October 06, 2015: Tuesday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20151006

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Welcome to another episode of (THE JOCK SHOW), with great music, fun, and (four) hours of me sitting here wondering what the boss meant when he said it would be good for my image if I got out of the business.

 

You know it’s going to be a long day when you’re already exhausted from brushing your teeth.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. –Galatians 6:9

 

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. –Proverbs 9:10

 

Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. — Matthew 6:33

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

You alone are the LORD. You made the heavens, even the highest heavens, and all their starry host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them. You give life to everything, and the multitudes of heaven worship you. — Nehemiah 9:6

 

Thought: Our praise is pretty irrelevant to everyone and everything but us, those closest to us, and amazingly to God. In a universe so vast, so much bigger than Nehemiah could have imagined, what is our small voice and our song of praise? The billions of stars and innumerable creatures of the immense seas all cry out that our Creator is LORD. God will receive the worship of the angels and all the heavenly beings. What difference does it make if we praise him? To the universe, to be blunt, it doesn’t matter. But it does to us! It matters even more to the LORD, who longs to be our Father and wants to bring us into relationship with himself.

 

Prayer: Holy and amazing God, you alone are Lord — Lord of all creation and Lord of my life. You are praised by all you have made. Your works cry out and declare your creative genius and your loving kindness. Father, I want to add my heartfelt praise to the chorus of creation, the voices of the angels, and the praise of many who have come before me. You are truly worthy to be praised. I gladly offer you my words, my songs, my heart, and my life. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Jeremiah 10:6 NIV = No one is like you, O LORD; you are great, and your name is mighty in power.

 

 

TODAY IS TUESDAY – OCTOBER 06, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 80 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is NATIONAL NOODLE DAY. ***MARLAR: Nothing special about it, I just think “noodle” is a funny word.

 

This is NATIONAL CARRY A TUNE WEEK, a time to play and sing old songs to keep them alive. ***MARLAR: As if you want “MacArthur Park” running through your mind all day.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Ecological Debt Day

Jackie Mayer Rehab Day

Mad Hatter Day

American Libraries Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

(Note: Just because holiday is listed here it does not mean we are endorsing it.)

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 07

Balloons Around the World Day

Emergency Nurses Day

National Kale Day

Pet Obesity Awareness Day ***Your cat insisting it only be fed lasagna is a pretty good indicator.

Walk To School Day

You Matter To Me Day

 

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 08

Alvin C. York Day

Fall Astronomy Day

National Pierogy Day

Universal Music Day

World Octopus Day

 

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 09

Clergy Appreciation Day

Leif Erikson Day

National Chess Day

National Pro-Life Cupcake Day

World Post Day

 

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 10

Columbus Day (Observed on 2nd Monday)

International Day for Natural Disaster Reduction

International Newspaper Carrier Day

International Stage Management Day

National Handbag Day

National Kick Butt Day

Native American Day

Naval Academy Day

World Day Against The Death Penalty

World Homeless Day

World Mental Health Day

World Porridge Day

 

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 11

Ada Lovelace Day

General Pulaski Memorial Day

International Day of the Girl

National Face Your Fears Day

National Food Truck Day

Southern Food Heritage Day

Yom Kippur

 

MONDAY, OCTOBER 12

Columbus Day (Observed)

Day of the Six Billion

Emergency Nurses Day

Free Thought Day

National Bring Your Teddy Bear To Work & School Day

International Top Spinning Day

National Fossil Day

National Take Your Parents To Lunch Day

S.A.V.E. (Stop America’s Violence Everywhere)

Spanish Language Day

Stop Bullying Day

World Arthritis Day

International Moment of Frustration Scream Day

 

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 13

English Language Day

International Day of Disaster Reduction

International African Penguin Awareness Day

International Day for Failure

National Chess Day

Navy Birthday

Silly Sayings Day

World Sight Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1866: History’s first disc jockey, Reginald Fessenden, was born in Milton, Quebec. In December 1906 Reg broadcast the world’s first public program of music and voice from atop a transmitter tower in Brant Rock, Massachusetts to ships at sea. He then got stuck in the tower and had to be stripped and greased to get down.

 

1880: The Cincinnati Reds were kicked out of the National League for selling beer. Two years later the Reds represented the new “Beer and Whiskey League” American Association and beat the National League champ Chicago White Stockings in what some call the first World Series.

 

1927: The era of talking pictures began with the opening of “The Jazz Singer,” a movie starring Al Jolson that featured both silent and talking scenes.

 

1967: Hippies in San Francisco’s Haight-Ashbury district conducted a funeral to mark the official death of hippies.

 

1976: A gold record was awarded to Memphis deejay Rick Dees and His Cast of Idiots for his “Disco Duck.”

 

1993: Burglar Craig Dodsworth couldn’t open the cash register at a drugstore in Barnsley, England, so he took the register home with him. Investigating police quickly realized the register tape had unraveled, and followed the paper to Dodsworth’s apartment about 75 yards away.

 

1996: The London tabloid The People reported “reliable” information that Elvis had faked his death in 1977 and run off with a secret girlfriend named Maria. The tabloid said Elvis had paid a dying man to have plastic surgery to become his double, to die at Graceland, and be buried in Elvis’s place.

 

2002: A worker at a McDonald’s in New Jersey stopped a robbery by using the drive-through window intercom to alert a police officer who had stopped for an iced tea. The officer radioed for backup then entered the restaurant through a back door. The bandits ran out the front but were later captured.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1520: German reformer Martin Luther, 36, published “Prelude on the Babylonian Captivity of the Church,” his famous writing which attacked the entire sacramental system of the Catholic Church.

