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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20151016
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I’ve been in this business for many, many years, and I’ve learned one thing: it is really hard to get out of this business.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going. Thomas said to him, ‘Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?’ Jesus answered, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.'” –John 14:3-6
Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. –Titus 2:2
How great you are, O Sovereign Lord! There is no one like you, and there is no God but you, as we have heard with our own ears. — 2 Samuel 7:22
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
For our God is a consuming fire. — Hebrews 12:29
Thought: We should worship God with reverence because he is a consuming fire! Mmm. What does that mean? Is the focus on his holiness? Does this warn of judgment? Is this an expression of his purity? Yes, YES, YES! You see, God is holy and pure and righteous. Our imperfections, flaws, failures, and sins stand out glaringly in comparison to his perfection. Yet rather than destroying us with his holy fire. He can make us new and clean and more than what we once were. So not only can we draw near to him because of Jesus, we can stay near him as we live Jesus’ life in our world (see Hebrews 13). That, dear friend, is reverential worship at its finest!
Prayer: Righteous and holy God, please forgive me for my sin, my lack of boldness, and my unexercised faith. Thank you for not compromising your holiness, but, instead, sacrificing your Son to perfect and purify me by your grace so I can come before you. As I live this week, may your holiness be exalted by my conduct and reflected in my character. I ask this in the name of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
Hebrews 10:16 NIV = This is the covenant I will make with them after that time, says the Lord. I will put my laws in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds.”
TODAY IS FRIDAY – OCTOBER 16, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 70 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is NATIONAL BOSS DAY, a day for employees to honor their bosses. ***MARLAR: The boss has asked me to stay away from him – so I’m leaving early today. Out of respect.
1999: The Associated Press reported that Misty the ferret saved taxpayers thousands at Peterson Air Force Base in Colorado by pulling computer cables through 40-foot-long narrow conduits to bring a new missile warning center online. Misty happily did all the work for a strawberry Pop-Tart. ***MARLAR: And I don’t care if it IS National Boss Day, the answer is NO – I won’t start doing my job for strawberry Pop-Tarts.
Today is WORLD FOOD DAY, a day to try foods from all different cultures. ***MARLAR: My problem with eating foods from other cultures is that I may have to go get a culture done afterwards to find out what made me sick.
Today is REPTILE AWARENESS DAY. ***MARLAR: I’d like to be made aware of whether or not my main course on World Food Day happens to be reptile.
Today is NATIONAL CLEAN YOUR BUG ZAPPER DAY. ***MARLAR: In some of the world’s cultures this provides a side dish for dinner.
Today is NATIONAL THROW UP AT THE FAIR DAY. ***MARLAR: What you do after trying food from a different culture and finding out it was made with reptiles and a bug zapper.
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Department Store Day
National Sunday School Teacher Appreciation Day
World Toy Camera Day
World Food Day
COMING UP NEXT
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 17
Black Poetry Day
International Day for the Eradication of Poverty
National Clean Your Virtual Desktop Day
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 18
World Menopause Day
MONDAY, OCTOBER 19
Evaluate Your Life Day
Support Your Local Chamber of Commerce Day
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 20
Birth of the Bab
Miss American Rose Day
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 21
Global Iodine Deficiency Disorder (IDD) Prevention Day
Support Your Local Chamber of Commerce
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 22
Caps Locks Day
International Stuttering Awareness Day
Smart is Cool Day
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 23
National Pharmacy Buyer Day
Swallows Depart from San Juan Capistrano Day
TV Talk Show Host Day
ON THIS DAY
1923: Walt Disney contracted with M.J. Winkler to distribute the “Alice Comedies,” the beginning of Disney Company. The “Alice Comedies” featured Alice, a live action girl, and an animated cat named Julius. Disney’s previous “Laugh-O-Grams” venture had been forced into bankruptcy.
1968: In a game with the Pittsburgh Penguins, the Toronto Maple Leafs’ Jim Dorey was penalized nine times and spent 48 minutes in the penalty box. That’s an NHL record.
1976: Memphis deejay Rick Dees and his Cast of Idiots scored their first and only #1 single, “Disco Duck (Part I).”
1980: In Switzerland during a smash-and-grab robber at a Zurich jewelry store, the thief cut off a fingertip on broken glass. Police ID’d the fingerprint and arrested the thief within two hours.
1984: History’s tallest dog died at age nine in Milton Keynes, England. Shamgret Danzas, a Great Dane, stood 42 inches tall at the shoulders and weighed 238 pounds.
1987: The world held its breath as Texas toddler Jessica McClure was rescued from a narrow, abandoned Midland well into which she had fallen two-and-a-half days earlier.
1991: History’s largest “human centipede” performed in York, England, when 1,189 people walked 98 feet 5 inches with their ankles tied together.
1995: 24-year-old Erica Vann went into labor a month early on the midway at the State Fair of Texas in Dallas. With fair paramedics helping and the midway crowd cheering, Erica’s healthy 5-pound, 12-ounce son, Diante, was born.
1999: The Associated Press reported that Misty the ferret saved taxpayers thousands at Peterson Air Force Base in Colorado by pulling computer cables through 40-foot-long narrow conduits to bring a new missile warning center online. Misty happily did all the work for a strawberry Pop-Tart.
