October 18, 2015: Sunday ONAIRprep

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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20151018

 

 

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

The toughest thing about being on the air every day is meeting the high professional broadcast standards that I set for myself. That’s why, every day about this time, I lower my standards.

 

You know you’re addicted to coffee when you wake a half hour before the alarm goes off and decide to get up anyway because you can to the coffee that much sooner.

 

Kinda disappointed with my weigh-in this morning. I might trim my toenails and try again.

 

I think maybe my wife thinks I’m God. She was pounding on the bathroom door this morning yelling, “Good Lord, are you still in there?!?!”

 

 

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” –James 1:17

 

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. –Matthew 7:12

 

The Lord confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them. My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare. — Psalm 25:14-15

 

 

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

I will show my greatness and my holiness, and I will make myself known in the sight of many nations. Then they will know that I am the LORD. — Ezekiel 38:23

 

Thought: In a time when God’s people were in shambles physically and spiritually, he promises judgment — judgment on them and their oppressors. But he also reveals why. He will show his greatness and holiness so they will know him, YAHWEH — God of “his people” and also of all nations. I would love for God to show his greatness and holiness in our day; wouldn’t you? To have God honored for who he is and what he has done would be marvelous. May that day come quickly.

 

Prayer: Father, as your flawed and mortal child, I do fear your bold revelation of yourself. We humans are mortal and frail in comparison to your blazing glory. But I have confidence in my relationship with you through Jesus, and dear Father, I want you honored and your name revered in my day. I am tired of hearing your name used in vain and your glory profaned. Exalt yourself before the nations! Reveal your holy majesty so that everyone will know that you are the only true and living God! In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

 

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

 

 

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

2 Corinthians 10:18 NIV = For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.

 

 

TODAY IS SUNDAY – OCTOBER 18, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 68 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.  

 

Today is WORLD MENOPAUSE DAY. ***MARLAR: No comment due to my need to keep my marriage healthy and strong.

 

Today is PERSONS DAY in Canada. ***MARLAR: So, if you’re in Canada, and if you’re a person, you get the day off… right? (But ONLY if you’re a person!)

 

Today is NATIONAL NO BEARD DAY. ***MARLAR: So, for you men with beards, today is the day to finally discover in the mirror what you really look like without one.  Be sure to prepare your wife for a shock though. When I shaved my beard off after nine years of marriage, Robin didn’t recognize me and I scared the snot out of her. Ladies don’t have much to do on this day. Then again, there was my ninth grade home economics teacher… she really needed to shave…

 

 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Hard Boiled Guy/Girl Day

National Chocolate Cupcake Day

Pro-Life Day of Silent Solidarity

World Menopause Day

 

 

COMING UP NEXT

MONDAY, OCTOBER 19

Evaluate Your Life Day

Hagfish Day

Information Overload Day

Medical Assistants Recognition Day

Support Your Local Chamber of Commerce Day

Unity Day

 

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 20

Birth of the Bab

Miss American Rose Day

 

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 21

Celebration of The Mind Day

Unity Day

Hagfish Day

Information Overload Day

Global Iodine Deficiency Disorder (IDD) Prevention Day

Medical Assistants Recognition Day

Pro-Life Day of Silent Solidarity

Reptile Awareness Day

Support Your Local Chamber of Commerce

 

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 22

Caps Locks Day

International Stuttering Awareness Day

National Nut Day

Smart is Cool Day

 

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 23

iPod Day

National Mole Day

National Pharmacy Buyer Day

National Pharmacy Technician Day

Swallows Depart from San Juan Capistrano Day

TV Talk Show Host Day

 

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 24

Food Day

Make a Difference Day

Pit Bull Awareness Day

United Nations Day

World Development Information Day

 

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 25

Chucky, The Notorious Killer Doll Day

International Artists Day

Sourest Day

World Pasta Day

Mother-in-Law Day

Xterra World Championships

 

MONDAY, OCTOBER 26

Howl At The Moon Night

Lung Health Day

Mule Day

National Day of the Depoyed

Visit a Cemetary Day

 

 

ON THIS DAY

1929: The Canadian government officially declared that women were “persons.” Before that, women were “persons in matters of pains and penalties, but not persons in matters of rights and privileges.”

 

1949: Country songwriter Stuart Hamblen became a Christian at age 31. Author of the popular 1954 hit “This Old House,” Hamblen later wrote such Christian favorites as “It Is No Secret What God Can Do,” “How Big is God?” and “They That Wait Upon the Lord.” He died in 1990.

 

1967: The American League granted permission for the Philadelphia A’s to move to Oakland. Also, new franchises were awarded to Kansas City and Seattle.

 

1969: The federal government banned artificial sweeteners known as cyclamates because of evidence they caused cancer in laboratory rats.

 

1984: Actor Jon-Erik Huxum died after shooting himself with a blank cartridge. Playing Russian roulette on the set of the TV show Cover-Up, Huxum did not know the blank was dangerous. But the shot, only an inch from his head, fatally wounded the 26-year-old actor.

