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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20151021
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
Ladies and gentlemen, please stand by for either (THE JOCK SHOW), or a test of the emergency broadcast system. We’re checking now to see which had the highest ratings last week.
Welcome to (THE JOCK SHOW): Contents Under Pressure–Do Not Shake.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
“But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the Day of Judgment.” –Matthew 12:36
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. –Matthew 11:28
Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. — Psalm 51:12
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. — Romans 6:11
Thought: In baptism, we are united with Christ in his death (see Romans 6:1-14 for the background of this devotional meditation). Our old sinful selves are crucified with Christ. We are no longer slaves to sin. We are alive in Christ — the one whom sin could not master and death could not conquer. His life is now our life. His victory is our victory. His future is our future. Let’s set our hearts to live based upon this certainty!
Prayer: Gracious Father, I find it incredible that you put all my past sin in the grave of your crucified Son and have raised me up to new life in him. Inspire me to find meaning, joy, and victory in Jesus. Strengthen me with your Spirit and conform me more perfectly to my Lord. Please empower me to live fully trusting that all of my sin is dead, buried and gone. Please give me the confidence that my new life is bound up with Jesus and his future. Jesus, I thank you for this hope and offer this praise in your name. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
Deuteronomy 10:21 NIV = He is your praise; he is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wonders you saw with your own eyes.
TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – OCTOBER 21, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 65 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is HUMBLE YOURSELF BY HAVING YOUR PICTURE TAKEN WEARING A BICYCLE HELMET DAY. ***MARLAR: Yeah, that’d do it.
Today is NATIONAL PUMPKIN CHEESECAKE DAY. ***MARLAR: If that’s the reward for wearing the bicycle helmet, I’m in.
Today is TAKE TIME TO STOP AND WATCH THE SUNSET DAY. ***MARLAR: Which makes tomorrow “Get Someone To Drive You To The Emergency Room Because You’ve Gone Blind Staring At The Sun Day.”
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Global Iodine Deficiency Disorder (IDD) Prevention Day
Support Your Local Chamber of Commerce
COMING UP NEXT
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 22
Caps Locks Day
International Stuttering Awareness Day
Smart is Cool Day
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 23
National Pharmacy Buyer Day
Swallows Depart from San Juan Capistrano Day
TV Talk Show Host Day
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 24
Make a Difference Day
United Nations Day
World Development Information Day
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 25
Xterra World Championships
MONDAY, OCTOBER 26
Lung Health Day
National Day of the Deployed
Visit a Cemetery Day
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 27
Cranky Co-workers Day
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 28
National Chocolate Day
ON THIS DAY
1879: Thomas Edison demonstrated the first practical incandescent electric lamp. It burned out after 14 hours. ***MARLAR: How practical is a fourteen hour light bulb?
1918: Margaret Owen of New York City set a typing speed record of 170 words a minute. ***MARLAR: It would’ve been less though if they’d cut off time for spelling errors, punctuations problems, grammatical mistakes, words that don’t exist…
1960: Democrat John Kennedy and Republican Richard Nixon clashed in their fourth and final presidential debate.
1985: William “The Refrigerator” Perry, a 325-pound offensive lineman, ran for a touchdown as the Chicago Bears beat Green Bay 23-7. Perry soon became a national folk hero.
1991: Captain Kangaroo was inducted into the Admiralty of the Great Navy of the State of Nebraska, making him Admiral Kangaroo.
1998: A 34-year-old spectator got two days in jail for playing with a yo-yo in an Oklahoma City courtroom. The man said he was trying to quit smoking and yo-yoing helped him relax, but the judge wasn’t impressed. ***MARLAR: He’s now trying to kick the yo-yo habit and finds it relaxing to play Tiddlywinks.
1998: The New York Yankees set a major league baseball record of 125 victories for the regular and postseason combined.
2003: A concert by the heavy metal rock group POD (Payable on Death) in Siegen, Germany, had to be cancelled after the sound check made the ceiling collapse. The audience had not arrived and no one was injured. ***MARLAR: Talk about “bringing down the house!” Maybe they should “raise the roof.”
2004: An Associated Press poll found President Bush and Senator John Kerry locked in a tie for the popular vote for the presidency.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
1532: German reformer Martin Luther declared: ‘For some years now I have read through the Bible twice every year. If you picture the Bible to be a mighty tree and every word a little branch, I have shaken every one of these branches because I wanted to know what it was and what it meant.’
1692: William Penn was deposed as Governor of Pennsylvania. His overtures of gratefulness to James II for permitting religious freedom for dissenters of the Church of England led William and Mary to charge Penn with being a papist.
1751: The first Baptist association in the American South was organized at Charleston, SC. It was formed under the initiative of Oliver Hart, who had left the Philadelphia area to become pastor of the Charleston Baptist Church in 1749.
1808: Birth of American Baptist clergyman Samuel Francis Smith. Credited with writing over 100 hymns, Smith is best remembered as the author of “America” (“My Country, ‘Tis of Thee”), written at age 23, while a student at Andover Seminary.
1892: Birth of James L Kelso, American Presbyterian archaeologist. He participated in digs at the biblical sites of Debir, Bethel and Jericho, and authored the text “Ceramic Vocabulary of the O.T.”