 

1552: Birth of Matteo Ricci, an Italian Jesuit who was sent as a missionary to China in 1583. His complete adoption of Chinese customs raised the issue of the limits of “accommodation” to other cultures, in the preaching of the gospel.

 

1683: A band of religious refugees from Krefield, Germany came ashore at Philadelphia — the first Mennonites to arrive in North America. Their pastor, F. Daniel Pastorius, was considered by many the most learned man in America at the time.

 

1899: B.H. Irwin began issuing “Live Coals of Fire,” official publication of the Fire Baptized Holiness Association of America. Organized in 1898, the denomination was comprised of former Methodists, Quakers and River Brethren.

 

1982: In his daily radio broadcast, American Bible expositor Derek Prince declared: ‘God accepts responsibility for the maintenance of his appointed temple — our body.’

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (The Saint, The Karate Kid, Adventures in Babysitting, Hollow Man, Hide & Seek, Dreamer: Inspired By a True Story) Elisabeth Shue 52
  • actress (1973’s The Wicker Man, Mary Goodnight from the 007 movie The Man With The Golden Gun) Britt Ecklund 73

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1926 : Cyril Reuben

1945 : Robin Shaw (The Flowerpot Men)

1946 : Millie Small

1947 : Bob Weir (Grateful Dead)

1949 : Thomas McClary (The Commodores)

1949 : Bobby Farrell (Boney M)

1951 : Kevin Cronin (REO Speedwagon)

1951 : Gavin Sutherland (The Sutherland Brothers)

1954 : David Hidalgo (Los Lobos)

1964 : Matthew Sweet

1966 : Tommy Stinson (The Replacements)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

What exactly is “Plum Pudding?”

For hundreds of years spicy pies, fruity puddings and rich pastries have been traditional Christmas favorites. Plum pudding has been one of those favorite Christmas desserts. It began in medieval England as ‘plum soup.’ Mutton stock and fruits, including prunes were combined into a thick soup. The prunes gave the ‘dessert’ its name.

By the 16th Century the soup had been enriched into a pie including meat and suet which was cooked in a rectangular mold to represent the manger of the Christ child. The Christmas pie made its way into the Nursery Rhyme about “Little Jack Horner.” The legend was that eating a piece of this ‘plum pie’ at Christmas would ensure good luck throughout the coming year.
The Puritans thought such food was too rich and impious. They outlawed the Christmas pie. The general populace was not happy with is arrangement. They were cheated out of their favorite Christmas dessert. They started to make the pie into a different shape. The Christmas pie was now round and it was called “Minc’d pie.”
By the 18th Century the Christmas pie was often made without pastry. Thus the Christmas pie was transformed into plum pudding. The plum pudding of today has come a long way from a plum pie once baked for Henry VII. His chef used two bushels of flour, 24 pounds of butter and eight kinds of meat in preparing his Christmas pie. The huge nine feet long pie weighed 165 pounds and was wheeled to the table on a cart.

 

Sources include: The LIFE Book of Christmas. Webb Garrison
The New Shell Book of Firsts , Patrick Robertson
The Great American Almanac, Irena Chalmers

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman were in China last week to spend time working with their Show Hope adoption organization in that country. However, Mary Beth was having some difficulties. She tweeted: Day 4 no luggage. Debacle with British Airways.

 

A bit of trivia about Newsboys drummer Duncan Phillips. During a Q&A time on twitter Duncan was asked: how old were you when you got your first drum set? Duncan says he began playing the drums at the age of 9.

 

Want to be a touring Christian artist? Mercyme’s Mike Scheuchzer says it isn’t as glamorous as you might think. He shared a note to aspiring musicians over the weekend. Mike said: If you want to prepare for a life in the music industry, practice by setting a 3am alarm on nights when you go to bed at midnight or later, then get up in a rush for about 30-40min and be forced to take off your shoes and belt by angry strangers and then sit around and wait for anywhere from 1-4hrs depending on weather.

https://instagram.com/p/8VGPRvFbWS/

 

Kevin Max hinted this week that he might make an appearance at a Tobymac show this fall. Kevin and Michael Tait were part of one song on Tobymac’s new CD This is Not a Test, prompting fans to question whether the former members of DC Talk might appear on stage together at one of Tobymac’s upcoming shows. When asked specifically about attending the Nashville show Kevin replied: I’m doing a show in California that date but looking at others.

PHONER: We all love Tobymac and Newsboys – but would you give them both up if DC Talk decided to reunite?

 

Building 429’s Jason Roy shared a poster this week. It was from 1998 and promoted a band named Jacob’s Dream and their appearance at a Pumpkin Festival. Jason shared: Where it all started and where it will all end; A flat bed trailer at a county festival. So much fun!

http://twitter.com/MelOisHere/status/648666655434899456/photo/1

 

Hawk Nelson’s Jon Steingard was on a different type of tour bus this week. He was riding his motorcycle from LA up to San Francisco. Jon shared: This is my “tour bus” for the next few shows!

 

A little insight into NeedToBreathe’s Bo Rinehart. He tweeted this week: I have the utmost respect for people who say “BOOYAH” when they accomplish a small feat.

 

Tenth Avenue North’s Mike Donehey felt very loved this week but was still struggling with his circumstances. Mike tweeted this week: Thanks for all the birthday wishes. I’m feeling quite loved. However, he added: I JUST HIT A SQUIRREL WITH MY CAR AND ITS DEAD. Mike said: I tried to stop but the stinkin rodent was suicidal! Not sure how to process this. Were I living a Greek tragedy this would be most ominous.

