October 07, 2015: Wednesday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20151007

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

And a special “Hello” to all the other deejays in town — who try to catch my show every day so they can learn from my mistakes. –Toms Lake Humor Company

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

The wicked are overthrown and are no more, but the house of the righteous will stand. –Proverbs 12:7

 

I know, O LORD, that a man’s life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps. –Jeremiah 10:23

 

Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord is the Rock Eternal. — Isaiah 26:4

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. — 1 Peter 3:18

 

Thought: It sounds so simple and straightforward, doesn’t it? Kinda like the newspaper headline about someone dying we don’t know. Just cold, hard facts! But we know differently. Underneath this statement of grace lies the broken heart of God, the sacrifice of heaven, the brutality of supposedly religious men, and the searching love of our God who would not abandon us to the cruel “Deathmaster.” For those who knew animal sacrifice, with its high personal cost and animal sacrifices, this verse is more than a headline: it is a “graceline.” Once for all — no more sacrifices needed. Bring you to God — no more distance, no intermediaries between God and us. Jesus is heaven’s open door and God’s open heart saying, “Come home; we’ve been waiting for you.”

 

Prayer: What words, O gracious Father, can I use to express my appreciation for your sacrifice and grace? I have none sufficient to say what I feel. But even in this realization, I know the gift of your Spirit ensures that you hear my words and my heart. Every good and lasting thing I have comes from your grace. Please receive my undying love and my heartfelt praise for all you are, for all you have done, and for all that you will be. In Jesus’ precious name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Matthew 10:7 NIV = As you go, preach this message: ‘The kingdom of heaven is near.’

 

 

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – OCTOBER 07, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 79 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is TRY TO START AN ARGUMENT OVER WHICH IS THE BEST MUPPET DAY.  ***MARLAR: Actually, that would be ANIMAL… argument over.

 

Today is PET OBESITY AWARENESS DAY. ***MARLAR: Your cat insisting it only be fed lasagna is a pretty good indicator.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Balloons Around the World Day

Emergency Nurses Day

National Kale Day

Walk To School Day

You Matter To Me Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

(Note: Just because holiday is listed here it does not mean we are endorsing it.)

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 08

Alvin C. York Day

Fall Astronomy Day

National Pierogy Day

Universal Music Day

World Octopus Day

 

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 09

Clergy Appreciation Day

Leif Erikson Day

National Chess Day

National Pro-Life Cupcake Day

World Post Day

 

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 10

Columbus Day (Observed on 2nd Monday)

International Day for Natural Disaster Reduction

International Newspaper Carrier Day

International Stage Management Day

National Handbag Day

National Kick Butt Day

Native American Day

Naval Academy Day

World Day Against The Death Penalty

World Homeless Day

World Mental Health Day

World Porridge Day

 

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 11

Ada Lovelace Day

General Pulaski Memorial Day

International Day of the Girl

National Face Your Fears Day

National Food Truck Day

Southern Food Heritage Day

Yom Kippur

 

MONDAY, OCTOBER 12

Columbus Day (Observed)

Day of the Six Billion

Emergency Nurses Day

Free Thought Day

National Bring Your Teddy Bear To Work & School Day

International Top Spinning Day

National Fossil Day

National Take Your Parents To Lunch Day

S.A.V.E. (Stop America’s Violence Everywhere)

Spanish Language Day

Stop Bullying Day

World Arthritis Day

International Moment of Frustration Scream Day

 

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 13

English Language Day

International Day of Disaster Reduction

International African Penguin Awareness Day

International Day for Failure

National Chess Day

Navy Birthday

Silly Sayings Day

World Sight Day

 

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 14

Be Bald and Be Free Day

National Costume Swap Day

National Family Bowling Day (Kids Bowl Free Day)

Spider-Man Day

World Egg Day

World Standards Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1916: In history’s worst football game, Georgia Tech defeated Cumberland College 222 to 0.

 

1940: “Portia Faces Life” debuted on the NBC-Red Radio Network. The popular soap centered around attorney and widow Portia Blake Manning and, instead of a soap, was sponsored by Post Toasties, Grape Nuts Flakes, Grape Nuts Wheat Meal, Maxwell House coffee, Jell-O puddings and La France bleach.

 

1964: “See How They Run,” starring John Forsythe and Senta Berger, became the first “made-for-TV” movie actually shown on television. An earlier made-for-TV movie, The Killers, starring Angie Dickinson, Lee Marvin, and Ronald Reagan, was judged to be too violent for television and released to theaters instead.

 

1965: A 50-mile-an-hour wind gust helped golfer Robert Mitera sink historys longest hole-in-one. Mitera aced the 447-yard 10th hole at Omahas Miracle Hill Golf Club.

 

1968: The Motion Picture Association of America adopted a film-rating system that ranged from “G” for general audiences to “X” for adults over 17.

 

1979: Chris Riggio of San Francisco set a U.S. record by running 26 miles in 4 hours 9 minutes while carrying a fresh egg in a dessert spoon. The world record is 22 minutes faster.

 

1982: The British musical “Cats,” by Andrew Lloyd Webber, opened on Broadway.

 

1996: The Turkish gunman who shot Pope John Paul in 1981 sent him a telegram from jail to say he was praying for the Pontiff during his appendix surgery. The Pope had visited Mehmet Ali Agca in jail after the shooting to forgive him.

