October 12, 2015: Monday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20151012

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I don’t believe in organized religion, so I joined a disorganized religion. Last Sunday, the preacher overslept and arrived thirty minutes late with no sermon, and then the Ladies’ Auxiliary lost the names of people volunteering for next week’s bake sale. –Chris Lipe

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interest of others. –Philippians 2:3-4

 

Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old. –Proverbs 23:22

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth. — Proverbs 27:1

 

Thought: Don’t you have your hands full with today? Don’t you find yourself distracted from the urgent and important things of today when you worry about the problems of tomorrow? Don’t you occasionally find yourself missing an opportunity today while fantasizing about all the possibilities down the road? Isn’t it a waste of time to be anxious about those things over which you have no influence? So why worry so much about tomorrow, and next week, and…? Let’s walk with God today and trust in his faithfulness for us tomorrow.

 

Prayer: Holy God, give me the strength to seize the moment and live the life today that will please you and bless others. Help my heart feel the urgency of today and act with boldness, kindness, and salvation instead of worrying so much about what may happen tomorrow or next week. Give me the immediacy of the moment I see in your son’s ministry when he walked the earth. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Deuteronomy 10:12 NIV = And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God ask of you but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul,

 

 

TODAY IS MONDAY – OCTOBER 12, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 74 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is INTERNATIONAL MOMENT OF FRUSTRATION SCREAM DAY, which encourages everyone to go outdoors at noon (Greenwich time) and scream for 30 seconds. ***MARLAR: For assistance in getting a really, really good scream, feel free to visit our radio station’s website and print out a picture of me.

 

Today is CHILD RAMBUNCTIOUSNESS APPRECIATION DAY, a time to admire the energy of children. ***MARLAR: Which often causes momentary screams of frustration.

 

Today is NATIONAL DOODLE BUG DAY.  ***MARLAR: I don’t know what it is, but I certainly don’t want to be the one in charge of cleaning up after it.

 

Today is also NATIONAL DOO WAH DIDDY DAY, the day in 1964 when Manfred Mann’s “Doo Wah Diddy” reached #1 in the U.S. ***MARLAR: Is it just me, or does “Doo Wah Diddy” sound like something a doodle bug might leave behind?

 

Today is the TRUE COLUMBUS DAY, marking Christopher Columbus’ discovery of America on October 12, 1842. ***MARLAR: Of course, he was looking for INDIA, not AMERICA.  So we celebrate every year the accomplishment of a man getting lost, refusing to ask for directions, finding a place to park, and then saying, “I meant to come here!”  Kind of like your annual summer vacation.

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Columbus Day (Observed)

Day of the Six Billion

Emergency Nurses Day

Free Thought Day

National Bring Your Teddy Bear To Work & School Day

International Top Spinning Day

National Fossil Day

National Take Your Parents To Lunch Day

S.A.V.E. (Stop America’s Violence Everywhere)

Spanish Language Day

Stop Bullying Day

World Arthritis Day

International Moment of Frustration Scream Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

(Note: Just because holiday is listed here it does not mean we are endorsing it.)

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 13

English Language Day

International Day of Disaster Reduction

International African Penguin Awareness Day

International Day for Failure

National Chess Day

Navy Birthday

Silly Sayings Day

World Sight Day

 

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 14

Be Bald and Be Free Day

National Costume Swap Day

National Family Bowling Day (Kids Bowl Free Day)

Spider-Man Day

World Egg Day

World Standards Day

 

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 15

Blind Americans Equality Day

Bridge Day

Global Hand Washing Day

International Day of Rural women

I Love Lucy Day

National Cake Decorating Day

National Grouch Day

National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

Sweetest Day

 

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 16

National Feral Cat Day

Department Store Day

Dictionary Day

National Sunday School Teacher Appreciation Day

World Toy Camera Day

World Food Day

 

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 17

Black Poetry Day

Boss’s Day (National Boss Day)

International Day for the Eradication of Poverty

Mulligan Day

National Pasta Day

National Clean Your Virtual Desktop Day

Wear Something Gaudy Day

 

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 18

Hard Boiled Guy/Girl Day

National Chocolate Cupcake Day

Pro-Life Day of Silent Solidarity

World Menopause Day

 

MONDAY, OCTOBER 19

Evaluate Your Life Day

Hagfish Day

Information Overload Day

Medical Assistants Recognition Day

Support Your Local Chamber of Commerce Day

Unity Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1492: Roderigo de Triana, a sailor working the crow’s next aboard the Pinta, discovered Guanahani Island in the Bahamas. Christopher Columbus got all the credit, though, because he knew the queen personally. ***MARLAR: Same thing happened to me when I discovered radio. But did I get the credit? Noooooooooo….

 

1971: The rock opera Jesus Christ Superstar by Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice opened on Broadway. Hit songs included the title song and “I Don’t Know How to Love Him.”

 

1983: The last U.S. crank telephone call was made in Bryant Park, Maine. The community’s hand-operated phone system was finally shut down. ***MARLAR: So all of those phone calls I made to complete strangers during summer vacation when I was a kid weren’t crank calls? Cool! I guess I’m off the hook… so to speak.

