October 17, 2015: Saturday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20151017

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Today’s parenting tip. Remember, if you’re playing catch with your children, don’t throw them too high. And choose a room without ceiling fans.

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“…and the God of comfort who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” –2 Corinthians 1:3-4

 

He leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. –Psalm 23:2-3

 

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. — Psalm 19:14

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

Worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness; tremble before him, all the earth. — Psalm 96:9

 

Thought: Don’t you really appreciate the phrase “the splendor of his holiness” and long to behold that splendor? It conjures up reminders of Isaiah’s encounter with God in Isaiah 6 or John’s vision of Jesus in Revelation 1. God’s essence — known in the Old Testament as his glory and his holiness — can be described only as splendorous! Our only fitting response is to join the angels of Isaiah 6 and the twenty-four elders around the throne in Revelation and worship God and cry, “Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty. The whole earth is full of his glory.”

 

Prayer: You are holy, majestic God, more than my mind can grasp or my imagination can dream. I worship and praise you for your glory, might, grace, and mercy. I hunger for the day when I can see your splendor face to face and join the angels of heaven and the twenty-four elders in never ending worship and praise. Through Jesus I offer this praise and my life. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Romans 10:17 NIV = Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ.

 

 

TODAY IS SATURDAY – OCTOBER 17, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 69 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

FREEDOM FROM BULLIES WEEK is this week.  ***MARLAR: The rest of the year, sadly, you must remain oppressed.

 

Today is BIG YELLOW HAT DAY. ***MARLAR: Which is appropriate if Curious George is part of your staff. Otherwise, forget about it.

 

Today is NATIONAL GAUDY DAY. ***MARLAR: Which is what you are if you’re a bully walking around wearing a big yellow hat today. Not that anyone is brave enough to tell you that. (National Gaudy Day – also known by our receptionist as “Weekdays”.

 

Today is MULLIGAN DAY, a day to give yourself or someone else a second chance, a day for a do-over.  ***MARLAR: Now life would be really cool if you could just call for a mulligan, wouldn’t it?  Did you answer a question wrong during your blind date? “Mulligan!” Did you wear a big yellow hat today? “Mulligan!”

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Black Poetry Day

Boss’s Day (National Boss Day)

International Day for the Eradication of Poverty

Mulligan Day

National Pasta Day

National Clean Your Virtual Desktop Day

Wear Something Gaudy Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 18

Hard Boiled Guy/Girl Day

National Chocolate Cupcake Day

Pro-Life Day of Silent Solidarity

World Menopause Day

 

MONDAY, OCTOBER 19

Evaluate Your Life Day

Hagfish Day

Information Overload Day

Medical Assistants Recognition Day

Support Your Local Chamber of Commerce Day

Unity Day

 

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 20

Birth of the Bab

Miss American Rose Day

 

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 21

Celebration of The Mind Day

Unity Day

Hagfish Day

Information Overload Day

Global Iodine Deficiency Disorder (IDD) Prevention Day

Medical Assistants Recognition Day

Pro-Life Day of Silent Solidarity

Reptile Awareness Day

Support Your Local Chamber of Commerce

 

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 22

Caps Locks Day

International Stuttering Awareness Day

National Nut Day

Smart is Cool Day

 

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 23

iPod Day

National Mole Day

National Pharmacy Buyer Day

National Pharmacy Technician Day

Swallows Depart from San Juan Capistrano Day

TV Talk Show Host Day

 

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 24

Food Day

Make a Difference Day

Pit Bull Awareness Day

United Nations Day

World Development Information Day

 

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 25

Chucky, The Notorious Killer Doll Day

International Artists Day

Sourest Day

World Pasta Day

Mother-in-Law Day

Xterra World Championships

 

MONDAY, OCTOBER 26

Howl At The Moon Night

Lung Health Day

Mule Day

National Day of the Depoyed

Visit a Cemetary Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1824: Boardinghouse keepers in New York, responding to the high cost of living, voted to serve boarders only four prunes each for breakfast. ***MARLAR: It became a regular thing.

 

1943: The Detroit Lions set a rushing record when they achieved a minus 53 yards against the Chicago Cardinals. Amazingly, Detroit won the game 7-0, only one of three Lions’ victories in the two seasons of 1942 and 1943 combined. They went 0-11 in 1942.

 

1963: TV defense attorney Perry Mason lost his only trial to district attorney Hamilton Burger. Mason’s client refused to reveal the evidence that would save her. But then, of course, Perry found the real culprit and exonerated his client despite herself.

1965: The largest paper in history was printed; The New York Sunday Times was 946 pages and weighed 7.5 pounds. ***MARLAR: I’d hate to see the dog that was housebroke with that.

 

1979: The Nobel Peace Prize went to Mother Teresa of India for her 30 years of work on behalf of the poor in Calcutta.

 

1988: First Lady Nancy Reagan admitted that she continued to “borrow” designer clothes and jewelry without reporting them as gifts.

 

1990: Artex International in Highland, Illinois, finished history’s largest tablecloth: 1,502 feet long by 4½ feet wide.

