October 08, 2015: Thursday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20151008

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Welcome to (THE JOCK SHOW), where I’m always nice to the little people… because I am them.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility, consider each other better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others.”  –Philippians 2:3-4

 

Ill-gotten treasures are of no value, but righteousness delivers from death. –Proverbs 10:2

 

O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. — Psalm 63:1

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. — 1 Peter 1:8-9

 

Thought: Can you trust what you don’t see? Of course! What kind of question is that? Our lives depend on what we cannot see — things like gravity and the air we breathe, just to name two. Faith in Jesus is as natural as faith in each of those things. The problem is that our hearts are skeptical. We find it hard to believe that anyone divine would love us so much. Our experience says, “If it seems too good to be true, it is.” That skepticism is just the twisted form of the response God longs to see from us: “inexpressible and glorious joy.” I don’t know about you, but I’ve tasted both. I prefer joy over skepticism!

 

Prayer: What joy fills my heart, Father, when I anticipate what it will be like to be in your presence — to have you wipe each tear from my eyes and to have you introduce me again to those I love and to those I’ve only known by reputation. Please never let me outlive that sense of anticipation and never let that hope dim in my heart, no matter what else may happen in my life here. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Romans 10:8 NIV = But what does it say? “The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart,” that is, the word of faith we are proclaiming:

 

 

TODAY IS THURSDAY – OCTOBER 08, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 78 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is FIRE PREVENTION DAY, the anniversary of the Great Chicago Fire in 1871, when legend says Mrs. O’Leary’s cow kicked over a lantern. Over 98,000 people were left homeless by the fire.

 

Today is NATIONAL CHILDREN’S DAY. ***MARLAR: Yeah, yeah, yeah… blah, blah, blah… when are they ever going to come out with a “Radio Hosts Get The Day Off Day”? Huh?!? Oh well… back to work now.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Alvin C. York Day

Fall Astronomy Day

National Pierogy Day

Universal Music Day

World Octopus Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

(Note: Just because holiday is listed here it does not mean we are endorsing it.)

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 09

Clergy Appreciation Day

Leif Erikson Day

National Chess Day

National Pro-Life Cupcake Day

World Post Day

 

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 10

Columbus Day (Observed on 2nd Monday)

International Day for Natural Disaster Reduction

International Newspaper Carrier Day

International Stage Management Day

National Handbag Day

National Kick Butt Day

Native American Day

Naval Academy Day

World Day Against The Death Penalty

World Homeless Day

World Mental Health Day

World Porridge Day

 

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 11

Ada Lovelace Day

General Pulaski Memorial Day

International Day of the Girl

National Face Your Fears Day

National Food Truck Day

Southern Food Heritage Day

Yom Kippur

 

MONDAY, OCTOBER 12

Columbus Day (Observed)

Day of the Six Billion

Emergency Nurses Day

Free Thought Day

National Bring Your Teddy Bear To Work & School Day

International Top Spinning Day

National Fossil Day

National Take Your Parents To Lunch Day

S.A.V.E. (Stop America’s Violence Everywhere)

Spanish Language Day

Stop Bullying Day

World Arthritis Day

International Moment of Frustration Scream Day

 

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 13

English Language Day

International Day of Disaster Reduction

International African Penguin Awareness Day

International Day for Failure

National Chess Day

Navy Birthday

Silly Sayings Day

World Sight Day

 

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 14

Be Bald and Be Free Day

National Costume Swap Day

National Family Bowling Day (Kids Bowl Free Day)

Spider-Man Day

World Egg Day

World Standards Day

 

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 15

Blind Americans Equality Day

Bridge Day

Global Hand Washing Day

International Day of Rural women

I Love Lucy Day

National Cake Decorating Day

National Grouch Day

National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

Sweetest Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1906: Hairdresser Karl Nessler introduced the “permanent wave” at his salon in London.  ***MARLAR: And boy were his hands tired! (Thank you, thank you… I’m here all week… try the veal…)

 

1965: President Lyndon Johnson had gall bladder surgery. Later he became the first U.S. President to show his scar on television. ***MARLAR: The first? You mean there were other U.S. Presidents that showed Lyndon Johnson’s scar on TV?

 

1988: The Columbia University football team broke a 5-year, 44-game losing streak by defeating Princeton 16-13. ***MARLAR: And I thought my dating life in high school had a losing record.

 

1988: The U.S. issued a patent (#4,777,680) to Lirida Paz of Elizabeth, New Jersey, for the Musical Potty Chair, a device that automatically plays music when a child-trainee successfully utilizes it.  ***MARLAR: And if the child accidentally misses the target, it begins playing Britney Spears’ “Oops I Did It Again.”

 

1993: U.S. postal inspectors reported that a man calling himself John Walker spent $29-thousand dollars in postage attempting to con 100-thousand restaurant owners, but collected only $184.00.

 

1996: A herd of 45 thirsty elephants charged out of the hills near Calcutta and destroyed six illegal Indian breweries while quenching their thirst.  ***MARLAR: Elliot Ness would’ve been proud.

 

2000: A suspect in an attempted robbery in Pawtucket, Rhode Island, was apprehended after using his legally blind brother as a lookout. When police arrived, the suspect ran, leaving his blind brother behind.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

451: The Council of Chalcedon opened, near Constantinople. Dealing mainly with the Eutychian Christological heresy, the council created a confession of faith which has ever since been regarded as the highest word in Early Christian orthodoxy.