1999: In London, 23-year-old Daniel James landed a perfect left hook and floored Steve Tuckett in 13 seconds, including the referee’s 10-count, to record the fastest knockout in British boxing history.
2001: A Turkish bus driver glued part of his ear back on after it was cut off by thieves. The driver said he was afraid of doctors and had always treated his own wounds. He said having a piece of his ear cut off was not that serious and he fixed it himself with some super glue.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1311: The Council of Vienne was convened, called by Clement V. During its three sessions, the council suppressed the Knights Templars (the principal military-religious order of the Middle Ages).
1649: The American colony of Maine passed legislation granting religious freedom to all its citizens, on condition that those of contrary religious persuasions behave acceptably.
1752: Birth of Johann G. Eichhorn, German Old Testament scholar. Eichhorn was a pioneer in “higher criticism,” which evaluated Scripture through literary analysis and historical evidence, rather than by the unquestioned authority of systematized religious tradition.
1789: In Philadelphia, as the second general convention of the Protestant Episcopal Church closed, a church constitution had been adopted. Canons of the new denomination were ratified and a revised version of the “Book of Common Prayer” was authorized.
1812: Death of Henry Martyn, Anglican missionary to Persia. During his short life of 31 years, he translated the New Testament into Hindustani, later into Arabic and Persian. He died at sea, while returning to England.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actor (“Santa Barbara”, “Baywatch”) Jeremy Jackson 35 (
- actress (“ER”, “Christy”, “Life Goes On”) Kellie Martin 40 (
- writer-actor (The Shawshank Redemption, Bull Durham, The Hudsucker Proxy) Tim Robbins 56
- actress (“Three’s Company”) Suzanne Somers 69 (
- actor (“One Tree Hill”, “The Closer”, War Games, “The Big Easy”) Barry Corbin 74
- actress (“Murder She Wrote”, Beauty & The Beast, Bedknobs & Broomsticks) Angela Lansbury 90
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1911 : Mahalia Jackson
1923 : Bert Kaempfert
1935 : Sugar Pie DeSanto
1937 : Emile Ford (Emile Ford and the Checkmates)
1938 : Nico
1938 : Christa Paffgen
1942 : Dave Lovelady (The Fourmost)
1943 : C.F. Turner (Bachman-Turner Overdrive)
1947 : Bob Weir (Grateful Dead)
1953 : Tony Carey
1959 : Gary Kemp (Spandau Ballet)
1962 : Flea (Red Hot Chili Peppers)
1969 : Wendy Wilson (Wilson Phillips)
1977 : John Mayer
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
How much ice cream do Americans consume every year?
This really isn’t a typical question for Secrets of the Universe, but I found it interesting, so I thought I’d share it with you. Ice cream is a big business in the U. S., generating over $3 billion in annual sales. Americans consume an average of 23 quarts each every year of this life-giving, nutritious, necessary food. But despite the opportunity to sample any one of 31 flavors at the Baskin-Robbins chain, and the availability of sophisticated concoctions from other manufacturers – love that Cherry Garcia — chocolate and vanilla still fill the dish about half the time when it’s time for ice cream. In the light of these facts it is nothing short of scandalous that the government has yet to establish a minimum daily requirement for ice cream. Write to your Congressman and demand action!
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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The Sidewalk Prophets were expressing some frustration with Frontier Airlines over the weekend. They said they had no idea that the airline had added a $60 fee per carry on bag, even on something as small as a jacket that wasn’t being worn. The members of the band say even the Frontier employees were upset with the change and asked the Sidewalk Prophets to help them spread the word about the new fee. Band members tweeted: We are a gracious band but will never fly Frontier ever again!
The band Cloverton ran into a traffic jam in Steamboat Springs, Colorado. However, it wasn’t your standard traffic jam. Cloverton was delayed because the road was blocked by cows.
For King and Country traveled from one end of the North American continent to the other over the weekend. Members of the band completed a commute from the north-eastern corner of Canada to the south-western corner of the U.S.A, covering a total of 4,200 miles.
Casting Crowns front man Mark Hall has found a new use for duct tape. He was using black duct tape to hold his boot together before going on stage over the weekend. Mark said: If this thing slips off while I am on the stage tonight somebody’s going to see Jesus!
Rend Collective received a special welcome to town during their tour with Chris Tomlin over the weekend. The members of the Irish worship band shared a picture of a sign in the window of a Chick Fil A restaurant and said it’s a win: When your favorite fast food chain welcomes you to town.
Love and the Outcome members Chris and Jodi have a goal for their latest tour. They shared a picture of an In and Out Burger restaurant and said: Our goal is to eat here at least once a day on this trip.