 

1991: The California Raisins, the clay versions created in 1986 for TV commercials, left California for their new home at the Smithsonian Institute.

 

1995: Reuter news service reported that the 1997 edition of the popular board game Trivial Pursuit mentioned Lady Diana 18 times, more than any other person.

 

1999: Armed bandits trying to hold up a car at a Sao Paulo, Brazil, traffic light backed down when they recognized soccer star Pele sitting in the back seat. The two thieves lowered their pistols, apologized, and walked away.

 

2003: A burglar at a wood sales company in Bremen, Germany, didn’t do so well. He broke into a coffee machine that took only tokens and stole a cell phone that only worked on company grounds and a cordless screwdriver with no battery. While he was there, he drank a can of warm Coca-Cola that was 12 months past its sell-by date.

 

2004: Brazil began a controversial practice of allowing its air force to shoot down planes suspected of smuggling drugs.

 

2006: The 300-millonth American was born, probably a baby girl at a Chicago hospital. Another American is born now every 1.1 seconds.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1483: Pope Sixtus IV launched the Spanish Inquisition, placing it under joint direction of the Church and state. Tomas de Torquemada, 63, was appointed Grand Inquisitor in charge of removing Jews and Muslims from Spain.

 

1582: Birth of German scholar Johann Gerhard, most influential of the 17th century Lutheran theologians. His writings attained a European circulation second only to the Bible and Thomas a Kempis’ “Imitation of Christ.”

 

1651: French scientist Blaise Pascal wrote in a letter: ‘Jesus Christ suffered and died to sanctify death and suffering; he has been all that was great, and all that was abject, in order to sanctify in himself all things except sin, and to be the model of every condition.’

 

1792: Birth of John Bowring, English statesman, linguist, merchant, theologian and author of the hymn, “In the Cross of Christ I Glory.”

 

1812: In Washington Co., PA, the first of seven eventual conferences convened, leading ultimately to the founding in 1836 of the Evangelical Lutheran Joint Synod of Ohio and Other States.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actor (“Apple’s Way”, “Baywatch”, Payback) Vince Van Patton 57
  • actor (Norm on “Cheers”) George Wendt 67 (
    )
  • actress (Lois Lane opposite Christopher Reeve in the Superman movies) Margot Kidder 67

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1909 : Cozy Cole

1914 : John Mosley

1933 : Floyd Cramer

1941 : Jim Seal (Seals & Crofts)

1941 : Alan Howard (Brian Poole and the Tremeloes)

1942 : Gary Puckett (Union Gap)

1947 : David St. Hubbins (Spinal Tap)

1949 : Bill Hudson (The Hudson Brothers)

1958 : Alan Jackson

1967 : Rene Dif (Aqua)

1968 : Ziggy Marley

1971 : Christopher Kirkpatrick (‘N Sync)

1972 : Eminem

1972 : Wyclef Jean (Fugees)

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Where does the custom of saying “God bless you” after a sneeze come from?

Many cultures believe that the person’s soul or vital essences were leaving them through their mouth at the time of the sneeze, so a companion would pray in order to restore their health. The same holds true in European tradition, and most likely roots from the time of the Plague.  This tradition has carried on to the modern era from etiquette, as well, as when a person sneezes, it is usually a rather loud action, so by another person saying “Bless you”, the focus is taken off of them by saying that they realize their sneeze was involuntary and that they were not offended by it, and also that they wish them to be well.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!

 

The Sidewalk Prophets were expressing some frustration with Frontier Airlines over the weekend. They said they had no idea that the airline had added a $60 fee per carry on bag, even on something as small as a jacket that wasn’t being worn. The members of the band say even the Frontier employees were upset with the change and asked the Sidewalk Prophets to help them spread the word about the new fee. Band members tweeted: We are a gracious band but will never fly Frontier ever again!

 

The band Cloverton ran into a traffic jam in Steamboat Springs, Colorado. However, it wasn’t your standard traffic jam. Cloverton was delayed because the road was blocked by cows.

 

For King and Country traveled from one end of the North American continent to the other over the weekend. Members of the band completed a commute from the north-eastern corner of Canada to the south-western corner of the U.S.A, covering a total of 4,200 miles.

 

Casting Crowns front man Mark Hall has found a new use for duct tape. He was using black duct tape to hold his boot together before going on stage over the weekend. Mark said: If this thing slips off while I am on the stage tonight somebody’s going to see Jesus!

 

Rend Collective received a special welcome to town during their tour with Chris Tomlin over the weekend. The members of the Irish worship band shared a picture of a sign in the window of a Chick Fil A restaurant and said it’s a win: When your favorite fast food chain welcomes you to town.

 

Love and the Outcome members Chris and Jodi have a goal for their latest tour. They shared a picture of an In and Out Burger restaurant and said: Our goal is to eat here at least once a day on this trip.