 

1901: The American branch of Overseas Missionary Fellowship was chartered. Founded as the China Inland Mission in 1865 by missionary pioneer J. Hudson Taylor, OMF adopted its present name at its centenniel celebration in 1965.

 

1917: New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary was chartered in New Orleans by P. I. Lipsey. The school opened for its first classes in September 1918.

 

1924: In New York City, the National Lutheran Conference banned the playing of jazz music in the local churches.

 

1986: The first North American Congress on the Holy Spirit and World Evangelization opened in New Orleans. It drew 7,000 leaders from 40 denominations, and stressed the part which the charismatic experience plays in evangelization.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor Angus T. Jones (“Two and a Half Men”) 22 (
    )
  • Actor (The Bourne Identity movies, Good Will Hunting, Saving Private Ryan) Matt Damon, 45
  • Actress (“The West Wing,” “CSI: Miami”) Emily Procter, 47 — once a TV weather girl (
    )
  • actress (“The Job”, Hilary Bank on “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”) Karyn Parsons 49 (
    )
  • Actor (“Saturday Night Live,” Blues Brothers 2000) Darrell Hammond, 57
  • Actress (“Remington Steele”) Stephanie Zimbalist, 59 (
    )
  • Actress (The Village, Alien flicks) Sigourney Weaver, 66
  • Former TV hostess (“Real People”) Sarah Purcell, 67
  • Comedian/actor (Vacation, Fletch, “Saturday Night Live”, Caddyshack, “Community”) Chevy Chase 72 (
    )
  • Political activist Jesse Jackson, 74 (
    )
  • Actor (Crocodile Dundee) Paul Hogan, 76

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1934 : Doc Green (The Drifters)

1940 : Fred Cash (The Impressions)

1941 : George Bellamy (The Tornadoes)

1941 : Dave Arbus (East Of Eden)

1942 : Buzz Clifford

1944 : Susan Raye

1945 : Ray Royer (Procol Harum)

1945 : Butch Rillera (Redbone)

1947 : Tony Wilson (Hot Chocholate)

1948 : Johnny Ramone (Ramones)

1949 : Hamish Stuart (Average White Band)

1950 : Cliff Adams (Kool And The Gang)

1963 : Steve Perry (Cherry Poppin’ Daddies)

1965 : C.J. Ramone (The Ramones)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

What’s the longest word in the English language?

It’s pnuemonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. Which, is a lung disease from exposure to silica or silicon, akin to coal miner’s ‘Black Lung Disease’. It is pronounced: “new-mono-ultra-silly-co-volcano-coney-osis”

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Some randomness from Jamie Grace: Hey, if y’all see my future husband can you let him know I made bacon wrapped burgers for dinner? Does anyone else cook things they don’t eat? For example, I don’t like bacon, haha.

 

Mercyme’s Bart Millard and Grand Canyon University this week unveiled a new state-of-the-art recording studio on the GCU campus that will serve as a vital tool in helping emerging Christian music talent hone their skills as artists. GCU and Millard, who is program director of the university’s Center for Worship Arts, will offer students a chance to evolve their skills by writing, performing and producing potentially chart-topping musical tracks. Last year, three freshmen teamed up with Millard to produce the Center’s first EP, Canyon Worship.

http://tinyurl.com/nruu6j2

 

Jonny Diaz says his wife was doing her best to multitask this week but she might not quite understand the phrase “tennis mom.” Jonny shared a picture as she played tennis with their baby daughter strapped to her chest.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CQo8sO6UsAEKSo0.jpg

 

Tiffany Lee was looking for some relief this week. The artist who goes by the stage name Plumb shared that she had a migraine for 15 hours. She finally went to the chiropractor and they gave me a special gel pack. Plumb said: I’ve never been this excited about a cold pack.

 

The NBC program The Voice used a song written in part by Hawk Nelson. The song was “Just Getting Started”. It was part of this weeks episode. http://twitter.com/SamTinnesz/status/651400298100076544/photo/1

 

An interesting post from Mat Kearney: Today I’m officially married to a hand model.

 

Tiffany Lee, known on stage as Plumb, and her husband Jeremy will share their story of hope on Focus on the Family this week. The program is scheduled to air October 8 and 9. The couple will share their dramatic love story after being on the verge of separation and divorce, telling how God and their community of friends intervened!

 

 

WEIRD & WACKY

Connecticut university student arrested over mac and cheese    photo
STORRS, Conn. (AP) — A University of Connecticut student faces criminal charges over a confrontation with a campus food court manager who wouldn’t let him buy macaroni and cheese with bacon and jalapeno peppers. A 9-minute, obscenity-laced video clip posted online shows freshman Luke Gatti…

 