 

1986: Football’s Frank Gifford married former Hee-Haw Honey Kathie Lee. ***MARLAR: Aha! I KNEW she looked familiar! SAAAAALUTE!

 

1991: Corky retired from the U.S. Customs Service in Miami. The golden cocker spaniel, rescued from an Illinois animal shelter three years earlier, had sniffed out $18-million in drugs. ***MARLAR: Hey, after three years of sniffing that many drugs, you’d be forced to quit too!

 

1992: As the Toronto Blue Jays met the Atlanta Braves in the World Series, the U.S. Marine color guard presented the Canadian flag upside-down. Toronto won the game 5-4 and the series in six games.

 

2003: A woman called police after hearing somebody scream for help from a building in Bad Woerrishofen, Germany. When officers searched the building, they found a dentist had left his window open while treating a 10-year-old boy. The boy had been screaming for help, so police tried to calm him down and left.

 

 

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1662: Birth of Matthew Henry, English Presbyterian pastor. He is remembered for his “Exposition of the Old and New Testaments” (1708-10) — still in print! — whose value lies in its devotional and practical comments on the books of the Bible.

 

1685: Louis XIV revoked the 1598 Edict of Nantes, which had permitted French Protestants limited religious tolerance. The Huguenot exodus which followed drained France’s industrial economy, and possibly hastened the French Revolution.

 

1931: English apologist C.S. Lewis wrote in a letter: ‘The [Christian] “doctrines” are translations into our concepts and ideas of that which God has already expressed in language more adequate, namely the actual incarnation, crucifixion, and resurrection.’

 

1949: Country songwriter Stuart Hamblen, 31, underwent a spiritual conversion. Author of the popular 1954 hit “This Old House,” Hamblen later wrote such Christian favorites as “It Is No Secret What God Can Do,” “How Big is God?” and “They That Wait Upon the Lord.”

 

1954: “The Week in Religion” aired for the last time over Dumont television. First broadcast in March 1952, this ecumenical Sunday evening panel show divided the hour into 20-minute segments each for Protestant, Catholic and Jewish news.

 

 

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

  • actress (“Happy Days,” “Joanie Loves Chachi”) Erin Moran 54 (
    )
  • actor (and I use that term loosely) Jean-Claude Van Damme 55
  • actress (“Mork & Mindy,” married to Mark Harmon) Pam Dawber 64 (
    )
  • NFL Hall-of-Famer (da coach) football’s Mike Ditka 76
  • actress (“Gilligan’s Island’s” Mary Ann) Dawn Wells 77 (
    )

 

 

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1926 : Chuck Berry

1937 : Cynthia Weil

1938 : Ronnie Bright (The Coasters)

1943 : Russ Giguere (The Association)

1947 : Laura Nyro

1949 : Gary Richrath (REO Speedwagon)

1949 : Joe Egan (Stealers Wheel)

1952 : Keith Knudsen (The Doobie Brothers)

1961 : Wynton Marsalis

1974 : Peter Svensson (The Cardigans)

1975 : Baby Bash

1982 : Ne-Yo

 

 

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

What exactly is St. Elmo’s fire?

St. Elmo’s Fire is an electro-luminescent corona discharge caused by the ionization of the air during thunderstorms inside of a strong electric field. Although referred to as “fire”, St. Elmo’s Fire is in fact a low density, relatively low temperature plasma caused by massive atmospheric electrical potential differences which exceed the dielectric breakdown value of air at around 3 megavolts per meter.  St. Elmo’s Fire is named after Erasmus of Formiae (also called St. Elmo), the patron saint of sailors (who held its appearance to be auspicious). Physically, it is a bright bluish-white glow, appearing like fire in some circumstances, often in double or triple jets, from tall, sharply-pointed structures such as masts, spires and chimneys.  It is named such because the phenomenon commonly occurs at the mastheads of ships during thunderstorms at sea. Benjamin Franklin correctly observed in 1749 that it is electric in nature. It is said that St. Elmo’s Fire can also appear from the tips of cattle horns during a thunderstorm, or sharp objects in the middle of a tornado, but is not the same phenomenon as ball lightning, although they are possibly related. In ancient Greece, the appearance of a single one was called Helena and two were called Castor and Pollux.

 

 

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

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The Sidewalk Prophets were expressing some frustration with Frontier Airlines over the weekend. They said they had no idea that the airline had added a $60 fee per carry on bag, even on something as small as a jacket that wasn’t being worn. The members of the band say even the Frontier employees were upset with the change and asked the Sidewalk Prophets to help them spread the word about the new fee. Band members tweeted: We are a gracious band but will never fly Frontier ever again!

 

The band Cloverton ran into a traffic jam in Steamboat Springs, Colorado. However, it wasn’t your standard traffic jam. Cloverton was delayed because the road was blocked by cows.

 

For King and Country traveled from one end of the North American continent to the other over the weekend. Members of the band completed a commute from the north-eastern corner of Canada to the south-western corner of the U.S.A, covering a total of 4,200 miles.

 

Casting Crowns front man Mark Hall has found a new use for duct tape. He was using black duct tape to hold his boot together before going on stage over the weekend. Mark said: If this thing slips off while I am on the stage tonight somebody’s going to see Jesus!