 

1997: News agencies reported that 11-year-old sixth grade inventor Kimberly Klein of Manitowoc, Wisconsin, had become president of her own company. Kimberly patented Shadetree, a metal device that attaches to an auto sun visor and makes a handy place to stash sunglasses. ***MARLAR: What have I DONE with my life? (Sigh.)

 

2000: A man who tried to rob a liquor store in Dayton, Ohio, was caught after a clerk was able to slip outside and lock the robber inside the store. The store owner said the suspect was armed with a BB gun and “obviously was not a professional.”

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1518: Summoned before Cardinal Thomas Cajetan, German reformer Martin Luther, 35, refused to recant the 95 theses he had posted the previous October on the chapel door at Wittenberg Castle.

 

1812: The Half Moon Bluff Baptist Church was organized near Clifton. It was the first Baptist congregation to be constituted in the American territory now comprising the state of Louisiana.

 

1883: Birth of C. Harold Lowden, American sacred composer. His most enduring hymn tunes today are GENEVA (“God Who Touchest Earth with Beauty”) and LIVING (“Living for Jesus a Life That is True”).

 

1949: American missionary and martyr Jim Elliot wrote in his journal: ‘For my generation I must have the oracles of God in fresh terms.’

 

1971: The rock musical “Jesus Christ, Superstar” debuted on Broadway. (Twenty years later, the actor who played the part of Jesus, Jeff Fenholt became a born-again Christian.)

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor (“Growing Pains”, Fireproof) Kirk Cameron is 44 (
    )
  • actor (Kate & Leopold, X-Men movies) Hugh Jackman 47
  • actor (“Eight is Enough”) Adam Rich 47 (
    )
  • actress (“Baywatch”, Whistlin’ Dixie, Cannonball Run 2) Susan Anton 65 (
    )

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1854 : James Bland

1925 : Guitar Gabriel (Robert Lewis Jones)

1935 : Sam Moore (Sam & Dave)

1935 : Luciano Pavarotti

1942 : Melvin Franklin (The Temptations)

1948 : Rick Parfitt (Status Quo)

1955 : Pat DiNizio (The Smithereens)

1960 : Bob Mould

1969 : Garfield Bright (Shai)

1969 : Martie Seidel (The Dixie Chicks)

1980 : Ashanti

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

When was the first jigsaw puzzle made?
The first jigsaw puzzle was produced around 1760 by John Spilsbury, a London engraver and mapmaker. Spilsbury mounted one of his maps on a sheet of hardwood and cut around the borders of the countries using a fine-bladed marquetry saw. The end product was an educational pastime, designed as an aid in teach British children their geography. The idea caught on and, until about 1820, jigsaw puzzles remained primarily educational tools.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Natalie Grant was sharing a proud mommy moment. Her twin daughters Gracie and Bella were on stage giving speeches and Natalie says they rocked them. She added: Way to go, Gracie & Bella! 3rd grade is a lot harder than it used to be.

 

Tiffany Lee and her husband Jeremy were on Focus on the Family last week sharing their story. Recording artist Tiffany Lee, popularly known as “Plumb,” and her husband offered hope for troubled couples through the program as they described how their own marriage was saved from the brink of divorce with the help of God’s grace and a loving community of Christian friends. The program aired on Wednesday and Thursday of this week but, if you missed it, you can tune in online.  http://bit.ly/TiffanyAndJeremysStory

 

Things are changing for Chris and Jodi of Love and the Outcome. Chris shared a picture of his wife Jodi as they went on a bike ride together. Jodi is pregnant and that seems to have made Chris more safety conscious. He added: We should probably buy helmets.

 

Newsboys drummer Duncan Phillips was reminded that he has a pretty good life. He shared a picture of a boy with no legs along with the text: That moment you realize your life isn’t that bad!

 

Natalie Grant’s daughter may want to back off on studying her multiplication tables. Natalie tweeted: When your sweet 3rd grader has a nightmare about the number 10, she’s been studying her multiplication tables a bit too much.

 

 

ODD & WEIRD NEWS…

Police: Teen left court docs about auto theft in stolen car
ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. (AP) — Authorities say an 18-year-old man drove a stolen car to police headquarters to pick up court papers about a previous auto theft he was involved in — documents that were found in yet another stolen car. Carnell Eugene Butler now faces charges in three stolen…

 