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actor (Will Malloy on “Reunion”, JJ Pryor on “American Dreams”) Will Estes 37
- actor (Ben Seaver on “Growing Pains”) Jeremy Miller 39 (
- actress/author (Princess Leia in Star Wars) Carrie Fisher 59
- TV’s Judge Judy Sheindlin 73
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1917 : Dizzy Gillespie
1937 : Norman Wright (Dell-Vikings)
1940 : Jimmy Beaumont (The Skyliners)
1940 : Manfred Mann
1941 : Steve Cropper (Booker T & The MGs)
1942 : Elvin Bishop
1943 : Ron Elliott (Beau Brummels)
1945 : Kathy Young (Kathy Young and the Innocents)
1946 : Lee Loughnane (Chicago)
1947 : “Rabbit” Bundrick (Free)
1952 : Brent Mydland (Grateful Dead)
1953 : Charlotte Caffey (The Go-Go’s)
1955 : Eric Faulkner (The Bay City Rollers)
1957 : Steve Lukather (Toto)
1957 : Julian Cope
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
How did Salisbury steak get its name?
It was named after a 19th-century English physician, Dr. J. H. Salisbury, who recommended that his patients eat plenty of beef for all manner of ailments. It is essentially a ground-beef patty that has been flavored with minced onion and seasonings before being fried or broiled. Salisbury steak is often served with gravy made from pan drippings.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!
Britt Nicole has the best cheering squad. She shared a picture holding her two children and said: Every night they watch my show, and when I come off Ella says “yaaaa mommy” and gives me a big hug!
Casting Crowns Jaun Devevo has a problem. He tweeted: Soooo many kitty litters, but which one is best? Jaun said that it’s time for a field test. But he had a second problem. Jaun added: But I Don’t Have The Cat
Brandon Heath says his Dog Dixie Doodle Heath is becoming a celebrity. Brandon tweeted that she took part in the annual Nashville Oktoberfest Dachshund Derby and made him proud.
It’s not Bart Millard’s year for picking baseball teams. After his Rangers lost in five games, the Mercyme front man tweeted: Nothing against the Cubs, but I have friends with the Astros and Dodgers. I need one of them to win so I can say “I know a guy”. Just hours later the Astros lost to the Kansas City Royals in game five of their series.
A new film titled Woodlawn opened last weekend. The movie deals with racial tensions and revival as seen through the eyes of the high school football team and also includes a performance by Christian Artist Francesca Battistelli. Casting Crowns Mark Hall commented this week: Woodlawn was incredible. My students went to a screening several weeks ago and are still talking about it.
ODD & WEIRD NEWS…
|Missing: ‘Slightly sinister’ Ronald McDonald statue
NORTHAMPTON, Mass. (AP) — A Massachusetts family has been searching in vain for its “slightly sinister” statue of Ronald McDonald, which was taken from their summer home during a teenage house party. HASH(0x14010a0) Ryan says two boys put the statue in a tree at an athletic club. Someone…
|Massachusetts town issues ‘citations’ for good behavior
CONCORD, Mass. (AP) — Getting a ticket from police in one Massachusetts town isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Concord’s police department says it plans to issue up to 200 “citations” for good behavior. That could include such things as wearing a bicycle helmet or a seat belt, yielding to…
|The devil made her do it: ‘Hell on Wheels’ arrested for DUI
CLARKSBURG, W.Va. (AP) — Police say a woman accused of drunken driving and hitting six vehicles initially identified herself to an officer as “Hell on Wheels.” The Exponent Telegram (http://bit.ly/1KdL6cI ) reports 38-year-old Amanda Dolores Alleman of Clarksburg was arrested Friday on…
|College honors retired professor with 17 mph speed limit
AMHERST, Mass. (AP) — A Massachusetts college has changed all the speed limit signs on campus to honor a retired mathematics professor who spent his career fascinated by the number 17. The speed limit change from 15 mph to 17 mph at Hampshire College was made at the request of the professor,…
|Cockatoo with dinosaur-like screech vexes neighbors
BROOKLINE, Mass. (AP) — A cockatoo with the screech of a dinosaur is vexing residents of a tony Boston suburb. The white bird, named Dino because of his annoying call, flew away from his owner in July and into the trees of Brookline. He’s been gnawing on the woodwork of the Nancy Gertner’s…
|Thieves break through walls in ‘Ocean’s 11’-style heist
PHILADELPHIA (AP) — Police say someone broke through the walls of two downtown Philadelphia businesses and escaped with about $250,000 in cash and merchandise from a jewelry store. HASH(0x1416b90) Kamara says she discovered the damage when she opened the store just after 8 a.m. Thursday….
