October 16, 2016: Sunday ONAIRprep

***DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS – FREE TO AIR! (Need to receive this earlier than when it’s posted? Get FTP access and receive a fully-produced version FREE with a customized tag specifically for your station or show! Contact me with your ONAIRprep username for details!)

AND NOW… ON WITH THE SHOW!

PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20161016

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I’ve been in this business for many, many years, and I’ve learned one thing: it is really hard to get out of this business.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going. Thomas said to him, ‘Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?’ Jesus answered, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.'” –John 14:3-6

Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. –Titus 2:2

How great you are, O Sovereign Lord! There is no one like you, and there is no God but you, as we have heard with our own ears. — 2 Samuel 7:22

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

For our God is a consuming fire. — Hebrews 12:29

Thought: We should worship God with reverence because he is a consuming fire! Mmm. What does that mean? Is the focus on his holiness? Does this warn of judgment? Is this an expression of his purity? Yes, YES, YES! You see, God is holy and pure and righteous. Our imperfections, flaws, failures, and sins stand out glaringly in comparison to his perfection. Yet rather than destroying us with his holy fire. He can make us new and clean and more than what we once were. So not only can we draw near to him because of Jesus, we can stay near him as we live Jesus’ life in our world (see Hebrews 13). That, dear friend, is reverential worship at its finest!

Prayer: Righteous and holy God, please forgive me for my sin, my lack of boldness, and my unexercised faith. Thank you for not compromising your holiness, but, instead, sacrificing your Son to perfect and purify me by your grace so I can come before you. As I live this week, may your holiness be exalted by my conduct and reflected in my character. I ask this in the name of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

Hebrews 10:16 NIV = This is the covenant I will make with them after that time, says the Lord. I will put my laws in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds.”

TODAY IS SUNDAY – OCTOBER 16, 2016

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
71 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is NATIONAL BOSS DAY, a day for employees to honor their bosses. ***The boss has asked me to stay away from him – so I’m leaving early today. Out of respect.

1999: The Associated Press reported that Misty the ferret saved taxpayers thousands at Peterson Air Force Base in Colorado by pulling computer cables through 40-foot-long narrow conduits to bring a new missile warning center online. Misty happily did all the work for a strawberry Pop-Tart. ***And I don’t care if it IS National Boss Day, the answer is NO – I won’t start doing my job for strawberry Pop-Tarts.

Today is WORLD FOOD DAY, a day to try foods from all different cultures. ***My problem with eating foods from other cultures is that I may have to go get a culture done afterwards to find out what made me sick.

Today is REPTILE AWARENESS DAY. ***I’d like to be made aware of whether or not my main course on World Food Day happens to be reptile.

Today is NATIONAL CLEAN YOUR BUG ZAPPER DAY. ***In some of the world’s cultures this provides a side dish for dinner.

Today is NATIONAL THROW UP AT THE FAIR DAY. ***What you do after trying food from a different culture and finding out it was made with reptiles and a bug zapper.

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

National Feral Cat Day

Department Store Day

Dictionary Day

National Sunday School Teacher Appreciation Day

World Toy Camera Day

World Food Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below.)

