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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20151011
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It’s going to be one of those days. I just plugged in my earphones and got a busy signal.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
“Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you.” –Ephesians 4:29
In him [Jesus our Lord] and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence. –Ephesians 3:12
Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near. — Isaiah 55:6
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
That is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. — 1 Corinthians 6:11
Thought: Following a list of vices, both scandalous and common, Paul finishes with this incredible word of grace. We all have a tendency to live in the land of “I-used-to-be.” For some of us, our past accomplishments become our excuse to live in the arrogant afterglow of yesterday. Paul wrote Philippians 3:4b-9 for this group. For others of us, the wounds and sins of our past become the bag of rocks we drag with us through the rest of life. We take those “rancid rocks” out and inspect them once again to our misery. We use them as proof of why we can’t move on with our lives. What a glorious awakening Paul gives us in this passage. In Christ, there are no more bags and no more rocks. We’re clean! We’re made holy! We’re declared innocent of any wrongdoing. How? Why? Who? The sacrifice and triumph of Jesus and the powerful work of the Holy Spirit.
Prayer: Forgive me, Father, for lingering on yesterdays, ruining my todays, and clouding up my tomorrows. Help me with my tendency to live in the land of “I-used-to-be.” Give me the courage to believe that you have put my past in its proper place and want to do a new glorious thing in me today, a glorious and gracious thing that brings you honor and me salvation! In Jesus’ name I thank you. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
John 10:11 NIV = I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.
TODAY IS SUNDAY – OCTOBER 11, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 75 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is NATIONAL SAUSAGE PIZZA DAY. ***MARLAR: And I’m somewhat upset that the radio station is not reimbursing me for the visual aids I brought in for it.
SNIPE HUNTING SEASON begins tonight. ***MARLAR: Good luck, boys and girls – be sure to send me a photo of your snipe once you bag one!
Today is MY PARTY DAY. ***MARLAR: “And I’ll cry if I want to, cry if I want to, cry if I want to. You would cry too if it happened to you.” I can only assume this refers to someone celebrating a birthday that requires black balloons.
Today is DR. PEPPER BAKED BEANS APPRECIATION DAY. ***MARLAR: I’ve yet to try it this – just not brave enough yet. I like Dr. Pepper, and I like baked beans, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they are good together. I like dogs… I like food… but I do not like dog food! Then again, I’ve not been brave enough to try that either.
NATIONAL PET PEEVE WEEK begins today. ***MARLAR: Pet peeve number one… people telling me that something I don’t find appealing is actually great and that I really SHOULD love it. Like, say, Dr. Pepper Baked Beans.
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Ada Lovelace Day
National Face Your Fears Day
Southern Food Heritage Day
COMING UP NEXT
(Note: Just because holiday is listed here it does not mean we are endorsing it.)
MONDAY, OCTOBER 12
Columbus Day (Observed)
Emergency Nurses Day
Free Thought Day
National Bring Your Teddy Bear To Work & School Day
International Top Spinning Day
National Take Your Parents To Lunch Day
Spanish Language Day
Stop Bullying Day
International Moment of Frustration Scream Day
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 13
International Day of Disaster Reduction
International African Penguin Awareness Day
Silly Sayings Day
World Sight Day
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 14
Be Bald and Be Free Day
National Family Bowling Day (Kids Bowl Free Day)
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 15
Blind Americans Equality Day
International Day of Rural women
I Love Lucy Day
National Cake Decorating Day
National Grouch Day
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 16
Department Store Day
National Sunday School Teacher Appreciation Day
World Toy Camera Day
World Food Day
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 17
Black Poetry Day
International Day for the Eradication of Poverty
National Clean Your Virtual Desktop Day
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 18
World Menopause Day
MONDAY, OCTOBER 19
Evaluate Your Life Day
Support Your Local Chamber of Commerce Day
ON THIS DAY
1972: Michael Galen of Cairns, Australia, set a world banana-eating record by downing 63 bananas in 10 minutes. ***MARLAR: During his victory dance he slipped on one of the peels, fell, and broke his nose.
1975: Saturday Night Live debuted on NBC-TV, starring Dan Aykroyd, John Belushi, Chevy Chase, Jane Curtin, Garrett Morris, Laraine Newman, and Gilda Radner. The first host was George Carlin. (
1983: The last hand-cranked telephone system in the U. S. went out of service as 440 telephone customers in Bryant Pond, Maine, were switched over to direct-dial service. ***MARLAR: Ten minutes later townsfolk began receiving calls trying to get them to change long-distance companies.
1992: Maintenance workers in Alexandria, Indiana, solved a massive street flooding problem by removing a 200-pound hairball from the city sewer.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1521: Leo X conferred the title “Fidei Defensor” (Defender of the Faith) upon England’s Henry VIII. Three popes and 13 years later, Henry severed all ties with Rome to establish the Church of England.
