October 15, 2016: Saturday ONAIRprep

***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS – FREE TO AIR! (Need to receive this earlier than when it’s posted? Get FTP access and receive a fully-produced version FREE with a customized tag specifically for your station or show! Contact me with your ONAIRprep username for details!)

AND NOW… ON WITH THE SHOW!

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20161015

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I live a very sedentary lifestyle. I never go out and exercise, my job has me sitting or standing around not moving hardly at all, and my diet is abhorrent. So I’ve decided to begin a new exercise program at home every day. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times before it doesn’t work anymore…

And now, even though we already get far too much hate mail as it is, (STATION) courageously presents (THE JOCK SHOW)!

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“But whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” –John 4:14

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. –Isaiah 40:29

“I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” — Jeremiah 29:11

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge … — Psalm 91:4

Thought: Life is filled with many uncertainties. You never know when something unexpected is going to happen. You have no idea when the next disaster will strike. In a world filled with hate and terrorism, none of us has a clue when the next horrible atrocity will take place. So what do we do when we can’t be sure of our circumstances? We take shelter under the wing of the One who is above all circumstances! We take assurance in our Father who has promised to bring us to himself no matter what may happen today … in our world … and to our bodies. Our lives are hidden with our Father because we’ve been joined to Christ. He is our Refuge! His wings are our shelter!

Prayer: Father, what words can I offer that are sufficient to thank and praise you for your deliverance that is greater than death? You are the Alpha and the Omega. You are the God who was and is and is to come. You are my Abba Father, who has adopted me and made me your own. I place my trust, my hope, and future in you and I will not be afraid. I find my refuge under your wings! All praise to you in the name of Jesus. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

John 10:15 NIV = just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep.

TODAY IS SATURDAY – OCTOBER 15, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
72 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

NATIONAL GROUCH DAY, a day to be grumpy, ungrateful, and cantankerous. ***In other words, me before I have my first barrel of coffee.

Today is MY MOM IS A STUDENT DAY, a time for children to support student moms with small school gifts. ***It’s also the one chance to pack your mom the lunch that you’ve always wanted her to pack for you. Peanut butter and marshmallow fluff sandwich, double-pack of Jell-O puddings, bag of Munchos and a thermos of Red Bull.

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Blind Americans Equality Day

Bridge Day

Global Handwashing Day

International Day of Rural Women

I Love Lucy Day

National Cake Decorating Day

National Cheese Curd Day

National Grouch Day

National Latino AIDS Awareness Day

National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

Sweetest Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below.)

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 16

National Feral Cat Day

Department Store Day

Dictionary Day

National Sunday School Teacher Appreciation Day

World Toy Camera Day

World Food Day

MONDAY, OCTOBER 17

Black Poetry Day

National Boss’s Day

International Day for the Eradication of Poverty

Mulligan Day

National Clean Your Virtual Desktop Day

National Edge Day

National Pasta Day

Wear Something Gaudy Day

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 18

Hard Boiled Guy/Girl Day

National Cupcake Day

National Pharmacy Technician Day

Pro-Life Day of Silent Solidarity

World Menopause Day

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 19

Evaluate Your Life Day

Hagfish Day

International Overload Day

Medial Assistants Recognition Day

Support Your Local Chamber of Commerce Day

Unity Day

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 20

Conflict Resolution Day

Get To Know Your Customers Day

Get Smart About Credit Day

International Credit Union Day

Miss American Rose Day

Spirit Day

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 21

Celebration of the Mind Day

Global Iodine Deficiency Disorder Prevention Day

Mammography Day

National Pharmacy Buyer Day

Reptile Awareness Day

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 22

Caps Locks Day

International Stuttering Awareness Day

Make a Difference Day

National Nut Day

Pit Bull Awareness Day

Smart Is Cool Day

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 23

iPod Day

Mother-in-Law Day

National Mole Day

Swallows Depart From San Juan Capistrano Day

TV Talk Show Host Day

Xterra World Championships

MONDAY, OCTOBER 24

Food Day

Lung Health Day

World Development Information Day

ON THIS DAY

1520: King Henry the 8th of England ordered that bowling lanes be built at Whitehall in London.