 

1996: A shoplifting suspect surrendered to actors Richard Belzer and Clark Johnson in Baltimore after mistaking them for real police officers. The two were filming a scene from the TV series “Homicide: Life on the Street.”

 

1998: 17-year-old twins Brooke and Amanda Murray shared the crown as Homecoming Queen at South Granville High School in North Carolina. The sisters said it was no big deal, they were used to sharing everything.

 

2001: A 25-year-old Australian man celebrated his third lottery win in three months. The New South Wales winner collected $l.4 million. Three months earlier he has won $494-thousand with two winning tickets in the same month.

 

2001: Barry Bonds of the San Francisco Giants hit his 73rd home run of the season, setting a new major league record.

 

2003: Californians voted to recall Democratic Gov. Gray Davis and elected actor Arnold Schwarzenegger, a Republican, as governor.

 

2004: Actor Billy Bob Thornton received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1810: Birth of Henry Alford, Anglican scholar. He was a member of the 1881 ERV Bible translation committee, but is better remembered today for writing the hymn “Come, Ye Thankful People, Come.”

 

1832: Birth of Charles Converse, American lawyer and sacred composer. Converse penned the hymn tune CONVERSE, to which we sing today “What a Friend We Have in Jesus.”

 

1930: Missionary linguist Frank C. Laubach wrote in a letter: ‘Beside Jesus, the whole lot of us are so contemptible…. But God is like Jesus, and like Jesus, He will not give up until we, too, are like Jesus.’

 

1943: While WWII was raging, the American Council of Volunteer Agencies for Foreign Service was formed. It was as an interfaith venture to bring Protestant, Catholic and Jewish agencies involved in international relief together under one roof.

 

1955: The religious drama ‘Crossroads’ first aired over ABC television. An anthology which dramatized true experiences of clergymen of all denominations, the program ran for two years.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Singer/actor/composer Michael W. Smith 58
  • Oliver North is 72

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1911 : Vaughn Monroe

1911 : “Papa” Jo Jones

1922 : Martha Stewart

1927 : Al Martino

1939 : Colin Cooper (The Climax Blues Band)

1941 : Tony Silvester (The Main Ingredient)

1941 : Martin Murray (The Honeycombs)

1945 : Kevin Godley (10cc)

1949 : David Hope (Kansas)

1950 : David Taylor (Edison Lighthouse)

1951 : John Mellencamp

1953 : Tico Torres (Bon Jovi)

1968 : Thom Yorke (Radiohead)

1968 : Toni Braxton

1969 : Leeroy Thornhill (The Prodigy)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

How many species of spider are there?

According to National Geographic, there are over 37,000 different species of spiders, and new species are still being discovered. All of these species can produce silk, but only about 1/2 of them use the silk to spin webs. The other half use them for various things – to wrap prey or eggs; weave small, temporary shelters; or create a safety line if they are jumping, Spider-Man style.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

The band The Museum was making the best of a bad situation this weekend. While driving through Memphis the entire wheel just rolled off their trailer. In response, the band members tweeted: Might be a song in there somewhere.

 

Jason Gray was living the dream over the weekend. He shared that their bus broke down in the middle of the night so they had to wake up and take everything off of one bus and move it over to another in the rain and race to get to the gig on time”. Jason added: Breaking down on tour is a pretty regular occurrence, but I can say with gratitude and amazement that it has never cost me a show! I’ve always made it in time. The Big Daddy Weave fellas were telling me about one of their first tour vehicles which was a 24 passenger shuttle bus that was so prone to break down they carried “breakdown chairs” as a part of their gear–folding chairs that they could set up by the side of the road to wait for help.

 

Want to know which artists will be part of Winterjam 2016? Sign up right now to watch their free webcast on Monday, October 26 at 7PM Central. The webcast will include live performances from select Winter Jam 2016 artists.  http://www.jamtour.com/party

 

Britt Nicole kicked off her tour with Tobymac and Colton Dixon over the weekend and one of her favorite moments of the tours weekend was an interesting one. She tweeted: My second favorite moment of the night….when Toby ran into me on Eye on It and my mic went flying and then some how by the grace of God or by all the times my dad taught me how to catch a ball, I CAUGHT IT!!!

 

Brandon Heath is currently on tour with Third Day. And during the Lead Us Back tour this Fall, Brandon says he will be doing an exclusive all request show somewhere near the venue following each tour stop. Just send your request tobrandonbyrequest@gmail.com. Tell Brandon your name, city, and song you would like to hear. And if you want, share why you connect with that song. Brandon says he’ll put his set list together each night based on your requests.

 

Ken Davis grew up in Minnesota so couldn’t resist snapping a picture of a t-shirt he saw over the weekend. It said: A billion mosquitoes can’t be wrong, give blood.

 

Jamie Grace tweeted over the weekend Fall is Here and I Love Fall. She tweeted: Oversized sweaters everyone, this is what happiness is all about.

 

Moriah Peters celebrated a birthday late last week. She says they celebrated her 23rd birthday on the beach in Mexico and then continued the party with a free show in Atlanta.