1551: The 13th Session of the Council of Trent opened, during which major decisions were reached regarding the Catholic doctrine of the Eucharist.
1895: Birth of Avis B. Christiansen, devotional author. One of the most prolific hymnwriters of the 20th century, two of her most enduring hymns today are “Up Calvary’s Mountain” and “Precious Hiding Place.”
1914: During World War I, the Cathedral of Notre Dame suffered minor damage during an air raid on Paris. (Notre Dame, the most famous of the Gothic cathedrals of the Middle Ages, is distinguished for both its size and antiquity.)
1954: Presbyterian apologist Francis Schaeffer wrote in a letter: ‘Doctrinal rightness and rightness of ecclesiastical position are important, but only as a starting point to go on into a living relationship — and not as ends in themselves.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actor (“Beverly Hills 90210”) Luke Perry 49 (
- actress (Ice Princess, School of Rock, Grosse Point Blank, sister to John Cusack) Joan Cusack 53
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1919 : Art Blakey
]1928 : Ennio Morricone
1932 : Dottie West
1943 : Gene Watson
1946 : Gary Mallaber (The Steve Miller Band)
1948 : Daryl Hall (Hall & Oates)
1950 : Andrew Woolfolk (Earth, Wind & Fire)
1955 : Lindy Boone (The Boone Family)
1962 : Scott Johnson (The Gin Blossoms)
1971 : MC Lyte
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
What animals kills more people than any other animal?
Hippos. The hippo’s yawn is not a sign of sleepiness or boredom but is actually a threat gesture, displaying long, thick, razor-sharp canine teeth, or tusks, with which it is capable of biting a small boat in half. Being fearlessly protective of their turf and young, hippos have killed more than 400 people in Africa – more than any other wild animal.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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Matthew West had some help at a recent concert. He says he saw a kid dancing from the stage in Indiana and had to make sure everyone saw the real show so I brought him up on stage.
Rend Collective recently played on Fox and Friends. If you missed the performance now you can watch it online. See the video of the performance of their song Every Giant will Fall…
Jason Gray spent his day off dealing with a fender bender. Jason tweeted after being rear ended: this isn’t how I envisioned spending my day off in Nashville, but I came out of this in better shape than the driver behind me. All things considered – since I will be on the road for about three weeks – it’s a pretty good time to have my car in the shop.
Jamie Grace is looking for your help with a really big decision. She asked: what in the world am I gonna do for my 24th birthday?! (November 25)
Don’t be surprised if you get a random Facetime request from Jamie Grace. She shared this week: my phone keeps Facetiming people randomly. It literally pushes the screen by itself allllllll day long. Jamie said: so far it’s Facetime’d people, deleted texts, sent gibberish emails, “liked” random Instagram pictures and so much more
ODD & WEIRD NEWS…
|Bull elk keeps authorities on the run in downtown Waco photo
WACO, Texas (AP) — A bull elk kept officials on the run in downtown Waco for seven hours before the animal was subdued and removed to a private herd. Police Sgt. W. Patrick Swanton says officers, game warden and animal control officials mobilized after a resident reported seeing a moose about…
|Sleeping Idaho hunter wakes up to black bear biting his head photo
BOISE, Idaho (AP) — A hunter asleep in the remote Idaho wilderness woke up when he felt something tugging on his hair. Then he heard the black bear breathing. Stephen Vouch, 29, reached behind his head and felt it was wet. He yelled when he realized a bear was biting at his head. “He got a…
|Cops: Man stabbed at funeral, suspect tries to flee in limo
NORTH HAVEN, Conn. (AP) — Police say an argument at a funeral in Connecticut led to a stabbing and an attempted escape in a limousine. Family members had gathered for a funeral in All Saints Cemetery in North Haven late Wednesday morning when an argument broke out and one man was stabbed…
|Denali name change trickles down to fast-food burger
SOLDOTNA, Alaska (AP) — The name change of North America’s tallest mountain is rippling down to a fast-food chain. The extra-large sized McKinley Mac available at Alaska McDonald’s restaurants will now be marketed as the Denali Mac. The change comes after President Barack Obama in August…
|Police: Partially-clothed intruder found sleeping in home
WENTZVILLE, Mo. (AP) — A 53-year-old man has been charged with burglary and harassment after he was found asleep in an empty bedroom of someone else’s Missouri home. HASH(0x14028a0) Cole was taken to the St. Charles County Jail, where he is jailed on $15,000 bond. ___ This story has been…
|Neighbors: New Jersey home swept away by storm was nuisance photo
MIDDLE TOWNSHIP, N.J. (AP) — A Jersey shore home that washed into the bay during a weekend storm was a structurally unsound nuisance and was bound to fall into the water, neighbors said. The Grassy Sound home started falling apart long before it was swept off its pilings on Saturday and local…
|Caterpillar that’s new to Pennsylvania can cause skin rashes
STATE COLLEGE, Pa. (AP) — The bad news is that a Canadian caterpillar now found in Pennsylvania can cause a nasty rash. The good news is that most cases can be treated at home with lotion and ice, though it’ll cause several hours of discomfort. HASH(0x141f010) The white hickory tussock moth…