1903: Gordon Nance was born in Pattonsburg, Missouri. As “Wild Bill” Elliot, he was the first movie cowboy to wear his guns backwards. He starred in the Saturday serial “The Great Adventures of Wild Bill Hickock” and played Red Ryder in both serials and feature films. He died in 1965.

1927: Frank Elliott and George Scott completed a trip of 4,759 miles across Canada in a Model-T Ford with no engine. They had been towed by 168 passing motorists from Halifax to Vancouver. It took 89 days. ***Gee, I wish I could take 89 day to go off and do nothing of consequence. (Or is that what I do everyday already?)

1951: “I Love Lucy,” starring Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz, premiered on CBS-TV. New episodes were produced for six years, CBS re-ran episodes through 1961, and syndicated reruns still play every day somewhere.

1966: A McKinney, Texas, man set a record by committing 10 traffic offenses in 20 minutes. He drove on the wrong side of the street four times, was involved in four hit-and-run accidents, and caused six other accidents. ***Sounds like he was born in (LOCAL TOWN).

1991: Students at Harrison Hot Springs, British Columbia, built history’s tallest sand castle. Using only hands, buckets, and shovels, they built a castle 19.5 feet tall.

1996: A Delta Airlines jet was forced to abandon take-off plans in Salt Lake City when a 490-pound gorilla named Vip got tired of flying and started shaking up the cargo hold. Vip had already flown from Boston with a stop in Cincinnati. He completed his trip to Seattle in a truck.

1998: ElmaJean Donnelly of New Castle, Pennsylvania, won $2,000 and a new slip-cover after voters declared she owned the ugliest couch in America. ElmaJean’s 21-year-old couch won over 1,200 other ugly couches in the Surefit Slip Cover company’s Ugliest Couch Contest.

2001: Taxi driver Elaine Crame of Lambourn, England, finally changed her mind and agreed to marry garage manager Jim Enevoldsen. He’d been asking “morning, noon, and night” for 17 years. Jim said, “It just goes to show you must never give up.”

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1784: Birth of Thomas Hastings, American sacred composer. Hastings was an albino afflicted with extreme nearsightedness, yet from his pen came such enduring hymn tunes as TOPLADY (“Rock of Ages”) and ORTONVILLE (“Majestic Sweetness Sits Enthroned”).

1790: Ann Teresa Mathews (aka Mother Bernardina) and Frances Dickinson founded a convent of Discalced Carmelites (a contemplative working order) in Port Tobacco, Maryland. It was the first Catholic convent founded in the United States.

1840: In Melville, Missouri, the Evangelical Synod of North America was founded. It later became one of the branches of today’s United Church of Christ.

1900: Pentecostal evangelist Charles Fox Parham opened Bethel Bible Institute in Topeka, Kansas. It was here on January 1, 1901 that the first Christian in modern times was reported to have spoken in tongues: student Agnes Ozman.

1948: American missionary martyr Jim Elliot wrote in his journal: ‘”They shall mount up with wings as eagles” (Isa. 40:31). These wings are not so typical of purity as they are of power — strength to live above snares and everything else…Thanks for wings, Lord.’

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson, 57

  • Chef Emeril Lagasse, 57

  • Actress (Julie Rogers on TV’s “Charlie’s Angels”) Tanya Roberts, 61 (audio clip)

  • Actress (“Laverne & Shirley” and director of Big and A League Of Their Own) Penny Marshall, 74 (audio clip)

  • Actress (“Alice”) Linda Lavin, 79 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1906 : Victoria Spivey

1913 : David Carroll

1925 : Mickey Baker (Mickey & Sylvia)

1937 : Barry McGuire (The New Christy Minstrels)

1938 : Marv Johnson

1942 : Chris Andrews

1942 : Don Stevenson (Moby Grape)

1943 : Barry Sadler

1946 : Richard Carpenter (The Carpenters)

1948 : Chris DeBurgh

1951 : Frank Dimino (Angel)

1953 : Tito Jackson (The Jacksons)

1970 : Ginuwine

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

How did Noxema get its name?