Police: Partially-clothed intruder found sleeping in home
WENTZVILLE, Mo. (AP) — A 53-year-old man has been charged with burglary and harassment after he was found asleep in an empty bedroom of someone else’s Missouri home. HASH(0x1430b30) Cole was taken to the St. Charles County Jail, where he is jailed on $15,000 bond. ___ This story has been…
Dog rescued after fall into crack at Volcanoes National Park
HONOLULU (AP) — A Big Island family was reunited with their dog after a rescue team removed the Labrador retriever trapped in a crack in the earth at Hawaii Volcanoes National Park. HASH(0xd2da30) “We had no idea that to the left of this gravel area, there is a major crack in the earth about…
Woman found inside portable toilet gets arrested on warrants
EUGENE, Ore. (AP) — A woman wanted on identity theft charges has been arrested in Oregon after a construction worker lifted the lid of a portable toilet to find her hiding inside. HASH(0x13f7df0) Police say a witness told them she saw the woman run through her yard and climb a fence onto the…
Art lovers stage mock anti-Renoir protest at Boston museum    photo
BOSTON (AP) — Renoir didn’t leave much of an impression on a group of art lovers in Boston. Protesters gathered outside the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston to stage a mock demonstration against the French impressionist painter. Some carried signs that read, “God Hates Renoir” and “Aesthetic…
Ohio man calls cops to complain he got too high on marijuana
YOUNGSTOWN, Ohio (AP) — Police in Ohio say they were called to a house by a man who complained he’d gotten too high smoking marijuana. HASH(0x13f90b0) The newspaper reports that the man told officers he couldn’t feel his hands. Officers found a glass jar of marijuana and paraphernalia in the…
Neighbors: NJ home swept away by storm was nuisance
MIDDLE TOWNSHIP, N.J. (AP) — Neighbors are saying good riddance to a Jersey shore home that washed into a bay during a weekend storm. HASH(0x13e04c0) Haldy Gifford says the home was doomed to wind up in the bay. Jim Mooers says it’s been falling apart for five years. He blamed local officials…
Farmer opens barn to show woolly mammoth bones    photo
LIMA TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) — A barn in southeastern Michigan suddenly has become a natural history museum since bones from a woolly mammoth were discovered by a farmer while he was digging in a soybean field. More than 200 people have stopped at Jim Bristle’s farm in Washtenaw County, west of…
Residents of Kentucky city petition to move Halloween
LEXINGTON, Ky. (AP) — Hundreds of Lexington, Kentucky, residents have urged county officials to move Halloween trick-or-treating to Oct. 30 this year. HASH(0x14105d0) City spokeswoman Susan Straub says Halloween will continue to be celebrated on Oct. 31, but several events are being organized…
Stolen giant pumpkin returned to South Dakota grower
SPEARFISH, S.D. (AP) — A 100-pound pumpkin that was brazenly stolen from the yard of a South Dakota residence has been found and returned, after someone apparently tried but failed to turn it into a giant jack-o’-lantern. HASH(0x13e33d0) On Sept. 18, someone backed a vehicle up to Murraine’s…
Thousands form human peace sign to honor John Lennon in NYC    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Thousands of people joined Yoko Ono in Central Park on Tuesday to try to set a world record for largest group of human bodies forming a peace sign. The record attempt to honor Ono’s husband, John Lennon, didn’t succeed. Still, the crowd celebrated the upcoming birthday of the…

 

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS

FDA’s new anti-smoking campaign uses hip-hop to target youth    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Government health officials are betting they can adapt the sounds, style and swagger of hip-hop culture to discourage young African Americans, Hispanics and other minority youths from using tobacco. The Food and Drug Administration said Tuesday that it will spend $128…

 

Right-to-die backers say California helps fight elsewhere    photo
SAN DIEGO (AP) — It will soon be legal for the terminally ill to end their own lives in the nation’s most populous state, and right-to-die advocates expect other states to follow California’s example. Gov. Jerry Brown signed a bill Monday that allows such physician-assisted deaths, marking a…
Inmates help other prisoners face death in hospice program    photo
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — As late-morning sun streams through narrow prison windows, convicted killer Scott Abram stands beside a fellow inmate, speaks quietly to him and starts singing “Amazing Grace.” The prisoner appears to smile, but it’s difficult to gauge his response. He is dying. He…
Transplanting ovarian tissue helps some women have babies    photo
LONDON (AP) — The biggest study ever of women who had ovarian tissue removed, frozen and transplanted suggests the experimental technique is safe and can help about one third of them to have babies. The procedure is intended for women with cancer who wish to preserve their fertility, since…
Report: More US hospitals are encouraging breast-feeding
NEW YORK (AP) — Health officials say more hospitals are encouraging new mothers to breast-feed. A new report found more than two-thirds of hospitals in 2013 helped women start breast-feeding within an hour after birth. That’s up from 44 percent six years earlier. Roughly 90 percent of…
3 share Nobel medicine prize for tropical disease drugs    photo
STOCKHOLM (AP) — The Nobel prize in medicine went Monday to three scientists hailed as “heroes in the truest sense of the word” for saving millions of lives with the creation of the world’s leading malaria-fighting drug and another that has nearly wiped out two devastating tropical diseases….
Study finds potential problem in more heart valve implants
Doctors have discovered a potential problem involving implanted heart valves that hundreds of thousands of people have received — they don’t always open and close properly, possibly because a blood clot has formed that could raise the risk of stroke. Although the problem appears common,…
AP analysis: VW evasion likely led to dozens of deaths    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Volkswagen’s pollution-control chicanery has not just been victimless tinkering, killing between five and 20 people in the United States annually in recent years, according to an Associated Press statistical and computer analysis. The software that the company admitted using…
Zip line popularity soars along with injuries, study finds    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Injuries from zip line accidents have soared along with the popularity of an activity that hurtles riders through the air, sometimes at dizzying heights above ground, a study of U.S. emergency room data shows. Over 16 years, nearly 17,000 people were treated for zip…
China wins long-sought Nobel Prize in one of the sciences    photo
BEIJING (AP) — For decades, China has yearned for a Nobel Prize in science. Now, a little-known researcher who helped develop a malaria medicine in a secret military project to assist Vietnam in its war against the U.S. has finally won Beijing that honor. Tu Youyou (pronounced “TOO yoyo”),…
FDA orders safety studies from scope manufacturers
WASHINGTON (AP) — Federal health authorities are ordering manufacturers of specialized medical scopes to study how the reusable devices are cleaned following a series of life-threatening bacterial outbreaks at U.S. hospitals. The Food and Drug Administration said Monday that the three…