That hissing sound under the dryer? The missing king cobra
ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) — Elvis is back in the building. Elvis, the missing king cobra snake, was returned to its owner’s home near Orlando after being on the loose for more than a month. A woman who lives about a half-mile from owner Mike Kennedy called Orange County’s animal services Wednesday…
Bull elk keeps authorities on the run in downtown Waco    photo
WACO, Texas (AP) — A bull elk kept officials on the run in downtown Waco for seven hours before the animal was subdued and removed to a private herd. Police Sgt. W. Patrick Swanton says officers, game warden and animal control officials mobilized after a resident reported seeing a moose about…
Thai beauty queen to dress like a tuk-tuk at Miss Universe    photo
BANGKOK (AP) — The smoke-belching, ear-splitting, undisciplined rickshaws known as tuk-tuks are part of the chaos on Bangkok’s clogged streets. Soon however, the tuk-tuk will stroll down a more refined runway, when Miss Thailand pays homage to her country at the Miss Universe 2015 pageant…
Prosecutors: Man posed as agent to get VIP Comic Con passes
SALT LAKE CITY (AP) — Prosecutors say a Utah man posed as a federal agent in an attempt to get VIP tickets to a Comic Con event in Salt Lake City. Jonathon M. Wall was indicted Wednesday on federal charges after the 29-year-old Layton man allegedly claimed he needed passes to catch a fugitive…
Police: Man drops wallet, gets arrested in 12 burglaries
SOUTH BRUNSWICK, N.J. (AP) — A man who lost his driver’s license while fleeing police used the van from the adult day care center where he worked to commit burglaries of several vehicles in central New Jersey, police said. Jarred Robinson, of Franklin, was arrested in at least a dozen…
Sleeping Idaho hunter wakes up to black bear biting his head    photo
BOISE, Idaho (AP) — A hunter asleep in the remote Idaho wilderness woke up when he felt something tugging on his hair. Then he heard the black bear breathing. Stephen Vouch, 29, reached behind his head and felt it was wet. He yelled when he realized a bear was biting at his head. “He got a…
‘Lucky’ pig gets new home after fall onto Colorado highway
LONGMONT, Colo. (AP) — A 650-pound pig that fell off a trailer in Colorado is getting a new name — “Lucky” — and a new home at a sanctuary for abandoned pigs. HASH(0x1413910) The Weld County Sheriff’s Office couldn’t find the 3-year-old pig’s owner, so the boar was given to Hog Haven Farm…
Cops: Man stabbed at funeral, suspect tries to flee in limo
NORTH HAVEN, Conn. (AP) — Police say an argument at a funeral in Connecticut led to a stabbing and an attempted escape in a limousine. Family members had gathered for a funeral in All Saints Cemetery in North Haven late Wednesday morning when an argument broke out and one man was stabbed…
Police: Partially-clothed intruder found sleeping in home
WENTZVILLE, Mo. (AP) — A 53-year-old man has been charged with burglary and harassment after he was found asleep in an empty bedroom of someone else’s Missouri home. HASH(0x13fc6a0) Cole was taken to the St. Charles County Jail, where he is jailed on $15,000 bond. ___ This story has been…
Neighbors: New Jersey home swept away by storm was nuisance    photo
MIDDLE TOWNSHIP, N.J. (AP) — A Jersey shore home that washed into the bay during a weekend storm was a structurally unsound nuisance and was bound to fall into the water, neighbors said. The Grassy Sound home started falling apart long before it was swept off its pilings on Saturday and local…

 

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS NEWS…

Research beefing up steaks, hamburgers with healthy omega-3s    photo
WICHITA, Kan. (AP) — Health-conscious consumers might be persuaded to eat more beef if it was fortified with heart-healthy omega-3 fatty acids naturally found in salmon and walnuts, according to researchers and some ranchers who are feeding cattle flaxseed — even marine algae —…

 

Studies say 1/3 of young men in China to die from smoking    photo
BEIJING (AP) — Research published in the medical journal The Lancet says one in three of all the young men in China are likely to die from tobacco, but that the number can fall if the men quit smoking. The studies, conducted by researchers from Oxford University, the Chinese Academy of…
British nurse who contracted Ebola hospitalized again    photo
LONDON (AP) — London’s Royal Free Hospital says a nurse who recovered from Ebola last year has been hospitalized again and is being treated for an unusual late complication. Her condition is described as serious. A military aircraft flew Pauline Cafferkey from her home in Scotland to London…
Measure to repeal California vaccine law won’t be on ballot
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — Proponents of an effort to repeal California’s new stricter law requiring mandatory vaccines for school children failed to submit enough signatures to qualify a ballot initiative asking voters to repeal the law. County election clerks reported receiving fewer than…
Why is elephant cancer rare? Answer might help treat humans    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Cancer is much less common in elephants than in humans, even though the big beasts’ bodies have many more cells. That’s a paradox known among scientists, and now researchers think they may have an explanation — one they say might someday lead to new ways to protect people…
Johnson & Johnson starts Ebola vaccine trial in Sierra Leone    photo
NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. (AP) — Johnson & Johnson has begun clinical trials for an Ebola vaccine in Sierra Leone. The vaccine regimen is part of a new study being conducted in that nation’s Kambia district, where some of the country’s most recent Ebola cases have been reported. More than 11,000…
UN: Polio vaccines in Ukraine safe despite local concerns    photo
LONDON (AP) — The World Health Organization says it’s worried that millions of doses of polio vaccine might be wasted in Ukraine after a patient group raised concerns that the doses are unsafe. The U.N. health agency announced last month that the crippling disease had been identified in…
Researcher: Children’s cancer linked to Fukushima radiation    photo
TOKYO (AP) — A new study says children living near the Fukushima nuclear meltdowns have been diagnosed with thyroid cancer at a rate 20 to 50 times that of children elsewhere, a difference the authors contend undermines the government’s position that more cases have been discovered in the…
License suspended for nurse accused of reusing syringes
WEST WINDSOR, N.J. (AP) — A nurse accused of reusing syringes while giving flu shots to 67 patients at a pharmaceutical company voluntarily surrendered her license, New Jersey officials said Thursday. The state Attorney General’s office said the nurse’s license is temporarily suspended and…
Snyder supports switching Flint water system back to Detroit    photo
FLINT, Mich. (AP) — Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder on Thursday called for Flint to switch back to Detroit’s water system to address a public health emergency over lead and grapple with broader concerns about the effects of the aging pipes distributing the city’s water supply. Flint stopped using…
By the numbers: Flint’s water emergency    photo
When Flint left the Detroit water system last year, it was after years of frustration over the cost and with the anticipation that the city had a cheaper, independent solution. On Thursday, Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder called for Flint to switch back to Detroit’s system to address a public health…