 

As fall hits the northern hemisphere, the southern hemisphere is looking forward to warmer weather. Australian worship leader Darlene Zschech tweeted: Summer is here! Kids are in the pool! Mark is on the paddle board! We love summer.

 

Blanca says her plans for a family dinner didn’t turn out well over the weekend. She tweeted: Sooo I just burned dinner…. Oops. Tried something new and it didn’t go according to plan.

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Hunter escapes attack by shoving arm down bear’s throat    photo
GREAT FALLS, Mont. (AP) — A Montana bow hunter is recovering after he survived a grizzly bear mauling by remembering a tip from his grandmother and shoving his arm down the animal’s throat. HASH(0x1393e30) Dellwo was walking up a creek bed, hoping to drive a herd of elk to a ridge where his…

 

Farmer opens barn to show woolly mammoth bones    photo
LIMA TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) — A barn in southeastern Michigan suddenly has become a natural history museum since bones from a woolly mammoth were discovered by a farmer while he was digging in a soybean field. More than 200 people have stopped at Jim Bristle’s farm in Washtenaw County, west of…
Former middle school students look for missing time capsule
INDIALANTIC, Fla. (AP) — Former students of a central Florida middle school were hoping to crack open a buried time capsule to celebrate the 50th anniversary of Hoover Middle School. The problem is no one remembers where it was buried. HASH(0xc2d0b0) Students reconnected on Facebook and…
Kuwaiti with Gulf plates nabbed for 1,645 driving violations
KUWAIT CITY (AP) — A Kuwaiti driver who apparently thought having license plates from another Gulf country would help avoid more than 1,600 traffic citations has been hit with a huge fine. The state-run Kuwait News Agency says the driver racked up 1,645 different driving violations while…
Lawsuit: Pork roll company fired employee for passing gas
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — One of New Jersey’s top pork roll makers is being sued by the wife of an employee who she says was fired for passing too much gas in the office. HASH(0x13fb5a0) The lawsuit alleges that Case Pork Roll Co. President Thomas Dolan complained about the side effects and told…
Buffalo’s ‘industrial cathedrals’ slowly finding new life    photo
BUFFALO, N.Y. (AP) — A worn-looking collection of grain silos left over from Buffalo’s heyday as a shipping hub tower like enormous cement pipe organs along the Buffalo River. Too historic to tear down, too far gone to re-open, these “industrial cathedrals,” as preservationist Tim Tielman…
Jersey shore’s giant wooden elephant needs a trunk lift    photo
MARGATE, N.J. (AP) — She’s been hit by lightning — twice — had a giant tent pole slammed into her posterior, and been subjected to pokes and prods from the feet of climbing children. But what’s currently afflicting Lucy The Elephant is a tiny plague — grains of windblown…
University of Connecticut serving up crickets at food truck
STORRS, Conn. (AP) — A food truck at the University of Connecticut is serving up roasted crickets. HASH(0x1418b70) The crickets are high in protein and low in fat. They’re a source of B vitamins, iron and zinc. UConn says the farm that supplies the crickets uses carbon dioxide to kill them…
Man gets long prison term, then gets married at courthouse    photo
GREENSBURG, Pa. (AP) — A man sentenced to at least 20 years in prison in one Pennsylvania courtroom has followed that up by walking into another courtroom to marry his girlfriend. HASH(0x140a980) Prosecutors say the Monessen man and two other people got into the woman’s house by pretending to…
Skeletons, skulls under Afghanistan’s presidential palace
KABUL, Afghanistan (AP) — Afghanistan’s president palace says skulls and bones belonging to two bodies have been uncovered beneath a kitchen during renovation work on the palace grounds. The gender, cause of death and identity of the skeletons are a mystery. Tuesday’s palace statement says…
Man named Santa Claus runs for office in Alaska’s North Pole
FAIRBANKS, Alaska (AP) — A man whose legal name is Santa Claus is running for a City Council seat in the tiny Alaska town of North Pole. The Fairbanks Daily News-Miner (http://is.gd/xdaqmI) reports Claus has launched a write-in campaign for the office. Claus, whose driver’s license bears his…

 

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

Gov. Brown signs California right-to-die measure    photo
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — In a rare personal message, California’s 77-year-old governor provided insight into his deliberations before deciding to sign a bill allowing terminally ill Californians to legally take their own lives, reflecting on religion and self-determination as he weighed an…

 