 

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

If you love pancakes and you love beer, then you need beer syrup from the Beer Syrup Company in Louisville, Kentucky. Creator Russ Meredith says his syrups maintain a malty, sweet flavor that gives the impression of beer without being overwhelmed by it.  *** Seeing as when you’re drunk at four in the morning you’re typically looking for pancakes, this is a pretty ingenious marketing move.

 

A small, scenic town in Austria played host to more than 300 particularly hairy men this weekend. This year’s World Beard And Mustache Championships were held in Leogang, Austria, bringing fuzzy competitors from around the world together to compete in 16 different categories organized into three groups: mustache, partial beard and full beard.  *** We really need to stop this whole hipster thing – it’s getting waaaaaay out of hand.

 

Former “Tonight Show” host Jay Leno hit the road recently to go undercover as an Uber driver to promote his new CNBC show, “Jay Leno’s Garage.” He tells unsuspecting passengers his name is Rocco and he asks whether they would prefer to be driven by Jay Leno or David Letterman.  ***Sounds like someone wants his old job back again… again….

 

The remains of a Woolly Mammoth have been found under a soybean field in Michigan, The extinct creature is believed to have roamed the Earth between 10,000 and 15,000 years ago.  ***Back when Detroit was still a desirable place to live.

 

This Halloween’s hottest costume just might be the one inspired by the New York rat that captured our hearts when he got ahold of a giant slice of pizza. The costume is called: “SEXY Pizza Rat!”  *** Proving America has officially run out of Halloween costume ideas.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

One in three Americans are constantly worried about… money. A new survey found we are still feeling nervous from the recent recession and housing crisis. We are in constant fear of losing what we have today. More people are worried about finances than death or losing a family member. Our main worries when it comes to money is living paycheck-to-paycheck and falling into serious debt.  ***MARLAR: I’m already in serious debt and living paycheck-to-paycheck… so I don’t have to worry anymore.

 

Civil rights for robots? It could be coming.  A study released by the British government says someday robots might become so advanced, they could demand their independence.  The U-K Office of Science and Innovation foresees the day when robots will be able to reproduce and think for themselves. But don’t look for a robot revolution anytime soon. The study says independence for robots probably won’t be much of an issue until the mid-21st century.   ***MARLAR: However, they are cautioning people NOT to name their kids John or Sarah Connor.

 

Boys are easier to raise than girls, right? That’s what over half of us start out thinking, at least. A new survey discovered more than half of American couples want their first child to be a boy because they are (quote) “less hard work.” Only 21% have their heart set on a daughter. 32% have no preference.  ***MARLAR: Actually, my wife and I have discovered the easiest route… a pet rock.

 

You know about the dangers of driving while intoxicated, while texting, and while talking on the phone. A recent study claims that driving while daydreaming may be the most dangerous practice of all. The study released by the Erie Insurance Group says driving while daydreaming may be five times more dangerous than driving and texting or talking on your phone. According to Erie’s findings some 62 percent of all fatal “distracted driving” accidents in the United States are the result of the driver being “lost in thought.” By comparison, only 12 percent of distracted driving fatalities resulted from driving while using mobile phones.  ***MARLAR: So – stop daydreaming, and grab your phone or a BigMac when you’re in the car!  Maybe watch Netflix.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Slow Children”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Daren Streblow, “Hotel Pools”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THURSDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

When last we left the jungle, Louis the lion, a very young lion, was thrust into the position of royalty. And now that the animals have Louis as king of the jungle, they’ve stopped making decisions for themselves about what to do. Even normal day-to-day activities like fort building, swimming, playing badminton…

 

CLOSE: Will the little lion king ever learn to make decisions? Tune in again next to, for As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF OCTOBER 10/11, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Gruffy Bear was never satisfied with a picnic place. After passing up several beautiful picnic spots, the jungle animals had enough – and Millard rallied the animals together to overthrow Gruffy! They tied him up, tossed him into the river, and then headed back to one of the picnic spots to have their picnic!

 

CLOSE: Well, this can’t bode well for the animals’ perfect picnic… but the story is not over yet! Tune in again next time to find out what happens, As the Jungle Turns!

 

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Get one inDUHvidual to arm wrestle another inDUHvidual, add a school principal and a lawsuit, and you have today’s Moment of Duh!