 

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

Imagine walking in the front door and realizing you’ve been burglarized. That would suck. Then imaging discovering that the burglar has used your shower, your deodorant and your shampoo. Worse yet, the burglar has changed into your clothes and left his worn-out clothes behind. Your cash has also been stolen. A guy in China has done this about a dozen times and police have no leads.  ***That’s right – he keeps making a clean getaway.

 

In Knoxville, Tennessee, four-and-a-half-year-old Carter Lawson idolizes his neighborhood mailman. Carter was initially interested in the mail truck but the two now walk through the neighborhood delivering mail and talking to neighbors. Carter’s mom even got him a mailman outfit.  ***Carter takes the job seriously too.  He even knows that he has to ring the doorbell twice.

 

A new report shows that American kids get 12% of their calories from fast-food restaurants.  ***And the fast food giants are working 24/7 to get those numbers up doggone it!

 

What could be the world’s most valuable cracker, which survived the sinking of the Titanic, will be sold at auction. The Spillers and Bakers cracker was part of a survival kit stored within one of the ocean liner’s lifeboats and was kept as a souvenir.  ***It’s a cracker that survived a shipwreck more than a hundred years ago.  Why buy it?  It’s got to be stale by now.

 

McDonald’s is finally up-and-running nationwide with all day breakfast.  ***Give me a call when I can order a Big Mac at 6am in the morning, then I’ll get excited.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

An environmental group is pointing out that divorce is bad for the environment, as people who had been sharing resources, suddenly need their own.  ***MARLAR: Yeah, I’m sure THAT’S why God hates divorce.

 

Researchers say the level of nicotine in cigarettes has risen 10 percent over the past six years, making it much more difficult to kick the habit.  ***MARLAR: But that’s okay, because the cigarette companies have also promised to try 10% harder to tell people cigarettes are bad.

 

Ladies, if you’re like your British cohorts, then your underwear drawer is filled with bras and panties that you can’t fit into or don’t even wear. One in 10 British women are hanging on to bras and panties that are between six and 20 years old.  ***MARLAR: In other words, women are slowly becoming men.

 

According to a new study by David Strayer, a psychology professor at the University of Utah, it could be cell phones that are causing traffic congestion.  On average, drivers talking on a cell phone drive 2 miles slower than non cell-talking drivers.  David says, “The distracted driver tends to drive slower and have delayed reactions. Then people kind of get stuck behind that person and it makes everyone pay the price of that distracted driver.” David says drivers using cell phones add about 20 hours a year to an American commuter’s trip.  ***MARLAR: In other words, hang up, shut up and drive!

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Philips Screwdriver”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Ron McGehee, “Dating”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, little Louis the lion decided he didn’t want to be king any longer. It was too hard. The animals kept coming to him for not only the big decisions, but also the little ones. So he decided not to be king any longer – and is sneaking off to find someone else to be king!

 

CLOSE: Wow, talk about making a guy feel bad! Louis is scared on his own, but now he has to be brave for everyone else! Tune in next time to see how brave he stays, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF OCTOBER 17/18, 2015

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!   When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear was tied up, gagged, and tossed into the river by the animals, led by Millard the Monkey, because Gruffy refused to settle on a picnic spot. But it wasn’t long before Millard was treated the same way by Sully the Aardvark… but now Sully’s floating down the river!

 

CLOSE: Tune in next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

A Wal-Mart store in Tennessee, just recently hired Cynthia Fraley.  And that was a bad idea! 

… and a quick check would have told them that Cynthia shoplifted from the store in 2001.  In fact, Ms. Fraley was told to stay away from the store.  But, surprise surprise, they hired her – and she ended up stealing money and merchandise worth $2,900 this time around.  Note to personnel department – “Do your homework.”

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN REASONS TO STAY AT WORK ALL NIGHT

 

  1. Act out your version of a company takeover.2. Find a way to change everyone’s password to “chrysanthemum”.

    3. Around 3:20am, play connect-the-dots with lights still on in other office buildings. Keep going until you see a small woodland creature.

