October 13, 2015: Tuesday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION:20151013

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

We have got to start doing a better job of dusting this studio. It’s just not good enough once a week playing a loud (Beatles) song and trying to vibrate the dirt out of here.

 

Somebody refresh my memory. How many cars are allowed through an intersection after the light turns red? Is it two or four?

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions.” —Mark 11:25

 

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. –1 Timothy 4:12

 

Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. — Psalm 62:8

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

If you do not obey the LORD, and if you rebel against his commands, his hand will be against you, as it was against your fathers. — 1 Samuel 12:15

 

Thought: Dietrich Bonhoeffer said more than 50 years ago that grace had become cheapened. I wonder what he would say today? I’m all for grace, but I’m horrified at the cost by which it came. I can’t for the life of me understand how we can so often claim to have received it and yet bear no resemblance in character to the one who gave it. God’s Word through Samuel is a harsh one. Yet it is one that I believe we must include in our triumphant song of grace. You see, true grace changes us. It will make us gracious and more like the Grace-giver himself. If not, what we call grace is impotent, powerless, and false. Paul called this a form of religion that denied God’s true power in us (2 Timothy 3:5). Let’s return obedience back to the pantheon of virtues and rescue it from the attic of our religious past.

 

Prayer: Father, I know that you are disappointed with my sin and yet your grace still flows and covers it. But Father, I NEVER want to presume on that grace. You and I know the deepest struggles of my character and the things I only want to “kinda” give up. Please work your perfection in me through the Holy Spirit, conforming me to be more and more to be like my Savior Jesus, in whose name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

1 Corinthians 10:13 NIV = No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

 

 

TODAY IS TUESDAY – OCTOBER 13, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 73 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is NATIONAL NUZZLING DAY. ***MARLAR: So, horses get their own holiday?

 

Today is NATIONAL CLEAN THE CRUMBS OUT OF THE BROILER OVEN DAY. ***MARLAR: Oooh, sounds like fun! Now, what’s a broiler oven again?

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

English Language Day

International Day of Disaster Reduction

International African Penguin Awareness Day

International Day for Failure

National Chess Day

Navy Birthday

Silly Sayings Day

World Sight Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

(Note: Just because holiday is listed here it does not mean we are endorsing it.)

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 14

Be Bald and Be Free Day

National Costume Swap Day

National Family Bowling Day (Kids Bowl Free Day)

Spider-Man Day

World Egg Day

World Standards Day

 

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 15

Blind Americans Equality Day

Bridge Day

Global Hand Washing Day

International Day of Rural women

I Love Lucy Day

National Cake Decorating Day

National Grouch Day

National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

Sweetest Day

 

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 16

National Feral Cat Day

Department Store Day

Dictionary Day

National Sunday School Teacher Appreciation Day

World Toy Camera Day

World Food Day

 

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 17

Black Poetry Day

Boss’s Day (National Boss Day)

International Day for the Eradication of Poverty

Mulligan Day

National Pasta Day

National Clean Your Virtual Desktop Day

Wear Something Gaudy Day

 

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 18

Hard Boiled Guy/Girl Day

National Chocolate Cupcake Day

Pro-Life Day of Silent Solidarity

World Menopause Day

 

MONDAY, OCTOBER 19

Evaluate Your Life Day

Hagfish Day

Information Overload Day

Medical Assistants Recognition Day

Support Your Local Chamber of Commerce Day

Unity Day

 

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 20

Birth of the Bab

Miss American Rose Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

54: The Roman Emperor Claudius was poisoned by his fourth wife, Agrippina.

 

1792: The cornerstone of the executive mansion, later known as the White House, was laid in the District of Columbia.

 

1903: The Boston Red Sox beat the Pittsburgh Pirates to win the first World Series, five games to three.

 

1957: Superstars Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra hosted an hour-long TV special on ABC introducing the 1958 Edsel. The TV special was a ratings hit. ***MARLAR: The Edsel wasn’t.

 

1958: Announcer Ed MacMahon replaced Todd Russell as host Johnny Carson’s sidekick on the TV game show “Who Do You Trust.”

 

1960: The World Series ended on a home run for the first time. Bill Mazeroski’s bottom-of-the-ninth home run allowed the Pirates to beat the Yankees.

 

1978: At a British Columbia auction, Houston tavern owner Jim Anderson paid $3,000 for a pair of “bloomers” once worn by Queen Victoria. They are history’s most expensive used bloomers. ***MARLAR: Heck, I wouldn’t pay that much even if the underwear were new!

 

1990: Mike Seipel set a Guinness world record in Jacksonville, Florida, with a jump of 76 feet 5 inches while waterskiing barefooted.

 

1996: Miriam Flores, a brunette serving five years for robbery, was crowned Miss Mexico Jailhouse at the women’s prison in Mexico City. She won over 12 other ladies who had been chosen Mexico’s cutest convicts.