An Iowa school principal is in trouble after encouraging two students to arm-wrestle to settle a dispute between the two of them. The arm wrestling resulted in one of the boys breaking his wrist and now his parents are suing. The parents of Jose Gomez are suing principal Vincent Lewis and the Des Moines school district for alleged negligence after their teen-age son broke his wrist during the wrestling match. Jose and another boy got into argument in gym class over who won an arm-wrestling match between the two of them. Principal Lewis decided the best way to settle their spat was to have them arm-wrestle in front of them. The Gomez parents are asking a jury to compensate them for their son’s injury, distress and loss of earnings and of his ability to “enjoy life.”  ***MARLAR: What kind of school has arm-wrestling in gym class anyway!?  Is doge-ball not exciting enough?

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN OF LIFE’S ODDS & ENDS

 

  1. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

 

  1. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

 

  1. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

 

  1. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

 

  1. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

 

  1. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

 

  1. Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

 

  1. The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.

 

  1. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

 

  1. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Who needs a gun when you have a cooking pot to protect yourself against criminals?

 

FILE #1: In Muncie, Indiana, a woman watching television in her nightgown raced from her bedroom and went after a man after he stole golf clubs from her porch. Sabrena Davis said she first grabbed a knife after a neighbor yelled to tell her that a man had taken the clubs, but then decided to instead attack him with a 10-inch cooking pot. She says, “I started beating him with it. He asked for it.” Davis’ attack slowed Timothy A. Simison until police arrested him outside her home.

 

FILE #2: Illegal Peruvian immigrant Maria Ramos approached the Continental Airlines counter, dragging eight bulging duffel bags behind her. When she asked to buy a ticket to Newark the agent asked her the standard “Did you pack your own bags” question. To which Maria answered, “Why do you need to know that?” Security was called and it was discovered that the bags were full of more than $25,000 worth of shoplifted clothing. She’s been arrested.

 

FILE #3: Two Kansas City men should have heeded the words ‘Thou shalt not steal’ before they robbed Reverend Tony R. Caldwell. The two men asked to speak with the reverend after they had been kicked out of a church program that provides food and shelter to men who are homeless or recently released from jail. The conversation quickly turned into a holdup, but the reverend told them he was short of cash, so he offered to write each man a check for $150. The men agreed and the pastor told them he needed the correct spellings of their names in order to write the checks. Yes, those were the same names he passed on to the police and now they’ll have another chance at the reverend’s post-jail program in a few months.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Vermont, it is illegal to deny the existence of God.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Some people use remote controls to turn of their television sets. Others might simply push the power button with their finger. But one man, who’s brain was on drugs, decided to turn his television off with a .45-calibre handgun.

A PEI man who turned off his television permanently with his .45-calibre handgun has been placed on probation and ordered to undergo counseling. Todd Francis Jollimore of Summerside, pleaded guilty to careless use of a firearm. Judge Jeff Lantz of provincial court in Summerside heard a neighbor called police after he stopped by to check on Todd and discovered the shattered television. Todd told police he was watching TV when he decided to shut it off with a round from his handgun. Police returned the next day with a search warrant and found improperly stored ammunition, along with 12 marijuana plants. Judge Lantz placed Mr. Jollimore on probation for 18 months, fined him $1,000 on the drug charge and ordered him to surrender the handgun. He also has to undergo counseling.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

I have a little elf doll that I named Randolph when I was about five years old – I still have him and take him out and place him somewhere as a Christmas decoration. His clothes are tattered and torn, his face is wearing away, but I can’t bring myself to throw him out!

PHONER: What toys do you still have from when you were a child that you refuse to part with?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: How many stones did David gather from the brook before his attack on Goliath?

ANSWER: Five (I Samuel 17:40)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What kind of wood are Major League Baseball bats made of?

ANSWER: Major league baseball bats are made of ash. (Almost all are shorter than 36 inches and weigh 31 to 36 ounces. The barrel can be 2.75 inches in diameter, but many of today’s bats are 2.5 inches in diameter to save weight.)

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

 

  1. 99% of the pumpkins sold in the US end up as jack-o-lanterns. (True.)

 

  1. A cucumber is 96% water. (True.)

 

  1. A pineapple is considered a legume. (False – it’s a berry.)

 

  1. According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the biggest fruit can weight up to 44 lbs. (True – the single-seeded fruit of the giant fan palm, or Lodoicea maldivica, can weigh 44 lbs. Commonly known as the double coconut or coco de mer, it is found wild only in the Seychelles in the Indian Ocean.)

 

  1. Advertisements for coffee in London in 1657 claimed that the beverage was a cure for cancer. (False – but they did say it could cure scurvy, gout and other ills.)

 

  1. An average ear of corn has 800 kernels, arranged in 16 rows. (True.)

 

  1. Arrowroot, an antidote for poisoned arrows, is used as a thickener in cooking. (True.)

 

  1. The longest migration for a bird takes place from the Arctic to the Antarctic and then back again. (True – the Arctic Tern, which is a small bird, can fly a round trip from the Arctic to the Antarctic and back. This can be as long as 20,000 miles per year. This is the longest migration for a bird.)