    4. Sneaking in the boss’s desk could land you an unexpected promotion.

    5. Draw stick people in all the landscape pictures on the walls, and in the morning, be the first to point out “what a terrible thing that someone did this to such beautiful works of art”.

    6. Go into the other gender’s bathroom without fear of being caught.

    7. Run up and down the hallways screaming, hoping security will come so you can have someone to talk to.

    8. Leave prank messages on the CEO’s voice mail.

    9. Finally, a chance to live out a dream and pretend to be your boss.

    10. Elevator surfing!

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A high speed chase has the criminal driving himself to jail… INTO the jail!

 

FILE #1: After leading police in Fremont, California, on a chase during which he ran 15 red lights and sideswiped several cars, Michael Anthony Dorsey was finally halted when he slammed his 1980 Corvette into the city jail. “He didn’t have too go to far from there,” said police Cpt. Mike Lanam. “It was like a drive-up window.”

 

FILE #2: Four police officers in Waukegan, Illinois, were injured during a six-hour class designed to teach police officers how to reduce injuries while subduing offenders. According to Police Chief Phillip Stevenson, three of the men suffered their injuries at the hands of other officers. The fourth broke his toe while stumbling on foam mats that were used to pad the floor.

 

FILE #3: And finally, we need a “Stupid Excuse Award” for this one. A man was caught in a woman’s home, her purse in his hand, and the woman woke up and surprised him. His excuse? He said he was from the neighborhood watch group, that he found her purse and came into her home to return it.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Florida it is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Jason Robertson, 26, and Thomas Valliere, 24, two traveling Canadians had been doing a bit of drinking when they decided to buy some cocaine to liven up their island vacation.

Having gotten a number from a local, Jason called, only to be told it was the wrong number. Not one to give up easily Jason called the number again insisting it was correct and that he wanted to buy some cocaine. Unfortunately for Roberston the number he had called (twice) was to the cell phone of Jeff Jackson, deputy chief of the combined Police and Customs Drugs Task Force for the Cayman Islands. After the second call an undercover policeman telephoned Robertson back to set up the sale. When he met the pair and handed over the cocaine – actually nondairy coffee creamer — police swooped in. Robertson and Valliere were fined $1,000 but since they had failed to actually buy cocaine, they were not charged with possession.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

With today being INTERNATIONAL MOMENT OF FRUSTRATION SCREAM DAY, what frustrating things in day-to-day life make you want to scream?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What did Elisha’s servant see after Elisha prayed that his eyes would be opened?
ANSWER: An angelic army (2 Kings 6:15-17)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Why did a man at a Taiwan zoo leap into the African lions’ den?

ANSWER: To covert the lions to Christianity. (At the Taipei, Taiwan, zoo, a man leapt into a den with two African lions and tried to convert them to Christianity. He shouted “Jesus will save you!” then raised both hands and yelled, “Come bite me!” The male lion bit his right leg before zookeepers drove it away with water hoses and tranquilizer guns. They said he was lucky the lions had recently been fed.  ***MARLAR: If he’d really read his Bible, he’d know this trick only works if your name is Daniel.)

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

  1. On a hot afternoon, the atmosphere draws up 5,500 million gallons of water an hour from the Gulf of Mexico. (True.)

 

  1. The standard escalator moves 310 feet per minute. (False, it’s much slower than that – 120 feet per minute.)

 

  1. If the Sun’s energy decreased by ten percent, the entire Earth would be covered in ice one mile thick. (True. Conversly, if the sun’s energy increased by 30 percent, all life on Earth would be burnt to a cinder.)

 

  1. Theadore Roosevelt devised the first wet suit for divers. (False – it was Benjamin Franklin. He also invented a primitive version of today’s flippers.)

 

  1. It took 20,000 men 22 years to build the Taj Mahal. (True.)

 

  1. The circumference of the Earth at the equator measures 24,902 miles. (True.)

 

  1. An Oscar (Academy Award) weighs seventeen pounds. (False – it’s seven pounds.)

 

  1. By the year 2015, 27 of the world’s 33 largest cities will be Spanish-speaking. (False – they will be Asian.)

 

  1. The belly button of a typical blue whale is eight inches across. (True!)

 

  1. Anne Boleyn, Queen Elizabeth I’s mother, had six fingers on one hand. (True.)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

__________ GOING EXTINCT (REDHEADS)

GLASGOW, SCOTLAND – Genetic Scientists have confirmed that the last redhead will be born in 2015!

Redheads or “gingers,” as British and Australian citizens call them, are going extinct.  The Scotland Genetic Center, made up of some of the world’s top redheaded genetic scientists, have predicted that there will be no more redheads born after 2015 and very few walking the planet in 2050.

The recessive gene for red hair is dying out.   It is not showing up with the frequency it once did.  Even if a woman or man is carrying the “red hair” gene today – there are very few.

There have been rumors of redhead extinction before, but now genetic experts around the world agree that redhead extinction is inevitable.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

An elderly man from New York was getting his affairs in order.  He prepared his will and made his final arrangements.  As part of these arrangements he met with his pastor to talk about what type of funeral service he wanted, etc.