 

Rend Collective received a special welcome to town during their tour with Chris Tomlin over the weekend. The members of the Irish worship band shared a picture of a sign in the window of a Chick Fil A restaurant and said it’s a win: When your favorite fast food chain welcomes you to town.

 

Love and the Outcome members Chris and Jodi have a goal for their latest tour. They shared a picture of an In and Out Burger restaurant and said: Our goal is to eat here at least once a day on this trip.

 

 

ODD & WEIRD NEWS…

UConn mac and cheese incident spawns fundraisers    photo
HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) — UConn students are trying to use an embarrassing video about macaroni and cheese to raise a little cheddar. The video of a fellow student berating food service workers who refused to sell him jalapeno-bacon mac and cheese prompted a group of students to start an online…

 

Woman stops intruder with medieval combat skills, sword
INDIANAPOLIS (AP) — An Indiana woman says her training in medieval combat helped her corner a home intruder. The Indianapolis Star reports (http://indy.st/1OsFqSo) 43-year-old Karen Dolley of Indianapolis threw punches until she had the man cornered during the Thursday night break-in. She…
Face-down dummy Halloween prank prompts repeated 911 calls    photo
DETROIT (AP) — A dummy placed face down in a Detroit woman’s front yard as a Halloween prank has prompted repeated visits by police. HASH(0x1412030) By Friday, there were no calls. “Just a dummy,” says Officer Shanelle Williams. Haddon says she puts the dummy face down in a different location…
Police: Teen left court docs about auto theft in stolen car
ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. (AP) — Authorities say an 18-year-old man drove a stolen car to police headquarters to pick up court papers about a previous auto theft he was involved in — documents that were found in yet another stolen car. Carnell Eugene Butler now faces charges in three stolen…
Missing snake found under dryer tried to slither away
ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) — Elvis the king cobra put up a fight, even briefly escaping, as animal control officers tried to lure it from underneath a dryer in an Orlando woman’s garage. The snake had been missing from its owner’s home since Sept. 1 and was found Wednesday in the garage about a…
Thai beauty queen to dress like a tuk-tuk at Miss Universe    photo
BANGKOK (AP) — The smoke-belching, ear-splitting, undisciplined rickshaws known as tuk-tuks are part of the chaos on Bangkok’s clogged streets. Soon however, the tuk-tuk will stroll down a more refined runway, when Miss Thailand pays homage to her country at the Miss Universe 2015 pageant…
Prosecutors: Man posed as agent to get VIP Comic Con passes
SALT LAKE CITY (AP) — Prosecutors say a Utah man posed as a federal agent in an attempt to get VIP tickets to a Comic Con event in Salt Lake City. Jonathon M. Wall was indicted Wednesday on federal charges after the 29-year-old Layton man allegedly claimed he needed passes to catch a fugitive…
Police: Man drops wallet, gets arrested in 12 burglaries
SOUTH BRUNSWICK, N.J. (AP) — A man who lost his driver’s license while fleeing police used the van from the adult day care center where he worked to commit burglaries of several vehicles in central New Jersey, police said. Jarred Robinson, of Franklin, was arrested in at least a dozen…
Sleeping Idaho hunter wakes up to black bear biting his head    photo
BOISE, Idaho (AP) — A hunter asleep in the remote Idaho wilderness woke up when he felt something tugging on his hair. Then he heard the black bear breathing. Stephen Vouch, 29, reached behind his head and felt it was wet. He yelled when he realized a bear was biting at his head. “He got a…
‘Lucky’ pig gets new home after fall onto Colorado highway
LONGMONT, Colo. (AP) — A 650-pound pig that fell off a trailer in Colorado is getting a new name — “Lucky” — and a new home at a sanctuary for abandoned pigs. HASH(0x13ec480) The Weld County Sheriff’s Office couldn’t find the 3-year-old pig’s owner, so the boar was given to Hog Haven Farm…
Pricey pooch: $10K dog found after being reported stolen
BEAVERDAM, Va. (AP) — Call it the caper of the pricey pooch. The Hanover County Sheriff’s Office says in a press release Friday that it has found a rare South African mastiff valued at $10,000 after the dog was reported stolen by its owner. Officials say the dog, which weighs 175 pounds, was…

 

 

 

HEALTH & FITNESS NEWS…

Gun violence researchers becoming an endangered species?    photo
NEW YORK (AP) — Amid the bloodbaths of 21st-century America, you might think that there would be a lot of research into the causes of gun violence, and which policies work best against it. You would be wrong. Gun interests, wary of any possible limits on weaponry, have successfully lobbied…

 