|Cops: Pennsylvania woman did her laundry in woman’s bathtub
SHENANDOAH, Pa. (AP) — A Pennsylvania woman has been jailed on charges she broke into a neighbor’s home, where she was caught doing her laundry in the bathtub. HASH(0x13e1e90) A woman who lives down the street from Bancroft told police she went to use the bathroom about 4:30 p.m. and found…
|Overdue books returned to Oregon library, 52 years later
PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) — Portland State University librarians in Oregon finally got their hands on two overdue books — a half century after they were checked out. HASH(0x141af10) University librarian Joan Petit says the books are so old that staff members don’t know what to do with them. In the…
|Los Angeles doctor delivers baby on flight from Taiwan photo
LOS ANGELES (AP) — It was a honeymoon that Dr. Angelica Zen likely won’t ever forget, and not just because of the romantic Bali vacation. On her way home to Los Angeles last week, the UCLA physician made her first unassisted delivery of a newborn baby when a passenger suddenly went into labor…
|Unexpected visitor: Woman finds bear inside apartment
ASHEVILLE, N.C. (AP) — A North Carolina woman says she entered her daughter’s apartment and found a bear, who had entered by opening an unlocked door, roaming through the home. Asheville Fire Department spokeswoman Kelley Klope told local news outlets the mother called emergency personnel…
|City warns church after neighbor complains about choir noise
OAKLAND, Calif. (AP) — The city of Oakland, California, sent a letter warning a church that it could be fined after a neighbor complained that choir practice was causing unbearable night-time noise. HASH(0x13ec930) Harris says rehearsal ends at 9 p.m., but the complaint sent to the city says…
HEALTH & FITNESS NEWS…
|How America’s ‘heroin city’ is turning itself around photo
RUTLAND, Vt. (AP) — Rutland is fed up with heroin. Take Tom VanEps. He and his neighbors used to just watch, disgusted, as dealers worked Baxter Street, their buyers sometimes littering the ground with used syringes. Now, he said, they confront the dealers and the junkies. “We’ll make them…
|UN: 2 new Ebola cases in Guinea show virus still spreading photo
LONDON (AP) — The World Health Organization says there were two new cases of Ebola in Guinea this week, ending two consecutive weeks in West Africa when no cases of the devastating disease were reported. The two new patients were not previously identified contacts being tracked by health…
|Bristol-Myers, Five Prime expand work on cancer, other drugs
TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — Drugmaker Bristol-Myers Squibb Co. is expanding its collaboration with Five Prime Therapeutics Inc., which could receive more than $1.75 billion if they succeed in turning Five Prime’s antibody-based drug candidates into approved medicines for cancer and immune-system…
|Policy makes Plan B more accessible to American Indian women photo
FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. (AP) — The federal Indian Health Service has finalized a policy that makes emergency contraception more accessible to American Indian and Alaska Native women. The written policy released this week requires the morning-after pill to be available to women of any age over the…
|The world’s first female sex drug could spur similar meds photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Most women with low sexual desire won’t rush to get the first prescription drug to boost female libido when it becomes available on Saturday. But they may have more options down the road. Addyi is a daily medication that can’t be taken with alcohol or certain other drugs,…
|Ailing Ebola nurse in UK may be rare case of relapse photo
LONDON (AP) — The World Health Organization says it’s possible in rare instances for patients who survived Ebola to develop the lethal disease again, when the virus lingering in the body starts to replicate at high levels. That might explain what has happened to a Scottish nurse now being…
|Experts: Concussions are complex but treatable injuries
PITTSBURGH (AP) — The science surrounding how to diagnose and treat concussions is as complex as the injury itself. No two concussions are alike. And while those heavily involved in dealing with them — from researchers to clinicians to scientists — know the road ahead will…
|Michigan governor OKs $9.3M to end Flint water crisis
LANSING, Mich. (AP) — A Michigan city will receive $6 million in state funding to help switch its drinking water source after lead problems prompted officials to declare a public health emergency. Gov. Rick Snyder on Thursday quickly approved $9.3 million in aid to address Flint’s water…
|Is Obama’s health overhaul losing steam? photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — The health care law’s historic gains in coverage may be leveling off: The Obama administration announced Thursday it expects only a slight overall increase in enrollment next year. With the 2016 sign-up season two weeks away, Health and Human Services Secretary Sylvia M….
|Leader behind Vermont aid-in-dying law uses it, ends life
MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) — Richard “Dick” Walters, a leader in the effort to get the state to pass aid-in-dying legislation, used the rules established under the law to end his own life on Friday. He was 90 years old and had been battling cancer. Walters, the leader of Patient Choices Vermont,…
|Patient attacked at Washington hospital as US funds at risk
SEATTLE (AP) — A patient attacked another patient at Washington state’s largest psychiatric hospital this week as federal regulators decide whether to cut millions of dollars to the facility over concerns about safety. Doctors at Western State Hospital say the number of violent episodes at…
(None on the weekends)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
Cash-strapped Illinois announced last week that they’ll be handing out IOUs for the time-being to any state lottery winner who wins more than $600. The IOUs are a side effect of the stalemate over a new a budget between Republican Governor Bruce Rauner and the state’s Democratic lawmakers who control the Illinois General Assembly. *** This could get ugly. We’re talking about Chicago – where you don’t tell people you’re not going to pay them what is owed unless you want someone stopping by to break all of your fingers.
A man had been living in the attic of a church for three years, before being found by an air conditioning repairman last Tuesday. According to Christian News, 42 year old William Barker was a member of the congregation at St Ann’s Catholic Church in Arlington VA, and would attend mass regularly. Unlike other members of the Church, when the service ended he would not leave. Once the church had emptied, Barker would climb into the attic with a ladder to his makeshift home. *** This reminds me of that little children’s rhyme. “Here is the church, here is the steeple, open the doors and see all the… ON MY GOSH THERE’S SOMEBODY ON THE ATTIC!!! http://bit.ly/1VTXc6X
General Mills, the makers of Lucky Charms, is releasing our favorite childhood cereal with only its famous marshmallows. But, there is a catch: they are only making 10 boxes. *** Because they can only afford ten lawsuits from people claiming the cereal gave them diabetes.
“The Hollywood Reporter” reports that there’s a “Die Hard 6” – starring Bruce Willis – in the works. *** After so many blows to the head, John McClain doesn’t remember anything about Nakatomi Plaza and actually enjoys Christmas without any negative memories.
The CW Television Network has cancelled their long-running reality competition show, “America’s Next Top Model.” The Tyra Banks-hosted “Top model” had a successful run on two networks, first at UPN and then The CW. *** I think the final episode of “America’s Next Top Model” should be a cross-over with CW’s other hit show “Supernatural” where Sam and Dean Winchester show up on the set, declare all of the models monsters and rid the world of them for our benefit.