ODD & WEIRD NEWS…
|UConn mac and cheese incident spawns fundraisers photo
HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) — UConn students are trying to use an embarrassing video about macaroni and cheese to raise a little cheddar. The video of a fellow student berating food service workers who refused to sell him jalapeno-bacon mac and cheese prompted a group of students to start an online…
|Woman stops intruder with medieval combat skills, sword
INDIANAPOLIS (AP) — An Indiana woman says her training in medieval combat helped her corner a home intruder. The Indianapolis Star reports (http://indy.st/1OsFqSo) 43-year-old Karen Dolley of Indianapolis threw punches until she had the man cornered during the Thursday night break-in. She…
|Face-down dummy Halloween prank prompts repeated 911 calls photo
DETROIT (AP) — A dummy placed face down in a Detroit woman’s front yard as a Halloween prank has prompted repeated visits by police. HASH(0x1412030) By Friday, there were no calls. “Just a dummy,” says Officer Shanelle Williams. Haddon says she puts the dummy face down in a different location…
|Police: Teen left court docs about auto theft in stolen car
ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. (AP) — Authorities say an 18-year-old man drove a stolen car to police headquarters to pick up court papers about a previous auto theft he was involved in — documents that were found in yet another stolen car. Carnell Eugene Butler now faces charges in three stolen…
|Missing snake found under dryer tried to slither away
ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) — Elvis the king cobra put up a fight, even briefly escaping, as animal control officers tried to lure it from underneath a dryer in an Orlando woman’s garage. The snake had been missing from its owner’s home since Sept. 1 and was found Wednesday in the garage about a…
|Thai beauty queen to dress like a tuk-tuk at Miss Universe photo
BANGKOK (AP) — The smoke-belching, ear-splitting, undisciplined rickshaws known as tuk-tuks are part of the chaos on Bangkok’s clogged streets. Soon however, the tuk-tuk will stroll down a more refined runway, when Miss Thailand pays homage to her country at the Miss Universe 2015 pageant…
|Prosecutors: Man posed as agent to get VIP Comic Con passes
SALT LAKE CITY (AP) — Prosecutors say a Utah man posed as a federal agent in an attempt to get VIP tickets to a Comic Con event in Salt Lake City. Jonathon M. Wall was indicted Wednesday on federal charges after the 29-year-old Layton man allegedly claimed he needed passes to catch a fugitive…
|Police: Man drops wallet, gets arrested in 12 burglaries
SOUTH BRUNSWICK, N.J. (AP) — A man who lost his driver’s license while fleeing police used the van from the adult day care center where he worked to commit burglaries of several vehicles in central New Jersey, police said. Jarred Robinson, of Franklin, was arrested in at least a dozen…
|Sleeping Idaho hunter wakes up to black bear biting his head photo
BOISE, Idaho (AP) — A hunter asleep in the remote Idaho wilderness woke up when he felt something tugging on his hair. Then he heard the black bear breathing. Stephen Vouch, 29, reached behind his head and felt it was wet. He yelled when he realized a bear was biting at his head. “He got a…
|‘Lucky’ pig gets new home after fall onto Colorado highway
LONGMONT, Colo. (AP) — A 650-pound pig that fell off a trailer in Colorado is getting a new name — “Lucky” — and a new home at a sanctuary for abandoned pigs. HASH(0x13ec480) The Weld County Sheriff’s Office couldn’t find the 3-year-old pig’s owner, so the boar was given to Hog Haven Farm…
|Pricey pooch: $10K dog found after being reported stolen
BEAVERDAM, Va. (AP) — Call it the caper of the pricey pooch. The Hanover County Sheriff’s Office says in a press release Friday that it has found a rare South African mastiff valued at $10,000 after the dog was reported stolen by its owner. Officials say the dog, which weighs 175 pounds, was…
HEALTH & FITNESS NEWS…
|Gun violence researchers becoming an endangered species? photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Amid the bloodbaths of 21st-century America, you might think that there would be a lot of research into the causes of gun violence, and which policies work best against it. You would be wrong. Gun interests, wary of any possible limits on weaponry, have successfully lobbied…
|Gene editing: Research spurs debate over promise vs. ethics photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The hottest tool in biology has scientists using words like revolutionary as they describe the long-term potential: wiping out certain mosquitoes that carry malaria, treating genetic diseases like sickle-cell, preventing babies from inheriting a life-threatening disorder. It…
|US boosts privacy protection on health insurance website photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Responding to criticism from civil liberties advocates, the Obama administration said Friday it has strengthened consumer privacy protections on the government’s health insurance website as a new sign-up season nears. HealthCare.gov CEO Kevin Counihan said in a blog post…
|Research beefing up steaks, hamburgers with healthy omega-3s photo
WICHITA, Kan. (AP) — Health-conscious consumers might be persuaded to eat more beef if it was fortified with heart-healthy omega-3 fatty acids naturally found in salmon and walnuts, according to researchers and some ranchers who are feeding cattle flaxseed — even marine algae —…
|Studies say 1/3 of young men in China to die from smoking photo
BEIJING (AP) — Research published in the medical journal The Lancet says one in three of all the young men in China are likely to die from tobacco, but that the number can fall if the men quit smoking. The studies, conducted by researchers from Oxford University, the Chinese Academy of…
|Family of Ebola nurse complains of ill treatment in Scotland
LONDON (AP) — The family of a British nurse who has been re-admitted to hospital with Ebola complications says she received bad medical advice in Scotland when she fell ill. Pauline Cafferkey is in London Royal Free Hospital’s isolation ward after becoming ill in Scotland. She was thought to…
|Measure to repeal California vaccine law won’t be on ballot
