October 08, 2016: Saturday ONAIRprep

***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS – FREE TO AIR! (Need to receive this earlier than when it’s posted? Get FTP access and receive a fully-produced version FREE with a customized tag specifically for your station or show! Contact me with your ONAIRprep username for details!)

AND NOW… ON WITH THE SHOW!

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20161008

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Welcome to (THE JOCK SHOW), where I’m always nice to the little people… because I am them.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility, consider each other better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others.”  –Philippians 2:3-4

Ill-gotten treasures are of no value, but righteousness delivers from death. –Proverbs 10:2

O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. — Psalm 63:1

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. — 1 Peter 1:8-9

Thought: Can you trust what you don’t see? Of course! What kind of question is that? Our lives depend on what we cannot see — things like gravity and the air we breathe, just to name two. Faith in Jesus is as natural as faith in each of those things. The problem is that our hearts are skeptical. We find it hard to believe that anyone divine would love us so much. Our experience says, “If it seems too good to be true, it is.” That skepticism is just the twisted form of the response God longs to see from us: “inexpressible and glorious joy.” I don’t know about you, but I’ve tasted both. I prefer joy over skepticism!

Prayer: What joy fills my heart, Father, when I anticipate what it will be like to be in your presence — to have you wipe each tear from my eyes and to have you introduce me again to those I love and to those I’ve only known by reputation. Please never let me outlive that sense of anticipation and never let that hope dim in my heart, no matter what else may happen in my life here. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Romans 10:8 NIV = But what does it say? “The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart,” that is, the word of faith we are proclaiming.

TODAY IS SATURDAY – OCTOBER 08, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
79 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is FIRE PREVENTION DAY, the anniversary of the Great Chicago Fire in 1871, when legend says Mrs. O’Leary’s cow kicked over a lantern. Over 98,000 people were left homeless by the fire.

Today is NATIONAL CHILDREN’S DAY. ***MARLAR: Yeah, yeah, yeah… blah, blah, blah… when are they ever going to come out with a “Radio Hosts Get The Day Off Day”? Huh?!? Oh well… back to work now.

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Alvin C. York Day

Fall Astronomy Day

National Motorcycle Ride Day

National Pierogy Day

Universal Music Day

World Octopus Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below.)

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 09

Clergy Appreciation Day

Leif Erikson Day

National Chess Day

National Pro-Life Cupcake Day

Nautilus Day (Cephalopods)

World Post Day

MONDAY, OCTOBER 10

Columbus Day

International Day for Natural Disaster Reduction

International Newspaper Carrier Day

International Stage Management Day

National Handbag Day

National Kick Butt Day

Native American Day

Naval Academy Day

Squid & Cuttlefish Day

World Day Against The Death Penalty

World Homeless Day

World Mental Health Day

World Porridge Day

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 11

Ada Lovelace Day

General Pulaski Memorial Day

International Day of the Girl

Myths & Legends Day for All Fantasy Movie, Books and Legends Cephalopods

National Face Your Fears Day

National Food Truck Day

Southern Food Heritiage Day

Yom Kippur

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 12

National Online Banking Day

Columbus Day

Day of the Six Billion

Drink Local Wine Day

Emergency Nurses Day

Free Thought Day

National Bring Your Teddy Bear To Work and School Day

International Top Spinning Day

National Fossil Day

National Take Your Parents To Lunch Day

S.A.V.E. (Stop America’s Violence Everywhere)

Spanish Language Day

Stop Bullying Day

World Arthritis Day

International Moment of Frustration Scream Day

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 13

English Language Day

International Day for Disaster Reduction

International African Penguin Awareness Day

International Day for Failure

Metastatic Breast Cancer Awareness Day

National Chess Day

Navy Birthday

National No Bra Day

Silly Sayings Day

World Sight Day

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 14

Be Bald and Be Free Day

National Costume Swap Day

National Family Bowling Day

Spider-Man Day

World Egg Day

World Standards Day

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 15

Blind Americans Equality Day

Bridge Day

Global Handwashing Day

International Day of Rural Women

I Love Lucy Day

National Cake Decorating Day

National Cheese Curd Day

National Grouch Day

National Latino AIDS Awareness Day

National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

Sweetest Day

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 16

National Feral Cat Day

Department Store Day

Dictionary Day

National Sunday School Teacher Appreciation Day

World Toy Camera Day

World Food Day

MONDAY, OCTOBER 17

Black Poetry Day

National Boss’s Day

International Day for the Eradication of Poverty

Mulligan Day

National Clean Your Virtual Desktop Day

National Edge Day

National Pasta Day

Wear Something Gaudy Day

ON THIS DAY

1906: Hairdresser Karl Nessler introduced the “permanent wave” at his salon in London.  ***And boy were his hands tired! (Thank you, thank you… I’m here all week… try the veal…)