MONDAY, OCTOBER 17

Black Poetry Day

National Boss’s Day

International Day for the Eradication of Poverty

Mulligan Day

National Clean Your Virtual Desktop Day

National Edge Day

National Pasta Day

Wear Something Gaudy Day

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 18

Hard Boiled Guy/Girl Day

National Cupcake Day

National Pharmacy Technician Day

Pro-Life Day of Silent Solidarity

World Menopause Day

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 19

Evaluate Your Life Day

Hagfish Day

International Overload Day

Medial Assistants Recognition Day

Support Your Local Chamber of Commerce Day

Unity Day

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 20

Conflict Resolution Day

Get To Know Your Customers Day

Get Smart About Credit Day

International Credit Union Day

Miss American Rose Day

Spirit Day

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 21

Celebration of the Mind Day

Global Iodine Deficiency Disorder Prevention Day

Mammography Day

National Pharmacy Buyer Day

Reptile Awareness Day

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 22

Caps Locks Day

International Stuttering Awareness Day

Make a Difference Day

National Nut Day

Pit Bull Awareness Day

Smart Is Cool Day

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 23

iPod Day

Mother-in-Law Day

National Mole Day

Swallows Depart From San Juan Capistrano Day

TV Talk Show Host Day

Xterra World Championships

MONDAY, OCTOBER 24

Food Day

Lung Health Day

World Development Information Day

ON THIS DAY

1923: Walt Disney contracted with M.J. Winkler to distribute the “Alice Comedies,” the beginning of Disney Company. The “Alice Comedies” featured Alice, a live action girl, and an animated cat named Julius. Disney’s previous “Laugh-O-Grams” venture had been forced into bankruptcy.

1968: In a game with the Pittsburgh Penguins, the Toronto Maple Leafs’ Jim Dorey was penalized nine times and spent 48 minutes in the penalty box. That’s an NHL record.

1976: Memphis deejay Rick Dees and his Cast of Idiots scored their first and only #1 single, “Disco Duck (Part I).”

1980: In Switzerland during a smash-and-grab robber at a Zurich jewelry store, the thief cut off a fingertip on broken glass. Police ID’d the fingerprint and arrested the thief within two hours.

1984: History’s tallest dog died at age nine in Milton Keynes, England. Shamgret Danzas, a Great Dane, stood 42 inches tall at the shoulders and weighed 238 pounds.

1987: The world held its breath as Texas toddler Jessica McClure was rescued from a narrow, abandoned Midland well into which she had fallen two-and-a-half days earlier.

1991: History’s largest “human centipede” performed in York, England, when 1,189 people walked 98 feet 5 inches with their ankles tied together.

1995: 24-year-old Erica Vann went into labor a month early on the midway at the State Fair of Texas in Dallas. With fair paramedics helping and the midway crowd cheering, Erica’s healthy 5-pound, 12-ounce son, Diante, was born.

1999: The Associated Press reported that Misty the ferret saved taxpayers thousands at Peterson Air Force Base in Colorado by pulling computer cables through 40-foot-long narrow conduits to bring a new missile warning center online. Misty happily did all the work for a strawberry Pop-Tart.

1999: In London, 23-year-old Daniel James landed a perfect left hook and floored Steve Tuckett in 13 seconds, including the referee’s 10-count, to record the fastest knockout in British boxing history.

2001: A Turkish bus driver glued part of his ear back on after it was cut off by thieves. The driver said he was afraid of doctors and had always treated his own wounds. He said having a piece of his ear cut off was not that serious and he fixed it himself with some super glue.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1311: The Council of Vienne was convened, called by Clement V. During its three sessions, the council suppressed the Knights Templars (the principal military-religious order of the Middle Ages).

1649: The American colony of Maine passed legislation granting religious freedom to all its citizens, on condition that those of contrary religious persuasions behave acceptably.

1752: Birth of Johann G. Eichhorn, German Old Testament scholar. Eichhorn was a pioneer in “higher criticism,” which evaluated Scripture through literary analysis and historical evidence, rather than by the unquestioned authority of systematized religious tradition.

1789: In Philadelphia, as the second general convention of the Protestant Episcopal Church closed, a church constitution had been adopted. Canons of the new denomination were ratified and a revised version of the “Book of Common Prayer” was authorized.

1812: Death of Henry Martyn, Anglican missionary to Persia. During his short life of 31 years, he translated the New Testament into Hindustani, later into Arabic and Persian. He died at sea, while returning to England.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor (“Santa Barbara”, “Baywatch”) Jeremy Jackson 36 (audio clip)
  • actress (“ER”, “Christy”, “Life Goes On”) Kellie Martin 41 (audio clip)
  • writer-actor (The Shawshank Redemption, Bull Durham, The Hudsucker Proxy) Tim Robbins 57
  • actress (“Three’s Company”) Suzanne Somers 70 (audio clip)
  • actor (“One Tree Hill”, “The Closer”, War Games, “The Big Easy”) Barry Corbin 75
  • actress (“Murder She Wrote”, Beauty & The Beast, Bedknobs & Broomsticks) Angela Lansbury 91