 

A reminder from Jimmy Needham: The greater the art, the greater the potency. In other words Christian, before you pick up your guitar, pick up your Bible.

 

TobyMac has been named one of Nashville Lifestyles’s 25 Most Beautiful People. The Christian artist made the magazines 16th annual list of Nashville’s most dynamic, engaging, and yes, beautiful individuals.

 

The members of Building 429 released a video Saturday in response to the shooting in Oregon. The bands latest album is titled Unashamed and they say: It’s time to take a stand together…for Oregon…for Jesus! Each member of Building 429 is writing I am Unashamed on their hand as a way to start the conversation about Christ.

https://youtu.be/RVuL2RPtOv8

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Kuwaiti with Gulf plates nabbed for 1,645 driving violations
KUWAIT CITY (AP) — A Kuwaiti driver who apparently thought having license plates from another Gulf country would help avoid more than 1,600 traffic citations has been hit with a huge fine. The state-run Kuwait News Agency says the driver racked up 1,645 different driving violations while…

 

Former middle school students look for missing time capsule
INDIALANTIC, Fla. (AP) — Former students of a central Florida middle school were hoping to crack open a buried time capsule to celebrate the 50th anniversary of Hoover Middle School. The problem is no one remembers where it was buried. HASH(0x142eec0) Students reconnected on Facebook and…
Buffalo’s ‘industrial cathedrals’ slowly finding new life    photo
BUFFALO, N.Y. (AP) — A worn-looking collection of grain silos left over from Buffalo’s heyday as a shipping hub tower like enormous cement pipe organs along the Buffalo River. Too historic to tear down, too far gone to re-open, these “industrial cathedrals,” as preservationist Tim Tielman…
Jersey shore’s giant wooden elephant needs a trunk lift    photo
MARGATE, N.J. (AP) — She’s been hit by lightning — twice — had a giant tent pole slammed into her posterior, and been subjected to pokes and prods from the feet of climbing children. But what’s currently afflicting Lucy The Elephant is a tiny plague — grains of windblown…
University of Connecticut serving up crickets at food truck
STORRS, Conn. (AP) — A food truck at the University of Connecticut is serving up roasted crickets. HASH(0x1416fb0) The crickets are high in protein and low in fat. They’re a source of B vitamins, iron and zinc. UConn says the farm that supplies the crickets uses carbon dioxide to kill them…
Man gets long prison term, then gets married at courthouse    photo
GREENSBURG, Pa. (AP) — A man sentenced to at least 20 years in prison in one Pennsylvania courtroom has followed that up by walking into another courtroom to marry his girlfriend. HASH(0x13de4f0) Prosecutors say the Monessen man and two other people got into the woman’s house by pretending to…
Man named Santa Claus runs for office in Alaska’s North Pole
FAIRBANKS, Alaska (AP) — A man whose legal name is Santa Claus is running for a City Council seat in the tiny Alaska town of North Pole. The Fairbanks Daily News-Miner (http://is.gd/xdaqmI) reports Claus has launched a write-in campaign for the office. Claus, whose driver’s license bears his…
Lawsuit: Pork roll company fired employee for passing gas
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — One of New Jersey’s top pork roll makers is being sued by the wife of an employee who she says was fired for passing too much gas in the office. HASH(0x140f790) The lawsuit alleges that Case Pork Roll Co. President Thomas Dolan complained about the side effects and told…
Police: Informant eats heroin she bought undercover for cops
ALTOONA, Pa. (AP) — Police say a Pennsylvania woman has eaten some of the heroin she bought while working as an undercover informant for investigators. HASH(0x13e3540) Police say Laich was instructed to buy five bags for $80 but after a long delay came back with only three. The undercover…
Farmer finds woolly mammoth bones in Michigan field    photo
LIMA TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) — James Bristle and a friend were digging in his southern Michigan soybean field when they unearthed what looked like a bent fence post, caked with mud. Instead, it was part of a pelvis from an ancient woolly mammoth that lived up to 15,000 years ago. A team of…
TNT wedding favors caused evacuation at Denver airport
DENVER (AP) — A wedding gift was no joke to TSA agents checking bags in a screening room at Denver International Airport. An agent watching an X-ray monitor spotted wax and fuses inside a checked bag at the airport. TSA said the bride and groom’s names both start with a “T,” so their wedding…

 

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

3 share Nobel medicine prize for new tools to kill parasites    photo
STOCKHOLM (AP) — Three scientists from the U.S., Japan and China won the Nobel Prize in medicine on Monday for discovering drugs to fight malaria and other tropical diseases that affect hundreds of millions of people every year. The Nobel judges in Stockholm awarded the prestigious prize to…

 