1965: President Lyndon Johnson had gall bladder surgery. Later he became the first U.S. President to show his scar on television. ***The first? You mean there were other U.S. Presidents that showed Lyndon Johnson’s scar on TV?

1988: The Columbia University football team broke a 5-year, 44-game losing streak by defeating Princeton 16-13. ***And I thought my dating life in high school had a losing record.

1988: The U.S. issued a patent (#4,777,680) to Lirida Paz of Elizabeth, New Jersey, for the Musical Potty Chair, a device that automatically plays music when a child-trainee successfully utilizes it.  ***And if the child accidentally misses the target, it begins playing Britney Spears’ “Oops I Did It Again.”

1993: U.S. postal inspectors reported that a man calling himself John Walker spent $29-thousand dollars in postage attempting to con 100-thousand restaurant owners, but collected only $184.00.

1996: A herd of 45 thirsty elephants charged out of the hills near Calcutta and destroyed six illegal Indian breweries while quenching their thirst.  ***Elliot Ness would’ve been proud.

2000: A suspect in an attempted robbery in Pawtucket, Rhode Island, was apprehended after using his legally blind brother as a lookout. When police arrived, the suspect ran, leaving his blind brother behind.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

451: The Council of Chalcedon opened, near Constantinople. Dealing mainly with the Eutychian Christological heresy, the council created a confession of faith which has ever since been regarded as the highest word in Early Christian orthodoxy.

1901: The American branch of Overseas Missionary Fellowship was chartered. Founded as the China Inland Mission in 1865 by missionary pioneer J. Hudson Taylor, OMF adopted its present name at its centenniel celebration in 1965.

1917: New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary was chartered in New Orleans by P. I. Lipsey. The school opened for its first classes in September 1918.

1924: In New York City, the National Lutheran Conference banned the playing of jazz music in the local churches.

1986: The first North American Congress on the Holy Spirit and World Evangelization opened in New Orleans. It drew 7,000 leaders from 40 denominations, and stressed the part which the charismatic experience plays in evangelization.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor Angus T. Jones (“Two and a Half Men”) 23 (audio clip)

  • Actor (The Bourne Identity movies, Good Will Hunting, Saving Private Ryan) Matt Damon, 46

  • Actress (“The West Wing,” “CSI: Miami”) Emily Procter, 48 — once a TV weather girl (audio clip)

  • actress (“The Job”, Hilary Bank on “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”) Karyn Parsons 50 (audio clip)

  • Actor (“Saturday Night Live,” Blues Brothers 2000) Darrell Hammond, 58

  • Actress (“Remington Steele”) Stephanie Zimbalist, 60 (audio clip)

  • Actress (The Village, Alien flicks) Sigourney Weaver, 67

  • Former TV hostess (“Real People”) Sarah Purcell, 68

  • Comedian/actor (Vacation, Fletch, “Saturday Night Live”, Caddyshack, “Community”) Chevy Chase 73 (audio clip)

  • Political activist Jesse Jackson, 75 (audio clip)

  • Actor (Crocodile Dundee) Paul Hogan, 77

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1934 : Doc Green (The Drifters)

1940 : Fred Cash (The Impressions)

1941 : George Bellamy (The Tornadoes)

1941 : Dave Arbus (East Of Eden)

1942 : Buzz Clifford

1944 : Susan Raye

1945 : Ray Royer (Procol Harum)

1945 : Butch Rillera (Redbone)

1947 : Tony Wilson (Hot Chocholate)

1948 : Johnny Ramone (Ramones)

1949 : Hamish Stuart (Average White Band)

1950 : Cliff Adams (Kool And The Gang)

1963 : Steve Perry (Cherry Poppin’ Daddies)

1965 : C.J. Ramone (The Ramones)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

What’s the longest word in the English language?