He told his pastor that he had two final requests.  First, he wanted to be cremated, and second, he wanted his ashes scattered over Bloomingdales.

“Bloomingdales!” the pastor said.  “Why Bloomingdales?”

“That way, I know my daughters will visit me twice a week.”

 

JOKE #2

A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, “Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids.”

 

JOKE #3

NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut. They trained them for months. Then when they thought they were ready, they placed all three in the shuttle and got ready to send them up into space.

As the moment came closer NASA’s mission control center announced, “This is mission control to Monkey One. Initiate!” 

At that the first monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle’s engines ignited and the shuttle took off.

Two hours later NASA’s mission control center announced, “This is mission control to Monkey Two. Initiate!”


At that the second monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle separated from the empty fuel tanks.

Another two hours later mission control announced, “This is mission control to the astronaut…”

At this the astronaut responded “I know, I know. Feed the monkeys and don’t touch anything.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A pair of newlyweds have purchased their dream house in Hamburg, Germany, but were horrified with what they discovered as they moved in. They found the skeletal remains of a man who had been stuck in the chimney for almost 50 years. ***MARLAR: Wait… is this a scary Halloween story or an even scarier Christmas story?

 

The Roman emperor, Nero, known for his lavish and depraved lifestyle, ruled from 37 A.D. to 68 A.D.  Archaeologists recently unveiled what they think are the remains of Nero’s extravagant banquet hall, a circular space that rotated day and night to imitate the Earth’s movement and impress his guests. ***MARLAR: It’s also believed he was continually dizzy.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

SIGNS YOUR PASTOR IS ADDICTED TO COURT TV

  • The deacons are required to wear Bailiff uniforms.
  • Every time he hears an amen, he bangs the gavel and says, “You’re out of order!”
  • The 12 member choir is now referred to as “the jurors.”
  • He has the head deacon say “All Rise” when he enters the sanctuary
  • His sermons are no longer taped but rather typed by a stenographer.
  • Instead of an invitation, he asks for closing arguments

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

PLAYING THE PART
A director of a movie being made in Morocco woke up to find that 70 of the film’s extras had abandoned him. The movie was about illegal immigrants. The actors apparently were inspired by the movie, because they decided to become illegal aliens themselves. The 70 Moroccan’s abandoned the set of the film to risk their lives sailing aboard rickety old boats over the narrow Strait of Gibraltar to Spain.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

While Spurgeon was still a boy preacher, he was warned about a certain angry woman, and told that she intended to give him a tongue lashing. “All right,” he replied, “but that’s a game at which two can play.”

Not long after, as he passed her gate one morning, she assailed him with a flood of rude language.  He smiled and said: “Yes, thank you, I am quite well. I hope you are the same.”

Then came another burst of rude language, pitched in a still higher key, to which he replied, still smiling: “Yes, it does look rather as if it is going to rain. I think I had better be getting on.”

“Bless the man!” she exclaimed, “He’s as deaf as a post. What’s the use of storming at him?” and so her ravings ceased and were never again attempted.

(Source: Signs of the Times)

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

(modified from Campus Journal)

Restore to me the joy of Your salvation. –Psalm 51:12

If you’re like me, the idea of transferring from one school to another or one job to another has no appeal. I’m pretty much a stay-where-you-are kind of guy. I went to one junior high school for the full three years. One high school for the full 4 years. One college for 4 years. My wife and I have lived in one house since we got married. I have the same parents I’ve always had. (Oh, yeah, you can’t change those, can you?) I’ve worked in the same career for the last ten years. As you see, I like stability. But I also like what Erin Buecher did.

Erin is an incredible basketball player. She graduated from Rincon Valley Christian High School in California and went on to be an All-American at the University of California at Santa Barbara. For 3 years, she was All-Conference each season. Then she made the big switch.

She went from Division I NCAA UCSB (enrollment 22,000) to Division I NAIA Masters College (enrollment 910). From lots of recognition, huge crowds, and the chance at NCAA tournament play–to a tiny college nestled in a canyon north of LA.

Why did she make the switch? She felt that she was drying up spiritually, and she wanted to be on a Christian campus. It was the spiritual stimulus she needed to grow in her relationship with Christ. And it worked. She felt refreshed and renewed as a follower of Jesus. The important thing is that she took action when she felt spiritually needy. She didn’t sit back and ignore her heart. She didn’t worry about basketball when her need was more basic.

Sometimes we need to make a switch. We need to get out of our comfort zone and cast our future at God’s feet. We need to see if a change will bring us closer to Him. Is God calling you to make a big switch in your life–one that will bring you closer to Him and enable you to serve Him more? You can’t do better than to follow His lead.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

AND THAT’S THE NEWS

A TV News reporter demonstrates how easy it is for a terrorist to poison a water supply in Nashville, TN… but ends up being embarrassed about it.