 

1999: A 12-year-old Fairfax, Virginia, boy sent to the principal’s office for misbehaving left school, went to the airport, boarded a TWA plane without a ticket, and flew to St. Louis. The boy called his mother from St. Louis, and TWA flew him back home the next day.

 

2002: An Oklahoma car thief drove 1,750 miles to get arrested for trying to sell a stolen Corvette on the internet auction site eBay. The alleged buyer was a New York City detective who knew the car was stolen. The detective said the thief probably set a record for driving the longest distance to get arrested.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

539 (BC): The Persian armies of Cyrus the Great captured Babylon. (Babylon, under Nebuchadnezzar, was the former military scourge which had taken Judah into exile in 586 BC (see 2 Kings 25).

 

1670: In Virginia, slavery was banned for Negroes who arrived in the American colonies as Christians. (The law was repealed in 1682.)

 

1843: B’nai B’rith (“Sons of the Covenant”) was established in New York City by a group of German Jews. It is both the oldest and the largest of the Jewish fraternal organizations.

 

1917: The Virgin Mary last appeared to three shepherd children near Fatima, Portugal. Six visions had occurred between May and October, each on the 13th of the month. (This last vision was attended by over 50,000 pilgrims.)

 

1988: The Bishop of Turin, Italy announced that the Shroud of Turin, long believed to be Christ’s burial sheet, did not withstand scientific testing. It dated back only to 1280, and not to the time of Jesus’ crucifixion (ca. AD 30-33).

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • skater Nancy Kerrigan 46
  • actress (“Martin”) Tisha Campbell 47
  • actress (Sky High, Cat in the Hat, Jack Frost, Jerry Maguire) Kelly Preston 53

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1941 : Paul Simon

1944 : Robert Lamm (Chicago)

1947 : Sammy Hagar

1948 : John Ford Coley

1960 : Marie Osmond

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Where does the saying “Then Bob’s your uncle” come from?

It refers to Robert Salisbury, the uncle of A. J. Balfour, Britain’s prime minister from 1902 to 1905. Lord Salisbury (of steak fame) was prime minister when A.J. was just starting his political career. He got his favorite nephew plum jobs such as chief secretary for Ireland, secretary for Scotland, and president of the Local Government Board. Salisbury’s nepotism became the subject of some controversy, and the expression “Then Bob’s your uncle” came into vogue. Clearly, if Bob (Salisbury) was your uncle, you had it made.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

Mercyme’s Bart Millard says he embarrassed his son Charlie at the Doctors office this week. Bart said he fell asleep in the lobby and started drooling. Luckily, Bart says his snoring stole the show.

 

Michael W Smith was working on his birthday. He shared that he was in the studio working on a new project. However, he was being very secretive about the project. He added: Can’t say what it is… But I bet you could take a very good educated guess.

 

Building 429’s Jesse Garcia shared online: My bugs swallowed to miles ran ratio is way way off. He had already swallowed 2.5 bugs in just 1.5 miles.

 

Francesca Battistelli was making sure to stay hydrated today. She shared that she was on ounce 47 of 64. Francesca is pregnant and tweeted: giving that baby enough water to swim in!

 

 

ODD & WEIRD NEWS…

UConn mac and cheese incident spawns fundraisers    photo
HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) — UConn students are trying to use an embarrassing video about macaroni and cheese to raise a little cheddar. The video of a fellow student berating food service workers who refused to sell him jalapeno-bacon mac and cheese prompted a group of students to start an online…

 