Noxema, the skin cream invented in 1914 by Baltimore pharmacist George Bunting, was originally sold as “Dr. Bunting’s Sunburn Remedy”. Mr. Bunting changed the name to Noxema after a customer enthusiastically told him the cream had “knocked out his eczema”. Thus, the cream that “knocks eczema” became “Noxema”.

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving three days a week from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Natalie Grant on busyness: I’ve been home for only 24 hours. I’m in the studio because I need to record a voiceover for the concert intro of my tour which starts next week – but I also need to fold that basket of laundry and pack my suitcase so I can get to the airport in an hour. But I’m putting my feet up – even for 5 minutes – and taking a deep breath. We are ALL busy. My busy might look different than yours, but our need for self care is the same. Even if it’s just 5 minutes…take a moment and breathe deep. Don’t think about all that’s wrong – take those 5 minutes and think about all that’s right. And then carry on.

Tour life is changing for Love and the Outcome. Jodi posted a picture of she and her young son, Milo, sitting on the floor of their tour bus. She said: It’s 7:30 am and everyone else is sleeping, but Milo’s ready for the day.  https://twitter.com/loveandoutcome/status/784818038877089792/photo/1

Matt Redman will release his first Christmas album this month. The long time worship leader says his latest CD, These Christmas Lights, will officially be available on October 21. However, Matt says that those of you who likes to plan ahead can pre-order the new album right now. In These Christmas Lights Redman shares his interpretation of well known holiday favorites while also creating new, originals including “His Name Shall Be,” “Help from Heaven,” the title track and more. http://smarturl.it/TheseChristmasLights

TobyMac is in a good mood. He posted Titans win, Washington wins, Steelers win; a good day.

17 years ago Jaun Devevo was at a Friday night Bible study looking for a girlfriend. The Casting Crowns guitarist posted a picture this weekend of he and his wife Melodee as they sat side by side, both on their own cell phones. Jaun said: I found somebody I can introvert with…for 17 years. https://www.instagram.com/p/BLWhPK8h1hS/

A sad day for Citizenway’s David Blascoe. He posted: This morning a little part of me died. Pepper, his cat of 9 years, died on Saturday.

Jamie Grace was reliving her high school years over the weekend. She posted: you know those friends in high school who bought matching clothes? We may be in our 20s, but a reunion calls for twin sweats. Also calls for jumping on the bed like we’re kids again.

Do you know yet where you will ring in the New Year? The Newsboys do. They announced over the weekend that they will be part of Liberty University’s 2016 WINTERFEST! Band members posted: We’ll be ringing in the New Year along with for King & Country, Andy Mineo, RED and more!

A new vlog is now available from Hawk Nelson’s Jon Steingard. The lead singer of the band gave a tour of their bus and also a brief overview of setup for the tour. Hear about Jon’s asbestos mouth and watch more drone footage. https://youtu.be/Z1BDF0tox50

The Irish worship band Rend Collective released Campfire II late last week. Just before it’s release, members of the band posted: As Campfire II goes live around the world we wanted to leave you with this thought: the fireside (like the church!) is for everyone. It’s for the broken, the outsider, the hungry, the poor, the abandoned. For every wanderer still looking for a place to belong, these songs are for you.