Nashville’s channel 5 reporter Robert Manning wanted to do a hard-nosed, in-depth news report on terrorism, and how easy it would be for terrorists to make their way into the city’s water treatment center. Of course, he thought this would be great for his own career as well. So, at the local government’s expense, he brought the cameras down ”a few hundred yards” from the city’s ”water supply” to show viewers how easily terrorists could contaminate the city’s water. From inside the fence, Robert Manning, big shot reporter, said ”it’s not too hard to crawl underneath (the fence). It took me less than 20 seconds.” He also mocked the city’s recent announcement that they were posting more guards around the plant… when he didn’t see any guards at all. Yep… his in-depth report was going well… this was going to win some award, he was sure of it. Only one problem though. Turns out Manning broke into the city’s sewage treatment plant… not the water treatment plant. ***MARLAR: All he did was show how easy it would be for someone to make potty water even more undrinkable.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

PROTECTIVE PIZZA

A recent study shows that if you want to avoid skin cancer, adding pizza more often to your diet might help!   German scientists say that pizza can protect you from skin cancer. They say that pizza’s unique mix of ingredients is the perfect combination to keep out the harmful UV rays of the sun. “Our research proves, for the first time in history, the effect normal supermarket groceries have on the skin,” says a spokesman for Dusseldorf University. The professor says their research builds on the recent discovery that just two ounces of tomatoes and olive oil a day can more than triple the skin’s natural ability to protect itself from even the most scorching sun. Tomatoes give the skin “basic protection” say the researchers, but they warn that sun-blocking creams should still be used. ***MARLAR: Either that or apply the pizza sauce directly to your skin.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

SHOW AND SMELL

Shopping for cologne on Internet isn’t easy. After all, it’s impossible to know what to buy if you can’t smell it, right? Soon that will be changing. Enter the iSmell device that will re-create the scent for you. Using a mixture of a few scented oils, the device will emit smells based on digital instructions sent over the Internet or embedded in a computer program. The product which has a bit of a nose-shape to it, is still in development. It’s makers not only envision the device be used to sell products, but also as a way for people to send scented e-mails and video games to include certain smells to enhance the game.  ***MARLAR: I think might want to change the name though.  Think about it. “What’s that?” “i-smell.” “I know you smell, but what’s that thing hooked up to your computer?”

 

 

FUN LIST

TOP SEVEN CHURCH OXYMORONS

  1. Brief meeting
  2. Preacher’s day off
  3. Early sign up
  4. Clear calendar
  5. Volunteer waiting list
  6. Realistic budget
  7. Concluding remarks

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

If you’re a boss, you might not want to be so quick to ban Facebook and Twitter from the office.  You might be doing yourself a disservice when it comes to employee productivity! (HowStuffWorks.com) Although most people think of social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter as time-wasters, a number of studies have shown just the opposite. In fact, studies show that employees who use social networking sites are 9 percent more productive than those who don’t.  How could sites that take you away from the task at hand make you more productive? Researchers credit social networking sites with giving workers needed brain breathers. When you take a couple of minutes to check up on the people and organizations you follow on Twitter, your mind gets a break from more tedious work.  ***MARLAR: Plus it’s a nice reminder that you do have friends outside of the office… even if they’re only online.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS

Imagine you, as a parent, have a two-year old. And early one morning your two-year-old bolts out the door without clothes on and your neighbors call child welfare. What would you do? Well, it turns out you can’t really do anything – you lose no matter what.

Check out this insanity.  I read this on a news website a few years ago, printed it out, and then forgot about it until I came across it last night while I was getting ready for today’s show.  “On a warm September morning in Kings Mountain, NC, a naked 2-year-old ran outside her family’s rural home to retrieve her kitten. Two hours later, a social worker showed up. She said a passerby complained about a nude toddler, and that she wanted to talk with each of the family’s four children alone. The family refused. The father said he was troubled by the child welfare agency’s ability “to force themselves upon families without any kind of oversight.” A state court ruled against the family. It stated that the Fourth Amendment doesn’t apply during child welfare investigations because they aren’t initially criminal matters.”  ***MARLAR: The fourth amendment doesn’t apply because it’s not initially a criminal matter?!? Is that the loophole we have to live with? That’s it’s okay to search my home without permission so long as I’m NOT in trouble with the law? But then, when I AM in trouble with the law, suddenly the fourth amendment does apply?  Is it any wonder our criminal justice system is whack?

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Yahoo travel has released their State-by-State Guide of the 50 Coolest Things in America. Ranging from Caverns in Alabama to Ronald Reagan’s rifle in Wyoming, the guide picks out one fun and unique place to stop in each of the 50 states in the nation. Find the unique spot in your own area!

https://www.yahoo.com/travel/photo-50-cool-things-in-50-states-108152003207.html

 

A New Roller Coaster along Lake Erie in Ohio will break 10 records when it opens in 2016. The coaster will feature over 3,400 feet of thrill ride innovation. It will be the world’s tallest, fastest and longest dive coaster. Riders on the coaster will be carried more than 20 stories up to the top of the coaster’s 223-foot-tall first hill. Once there, the train is held perilously over the edge of the first drop for approximately four seconds, giving anxious guests unparalleled views of the park before free-falling a record 214 feet at a completely vertical, 90-degree angle, reaching a top speed of 75 mph!