AP analysis: VW evasion likely led to dozens of deaths    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Volkswagen’s pollution-control chicanery has not just been victimless tinkering, killing between five and 20 people in the United States annually in recent years, according to an Associated Press statistical and computer analysis. The software that the company admitted using…
Zip line popularity soars along with injuries, study finds    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Injuries from zip line accidents have soared along with the popularity of an activity that hurtles riders through the air, sometimes at dizzying heights above ground, a study of U.S. emergency room data shows. Over 16 years, nearly 17,000 people were treated for zip…
Wyoming sees first confirmed human case of rabies
CASPER, Wyo. (AP) — The Wyoming Department of Health and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has confirmed the state’s first recorded case of human rabies. HASH(0x13fecb0) State Public Health Veterinarian Dr. Karl Musgrave says rabies is often found in animals such as bats and skunks,…
Water filter distribution starts for residents in Flint
FLINT, Mich. (AP) — Officials have begun distributing filters to some Flint residents receiving water from the city’s water system. Tests have shown children with elevated levels of lead, months after Flint began drawing and treating water from the Flint River. The water is stirring up lead…
EPA sets new ozone standard, disappointing all sides    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Obama administration on Thursday established stricter limits on the smog-causing pollution linked to asthma and respiratory illness, drawing swift condemnation from business leaders and Republicans who warned of damage to the economy. The Environmental Protection Agency…
Again? Health care debate expands for 2016    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — America’s health care debate has been called an unhealthy political obsession. But if the 2016 presidential hopefuls have any say, it’s about to get bigger. The candidates in both parties are offering options across the political spectrum, from a system wholly run by the…
Cooling towers blamed for Legionnaires’ disease at prison
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — Dirty cooling towers were to blame for an outbreak of Legionnaires’ disease that has sickened dozens of inmates and at least four employees at San Quentin State Prison since late August, according to a report Thursday. Tests showed two of the towers on the roof of…
England, Wales ban smoking in cars with children inside
LONDON (AP) — Smokers who light up in vehicles with children inside will face fines in England and Wales as anti-smoking measures are expanded to protect young people from the dangers of second-hand smoke. The ban went into effect Thursday but police are not expected to issue a rash of fines…
AP analysis: Dozens of deaths likely from VW pollution dodge    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Volkswagen’s pollution-control chicanery has not just been victimless tinkering, killing between five and 20 people in the United States annually in recent years, according to an Associated Press statistical and computer analysis. The software that the company admitted using…
Low-nicotine cigarettes cut use, dependence, study finds    photo
A new study might help the push for regulations to limit nicotine in cigarettes. Smokers who switched to special low-nicotine ones wound up smoking less and were more likely to try to quit, researchers found. The study only lasted six weeks, and researchers call the evidence preliminary. But they…

 

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

According to a study from the London School of Economics, working people are at their lowest not on Mondays, but on Tuesdays. Explains one professor: “It seems plausible that on Monday the weekend has not quite worn off. By Tuesday they are well into the working week and the following weekend is not yet in sight.”  ***Because Hump Day is blocking our view!

 

Researchers in Austria say that women sleep better when they sleep alone because men tend to snore and thrash around, while women tend to be light sleepers.  ***Although MY unscientific research shows that women are waaay more guilty when it comes to hogging the covers.  And freezing feet.

 

In the Alaska town of North Pole, a man whose legal name is Santa Claus is running for a City Council seat. According to Time Magazine, Claus is one of two candidates who have launched write-in campaigns for the office.  *** Conservative taxpayers are not happy though, as he’s promising free toys to every boy and girl and isn’t saying how he’ll pay for it.  http://ti.me/1M7Ab62

 

An Italian man was running late for his flight out of Rome. So he quickly hatched a plan to delay his plane’s take-off — by calling in a bomb threat.  ***He was successful in stopping the plane – but he was very unsuccessful in boarding.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

In case you haven’t heard, those funny-looking swirly fluorescent light bulbs may not be as environmentally friendly as everyone thought. They do last longer and use less energy but they also contain enough mercury to contaminate up to 6,000 gallons of water beyond safe drinking levels – which could cause kidney and brain damage.  However, experts say fluorescent bulbs are still better for the environment as they are more energy efficient.  ***MARLAR: Sure, you may die of mercury poisoning – but that’s good for the planet.

 

Preventing obesity and smoking can save lives, but it doesn’t save money, according to researchers. It costs more to care for healthy people who live years longer. The researchers found that from age 20 to 56, obese people racked up the most expensive health costs. But because both the smokers and the obese people died sooner than the healthy group, it cost less to treat them in the long run. ***MARLAR: And there’s your solution to the health care crisis. Encourage smoking and cake-eating in the 1st grade.

 

A study at U.C. Berkeley found that if students had their eyes, ears and hands covered, they could find their way across a field on their hands and knees just by sniffing the trail with their noses.  ***MARLAR: MAN!  And to think I wasted my education at a junior college studying such trivialities as English and Math!

 

Fat o’clock is the time when we ditch our diet and start eating comfort food, and, according to new research, that time is 7 PM on Sunday nights. Almost half in the study fell for comfort food between 7 PM and 10 PM on Sundays.  ***MARLAR: Just Sundays?  These people have a lot more will power than I do.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Bars Have Parking Lots”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Bob Smiley, “Pregnant”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TUESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the jungle animals had pretty much stopped making all of their own decisions in what to do during the day, because they had a new friend in the jungle – a small lion. And lions are king of the jungle, so now all decisions, big and small, are being decided by the little guy…

 

CLOSE: Uh oh, looks like the jungle animals might be thinking about changing their mind about their new king! Will they plan an animal coup? We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF OCTOBER 10/11, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Gruffy Bear was never satisfied with a picnic place. After passing up several beautiful picnic spots, the jungle animals had enough – and Millard rallied the animals together to overthrow Gruffy! They tied him up, tossed him into the river, and then headed back to one of the picnic spots to have their picnic!

 

CLOSE: Well, this can’t bode well for the animals’ perfect picnic… but the story is not over yet! Tune in again next time to find out what happens, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Do we really need a device that will call for another beer for you – so you don’t have to?