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1911 : Mahalia Jackson

1923 : Bert Kaempfert

1935 : Sugar Pie DeSanto

1937 : Emile Ford (Emile Ford and the Checkmates)

1938 : Nico

1938 : Christa Paffgen

1942 : Dave Lovelady (The Fourmost)

1943 : C.F. Turner (Bachman-Turner Overdrive)

1947 : Bob Weir (Grateful Dead)

1953 : Tony Carey

1959 : Gary Kemp (Spandau Ballet)

1962 : Flea (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

1969 : Wendy Wilson (Wilson Phillips)

1977 : John Mayer

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

How much ice cream do Americans consume every year?

This really isn’t a typical question for Secrets of the Universe, but I found it interesting, so I thought I’d share it with you. Ice cream is a big business in the U. S., generating over $3 billion in annual sales. Americans consume an average of 23 quarts each every year of this life-giving, nutritious, necessary food. But despite the opportunity to sample any one of 31 flavors at the Baskin-Robbins chain, and the availability of sophisticated concoctions from other manufacturers – love that Cherry Garcia — chocolate and vanilla still fill the dish about half the time when it’s time for ice cream. In the light of these facts it is nothing short of scandalous that the government has yet to establish a minimum daily requirement for ice cream. Write to your Congressman and demand action!

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

This is just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receiving three days a week from ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

Natalie Grant on busyness: I’ve been home for only 24 hours. I’m in the studio because I need to record a voiceover for the concert intro of my tour which starts next week – but I also need to fold that basket of laundry and pack my suitcase so I can get to the airport in an hour. But I’m putting my feet up – even for 5 minutes – and taking a deep breath. We are ALL busy. My busy might look different than yours, but our need for self care is the same. Even if it’s just 5 minutes…take a moment and breathe deep. Don’t think about all that’s wrong – take those 5 minutes and think about all that’s right. And then carry on.

Tour life is changing for Love and the Outcome. Jodi posted a picture of she and her young son, Milo, sitting on the floor of their tour bus. She said: It’s 7:30 am and everyone else is sleeping, but Milo’s ready for the day.  https://twitter.com/loveandoutcome/status/784818038877089792/photo/1

Matt Redman will release his first Christmas album this month. The long time worship leader says his latest CD, These Christmas Lights, will officially be available on October 21. However, Matt says that those of you who likes to plan ahead can pre-order the new album right now. In These Christmas Lights Redman shares his interpretation of well known holiday favorites while also creating new, originals including “His Name Shall Be,” “Help from Heaven,” the title track and more. http://smarturl.it/TheseChristmasLights

TobyMac is in a good mood. He posted Titans win, Washington wins, Steelers win; a good day.

17 years ago Jaun Devevo was at a Friday night Bible study looking for a girlfriend. The Casting Crowns guitarist posted a picture this weekend of he and his wife Melodee as they sat side by side, both on their own cell phones. Jaun said: I found somebody I can introvert with…for 17 years. https://www.instagram.com/p/BLWhPK8h1hS/

A sad day for Citizenway’s David Blascoe. He posted: This morning a little part of me died. Pepper, his cat of 9 years, died on Saturday.

Jamie Grace was reliving her high school years over the weekend. She posted: you know those friends in high school who bought matching clothes? We may be in our 20s, but a reunion calls for twin sweats. Also calls for jumping on the bed like we’re kids again.

Do you know yet where you will ring in the New Year? The Newsboys do. They announced over the weekend that they will be part of Liberty University’s 2016 WINTERFEST! Band members posted: We’ll be ringing in the New Year along with for King & Country, Andy Mineo, RED and more!