 

  1. Baskin Robbins’ plain vanilla ice creams accounts for 25% of their sales. (True.)

 

  1. The first clown ever has been traced back to the year 300 B.C. (False – try 3,000 B.C.)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“__________ Conducts Exams Online With Web Cams!”  (DENTIST)

England’s Dr. Jerry Watson has become the world’s first online dentist. He takes a look in patient’s mouths over the internet via web cams. While it’s not as good as a real exam, he claims he can at least see enough to advise whether or not the patient should come in for any serious work.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, “I descend into hell!” A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, “I descend into hell!” the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend. One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: “Hallelujah! Hell is full!”

 

JOKE #2

A bride called to make a change to her wedding registry. It is common, almost expected, that a bride will change something on her registry at least once (dishes, color of towels, etc.).

The Customer Service Representative told her that the store would be happy to make the change. He asked if the bride wanted to change the dishes or the linens.

The bride said, “No, keep all that. I just want to change the name of the groom.”

 

JOKE #3

The warden, addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot, said, “I would like to know two things. First: Why did you revolt? Second: How did you get out of your cell?”

One of the three men stepped forward, “Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful.”

“I see. And what did you use to break the bars?” the warden asked.

Replied the spokesman, “French Toast…”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

The latest auto trend is women over 60 rewarding themselves for raising kids and grandchildren by buying hot convertible sports cars.  ***MARLAR: So if you see a Corvette ragtop going 30 mph with its blinker on, now you’ll know why.

 

Lawyers who appear on television are being advised to avoid wearing pinstripes and polka dots because they make them look untrustworthy. ***MARLAR: Riiiight… it’s the way they dress that makes lawyers seem untrustworthy.

 

In Ancient Rome, people who wished to commit suicide would apply to the Senate and, if approved, were given free poison.  ***MARLAR: And sadly, no, this has not been adopted in the U.S.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

BLIND DATE

“How was your blind date?” a college student asked her 21 year old roommate.

“Terrible!” the roommate answered. “He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce.”

“Wow! That’s a very expensive classic car. What’s so bad about that?”

“He was the original owner.”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

IF ONLY HE COULD PASS ON ONE OF HIS NINE LIVES

If you live at the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center in Providence, Rhode Island, you do not want a visit from Oscar the cat.

The facility treats people with Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s disease and other illnesses and Oscar has proven to have an uncanny knack for predicting when patients are going to die by curling up next to them during their final hours. His accuracy, observed in 25 cases, has now led the staff to call family members once Oscar has chosen someone. It usually means they have less than four hours to live. Dr. David Dosa said, “He doesn’t make too many mistakes. He seems to understand when patients are about to die.” The 2-year-old feline was adopted as a kitten and after about six months the staff noticed Oscar would make his own rounds, just like the doctors and nurses. He’d sniff and observe patients, then sit beside people who would wind up dying in a few hours. Creepy! (New England Journal of Medicine)

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THE SEVEN UPS

 

We’ve all heard of the soft drink, 7-Up… but did you know that 7-Up can also be a way of life? I’ll explain…

 

  1. Wake Up – Decide to have a good day. “Today is the day the Lord hath made; let us rejoice and be glad in it” Psalms 118:24

 

  1. Dress Up!! The best way to dress up is to put on a smile. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at outward appearance; but the Lord looks at the heart” I Samuel 16:7

 

  1. Shut Up!! Say nice things and learn to listen. God gave us two ears and one mouth, so He must have meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking. “He who guards his lips guards his soul” Proverbs 13:3. “Gossip betrays confidence. Avoid men who talk too much” Proverbs 20:19 Listen to advice, accept instruction and in the end, you will be wise” Proverbs 19:20

 

  1. Stand Up!!… For what you believe in. Stand for something or you will fall for anything. “Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good…” Galatians 6:9-10

 

  1. Look Up!!… To the Lord. “I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me”. Philippians 4:13

 

  1. Reach Up!!… For something higher. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path”. Proverbs 3:5-6

 

  1. Lift Up!!… Your Prayers. “Do not worry about anything; instead PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING” Philippians 4:6

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

Adding batteries to a Buzz Lightyear, taping up a plastic grocery basket, and snapping pieces of toy trucks back into place…

…that earns you a reputation as Mr. or Mrs. Fix-It from your kids.

With tear-stained cheeks, they leave their broken toys with you.  The kids know you love them and that you can fix anything they bring to you.  When you’ve simply added the batteries and tape, and their toys are restored, they run through the house proclaiming, “Mom/Dad, you’re the Fix-It Expert!”  They have confidence in you to leave their problems with you and trust that you can fix them.  They don’t know you’re mechanically challenged.

That is exactly what God wants us to do – leave our problems with Him. No matter what the situation, we have the privilege of giving our broken hearts to our Father, and the confidence that He will “fix” them.
Why throw all our worries on God?  Because we have the full assurance that He cares about what happens to us.  No detail of our lives escapes His concern.  When we cast our cares on the Lord, He sustains us (Psalm 55:22) and strengthens us (1 Samuel 30:6).
Over the centuries God has revealed himself as the Fix-It God. He repairs broken situations. Our part is to trust Him and accept His purposes and timing.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

FUNNY MONEY

If you’re planning on getting into counterfeit bills, be sure you know which denominations are available and are legal tender.

