my first bite of tomato. And those canned peas with the pale green tint have never made a big hit with my taste buds. Too many veggies would do me in.
On the other hand, I’ll take a good hamburger, a pepperoni pizza, or a pork chop any day.
Daniel didn’t choose his diet in quite the same way. He didn’t base his menu on his own likes and dislikes. Instead, he based his eating habits on his convictions. He decided to be a vegetarian while in the service of Nebuchadnezzar because it was the only way he could obey God.
The royal food and wine of Babylon were unacceptable for a faithful Jew like Daniel. Apparently, the palace food service had ties with idol worship, and the meat was either prohibited by Jewish law or not prepared as God had instructed the Israelites to prepare their food.
Daniel’s food decisions demanded him to show courage (more courage than it takes to tell your mother you’re not going to eat the broccoli she’s cooked for you). He could have been killed for not accepting what was offered to him by the king.
This was not a spur-of-the-moment decision for Daniel. He had dedicated his life to pleasing God–and he had already decided not to let anyone or anything get in his way.
You have to make tough decisions every day. If you want to be different from a world that does not serve God–even though everyone around you pressures you to go against your convictions–you have to hang tough. You have to choose not to defile yourself. You have to choose to follow the Lord.
I’ve asked the Lord to help me make choices that will please Him. Why don’t you do the same? Like Daniel, we’ll both be better off for it.
Here, kitty kitty kitty… that’s something you do NOT want to say to Mark Nernberg’s cat, because he has a cheetah… and the cat has escaped and is loose in the neighborhood!
I guess you could call it a kind of cat-astrophe! A woman called 911 in Pennsylvania and said that she saw a cheetah roaming the streets! A cheetah? Well… almost. What she really saw was Mark Nernberg’s rare 42-pound African servile cat, which escaped from his home and remained on the prowl. In case you’re looking to catch the cat for Mark, the description is a cheetah like cat with a tan coat, black spots, pointy ears, and answers to the name of Mr. Bigglesworth. He’s about the size of a German shepherd. Don’t worry though… Mark says he’s just a pussy cat. (Yeah right… try convincing yourself of THAT as the cat stares you down!) Servile cats can grow to be 20 inches high at the shoulder and 3 feet long. It can jump as high as 12 feet. Mark got the 2-year-old feline from a friend when it was a kitten. He said Mr. Bigglesworth is declawed. It turns out that Pennsylvania does not require a special license for the animal. Mark also says the residents should not be afraid that Mr. Bigglesworth will eat their cats or other household pets. The servile prefers rats, squirrels and other rodents. ***MARLAR: So you’re safe so long as you’re not a politician.
LIFE… LIVE IT
INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE
10. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
9. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
8. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
7. Spend some time alone every day.
6. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
5. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
4. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
3. Follow the three R’s: Respect for self, Respect for others and Responsibility for all your actions.
2. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
1. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
JUST FOR FUN
SOUNDS OF SILENCE
There’s a new CD collection available – 24 CDs, and nothing will be able to prepare your for the emptiness you’ll feel if you buy them.
A British artist has recorded the sound of silence in radio broadcasts and is now selling the recording as a collector’s item. Honestly, I don’t think that’s what Simon & Garfunkel had in mind – but it’s not my position to judge. Matt Rogalsky says he spent 24 hours monitoring the BBC’s current affairs channel – collecting the gaps between the words with his custom-designed software. “The silences I am collecting,” he says, “are actually full of tiny sounds which normally go unobserved.” The finished piece will consist of 24 audio CDs housed in an archive box, with each CD holding the collected silences from one hour of the day’s broadcast. But those seeking 24 hours of carefully distilled peace and quiet are in for a shock when they see the price — the limited edition boxed set is $426 apiece. ***MARLAR: We’re planning on airing the entire set next week here on the show – the boss said it would be an improvement.
THE BACHELOR’S GUIDE TO FOOD
BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable “spots” that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are good indications that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.
CANNED GOODS: Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should be disposed of. Carefully.
CARROTS: A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.
CEREAL: It is generally a good rule of thumb that cereal should be discarded when it is two years or longer beyond the expiration date.
CHIP DIP: If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad.
DAIRY PRODUCTS: Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can’t get any more spoiled than it is already. Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is bleu cheese but you realize you’ve never purchased that kind.
EGGS: When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.
EMPTY CONTAINERS: Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is an old trick, but it only works if you live with someone or have a maid.
EXPIRATION DATES: This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so that you’ll spend more on groceries. Perhaps you’d benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen.
FLOUR: Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.
FROZEN FOODS: Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.
GAG TEST: Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night).
LETTUCE: Iceberg lettuce is spoiled when you can’t get it off the bottom of the vegetable crisper without sandpaper. Romaine lettuce is spoiled when it turns liquid.
MAYONNAISE: If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is spoiled.
MEAT: If opening the refrigerator door causes all stray animals within a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.
POTATOES: Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.
RAISINS: Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.
SALT: It never spoils.
UNMARKED ITEMS: You know it is well beyond prime when you’re tempted to discard the Tupperware along with the food. Generally speaking, Tupperware containers should not burp when you open them.