|Ohio seizes 4 bears as crackdown on exotic animals continues
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — Four bears were seized Wednesday from an Ohio property, the second time in three days that the state took animals from owners as it cracks down on owners who haven’t complied with tightened requirements for owning dangerous wild creatures. Three black bears and a brown…
|Fire company uses purple truck to focus on domestic violence
ALTOONA, Pa. (AP) — A central Pennsylvania volunteer fire company is using a purple fire truck to raise awareness of domestic violence. The Newburg Fire Company in Logan Township uses the truck in parades and other public events, but it’s no longer used to fight fires. Although many people…
|Dog rescued after fall into crack at Volcanoes National Park
HONOLULU (AP) — A Big Island family was reunited with their dog after a rescue team removed the Labrador retriever trapped in a crack in the earth at Hawaii Volcanoes National Park. HASH(0x13d4fe0) “We had no idea that to the left of this gravel area, there is a major crack in the earth about…
|Connecticut university student arrested over mac and cheese photo
STORRS, Conn. (AP) — A University of Connecticut student faces criminal charges over a confrontation with a campus food court manager who wouldn’t let him buy macaroni and cheese with bacon and jalapeno peppers. A 9-minute, obscenity-laced video clip posted online shows freshman Luke Gatti…
HEALTH & FITNESS NEWS…
|Researcher: Children’s cancer linked to Fukushima radiation photo
TOKYO (AP) — A new study says children living near the Fukushima nuclear meltdowns have been diagnosed with thyroid cancer at a rate 20 to 50 times that of children elsewhere, a difference the authors contend undermines the government’s position that more cases have been discovered in the…
|EPA investigating VW emissions controls in 2016 diesels photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Volkswagen plans to withdraw applications seeking U.S. emissions certifications for its 2016 model Jettas, Golfs, Passats and Beetles with diesel engines, raising the possibility that an emissions-rigging device similar to earlier models is also included in its new cars. VW…
|New Jersey agency: Nurse giving flu shots reused syringes
WEST WINDSOR, N.J. (AP) — A nurse administering flu shots to dozens of employees of a pharmaceutical company reused syringes, the state Department of Health said Wednesday. There is a low risk of infection and syringes that hold the vaccine, not needles, were reused, they said. But state and…
|FDA’s new anti-smoking campaign uses hip-hop to target youth photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Government health officials are betting they can adapt the sounds, style and swagger of hip-hop culture to discourage young African Americans, Hispanics and other minority youths from using tobacco. The Food and Drug Administration said Tuesday that it will spend $128…
|US Sen. Harry Reid suing exercise band maker over eye injury photo
LAS VEGAS (AP) — U.S. Sen. Harry Reid is suing a company that makes and markets a flexible exercise band that he says broke or slipped from his hand during an arm-strengthening routine on New Year’s Day, causing him to fall and suffer face, rib and eye injuries. The Senate minority leader…
|Inmates help other prisoners face death in hospice program photo
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — As late-morning sun streams through narrow prison windows, convicted killer Scott Abram stands beside a fellow inmate, speaks quietly to him and starts singing “Amazing Grace.” The prisoner appears to smile, but it’s difficult to gauge his response. He is dying. He…
|UN: No new Ebola cases reported last week photo
LONDON (AP) — The World Health Organization says there were no Ebola cases reported last week — the first time an entire week has passed without any new confirmed patients since the devastating outbreak began last March. The U.N. health agency said in a report issued Wednesday that all…
|Right-to-die backers say California helps fight elsewhere photo
SAN DIEGO (AP) — It will soon be legal for the terminally ill to end their own lives in the nation’s most populous state, and right-to-die advocates expect other states to follow California’s example. Gov. Jerry Brown signed a bill Monday that allows such physician-assisted deaths, marking a…
|Transplanting ovarian tissue helps some women have babies photo
LONDON (AP) — The biggest study ever of women who had ovarian tissue removed, frozen and transplanted suggests the experimental technique is safe and can help about one third of them to have babies. The procedure is intended for women with cancer who wish to preserve their fertility, since…
|Report: More US hospitals are encouraging breast-feeding
NEW YORK (AP) — Health officials say more hospitals are encouraging new mothers to breast-feed. A new report found more than two-thirds of hospitals in 2013 helped women start breast-feeding within an hour after birth. That’s up from 44 percent six years earlier. Roughly 90 percent of…
|3 share Nobel medicine prize for tropical disease drugs photo
STOCKHOLM (AP) — The Nobel prize in medicine went Monday to three scientists hailed as “heroes in the truest sense of the word” for saving millions of lives with the creation of the world’s leading malaria-fighting drug and another that has nearly wiped out two devastating tropical diseases….