A new vlog is now available from Hawk Nelson’s Jon Steingard. The lead singer of the band gave a tour of their bus and also a brief overview of setup for the tour. Hear about Jon’s asbestos mouth and watch more drone footage. https://youtu.be/Z1BDF0tox50

The Irish worship band Rend Collective released Campfire II late last week. Just before it’s release, members of the band posted: As Campfire II goes live around the world we wanted to leave you with this thought: the fireside (like the church!) is for everyone. It’s for the broken, the outsider, the hungry, the poor, the abandoned. For every wanderer still looking for a place to belong, these songs are for you.

NEWS KICKERS

(No news on the weekends. As on ONAIRprep subscriber, you can get a fully-produced, customized version of the Daily Dose of Weird News FREE with a station or show specific tag! Email darren@onairprep.com for details!)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

WONDER WOMAN (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Noah’s Mosquitos”

DAILY COMEDY CLIP (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Ken Davis, “Rat Salad”

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE


OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!

When last we left the jungle, just as Gruffy Bear and Sully the Aardvark were getting ready to play their regular game of checkers, a lost grizzly bear came knocking on the door. Gruffy Bear decided to cancel the checkers match until later that night so he could help the grizzly find his way…

CLOSE: Well that’s good, as tempting as it is, Gruffy is going to honor his promise to Sully and play checkers with him… that’s nice. Unfortunately, that means Gruffy’s new friend, Grizz, is going to have to forfeit the bowling tournament! Is there a solution to that problem? We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns! right now – is sinking in quick sand! Will Gruffy be able to save him? Tune in next time to find out – As the Jungle Turns!

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION (This feature will be disappearing in 2017)

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF OCTOBER 15/16

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, all of the jungle animals were so scared of a giant-footed monster (a monster that no one had ever really seen, but assumed existed because they saw the footprints) that they’ve all decided to pack up their belongings, and sell everything they own to make it easier to run away!

CLOSE: Who’s going to buy furniture from a skunk? Not without a LOT of Febreeze, at least. And now all of the jungle animals have just as much junk as they started with, they’re still in the jungle, and there is still a giant-footed creature on the loose that nobody has seen! Find out what happens next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

People who listen to this show are more inclined to hear this show than people who do not listen to this show. Think that statement is dumb?  You ain’t heard nothing yet!

Listen carefully to this statement… according to research, “Psychiatric patients who have hallucinations in which voices command them to hurt others are more likely to be violent toward other people than those who do not.”  Okay… one more time… “Psychiatric patients who have hallucinations in which voices command them to hurt others are more likely to be violent toward other people than those who do not.”  In other words, if you hear voices telling you to hurt people, you’re more likely to hurt people.  And it took researchers to “discover this!” How would we know these things otherwise?!  Listen to this statement carefully now… “Normal people look at this study and say ‘Duh!‘”

TOP TEN

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE A REDNECK

10. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

9. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don’t want it.

8. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

7. You go to the stock car races and don’t need a program.

6. You have a rag for a gas cap

5. Your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does.

4. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

3. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

2. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

1. You’ve used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Playing with a bulletproof vest can get you into trouble with the police.

FILE #1: Police are seeking to withhold guns from a pair of Winnipeg, Canada, men for five years after one of them brought home a military-style bulletproof vest and, to try it out, asked the other to shoot him in the chest with a .22 rifle. After the test was performed without injury, the man decided to up the ante, so he stuffed a phone book inside the vest and asked to be shot with a 12-gauge shotgun. He survived, but suffered cracked ribs.

FILE #2: The night clerk at Kelly’s Gas in Davenport, Iowa, said a man wearing a black ski mask came in just before midnight and pulled a gun from his pocket. “I want your money,” the man said. The unnamed clerk looked at the robber and uttered two words: “Don’t even.” The surprised robber answered “O.K.,” put the gun back in his pocket, and left empty-handed.

FILE #3: Two men broke into a sports arena by breaking a glass window. The noise the crashing glass alerted police and the two thieves made a run for it. And while one of the bandits made it out of the arena and back to his house, the other guy proceeded to hide in a bathroom. He probably could have eluded the cops too, but his cell phone began ringing. It was his burglar friend calling to see if he was okay! They are now both confined to a place where they’re allowed only one phone call.