Woman stops intruder with medieval combat skills, sword
INDIANAPOLIS (AP) — An Indiana woman says her training in medieval combat helped her corner a home intruder. The Indianapolis Star reports (http://indy.st/1OsFqSo) 43-year-old Karen Dolley of Indianapolis threw punches until she had the man cornered during the Thursday night break-in. She…
Face-down dummy Halloween prank prompts repeated 911 calls    photo
DETROIT (AP) — A dummy placed face down in a Detroit woman’s front yard as a Halloween prank has prompted repeated visits by police. HASH(0x1412020) By Friday, there were no calls. “Just a dummy,” says Officer Shanelle Williams. Haddon says she puts the dummy face down in a different location…
Police: Teen left court docs about auto theft in stolen car
ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. (AP) — Authorities say an 18-year-old man drove a stolen car to police headquarters to pick up court papers about a previous auto theft he was involved in — documents that were found in yet another stolen car. Carnell Eugene Butler now faces charges in three stolen…
Missing snake found under dryer tried to slither away
ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) — Elvis the king cobra put up a fight, even briefly escaping, as animal control officers tried to lure it from underneath a dryer in an Orlando woman’s garage. The snake had been missing from its owner’s home since Sept. 1 and was found Wednesday in the garage about a…
Thai beauty queen to dress like a tuk-tuk at Miss Universe    photo
BANGKOK (AP) — The smoke-belching, ear-splitting, undisciplined rickshaws known as tuk-tuks are part of the chaos on Bangkok’s clogged streets. Soon however, the tuk-tuk will stroll down a more refined runway, when Miss Thailand pays homage to her country at the Miss Universe 2015 pageant…
Prosecutors: Man posed as agent to get VIP Comic Con passes
SALT LAKE CITY (AP) — Prosecutors say a Utah man posed as a federal agent in an attempt to get VIP tickets to a Comic Con event in Salt Lake City. Jonathon M. Wall was indicted Wednesday on federal charges after the 29-year-old Layton man allegedly claimed he needed passes to catch a fugitive…
Police: Man drops wallet, gets arrested in 12 burglaries
SOUTH BRUNSWICK, N.J. (AP) — A man who lost his driver’s license while fleeing police used the van from the adult day care center where he worked to commit burglaries of several vehicles in central New Jersey, police said. Jarred Robinson, of Franklin, was arrested in at least a dozen…
Sleeping Idaho hunter wakes up to black bear biting his head    photo
BOISE, Idaho (AP) — A hunter asleep in the remote Idaho wilderness woke up when he felt something tugging on his hair. Then he heard the black bear breathing. Stephen Vouch, 29, reached behind his head and felt it was wet. He yelled when he realized a bear was biting at his head. “He got a…
‘Lucky’ pig gets new home after fall onto Colorado highway
LONGMONT, Colo. (AP) — A 650-pound pig that fell off a trailer in Colorado is getting a new name — “Lucky” — and a new home at a sanctuary for abandoned pigs. HASH(0x13ec480) The Weld County Sheriff’s Office couldn’t find the 3-year-old pig’s owner, so the boar was given to Hog Haven Farm…
Pricey pooch: $10K dog found after being reported stolen
BEAVERDAM, Va. (AP) — Call it the caper of the pricey pooch. The Hanover County Sheriff’s Office says in a press release Friday that it has found a rare South African mastiff valued at $10,000 after the dog was reported stolen by its owner. Officials say the dog, which weighs 175 pounds, was…

 

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS NEWS…

Gun violence researchers becoming an endangered species?    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Amid the bloodbaths of 21st-century America, you might think that there would be a lot of research into the causes of gun violence, and which policies work best against it. You would be wrong. Gun interests, wary of any possible limits on weaponry, have successfully lobbied…

 

Gene editing: Research spurs debate over promise vs. ethics    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The hottest tool in biology has scientists using words like revolutionary as they describe the long-term potential: wiping out certain mosquitoes that carry malaria, treating genetic diseases like sickle-cell, preventing babies from inheriting a life-threatening disorder. It…
US boosts privacy protection on health insurance website    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Responding to criticism from civil liberties advocates, the Obama administration said Friday it has strengthened consumer privacy protections on the government’s health insurance website as a new sign-up season nears. HealthCare.gov CEO Kevin Counihan said in a blog post…
Research beefing up steaks, hamburgers with healthy omega-3s    photo
WICHITA, Kan. (AP) — Health-conscious consumers might be persuaded to eat more beef if it was fortified with heart-healthy omega-3 fatty acids naturally found in salmon and walnuts, according to researchers and some ranchers who are feeding cattle flaxseed — even marine algae —…
Studies say 1/3 of young men in China to die from smoking    photo
BEIJING (AP) — Research published in the medical journal The Lancet says one in three of all the young men in China are likely to die from tobacco, but that the number can fall if the men quit smoking. The studies, conducted by researchers from Oxford University, the Chinese Academy of…
Family of Ebola nurse complains of ill treatment in Scotland
LONDON (AP) — The family of a British nurse who has been re-admitted to hospital with Ebola complications says she received bad medical advice in Scotland when she fell ill. Pauline Cafferkey is in London Royal Free Hospital’s isolation ward after becoming ill in Scotland. She was thought to…
Measure to repeal California vaccine law won’t be on ballot
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — Proponents of an effort to repeal California’s new stricter law requiring mandatory vaccines for school children failed to submit enough signatures to qualify a ballot initiative asking voters to repeal the law. County election clerks reported receiving fewer than…
Why is elephant cancer rare? Answer might help treat humans    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Cancer is much less common in elephants than in humans, even though the big beasts’ bodies have many more cells. That’s a paradox known among scientists, and now researchers think they may have an explanation — one they say might someday lead to new ways to protect people…
Johnson & Johnson starts Ebola vaccine trial in Sierra Leone    photo
NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. (AP) — Johnson & Johnson has begun clinical trials for an Ebola vaccine in Sierra Leone. The vaccine regimen is part of a new study being conducted in that nation’s Kambia district, where some of the country’s most recent Ebola cases have been reported. More than 11,000…
UN: Polio vaccines in Ukraine safe despite local concerns    photo
LONDON (AP) — The World Health Organization says it’s worried that millions of doses of polio vaccine might be wasted in Ukraine after a patient group raised concerns that the doses are unsafe. The U.N. health agency announced last month that the crippling disease had been identified in…
Researcher: Children’s cancer linked to Fukushima radiation    photo
TOKYO (AP) — A new study says children living near the Fukushima nuclear meltdowns have been diagnosed with thyroid cancer at a rate 20 to 50 times that of children elsewhere, a difference the authors contend undermines the government’s position that more cases have been discovered in the…

 

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

Security at an airport in China heard this one morning: “Please do not open me! I’m just normal luggage!” Inside the luggage airport employees discovered a speaker playing the message on a loop. The owner of the luggage told authorities she did it to protect her cosmetics.  *** If TSA hears luggage saying “Please don’t open me” – isn’t that the best way to get the TSA to open it?