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
People who complain they have no time to exercise may soon need another excuse. Some experts say intense exercise sessions could help people squeeze an entire week’s workout into less than an hour. Intense exercise regimens, or interval training, was originally developed for Olympic athletes and thought to be too strenuous for normal people. But in recent years, studies in older people and those with health problems suggest many more people might be able to handle it. If true, that could revolutionize how officials advise people to exercise – and save millions of people hours in the gym every week. ***MARLAR: So now we open up the phones and ask, what excuse can we continue to use to get out of exercise? I could use a few ideas…
The latest weapon in the U.N.’s fight against hunger, global warming and pollution might be flying by you right now. Edible insects are being promoted as a low-fat, high-protein food for people, pets and livestock. According to the U.N., they come with appetizing side benefits: Reducing greenhouse gas emissions and livestock pollution, creating jobs in developing countries and feeding the millions of hungry people in the world. ***MARLAR: You finish eating your dinner – do you realize there are children in China who are starving and would love to have a big plate of steamed dung beetles?!?!
Normally, tobacco is associated with causing cancer – not curing it. But researchers at Stanford University School of Medicine in California say a personalized vaccine made from tobacco plants could help cure cancer. The treatment, which would vaccinate cancer patients against their own tumor cells, is made using a new approach that turns genetically engineered tobacco plants into personalized vaccine factories. ***MARLAR: The downside is that intensive care units will now have to have smoking and non-smoking sections.
Scientists say the Earth is becoming more like Saturn. Some astronomers say the earth is developing rings just like the planet Saturn. The discovery has both astronomers and theologians scratching their heads. Some astrophysicists believe the rings may be a bi-product of global warming. Some religious experts say the ring is probably a sign of the impending second coming of Christ. ***MARLAR: Or it’s a new advertising promotion by Target.
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Jogger at Speed of Sound”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Bob Smiley, “Pink and Cuddly”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, all of the jungle animals were looking for a new king – because Louis the lion didn’t want to be king anymore. It was too hard for such a little lion. But in their searching they found another, older and wiser lion. Maybe he’ll be the new king!
CLOSE: Well, it looks like even grown-up kings still have a hard time with those day-to-day decisions. So will Louis step up and take his kingship? We’ll find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF OCTOBER 24/25, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!
CLOSE: Tune in again next time for another episode of As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
The great sport of Cow Fighting! What? You’ve never heard of it?
Cow Fighting. Don’t be surprised if it doesn’t sound familiar to you… it’s not really reached Olympic status. Each October in the tiny town of Martigny, the Swiss stage cow fights, pitting pregnant female cows against one another. This comes in spite of the fact that the cows have no natural desire whatsoever to fight other cows… and they can’t even be forced into fighting each other. Most of the time, the cows just stand there and moo. Here’s an even stranger fact about Cow Fighting… the winning cow (how that is determined no one really knows) is given the name “Queen of the Alps” and instantly becomes ten times more valuable than the losing cow. Even though both of them did nothing but stand there and moo.
TOP TEN IRONIES
- Needing to pay someone to help you pay your taxes.
- That even the fanciest restaurants suffer from pest-control problems.
- That we judge balding men by the choices they make in coping with their baldness.
- That all good things come to an end, but some mediocre things seem to last a very long time.
- Cults that build up huge arsenals, refuse to pay taxes, and complain that the FBI is watching over them.
- People who refuse to see a psychologist because they don’t need to pay someone to help them out with their issues, but will gladly spend $100 a week at a tanning salon.
- Paying a toll to cross a bridge when you know you’re going in the wrong direction.
- That the most intense laughter you have usually comes at the least appropriate time.
- That finding your roach traps empty only adds to your fear that they don’t work, instead of reassuring you that you don’t have roaches anymore.
- Online pop-ups offering to help you get rid of online pop-ups advertisements.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
Today’s files of Law & Disorder follow the actions of an attempted bank robbery – and the robber was 70-years-old!
FILE #1: When employees at the Foothills Bank in Wheat Ridge, Colorado saw an elderly man at the door with a cane and a surgical mask on, they went to help him. Police say 70-year-old George Chatfield then pulled a gun and tried to rob them. The vice president of the bank grabbed Chatfield’s hand and knocked the gun loose — and then sat on him until police arrived. When the cops arrived on the scene, they looked at the frail man and thought there was some confusion. Chatfield lives in an assisted living facility, and is in poor health.
FILE #2: A judge in Louisville, Ky., declared a mistrial in a murder case after discovering the defendant was convicted on the toss of a coin. The Louisville Courier-Journal reports a jury in Jefferson County Circuit Court deliberated for nine hours over two days before deciding to toss a coin when it was unable to agree on a verdict. The defendant, Philip Givens, was thus convicted by the jury for the shooting death of his girlfriend. The jury was back in court a few days later, but by then, the judge had heard about the coin toss. The jury foreman confirmed the verdict was decided by flipping a silver dollar, and a mistrial was declared. According to Philip’s attorney: “It kind of blows your mind. I think they had a lapse in judgment, and I’d like to think it doesn’t go on very often.”
FILE #3: A burglar needing money to pay his income taxes decided to burgle the safe in a store. On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading, “Please don’t use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob.” He did so. Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started clanging. As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning, “My confidence in human nature has been rudely shaken.”