 

 

ODD & WEIRD NEWS…

UConn mac and cheese incident spawns fundraisers    photo
HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) — UConn students are trying to use an embarrassing video about macaroni and cheese to raise a little cheddar. The video of a fellow student berating food service workers who refused to sell him jalapeno-bacon mac and cheese prompted a group of students to start an online…

 

Woman stops intruder with medieval combat skills, sword
INDIANAPOLIS (AP) — An Indiana woman says her training in medieval combat helped her corner a home intruder. The Indianapolis Star reports (http://indy.st/1OsFqSo) 43-year-old Karen Dolley of Indianapolis threw punches until she had the man cornered during the Thursday night break-in. She…
Face-down dummy Halloween prank prompts repeated 911 calls    photo
DETROIT (AP) — A dummy placed face down in a Detroit woman’s front yard as a Halloween prank has prompted repeated visits by police. HASH(0x1412030) By Friday, there were no calls. “Just a dummy,” says Officer Shanelle Williams. Haddon says she puts the dummy face down in a different location…
Police: Teen left court docs about auto theft in stolen car
ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. (AP) — Authorities say an 18-year-old man drove a stolen car to police headquarters to pick up court papers about a previous auto theft he was involved in — documents that were found in yet another stolen car. Carnell Eugene Butler now faces charges in three stolen…
Missing snake found under dryer tried to slither away
ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) — Elvis the king cobra put up a fight, even briefly escaping, as animal control officers tried to lure it from underneath a dryer in an Orlando woman’s garage. The snake had been missing from its owner’s home since Sept. 1 and was found Wednesday in the garage about a…
Thai beauty queen to dress like a tuk-tuk at Miss Universe    photo
BANGKOK (AP) — The smoke-belching, ear-splitting, undisciplined rickshaws known as tuk-tuks are part of the chaos on Bangkok’s clogged streets. Soon however, the tuk-tuk will stroll down a more refined runway, when Miss Thailand pays homage to her country at the Miss Universe 2015 pageant…
Prosecutors: Man posed as agent to get VIP Comic Con passes
SALT LAKE CITY (AP) — Prosecutors say a Utah man posed as a federal agent in an attempt to get VIP tickets to a Comic Con event in Salt Lake City. Jonathon M. Wall was indicted Wednesday on federal charges after the 29-year-old Layton man allegedly claimed he needed passes to catch a fugitive…
Police: Man drops wallet, gets arrested in 12 burglaries
SOUTH BRUNSWICK, N.J. (AP) — A man who lost his driver’s license while fleeing police used the van from the adult day care center where he worked to commit burglaries of several vehicles in central New Jersey, police said. Jarred Robinson, of Franklin, was arrested in at least a dozen…
Sleeping Idaho hunter wakes up to black bear biting his head    photo
BOISE, Idaho (AP) — A hunter asleep in the remote Idaho wilderness woke up when he felt something tugging on his hair. Then he heard the black bear breathing. Stephen Vouch, 29, reached behind his head and felt it was wet. He yelled when he realized a bear was biting at his head. “He got a…
‘Lucky’ pig gets new home after fall onto Colorado highway
LONGMONT, Colo. (AP) — A 650-pound pig that fell off a trailer in Colorado is getting a new name — “Lucky” — and a new home at a sanctuary for abandoned pigs. HASH(0x13ec480) The Weld County Sheriff’s Office couldn’t find the 3-year-old pig’s owner, so the boar was given to Hog Haven Farm…
Pricey pooch: $10K dog found after being reported stolen
BEAVERDAM, Va. (AP) — Call it the caper of the pricey pooch. The Hanover County Sheriff’s Office says in a press release Friday that it has found a rare South African mastiff valued at $10,000 after the dog was reported stolen by its owner. Officials say the dog, which weighs 175 pounds, was…

 

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS NEWS…

Gun violence researchers becoming an endangered species?    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Amid the bloodbaths of 21st-century America, you might think that there would be a lot of research into the causes of gun violence, and which policies work best against it. You would be wrong. Gun interests, wary of any possible limits on weaponry, have successfully lobbied…

 