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — Proponents of an effort to repeal California’s new stricter law requiring mandatory vaccines for school children failed to submit enough signatures to qualify a ballot initiative asking voters to repeal the law. County election clerks reported receiving fewer than…
|Why is elephant cancer rare? Answer might help treat humans photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Cancer is much less common in elephants than in humans, even though the big beasts’ bodies have many more cells. That’s a paradox known among scientists, and now researchers think they may have an explanation — one they say might someday lead to new ways to protect people…
|Johnson & Johnson starts Ebola vaccine trial in Sierra Leone photo
NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. (AP) — Johnson & Johnson has begun clinical trials for an Ebola vaccine in Sierra Leone. The vaccine regimen is part of a new study being conducted in that nation’s Kambia district, where some of the country’s most recent Ebola cases have been reported. More than 11,000…
|UN: Polio vaccines in Ukraine safe despite local concerns photo
LONDON (AP) — The World Health Organization says it’s worried that millions of doses of polio vaccine might be wasted in Ukraine after a patient group raised concerns that the doses are unsafe. The U.N. health agency announced last month that the crippling disease had been identified in…
|Researcher: Children’s cancer linked to Fukushima radiation photo
TOKYO (AP) — A new study says children living near the Fukushima nuclear meltdowns have been diagnosed with thyroid cancer at a rate 20 to 50 times that of children elsewhere, a difference the authors contend undermines the government’s position that more cases have been discovered in the…
(None on the weekends)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
In China, a couple of guys ordered every beer a restaurant had in stock — which came to 812 bottles. The waiters in the restaurant opened every case of beer and then, because they paid for them, opened every bottle. Then the customers paid their bill — which included about $25 worth of food — and left. ***I guess real Chinese food is just really hard to wash down your gullet.
In the last five years, there’s been a 400% increase in kids under 12 getting drunk on hand sanitizer. ***Hand sanitizer? Who looks at Purell dispense and thinks, “Hey –I wonder what will happen if I drink that!”
More than 1,000 New York City restaurants have been fined recently for hiding their not-so-great Health Department inspection grades. ***In fact, they’re hiding the failing grades within the menus. “Hey look – they have a special on red-hot FrankFurters! They even colored the F’s in red – how cute is that!
An Alabama man was arrested after he stole a lottery ticket dispenser from a liquor store. He got caught when he attempted to cash a winning ticket at the same store. ***Apparently he didn’t hit the lottery when it comes to brains either.
Are you a morning person or a night person? According to mic.com, a new finding shows the reason for this may go far beyond personal preference, and in fact, may be linked to genetics. Researchers found different fruit flies emerged from their pupal case, or “woke up,” at different times of the day. The study authors then found they could replicate the behavior of the late risers through selective breeding, indicating a link between sleep behaviors and genetics. *** Because obviously all humans live like flies and emerge from pupas. Do scientist just assume all humans are Jeff Goldblum?
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
According to a study from The Miriam Hospital and The Warren Alpert Medical School of Brown University in Providence, people who eat when they are lonely or sad have the hardest time losing weight and keeping it off. ***MARLAR: Especially if they’re sad and single because they are overweight.
Scientists at the Salk Institute in San Diego have created mice with human brain cells, to use in testing drugs for neurological diseases such as Parkinson’s. But they say the mice are not remotely “humanized.” They say the mice have only 0.1 percent of human brain cells in their heads, which is just a trace amount, so there’s nothing about them that’s like a human. ***MARLAR: Although with 0.1 percent of human brain cells they do still qualify to run for public office.
A new study offers evidence to support what many people have learned for themselves: never go grocery shopping when you’re hungry. Researchers found that people who hadn’t eaten all afternoon chose more high-calorie foods in a supermarket than those who were given a snack just before food shopping. ***MARLAR: Following the same rule, you probably also should not go clothes shopping while naked.
Scientists have known for a long time that lycopene, the chemical that gives tomatoes their red color, fights cancer. Now, new research indicates the yellow liquid surrounding the tomato’s seeds prevents heart attacks and strokes. The fluid keeps the blood from forming clots, which can clog arteries, interrupting blood flow to the heart or brain. ***MARLAR: So from now on, be sure to ask for your pizzas with EXTRA sauce.
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Jelly Fish Gas”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Scott Wood, “Engaged/Mother-in-Law”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Louis the lion – currently the king of the jungle – decided he didn’t want to be king. So all of the animals went out searching all throughout the jungle to find a replacement king… someone to be king so Louis wouldn’t have to. And it looks like they’re getting pretty close!
CLOSE: Being king of the jungle is an awful big responsibility… and it looks like it requires an awful big crown too! But the crown doesn’t fit Louis, so there must be someone else around that can be king! We’ll find out who next time, As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF OCTOBER 17/18, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear was tied up, gagged, and tossed into the river by the animals, led by Millard the Monkey, because Gruffy refused to settle on a picnic spot. But it wasn’t long before Millard was treated the same way by Sully the Aardvark… but now Sully’s floating down the river!
CLOSE: Tune in next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
People who listen to this show are more inclined to hear this show than people who do not listen to this show. Think that statement is dumb? You ain’t heard nothing yet!