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. As on ONAIRprep subscriber, you can get a fully-produced, customized version of the Daily Dose of Weird News FREE with a station or show specific tag! Email darren@onairprep.com for details!)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

WONDER WOMAN (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Noah’s Mosquitos”

DAILY COMEDY CLIP (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Ken Davis, “Rat Salad”

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE


OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

When last we left the jungle, just as Gruffy Bear and Sully the Aardvark were getting ready to play their regular game of checkers, a lost grizzly bear came knocking on the door. Gruffy Bear decided to cancel the checkers match until later that night so he could help the grizzly find his way…

CLOSE: Well that’s good, as tempting as it is, Gruffy is going to honor his promise to Sully and play checkers with him… that’s nice. Unfortunately, that means Gruffy’s new friend, Grizz, is going to have to forfeit the bowling tournament! Is there a solution to that problem? We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns! right now – is sinking in quick sand! Will Gruffy be able to save him? Tune in next time to find out – As the Jungle Turns!

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF OCTOBER 15/16

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, all of the jungle animals were so scared of a giant-footed monster (a monster that no one had ever really seen, but assumed existed because they saw the footprints) that they’ve all decided to pack up their belongings, and sell everything they own to make it easier to run away!

CLOSE: Who’s going to buy furniture from a skunk? Not without a LOT of Febreeze, at least. And now all of the jungle animals have just as much junk as they started with, they’re still in the jungle, and there is still a giant-footed creature on the loose that nobody has seen! Find out what happens next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

Sometimes, only one mistake on a test can get you a failing grade… especially if you’re taking a drivers test! 

A young (Portage) Indiana woman’s goal of getting her driver’s license crashed — right into the license branch. The 20-year-old woman was pulling into a parking spot outside the license branch when she hit the accelerator instead of the brake. The car jumped a small curb and went into the building, tearing out a large glass window and damaging a door and low brick wall. Neither the driver nor the examiner were injured.  But, of course, the driver failed the test.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU’VE ALREADY GROWN UP

1. Your potted plants stay alive.

2. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.

3. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.

4. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel.

5. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as ‘dressed up’.

6. You’re the one calling the police because those kids next door don’t know how to turn down the stereo.

7. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

8. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

9. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s.

10. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Going postal isn’t always a bad thing.

FILE #1: Postal workers in Bakersfield, California, came to the rescue when a man was beaten while trying to stop a thief from grabbing his wife’s purse.  James Govea tried to take an elderly woman’s purse and when her husband tried to stop him, Govea punched him in the face.  That’s when several workers inside the post office stepped out to step in.  Police said the workers grabbed Govea and literally sat on him until police arrived on scene. Govea was arrested for attempted robbery.  ***MARLAR: It’s a kindler, gentler version of “going postal”.

FILE #2: Hans Becker decided to rob a branch of the Austrian Savings Bank. He made two fatal errors. One, he didn’t wear a disguise of any kind and, two, he chose the bank where he was a customer and was known by many of the employees. After he left with his cash, the teller called the cops and told them who had just robbed the bank. And to make it even easier for the cops, they didn’t have very far to go to find him. He headed straight to a bar down the street where he proceeded to celebrate his new found wealth with several bar hostesses, guzzling down five bottles of champagne. Not surprisingly, the police said he offered no resistance when they arrested him.

FILE #3: A Chicago man recently wanted to impress his wife, so he came up with this plan that ,he thought, would do the trick.  The plan was to go down to the local high school and hire a couple of young guys, give them ski masks, have them “break-in” and “rob” the house and, of course, tie up his wife.  He then would come home and save his wife from the “robbers” by chasing them out of the house.  So far sounds like a great plan, right? And it would have worked.  But the only problem is his wife put up a good fight and was able to call 911 before he could swoop in.  The husband was arrested for organizing a crime.

STRANGE LAW: In England, a bed may not be hung out of a window.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Rodney Northey knows how to get the attention of police.

Blowing his horn — over and over. Officers in Glen Falls, New York, pulled over Northey for excessive horn blowing and ended up charging him with drunken driving. Police say Northey told them he wanted to let people in the downtown bars know he was in town.

PHONER PHUN

Tell us your driver’s test nightmare story!

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: The tower of Siloam fell and killed how many people?

ANSWER: Eighteen (Luke 13:4)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What’s the world record for the most hours a single radio personality stayed on the air?