STRANGE LAW: In Maine, the most money one can legally win gambling is three dollars.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Hugs aren’t getting any kisses from the law in Iowa City.

Luke Schreder is now charged with assault on a peace officer, for hugging a policeman. Authorities say the drunken 21-year-old was told to get away, when Schreder said an officer looked like he needed a hug. Officers say Schreder didn’t take the hint and embraced the officer. That’s when the long arm of the law put the cuffs on the alleged hugger.  ***MARLAR: I thought “public display of affection” was only a crime in grade school!

PHONER PHUN

What’s the strangest food you’ve ever eaten? Can it be found somewhere locally?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: A man named Micah stole money from whom?

ANSWER: His mother (Judges 17:1-2)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: In 1966, a McKinney, Texas, man set a record by committing 10 traffic offenses in how many minutes?

ANSWER: 20 minutes. He drove on the wrong side of the street four times, was involved in four hit-and-run accidents, and caused six other accidents. 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. Walt Disney was afraid of mice. (True)

2. The shortest war in history lasted less than an hour. (True – it was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.)

3. There were 13 couples celebrating their honeymoon on the Titanic. (True)

4. To be born on Sunday was considered a sign of great sin during the Puritan times. (True)

5. During his entire lifetime, Herman Melville’s timeless classic of the sea, “Moby Dick,” sold only 3,715 copies. (True)

6. President John F Kennedy could read 4 newspapers in 20 minutes. (True)

7. All U.S Presidents have worn glasses. (True – some just didn’t like being seen wearing them in public.)

8. “Moon” was Buzz Aldrin’s (second man on the moon) mother’s maiden name. (True)

9. Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns. (True)

10. A poll of 3,000 Americans found that for 41 percent, the thing they’re most afraid of is heights. (False – it’s speaking before a group of people. 32 percent stated they were afraid of heights.)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Chemist Makes High Price Of __________ Smell Better!” (GASOLINE)


The Weekly World News says with gas prices rising and traffic conditions worsening throughout Southern California, retailers are looking for an edge at the pump. San Diego service station owner Mel Gushow has given them one. “I was thinking how it really stinks what the gas companies are doing to consumers,” said Gushow. “And then I thought, ‘There has to be a way to do something about that.” Literally.” After huddling with his brother-in-law a chemist with Hollywood based StarScent Perfumes – Gushow came up with aroma additives for gasoline called “Carma.” “These high-quality designer gas fragrances available in Expresso, Chocolate, Rose, Peppermint and Banana, are aromatherapy for motorists,” said Gushow. “We’re currently test-marketing it in three cities. You press a button on the pump and technology does the rest. It only adds a penny a gallon but it makes you feel like a million bucks.”

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

A small boy was standing near an escalator in a department store watching the moving handrail.
“Is there anything wrong?” asked a saleslady.
“Nope,” he said, I’m just waiting for my gum to come around again.

JOKE #2

Sue, a flight attendant for a major airline, watched one day as a passenger with overloaded bags tried to stuff his belongings into the overhead bin of the plane.

Finally, she informed him that he would have to check the oversized luggage.

“When I fly other airlines,” he said irritably, “I don’t have this problem.”

Sue smiled and replied, “When you fly other airlines, I don’t have this problem either.”

JOKE #3

The Monday Afternoon Club, an organization of wealthy city women, met and decided that this month’s outing was to be at a dairy farm. Most of them had lived in the city all their lives, and had never seen such a thing.

The day came, and the ladies filed into the rented bus, which whisked them off to their destination. On the way, they watched out the windows as the city squalor turned into lovely, unpolluted countryside.  After they arrived, they were greeted by the farmer who invited them to look him up should they have any questions.

Myrtle, after looking about, and being amazed by what she saw, stepped into a building and viewed something she thought was quite remarkable. She saw the farmer walk by and hailed him – he sauntered in.


”Sir,” she inquired, “Why doesn’t this cow have any horns?”

The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone:
”Well, ma’am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep ’em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young ‘uns by puttin’ a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops ’em cold.  Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow don’t have no horns, ma’am, is ’cause it’s a horse.”