Gene editing: Research spurs debate over promise vs. ethics    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The hottest tool in biology has scientists using words like revolutionary as they describe the long-term potential: wiping out certain mosquitoes that carry malaria, treating genetic diseases like sickle-cell, preventing babies from inheriting a life-threatening disorder. It…
US boosts privacy protection on health insurance website    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Responding to criticism from civil liberties advocates, the Obama administration said Friday it has strengthened consumer privacy protections on the government’s health insurance website as a new sign-up season nears. HealthCare.gov CEO Kevin Counihan said in a blog post…
Research beefing up steaks, hamburgers with healthy omega-3s    photo
WICHITA, Kan. (AP) — Health-conscious consumers might be persuaded to eat more beef if it was fortified with heart-healthy omega-3 fatty acids naturally found in salmon and walnuts, according to researchers and some ranchers who are feeding cattle flaxseed — even marine algae —…
Studies say 1/3 of young men in China to die from smoking    photo
BEIJING (AP) — Research published in the medical journal The Lancet says one in three of all the young men in China are likely to die from tobacco, but that the number can fall if the men quit smoking. The studies, conducted by researchers from Oxford University, the Chinese Academy of…
Family of Ebola nurse complains of ill treatment in Scotland
LONDON (AP) — The family of a British nurse who has been re-admitted to hospital with Ebola complications says she received bad medical advice in Scotland when she fell ill. Pauline Cafferkey is in London Royal Free Hospital’s isolation ward after becoming ill in Scotland. She was thought to…
Measure to repeal California vaccine law won’t be on ballot
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — Proponents of an effort to repeal California’s new stricter law requiring mandatory vaccines for school children failed to submit enough signatures to qualify a ballot initiative asking voters to repeal the law. County election clerks reported receiving fewer than…
Why is elephant cancer rare? Answer might help treat humans    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Cancer is much less common in elephants than in humans, even though the big beasts’ bodies have many more cells. That’s a paradox known among scientists, and now researchers think they may have an explanation — one they say might someday lead to new ways to protect people…
Johnson & Johnson starts Ebola vaccine trial in Sierra Leone    photo
NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. (AP) — Johnson & Johnson has begun clinical trials for an Ebola vaccine in Sierra Leone. The vaccine regimen is part of a new study being conducted in that nation’s Kambia district, where some of the country’s most recent Ebola cases have been reported. More than 11,000…
UN: Polio vaccines in Ukraine safe despite local concerns    photo
LONDON (AP) — The World Health Organization says it’s worried that millions of doses of polio vaccine might be wasted in Ukraine after a patient group raised concerns that the doses are unsafe. The U.N. health agency announced last month that the crippling disease had been identified in…
Researcher: Children’s cancer linked to Fukushima radiation    photo
TOKYO (AP) — A new study says children living near the Fukushima nuclear meltdowns have been diagnosed with thyroid cancer at a rate 20 to 50 times that of children elsewhere, a difference the authors contend undermines the government’s position that more cases have been discovered in the…

 

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Meteor Showers”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Ron McGehee, “Korean-Irish”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Louis the lion – currently the king of the jungle – decided he didn’t want to be king. So all of the animals went out to find a new king… and they’ve found a really big throne – and a really big crown! Then the animals asked Louis to try the crown on…

 

CLOSE: The searching has finally paid off! The animals have finally found a new king! Or have they? This older lion seems to like to nap a lot. What kind of king would he be? Tune in again next time, for As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF OCTOBER 17/18, 2015

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!   When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear was tied up, gagged, and tossed into the river by the animals, led by Millard the Monkey, because Gruffy refused to settle on a picnic spot. But it wasn’t long before Millard was treated the same way by Sully the Aardvark… but now Sully’s floating down the river!

 

CLOSE: Tune in next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Today’s Moment of Duh concentrates on someone who lied (very badly, I might add) just so he wouldn’t have to show up to court.

Terry Bennett failed to show up for his trial in Edwardsville, Ill., on Sept. 17, 2001. He was being tried for home-repair fraud, but he called the courthouse with a good reason as to why he couldn’t show up on time. According to him, he was helping out at the World Trade Center rescue site shortly after the 9/11 attacks and could not get back to Illinois. A nice sentiment… but a court employee found problems with his story:

  • The Caller-ID fixed Terry Bennett’s phone call as coming from Illinois, not New York. He tried to explain this away by saying the call had been “forwarded” by his wife, despite the fact that the court employee heard, “Terry! Telephone!”
  • Bennett said he flew to New York – but all planes had been grounded at that time.
  • He said he rode in a van with some local people whose names he did not know.
  • While on the phone with the court, no background noise was heard from the “rescue site” that Terry said he was working on – because, Bennett said, all the workers were asleep.
  • Mr. Bennett didn’t know where at the site he was working (except that it was “down off the main drag”).
  • And, finally, Terry Bennett was seen at home by the Belleville News-Democrat during the time he says he was helping out in New York. Of course, Bennett said he was merely Bennett’s identical-looking cousin.

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP 10 WAYS TO STRENGTHEN YOUR MARRIAGE

 

  1. 10. Start each day with a kiss. Decide to begin the day with love.

 

  1. 9. Wear your wedding ring at all times. Let it be a visual reminder of your commitment.

 

  1. 8. Go on a date with your spouse once a week. Even if it’s just for coffee, dedicate time for the two of you.

 

  1. 7. Accept differences. Try to remember that once you thought your spouse’s idiosyncrasies were cute. Your chances of changing them are slim, so decide to live with them.

 

  1. 6. Be polite. Are you more polite to co-workers or store clerks than you are to the one you love? Practice good manners at home.

 

  1. 5. Be gentle. Harsh words and actions have no place in your home. Choose to be kind to those you love and who love you.

 

  1. 4. Give gifts. While diamonds are a girl’s best friend, a card, a single rose, a favorite candy bar can also do the trick.

 

  1. 3. Smile often. Put on a happy face and let it determine your disposition. Remember how meaningful the glances were which you once gave each other.