Listen carefully to this statement… according to research, “Psychiatric patients who have hallucinations in which voices command them to hurt others are more likely to be violent toward other people than those who do not.” Okay… one more time… “Psychiatric patients who have hallucinations in which voices command them to hurt others are more likely to be violent toward other people than those who do not.” In other words, if you hear voices telling you to hurt people, you’re more likely to hurt people. And it took researchers to “discover this!” How would we know these things otherwise?! Listen to this statement carefully now… “Normal people look at this study and say ‘Duh!‘”
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE A REDNECK
- The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
- You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don’t want it.
- Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
- You go to the stock car races and don’t need a program.
- You have a rag for a gas cap
- Your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does.
- You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
- Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
- A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
- You’ve used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
Playing with a bulletproof vest can get you into trouble with the police.
FILE #1: Police are seeking to withhold guns from a pair of Winnipeg, Canada, men for five years after one of them brought home a military-style bulletproof vest and, to try it out, asked the other to shoot him in the chest with a .22 rifle. After the test was performed without injury, the man decided to up the ante, so he stuffed a phone book inside the vest and asked to be shot with a 12-gauge shotgun. He survived, but suffered cracked ribs.
FILE #2: The night clerk at Kelly’s Gas in Davenport, Iowa, said a man wearing a black ski mask came in just before midnight and pulled a gun from his pocket. “I want your money,” the man said. The unnamed clerk looked at the robber and uttered two words: “Don’t even.” The surprised robber answered “O.K.,” put the gun back in his pocket, and left empty-handed.
FILE #3: Two men broke into a sports arena by breaking a glass window. The noise the crashing glass alerted police and the two thieves made a run for it. And while one of the bandits made it out of the arena and back to his house, the other guy proceeded to hide in a bathroom. He probably could have eluded the cops too, but his cell phone began ringing. It was his burglar friend calling to see if he was okay! They are now both confined to a place where they’re allowed only one phone call.
STRANGE LAW: In Maine, the most money one can legally win gambling is three dollars.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Hugs aren’t getting any kisses from the law in Iowa City.
Luke Schreder is now charged with assault on a peace officer, for hugging a policeman. Authorities say the drunken 21-year-old was told to get away, when Schreder said an officer looked like he needed a hug. Officers say Schreder didn’t take the hint and embraced the officer. That’s when the long arm of the law put the cuffs on the alleged hugger. ***MARLAR: I thought “public display of affection” was only a crime in grade school!
What’s the strangest food you’ve ever eaten? Can it be found somewhere locally?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: A man named Micah stole money from whom?
ANSWER: His mother (Judges 17:1-2)
QUESTION: In 1966, a McKinney, Texas, man set a record by committing 10 traffic offenses in how many minutes?
ANSWER: 20 minutes. He drove on the wrong side of the street four times, was involved in four hit-and-run accidents, and caused six other accidents.
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- Walt Disney was afraid of mice. (True)
- The shortest war in history lasted less than an hour. (True – it was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.)
- There were 13 couples celebrating their honeymoon on the Titanic. (True)
- To be born on Sunday was considered a sign of great sin during the Puritan times. (True)
- During his entire lifetime, Herman Melville’s timeless classic of the sea, “Moby Dick,” sold only 3,715 copies. (True)
- President John F Kennedy could read 4 newspapers in 20 minutes. (True)
- All U.S Presidents have worn glasses. (True – some just didn’t like being seen wearing them in public.)
- “Moon” was Buzz Aldrin’s (second man on the moon) mother’s maiden name. (True)
- Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns. (True)
- A poll of 3,000 Americans found that for 41 percent, the thing they’re most afraid of is heights. (False – it’s speaking before a group of people. 32 percent stated they were afraid of heights.)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
“Chemist Makes High Price Of __________ Smell Better!” (GASOLINE)
The Weekly World News say with gas prices rising and traffic conditions worsening throughout Southern California, retailers are looking for an edge at the pump. San Diego service station owner Mel Gushow has given them one. “I was thinking how it really stinks what the gas companies are doing to consumers,” said Gushow. “And then I thought, ‘There has to be a way to do something about that.” Literally.” After huddling with his brother-in-law a chemist with Hollywood based StarScent Perfumes – Gushow came up with aroma additives for gasoline called “Carma.” “These high-quality designer gas fragrances available in Expresso, Chocolate, Rose, Peppermint and Banana, are aromatherapy for motorists,” said Gushow. “We’re currently test-marketing it in three cities. You press a button on the pump and technology does the rest. It only adds a penny a gallon but it makes you feel like a million bucks.”
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
A small boy was standing near an escalator in a department store watching the moving handrail.
“Is there anything wrong?” asked a saleslady.
“Nope,” he said, I’m just waiting for my gum to come around again.
Sue, a flight attendant for a major airline, watched one day as a passenger with overloaded bags tried to stuff his belongings into the overhead bin of the plane.
Finally, she informed him that he would have to check the oversized luggage.
“When I fly other airlines,” he said irritably, “I don’t have this problem.”
Sue smiled and replied, “When you fly other airlines, I don’t have this problem either.”
The Monday Afternoon Club, an organization of wealthy city women, met and decided that this month’s outing was to be at a dairy farm. Most of them had lived in the city all their lives, and had never seen such a thing.