ANSWER: 104 hours, set by a radio personality in Malaysia in the year 2000

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. The ‘huddle’ in football was formed due to a deaf player. (True – the player used sign language to communicate and his team didn’t want the opposition to see the signals he used and in turn huddled around him.)

2. The distance between the pitcher’s rubber and home plate in baseball is 70 feet, 6 inches. (False – it’s 60 feet, 6 inches.)

3. Potatoes have more than twice the calories of an apple. (False – they have about the same calories. One has to eat 11 pounds of potatoes to put on 1 pound of weight.)

4. Despite what you were taught, Leonardo da Vinci could not truly write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time. (False – he really could.)

5. Sharon Stone was the first Star Search spokesmodel. (True)

6. In 1969, the first Wendy’s Old Fashioned Hamburgers restaurant opened in downtown Toledo, Ohio. (False – it was Columbus, Ohio)

7. Sylvester Stallone once had a job as a lion cage cleaner. (True)

8. In 1965, the price for an issue of TV Guide was 15 cents. (True)

9. In the movie “The Wizard Of Oz,” Toto the dog’s salary was $125 a week, while Judy Garland was $500 a week. (True)

10. The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“City Sues Man For __________ In His Backyard!” (Digging Hole To China)


The Weekly World News reports in Granada Hills, CA, from the time David Pines was five, he loved to dig holes. His parents thought it was cute but now it’s an obsession and the 45-year-old man has been sued for $3 million by the city for digging a hole to China in his backyard. “The guy must be nuts,” noted city inspector Dick Wentworth. “When neighbors called to complain that Mr. Pines was digging all day and night, I figured he was planting tomatoes or something. “But when I inspected his yard, I almost plotzed. The hole went all the way to Asia, man. Talk about violations.” Pines told Weekly World News: “Digging gives me a reason to live. And since I love original Chinese food, I figured why not tunnel to China.” The city claims it will cost millions to fill the hole. Asked if he’s afraid he might be sent to jail, Pines grinned. “If I do, I’ll just tunnel out.”

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

A one-dollar bill met a twenty-dollar bill and said, “Hey, where have you been? I haven’t seen you around here much.”

The twenty answered, “I’ve been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds on the ship, back to the United States for a while, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?”

The one dollar bill said, “You know, same old stuff – church, church, church.”

JOKE #2

After finishing an out-of-town errand, Jan discovered that her car wouldn’t start because it was out of gas. A passer-by told her there was a service station a half-mile away, so she took a gas can from the trunk and trudged the distance in the sweltering sun. The attendant filled the two-gallon can, and Jan lugged it back and poured the gas into the tank. But when she tried to unlock the car door, it wouldn’t open. Just then, Jan noticed an identical old car parked a short distance away. That was her car. She had filled a stranger’s gas tank.
Wearily Jan walked back to the station. The attendant suggested helpfully, “You know, instead of walking back and forth to fill the tank from the can, you could put a couple of gallons in the tank and then drive the car here.”

JOKE #3

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

“Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”

“No problem, just let me in,” says the man.

“Well, I’d like to, but I have l orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”

“Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,” says the senator.

“I’m sorry, but we have our rules.”

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises…

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

“Now it’s time to visit heaven.”

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

“Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.”

The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: “Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be happier in hell.”

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. “I don’t understand,” stammers the senator. “Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?”

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, “Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted.”

USELESS FACTS

A report says math scores have come up a bit for U.S. 4th and 8th graders.  ***Most kids today spend a lot of time working with big numbers.  Channel 79, channel 80, channel 81…

Customer loyalty may be in short supply with bank fees soaring — and consumers will face tough decisions as they consider fleeing longtime banking relationships over lower service fees.  A recent poll, conducted by Princeton Survey Research Associates International, finds a majority of Americans say they would rather switch banks than pay higher bank fees.  ***The difficult part will be finding a bed mattress that has a checking account. 

FEATURED FUNNIES

KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS!