 

  1. 2. Touch. A pat on the back or a soft caress of the cheek can show love and connection.

 

  1. 1. Talk about dreams. Get your conversation beyond coordinating schedules and talking about the kids. Take time to talk about ideas and dreams.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A man gets arrested for sticking his tongue out at a little girl!

 

FILE #1: Jeffrey Jacobitti was arrested by police in Keansburg, N.J., after he drove up to two women and a 12-year-old girl and apparently illegally wiggled his tongue at them. The deputy police chief said the wiggling, in his opinion, was harassment that conveyed a threat: “(The wiggling) crossed the line, especially with the juvenile.”

 

FILE #2: In 1999 armed bandits trying to hold up a car at a Sao Paulo, Brazil, traffic light backed down when they recognized soccer star Pele sitting in the back seat. The two thieves lowered their pistols, apologized, and walked away.

 

FILE #3: Mark Hallan held up a couple of banks, getting away with a significant amount of cash. He then decided to lay low for awhile by spending a couple of nights in a hotel. And that was his undoing because when he checked in, the hotel clerk noticed his red hands. They were stained from the exploding dye packets in the cash he stole. She pretended not to notice and only called the cops after he was in his room. They came over and, of course, caught him red-handed.

 

STRANGE LAW: Men! If you go to Eureka Nevada and you have a mustache, you are forbidden, by law, from kissing a woman!

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Our brains on drugs today come from the appropriately named city of Dummerston, Vermont.

Father and son team Herbert and Brian Powell went for a little drive over to Connecticut where they became hopelessly lost. Driving aimlessly down the road, they spotted a police car parked on the shoulder. They thought they would stop and ask for directions, which would have been fine except for the fact that they weren’t alone in the car. They were traveling with their good friends Bud and Weiser. And it didn’t help their cause any when Brian told the officer his date of birth was “September 31.” Dad has been arrested for drunk driving and son has been arrested for drug possession and resisting arrest. ***MARLAR: The good news is that instead of getting directions, the police simply drove them to their next destination!

 

 

PHONER PHUN

What’s the biggest lie you ever caught your children telling? How did you bust them?

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Ziba was the servant of whom?

ANSWER: Saul’s (2 Samuel 9:2)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: How did Dr. Seuss pronounced the name Seuss?

ANSWER: He pronounced it in such a way that it sounded like “sue ice.”

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

  1. A Saudi Arabian man can get a divorce if his wife doesn’t give him coffee. (False – but it does work the other way around. If the husband doesn’t get the wife coffee, she can divorce him.)

 

  1. About 30% of the world’s population is left-handed. (False – it’s more like 10%)

 

  1. For drinking, washing, etc., an average American uses 168 gallons of water each day day. (True)

 

  1. 66% of American’s admit to reading in the bathroom. (True – and the preferred reading material is “Reader’s Digest.”)

 

  1. There were only twelve automobiles in the entire United States in the year 1894. (False – there were four.)

 

  1. Every day, about 1,300 babies are born prematurely in the USA. (True)

 

  1. A group of tigers is called a lear. (False – it’s called a streak.)

 

  1. Soy crayons have been invented to replace wax crayons so they are safer to eat. (True)

 

  1. Pumpkins can be used to remove freckles. (False – but people used to think so!)

 

  1. The 20th president of the United States, James Garfield, was able to write Greek with one hand and Latin with the other at the same time. (True)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

OBAMA: _________ WILL BE FREE FOR EVERYONE (COLLEGE)

In a recent speech, President Obama promised that the government will begin paying for college – for everyone.

Student loan debt is a major concern for many Americans and has now become a major campaign issue.

President Obama  told an enthusiastic audience in Ohio that he is going to push for the government to provide free college education to every American.

“College is a right, not a privilege,” Obama reportedly told the ground.  “Every American deserves to go to a college and the government needs to pay for it.  We need to give everyone a fair shot at success.”

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A guy walks into a doctor’s office. He has a sausage coming out of his ear, a waffle coming out of his nose, and bacon coming out of his other ear. He says worriedly, “Doc, what’s wrong with me?!?”

The doctor replies, ”Looks to me like you’re not eating properly.’

 

JOKE #2

After trying a new shampoo for the first time, a guy fired off an enthusiastic letter of approval to the manufacturer. 

Several weeks later he came home from work to a large carton in the middle of the floor. Inside were free samples of the many products the company produced: soaps, detergents, tooth paste, and paper items.

“Well, what do you think” his wife asked smiling.

“Next time,” he replied. “I’m writing to General Motors!”

 

JOKE #3

Greta was an old, grandmotherly type. She was well-known for her faith and love of talking about it. She would go out on the front porch and say, “Praise the Lord!”

Her next door neighbor would shout back, “There ain’t no Lord!”

Greta was very poor, so the neighbor decided to prove his point by buying a large bag of groceries and placing it at her door.

The next morning, she went to the porch and on seeing the groceries, shouted, “Praise the Lord!”

The neighbor stepped out from behind a tree and said, “HA! I brought those groceries, and there ain’t no Lord.”