 

A new study shows that the happiest parents are the ones with 4 or more children.  ***Also happy: those with fewer than 4, but who keep trying a lot.

 

The University of California is considering a ban on “expressions of intolerance”.  *** So in other words, they’re being intolerant of free speech.  Welcome to the People’s Republic of California!

 

Scientists have developed an ultra-thin flexible material that can wrap around an object and make it invisible.  ***And boy are the Klingons going to be ticked when they find out their technology was stolen!

 

A man from England (Lincolnshire) is in jail after leading officers on a 100mph chase. After his arrest the 24-year-old revealed that he had never taken a driving test and learned to drive on his PlayStation game system.  ***Which might also explain how he got his car – based on playing Grand Theft Auto.

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

A recent analysis from the University of Cambridge found that of more than 500 million junk messages, e-mail addresses starting with an “A”, “M”, “S”, “R” and “P” got more than 40% of all spam. On the other hand, email addresses beginning with a “Q,” “Y” or “Z” got only about 20%.  ***MARLAR: So I’m immediately changing my name to (ZOHN ZMITH).

 

Does demolishing a salty bag of potato chips seem to put you in a better mood? Well, you’re not alone, according to psychologists at the University of Iowa say salt may be nature’s anti-depressant. Researchers found that rats that were deficient in sodium chloride avoided activities they normally enjoyed.  ***MARLAR: So, if I don’t have enough salty potato chips, I won’t enjoy sitting in my La-Z-Boy with a big bag of salty potato chips.

 

Early research on mice with cancer shows that fasting may weaken tumors and help chemotherapy work better.  While it remains unknown if the same approach could work in humans, or if it would even be safe, researchers said the findings suggest a promising new route of study for improving response to cancer treatment.  ***MARLAR: So we might need to modify the saying to “Feed a fever, starve a cold… and a tumor.”

 

Researchers at Northwestern University are developing a smart phone that can sense whether you’re falling victim to depression.  Psychologist David Mohr has been adapting phones as a virtual therapist for patients prone to depression.   He says if someone is sitting at home for days on end feeling depressed, the phone could sense it.  “It can provide them an automated text message, or an automated phone call to make a suggestion to give somebody a call or get out of the house.”  Dr. Mohr says tests with eight patients so far, have shown that the phone “therapist,” has been helpful in lifting their moods.  ***MARLAR: Unfortunately, the new phone would be so expensive no one could afford it… which is kinda depressing.

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Tarzan’s Beard”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Kerri Pomarolli, “Dollar Store”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TUESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, the new king of the jungle, Louis the lion, decided he didn’t want to be king anymore because he was too little and didn’t know what to do. So he (and the rest of the animals) went out to find someone new to be king… but now they’re in a really dark and scary part of the jungle…

 

CLOSE: Maybe Louis has a point, maybe the animals DO need someone else to be king of the jungle! Someone big, strong, and more importantly – brave! What will Louis do? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF OCTOBER 17/18, 2015

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!   When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear was tied up, gagged, and tossed into the river by the animals, led by Millard the Monkey, because Gruffy refused to settle on a picnic spot. But it wasn’t long before Millard was treated the same way by Sully the Aardvark… but now Sully’s floating down the river!

 

CLOSE: Tune in next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Have you ever tested Burger King to see if you really can get it “your way”?  Turns out they don’t really mean that in all circumstances!

A man tried to walk through the drive-through window at a Burger King in Salt Lake City, Utah, around 9:30 Monday night. When the restaurant staff told him they didn’t serve pedestrians at the window, the man beat on the glass and then stepped to a nearby pay phone in sight of the staff. The suspect then called police and made a bomb threat on the Burger King. He was found a few minutes later and was arrested.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU’VE HAD TOO MUCH COFFEE

 

  1. You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked

 

  1. You have to watch videos in fast-forward

 

  1. You lick your coffee pot clean

 

  1. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse

 

  1. You can type sixty words a minute with your feet

 

  1. You can jump-start your car without cables

 

  1. Your only sources of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low”

 

  1. You don’t sweat, you percolate

 

  1. You’re so wired you pick up FM radio

 

  1. Starbuck’s owns the mortgage on your house

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Sleeping on the job is never a good thing – especially if you’re a burglar!

 

FILE #1: A security guard caught a teenaged burglar napping in an armchair just before dawn at a medical college in central Malaysia. Police in the city were called after the man, a factory worker, was discovered sound asleep, his loot beside him. A police official said the burglar’s haul was about $530 worth of audio-visual equipment.