Gene editing: Research spurs debate over promise vs. ethics    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The hottest tool in biology has scientists using words like revolutionary as they describe the long-term potential: wiping out certain mosquitoes that carry malaria, treating genetic diseases like sickle-cell, preventing babies from inheriting a life-threatening disorder. It…
US boosts privacy protection on health insurance website    photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Responding to criticism from civil liberties advocates, the Obama administration said Friday it has strengthened consumer privacy protections on the government’s health insurance website as a new sign-up season nears. HealthCare.gov CEO Kevin Counihan said in a blog post…
Research beefing up steaks, hamburgers with healthy omega-3s    photo
WICHITA, Kan. (AP) — Health-conscious consumers might be persuaded to eat more beef if it was fortified with heart-healthy omega-3 fatty acids naturally found in salmon and walnuts, according to researchers and some ranchers who are feeding cattle flaxseed — even marine algae —…
Studies say 1/3 of young men in China to die from smoking    photo
BEIJING (AP) — Research published in the medical journal The Lancet says one in three of all the young men in China are likely to die from tobacco, but that the number can fall if the men quit smoking. The studies, conducted by researchers from Oxford University, the Chinese Academy of…
Family of Ebola nurse complains of ill treatment in Scotland
LONDON (AP) — The family of a British nurse who has been re-admitted to hospital with Ebola complications says she received bad medical advice in Scotland when she fell ill. Pauline Cafferkey is in London Royal Free Hospital’s isolation ward after becoming ill in Scotland. She was thought to…
Measure to repeal California vaccine law won’t be on ballot
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — Proponents of an effort to repeal California’s new stricter law requiring mandatory vaccines for school children failed to submit enough signatures to qualify a ballot initiative asking voters to repeal the law. County election clerks reported receiving fewer than…
Why is elephant cancer rare? Answer might help treat humans    photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Cancer is much less common in elephants than in humans, even though the big beasts’ bodies have many more cells. That’s a paradox known among scientists, and now researchers think they may have an explanation — one they say might someday lead to new ways to protect people…
Johnson & Johnson starts Ebola vaccine trial in Sierra Leone    photo
NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. (AP) — Johnson & Johnson has begun clinical trials for an Ebola vaccine in Sierra Leone. The vaccine regimen is part of a new study being conducted in that nation’s Kambia district, where some of the country’s most recent Ebola cases have been reported. More than 11,000…
UN: Polio vaccines in Ukraine safe despite local concerns    photo
LONDON (AP) — The World Health Organization says it’s worried that millions of doses of polio vaccine might be wasted in Ukraine after a patient group raised concerns that the doses are unsafe. The U.N. health agency announced last month that the crippling disease had been identified in…
Researcher: Children’s cancer linked to Fukushima radiation    photo
TOKYO (AP) — A new study says children living near the Fukushima nuclear meltdowns have been diagnosed with thyroid cancer at a rate 20 to 50 times that of children elsewhere, a difference the authors contend undermines the government’s position that more cases have been discovered in the…

 

 

 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

 

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

 

 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

 

 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Meteor Showers”

 

 

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Ron McGehee, “Korean-Irish”

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Louis the lion – currently the king of the jungle – decided he didn’t want to be king. So all of the animals went out to find a new king… and they’ve found a really big throne – and a really big crown! Then the animals asked Louis to try the crown on…

 

CLOSE: The searching has finally paid off! The animals have finally found a new king! Or have they? This older lion seems to like to nap a lot. What kind of king would he be? Tune in again next time, for As the Jungle Turns!

 

 

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF OCTOBER 17/18, 2015

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns!   When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear was tied up, gagged, and tossed into the river by the animals, led by Millard the Monkey, because Gruffy refused to settle on a picnic spot. But it wasn’t long before Millard was treated the same way by Sully the Aardvark… but now Sully’s floating down the river!

 

CLOSE: Tune in next time, as FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

 

 

MOMENT OF DUH

Got a great video you want to post on the internet?  Just be sure it’s not going to get you arrested!

The makers of a three-minute video show a modified Subaru Impreza WRX racing up and down the streets of a residential neighborhood, performing 360 degree spins and burnouts before crashing into a tree.  These same video makers where then nabbed by police after uncensored footage of their antics was posted on the internet.  That’s right – not only did they videotape the crash, they were part of it – and the footage was also posted online by the same guys.  Yep – in a rare example of geniuses traveling in packs, these boys crashed a car into a tree at high speeds on purpose while their buddies taped it from a street corner.  During the video the car heads straight for the group that is filming from the side of the road.  They could all have been killed.  And then who would’ve posted their footage on the internet?

 

 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN WAYS TO DEAL WITH TELEMARKETERS

 

  1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

 

  1. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died…”

 

  1. Say “No”, over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

 

  1. After the Telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

 

  1. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can’t sell to employees.

 

  1. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her HOME phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their HOME numbers you say “I guess you don’t want anyone bothering you at home, right?” The Telemarketer will agree and you say, “Me, either!” Hang up.

 

  1. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

 

  1. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

 

  1. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.

 

  1. Tell the Telemarketer you are on “home incarceration” and ask if they could bring you a pizza.

 

 

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A burglar saves the life of his own victim!

 

FILE #1: A burglar recently saved the life of his victim after seeing her friend poison her food. The man broke into his neighbor’s house to steal her VCR and TV. The woman arrived home with a friend — disturbing the crook halfway through his burglary — so he hid in the attic so he wouldn’t be caught. The burglar revealed himself when he spotted the woman’s friend putting poison in the meal they were making. Her friend fled and the burglar walked out of the woman’s home with the VCR and TV as a reward for saving her life.