Greta smiled and replied, “Lord, you not only sent me food but you made the devil pay for it.”

 

 

USELESS FACTS

There’s new discussion about what caused the death of classical composer Beethoven in 1827. Many experts are now saying the evidence points to possible lead poisoning.  ***MARLAR: Did China even HAVE exports back then?

 

In English, a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.  ***MARLAR: Yeah, right!

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

GOOD NEIGHBORS

While my wife was out of town, a new neighbor borrowed a pie pan. It was returned a few days later filled with an apple pie.
When my wife asked where the pie came from, I told her it was baked by our neighbors, who said they never return something without filling it up.
“You should let them borrow our checkbook,” she replied.

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Does your husband never listen to you?  It may not be his fault!

Women accuse men of not listening to them, but turns out it’s not their fault if they don’t catch what a woman says. Because of the size and shape of the female larynx, their voices are more complex and more musical. Researchers at England’s University of Sheffield discovered that the male brain uses a simpler mechanism to process male voices, but female voices engage the same part of the male brain that processes music, which makes it more difficult for them to decipher women’s voices.  ***MARLAR: Well, unless the woman is saying that dinner is ready.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

PROFESSOR OF LIFE
By: Joseph J. Mazzella
When I was in college I had a professor who taught me a lot not only about English, but also about life. He taught with a joy, energy, and enthusiasm that touched everyone in his classes. He made us laugh, he made us learn, and he made us think as well. Here are just a few of the things that he taught me. He taught me that work isn’t about getting a paycheck at the end of each week, it is about loving what you do and doing what you love. He taught me not to take life so seriously and that laughter is good when facing life’s difficulties. He showed me that life is best when lived with zest and vitality and that what you put into life is what you get back from it. He showed me that the school of life is never out and that we keep learning everyday of our lives. He explained how everything from music, to books, to people, to experiences can be our teachers if we are only willing to learn. He explained too that it is always best to learn with enthusiasm and to live with joy.
I was truly blessed to have had such a great teacher at such a young age. He opened my mind and started me on the path of a lifetime’s worth of learning. I have tried to stay a good student of life since then. I have also tried to be a decent teacher as well by passing on what I have learned in my writings and in my life. Only time will tell how good a one I have been.
In this life we are all students and we are all teachers. What we learn and what we teach, however, is up to us. May you always learn in enthusiasm and in joy then. May you always teach with energy and with love as well. May you never stop learning what God needs you to learn and may you always teach what God wants you to teach. I hope that you graduate this life with honors as a Child of God and I hope that you spend all of your years here as a Professor of love and of life.

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

LOOK CLOSE

Warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all. —1 Thessalonians 5:14

Imagine what bowling would be like if you couldn’t see the pins. Well, in 1933 Bill Knox bowled just such a game—and had a perfect score!

The event took place in Philadelphia. Bill wanted to demonstrate the technique of spot bowling, in which you throw the ball at a mark on the floor just beyond the foul line. He had a screen placed over the lane so he couldn’t see the pins at the far end but could still see the marks. He knew that a bowler can throw more accurately when aiming at a mark that is close rather than at pins a long way off. He proved his point by bowling a perfect game of 300—12 strikes in a row!

Spot bowling reminds me of Paul’s words in today’s Bible reading. He told the Thessalonian believers that the ultimate goal of their salvation was to “be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Thessalonians 5:23). Although this could be done only by Christ, who was working in them (vv.23-24), their part was to focus on “near actions” that were in line with that end. He urged them to comfort one another, help the weak, warn the wayward, pray without ceasing, and rejoice always (vv.12-22).

 

Lord, help us to concentrate on what we can do today to stay in line with Your eternal goal for us. —MRDII

 

Keep eternity’s goal in sight by walking daily in God’s light.

 

 

LEFTOVERS

BREATHING LEGALITIES

An oxygen bar at the Nebraska State Fair has been warned it might be violating state and federal drug laws by dispensing oxygen without a prescription. The FDA says people can stop breathing if they get too much oxygen, although the American Lung Association says the low-flow oxygen at oxygen bars won’t hurt anyone.  ***MARLAR: If they’re so concerned about air at a county or state fair, shouldn’t they first outlaw livestock from the fairgrounds?

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

ONE THING I’VE LEARNED IN LIFE IS

  • …if at first you don’t succeed, look in the wastebasket for the directions. – Tim, Age 26
  • …the older I get, the smarter my parent’s get. – Janetta, Age 31
  • …never to beam down to the planet if you’re wearing the red shirt! – Chris, age 37
  • …breath in, …breath out… – Kevin, Age 34
  • …there’s nothing better than to be loved. …well, maybe eating chocolate!
    – Vivien, Age 42.
  • …the only person I have to be better than, is the person I was yesterday. – Debbie, Age 37
  • … don’t let a restaurant serve your food cold. – Ellen, Age 39
  • … never to let your kids find out your age. – Barrie, Age 41
  • … becoming an adult was painful — Being an adult is the BEST!!! – Robert, Age 52
  • …the guy at the door of Wal-Mart DOESN’T say that to everyone. – Alan, Age 28
  • …OLD is always at least 15 years more than my current age. – Saucke, Age 42
  • …that computers can always crash and make our lives miserable. – Shewolf, Age 36
  • … some things never change, some things should be changed, some things can’t be changed, and sometimes after you change things, you wish you hadn’t! –Doreen, Age 34

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

WORKING AT THE CAR WASH

A man barely escapes with his life from the clutches of – the CAR WASH!