USELESS FACTS

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.  ***So, if a person with A-Positive blood sheds the blood of a man with A-Negative blood, and that same victim sheds the blood of the A-Positive man, has blood actually been shed?

Since housecats are clean and their coats are dry and glossy, their fur easily becomes charged with electricity. Sparks can be seen if their fur is rubbed in the dark.  ***No wonder they hate water… they’re afraid of electrocution!

The average woman will spend nearly one year of her life trying to decide what to wear.  ***Which means the average man will spend a year of his life saying, “you look fine, let’s go.”

FEATURED FUNNIES

CHINESE DINING

A man having lunch at a Chinese restaurant noticed that the table had been set with forks, not chopsticks. He asked why.

The waiter said “Chopsticks were provided only on request.”

“But,” the man countered, “if you gave your patrons chop-sticks, you wouldn’t have to pay someone to wash all the forks.”

“True,” the waiter shot back, “but we would have to hire three more people to clean up the mess.”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

People like to feel “at home” when they’re sick, or near death… but is it really to be in a home-like environment AFTER death?  One funeral home seems to think so.

They take the concept of resting in peace seriously at the Humenik Funeral Chapel in Brook Park, Ohio. The chapel offers a bedroom-like setting — a bed and two end tables — instead of where the casket would usually be laid out. Owner Joe Humenik opened his own funeral home in suburban Cleveland five years ago after spending 10 years in the business. He first tried out the “reposing bed” for someone very close to him — his mother. He had observed at countless funerals how mourners awkwardly approach the casket, say their good-byes then retreat to the seating area. But when his mom was laid out in a reposing bed, people stood nearby throughout the visitation. So what’s next? Maybe laying out an individual in a favorite chair or recliner? Humenik says if the family requests it, he’ll do it.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

SPARKY

Sparky didn’t have much going for him. He failed every subject in the eighth grade, and in high school, he flunked Latin, algebra, English, and physics. He made the golf team, but promptly lost the only important match of the season, and then lost the consolation match. He was awkward socially – more shy than disliked. He never once asked a girl to go out on a date in high school.

One thing, however, was important to Sparky – drawing. He was proud of his artwork even though no one else appreciated it. He submitted cartoons to the editors of his high school yearbook, but they were turned down. Even so, Sparky aspired to be an artist. After high school, he sent samples of his artwork to the Walt Disney Studios. Again, he was turned down.

Still, Sparky didn’t quit packing his suitcase! He decided to write his own autobiography in cartoons. The character he created became famous worldwide — the subject not only of cartoon strips but countless books, television shows, and licensing opportunities. Sparky, you see, was Charles Schulz, creator of the “Peanuts” comic strip. Like his character, Charlie Brown, Schulz may not have been able to do many things. But, he made the most of what he could do!

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

COPING WHILE CARING

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. —Psalm 46:1

A survey titled “Caregiving in the US” estimates that more than 44 million Americans are unpaid caregivers, and a majority of them currently work or have worked while providing care. The survey also found that God, family, and friends were most often cited as sources of strength by people who are caring for others.

Three-fourths of the respondents said they relied on prayer to deal with the demands of caregiving. “Prayer is the best way to refresh yourself,” said one person. “I find a quiet place and pray and cry and get relief. Then I can go back into the room calm.”

“God is our refuge and strength,” wrote the psalmist, “a very present help in trouble” (Ps. 46:1). Eugene Peterson’s vivid paraphrase says: “God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need Him.”

Through prayer, we can step into the calming presence of the Lord and find strength to go on. As we bring our heartaches and needs to God, He meets us where we are and gives us His peace. He is an ever-present help who cares for us in every situation.

Caregiving is a high calling and a difficult task. But there is strength from the Lord to help us as we care for those who need us. —David C. McCasland

I must tell Jesus all of my trials,
I cannot bear these burdens alone;
In my distress He kindly will help me,
He ever loves and cares for His own.  —Hoffman

Prayer puts us in touch with God—our greatest caregiver.