It’s pnuemonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. Which, is a lung disease from exposure to silica or silicon, akin to coal miner’s ‘Black Lung Disease’. It is pronounced: “new-mono-ultra-silly-co-volcano-coney-osis”

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving three days a week from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

A fun fact about Kutless member James Mead: “I can stop my own hiccups very easily, every time. I learned a trick from my dad when I was 8.”  Sadly, he did not reveal the trick.

Meredith Andrews on parenting after what she called one of those sweet and challenging, redemptive and exhausting, two steps forward and one step back kind of days. Meredith said: For all you mamas in the thick of it with your cubs, know that the Lord sees you and is filling in the gaps where you feel you are lacking. One of the things God is constantly reminding me of is to move in the opposite spirit. Where there is chaos, usher in peace. Where there is fear or anger, act in love. Where there is complaining, model gratefulness. Where there is selfishness or bickering, speak kindness.

Building 429 Jason Roy says he’s part of a new band. He posted: great friends, great music, I had fun. Jason says the new band is called ghost stories. He added: we’re not available for hire, only available for fun. It’s all for the love of music.

Citizenway’s David Blasco says there’s one thing he knows 100% for sure. He posted: I will never understand the appeal of watching golf. Ever.

Comedian Bob Smiley wants to help you learn from his mistakes. He posted: not everybody standing around holding food in the food court is giving out free samples.

Tenth Avenue North guitarist Jeff Owens was concerned this week but it all ended well. He posted: Is that…a crack on my iPhone screen??? WHAT? I don’t remember dropping…oh wait just a hair.

A lesson learned by comedian Bob Smiley. He posted: Starting to think my date didn’t really mean ‘I don’t care where we eat’. She is not digging this Chuck E. Cheese.

Kari Jobe said she now has an excuse to watch cartoons. She admitted that she’s always love cartoons but, now that she has a child, she says she actually has a good excuse.

It’s been a rough week for Kari Jobe. She was scheduled to be at the Gateway People conference this week but was instead stuck at the doctors dealing with sickness. She posted a picture with an IV in her arm and said she would be watching online instead.

Francesca Battistelli made her Carnegie Hall debut this past Sunday and she said she will never forget the moment. Francesca posted: I saw my mom in the balcony and started to cry during the second verse. Truly a night for the books.

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. As on ONAIRprep subscriber, you can get a fully-produced, customized version of the Daily Dose of Weird News FREE with a station or show specific tag! Email darren@onairprep.com for details!)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

WONDER WOMAN (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Artificial Lemons”

DAILY COMEDY CLIP (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Steve Geyer, “McDonald’s Drive-Thru”

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE


OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, all of the jungle animals tried to make friends with a giant gorilla who’d been leaving footprints around the jungle – but that didn’t work. And they were so scared they didn’t know what to do… until finally, they stopped and prayed and asked God for help. Suddenly they heard… music!

CLOSE: And all the animals foxtrotted happily ever after. Well, at least until sundown. Tune in next time as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF OCTOBER 08/09

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the animals were scared after finding what appeared to be five giant footprints from an unknown creature! They all began thinking it was a terrible, nasty, filthy, dangerous creature – maybe even a creature who’s favorite food is MONKEYS!

CLOSE: Wow… an “everything must go” sale! Brilliant! It’s going to be a lot easier to run away from a terrifying giant-footed monster if you don’t have to carry all your belongings with you while you’re running! Come to think of it… you can advertise here on the radio station. Just call 555/555-1212… ask for (local Sales Manager)… and we’ll get you started! Oh yeah… and tune in next time, for As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

Get one inDUHvidual to arm wrestle another inDUHvidual, add a school principal and a lawsuit, and you have today’s Moment of Duh!