A bank teller opened an account for a woman who presented a $1 million bill. Check again. The largest denomination still being printed in the U.S. is $100. But the financial flake in Harrisburg, PA, took the funny money and started a fund for a 24-year-old woman. The dippy depositor then withdrew the dough and transferred it to her husband’s account, say cops. But authorities eventually caught on to the greenback game and the woman was charged with 16 counts of theft by deception. She’s being held on $25,000 bail. ***MARLAR: Hey, no problem… here’s a $25,000 bill that I had in my purse . . .

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

The quickest way to kill a marriage: not arguing!

If you’re angry at him for leaving dirty dishes in the sink, say so. If you’re upset with her for ignoring you at the end of a long day, speak up. Holding it in with the idea of not starting an argument is the fastest way to kill a marriage. Why? It creates emotional distance. The Rev. David Code, an Episcopal priest, family coach and author of “To Raise Happy Kids, Put Your Marriage First,” says couples today are quick to suppress the urge to argue with one another. “But just because you seldom argue doesn’t mean your marriage is strong. The real silent killer of marriage is distancing yourself from your partner,” he writes in a column published in the Christian Science Monitor. Code insists that couples should worry more about their flight response, which is the instinct to avoid your partner, than their fight response, the instinct to argue it out verbally.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE

As a kid, did you ever sneak reading a book past your bedtime by using a flashlight under the covers? Soon, kids will no longer need the flashlight, thanks to some new technology. A Scottish engineer has just unveiled a book whose pages glow in the dark. Professor Janos Hajto, of Napier University, Edinburgh, has combined a light-emitting dye with thin plastic sheeting to produce a page that creates its own light. The invention means that books could be developed that actually glow in the dark, and make the letters glow above the pages.  ***MARLAR: So, no matter what book you are reading, you’ll definitely look “bright” reading it!

 

 

FUN LIST

HILARIOUS NEWSPAPER HEADLINES

  • Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
  • Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
  • Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
  • Miners Refuse to Work After Death
  • Stolen Painting Found by Tree
  • Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
  • If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
  • Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
  • Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space
  • Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

DOG DIALS 911 AND SAVES OWNER’S LIFE


Here’s another amazing story of a dog saving a person’s life! Janette Darby was lying unconscious, when her dog, Ben, nudged the phone off the hook with his nose and paw and dialed 9-9-9 (the British equivalent of 911) for help! Officers heard the dog barking on the line. And although they thought it was a prank, they dispatched a patrolman to the home. The dog, trained to open the door for his deaf and mute owner, let the police in and led them to Darby who was unconscious on the floor. Ben, obviously no ordinary dog, has been trained to knock the receiver off the hook when it rings. And he is trained to press the oversized ”9” buttons when he senses an emergency. Darby has a condition that causes her to lose consciousness at times so she required a dog with this special training.  ***MARLAR: This also explains why pizzas are constantly always being delivered with pepperoni and liver snaps!

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

As the school year gets into full swing, the program Revive Our Hearts wants to make sure you know your rights as a Christian in the Public school. Revive Our Hearts recently shared a report from The Gospel Coalition reminding children, teachers, and coaches of their rights in their public school.

http://buff.ly/1O95jq8

 

Folks flying into the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport will be treated to an extra-special view this fall. Landscape artist Stan Herd has been working to create a large-scale replication of van Gogh’s Olive Tree painting, which can now be seen by aircraft passengers flying into the Twin Cities. The piece is part of the Mia’s 100th anniversary celebration. Over the past two seasons, Herd has been working with dirt, plants, and other bits of nature to recreate van Gogh’s iconic painting

http://www.citypages.com/arts/van-gogh-via-airplane-check-out-this-amazing-mia-sponsored-landscape-art-7698212

 

October 11 is Pastor appreciation Sunday and the month of October is Clergy appreciation month. In response here are 10 Top Ideas for Pastor Appreciation Month

  1. A Gift Card Goes A Long Way.
  2. Those Extra Tickets Do A Lot.
  3. Pass Along Your Airline Miles.
  4. Make Your Family Cabin or Condo Available.
  5. Don’t Shy From Giving Cash.
  6. Pre-Pay for a Handy Man Service.
  7. Take your pastor’s car to be detailed and while you’re at it, top off the gas tank.
  8. Make a Pastor’s Kids Dreams Come True.
  9. Give the Pastor a Date Night.
  10. Dedicate time to pray for your pastor each week, but let them know what you are specifically praying.

http://margaretfeinberg.com/top-10-ideas-for-pastor-appreciate-month/

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

The preceding program was erased before a live audience.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

Will C-3PO Take Your Job?

The film has yet to be released. In fact, it won’t arrive in theaters until December. But the merchandising is everywhere for Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens.
It seems like Disney has managed to rekindle the same intergalactic interest that the original Star Wars generated. Luke Skywalker lives on. As does Princess Leia. And Han Solo, after his production injury aboard the Millennium Falcon.
Not that I follow these matters closely, but I’ve been told that the plot for this film will be set 30 years after the Battle of Endor and the events portrayed in Return of the Jedi. I got lost in the original Star War trilogy after finding Jabba the Hutt too disgusting for my tastes. I preferred the likes of C-3PO and R2-D2, which brings me to the point of my blog today.
I often enjoy reading columnist and cultural commentator Dr. Jim Denison. One of his recent contributions worth reading is titled, “Why Robots are Bad for Men.” I hope C-3PO gets a copy of this.
Denison cites a study from two Oxford researchers. Their estimates are that 47 percent of US jobs could be taken over by robots or computers by 2033. Jobs performed primarily by men are at much greater risk than those performed by women.
Here were some of the statistics cited:

  • More than 95 percent of the 3 million truck drivers in the U.S. are men; the newly developed autonomous vehicles could replace many of them.
  • Men hold 97 percent of the 2.5 million US carpentry and construction jobs; a good percentage of these job tasks could be replaced by robots.
  • Women, on the other hand, hold 93 percent of the registered nurse positions. The study rates their risk of obsolescence at only .009 percent.