A beer mat that calls for a refill when the pint is almost empty has been invented by scientists in Germany.  The electronic beer mat was created by computer scientists Andreas Butz of the University of Munich and Michael Schmitz of Saarland University.  The mat uses pressure and acceleration sensors that react to the weight of the glass and the position and movement of the coasters.  The micro sensors then pass on this information via radio link to the bar, where the signal is picked up and decoded by a waiting computer.  ***MARLAR: If you are too impatient to wait for a refill, or are unable to ask the waiter yourself for one, is that not a pretty good indicator already that you’ve had too much to drink?

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN WAYS TO KNOW YOUR INTERNET CONNECTION IS SLOW

  1. Text on Web pages displays as Morse Code
    9. Graphics arrive via FedEx
    8. You believe a heavier string might improve your connection
    7. You post a message to your favorite newsgroup and it displays a week later
    6. Your credit card expires while ordering online
    5. ESPN Web site exhibits “Heisman Trophy Winner” …for 1989
    4. You’re still in the middle of downloading that popular new game, “PacMan”
    3. Everyone you talk to on the ‘net phone’ sounds like Forrest Gump
    2. You receive e-mails with stamps on them
    1. When you click the “Send” button, a little door opens on the side of your monitor and a pigeon flies out.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A love of word games can sometimes pay off in your career… especially if you’re a prison guard!

 

FILE #1: While reviewing inmate mail at the St. Lucie County Jail, a deputy came across a letter written in a code made up completely of symbols, dashes and asterisks. A crossword junkie and hangman game lover, Debra Wesley couldn’t resist. About 90 minutes later, she had figured out that the letter was written and signed by inmate Robert A. Heike, and that he wanted an outside accomplice to toss a tote bag containing a pair of wire cutters, a change of clothes and a garbage bag into the jail’s recreation yard. When authorities confronted Heike with the letter, he was dumbfounded. He exclaimed, “It took me four years to create this code! You solved it in an hour and a half?” ***MARLAR: Hey… he’s in prison. He obviously wasn’t that bright to begin with!

 

FILE #2: A St. Paul, Minnesota woman wanted the FBI to help her locate her boyfriend so she could get her car back. So she made up a story that he was a terrorist planning on planting bombs around the Mall of America. Her story was discovered as a fraud, and according to the FBI, it’s no longer relevant whether she has the car back or not considering she won’t be needing it for a while.

 

FILE #3: Paul Stansel was severely fined for failing to show up in court by Judge Paul Stansel! That’s right, Stansel fined himself! The Alabama judge fined himself half a month’s salary after finding himself in contempt of court. He said he forgot it was his day in court, and “I don’t think judges are above the law. I gave myself twice the fine I would normally give somebody for missing court.”

 

STRANGE LAW: In LeFors, Texas, it is illegal to take more than three swallows of beer while standing.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

A State College, Pennsylvania, man faces additional charges after showing up for a court hearing on charges of public drunkenness and disorderly conduct with a loaded gun. A police officer found the weapon when the 22-year-old man arrived for a hearing. The man was arraigned on new charges including possession of a firearm in a court facility. He was taken to jail in lieu of $10,000 cash bail.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

If you ran for political office, what would your slogan be?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who was the left-handed judge?

ANSWER: Ehud (Judges 3:15)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What do American actor Jack Nicholson, and American singer Bobby Darrin have in common?

ANSWER: They were both raised believing their grandmothers were their mothers and their mothers were their older sisters.

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. According to math experts, a deck of playing cards must be shuffled at least seven times to adequately randomize the cards. (TRUE)

 

  1. The invention that made Alfred Nobel, benefactor of the Nobel Prizes, so wealthy was chewing gum. (FALSE: it was Dynamite)

 

  1. The waterbed was invented by the ancient Chinese. (FALSE: it was invented in 1832 by Scottish surgeon Neil Arnott as a way of improving patients’ comfort.)

 

  1. Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone to help his wife. (TRUE: His wife was deaf, so was his mother. He was originally an instructor for deaf children)

 

  1. Clara Peller made the catch-phrase “Gag Me With a Spoon” popular in the 1980s. (FALSE: Clara Peller appeared in commercials for Wendy’s and made the phrase “Where’s the beef?” popular.)

 

  1. The loose skin hanging from the neck of a chicken is known as a “Wattle”. (TRUE: That’s wattle with two “T”s. Waddle with two “D”s is the way a duck walks!)

 

  1. Over half the cost of every bottle of beer sold in America goes to state and federal taxes. (FALSE: but it’s still high at 43%)

 

  1. It takes a lobster seven years to grow to be one pound! (TRUE: No wonder they’re so expensive!)

 

  1. Most people in China don’t eat cheese. (TRUE: it’s just not a big thing over there)

 

  1. In the classic arcade video game PacMan, logs floating in a river sometimes mysteriously turned into hungry alligators. (FALSE: That’s a description of Frogger)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

ANCIENT IRISH _________ (ZOMBIES)

IRELAND – Archaeologists in Ireland unearthed two 8th-century skeletons buried with stones stuck into their mouths. Proof of Medieval zombies.

The stones were placed in their mouths so that they wouldn’t “rise” up.   Historians have long believe that zombies roamed the earth in Medieval Times and this is now proof of that fact.

Bodies identified as revenants or the “walking dead” tended to be people who had lived as outsiders.

This 8th-century skeleton was found in Ireland recently with a large stone shoved in its mouth.