The day came, and the ladies filed into the rented bus, which whisked them off to their destination. On the way, they watched out the windows as the city squalor turned into lovely, unpolluted countryside. After they arrived, they were greeted by the farmer who invited them to look him up should they have any questions.
Myrtle, after looking about, and being amazed by what she saw, stepped into a building and viewed something she thought was quite remarkable. She saw the farmer walk by and hailed him – he sauntered in. ”Sir,” she inquired, “Why doesn’t this cow have any horns?”
The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone: ”Well, ma’am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep ’em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young ‘uns by puttin’ a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops ’em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow don’t have no horns, ma’am, is ’cause it’s a horse.”
Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors. ***MARLAR: So, if a person with A-Positive blood sheds the blood of a man with A-Negative blood, and that same victim sheds the blood of the A-Positive man, has blood actually been shed?
Since housecats are clean and their coats are dry and glossy, their fur easily becomes charged with electricity. Sparks can be seen if their fur is rubbed in the dark. ***MARLAR: No wonder they hate water… they’re afraid of electrocution!
The average woman will spend nearly one year of her life trying to decide what to wear. ***MARLAR: Which means the average man will spend a year of his life saying, “you look fine, let’s go.”
A man having lunch at a Chinese restaurant noticed that the table had been set with forks, not chopsticks. He asked why.
The waiter said “Chopsticks were provided only on request.”
“But,” the man countered, “if you gave your patrons chop-sticks, you wouldn’t have to pay someone to wash all the forks.”
“True,” the waiter shot back, “but we would have to hire three more people to clean up the mess.”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
People like to feel “at home” when they’re sick, or near death… but is it really to be in a home-like environment AFTER death? One funeral home seems to think so.
They take the concept of resting in peace seriously at the Humenik Funeral Chapel in Brook Park, Ohio. The chapel offers a bedroom-like setting — a bed and two end tables — instead of where the casket would usually be laid out. Owner Joe Humenik opened his own funeral home in suburban Cleveland five years ago after spending 10 years in the business. He first tried out the “reposing bed” for someone very close to him — his mother. He had observed at countless funerals how mourners awkwardly approach the casket, say their good-byes then retreat to the seating area. But when his mom was laid out in a reposing bed, people stood nearby throughout the visitation. So what’s next? Maybe laying out an individual in a favorite chair or recliner? Humenik says if the family requests it, he’ll do it.
Sparky didn’t have much going for him. He failed every subject in the eighth grade, and in high school, he flunked Latin, algebra, English, and physics. He made the golf team, but promptly lost the only important match of the season, and then lost the consolation match. He was awkward socially – more shy than disliked. He never once asked a girl to go out on a date in high school.
One thing, however, was important to Sparky – drawing. He was proud of his artwork even though no one else appreciated it. He submitted cartoons to the editors of his high school yearbook, but they were turned down. Even so, Sparky aspired to be an artist. After high school, he sent samples of his artwork to the Walt Disney Studios. Again, he was turned down.
Still, Sparky didn’t quit packing his suitcase! He decided to write his own autobiography in cartoons. The character he created became famous worldwide — the subject not only of cartoon strips but countless books, television shows, and licensing opportunities. Sparky, you see, was Charles Schulz, creator of the “Peanuts” comic strip. Like his character, Charlie Brown, Schulz may not have been able to do many things. But, he made the most of what he could do!
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
COPING WHILE CARING
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. —Psalm 46:1
A survey titled “Caregiving in the US” estimates that more than 44 million Americans are unpaid caregivers, and a majority of them currently work or have worked while providing care. The survey also found that God, family, and friends were most often cited as sources of strength by people who are caring for others.
Three-fourths of the respondents said they relied on prayer to deal with the demands of caregiving. “Prayer is the best way to refresh yourself,” said one person. “I find a quiet place and pray and cry and get relief. Then I can go back into the room calm.”
“God is our refuge and strength,” wrote the psalmist, “a very present help in trouble” (Ps. 46:1). Eugene Peterson’s vivid paraphrase says: “God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need Him.”
Through prayer, we can step into the calming presence of the Lord and find strength to go on. As we bring our heartaches and needs to God, He meets us where we are and gives us His peace. He is an ever-present help who cares for us in every situation.
Caregiving is a high calling and a difficult task. But there is strength from the Lord to help us as we care for those who need us. —David C. McCasland
I must tell Jesus all of my trials,
I cannot bear these burdens alone;
In my distress He kindly will help me,
He ever loves and cares for His own. —Hoffman
Prayer puts us in touch with God—our greatest caregiver.
NOW YOU SEA ME…
It’s red, smelly, grows in the sea, and it could solve your acne and dandruff problems!
It’s seaweed! A company off western France discovered the special powers of seaweed which it says can combat two of the scourges of adolescent life – acne and dandruff. One of the researchers said: “One day I was so fed up with it I decided to analyze it to see if it was any use for anything. We found anti-bacterial molecules – and when we tested it against dandruff and acne we found it was very effective.” The molecules that nestle inside the tough tendrils of the asparagopsis algae are so potent that 2.2 pounds will make one ton of spot cream. He said his five-strong company had patented the ingredient in Europe, the United States and Japan and hopes it will hit the market soon. ***MARLAR: Until then I’ll just stick with my face for radio.