First grade kids finishing famous proverbs:

  • Better be safe then … punch a 5th grader.
  • Strike while the … bug is close.
  • It’s always darkest before … daylight savings time.
  • Don’t bite the hand that … looks dirty.
  • You can’t teach an old dog new … math.
  • If you lie down with the dogs, you’ll … stink in the morning.
  • Where there’s smoke, there’s … pollution.

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Imagine being separated from your brother at birth – but later discovering him working right next to you working at the furniture store!

36-year-old Gary Nisbet and 35-year-old Randy Joubert both work at Dow Furniture Removals in Waldoboro, Maine. Co-workers would always say they looked so much alike they could be brothers. Turns out they are. Apparently both men were given up for adoption as babies, then attended rival high schools and lived in neighboring towns on the Maine coast. Their first meeting came this last July when they started working at Dow Furniture. Both men knew the names of their biological parents — both who have since died — and through casual conversations uncovered their amazing story. Randy said he was “star-struck and blown away” and just couldn’t believe it. After the brothers’ story was covered by local media, they also discovered a half-sister, 41-year-old Joanne Campbell, who turned up at their workplace with her birth certificate. (Ananova)

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

DEATH IS NOT AN OPTION

As I sit here and I wonder why
Somewhere, some way we all must die

Do we believe we can miss the boat
Somehow redirect its path without cutting our throat

Can we fly south or take a sabbatical to France
Can we miss life’s most infamous dance

No matter how far you travel or where you go
Death will be there to answer the door

There is no option when it comes to death
No matter how healthy or how much wealth

There is no road that will lead you astray
No miraculous prayer that will save the day

Death has been promised to all kind
Nothing lives forever that is the design

Now life after death that’s the true story
The only way there is in Gods’ Glory!

Now you must pay attention if you have the need to live on
There are some basic instructions that will not steer you wrong

Try picking this up when you see the next paper or hardback
Some wonderful instructions to help keep your life on track

A book that shares the covenant that can fulfill your every need
Just try it, read it, embed it in your life and you will see

Open it wide and ride its pages
Because the death you seek holds no wages

The wages of sin carry eternal death
But, The Word of God has eternal wealth

God has promised that death for believers is only a sleep
Don’t you want to rise again when the Shepherd calls his sheep

So, Be faithful and true, and know life gets better not worse
Because in his word he promised the dead in Christ shall rise first!

–Alicia A Entzminger

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

NO MANNA STORES

Then the Lord said to Moses, “I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow My instructions.” –Exodus 16:4

When God took the nation of Israel through the desert, there was one thing the people simply could not do outside of God alone: They could not provide for themselves. They could not plant. They could not harvest. They could not manufacture. It was a place and time where nothing but complete dependence was the rule. God gave manna one day at a time. The manna spoiled the day after, so they could never store it. They could not go to the manna store to get more. They couldn’t start a manna business to capitalize on all the free manna. I can tell you from personal experience that when God takes you to the desert, there is nothing you can do to change it until He wants to change it, so do not strive against God in the desert place.

What was the purpose of this restrictive time in their lives? Why did God have to keep them from using any of these abilities to earn on their own? It was a season to build trust and reliance on God. They had relied on the “manna” of Egypt for so long that He needed to change their whole nature of looking to Egypt as their provider to looking to God as their provider. This boot camp was to be only for a season. However, what should have been less than a 30-day journey took 40 years because of the hardness of their hearts. They never passed the test God gave them.

Has God taken you into the desert? Is He forcing you to depend wholly on His provision? Pray that you will learn the lessons God desires you to learn in the desert place. He will bring you out when He has accomplished all He wants to build in your life.

Remember that it is a season; you will not be there forever. He understands that no one can stay in a desolate place forever.