 

FILE #2: Kevin Shegog was charged in Highland Heights, Ky., with eight gas station robberies when police finally found a witness who could identify the getaway car: It was the one with the license plate with Kevin’s last name – “SHEGOG.”

 

FILE #3: The law is the law… whether you think that law is for the birds or not. And Helen Smith thinks that one particular law in her neighborhood really is for the birds… or AGAINST the birds… against her… whatever. Anyway, Mrs. Smith is scheduled to go before a judge because she has been cited for feeding the birds. She does it in her own yard… the same yard she’s done it in since she was a little girl… and now she’s 86 years old. But, no matter, it’s against city code to feed the birds so she’s going to court. If found guilty she could be fined up to $1,000. Of course, Mrs. Smith thinks the law is the most ridiculous thing she’s ever heard, but her neighbors are complaining that the feedings are also attracting rodents and causing unsanitary conditions.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Australia, it is illegal to roam the streets wearing black clothes, felt shoes and black shoe polish on your face as these items are the tools of a cat burglar.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

If you’re going to squat — don’t grow pot.

Authorities in Lincoln, Nebraska, report a man called police for help, saying someone was breaking into his apartment. When officers arrived, they found the apartment manager trying to get into a unit that was supposed to be vacant. Police say the man who had called them was in the apartment illegally. Officers report finding three pounds of pot, equipment used to grow it and nearly $3,500 in cash. The alleged squatter was busted.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

Yesterday was Columbus Day – a holiday simply because a guy got lost and hit a land he thought was India, but was actually America. If you think about it, it’s an odd reason to have a national holiday. What holidays exist that you feel shouldn’t? Or better yet, what holidays don’t exist that you think should?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Paul was in a shipwreck off the shore of Malta. How many people were aboard this wrecked ship?
ANSWER: 276 (Acts 27:37)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: According to recent news reports, what animal should children not keep as a pet?  Hamsters, baby chicks, lizards, turtles, and ____?

ANSWER: Hedgehogs. (A new report says young children should not keep hedgehogs as pets — or hamsters, baby chicks, lizards and turtles, for that matter — because of risk of disease.  According to the nation’s leading pediatricians’ group, exotic pets can carry dangerous and sometimes potentially deadly germs.  And the report says such pets may be more prone than cats and dogs to bite, scratch or claw — putting children younger than 5 particularly at risk.  Young children are vulnerable because of developing immune systems plus they often put their hands in their mouths.  That means families with children younger than 5 should avoid owning “nontraditional” pets.  The report from the American Academy of Pediatrics says kids that young should avoid contact with these animals in petting zoos or other public places.)

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

  1. Gary Burgoff, who played Radar on the TV show M*A*S*H, had a deformed left hand. (True – he always kept his left hand out of the view of the camera, either in his pocket or under a clipboard, because his left hand is deformed.)

 

  1. Elvis had a twin brother. (True – his named was Garon, and he died at birth, which is why Elvis’ middle name was spelled Aaron – in honor of his brother.)

 

  1. Ernest Vincent Wright wrote a novel, “Gadsby”, which contains over 50,000 words none of them containing the letter “E.” (True. Uh, that is… Tru. Troo?)

 

  1. Orville Wright was involved in the first aircraft accident. (True.)

 

  1. What we call a sandwich is named after a real person. (True. Born on November 2, 1718, British politician, John Montagu, the 4th Earl of Sandwich, is credited with naming the “sandwich”. He developed a habit of eating beef between slice of toast so he could continue to play cards uninterrupted.)

 

  1. The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in jelly. (True.)

 

  1. A “Blue Moon” is not only rare, but is actually blue. (False. A “blue moon” is the second full moon in a calendar month and is rarely blue).

 

  1. A bibliophile is a collector of bibles. (False – it’s a collector of rare books. And a bibliopole is a seller of rare books.)

 

  1. A ghost writer pens horror stories. (False – a ghost writer is simply the author of an anonymous book.)

 

  1. Similar to an epitaph, an epithalamium is a poem written for a funeral. (False – it’s a poem written to celebrate a wedding)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

__________ BANS FRENCH FRIES IN AMERICA (WHITE HOUSE)

WASHINGTON, DC – President Obama issued an Executive Order banning the production and/or consumption of French Fries!

The White House has had enough with the obese in America.  ”Americans can no longer be trusted to eat the right food,” said Michelle Obama to the National Nutrition Association (NNA).  Soon after, President Obama issued an Executive Order banning French Fries in America.

“Any restaurant serving french fries will be heavily fined, as will any individuals eating french fries in public OR in their own home,” said Jay Carney, the White House Press Secretary.

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A man entered a stationery store and asked the clerk for a ‘birthday/anniversary card.’ The clerk replied, ‘We have birthday cards and we have anniversary cards. Why not take one of each?’

The man said, ‘You don’t understand. I need a card that covers both events. You see, we’re celebrating the fifth anniversary of my wife’s thirty-fourth birthday.’