(None on the weekends)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Philips Screwdriver”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Ron McGehee, “Dating”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, little Louis the lion decided he didn’t want to be king any longer. It was too hard. The animals kept coming to him for not only the big decisions, but also the little ones. So he decided not to be king any longer – and is sneaking off to find someone else to be king!
CLOSE: Wow, talk about making a guy feel bad! Louis is scared on his own, but now he has to be brave for everyone else! Tune in next time to see how brave he stays, As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF OCTOBER 10/11, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Gruffy Bear was never satisfied with a picnic place. After passing up several beautiful picnic spots, the jungle animals had enough – and Millard rallied the animals together to overthrow Gruffy! They tied him up, tossed him into the river, and then headed back to one of the picnic spots to have their picnic!
CLOSE: Well, this can’t bode well for the animals’ perfect picnic… but the story is not over yet! Tune in again next time to find out what happens, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
A former wrestler with cell phone problems ends up creating a really big (and embarrassing) Moment of Duh!
Can you hear him now? Former wrestler Jason Perala went to his local Verizon phone store in Fargo to complain about bad phone service. Apparently service was pretty bad as Jason soon stripped to the waist, put on safety goggles and tore up the place to the tune of more than $20,000 in damages. Jason said he had intended to only scream at the store workers, but when he tried to throw his cell phone against a wall, it hit a worker in the shoulder. He continued to destroy merchandise for several minutes while workers locked themselves in an office. Jason later apologized saying, “I gotta change my ways a little bit.” Jason will have the next 60 days to change his ways behind bars.
TOP TEN LIES BY CHILDREN
A top psychiatrist says your children won’t pull the wool over your eyes if you recognize and deal with those little lies boys and girls tell their parents. Here are the top ten.
- “I lost my allowance.”
- “No, Mom… I haven’t been watching (the forbidden TV channel.)”
- “I haven’t used the telephone.”
- “I didn’t eat all the candy (ice cream, etc.)”
- “We weren’t fighting…only playing.”
- “I haven’t got any homework.” or “I did it on the bus.”
- “I’ve made my bed and cleaned up my room.”
3.”I didn’t smoke a cigarette.”
- “Yes I brushed my teeth.” or “I’ve already washed my hands.”
- “I didn’t do it, Johnny did.”
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
A robber makes sure to give proper ID before robbing a little old lady!
FILE #1: Greg Worthy broke into a 65 year old woman’s home and demanded money. The woman convinced Greg that she had no money in the house but she would write him a check if he would show her proper identification, which he gladly did. After giving him the check and showing him the door, the lady called the cops. They went to the address he had given her and there they found Mr. Greg Worthy, check in hand. He’s now residing in jail.
FILE #2: Timing is everything, even when it comes to armed robbery. In Rutland, Vermont, an armed man approached two restaurant employees as they were making their night deposit at a local bank. However, the robbery was thwarted when the employees informed the crook that they had already dropped the money off. The robber left empty handed.
FILE #3: 16 year old Nicole Lavelle is quickly learning the ins and outs of the British court system. According to the Guardian newspaper, she has taken her father to court for breach of contract. The girl charges that he had promised to pay up to about $20,000 a year for her to go to the exclusive college of her choosing and when she opted to go to a cheaper school he balked. Why? Because the college is very close to the home of the girl’s mother — his ex wife.
STRANGE LAW: In Minnesota, it’s illegal to tease skunks. (As if being sprayed weren’t enough of a deterrent.)
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Police ride a bus to chase down a car thief!
Police who arrested a man for suspected drunk driving had to catch a bus when he stole their patrol car. The officers had taken the man into the back seat of their car after stopping him in Denmark. But the man drove off in the vehicle when they left him to deal with an argument between his friends. The officers had to catch a bus to pick up another police vehicle. They eventually found the 28-year-old when he crashed into a wall after driving their patrol car for around 15 miles with the sirens blaring. He had been celebrating his birthday. ***MARLAR: His birthday should be memorable… if he can remember it.
Which TV show have you tried, that everyone else seems to like, but you just don’t get? (For me, it’s “Doctor Who” – I just don’t see any entertainment value in that show at all.)