 

FILE #2: Pretend you’re a parolee. Of course, stealing anything would violate parole, right? Now, what if you go out and steal something anyway… and that stolen item happens to be a prison uniform?  Florida police arrested an ex-convict at a rock festival wearing a stolen bright orange prison uniform. The 25-year-old from Lakeland allegedly stole the uniform when he was released in January. The suspect told officers he was in a Halloween costume. Of course, it was April, so the cops saw through that excuse. He’s was arrested for violating his parole.

 

FILE #3: Authorities charge a former Maryland cop isn’t a very good bank robber. According to deputies in Charles County, former officer Vernon Thrift robbed a bank less than a mile from his home, then used his own Honda as his getaway car. Thrift is a former Prince George’s County police officer, who used to work robbery cases. A Charles County sheriff’s spokesman says on a scale of one-to-ten, he’d give Thrift’s alleged stick-up about a two.

 

STRANGE LAW: In Pennsylvania, the law books require that automobiles traveling on country roads at night must send up an rocket every mile, then wait ten minutes for the road to clear.

 

 

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Drinking is no excuse for skipping jury duty.

Authorities in Missouri charge Curtis Lemons was supposed to report for jury duty in a drunk-driving case. Instead, officials say he was having a few himself. A judge ordered officers to bring Mr. Lemons to the courthouse after he told a bailiff he was too busy. Authorities say he smelled of booze. Lemons told the judge he’d been drinking rum that morning. Lemons was fined 250 bucks for contempt of court.

 

 

PHONER PHUN

What are your favorite videos you’ve found on the internet? Share them with us and we’ll post them on the radio station’s website for everyone else to see!

 

 

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What was the name of the king who made a speech and as a result was eaten by worms?

ANSWER: Herod (Agrippa the First – Acts:12)

 

 

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: What condiment was once sold as medicine in the 1830s?

ANSWER: Ketchup

 

 

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

  1. In Japan, the number four is considered to be unlucky. (True – the Japanese word for four sounds very similar to the word death.)

 

  1. A leopard can jump as high as ten feet off the ground. (False – it’s even higher! 16.5 feet! The puma can do the same.)

 

  1. The Victorian Falls in Zimbabwe is so loud it can be heard 13 miles away. (False – it can be heard 40 miles away!)

 

  1. A human embryo is smaller than a grain of rice at four weeks old. (True)

 

  1. The largest butterfly in the world has a wingspan of nearly three feet. (False. The largest butterfly is the Queen Alexandra’s birdwing butterfly from Papua New Guinea. Its wingspan can reach to be almost 1 foot.)

 

  1. The loudest insect in the world is the cicadas. (True. The males, specifically. When they rub their abdomens, the sound made can be heard from 1300 feet.

 

  1. The Sequoias and Redwoods of the American West Coast are the oldest living trees in the world. (False – that honor belongs to the Macrozamia trees of Australia, which live 5,000 to 7,000 years and, some claim, may even reach 15,000 years.)

 

  1. Stutterers usually stutter only when around other people. (True – Medical experts have observed that people who stutter rarely do when they are alone

or talking to a pet.)

 

  1. Illinois has the highest number of personalized license plates than any other state. (True.)

 

  1. Austin, Texas has the highest percentage of college graduates. (True – 31 percent. Newark, New Jersey has the lowest at only 6 percent.)

 

 

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

COMEDIAN, GALLAGHER, SMASHES ___________ WITH SLEDGEHAMMER (OWN HEAD)

SAN FRANCISCO –  Stand-up comedian, Gallagher, badly injured himself  today in a performance at the Last Day Saloon when he mistook his own head for a watermelon.

World famous prop comic, Gallagher, has done more than 3,000 shows over 30 years – and has tirelessly toured,  bringing his unique brand of stand-up to concert halls, vegetable gardens and TV sets (via his Showtime specials) across the nation.

He’s most famously known for  smashing watermelons with a massive mallet.  He calls his mallet the Sledge-O-Matic.  “We love when he smashes a watermelon, it’s like watching The Beatles play Hey Jude,” said Gallagher groupie, Mindy Miller, 65.

But something went awry at the Last Day Saloon – Gallagher mistook his head for a watermelon.

“He came to the climax of his show and he brought out the watermelon.  The crowd went absolutely berserk. They knew what was coming. They had been waiting the entire show to see the watermelon.,” said Last Day patron, Skippy Morgan (37).  “Gallagher took out the Sledge-O-Matic, he lifted it in the air and then he seemed to get confused.   Maybe it was the flickering lights or maybe it was the three Shirley Temple’s he had before going on – but he turned away from the watermelon, put his head on the table and… BAM!  He smashed his head.”

 

 

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE #1

A customer at Green’s Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor’s quick wit and intelligence. “Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?”

“I wouldn’t share my secret with just anyone,” Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won’t hear. “But since you’re a good and faithful customer, I’ll let you in on my secret: Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you’ll be positively brilliant.”