 

JOKE #2

Prior to their wedding, David and Susan met with the minister to discuss their marriage ceremony and various traditions, such as lighting the unity candle from two individual candles. Couples usually blow out the two candles as a sign of becoming one. Their minister said that many people were now leaving their individual candles lit to signify independence and personal freedom. He asked if they wanted to extinguish our candles or leave them burning. After thinking about it, David replied, “How about if we leave mine lit and blow out hers?”

 

JOKE #3

Little Johnny, dressed in his Sunday best, was running as fast as he could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As he ran he prayed, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late!”

As he was running and praying, he tripped on a curb and fell, getting his clothes dirty and tearing his pants. He got up, brushed himself off, and started running again. As he ran he once again began to pray, “Dear Lord, please 
don’t let me be late… and please – don’t shove me again, either!”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

A study shows that the sound of barking actually raises stress levels in dogs.  ***MARLAR: Is it any wonder they only live one seventh as long as humans?  They get stressed out simply by holding a conversation.

 

If patients visiting the emergency room of Oakwood Hospital in Dearborn, Michigan, don’t see a doctor in thirty minutes a policy stipulates that they will receive an apology and free movie passes.  ***MARLAR: This seems like a pretty good deal to me considering it’s cheaper nowadays to go to the emergency room than a movie theatre.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

MARK THIS PACKAGE “FRAGILE?”

A gracious lady was mailing an old family Bible to a relative across the country.  The postal clerk asked her, “Is there anything breakable in the package?”

The lady answered with a smile, “Only the Ten Commandments!”

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Don’t bring a waffle to a gun fight!

Next time you’re eating at the Waffle House on Paxville Highway in Manning, South Carolina, don’t mess with 29-year-old waitress Yakeisha Ward. Of course you probably won’t have a chance to as she’s in jail now after a dispute with a customer. Ward got into an argument with customer Crystal Samuel. Samuel allegedly ended up throwing a waffle at the waitress. That’s when Ward jumped over the counter and as Samuel said, “We got into it.” The fight moved outside where Ward got a gun from her car and while she didn’t shoot Samuel, she did allegedly pistol whip her in the head. About that time police rolled up and arrested Ward. As for Ms. Samuel, she said she has only one thing to say about Waffle House — “bad customer service!”

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

FOR THE GARDEN OF YOUR DAILY LIVING

PLANT THREE ROWS OF PEAS:
1. Peace of mind
2. Peace of heart
3. Peace of soul

PLANT FOUR ROWS OF SQUASH:
1. Squash gossip
2. Squash indifference
3. Squash grumbling
4. Squash selfishness

PLANT FOUR ROWS OF LETTUCE:
1. Lettuce be faithful
2. Lettuce be kind
3. Lettuce be patient
4. Lettuce really love one another

NO GARDEN WITHOUT TURNIPS:
1. Turnip for meetings
2. Turnip for service
3. Turnip to help one another

TO CONCLUDE OUR GARDEN WE MUST HAVE THYME:
1. Thyme for God
2. Thyme for family
3. Thyme for friends
4. Thyme for each other

WATER FREELY WITH PATIENCE AND CULTIVATE WITH LOVE. THERE IS MUCH FRUIT IN YOUR GARDEN BECAUSE YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

It’s right about now that people begin seriously thinking about taking a vacation away from the cold, and spending some time down south where the sand is warm, the trees bare coconuts, and the only snow you see is made of Styrofoam on the Christmas displays.

It’s strange how this works.  You drive a thousand miles, sit on the beach, enjoy the warmth of the sun as it beams down on your body which craves toasty temperatures. You love every UV ray.  Then after a few days you get back in the van, drive a thousand miles back home, and suddenly there’s no sun to be seen anywhere.  You get out of the van and nearly freeze your toes off – and you rush to back inside, back to indoor warmth.

What exactly happens here?  Is the sun missing when you leave Rockford, IL?  Do you really have to drive 1,000 miles to find the sun again?  Is the sun AWOL from the Rock River Valley and only present on the Gulf Coast?  Why does the sun warm you so well on the beach, and yet seem almost irrelevant here in northern Illinois?

After all, it’s the same sun – that huge source of all warmth.  It’s the same brilliant light in the sky.  So why do we have to drive so far away in order to feel its effects? Simply this: In Illinois, stuff gets between us and the sun.

Nothing about the sun has changed. But at the beach, we can enjoy the sun without the blockage from clouds, the discomfort of cold air fronts, and the rays coming in at a different angle.
Think about two Christians. Maybe you and a friend. The friend seems to bask in the warmth of God’s love, the comfort of God’s grace, and the hope of God’s promises. But sometimes you can’t feel the closeness of that same heavenly Father. What happened here? Was it God’s fault? Was He farther away from you than from your friend? Do you have two different Gods?
Of course not.
For a variety of reasons, you’ve allowed something to block God from having an impact on your life. Maybe it’s a cloud of sin. Maybe it’s the indifference of a cold heart. Perhaps you’ve allowed yourself to drift away from him.
Just as the sun is the same everywhere, yet it affects us differently because of where we are, so also God is the same for each of us. In your day to day walk, you can find ways to remove the blockages by confessing your faults to Him (1 John 1:9). Let the warm light of God’s own “sun” shine on you today.  That’s way better than a day at the beach.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

A woman pretends to get pregnant – then pretends her children died. And she made a profit from it!