STRANGE LAW: In Oregon one may not bathe without wearing “suitable clothing,” i.e., that which covers one’s body from neck to knee.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Illegal drugs may have a street value… but that doesn’t mean you can purchase gasoline with them.
Frederick County sheriff’s deputies have arrested a man after he allegedly offered store clerks marijuana to pay for gasoline. It happened at the Classic Fuels Store on Old National Pike in New Market, Maryland. Deputies said a 52-year-old man offered marijuana to pay for gasoline, and a clerk in the store called authorities. The man and his motorcycle were searched, and deputies said they found suspected cocaine, Oxycodone pills and suspected marijuana. The man was charged with possession of cocaine, marijuana and drug paraphernalia.
Ever wanted to go skydiving? Mountain climbing? Hang gliding? Standup comedy? What have you always wanted to do that your friends and family think you’re crazy for even considering?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: Name the two men who entertained angels unaware.
ANSWER: Abraham and Lot (Genesis 18)
QUESTION: How many times a minute does the average adult elephant’s heart beat?
ANSWER: Twenty-five. (In man, the average adult heartbeat is 70 to 80 times per minute.)
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- A million tons of meteor dust falls to Earth every day. (False – it’s a thousand tons. Still, that’s a lot!)
- Chocolate was discovered in southern Mexico. (False – it was discovered in the West Indies. It was introduced into the United States in 1765 when cocoa beans were brought from there to Dorchester, Massachusetts.)
- Skydivers can fall as fast as 200 miles per hour. (False – their terminal velocity is 120 mph. That’s the fastest speed you can fall on Earth due to the density of the air.)
- In 1776, making $4,000 a year was considered being wealthy. (True.)
- During the American Revolution, many brides wore blue instead of white. (False. But many did wear red as a symbol of rebellion.)
- Sea lions are susceptible to sunburn. (True)
- Sea lions can get seasick. (True again! If put on board a ship, it will get as seasick as a man.)
- Almost half the newspapers in the world are published in the United States and Canada. (True)
- The United States was actually the second country in the world to give women the right to vote. (False – we are number sixteen! There are fifteen nations that gave women the right to vote before the United States did in 1920. The earliest were New Zealand, in 1893, Australia, in 1902, and Finland, in 1906.)
- On Venus, the Sun rises in the north and sets in the south. (False – it rises in the west and sets in the east, the opposite of the Earth.)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
- PHIL WARNS OF _________ (ALIEN INVASION)
LOS ANGELES – Dr. Phil announced on his show that there is an alien invasion under way and we must all prepare!
Dr. Phil shocked his studio audience yesterday when he announced that he believed “one hundred percent” that an alien invasion is underway and that Americans, and citizens of the world, must prepare for psychologically for our new masters.
“I have studied this carefully with top leaders from governments around the world. The evidence is overwhelming. Aliens from Planet Zeeba and Planet Gootan are amongst us and more are arriving every day. We must all accept this, so that we can be happy and treat these aliens with the dignity and respect they deserve,” Dr. Phil told his audience.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
The patient is adamant. “Doc, I need a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a heart transplant, a cornea transplant, a spleen transplant, a pancreas trans. . .”
“What makes you think you need all these?”
Well, replied the patient, “My boss said if I wanted to keep my job I needed to get reorganized.”
“Please, your honor, I’d like to be excused from jury duty,” pleaded an anxious-looking man.
“Why should I excuse you,” asked the judge.
You see, there’s a man to whom I owe fifty dollars and he’s leaving in a few hours for a post abroad. He’ll be there for years and I want to catch him before he leaves, for it may be my last chance to repay him.”
“Excused,” stated the judge coldly. “We don’t want anyone on the jury who can lie like that.”
A guy had told all of his friends about the great steak he’d eaten downtown the day before. A group of them decided to head down and see if was really as large and delicious as he was making it out to be. The group was seated in the back of the restaurant. After looking over the menu, they ordered and waited, hungrily, for their large, delicious pieces of gigantic steaks. To their collective disappointment, the waiter brought out some of the smallest steaks they’d ever seen.
“Now see here,” the very embarrassed guy said to the waiter. “Yesterday when I came down here you served me a BIG, juicy, steak. Today, though, when I have my friends invited, you serve small miniature steaks! What is the meaning of this?”
“Yes, sir,” replied the waiter, “yesterday you were sitting by the window.”
There are a number of theories of why sailors wear bell-bottom pants. One is that bell bottoms are easier to pull on over boots. Another is that they are easier to roll up when doing chores. Others say it’s because it’s they are easier to remove if a sailor falls overboard, or that the pants could be knotted and filled with air to be used as flotation devices. ***MARLAR: I think the best theory is that they just look so darn cute on the guy on the Cracker Jack box.
The Spitzer Space Telescope has discovered the biggest but never-before-seen ring around the planet Saturn. The thin array of ice and dust particles lies at the far reaches of the Saturnian system and its orbit is tilted 27 degrees from the planet’s main ring plane. ***MARLAR: Not to worry though, they feel they can remove those stubborn rings using Wisk.
The ability to solve complex math problems is a trait you are born with. ***MARLAR: Which means I have a birth defect.
WHAT IS THE SUM OF 2 + 2?
An accountant will say “What do you want the answer to be?”
A mathematician will say “I believe it is 4, but I will have to prove it.”
A statistician will say “The population is too small to give an accurate answer, but on the basis of the data supplied the answer lies between 3 and 5.”
An economist will say “Based on today’s thinking, the answer is 4 but the answer may be different tomorrow”.