And those tasks that involve a wide range of decisions and skills in a relational environment are least likely to be automated. Again, statistically, such jobs are generally found in the domain of women.

Denison cites this rather mind-bending premise. “Not only are jobs likely to be lost; our entire culture is being changed in ways we may not notice. In Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind, Yuval Noah Harari notes: ‘Our computers have trouble understanding how a Homo sapiens talks, feels, and dreams. So we are teaching Homo sapiens to talk, feel, and dream in the language of numbers, which can be understood by computers.’”
Steve Wozniak, Apple’s co-founder, earlier this year warned that artificial intelligence (AI) will take over for humans. His assessment for the future had a definite bleakness to it. Fortunately he put it in non techno-geek terms.
Being quoted on this issue, Steve said, “…I agree that the future is scary and very bad for people. If we build these devices to take care of everything for us, eventually they’ll think faster than us and they’ll get rid of the slow humans to run companies more efficiently.”
Wozniak added, “Will we be the gods? Will we be the family pets? Or will we be ants that get stepped on? I don’t know about that. But when I got that thinking in my head about if I’m going to be treated in the future as a pet to these smart machines…well I’m going to treat my own pet dog really nice.”
Earlier this year, dozens of the world’s top AI experts signed an open letter calling for researchers to take care to avoid potential “pitfalls” of the disruptive technology. Professor Stephen Hawking has previously said that the rise of AI could see the human race become extinct. Technology entrepreneur Elon Musk has also described the rise of AI in the past as “our biggest existential threat.”
Many Christians were already concerned about technology and the future. Several years ago, rumors circulated about a three-story computer in Belgium called, “The Beast.” Supposedly operated by the European Common Market, it would monitor the financial transactions of every person on earth. Author Joe Musser claims he wrote this into a fiction piece and it gained life from there. Joe said for several years he had seen the story being passed along as fact.
Followers of Jesus bring more to this world with messages of hope, peace, and love than we do of fear. But wise people do not ignore the signs of the times. As Jesus said…“But be on your guard. Don’t let the sharp edge of your expectation get dulled by parties and drinking and shopping. Otherwise, that Day is going to take you by complete surprise, spring on you suddenly like a trap, for it’s going to come on everyone, everywhere, at once. So, whatever you do, don’t go to sleep at the switch. Pray constantly that you will have the strength and wits to make it through everything that’s coming and end up on your feet before the Son of Man.” (Luke 21: 34-36, MSG)
In the meantime, like Steve Wozniak, I’ve started treating my dog a lot nicer. And my boss. I think I saw a C-3PO type arrive for a job interview.
That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

SEPTEMBER 30, 2015…

 

The Walk—Be prepared for vertigo as Joseph Gordon-Levitt portrays tightrope walker, Philippe Petit, who in 1974 walked a tightrope between the Twin Trade Towers in New York City. This was not OK’d by anyone, he just did it. Nerves of steel doesn’t begin to say it all.  Also in the cast are Ben Kingsley and Charlotte Le Bon. “The Walk” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3.

 

OCTOBER 02, 2015…

 

Freeheld—This film is based on a real situation in which two women partners face a health crisis. Julianne Moore  is Laurel (a police officer)  and Ellen Page is Stacie. Laurel is diagnosed with cancer and the legal battle begins as they discover just what health and other benefits they have. “Freeheld” is rated R. No rating.

 

The Martian–The movie is adapted from the novel by Andy Weir about an expedition to Mars, in which, in a crisis, one person is left behind, presumably dead.  He (Matt Damon) is not dead and struggles to survive and tries to notify Earth he is there. Those on Earth who want to help include Jessica Chastain, Sebastian Stan, Kate Mara and Kristen Wiig. Try this for survival.  “The Martian” is rated R. Rating of 3 for science fiction fans.

 

Sicario—Emily Blunt (“Edge of Tomorrow”) takes on another action role as one of the leaders of an elite anti-drug group who also works with a Mexican military (Benicio Del Toro) .It is a game of who do you trust and the stakes are high, especially where tunnels are concerned.  It is especially difficult when you are a woman in this crime chase. Also in the cast is Josh Brolin. “Sicario” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

OCTOBER 09, 2015…

 

Knock Knock is a thriller starring Keanu Reeves about a man involved with two women.

 

*Pan and this film is finally opening.  It is a twist on the story of Peter Pan, Captain Hook and Tinkerbell. Stars Hugh Jackman.

 

Steve Jobs is about the man behind such electronics as Mackintosh and stars Michael Fassbinder as Jobs.

 

The Final Girls is a horror film about seeing a dead relative in a movie. Stars Taissa Farmiga.

 

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.