An Anchorage, Alaska woman pleaded no contest to theft because she faked a pregnancy in order to get gifts from her friends and Co-workers. 24 year old Erica Duran told friends and Co-workers she was pregnant, collected more than $500 worth of cash and gifts, and what’s worse is that she then arranged a memorial service for her “made up” stillborn twins. According to the Anchorage Daily News, her attorney said that she lied about being pregnant because her husband put pressure on her to become pregnant.

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

LISTENING TO (THE JOCK SHOW) CAN HELP YOU LIVE LONGER!

Researchers in Copenhagen, Denmark say you can add 20 years to your life and enjoy better health just by laughing a lot. They say a heart belly laugh once a day is as good for your heart as an hour of aerobic exercise. Here are there tips on how you can laugh longer and harder and add years to your life…

  • Collect jokes: Funny stories not only get you laughing, they help your friends, too. Listening to jokes and telling them will add many minutes of laughter to your day.
  • See a funny movie or TV show: Comedies tickle your funny bone and provide you with endless hours of delight.
  • Read the funnies: There are enough zany characters in the comics in the paper each day to guarantee a good laugh or three.
  • Find a funny friend: Anyone who delights you and makes you giggle is worth his weight in gold.
  • Do something silly: Go to an amusement park, rollerskate, wear a goofy hat. You’ll find plenty of laughs if you just loosen up a little.
  • Hang out with kids: They know how to laugh until their sides split and they’ll help you recapture that joy.
  • Listen to (THE JOCK SHOW): You need the laughs… I need the ratings!

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

A CUT ABOVE THE REST
Often times it only looks like your hairdresser was blindfolded when they cut your hair, but Ashok Jhalani is the real deal.

…the barber from India claims to have cut hair blindfolded for the past 20 years – without ever injuring a customer. Jhalani, one of the most popular hairdressers in the town of Indore, says he started wearing the blindfold to do something different. After initially cutting his finger a few times, he eventually got the hang of it. And now customers say he cuts their hair just they want it even though he can’t see. But anyone wanting to have their hair cut by Jhalani has to be prepared to pay a bit extra – a blindfolded haircut costs ten times more than a usual cut.  ***MARLAR: If I can get a raise ten times my salary, I’ll be happy to do this show blindfolded.

 

 

FUN LIST

LIST OF WEAPONS THAT DON’T EXIST, BUT SHOULD

I have no idea why I find these funny, but I couldn’t stop laughing when I first read them.

  • Acid Balloon
  • Giant Paper (Note: the Giant Paper can be beaten by the Giant Scissors)
  • Giant Rock (Note: the Giant Rock can be destroyed by the Giant Paper)
  • Giant Scissors (Note: the Giant Scissors can be stopped by the Giant Rock)
  • Crocodile with Crocodiles for Limbs
  • Sharpened Hamster
  • The ADD Gun
  • Catapult that Catapults Catapults
  • Dance Revolution-Camouflage Land Mine
  • Radioactive Vegetables
  • Laser Guided Polar Bear

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

You think your life is boring? Wait til you hear about the “egg sandwich guy.”

A 54-year-old man from Belgium has eaten an egg sandwich every day for 38 years, and he has thousands of photos to prove it. Otto Verman started the strange habit in 38 years ago as a college stunt and has photographed himself daily over the years eating 12-thousand of the sandwiches to keep the streak going.  ***MARLAR: And to document when, exactly, his heart finally stops.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

A company called e-sight is changing the way people who are legally blind see the world. The glasses use a small video camera to record what the user with limited vision is looking at and then enhance the image based on the users needs. That video is then played back on screens in the glasses, creating an improved and magnified image tailored to each individuals vision abilities. Veteran Mark Cornell is one example. After not being able to see anything for about 20 years, eSight allowed him to discover what his loved ones really looked.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BtKgD6CeA8

 

It’s no secret that smoking is bad for your health, but according to a new study, it’s also really bad for your pocketbook. According to the Relevant Magazine article, The financial social network WalletHub looked at the combined cost of insurance increases, healthcare prices and loss of income due to health issues related to smoking, and then added that to the amount of money smokers spend on cigarettes instead of investing. They found that over the course of a lifetime, from ages 18-69, American smokers lost more than $1 million because of their habit. The study added that, in some states where health care and tobacco costs are higher, that number is closer to $2 million.

http://relm.ag/1yRlyD7

 