Two early medieval skeletons were unearthed recently in Ireland with large stones wedged into their mouths — evidence, archaeologists say, that it was feared the individuals would rise from their graves like zombies.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. She began to interview young lawyers.
“As I’m sure you can understand,” she started off with one of the first applicants, “in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question.” She leaned forward. “Mr. Peterson, are you an ‘honest’ lawyer?”
“Honest?” replied the job prospect. “Let me tell you something about honest.  I’m so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case.”
“Impressive. And what sort of case was that?”
“He sued me for the money.”

 

JOKE #2

A teacher asked her students to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Marta said, “My family went to the Louisville Zoo, and it was fascinating to see all the animals.”

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted the word ‘fascinate.'”

Sarita raised her hand. She said, “My family went to the Cincinnati Zoo and I was fascinated by the animals.”

“That’s good, too,” said the teacher, “but I wanted the word ‘fascinate.'”

Little Billy raised his hand and said proudly, “My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but it is so small she can only fasten eight.”

 

JOKE #3

A farmer from back in the hills walked twelve miles, one way, to the general store.

“Heya, Wilbur,” said Sam, the store owner. “Tell me, are you and Myrtle still making fires up there by rubbing stones and flint together?”

“You betcha, Sam. Ain’t no ‘tother way. Why?”

“Got something to show you. Something to make fire. It’s called a ‘Match’.”

“‘Match’? Never heard of it.”

“Watch this. If you want a fire you just do this,” Sam says, taking a match and striking it on his pants.”

“Huh. Well, that’s something, but that ain’t for me, Sam.” “Well, why not?”

“I can’t be walking twelve miles to borrow your pants every time I want a fire.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

The new Oxford Dictionary of English reveals that the English language has 30 terms for insane people but only half a dozen terms for people who aren’t crazy.  ***MARLAR: But think about it.  Anyone who’s ever driven downtown would have to agree, that’s about the right ratio of crazy vs. sane.

 

Hair will fall out faster on a person that is on a crash diet.  ***MARLAR: Boy does that mess you up getting ready for your high school reunion!  Now you have to decide whether you’d rather show up fat or bald!

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

THE DIPLOMATIC POLITICIAN

Politicians have a constant need to be diplomatic. Witness this candidate for the Senate who traveled to a small town community to address the single church there. Unfortunately, he had forgotten to ask which denomination so that when it was time for his speech, he inquired in this way… “My brethren, all. I must tell you that my great Grandfather was Presbyterian (absolute silence); but my Grandmother was an Episcopalian (more silence); I must tell you that my other Grand- father was a Christian Scientist (deep silence); while my other Grandmother was Methodist (continued silence). I must also tell you that I had an aunt who was a Baptist through and through (loud cheers!) and I have always considered my aunt’s path to be the right one!”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

PLEASE DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN TO ME
A 38-year-old Washington State man had been complaining of dizziness, loss of balance and shooting pains in his head when he went to the doctor to find out what the problem was. After taking a CAT scan, doctors discovered a 2-inch snail in his head! Apparently when Sam Muriko was taking a nap outdoors, the snail crawled into his ear and it grew to a point where it couldn’t get out. Muriko was quickly taken to a nearby hospital to have the snail removed.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

IF GOD SHOULD GO ON STRIKE
How is it that God above
Has never gone on strike
Because he was not treated fair
In things He didn’t like.

If only once He’d given up,
And said, ‘That’s it, I’m through!
I’ve had enough of those on earth,
So this is what I’ll do;

I’ll give my orders to the sun –
‘Cut off the heat supply!’
And to the moon – ‘Give no more
Light, and run the ocean dry.’

Then just to make things really tough
And put the pressures on,
‘Turn off the vital oxygen
Till every breath is gone!’

You know, He would be justified
If fairness was the game.
For no one has been abused
Or met with more disdain

Than God, any yet He carries on
Supplying you and me
With all the favors of His grace
And everything for free.

Men say they want a better deal
And so on strike they go.
But what a deal we’ve given
To God to whom all things we owe.

We don’t care whom we hurt
To gain the things we like.
But what a mess we’d all be in
If God should go on strike!!

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

THE ROLE OF INTERCESSION

Coming over to us, he [Agabus] took Paul’s belt, tied his own hands and feet with it and said, “The Holy Spirit says, ‘In this way the Jews of Jerusalem will bind the owner of this belt and will hand him over to the Gentiles.’ ” When we heard this, we and the people there pleaded with Paul not to go up to Jerusalem. – (Acts 21:11-12)

In my own personal spiritual pilgrimage, God has allowed me to come into relationship with those in the Body of Christ who are called to a greater level of intercessory prayer. God calls each of us to be intercessory prayer warriors, but there are individuals in the Body of Christ who are called to be frontline warriors and who are more skilled in the

area of intercession. These individuals often can have a gift of prophecy as part of their intercessory anointing. Such appears to be the case of Agabus in the Book of Acts.

Agabus seems to have received a word from God, and by way of a physical demonstration, tied his belt around Paul to let him know that he would be bound in Jerusalem if he went to this city. Agabus and the others immediately drew a conclusion that he was not to go to Jerusalem. Paul disagreed and proceeded to Jerusalem where he was, in fact, bound and beaten after giving testimony to the people and religious leaders of Jerusalem.
God calls intercessors to the role of seeing. He calls leaders to the role of interpreting actions. God allows intercessors to see a more complete picture. However, actions are never left for the intercessors to determine. Conversely, leaders need to get the spiritual picture of what they are dealing with. This is why they need gifted intercessors. They must not make the mistake of believing they can see the entire picture without the intercessors. Once they have the intercessors’ insights, they must determine the right course of action. This is their role. Conflicts arise when either tries to fulfill both roles.