LIFE… LIVE IT
Careful with that coffee… you might see dead people! Folks who drink a lot of coffee are more prone to hear voices, see dead people and have other kinds of hallucinations than those who steer clear of caffeine, a new study has discovered. Psychologist Simon Jones and his colleagues at Durham University in England examined 200 students and found that heavy caffeine consumers, seven cups of coffee or more a day, were three times more likely to have extra-sensory experiences than others. Caffeine induces the brain to produce a hormone called cortisol, which has been linked to hallucinations. (Sun)
JUST FOR FUN
Here’s an interesting way to propose to someone… by vacuum tube!
A Czech banker has used Prague’s underground vacuum tube postal system to propose to his future wife. He sent his message in a metal canister through the 19th century underground tubes and pipes at up to 20mph. The system was built in 1899 and is still used today by corporate clients. And here we thought that getting checks and money through those bank tubes was a fairly modern phenomenon, Czechoslovakians have been doing it for over 100 years as a mail delivery system! ***MARLAR: Although, as a marriage proposal, that kinda sucks wind.
WEIGHT LOSS IS A PROBLEM FOR MANY OF US. HERE ARE SOME HINTS…
I used to be in pretty good physical shape. In fact, I was a pretty decent looking guy in high school… but then again, that’s when I was forced to lift weights three days a week and run laps around the school gym for the Phys-Ed Teacher’s own amusement. Nowadays, I’m a bit overweight and would love to lose a little around the mid-section. Unfortunately, I’m also incredibly busy… I work on my radio show four hours every night – and then work eight hours each day. Who has time to get in shape? And there is no way that I’m giving up my Pepsi… to me, it’s like having a cup of coffee every morning. I’m useless without it. So, how do you make yourself feel better about your weight in these kinds of circumstances? Well, it’s (THE JOCK SHOW) to the rescue!
- Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner… as well as in the morning, without clothes, before breakfast, because it’s nice to see how much weight you’ve lost overnight.
- Never weigh yourself with wet hair.
- When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don’t forget the earrings, these things can weigh at least three pounds.
- Never use medical scales. Use cheap scales only, as they are always five pounds off… to your advantage.
- Always go to the bathroom first before weighing yourself.
- Don’t eat or drink in the morning until after you’ve weighed in, completely naked, of course.
- Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a pound of hair.
- Exhale with all your might before stepping onto the scale (air has to weigh something, right?).
- Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it’s worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you’d stepped on normally.
So there you go… now feel free to visit McDonald’s as often as you’d like.
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
STOP WASTING YOUR MONEY
Here are five major ways folks waste their money. Stop wasting money in these areas and you’ll never fret about your latte spending again. (from SmartMoney.com):
- New Cars – Because cars depreciate fastest during the first two or three years of ownership, that new-car smell probably costs you 30% or more than if you bought the same car used.
- Brand Names at the Supermarket – At the drug store or supermarket, some brand items are simply not worth buying. The generic versions are just as good and cost much less.
- At the Office – Granted, we’re paid to work, so the workplace isn’t your logical money pit. Answer this, though: Are you taking advantage of all benefits your employer offers?
- Cell Phone Early Termination Fees – if you want to change your carrier, just trade your service with someone else. Sites like Celltradeusa.com, can help you get out of your cell phone contract.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
A 70 year old Grandma says God shielded her from a car fire while she was rescuing a disabled man inside. When Rosemary saw the blazing van in the parking lot of the mall where she worked she didn’t hesitate. According to the Christian Post, The grandmother of five left her job and rushed past several bystanders to pull the man from the burning vehicle. Miraculously she walked away without a burn mark on her. Officials say the disabled man would not have made it if it weren’t for Rosemary’s quick action. As for how she got back to safety without a scratch or burn on her — Rosemary calls it “divine intervention.
The latest trend in jewelry is smart rings. Ringly, a company that makes fashionable smart rings, recently launched it’s latest ring. The brand has integrated the ring with over 50 applications to allow customers to receive notifications from specific apps, ranging from eBay and Instagram to Uber.
It’s getting colder out there, and in response Yahoo foods is out with a list of 10 chili recipes. However, these aren’t your standard chili recipes. Their suggestions include Maple Pumpkin Chili, Short Rib Chili, Cornbread Chili Pie, and 30 minute chili.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
THE WAY WE WORK
(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)
They call a certain stretch of water in the Caribbean “Hurricane Alley.” Severe storms in that region are common. Captains of sailing vessels know enough to consider the warnings and plan accordingly.
But even skilled sailors and captains of ships are no match for forces well beyond their control. Thus was the fate recently of the cargo ship El Faro. It left port in Jacksonville, Florida, almost two weeks ago…never to return. Along with its sinking went the souls of thirty-three crew.
Experts continue to debate the wisdom of the decision to sail, let alone to take that specific route. There is no clear cut answer. The storm turned treacherous quicker than estimated — jumping past hurricane categories 1, 2, and 3, until it settled at 4.
What that meant for these sailors was a horrifying congestion of wind, waves, and rain. The seas were raging at 50 feet. Winds howling at 125 miles per hour. As the ship listed some 15 degrees with its full load of containers and cars, it began taking on water. It wasn’t long after that the engine failed. Steering was now impossible.