The Canadian branch of the Duracell company has found a unique way to bring people together. In a country where ice storms are common and the warm months are few and far between, Duracell has created bus shelters that require human touch. The shelters come equipment with heaters but they can only be activated by placing your hands on two places on the wall. By design, those palm prints are too far apart for one person to do the job alone. It’s only when two or three people work together, each with their palm in place and holding hands to create an unbroken link, that the heaters finally come on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mQZqKLiMIg

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I don’t see why people waste good money buying blenders. A garbage disposal works just as well, and it comes with the apartment. –Paul Paternoster

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

Looking Closely at Transparency

Some management innovation ideas are almost too big to get your head around. That’s the way I felt when I read Jeff Haden’s interview with Buffer co-founder, Leo Widrich. Buffer makes a social media management tool that allows you to schedule, automate, and analyze social media updates.
Transparency is a buzzword in many business circles. But how about a company that is SO transparent they’ve published salaries of everyone at the company. And a number of other key performance indictors. Call it a “see through” enterprise!
But the hardest part for me to massage through my brain was the idea of “no managers.” Buffer opted for a road of self management. Widrich explains this approach in his interview with Haden: “The $7 Million Startup with Zero Managers.

Widrich admits some early thinking on this rather radical approach needed adjustment. He commented, “When we first started on our self-management journey about nine months ago we thought that people should be able to make all and every decision that affects them. We realized that in reality that is actually a really big mental burden. So instead of everyone deciding everything, we’ve now moved to a model where we explicitly set the boundaries for what everyone is responsible for… and then trust them to do a good job.”
It turns out self managed salaries proved quite the challenge for several employees. They are looking at a revision on this. One where the employee will still have a say.
Another mistake was giving up the 1:1 meetings with team members. With no “supervisor,” no need for them. But employees felt their growth was stunted in the absence of feedback. It seems like the independent, self managed employee enjoys the freedom but misses the wisdom and camaraderie of community.
I was particularly interested in two more of Widrich’s conclusions from their experience in self management. The need for vision. And structure.

First, his comments on vision: “Another point that we were surprised by was how much higher level thinking and setting of vision is appreciated by the team.”
And as for structure, “The more self-managed you are as a company the more structure you need. You really need to make things explicit and create clear commitments for what you’re working on.”
I was intrigued by the concept because of the several work personality tests I’ve taken over the years. You know, the ones given before you get hired — or after you’re hired — that reflect your personal work style. They are often detailed enough to be difficult to recall and seldom get fully utilized. One of my key components was decisions that affect me. Apparently, there are people who simply go with the flow of whatever the situation dictates. They tell me I’m the kind who likes to be involved when decisions affect me. Thus, self management has some appeal!
The takeaway message this week is really built around the idea of the need for community. Several people have written on the topic of American individualism, but it was one of the lessons I gained from reading Pat Apel’s book, Nine Great American Myths, that spoke to the issue of community.
The early fellowship of followers of Jesus was not developed around hierarchy. There was a need for structure, true, but you don’t find much beyond deacons and elders. What you do find is a strong admonition to build community centered on love for one another.
Jesus’s great friend Peter shared it this way, “Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay. God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God himself were speaking through you. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ.” (1 Peter 4:8-11, NLT)
Along with that, the church is a wonderful place to learn transparency. But for the newcomer, don’t worry. We don’t share our salary information.
That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

OCTOBER 09, 2015…

 

Knock Knock (opening in select cities)—We are getting closer to Halloween and here is a horror movie about someone’s mother starring in a movie, dying, and then reappearing in the film. Stars Taissa Farmiga. “Knock Knock” is rated R. No rating.

 

Pan (again!)—This is a different concept, indeed.  Take the usual “Peter Pan” story and make it one with Blackbeard (Hugh Jackman) instead and the children he kidnaps, especially Peter (Levi Miller) work in his mines. Captain Hook is played by Garret Hedlund and something in the vein of Johnny Depp’s pirate characters. Tiger Lily is played by Rooney Mara. Ah, yes, not your usual story.  “Pan” is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.

 

Steve Jobs—Michael Fassbinder takes on the role of Steve Jobs, who brought out Macintosh. This movie concentrates on a person who is working in an unusual electronic business. Quite a personality. Some liked him, some did not. Adapted from the book by Walter Isaacson. Jeff Daniels stars as Apple CEO John Sculley. “Steve Jobs” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

OCTOBER 16, 2015…

 

Goosebumps has Jack Black as the real-life writer R. L. Stine in a film about Stine’s mystery books called “Goosebumps”.

 

Beasts of No Nation is a Netflix movie and stars Idris Elba in a story about a boy soldier in Africa.

 

Crimson Peak (opening in select cities) has Mia Wasikowska living in Northern England and is courted by a mysterious stranger, Tom Hiddleston.

 

Room stars Brie Larson as a woman, who with her son, is imprisoned by a vengeful man.

 

Bridge Of Spies is based on the true story of exchanging a Russian spy for an America pilot during the Cold War. Stars Tom Hanks.

 

Truth stars Robert Redford and Cate Blanchett in a political thriller.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.