LEFTOVERS

NOW YOU SEA ME…

It’s red, smelly, grows in the sea, and it could solve your acne and dandruff problems!

It’s seaweed! A company off western France discovered the special powers of seaweed which it says can combat two of the scourges of adolescent life – acne and dandruff. One of the researchers said: “One day I was so fed up with it I decided to analyze it to see if it was any use for anything. We found anti-bacterial molecules – and when we tested it against dandruff and acne we found it was very effective.”  The molecules that nestle inside the tough tendrils of the asparagopsis algae are so potent that 2.2 pounds will make one ton of spot cream. He said his five-strong company had patented the ingredient in Europe, the United States and Japan and hopes it will hit the market soon.  ***MARLAR: Until then I’ll just stick with my face for radio.

LIFE… LIVE IT

Careful with that coffee… you might see dead people! Folks who drink a lot of coffee are more prone to hear voices, see dead people and have other kinds of hallucinations than those who steer clear of caffeine, a new study has discovered. Psychologist Simon Jones and his colleagues at Durham University in England examined 200 students and found that heavy caffeine consumers, seven cups of coffee or more a day, were three times more likely to have extra-sensory experiences than others. Caffeine induces the brain to produce a hormone called cortisol, which has been linked to hallucinations. (Sun)

JUST FOR FUN

TUBULAR

Here’s an interesting way to propose to someone… by vacuum tube!

A Czech banker has used Prague’s underground vacuum tube postal system to propose to his future wife. He sent his message in a metal canister through the 19th century underground tubes and pipes at up to 20mph. The system was built in 1899 and is still used today by corporate clients. And here we thought that getting checks and money through those bank tubes was a fairly modern phenomenon, Czechoslovakians have been doing it for over 100 years as a mail delivery system!  ***MARLAR: Although, as a marriage proposal, that kinda sucks wind.

FUN LIST

WEIGHT LOSS IS A PROBLEM FOR MANY OF US.  HERE ARE SOME HINTS…

I used to be in pretty good physical shape. In fact, I was a pretty decent looking guy in high school… but then again, that’s when I was forced to lift weights three days a week and run laps around the school gym for the Phys-Ed Teacher’s own amusement. Nowadays, I’m a bit overweight and would love to lose a little around the mid-section. Unfortunately, I’m also incredibly busy… I work on my radio show four hours every night – and then work eight hours each day. Who has time to get in shape? And there is no way that I’m giving up my Pepsi… to me, it’s like having a cup of coffee every morning. I’m useless without it. So, how do you make yourself feel better about your weight in these kinds of circumstances? Well, it’s (THE JOCK SHOW) to the rescue!

  • Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner… as well as in the morning, without clothes, before breakfast, because it’s nice to see how much weight you’ve lost overnight.

  • Never weigh yourself with wet hair.

  • When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don’t forget the earrings, these things can weigh at least three pounds.

  • Never use medical scales.  Use cheap scales only, as they are always five pounds off… to your advantage.

  • Always go to the bathroom first before weighing yourself.

  • Don’t eat or drink in the morning until after you’ve weighed in, completely naked, of course.

  • Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a pound of hair.

  • Exhale with all your might before stepping onto the scale (air has to weigh something, right?).

  • Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it’s worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you’d stepped on normally.

So there you go… now feel free to visit McDonald’s as often as you’d like.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

STOP WASTING YOUR MONEY

Here are five major ways folks waste their money. Stop wasting money in these areas and you’ll never fret about your latte spending again. (from SmartMoney.com):

  1. New Cars – Because cars depreciate fastest during the first two or three years of ownership, that new-car smell probably costs you 30% or more than if you bought the same car used.

  2. Brand Names at the Supermarket – At the drug store or supermarket, some brand items are simply not worth buying. The generic versions are just as good and cost much less.

  3. At the Office – Granted, we’re paid to work, so the workplace isn’t your logical money pit. Answer this, though: Are you taking advantage of all benefits your employer offers?