An engineer will say “The answer is 4, but adding a safety factor we will call it 5”.
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
How would you react if your spouse told you to get rid of your pet – or he’d leave you? One woman had to make the tough decision regarding her pet crocodile!
In Australia, Vicki Lowing’s husband found just how unimportant he was when he gave his wife an ultimatum — either your pet crocodile, or me. 52-year-old Vicki said there was no way she could give up her 5-foot long “Johnnie” which she says is “like a child” to her. She’s helped raise the croc for 13 years, gives it the run of the house and even lets it sleep with her son Andrew in his bed. She adopted the crocodile after it was left on her doorstep in 1996. Her husband Greg said she spent too much time with the pet and asked her to give it up in a bid to save their marriage, but she refused so the couple divorced. Ms. Lowing, a trained nurse, said, “Husbands can look after themselves but my crocodile can’t make his meals.” As her son, Andrew, is only 18 months older than the crocodile, she said the experience was “like having two children to look after”. ***MARLAR: What kind of a mother allows her kid to sleep in the same bed with a live crocodile?!?!
DON’T WE ALL?
One evening I was parked in front of the mall wiping off my car. I had just come from the car wash and was waiting for my wife to get out of work. Coming my way from across the parking lot was what society would consider a bum. From the looks of him, he had no car, no home, no clean clothes, and no money. There are times when you feel generous but there are other times that you just don’t want to be bothered. This was one of the “Don’t want to be bothered” times.
“I hope he doesn’t ask me for money,” I thought. He didn’t. He came and sat on the curb in front of the bus stop and he didn’t look like he could have enough money to even ride the bus. After a few minutes he spoke. “That’s a very nice car,” he said. He was ragged but had an air of dignity around him. I said, “Thanks,” and continued wiping off my car.
He sat there quietly as I worked. The expected plea for money never came. As the silence between us widened something inside said, ‘ask him if he needs any help.’ I was sure that he would say yes, but I held true to the inner voice.
“Do you need any help?” I asked. He answered in three simple but profound words that I shall never forget. We often look for wisdom in great men and women. We expect it from those of higher learning and accomplishments. I expected nothing but an outstretched grimy hand. He spoke three words that shook me.
“Don’t we all?” he said.
I needed help. Maybe not for bus fare or a place to sleep, but I needed help. I reached in my wallet and gave him not only enough for bus fare but enough to get a warm meal and shelter for the day. Those three little words still ring true. No matter how much you have, no matter how much you have accomplished, you need help too. No matter how little you have, no matter how loaded you are with problems, even without money or a place to sleep, you can give help. Even if it’s just a compliment, you can give that.
You never know when you may see someone that appears to have it all. They are waiting on you to give them what they don’t have. A different perspective on life, a glimpse at something beautiful, a respite from daily chaos, that only you through a torn world can see.
Maybe the man was just a homeless stranger wandering the streets. Maybe he was more than that. Maybe he was sent by a power that is great and wise to minister to a soul too comfortable in themselves.
Maybe God looked down, called an Angel, dressed him like a bum, then said, “Go minister to that man cleaning the car, that man needs help.”
“Don’t We All?”
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
For though by this time you ought to be teachers, . . . you have come to need milk and not solid food. –Hebrews 5:12
Hebrews 5 was addressed to believers who should have been mature enough to teach others, but they were still babes in Christ. They were like nursing infants, lacking spiritual fruit and in danger of severe discipline from the Lord. They were urged to put away childish things and to grow up.
The author wrote, “Leaving the discussion of the elementary principles of Christ, let us go on to perfection” (Heb. 6:1). The word perfection means “maturity.” The recipients of this letter were to leave the milk stage and grow up to “full age” (5:14) by feeding on the solid meat of the Word.
Many churches today have this same problem. They should be workshops but instead they are just nurseries for infants and crybabies. A vigorous church will have a “nursery” for new Christians, but when the babies don’t grow up the workers have to spend too much time being nursemaids while neglecting the rest of the family of God.
How long have you been a follower of Christ? How much have you grown? Are you a burden to your pastor and your fellow believers, or are you an encourager and a burden-bearer? The apostle Peter challenged us to “grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” (2 Pet. 3:18). Let’s aim for maturity.
Maxi Sopo just couldn’t keep himself off Facebook — and it proved to be his undoing!
Maxi’s posts made it easy for police to track him down and arrest him for fraud. Sopo’s messages made it clear he was living the high life in the Mexican resort of Cancun after he allegedly obtained more than $200,000 in credit from banks under false pretenses. In recent Facebook status updates Sopo said he was “loving it”, described himself as “living in paradise” and said he was “just here to have fun”. So the 26-year-old is now in custody in Mexico City awaiting extradition to the U.S.
LIFE… LIVE IT
HOW TO RAISE A BRAT
- 10. Let him/her say “No.” Some parents think it’s cute when their toddler learns to talk back and say “No.”
- 9. Do not give any duties or responsibilities. When you do everything for your child and never give them responsibilities, they will grow up believing the world owes them a living.
- 8. Never discipline them. Listen to the professionals who believe that proper discipline will hurt the child psychologically.
- 7. Defend them in school. No matter what happened or who is at fault, always take your child’s side. After all, your child never does anything wrong.
- 6. Give them everything they want. Buy them something every time you go shopping. You never say “No” to them. Instead, when they ask for something you do everything to make sure they have it.
- 5. Let your child come and go as they please. Don’t set any boundaries; after all, brats don’t need guidelines.