An Iowa school principal is in trouble after encouraging two students to arm-wrestle to settle a dispute between the two of them. The arm wrestling resulted in one of the boys breaking his wrist and now his parents are suing. The parents of Jose Gomez are suing principal Vincent Lewis and the Des Moines school district for alleged negligence after their teen-age son broke his wrist during the wrestling match. Jose and another boy got into argument in gym class over who won an arm-wrestling match between the two of them. Principal Lewis decided the best way to settle their spat was to have them arm-wrestle in front of them. The Gomez parents are asking a jury to compensate them for their son’s injury, distress and loss of earnings and of his ability to “enjoy life.”  ***MARLAR: What kind of school has arm-wrestling in gym class anyway!?  Is doge-ball not exciting enough?

TOP TEN

TOP TEN OF LIFE’S ODDS & ENDS

10. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

9. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

8. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

7. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

6. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

5. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

4. Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

3. The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.

2. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

1. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Who needs a gun when you have a cooking pot to protect yourself against criminals?

FILE #1: In Muncie, Indiana, a woman watching television in her nightgown raced from her bedroom and went after a man after he stole golf clubs from her porch. Sabrena Davis said she first grabbed a knife after a neighbor yelled to tell her that a man had taken the clubs, but then decided to instead attack him with a 10-inch cooking pot. She says, “I started beating him with it. He asked for it.” Davis’ attack slowed Timothy A. Simison until police arrested him outside her home.

FILE #2: Illegal Peruvian immigrant Maria Ramos approached the Continental Airlines counter, dragging eight bulging duffel bags behind her. When she asked to buy a ticket to Newark the agent asked her the standard “Did you pack your own bags” question. To which Maria answered, “Why do you need to know that?” Security was called and it was discovered that the bags were full of more than $25,000 worth of shoplifted clothing. She’s been arrested.

FILE #3: Two Kansas City men should have heeded the words ‘Thou shalt not steal’ before they robbed Reverend Tony R. Caldwell. The two men asked to speak with the reverend after they had been kicked out of a church program that provides food and shelter to men who are homeless or recently released from jail. The conversation quickly turned into a holdup, but the reverend told them he was short of cash, so he offered to write each man a check for $150. The men agreed and the pastor told them he needed the correct spellings of their names in order to write the checks. Yes, those were the same names he passed on to the police and now they’ll have another chance at the reverend’s post-jail program in a few months.

STRANGE LAW: In Vermont, it is illegal to deny the existence of God.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Some people use remote controls to turn of their television sets. Others might simply push the power button with their finger. But one man, who’s brain was on drugs, decided to turn his television off with a .45-calibre handgun.

A PEI man who turned off his television permanently with his .45-calibre handgun has been placed on probation and ordered to undergo counseling. Todd Francis Jollimore of Summerside, pleaded guilty to careless use of a firearm. Judge Jeff Lantz of provincial court in Summerside heard a neighbor called police after he stopped by to check on Todd and discovered the shattered television. Todd told police he was watching TV when he decided to shut it off with a round from his handgun. Police returned the next day with a search warrant and found improperly stored ammunition, along with 12 marijuana plants. Judge Lantz placed Mr. Jollimore on probation for 18 months, fined him $1,000 on the drug charge and ordered him to surrender the handgun. He also has to undergo counseling.

PHONER PHUN

I have a little elf doll that I named Randolph when I was about five years old – I still have him and take him out and place him somewhere as a Christmas decoration. His clothes are tattered and torn, his face is wearing away, but I can’t bring myself to throw him out!

PHONER: What toys do you still have from when you were a child that you refuse to part with?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: How many stones did David gather from the brook before his attack on Goliath?

ANSWER: Five (I Samuel 17:40)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What kind of wood are Major League Baseball bats made of?

ANSWER: Major league baseball bats are made of ash. (Almost all are shorter than 36 inches and weigh 31 to 36 ounces. The barrel can be 2.75 inches in diameter, but many of today’s bats are 2.5 inches in diameter to save weight.)

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. 99% of the pumpkins sold in the US end up as jack-o-lanterns. (True.)

2. A cucumber is 96% water. (True.)

3. A pineapple is considered a legume. (False – it’s a berry.)

4. According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the biggest fruit can weight up to 44 lbs. (True – the single-seeded fruit of the giant fan palm, or Lodoicea maldivica, can weigh 44 lbs. Commonly known as the double coconut or coco de mer, it is found wild only in the Seychelles in the Indian Ocean.)

5. Advertisements for coffee in London in 1657 claimed that the beverage was a cure for cancer. (False – but they did say it could cure scurvy, gout and other ills.)