“You sell them here?” the customer asks.

“Only $4 apiece,” says Green.

The customer buys three. A week later, he’s back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting, and he isn’t any smarter.

“You didn’t eat enough of them,” says Green.

The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he’s back and this time he’s really angry.

“Hey, Green,” he says, “you’re selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. You’re ripping me off!”

“You see?” says Green. “You’re smarter already.”

 

JOKE #2

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”

Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”

 

JOKE #3

One day at a trial, an eminent psychologist was called to testify. A severe, no-nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair, unaware that its rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform.

“Will you state your name?” asked the district attorney. Tilting back in her chair she opened her mouth to answer, but instead catapulted head-over-heels backward and landed in a stack of exhibits and recording equipment.

Everyone watched in stunned silence as she extricated herself, rearranged her disheveled dress and hair and was reseated on the witness stand. The glare she directed at onlookers dared anyone to so much as smirk.

“Well, doctor,” continued the district attorney without changing expression, “we could start with an easier question”.

 

 

USELESS FACTS

In 2000 the American Civil Liberties Union filed a lawsuit against Shawnee (Kansas) County Treasurer Rita Cline for promoting her own religious beliefs by posting “In God We Trust” in county offices. ***MARLAR: If showing that is offensive, I guess the U.S. government doesn’t want to see money from any of its citizens.

 

In Scotland early golf courses had varying numbers of holes. Some courses even had as few as five holes.  ***MARLAR: Doesn’t matter, I still would have shot a 200.

 

 

FEATURED FUNNIES

DINING OUT
Shirley and Abe, a retired couple from New York City, living in Miami, are getting ready to go out to dinner. Shirley says, “Abe, darling, do you want me to wear this Chanel suit or the Gucci?”
Abe says, “Do I care?”
A few minutes later Shirley says, “Abe, should I wear my Cartier watch or my Rolex?”
Abe says, “Who cares?”
A few more minutes pass and Shirley says, “Abe, love, shall I wear my five-carat pear diamond ring or my six-carat round diamond ring with the baguettes?”
Abe says, “Shirley, I really don’t care what you wear, but if you don’t get a move on, we’re going to miss the Early Bird Special at McDonalds.

 

 

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

WATCH THOSE DONATIONS

We’re not suggesting you stop giving to charity, just be careful to find out who’s collecting the money and where it’s going.

A recent Los Angeles Times investigation revealed that professional fundraisers keep so much of the money donated to charity that 430 different California charities over the last 10 years did not get a single penny of the contributions. In fact, in 337 cases, the charity paid an additional fee on top of getting nothing back but did come away with at least the donors’ names and addresses, for further solicitation. Philanthropy watchdogs say fundraisers should never keep more than 35 cents on the dollar, but the newspaper investigation found the overall average was 54 cents, and for missing-children charities, fundraisers kept 86 cents. Incidentally, fundraisers for an organization called “Citizens Against Government Waste” kept 94 cents of every dollar they raised!

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

I said, “Thus far and no farther will you come. Here your proud waves must stop!”—Job 38:11

In this verse God patiently explains to Job the limitations He has set for the waves of the sea. Sometimes we think evil has no bounds— that it has free reign to wreak havoc in our lives without any restrictions. However, God Almighty sets the stopping point for the attacks of the devil against us.

In Job’s life God had a predetermined time when He would suddenly throw the whole process into reverse, thus ending the greatest test endured by any human being other than Christ. Job’s patience in trial became the most significant witness of patience in biblical history: “We give great honor to those who endure under suffering. Job is an example of a man who endured patiently. From his experience we see how the Lord’s plan finally ended in good, for he is full of tenderness and mercy” (James 5:11).

The proud waters of evil may be threatening to overwhelm you, but God knows the moment when they will hit their predetermined limit. On that day your enemy will be like a wild dog at the end of a long chain, and you will be able to rest peacefully as God says to the enemy, “This far and no farther!”

–Larry Stockstill

 

 

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

JESUS’ VERY OWN PEACE

My peace I give you. —John 14:27

On the eve of the execution of Christian martyr Nicholas Ridley (1500-1555), his brother offered to stay with him in the prison to be of comfort. Ridley declined, saying that he planned to sleep as soundly as usual. Because he knew the peace of Jesus, he could rest in his Lord.

The next morning, Ridley told a fellow Christian who was also being executed, “Be of good heart, brother, for God will either assuage the fury of the flame, or else strengthen us to abide it.” Then they knelt and prayed by the stake and, after a brief conversation, were burned to death for their faith.

Jesus had given Nicholas Ridley His peace (John 14:27). But what kind of peace did Jesus have? In Matthew 16:21-23, we see His peace in His determination to go to Jerusalem even though He knew He would suffer and die (see Luke 9:51). Peter rebuked Him, but Jesus trusted His Father and went to the cross. His purpose for living was to die.

Amy Carmichael said, “The peace of Jesus stood every sort of test, every strain, and it never broke. It is this, His very own peace, which He says ‘I give.'”

No matter how big or small our trials may be, we can trust Jesus to give us His very own peace in the midst of them.