3 share Nobel medicine prize for tropical disease drugs    photo
STOCKHOLM (AP) — The Nobel prize in medicine went Monday to three scientists hailed as “heroes in the truest sense of the word” for saving millions of lives with the creation of the world’s leading malaria-fighting drug and another that has nearly wiped out two devastating tropical diseases….
Study finds potential problem in more heart valve implants
Doctors have discovered a potential problem involving implanted heart valves that hundreds of thousands of people have received — they don’t always open and close properly, possibly because a blood clot has formed that could raise the risk of stroke. Although the problem appears common,…
AP analysis: VW evasion likely led to dozens of deaths    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Volkswagen’s pollution-control chicanery has not just been victimless tinkering, killing between five and 20 people in the United States annually in recent years, according to an Associated Press statistical and computer analysis. The software that the company admitted using…
Zip line popularity soars along with injuries, study finds    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Injuries from zip line accidents have soared along with the popularity of an activity that hurtles riders through the air, sometimes at dizzying heights above ground, a study of U.S. emergency room data shows. Over 16 years, nearly 17,000 people were treated for zip…
China wins long-sought Nobel Prize in one of the sciences    photo
BEIJING (AP) — For decades, China has yearned for a Nobel Prize in science. Now, a little-known researcher who helped develop a malaria medicine in a secret military project to assist Vietnam in its war against the U.S. has finally won Beijing that honor. Tu Youyou (pronounced “TOO yoyo”),…
FDA orders safety studies from scope manufacturers
WASHINGTON (AP) — Federal health authorities are ordering manufacturers of specialized medical scopes to study how the reusable devices are cleaned following a series of life-threatening bacterial outbreaks at U.S. hospitals. The Food and Drug Administration said Monday that the three…
Wyoming sees first confirmed human case of rabies
CASPER, Wyo. (AP) — The Wyoming Department of Health and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has confirmed the state’s first recorded case of human rabies. HASH(0x140f4e0) State Public Health Veterinarian Dr. Karl Musgrave says rabies is often found in animals such as bats and skunks,…
Water filter distribution starts for residents in Flint
FLINT, Mich. (AP) — Officials have begun distributing filters to some Flint residents receiving water from the city’s water system. Tests have shown children with elevated levels of lead, months after Flint began drawing and treating water from the Flint River. The water is stirring up lead…
EPA sets new ozone standard, disappointing all sides    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The Obama administration on Thursday established stricter limits on the smog-causing pollution linked to asthma and respiratory illness, drawing swift condemnation from business leaders and Republicans who warned of damage to the economy. The Environmental Protection Agency…
Again? Health care debate expands for 2016    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — America’s health care debate has been called an unhealthy political obsession. But if the 2016 presidential hopefuls have any say, it’s about to get bigger. The candidates in both parties are offering options across the political spectrum, from a system wholly run by the…

 

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

According to researchers at the Hershey Center for Health and Nutrition, chocolate is good for your health. The findings showed – among other things – that dark chocolate and cocoa powder had a “greater antioxidant capacity” than fruit juices.”  *** Then again, that’s coming from researchers at Hershey.  That’s kinda like saying Marlboro did a study and found that cigarettes are good for your lungs.

 

Dr. Stephen Pretlove says that if you want to rid your bedroom of dust mites, you might want to leave your bed unmade. The good doctor points out to the BBC that mites “survive by taking in water from the atmosphere using small glands on the outside of their body.” He explains that “something as simple as leaving a bed unmade during the day can remove moisture from the sheets and mattress so the mites will dehydrate and eventually die.”  ***Just to be safe, I’m also not picking up my dirty socks or washing any dishes.  You know… to be consistent.

 

A bank robber in England was caught after giving his own bank account details and asking the teller to deposit the money into his account.  ***Well, the bank is the safest place to keep your stolen money.

 

An Oregon man is facing charges that he urinated on passengers on a flight from Anchorage to Portland. Twenty-seven-year-old Jeff Rubin was arrested after JetBlue Flight 47 arrived at Portland International Airport. Passengers and airline employees told officers Rubin had been sleeping for most of the flight. Then, about 30 minutes before landing, he allegedly stood up and began urinating through the crack between the seats in front of him — onto the passengers sitting there.  ***Then it was discovered he was an Occupy Portland member and it all made sense.

 

Six-year-old Juliette Grimes gave her mother the scare of her life when she climbed into an arcade game at a pizza place in Frisco, Texas, and got stuck. Rescued by the fire department, Juliette wasn’t hurt, though she did get punished for her attempt to give her older sister a ball from the game.  ***This is why role-playing games are so dangerous.  People want to get into the game – and some people want to get INTO the game.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

They say that money can’t buy happiness, but if it could it apparently wouldn’t cost very much. According to a report out of Britain, a candy bar, a long soak in the bathtub, an afternoon nap, and a leisurely stroll in the park are the things that make us the most happy.  ***MARLAR: We should be asking for those things as perks and bonuses.  Did you land that sweet account for your company?  Congrats – you get a hot bath and a Snickers bar!

 

A new report says that nearly one out of every two American consumers

visits McDonald’s in a month. ***That may be a little misleading though. Some of those are the same people coming back because they forgot the ketchup.

 

A poll says 83% of American workers are stressed out by at least one thing at work.  ***MARLAR: I can only assume the other 17% don’t really understand the definition of work.

 

According to a list released by the Huffington Post, Chicago is the seventh most overrated place to visit in the world. ***And, believe it or not, they recommend going to Detroit instead.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Jogging Backwards”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Jonnie W., “Growing Up Pentecostal”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, the jungle animals’ new king, Louis the little lion, decided he didn’t want to play badminton, build forts, or go swimming. And since he’s now the king, he can decide anything he likes… so he’s decided to pounce on dandelions. And since they’re following him, all the other animals are also pouncing…

 

CLOSE: Now what is Louis going to do? He’s the king – he has to decide something! Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF OCTOBER 10/11, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Gruffy Bear was never satisfied with a picnic place. After passing up several beautiful picnic spots, the jungle animals had enough – and Millard rallied the animals together to overthrow Gruffy! They tied him up, tossed him into the river, and then headed back to one of the picnic spots to have their picnic!