GENERAL RULE OF THUMB: Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in or near your refrigerator to gauge this.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
SMILE WHEN YOU SNEEZE THAT
Blame your cold on your personality.
…At least that’s the word from researchers at Carnegie-Mellon University in Pittsburgh who insist that happy, energetic people are more resistant to colds, while those who are depressed, nervous, or angry are three times more likely to get sick. Americans get about 1 billion colds every year. But it seems that people who are extroverted, handle stress well, have a positive, sunny outlook on life, and have a complex social network are more resistant to cold germs. And when they do get a cold, the symptoms are much milder. Here are some other results of the study:
The more relaxed and content a person is, the less likely he or she is to get sick.
Introverted people are more likely to catch a cold than extroverted people.
Your chances of getting a cold are greatly increased if you have serious stress caused by work or personal issues. The longer you live with intense stress, the more likely you are to catch a cold.
People who have a number of roles in their life–spouse, parent, employee, friend, volunteer, club member, and more–boost their resistance to infection.
Those who had three or fewer roles in life were four times more likely to catch a cold than people who had six or more roles in life.
People with negative personalities were also more likely to complain about their cold symptoms than people with happy dispositions.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
The first baby with ‘three parents’ has been born. According to Yahoo news, on Sept. 27, New Scientist exclusively reported that a 5-month-old baby boy appears to be healthy after having been born with DNA from three parents. New York-based fertility specialist John Zhang, MD, used a technique called “spindle nuclear transfer.” The procedure was done in Mexico. ***Honestly, I don’t know if this is a good thing, or terrifying… I’m leaning toward the latter. http://yhoo.it/2drKTj9
Dogs are a part of Sarah Mallouk Crain’s life so she wouldn’t dream of getting married without incorporating puppies into her wedding. Crain, who sits on the board of directors for a nonporfit rescue organization, asked her bridesmaids to forego bouquets in favor of the rescue pups. Each of the five bridesmaids held a boxer-coonhound puppy and the bride held a nine-week-old pit bull puppy named Biggie Smalls. The couple has three dogs of their own and often foster animals as well. http://on.today.com/2dafmAr
Archaeologists have proved that passages of the Bible about the triumph of Judaism over the pagan Ba’al worship are literally true. Referring to the fight against paganism in the biblical city of Lachish, 2 Kings 10 says: “Then they demolished the pillar of Ba’al, and destroyed the temple of Ba’al, and made it a latrine to this day.” Recent excavations in Israel have for the first time discovered an actual physical toilet of the kind referred to in this passage. The stone latrine was deliberately inserted into a Ba’al shrine to render it unclean, and therefore unusable as a shrine. http://bit.ly/2d4bU9n
When’s the last time you voted? If it’s been a while, it might be a good idea to see if you’re even still registered. Thankfully, there’s a website that can help you out. Just head over to CanIVote.org and fill out a couple of fields, and you can quickly find out if you’re registered, where to vote or how to get registered. That’s CanIVote.org.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
SEPTEMBER 30, 2016…
Queen Of Kawte—Here is an inspirational true story of a young girl from Uganda, Phiona Mutesi (played by Madina Nahwanga) who learns the game of chess and becomes proficient and a winner. Also in the cast are David Oweloyo and Lupita Nyong. “Queen Of Kawte” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for chess fans.
Deepwater Horizon—Remember the gigantic fire on board an oil rig about 6 years ago? Here is the cinema story that stars Mark Wahlberg, Gina Rodriguez and Kurt Russell. What started it? How to fight it? Heroism? Ecological disaster? It unfolds before you. “Deepwater Horizon” is rated R. Rating of 2 for disaster film fans.
Masterminds—Zach Galifianakis is an armored truck driver. His work partner is Kristen Wiig, along with someone on the other side of the law (Owen Wilson) and they try to pull off a robbery. Hmm. “Masterminds” is rated R. No rating.
Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children—After reading this first book in the book series by Ransom Riggs, they caught my attention. There are now several books in this series of children with unusual abilities who use time as their ally. Tim Burton directs. The children live on a secluded island, and the main character is played by Asa Butterfield. Samuel L. Jackson is the villain. My favorite is the girl who needs weighted shoes so she doesn’t float away. “Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans of the books.
Denial—Timothy Spall plays David Irving in this real life story of a man who doesn’t believe the Holocaust happened. Deborah Lipstadt (played by Rachel Weisz) is going to prove, in court, that the Holocaust did happen. Quite a court case. “Denial” is rated R. Rating of 2.
OCTOBER 07, 2016…
The Birth Of A Nation is Nate Parker’s film about a slave uprising in the early 1800’s.
The Girl On The Train is adapted from the best selling novel by Paula Hawkins. Stars Emily Blunt.
The 13th is a documentary on the U.S. prison system.
Middle School: The Worst Years Of My Life combines some animation with real life in dealing with a boy’s adventures in Middle School.
Voyage of Time (documentary) is narrated by Cate Blanchett and explores the past of Planet Earth. Beautiful photography.
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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.