—Anne Cetas

 

 

LEFTOVERS

SQUIRREL PROBLEM

In Pennsylvania the Allegheny Power company is looking for a way to protect its power lines from squirrels after a squirrel recently chewed through a line, leaving over 4,000 customers without electricity.  ***MARLAR: Once the squirrel electrocutes himself, doesn’t that rectify the problem automatically?

 

 

LIFE… LIVE IT

THE CELL

Could using a mobile phone actually make you smarter?  

The whole brain-cancer thing is pretty much history and has been shown to not really be an issue, but now according to a Hong Kong study, mobile phones made their users’ brains work “significantly” better. Tests showed mobile users performed mental tests better than non-users due to the findings that the local heating effect around the ear when a mobile is used causes some change in brain tissue, bringing about an increase in processing speed. ***MARLAR: Although, if mobile phones make people smarter, you’d think they would eventually become intelligent enough to know it’s a stupid idea to text and drive.

 

 

JUST FOR FUN

ANARCHISTS ARISE

A 15 year old girl has been suspended because she tried to start a club at school. Sound insane? You won’t think so when you find out what kind of club she wanted to form!

Katie Sierra is a 15-year-old student at Sissonville High School in West Virginia, and she’s none too bright. It seems young Katie has been suspended for three days for promoting a club she’s trying to start. What kind of club? Oh, just your typical high school anarchy club.  Katie enlisted the help of her mom to sue the school for denying her right to free speech, but the judge ruled that she does not have a right to start her club or to wear her Anarchy T-shirts because they would be disruptive to the school.  ***MARLAR: How can you begin an “Anarchy Club?”  Isn’t the idea of a club – an organized group of believers – the exact opposite of anarchy?

 

 

FUN LIST

IT’S NOT ENGLISH, IT’S TEXISH

 

The engine’s runnin’, but ain’t nobody drivin’. [not real smart]

 

Tighter than the bark on a tree. [stingy]

 

We’ve howdied, but we ain’t shook yet. [We’ve met, but we haven’t been formally introduced.]

 

She’s got tongue enough for ten rows of teeth. [She’s a talker]

 

This ain’t my first rodeo. [I’ve been around].

 

Slide off and cool your saddle. [rest]

 

He’s as shy of truth as a goat is of feathers. [he lies]

 

Sounds like he must’ve gotten sour milk from his mother. [he’s a malcontent]

 

 

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

HIRE ME!

A New York City man has been one of the best and most reliable employees the Transit Authority has seen in recent years. Unfortunately, they have never employed Darius McCollum. Instead, McCollum has been arrested 17 times for posing as a token taker, bus driver, and subway engineer. Yep – working for free.

 

 

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

 

 

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

A 70 year old Grandma says God shielded her from a car fire while she was rescuing a disabled man inside. When Rosemary saw the blazing van in the parking lot of the mall where she worked she didn’t hesitate. According to the Christian Post, The grandmother of five left her job and rushed past several bystanders to pull the man from the burning vehicle. Miraculously she walked away without a burn mark on her. Officials say the disabled man would not have made it if it weren’t for Rosemary’s quick action. As for how she got back to safety without a scratch or burn on her — Rosemary calls it “divine intervention.

http://bit.ly/1Bf8PFv

 

The latest trend in jewelry is smart rings. Ringly, a company that makes fashionable smart rings, recently launched it’s latest ring. The brand has integrated the ring with over 50 applications to allow customers to receive notifications from specific apps, ranging from eBay and Instagram to Uber.

http://on.mash.to/1FbsAX4

 

It’s getting colder out there, and in response Yahoo foods is out with a list of 10 chili recipes. However, these aren’t your standard chili recipes. Their suggestions include Maple Pumpkin Chili, Short Rib Chili, Cornbread Chili Pie, and 30 minute chili.

http://yhoo.it/1R2NkkD

 

 

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

 

 

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)

Captains Courageous

They call a certain stretch of water in the Caribbean “Hurricane Alley.” Severe storms in that region are common. Captains of sailing vessels know enough to consider the warnings and plan accordingly.
But even skilled sailors and captains of ships are no match for forces well beyond their control. Thus was the fate recently of the cargo ship El Faro. It left port in Jacksonville, Florida, almost two weeks ago…never to return. Along with its sinking went the souls of thirty-three crew.
Experts continue to debate the wisdom of the decision to sail, let alone to take that specific route. There is no clear cut answer. The storm turned treacherous quicker than estimated — jumping past hurricane categories 1, 2, and 3, until it settled at 4.
What that meant for these sailors was a horrifying congestion of wind, waves, and rain. The seas were raging at 50 feet. Winds howling at 125 miles per hour. As the ship listed some 15 degrees with its full load of containers and cars, it began taking on water. It wasn’t long after that the engine failed. Steering was now impossible.
No survivors were found. There was one body that surfaced in a survival suit meant to keep people afloat. Other than that, a cargo door, an empty lifeboat, and a range of flotsam and jetsam is all that could be immediately found.
It’s important to note that, despite all of our advancements, we still have these sailing tragedies today. And this one happened in a relatively short course sailing run of 1200 miles! Today’s maritime world has sophisticated weather equipment, advanced navigation, and sailing technology. Lifeboats for everyone. Survival suits.
Makes you wonder, on this Columbus Day, how they made it from Spain to cross the Atlantic in the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria. The Santa Maria ran aground near Haiti and came apart. Oops.
The other two ships were smaller and each carried about 25 men. Close quarters, my friend. Probably no antiperspirant.
As one history site notes, “All told, there were about 120 crewmen for the combined fleet. They lived on hard biscuit, salted meat, and fish. They drank beer and water. Of course, they could not drink sea-water because of the high salt content. In that day they had not yet developed methods for distilling the sea-water to remove the salt. Living conditions were difficult.” Ya think?