 

CLOSE: Well, this can’t bode well for the animals’ perfect picnic… but the story is not over yet! Tune in again next time to find out what happens, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

What do masked robbers and yoga instructors have in common?

In Ohio, police responding to a caller who mistook a judo class training exercise for a hostage situation at a gymnasium stopped a passing car and pulled their guns on the driver, her four children, her fiancé and a family friend. The telephone caller saw someone wearing a ski mask enter the class inside the YMCA with a toy gun and order everyone down on the floor. The caller told police the gunman fled in a car with the same description and license plate number as one driven by Petrona Ashman as she left her job at the YMCA that day. Police pulled the car over about a block from the YMCA. Ashman was in the vehicle with her two-year-old twins, nine-year-old daughter and five-year-old son, her fiancé and a family friend. They were ordered out of the vehicle at gunpoint.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN THINGS TO DO AT A DRIVE-THRU (Don’t really try these)

 

  1. Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup.9. Ask how they fit into that little box.8. If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on.

    7. Demand to speak to the manager. When he comes on, complain that you did not like the way the employee said “May I take your order?”

    6. When asked if they can take your order say “No, why can’t I take yours?”

    5. If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you.

    4. Pretend like your car broke down. Ask for assistance in moving it. When they come out, drive away.

    3. Tell them you have to use the bathroom.

    2. Order a cup of water and two napkins. That’s it.

    1. Don’t order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A robber helps report his own description to the police!

 

FILE #1: A convenience store clerk in Iowa got a little unexpected help this week as he tried to tell police about the man who had just robbed his store. In talking with police over the phone, the clerk said, “He’s about 5 feet 10.” Then the suspect, who had suddenly returned to the store, spoke up to correct him. “I’m 6-2,” the man said. “About 6-2,” the clerk spoke into the phone to police, “and about 38 years old.” Again, the robber spoke up, “I’m 34.” Keep in mind now that this was all while the clerk was on the phone telling the police he had just been robbed. The robber then asked for his wallet back, which he had dropped earlier while stealing a bag of cigarette cartons and taking off running. A moment later, a deputy sheriff arrived and arrested Steven Hebron, 34, 6′-2″ of Des Moines, Iowa. He was charged with second-degree robbery and remained jailed Thursday on $13,000 bond.

 

FILE #2: Some years ago, some bank robbers in Montreal committed the deed, then turned their car around to go home. Trouble was they backed the car into a snow bank and left a perfect imprint of their license number. The cops met them at home.

 

FILE #3: In Chattanooga, Tenn., a man was accused of going into his wife’s seventh-grade classroom and attacking her. He was mad at her, as he later told police, because she had not attended his church baptism the day before when, in a ceremony, he had repented his sins. ***MARLAR: Sounds like he has a new one to confess.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Utah, a husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

In Iowa, a man who police say was intoxicated was unhurt after a train drove over him.

…Shawn Polley was passed out between the rails of the train tracks. The train’s engineer hit the emergency brake and notified authorities that the northbound train may have hit a pedestrian. Two of the train’s engines passed over Polley’s body without hitting him. Authorities woke Polley and removed him from the tracks after the first engine was disconnected. Polley was arrested for public intoxication.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Which Muppet is the best? (audio clip)

 

What’s your favorite place in the entire world?

 

What is the craziest scene or event you have ever witnessed?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who was a herdsman of Tekoa and a gatherer of sycamore fruit?

ANSWER: Amos—Amos 1:1 7:14

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: (From our friend Bob Farrell) What Disney Movie featured the Burl Ives song “Lavender Blue?

ANSWER: So Dear To My Heart

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. When falling, cats always land on their feet. (False… for some reason cats fall on their backs sometimes when they are over water – Cat Fancy Magazine oct/97)

 

  1. More movies have been made about Abraham Lincoln than any other story in the world. (FALSE… actually it’s Dracula!)

 

  1. Since 1983, the Catholic church has reduced the number of miracles required for you to become a saint by 50%! (True)

 

  1. If you’re average, you’ll use the word “no” 92 times a day. (False… it’s more like 22)

 

  1. Women have a better sense of smell than men. (True… it’s because of higher levels of estrogen.)

 

  1. Each year American hens lay enough eggs to encircle the globe 100 times. (True)

 

  1. It costs more to buy an average new car in the U.S. today than it cost Christopher Columbus to equip and undertake three voyages to the new world. (True)

 

  1. Contrary to popular belief, the Woolly Mammoth of prehistoric times is not an ancestor of the elephant, but rather an ancestor of the wild boar. (False)

 

  1. A gas powered lawn mower actually emits as much smog and air pollution as the average automobile. (False)

 

  1. The potato was the first vegetable grown in space. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

OBAMA ______ (RESIGNS)

WASHINGTON. BREAKING NEWS ***  President Barack Obama has resigned the Presidency of the United States!

President Barack Obama has shocked the nation! He called the White House Staff into the Oval Office and announced that he is going to resign as President of the United States.