6. An average ear of corn has 800 kernels, arranged in 16 rows. (True.)

7. Arrowroot, an antidote for poisoned arrows, is used as a thickener in cooking. (True.)

8. The longest migration for a bird takes place from the Arctic to the Antarctic and then back again. (True – the Arctic Tern, which is a small bird, can fly a round trip from the Arctic to the Antarctic and back. This can be as long as 20,000 miles per year. This is the longest migration for a bird.)

9. Baskin Robbins’ plain vanilla ice creams accounts for 25% of their sales. (True.)

10. The first clown ever has been traced back to the year 300 B.C. (False – try 3,000 B.C.)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“__________ Conducts Exams Online With Web Cams!”  (DENTIST)

England’s Dr. Jerry Watson has become the world’s first online dentist. He takes a look in patient’s mouths over the internet via web cams. While it’s not as good as a real exam, he claims he can at least see enough to advise whether or not the patient should come in for any serious work. 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, “I descend into hell!” A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, “I descend into hell!” the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend. One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: “Hallelujah! Hell is full!”

JOKE #2

A bride called to make a change to her wedding registry. It is common, almost expected, that a bride will change something on her registry at least once (dishes, color of towels, etc.).

The Customer Service Representative told her that the store would be happy to make the change. He asked if the bride wanted to change the dishes or the linens.

The bride said, “No, keep all that. I just want to change the name of the groom.”

JOKE #3

The warden, addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot, said, “I would like to know two things. First: Why did you revolt? Second: How did you get out of your cell?”

One of the three men stepped forward, “Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful.”

“I see. And what did you use to break the bars?” the warden asked.

Replied the spokesman, “French Toast…”

USELESS FACTS

The latest auto trend is women over 60 rewarding themselves for raising kids and grandchildren by buying hot convertible sports cars.  ***So if you see a Corvette ragtop going 30 mph with its blinker on, now you’ll know why.

Lawyers who appear on television are being advised to avoid wearing pinstripes and polka dots because they make them look untrustworthy. ***Riiiight… it’s the way they DRESS that makes lawyers seem untrustworthy.

In Ancient Rome, people who wished to commit suicide would apply to the Senate and, if approved, were given free poison.  ***Sadly, this has not yet been adopted in the U.S.

FEATURED FUNNIES

BLIND DATE

“How was your blind date?” a college student asked her 21 year old roommate.

“Terrible!” the roommate answered. “He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce.”

“Wow! That’s a very expensive classic car. What’s so bad about that?”

“He was the original owner.”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

IF ONLY HE COULD PASS ON ONE OF HIS NINE LIVES

If you live at the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center in Providence, Rhode Island, you do not want a visit from Oscar the cat.

The facility treats people with Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s disease and other illnesses and Oscar has proven to have an uncanny knack for predicting when patients are going to die by curling up next to them during their final hours. His accuracy, observed in 25 cases, has now led the staff to call family members once Oscar has chosen someone. It usually means they have less than four hours to live. Dr. David Dosa said, “He doesn’t make too many mistakes. He seems to understand when patients are about to die.” The 2-year-old feline was adopted as a kitten and after about six months the staff noticed Oscar would make his own rounds, just like the doctors and nurses. He’d sniff and observe patients, then sit beside people who would wind up dying in a few hours. Creepy! (New England Journal of Medicine)

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

THE SEVEN UPS

We’ve all heard of the soft drink, 7-Up… but did you know that 7-Up can also be a way of life? I’ll explain…

1. Wake Up – Decide to have a good day. “Today is the day the Lord hath made; let us rejoice and be glad in it” Psalms 118:24

2. Dress Up!! The best way to dress up is to put on a smile. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at outward appearance; but the Lord looks at the heart” I Samuel 16:7

3. Shut Up!! Say nice things and learn to listen. God gave us two ears and one mouth, so He must have meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking. “He who guards his lips guards his soul” Proverbs 13:3. “Gossip betrays confidence. Avoid men who talk too much” Proverbs 20:19 Listen to advice, accept instruction and in the end, you will be wise” Proverbs 19:20

4. Stand Up!!… For what you believe in. Stand for something or you will fall for anything. “Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good…” Galatians 6:9-10

5. Look Up!!… To the Lord. “I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me”. Philippians 4:13

6. Reach Up!!… For something higher. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path”. Proverbs 3:5-6

7. Lift Up!!… Your Prayers. “Do not worry about anything; instead PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING” Philippians 4:6

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

Adding batteries to a Buzz Lightyear, taping up a plastic grocery basket, and snapping pieces of toy trucks back into place…

…that earns you a reputation as Mr. or Mrs. Fix-It from your kids.