https://valravn.cedarpoint.com/tales-of-valravn/press-release

 

A lot of attention goes to the 10/40 Window in global missions. Now according to Mission Network News, the children’s organization Keys for Kids is focusing on the 4/14 Window. Studies show 65% of people who call themselves Christians accepted Christ during that time frame. That’s why they are developing materials specifically focused on bring Christ to that age group.

http://ift.tt/1RnD6vN

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent. — Laurence J. Peter

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

Looking Closely at Transparency

Some management innovation ideas are almost too big to get your head around. That’s the way I felt when I read Jeff Haden’s interview with Buffer co-founder, Leo Widrich. Buffer makes a social media management tool that allows you to schedule, automate, and analyze social media updates.
Transparency is a buzzword in many business circles. But how about a company that is SO transparent they’ve published salaries of everyone at the company. And a number of other key performance indictors. Call it a “see through” enterprise!
But the hardest part for me to massage through my brain was the idea of “no managers.” Buffer opted for a road of self management. Widrich explains this approach in his interview with Haden: “The $7 Million Startup with Zero Managers.

Widrich admits some early thinking on this rather radical approach needed adjustment. He commented, “When we first started on our self-management journey about nine months ago we thought that people should be able to make all and every decision that affects them. We realized that in reality that is actually a really big mental burden. So instead of everyone deciding everything, we’ve now moved to a model where we explicitly set the boundaries for what everyone is responsible for… and then trust them to do a good job.”
It turns out self managed salaries proved quite the challenge for several employees. They are looking at a revision on this. One where the employee will still have a say.
Another mistake was giving up the 1:1 meetings with team members. With no “supervisor,” no need for them. But employees felt their growth was stunted in the absence of feedback. It seems like the independent, self managed employee enjoys the freedom but misses the wisdom and camaraderie of community.
I was particularly interested in two more of Widrich’s conclusions from their experience in self management. The need for vision. And structure.

First, his comments on vision: “Another point that we were surprised by was how much higher level thinking and setting of vision is appreciated by the team.”
And as for structure, “The more self-managed you are as a company the more structure you need. You really need to make things explicit and create clear commitments for what you’re working on.”
I was intrigued by the concept because of the several work personality tests I’ve taken over the years. You know, the ones given before you get hired — or after you’re hired — that reflect your personal work style. They are often detailed enough to be difficult to recall and seldom get fully utilized. One of my key components was decisions that affect me. Apparently, there are people who simply go with the flow of whatever the situation dictates. They tell me I’m the kind who likes to be involved when decisions affect me. Thus, self management has some appeal!
The takeaway message this week is really built around the idea of the need for community. Several people have written on the topic of American individualism, but it was one of the lessons I gained from reading Pat Apel’s book, Nine Great American Myths, that spoke to the issue of community.
The early fellowship of followers of Jesus was not developed around hierarchy. There was a need for structure, true, but you don’t find much beyond deacons and elders. What you do find is a strong admonition to build community centered on love for one another.
Jesus’s great friend Peter shared it this way, “Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay. God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God himself were speaking through you. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ.” (1 Peter 4:8-11, NLT)
Along with that, the church is a wonderful place to learn transparency. But for the newcomer, don’t worry. We don’t share our salary information.
That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

OCTOBER 09, 2015…

 

Knock Knock (opening in select cities)—We are getting closer to Halloween and here is a horror movie about someone’s mother starring in a movie, dying, and then reappearing in the film. Stars Taissa Farmiga. “Knock Knock” is rated R. No rating.

 

Pan (again!)—This is a different concept, indeed.  Take the usual “Peter Pan” story and make it one with Blackbeard (Hugh Jackman) instead and the children he kidnaps, especially Peter (Levi Miller) work in his mines. Captain Hook is played by Garret Hedlund and something in the vein of Johnny Depp’s pirate characters. Tiger Lily is played by Rooney Mara. Ah, yes, not your usual story.  “Pan” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

 

Steve Jobs—Michael Fassbinder takes on the role of Steve Jobs, who brought out Macintosh. This movie concentrates on a person who is working in an unusual electronic business. Quite a personality. Some liked him, some did not. Adapted from the book by Walter Isaacson. Jeff Daniels stars as Apple CEO John Sculley. “Steve Jobs” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

OCTOBER 16, 2015…

 

Goosebumps has Jack Black as the real-life writer R. L. Stine in a film about Stine’s mystery books called “Goosebumps”.

 

Beasts of No Nation is a Netflix movie and stars Idris Elba in a story about a boy soldier in Africa.

 

Crimson Peak (opening in select cities) has Mia Wasikowska living in Northern England and is courted by a mysterious stranger, Tom Hiddleston.

 

Room stars Brie Larson as a woman, who with her son, is imprisoned by a vengeful man.

 

Bridge Of Spies is based on the true story of exchanging a Russian spy for an America pilot during the Cold War. Stars Tom Hanks.

 

Truth stars Robert Redford and Cate Blanchett in a political thriller.

 

# # # # #

 

 

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