LEFTOVERS

A new study suggests something encouraging for busy people: Every minute of movement counts toward the 150 minutes of moderate-intensity physical activity we’re all supposed to be getting each week. University of Utah researchers found that each minute spent engaging in some kind of moderate to vigorous physical activity was associated with lower Body Mass Index and lower weight.  OK, that seems kind of obvious. But according to the current physical activity national guidelines, “aerobic activity should be performed in episodes of at least 10 minutes,” and the everyday stuff, like walking the dog or climbing a flight of stairs, “aren’t long enough to count toward meeting the Guidelines.” This new paper, published today in the American Journal of Health Promotion, suggests that reaching those two and a half hours minute by minute is just fine.  ***MARLAR: How many calories do I burn by jumping to conclusions?

LIFE… LIVE IT

HOW IS YOUR MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIP? WE HAVE A TEST TO FIND OUT!

Some people think that money determines how well a marriage will work. Others think it’s the number of kids you have. Still others believe that your love life reveals the soundness of a marriage. However, some experts say it’s how you fight that determines whether your marriage will succeed or fail. For each other following questions, give yourself 1 point if you and your partner almost never experience the situation, 2 points if you sometimes experience the situation, 3 points if you experience the situation frequently.

  • Little arguments escalate into ugly fights with accusations, criticism, name-calling or bringing up past hurts. 1 never, 2 sometimes, 3 frequently.

  • My partner criticizes or belittles my opinions, feelings or desires. 1 never, 2 sometimes, 3 frequently.

  • My partner seems to view my words or actions more negatively than I mean them to be. 1 never, 2 sometimes, 3 frequently.

  • When we have a problem to solve, it is like we are on opposite teams. 1 never, 2 sometimes, 3 frequently.

  • I hold back from telling my partner what I really think or feel. 1 never, 2 sometimes, 3 frequently.

  • I think seriously about what it would be like to date or marry someone else. 1 never, 2 sometimes, 3 frequently.

  • I feel lonely in this relationship. 1 never, 2 sometimes, 3 frequently.

  • When we argue, one of us withdraws. 1 never, 2 sometimes, 3 frequently.

SCORING

  • 8 to 12 points: Your relationship is probably in great shape. However, always work to keep it that way.

  • 13 to 17 points: Consider this a yellow light. You need to be cautious. While you may be happy now, there are some warning signs… patterns that you don’t want to worsen. Take action to improve and protect what you have.

  • 18 to 24 points: This is a red light. Stop and think about where the two of you are headed. Your score indicates the existence of patterns that could put your relationship at serious risk. You may be headed for trouble, or may already be there. But there is some good news. You can stop and learn ways to improve your relationship now.

JUST FOR FUN

TELEPHONE TELEPATHY

Have you ever gotten a telephone call from someone shortly after thinking about them? Turns out, you’re psychic!

…Researcher Rupert Sheldrake says he has proof of what he calls telephone telepathy. In his study, people were asked to give researchers names and phone numbers of four relatives or friends. They then had those people call the subject in the study who had to identify the caller before answering the phone. Those people got the caller right nearly half of the time. He says the odds against it being purely chance are 1,000 billion to one. He said he got the same result with people being asked to name one of four people sending them an e-mail before it arrived. However, the study involved just 63 people, so many are skeptical.

FUN LIST

THINGS YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT BABIES

  • The top 3 reasons for crying are: 1) The baby is hungry.  2) The baby is teething.  3)  The baby knows you have to be at work at 5:30 in the morning and thinks it’s funny.

  • The only thing funnier to a baby than Dora the Explorer is seeing you trip and hit your head on the coffee table.

  • Babies are naturally curious about things, such as, “I wonder what daddy’s business suit would look like with half a jar of strained peas spit onto it?”

  • While babies are harder to care for than cats, they don’t tend to shed as much.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

DIAPER DANDY

Soon there could be something “fishy” about your baby’s diapers. Srinivasan Damodaran, a University of Wisconsin food scientist, has patented a process that turns ground-up fish into an absorbent, biodegradable gel that could be used in diapers. The scientist claims his product will absorb 400 times its own weight in water, while disposable diapers absorb only around 100 times their own weight. The diapers are allegedly more environmentally friendly, as the fish-based gel deteriorates in landfills within 28 days, while other petroleum based gels break down much more slowly.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Science has finally proven what passionate poems, sappy songs and romantic novels have been telling us for ages true love exists and never dies. Psychologists scanned the brains of old married folks and discovered that many of the spouses’ minds lit up just like randy teenagers at the sight of their mates even after more than 20 years of wedded bliss. Lead researcher Arthur Aron says, “The findings go against the traditional view of romance that it drops off sharply in the first decade but we’re sure our results are real.”