A Swedish man got dragged into the swirling brushes of a giant car wash and came out with four broken ribs recently. The 60-year-old man was using a high-pressure hose to clean his bus when the hose accidentally hit a sensor and activated the brushes, which trapped it. As the man fought to free the hose, his foot got stuck and he was pulled in and pinned against one of the machine’s rotating bristles. A court has awarded 6,000 crowns (about $570) to the man who was rescued after someone heard his screams and pushed the machine’s emergency stop button. ***MARLAR: On the plus side, he did get a free hot wax and buff dry.

 

 

FUN LIST

WOMEN’S RULES

 

  1. The female always makes the rules.

 

  1. The rules can change without notice.

 

  1. Males can’t know the rules.

 

  1. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some of the rules.

 

  1. The female never bears the blame for being wrong.

 

  1. If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something that the male did or said which was wrong.

 

  1. If rule 6 applies, the male must apologize for causing the misunderstanding.

 

  1. The female can change her mind.

 

  1. The male must never change his mind without the consent of the female.

 

  1. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

 

  1. The male must always remain calm unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.

 

  1. The female must never let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

HOW BURGLARS SAY THEY BREAK IN

(All of the following is based on a recent survey of convicted burglars from their prison cells. Well, they need something to do!)

  • 74% were more likely to go through windows than doors. Remedy: Storm windows. No burglar surveyed would bother with them.
  • 86% cased out a house before hitting it. Remedy: Timer lights. Have newspapers and mail picked up by neighbors. Have a neighbor park their second car in your driveway if away for an extended time.
  • Only 20% picked locks or tried to pick them. Remedy: There’s no beating a good dead bolt.
  • 63% cut the phone lines before entering. Remedy: A sign saying that the police will be notified automatically if the phone lines are cut.
  • 80% looked in garage windows to see if a homeowners car was there. Remedy: cover or frost your garage windows.
  • Finally, 56% continued to burglarize when they were already inside and realized people were at home sleeping. Remedy: Wake up and shoot them!

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

A 70 year old Grandma says God shielded her from a car fire while she was rescuing a disabled man inside. When Rosemary saw the blazing van in the parking lot of the mall where she worked she didn’t hesitate. According to the Christian Post, The grandmother of five left her job and rushed past several bystanders to pull the man from the burning vehicle. Miraculously she walked away without a burn mark on her. Officials say the disabled man would not have made it if it weren’t for Rosemary’s quick action. As for how she got back to safety without a scratch or burn on her — Rosemary calls it “divine intervention.

http://bit.ly/1Bf8PFv

 

The latest trend in jewelry is smart rings. Ringly, a company that makes fashionable smart rings, recently launched it’s latest ring. The brand has integrated the ring with over 50 applications to allow customers to receive notifications from specific apps, ranging from eBay and Instagram to Uber.

http://on.mash.to/1FbsAX4

 

It’s getting colder out there, and in response Yahoo foods is out with a list of 10 chili recipes. However, these aren’t your standard chili recipes. Their suggestions include Maple Pumpkin Chili, Short Rib Chili, Cornbread Chili Pie, and 30 minute chili.

http://yhoo.it/1R2NkkD

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

No pressure, no diamonds. –Mary Case

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

Captains Courageous

They call a certain stretch of water in the Caribbean “Hurricane Alley.” Severe storms in that region are common. Captains of sailing vessels know enough to consider the warnings and plan accordingly.
But even skilled sailors and captains of ships are no match for forces well beyond their control. Thus was the fate recently of the cargo ship El Faro. It left port in Jacksonville, Florida, almost two weeks ago…never to return. Along with its sinking went the souls of thirty-three crew.
Experts continue to debate the wisdom of the decision to sail, let alone to take that specific route. There is no clear cut answer. The storm turned treacherous quicker than estimated — jumping past hurricane categories 1, 2, and 3, until it settled at 4.
What that meant for these sailors was a horrifying congestion of wind, waves, and rain. The seas were raging at 50 feet. Winds howling at 125 miles per hour. As the ship listed some 15 degrees with its full load of containers and cars, it began taking on water. It wasn’t long after that the engine failed. Steering was now impossible.
No survivors were found. There was one body that surfaced in a survival suit meant to keep people afloat. Other than that, a cargo door, an empty lifeboat, and a range of flotsam and jetsam is all that could be immediately found.
It’s important to note that, despite all of our advancements, we still have these sailing tragedies today. And this one happened in a relatively short course sailing run of 1200 miles! Today’s maritime world has sophisticated weather equipment, advanced navigation, and sailing technology. Lifeboats for everyone. Survival suits.
Makes you wonder, on this Columbus Day, how they made it from Spain to cross the Atlantic in the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria. The Santa Maria ran aground near Haiti and came apart. Oops.
The other two ships were smaller and each carried about 25 men. Close quarters, my friend. Probably no antiperspirant.
As one history site notes, “All told, there were about 120 crewmen for the combined fleet. They lived on hard biscuit, salted meat, and fish. They drank beer and water. Of course, they could not drink sea-water because of the high salt content. In that day they had not yet developed methods for distilling the sea-water to remove the salt. Living conditions were difficult.” Ya think?