  4. Cell Phone Early Termination Fees – if you want to change your carrier, just trade your service with someone else. Sites like Celltradeusa.com, can help you get out of your cell phone contract.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

Science has finally proven what passionate poems, sappy songs and romantic novels have been telling us for ages true love exists and never dies. Psychologists scanned the brains of old married folks and discovered that many of the spouses’ minds lit up just like randy teenagers at the sight of their mates even after more than 20 years of wedded bliss. Lead researcher Arthur Aron says, “The findings go against the traditional view of romance that it drops off sharply in the first decade but we’re sure our results are real.”

You’re already behind the curve if you don’t start thinking about Christmas shopping until after Thanksgiving. 34 million people have already started their Christmas shopping and one million claim they’ve already finished it. The report in CBN says that, if that statistic makes you feel a little bit like Scrooge, you’re not alone — 73 percent of Americans are annoyed by the early holiday shopping season. Retailers say the have to start their holiday sales earlier to meet the demands of their customers.  ***How about you – have you started your Christmas shopping?  Personally, I’m still trying to finish up from LAST Christmas!  http://go.cbn.com/13364

Chris Tomlin, Third Day, Toby Mac and other pop Christian artists have been banned on public school buses in Siloam Springs, Arkansas. According to a recent report by Fox News’s Todd Starnes, The school district recently told a bus driver to stop playing a Christian radio station while driving children to school. The CBN report says the complaint was filed by the Freedom From Religion Foundation, a Wisconsin-based group.

http://fw.to/s8fwUsX

Buy whatever you want whenever you want, but also give away some of yours if you want to be truly happy. How can giving to others make you happy? Researchers at the University of British Columbia and Harvard University determined that people who buy presents for their family and friends or give money to charitable organizations report being happier than more miserly people who don’t share.

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

OCTOBER 14, 2016…

Mascots—This is a movie with Christopher Guest  (remember “Best In Show”) who helps mascots from sports team compete in their own contest about performance and costume. Let your mind go wild here. How about the Gold Fluffy as the name of a trophy  The cast includes Jane Lynch, Ed Begley, Jr., Zach Woods and Sarah Baker. “Mascots” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans of “sports” competitions.

The Accountant—Autism and dealing with it is part of the topic in this movie about a gifted man with numbers (Ben Affleck) works with criminals and also with good guys. He can find where the money is going and who is taking a share.  However…where is justice?  Hmm. Also in the cast are Anna Kendrick and J. K Simmons. “The Accountant” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans of numbers.

Kevin Hart: What Now?—Comic Kevin Hart has a new concert film out for fans which was filmed in Philadelphia. “Kevin Hart: What Now?” is not rated.

Desierto—Jeffrey Dean Morgan (“The Good Wife”) now takes on an action role in this thriller of problems along the U.S.-Mexico border. Also in the cast is Gael Garcia Bernal. “Desierto” is rated R. No rating.

Tower—This documentary is about the shootings on the University of Texas campus, August 1, 1996. The campus was shut down for over 90 minutes and in the end, 16 people were dead. This Keith Maitland directed film, has interviews with people from that time period.  “Tower” has no rating but could be PG 13 for themed material. No rating.

OCTOBER 21, 2016…

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back has Tom Cruise back in action. No more need be said.

In A Valley Of Violence concerns two men with a grudge going for a fight. Stars Ethan Hawke.

Moonlight is about a young African American man who tries to discover what he wants in life.

Ouija: Origin Of Evil begins the horror films before Halloween.

Tyler Perry’s Boo! A Madea Halloween says it all in the title. For Tyler Perry fans.

American Pastoral stars Ewan McGregor (both director and star) in an adaptation of Philip Roth’s novel of dealing with a family crisis in the 1960’s.

Keeping Up With The Joneses concerns a typical suburban couple with mysterious neighbors. A comedy. Stars Isla Fisher and Jon Hamm.

A Monster Calls is about a tree that comes to life to help a little boy cope with family problems. Stars Lewis MacDougall. Adapted from a Patrick Ness novel.

# # # # #

WARNING: Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.