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: What birds were being sold in the temple courts when Jesus drove out the salesmen?
ANSWER: Doves (John 2:14: “And he found in the temple those who sold oxen, sheep and doves, and the money changers doing business.”)
QUESTION: What percentage of body fat does a bear lose during hibernation?
ANSWER: Twenty-five percent.
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- Depression afflicts ten percent as many women than it does men. (False – it’s twice as many, or 100%)
- David Letterman used to be a weather announcer for a TV station. (True.)
- A group of leopards is called a leap. (True.)
- In 1876, Maria Spelternia was the first women to ever cross the English Channel on a high wire. (False, she crossed Niagra Falls.)
- Blype is the skin that peels off after a bad sunburn. (True.)
- Captain Kirk’s Enterprise crew numbered 430. Captain Picard had almost three times the crew. (True – Picard supposedly had 1,012 under his command.)
- The nineteenth president of the United States, Rutherford B. Hayes gained the presidency (1877-1881) by a margin of only one electoral vote. (True. By the way, his middle name was Birchard.)
- In ancient Athens, you could get the death penalty for cutting down an apple tree. (False. But you could be put to death for cutting down an olive tree. The olive tree was considered sacred, and all of its fruit belonged to the state.)
- The planet Neptune does not tilt as it goes around the Sun, so consequently, it has no seasons. (False – it’s Venus with those qualities. On Mars, however, the seasons are more exaggerated and last much longer than on Earth.)
- A plaice, a large European flounder, can lie on a checkerboard and reproduce on its upper surface the same pattern of squares, for camouflage. (True.)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
MAYANS HAD CONTACT WITH __________ (ALIENS)
MEXICO CITY – A new documentary about Mayan civilization proves that they extraterrestrial contact.
“Revelations of the Mayans 2012 and Beyond,” proves that Mayans had contact with extraterrestrials. Producer Raul Julia-Levy told WWN that the evidence is “overwhelming.” And the Mexican government is backing him up.
“Mexico ill release codices, artifacts and significant documents with evidence of Mayan and extraterrestrial contact, and all of their information will be corroborated by archaeologists,” said Julia-Levy, son of actor Raul Julia.
Luis Augusto Garcia Rosado, the minister of tourism for the Mexican state of Campeche, said new evidence has emerged “of contact between the Mayans and extraterrestrials, supported by translations of certain codices, which the government has kept secure in underground vaults for some time.”
He also spoke, in a phone conversation, of “landing pads in the jungle that are 3,000 years old.”
Raul-Julia claims there is proof that the Mayans had intended to lead the planet for thousands of years, but were forced to escape after an invasion by “men of dark intentions,” leaving behind evidence of an advanced race.
“The Mexican government is not making this statement on their own — everything we say, we’re going to back it up,” he said.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, “Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water.”
Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, “My goodness, doc, exactly what’s my problem?”
Doctor says, “You’re not drinking enough water.”
Walking through the hallways at the middle school where I work, I saw a new teacher standing outside his classroom with his forehead against a locker. I heard him mutter, “How did you get yourself into this?”
Knowing that he was assigned to a difficult class, I tried to offer moral support. ”Are you okay?” I asked. “Can I help?”
He lifted his head and replied, “I’ll be fine as soon as I get this kid out of his locker.”
Military leaders succeed in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. They are assembled in front of the new machine and instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: attack or retreat?
The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer: YES.
The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer: YES WHAT?
Instantly the computer responded: YES SIR.
A University of Florida student has developed a robot shopping cart that follows you wherever you go. ***MARLAR: Husbands rejoice!
Early Egyptians wore sandals made from woven papyrus leaves. ***MARLAR: Instead of athlete’s foot, they got root rot.
WHY GO HOME?
Just minutes before her husband’s cremation took place, the funeral director sat down with his widow. “How old was your husband when he passed?”
The grieving widow responded, “He was 98 … two years younger than I am.”
“Really?” said the undertaker, thinking out loud. “Hardly worth your trouble to go home, wouldn’t you say?”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
People like to feel “at home” when they’re sick, or near death… but what about AFTER death?
They take the concept of resting in peace seriously at the Humenik Funeral Chapel in Brook Park, Ohio. The chapel offers a bedroom-like setting — a bed and two end tables — instead of where the casket would usually be laid out. Owner Joe Humenik opened his own funeral home in suburban Cleveland five years ago after spending 10 years in the business. He first tried out the “reposing bed” for someone very close to him — his mother. He had observed at countless funerals how mourners awkwardly approach the casket, say their good-byes then retreat to the seating area. But when his mom was laid out in a reposing bed, people stood nearby throughout the visitation. So what’s next? Maybe laying out an individual in a favorite chair or recliner? Humenik says if the family requests it, he’ll do it.