You’re already behind the curve if you don’t start thinking about Christmas shopping until after Thanksgiving. 34 million people have already started their Christmas shopping and one million claim they’ve already finished it. The report in CBN says that, if that statistic makes you feel a little bit like Scrooge, you’re not alone — 73 percent of Americans are annoyed by the early holiday shopping season. Retailers say the have to start their holiday sales earlier to meet the demands of their customers.  ***How about you – have you started your Christmas shopping?  Personally, I’m still trying to finish up from LAST Christmas!  http://go.cbn.com/13364

Chris Tomlin, Third Day, Toby Mac and other pop Christian artists have been banned on public school buses in Siloam Springs, Arkansas. According to a recent report by Fox News’s Todd Starnes, The school district recently told a bus driver to stop playing a Christian radio station while driving children to school. The CBN report says the complaint was filed by the Freedom From Religion Foundation, a Wisconsin-based group.

http://fw.to/s8fwUsX

Buy whatever you want whenever you want, but also give away some of yours if you want to be truly happy. How can giving to others make you happy? Researchers at the University of British Columbia and Harvard University determined that people who buy presents for their family and friends or give money to charitable organizations report being happier than more miserly people who don’t share.

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Without time, everything would happen all at once.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

OCTOBER 14, 2016…

Mascots—This is a movie with Christopher Guest  (remember “Best In Show”) who helps mascots from sports team compete in their own contest about performance and costume. Let your mind go wild here. How about the Gold Fluffy as the name of a trophy  The cast includes Jane Lynch, Ed Begley, Jr., Zach Woods and Sarah Baker. “Mascots” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans of “sports” competitions.

The Accountant—Autism and dealing with it is part of the topic in this movie about a gifted man with numbers (Ben Affleck) works with criminals and also with good guys. He can find where the money is going and who is taking a share.  However…where is justice?  Hmm. Also in the cast are Anna Kendrick and J. K Simmons. “The Accountant” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans of numbers.

Kevin Hart: What Now?—Comic Kevin Hart has a new concert film out for fans which was filmed in Philadelphia. “Kevin Hart: What Now?” is not rated.

Desierto—Jeffrey Dean Morgan (“The Good Wife”) now takes on an action role in this thriller of problems along the U.S.-Mexico border. Also in the cast is Gael Garcia Bernal. “Desierto” is rated R. No rating.

Tower—This documentary is about the shootings on the University of Texas campus, August 1, 1996. The campus was shut down for over 90 minutes and in the end, 16 people were dead. This Keith Maitland directed film, has interviews with people from that time period.  “Tower” has no rating but could be PG 13 for themed material. No rating.

OCTOBER 21, 2016…

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back has Tom Cruise back in action. No more need be said.

In A Valley Of Violence concerns two men with a grudge going for a fight. Stars Ethan Hawke.

Moonlight is about a young African American man who tries to discover what he wants in life.

Ouija: Origin Of Evil begins the horror films before Halloween.

Tyler Perry’s Boo! A Madea Halloween says it all in the title. For Tyler Perry fans.

American Pastoral stars Ewan McGregor (both director and star) in an adaptation of Philip Roth’s novel of dealing with a family crisis in the 1960’s.

Keeping Up With The Joneses concerns a typical suburban couple with mysterious neighbors. A comedy. Stars Isla Fisher and Jon Hamm.

A Monster Calls is about a tree that comes to life to help a little boy cope with family problems. Stars Lewis MacDougall. Adapted from a Patrick Ness novel.

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