The article goes on to explain that the sailors slept on a hard deck, often exposed to the weather. And because of fire danger aboard a wooden ship, any fire needed had to be strictly controlled. And cooking was done in the forward part of the ship.
And lest we forget the importance of this historic day, a few more notes from an article titled “THE FOUR EXPLORATIONS OF CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS”:
“Early on the morning of October 12th land was indeed sighted, and a landing party arrived on an island in the Bahamas and named it San Salvador. It had been thirty-three days since the three ships had left the Canary Islands, off the Atlantic coast of Africa. The natives must have been surprised to hear that their island now belonged to Spain. Over the next few weeks landings were also made on Cuba, named Juana by Columbus, and Española, now known as Hispaniola, and shared by the Dominican Republic and Haiti.
Columbus’ ships covered approximately 150 miles a day. His seafaring instincts were extraordinary. Columbus relied on “dead reckoning,” which used not only navigational instruments but also experience, intuition, observations, and guesswork to determine his ships’ positions.”

Now I realize that in this current age there are mixed reviews on the motives and behavior of the Columbus expeditions. For my purposes today, I’ll leave you to your own conclusions. (You should read the original documents and diaries.)
My point in sharing both of these stories is twofold: 1) to show that people have taken great risks and made tremendous sacrifices for our betterment, and 2) some jobs, more than others, require bravery in the face of known risks. Or call it courage.
Your job, whatever it is, may require another kind of courage. Making tough decisions. Knowing when to step out on your own. Handling employee challenges. In looking at a candidate for a job, we underestimate the importance of courage.
In the face of our challenges, when courage is needed most, it is comforting to know we can seek help from One whose power knows no limits.
As the Psalmist writes, “You answer us in amazing ways, God our Savior. People everywhere on the earth and beyond the sea trust you. You made the mountains by your strength; you are dressed in power. You stopped the roaring seas, the roaring waves, and the uproar of the nations. Even those people at the ends of the earth fear your miracles. You are praised from where the sun rises to where it sets.”  (Psalm 63:5-8, NCV)
Happy Columbus Day. May you have smooth sailing.
That’s The Way WE Work.

 

 

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

 

OCTOBER 16, 2015…

 

Goosebumps— Jack Black stars as the real-life writer R. L. Stine in a film about Stine’s mystery books called “Goosebumps”. This is the type of reading where it is fun to be frightened.  The story has a curious neighbor accidentally letting the book characters into this world.  What to do?  The cast includes Dylan Minnette.” “Goosebumps” is rated PG 13. No rating.

 

Truth—In this film, Robert Redford stars as Dan Rather and Cate Blanchett is Mary Mapes in a behind-the-scenes look at the CBS news scandal concerning then President Bush. Information came out that the then-President military service was suspect and there was a scandal.  In this film, there is a different angle. “Truth” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans of the stars.

 

Beasts of No Nation—This is actually a Netflix movie, based on the novel by Uzogdinna Iweala, and stars Idris Elba in a story about a boy soldier in Africa. The boy (Abraham Attah)  is forced to become a soldier during the fighting in Africa with Elba as his scary commander .A film not for children. “Beasts of No Nation” is rated R. Rating of 3.

 

Crimson Peak—Shades of gothic books and movies, this one has Mia Wasikowska living in Northern England and is courted by a mysterious stranger, Tom Hiddleston and comes to live in a castle/mansion in a deserted part of the country.  What else is new?  “Crimson Peak” is rated R. No rating.

 

Room—Here is a film about  living in a small room…for years…with a child, too.  Such is the fate of Brie Larson who runs into a nut case who imprisons her. This is a scary situation. All, too often, this type of story is in the headlines. “Room” is rated R. Rating of 3.

 

Bridge Of Spies—This is based on the true story of exchanging a Russian spy for an America pilot during the Cold War. Tom Hanks is an attorney who is “asked” by the CIA to handle the negotiations. The American pilot is Mark Rylance. Also in the cast is Amy Ryan. “Bridge of Spies” is rated R and directed by Steven Spielberg. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

OCTOBER 23…

 

Bone Tomahawk stars Kurt Russell in an action/horror western.

 

Burnt with Bradley Cooper as a chef trying to get back on top of the culinary world.

 

Jem and the Holograms with Aubrey Peeples and Juliette Lewis is based on the old TV series.

 

# # # # #

 

 

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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.