TAKE THE TIME TO SAY
God, I want to take time to remember all the things You have done for me through the years. Oh, there are so many things. You have carried me through dark valleys of the shadow of death. You have rejoiced with me on the mountaintops. You have held my hand and helped me take a leap into unknown waters. You have applied healing balm to my hurts and warm sunshine on my soul. You have given me precious friends who have stood the test of time…and more. You have given me a loving family to grow with and be with. You have increased my territory spiritually and physically. You have picked me up when I have stumbled and nearly hit the ground. You have provided for me when I did not know where my provisions would come from. You have surrounded me with prayers and support of the family of God in time of need. You have shown me miracles and blessed my soul. You have given me desires of my heart–desires that were in line with Your will and Word. You have given me the privilege of helping advance Your kingdom through the gifts, talents, and resources You have entrusted to me. You have always patiently been there for me. You have felt my cries, laughed at my silliness, and gently guided me back onto the right paths. You have loved me with an everlasting love. I could go on and on. God I am thankful for You and all You’ve done and all You will do in my life. I love You and appreciate You and want to shout “how great is my God!” With loving thanks, in Jesus’ name, amen.
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
(modified from Campus Journal)
A poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a fraction of a penny. –Mark 12:42
Scholarships. Grants. Financial aid. Student loans. Savings. Christmas gifts. Work-study programs. So, how did you financing your education? Or how are you planning on financing your upcoming college education? Mike Hayes of Rochelle, Illinois, did it in an original way–one penny at a time.
Back in 1987, Mike was a chemistry freshman at the University of Illinois. Under the assumption that anyone would be able to spare a penny, he wrote to Bob Greene, Chicago Tribune columnist. He convinced the writer to ask each of his readers to send in a penny for Mike.
“Just a penny,” Hayes said. “A penny doesn’t mean anything to anyone. If everyone who is reading your column looks around the room right now, there will be a penny under the couch cushion, or on the corner of the desk, or on the floor. That’s all I’m asking. A penny from each of your readers.”
Guess what? In less than a month after the article appeared, the penny fund was up to 2.3 million cents. Donations came in from every state in the US, in addition to Mexico, Canada, and the Bahamas. Eventually, Mike ended up with $28,000!
A penny isn’t worth much, unless it’s added to a whole bunch of other pennies. Or, unless it’s your last one. The woman we read about in Mark 12 gave not a spare, disposable penny but a fraction of a penny, which was “all she had to live on” (v.44). A fraction of a penny? Hardly worth digging out of your pocket! But that little bit was honored by Jesus because it was sacrificially given.
It may be pretty hard to give an offering to the Lord regularly if you’re basically broke all the time (you know–while you’re paying that school bill). But what an example the widow’s simple sacrifice was to the disciples, and all these years later to us! In faith, she gave all she had.
Most of us have never given that kind of sacrifice. But why not see what you can trust God to provide so that you can give? Step out in faith. Get in the habit of giving something back. And after you get a fulltime job–give more.
Our example is an unnamed widow who has been dead for 2,000 years. But Jesus used her to teach us what giving really means. In quantity, it was less than a cent. In quality, it was a priceless gift of love to God.
GARBAGE SANITATION STRIKE
If garbage workers in your community ever go out on strike, you might like to know how a wise New Yorker disposed of his refuse for several days when sanitation workers were on strike. Each day he wrapped his garbage in gift paper. Then he put it in a shopping bag. When he parked his car, he left the bag on the front seat with the window open. When he got back to the car, the garbage had always been collected.
LIFE… LIVE IT
HOW TO WIN AN ARGUMENT
You can win an argument with a friend, co-worker or spouse if you just follow a little advice from some experts.
- Get the first word: If you see an inevitable argument coming up, bring up the subject before the other person does. You’ll be far better prepared emotionally than your opponent will be.
- Stick to one topic: Bringing up other subjects merely confuses the issue. If you don’t keep a clear notion of the point you are trying to make, you can’t win an argument.
- Don’t get personal: The single most damaging thing you can do is to attack the other person instead of the problem at hand. You won’t solve your dilemma, and you’ll probably end up making an enemy.
- Stick with it: Don’t call a temporary truce to an argument out of temper or frustration. That will cause you to lose your momentum and diminish your chances of victory. Keep the ball rolling until the issue is resolved.
- Allow the other person to score some points: Find a minor issue you’re willing to sacrifice to your opponent. He’ll be more willing to concede if allowed to save face.