No survivors were found. There was one body that surfaced in a survival suit meant to keep people afloat. Other than that, a cargo door, an empty lifeboat, and a range of flotsam and jetsam is all that could be immediately found.
It’s important to note that, despite all of our advancements, we still have these sailing tragedies today. And this one happened in a relatively short course sailing run of 1200 miles! Today’s maritime world has sophisticated weather equipment, advanced navigation, and sailing technology. Lifeboats for everyone. Survival suits.
Makes you wonder, on this Columbus Day, how they made it from Spain to cross the Atlantic in the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria. The Santa Maria ran aground near Haiti and came apart. Oops.
The other two ships were smaller and each carried about 25 men. Close quarters, my friend. Probably no antiperspirant.
As one history site notes, “All told, there were about 120 crewmen for the combined fleet. They lived on hard biscuit, salted meat, and fish. They drank beer and water. Of course, they could not drink sea-water because of the high salt content. In that day they had not yet developed methods for distilling the sea-water to remove the salt. Living conditions were difficult.” Ya think?
The article goes on to explain that the sailors slept on a hard deck, often exposed to the weather. And because of fire danger aboard a wooden ship, any fire needed had to be strictly controlled. And cooking was done in the forward part of the ship.
And lest we forget the importance of this historic day, a few more notes from an article titled “THE FOUR EXPLORATIONS OF CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS”:
“Early on the morning of October 12th land was indeed sighted, and a landing party arrived on an island in the Bahamas and named it San Salvador. It had been thirty-three days since the three ships had left the Canary Islands, off the Atlantic coast of Africa. The natives must have been surprised to hear that their island now belonged to Spain. Over the next few weeks landings were also made on Cuba, named Juana by Columbus, and Española, now known as Hispaniola, and shared by the Dominican Republic and Haiti.
“Columbus’ ships covered approximately 150 miles a day. His seafaring instincts were extraordinary. Columbus relied on “dead reckoning,” which used not only navigational instruments but also experience, intuition, observations, and guesswork to determine his ships’ positions.”
Now I realize that in this current age there are mixed reviews on the motives and behavior of the Columbus expeditions. For my purposes today, I’ll leave you to your own conclusions. (You should read the original documents and diaries.)
My point in sharing both of these stories is twofold: 1) to show that people have taken great risks and made tremendous sacrifices for our betterment, and 2) some jobs, more than others, require bravery in the face of known risks. Or call it courage.
Your job, whatever it is, may require another kind of courage. Making tough decisions. Knowing when to step out on your own. Handling employee challenges. In looking at a candidate for a job, we underestimate the importance of courage.
In the face of our challenges, when courage is needed most, it is comforting to know we can seek help from One whose power knows no limits.
As the Psalmist writes, “You answer us in amazing ways, God our Savior. People everywhere on the earth and beyond the sea trust you. You made the mountains by your strength; you are dressed in power. You stopped the roaring seas, the roaring waves, and the uproar of the nations. Even those people at the ends of the earth fear your miracles. You are praised from where the sun rises to where it sets.” (Psalm 63:5-8, NCV)
Happy Columbus Day. May you have smooth sailing.
That’s The Way WE Work.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
OCTOBER 16, 2015…
Goosebumps— Jack Black stars as the real-life writer R. L. Stine in a film about Stine’s mystery books called “Goosebumps”. This is the type of reading where it is fun to be frightened. The story has a curious neighbor accidentally letting the book characters into this world. What to do? The cast includes Dylan Minnette.” “Goosebumps” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Truth—In this film, Robert Redford stars as Dan Rather and Cate Blanchett is Mary Mapes in a behind-the-scenes look at the CBS news scandal concerning then President Bush. Information came out that the then-President military service was suspect and there was a scandal. In this film, there is a different angle. “Truth” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans of the stars.
Beasts of No Nation—This is actually a Netflix movie, based on the novel by Uzogdinna Iweala, and stars Idris Elba in a story about a boy soldier in Africa. The boy (Abraham Attah) is forced to become a soldier during the fighting in Africa with Elba as his scary commander .A film not for children. “Beasts of No Nation” is rated R. Rating of 3.
Crimson Peak—Shades of gothic books and movies, this one has Mia Wasikowska living in Northern England and is courted by a mysterious stranger, Tom Hiddleston and comes to live in a castle/mansion in a deserted part of the country. What else is new? “Crimson Peak” is rated R. No rating.
Room—Here is a film about living in a small room…for years…with a child, too. Such is the fate of Brie Larson who runs into a nut case who imprisons her. This is a scary situation. All, too often, this type of story is in the headlines. “Room” is rated R. Rating of 3.
Bridge Of Spies—This is based on the true story of exchanging a Russian spy for an America pilot during the Cold War. Tom Hanks is an attorney who is “asked” by the CIA to handle the negotiations. The American pilot is Mark Rylance. Also in the cast is Amy Ryan. “Bridge of Spies” is rated R and directed by Steven Spielberg. Rating of 3 for fans.
Bone Tomahawk stars Kurt Russell in an action/horror western.
Burnt with Bradley Cooper as a chef trying to get back on top of the culinary world.
Jem and the Holograms with Aubrey Peeples and Juliette Lewis is based on the old TV series.
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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.