- 4. Make sure they are popular. They have to be with the “in crowd.” Never let them become an oddball. After all, the “in crowd” is the best influence they will have in their lives.
- 3. Let them watch TV continually. Never monitor what they watch. After all, TV is educational! Except for today’s reality shows, they will grow up thinking they live in a fantasy world. With reality shows, they will learn how to trample and deceive others to get ahead.
- 2. Never instruct your child to be polite to adults. Politeness? What’s that? Who needs Emily Post these days.
- 1. Don’t ever say “I Love You!” Sure, they can figure this one out for themselves. You give them everything they could ever wish for.
JUST FOR FUN
While you might not think a law like this would even be necessary, Las Vegas city officials have made it illegal to sleep within 500 feet of urine or feces. It was part of a bill making it a misdemeanor to go to the bathroom in public. However, the city attorney says the new law was passed by mistake and won’t be enforced. Sweet dreams! ***MARLAR: And be sure you flush the toilet if you get up in the middle of the night – otherwise you’re a criminal!
WHAT DID YOUR FRIEND JUST SAY?
Not up on all the lingo being used around you? We have a crash-course on talking like a teenager!
Sorry, parents, but if you don’t know the lingo you’ll be left scratching your head. So you know what your kid and his friends are saying, here’s a translator:
- all up in my biznezz – when someone is meddling in your affairs or dealings.
- all up in my grill – the act of being in someone’s face.
- bent – a skewed impression of reality. “You got me bent, I ain’t like that.”
- betty – an old school term for a girl/lady “Man, look at that fine looking Betty”
- clownin’ – to make fun of someone. “Man, you tryin to clown on me?”
- flossin’ – show off ones belongings or wealth. Often while driving, showing your vehicle, its nice rims, your new jacket, etc. “I just hung a right on Main St. Now I’m just flossin’.”
- for sheezy – (derived from “for sure”) A statement of agreement. “Are you sure you want to do that?” “For sheezy!”
- grain – money. “Hey mom, hook me up with some grain.”
- hooptie – A 1972 Oldsmobile or car of the like. An old beat up car.
- mad hops – an incredible ability to jump high. “He has mad hops.”
- no diggity – no doubt
- off your rector – (derived from “off your rector scale”) Acting out of control. Rambunctious. “Girl, you are off your rector. Now get down off the top of his car!”
- salty – To have a bad attitude towards someone or something. “Don’t be get’n salty with me.”
- selling woof tickets – Trying to get someone to believe a falsity. Spreading lies. “Girl, you be jawsin… you’re jus’ selling woof tickets.”
- squirrel – a hot female. “Check out that squirrel.”
- step off – a retort used to warn someone to back away. “You betta step-off!”
- troop – a long walk or trip, “Taco Bell? That’s a troop and a half.”
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
SEEING THE LIGHT
If you don’t mind having your intelligence insulted, Carmarthenshire County in South Wales is the place to live. The county’s council recently produced a guide explaining what daylight is. It also defines children and pedestrians. It says daylight is all other times than darkness, children are people under 16 and pedestrians are road users on foot. A spokeswoman for the council said: “The terms are . . . aimed to clarify exactly what the terms mean so there’s no confusion.” ***MARLAR: So, who’s going to clarify the clarifications? If you have to have “daylight” explained to you, you don’t need to be on the road.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
A Kirby vacuum salesman went out of his way to give an autistic teen the birthday of a lifetime. Since Dylan Green was 2 years old, he has had a passion for vacuum cleaners, especially Kirby vacuum cleaners. So according to the web site Sunny Skyz, Dylan’s mom wrote Kirby to ask if a salesman could come out and do a demo for his 14th birthday. The company complied but then they went a step further. At the end of the demo they gave Dylan a brand new Kirby vacuum.
Every day, people are hearing the Gospel message for the first time and giving their lives to Christ. However, according to Mission Network News, many lack what they need to keep growing. Statistics show that as many as 122,000 people are getting saved every day, but the alarming fact is a majority of those people are attending churches where the pastor doesn’t even own a Bible.” In response, Christian Resources International is sending free Bibles and other Christian books to needy areas. Over the last 59 years, CRI has sent over 272 million dollars’ worth of free Bibles and Christian books to over 170 different nations.
In most of today’s classrooms, everyone too often gets the same books, material, homework. The same level of difficulty. At the same time, underpaid, time-stressed teachers often don’t have the time to personalize every lesson or drill deep into what each child is struggling with. Enter Knewton, a cloud based robo tutor. According to an NPR report, the robot tutor in the sky that can semi-read your mind and figure out what your strengths and weaknesses are, down to the percentile. The company believes its new, free online tutoring platform will radically transform how teachers personalize instruction.
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
Remember, today is the first day of the rest of your life. This, of course, is only a statistical estimate and the actual first day of the rest of your life is subject to change without notice.
THE WAY WE WORK
(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)
They call a certain stretch of water in the Caribbean “Hurricane Alley.” Severe storms in that region are common. Captains of sailing vessels know enough to consider the warnings and plan accordingly.
But even skilled sailors and captains of ships are no match for forces well beyond their control. Thus was the fate recently of the cargo ship El Faro. It left port in Jacksonville, Florida, almost two weeks ago…never to return. Along with its sinking went the souls of thirty-three crew.
Experts continue to debate the wisdom of the decision to sail, let alone to take that specific route. There is no clear cut answer. The storm turned treacherous quicker than estimated — jumping past hurricane categories 1, 2, and 3, until it settled at 4.