- Use a little humor if appropriate: A friendly joke in the middle of an argument can help when you’re dealing with an understanding friend or spouse. But be careful if you’re arguing about a very touchy subject. It may serve only to make the other person angry. [Your stubbornness on this issue reminds me of the time that a priest a minister and a Rabbi walked into a bar…]
JUST FOR FUN
MAYBE THEY WERE TRYING TO DRIVE TO HEAVEN
What’s the longest amount of time it’s taken you to drive back home from church? It recently took three elderly ladies 24-hours to get back home simply after going to church! Alice Atwater, 72, and her friends Florence King, 86, and Ruthelle Outler, 84, had only traveled 20 miles to church from their home in Upson County, Florida in order to hear a favorite preacher. But it took them 24 hours, including detours to Birmingham, Alabama, Atlanta and Macon to get home again. Their disappearance resulted in police sending out an APB for the ladies – which they learned about only after being pulled over by an officer spotting their vehicle. Mrs. Atwater was cheerful but tired after driving for more than 24 hours without sleep. ***MARLAR: So next time you have a used car salesman say that a car was used only by little old ladies driving back and forth to church – you can’t automatically assume that means fewer miles on the odometer!
TONGUE: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.
YOGURT: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.
RECIPE: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don’t own, to make a dish the dog won’t eat.
PORRIDGE: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children were granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation of the words “Putrid,” “hORRId,” and “sluDGE.”
PREHEAT: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned not only when the food is removed, but when it is put in.
OVEN: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.
MICROWAVE OVEN: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking compartment.
CALORIE: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
WOMAN PATENTS HERSELF
A British woman has filed an application to patent something that is very personal to her — herself. According to the national patent office, Donna Rawlinson MacLean, has become the first person to attempt to patent them self. “It has taken 30 years of hard labor for me to discover and invent myself, and now I wish to protect my invention from unauthorized exploitation, genetic or otherwise,” Maclean said. The full details of her application, patent number GB0000180.0, will be published in 18 months. A spokesperson at the patent office said, “It is not really worth patenting something unless you make a lot of money from it.” ***MARLAR: Technically speaking, don’t patents go to the creators of something? In that case, I think God might actually deserve the “patent” on this one.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
Can your sense of smell enhance your worship? In her book Wearing God, Lauren F. Winner explores smell as one of the overlooked ways the Bible depicts us meeting God. According to the report in Christianity Today, Fragrance played a crucial role in worship, as the people of Israel employed perfumers to “make the holy anointing oil and the pure, fragrant incense of spices.” Smell and emotion are deeply intertwined in our memory—to the point that some research suggests that a smell can become an emotion.
Do you need to confront a friend about something they are doing or are not doing? That’s never a pleasant situation, but there are 10 questions to examine your heart before you confront that friend:
Is my motive pure? Is my greatest concern spiritual deliverance or restoration?
Am I approaching this issue as a self-righteous bigot, or am I offering truth as one who is equally in need of God’s transforming grace?
Am I more concerned about winning an argument for morality than I am concerned about my opponent’s need for salvation or spiritual growth?
Am I prepared to give a biblical and gracious defense of my position?
Am I addressing a truth issue, or is this a preference issue?
Is this the best time to have this conversation?
Have I thoroughly prayed over this conversation?
Am I reacting in pride or humility?
Are my emotions sinfully involved with this issue?
Can I convey love to my opponent as I deliver this message of truth?
Why your coffee addiction isn’t so bad for you
- Coffee may decrease your risk of depression.
- Coffee might help prevent skin cancer.
- Smelling coffee can bust stress.
- Coffee might help fight obesity.
- Coffee may prevent Parkinson’s disease.
- Coffee could boost your workout.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones. -William Faulkner
THE WAY WE WORK
(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)
The film has yet to be released. In fact, it won’t arrive in theaters until December. But the merchandising is everywhere for Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens.
It seems like Disney has managed to rekindle the same intergalactic interest that the original Star Wars generated. Luke Skywalker lives on. As does Princess Leia. And Han Solo, after his production injury aboard the Millennium Falcon.
Not that I follow these matters closely, but I’ve been told that the plot for this film will be set 30 years after the Battle of Endor and the events portrayed in Return of the Jedi. I got lost in the original Star War trilogy after finding Jabba the Hutt too disgusting for my tastes. I preferred the likes of C-3PO and R2-D2, which brings me to the point of my blog today.
I often enjoy reading columnist and cultural commentator Dr. Jim Denison. One of his recent contributions worth reading is titled, “Why Robots are Bad for Men.” I hope C-3PO gets a copy of this.
Denison cites a study from two Oxford researchers. Their estimates are that 47 percent of US jobs could be taken over by robots or computers by 2033. Jobs performed primarily by men are at much greater risk than those performed by women.