The article goes on to explain that the sailors slept on a hard deck, often exposed to the weather. And because of fire danger aboard a wooden ship, any fire needed had to be strictly controlled. And cooking was done in the forward part of the ship.
And lest we forget the importance of this historic day, a few more notes from an article titled “THE FOUR EXPLORATIONS OF CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS”:
“Early on the morning of October 12th land was indeed sighted, and a landing party arrived on an island in the Bahamas and named it San Salvador. It had been thirty-three days since the three ships had left the Canary Islands, off the Atlantic coast of Africa. The natives must have been surprised to hear that their island now belonged to Spain. Over the next few weeks landings were also made on Cuba, named Juana by Columbus, and Española, now known as Hispaniola, and shared by the Dominican Republic and Haiti.
Columbus’ ships covered approximately 150 miles a day. His seafaring instincts were extraordinary. Columbus relied on “dead reckoning,” which used not only navigational instruments but also experience, intuition, observations, and guesswork to determine his ships’ positions.”

Now I realize that in this current age there are mixed reviews on the motives and behavior of the Columbus expeditions. For my purposes today, I’ll leave you to your own conclusions. (You should read the original documents and diaries.)
My point in sharing both of these stories is twofold: 1) to show that people have taken great risks and made tremendous sacrifices for our betterment, and 2) some jobs, more than others, require bravery in the face of known risks. Or call it courage.
Your job, whatever it is, may require another kind of courage. Making tough decisions. Knowing when to step out on your own. Handling employee challenges. In looking at a candidate for a job, we underestimate the importance of courage.
In the face of our challenges, when courage is needed most, it is comforting to know we can seek help from One whose power knows no limits.
As the Psalmist writes, “You answer us in amazing ways, God our Savior. People everywhere on the earth and beyond the sea trust you. You made the mountains by your strength; you are dressed in power. You stopped the roaring seas, the roaring waves, and the uproar of the nations. Even those people at the ends of the earth fear your miracles. You are praised from where the sun rises to where it sets.”  (Psalm 63:5-8, NCV)
Happy Columbus Day. May you have smooth sailing.
That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

OCTOBER 16, 2015…

 

Goosebumps— Jack Black stars as the real-life writer R. L. Stine in a film about Stine’s mystery books called “Goosebumps”. This is the type of reading where it is fun to be frightened.  The story has a curious neighbor accidentally letting the book characters into this world.  What to do?  The cast includes Dylan Minnette.” “Goosebumps” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Truth—In this film, Robert Redford stars as Dan Rather and Cate Blanchett is Mary Mapes in a behind-the-scenes look at the CBS news scandal concerning then President Bush. Information came out that the then-President military service was suspect and there was a scandal.  In this film, there is a different angle. “Truth” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans of the stars.

 

Beasts of No Nation—This is actually a Netflix movie, based on the novel by Uzogdinna Iweala, and stars Idris Elba in a story about a boy soldier in Africa. The boy (Abraham Attah)  is forced to become a soldier during the fighting in Africa with Elba as his scary commander .A film not for children. “Beasts of No Nation” is rated R. Rating of 3.

 

Crimson Peak—Shades of gothic books and movies, this one has Mia Wasikowska living in Northern England and is courted by a mysterious stranger, Tom Hiddleston and comes to live in a castle/mansion in a deserted part of the country.  What else is new?  “Crimson Peak” is rated R. No rating.

 

Room—Here is a film about  living in a small room…for years…with a child, too.  Such is the fate of Brie Larson who runs into a nut case who imprisons her. This is a scary situation. All, too often, this type of story is in the headlines. “Room” is rated R. Rating of 3.

 

Bridge Of Spies—This is based on the true story of exchanging a Russian spy for an America pilot during the Cold War. Tom Hanks is an attorney who is “asked” by the CIA to handle the negotiations. The American pilot is Mark Rylance. Also in the cast is Amy Ryan. “Bridge of Spies” is rated R and directed by Steven Spielberg. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

OCTOBER 23…

 

Bone Tomahawk stars Kurt Russell in an action/horror western.

 

Burnt with Bradley Cooper as a chef trying to get back on top of the culinary world.

 

Jem and the Holograms with Aubrey Peeples and Juliette Lewis is based on the old TV series.

 

# # # # #

 

 

WARNING:  Don’t believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, OnAirPrep.com, or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there – nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.