Paul knew he was to go to Jerusalem, even if it meant being beaten. He did go and was beaten. However, we sense that he made the right decision based on Jesus’ comments to him in Acts chapter 23, verse 11: “The following night the Lord stood near Paul and said, ‘Take courage! As you have testified about Me in Jerusalem, so you must also testify in Rome.’ ”
Pray that God will bring intercessors and leaders into your life. He wants you to have a complete picture of the situations you face each day and to know the actions necessary for fulfilling His will for your life.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

A TAXING SITUATION

A Canadian doctor has a unique excuse as to why she doesn’t pay her taxes.

…she says that she has a phobia that prevents her from being able to fill tax forms. Dr. Diane Deveau phobia has gotten her in trouble with the law though. Deveau has compiled 10 convictions for failing to fill out her tax returns and has been sentenced to 90 days of house arrest. Her lawyer Greg Barro said, “It doesn’t make any sense. She just couldn’t bring herself to file.” Judge Robert Prince ordered the 53-year-old woman to undergo a mental health examination after a pre-trial psychiatric report showed she might suffer from the phobia.

More odd phobias:

1) Pupaphobia — Fear of puppets

2) Lachanophobia — Fear of vegetables

3) Rhytiphobia — Fear of getting wrinkles

4) Automatonophobia — Fear of a Ventriloquist’s dummy

5) Neophobia — Fear of anything new

6) Peladophobia — Fear of bald people

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

FLU HUMIDITY

It turns out that Grandma may have been right about keeping a teakettle warming on the stove in winter to moisten the air.

Studies of seasonal influenza have long found indications that flu spreads better in dry air. Research being published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Science indicates that the key is the absolute humidity which measures the amount of water present in the air, regardless of temperature – not the more commonly reported relative humidity. Relative humidity varies depending on air temperature; absolute humidity doesn’t. The correlation with flu and low humidity is important because in cold winter weather, when flu is most common, even a high relative humidity reading may indicate little actual moisture in the air, and the less moisture there is, the happier the flu virus seems to be. Still, overdoing the moisture can cause other problems, like mold.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

PROM DECA-DATES

Most boys have a tough time handling one girl at a time.  Can you imagine dating ten – on the same night?

When you are the senior class president and there are 10 girls that you would like to go to the homecoming dance with, how do you ever make up your mind? Well, if you are Zak Davis from Eugene, Oregon – you don’t. Zak couldn’t make up his mind, so he invited them all, and they all accepted! The summer camp counselor, drama student and all-around good guy decided to ask the group of girls to be his dates, so one by one, he approached them in the halls of the school to ask if each would be his date and all the girls said “yes”.  ***MARLAR: I’d hate to be Zak though when all of the girls find out about all of the girls.

 

 

FUN LIST

THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR FROM A GUY AT STARBUCKS…

  • “We ran out of coffee filters, so I’m using one of my old undershirts.”
  • “Let me make sure that’s not too hot.”
  • “You know, I licked every one of these stirrers.”
  • “One Decaf Venti Skim Mocachino Latte — that’ll be 57 dollars.”
  • “If I catch any of you people going into a Dunkin’ Donuts for coffee, I’ll break your legs!”
  • “Some whipped cream for you… and some whipped cream for me.”

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

MONEY CAN’T BUY YOU HAPPINESS

Is it true that the best that the best things in life are free? Or does money buy you happiness? A recent study found that money is not the key to happiness and fulfillment. The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that feeling independent, competent and confident came ahead of wealth. Psychologist Dr. Kennon Sheldon who led the study at the University of Missouri in Columbia, said, “Owning a Porsche will provide feelings of pleasure but only for a short time.” ***MARLAR: If it would make rich people feel better, I would be happy to take their Porsche off their hands.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

59 year old Mike Flowers retired Friday after 35 years without a sick day. According to a report in Time Magazine, Flowers learned a lesson from his parents as a boy: Get up and get going every day, no matter what. The message stuck in a serious way, and Flowers is now retiring after a 35-year career as a police officer without ever having taken a sick day. Flowers was a captain who oversees the Tuscaloosa Police Department’s east precinct and tactical team.

http://ti.me/1YWoOY2

 

Presidential candidate Ben Carson posted a photo Friday to Facebook that shows him holding a sign with a simple, four-word message: “I am a Christian.” The former neurosurgeon seemed to be reacting to news that the gunman who killed nine individuals at an Oregon community college Thursday specifically targeted Christians. The post was widely circulated online, amassing 70,000 shares and more than a half-a-million likes in the hours it had been published. Carson also changed his profile photo to the following picture and suggested others do so as a way to “honor the victims and their families.”

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2015/10/02/in-one-photo-ben-carson-makes-powerful-statement-amid-reports-oregon-shooter-targeted-christians/

 

Greg Laurie recently shared his thoughts on the school shooting in Oregon. In a blog for the Christian Post, Greg also answered the question: what should we do as Christians in the light of attacks like this? He said: Should we retreat and try to blend in? Should we no longer speak up for what we know is true? No, we should be even bolder and stand our ground and speak up for our faith. Greg wrapped up the blog: Let’s be inspired by the courage of those that stood up for their faith on their college campus.

http://www.christianpost.com/news/are-you-a-christian-my-thoughts-on-the-umpqua-community-college-shooting-exclusive-146788/#0331Pd62EuS5kU2m.99

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Snakes are God’s way of saying: Hey, look! A snake!