With tear-stained cheeks, they leave their broken toys with you.  The kids know you love them and that you can fix anything they bring to you.  When you’ve simply added the batteries and tape, and their toys are restored, they run through the house proclaiming, “Mom/Dad, you’re the Fix-It Expert!”  They have confidence in you to leave their problems with you and trust that you can fix them.  They don’t know you’re mechanically challenged.

That is exactly what God wants us to do – leave our problems with Him. No matter what the situation, we have the privilege of giving our broken hearts to our Father, and the confidence that He will “fix” them.
Why throw all our worries on God?  Because we have the full assurance that He cares about what happens to us.  No detail of our lives escapes His concern.  When we cast our cares on the Lord, He sustains us (Psalm 55:22) and strengthens us (1 Samuel 30:6).
Over the centuries God has revealed himself as the Fix-It God. He repairs broken situations. Our part is to trust Him and accept His purposes and timing.

LEFTOVERS

FUNNY MONEY

If you’re planning on getting into counterfeit bills, be sure you know which denominations are available and are legal tender.

A bank teller opened an account for a woman who presented a $1 million bill. Check again. The largest denomination still being printed in the U.S. is $100. But the financial flake in Harrisburg, PA, took the funny money and started a fund for a 24-year-old woman. The dippy depositor then withdrew the dough and transferred it to her husband’s account, say cops. But authorities eventually caught on to the greenback game and the woman was charged with 16 counts of theft by deception. She’s being held on $25,000 bail. ***MARLAR: Hey, no problem… here’s a $25,000 bill that I had in my purse.

LIFE… LIVE IT

The quickest way to kill a marriage: not arguing!

If you’re angry at him for leaving dirty dishes in the sink, say so. If you’re upset with her for ignoring you at the end of a long day, speak up. Holding it in with the idea of not starting an argument is the fastest way to kill a marriage. Why? It creates emotional distance. The Rev. David Code, an Episcopal priest, family coach and author of “To Raise Happy Kids, Put Your Marriage First,” says couples today are quick to suppress the urge to argue with one another. “But just because you seldom argue doesn’t mean your marriage is strong. The real silent killer of marriage is distancing yourself from your partner,” he writes in a column published in the Christian Science Monitor. Code insists that couples should worry more about their flight response, which is the instinct to avoid your partner, than their fight response, the instinct to argue it out verbally.

JUST FOR FUN

YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE

As a kid, did you ever sneak reading a book past your bedtime by using a flashlight under the covers? Soon, kids will no longer need the flashlight, thanks to some new technology. A Scottish engineer has just unveiled a book whose pages glow in the dark. Professor Janos Hajto, of Napier University, Edinburgh, has combined a light-emitting dye with thin plastic sheeting to produce a page that creates its own light. The invention means that books could be developed that actually glow in the dark, and make the letters glow above the pages.  ***MARLAR: So, no matter what book you are reading, you’ll definitely look “bright” reading it!

FUN LIST

HILARIOUS NEWSPAPER HEADLINES

  • Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
  • Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
  • Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
  • Miners Refuse to Work After Death
  • Stolen Painting Found by Tree
  • Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
  • If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
  • Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
  • Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space
  • Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

DOG DIALS 911 AND SAVES OWNER’S LIFE


Here’s another amazing story of a dog saving a person’s life! Janette Darby was lying unconscious, when her dog, Ben, nudged the phone off the hook with his nose and paw and dialed 9-9-9 (the British equivalent of 911) for help! Officers heard the dog barking on the line. And although they thought it was a prank, they dispatched a patrolman to the home. The dog, trained to open the door for his deaf and mute owner, let the police in and led them to Darby who was unconscious on the floor. Ben, obviously no ordinary dog, has been trained to knock the receiver off the hook when it rings. And he is trained to press the oversized ”9” buttons when he senses an emergency. Darby has a condition that causes her to lose consciousness at times so she required a dog with this special training.  ***MARLAR: This also explains why pizzas are constantly always being delivered with pepperoni and liver snaps!