Here were some of the statistics cited:
- More than 95 percent of the 3 million truck drivers in the U.S. are men; the newly developed autonomous vehicles could replace many of them.
- Men hold 97 percent of the 2.5 million US carpentry and construction jobs; a good percentage of these job tasks could be replaced by robots.
- Women, on the other hand, hold 93 percent of the registered nurse positions. The study rates their risk of obsolescence at only .009 percent.
And those tasks that involve a wide range of decisions and skills in a relational environment are least likely to be automated. Again, statistically, such jobs are generally found in the domain of women.
Denison cites this rather mind-bending premise. “Not only are jobs likely to be lost; our entire culture is being changed in ways we may not notice. In Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind, Yuval Noah Harari notes: ‘Our computers have trouble understanding how a Homo sapiens talks, feels, and dreams. So we are teaching Homo sapiens to talk, feel, and dream in the language of numbers, which can be understood by computers.’”
Steve Wozniak, Apple’s co-founder, earlier this year warned that artificial intelligence (AI) will take over for humans. His assessment for the future had a definite bleakness to it. Fortunately he put it in non techno-geek terms.
Being quoted on this issue, Steve said, “…I agree that the future is scary and very bad for people. If we build these devices to take care of everything for us, eventually they’ll think faster than us and they’ll get rid of the slow humans to run companies more efficiently.”
Wozniak added, “Will we be the gods? Will we be the family pets? Or will we be ants that get stepped on? I don’t know about that. But when I got that thinking in my head about if I’m going to be treated in the future as a pet to these smart machines…well I’m going to treat my own pet dog really nice.”
Earlier this year, dozens of the world’s top AI experts signed an open letter calling for researchers to take care to avoid potential “pitfalls” of the disruptive technology. Professor Stephen Hawking has previously said that the rise of AI could see the human race become extinct. Technology entrepreneur Elon Musk has also described the rise of AI in the past as “our biggest existential threat.”
Many Christians were already concerned about technology and the future. Several years ago, rumors circulated about a three-story computer in Belgium called, “The Beast.” Supposedly operated by the European Common Market, it would monitor the financial transactions of every person on earth. Author Joe Musser claims he wrote this into a fiction piece and it gained life from there. Joe said for several years he had seen the story being passed along as fact.
Followers of Jesus bring more to this world with messages of hope, peace, and love than we do of fear. But wise people do not ignore the signs of the times. As Jesus said…“But be on your guard. Don’t let the sharp edge of your expectation get dulled by parties and drinking and shopping. Otherwise, that Day is going to take you by complete surprise, spring on you suddenly like a trap, for it’s going to come on everyone, everywhere, at once. So, whatever you do, don’t go to sleep at the switch. Pray constantly that you will have the strength and wits to make it through everything that’s coming and end up on your feet before the Son of Man.” (Luke 21: 34-36, MSG)
In the meantime, like Steve Wozniak, I’ve started treating my dog a lot nicer. And my boss. I think I saw a C-3PO type arrive for a job interview.
That’s The Way WE Work.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
OCTOBER 09, 2015…
Knock Knock (opening in select cities)—We are getting closer to Halloween and here is a horror movie about someone’s mother starring in a movie, dying, and then reappearing in the film. Stars Taissa Farmiga. “Knock Knock” is rated R. No rating.
Pan (again!)—This is a different concept, indeed. Take the usual “Peter Pan” story and make it one with Blackbeard (Hugh Jackman) instead and the children he kidnaps, especially Peter (Levi Miller) work in his mines. Captain Hook is played by Garret Hedlund and something in the vein of Johnny Depp’s pirate characters. Tiger Lily is played by Rooney Mara. Ah, yes, not your usual story. “Pan” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.
Steve Jobs—Michael Fassbinder takes on the role of Steve Jobs, who brought out Macintosh. This movie concentrates on a person who is working in an unusual electronic business. Quite a personality. Some liked him, some did not. Adapted from the book by Walter Isaacson. Jeff Daniels stars as Apple CEO John Sculley. “Steve Jobs” is rated PG 13. No rating.
OCTOBER 16, 2015…
Goosebumps has Jack Black as the real-life writer R. L. Stine in a film about Stine’s mystery books called “Goosebumps”.
Beasts of No Nation is a Netflix movie and stars Idris Elba in a story about a boy soldier in Africa.
Crimson Peak (opening in select cities) has Mia Wasikowska living in Northern England and is courted by a mysterious stranger, Tom Hiddleston.
Room stars Brie Larson as a woman, who with her son, is imprisoned by a vengeful man.
Bridge Of Spies is based on the true story of exchanging a Russian spy for an America pilot during the Cold War. Stars Tom Hanks.
Truth stars Robert Redford and Cate Blanchett in a political thriller.
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