The President has notified the broadcast networks that he wants to address the nation Monday night at 8pm.  With the faltering economy, his low approval level, he has decided to call it quits.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

Sarah and Dick were having dinner with a couple they’d lost touch with when they moved to another city many years ago.
Over the meal, the couples took turns catching up. “And soon after we were married,” Sarah began, “we were blessed with a marvelous, chubby creature with cute bow legs and no teeth.”
“Oh, you had a baby!” said the other husband.
“Nope,” Dick broke in, “Sarah’s mother came to live with us.”

 

 

JOKE #2

There’s a dropout named Bobby and a super genius named Greg sitting on a bench waiting on a bus. The genius gets bored, leans over to the dropout and says, “Hey, I’ll tell you what, I’ll ask you a question and if you don’t know the answer you have to give me five bucks. If you ask me a question and I don’t know the answer I have to give you 50 bucks.”

The dropout says, “Alright, man.”

The genius asks the dropout, “What is the Pythagorian Theory?”

The dropout replies, “I don’t know.” and hands the genius five bucks.

“Okay,” the dropout says, “What has three legs going up a hill and four legs going down?”

The genius thinks real hard and finally gives up. He hands the dropout 50 bucks then asks, “So, what is the answer?”

The dropout says, “I don’t know.” and hands the genius five bucks.

 

 

JOKE #3

Two guys were hiking in the mountains when they came across an old mine shaft going straight down into the ground.

“Wow,” said the first guy. “I wonder how deep it is?”

“I dunno,” said the second. “Let’s find out.” With that, he dropped a rock down the hole.

They waited and waited, but didn’t hear it hit bottom.

“Hmm. Let’s try a bigger rock,” said the first guy, and tossed a watermelon-sized stone down the hole. They waited a couple of minutes, but didn’t hear it hit either. So, they looked around for something bigger to throw down and came across an old railroad tie, which they lifted together and dumped down the hole. Then suddenly, as they waited to hear it hit, a goat streaked between the two of them and jumped straight down the mineshaft.

While they stood there scratching their heads in amazement, a third guy came up the path and asked them if they’d seen a goat.

“Yeah, just now,” said one of the first two guys. “It just ran up and jumped down this hole.”

“Oh, well then it couldn’t have been my goat,” said the third guy. “My goat was tied to an old railroad tie.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A New York University study found that fat people tend to have less money. ***MARLAR: That’s because we spend it all at Pizza Hut and Baskin Robbins.

 

A British artist plans to protest people removing rocks from beaches by cart-wheeling 57 miles.  ***MARLAR: I’m guessing that after the first mile, he’ll be wishing there weren’t so many rocks on the ground.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

Terri asked her Sunday school class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle’s picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. “The flight to Egypt,” said Kyle. “I see.  And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus,” Ms. Terri said. “But who’s the fourth person?”

“Oh, that’s Pontius – the Pilot.

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

BETTER TO SLEEP TO BE BETTER

Do you daydream during the day?  Do you have vivid dreams at night?  If so, that might make you a more creative person and a better worker!

If you have vivid dreams and remember every dramatic detail, give yourself a big pat on the head. A new study reveals that you’re more creative and have a better imagination than most other folks. The research, conducted by psychology professor David Watson at the University of Iowa, shows that how long or deep you sleep has nothing to do with the quality of your dreams or your ability to recall them when you wake up. But one striking correlation emerged from the study of 193 students. Those who have frequent daydreams and absent-minded fantasies while awake are far more likely to be top-rate dreamers. “There is a fundamental continuity between how people experience events during the day and night,” Watson says. “People who are prone to daydreams and fantasy have less of a barrier between states of sleep and wakefulness and seem to pass more easily between them.” ***MARLAR: So, you see, Boss, my napping at my desk is just my way of staying creative!  It’s a service to our customers!

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

ACTIVE FAITH
And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive. –Matthew 21:22
The devil cannot hinder those who believe they receive when they pray.  A woman in a church was abandoned by her husband. She prayed for his return, and she believed she received when she prayed. There was no evidence to support her belief as one year turned into two and then three.
One day she said, Pastor, my family thinks I am crazy, because I am still waiting. But I believed I received when I prayed, and there is nothing I can do now except thank God that I shall have it.
That faithful woman believed for twelve long years. One day she called and said, “My husband came to my house and said he had an experience with God.  He asked if I could forgive him and let him back into the family.”

How long are you willing to wait on God – a day, a week, a month, a year, a lifetime? Are you willing to wait for as long as it takes?
The woman’s pastor had the joy of renewing their marriage vows, and they are still happily married today. Why? She believed she received when she prayed.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

CHANGE OF ADDRESS

I am hard-pressed between the two, having a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better. —Philippians 1:23

Every 26 years or so, we move to a different house.

Actually, Sue and I moved into our first home when our first child was a baby. We had no idea we would live there for 26 years. When we finally did change our residence, it was an emotional time.

On the day we moved, after everything was out of the house, we did one final walk-through to relive the memories. The toughest moment came when we entered Melissa’s bedroom. We had said goodbye to her 2 years earlier after a car accident took her earthly life. Now we were bidding adieu to the sunflower-decorated room she loved so much.

As I think of that emotional time when we moved, I am reminded of what a great change of address Melissa enjoyed on the day she was ushered into God’s presence. Our move to a different house pales in comparison to the glories our daughter now enjoys in heaven. What a grand comfort to know that our departed loved ones who have trusted in Jesus are now living in God’s majestic kingdom! (2 Cor. 5:1).