What that meant for these sailors was a horrifying congestion of wind, waves, and rain. The seas were raging at 50 feet. Winds howling at 125 miles per hour. As the ship listed some 15 degrees with its full load of containers and cars, it began taking on water. It wasn’t long after that the engine failed. Steering was now impossible.
No survivors were found. There was one body that surfaced in a survival suit meant to keep people afloat. Other than that, a cargo door, an empty lifeboat, and a range of flotsam and jetsam is all that could be immediately found.
It’s important to note that, despite all of our advancements, we still have these sailing tragedies today. And this one happened in a relatively short course sailing run of 1200 miles! Today’s maritime world has sophisticated weather equipment, advanced navigation, and sailing technology. Lifeboats for everyone. Survival suits.
Makes you wonder, on this Columbus Day, how they made it from Spain to cross the Atlantic in the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria. The Santa Maria ran aground near Haiti and came apart. Oops.
The other two ships were smaller and each carried about 25 men. Close quarters, my friend. Probably no antiperspirant.
As one history site notes, “All told, there were about 120 crewmen for the combined fleet. They lived on hard biscuit, salted meat, and fish. They drank beer and water. Of course, they could not drink sea-water because of the high salt content. In that day they had not yet developed methods for distilling the sea-water to remove the salt. Living conditions were difficult.” Ya think?
The article goes on to explain that the sailors slept on a hard deck, often exposed to the weather. And because of fire danger aboard a wooden ship, any fire needed had to be strictly controlled. And cooking was done in the forward part of the ship.
And lest we forget the importance of this historic day, a few more notes from an article titled “THE FOUR EXPLORATIONS OF CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS”:
“Early on the morning of October 12th land was indeed sighted, and a landing party arrived on an island in the Bahamas and named it San Salvador. It had been thirty-three days since the three ships had left the Canary Islands, off the Atlantic coast of Africa. The natives must have been surprised to hear that their island now belonged to Spain. Over the next few weeks landings were also made on Cuba, named Juana by Columbus, and Española, now known as Hispaniola, and shared by the Dominican Republic and Haiti.
“Columbus’ ships covered approximately 150 miles a day. His seafaring instincts were extraordinary. Columbus relied on “dead reckoning,” which used not only navigational instruments but also experience, intuition, observations, and guesswork to determine his ships’ positions.”
Now I realize that in this current age there are mixed reviews on the motives and behavior of the Columbus expeditions. For my purposes today, I’ll leave you to your own conclusions. (You should read the original documents and diaries.)
My point in sharing both of these stories is twofold: 1) to show that people have taken great risks and made tremendous sacrifices for our betterment, and 2) some jobs, more than others, require bravery in the face of known risks. Or call it courage.
Your job, whatever it is, may require another kind of courage. Making tough decisions. Knowing when to step out on your own. Handling employee challenges. In looking at a candidate for a job, we underestimate the importance of courage.
In the face of our challenges, when courage is needed most, it is comforting to know we can seek help from One whose power knows no limits.
As the Psalmist writes, “You answer us in amazing ways, God our Savior. People everywhere on the earth and beyond the sea trust you. You made the mountains by your strength; you are dressed in power. You stopped the roaring seas, the roaring waves, and the uproar of the nations. Even those people at the ends of the earth fear your miracles. You are praised from where the sun rises to where it sets.” (Psalm 63:5-8, NCV)
Happy Columbus Day. May you have smooth sailing.
That’s The Way WE Work.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
OCTOBER 16, 2015…
Goosebumps— Jack Black stars as the real-life writer R. L. Stine in a film about Stine’s mystery books called “Goosebumps”. This is the type of reading where it is fun to be frightened. The story has a curious neighbor accidentally letting the book characters into this world. What to do? The cast includes Dylan Minnette.” “Goosebumps” is rated PG 13. No rating.
Truth—In this film, Robert Redford stars as Dan Rather and Cate Blanchett is Mary Mapes in a behind-the-scenes look at the CBS news scandal concerning then President Bush. Information came out that the then-President military service was suspect and there was a scandal. In this film, there is a different angle. “Truth” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans of the stars.
Beasts of No Nation—This is actually a Netflix movie, based on the novel by Uzogdinna Iweala, and stars Idris Elba in a story about a boy soldier in Africa. The boy (Abraham Attah) is forced to become a soldier during the fighting in Africa with Elba as his scary commander .A film not for children. “Beasts of No Nation” is rated R. Rating of 3.
Crimson Peak—Shades of gothic books and movies, this one has Mia Wasikowska living in Northern England and is courted by a mysterious stranger, Tom Hiddleston and comes to live in a castle/mansion in a deserted part of the country. What else is new? “Crimson Peak” is rated R. No rating.
Room—Here is a film about living in a small room…for years…with a child, too. Such is the fate of Brie Larson who runs into a nut case who imprisons her. This is a scary situation. All, too often, this type of story is in the headlines. “Room” is rated R. Rating of 3.
Bridge Of Spies—This is based on the true story of exchanging a Russian spy for an America pilot during the Cold War. Tom Hanks is an attorney who is “asked” by the CIA to handle the negotiations. The American pilot is Mark Rylance. Also in the cast is Amy Ryan. “Bridge of Spies” is rated R and directed by Steven Spielberg. Rating of 3 for fans.
Bone Tomahawk stars Kurt Russell in an action/horror western.
Burnt with Bradley Cooper as a chef trying to get back on top of the culinary world.
Jem and the Holograms with Aubrey Peeples and Juliette Lewis is based on the old TV series.
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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.