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

It Can’t Be This Hard

Today is September 21st. Peace Day. More on that in a moment. But to answer the famous question, “Can’t we all just get along?” The answer is no.
Take this recent story headline from Associated Press: “Burger King to McDonalds: Let’s make a McWhopper.” Full page ads in various newspapers carried the message. A one day truce it was called. For the betterment of mankind, of course.
Burger King was attempting to get a cooperative effort with the “Golden Arches” folk to build a unique combination of a Whopper and a Big Mac. But only for a day. Peace Day.
As the AP story goes, “Burger King is tying the publicity stunt to a nonprofit called Peace One Day, which says it promotes Peace Day. The United Nations created the International Day of Peace in 1981 to coincide with its annual opening session in September. It then designated September 21 as the annual ‘day of non-violence and cease-fire’ in 2001.”
Call it a noble act. Call it promotional gimmickry. Ronald McDonald is not interested in such peace efforts. Ronald may smile at the kids, but not at the competition. Their CEO Steve Easterbrook in responding with a “no way” message, belittled the effort of burger war peace compared to “the real pain and suffering of war.” He then added, “P.S., simple phone call will do next time.” Put that in your Whopper and chew on it for a while. C’mon, man!
Well, I’m in a different kind of battle with the fast food giants. One that pleads for simple, friendly customer service and the basics in operating a restaurant. Allow me to share several examples.
At the McDonald’s I frequently stop at on my way home when my wife is out, most employees give me no welcome greeting. When I pick up my food, no “thank you.” At the Wendy’s near my office, the ketchup containers have been empty twice during the lunch hours I visited. And they were out of napkins. Hello…it’s lunch time. At Culver’s drive through, my last three meals came with no napkins. And the latest: on Friday night, my wife had a hankering for KFC grilled chicken. It was during the dinner hours but none was available. They were cooking it. Instead of serving it.
One of my favorites on this list happened a week or so ago taking our granddaughter to IKEA. They served up chicken fingers which yearned for barbecue sauce. Except…there wasn’t any. Inquiring at the counter I was told they’ve been out for a few days. My problem solving went into gear and I suggested that since a Meijer grocery story was two blocks away, maybe they could simply go and buy some until their shipment arrived so as not to disappoint customers. The young woman thought that was a good idea.
Aside from the expected reaction that “Mark, fast food isn’t very good for you anyway” I wish to affirm two companies who seem to get it right the majority of the time. One is Chick Fil A. Their folks go out of their way to make sure I have what I need. And the tireless service motto that they own is, “My pleasure.”
The second high energy, high service minded company is In-N-Out Burger. Mainly located in California, they are a fan favorite and outperform their competitors in serving up burgers and fries. They also are the ones who imprint Bible verse references on their cups and fry containers.
And so it begs the question…how can these two companies do it right so consistently? I believe it is based on a passion for the customer. Yes, you have to have food that people enjoy. All of the fast food companies lay claim to that. But not all can lay claim to placing such emphasis on customer care.
For the record, my father managed several different Perkins restaurants during my growing up years. I worked in all but one. At peak times, customer care can be a real challenge. If it’s your mission, however, you finesse it as needed.
I believe most people want to be treated well. They enjoy being respected when spending their hard earned money for a meal. They respond to people who care.
Jesus of Nazareth advised us this way, “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” (Luke 7:12 NASB)
Do this, Ronald McDonald, and everyone will enjoy a happy meal.
P.S.: My apologies to any franchise owners or managers who want their employees to serve better.
That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

SEPTEMBER 30, 2015…

 

The Walk—Be prepared for vertigo as Joseph Gordon-Levitt portrays tightrope walker, Philippe Petit, who in 1974 walked a tightrope between the Twin Trade Towers in New York City. This was not OK’d by anyone, he just did it. Nerves of steel doesn’t begin to say it all.  Also in the cast are Ben Kingsley and Charlotte Le Bon. “The Walk” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3.

 

OCTOBER 02, 2015…

 

Freeheld—This film is based on a real situation in which two women partners face a health crisis. Julianne Moore  is Laurel (a police officer)  and Ellen Page is Stacie. Laurel is diagnosed with cancer and the legal battle begins as they discover just what health and other benefits they have. “Freeheld” is rated R. No rating.

 

The Martian–The movie is adapted from the novel by Andy Weir about an expedition to Mars, in which, in a crisis, one person is left behind, presumably dead.  He (Matt Damon) is not dead and struggles to survive and tries to notify Earth he is there. Those on Earth who want to help include Jessica Chastain, Sebastian Stan, Kate Mara and Kristen Wiig. Try this for survival.  “The Martian” is rated R. Rating of 3 for science fiction fans.

 

Sicario—Emily Blunt (“Edge of Tomorrow”) takes on another action role as one of the leaders of an elite anti-drug group who also works with a Mexican military (Benicio Del Toro) .It is a game of who do you trust and the stakes are high, especially where tunnels are concerned.  It is especially difficult when you are a woman in this crime chase. Also in the cast is Josh Brolin. “Sicario” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

OCTOBER 09, 2015…

 

Knock Knock is a thriller starring Keanu Reeves about a man involved with two women.

 

*Pan and this film is finally opening.  It is a twist on the story of Peter Pan, Captain Hook and Tinkerbell. Stars Hugh Jackman.

 

Steve Jobs is about the man behind such electronics as Mackintosh and stars Michael Fassbinder as Jobs.

 

The Final Girls is a horror film about seeing a dead relative in a movie. Stars Taissa Farmiga.

 

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.