Are you ready for that ultimate change of address? No matter where you live on this earth, make sure your final home will be heaven. —Dave Branon

 

Someday my Redeemer shall call me to come
And leave all these earth-scenes below;
And take me to be with my loved ones at home—
I want to be ready to go!  —Huston

 

Our heavenly home is our real estate.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

NO MORE SILLY NAMES
Officials in Venezuela have had it with the goofy names. They’re trying to make it illegal for parents to name their kids things like Superman and Big Bird.

..hey — it happens more than you’d think. Officials warn that attempts to use inappropriate names might be turned down by the civil registry if they “expose children to ridicule, are extravagant or difficult to pronounce”. The new bill also proposes to create a list of traditional names that could be offered to parents “as a reference” to provide options when they are registering their child’s birth. It says the list would have “no fewer than 100 names” and would grow over time.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

Feeling overwhelmed?  Hold somebody’s hand!

A University of Virginia study on couples found that holding hands may ward off stress hormones. According to Tiffany Field, Phd, of the Touch Research Institute, there are two main touchy-feely techniques: a comforting grasp, which his hand wrapped over yours. Or a romantic clasp, in which your fingers are interlaced.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

GLAD TO MEAT YOU

Here’s something to sink your teeth into – a school meat club!

Concerned that meat is getting a bad rap, a group of high school students have decided to form a pro-meat club at their school. So far, more than 70 students at New Trier High School in Chicago have joined the “Carnivorous Club” because they think meat is getting bad press in a vegetarian age. The club will organize barbecues and open a beef stand giving students facts about meat. Club Co-founder Dave Saper said, “We looked around and saw that the vegetarians always have a booth up for vegetables, with recipes and other information, so we thought it would be cool to have one for beef.” Vegetarian Club member Rachel Jackson isn’t too worried about the competition. “As long as there is a vegetarian club at New Trier, I don’t see anything wrong with it. I don’t think any of our members will be swayed into joining.”  ***MARLAR: So she doesn’t have a “beef” with the meat club.

 

 

FUN LIST

IF COLLEGE KIDS WROTE THE BIBLE…

The Holy Scripture may have had a different bent if written by college students:

  • The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning – cold, with stale Coke.
  • The Ten Commandments would actually be only five – double-spaced, with wide margins, and written in a large font.
  • A new edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.
  • Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn’t cafeteria food.
  • Paul’s letter to the Romans would become Paul’s e-mail to abuse@romans.gov.
  • Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
  • Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: They didn’t want to ask for directions and look like freshmen.
  • Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, he would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

KEEPING THE PEACE

A 68-year-old woman who had been collecting soft toy and model frogs for more than 20 years is giving them away in order to keep her husband. 70 year old Erich Mentner finally lost patience with his wife’s obsession that cluttering up their apartment and he gave her a choice, the frogs or him. Norma agrees that her collection of 600 frogs had become too large and decided to save her 47-year-old marriage by getting rid of them. ***MARLAR: So she kissed her frogs good bye, kept her prince, and is now living happily ever after.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Think it’s too early to talk about Christmas? Focus on the Families Thriving Family Magazine says it not when it means you’re talking to your kids about Jesus. They have already released their free yearly Advent Activity Calendar. Complete with Character cutouts, kids games and puzzles, and a parent’s guide, the calendar gives you a complete overview of the entire advent season.

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/holidays/making-meaningful-christmas-memories/celebrate-advent

 

If you’re planning a cross-country road trip any time soon you might want to check out a new list at a site called Busbud. The site looked at popular TripAdvisor destinations and ranked them by looking at the number of hashtags associated with the place on Instagram, creating a list of the most Instagrammed places in every state.

https://www.busbud.com/blog/top-instagrammed-locations/

 

More evidence that diet soda contributes to weight gain, not weight loss. According to a report in Time Magazine, A new study published in the Journal of the American Geriatrics Society found that people who drank diet soda gained almost triple the abdominal fat over nine years as those who didn’t drink diet soda. The study analyzed data from 749 people ages 65

http://ti.me/1N2vwrW

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I taught my parrot to say “Put the money in the bag and no one gets hurt!” That way if I’m ever collared, they can only try me as an accomplice.

 

I arrived late today for work. So you’ll have to excuse me if I make up for it by leaving early.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

Will C-3PO Take Your Job?

The film has yet to be released. In fact, it won’t arrive in theaters until December. But the merchandising is everywhere for Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens.
It seems like Disney has managed to rekindle the same intergalactic interest that the original Star Wars generated. Luke Skywalker lives on. As does Princess Leia. And Han Solo, after his production injury aboard the Millennium Falcon.
Not that I follow these matters closely, but I’ve been told that the plot for this film will be set 30 years after the Battle of Endor and the events portrayed in Return of the Jedi. I got lost in the original Star War trilogy after finding Jabba the Hutt too disgusting for my tastes. I preferred the likes of C-3PO and R2-D2, which brings me to the point of my blog today.
I often enjoy reading columnist and cultural commentator Dr. Jim Denison. One of his recent contributions worth reading is titled, “Why Robots are Bad for Men.” I hope C-3PO gets a copy of this.
Denison cites a study from two Oxford researchers. Their estimates are that 47 percent of US jobs could be taken over by robots or computers by 2033. Jobs performed primarily by men are at much greater risk than those performed by women.
Here were some of the statistics cited:

  • More than 95 percent of the 3 million truck drivers in the U.S. are men; the newly developed autonomous vehicles could replace many of them.
  • Men hold 97 percent of the 2.5 million US carpentry and construction jobs; a good percentage of these job tasks could be replaced by robots.
  • Women, on the other hand, hold 93 percent of the registered nurse positions. The study rates their risk of obsolescence at only .009 percent.