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Think it’s too early to talk about Christmas? Focus on the Families Thriving Family Magazine says it not when it means you’re talking to your kids about Jesus. They have already released their free yearly Advent Activity Calendar. Complete with Character cutouts, kids games and puzzles, and a parent’s guide, the calendar gives you a complete overview of the entire advent season.

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/holidays/making-meaningful-christmas-memories/celebrate-advent

Facing a tough decision? Mom was right. Sleep on it. Sleep not only fine-tunes memory and sharpens learning, but also it facilitates and enhances complex cognitive skills such as decision-making, according to researchers from the University of Massachusetts, Amherst, who have conducted one of the first studies of its kind. The participants who had slept 12 hours before playing the game drew from decks that gave them the greatest winnings four times more often than those who did not sleep before playing. Those who slept also better understood the underlying rules of the game. ***This all sounds wonderful – if we could just find a way to get 12 hours of sleep in a day, am I right?  My schedule just doesn’t allow for that!

If you’re planning a cross-country road trip during the upcoming holiday season, you might want to check out a new list at a site called Busbud. The site looked at popular TripAdvisor destinations and ranked them by looking at the number of hashtags associated with the place on Instagram, creating a list of the most Instagrammed places in every state.

https://www.busbud.com/blog/top-instagrammed-locations/

Drinking coffee — even decaffeinated coffee — may protect your liver, a large new study has found. Researchers examined the coffee-drinking habits of 27,793 people who filled out diet questionnaires in a large national health study from 1999 to 2010. The scientists also tracked blood levels of four enzymes that indicate liver function. The study is online in Hepatology. More than 14,000 of the subjects drank coffee. After controlling for age, sex, race, education, smoking, alcohol consumption and other factors, the researchers found that compared with people who drank no coffee, those who drank three cups a day were about 25 percent less likely to have abnormal liver enzyme levels. Among the more than 2,000 who drank only decaffeinated coffee, the results were similar. ***Let’s just hope they don’t decide our daily Starbucks run should require a doctor’s prescription!

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

The preceding program was erased before a live audience.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

OCTOBER 07, 2016…

The Birth Of A Nation—This film by Nate Parker caused quite a stir at Sundance, and now it is on the screen. The story centers in Nate Turner (played by Nate Parker), in the 1830’s, who brought about a slave uprising that killed many white slave owners.  Aja Naomi King plays Nate’s wife, Cherry. “Birth Of A Nation” is rated R. No rating.

The Girl On The Train—Paula Hawkins wrote a novel about a young woman who rides the train and observes what is going past her.  Though, she becomes interested—too interested—in a certain couple and when one goes missing, she suspects foul play. Emily Blunt is the girl on the train with quite a history of her own. Twists and turns here. Also in the cast are Haley Bennett and Justin Theroux. “The Girl On The Train” is rated R.  Rating of 2 for fans of the book.

Middle School: The Worst Years Of My Life—James Patterson wrote a “Middle School” book series and it is now on the screen, centered on Rafe Khatchadorian (Griffen Gluck) as the boy who tries to go through Middle School and adjust to his Mom’s boyfriend. The school principle is no help either. Also in the cast are Lauren Graham, Rob Riggle and Andrew Daly. “Middle School: The Worst Years Of My Life” is rated PG. Rating of 2.

Voyage Of Time (documentary)—Directed by Terence Malick and narrated by Cate Blanchett, this documentary is about Earth, the passage of time, and how life evolves.  Beautiful photography. “Voyage Of Time” is rated PG 13 for themed material. Rating of 2 for documentary fans.

OCTOBER 14, 2016…

Mascots stars Jane Lynch is a comedy about what it takes to be a team mascot.

The Accountant has Ben Affleck playing someone with autism who is also a top-notch person with math figures.

Kevin Hart: What Now?  is Kevin Hart’s concert movie.

Desierto stars Jeffrey Dean Morgan in a thriller along the U.S./Mexican border.

Tower is a documentary on the fatal shootings on a Texas college campus in 1966.

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.