And those tasks that involve a wide range of decisions and skills in a relational environment are least likely to be automated. Again, statistically, such jobs are generally found in the domain of women.

Denison cites this rather mind-bending premise. “Not only are jobs likely to be lost; our entire culture is being changed in ways we may not notice. In Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind, Yuval Noah Harari notes: ‘Our computers have trouble understanding how a Homo sapiens talks, feels, and dreams. So we are teaching Homo sapiens to talk, feel, and dream in the language of numbers, which can be understood by computers.’”
Steve Wozniak, Apple’s co-founder, earlier this year warned that artificial intelligence (AI) will take over for humans. His assessment for the future had a definite bleakness to it. Fortunately he put it in non techno-geek terms.
Being quoted on this issue, Steve said, “…I agree that the future is scary and very bad for people. If we build these devices to take care of everything for us, eventually they’ll think faster than us and they’ll get rid of the slow humans to run companies more efficiently.”
Wozniak added, “Will we be the gods? Will we be the family pets? Or will we be ants that get stepped on? I don’t know about that. But when I got that thinking in my head about if I’m going to be treated in the future as a pet to these smart machines…well I’m going to treat my own pet dog really nice.”
Earlier this year, dozens of the world’s top AI experts signed an open letter calling for researchers to take care to avoid potential “pitfalls” of the disruptive technology. Professor Stephen Hawking has previously said that the rise of AI could see the human race become extinct. Technology entrepreneur Elon Musk has also described the rise of AI in the past as “our biggest existential threat.”
Many Christians were already concerned about technology and the future. Several years ago, rumors circulated about a three-story computer in Belgium called, “The Beast.” Supposedly operated by the European Common Market, it would monitor the financial transactions of every person on earth. Author Joe Musser claims he wrote this into a fiction piece and it gained life from there. Joe said for several years he had seen the story being passed along as fact.
Followers of Jesus bring more to this world with messages of hope, peace, and love than we do of fear. But wise people do not ignore the signs of the times. As Jesus said…“But be on your guard. Don’t let the sharp edge of your expectation get dulled by parties and drinking and shopping. Otherwise, that Day is going to take you by complete surprise, spring on you suddenly like a trap, for it’s going to come on everyone, everywhere, at once. So, whatever you do, don’t go to sleep at the switch. Pray constantly that you will have the strength and wits to make it through everything that’s coming and end up on your feet before the Son of Man.” (Luke 21: 34-36, MSG)
In the meantime, like Steve Wozniak, I’ve started treating my dog a lot nicer. And my boss. I think I saw a C-3PO type arrive for a job interview.
That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

SEPTEMBER 30, 2015…

 

The Walk—Be prepared for vertigo as Joseph Gordon-Levitt portrays tightrope walker, Philippe Petit, who in 1974 walked a tightrope between the Twin Trade Towers in New York City. This was not OK’d by anyone, he just did it. Nerves of steel doesn’t begin to say it all.  Also in the cast are Ben Kingsley and Charlotte Le Bon. “The Walk” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3.

 

OCTOBER 02, 2015…

 

Freeheld—This film is based on a real situation in which two women partners face a health crisis. Julianne Moore  is Laurel (a police officer)  and Ellen Page is Stacie. Laurel is diagnosed with cancer and the legal battle begins as they discover just what health and other benefits they have. “Freeheld” is rated R. No rating.

 

The Martian–The movie is adapted from the novel by Andy Weir about an expedition to Mars, in which, in a crisis, one person is left behind, presumably dead.  He (Matt Damon) is not dead and struggles to survive and tries to notify Earth he is there. Those on Earth who want to help include Jessica Chastain, Sebastian Stan, Kate Mara and Kristen Wiig. Try this for survival.  “The Martian” is rated R. Rating of 3 for science fiction fans.

 

Sicario—Emily Blunt (“Edge of Tomorrow”) takes on another action role as one of the leaders of an elite anti-drug group who also works with a Mexican military (Benicio Del Toro) .It is a game of who do you trust and the stakes are high, especially where tunnels are concerned.  It is especially difficult when you are a woman in this crime chase. Also in the cast is Josh Brolin. “Sicario” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

OCTOBER 09, 2015…

 

Knock Knock is a thriller starring Keanu Reeves about a man involved with two women.

 

*Pan and this film is finally opening.  It is a twist on the story of Peter Pan, Captain Hook and Tinkerbell. Stars Hugh Jackman.

 

Steve Jobs is about the man behind such electronics as Mackintosh and stars Michael Fassbinder as Jobs.

 

The Final Girls is a horror film about seeing a dead relative in a movie. Stars Taissa Farmiga.

 

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.